SUPERFLY #31 - Deep State w/ Danica Patrick
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At Robert Half, we know talent. Visit roberthalf.com today. Hey, David, why do you want to learn a new language? And where would you use it? Or how would it come in handy? Well, if I tour the road, I would go to mostly English places. But sometimes I want to go to these other countries. And I do feel a little insecure about going without knowing a language.

And it's never too late, but it's also never too early. I mean, I should have done more when I was younger. This is Rosetta Stone we're talking about, and you should try to get in on this quickly because you probably learn quicker when you're younger. Definitely. Right?

You learn about cultural appreciation. You appreciate cultures when you start to learn the language and go to the culture. And also it's good for your brain, David. It does wake up your brain. Like I, I do like to study stuff about comedy and when I'm on the road and trying to memorize stuff, but yeah,

Definitely don't use the brain like that anymore. And I think it wakes it up and it's very good for you. You know, like you travel more. If I even go to Mexico, which is very close, I don't know if you know where it is, Dana. It's straight down from here. Straight down. I thought that was Hungary on our border. You thought it was Canada or Chechnya. Yeah, Canada is up and then Chechnya is down. Anyway, I'll look it up.

Yeah. Listen, this is a trusted expert, Rosetta Stone. 30 years, millions of users, 25 languages off. Let's just say a few. Spanish, French, Italian, German, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Dutch, Arabic, Polish. I mean, good Lord. It immerses you in the way to think in that language. That's what you need. You get all the hits, how they speak.

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for 50% off visit rosetta stone.com slash fly. That's 50% off folks, unlimited access, 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosetta stone.com slash fly today. Wait, let me ask this. Was MK ultra a real thing in Hollywood?

oh you're asking the two top reps of hollywood yeah way more than me that's true david you would know everywhere we are recording and we are coming in hot from cleveland yeah yeah uh dana aside uh from your hair which we're gonna just don't over talk about but uh we will talk about

If we started, I guess we did because we never know. Oh, people got mad. We said Chiquita's wrong last week. Fine. But the Chiquita bit was funny.

cicada bit was a hit yeah it was funny and i i apologize for the mispronunciation but we still don't know we still say what is it cicada i think it's cicada which okay let's get an s in there i went to state school let's get an s in there it's because it's c yeah make it easy for everyone fuck that c k da how about filthy flies on steroids at p p

Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Remember they peed all over everyone? They should call them picadas. Picadas. They should call them your natas. Yeah. They're, they're sickening and, um, I've had it with them, but it was a good story. Also, I went to a concert this weekend. I'll just buzz you that quickly. Went to a concert, uh, cause we had Joe Elliott on our sister podcast. So here's what happens.

I go to a concert for our Def Leppard journey and Steve Miller. And we had Joe Elidon. I had already bought tickets. And I scalped them because I wanted to sit right up front and no shenanigans. Just so I could see, so I could enjoy life. It's cool. It's cool to be in front of cool people. And it's a SoFi where they have football games. Where they should really, all kidding aside, only have football games. Because concert, it's a little big. You talk about low ceilings on a comedy club.

There's almost no ceiling. It's a few tarps up there. It's half open air. Sound goes fucking everywhere. So I go in and they go, oh, I just follow my ticket and I'm in the highest level. And I go, I tell some guy, where's this? Because I'm on the floor. I need to get the floor. And he goes, you're on the floor, dumb fuck. You're right here. And I go, what?

No, but I were on the floor. I was on the floor. That's where I bought the tickets, but you didn't. Okay. When I got there, they, I got bamboozled. So I walk around and sit down. So I'm on the side of the stadium looking down. It's honestly like when they parachute in, that's kind of the view I have. Good, good, good. So that's shitty, right? Because it says, so if I stay in those, that's your view, that's where I'm sitting.

And that's the stage. And there's some dude in front of me that needs conditioner, but that's a whole nother story. But his hair, I love a man in a ponytail. He wasn't bad because we talked the whole concert and he didn't say one thing. So we're sitting there and these dogs had seats. And I think I was almost, I couldn't see cause I was behind Aaron Donald's retired Jersey shirt.

And then it's funny. And then, um, sorry, because they're at the rafters, you know? So that one and everyone looked like an ant farm down there because everyone's just milling about. Now this is when Steve Miller goes in.

right at the very beginning. And Steve Miller, I love, but I have to get there at six to see him. And it's really just a corporate gig because no one cares at all. It's light. There's barely a roof and everyone's just looking around for $20 beers. Milling around and walking with their drinks. Yeah. Exactly. And I'm like, you hear a band. I'm like this one. And everyone's like, anyway, no one cares. Fly like an eagle. Yeah.

And he used to fill stadiums like this on his tours. He's still filling them, but they're just, you got to pick your chunk because everyone here is clearly old because Def Leppard journey, you know, so it's five straight hours. So you have to pick, do I come a little late? So I want to see Steve Miller and I'll just see how far I can get being a colossal pussy. This is what my doctor said. So I go there. Good doc. Steve Miller does great.

gets off um but then there's 25 minutes of downtime you know they got to put the other stuff up journey new singer you've heard that right not new anymore but totally yeah the impressionist of steven perry has been with them for a long time yes he's brilliant yeah but there's only one steve perry sorry

Right. And this guy has got a great voice. I thought he was Bobby Lee for the first 10 songs, but fine. But I can't see. That's not my fault. So he sings. They do great. And if I'm Def Leppard, I don't like Journey A doing an hour and a half. Whoa. And hogging. That's impressive. The beefiest, you know, the stand-up. That's the best part of the night. Everyone's in it. It's dark now. Yeah, the energy. They close with that killer song on the Sopranos. And then they...

And then they do confetti. You cannot. Before the headliner. As a middle, they do confetti? Fucking a middle act is doing fucking confetti. People are heading for the parking lot. Where's Z4, sir? Where's the C lot? I parked at LAX. I'm supposed to walk to SoFi. So I was like, Def Leppard needs an A and no fucking confetti clause immediately. And also, they're closing with that big song.

So you do need that break. So they flip the stage again. And then here comes Def Lepp. Now I'm a thousand percent burned out because I'm in there four hours already, you know? And I'm also back where I'm just taking selfies.

Because everyone's like, oh, you look like the guy that should be down there. And I go, yeah, but I'm the guy that got fucking ripped off. So I'm up here. Oh, here we go again with the photo. Just to remind everyone, this is where I was. Well, the old fashioned thing where there's no roof, but you would be in the nosebleeds, right? That's 100%. That's where they get really high up. You get a nosebleed. Yep. Makes sense.

So I'm up there busting my hump. And the guy from Def Leffert, obviously one of the drummers has one arm we talked about, but they have another drummer to make sure it makes sense. But he's only got one arm, but it's the other arm. So it works. You know what I mean? Before the meeting, they go, okay, you do the one and three beats and I'll do two, four. So it's one, two, three, four.

