Julie Bowen IN STUDIO !!!
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- Eventually she'll have kids and she's gonna have to tuck her into her socks. And that is just true. David loves marriage. - Yeah. - And he has a long history. - Let's go to a break. I need five minutes. Can we cut? Who did I have call you on your birthday? Do you remember this? - Are you kidding me? - Okay. - Stevie Nicks. He had Stevie Nicks call me and see me landslide into my answering machine in Newark. He dumped me on the same answering machine. - Okay. Hey David, can I ask you a question? - Yeah. - Weekend, what happened?

Yeah, I went on the road. This is the new sort of format thing. So here we are. We're doing this and it looks very similar. We look the same. My hair's got the helmet. But the weekend for me, just right off the bat while we settle in here, I went three tour dates, two in Arizona. So by the way, one was 113.

Tucson, 113. The BO is such a different level. People don't talk about it enough. When you get in the elevator with someone who's that sweaty, yeah, after 110, the BO, it reformulates and it's sickening. It's off the charts. That's one thing. Arizona, when I went to Phoenix, that was a blast. My mom came, some friends came.

Had such a good time. And also, I forgot, everyone in Scottsdale, someone's got a truck. So it's like Raptor. You know, you pull up next to someone and they're this high. And they're like, good, good, good, good, good, good, good. They're big. Step ladder. Lift kit. So.

It was like a game show. Yeah. Everyone, every guy's trying to be cool, but girls don't like Hummers. So they go right back to Raptor. Can I tell you what my, what I thought about when a guy has no muffler and he has a truck and he starts the car, what the car is really saying is, all right, I'll see you later. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. That's kind of how it is. They got lifted up trucks.

Big tires. Hey, honey, I think I've got BO. Do you know where my tank top is? Because I like to go out in a tank top when I'm fully loaded under the car. Yeah, dude, it was 117 in Scottsdale before I got there. It's so sickening. Anyway, the trip was fun. Turns out I didn't need to wear a sweater. I wore a sweater on stage. I just brought it. I got on stage. I was like, because, you know, when you're in Arizona, if it's 117 out,

They put the air conditioner on stun. So when you walk into a store or a mall, it's 41 and you need a defibrillator. It's like, you know what I mean? It's so cold. You're like, this isn't good for the human body. I like the store that we have. It's like, there's a beer source. It's don't go in there. I mean, it's a grocery store, but they, you open it up and it's a freezer.

full of beer you walk into oh just a freezer just yeah just like 33 degrees and you're in there i mean i must be a little bit above freezing i'm gonna ask you if this happens to you because it's kind of funny to me so you go to a grocery store for a while and you're at the deli or whatever and you you go on the road you're not there for a while do you get this a lot hey where you been we haven't seen you around we'll kind of traveling and working and doing yeah but we hadn't

seeing you here for a while. What's going on? Where you been? Where you been? Huh? Yeah. You ever get that? I do. Where you been? I get it. Hey, I haven't seen you. Oh, here's I get the opposite.

Used to come into my bar all the time. I've been there once or twice. Same thing. You were always here every second. Yeah. God damn. Don't you tell people I was never here. And you would drink and drink and drink. Oh boy. You were always fucked up. Yeah. Yeah.

And you got the floor mopped with you by a couple guys one night. I think they were in. You were always pulling your pants. You always shit your pants and wore an adult diaper and were registered independent. Always. You remember that? Yeah. That's the thing. This happens to anyone. It's not because we've been on TV occasionally where you meet some of your high school days.

and they can photographically tell you what you said in the 70s. I said to you, I like a Buick. And you said, I'll never forget it. You like Fords. I've told this story for 30 years. You're like, this isn't even true. So you have to agree that's what you said? Yeah. You saw a bird and said, well, persnickety-doodle. Remember that?

They go, you used to watch golf carts at the Phoenician, which I did. And they go, you were always cracking jokes. I go, no, I wasn't. I didn't know any jokes. Has the audience noticed that I'm using this voice for every comedy bit today? I don't know why. It kind of works. It's just kind of fun. Where you been?

Where you been? I got a v-neck going today. You look like you're going to sing in a choir. No, because it was a new, it's a new setup. It's a new day. And so I said, I gotta, I gotta dress up like at least the beginning and then I'll go back to looking like shit. But I know what I'm going. Your hair looks incredible, by the way. For the new show, it's new hair. Yeah. You know what I'm going to get you for your birthday? Please. It's going to go with this. You can wear it underneath. Yeah. A dickie.

Do they know what a dickie is? A dickie is a mock turtleneck for the people out in TV wonder podcasts. I bet even this shirt, like if it only came down to here, but as long as you put it on and then you see this part, that's all you really need. So someone invented a little...

Do you pull the turtleneck on and then it's just like a half circle? Yeah, it's a little half thing. So if you didn't have anything else, you just wear the dickie and then you're all bare. I mean, this is what you do to make this cool. And we could do it after the show. Yeah. I get your sweater. I take a scissor. I just cut it short sleeve. Both sides is kind of ragged. And that is the look today. Yeah. When girls, I used to wear them. They go, is that a dickie? I go, no, this is. And they go, okay, sir. You usually say wiener. Now dickie may be your new dickie.

He may be the way you refer to your penis. It used to be wiener for four years. No, wiener. I get a little wiener heavy. Some of these shows, I say it too much, but it is funny to me. And it's very PG. It's very second, third grade. Yeah, it's goofy. So it's not so offensive. No, it's very benign. Good for corporate gigs. Well, let's bring her out. We got Julie Bowen here today. Julie Bowen. We're very excited to talk to her. We've had her on, and she was such a hit with good feedback.

that we're having on our first show. Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade. Oh, I'm so sorry. Did we keep you waiting? They're hugging. They're hugging Deepak. This looks good. What, because it's a little bit of like a, what do you call that, a rascal? No, it's like a, what do you call that, like the high, the rock thing? I think it's a mullet. Yeah, it's kind of like a mullet, but it's hipper. I don't know.

Yeah, Julie. That's really not my job. David, first of all. I think that, but I never say it out loud. This is for you. Goddamn. Two years ago, you got mad at me. You get mad at me every year for forgetting your birthday. So I got you birthday presents two years ago that I haven't given to you. These aren't books, are they?

Because you don't read. No. No. I do have a book you gave me a long time ago, though. He reads one tweet at a time, right? I like how books look. Yeah. Well, you know what? Then you'll like these.

Mm-hmm. Am I opening them? No, you don't have to open them. You don't have to open them. Is this for his birthday? It was for, I always forget his birthday because it's like sometime in July. He keeps it real on the down low. You forget it because you're married. I'm not married. I am divorced. Oh, you were, but then you can forget it when you're divorced. You were divorced last time you were here. I'm still divorced. You're still divorced. Yeah, what's the story? Gosh, I keep getting divorced over and over again. Did you get married again and divorced? No, no, I did not. Who got more? Him or her? I got more divorced. Who got the money, him or her?

How you doing, Dana? Yeah. How you doing, Dana? I'll announce it. You don't have to answer any of my questions. How was... One of you were on Modern Family at the time. One of us was. Okay. This is true. There's your answer. All right. There you go. Go ahead. Ask Dana questions. I was going to ask Dana what it was like being the most relevant person ever in the last year on SNL. That was fun, right? I like that word, relevant. Hmm. Well, you were super relevant. It was interesting. It was interesting.

It was interesting. That's your shortest answer you've ever given. Relevant was part of that. No, I'm gathering intellectually. Let's see. It was surreal. It was bizarre. It was, at times, a lot of fun. Now that you know that Biden is severely diminished, do you feel any guilt or insight into your portrayal?

