SUPERFLY #44 - Dudes on Dudes w/ Gronk and Edelman
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Dana, I gamble a little bit, but I'm so good at it. As I tell people, don't worry about me. I'm good, even though I lose a lot. But I go to BetMGM.

Across the socials, that's at BetMGM. It's a sports book born in Vegas. Here's the deal. You got the second chance on first touchdown score. So all season long, BetMGM is offering you a second chance on your first touchdown bet. Okay, so you get what's going on. So customer places a wager on a first touchdown score bet.

He does not score first, but scores second. Bet MGM will return 100% of their stake back in cash. Oh, well put and well said. You know, I was talking...

To Paul McCartney. Yeah. What did he say? And I said, Paul, what is the second chance on first touchdown score with BetMGM? He says, well, you know, the season can be long and it lasts the whole time. You know, BetMGM is offering you the second chance on your first touchdown bet. So when a customer, you know, they place a wager, a big wager on a first touchdown score bet and it doesn't score for us.

He does not score first, but he scores second. Yeah. You get it? He scored not first, but second. We return 100% of the stake back in cash. And that means pounds and quid and all those things. That's great. I said, thanks, Paul. That's all you guys talked about?

All we talked about, I wanted to talk about the Beatles, but he goes, no, let's go back to this. If you do, the first touchdown score doesn't go for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a second chance with a score of second. You get 100% back of your quid and your pounds. And your pounds. Listen. Pounds. Bet MGM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly. Bet MGM and Game Sense remind you to gamble responsibly. See...

BetMGM.com for terms 21 plus only. This U.S. promotional offer not available in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Available in the U.S. for New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY-467-369 for Arizona. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP for New York.

For Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050. For Iowa, 1-800-BETS-OFF. For Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023. Subject to eligibility requirements. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

You know who's hilarious is Jim Gaffigan. Jim Gaffigan. The guy is a machine. He's made 11 specials. I guess this will be number 12 for, and I'll say it, comedy legend, Jim Gaffigan. Jim Gaffigan the skinny now streaming on Hulu. And listen, it's a hilarious new standup on Hulu. And

In this all new hour of comedy, you'll see Jim in a whole new light as he gives you the inside scoop on everything from parenting teenagers and gaslighting family members to weight loss and social media. In Hulu's very first stand-up comedy special. Really? Wow. I did not know that. I did not know that. Is that weird? Is that wild stuff?

Come shed some existential weight and raise a glass with the hilarious event for one of America's most iconic and relatable comics. Whether you're gathered together with family and friends or need a break from them, everyone needs a happy hour. And who better to give it to you than

Everybody's favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan. See the hilarious new stand-up special. Jim Gaffigan, the skinny, now streaming on Hulu. Okay, let's start Superfly. Here we go. All right, I've been working on a theme. Oh, yeah? Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Superfly. Superfly.

- Oh, it's gonna be a bummer. - I've done that horn noise before. - You have done it. - That's F Troop from 1972, a Western. It's just a funny, probably came from Vaudeville where the trumpet fades down. - You know what, the trumpet is funny 'cause Pac-Man does it too. I can't do the impression, but when you get killed, it goes, it goes, and then it goes, you know, you get killed, it goes down. That's funny.

F Troop we shouldn't talk too much about because no one will remember, but I do remember it. Well, all you're saying is substitute whatever age you are. This is a comedy Western. I don't know if there's a comedy Western out there in the world right now, a half hour comedy Western. It'd be funny. That's pure comedy and very silly. You know, it was different. It was during the Cold War. Do a comedic Yellowstone. Let's do it. I like the alpha. I'm enjoying...

currently with Billy Bob Thornton and Jon Hamm and others. And Jon Hamm and Billy Bob Thornton are hysterical. And Billy Bob Thornton's character is so fun and so badass. He's down in Texas and he's just kind of a shoot by the hip kind of guy. Now, you can either suck my dick or you can...

squash my balls, but you, you gotta pick something. You know, it's like. Your partner. Partner. Yeah. It's just, it's a really fun show. It's called Landman. Landman on Paramount Plus. See if you can download that thing. Is the guy's name Taylor Sheridan that does. Yeah. 35 spinoffs.

He apparently went out to lunch with someone and then on the right hand, he had a word processor to his right. He's ordering lunch and eating and he finished a Yellowstone sequel script. No, the guy, the guy is the right sequel is just a contest winner gets to be the lead because he's running out of people. But yeah,

What was I going to tell you about that? You said you saw Billy Bob. Yeah, because we should have him on. Love Billy Bob. Love to have Billy Bob on and love to have Jon Hamm back. Hamm is a stud, yeah. And that's a good one to talk about because I tried to get Paramount Plus the other day. Of course, I couldn't compute it and how to get it on my TV. I wrestled with the algorithm for about...

two and a half hours and then watched a 40 minute show so it's still a pretty good ratio between that was my password try again really i don't have another one okay put in your real name you gotta go here's the scam that i could drives me bananas you want your here's your password and you write it in it you can't see it so of course i got it wrong then he goes so you want to keep this this you want this to be a new password and i go yeah and he goes that doesn't fucking work

And it doesn't work anyway. So I'm like, why are you asking me that? You're just embarrassing me now. Everyone saw I have a password. I have one secret one that I made intentionally difficult, but sometimes I have like Bob or something. And then the algorithm gets really mad. This is easy. What the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah. They now, because of AI, they swear at you. What the fuck are you doing? I'm going, I'm just trying to watch Landman. I don't need a lecture from a robot, bitch.

They go, your password to Netflix is actually just Netflix. And I go, yeah. And they're like, no, no, no. See, now are you joking with us? Because we don't like that at the password. Well, you sound like an AI then. Maybe AI will be kind of jerks. So what do you want to do with this? The AI goes, okay, hold on a second. You need one emoji.

You need a big letter, capital, whatever they call them. Yeah. You need a comma, a capital something, a letter, a word, and you need a kind of an emoji of some sort of antelope that would be common in North America 200 years ago. I give them the ball of yarn because no one uses that. Very underused emoji.

I'm not paid to say this, but the one thing that works for me in my relationship with my computer is fucking Amazon delivery. They are ruthlessly. They just leave it. They take a picture. They throw it over the gate. They don't fuck around. You can trace it. It's not sophisticated. It's just really efficient. And then other algorithms who try to watch the show and they're wrestling with you. You're really in an emotional fist fight for an hour.

Listen, I'm not paid by emojis, but I spend, for how old I am, which is late 30s, I spend most of my day looking for funny emojis. Too much time. That's great. Too much time. I don't have a setting where I start to type it in and it shows up, so I have to fucking old school raw dog it and go look for whatever. Well,

We talk about nothing too much. I will tell you. Well, nothing is good because here's the nothing. So you're kind of busy in life because I don't want to make this show business. You're busy and you're getting requests for something on your emails. And you kind of, you punt on them, meaning later...

later later and then you land it's thanksgiving vacation so now you have to disappoint people you know no i can't make it i would like i won't be available i can't so you're horrible but my therapist said to me always say to yourself it's good for them the people asking but is it good for you

And then she goes, can you do this charity for my kid? And you're like, really therapist? And I say, it's good for you, but is it good for me? And she goes, you got an A plus, you're half off today. So that'll be $700. What about, we're doing a gig in Fantasy Springs. You know that we're doing a gig? I know, it's funny. This is our first big public gig since we started the podcast. We've done some live shows.

uh podcasts but just spade carvey fantasy springs palm springs what's it called fantasy land fantasy i think i played there it's like 7 000 seats we better pull up our socks great pull up our socks and give them the good stuff we don't know who should i don't want to follow this dandy who's oh yeah we gotta figure that out this dandy is in top fit shape and i'm just working on it

I just did Reno, dude. I did my last two gigs of the year. We might do a show at the Comedy Store next week. Me and you, we might do a podcast, but that'll be announced soon. That'd be fun. Yeah, let's do that. So this show, this coat, which pops, and obviously everyone's buzzing about it, and the chat rooms are buzzing right now. But I only wore it because all I had was my boring gray V-neck and a white T-shirt, and I didn't want to go in my Gervitz Halloween costume. Ha ha ha!