It's hard to sync up. They had an ad in the paper. We need someone with a missing left arm or missing right arm. It said mis-arm and it said left preferable. Yeah. But not a deal breaker. Well, I'll just say that guy. Hey, I want to defend drummers everywhere because, you know, I used to pound the stairs. I would fiddle around. Def Leppard's brilliant drummer lost his arm in an auto accident and they never thought of getting...

letting him go and then he reinvented the drums which is now state-of-the-art where you can do so many things with your feet anyway continue and it's his legs on overdrive because he's making so much noise with the legs yeah to take away from the fact so anyway he did say that when he sleeps sideways it used to hurt when he'd sleep on his arm but now it's pretty easy you know what i mean there's no pain so that's that's one upside i guess so uh other than that

I have five questions, but I want you to finish your stuff. I think that's it. I left. I didn't even finish. I almost hit him up from backstage and said, get me out of here. Get me back. Do something. But I felt so dumb.

that he offered me tickets on the podcast. Then I go, no, no, no, I got this. I don't need your charity. Okay, that was one of my questions. Okay. The lead singer of one of the greatest rock bands in history invites you to his show. Come on, be my guest. Come on. And then you're in row 138. So that confused me. But you had to get the tickets yourself. Show it again. Yes, that's the picture. So I have more pictures on my phone, but I didn't want to overwhelm you because it's just funny. I have a...

I have an observation from that picture. Isn't it interesting slash funny that in the heyday of certain kind of COVID stocks that went crazy, like SoFi, then they get a trillion dollar stadium named after them, but their stock right now is like 48 cents. I didn't know what SoFi was. Well, they had crypto this and SoFi that. It's like the companies barely exist anymore.

We might get letters on that one. They give the naming rights. They realize all their money is gone and they only have this stadium left. The stock peaked for like a week and then they got two trillion dollar stadiums built and then they just are stuck with Burger King. No, Burger King is huge. I went to Green Day, they call it, in the 70s. You went to Green Day? I got...

Yeah, big concerts, big five-hour party concerts. You do not smoke weed. You don't take mushrooms. You don't really drink much. You raw dog it? No, I mean you, David, at that five-hour concert, if you had taken mushrooms, smoked some weed, had two Tito's neat, you would have been higher than the stadium.

but you were just sitting there i literally bought a brewski i don't really drink beer i drink vodka but it was such there's you go to a bar and they're like oh we're only the bud light bar we're only the vodka bar we're the you know whatever's sponsored so you can only get one thing so i got two beers and 20 bucks each no joke it's no joke no joke 20 bucks each thanks guy down

The inflation's coming down. The bears, less than $20 a ton of the bears. So that's a thing I did in my youth where you didn't mind the crowds. You didn't mind you couldn't see anything. You didn't mind the sound. Well, let me ask you, was the sound good at least because it's SoFi? No. No. So sound bad, can't see, invited by the lead singer of the biggest rock band. Did you at least have a driver or were you circling...

The parking lot, like at Disneyland. I'm like, this song's good. Is it Journey still?

I don't know. It's a good song. David, David, literally, I saw Fleetwood Mac in their prime. Yeah. And all I heard was, all I heard was the kick drum. Yeah. No vocals, nothing. They mic'd the wrong thing. And very faint in the background. Oh, there you go again. But yeah. And I last time, I want to, boom, boom.

I can always tell. I go, I can't hear the singing. You're right. Sometimes they jack up the other shit. You love it when they go on the club tour or the small theater tour and then you get to see them. But that's not fun. Anyway, that aside, we'll keep moving. We're going to hit the stories. We'll keep moving. It was fun anyway. I made it. You know what, Dana? I made it fun.

I didn't cry about it. I honestly didn't cry about it. I go, oh my God, look at our tickets. We got rat fucked. All right, well, we're sitting up here now. So let's make the best of it.

Anyway. Yeah. You have exciting adventures. I went to the local car wash. What was I going to do? Get a 10-minute chunk on getting sprayed. Well, actually, it's one of those you drive through and it just sprays you. So this old guy, this old guy went in before me, and then it's all, and the green light makes, he's supposed to go. He starts to back up. I'm going to do it again. Out of my way. I'm like honking. You can't hear him. Yeah.

No, because he had a flashback of like Viet Cong and he's like, get out of here, back it up, everyone run or attack. Who backs up in a car wash? Not literally not one person. You shouldn't be driving if you think you might have to back up in a car wash. There's a big tunnel. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't want to die. And he goes back. They want me to come that way. That's where you don't want to go. Okay. All right. Well, what's the first story?

Well, this is just an observation culturally about politics, and then we'll get into some other things, a couple things. It's just funny to me, Trump's lineup now, this is a rebellious lineup. First, it started with a thing where they have Hulk Hogan...

And then the Democrats answered with James Taylor. I mean, that's just funny to me. Now you listen to me, brother. Brother, you got a friend, brother. So anyway, that was Hulk Hogan doing James Taylor. And they go, the next guy's, Hulk is timely. I'm not going nowhere, brother.

That's one of his catchphrases. You're not going nowhere. I have to explain, I utilize the camera maybe too much so far. No, I love anybody who ends what they're making a point and say brother at the end. I'm having a cheeseburger, brother.

It's funny. So it's Tulsi Gabbard. She's a badass outside the box. Bobby Kennedy Jr. Need I say more? They've got going nowhere. Obama, Clinton's Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Oprah. Oh, yeah. We've got a fucking lineup. Yeah. I mean, it's like they're so cool. And the Trump thing, people should just vote on those.

Who's got better stars? Cast of characters. This is your cast of characters. Hulk Hogan, Tulsi Gabbard, Bobby Kennedy Jr. Or it's Taylor Swift. Taylor hasn't said it yet, though. But I think we're guessing. But Taylor hasn't. I think she's smart not to get... I don't think it's all her fans. No, no, I don't know if she's even out there yet. I talked to Tucker Carlson about this episode.

last night and all I heard on the phone was, ha ha, ha ha. I was about to say, here comes the Tucker. That's pretty good. He goes, yeah. Who's doing this and why are they doing it? I don't know. That's not bad. I'm trying. I'm trying. We're working literally for free. Okay. But we're having fun. Speaking of politics, there was the Mark. Well,

Two things. There was a Zuckerberg thing. Do you have anything on that? Where Zuckerberg came out and said he was pressured by the government to censor COVID information and the Hunter Biden. So it was sort of a thing that

You do that, and then six months from now, they're going to have him in Congress, and they're going to have our friend Senator John Kennedy. Yeah, he's back. The new Ross Perot is going to interrogate. Love him. He kills people. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but he does it in such a slow Southern way. Now, Mr. Zuckerberg, did I get that right? Did I get that right?

Now, you wrote a letter saying that the United States government pressured you to censor content. Did I get that right? Then you got Zuckerberg. Well, um.

Yes, Senator. First of all, thank you for the question. They always say that. Yeah. First of all, thank you for the question. And that is indeed true. Well, can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question? Do you believe that a mosquito could fart its way out of a hornet's nest? Do you believe that, Senator?

Did I get that right? That's an interesting question. I took your fart thing from the last John at Kennedy. You know, Mr. Zuckerberg, let me get my cheaters on. Now, first of all, it's colder than a penguin's pecker in here, I have to say. I'm getting a draft. Could we turn that down? Now, it's colder than a well digger's ass, and I have a coat on.

Mr. Zuckerberg, have they been fiddling with the election a little bit? I'm confused. I'm confused. Do you think it's a good thing or a bad thing to be censored by the government? Yeah. That dog don't hunt with me, Jeff. I'm old school. I like to just let whoever wins win.

zuckerberg you know i find it i find it interesting that your name is zuckerberg and your platform facebook or whatever you call it sucks do you know that it sucks mr zuckerberg he actually said that that's not me doing comedy and you're saying he's like zuckerberg zuckerberg's like an ai of himself

Peter sits there. Interesting. Thank you. Thank you very much for the question, Senator. Let me look at my notes. Did we mess with the election? I mean, you could, some people would say, meep, beep, zzz, zzz, zzz. He got Hunter Biden's laptop too. They didn't get that out there. Oh, yeah. You know, I looked at a few photos on there. It's quite explicit. Uh-huh.

