Side Stories: The Buga Sphere
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There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, man. Oh, man. I am hung over from contact, dude. I'm like hung over. I'm not from like drinking too much. Like emotionally hung over. I am. The amount of information I received...

The amount of downloads I got directly into my ass. I don't know if it's information I received or talking ad I received. I will say, one of my most successful movements of the weekend is I want to say thank you to the other... I'm going to say this as nicely as possible. You know what I'm saying. The other big, fat, hairy man, the only one brave enough...

To find me at the pool. Oh, pool man. Yeah, no, I saw that swap monster on the other side of the pool slowly making his way over. I'm like, this guy's coming to talk to us. But that guy is the only one who took me up on my offer. He came out to the pool. Yeah. We sat there. We floated.

We were doing wanton and up. He basically said we had a good old long old fashioned conversation about Whitley Strieber, Aleister Crowley, Jeffrey Epstein, you know, best blunt rotation. Yeah. And it is just been nice. Just hang. It was nice. His wife was there.

seemed to be very happy to sort of allow her husband to have this afternoon. Yes. Because she obviously was there for the pool, but it's like my wife was. Very much so. She was just at the pool. And so that I was, I want to say very thankful, very, very big thanks to the man covered in hair that was also as covered as me.

Hello!

And we just did such full body contact at the desert. I want to say thank you to all the people that run contact. Captain Ron, I want to thank you. Jamie, everybody over there, they couldn't have been nicer. Yes. No one said a word about me carrying the World Trade Center Averagy around in the lobby of the hotel. They said plenty with their eyes. Yes.

I will say the power of holding a paper, a three foot paper mache World Trade Center effigy under my arm and the looks I got, to be honest, I felt like Rose McGowan.

I felt like a Florence Pugh. Everyone wanted to know, who's he? Yes. Where's he going? Especially at contact in the desert. Yeah, because I'm walking around there because no one knew that there was... Because you could see a lot of people kind of doing the math, like the conspiracy math in their head being like...

What's this about? What does this symbolize? Yeah, because you see people walking around with like, you know, if you have a little paper mache UFO or something like that, you know, that makes sense. You know, I don't think it's turned some heads, but not really. There's a whole table of people dressed up like galactic soldiers. Yeah, their jobs are there. They are all, I guess, victims of extreme PTSD that live in a star fleet in their minds 24-7, 365, just in life. And that's an incredible way to get out.

of life. You know, just go join a fake Starfleet with you and your crew and you never have to worry about experiencing, I guess, any form of negative emotion again because you're always in stars.

Also, I got to say, I miss our World Trade Center effigy in the office. I'm really sad that it's gone. It really tied the place together. It really did. And I want to say, Hank the Aquarian, we met the truly wonderful lady that made our 9-11 effigy. And she does really, really great work. A lot of great artwork there.

We're going to need another one. And also, I told her I want a Pentagon. Yeah. Well, or do we want a Freedom Tower? Oh, you know, we do. We get a Pentagon and we get a Freedom Tower and we make them fuck. Yeah. Make them kiss. Yes. Yes. Because the Pentagon has a hole in the middle of it, doesn't it? It does. Yeah. The Freedom Tower could totally fuck the Pentagon. Hank the Aquarian, I'll pay you for this round. Really? And also, this is a huge plug. Go get her artwork. All right. So how about that?

Let's see these paper. We're going to get both of these. If we can get both of these for next year and we can teach the audience the birds and bees of conspiracy theory, that would be huge. Also, next year, we are officially, and I'm saying this without talking to Contact in the Desert, we're doing conspiracies at the Cabana. Okay. We're doing outdoor. I'm going to schedule it. You come around. We're going to do some kind of trivia, conspiracy trivia event. So we're doing Contact again next year without them asking us? Yes. Yes.

I'm going to show up. We'll be there. Yeah, even if I buy tickets. It's interesting how you didn't even ask me. No. I'm not going to ask you.

I'm asking no one. I'm going to buy tickets myself and do it myself. All right. Okay, good. Next year, we're getting people into the goddamn pool. I know. Marcus British Blood Parks decided to tell me he said the words, it's too hot to go in the pool, which is the most British fucking shit I've ever heard. He came to the pool. Yeah, he looked at it. It's just, you know, that's not bad. He says he needs it to be a lake. And he's like, what are you, a corpse? Yeah.

He has a pool. He does, and he hates it. He hates it. He wants it to be filled with muck. I don't understand. I love the pool, but God, what a time there. I'm trying to think. Can I say something about Contact in the Desert? Please. I had a great time. Love Contact in the Desert. I think if you want Ed Larson back...

This food situation is a fucking, it's a real bad thing. I didn't eat because the food was so bad, but I almost set myself to a fucking sugar coma. I know that, but I'm like kind of thankful that I feel like kind of skinny.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I get three days of no food. It was kind of nice. It's just like everything's bad. Yeah. Everything is bad. That is a thing. We're going to talk about this. I think that we can bring in a chef. I think we're going to have to bring our own food or our own chef or something. We can bring in a chef. I feel like there needs to be a culinary experience at this.

in the desert. Maybe there's a playoff of the CIA being both CIA and the Culinary Institute of America. Maybe there's something in that. You could even bring it on theme. I mean, yes. Anything. There's something in there. That Cava restaurant at the Renaissance, I mean, I got no problem calling them out. That's one of the worst restaurants I've ever been to my whole life and I have to eat there five times a year. It's technically

our favorite restaurant, Eddie. We've eaten there the most out of any restaurant we've ever eaten at. It's really upsetting. I've eaten there seven times and each meal is worse than the last. But that is not... But again, it reminds me of what we're here to do. We weren't scared. We were more scared of the lettuce than the salmon and I was scared of that salmon. I was scared of the lettuce. Lettuce is more dangerous than salmon.

I mean, both of them were very, we made it out and we didn't get sick. I'm stronger than ever, but next year we're going to do a lot. I also feel like. And the coffee sucks. But you know, that's why I brought my own coffee. And I brought my own coffee and that I learned this year. Also, there was quite a bit, this year especially, the transracial section of the entire merch area was still just very, very funny to me. What do you mean?

I love white man Wakanda. Oh, yes. Like lifestyle. Oh, absolutely. These are men that are... These are very white. Your dashikiness is coming out right now. It does. I missed it. I watched it. I was like, what ease. So nice. I feel like...

if you wanted to break out the dashiki guilt-free you could probably do it at contact i know but i kind of want to do it and i want to kind of do it at like the white house or something i want you could do it there too i gotta get a little hat you don't call it the white house for nothing yeah i gotta get one of the little like neil pert hats oh yeah i could see you in that but our our enemy of last year we vanquished him and i'm not talking just about mark maron

He was a, they were out there and he did the, Michael Sedona didn't have the cojones to show back up because the devil beat him. The devil beats God each time. And I think it's important to remember that. Also got my aura tested. Yes. It's complicated.

What do you mean? It's complicated. It's like all the colors. I look like, if you look at my, you remember that, you know that picture of, you know that interview with the lady that was like the female UFC fighter and she's all fucked up, her face is all mashed up and she's going like, oh, this is a great time, oh, this is a great time. My aura picture looked like that. Yeah. Looked like her face.

Yeah, see, I didn't fuck with the aura lady because last year, Julie and I got our auras and they were perfectly, dude, they were perfectly in match. This is like, honestly, not to be anyone talking too hard about this because it really puts Eddie in the really hardcore hashtag top tier percentage of hashtag wife guys because Eddie and Julie both got their aura reds. Both of the auras were the same exact aura.

aura exactly we have them on the fridge next to each other it's crazy it was so eerie and so amazing blue but then ed was going to try to get his aura pictured again and we realized if it's different my whole relationship's going to go down the tube it's going to fight it's going to cause a fight it's going to cause a fight so if it's slightly different i'm fucked absolutely because we're off and we're not feeling it like you know yeah you'd be like what's why are you different now yeah what's happening it wasn't worth it to get my aura right no

That was good deductive reasoning. It was. And then also, Josh Gates, I saw, he was very entertaining from Expedition Unknown. I watched a little bit of it. Yeah, he had some jokes. Yeah, he had really good jokes, really funny jokes about streamers and stuff like that. It was kind of funny. Also, there was a lot of cynotics this year. So, cynotics was kind of the concept of you can...

call orbs. Like you can, you can talk to orbs. You can use like all these like mental techniques. So that was like, some of that was very interesting. I do feel like next year too, we need less AI. It was all AI. It was all AI. And you know what? There wasn't any?

drones. There was no drone talk. But let's not bust that because that's going to be in our Contact in the Desert live release that we're going to do at some point. You're going to see all of our pitching that we did live at the Contact in the Desert. Yeah, we filmed the comedy show. We'll put it on the YouTube page later in the year if you guys stay tuned. So make sure you're watching that. Also, right up top,

we got a whole bunch of new YouTube channels on the network. So make sure you go and check those out. We got the foreign report, no dogs in space, LPN romanticy, lots of other stuff. So make sure you're going to follow those channels as well. Who's the bitch, et cetera. Yes, please, please do. And I just, but we're here. It's so nice to have made it through contact and contact.