- Jesus. - Well, this is really good. And we're gonna reframe this podcast, the Julie Bowen podcast. - Now she's good. - We can flip it. No, those are great questions. - She's better at it than we are. - I knew that he was compromised mentally. I mean, it was obvious. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But it was a delicate thing in the comedy world. There were a lot of people

did not want to do anything that would kind of ding him in like an awkward way. But it's comedy. That's it. That's the key. If I can do Biden and fly. That's the idea, but that's not what everyone thinks. If I can make Biden funny.

To everybody, then I am where I want to be. And to make it funny, it had to be recognizable. And so there are certain things I did not include in my package. Sorry, you would do a sexual pun on that package? Package means wiener. Okay. So I'm trying to set them up. It's a little early. Wiener? The biggest one was this.

I'm not getting around here. I'm being serious. So that was the biggest one for me. It was fantastic. I loved it. I think it's easier to make fun of him if he's the president, if it's just a

90 whatever year old man just go look at this asshole So what once he's president then he's more fair game to say but no one made fun of him forever No, well, these guys sort of neutral there wasn't a whole lot to until until he started doing like no for real Well, but they didn't but no one did. Yeah. No, guess what? And by the way, the fact the matter is I'm not kidding around here. Come on folks. This isn't rocket science and then the whole I wrote the bill

Because they're not gonna write bills. You can write a bill faster than you've ever written a bill. Wild Bill Hickok, Hickok, Hickok, three times the charm. Ladies and gentlemen, the leader of the free world. That is, I'm sorry, having watched SNL since I was a wee child, and yes, David, I love you, but this,

that it is so crazy when you do that i love it fun i fell in love with it it took me two years to kind of get it and get all the different toys i call them on the carpet and pick them up one at a time years well because i he kept stacking before you look the first six months it was just sweet joe yeah you know yeah just like my dad lost his job right in this town not getting around it's a number one the one part number two what the guy said number three you know the drill

Come on, folks. It isn't right. So it was just that. I thought, well, it doesn't have the pop or energy of Trump or even Obama or W. And then I heard him whisper and yell. And I thought, oh, here we go. And then the defiant 50s guy. There's no crisis at the border. Yeah, but you said...

Yeah, I can get your facts right, Jack. I'll beat the hell out of you. You want to do some pushups? You're a dog face pony soldier. You know, the 50s guy. It's amazing. So Biden eventually was my favorite because he had like 10 hooks. Did he acknowledge it?

His staff came to one of the parties middle of the night. Hey, we just got to say, I think I still have the cards. We love your Biden. Joe probably loved it too. Why don't you come down to the White House and have lunch? It never happened, but, you know, because he said, what's lunch? Is that the thing you do before dinner? What's lunch?

Just watch him eat a paper bag and you gotta go, hey, no one says anything. No one says anything. So anyway, I loved it. It was entering and exiting, but it was a real challenge to make it acceptable. And I read comments, hey man, I,

I hate Trump, but whatever. But this is really fucking funny. It was funny. So that's amazing. It was funny. All right. Let's start the podcast. So let's go. I have other stuff to share. All right. Sorry. More about you, David. Yes. Now, when I first got on SNL, the church lady wasn't really for me. Do we have a clock? Do, do, do. No.

Dough dirt. They'll never take that away from you. Julie, I have a lot of really hard-hitting questions. Enough of this fluff. Did you just literally pull out... We have to. I did very well. Let's just look at the cliff notes. Help! Help! Help? It says help. How will AI be stopped? Sexualized women in their 50s in movies? Why are all these movies with women in their 50s being incredibly horny? They're so horny.

Julie Bowen dash Sydney Sweeney. What the? Your son thought Sydney Sweeney was going to play the ex-wife. Yeah, it was like, no, no, it was going to be Happy Gilmore's new hookup. And he said, I heard Sydney Sweeney's the cart girl. Can I come to set? Cart girl's a good idea. Cart girl. So then you knew you were the ex-wife. Is she the cart girl or not? I didn't know anything about the movie. Are you still allowed to read the script yet? No.

There's so many things on that piece of paper, it's terrifying. I know, you're not supposed to see that. We want to get to how. No. Let's start with Stupid Happy Gilmore. Did you? I'm kidding. That should have been the title. Picture of Adam right behind you. He's not here. He'd call you up and be that very whispery, gentle Adam. Adam here. Yes. So he called you directly. Yeah, we text and he.

And he was calling me. Actually, he texted me and I thought it was the second AD from some project I just sent because it just comes up as Adam. And I was like... Hey, fuckface. And I was like, yeah.

He said, what's going on? I was like, do you have something you need to say? And he was like, whoa, rude. And I picked up the phone and called him. I was like, I thought you were the second AD from some project. That's hitting you up three years later. Oh, you know, I'm going to make a happy Gilmore crew. He said, we're doing it, buddy. And I said, Adam, I don't care if I'm part of it or not. I felt like he was calling to tell me that I wasn't in it.

When did you realize during the phone call, holy shit, I'm in Happy Gilmore too? 30 seconds? Yeah. Did you negotiate at all? I mean, what would I approximately get paid? No, I didn't negotiate. You didn't even hint at what it would be possibly? No. Okay. No, I just, I mean, you both worked with Adam. We know him like a little, he's my little brother from another mother. Do you text your list of demands after when you think about it a little bit?

I did not have a list of demands. That was the craziest, most elaborate production, though, I've ever seen. You know when you have a village, like the circus, where they put all the trailers and stuff. It was like a literal, like, now you go to K Street, it reminded me of your bit about trying to get out of the MGM Grand. And you're like, you go to the second wheel, and then you go around twice, and you wait for the sunrise. It was a town. It was massive. It was Adamtown. Adamtown.

Did they have any cameos in the film? Did they? We don't get Yahoo News. We don't know. I don't really look at news much. I'm reading War and Peace right now. I don't read about that. But yeah, it's an extravaganza. 135 people, I think, are in this movie. Shut the fuck up. That's not illegal. But they didn't get Eminem. I don't know. They did get Eminem. Is that true? How do you know that? Because I did my homework. How?

How do you know? Post Malone, Eminem, and Bad Bunny are doing cameos in the movie. Does Post Malone play your son? My son. His son plays basketball. It's called Post Up Malone. I would fucking kill you. Wait, are you and Adam married? Did you get married in the first one at the end? We ended the movie just together. Right. And so now? I think I'm only allowed to say what's in the trailer. Yeah, just say what's in the trailer. Yeah. I mean, we're married. We have kids. Okay.

We're married with kids. Nice. It's like all on the line. The kids better be famous people. Now, do you have a makeout sesh, as David would say, with your husband, Adam? First day of shooting, we had a little kissy-kissy. Was it on camera or off camera? It was definitely on camera. It was definitely on camera. I'm not trying to stir the pot here. No, except for that you totally are. I'm back, I'm over here. He said if I didn't make out with him, he was going to replace me with Sidney Sweet. Yeah. Yeah.

And what you said, Sydney Sweeney is in it. Sydney Sweeney is in it as cart girl. Is she? Yeah. She is. She is in it. So your kid was right. So my kid was right. Your kid was right. Because that is a good idea. Cart girl is always supposed to be some cute girl. They never, they had like, the whole cast list was coded. And like, even in the hair and makeup trailer, they'd be like,

I mean, it was like, oh, caddy. Oh, the caddy's in. And that was all it was on the call sheet and everything. Big boob cart girl works today. What? Big boob cart girl works today. I heard that Sweeney, Sweeney, what is her name? Sweeney. She had one golf cart for her breasts and one for her body. It was so large. And on the piece of paper was women being sexualized. Now, what was that?

