Sydney Sweeney vs. Zendaya?! And Russian Trained Bears
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Get IXL now, and listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at iXLLearning.com slash audio. Visit iXLLearning.com slash audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. We always pre and print, but that's fine. That's how we start. We look, we get a feel for it, we see what's going on, we go, all right. Right, exactly. I dare anyone to stare at themselves on a laptop for an hour. Yeah, I dare. You won't like it. And I'll kind of go like this or...

Huh. Listen, okay, so here's it. I'll start because we're going to get right into the stories. This is kind of our new version. We're back. We're doing things. We're on all video now. Oh, yeah. We're definitely going to do some fan questions at the end of these shows. And you can email your questions into flyonthewallatodyssey.com, and that can be a written question, a voiced text, or a video. Perfect.

We're so dumb, man. We should not have a show. But then we'll play them or we'll read them. That's right. Life advice, financial, anything. I have a new segment that I want to do. Okay. And I'll tell you more about it. It'll take 30 seconds. Okay.

And now it's time for Shaggy News. Gee, Scoob, I don't think it was such a good idea to vacation in Tehran. Why not? Well, for one thing, Trump dropped a bunker buster on Fort O' Mountain.

Some people think the damage was minimum, others think it was severe. We gotta get out of here. What are you doing here, dog and man? I can't get you. We gotta make a... Where's the mystery van, Scoop? I don't know. Thanks.

Where's Velma? She's getting gang banged. Keep running. So I want the fans, anyone listening, to come in with different topics for Shaggy News. Oh, okay. Because we need more news. We need more segments that'll come back and forth. ♪

Did you get the part where he goes, but Trump dropped a bunker buster on a Florida mountain and then the dog goes, minimum or severe? Some people think it's minimum damage. Actually, I didn't get that part. That's funny. Some people thought it was minimum damage. Other people think it's severe. We got to go, Scoob. You come back here. What if Scooby goes, Scooby goes,

It looked like the rocks pretty much smashed everything. How much nuclear stuff can take an avalanche? Well, that's a good question. It's very hard to move radioactive material. It's heavy and hard to get to the other mountains. There were three bunker busters. One creates the hole and the other goes down the shaft.

So anyway, that just made me laugh. The most innocent cartoon versus this. I like it. Well, we're off to a 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10 on Fly on the Wall. I will tell you, we're going, yeah, Superfly's gone. It's all Fly on the Wall. No one can wrap their head around it.

And with what's going on in the world, it's just, this is really the only place to go to find some solace. You gotta have some fun with it, you know, like Zodani. I had a hard time with the gonna-be-New York mayor's name. It's not just because it's Zohan Mandani? Not Zohan. It's not Zohan. It's not Waterboy. But it's Z-O. It's one Salem movie. Zohan.

Hey, Scoob, how do you pronounce the name of the next mayor of New York? I don't know. I was trying to give him a nickname like Eisenhower had, Ike.

There was Tricky Dick. Obama was B.O., actually, occasionally. Barack Obama. But for Zohan, Zoman, so anyway, go ahead. Is it just Zo? Do they call him Zo? Zo could be, or Zoman, you know, because it's Mandini. It's Zohan Mandini. Imagine him trying to pronounce my name. Dana Garney?

And do you know his has a lot more letters? Yeah. I'd like to buy a vowel. I'd like to buy a vowel. Oh, I will tell you quickly. We're going right into the news, but I didn't tell you that when I was eating on the road, by the way, are you near? Where am I going? Sonoma? Heather? No, let's say,

Saratoga. Saratoga, are you near that? Oh yeah, are you playing the outdoor amphitheater? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done that several times. I did it with Dennis and Kevin once. It's fun. That place is gorgeous. It's up on a mountain near Silicon Valley basically, up in the redwoods. You wind your way up and it's a winery. It's like a little two lane street up there. It's almost like carving into the mountain. It looks like Rome. For an outdoor theater, it's incredibly intimate.

Yeah, it's great. So that'll be two weeks from now, but you're welcome to do a guest spot. Okay. Other than that, when I was in the road this weekend, oh, we went to Chili's one night, which is a real treat. I like to treat everybody. And this is a funny thing. Does this happen to you? Why don't you take everyone to Koi or something? I like how Danny goes...