I'm trying to think of anything really good except for the lady in the scooter. The scooter lady was a blast. And the UFO car was great. Everyone got to take rides in the UFO car. That was really fun. Richard Dolan got to feel very important. Yeah. Well, I know. I look at that UFO car, though, and I'm like, this is why there's no good food. But they spent the money on the UFO car. It's got a UFO car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you want? I want food.

Yeah, sure. At another festival. I am mad at the food. But at that festival. I think it's in the, I think it's the town. Yes. The town is devoid of food. No, it's not. We walked, remember we walked like two miles over to the other resort. To the Tommy Bahama. Yeah, we went over there to eat. I'll tell you what, it was fine. It was fine. And it was extremely expensive. Yeah, it was very expensive and it was fine. But I was hungry. At that point I was ready to fucking literally attack people. We waited over an hour for our appetizers. They told us that it was going to be slow. That it was going to be slow.

Going to be slow is one thing. Over an hour for the apps is another. Especially when one of the apps is olives. See, Eddie's the patient one. Just give me the olives. And Eddie's the patient one. All right? I was good. I was unaffected. I honestly think I was woozy. You know what? I shut down completely. And also, I just got to say, like...

Former chef, I get mad in these situations. I understand, but also we're not there for the food. We're there for the truth. I'm always there for the food. I need food to help with truth. But many don't. Look at Marcus. I'm not there for truth. Marcus is filled with truths and he hates food.

Right? So there's a lot of them. You saw a lot of elderly UFO people can't eat anymore. Yeah. Like, you know, like, Whitley Strieber technically tucked into some wings. Oh, yeah. No, he didn't give a fuck about your hot wings. But the problem was, with Whitley Strieber, is that we walked in, at first, he was like, you know, like, you remember we do this whole thing, we're gonna do this hot wings bit? He definitely didn't remember. That's fine. What did we call it again? Well, yes, it's not hot ones. No, it can't be spicy times. Right, spicy times. Yeah, we didn't do hot ones. We did spicy times. Spicy times. And he...

And he was fine with it, but then what's great about all things all together is that everybody's kind of hesitant to do something. And so you sort of force them to do it in front of a group of people and a bunch of cameras and microphones. And then they have to do it. Yes. And that's what's great. And he was down. He was fine with it. He tucked in those wings. I saw his silvery lips tremble over all those little wings. But we didn't give him the bomb. No. You took a little bomb. And that was...

Bad. It was tough. That was bad for me. Yeah. But you'll be able to see and listen to that in August when we release all these interviews we did. We did some great interviews. I was really happy. Major Paul Smith. Major. He was a...

Daddy was the person that it's like one of those where I hope that that interview will see how it came out. But we talked to this man that helped teach members of the CIA how to be psychic and the army and the Navy in order to do remote viewing. And it was talking to him and within talking to him that I began to realize like your personality.

The most spook-like intelligence agent I have ever met. He was saying like three things out of both sides of his fucking mouth at all times. And he was Mormon. So he was like all of it. There's some kind of an aw shucks kind of vibe he had. But he definitely looked like a murderer. He was huge. You noticed that with Paul Smith too. He was fucking...

fucking jack he was gigantic he was like 80 he was like a former but he was like one of those where he grabbed my he was like oh no it was a tough handshake yeah that was a tough ass handshake that was the best handshake of the weekend nothing made me realize george i got in there on the motherfucker too i squeezed it i squeezed it hard but nothing makes you understand that george knapp's a writer

like meeting a major of the U.S. Army. You know what I mean? It's still like, George Knapp is still the manliest man. We did approach him about being my father and taking my fatherhood. Yeah. Being my father. And then, um. See, he thought about it. He didn't say no. He said, you know, everybody. He did not say no. I'm a 41 year old son with new money. Yeah. All right. And I'm here and I'm hanging out. I'm good for it. I'll fucking, we'll get drunk and shit. I'll fucking, we'll do a bunch of stuff. We won't tell your wife. It'll be awesome. Can I be your father?

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Another thing, yeah, real quick, we briefly mentioned it last week or earlier today, but

That bitch Mark Maron's out of the business. Somebody gave up. Fucking screw your ass, bro. Couldn't handle the fucking heat, dude. What the fuck are you doing now? Nothing. Nothing. Just being a movie star. Just making all your money. You little bitch. Not having to work as hard. You fucking give her up, loser. No, actually, thank you for bringing podcasting into the mainstream. Yeah, I mean, honestly, he was fine. He was rude to me the several times I met him, and he will probably be rude to me the next time I meet him. But that is his gig. Yeah, no, he's never claimed to be nice. Yes.

He's been fine to me. Never mean, but fine. He was actively mean to me. Really? Yes, but most men are. You know, at first glance, sure, I get it. I was good. I'm sure you were great. I'm a nice man. Yeah. But yes, so bye, Marc Maron. You're out. See you in hell. Now we have another update. Never interviewed you, huh?

You know, it's one of those where, I guess why would he? Because he interviewed Mike Lawrence. Yeah, I know. Oh, I know. Oh, I know. Why would he, though? There's no reason. No reason to talk to us. It's only like we've been next to him in the top 10 of the Apple podcast for the last 15 years. That's probably why I didn't talk to you. Yeah, probably not. So what we will do is move on. So next update, we have, I did not realize. This is one of the first times that you got a true crime story.

like scoop on me. Yeah. Because very rarely do I see like, I not know, but this is fucking true. It's true. And I got to say, I only got it because this guy's picture is so scary that I was like, we need to talk about this shit. And now like, I can't believe no one's really, we didn't get any emails about this. No, none. Nothing. But here's an update from last week. We talked about this guy, the devil in the Ozarks, Grant,

Oh, Harden. Grant Harden. Yeah, this guy. Eddie brought this up last week. Grant Harden is a former sheriff of, I believe it was. No, he was the chief of police of this shit fuck little town in the middle of nowhere in Missouri.

So he was in this shitty little town. He was the chief of police. He had total control over this very, very small town. He was arrested for murder because at this point we'd found out he was arrested for murder. It turns out he got attached to a rape that he had done 20 years before due to his DNA being entered now into the big CODIS database. And then back in the day, the victim...

that she managed to save some of his semen.

In the moment, she saved the semen, wiped it on her shirt. She was the wife of a police officer. The other police officers within this same township, wherever they all were. And so she went and they saved the shirt. And so they got him. But now we know that Grant Harden has escaped. And if you watch, I just did not know what Eddie then hit me to. That it's the guy from the true crime documentary Devil in the Ozarks.

And this guy... Go watch it. It's on Max. It's like 42 minutes. It's fascinating. He's extremely dangerous. He is nowhere to be found. He's been gone somewhere in the middle of Missouri still, I believe. And this man is definitely... Like, if you watch Devil and the Ozarks, there is no way that that is the only sexual assault he committed. He was... He was too calculated. He was calculated. It was all down to... He knew exactly what he was doing. Yeah.

He specifically targeted her. She was the wife of a cop. He was a cop at the time. Yes. So he like had a connection. He says, do you recognize my voice? Yes. He asked her if you in the middle of it. Yes. And then he he's a psychopath. There is no way that he did not do more. He reminds me quite a bit of the East Area Rapist, the Golden State Killers.

And so it is very similar to Eron's. It's like the same style, same thing. Cop that was like hyper aware. I don't think that there's no way that he then decided to what he did was end a personal beef.

with a guy by shooting him in the face with a shotgun in broad daylight. And then he brought his family to dinner and then said, I'm sorry, guys. I love all of you. Just so you know, daddy might have to leave after dinner. That's what he told his family. And then they finished up their carabas and then he got arrested and they put him in jail. Yeah. And so if you don't remember from last week,

He got a makeshift police uniform, and he escaped. He just walked out the front door, and now he's still missing. As of right now, there is $25,000 in rewards out, 20 from the FBI and five from the U.S. Marshals, looking for information leading to Harden's arrest. This dude is missing.