No, no women. I mean, Nicole Kidman is the queen of women in their fifties that are still incredibly horny. It's a genre. She was great in baby girl. Do you think she is though? Is she incredibly horny or is she just playing horny?

That is one of the best questions that has ever been asked on this podcast. Literally, that is so exciting. Our next half hour is going to unpack that. I have never met Nicole Kidman. Is she horny or pretend? I know nothing about her. She's a great actress. But I like to imagine that she goes home and she's like, yeah, don't touch me.

You know, she just like sleeps in like an oxo chair. Because she's so sexualized. Because she's so beautiful and so perfect in porcelain. Yeah, yeah. What about Keith Urban? Doesn't he have a right to get some sexual activity? I'm doing JFK as Keith Urban. Sorry. My Australian. Is he Aussie too? He's Aussies too. I don't know. He calls her Nick. Hey, Nick. How is it today? I got beat up in a shower and fist fucked a guy. I don't know.

That's Baby Girl. Did you see Baby Girl? Sorry, we might have to cut that. I haven't seen it. And that's for the crew of one. That's true. That is probably not YouTube approved.

We have editing capability. You can go as blue as you want. No, I don't think so. Greg's already cutting it right now. I do think that... First of all, if I look like Sidney Sweeney, I would be naked 24-7. Sure. Because eventually she'll have kids and she's going to have to tuck her tits into her socks. And that is just true because it's really... Well, that's going to trend. Tits into her socks. That's great. But...

that's only after she has kids so while she's young and gorgeous and she is and a really good actress I don't know why everybody gives her heat because she's got the greatest boobs that were ever made and she doesn't mind having an outfit I just saw Euphoria I don't even watch Euphoria but it was on when I was on the road and uh David wants to talk about his tour no

We'll plug it on the commercial. He'll be in Tallahassee. You have to do a testimonial for Morongo. We're going to Yamaha. Good job, Julie. Yeah. Are you going to Yamaha? Yeah. We'll see if we can get you in. Yamaha, what is this? I don't know if I got any comps. Is this Jewish? Yamaha? I don't know what Yamaha is. Yamaha is a casino out in your Palm Desert.

Will we be playing that? Yeah. Oh, we're playing a casino. The two of you? Yeah. Together. How does that go? Well, he tries to follow me. That is true. No, no. I don't want to follow him. That wasn't pretty. We've done him. I've followed you in Indianapolis. Yeah, we did too already. I said to the sound guy, look, I know he's going a little over. Could we just like slowly bring the mic down? You were doing extra bits. And got him up before he did his porn chunk on an airplane.

What? It works. I don't know the porn chunk on an airplane. He's got a very funny. I actually got a little dirty when I was at a, I just played Judy was in the crowd, my mom, and when I was in Arizona. No, sweet Judy doesn't want to hear about porn. Oh, you don't need. Judy's the sweetest woman that ever lived. Yeah, she, I said, Mom, if you're there, I will take some stuff out, but I got to fill an hour and I just did a special. I got to do some new stuff.

Oh, I don't care. I don't know if you need it though. And then afterwards she goes, it was great. I should have just walked out for the last 20. Mom. Oh, because of the porn thing? Of our 30 minute set. And she's like, that last 20 was just really Davey. There's a couple of these. Oh.

You know who's funny? Nate. She likes Nate Bergatzi. Nate is funny. He is funny and he's clean. It's a very tough combo. Nate is great, not because it rhymes. Nate is great. Nate is really, Nate is very funny. That's another one for a point. Spade's got it made, not because it rhymes. Spade's got a mom. Julian is gonna fool you. No, not because it rhymes. I'm kind of punchy if you haven't noticed.

So I don't know who was in this movie. It's a short answer. Because half because we never even saw. Right. We never. They're not in all the people. Yeah. Did you ever get on Travis Kelsey's shoulders? Why would I get on his shoulders? Because he's a man that you could get on his shoulders. You could get on his shoulders. No. And he wouldn't notice. He wouldn't notice. I could just climb right up his back. Because you weigh 88. Yeah. And he is he I could tuck myself in his shirt. He wouldn't

He's like a refrigerator with a head attached. He's a very large. We're just weighing real fast. I don't want to change the topic. Are they getting married? Tay-Tay, Tay-Tay and Trav-Trav. Are they getting married? You have five seconds. No.

Are they? Oh, you pushed her. I know. Are they secretly married? No. Okay. No way. Why would they do anything in secret? No, no, no. I mean, like, you know, David loves marriage. Yeah. And he has a long history. Let's go to a break. I need five minutes. Can we cut? Can we cut tape? David loves commitment.

and he's very serious about his faith. Julie Louise Bowen. And he would like to stand in front of God and his family and make a lifelong commitment to one woman.

And that's why he's so fascinated with this issue with Tay-Tay and- Tay-Tay. Tay-Tay and Trav. But I've been married. I get along great with my ex-husband. We're totally solid. Marriage is hard. It can be hard. Without being personal, just generally, what was the cause of the breakup? Yeah.

Or what causes marriages to break up? Not yours. You don't want to be personal. Well, I have some ideas. Some of us are not as good at being married. And I'm one of those people. My husband was great. And I was just like...

I was difficult and I was working all the time and I was suffered the like underappreciation syndrome and I'm doing all this and, you know, and then you start going in different directions. And yeah, the only thing a marriage can't survive is contempt.

Is that true? I thought I just I heard I heard that of some analysis on the radio. You heard that. You heard that in your couples therapy. No, this is what I heard. I heard about women. Let me see if you think this is true. Sure.

No, men want to be admired. Okay. And women want to be loved by a man they admire. You have five seconds. What the fuck? That's like, it takes me five seconds even. I don't even get that. You have two minutes. Women want to be loved by the man they admire. Okay. Did you admire your husband? That's quite groundbreaking. I mean, I don't really, I loved him. Okay. Yeah, I loved, I don't know, admire. That sounds weird, like.

I mean, not everyone can be admired the way you two are admired. You admire me. Well, I admire David and he admires me. I admired your ability to bring other people along on our dates. Julie, this isn't why you're here. Wait a minute.

See, when you go to El Torito, you want to bring a bunch of people. And he literally would always bring somebody. And then we'd be in the middle of a conversation and he'd go, save it, save it, save it for next time. He was always worried we'd run out of things to talk about. I was like, I've never had anything so true. He does do that. He does. Save it. Save it. Save it. Save it for when we have dinner. Save it for what? Save it. I don't know. You're always worried we're not going to have anything to talk about. Guess what? We ran out. Okay.

We did not. We never ran out of shit to talk about. See, it was good we haven't talked for a year because now we have all this stuff. See, we saved it. No, give me this fucking paper. Save it, save it, save it. If you can understand it, it's yours. Save it for our next dinner at Nibbler's.

- Dane, I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie, if you know what I mean. - A boozy Susie and a spendy Susie. - Yeah, I'm more of a boozy Susie, but yeah. - Yeah, you are a spendy spender, yeah. - And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say, "You look like you drank a lot and slept on your face." But that's just constructive criticism. - Well, it's very concise

And you don't really drink very much, I'll tell the fans. No, just puffy. This is where Klarna comes in. Klarna is your everyday smarter spending partner, which is what a lot of people need. A lot of my friends definitely need it.