Wait, did you say Chili's? That was the treat? You're treating at Chili's. You're not getting a, they're pretty reasonable, I hope, financially. No, I'm on the road. And so we just say, they always recommend, oh, when you're in Cleveland, you got to go to the spot. But you know, it's too fast moving. Like I'm not going to have a luxurious seven course meal. We got to eat, get to the show, get ready. You want a branded one.

Yeah, unless we're going after. At least I know what I'm getting. I like it. So we go in there, and you've ever had this? You know, you sort of get overhelped because restaurants, they're happy to have you there. It's like, Mr. Carvey, we've got this. They don't see David Spade and Boom Doc. They don't see anyone. So they go, hey, I'm the assistant night floor manager of this quadrant of the restaurant. If you need anything. By the way, they don't want you. I go, yeah, A1. They're like, oh, yeah.

Hey, does anyone know if we have anyone? So they don't really want anything. They just want to come over and say hi. Anyway, so we have about four different people do that. And then we're eating. And one guy leans over. I think it's a total stranger. He leans over near Catherine because we're like on a booth. And he goes, hey, I'm taking off, guys. And we go, okay. And he goes, yeah, I'm wrapping up. I hung in there to see you guys. But you guys good? Got your chips? I go, yeah.

Yep. And he goes, yeah. So I think I'm going to cruise. I'm like, oh, you work here. I didn't know. You know, he was one of the assistant managers that came over and then he comes and lets us down gently that he had to do.

Well, probably a nice guy. In his mind, he's going, hey, don't worry about saying the dishwasher. Eddie, don't worry about it. I got the back. We got a celebrity out there. Remember Tommy Boy? He's in a restaurant. I got his back. But I got to go soon. I got to tell him that I got to leave. And he's not going to take it lightly. So you back me up on this. So he had a whole thing in his head. But that sounds like a very nice guy. He's very nice. And it was very funny because it took us all a second to go, does that guy work?

And they're like, yeah, he came up at the beginning. There's one of the six people that came up. We're like, oh, because, you know, people come say, hey, hi. Yeah. Anyway, I'm leaving now. Listen, that's yeah. I didn't know you're here, but now I'm taking off.

So anyway, that was fun. Chili's was fun. Gigs were fun. Can I tell you my 10 second true story that's not funny about food on the road? Green Bay, playing Green Bay, Wisconsin. Yep. Say to the promoter after that, where's a good place to eat? And he goes, yeah, Ted's Steakhouse. They got real big food down there. Big food. Yeah. And over at Eddie's Lasagna, they got really big food. Both those places got real big food. And I'm not kidding. That's exactly what I heard. Did you get big food?

I don't know. I'm a miniature man. Everywhere I go, my wife and I constantly have to, let's split it. We're never disappointed. It's like you're getting a turkey sandwich and it's the size of a watermelon and some fries. I mean, food is big, David. I went to a restaurant last night. By the way, I saw Drew Barrymore, Heather's favorite. She's my favorite. She was eating there. She was hilariously cute. She looked great. Actually, no makeup on. She had like a baseball. She looked so cute.

So she was fun to see. And then we were ordering spaghetti, me and my friend, and they have regular and large. Large was 130. And I'm like- For spaghetti? For spaghetti and gold balls? I mean, what is fucking happening? 130. I go, how big is it? And they're like, it's really big for 130. It's like this. And who's going to eat that? That? That's 130. I think this. But Dana, it didn't- They go, it could fit like three people. I go-

Did you order it?

"No, Dana, no, I don't have Dana Carvey money." - Yeah. - Can I tell you my Drew Barrymore story? We never do this show. Yeah, let's do one more. It's 10 seconds. It shows you how sweet she is. And it was-- So we're at Sandler's, you know, DC thing, right? You know, when he got his Mark Twain award and she's backstage and I said, "Yeah, I really like your show. You're a natural at that. You're great." And she just paused with all sincerity. Like, just went, "Really?"

"You think so?" She'd been on for like three years. Sweet, yeah. And then later on, we're taking the picture and she just puts her hand on my leg. Not in a sexual way, just very friendly. Let's have her back on. Yeah, she's hilarious 'cause I told her an embarrassing story, but it was funny. Okay, so let's hit right to the news. We're not right to the news. Obviously, we didn't go right to it, but we will. Well, we had our little preamble.

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Okay, here's one. This one is, we've heard these things about Bill Gates. Bill Gates finally releases his GMO mosquitoes. I think it was Florida. Now, I thought this was odd because what do you have to know to be able to, like, I'm rich, but I'm not, I get to drop mosquitoes on people rich. Like, I can't operate on mosquitoes and then go, Dana, I think I've hit a money, you know, level where I can, I'm going to drop spiders on Arizona.