His dick is harder than Chinese arithmetic in some of the photographs I have seen. The boy lives a full life. Now, you thought it was Russian disinformation to have Hunter Biden

Naked, except for a G-string, with a woman on all fours, chained up with a dog collar on. He's got a gun in his hand, a whip, and cocaine on her bottom. And somehow you thought that was Russian dessert. Did I get that right? Where was the confusion? I want glasses. It's funny to go like this.

Did I get that? Your words, your words, not mine. There's another thing he says. Now, this is something you said. I'm just reading what you said. Your words, not mine. All right. What was the other picture they showed? Okay, that's 20 minutes. Yeah, immigration. Now, this one was, oh, California close to approving $150,000 loans.

for illegal immigrants to purchase homes. Now, I don't know if this one's real because I know three people of my friends have been trying to buy a house for 10 years at least. And that seems like slightly unfair to me personally. Like 150 grand, zero interest. Oh yeah, they give a 20% down payment. Wow. So that scares me because I just saw... Oh, well, forget it. You just saw forget it? Well, there's a...

In Aurora, Colorado, there's a Venezuelan gang that took over two apartment complexes and they're making the people pay rent to them. So I'm like, it's just getting nerve wracking. I don't really know. I don't understand all the complexities, but I can tell you I'm slightly nervous about the situation. First of all, that one seems unfair. People should be able to buy a house. You shouldn't have to rip up your citizenship card and say, okay, now I want to get a house. And I'm like, oh, okay. So you're for sure not a citizen. Okay.

Here's $150,000 because that would help anybody out. That's such a, I mean, unless you live in California, you can get a house, $150,000 now payment. That's great. It would seem to be a little incentivized. I put it on the price is right. So the price is right is streamed all over the world.

And price is right. So come on down. So if you're sitting in some teapot country and they say, well, we'll basically give you a house. If you can get here. Yeah. I would get there. And the Venezuelans, the only thing I like about that gang is it's very American. It's very industrious just to get armed, take over two apartment buildings and start charging rent. Yeah. That's very sophisticated. Yeah.

By the way, I'm on Twitter. I'm like, I just think I should be a machete salesman. I mean, the funniest thing about, not funny, but there's so many people that have machetes now out there in the world that are going bananas all over the world. I'm like, when did machetes make a comeback? I can't find one. There's none in my house. There's none on my block. Frank, my friend, assistant producer. Is a machete salesman?

He served in the United Nations via Ireland in Liberia. And every adult male in the village just walked around with a machete. So you'd be having a casual conversation with someone, and he's got a giant sword in his hand ready to take your head off. Don't mind this. It's a very threatening thing to hold a machete. Well, some of the countries don't have as many guns, and it's big on status.

So if people are bad people and they want trouble, you don't have to have a gun. Yes. So stab someone and still cause a bit of a ruckus. A ruckus. Okay. I wonder if the Venezuelan, my last thing about the Venezuelan gang is did they, they took over and charged rent. Did they perchance lower the rent? Could there be a silver lining to the story? Oh, there might be.

I saw a video of it. It didn't look like that, but... Listen, Teresa, what did you pay last time? And do they let... 700. Okay, give me 600. Americans in the gang. That would be racist if they did not. No, obviously, we're being pithy. It's so outrageous, I can't agree. It's so crazy out there. But I don't know what's real and what's not anymore, so I don't know. Some of these stories, put it on YouTube. This is a segment we call, Is It Real?,

It's called There's No Way. Okay, let's get to some doofy Instagram videos. Let's get some headlines. Let's do it. Let's see if we can get some laughs. Come on, Heather. This is another dumb one where they use Spade. I don't really get this one because there was one where it's a photo on a building in Austria where it's me and it says a Kurt Cobain quote at the bottom.

but it's actually a Neil Young quote. So people, it generates interest because people have to go, no, that's not Kurt Cobain. And no, that's not even his quote. And no, that's whatever. Not the dang. This is the same shithead Steve, which is one I follow. But they're selling shirts, I think, that say dang. This is based on Kendrick Lamar's album.

But it's Joe Derrick. Why are they putting... Now, this time I'll go back to Senator. Why would they put David Spade's face on a supposed quote from Kurt Cobain? I don't know. I think it generates people laughing. And they come and go, no. So the more engagement they have... Is that it, Heather? They just want...

People just saying they love it. Well, and also you kind of have rock star hair there. I could be if you're younger. I look like some. Yeah, it could be anybody. But there's also a place selling a shirt with a hallway picture of me, Farley and Sandler on it. I think it says I'm going to tell my kids this was Nirvana. That's funny. That's not bad. Yeah, that's not bad. But it's a picture of us. There's something like I don't think you're allowed to sell pictures of people. I don't know.

I'm not going to win that battle. But I just thought that was funny because, of course, everyone sent that to me. They're like, look at this. I'm like, I don't really get it, but okay. All right, next one. Oh, this is a funny joke.

Those astronauts in space, you know, they're stuck and Elon Musk is trying to save them. They're stuck with a fucking ripoff. I know. It's like an elevator. Yeah, you're stuck in space though. They might be gone until 2025. And here's the guy's joke. Humanity has about six months to purchase 8 billion ape costumes for the ultimate prank. Because remember Planet of the Apes? He comes back and he realizes everyone's on apes. Is that a prank? Yeah.

I like that. I mean, that's a funny joke. I just think this was a gigantic thing because NASA hired Elon Musk, SpaceX, and Boeing in 2015 to develop rockets to go to the space station. So Boeing had some problems. SpaceX has done 220 missions. Actually, more like, I believe it's

300 emissions. But anyway, a little Elon Musk for you. But I'm working on it. But Boeing was supposed, this was their big, big maiden launch, all these delays. And then the thrusters go out. Womp, womp.

And the astronauts are supposed to be home in two days, and now they've been there. Ironically and weirdly, it's a man and a woman, and they are engaged. Newsflash on Saturday. Is that true? No, I made that up. Are they going to run out of Tang?

Tang is still a reference. Not moon tang, Dane. Because they did tang in the 60s, right? Tang was orange powder drink. And I was a kid and I wanted it because they said that's what the astronauts drink in space. I'm sure it was just powdered sugar. Something horrible for you. But it was super orange. We had it. Oh, it was so fucking orange. I mean, no, it was the orangest orange I've ever seen. They should call it orange. Yeah.

I know Tang was a weird name, but I liked it because it was so weird. Do you remember Hi-C? You're too young. Do you remember Hi-C? I am young, but no, I do remember.

unfortunately. Cans of juice. Remember Hi-C? Hi-C was the greatest red dye fructose corn syrup worst fucking thing. Yeah, it was just hyper sweet but it was in big cans, right? Love it. Yeah. Oh, it was like this? Like a big can? You did the can opener at the top? Yeah, can opener and it was made in Japan. Did you know that? Hi-C. Oh, boy. I did not. You did not know that? No. Okay.

- Now, can I ask? - Okay, no, next story. - I'm not gonna do any more John Kent. He's canceled. - Okay, here's funny. Nurses preparing for the monkeypox pandemic action. ♪ Q-U-A-R-A-N-C-I-E-N ♪ ♪ We'll beat that one two back up ♪ ♪ Six feet five ♪ ♪ Give me that four and a half ♪ - I like how nurses are always having time to do TikToks. It's pretty funny. The hospital right now is fucking crickets.