That's what he wears to every lunch.

I'm sorry. Is this Prada? I'm sorry. Is this cashmere? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have a shirt just like yours, except mine's expensive. This is the world's greatest leather jacket never to be made again. I just brought it out because I don't want the heat on because I worry about the climate. So it's cold in this house. You're always worried. If you see, it doesn't have belt buckles or fanciness. It's very thin. It's just people can see it. You won't be able to find it anywhere. I'm sure you've had that experience. You get a really cool jacket, a great shirt.

And then it gets lost or something. Never again. They never make it again. They literally go...

Everyone hated this coat. We're not making anymore. And I'm like, oh, it's my favorite coat, but okay, got it. Right. Let's get a heavy leather coat with belt buckles on it. Before we get to a couple of stories and also we have surprise guests, Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman. From the football fame. From Go Football. Go Sports. All pro superstar football players. That should be the name. And Super Bowl winners. Yeah.

A good podcast name would be Go Sports, because that's what people say when they don't know anything about the sports they're at. They're like, Go Sports. They don't say for the team or anything. Yeah, they don't get it. They don't know. The kids would play, you know,

CYO basketball, like three foot tall people doing basketball. You know, it's just, it's so funny that age group of kids trying to do basketball and they're double dribbling and running around. And this one dad, all he would do was yell, get the ball, just get the ball, get the ball. He's screaming the whole game. This one guy had a kid who was six feet tall in fifth grade.

And that kid had like 60 rebounds. I go, your son's got 60 rebounds. Boy, he's tall. He goes, it's got nothing to do with his height. He just wants the ball. He just wants it. Oh, yeah. Nothing. Nothing. He's just a hard worker. He could be 3'3". And still get the ball. Okay, go ahead. How about this, Dana? I was in Sacramento doing a show. Sack of Tomatoes? I was in Sack, and then I had to drive to...

Reno, simple enough on paper. Yeah, you could do that. And Alex Murray, my guys that book my road gigs are like fucking Colonel Tom Parker. They're like, Elvis, you can do another one. So I just like I'm just getting like there. You don't want to let down your family, do you? That's what he would do to Elvis. You don't like money.

Elvis would be like, I think I'd like to take a break, Colonel Tom. Maybe just a week off. You want to hurt your daddy? No, sir. Where do I go? Poor guy. He already got a new belt. What does he need? I have millions of dollars. That wasn't a belt. It was a dinner plate with a leather strap around it. That was the largest belt. I can't imagine Elvis's response when Colonel Tom said, all right, Elvis.

We got your outfit for Vegas. Let's unveil it. And they unveiled the curtain and it's like the white jumpsuit with the bell bombs.

Hey, why do I got to have a dinner plate for a belt buckle and bell bottoms and a big old collar the size of some kind of Macy's pharmacy? Why do I got to wear what Whitney Cummings wears in her podcast? Or did he like it? I like Elvis. Let's have her back on. She's a pistol. Did you have a good Thanksgiving? Is it already over? That's right.

I love everyone knows we don't even know when these air. Look, it's Thanksgiving time. This is the Thanksgiving. Did you have a good Thanksgiving week? People don't know that we're filming this in June or something from last year. We stack them in August and then spread them out throughout the year. Dana, would you rather, I'm going to tell you about Thanksgiving in a second. Would you rather, if it's snowing and raining, drive from Sacramento to Reno early?

With chains, mandatory chains. Takes roughly five hours. Through Donner Pass.

Over Donner Pass. And then drop down because you're trying to get to Reno. Yeah. Oh, you're trying to get to Reno. Well, you would just get on the 80 and just go. Ooh, the 80. And go over the 8,000 foot thing where it's going to be a wide out. You're going to have to get chains on or not change. Mandatory chains. People don't understand. You're getting paid to transport. You're not playing Sacramento. You're not.

playing Reno. You're getting paid to get David Spade to Sacramento and then get David Spade to Reno in a blizzard, in a blizzard. Let's just call it what it is. And they're saying, and then all the locals are like, I don't know. I go, it's probably like a no brainer. It's easy. I don't need to fly. And they're like, well,

Donner Pass where they eat everybody. You know about that story. Yeah. Make sure before you get to Donner Pass, you've had a good meal at a diner or something because something about the ghost of Donner Pass, you start eating your wife's leg before you even think about it. For people that don't know, they would remind me. Oh, I go, what happened there? They go, oh, I think only 80 people got stuck there and they ate 40 of them.

It's the real story. There's a documentary on it. Yeah, the real story. We shouldn't go into it on a podcast. I'm the mayor of Tahoe City and I say eat before you get in that general vicinity of Donner Pass. But then if you eat a lot, then you're going to be the first one to eat 10, right?

Uh, yeah, they would pick straws. Some, some did very well, you know, some, some, but, but basically they were found by people in Sacramento. They were discovered, but they couldn't get them all over the past. So then more eating, they thought you ate people. Yeah, but we're not gonna do any more. We just got rescued. And then they did more, but then they left and they weren't back in time. So guess what? Wilbur you're for dinner. Yeah.

Then they got home and they just did it by habit. They ate their friend. Hey, hey, hey, hey, Steve. Hey, I just ate Wilbur. You see the barbecue there? Could you lay on it? Put two and two together.

Hard to get a funny light cannibal joke. But anyway, you made it to Reno. Did you crush both sets? Reno was super fun. Reno's a great crowd. My new special, Precious Cargo, should be coming out in April. Is it Precious Cargo? Uh-oh. Closer to you? Heather's fixing the camera.

Oh, the laptop. I don't want to ruin the illusion. People think I'm just sitting here, but there is a laptop involved. Let's do a couple of things and we'll get to those guys. Let's show, let's do a couple of stories. Anything. We'll just do a quick, quick version of this. Okay. This is a quick version because we're getting to, okay, here we go. Oh no. Crypto investor. Oh, this story. I was going to save this, but it's too fucking juicy. Crypto investor pays 6.2 million for a duct tape banana.

on a wall. Now, I heard about this story because I really have my ear to the tracks in the art world. My brother's very involved. So this is the kind of weirdo stuff my brother would love. Andy once did an art exhibit in a space in New York where he had all cactuses lying on the bottom of the floor in a small place and all helium balloons on the ceiling. And they would just eventually come down and pop. So it's just about eventually...

we're all going to die. It was pretty heavy. And everyone was like this, heavy man, heavyosity. So it was cool though, I thought. Anyway, this guy, someone artist in quotes, taped a banana to a wall with duct tape and said, this is art. And then they took it to I think Art Basel and they call it comedian. And so it happened five years ago. And then I think,

After a while, someone saw it, ripped it off and ate it and said, that's my art, performance art. I'm eating your art. Do you ever go to art museums and walk around and see the French impressionist? Well, you mean the real art? I mean, look. Well, Bernie Bernstein, our former manager at God Rest His Soul, used to go, yeah, you guys should make fun of fake art.

Fake art. Well. It's fake. Can I tell you the most outrageous fake art that I've heard of? Because my brother was living in New York and he's an artist too. Worse than the tape banana. Ooh, yeah. Okay, go ahead. So this artist, what he did was he made a faux floor. So you'd walk in, you'd go up a step. So you're going to the art museum and you're up on it. And then you see a thing and it says that the artist...

Is naked underneath the floor. I'm not making this up. Crawling around and pleasuring himself. And that was the art exhibit. Yeah. I mean. I have no respect.

It sounds... Okay. No, I'm saying I get it because I've seen... That's a great piece of art. Performance art. They have naked people close together like this in an art space and the crowd has to walk through them and kind of bump through and that's it. I mean, there's a woman that just sits and stares at you

Are we in the wrong business? I mean, if you're getting paid. Are we in the wrong business? I thought crypto was a scam. I mean, my God, I'm in the wrong biz. I'm traveling over Donner Pass, spraying my body with raids so no one eats me. You're like Everest. You got ice picks out and boots and sweaters. Get up and go propel. The show's at 830. Carrot Top's opening.