Like they're good ones. I've trained them. I think they're going to eat the bad ones. So this always is peculiar how much money can buy. He's not a scientist, right? No. Well, okay. They're genetically modified mosquitoes, so they will not transmit diseases by biting people. Is that it? I think they, ideally, if the mosquito goes along with it, they bite a bad mosquito and then-

They die. But now you got the GMO ones that now want to run the show. And I don't want any added mosquitoes. How about that?

Well, I had seen some, I think it was on PBS, a documentary about this, and they were interviewing Bill Gates, and he goes, well, you know, I really don't like mosquitoes, and I'm going to try to get rid of them. How much money will it take? Not much, maybe $2 billion. I know. I mean, if you got mosquito money. That's the worst Bill Gates impression. I know, it's kind of Kermit the Frog, I don't know. It's a little Kermity, I know, I apologize.

No, it's good because- I shouldn't apologize because I read one of the comments says I apologize all the time. Do not apologize for that. Fuck these people, man. Yeah, the comments really, they're pretty nice, but right toward the end, for some reason, they start to go,

Hey, by the way, get fucked. So that's at the very end. But I, I poo poo that day. That doesn't hurt me. I have an AI device and I say only read me comments that refer to David Spade. So it's really comfortable. And I watch a lot of good ones in there. Oh, good. Okay. There's no good ones in there. All right. Let's move on from mosquito gate. Let's go, which I disapprove of. I'm going to say, Oh,

This one is Pacers staff. Pacers just were in the finals. They tell ESPN to stop filming an emotional TJ McConnell after the Game 7 loss. I thought of this during it when I was watching it. I'm like, hey, that's enough because this guy...

is really going to live with this forever because he did do well. You remember this kid? You watched these games. Unbelievable. I watched every single game. He's listed at six. He's probably 5'10". Yeah. He's the speediest guy on the floor. His stats were off the charts. Oh, even his mom is telling him. So now they're out in a hallway. How much crying can you do, though, to be honest? How do we know he's crying? But why are they following him? Get lost. Stop. I'm breastfeeding.

But watch, yeah, and the coach waves him off. But he had kind of a blunder in all the chaos. Did he come in for Halliburton or something? Well, he started playing more and more minutes, and then Halliburton went out. So he played more minutes. In a game seven when everything is on its very high stakes. Locked and loaded and...

They had won game six, so they had expectations to win the championship. I didn't, you know, because I was sort of like, okay, the game's over. So I didn't watch the ending part. But I don't think he did anything wrong. I think he played balls out. I thought the guy was unbelievable. Off the bench, he scored more points, more rebounds, more assists than anyone coming off the bench in the history of the NBA Finals. Is that true? So he was crying from joy.

No, because I know he got mobbed and he got caught up in a little scrum under the basket and he lost the ball and it was toward the end. And that one I was like, oh, and then I think he went back and something else happened. Like he got it stolen. Was it close enough for that to have made it? I don't think so. But I know that it just, I remember going, wow. Cause I didn't, I'd look away and I look up cause I looked like it was getting over with.

But I thought that he's going to think about that. And then when I saw him bawling, I don't even say crying. I say bawling one worse. I say, I go, I get it.

That's game seven and you do something, even though all the good he did, you just feel like-- I know. The one thing about our chosen career, which can be emotionally violent, we get a lot of chances, you know? That is tough. You may, as an NBA player, you don't know if you'll ever get back to the NBA Finals, so... -Yeah. -A lot of props. We both cry a lot off camera.

Well, a lot of times after the podcast, a lot of times I'm tearing up on camera. Yes, I have a cry filter I can put on. You cry because you think a joke doesn't work or we skip something. I rush Scooby Doo. I apologize for doing my Kermit the Frog Bill Gates impression. I think you need to go to a therapist, doesn't he, Scoob? Yes, he needs help.

He seems a little off. I'm doing Yoda at this point. Go ahead. Yeah, that was Yoda too. We interrupt Julie Bowen the whole time. I just saw one clip and I was like, oof. She's on the other sister show, Fly on the Wall. So that's what she'd be called, Fly on the Wall. Well, people should be happy because our thing is to interrupt each other and interrupt our guests. Without it, where would we be?