He's like officially fucking dangerous. He is. He's clever. He knows what he's doing. He obviously has plants. Someone helped him. Someone had to have helped. Someone helped him, which means he probably had information. Fucking close himself. Like literally, she must have had. He must have had some information on somebody else because it's like no fucking way. It just shows he was in a medium security prison. Yes. Which it's like for murder and rape.

It shows that the favoritism that law enforcement will get when they get in trouble. Yes. And so he should have been in a fucking major prison. But no, he was in a medium security prison. And this shows that he was able to get out when people weren't fucking paying attention. Yes. This guy's terrifying. He is out there. I don't know what's going on. They need to find this guy. But he obviously has a plan. He might even be out of the country by now. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's long gone. He might be long gone. And wherever he's going, he's going to do more crime.

So it's going to something's going to pop up because it's not like this man is made of money. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like this isn't, you know, I'm certain even in like the in the Ozarks, a police officer is not doing that well. Yeah. Salary wise. So there's no way he is hidden behind like, you know, like where's the money that's going to harbor him in another country?

I mean, who knows what he's been able to stash away over his career in law enforcement. You know, then you found out all the kind of stuff where he was doing extravagant spending. He was being a crazy person. He was he viewed himself as like a superhero, like he was in charge of the town. Everybody talked about that. The mayor felt like he was kind of like.

second fiddle to him? Did he have to answer to him and do all this shit for him? I mean, the mayor was on the phone with the guy.

When he murdered them. Yes, but it also sounds like everybody was still afraid of this guy. And it's kind of funny because he does look like a big old dumper. But the other thing is that he's like almost, it was like something like 6'9". He's a big, big, big dude. He's a big, heavy guy. He was the only cop in his town. Yeah. And so they said that he never needed backup.

because of how big he was. So he'd go around and manhandle people and shit. And then he used to kind of throw his way around the town, all this shit. It's just a new image that they updated with him, which is just like they digitally put a beard on him. Yeah, they put a little five o'clock shadow on him. He just looks like shit. Yeah, but he's 56 years old. He's out there, and he's fucking, he's in the woods. They're looking for him, but I don't, shit, man, I don't know if they're finding this guy. Someone needs to go get him. He ain't far from the Gulf of Mexico.

No. No, no, no. He's in Mexico. Yeah, he's got to be in Mexico by now. If he's not in Mexico, he's coming back for revenge. I mean, there's no way. If I'm those people, they got to be, there has to be people next to him, right? What do you mean? I guess, yeah. Who the fuck's going to sit there like with this woman?

Well, the saddest part is watching Devil in the Ozarks and watching the whole ending sequence where they're all so happy that they caught him. And they're all like, he's finally, we're all safe and he's going to go away forever. And then you're like, no, he's not. Yeah. And then they added a card to the end of the documentary saying, if you have any information, please call 1-800-CALL-FBI, which I think you should just call anyway, just to see what happens. Yeah.

Why not? It's not 9-1-1. I don't think you can get in trouble. You can just call the FBI and talk to them for a little bit and see what's going on. Are your refrigerator running? You can do all that kind of shit. Hit them with all of it. Full court press. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask them if they're the CIA. Yeah, seriously. Ask them if they're Bill Kennedy. Yeah. You can ask all kinds of questions. You do it. You do it.

Yeah, you can give them tips about nothing. You come help me fucking make me come. Yeah, ask them that. Please, please, officers, would you please come and make me come? Is that legal to call the FBI and ask them to help you come? Yeah, because they can volunteer to do that. Oh, yeah. They're adults. Volunteers only. Yes. They're adults. They're called consenting adults. Yeah. Okay. All right. So we'll keep our eyes open for Harden. And keep your eyes peeled. Yeah. Yeah, because he's out there and he's going to kill you. Yeah.

He's going to kill somebody. He's going to do something bad. And I'm pretty certain he's done a bunch of other rapes as well. So I think that he's pretty standardly dangerous. Yeah. All right. So if you see him, hit him in the head with a frying pan. Okay. I'd say that. I'd say hit him in the head with a frying pan, put him in a burlap sack. I'd also say tie him to a train track. Also, the other thing I wanted to bring up about him that really surprised me is the way they were able to get him on this rape.

Because it was, you know, because there's only six years before it goes. That was fascinating in its own way. So it's only six years until it's, what is it called? Statute of limitations. Statute of limitations. So it was only six years for the statute of limitations. But what they did was right before the six-year market. The sexual assault, I think, happened in 2006.

Or 1997. 1997, a long-ass time ago. So what they were able to do was, since they had the DNA, they put a warrant out for the DNA. They set a special trial for this to make sure that they put out a warrant out for the DNA. Because they eliminated the statute of limitations. Even though they didn't have a direct suspect, they had the DNA. Apparently, if you have enough cum and a thimble, like enough that you can get

a guy's full, like, DNA strands on. Yeah. You can just...

put a warrant out for that DNA strand. Which is fucking crazy. Very interesting, because that's you. That's the guy, right? They're like, it manages to exclude 99.8% of society or something like that. Yeah. And so when they clipped him on the murder, all of a sudden when they took his DNA, they're like, oh, fuck, you're the guy that raped this woman back in 1997. Now, I also believe, and this is just me speculating, but I think that if she wasn't the wife of a cop...

that wouldn't have been done for her. I mean, that's...

You know, Eddie, I, unfortunately, I have to agree. Yeah. But, yeah, you'd think that it wouldn't be like that. But, yes, I do believe that this lady, this victim, did get special treatment in this very small precinct because of her connection. Now, this isn't on her. No. I'm just saying that's on the system. Yes, but they did get him. Technically, they did their jobs. And they arrested a fellow police officer. It just shows that you should do it every fucking time. Kind of do it every time. Also, you might as well put them handcuffs on harder. Yeah.

You also want to give a little like just remember this again when you see stuff people talk about, which we're going to get to. Right. We're going to see whether or not when if Diddy doesn't get pardoned by Trump, we're going to see whether or not he's going to commit suicide in jail. Right. We're going to see what he's what else these people are going to do. We just know that it's just remember this.

that when Diddy goes to jail and all the stuff I've been reading about Epstein, all this other shit, prisons are not the most secure locations for a criminal. Because, funnily enough, when you put a bunch of criminals in one big place...

They talk to each other. Yeah, they love it. And they do much stuff in there. And a lot of times, even though COs do as much as they can, I'm certain there's good COs, right? And there's other good, all that kind of stuff. There's good people, but there's also a percentage of people that are just as desperate as the people that are in the jails working for the jails. And then they get very easily persuaded if they believe that they maybe get something material on the outside for this. But again, what we said the last time, don't believe a prisoner.

No. Unfortunately. No. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Except when it comes to making a very ornate breakfast using Fritos and refried beans. Oh, my God. Oh, I love a good jail cook. Yeah. Now, is Diddy charged federally or state? I don't know. I think that that's federal no matter what. Yeah, because the FBI got him because he was committing crimes in three different states. Yes, I believe that he has federal. So Trump can pardon him. Are you talking about Diddy? Diddy.

Oh, yes. He's facing... He could definitely be pardoned. Federal charges. Trump already said he's probably going to. God. He said he's a nice guy. And then I'll tell you one thing that the trial has proven. He's not a nice guy. No.

No, he's definitely not nice. No, he's not a nice man. But that is... He's such a nice man that his own lawyers have to constantly remind the jury, remember Diddy's not a nice guy. That this is the... That you don't... That this isn't a trial about whether or not Diddy beat women or raped people. This is not that trial. Yeah. He did all that. We're actually telling you he did it. But...

He did it on a small scale. That's what they're trying to say. I mean, he told us this was going to happen years ago, man, when he wrote Mo Money, Mo Problems. Because guess what it did? It did cause Mo problems for him, didn't it? It did. It definitely did. Because you think, though, in the end, if I had Mo problems, if I had Mo money, I'd have Mo solutions. Oh, absolutely. I'd be out there. If I had Mo money, I'd definitely have Mo solutions. I would go out there. I would build some stuff for the people. Yeah, I'm certainly not blowing it all up.

coked up baby oil or GHB-laced baby oil. That's technically, that turned out to not be real. Really? Yeah, it was a whole thing. So there's no drugs in the baby oil? No, but there's plenty of baby oil. Yeah. There's plenty of baby oil. I fucking hate this. I know, me too. You should meet Mr. Information. He's a piece of shit too. Now, let's get into this other update here. Oh, yes, that's right. This real quick.