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Yee-haw. That's right. It is. So that equates to more sun, more daylight. I'm just giving you the bit. I'm just explaining what summer is. It's good. Thank you. More time to soak up everything that makes this season so great. But let's be real. Yeah. The last thing I want to do is be in a hot kitchen. That's why there's Factor. Factor's meals are chef-crafted, dietician-approved, and ready in just two minutes. Seriously.

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And Nibbler's. Nibbler's. Isn't that right next to Pirates of the Caribbean? Nibbler's was down on a... Nibbler's had an early bird special. I don't remember if we ever... Did we ever go to Residuals? That's a real... Do they have a 5 p.m. dinner? Do you know Residuals? Yes. Okay, now... It's a bar that people should know about in LA and the Valley where if you bring your residual check, if it's under a dollar, you get a free drink. I thought he had... I got tons of those. Oh, I got plenty of those. And they put it on the wall. Yeah. But since all

All of mine are under a dollar now. I could really clean up. There are no more residuals. Oh, really? I mean, well, the strike worked. It seemed like the whole business went, yeah. No, I don't feel that it worked. Is it a hot take? I feel like it's just proven that it almost didn't work. Well, they were like...

It was, I mean, it's so inside baseball and probably your viewers, listeners don't give a crap to us. No, no, they got it. COVID, strike, yeah, all that stuff did not help. Sometimes you lose for winning, you know? It was, I guess we made strides in AI?

But I don't know. I think AI is the genie in the box. I think there was no way to stuff it back in. They managed to take every single show, like every network show ever that now goes to streaming. There's a very complicated math formula that adds up to one cent. Anyway, all of it? It's all gone? If they took a show like Just Shoot Me,

Let's just say a huge hit show where you were nominated. Just shoot me a classic. For Golden Globe 2M. Okay. Did you win? You know, I don't even know. I don't remember because it's all about being nominated. Let's talk about this soon. Save it for next time. Don't use her ammo against me. I thought it was a good one. A good observation. Well, the problem is everything she can say is going to be funny about it. And I stay quiet. That's what we met. We met at the Golden Globes.

Oh, we did meet at the Golden Globes. She has a photographic memory when it comes to you. I remember meeting him because he was like, hey, I know you. Oh, boy. I love everything has to be a disaster. Hey, I think I kicked you in the butt and I said, what's up, loser? No, you asked me. You're like, why do I know you? And I said, no, you don't. Yeah, from your Neutrogena commercial. No. No, you were on Ed. I was on...

I don't even know what I was on at the time. It was a long time ago. But you're actually also very pretty. So you didn't really have to be on too many shows. I told you I was a dog walker. Oh.

And you believed me. And then you went away. He's like, you're like faded quickly. That was a true side gig while until you know, I just was like, he was like trying to go like, uh, you know, the thing where people like, how do I know you? And you're like, that's not on me to tell you. So I was like, I don't know. Maybe I've walked your dog because I don't have a dog. And I said, well, I'm a dog walker. Then she walked away. Oh, I'm a dog. I'm a dog walker. It's a little seductive.

- She's a dog walker. - I can make a doggy go roll around. - No. - I can make a doggy sit up and beg. I mean, there's a lot there to unpack. - I didn't go for it, it was super nice. And then I tracked you down somehow, right? - So you're publicist. - Well, we didn't have, well, how else?

Any other way. You live in New York. I lived in LA. Uh-huh. Okay. I remember the night you met her and you said, I met this really cool chick. And her name is Jan Beeman. Where did you meet me? I go, Jan Beeman? You guys probably met at-

I know where I met you and guess why I shouldn't even give it away. No, we don't have to give the address away. Eric Idle is now renting that house in Beachwood Canyon where I met David. Well, who was living there at the time? Kevin Nealon was living there. I was living there. David lived there after I got SNL, Kevin got SNL, and then David got SNL. No, I rented Kevin's house while they were on SNL. I lived in the garage.

to save money with my wife. We had a hot plate in Nob Kitchen. In the garage? No, on the top of the garage. Okay, okay, okay. 300 square feet. But in this house, for some reason, I got lucky enough to get SNL. They said they needed, they wanted a tall guy. I said, you know, Kevin Needham, he's like 6'5". So Kevin got on. David stayed in his room. Wait, they wanted a tall guy?

It was a throwaway, but I don't think that's exactly why Kevin got it. I mean, exactly. Well, they had me. Well, Phil was pretty good. If you tell yourself when you don't get it, you're like, they were just trying to round the cast out with tall guys. I think Lorne is, at his core, it is kind of like a sitcom. Like, he didn't, you don't, even Jim Carrey's a genius, but you don't want five Jim Carreys. Right, right. You want this balance of stuff. That's the way he does it. Yeah.

It filled in nicely. But then David got Saturday Night Live. No, I rented Kevin's room. He saw me in the improv in the hallway and I go, oh, I'm getting kicked out of John Mulroney's house. He goes, oh, you know what? I'm going to SNL. Do you want to rent a room? There's two other comedians. And I said, yeah. So I rented it when he came home with Dana. They would tell me about SNL and Kevin was sleeping on the couch. And that's how I met Dana. But it didn't cross my mind ever to go on SNL. Ever. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's back up to you were living at John...

Mulrooney. Oh, Mulrooney. He's a comedian. You don't want to know. I thought you said Mulvaney. Was Bob Dubeck still there? Was Paula still over the garage when you were there? Yeah. Oh. So my wife lived over the garage. Yeah. Because I was in New York. You look like Free Dana's because your wife has blonde hair. We all were very, very blonde. And you were all named Dana. You could have moved. I could have. Ah.

So I stayed there and then they came back and then eventually they, Dennis Miller helped recommend me. They helped. And then just, I was using standup. So, and then I, when I got on, that's why it took me a while to get going. Cause I just knew how to kind of write, but not write sketches. He wrote, yeah. He used to be my writer. Yeah. And they go right for Dana. And I'm like, yeah,

Really? You wrote for him? Well, they would ask him to write for me, but Lauren also said to me, if anything happens to you, David's always there. Like he was the heir of him. Like he was another version of you? Yes, and he would sit behind me and read through, and sometimes he'd pull back on my chair a little bit. Cut it out, man. When are you leaving? But also, we toured. He was my opener. We did stand-up, and he would give me some jokes and stuff. He's a great writer. Isn't that funny? We go out, beep, bop, beep. Wait, you got, I cannot imagine, I did not know you were that, like,

he was literally waiting for you to like take a sick day yeah or yeah he was just sort of being groomed yeah yeah i mean i i had caught in church so it was my character and then i left it at that place in beachwood canyon i went back to sl when i came back i couldn't find it i looked through the window where david was staying and he was sitting there looking in the mirror dressed as a church lady not in the shower but just at a chair you were dressed as church lady just vacuuming

And I go, oh, Dana, you're home again. Oh, Satan. Do you have early day? I was curious about two things. I'm going to unpack it. One is just you as a little girl and then you ending up being a huge TV star.

and a movie star and whatever star. You became a star, you're famous and you were just a little girl. What started it? And so what did Julie see? What did you watch? What toy did you have? Did you have a doll? Who were you?

Who were you? Because it's so freaky to become famous in acting or comedy. It is. The odds are vastly stacked against you, especially when I didn't watch TV as a child. What? Mormon much? Were you in Baltimore? I was in Baltimore when we didn't have cable or any... I mean, it was like...

And we weren't really allowed to watch TV except for specials. Do you guys remember that? It was a special and then it would spin around the sea and it was this sort of disco kind of font. And if it was a special, we could watch it and then we could record it. And so I had three movies recorded, probably on Betamax that we watched endlessly. I knew every word to. It's the 80s?