Yeah, someone put in the comments on YouTube, stop interrupting Julie. And I go, why start now? That was actually Nick Swartz and that idiot wrote that. Well, I would just say there's a very fine line between a spirited conversation and

Because you don't want the air to get out of the balloon where you're not responding in the moment. Because if I'm talking to you at a restaurant and you say, I have a flat tire, and also I go, wait a minute, you've got a flat tire? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but wait till you hear the next part. So it's organic and human to interrupt. Well, I wrote back with someone and said, they go, you're not a great interviewer. I go,

We're not really interviewing. We're just bullshitting with someone that we like. And we're all talking. It's a conversation. It's not a straight up, you know, 60 minutes interview. Yeah, it's not Barbara Walters. All right. Well, we got out of that one. That was pretty good. Okay. So what's the next story? Oh, okay. So here's what happens. This lady gets porch pirated so many times. She fills her box with black widows and then just says, whatever happens, happens. This guy gets it. Now he wants to sue her.

This is what black widows do, Heather. A little extreme. Can't stand the porch fire. World. Spiders. Started swelling up.

So he had to go to the ER and then he called the police and would like to file charges against her for setting up that booby trap. So the police contact and they're like, did you put a package full of black widow spiders on your front porch? And she's like, oh, no, those black widows are my pets. Were you able to find them? I saw that they were missing and I just have them in a box.

because they like to fight in there while I'm at work. And the police were like, oh, this guy, he stole the box and then they bit his face and he whacked a couple of them. So they're no longer with us. And the woman's like, he killed my pets. That's completely unwarranted. I'd like to file charges. Whoa, double burn. Crime of the cinch.

So was it somewhat credible that she left him on a box on the porch? She just said, she set the trap, no pun intended. Yeah. Leaving the box. The guy took the box rather than she put him in the car.

Right. They put him by the door and these old people just get out and steal everything. And then he opened up and they attacked his face. And that was like the sixth time he stole from her. So, I mean, people just wait for the Amazon guy, follow the Amazon guy up to your door and steal it. And no one, the Amazon guy can't, is not going to gun him down. I mean, no one's doing enough to stop him. In my previous residence in West Hollywood, if there was a bag outside the gate or a package, broad daylight,

Gone. I give it less than a minute. Wow, really? Oh, yeah. I don't know it's there, but anything, if someone had said I left outside the gate, they go, when? Oh, like 10 minutes ago. I go, I was gone. So the people trolling everywhere, following Amazon trucks, and then right afterwards grabbing what they can and running away. I think what happened is citizens are going to start fighting back because there's so much crime that goes unpunished that it will turn a little like,

Wild West where people get shot, people get hit, people get beat up because-- by regular people because they're just finally can't take it anymore. It's like, when you see fights at McDonald's and stuff, people walk in, they're mad they don't have their sauce, they're mad they didn't do their order right, they climb over and start beating the shit out of employees. That's the most infuriating because these people are going to work trying, and the people that aren't working come in and beat them up and harass them and you go-- And then the people inevitably get fired.

And you go, how much shit can you take when you work at those places? And just if everyone's on perfect behavior, it's a tough job. But don't go in there and make fun of those people and they're up early trying to work and then get beat up, get spit on, get food thrown at them. And they got to deal with it. They can't really fight back. It's so horrible. Because I was a dishwasher and a busboy and a waiter when my rent was like...

100 bucks and so the respect i have for people doing these jobs 40 hours a week not turning to a life of crime but i think this spider thing might catch on i think it's an actually bad idea good way uh to um to just then she's sued and what a burn uh okay next one next next let's see hold on hold on

Oh, this is a fight. These guys are fighting with bull whips. It's a weird form of fighting. Let's see. Oh, Indiana Jones, basically. I can't hear the cracking. Wow, they're whipping each other with... This is like an S&M thing. With bare chested. It's a little sticky, but... Oh, wow. How much would that hurt? Shirt off, whipped. Oh, yeah. Oh, can you hear it? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, he pulled down his pants and let him whip his... So what am I looking at? Oh, that guy got popped. I don't know. It has to hurt way more than their acting because... But the guy pulled down his pants and had him whip his ass. Did you see that? Did you miss that? Yeah, I did see it, but maybe he likes it. I don't know. I don't know what these guys like. I don't think this is an organized event. I don't either. I don't know if this is Dana White's new thing or not. Oh, they're wearing goggles and lose their eyes.