Not a Chili's in sight. They go, ready for dinner? And I go, is there a Chili's? And they go, yeah, the dinner. So Donner passes all the way to Reign of

It's all the way. I don't know. I don't know. I just read this one. First world problem. You order, you've timed your dinner for room service because you want to just get energy, but not be stuffed to go to do the show. And you're like, oh, it's a little late or I can't. And you call back. Oh, so sorry, man. We forgot to put it in. Yeah. And the stove broke. Do you want some potato chips? Yeah. There's a vending machine on your floor. Road, road work. I think that's, that's the book. All right.

Life on the road. Yeah. Everything but the show. That's what the book's called. Yeah. Show's fun. Okay. So I guess we're over the banana and the banana. Well, I mean, it's crypto. Is that real money? And did the guy who bought it, is it speculative? I like the fake crypto guy bought the fake art. I just think it's all money laundering and in my own humble opinion, but you're just buying something that say costs a lot.

And then you can sell it to someone else. He spends a lot. I don't know. Well, there is a hypnotic thing. If you put a number like a comedian demands $100,000 for a corporate date, they go, well, that guy, that guy's $100,000 comedian. He must be good, yeah. Yeah, and that pain right there, I don't know if I like it.

That's a $10 million penny. I'm starting to like it. Now, what I do like is like baseballs signed Michael Jordan. I mean, there's some stuff I think are cool that are like one-of-a-kind things that feel like a tangible asset. It's scarcity to that. There's only so many Michael...

Michael Douglas or Michael Johnson, all the Michael, Michael Jordan. It's scarcity. And so that creates memorabilia like that. Like I have the Beatles Capitol record signed by all four and that's worth a pretty good amount. Yeah. Give me maybe that for my birthday. Okay. Here's the next one. Cheating on your spouse is no longer a crime in New York. Was it a crime? Was it a crime? That's the first question. Is it?

Adultery is no longer a crime in New York after Governor Kathy, is it Hochul? Hochul. Hochul. Appealed a 117-year-old law that classified as a misdemeanor. Okay. Misdemeanor for 90 days in jail. I mean, how many times have they convicted people?

I think they just, the punishment is you get divorced. Well, what they do, if it's a guy cheating, they give him female jailers and see if he'll cheat again. If it's a woman cheating, they give a male jailer, see if she'll cheat again. That's the little game they used to play. And Chaplin would set up little weird 1910 cameras. And anyway. Dude, that show Cheaters was rough, but I used to watch it. So rough.

A girl would go, I think my dude's cheating. And then they'd follow him with the camera crew to their car while they're making out or hooking up. She'd pound on the window and they got a whole crew of like eight union guys filming you. They come on half naked. What are you doing here? This is a work friend. There's so much content. I'm just going to say. You're in the wrong business again. You could be on the crew of cheaters. Let's just make reality shows. What are we doing? God dang. Yeah.

Here's my new reality show. You want to hear it? This is a real idea. Okay. It's called I'm Around. And it's basically me and my loser friends, because every time we go to lunch, we walk back to the car and he's like, all right, let me know what's going on. I'm around. I go, okay, well, I got a gig Saturday, but

I'm around. And then they go, okay, I got to go do this, but then I'm around. I'm around. Someone's around. I think it's shy men to be afraid of showing their feelings. I'm around rather than, hey man, I'll call you. Let's get together. I definitely want to hang out and go to a movie. It's a very casual. Listen, if you want to go, I'm around. I've distilled life to this. Could I just put this out here? Yeah, please. Life is just about most of life for almost everyone is just...

Do you want to go over there? Yeah, okay. Hey, maybe tomorrow we'll go over there. Yeah, I think I'm going to go over there again too. It's true. Most of life is just hanging out and going places. Jerry used to say, you want to go out and then you want to go back. So you'd be, yeah, let's go out. Everybody go out. We're out. We're out.

I think I'm going to go in. Let's go in. Yeah, hey, what'd you do today? Oh, we went to a park. Then we went to this little restaurant. That's a good day. How many more days do you think you have on planet Earth? About 600,000 days. You want to go over here? Tragic. It's too bleak. You want to go over there? Bleak. Bleak. My dad used to go bleak.

I stayed in this little fleabag hotel and bleak. It's quite bleak. Bleak is a funny word. Okay, well, let's get to these guys. Are we doing one more story? What do you want to do?

Up to you. One more story. Okay. Oh, talk about wealth and excess. The Kardashians got a private, now this is not shocking to anyone, private showing of wicked. Before it comes out. You didn't have to play the sound even if it's too loud, but.

And they came. Those balloons alone are over my budget. So they have all these pop-ups. They have a green Wicked carpet. They have one trillion flowers.

Streamers are the cheapest thing in the book. So this is in their house, one of their homes. Yeah, one of their wings of the house, screens. And then like a full-

Toy store of Wicked stuff from Ariana. Well, it's a normal childhood for the kids. Don't get spoiled. This is a one. Oh, this is before everyone got to see it. So this is even more special. Way, way more exclusive. And they say, kids, we only do this once a week. So let's not get used to it. It's not an everyday thing. If I was from Boston and heard this, I would say, that's Wicked smart. That's Wicked smart. That's Wicked awesome. That's Wicked awesome. That's Wicked smart.

I love that the Kardashians have monetized. Hey, look at all the stuff we have and our planes and what we can do. And they're still likable. Somehow it just sort of works for them. What's the part? No, I said they were there. The two stars were there. They were there and they were like giving them everything and signing everything and just being like, here's a,

Funko of myself and all right rolling and then they play it and they all sing along and I'm like god dang here's my guess and I don't know but um I think that's the two actresses that went to the event got a paid oh they might have gotten paid there's secret paydays going on all over the place dude mm-hmm

I'm not a privy to them because- Oh, sorry. I won't be available on that day. Excuse me. What did you say? I have a gig. A million dollars? You know, let me check my calendar. You know, maybe I can push some things around. Yeah. I'll get back to you. Yeah. Must be rough productions. All right. Let's bring on our guests. I'm

I'm going to go change my outfit so we can interview these guys. Me too. I'm going to put on a black hooded sweatshirt because I wanted to get ready to rumble. Oh, hoodie because it's tougher. It's like football. Yeah. Like a Belichick hoodie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So here we go. We got Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman and we're going to talk about a bunch of stupid shit. Super star football players. Yeah.

Dana, you're going to munch a lot over the holidays. We all do. Oh, yeah. I like bread. I like butter. I like texture. Yeah, fluffy, fluffy bread that's hot and you pull it apart and it's delicious. And then right when I grab it and then I get guilty right around there, like it's not good for me. Yeah, I like it. Bacon hot and you pull that thing across and it just steams your face and you're like feeling really good, man.

Stuffing. There's nothing better than stuffing. Pass the stuffings. Remember as a kid, would you please pass the stuffing? Awesome. Yeah. Bread pudding. Come on. And you get screamed at. Well, hero bread takes the guilt out of it.

You know all about hero bread. We've talked about it. We've talked about carbs too, by the way. So let the folks understand. Well, their products, delicious, flavorful, but have zero to one grams of net carbs, zero grams of sugar and high in fiber. What else do you want? Well,

Wow. So you're going to enjoy grilled cheese with a cozy, I like that word, pumpkin soup, buttery Hawaiian rolls with the family dinner or French toast casserole around the holidays with zero to one grams of net carbs and no sugar. Good Lord. High in fiber. Tastes good. So there's really no reason.

You can't give me a reason not to do it. There's also a little bit of nutrition. Let's go. We got some nutrition in there. You know, you want to add that in. You have New Year's Eve goals. You want to eat a little better. Come on. Throw that in the mix. Then you get your breader. You get your bread. And then it's a little better for you.