It was Sound of Music. Oh, God. I want to talk about that. Go ahead. Gone with the Wind. Never saw. Never saw.

Bugsy Malone. Bugsy Malone? Bugsy Malone was my, the formative, like I was obsessed with Bugsy Malone. Jodie Foster? Jodie Foster as a child. The kid gangster. But like a prostitute-y kind of like, she was Tallulah and it was so inappropriate and I watched it. Oh, I was like, everything is wrong with this and I know every word to them. And how old were you when you were watching? Oh my God, probably like

Between 10, like 9 and 12. So how big a family? How many kids? There's three girls. And so during the week, you just did your homework. You weren't watching like Little House on the Prairie or Batman or, I mean. I would watch MASH in the kitchen TV when my mom, if my mom was out, because she would be going to pick up my other sisters from somewhere. And I would be like, I would watch MASH, but I'd turn it off really fast because we weren't supposed to watch TV on it.

- You're so disciplined. Did you ever give any guff to your parents? - No, I was really, really like the perfect child. This is bad, 'cause then you get, that makes you crazy later. - Here, you be my mom asking, "What are you gonna do today?" And I'll be me. - Okay. What are you doing today, David? - Whatever I want. - Jesus. - I bet you did not do that. - I was trying to do Napoleon Dynamite. - I'll be Julie. - Hey, Napoleon, what are you doing today? - Whatever I want, God.

Get away from me. Get away from me. Oh, no, I did. So you were just a goody two-shoes. I did my homework. I did. And then you became a backseat patty when you got to Hollywood. What's a backseat patty? A prostitute? Is that like an

I heard this figure of speech based on some other famous person. I always thought it was so funny. Oh, she was a backseat Patty. I don't know what that is. I don't know. No, I was not. I was told when I got out to LA and I had friends out here who were starting to, they were backseat pattying. Okay. And someone said, don't do that. You can only sleep your way to the middle.

And I was like, okay. You pulled your Penelope Prude act on LA, right? Yeah, that's right. Penelope Prude, backseat Patty. Backseat Patty, Penelope Prude. Yeah, I just...

The thing that we would do, you asked what we were doing instead of watching TV. Yeah, yeah. We did plays. We put on plays in the backyard and we did plays and plays. The three of you with neighborhood kids or just the three of you? Neighborhood kids, everybody. You had a little stage. Did no one get the bug as hard as you? Who? Did you get the bug for acting what they didn't as much? No, Molly. My older sister. You know Molly. You call her Trolley, which I don't know why. Molly the Trolley. But Molly's actually a much better actress than I am.

Always has been. But she didn't have the ability to like...

hear like no and go on auditions and people would be like, no, thank you. And I was, I, I was tougher in that regard. It's a fucking brutal game. Yeah. That's the thing that people miss. Cause they, I mean, it's not anyone's fault, but they'll see on TV being loose and funny or on a talk show and they don't realize the percentage of just suffering that goes on. Maybe there's exceptions, Bob Dylan or the Beatles, but for most of us, it's a slog of disappointment. Beatles played in a strip club for years.

You mean in Hamburg? We sat for a plunk, Julie. You know, we sat for a plunk and John would look at me. I look at him. It's like looking at a mirror. I can't not do it.

I'm not getting around here. They don't see my cold reading when I'm behind Okie Dog giving a BJ behind a glory hog on. Did I get it? Yeah, exactly. Because there's no joy. Poor David. There's no joy, only relief. Like, they're like, well, we're going to have to get you. You're going to have to audition. And then, well, we want you to audition again. Then we're going to do chemistry reads. And by the time you actually get a job, you're like, really? Yeah.

You're so beaten down. Yeah, you are beaten down. What was your low point? Did you like, I'm going to try to go, I'm going to Hollywood, everybody, and try to make it. And you maybe have some little something going on. My low point was. Low point where you're like, maybe this isn't going to happen. Well. A horrible audition. You walk out. I had, I put, I was super pregnant when I auditioned for Modern Family with twins. And I'd been working, but I knew this was going to be a good show. And they just kept calling me and looking at my stomach going like,

And I was like, what? I guess by law, they weren't allowed to ask me like, when are you due? And they kept sort of looking at me. I was like, I'm never getting this job. They keep bringing me, everybody in the entire world has auditioned for this. And there was another project going at the same time, same network that, and the character was pregnant and they were like,

They wanted me to test for that. They wanted me to test for Modern Families. But I had to pick, you've got to pick which one's going to be in first position. So I picked the other show. Smart. Because it wasn't the better show, but I needed a job. It's a better chance. And I wanted, I wanted a job not to like, I knew what it was. You got mouths to feed. Yeah. And I was making two more at the time. And God bless, Steve Levitan found out and actually emailed me and was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? We really want you. And I was like,

you just stand around and look at my stomach all day. They go, when is that baby due? I said, there's two of them. There's a lot longer to go. That's what they were trying to figure out. So you are pregnant. We just shot it the way we shot it and I hid behind things. And then you had a break to have them while they picked it up or something? I had them the day we got picked up.

Oh, okay. Steve Levitan called me May 7th because I was in labor and I was hanging out. Being in labor, it sounds like it's really intense, but it's kind of boring. And I was like, you know, hanging out and my phone rings and I answered it and he's like, the show got picked up and they're going to show the whole pilot. And I was like, that's awesome. He's like, any chance you can make it to upfronts in New York? I was like, I don't think so.

Go, go. And he's like, what are you doing? And I'm like. Shoot me up. I'm having a baby. Yeah. And he was like, or two. And he was like, I'm Leo now. So, yeah. Did you ever ask him that one, it got around like someone else really wants Julie?

There's nothing more powerful than that in life. And she's actually got a thing over here. They were, you know, I don't know if they would have picked you anyway, but that is double your power. It probably, I'm sure it helped. Yeah. And, but it was, I went, I went home and I sobbed because then I tried to get, put Modern Family in first position and they wouldn't let me.

They're like, can't be done. Just can't be done. I'm like, it's the same network. What do you mean it can't be done? Can't they just hire you without? Is this a rumor that your two boys are named Ed O'Neill? Yeah, that is definitely. Now I have a quick story about Jennifer Aniston. I just want to clarify. Jennifer's mom will live in my condos. And then I met Jennifer when she was kind of newer, but auditioning. So she had auditioned for friends and then she got,

Another thing. I remember. I think it was called Muddling Through or something. It was with Paul Rudd. Okay, it was with Paul Rudd. Okay. And then she goes, I hope, now she hoped that the Friends one went. But I think one got...

- What happened? Did it get picked up and then- - I don't remember. I just remember that they were like, oh my, and then friends got picked up and she was like, oh shit, what am I gonna do? And then it turned out to be the right thing, obviously. - It was a big hit. - Did you ever turn down something that was a hit or miss it barely? - I didn't audition for some stuff that I didn't, on the page I wasn't- - Friends? - No, I didn't audition for "40 Year Old Virgin."