We have to run over to Radio City and do our... All right, that's enough. We get it. You always start talking and I'm just God smacked. I know, it's funny. What am I looking at? Just, it's funny because on TikTok, nurses are always doing bits in the hospital. And then, you know, you pan over and someone's like, because you're like, are you on a break? When do you have time to do this? But I don't mind it.

I just think it's not that adventurous. They're just hopping around with clouds. They should have mimed and had a whole dance choreography around changing out an IV on a patient. Bedpan. Or play the bedpan like Stomp, like that show Stomp. You haven't been in the hospital much. I've had a few nights in there, but they say...

Would you like a bedpan or do you think you can make it six feet to the bathroom? I'd like the pan. I'd like the pan. And you can stay and watch me and then take it away. No, I'll make it to the bathroom. When you pee, do you usually have a rod? Because we are trying to figure out, is it going to go straight up? Because if you're lying on your back and you can't move, so they lift your buttocks area and put a bedpan under so you can take it. I always made it to the bathroom. Okay.

What a hero. We can put a thing up your urethra or if you could make it two feet to the bathroom, we won't have to do that. They, when I got my hernia, I got a hernia. And then when I woke up, she goes, all right, it's time for the catheter.

She grabs my wiener and she takes like basically a number two pencil. Whatever it is, it's too big to go in your wiener. And she rams it in with two people from Game of Thrones. Like, ram! I scream so... Heather heard me. I scream across the room because I'm like...

Why now I was out cold for four hours. Wake up wake up for the worst pain in your life. Wait, is it are you up? Okay, hi What you could have slid it? Like yeah, they get it in there and I'm like And then they say And they go you probably can't be for a couple days It's totally appropriate. You're making those sounds I had something funny happen to me in that world. It's funny now so

I'm getting a stent, you know, this years ago, but anyway, so after the thing, they want you to pee into a plastic bottle, but it had a serrated edge. They didn't tell me about. So that I was, I had so many blood thinners in my system that there was a little,

No, no, no. Cut on my wiener, as you would say, and it wouldn't stop. So first of all, there was a very pleasant rotund woman with gloves on that just held my member for about three hours. With her finger on it?

Yeah, pinching it. Oh, no. So her thumb's on it, so it's covering 80% of it. That's terrifying. No, I was doing it. And then a dude came in, and he took over, a dude nurse. No! He was a real Wayne's World fan. Oh, fam. So then he had to grab, hold it, and retain pressure for another eight hours. Dude, I just loved Wayne's World, man. I mean, how'd you guys make that movie? I'm not even making this up. I've never told this story. I'm sorry. Some of my blood is leaking. Can you adjust your thumb? Yeah.

Anyway, we shot that in LA. Could you have more pressure and then less pressure, more pressure and less pressure, and move up and down? Oh, that's such a funny movie. Am I still tickling your balls? No, that was never part of it.

Oh, I thought that's what she was doing. Okay. Anyway, so Mike Myers. You got a wig on? Mike Myers. You're like this. What's the... He was the nurse. No. I'm saying the guy just had a lot of questions. He's like...

Okay, I guess this is the part where I put my finger up your butt. You're like, no, no, you're getting the wrong instructions. I'm just bleeding out of my wiener right now. No, I'm here just to get my blood pressure checked. I don't need any kind of fisticuffs. All right, on that note, we should probably bring Danica out. This was shot a couple days ago, and so we might be wearing something different. But Danica Patrick is a supreme...

race car driver she's a very good athlete across the board the first woman world-class race car driver in open wheel and NASCAR she's done both and we have a lot of conversation we go all over the place that we talk about aliens we talk about it's not just about the racing

Yeah. Aliens, we get to what might else live amongst us. How's that for a tease? Yeah, get in there. Let's get right to it. All right. Here's Danica. All right. I'm going to tell you something about LinkedIn, Danny, which you probably already know. But, you know, when you're hiring for a small business, you want to find quality professionals that are right for the role. That's why you have to check out LinkedIn Jobs. Now, when I was getting a job at Bullocks, which is a clothing store in Arizona, they said I had the best experience.

uh, meeting and the worst performance. So they would have weeded me out here at LinkedIn jobs because they have the tools to find the right professionals for your team faster and for free.

That's exactly right. I mean, it is very difficult to know who you're hiring and comprehensively to get them vetted by LinkedIn gives you takes, you know, takes away the hassle of finding new people. I mean, LinkedIn isn't just a job board, David. LinkedIn helps you hire professionals you can't find anywhere else. Even those who aren't actively searching for a new job, but might be open to the perfect role. Do you understand? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, listen, I feel like I get it. In a given month, over 70% of LinkedIn users don't visit the other leading job sites. So if you're not looking at LinkedIn, you're probably looking in the wrong place.

Well said. On LinkedIn, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. Hire professionals like a professional on LinkedIn. 86%. That's a good percentage. Who has the time? Dana, you're a small business. You're out there trying to just run a show and you can't just stop everything and try to interview and make calls and bring people. You just call LinkedIn.

It's easy. Bing, bang, boom, beep, bop, boop. Quicker. Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash candidates. That's linkedin.com slash candidates to post your job for free. Terms and conditions, of course, apply. You know, a lot of people, when they stop me, they know we've messed now. And it's a lot of the times from repeats. We didn't have repeats for a long time, but TBD, the channel now has...

repeats of SNL. TBD TV, it's on seven days a week. Wow. And you know, if you watch this and if you like SNL, you're going to relive a lot of the best moments, a lot of the best moments from the Blues Brothers to Beavis and Butthead. Yeah. Get all your classic episodes. I mean, you can name Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood, The Church Lady, Chippendales.

The best of recent seasons, including Washington's Dream. That was Nate Bregazzi. Van Down by the River, which you were in. Yep, yep. TBD TV also features best of episodes, including the best of Carvey, best of Spade.

If there is one, I'll watch SNL on TBD every Wednesday from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. That's right. TBD is a free TV network available in most areas with a digital antenna that you can buy online for around 20 bucks. Yeah. These things just usually get bigger and bigger because...

People start hearing about this here in LA. It's on channel 5.5 in New York city. It's also on charter cable channel 92, and you can always watch it on YouTube TV. That's right. Visit tbd.com to find out where to watch SNL on TBD TV in your area. And I'll just say, well, isn't that special? Oh, one of us got a blowout. I blow this out myself. Holy shit.

That's a cool room here, whatever that is. Yeah. Where are you in Scottsdale? No, no, I'm in Colorado. It looks kind of Rocky Mountain high in that place. Yeah. I had to get out of the heat because it's lava hot. It's horrible. It's horrible.

Do you bail on the summers there? Yeah, as much as I can. I was there for about three weeks and it was, I just hated my life. I felt like I was in prison because I couldn't go out past like 11. Then I have two dogs and they can't do it either, so. Their paws get fried on the summer. I don't like the heat. I played Vegas last July and it was 121. And I said, hey, do other people play this room? It was the Marauder in July. They go, no, no, they don't play it. Yeah.

Nobody comes to Vegas in July. Everyone canceled at the hotel and the people there were fried and hungover. But anyway, back to our guest today. - No, let's go back to us. - We know a lot about, he doesn't like heat. You have a cool room, cool hair, a cool necklace, and a cool t-shirt. - Things are happening.