This is just a thing that shows that things are complicated. Do you think, write us in at sidestories, lpotl, gmail.com. When Henry burps, do you stop taking him seriously? Everybody emails me about burping. I've seen the burping thing. I'm just curious. No, I couldn't care less. I know you obviously don't care less. If you can't take me seriously when I'm burping, how do you have a father? How do you have a fucking uncle? How do you talk to anyone? Well, they don't take them seriously either. Well, they should.

Because sometimes they know. Yeah. And sometimes they don't. Also, I'm talking, I got a lot to talk, I got a lot to say. All right? You don't like my burping. I don't want to tell you. Howard Stern burped. Yeah. Yeah. He was the fucking biggest, literally the biggest media personality to live besides, like, Oprah. I know. It doesn't make it, you know, cool.

Now, here's a bit of an intro. Here's an update about the crypto torturers. Now, these guys, these two fucking pieces of shit that did, that tortured this Italian tourist in order to get access to his crypto fucking account, right? Sources of direct knowledge, the two guys are John Woltz and William DuPlessis. They have all these, like, footage of them at some big New York City place

club i guess called the box where they would drop 80 to 100 grand a night i've been to the box yeah yeah how is it it's fucking cool man yeah chapelle threw a big comedian's ball there that's crazy yeah and it was it went from like midnight to four in the morning and he had all these like crazy like acts there there was this one there was this one chick it was like the coolest burlesque act i ever saw in my whole life it was just totally it was this really hot black chick she came out there she had a big afro and she was like totally naked at

the start of it. And then slowly throughout the act, she was taking clothes out of her afro and putting them on. And then by the end of it, she had a purse and lipstick and stuff like that. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, she was fully clothed by the end of it. Wow. That's fun. It was very cool. No, that sounds wonderful. Yeah, the box was great. They let you smoke weed inside. Whoa. Well, that's why these guys liked it, I guess. So these guys, they were the crypto... One of them was named the Crypto King of...

Kentucky. And they would go and spend a lot of money at this establishment. One of them said he refused to wear a shirt whenever he was at the box because that's what men do.

Not all the men. I was there. I saw most of them wearing shirts. I'm talking about this guy. It was the ladies that didn't have shirts. I'm talking about John Woltz. I'm talking about the guy that tortured the Italian. They have some footage here of him giving a bottle service girl a, what you'd call a piggyback ride. They're really enjoying themselves in this footage. But there's other footage of them with the man that they have held hostage where he's like not really tied up.

He's just sitting in a wheelchair and then they're putting cocaine in an air fryer. Yes. Do you see this? Yeah. They're putting cocaine. This is how much money they have. They're dumping cocaine into an air fryer. Yes. Trying to turn it into crack cocaine. Two dudes are there next. The other two torturers there, they're all got like sunglasses on inside. They're all being like, man, this is going to make such bullshit.

This is gonna make such bad fucking crack, dude. And then they... But the prisoner is the one working the air fryer. There's something going on. What I have heard, there's kind of conflicting things coming about about whether or not he screwed them over first...

There's some story about maybe the Italian tourist was first. It doesn't matter if he did. Of course not. I'm not saying it makes them innocent. They're just saying the story's very complicated. Yes. And so this is all happening at once, which is probably the reason why the session went for two weeks. Probably... 17 days. Went back and forth between just hanging out and getting tortured, hanging out, getting tortured. Like...

very interestingly almost patty hearst like where he probably seems to have like that's what you were joking about he's like joe he's like laughing with the two guys and so people like to think that maybe he wasn't being held captive but like i would make jokes with my captors if you're kidding at me oh i got you got to yeah i gotta make you like me oh i started to do impressions of one of them to make the other one laugh doing impressions of the other one to make the other one laugh that's what you got to do also you're cooking crack in an air fryer it's

kind of funny it is it is it's kind of funny it is objectively funny yeah but then there's this video of him getting just beaten up right there's a bunch of video of him tied up into a corner but is this shit staged then i start to wonder is there a way that is all of this staged for them to like is there an insurance you can claim

on this crypto shit. Like, I wonder if there's an insider way, like maybe I'm wrong. I might be talking entirely out of school, but maybe there is a way for there to like truly be,

I mean, they fucked this dude up. Yeah, now you see the blood. Yeah, that right there. Yeah, I guess not. Unless it's like fucking makeup or some shit. It's not makeup. I mean, I don't know. They're not makeup artists, these guys. They're filled with money. They have money. They have nothing but money. 17 days sitting inside that fucking Airbnb. You don't think you can figure shit out? You can be like, what if we fucking make him look like a zombie and we do a whole thing? I don't know. It's a scare B&B. That's cute. Thank you.

That's very weird, too. But obviously, I'm just covering this because it's fun and salacious. I have no idea what's really going on. We know that these guys are all... I know that John Waltz and William DuPlessis are definitely absolute...

and slime and other pieces of shit. And I think that the other dude... Yeah, and why does William Du Plessis have a hard-on in that picture? Oh, he does, doesn't he? He is hard as the dickens. I guess he wanted... He's handcuffed. Maybe he's into kinks. Maybe he reached... And it just set him off. Maybe he reached temperature. Oh, yeah. That could happen. Or maybe he's just, like, permanently hard. Hey...

Yeah. Maybe it's one of those pumps. Oh, yeah, or you took too much Viagra. Have you seen the pumps? Penis pumps? You do the thing where you have a little button inside your balls and you can pump up your penis and it gets super rigid and hard. Oh, no. Yeah, it's like a whole thing. You can put a penis implant in. You get a third ball that's like a little button and you pump it up.

And then apparently you don't lose function. You can piss out of it and stuff. It just has like a year-long recoup as if they've splayed open your penis like it's a Branzino. I'd just rather not have sex. I think a lot of people, that is a choice that some people have made. Yeah, I would just not have sex. See, I don't know if I could give up having sex, but I also don't know if I can have the knife go towards my penis in

At all. I think that that's the only thing I am mostly concerned about is the knife going towards my penis and the recovery of this. If you're going to put this in your penis to have sex, can I get a little piece of advice? Take naps.

Just start taking naps. But then the problem is that sometimes if they can't fucking fuck Eddie, they end up killing a bunch of little girls or they end up fucking making a carousel of dead bodies that they lift up. Guys have to come sometimes. Enjoy not coming. Some men can't. Some men cannot, Eddie. Some men need to be. But I would also say if you lose control of your penis, it's time to become a bottom. Yeah.

Yeah. Like if you can't get hard anymore too, and you're afraid of the, I mean like just understand you're, you're a guy that you're a bottom now and just get into that because if you don't come, if men don't come, they commit atrocities. Can't you just get really into like buffets?

You know, just like, you know, like, yeah. I don't know. Doesn't it feel like, I mean, it's all like, I don't know. I don't know how to choose. Yeah. You have to charge it, by the way. Oh, yeah, dude. You have to charge it? You have to plug yourself in. Yeah, at night. Oh, you got to charge it? Yeah, I use mine. When I've been using it, honestly, I'll confess. Full disclosure? Full disclosure. I do it myself. And what it is, I have a solar panel in my asshole. Yeah, yeah. What I do quite a bit is I just show my asshole to the sun itself. Oh, that's nice. Make it zapped in. Yeah.

It's super, it's super cruch. Yeah. So let us know if you got a penis rot that, uh, you got to charge at night. I wish someone had a penis. I would love if someone had a penis implant and they could talk to me about it because I mean, it looks horrific. Yeah. It looks horrible. I don't want to deal with it. Yeah. Penis plants. Thankfully. Oh,

You can hook it up to your phone. Oh, get my app. I can pre-charge my penis. You can just turn it on. It's so amazing. I can pre-charge my penis. I mean, it would be good if it vibrated and you could just turn on your phone and make it vibrate and then you could just come like that and you don't have to do anything. God. Yeah. I mean, that's just, you know. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, see, this you're into. You know what would make it even better? What? If you could... Oh, the clapper? But you got to clap on your penis? Yeah.