But it was Liz Banks anyhow. So, you know, whenever it's, if it's going to be Liz Banks, it's going to be Liz Banks. She is great. But I didn't, I had, they had little kids. I was really busy and I was tired and I was reading. I was just like,

I'm not sure getting it. And then you see it and you go, fuck, you're an idiot. You're an idiot. It's the funniest fucking movie. And then drove and had to blow in the breathalyzer. What's that? Is that what her part was? I don't remember. Yeah. She has to, she hits on Steve Carell. She blows the breathalyzer to start the car and then she starts hitting all the cars. Yeah. Was that Leslie? No, that was Leslie. That was in Knocked Up.

knocked out leslie man man rogan go i don't know yeah um yeah elizabeth banks is non-secular just so we can cut it out she called me once uh the 90s or something she she had an idea of a script where she didn't know who her dad was and it was me and you were like wait what uh what about that i could do the church life for you what about the brian cranston idea where

- Which one? - They were like trying to kill Dana Carvey. The whole thing was-- - Oh yeah, no, that was someone writing a, no, season two of, the Australian guy we just had on. - Oh, who? Oh, Jim Jefferies. - Jim Jefferies had a sitcom on and then the third season was gonna be, I was gonna be his dad or I was gonna get killed or something. - He was gonna kidnap you for the whole season.

But did you ever really struggle? Did you eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and like struggle to get an agent? You know, that phase. Yeah. No, I lived in New York. Yeah.

after college and I waited a lot of tables. Okay. A lot of tables. You did? Yes. And I, I, I did every random job you could. I was a reader at HBO. Mm-hmm. I labeled teacups some random woman. I'd do anything I got hired for. Right. Teacup label. Other than Baxter Paddy. I did that.

Backseat Patty. Backseat Patty. We got the name of the episode. I did not backseat Patty. No, no, no, not at all. But yeah, no, I definitely. And did you ever get discouraged? Like sort of go, fuck, this isn't going to happen for me. That's what I was trying to get to. Yes. Did you have doubts? Yes. Okay. Oh, a thousand. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Especially when I was auditioning in New York and I was just getting commercials and TV shows. I know. So I was getting commercials like episodic and all I wanted to be was a theater actor. I wanted like serious theater.

And never, was never hired. Not even once. - Is Sound of Music your favorite movie? - I mean, it's a tight-- - Favorite musical? - It's a tight three-way race. - Musical. What's the other two? For musicals. - Oh, for musicals. I can't sing. - Wicked. - I've never seen it. - What? - I've never seen it. - Wicked. - Is that bad? I mean, we're gonna have to go with Bugs and Malone. - I never saw Sound of Music. - Obviously. - It's wicked smart. - You can sing.

I don't think so. He can sing. I can sing as Neil Young. That's the only way I can sing. You can sing as Neil Young. Yeah. Can you sing as anybody else? I,

I think that's probably my best way to say it. As Dana? I don't have a voice. I don't have a face. I don't have a personality. You got to stick a nose on me or give me some voice. I'm a completely neutral, invisible person. But you know who I was all struck by was Ariana Grande on SNL 50 doing that. Had she every single singer ever? Yeah, she's amazing. And I don't think she's had, like, she looks like a waifu.

She's like a tiny little, little wave. And my Lord, can she sing. Wait, was it the sketch where she comes in and sings everybody? She does impressions. She's so funny as shit. She's amazing.

She does great. I did Jennifer Coolidge with her on that show. That's right. That was great. Oh, my God. That was so good. That was great. Coming through a mirror or something? There were three Jennifer Coolidges. Yeah, three. Yeah, because it was Chloe. Oh, I don't want to know. Oh, what am I doing? But she's kind of shy. She is? And then by the time we rehearsed it, yeah, standoffish. And then by the time we did it on it, she was just in. You're going to have to cut that out.

No, I mean, then once she knows you're not going to be- A legion of 12-year-olds is going to murder you. No, she's a big star. She's a little shy. And then when she gets out there, it's like, phew, power. She's incredible. But she's not on every second, but an adorable person. We want to have her on the podcast after Wicked 2. Come on on. After Wicked 2? Shit. After Wicked 2. So the first time you got something where you said, holy shit, I may have a career.

Is it Modern Family? Was it that? No, no. Happy Gilmore you did in 95? Happy Gilmore was my first movie. Oh, okay. That was 95. And it's a classic. But I didn't think, at the time it was like,

I mean, it was made for barely any money up in Canada. It was so fun, but I didn't ever think anybody was going to see it. I didn't. I thought it was just like a little like... Oh, of course. I thought it was like a fun, weird little movie. You never know. You never know. And then you, yeah, you really never know. You never know. It was Sandler's second one, I think. Yeah. It was Billy Madison. What was the Tim Allen movie you did? Oh, Joe Somebody. When you came here for the premiere. Oh, yeah.

Joe Somebody is the name of it? Joe Somebody. Why did you just bring that up? Because I was thinking of movies. I was like, you keep me in touch. I have not been in very many movies. I'm not like people don't, they like me in the kitchen next to the refrigerator waving my fingers. Yep, on the couch.

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Would you ever do a highly sexualized woman? I mean, that's the question, right? With a younger man. Like, you think you would. You want to. I want to. But then you go, oh, people get, they can't, they don't want Claire Dunphy doing that, you know? Oh, yeah, you do have that. I know. But I'm trying to figure out how you shake that without being disrespectful to it. Would you be embarrassed shooting, like, the super horny girl getting a ramrod? It just, I watched Nicole Kidman. I was like, God dang. Yeah.

Nicole Kidman, too. You watched all the 10 times. Did you guys watch it with pillows in your lap? Huh? Did you watch it with pillows in your lap? No, no one's there. They can see my rod. You know, like boys when they watch porn. I wouldn't find it sexy. You mean baby girl? Baby girl. Oh, I didn't find it sexy. I thought she's just a great actress. She's a phenomenal actress. But yeah, I imagine she goes home. It's like, you know, you guys know comedians. You probably both go home and you're like, shut the fuck up.

I don't want to watch comedy. I don't want to watch a sitcom. I want to watch drama or Hitler trying to take over Europe or something. You watch the Hitler Channel. I'm fascinated with World War II, yes. I'm guilty. Don't we know everything there is to know now? Is there really more?

I have a friend. It's like the John Bonnet case. It's a new documentary. You can read five books just on D-Day. You can write 10 books on the Battle of Britain. You can read 12. You're coming from all different angles because it was the last time we had really analog secrecy in a war. Oh, okay. You know, fake dummy parachuters and cardboard tanks. Even Shandong Nong, she's got it.

Yes, what that was. And Code Breakers. Yeah, the movie with Benderdick Cumberbatch. Benderdick. Windtalkers. Benderdick Cumberbatch. Benderdick is his porn name. Where are my names? Benderdick Cocksucker. You know him. Okay, wait. That's a mic drop right there. Benderdick is his porn name. Benderdick.

Bender, Nick. No, he's a- They didn't have TikTok, I don't think, during World War II. Back in World War II, nope. They had TikTok, that's it. They did not. Yeah, that's true. The only good thing about wars is when they show this new one, when they show on the map, the only positive thing is then I find out where that country is. What?

Oh, my God. I go, oh, shit, it's right there. Oh, really? I mean, this coverage every second. Trump may be going in. He's thinking every second we're hearing about it. We didn't hear anything during World War II. Dwight D. Eisenhower for the second day looked at the sky and said, no, he'll decide in seven minutes. You know, everything was secret. And now and I call bullshit on. I call bullshit. I call bullshit on the breaking news.

Yesterday. Right. Breaking news five hours ago. You can't say breaking news. You've got to stop the breaking news. Thank you. It's too, you can't breaking news. Or. Trump made a decision 12 hours ago that everyone's talked about for 12 hours. Yeah. We need new breaking news. That's enough. This just in. Yeah. Two weeks ago. This recently in. I'm not. This is fairly true news. Before we go. Yeah.