Yeah, you know, Danica does a lot of things, Dana. I know. Her Wikipedia page is like, it's a monstrosity. They go over every race, but it's incredible. I mean, what you achieved. Yeah, you were a race car driver. Do you remember that part? Vaguely. It does seem like a lifetime. Many lives. I feel like I've lived many lifetimes. I usually sort of classify the lifetimes in the...

in the realm of relationships usually feels like my lifetimes, but racing was definitely one of them. Yeah, for sure. I think we all have that in a way. I can relate to that. This quadrant, this is when we lived there. Now we're over here. I think it's very human. But the race car thing, I don't know if there's any questions you haven't been asked about that part of your life.

Yeah, we're here to ask the same ones. I thought of one. What other sport? Did I pee in my suit thing? I've never done that, so you can skip that one. You've never done that? I've peed in my car.

I might be doing something right now, but I'm not going to say anything. IP during podcast. It's called pod pee. You must practice that. You're so natural. If it's a long podcast, you got to go, you got to go. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, it's called a trucker's buddy and you put it in your pants and then you... Okay, here's my first question. What's a sport that's as dangerous as racing cars?

what sport is as dangerous. Yeah, and I was just thinking out loud right before I clicked on, like I was thinking about you went into a sport which takes a massive amount of athleticism and concentration. And I thought, you know, you get hurt in MMA or boxing, but- Balls. Balls. Balls. Takes balls. And so how were you in that area? I mean, what do you- The balls? Well, they were- Tell us about your balls. I just meant in the guts level of like-

you know, I'm going to go faster around the next turn kind of thing. I actually thought, I really thought when I was young that I wasn't super brave when I, so I, I started go-karting when I was 10. When I was 16, I moved to England for racing. Dog disagrees. I know she's, she's, she's very, um, mouthy. Um, so at 16, I moved to England. I lived there for three years until I was 19. And then I came back and

When I first moved over to England, I thought to myself, maybe I'm just not tough enough, brave enough. I don't feel like I'm very good on the fast corners. Then I came back to the States. I started racing from Atlantic and then IndyCar two years later. It turns out that that wasn't the case at all. In racing, you have to get the car to feel really comfortable for you. If the team doesn't do that, then it's very difficult to practice.

to push and so when i lived in england they didn't they didn't care at all about me so the car felt terrible to me so have you ever been in the middle of a race where you just you're going all out and then you go fuck i wish i could move the seat up like two inches you have no idea how much of a pain in the ass it was to fit me in a car because we had really we had to usually

put um like something to raise my feet up so that i could get closer to the top of the pedal so that i was putting my feet on the right spot again um i think it's because it's like ironically hailing here in the middle of the summer and it's like sunny but a couple clouds but it's truly hailing outside i thought it was one of those things where you say to the dog if it doesn't if it feels like it's not going well start barking and then i'll say i have to leave

Yeah. That would be actually quite the skill set. It's like a good date. The commercial is going to get a beer for them. If I could get the dog to get me out of jail free card in uncomfortable situations, that would be a major skill set. But anyway, so it turns out I had the balls to do it. You had the feet long enough and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Got the car fitted to me. So it was definitely...

There were times where I was too high, too far forward, too far back, too far down. The whole time? Not the whole time, but usually at the beginning of the season after you got fitted, you'd figure that out very, very quickly in the first sort of time that you got in the car. And sometimes like, I would be like,

working on the seat myself and like shaving it down and taking pieces out of it and um very um very manly of me um but yeah fitting what was your height and weight in your prime race car driving what how small were you uh i probably um i was i've i'm five one never really grew past i'm gonna guess that was gotta be like ninth grade

And I've been around 110 pounds-ish my whole life. So did you ever consider if the race car driving didn't turn out, you'd be a jockey? Did you ever think about being a jockey? Just kind of kidding, but you could have been a jockey. I mean, I have ridden a horse before. It was once I got into NASCAR, so it was later. And I think one of the speeds, there's like loping is sort of like a speed with horses. And it's kind of scary. I'm not sure...

I'm not sure I would have been okay with it. Those horses, every time I see a horse running fast or going through water or just carrying someone fat on their back, I just think, I feel so bad for their legs. And then when they break them, they have to kill them. And I'm like, I don't know. It doesn't make sense. Those little legs and big body. Good job, Dana, bringing up the sore subject. But also, Danica, I don't know if you're part of this scam,

I think I was promoting something and we went to Darlington maybe, and there was a guy that would drive idiots like me around to do a lap or something. Do you remember this guy's name? It was something funny. They probably got someone that was a driver or has been at some point in something. By the way, Dana, when you're whipping around the corner,

and they want you to be scared shitless. They said, "You don't have to be in it." Then when I got there, they go, "No, get in with the guy." And I go, "Well, don't drive or anything. It's a scam. Every step along the way, crawl in the window, put on this suit that..." The hardest part is, the scariest for me, is because Danica and I are drivers. Dana, it's hard to explain, but I'll explain to you. I'm following. I'm riveted. Okay, so you get in and you go, "Put on this fireproof suit. There won't be a fire."

But when there is, this will block some of it for a few seconds. And I go, okay. And then they, I don't know if I'm claustrophobic. I did find out when they clipped me in with 18 clips. I go, let's just say we roll. How do we get the clips? And the guy's like, oh, I'll be long gone by then. I'm like, I know. But with me, when I'm in the car burning, there's so many clips. I lost track. I go, good luck. And then when he goes around, he's going, I don't know how fast, 700. Maybe I'm wrong.

And, uh, and then he hits the wall. And I think Danica would know that. Yeah. And that's fantastic. It's the Darlington stripe. They do it on purpose to make you shit your pants. It works. Um, he hits the wall. So, so when we get out of the car, it's the whole door is kind of ripped. And I'm like, why is the guy, first of all, that's not good enough to be out there with the real people is the one with my life. And this has, there's something wrong. And, uh,

It was fun in quotes. Well, now you can say like, I didn't pee my pants, but you can say you did shit shores. Yes. And I found out once I did it once, now I do it all the time, uh, because it was fun and I liked it. And, um,

Which part am I talking about? The driving? Yeah, which part are you talking about? There actually was a story about a driver that did shit his pants. It was at Watkins Glen, New York. He was sick and he absolutely sharted himself and he won the race. And he had to run around with it?

- Wow. - And then he had to like go change before going to victory lane. - I don't wanna put this image in your head, but there are Olympic marathoner, world-class marathoners who have, and there's no hiding that. - No. - Yeah, that's harder to hide. - We've got a theme. Now we have a theme for this. - Have you guys ever run for like long, long distance and known about this whole half the shit thing?

I was a distance runner as a younger person, but I never saw it up close if there was folklore about it. Usually you're healthier then, but when you get older, I can see things falling apart. We just had a runner on. We should have asked him. Oh, yeah, you should have because I ran the Boston Marathon a few years ago. I don't know why. My one bucket list item was to run a marathon. And so...

I don't know what's wrong with me. But my friend said, "Hey, I think I can get us into Boston." I was like, "Yeah, cool." So she did. I had to do a lot of training in Arizona where I would go as soon as barely sunrise. What I didn't realize is I should have gone in the dark, but it'd be like 100 to 105 by the time I was finished. There's something about the heat too that really makes you want to go.

-That may make sense. -I didn't though. So I never did that either. Danica, I don't want to brag, but when I used to walk from McCormick Ranch to my friend's pool on like Lincoln and 60th-- Dana, this sounds like a brag. I would wear just raw dogged, just shorts, no sunscreen, no hat.