And you get some nutrients and you're not cheating really anymore. No, I think it's called a win-win. Yeah, I think that's called. This delicious that is actually good for you. Yeah, I'm just going to call it a win-win. Oh, also they have a two gram net carb hero croissant, which I get croissants on the road because when I order from, if I ever get room service, like in the morning before the airport,

It's always squishy toast because it gets steamy. They have not fixed that yet. They don't figure it out. So croissant is what it is. You get it. But now with this thing, you'd never know it's low carb and high fiber bread from the texture. Get the soft, fluffy experience you know and love.

With your next savory breakfast sandwich, late night grilled cheese, or family taco Tuesday, no compromises, just flavor. Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order of their new recipe. Go to hero.co and use code SUPERFLY. Yeah, at checkout. That's SUPERFLY at H-E-R-O.

I have a sense of gratitude when it comes to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the holidays. I don't know about you, Dana. I do too. I think that's what, because you know, the word thanks is a total giveaway. It's right in there. Yeah. It's a giveaway. Yeah, it's a giveaway. If it was called, watch out for yourself time holiday. Selfish giving. Yeah. Listen, we get together Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving,

Think about maybe how learning a new language can enhance your connections and enrich your experiences with just people of the world. Rosetta Stone, you know, Dana, we've talked about forever. The most trusted language learning platform available on desktop or as an app. It immerses you in the language you want to learn. That's the way to do it. Yeah. And, you know, I've been in New York for a while doing Saturday Night Live and I walk around and

Central Park and boy, do you hear a lot of accents and a lot of languages. You know, I don't know what they're saying. I'm like with Rosetta Stone, you've got a tool in your hand that is probably the best way to learn a language going right now. You know, this world is getting more mixed every day. It's not bad to know something you could learn. They pretty much will teach you anything Spanish, French, French,

Korean, Chinese, Japanese. Rosetta Stone immerses you, no English translation. So you really learn to speak, listen, and think in the language, right? Yep. It's an intuitive process, which is great because I think I never, I didn't retain Spanish in grade school. You pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences. It's designed for long-term retention. Lifetime membership. Yes.

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- Good job. - Dude! - How you doing? - Is that one of them? That's a dude. - It's one of them. - Oh, he's got his fucking shirt on. How are you, Julian? Hey, man. - Good, how are you, folks? - Well, we can't start now, can we? I guess we can. - I think Rob will be here in two minutes.

Are you in the same room with him? Probably not, huh? Jeez, jeez. Anybody like themselves? Look at that wall. Patriots, patriots, me, me, me, me, me. Wow. And it's a little messy. It reminds me of you.

Where are your Emmys? Whoops. - Somebody likes themselves. - I love people who have one Emmy. Whoops. Some people- - Is he an Emmy? - No, I'm just saying. I'm talking about my awards. He's got every Pop Warner. This is Julian Edelman behind his chair. He's gone to get headphones. He's got a lot of awards. This fucking Pip Squeak Award in third grade for guy that tried the hardest in football.

He started, yeah, he started out tiny. How tall is he, 4'11"? He went, he started high school. Let's tell him he's the Kevin Hart of football and he'll beat the shit out of him. No, he's not. He grew. No, he's short for that world, which is like 6'3 or something. I like how he goes, oh, I'll go to Radio Shack. Where did he go?

They just want to say, this is like when people go, hey, I'm here, I'm a half hour late. And then they go, I got to go to the bathroom. So they touch base, like I'm at the restaurant. I got to leave again. Don't count this as my time, I'm late. I'm here. So he pops in. Gronk doesn't even know there's one today. He's just still trying to turn his fucking laptop on. Pfft.

He's in front of an Xbox right now. Oh, he is here. Dude, he's literally phoning it in. Hey, bud. Yeah. I got to unleash the snake. I got to go piss. Okay. I got to go lay down a King Kong finger. Poop. He's vertical. He's vertical. That's because he's phoning it in on his phone. He's literally phoning it in. Yeah. Look at that. We've got ring lights. Can you guys not hear me? Do I need headphones? I don't know if I got headphones.

I'm back. Actually, that was the first time I wasn't taking a number two. That was a number one.

So I'm good to go. I like this ghetto ramshack podcast operation. A kitchen chair. You guys have a great set for dudes on dudes. Is this the dude set? It's pretty high end. This is the dude show right now, right? We're on your maiden episode. No, you've done a few episodes. This is dudes on dudes on steroids because we're doubling up with you two. So thank you, guys. Fuck, yeah. Dudes. Dudes. Dudes. What up?

What up, dude? How you doing, dude? You guys wouldn't remember this old Sandler album where it was, dude. Hey, buddy. Hey, dude. Buddy, dude. That was from the old, old days. That was on one of those old albums. It was his first album. And it was called Buddy. Yeah. And we all played. We just talked like that. Dude, buddy, buddy, dude. And then homie. Chris Rock was homie.

I don't know why. Anyway, guys, thanks for coming. I'm sorry one of us, two of us were late. Look at Rob left again. There we go. I just wanted to turn off that backlight. It was annoying. Better. Dana, I will tell you quickly to briefly let you know who these guys are. I know all about them. They broke my heart many times. Ah, yeah.

But I became a Patriots fan. At some point, you had to just go off, too. Yeah. You were like the Chiefs of the day. Can you explain how we broke your heart, Dana? Like, who's your team then? Yeah. Didn't you just, did you take apart my Niners at some point? Was it 49ers? Oh, I mean, we didn't really play the 49ers. We played them like two times in our career. We never played them in the playoffs or anything. So you can't be too disappointed. Yeah.

Who did you beat in your Super Bowls? You have four, three. Who'd you beat? Who'd you whip ass on? Come on, dudes. Falcons. Destroyed them. Fucking pussies. Go ahead. Seahawks. Ravens? We lost in Indy against the Giants. Sore sub. Yeah, that was bad. Grunts, all right. Oh, yeah. Another Super Bowl.

We've lost two Super Bowls in cold weathers, cities, Minnesota and Indianapolis. Is it a real thing when they say they're playing outside like the Dolphins are playing in the snow, they're not going to do well because they're not used to it? Yeah, that's a real thing. 100%. I mean, you're

you're kind of just used to that warm weather and right when you hit that warm weather you're kind of like warmed up and you're loose and all that good stuff when you come up to the cold man it's a whole different feel especially in the in the hitting game i mean yeah you can run around and run routes and not get touched but as soon as you have contact and it's freezing cold out yeah it's a whole different type of mentality that you got to have and you got to kind of establish that throughout time so yes it's it's a big advantage if you're up in new england but

But it's also an advantage for the hot weather team when we go there. Like we always used to lose to Miami in –

you know, December when, you know, it's freaking 30 degrees, 20 degrees in Boston, you go down and it's 92 with 80% humidity in Florida. Like that's tough for us. You always have a home field advantage of where you're at, which is going to be really cool to see in this new college football playoff with, you know, these SEC teams having to go up to the big 10, go up to Ohio or Michigan or, or vice versa to see the, you know, the big,

10 schools go down to the SEC and play in the heat. That's part of home field advantage. Are you mad that you don't get paid to play college? That would have been nice, right? I can't even imagine. You look at the damn player lot of Georgia, there's like seven Lamborghinis. I've

I played for 12 years. I never seen that many Lamborghinis. They can't leave college. It's a pay cut, right? With the, and I, I mean, you guys, they're making 4 million. The gymnast is very attractive. When you watch a game, it's like this, the quarterback who's a transfer from Georgia, just throw to the halfback. Who's a transfer from ASU. It's just like, Jesus, it's hard to keep track of who's on what, but I know everyone's making way more money than me. It is. It is hard to keep track. And there eventually has to be a rule in place to kind of,

you know, manage it a lot, you know, better than what it is right now. I mean, like five transfers you can possibly have is kind of ridiculous. They need to limit down the amount of transfers you can have throughout your college career. And then also eventually, I feel like there might need to be like a salary cap for each team.