- Oh, wow. - Dana, I thought, I mean, Julia, I thought. - What? - Did you say you fell down? You look exactly perfect. - No, don't look, I didn't fall down. I was trimming my trees and I got all beat up. - You look great. Okay, I'm gonna ask you this. When is the premiere?

The actual premiere is the 21st, but when does it premiere? On Netflix 24th. On the 24th, right? 24th of what? I thought it was 5th. We're so uninvolved. It's one or the other. Shit, I should know this. Maybe 24th at midnight. No, we should all know this. We should all know this. We should know this. But you know what's crazy that I found out? This is how, what a baller move this is. Netflix got the rights to Happy Go More 1

And it's airing it for the whole month ahead of time. Like right now. Probably right now. So they're going to air two and then one? They're going to air one. Oh, air one is on now, not the grocery store. Air one. They're going to... Happy Gilmore OG, Happy Gilmore. They're airing. Okay. Even though they... Yeah, because the countries, they didn't see one in Thailand and stuff. That's right. I won't do the accent. I think they're buying grown-ups too. Or grown-ups also.

I think they can, it expires or something. I heard it's number one in India. Oh my goodness, that Adam Sandler, he is a chicken to pants. Wait, I'm asking about the premiere because I want to go. When is it? It's the 21st.

Molly was just asking me, is David going? I go, that's her first question. She said, are you going to the premiere? And I said, I'm trying to. Where is it? It's in New York. New York? It's in New York. What theater? Lincoln Center. Lincoln Center? It was originally going to be at Minus Square Garden or something. Cuckoo. But now it's at Lincoln Center. Really? That would be a

Plus? That's a lot of confidence. It's amazing. I mean, people are excited for this movie. God, if you ever want to laugh, Julie, go look at the 90s. I was such a premiere whore. I was at so many premieres. It was so embarrassing. You still like a party. No, Julie. I'll still walk into it occasionally when I leave my house, which is very unusual because I'm not much of a party girl. And there's Spade just sort of... Not...

True. I haven't. I don't go out past nine anymore. That's not true. You don't know. When he's not doing stand up. I do know. I've got a Google alert. Do you have an air tag on my bumper? We're locked stink. We're locked step. To eat, it's like 530 or 6. We're done by 830 and I don't know. Yeah, but then he gets his little like, gotta wander. No.

The rat's got to wander. You're the rat too? Isn't Theo the rat? Yeah, Theo's the rat. Theo's the rat. He calls himself the rat. You don't know Theo? Theo Vaughn? You ever heard of Joe Rogan? Single. My son listens to Theo Vaughn all day long. As a matter of fact, he sleeps to it. We should have had you in our movie. Oh my goodness. Did I forget to give you a job? Did I forget to give you a...

Job for no money where you would have to pay us a little bit Because it's super low budget. What is this movie go on and plug your stupid? How was your kid? Oh one that one's 18. That'd be good for our the twins. They just turned 60 It's an R rated comedy. That's right up the ads right there. All right R rated comedy. Yeah But actually he said no he didn't want big stars in it. Not even joking. He let you in it. I let me in it. Oh The producer we wrote it. Yeah, did you pay for it? Yeah, I

But we didn't try to get it made. We just said, let's- I don't want any movie star cameo. She made him to do it, but we spared him. That would have been negative. So who's in your movie? Most people you wouldn't know. Bill Licknick. Beautiful and talented. Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon? I knew it. Marshall Dillon's son. Why? Ask your kid. My kids, they will know. They'll know Tim Dillon. They will know. They'll know Theo and Tim Dillon and maybe-

Nate Diaz from the UFC. Oh, they definitely know Nate Diaz. There's a lot of UFC in my house. Well, maybe I'll go to that premiere, but there's a problem I know right now when you say it out loud. What? That I have a conflict. What? You're playing? A gig? No, I'm going out for a golf trip.

With who? You shut up, Julie. I know you don't get like this. With who? The Arizona Rats? Stop tape. No, I'm trading all those guys for celebrities. Is this going to be Tiger again? Again, exactly. Last time you played, what happened? I'm friends with him.

You played, he crashed. The jinx of David. He crashed his car. I did. Like 10 minutes later. It's my fault. When we left, I said, are you going to, you want to go have dinner after this? He goes, no, I'm going to crash. That's not funny. It's a funny joke. He crashed. It was getting dark. He finished and then didn't even have the balls to ask for his number. I never asked a guy for their number. So he went home and I was like, that was super fun. He slid into his DMs immediately. I did not. She did.

The next day I saw the car upside down. I was like, oh. And I go, I didn't think there's any way he could survive that. When you see a picture of the car. Yeah, I didn't look at it. And I go, oh. And I was like DMing like, are you okay? Just say hi. Just let me know. Just because I was with you. No, I'm just worried. I am trauma adjacent. And it's really important that I attach myself. He'll never go off for a walk again. And then three days later, he's already better than David Spade again. I'm like, God damn. He's already better than me. That's exactly what the quote was.

Yeah, he was good. Well, wait a minute. Did you say the quote on one of our podcasts? I was jealous of it. It was so awesome. You and Tiger are golfing. Yeah. And he's talking to you about your shot. Yeah. You do your swing. Yeah. And Tiger says to you. Oh, we have two drones.

80 people behind us. I think Peter Berg might have been directing a little show about giving me lessons. The Friday Night Lights guy? That guy. I think it was him. Okay. That's great. So it's so much pressure. And he goes, well, let's try you out. Let's just go to the practice range. Why don't you try to chip 150 out there to that flag? And I'm like, 80? And he's just standing there.

And I go, Chip, and it hits about five feet away. And he goes, oh shit, are you good? Isn't that great? That's going to be on a t-shirt. Tiger Woods. Oh shit, are you good? And I've heard, which I guess we talked about on Superfly, which is now Defunct, that Lovitz told me that David's actually a really good golfer. Which I didn't know. He never told me. No, I'm a little better than Lovitz, but Lovitz started this two years ago. Julie-

I know your limo is waiting. No, my limo is not waiting. Tell me, are you going to the golf tournament? No, Lovitz is in the movie. He's going to be at the premiere. Hello. He is. Hello, Julie. I've seen him like eight times in the last month. Where do you run into him? He was at a Clipper game. Oh, he goes to Clipper games a lot. Well, he goes with Gervais. But according to Lovitz, he doesn't actually know what's going on.

He just goes to the ladies. He doesn't or Gurvitz doesn't? I think Lovitz doesn't. Doesn't care. Are you a basketball kind of? Love. Obsessed. We went to a game. We did. You took me. And by the way, nicest thing you ever did. Thank you. No. It was a Knicks playoff game. It was good seats.

It was Nick's. Oh, a playoff game. Yeah, it was a playoff game. It was not front row. It was court row side. No. No, you don't want to be on the court. Can't see his book. Yes, it was. No. And it was way down at the end where it was sort of with the cameraman, like it was sort of buried. But Julie, you say it yes, and then we'll figure it out later. Okay.

No, it wasn't. We got free tickets once to go. I probably sat courtside because it was like an agent thing or something. But you actually went into your tiny arms, went into the very deep pockets. Oh, I bought some. The short arms went into the deep pockets and you bought, and they were great seats, but you were like, I remember you sitting there going,

fuck, they were expensive. I thought we'd be closer. I was like, this is close. This is amazing. They were 5,000 each. I remember that. They were incredible. I was like, where are we? Anyway. Now, what about, who did I have call you on your birthday? Do you remember this?