Three miles so I can go in the pool. And that was in the summer when I was in high school. And that's all. Just bragging. That was my Boston Marathon. Barefoot too? Not bare, not full raw dog. Yeah.

I had some Stan Smiths on. Actually, the story's partially a lie. Anyway, back to... You're on a roll. Let's finish that story. I know. I was excited because I was like, look at... Because I grew up in Scottsdale baking and boiling, so I know Danica's story checks out. And my mom's there now and the dog... So she drives them around for a walk.

for a walk, she puts them in the car and then she rolls the windows down and then she drives around and lets them bark. She drives up to people and they bark at them and then she drives off. And if she sees, I don't know, that's my mom, but it's fun for her. She's, you know, it's fun. I did it once with her. I go, I want to go on one of these.

And then she found where they had horses and she pulled up and then they bark at the horses and it's. Did you bark at them too? I sort of was a referee because then the horses would come to the fence. And then I said, okay, this is obviously just for fun. Everything's for fun here. Cause the horses didn't get what's going on, but, but overall it's fun in Arizona, Dana, you know, um,

And it's hot. Nine out of 12 months are fun. Yes. That's what, you know, my buddy sells real estate there and he says, I say, how do you just talk people into living there? Cause everyone's fucking moving there. And he said, well, I say in Chicago, there's three or four months you can't go outside cause of snow. It's just the opposite. And I'm like, I guess that makes sense. I don't like it when it's freezing, but I grew up in Arizona. So I, I kind of can take it when it's hot. I,

I mean, Dana, you know that I had-- my steering wheel was steel. This is before I was rich, everybody. So, I had a steering wheel that was steel and then I had oven mitts when I got in to grab it because they were so hot. And then they really came in handy when I pulled that pot roast out of the glove compartment. - -But that's not why we're here. I don't really want to know what's going on with the rest of the car if the steering wheel was steel. Steering wheel was steel, Danica, you know 'cause we're in the driving biz. Also,

Danica, do you have road rage in Scottsdale? Do you get out? Do you carry anything? I thank God there's so many lanes on the highway these days because you can pretty much maneuver. I absolutely use the HOV at any point in time, no matter how many people are in the car or not. Good job. And I always think to myself, if I get pulled over,

I mean, it's laps now, but I'd be willing to use an expired one. If I pulled out like my FIA racing license along with my ID, how would that go? They would probably let you go. You've got a couple of things going for you.

And they might give you, but there's more crime going on out there that I don't like me. I'm like, I'm not the big fish guy. Like let's, I know where you can focus some policing. So don't try to drag me in, but I'm easy. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like, it seems like, you know, 85 on the one-on-one is not really, you know, worth the time of day. They should probably, there's some other areas that need help. Yeah. That's I've been on all of them.

Also, we were gonna ask you, we had a guy in here. Do you ever heard of Steven Greer? We're jumping around, but this guy was- I actually just got a text from Steven Greer last night. Oh, you did? We had him on. You're kidding. And he was really fun to talk to. Yeah, I've interviewed him a couple times. He's wild, man. The amount of data in his head and names and- Oh, I know. I mean, it's really crazy.

Yeah. I mean, for the audience that barely listens to our show, Stephen Greer, who was on here, is a UFO-ologist. Is that what he said, Dana? Is that what he calls it? I think so, yeah. There's some term. And a doctor. Which means he's a doctor. He's a VR doctor. Very smart guy. And Dana and I are sort of into this whole stuff. And so we asked him. You know, we didn't ask him, are they among us? That's what people wanted me to ask him, and I didn't.

I think they are. But let's back up. Arizona, extraterrestrial. Every night I take my dogs out and look up into the sky. It's usually around 10 p.m. And I think, I want to see something. And then I go, but maybe not. And I run inside. Exactly, exactly. If I actually saw something. But have you ever seen anything crazy? No, you know, I believe in this stuff. And so when I was a kid in Casa Grande, which is Dana, like an hour out of Scottsdale.

this copper mining town. I'll take you there sometime, maybe for your birthday. And I would sleep outside and I would try, I was reading this book called The Interrupted Journey. It was about people that got abducted. And then I'd look in the sky because it was so clear. And again, I was like, what if I would be, and I kind of believe to this day, I would be so terrified if I saw something. Like that Las Vegas sighting and these people, they're weirded out the rest of their life because

I see why people don't report all the time because then everybody asks them the rest of their life and everything's so weird and the FBI comes and they're putting up cameras all over their street. And I think that one was kind of real. There's a lot to that one. I don't know if you remember that one day Danica was. No, it's not the Miami one. The one where. No, that one is less, less videos, but fucking nuts.

When it was in the mall? Never seen so many cop cars. That was the most ironic. I don't think that could have been an alien situation. I don't know what that was, but to have the most amount of cop cars that had accumulated in one area that they'd ever seen or that we've ever witnessed seems a little crazy. But what's the one in Vegas? Vegas is like they said someone landed, a ship landed,

And they had a video of something going down like a falling star on some guy's body cam on a cop. And then these people said, there's guys in our backyard that are eight feet tall. And they came over and then I looked at the video. It's all over TikTok, of course. I went to the University of TikTok. And so I look and then they look that where they're not holograms, but they're like cloaked, it looks like. So it looks like they say they are there. And these people like we swear they're here and they're huge. And then

It's all scary, but that was kind of a big one. -Depends on what you're into. -So, like, a drug area? Do they make a lot of meth in that area? No, I don't think-- I think these people sounded real. And then, of course, like, one day, they just flipped their story. I didn't see anything. It's like a kidnap tape. Well, that's like the Men in Black sort of thing, right? Like, where they come and they tell you, like, "You better shut your mouth." I believe that stuff happens too. I mean...

I think there's a lot of weird stuff that goes on. Yeah. Yeah. I also think that if there was sort of an interaction with an extraterrestrial, because there's some that are benevolent. Actually, I think most probably are. And I think that Stephen Greer probably said that most of them are benevolent. But I actually think that there would be a positive. I think you'd almost get...

like put in a trance almost as if have you ever guys ever seen the movie contact with Jodie Foster yeah oh yeah she like sees her dad and her dad yeah but it's actually an extraterrestrial but they took the form of the dad to make her feel comfortable yeah I think there'd be some scenario where they would never you wouldn't feel uncomfortable you'd be

you know, the frequency would put you at peace, you know? I don't know. I think that too. Yeah, from what I hear is that if you get closer, then you can hear what they're saying to you. They don't talk.

Right? Have you heard that? Like in your head. You haven't heard that? No, like from a telepathy standpoint. Yeah, yeah. I think even Stephen Greer, and I'm sure most of them are just, you know, fist bumps all around. You see an alien, it's like, hey, I'm on your turf. If they want to kill us, which I'm scared of, they could easily. They would have done it already. So I don't think there's that. But there's different, there's all these different factions to it.

Stephen Grip, what did you two talk about? I mean, was you just casually having a conversation with him? No, I interviewed him twice for the show. He's a huge hit. He's one of the highest viewed shows that I've had for my podcast.

And I mean, we talk about, I mean, he goes on, as you know, he goes on and on. He doesn't need much prompting. No, one story leads to the next. But of course we talk about like why, like the government, the coverups, like what kind of beings are they? You know, how many are there?