But how could... Yeah. I couldn't take that. I could not take that. If you jokingly hit someone lightly, it hurts so bad.

Yeah, I'm just thinking in terms of branding, because they have, what do they call the thing where you can free slap? What do they call that? Hit face? Oh, slap fight. Slap fight. What would you call this? Whiplash? Whip fight. Whip fight. It doesn't really, you know, because it's a bull whip, right? It's a big leather strapping whip, and you're whipping the shit out of somebody with no shirt on. Gay bar? Whoops.

- No, that's no. But the guy did pull down his pants, I don't know. - The guy did pull down his pants, so we have some cred on this. I'm not gonna apologize for this one. - No. All right, next one, let's see. In 2006, psychiatrist asked,

Okay, this is just a rambling. How many patients have you cured? How many patients have you been able to cure so far? I would say one. How many people have I cured? Well, there are no real cures right now in psychiatry.

You asked me about the issue about how many people I've cured. Yes, we do. I don't know that any of us are completely cured of anything. It's not a good ad for the psychiatrist business. As long as I go on 400 bucks an hour, I'm okay with the bad shitty record. If you offer it, it'll be $400, you know. Still no cures. Still no cures. Well, there's a lot of... There's a lot of...

maybe medicine but yeah i don't know if i mean people tell me to go to one obviously everyone i've ever dated and they go go to a psychiatrist or and i say oh um okay and they go i've got a great one i've been going to for 13 years i go well that already it's like when you go to my chiropractor i've been going to for 27 years i said i don't know if

So no one's getting actually fixed. No one's getting fixed. I do think it's, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy

is at least not curing, but it's like, instead of doing this, do this. Instead of thinking this, think this. Should I tell this person to fuck off? Yes. And then you do it. So that's actionable. But sort of, my dad said this, my mom, I don't know. I don't know. You can change someone's brain. You know what? It's weird because I went to one and I was talking a lot, obviously, per my brand, but they just listened the whole time. And after the third time, I go,

where are the fixes? No, no, just talk. I'm like, are you even awake? Are we going to do a whole season of me talking and at the very last episode you tell me what you think or how does it work? I thought there'd be more back and forth. And I think that's right. I think that's wrong. Why don't you think about it like this? Because I would say, I think I'm maybe out of line on this thinking and they're like,

And why do you think that? I'm like, well, I'm looking for you. I already think what I think. It's like comedians, you know, it's a scalability. I mean, some therapists, you know, I tried a few and then I found one that I thought was helpful because it was so in your face advice. But, you know, I don't know. It's kind of like a scam in a way.

I knew someone that was trained to be a psychologist or therapist. She said her first day at therapy, a guy came in and said, hey, man,

I've been here for almost 45 minutes. I don't get a banger. If I don't get a banger the next two minutes, I ain't coming back. That's what he said on her very first patient. What does it mean? It means some kind of big Mount Rushmore sort of epiphanal thing to say, this is your problem. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, so I need a banger, man. You're sitting here bullshitting me, charging me 400 bucks an hour. I need a banger.

Yeah, too many singles. Give me a fucking home run. That's what I think. Sometimes, you know, when I'm in the wings and you're doing stand-up, I'll just turn to the crew and go, he needs a banger, man. That's what the audience says to each other. No, you kill all the time. They go, bring Dana back on. Okay, let's do one. Let's do more. Not one more, more. Oh, Dana, we haven't done any noises lately. I know.

Why would AI do this? This sounds mean. AI creates obese elephants. Well, AI just does as it's told, right? I know, but there's so many other things you can make AI. That's not fake, is it? Well, that's AI. Had to bring that out. There's never been a more appropriate use of that sound. AI is cruel. AI is really not like a friend.

Who's the person who thought of that? Hey, guess what? Shut up, Brian. Let's tell the AI to make an obese woman go backward of a high dive and have her building collapse. You're exactly right because everyone says, I'm really good at AI. I've chatted GPT of AI. And really they go, hey, put Joe Dirt doing fireworks as a baby. And then it looks funny and you go,

All you did was say it, and then AI did all the work. They find the script, they find me, they make it. But they go, "Look what I made." I go, "That's not really Michelangelo there." We've probably taught this before, but the writing's on the wall. I think within two or three years, I could make Apocalypse Now.

by prompting an AI back and forth. And it'll look like helicopters and armies. And that's right around the corner. So I don't know what Hollyweird's gonna do with that. You don't need to get thousands of people out on the thing. You can say a thousand people on horseback going full speed across the desert. And then you'll see it and it'll look just like a movie, perfectly real. Someone's gonna send us AI