Are you kidding me? Okay. Stevie Nicks. Okay. He had Stevie Nicks call me and see me landslide into my answering machine in New York. He dumped me on the same answering machine. Okay, okay. Well, let's cut that part out. So, you know, potato, potato. Anyway, we had a great chat with Julie Bowen. I hung out with Stevie Nicks in New York. You know her from Modern Family. You know her from Joe Somebody. She did? Yeah. Just casually like this. I would...

It was crazy. That was a baller move. Okay. That was a huge baller move. That was better than our ninth row seats. Great female rock voices in history. Yeah, we went over this. Stevie Nicks. She's up there. But there was one that I didn't get that I think was also...

and nancy wilson janice joplin i said janice joplin was more hard rock yeah but we never had a voice but janice was never and and that was going to be it was going to be a short-lived it was but we we do have we haven't recorded what she was yeah but stevie nicks is kind of the voice she's the greatest and still can sing yeah oh yeah she can still fucking sing it's amazing it's not like when you feel bad sometimes they trot people out and they everybody's clapping you're like oh my

God, why are you doing this? Now Here You Go Again, You Want Your Freedom. Sing it right now. No way. As Stevie Nicks. No, I can't. I cannot sing. I just think Kate. David will. Now Here You Go Again. Gito was my hero. I remember seeing her in Behind the Music. Remember those horrible Behind the Music? Oh, yeah, yeah. She talked about how much blow she did and how she had to get crew members to blow it up her brain.

butt and I was just like that is commitment they wouldn't even give me a diet coke no her doctor said if you do any more blow it's gonna like the membrane between your nose and your brain or something will bust and so she's like alright it's up the pooper and I thought

Wow. I always just thought she was sort of an airy fairy. That's kind of clever in a way. This is off limits. Where else can I put it? I thought when I didn't know enough that it would go up her butt, I go, how far does it have to get to get to her nose? Oh my God, Dan. I don't want to think of that. That's so long. But if it gets there, it's worth it. But fuck. Your curiosity. Because that is like, well. Yeah. Those are called booty bumps, aren't they?

They were when I did them. All right, let's go. What? We got to go. All right, fine. All right, thank you though, Julie. Dana's got his whole paper and everything else. No, you're great. We're going to have to have you on again because that's the track. We'll talk. I can't talk. We'll talk safe stuff. We could never run out of stuff to talk about. No, we save stuff. Save it. Save it. David should have a talk show called Save It. Don't record this, but what about you with a little daytime talk show? Yeah, you should do it. Why don't you take over Kelly?

Kelly Clarkson. Take over Kelly Clarkson? You could do it. If you wanted to do it. It will come on yours. You know what? I hosted for Kimmel once and I had dinner with you after. Okay. I've never been to like

I was shaking. It is terrifying. And you were like, yeah, yeah, I'm doing two next week. And I did two last week. And I was like, I did one and I was. No, it's terrifying. I had to lie down on the, in the restroom floor and there's hair and makeup and people. And I just, I lay on the ground. Someone took a picture of people just walking over me. They're like a lever. I was like, I can't go out there. I can't do it. Because now you can do it. It's easier because you did one, but they throw so much shit. It's like hosting us now. They throw so much at you.

Once you do it, once you go, okay, now I know when to be nervous and when to get, I got to pace it out. Pace out my nerves. It was a nightmare because the first night I did it, I didn't really practice before Quentin Tarantino was coming out, the guests that I wanted and they got them. I had to do like 10 minutes of coming attractions. Oh, promos. And Bing Flicko will be playing. Oh no, you got one thing wrong. You do it over again. So it's over and over. The person who was coaching me had headphones and took them off. The audience just get very tense. Wait, was it Kimmel? Kimmel.

Kimmel. I'm hosting Tarantino's in the wings and it's just unraveling. You go like this, hey, Bob and Ginger in Portland. Right, right. Don't they do this after? Julie Bowen. No, they do them during. But if you miss one pronunciation, they do the whole thing over again. I was not very good at my job hosting. I did drop to my knees

scootled across and kissed Jacob Lordy in the middle of our interview. He told me he had a crush on me. Well, that's good. Oh, he did? It was his first talk show. That guy's a stud. And I was his... Yeah, you're fucking hot. And, uh...

I, the only thing I got right, they were like, you're done. And no retakes. And I was like, that means I was boring. No. Yeah, it does. No. If I didn't, I did everything. Of the whole show? Of the whole show. No. Most talk shows, it's hard to be just hysterical on a talk show. I got rich and he fucking stiffed me. What do you mean? He just went like. Yeah.

He looked at you? I go, so you're this new movie. And then, well, it was sort of my fault. But he like on purpose did it. Go on. And afterwards he goes, that's funny, right? What happened? Like he didn't want to answer anything. Oh, he played that thing. He just made you sing it as a bit. He really laid into the whole bit. Yeah, he's like, I don't know. You're from England. We're in England. I went over there once. Are you? And he's like, yeah, that whole area. And he looked away and I'm like,

And then I go like this. I go, hey, why don't you ask me something? Because I was getting nowhere. And then Kimmel later said, that's about as hard as it's ever been. If I had him, I would not know what to do. Oh, my God. Wait, Kimmel watches the ones that we. Yeah, they showed him this disaster tape. Oh, no. I said, was I supposed to make out with Guillermo before the show? And they go, no, that's just like a hazing thing. I love Guillermo. Guillermo is my comfort animal when I'm there. He is funny. I swear to God. He's a sweet man. All right. You can open your presents, Davey. I know.

Oh, now it's over? I feel like this podcast took place in Nevada. We can stay on for this one. Okay. We're still recording or are we off? Open the big one. Kettlebells? Yeah, you're soft and weak. Those have been wrapped for two years. That's all you, man. It's breaking my quads. So, so delicate. Is it an X-rated gift? Is it an Atlas?

No, it's like an actual gift. Oh, it's got to be a pitcher frame. A pitcher. I want a pitcher. It's a pitcher. It's a pitcher. I'm from Montana. Oh. All right. So we just walked Julie out. She was always, always funny, always very articulate. You were right. I think she should have a talk show. I did think she's like made out of a factory. You know, I wonder if she's.

That's in her future. She seems perfect in that demographic, photogenic, funny, can be sincere. She's very smart. Were you shocked? I mean, I'll just ask the audience, was it a little shocking at times? We just let it go where it went. Yeah. But she had a great laugh. Well, I couldn't help my presence. I'm the worst present getter too. I'm like this. I just throw one down at a time. There's no thank yous in the middle. It's just like, okay.

And I'm like, all right, thanks. And the stuff that you don't see is there was a lot more chatter and all kinds of stuff going on upstairs. Oh, yeah. We just shoved her off. There's a lot of talking. That's the reason she's a good guest. I'm glad we started with her. A lot of fun. And I think everyone liked it. I learned a lot. I learned a lot, too. And I also forgot a lot of stuff. I got dumber. That's kind of sad. Oh, and I'm excited about Happy Gilmore.

So Happy Gilmore 2 comes out July 25th. July 25th. If you guys have ever heard of Netflix, that's where you get it. Yeah. So we'll see you next time. And if you want to email us a question, you can do it. Anything in the world, because we are blabbermouse from somewhere. And the address is? Odyssey.com.

Fly on the wall at odyssey.com. Fly on the wall at odyssey.com. Fly on the wall, one word lowercase. Yep. Fly on the wall, one word lowercase, at that little thing. A-U-D-A-C-Y.com. Fly on the wall at odyssey.com. Because Hotmail was taken.

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Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetek. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff,

Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewallatodyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.