Yeah, all the ET, alien, all that kind of stuff does so well on my podcast. People love that. There's another girl- I think so. That you could talk to. Her name's Elizabeth April. Everybody loves her too. She talks about some crazy shit. She talks about- Give us some crazy shit. Sorry, give me the- Who's the reptilians? Like Adele and Queen Elizabeth and Bieber and people like that being reptilians.

like shape-shifting reptilians. Shape-shifters. Is it something with the eyes? Because I see videos where they say, look at these people's eyes. Yeah. So they are... Wait, let me ask this. Was MKUltra a real thing in Hollywood? Oh, you're asking the two top reps of Hollywood? Yeah. Way more than me. That's true. David, you would know. What's the newest Dash Pass annual plan benefit?

Ah, that's what we're here to talk about. We're going to talk about it. Go start talking about it, David. I am right now. Watch this. Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. You know what I mean? You can stream Max with ads. That's up to $120 value. Included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com slash max for details.

Wow. Unlimited zero cost delivery fees on eligible orders. Members only exclusive offers or menu items. Yeah. You get, you get a lot of benefits when you do your DoorDash Pass annual plan. Yeah. By the way, what's your dream night in? What would you do? Um, I would say I would probably watch the Gilded Age on Max. It's new season with my wife and,

And I would have a soda or a light beer and get a cheese pizza. Yeah. Okay. So I would watch. I was doing this last night watching The Penguin. And that's on Max. And when I order Dash Pass, Door Dash, I get, yeah, pizza is a favorite. And I get some diet drinks, no names.

And I get basically food that to stuff myself, maybe a burrito also. Yeah. Um, it's a guilty pleasure. It's a guilty pleasure. I mean, you could watch, um, the house of dragon and we're dash past order some sauteed dragon. Um, yeah, that was a joke. Usually when you're in, that is a good time to order in. And so you can pair up stuff with your shows if that's fun. Uh,

There's no penguins out there to eat, but there's birds and chickens. Sign up for Dash Pass annual plan and get Max included at no extra cost. It's your door to more terms and conditions apply. Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Stream Max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com slash max for details.

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Tell me what MKUltra is again and then I'll tell you. Well, it's like MKUltra is where they kind of brainwash you into doing certain things or being a certain way. Almost like you can be triggered with certain words or sounds too. Oh. Like you almost have a handler that can train you. Who are they? Are they aliens or government? Or are they just agents and managers? Deep state. Deep state, yep.

- No, I haven't traded my whole body and soul for just to be on a sitcom. I would probably raise the stakes a bit. I would want my house made of solid gold. I would actually barter for more, but I do think there's a lot of that talk out here and a lot of Illuminati talk and people ask me about it. It sort of has escaped me personally, but Dana with his wooden doors and all this money. - Unless they wiped out your memory and they did-- - Oh, you're right.

mind games what about danica when you see people that like they say biden wears a mask or other people are a mask out there where his ear doesn't like connect correctly like where they said he has like one where there's like a rounded earlobe and then the other one it connects i've also heard bad plastic surgery um but but i hope not my guy is

Yeah, you should make sure you have a doctor. You don't want those telltale signs. But if you look at his face over time, it's pretty unrecognizable. Right. Could be age. You don't know. But sometimes they say they have not just on Biden data. You see pictures of people where they have like a bump right here where it looks like there is a mask. Then there's a woman on.

The internet saying I used to we'd make masks for the FBI or CIA. And they're so real. That was from four years ago. They're like, there's so you can't tell them apart. So I think Biden or any president might have a not a stunt double, but someone that kind of runs around over here for him to distract. But definitely there's it makes you think.

Well, then the Biden thing went-- Remember how, you know, we almost lost two presidents in a week, you know, recently? And how Biden went missing for like six days. And then when he reemerged and shuffled his way to speak in front of everyone, they were like, "Why is he so tall? He's like way taller than Jill." -I saw that too. -Like bad, like bad clone.

Yeah, like the clone people were like, guys, guys, it wasn't ready. He looks exactly like him, but he's 6'4". Yeah, guys, come on. The clone department goes, fuck, we sent him out a day early. It was not ready. I told you guys he was not. We had to hammer him down a little bit. Yeah, I don't know. I saw that. They said, he's taller than, you know, Zelinsky, whoever he was talking to. And I'm like, I don't know. But it does make you think there's so much of that shit going on.

By the way, the fact of the matter is... Yeah, Biden, why are you taller? I did it better than any better people did. Come on! Are you a clone?

I'm a robot. My favorite clips and memes are the ones where he's absolutely speaking gibberish. Yeah. It's fantastic. That's the one where Hunter was the only one who could understand him. Hey, Dad, how you doing? Yeah, I could have dinner tomorrow night, not tonight. Well, I have a date tonight. You don't need to know, Dad. Yes, I've seen Fern Gully, Dad.

I don't know, maybe we were right. People said, "Why are you doing Biden like that? Uh-oh, gaslighting." - Oh, well. - Well, that's okay. - I was actually like, I felt like that was actually verbatim, so.

Yeah, that was an exact quote, Dana, you just did. Yeah. No, it wasn't an exact quote. I'm working on new angles because now he's kind of, it's sort of interesting that perhaps, this is from the New York Times and stuff, he's not really talking to Nancy right now. He's a little upset with Nancy Pelosi and he clearly, it's a little bittersweet for him. I was the greatest, most transformative president that Congress has ever had.

This means 400 million jobs. Excuse me. 200 million. Pardon me. So pardon me. But we have 15 million new Americans. Yeah. So it kind of grew our population, right? Brag about that. That's true. But anyway, it seems like every week in America now something weird happens. First stop? So let's see what happens.

- Beep, beep. First stop. Welcome aboard. - What's going on in this world today? - I know, there's a lot happening. - It's never boring, but I want to-- - I hope I get abducted. I kind of just hope I get abducted. You know the whole like, you know, I'm down here, come pick me up, I gotta get out of here. That's-- - Yeah.

I'd go to Mars. Would you guys go to Mars? If you like, would you go on a trip to Mars? No guarantees, but like, Hey, there's stuff going down there. I mean, they say there's even maybe even people are there. Who knows? Um, would you go, would you go to Mars?

I think at this point, yeah, I'm on the back nine. I think it'd be, yeah. If Elon Musk is driving, I like the SpaceX, the Boeing Starliner. I don't know if I'd ride one of those right now. The ones that are stranded at the space station. Put me on that Apollo mission that went to the moon. That thing hit that with some armor all and get the cobwebs off it. Remember that little tin can? Yeah.

Did that make it to Mars? Do you think we went to the moon? Do you guys think we went to the moon? I know someone who thinks we, in fact, did not go to the moon, he says. And I said, if they faked it, it's a bigger accomplishment than if they actually went. Than going to the moon. Yeah, when you can bluff everybody. That's a good point. That is good. But then why did Stanley Kubrick die mysteriously of a heart attack?

Didn't know about Crestor, Lipitor, probably didn't check. And, you know, a dose of, who knows, Tom Cruise was there. Let's get in the car. She goes, why do you die mysteriously by getting hit by a car? Well, I mean, a heart attack, I guess, older guy, but I know the timing is usually bad on those things. Like the people that just died in that flight. Yeah, like three days after he was shot.

The cancer doctor. Well, you got to go into all this stuff. We're like the eight cancer doctors that were on the plane. Yeah, did Dana hear about that one, Dana? You got your ear to the tracks?

-The Brazil plane crash? -No, I was just thinking, to believe in the Kubrick death, you have to have your eyes wide shut. That's just for filmophiles. -I like that. -I waited for that. But look, why are you two afraid of UFOs? Like, I want aliens to come down. I want to see it. If they start-- If they come down and they come out and they're blasting me, that would just be fascinating. So there are aliens, now they're killing me.