Yeah, no shit. It's like so unfair. Like Georgia, Alabama, they mean they got boosters that are billionaires and they can just boom, write any type of check. And then you go to the match schools and like those guys, like there's no boosters or anything that are writing big checks like that. So unfair. But like it needs to be managed. And like there has to be some type of because it's so new. Right. I agree. I think Michigan just snaked a guy.

It's the Wild Wild West still. I mean, to be a free agent every year for the player, that's got to, I mean, that would be insane. You don't even get that in pro football. I mean, you could literally go play a really good year in Alabama and make like 6 million bucks and then say, yeah, I'm going to hit the transfer portal and go make 10 million at like Georgia, which that's crazy. So if you're a free agent every year. What would you ask for? Wait, if I was in college? Yeah.

Yeah. What would you be your bottom line? Yeah. Two million, three and a Lambo. I don't know. I, I was so happy. It would be fun to figure out what your worth was. Like who's coming to you with what you'd be like that paltry bullshit. I'm not going for that. Cause you look at other guys, you go, am I better than that guy?

Might be the next guy, right? That's how it works. I'm sorry. I'm not an expert on this. Where does name, image, and likeness integrate with this transferring and getting more money? Is it just a separate lane or is it? Well, first off, Dana, it's not really name, image, likeness. That's just a name for it to get published.

but it's really just getting paid by the boosters or the school, whoever's paying them. Because these guys, my life right now is named image likeness. I'm an ambassador for a couple of companies. Same with Julian. I actually have to go out there and go to these companies, business meetings and meet everyone and mingle and go on air and talk about the business.

These guys, oh, here you go. Here's a check for your name, image, likeness. And then you just go out and play football. So they're technically not getting paid for that. They're technically just getting paid to go play football. But some of them are influencers and have like 20 million Instagram followers and stuff. Well, those are the guys. Kevin Ostrowski.

Yeah. So those are the guys taking advantage of their situation right now in college. So then they can have a long-term program. So those influencers and TikTokers or bloggers or whatever they are, they're building a fan base now. So let's say when football is done with, or they go to the NFL, then when the NFL is done with, they're building their fan base up. So then when they're done playing sports, they can go out there and still have an audience and still make some big money, I guess.

Whatever happened to keeping the main thing, the main thing like football. I know. I know. I was about to say, remember Juju Smith with his TikToks and people didn't love it. So you come in going, look at how many followers I have. I'm a regular Dixie D'Amelio. And they're like, well, how about just play football, put your phone in your locker and then let's,

See what happens at the end of the year. Too old school. I mean, you know, look at the Tyson fight. I mean, you know, fame equals money. I mean, would you guys fight each other for $20 million each? Or would you fight Elon Musk? No, Rob would fight Tyson for $5 million.

I would definitely, I think I would fight anyone out there in the world in the boxing ring. Not UFC. UFC is too much. I mean, that's brutal. But I would box anyone in the world right now for an eight-figure payday, hands down. I would quit everything and train for five months. Eight? What happened? I said five. That means under 10 is nine figures 10 enough. You do it for... I need eight figures, Dana. If I'm going to get my head knocked in, I need some...

No, well, let's just break it down. You as a boxer. So you're basically 6'5", 6'6", 260 or what are you? I'll break it down for you right now. Me and my boxers. Yeah, break it down. Okay? Yeah, yeah. This is for you. What? Okay, well, we... Okay. Okay.

Was the front for us or the back? I gave you a sign because I'm your son. I wanted to know what you're like. I saw that sundial. Do you take a lot of punishment? Do you delve out punishment? Do you hold a lot? Do you have a jab? Do you have a hook? I mean, what kind of boxer? Don't be a clincher. Let's ask his friend, Julian. What kind of boxer is this guy? We know what he is. He's just a haymaker. He's going to try to get you with the haymaker. Early on. Okay.

He's got long reach. If we can work his jab, because he can be really nasty with the jab because he's got like an eight foot reach probably. He's going to be taller. Eight foot reach is pretty good. Yeah. I think if we can get his jab going,

Just all he's got to do is connect once and the guy's done. I feel like Jake Paul is very tough guy, but I think Rob could get in there and mix it up a little bit. I would fight Jake Paul. I would a hundred percent. Like I said, I'd fight anyone in the ring. If the payday is right, I quit everything right on the spot and train. I would actually love to do that, man. I would have a purpose of just being able to quit everything. Cause everyone would understand and then have a purpose of just becoming a fricking absolute and

animal out there again unit and then it's a mystery fight and then at the end you find out it's belichick oh now what i mean it's a left turn it would be like the fight that we just saw the main event i would just throw a couple of grabs and then i'd back off coach i love you too much just whispering to each other and nudging like two cats you'd hold him tight i'll let him throw a couple punches let him feel good but that's all

Dude, I like that Jake football fight when like third round, he's like whispering, don't hit me so hard, Tyson. You know the deal. You initialed it. You doc, you signed it. I'm like, okay, okay, guys. Did he say that? It seemed like it, yeah. I mean, it was kind of like every time Tyson had a shot, he'd pull back. I go, all the rumors are true. This isn't, I don't know. Wait a minute. Are you saying that sporting event might've been fixed? Are you going on record?

It wasn't even called like a boxing match. It was like, this is an entertainment thing. I think it was actually categorized as a real fight. As sanctioned. It goes on their record. It was a sanctioned fight. Poor boxing. That's the day of counting that? Jeez-a-peas-a.

All right, let's get to the hard questions. Let's ask some questions of these guys. Let's grill these guys. Come on, I like it hard. Let's hear it. Okay. Hey, man, that's why you guys came up with Nuthouse. So you guys are businessmen now. You're starting an empire, basically. Yeah. Nuthouse Productions. I looked at it. Right? Right?

- Right, right. - So far we're right? - Correct. - Correct. - Okay, and the show, the new podcast is called Dudes. - Dudes on Dudes. - Dudes on Dudes. - Dudes on Dudes, that's right. - Dudes on Dudes. - But you guys, because you were superstars in your other profession, probably it translates like it did with Michael Jordan and others, like competitive, right? Like you wanna build this and just be monsters, right? Because that makes life interesting.

that means you're going to build this thing out as a giant production company. It's less painful, less hurt on the body. We're relentless, like Julian always says, and we're not going to stop until we get there, baby. Yeah, we might have a couple bloopers, a couple mess-ups, but knowing Julian has a teammate out on the field, he always gets back up when he gets knocked down.

And say with myself, you knock us down, we're going to keep fighting and we're going to keep fighting until we win that championship, baby. Yes. Have you ever, after someone tackled you during a game, just stood up and said, you do that again, I'll kill you, motherfucker. Have you ever said that to an opposing player? Did you not see Rob do a fucking, did you not see him in Buffalo when he gave the people's elbow to a fucking truck?

because he got mad at him yeah i got mad he kept holding me i didn't tell him hey if you hold me again i'm one of people's help but you i'm like but

He literally went down and did a people's elbow. I like it's called a people's elbow. That's how far away I am from the NFL. The people's elbow is Dwayne Johnson, the rock in the WWE. Oh, you drop it on him? To the football field, David. Right. All your weight on him. I think with Nuthouse, we enjoy doing it. We're competitive, yeah, but we're not looking at...

where we want to bring it right now. We're still just diving into the operation and trying to make the product as best as possible, worrying about what we can with the show and trying to make our chemistry kind of like yours. Very boring. We're 150 in, you asshole, and we don't know what we're doing. By the way, Jules, are you at that goddamn mansion I drive by that I've driven by before? I won't say where. No, I moved.

God damn. Fucking the rich get richer. All right. Now on the roast, we're friends with Nikki Glaser. Whoa, we're friends with all those guys. I have a few questions. Just quickly. You did this roast with Tom. Did, okay. First of all, like when we did the roast, I did the Rob Lowe one. We didn't know each other's jokes ahead of time. Do you guys, did you guys know each other's jokes? No, we're not. No, but we would have to tell our jokes to the room.