Hell yeah, man. That would be fucking sweet. Where's the clappers at these days? Clapper's gone, man. No one's doing the clappers anymore. Well, it's also just hard because, you know, everyone just thinks it's HPV. You think a clapper doesn't work? I got the clapper. Yeah, I bet you do. Oh, I seen her too. I seen her myself. They got them. Yeah, they got the clapper, but then I feel like the clapper now is like,

I don't know. I think now people do too much twerking for the clapper. Oh, yeah. That'd be hilarious. Making their butt slap. You got to twerk to turn the music back on. Can I please get some video of someone twerking to turn on a lamp with their clapper? Honestly, sidestories, lpotl at gmail.com. I'll give you $4. If you send a video where you can twerk loud enough to set off a clapper, I'm going to give you a free shirt. Free shirt? Yep. Wow.

I don't know what I've just asked for. Well, what you just asked for is someone to fucking twerk and then their friend sit next to a light switch. No. I need. All right. So this is what we're going to do. To get the free shirt, I need the receipt of the clapper. Okay. That needs to be sent in. I need to see the clapper needs to be in the wall. Like first, you must do an independent video in which you clap on.

with your hands. Just buy a shirt. No. No, you want a free shirt? This is the work. I think you have to reimburse them for the clapper as well.

No. Eddie, this is my game. We're going to fucking bring our company to the ground. I'm just saying. It's not worth it for them to get a clapper. Yes, it is. Make a video of them demonstrating that the clapper exists. It's getting a free shirt by trade. It's too much work for a free shirt. That's called work. That's called America. Everybody's so angry about money. Shirt and a nash tray. Everybody's angry about money. Everybody's angry about it. I'm giving you an opportunity to get a shirt for free. How about a hat? Shirt and a hat.

Yeah. All right. There we go. All right, guys. As long as it's merch. As long as it's merch, I'll get you some merch. All right. But again, video, I need a receipt of the clapper. I need video of the clapper working on its own. Then yourself doing it. A clapper in the picture, if you could, if we could cut back and forth between the angles. Mm-hmm.

All right, so now we can actually get to some stories. You guys like stories, right? You guys like stories. I want to talk a little bit about the Booga Sphere. Oh, yeah, you were talking about this earlier. What is it? Now, show this. If we could, just show Eddie this little video here. Roberto. Now, this is downtown Booga. Downtown Booga, Columbia. They have been dealing with a bit of a sphere problem. Is this Bogota? Bogota?

Or is it Booga? It's called Booga. Okay. I believe maybe Boo-ha. It's probably Boo-ha, but Booga Sphere is more fun to say. It is. So in Booga, Columbia, they have been dealing with this. It's spheres that was flying in low orbit around downtown. Now there's this video they're saying that is real. This is a UFO sphere. This all came from the T-Mobile.

of Dr. Jose Luis Velasquez. Oh, they caught the sphere. No, see, not this thing. So, all right, this is not the video, not this video, Rob. The other one, if you go into the video, right, yeah, right back to the penis pump. Penis pump, clapper. No, no, penis pump, no. Alien sphere. That's our show in a nutshell. Thank you. Again, sidestories, l-p-o-t-l at gmail.com if you can make your tits bounce hard enough to make the clapper go off. And again, I'm not talking about nudity, this isn't sexual. What about balls?

I can make my balls fucking hit my taint. If you do that, it'll give you a free shirt. I don't need a shirt, but I do want to test myself. I'll buy you something. If you do it, Eddie, I'll buy you something. What are you going to buy me?

We'll figure that out. So this is the Booga Sphere. Now, the Booga Sphere was shooting around, zigzagging around downtown Booga, Columbia. This is this year, 2025. This man that might some people have called a bit of a con artist. I say he's a colorful radiologist by the name of Dr. Jose Luis Velasquez. As they said that later on, this object, as you could see zipping, was found in a field, right, that they found. They said there was writing on it.

that there was no visible seals on it, that legitimately it looked like it was one solid piece of metal. It is flying really weirdly. Yeah. If this is indeed real. It's like a giant phantasm ball. So now you see it fell into the ground. They went and they grabbed it. They went and looked, and this man went and x-rayed it. They're saying that there's symbols on it, but that seems to be all over the place because if you look at one picture of the symbols, it does sort of look like the font from Alienware.

Okay. Which is also supposedly built upon... Apparently, it does look like the font from Alienware, but the font from Alienware was also built upon old drawings of stuff. So, again, I don't know what chicken-and-the-egg scenario that is, but they...

x-rayed it and they found that the middle of it has a bunch of other tiny little spheres. There is a sort of metal rind to it, a metal kind of outside of it. In the middle of it's this weird kind of what seems to be a softer metal. To be honest, it seems like one of those Rochers. It does seem like this is a... You know Rochers? Do you get Rochers every year for Christmas like I do? What's a Rocher? A hazelnut candy.

Oh, no. You don't like Rochers? I don't eat candy since the diabetes. I know, but you never like these Ferrero Rochers? Oh, you know what? No, I don't like those. See, this is my favorite. As a kid. Those aren't good. I used to sit, man. I used to just. You eat these five or six at a go. Fuck that. Dude, I love bonbons. You don't like bonbons? No, I'm not a bonbon guy either. I like a Cadbury egg. I'll fucking suck on a. Oh, man. I'll hatch a bunch of them fuckers. I don't think you're allowed to be fat anymore.

What are you talking about? For not liking these things? You don't like Rochers. Those are just fancy candy. It's not fancy. What do you get? Toblerones too? Yeah. Toblerones are delicious, but also they hurt your mouth. Rochers are not. These are not fancy candies. That's a Costco. I have eaten these. That's Costco's. You like Purilines? What's a Puriline?

Look it up. Have a Hershey bar, you fucking piece of shit. No, that sucks. No, purulene, that's not that. It's P-I-R-O-U-L-I-N. Nope, that's a praline. That's wrong. Again, wrong, Rob. P-I-R-O-U-L-L-E. P-I-R. Your spelling is just as bad as Henry's weight problem. Look at that.

You never had Pure Elite! Yeah, you dip them in your coffee. Yeah, the cream-filled wafers. It's the same fucking thing. Those are fine. No, they're not the same thing! It's the same shit! And it's in the fucking form! It's the same shit! Same ingredients! It's not the same thing! It's the same fucking ingredient! It's not! It's hard to... When you and your buddy are so in sync, and then you find the one thing that you might fight about, but the fact that this fat doesn't like rochers, and called them fancy even,

They're not shrimp, I'll tell you that much. I love shrimp. We all do, Eddie. Yeah. That on which we can agree. I prefer shrimp. Over pyrrolines? Of course. Then what are we even talking about here? I've eaten so many pyrrolines that I just can't eat them anymore either. Really? I used to eat a whole, that whole thing. When I was real fat, man, I used to just fucking...

I used to eat them like I was sucking dick. Oh, yeah. But I would take my time with them, I remember. I would, like, keep them in my... I would pretend like I was smoking and stuff. Yeah, I'd do stuff like that. Yeah, that was... That was, like, when I was a kid kid, but then as I got older, I was just eating them. Yeah. Because I was smoking cigarettes. Mm-hmm. I remember I found a really old box of them, and I ate them anyway. Yeah. I'm so proud of myself. Of course. No, no, no, like the Native Americans. Yeah. None can be wasted. Okay. Ha ha ha!

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All right, so let's get back to the boogasphere. Oh, yeah. What is this fake ball doing now? It is doing a lot of stuff. The object was recovered on March 2nd. They said it weighs about four and a half pounds, which you can tell right now. Boogasphere is actually going at the Gauss's for like $4.99 a pound. And David Velez El Potro, one of the individuals who recovered the object, he spoke. He was on Moss on television.

Now, he was also working with Jamie Mouson. He's a ufologist that hosts the show. Now, this is the guy, Mouson. It's the same guy that found the alien mummies in Peru, which...

I have been reticent to cover in more detail because at first they were heavily debunked. Yeah. But then these were the, remember these, the little baby mummies? Yeah, I know these. But then they got re-kind of tested. They're still kind of floating around in the UFO world because they did have some kind of bones in them. So some people are kind of saying they think that they might literally be mummified children or that they were, or that they could be old, but people did make art out of them.