I don't know. Why are you guys afraid? It'd be fascinating. Independence Day was right. Yeah. Maybe they... Because, yeah, they say they have them in the... I think they're somewhere right now. I think we have some. I think we have ships. I think we steal the... Well... Go ahead. I think, you know, speaking of here, that girl Elizabeth April, when I interviewed her, she said that there was...

Basically, the Anunnaki came to the planet to mine gold and the reptilians were here. Right. And that there was a sort of like the Galactic Federation said, okay, you guys need to leave. You all need to leave. This is the human's planet. And then the Anunnaki said, no problem. Peaced out.

And the reptilians said, hell no, this is we're staying. And they said, OK, you can stay, but you can't be seen by the humans. So then they went inner earth and they use their mind to control people. And so they essentially still control the planet. But they're like inner earth and they're like amongst us.

Are they Democrats or Republicans? Well, clearly Democrats. Survey says. Well, that one, it's just goes, it's really like the Crips and the Bloods. This is the first incarnation. No, I would say, yes, the Anunnaki, is that the word you said? Anunnaki. Anunnaki said we're leaving.

Reptilians said, "We're right behind you." And then they go, "You know what? We're just gonna hang." And I've heard that the underground Denver airport-- There's so many underground bases that they ran into aliens in there and then they didn't know what to do. They said, "Oh, no, we went into where they were." Probably your underground-- When they're excavating or something? Yeah, yeah. And then they-- And a lot of-- Well, we're kind of jumping around. This got really crazy.

But that was a good one. And they said they had to talk to him and they said, because one of these UFO guys goes, I was led down there. And he said, you don't want to go past those doors. It's a big production. You have to bring all these guys with machine guns because we don't want to disturb. And if we do, we don't know if they come out. If they do, we're all toast because obviously they went in a fight, you know.

Well, all you have to do is sort of take witness to some of the ancient civilizations, like even just Egypt, like the pyramids, the temples. I've been there a couple of times and it's crazy. We just don't get it. There was obviously- Well, no one can explain how they built it, how man could build that, right? That's incredible. It's crazy. And even the temples too, while they're not this huge structure with these giant megalithic stones,

or humongous stones that we can't even move with forklift now with our technology. The temples are stunning. They're completely covered in these pictures and

call them engravings or they're they're like etched into the walls and they're all perfect they're like so perfect they must have been lasered somehow or something like that or maybe they were like a perfectly symmetrical and perfect everything about them is like where they are on the planet they're all aligned up to yeah or they use them as like not wi-fi but you know what i mean like their towers to all yeah connect and it's when you hear about it and all the you know longitude latitude you're like holy shit like it's all perfect

yeah crazy yeah and actually each pyramid got a little worse than the one before almost like technology sloppy and you know they just they just they discovered wine and it was over yeah of course typical that's it 10 000 years ago you can't look away with those guys you got to stay on them

All right, well, maybe we talk. Okay, we talked a long time. We'll let you go, Danica. That was very fun talking to you about this stuff. I think we solved some things. We really did. We really, we closed some doors. We answered some questions. We may have opened some doors. We should all just say on the record that we would never kill ourselves. I don't want to be one of these people. I'm fine. I'm just cruising around, but I won't. Yeah, I won't.

No. And remember, when you look at the night sky where I have it and you see all those stars, you go, really? Hmm.

That's where you get an open mind to like, what the fuck are we doing here? How did we get here? It's the endless quest, you know. So if spaceships come down, it'd probably be great. And we go, oh, aliens, you're down. Look at a spaceship. Do you know how the universe was created? Do you understand infinity? And they go, nope, we don't know. But we got great spaceships, David. Check it out.

Check it out. You guys know Danica. She's already on there. Hey-o. So Danica, I should say you are an icon because of your athletic background. And then you've just gone on. You're an analyst for NBC and you have all your wine. And so I just think from a young age, you're just very driven. You said, Daddy, I want to ride your go-karts. And it's just...

Drive is passing Magic Johnson has it you have it you know a good book title is driven, but it's probably been used Boyfriend was my first book was called crossing the line mm-hmm and Pretty intense oh Good driven good. I mean I

Yeah, it was. I realized and I don't know why it took so long. I think it's because I just did one thing for like most of my life. But I really do everything fast. Kind of ridiculous. I think fast. I walk fast. I cook fast.

I drive fast. And just throwing yourself into stuff. I'll do that. I'll do that. Let's do this. Let's do that. And not minding the pain that usually comes with it or frustrations. So what is your ultimate? I know you've had your dating life out there and stuff, but what kind of man do you think works with you?

I'm just literally curious as a person. Someone who's equally driven or someone who can lay back and coexist. A stoner, a gamer. Because I've been married for 41 years. I could tell you my- A good head of hair is very important. That hair is on fuego. Look at that. It won't look like this again, Danica. Don't count on it. It's got a mind of its own.

You know, it's a good question. I think about this a lot. Well, I'm thinking out loud to myself, okay, someone with that kind of drive, you know? I think it's good to have someone to, I do love laughing for sure. I've learned the value of that. That is very important. Someone that can bring the chill out in me a little bit. Yeah, I think that's a good thing.

But someone also that can take charge because there's no way to like really get into my feminine or a female or a feminine energy. God, get the words right. I don't want to make anyone mad. But to get in your feminine, you have to have someone else take charge. Otherwise, it's really hard. And it's so easy for me to like do everything and plan everything and be in charge. So but to get all like sweet and flowy and girly, I need someone that can

arrange things, organize things, do things, take charge, take, you know-- -Take some stuff off your plate. -Who wrote this song, "Are You Strong Enough to Be My Man?" -Cheryl Crow. -Cheryl Crow. Have you ever ordered for a boyfriend? "He'll have the chicken." You know, that kind of thing. -Yeah. -No, thank God. Dana orders for me all the time.

That's cute. Yeah. It's super cute. What does that say about you? When we go to dinner. What does that say about each of you? We'll tell you off. I don't know. I would just say, hmm. Well, there's different ways of being the male figure and different ways of being the feminine figure. They can take different forms in a long-term relationship. I think you've got to have a sense of humor, a lot of respect, and...

Sometimes, you know, I mean, Chris Rock's special. It said a tambourine that someone has to play the tambourine. That was his point of view. Take a back seat so the other can shine and stuff like that, or you can share it. I know this is like talking about aliens. It's very hard. It's true. You have a multi-decade relationship. For every reptilian, there's an Anahuacu. Exactly. Yeah, so you find your opposites attract.

Exactly. Well, Dan, I, you know, I, you know, I'm, I'm a little high maintenance. I require a lot of attention. Yeah. So if someone's going to keep me, uh,

stimulated. I need a lot of attention. Yeah. And is that someone who would be curious about you on a daily basis? Like you're interested in what happened to you and what's going on with you? Yes. I think that's a healthy thing. Yeah. I want to know how my day was. What am I doing? What did I eat for dinner? Very nice. Again, thank you, Danica, for coming on and a good job with the use of, um, megalithic. Is that what you said?

Yeah. Yeah, good job. I love big words. I try to make people feel dumb when I say them. You did, and you didn't have to change it and dumb it down. You did good with the first one. And Dana and I are going to stay on for a half hour and talk about you. We're going to stay on. Stephen Greer is our next guest. Stephen was great, so tell him hello, and we'll see you next time. I appreciate it. Oh, this is fun, guys. Thanks for having me. Enjoyed it. Okay, bye, hon.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Furman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.