Scooby and Shaggy and I ran. I don't think we should have vacationed and ran, Scoob. Well, Trump launched a bunker buster on Forlorn Mountain. I had a bunker buster at Pinchot's Tacos the other night. I think you have a better Scooby than me. I call it Shaggy. I'm doing Scooby Ann.

shaggy well everyone knows don't they feel the age of that casey casem did shaggy yeah that's right and but he did do the hook of cracking because he talked like this i don't know we gotta get out of here skill that kind of gear he went to that was you know heather you didn't know until just now oh heather just woke up that's a good one to know

Heather has our schedule for when we record these things and then she puts nap time right next to it. She goes, you ready? Open laptop, cover her face. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

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Okay, what's the next one? Bunker Buster. Okay. There you go. A Bunker Buster. This is a bear doing something. I don't know what. Let's see. Russians get along with bears, I think, more than regular people. Oh, they wrestle them. They fight them. Okay, but this bear is real. It's not AI. Okay.

Hey, have a little Slim Jim. Now do the trick we talked about. So he can stand in the circle. Oh, he gives him a treat. Sniffs the bit. He's like, am I a clown to you? He's like, do it. We're filming. What does he want? He's doing good so far. Oh, wow. Standing up, he looks like a person. That is cool. That's pretty good. Wow.

he's biting it it's like a hula hoop looking thing there's no way he's got it around him he's got it right it's like a hula hoop he's gonna do it like a hula hoop and then i don't think so yeah he's biting a hula hoop there we go oh my god around his neck

Heather's worried that the bear doesn't like him. No, he immediately wants to give him a treat. Otherwise, he'll kill him. I know Russian. He's saying, I will kill you if you don't do the goddamn hula hoop. Yeah.

All right, take a five. You did great. You got it. If only humans were like that. They're acting crazy. Just give them a little treat. Come on, calm down. Oh, the show is going nowhere. Lauren, please have a little bit of candy. Oh, mercy. Lauren, step into a Slim Jim. Lauren's down to making noise. That bear's back in his dressing room going, we got two more shows today, Lauren.

Well, it is amazing. What animal can't... Could you give a great white shark a treat and kind of hang out with it? I saw a girl petting sharks the other night, Dana, and I was like...

I was like, wrong. I was like, no, I was like this. Wrong! Issue number four. Let's do McLaughlin next week. I wouldn't want to. Do they want? I'll do any of the oldies, man. Issue number one. David Spady, Spudlaw, Spudlaw, Spudlaw. More tone, teeny tiny tunes on TV. Yeah. That's a real one. Can we play some of our SNL greatest hits on this or is it copyright? Even if we get a permission from Lorne,

I don't know if I gave it. Marcy. Okay, next one. Let's see. Next one. Issue one. Girl with an Adidas jacket on with a green. What will the story be about? Green coup. Let me look what it's about. Act of restraint that will be remembered for centuries. I hope this is funny. Let's see. Okay. Okay, she's eating in front of her dogs. Her dogs look at her spaghetti. They really want it.

Yeah, that one really always making a funny face. He really wants it. Look at the white one's teeth. He's mad. He's kind of tilted away as he growls because he's been taught not to eat it. They're freaking out. They're just growling at the owner. I don't even know if I need this loud piano. If the dog was playing the piano, it'd be a little better. Well, yeah, we can turn the volume off. It's kind of funny. I mean, so.

She puts the food down and then she said, don't eat it. They start kind of turning away from each other and growling with their teeth. Because they're so fucking mad they can't eat it. They're like, where is this chicken? And why can't we eat it? They don't understand. So what was going to happen if they eat it? I mean, she just changes a bit. Yeah. We bring out the two guys. The two guys come out of the closet door. Come on, clam. Don't make me drop my trousers. Poof.

Here's my buttocks. You want to try again? Nope, missed it. I don't feel your lacerations, clam. Look out, funny boy. I injected myself with butt numb right before we started this here rodeo dance. Butt numb? Butt numb. I'm doing something you might have done. And I got wiener numb, too. Oh, yeah. So whack away, cowboy.

Try these buttockses. No, that was part of Brokeback Mountain. Remember when Jake Gilligalit, they had a kind of a fight? I didn't see that movie, Dana. You never saw Brokeback Mountain? No chance. I'm straight. It actually is a great movie, and there's a lot for you to learn by watching it. So check it out. I'll see the one with Margot Robbie and Sidney Sweeney, Scissor Mountain.