And then they didn't tell us if someone had a joke that they would say like, ah, you can't use that one. Oh, it bumps with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. And to what room? Writer's room? Writer's room. Yes. Correct. Oh, you had to get up and say them? Yeah. I went to the comedy store and fucking performed my jokes. Oh, I should have gone down there. I was terrified. Thank God there was 15 like rap kids there that loved football. So I could say anything and they were going to laugh.

But I was up there and I was reading my jokes off of paper. And I did like 15, I did 12 minutes. I wanted to like test jokes. That's a lot. Yeah. And it was, it was, I was so terrified. It was, it was really stepping outside of my comfort zone. Oh, that makes you sick. That's so scary to go up in front of people and read those. Yeah. That's normal. Yeah.

For real. Who wrote it? Did you have someone write with you? Did you have someone help write with you in your voice? They have roast writers, I think. I have my own team and then we worked with their team and we kind of formulated and threw a bunch of shit at the wall. And then I went to the store and said them all and kind of said, all right, this one's a good one. They didn't like this one. And it's very hard to say, hey, guys,

We're roasting Tom Brady. It's not the same exact scenario because they're ready for regular. Now, when you go to the roast, everyone's lasered in. This is about this, blah, blah, blah. So I've seen like Nikki go in. Okay, guys, here's what I'm doing. I'm hosting the MTV Awards.

picture green day here. It's just, it's just not the same. You don't get the exact same reaction, but you get a feel like this one might work. So that's good. And Rob, you did the same thing. I'm sorry. Did you say that? Yeah, mine was similar. I actually had like three different phone calls with the writers. I just wanted to understand the feel of,

you know, of the type of material that I had for Tom and the other people that were going to be there. And then they kind of wrote some jokes for me. I actually have a friend who's an absolute maniac who when he's on fire, he's on fire. He can come up with anything. So he wrote four of my jokes.

And then I actually wrote four of my jokes as well. And then all the other jokes were from the writers. So, you know, it was just a team effort. But at the end, once you have your whole script, you tell the writers what you're going to say. And then they figure it out. Hey, you can't say that because someone else is already saying so it wasn't repeated. How much fear compared to when you're starting football?

doing public speaking, going to a podium. They got all these comedians. It's a global event. I mean, it was an amazing roast. And you guys are coming out there and you're following people. I mean, what was your nerve level? I'm sure you couldn't compare it to athletics, but it's intense. It took me years to get used to doing it. It took me three years without being just terrified to do stand-up. Dude, I was... I mean, it was...

It was really scary because we're football players. We're not comics. And then you're following fucking pros. Yeah. I'm so thankful I had that rep before at the store because it gave me like a rep of it. But I was definitely terrified just because...

That's not what we do. I know. That's what I was just asking. And the size of the crowd is bigger than normal stand-up. It's crazy. Yeah, there was 10,000 people. Was it the forum? But the cool thing about it was you only saw the people. You didn't see the crowd. You saw like they had a bunch of tables for people that were going to be made fun of or associated with people. So you saw a lot of your friends in the crowd. So that was kind of cool.

And also, everyone knows you're not a professional stand-up. So there is usually goodwill, you know, because they understand it's not what you do for a living right now. But how is your nerve level, Rob? You're relaxed. Yeah, but we're crazy psychos, man. That's why we won so many championships together is that Julian wants to be the best even though that's not his profession. I wanted to be the best up there even though that's not my profession. I mean, Bill wants to be the best.

You know, when you sign up for something, you know, we want to be the best and we're super competitive. And that's why I feel like that whole group right there, we won so many championships and why we went to the playoffs every single year because of that competitive nature. But my nerves were cooking a little bit. That's why between Julian, you know, myself and Kevin Hart, we were all three in a row and we literally finished a bottle of tequila before we even went up there. And that definitely helped out because when I got up there, that's

it went it went zoop and it was just game on baby and also wait a minute so before you went out you had at least five shots six shots on stage probably we were drinking by the time he got to the podium how many shots of tequila i don't know jules what i probably six to ten seven okay yeah six to seven i pre i had a

I had a prerequisite of my cocktail before. So I tried my cocktail of what I was going to do before at the store so I could dial in my- Oh, wow. You're prepared. I have to say that the nerves erase a lot of your buzz sometimes. So you're really drunker than you think because-

you're so fucking giddy yeah with all the energy and the adrenaline that you go i don't even know if i'm drunk i'm just yeah and you're too you don't feel it as much if you're adrenaline that's what happened to me and also it kind of sucked waiting your turn because once your turn was over you know you killed it it felt so good just to watch rest of the show like it was like or you get something stepped on that's what i was scared because nikki i thought was first and uh when

When someone goes before and they do jokes, I'm like, oh my God, I'd be going, fuck that steps on this joke. Oh, do I got to take that one out? And who do you tell it's live? You're like, do I text someone? Like get rid of that joke. It bumps exactly with Kevin Hart's joke. It's the same thing. That's the hard part. That's where the writers have to make sure, unless you're ad-libbing or something, but I'm sure ad-libs come out because it's live. And just in the moment you want to add a tagline. I was watching. So I was really amazed with,

the professionalism of all like the comics that went up there and and with kevin hart and watching him how he was off the teleprompter like how he he would hit a couple things on the prompter then ad lib and then go back to the prompter scary i was watching who was reading their jokes and who wasn't and rob went up there and i'm sitting there looking at this prompter

And he went completely rogue. He just started going on his own rant. It was great. It was like fun to see who was using the prompter and who wasn't. It probably went full rogue on the prompter and just started going Rob on them. And then you don't know where you're coming back to because they're like, the prompter goes down and they go, is this this part? And then you're like, because, you know, live, a lot of those roasts, like the one I did, they can...

they trim it from three hours down to like an hour and a half. So they were cutting all the fat out, all the mistakes. It's more fun to see the mistakes and see what's really happening. - Definitely. - I think so, yeah. Did anything shock you? Did you hear jokes that like, you were like, "Oh shit, we're doing this." - Were your feelings hurt or did you ever observe anyone else who you felt like their feelings were hurt? 'Cause that's the Livewire reality show aspect of "Roast." You're laughing, but then I've seen "Roast"

where, whoa, that person's really wounded right now. I guess that's part of it, but did you witness or yourselves, did you get your feelings hurt at all? No, I don't think anyone got their feelings hurt and that's what made that roast that much more special. And it also kind of makes you stronger as a person as well. If you can just take those beatings and lashings

In front of millions of people and in front of a crowd of 20 plus thousand people in front of all your good friends as well. I mean, it makes you strong mentally. And that's why I loved it. I mean, I can go around anywhere now, whatever people say about me, it actually, that roast literally kind of,

I don't care what people say. Call me an idiot. Call me dumb. Like, whatever. I was in front of millions of people and that happened. Like, so it's no big deal. And I think that's what made the show so special, too, is everyone took the beating and no one was actually truly hurt about it. That's what the really that's what the locker room is. I mean, no one's safe in the locker room. Everyone's getting made fun of. It was just public.

Well, when I did the roast, they go, like, it's hard to see someone walk up and go, you know, everyone says Spade has huge ears. And I'm like, wait, what's going on?