There are bones inside of them. Yes, they're saying that there's bones inside of them. Are their bones the same stuff that make up human bones? Yes, but they're also shattered altogether. Then they're not aliens. But it's a whole thing. Then they're people. It's a whole thing, Eddie. I look like an infant, and you can stretch out and you can, you know...

mold an infant's head, you know, if you work hard. Nothing would make me happier. I wish people would put me in charge of that. Of molding infant's heads? I'm going to turn your son, hey, you like your son? How about I make him Mr. Peanut?

You know what I miss? Zika. Me too. Where'd it go? I don't know. Yeah. Where's Zika at? Talk to these guys. Come on. These little mummies. These are the first Zikas. Where's Zika at? Yeah. Actually, Zika testified this week at the Diddy Trail. Oh, that's right. All right. So this week, this is a, but all right. So Velez de Poultro, he said he found it in the woods of Buga.

And he said this fear, he was kind of crazy. He said he told Malsan when he found it that he, after touching it, he felt sick for days. He then, he said it was cold, but he poured water on it and the water evaporated off the top of it. Oh, interesting. It just seems like such horseshit to me. How is the ball only four pounds if it's not made out of tinfoil? Aliens.

It's stupid. This whole thing's stupid. I don't think that aliens write letters to each other. Well, according to this right here, the center of the sphere shows a lower radio acoustic density than the edge, indicating an internal structure that may be more porous or composed of less dense material than the outer shell, like a hazelnut cream. I just can't see aliens like designing something. Well, putting like a design on it. They don't have, they don't need that. They're not artistic. They're here. It's interesting because you say this, is it,

Artistic design. Like, let's say, let's throw all of the It's Horseshit away for one second. Yeah. Because on one level, sure, obviously it seems like total horseshit. It's all connected to a bunch of con men. We can't see it ourselves. You know, you'd think it would be killing everybody by the second that you touch it because of the radiation, all the stuff coming off of it. But let's just say... The footage was pretty cool. It hit ornate, right? Let's say it hits the ground and it's now like it goes dead.

It's very possible, which is what I've heard in other sections of UFO lore, that the writing itself is the technology.

And the stuff on it is like almost sometimes an instruction manual. It's something that is working alongside. This is how you open it? Yes. Grab two AA batteries? Essentially. Like it could be like that. Who knows? Every single story I've read of other people that have gotten close to a UFO, they always kind of talk about one of the things they always talk about is some alien writing thing.

written on the side or engraved on the side or written into a thing. It's kind of, it happens quite a bit. Okay. According to them. Seems like horseshit that, I mean. I know, I told you, you told me not to do that. I'm sorry. No, I'm not saying not to do that. I'm just saying if you were to not say it's horseshit, that's what you'd say. Yes, yes, yes. So it's one or the other. I think the writing would be on the inside. I don't think that if aliens are creative.

That's all I'm saying. I think that we had a very illuminating conversation with Whitley Strieber about that topic, which I thought that was very interesting. Whatever you say about him. That's one of those where... I liked him. I liked him too. I thought that he did a very good job. But obviously, a lot of people are calling bullshit on the Boogosphere. I love my Boogosphere. I want one. I wish I could have my own. Someone make one for Henry. I wish I could have an Oogie Boogosphere.

I just want one of these things. It's just a, but I mean, a lot of things are going to come out of the wash. We'll find out. Yes. Much like with how I'm so devastated about Mary Lou Retton getting a DUI. Who cares? She deserves a drink or two. I think so. Yeah. And if anyone could drive drunk, it's someone who could do flips. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. Can you do flips? Can you do flips?

Can you drive drunk? Yeah, this is out here three. Yes, it's a lot of stuff. They should go check it out. Newsweek talked about it. You know that. They're super dependable. What happened to Newsweek? Capitalism. They used to be like a reputable news source. A lot of things were. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of things were. Okay, cool.

Well, speaking of reputable news sources, this one comes from the New York Post. Finally. A Florida mother is accused of killing her six-year-old son in a failed exorcism. She's not a mother anymore. Yeah, she was during a twisted attempt to exorcise demons from her son's body. She then let the kid's body, she tried to get the demons out of him. Yep.

held her hand over his mouth until he stopped breathing. Sure. Thought that the demons were gone, but then he was just dead. Yep. And then she left. Demons are gone. And then she left him there for two weeks. But she did the thing of like, he's going to wake up any day now. Any day now. He's going to wake up. He's going to wake up.

I mean, it's just fucking, it's crazy. It's just a sad story for sure. Oh yeah, it's brutally sad. It's actually quite difficult to make comedy out of. But one thing I will find interesting is this idea that you'd think that like every Exorcist movie

All exorcism movies, they all say the same thing. The goal is that you've got to get the demon out of the kid before it dies. Yes. Because then the demon's done what it wanted. You've got to slap him. You've got to slap him. You've got to dose him in water. You've got to fucking give it a crucifix to masturbate with. All sorts of shit. But the kid, if it dies, it means the demon won.

Yeah. And so she's just trying to kick it to can saying, oh, come back any day now, knowing that you fucked it up. The reason they did a health check on him is she was just making a bunch of Facebook posts about obsessive religious and cryptic. Oh, sure. Just cryptic things like, you know, trying to figure out how to get the demon out of your child and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. He's just been dead for two weeks.

Oh, yeah, dude. I mean, this is, I mean, it's one of those things where we probably shouldn't even be talking about this story. No. But it's a, it's a woman who killed her kid because she thought it was possessed. We're not laughing about it. Yeah. You know, it just seems like it's in our wheelhouse. Yeah, I just, yeah, you know, I'm not sitting here saying this is the funniest story I've ever heard. Right? Because, like, I think it would be funnier if you did it honestly, Eddie. Okay. All right. Let's take it back. How do we make this funny? Do it in a funny voice.

A disturbed mother, 41, spent nearly two weeks before her son's decomposing body was fed. This isn't funny, Stella. I still don't like it. I still don't like it. I tried. I'm glad that you did it, though. I tried, though. I'm glad you did it. It's the ultimate yes anding. Hey, this is the idea here. I could try to make it funny. All right, go ahead. Go for it. Let me look at the article. Here we go. Let me look at this article. I'll try to make it funny. Did you see what her last name is?

Oh, this might help. All right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me one second. I'm getting there. I'm going to look at it. Give me the joke. Give me the one joke of this. Okay. If we could. Her name is Polly Nice. Polly Nice. Well, but turns out Polly's not so nice.

There you go. We did it. You made Rob laugh, at least. Yep. That's all that matters. She's charged with second-degree murder and failure to report. A Florida mother allegedly killed her six-year-old son during a twisted attempt to exorcise demons. She should have put those demons on a treadmill. Oh! Is this helping? I don't know. I am out of jokes. It's okay. You don't have to be in them.

What? You're out of them. I am. You're not in them. Unbelievable. What else happened in the news here? Not that. Let's not cover that again. Yeah, let's get away from that. Yeah, let's not cover that anymore. We're hitting that at a fucking dead end. Oh, we had the guy who jumped in the lake. He was in a lake with a bunch of alligators in Florida. Oh, this fucking guy. And there was a bunch of people like, hey, there's a bunch of alligators.

of gators in the lake and they called the cops and stuff but he was all like fucked up and then one of the alligators bit his arm and then he still like kept swimming and he got to the end of the lake and then he saw a bunch of cops and they're like stop stop and then he grabbed a bunch of trimming shears for the garden and he ran at the cops and they blew him away. Ha ha ha

So he got what he wanted? I think so. Wow, that's fucked up. So he was on something? Yeah, no, he was definitely all fucked up on drugs. Yes, but he was fighting a gator on his own. He volunteered to go into a lake and fight a gator? I believe he was just fucked up and he was in the lake. They don't say why he was in the lake with a lot

of alligators. Yeah, it seems like you do. It was at 7 in the morning. So I imagine he was still... Oh, yeah. He never went to sleep. They said that he was drunk or high or something. He definitely wasn't... I guess it's... Some of those Nespresso's, that super hardcore Nespresso is called like Ardversio or whatever it's called, the Nurse Nersio. Oh, yeah, because Nestle's trying to kill everybody. Yeah, dude, it could be that super, super intense Nespresso pod that did this. Yes. Because some of that stuff...

It takes me for a loop. And the cops, they were pretty happy about what they did, to be honest with you. I think that this is a type of story that they love. They love that he already had a round with an alligator and that they got to finish it. And he tried to assault the deputies with shears. He then jumped into...

into their vehicle, which is an armed burglary. And then he tried to get the rifle and shotgun out of the vehicle. At that moment, all the warnings had to stop and action had to begin. And that's when they shot him enough to stop the threat.