It's funny how quickly the culture moves. Like Margot Robbie and Sidney Sweeney, they're fairly recent, but they're like Raquel Welch or Elizabeth Taylor, just going back to the '60s. It's a good recognizable name. And Sidney Sweeney is a good showbiz name. Well, for at least two years of her being on the scene, because her name was Sidney Sweeney, I just assumed she was British.

Because Sweeney Todd. Oh, yeah. Sweeney Todd. Okay, I've got a good... I'm Sydney Sweeney. I've got a good buster for you. Mm-hmm. We'll go to the phones that we don't have, but we'll go to the YouTube. Who's a bigger star right now, Sydney Sweeney or Zendaya? Um...

What movies is Eris Zendaya? Who's that? Sidney Sweeney or Zendaya. Zendaya is in Euphoria with her. Oh, I see. Came out a little bigger than Sidney on Euphoria. She's in Dune. She's in two Dunes, huge movies. She is absolutely great, first of all. Absolutely great. Gorgeous. But Sidney Sweeney, in our culture...

Is it the boobs, the difference? Her whole look and the boobs, I mean, women like to look at women, not necessarily in a lesbian way, but they like. So her physicality is sort of the latest. They would call them pinup girls in tight sweaters. She does have that pinup girl look. So she has this playful, fun thing. They're completely different talents.

But if she was a British girl, she'd say, "Stop it, Mr. Henderson. Every time you're teaching me, you're looking at me boobies." If Sidney Sweeney was British. Quit looking at me knocky noose. What's a good old... What is it? From Four Weddings and a Funeral or something?

Is that a British movie? Who was a sex symbol, male and female, in the 90s? I mean, Brad Pitt just started, or the 80s. Richard Gere was like a leading man. The women back there, Farrah Fawcett. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's just the culture moves. Right now, you're at the top of your game as an international comedian. But 20 years from now, who's going to be the next David Spade? Well...

It's everyone's goal. But Sidney Sweeney and I are both huge stars. Both great. Both considered gorgeous. Big careers. I don't know for sure. I cannot tell you. Well, I'll tell you one thing. Margot Robbie, I was on a plane, watched a movie that didn't do well. God, who did it? It was sort of set in the 1930s, 1920s. No, I remember that one. Do you remember that one? Yeah. God. Babylon. Babylon.

Babylon. I watched it and the movie had some flaws, I thought, only that... I think Brad's in it too. Yeah, but she is so spectacular in the movie. I think the movie came out so hot and I think a lot of people were like, what is going on? I sort of went with it because I knew what they were trying to do, that sort of Sodom and Gomorrah, but she's so amazing in that movie that I might put her up there.

You might let her on the podcast? One time in Hollywood, yeah. Let her on the podcast? You'll open the gates and let her on? I have in development a movie with Zendaya, Sidney, and Margot. Yeah. It should be nine to five, and you're the bad boss. I could be Dabney Coleman. That would be great. Yeah, I could get a short haircut, pull a mustache on, and be the office dick. Yeah.

Heather, who would you pick? I always thought Zendaya was a bigger star, but I have to say in the last year, I don't know. That's a thinker. That's a real thinker. I think they have different fans. They have a shared fan base and they have separate fan bases as well. Both pretty huge though, I have to say. But I also saw Challengers, which she was good into. Well, the one thing you find out sometimes is like... And Sidney was in White Lotus, yeah. Doesn't Selma...

Selena Gomez, you're just going, "Oh, she's cool. She's great." It was Steve Martin or Martin Short and she sings and everything. Oh, she has a billion Instagram followers. I mean, who has the bigger following on social media between Sidney, Zendaya, or Marga? I'm going to guess Zendaya. Let's see what the numbers are. We're running some numbers. We're continuing. Let's go to the tape. Let's go to the phones. Let's look at a clip. Let's go to the tape. There, Sidney, right there with a low cut. What do you want to guess?

I guess Zendaya has 25 million. Kind of a teen thing. Oh shit, Sydney has 25 million. Instagram. Is Zendaya higher or lower? 178 million? There's our fucking answer. Whoa.