Wait, what does everyone say? Because you're never hearing everything people are saying. So when they start a joke with, I think we're all in agreement. And then it's like some horrible thing about you and you go, and you're trying to brace like, oh, okay, that was too much. I'm going to mark that down. I got to talk to them after I got to mark that one down because there's so many coming at you. You just go, holy shit. That's why I never did it for so long because I'm too much of a pussy to take it. It's just so out of left field. I think it's crazy to hear how you analyze people

the show, like we don't think about that. You're sitting, you guys are pros. So you're sitting there like, Oh, he hit that. So I'm going to fucking bring this to him. Oh yeah. Yeah. I want to go up early. That's a deal breaker. They go, I go put me up early because by the time like, uh,

Andrew Schultz got on. He has great jokes, but it's hard to just get the effect when you're numb by this point. Nikki had the best spot. I think she was third or fourth. Kevin Hart warmed them up. A couple people were very good. It's cooking, and then there's a wave that she caught, and she was incredibly prepared. I mean, she worked like for...

six weeks or something, night after night, taping, recording. But yeah, late on, it's just like, you know, do you guys, do professional athletes still snap the towel? Because I haven't been in a locker room since I was- Did they ever? Dana, when he was in high school, they were snapping his ass. But I actually, I was like the size, I guess, Julian, you were 100 pounds when you went into high school. I was 92. You could have beat the shit out of me even then. But football guys would just pick me up.

Like probably my gun just throw me against the locker, you know, in high school. Oh, Rob, don't come back. I think we offended Rob. Yeah. Oh, there he is. I was, uh, I was 169 pounds in high school. So as a freshman, you know, as a, as a sixth grader and I'm so smart and intelligent. Oh, good for you. My academics were high school.

That's right. You were a math, math whiz, literally right in high school. I'm going to fact check this Jules. Come on now. I don't know where we are, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. No, I shockingly got cut from football. Actually the coach I got, I was supposed to do a 10 yard button hook. I did about a 12 yard. So I took it right in the fucking grill and the coach walked me aside. Like I was Lucas, like that old movie. He's like,

hey kid let's go get you a snow cone and then uh walked me off the field and then off the campus just to say snow i don't think football's for you yeah who would want a snow cone if they could have an actual ice cream bar or something a snow cone is what i was unless it's 110 degrees but i was a star and lost him i was a star in flag football um

many touchdowns per game, stuff like that. But then when it came to tackle football, a guy ran me over and I just said, I'm leaving. They were playing flag football back then. This is in the 60s. John Brody, you guys don't go that far back. He was a...

Jim Thorpe was in his school. - Jim Thorpe was in his school. - Quarterback, gave me my certificate, MVP. Flag football was way more civilized. It was, you know, flag. You weren't really getting tackled. They would just take your flag. - Are you guys gonna play flag in the Olympics, which I don't think should be a sport? - I wish I, if I was in my prime, I would. I can't run anymore. - For real? - Yeah. - I wasn't gonna ask you guys that, but maybe it's- - 100%. If you could go to the Olympics,

Like, I don't even, that sport's completely different, but I'd be able to. Yeah. It's not what like you guys did. You have to juke.

Rob, can you run? I would be just a red zone threat. Put all these little guys in that can run right now. I can still run decently, but not like how I used to be able to. But I can still go up there and make a play over the guy that's 5'8", in the red zone and score. Because that's what I do. I'm a scorer, baby. I only score. That's what we see when we think of you. I want to ask you guys this question. What's braver?

in the pocket as a quarterback, knowing people are coming from your blind side to kill you basically, or being a receiver, going up for the ball and knowing the hits coming, you're not completely protected. Are they equal? But they seem like the toughest mental positions to put yourself in that situation as quarterback or receiver. - No, no, they're not equal because- - Okay, that's why I wanna ask the expert. - As a receiver,

You have momentum as well when you're going up for the ball. You're running full speed. And that defensive back or safety or linebacker is running full speed the other way. So it's like a head-on collision with two guys going full speed. In the pocket, you're just still. And the guy that's coming for you, he's already getting pushed around. It's not like he's teeing off running full speed. Like he might just grab you with the arm and just throw you down. So it's definitely more vicious play.

to get drilled going up the middle and not seeing the guy come and the quarterback sitting in the pocket. So for our trend, you had a much tougher job than Brady did throughout your time with the Patriots. Yes, that is correct. Dana, get ready for Las Vegas-style action at BetMGM, the king of online casinos.

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David, and comedy fans, I assume you are a comedian and a comedy fan. Guess what? And by the way, the funniest comedians in the world are on tour. And you know what, David? You can get tickets to see them live near you. You're going to laugh with some of the biggest names in comedy online.

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You can't even hit the quarterback anymore, but back then you could hit him a little bit. But I mean, Tom played so long, he was getting hit early in his career. Yeah. Yeah. It's physics. So like Rob was explaining, I mean, if you're going 16 miles an hour this way, this guy's a slant. There's a bigger force. You know, I would say I played quarterback. You could...

you could feel it's different because like the quarterback is throwing you somewhere when you're across the middle you you can kind of feel it in the pocket sometimes you don't obviously but i think it's just the brute speed going across the middle you guys were both mostly car crashes but it's better to just do a straight deep route just so because you're just running basically well it's also you're

It's an easier catch, too, because the ball is going away. Yeah, and the guy with you is running with you, not right at you. Where's the injury quotient at this point? I mean, my Niners have been destroyed. McCaffrey, Brock Purdy, Nick Bosa.

Kittle, I mean, is it just it's always been this kind of level? It seems like the team that stays healthy, all things being equal, of course, is going to win the Super Bowl. Every team is one or two players away. They're out and the whole trajectory changes. Dana, I just think that

Using that injury bug is just an excuse for your 49ers. I just think they can't get the job done anymore this year, buddy. Yeah, they got some injuries, but so do a lot of other teams. And they got so many good guys, so many good players.

that can step up as well and it's just not happening so you're just like everyone else in the bay area just making excuses so you're just saying that a devo samuels and a christian mccaffrey you can get the d league out there you're gonna get the same production

Exactly. I mean, we had Julian Edelman and Rob Gronkowski out there at one point. Guys, a seventh round pick, and I was a second round nobody coming out with a backer. Yeah, scrubs. Yeah, you became superstars. They should be able to get it done. And they got Kittle. Don't forget about him. He only missed one game, so that's technically not good. Right, no.

You got to love. But why does Brock Purdy doesn't make any money? And I feel bad for him. He makes, he lives in like a one bedroom apartment. He drives an Uber at night. I'm like, dude, everyone else is bitching. Cause they don't get 40 million a year. This guy's a starting quarterback on Dana's best team. There's rules. It has to make it three. He's making less than the Georgia and Alabama quarterbacks. Yeah. No shit. Go back to college, dude. I know. No, but he drives a Hyundai Excel.

Getting back to injuries? Yes, please. Idiot!

There were some of our best years we didn't win the Super Bowl because we got hurt. You know what I mean? I think in 15, we started 9-0. We lose Nate Soldier to a peck. Dion Lewis, I broke a foot. There's years where Gronk got hurt. We didn't win. That's part of the game. That goes into the offseason of the program on how they get their athletes going on their performance side, how they keep all their physical and...

Their cardiovascular health, all that stuff is like part of it. You know, so like the whole injury bug thing, everyone deals with it. So, you know, if you're sitting there saying we're one guy away, it's never that. That's never the case. Look at the Jets. And most people are injured anyway. Yeah. When they play. They call it kind of banged up a little bit. The team's a little banged up. You're either hurt or you're injured.

Everyone's hurting. So did you, would you, do you guys feel like you got out at the right time based on if you play too long with too many injuries? I mean, I worked with Dick Butkus on a TV show and he walked real funny and he was about 45 at the time. And yeah, you know, they didn't know how to deal with injuries. I worked with Willie Mays in a sitcom. I, I, I feel like I got out right at the right time. Like,

You know, I was kind of still playing well, but I mean, I wasn't producing like how I could produce when I was 24, 25 years old, but I was still going out there and making plays. But I got out like right before I was going to be absolute terrible. And I feel like that's the best time to go out because you're still on top and you didn't really show that you truly dropped off like out of nowhere. Like the Super Bowl in Tampa. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I played one more year after that. Yeah. But I forgot about the following year. I just think of you as he, he also went to Florida and won one without Belichick who they all, we all love. When you ruined the Superbowl trophy, did they make you pay anything?