They unloaded both of their guns on him. He looks like a man that could have made... His mugshot basically says, I could have made better choices. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I could have made better choices. I shouldn't be in this place. I did, unfortunately, have sex with a panda. But honestly, what's really nice about having sex with a panda is it's only got like a six-month...

like a whole sentence you just get in and out yeah oh he was on meth um he swam a long way across the lake and the fact was bitten by an alligator significantly and continued his rampage is shocking judd said um judd's one of the police um officers i believe he's uh but he also said that they described the man after they killed him as deader than four o'clock

That's a direct quote. Dinner at 4 o'clock. That's crazy. Dinner at 4 o'clock. After killing somebody? That is fucking nuts. It's been a long afternoon for them. I'll put it that way. It's definitely a long afternoon for them, but also they had too much fun with this one. Unfortunately, they had a bit too much fun with this one. This went into the police's favor. Yeah. Because they had a lot of hay with this guy. A lot of hay.

Because they never get to just shoot somebody in a non-complicated fashion. Ha!

You know, like it's so hard when they get one. It's good for them. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Because also there's a guy that didn't get it good, which was honestly an extremely sad story that I could also not really joke about. Mark Fogle, 54. He died in an altercation with a Clark County deputy. This guy, he was a trucker. He got arrested for DUI. He crashed his car into two park cars. Okay. And he got out. He started going like, my life's over.

I'm as good as dad. I'm a trucker. And they're all like, you know, like you could, you're fine. You're a commercial trucker. He's supposed to drive. He, he had a license for driving like gasoline and waste trucks. Okay. So that's a specialized, like it's hard to get. It's a hard to get license. And,

Even the cops are trying to say, you know, like this doesn't necessarily mean they're going to take your thing. Like you can do like this DUI is your first UI. You'll you can get past this. And he keeps saying, I'm a dead man. I might as well be dead. And then in the once he's getting fingerprinted, he's about to get breathalyzed by the police officer when he's alone. Like so when they put you in this little they put you in a little cubbyhole, like wait before they release you, I guess, to the next cell part where they're going to test. They're going to test your breath.

Make sure they have it all registered, especially because he refused to do a breathalyzer when he was there. And they're like, all right, we'll get you at the station. And so the guys are being like, it's just you and me, right? It's just you and me. Because they released a body cam footage. And the deputy's like, yeah, but you're not going to do anything, right? Because up to that point, the guy had not been a problem. And then all of a sudden...

The guy, Mark Fogle, jumps on the cop. They have a fight. And...

And you see him going like, he's like, don't touch my gun. Don't take my gun. And he's like, that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm getting your gun. He goes for it. He gets a hold of the officer's gun. He smashes into his like the what's his putts? The camera. It shuts off. Right. Yeah. Goes off. You could see it smash into his chest. Thing goes off. But then the next thing that happened was the guy, the deputy had to fucking stab him to death.

He pulled his knife out. It's like his utility knife. He had to reach into it and get his utility knife and fucking stabbed him 14 times in the police station. Wow. And in that way, I just felt bad for the guy.

Because this dude was like, the other guy kind of felt like he was doing a bit of a suicide by cop. This guy was also trying to do a suicide by cop, but it's a bit more, I'd say it's a bit easier on the cop when it's done with a gun than stabbing him in the fucking belly. Yeah, when you're standing away, you're not actually feeling the blood run down your knuckles. But that was like a crazy way for that guy to go. He was real sad. He seemed like he had emotional problems. I wish that he understood that

a frown is just a wrong way to hold your umbrella. That's right. Yeah, you should have turned that frown upside down. You know, like, if you just understood that life finds a way, right, and that you could always... He could always... Mark Fogle, even if he lost his license, he could always...

You can change. You can change careers. Go to OnlyFans. Yeah. Don't make a frown. Make a brown. You don't think that Mark Fogle wouldn't do well on OnlyFans being one of those seared, sad, naked old men on OnlyFans? We know how the Fogle name travels well. It does. Yeah. It really does. Yeah, this guy was a real bad... Oh, wow. Yeah, I watched the whole body cam footage. It's really, really fucked up. Why isn't he cuffed? Because he was being nice. So the guy kept saying...

Oh, don't make me have to cuff you because he had cuffed him before. But the guy was being really kind of lackadaisical and not being aggressive with the police officer. And then he took advantage of that. He was trying to get he was trying to this is who he was trying to get. He was trying to get murdered. And it's really very sad because it's like being a truck driver can't be that bad. Right.

Oh, the very high suicide rate amongst truck drivers. I mean, we already know that truck drivers are where the serial killers are, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a whole bunch of things. Yeah, it's a pretty rough thing, you know. But what's the... That's really fucked up, dude. Yeah, they had a fight. He really had to stab the living hell out of him. Oh, yeah. That's not good, buddy. This is all... Oh, I feel so bad for this cop. Yeah, I mean, normally I never feel bad for cops, but in this way, it's just one of those things that's really sad to...

When we do this. I do talk a lot of shit on cops, but I often feel bad for it. It's an extremely. I just like talking shit on authority. Of course. Like that's like, you know, like, you know, mayors, cops, firefighters. You know what it is? Is that it's not that I even like to. It's that they must get shit talked. Yeah. Because they're the authority. And if they can't handle it.

Then why are you the fucking authority? Yeah, I love teachers, but I love shit-talking them, too. If you're so fucking thin-skinned, as far as I'm concerned, cops are supposed to take it. Landlords, superintendents, go fuck yourself. Congrats. You get the privilege. But guess what you get with the privilege? My endless bitching at you. That's what you get in the difference. It's like when people get super famous...

And then you can't then be butthurt when everywhere you go, you're tracked. Yeah. Because when you're famous, one of the things you give up is your privacy. Yes. Unfortunately, that is a part of the devil's bargain. Well, I mean, it's called famous. Yes. You know, it's part of the definition of being it. It's a part of the devil's bargain of it. There's really nothing you can do about it. Nobody deserves... Obviously, no one deserves to be stalked or murdered. No. But still, you have invited this. You are in the public eye. And the same thing with a police officer. Yes.

you can't handle some fucking criticisms about your job, then I don't know what the fuck to tell you. The whole point was that you were supposed to be better than that. You were supposed to stick up for people and help them no matter what they thought of you. So I would maybe think about that maybe.

Generals, hospital administrators. Every one of them. Everybody can get exact amount of shit as I want to deliver to them. Yeah. If you're in charge of people, I like inherently just don't like you. But that's your job is to take the criticism. Yeah. That's your job. So actually you're my boss. Well,

Weirdly. Fuck you. Fuck you. Thank you. No problem. All right. Let's get some listener emails. I do want to talk about... You didn't mention the Glimmer Man. I'm about to. Oh, okay, good. I want to read this to you. So first is a... This is not a listener email. This is from phantomsandmonsters.com. To first elucidate. Several years ago...

I am way, I'm extra burpy today, though. Was that a burp? I'm fucking. That's a burp. We got to call 911. There's a father noise. There's father noises. There's man noises. Yeah. And I got a bunch of them. Oh. Like that. Yeah. Hey. There's a glimmer of life left in you still. Kill me. We can get through this. Kill me. Several years ago, I moved to northern Idaho. Lucky.

I was always a hunter growing up and was excited to live somewhere with a more dense forest and more game to hunt. Since I was new to the area, I went out with my coworker for my first few trips. We became good friends. We became good hunting buddies. About two years ago, we went out for elk about an hour south of the Canadian border. We went out and we were scouting the area before we actually went on the hunt. And we'd been hiking for a few hours through fairly dense woods. And we came upon a small clearing. It was about 20 yards by 50 yards.

Before we entered it, I told my friend to stop. Something about the clearing didn't feel right. He said, you have a weird feeling too? I said, yeah, almost like it's a trap. Then I guess we should kiss then. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. I added that. You added that. We agreed to go around the clearing and continued on with trying to find a spot. The next weekend, we came back to hunt. We got there about two to three hours before sunrise and started hiking in.

We split to go to our spots, and after 30 minutes of walking, I found myself in that same clearing. I no longer had that weird feeling, but I knew I didn't want to be there. I ducked back into the woods, and I continued to my spot. I bet after an hour of sitting there, I heard something moving. I could not see it, but heard leaves moving. And it got quiet, real quiet. No birds, no bugs, nothing. That's when I saw it, about 30 yards east of me. Something was in the tree.