No one was ready for that. I believe that Zendaya, I don't know what their ages are, but sort of trends toward teenage girls in a way. They both do. You're saying Sydney has more dudes? And a little bit older. I know they might be the same age, but I feel like she's kind of with, what's that guy, Glenn Shurtoff? Oh, she was? Oh, Zendaya was a Disney, I don't know.

Oh. Was a Disney star, so she built up some fans. But I think Sydney came off of Euphoria slower and then did... What did you just say she did? Oh, White Lotus, which was another monster. So she kind of gradually got up and then blew it wide open. But yeah, Glenn Powell.

Glenn Powell's shirt off. Yeah. That guy's fit. I would never put a shirt on if I look like him ever. I wouldn't own a shirt. I wouldn't do an ad for shirts. I wouldn't even look at a shirt. If you wore a shirt, I'd try to take a swing at you. I'd barely wear pants. You'd have to talk me into it. All right, let's do another one. Then we'll get out of here. Let's do another Hollywood one. Yeah, we're killing it. We got a lot of takes. Okay. This is what, uh,

Consumers. Okay. Let's just see what this is. I don't even know what it is. Oh, is it a scene from Scarface? Is it a play? Oh, it's a play. A play. Yeah. You do coke and you kill people. That's wonderful, Tony. I got a f***ing junk for a wife. Okay, I like it. It's a school play. You son of a b***h.

- Look at that. - I'm trying to, I mean, is this real? Why would the parents-- - This is a play. I like that cocaine is popcorn. - I know, but why would they let them swear? But it's hysterical. - Hello, it's you, ma'am. - Look at you, that's you. Oh shit.

Oh, I didn't know. I forgot about that part. That's pretty heavy. I don't know. There's a lot of shooting. Oh, that's the girl with the crazy hair. Oh, yeah. The sister. That's the sister. Oh, yeah. He had a whole weird thing for his sister. Look at the security cameras. Wow. Oh, that's his gun. Oh, my gosh. Here it goes. You want to f*** me? You f*** me the best. Want to play with me? Say hello to my little friend.

- Take that, you cockroaches. - Cockroaches. - Take that, you cockroaches. - Oh God, they got a lot of extras in this. - I wanna go to the time machine and have that be me in fourth grade. - I wanna see this play. Where's Michelle Spiever? - We had to do Dr. Doolittle. - Look, gotta help him with his gun, bring him in. Gun him down with a flamethrower or whatever he does. Oh no, this guy's gonna get him. Tony's still dying.

He's gonna get the hole. Or he's dancing or something. He lasts a long time. They gotta shoot him. Oh, he fell in the pool. Unreal. He walked up because he could not miss that last shot because that was the closer, bitch. But seriously, what school lets the kids go, what the fuck you want, man? Hey, love me, man. Say hello. Say hello to my little friend, you motherfuckers. Pulls out a squirt gun. So someone's asking, was that in America?

I don't know. Because I think it's... I hope it's not Harper's School. It comes from Cuba. Cuba. I'm a political prisoner. I want my fucking human rights. That was Brentwood School. I was just in... Brentwood High? Yeah, Beverly Hills High. Can you imagine how much fun...

Uh, those kids had crossfits. Doing that, swearing with fake guns and everything. Oh, my God. And they, like, get free reign. You can say it because he's like, "My character says it." "Hey, how about some panocho?" They're like, "Well, that's not in the script." Well, they're taking the script from the movie. I don't think it was a play ever. It should be a Broadway play, and I know who's gonna play Torremontarium, man.

Oh. I like this clip because it lit up the Tony inside of you. That's what I do, man. Look, you like to get on a computer and do a show? You call that fly on the wall. You used to call that super fly. Super fly, fly away like a little birdie, man.

That little kid had to go like this. You want some fuck up popcorn? You want some popcorn? He had a whole thing of popcorn. That was the cocaine. You want some popcorn? You don't take my popcorn. Don't take my popcorn, man. All right. Let's end on that one. That's so funny. It's so cool. Yeah. And that was great. We did great. We did a great one. Sent the clips in. Yeah. Everybody. Thank you. And everyone. Thanks to us, especially.

And thanks to Dana for being friends. And we'll see you next week. So now you can write in, fly on the wall at odyssey.com, questions, goofiness, or audible stuff we can answer. And then that's it. This is the first one we did that came on on a Monday.

Is that right? Okay. All right, great. We did great. Okay. Thanks everybody. And thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Thanks for sharing. See you later, buddy. Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us review five-star rating. Maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetek. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff,

Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewallatodyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.