No, no, it's actually hanging up in the Patriots Hall of Fame. Actually, we made that. They should pay us because we made that trophy more expensive. Julian and I, he threw the pitch. He threw a knuckleball. I freaking bonded it and put the dent in it. So, Julian, I'm waiting for a check because people go to the Patriots Hall of Fame. More people do to go see it. To go see it. Exactly. So, hey. It's like art. You want some story behind it. I want date money for that, Jules.

And without a doubt, I have the ball that we threw it with still. See, that's worth something too. Super Bowl MVP. Pretty, pretty amazing. That was, by the way, you know, David interrupts my highlight of his career. Who's the Super Bowl MVP? Julian was.

Yeah, you were. Yeah, he's Mr. Super Bowl. He also led the receivers. And yeah, he's had some great Super Bowls. Super Bowl MVP. That's fucking crazy, dude. It was nuts. It's cooler now. Like you didn't really care when it happened. You just you're happy that it won. But like now that it's over and it's like five years ago, you still get to live off of it.

I would dine out on that forever. I tell people I said live from New York at Saturday night. That's what I tell people. Oh, yeah. Even though I don't even know if I did. Dana said it 200 times. Which one? Live from New York. I'm Dana. I'm adding to my total. I'm adding to my total right now. Hey, Dana. I meet somebody and they're like, hey, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm a football player.

I'm going to use that for the rest of my life. Yeah, you're right. I say that sometimes. That's right. You guys are gladiators. You're like rock stars. You know, everyone... I mean, there's...

I was talking to Belichick about this because I'm on the podcast with him. By the way, I did every joke and every impression I could do. I got him helpless. I got that guy laughing his ass off. It's really funny. Did you? Absolutely. Great sense of humor. But when you get him into football, just even a one question, as you guys would know, it's 20 minutes of intense metrics that it's pretty amazing to watch his brain go like that. He says he'll be back. But yeah.

Yeah, you guys are, you know, the Super Bowl and football, the ratings and the money are

is so huge globally. It is the sport. You know, Oscars, Emmys, other televised events. It is-- Football is it. -And it attracts everybody. -Still works. And I just wondered about the money, the billions that's going in there. Is it matriculating to the players? I mean, I think the teams average 400 million each. I mean, you're getting a piece of the television, you're getting the gate. Is it growing, growing, growing? Or how do you feel about it as a sport?

I mean, it is the biggest piece of it. I think the playoffs are bullshit. I was going to say that. We can pay for the regular season.

Yeah. It's crazy. When you play in the playoffs in the Super Bowl, you're actually taking a pay cut because what they do is you get your salary divided into 17. You get paid every two weeks. So you can imagine what that check looks like when you go to the playoffs. You're getting a you know, you get 20 grand for the first game. You get 30 grand for the second game. When you when you're looking at the last making in the playoff games with all their players.

you know, all the viewership and stuff. So we actually get the short end of the stick when it comes to playoff money.

But that's also negotiated in our collective bargaining agreement. We get a certain percentage of what the TV contracts and what the league makes. But it never comes down. When you're playing in the playoffs, that's for the love of the game. Now, 20 grand is a lot of money, but you look at your regular game day check from the regular season, you're putting in more work than what you're doing in the regular season. You're getting paid less. So when you think about it.

playoffs and winning the Super Bowl, I think you get like a couple hundred grand, three grand altogether. It's still not even a toenail clipping of what the league's making. But I didn't even know that at all, that you make less. But it's an overall... Rob, did I read this? It's technically a bonus.

Right. So, you know, you make your salary and then once the season, regular season's over, you get rewarded. Right. And the ratings are higher though. So someone's making more. Yeah. And Rob, is it true that you just saved your salary and just lived off endorsements and all the rest?

Yeah, yeah, I have, man. It's been great. I can tell you that. It's been great living. And I just, you know, I definitely live by that motto for especially like my first five, six years in the NFL, because you don't know how long you're going to play for, man. NFL stands for not for long. You average about three years. So I was like, hey, I want to make sure I'm taken care of if I only play like four, five years in the NFL. So I was living like that.

Just so, you know, I didn't have to worry if I had a short career. So it just stayed with that motto from there on out ever since because, you know, it was just working. And how did you, where did you put the money? Was it a cash or did you, I'm just curious. No, investments and everything, all that good stuff. So it's making money as well. Mm-hmm.

I'm living off my beer pong winnings right now. You guys, first of all, I think we should thank these guys. We've taken enough of their time. Two dudes. We think you're great. Danny, you have any final questions? Yeah. Go ahead. Dudes on dudes. Dudes on dudes. With Gronk and Jules. These two guys. So the concept of our show is we basically talk about three different dudes and we categorize what kind of dude they are.

You know, you can be a dog, which is someone who's mentally, physically, emotionally tough. You can be a freak, a one-on-one. You can be a dude's dude, which is like a glue guy in the locker room. You could be a stud, someone who has pedigree on everything. And then you can be a whiz, which is someone who's innovative. And I think you guys would be whizzes and glue guys.

Oh, okay. So it can apply to comedians too, not just athletes. It can apply to anything. Dude is not just a guy. Dude is a figure of speech. Could we be like beasts? Like be a spades of beast? I don't know if I've figured that out. There's five categories. Beast is not one of them. There's actually zero. You can either be a freak. A freak. It's kind of a beast. A stud. A wizard. Yeah. Dog. Dog.

Or a dude's dude. A dude's dude. Yeah. Or a dog. I like Gronk saying, Dana, I don't think you understood the rules. Okay. Beast was not one of the choices. Steph Curry, go. Which one is he? Steph Curry. Wiz. Wiz. All right. Changed the game. He's literally, he's changed NBA basketball. Aaron Rodgers.

Are we going back in the heyday in 2010? I would say Aaron Rodgers back in the heyday, man. Just an absolute stud, just the way that he can just bullet those passes with a flick of a wrist. I mean, you got to be a stud muffin in order to do that. Is Aaron coming back next year? What do you think he should do? I don't know.

I thought the show was over. I thought you were letting us off, David. How is his name pronounced? Zavon Barkley. The guy who just ran for 255 yards. Saquon Barkley. Barkley. Say what, Barkley? What is he? He's a freak. He's a monster. I agree. He's a freak. Yeah, he runs. These kids' legs, they chafe because they're so big.

Oh, yeah. I have a Google alert whenever they show it. He did a 360 jump over someone. Literally. Oh, I saw that. I saw that. That's a fucking freak. This guy's taking it to another level every single week, which is just freaking incredible. And he is freaky. A freak is basically someone that you just look at and they look like a specimen. And Saquon Barkley, you look at his quads and those are just...

a specimen quads and just how much he can lift. So that's how we kind of categorize guys as well as how they perform off the field. Sometimes what they look like and just how they play the game. So Herschel Walker. Ooh, now you're trying to get us to go. I'm going to the nineties. No. Okay. Let's do Walker. He's a dog. Yeah. He's self-motivated. He, I mean, he didn't win any, they didn't win any Superbowl. He's played with the Oilers and who else?

I remember Houston. Houston, yeah. I mean, I would say he's a dog. That dude was so powerful, and there were so many times where you thought he was down, and he put his shoulder down and run a guy over, take three guys down. Okay, Rob, what's Julian? Oh, actually, we haven't got that. And Julian, what's Rob? Yeah.

Oh, that comes. That's the mic drop. Oh, yeah. Okay. Don't give it away. That's the season ender. I can't give that away. Come on now. Don't give it away. I'd say Rob's a freak and a stud. And I'd say I'm freakishly gifted. And Julian is a dog and a wizard and a glue. I like that. You can be a combo. Those are just my blinks. I don't know. All right. You guys are a lot of combos. I like it.

Yeah. Well, okay. We'll let you go, Rob. We promised. We love being comboed. You guys. Good luck with your podcast. This is really, really fun. You say, oh, it's fun. We're having it. Dana and Spade, every Thursday, a new episode drops. Check us out, baby. Hey, Spade, are you going to be at Craigs anytime soon? I saw these guys. I forgot.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.