I looked at it, but I couldn't quite tell what it was. I raised my rifle and looked at it through the scope. My heart sank, and a cold chill ran down my back. My first thought was, that's the predator or something from the abyss. It had a human shape, but it looked like it was made out of water. I could see through it, but it was distorted. It was crouched down on the branch, like it was looking for something.

I texted my buddy and said, get over here now. Stay quiet and out of sight. Our spots were about 30 minutes apart. And after about 45 minutes, he showed up. By this time, the thing had left. Later, when he came back a couple of times, now he was in a tree about 50 yards away. And I said, what the fuck is that? At first, he didn't see it. But then he froze and his jaw dropped. We both sat there paralyzed with fear. After about 10 minutes, whatever it was, left back into the woods.

We hauled ass out of there like we were being chased by a lion. Never looked back and just kept running. We got back to the truck and sat there for a few minutes quietly staring into the woods. And that's when I started tucking into my buddy's dick. No, I added that. You added that? Okay. So that's the story of his Glimmer Man experience. The Glimmer Man. And I'm not talking Steven Seagal. No. Because you could tell Steven Seagal was coming by the smell of alcohol and Dracar Noir. Yeah.

But then I read this. This was all separate. But then I get an email from our listeners. Hey, boys, can you do an episode on this? It's a weird phenomenon. I never knew that this was a common sighting. I'm sorry. Help me. I am fucking. You are done. I am a mess today. I didn't even do anything. It's not like I did anything yesterday. We weren't even drinking that hard this weekend. I did nothing. I'm just hot. I'm literally just fucking fat. Yeah. And dumb and ugly. Well, as long as you're saying that.

So I've never heard someone else describe it as the cloaked predator until today. So multiple people have now seen this. A basic description. Five to six feet in height. No discernible features. Only a humanoid shape. It gives a slight magnification to anything it passes. Never made a sound. Never made quick movements. Always a slow, steady walk.

Basically the cloaked predator, but smoother. And for clarity, I didn't see any predator movies until I was 16. At least four times between the ages of 10 and 13 while in bed at night, I would see this shape walk into my room, stand at the end of my bed, would stay there for several minutes while I covered my head and passed out from fear or suffocation.

There was only one time that it walked around the bed and came closer. All I could do was bury my head and yell firmly, you have to leave. Do not come back. Sounds like his dad's got a ghillie suit. Well, cool. After that, I never saw it again. Years later, I talked to my mom and sister about eerie things in that house. And as I described this, I watched their faces drop, confirming they saw the same thing. Now, I want to see if we have any other glimmer man.

Well, I feel like if you just see, you know, like on a hot day, you could see like vapors. I know what you mean, but I also know what they mean by like seeing a moving thing. I've seen this sort of like on YouTube, like which is fake. Obviously, I think a lot of times, but I've seen YouTube videos of something like a glimmer man. But I have never seen in real life. But I've also can imagine, weirdly enough, that's how a cryptid would operate.

Yeah. Right? I guess so. I don't know. You don't think so? I'm sure. Yeah. But what's it eat? What does it matter? I'm just saying, if it's a ghost...

I don't think it's a ghost. But it's something like a ghost. What if it's a ghost of a Bigfoot? I think it's papers. What if a Bigfoot committed fucking suicide, now it's haunting the woods? Now this is a story that I like. Thank you. This is what I'm saying. Now I'm in. Bigfoot's fucking so sad that nobody cares and it can't get fucked anymore. Big ghost. If a Bigfoot had erectile dysfunction. ED. I hate that it's.

spells Ed. I know. I know, Eddie. Because there's nothing not hard about you. Especially your arteries. So if this Bigfoot went and he was sad and he went out there and he put a fucking gun in his mouth and he stole from somebody because his dick doesn't work anymore and he can't get

the pump because if he were to go get their surgery, he'd reveal himself. Yeah, he'd have to have an address. Yeah, so that's hard for him. He'd have to have insurance and all that kind of shit. You know, he's on liquid. He's hard to insure being a Bigfoot. So honestly, no one wants to insure him. Nobody wants to deal with it because of the inherent natures and dangerous nature of the forest. Yeah, and he's got the heart the size of a pumpkin. It's so difficult for him to get any coverage. And so he blows his fucking brains out. Now he's haunting the woods. Hmm.

Remember the movie Mask? Not Jim Carrey, the other one with Eric Stoltz when he had the big head? I do. You think that's just the shade of Bigfoot? I just want to thank everybody for listening to today's episode. He had something wrong with him. Yeah. But it was a mask, though. It wasn't real. It wasn't Michael J. Fox. No, it wasn't real. Yeah, it wasn't real. But I'm glad you're here for this. I'm glad that you did this.

Live every day like you barely survived a UFO convention. Yeah. Love every minute you have above the dirt because there ain't nothing you can do about it. We learned that from the Final Destination films. Hell yeah. All right? You can laugh your way to the bank knowing you're about to fucking kill everybody at the bank. Oh, yeah. Yep. On Patreon this week, we interviewed Craig Perry, who produced every single one of the Final Destination movies and the American Pie movies. He did. He did. It was interesting. It was interesting.

It was very interesting. It was very, very interesting. You know, because Final Destination, you're like, oh, you know, is that silly? Is it good? You know, I remember not liking it. It was fun. And then I watched a bunch of them to gear up for the interview, and I liked it more than I remembered. Honestly, I found them to be fun, and they are good old-fashioned popcorn, man. It's a good old-fashioned popcorn movie, dog. Yeah, so, I mean, horror, it's a big year for horror. It really is. I keep seeing them come out. There's more horror movies out this year than I think I've ever seen before. It's wonderful. It's a really cool year. It's good to be out there, man. Go and check out

speaking don't just go go see movies but also see our youtubes yeah our youtubes got all these new ones got an lpn romantasy and who's the b right both of those separate for uh the lpn romantasy series that natalie and jackie are doing and uh the who's the bitch podcast in which they analyze who's the fucking bitch

with Cara Clank and Jackie Sabrowski. Also, The Foreign Report has its own YouTube page. The fucking LPN TV has its own YouTube page. You've got to go and check it out because that is where we're moving all of our streams. And know that today, I don't know if this should come out right before, we are doing at 3 p.m. PST, we are doing the big keynote speech where I'm going to lay out the next two years of content. Z23, Z23. Z23, it's going to be big.

Go check us out there, motherfuckers. Go do it. He'll be on the left for all his fucking essentials. That's right. And then we're on tour. Don't forget. Don't forget. Last podcast on the left and side stories are on tour. This month is the month of June. And June 28th, we're going to be at the Coca-Cola Roxy in Atlanta. And then on June 29th,

Henry and I are doing two shows at Dad's Garage. I think they're sold out already. But if not, they're very close to it. So go and get the last couple tickets available there. And then in July, we're in Salt Lake City, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina, St. Paul, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Oakland, California, Cleveland, Ohio, and Portland, Oregon. Also, there's going to be a lot more side story shows announced this

for you to come check out and Crime Wave at Sea. Don't forget, crimewaveatsea.com slash left to get your tickets to come see Henry and I on a cruise ship. That's Monday, November 3rd through Friday, November 7th, leaving out of Fort Lauderdale, Florida on Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines.

And then also, don't forget, on August 21st, I'm doing Dead Men Tell Some Tales with my buddy Disney Dan, where we're going to talk about all the dark history of Disney parks and all the people that died there. We got all kinds of shit we're finding. So please come and check out that show. That's going to be at the Elysian Theater in Los Angeles. I believe that's all I care about talking about today. Fuck yeah, dude. Hell yeah, man. Fuck yeah.

Fuck it. Get better food in the desert. I'm fucking sick of this shit. We need to do it. We got to help it. We'll just have to bring it. Cactus tacos. We're going to bring the food. Use what you got. We're going to bring it this year. Yeah. I want to eat Roadrunner. I'll eat Coyote. Just fucking feed me something out there. It's a mess. I'd love to have some Coyote. All right. You guys. Yeah. And hail, I don't know, Robert the Dolly. I love that little fucker.

Jen's the mother of two teens. Her online shopping cart is always full of amps and auxiliary cables, so you might think she's funding her kid's garage band. But what you don't know is she's actually the one shredding on stage. With TransUnion's 360-degree view of consumer identity, you can get a clear picture of your marketing audience and reach people like Jen with messages that are more headbanger, less homebody.

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