Darrell Hammond: Word Salads and Distortion Fields
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Mr. Daryl Hammond. You haven't changed at all since I've seen you last. You look exactly the same, my good man. You do too. How did we do it? Well, I don't know, but I'm going to get into that hat action you got going on. It's very good. Well, well, well, if it isn't you again showing up for my podcast, or I guess I'm showing up for you is the way it works. But yeah, well, it depends if you've liked and you've subscribed, which you should do.

I show up for you every Thursday like a little gift into the Christmas tree. But if you haven't, that means you're seeking me out, which I also feel good about. But I'd feel better if you liked and subscribed. Anyway, welcome to the podcast today. Welcome to Literally. I'm really excited to talk to Gerald Hammond. Gerald Hammond, for those of you who may not know, and I think that's probably a minority, is the king on SNL.

characters. And he's done everybody you can possibly imagine from Sean Connery to Clinton to Al Gore, Dick Cheney. I was lucky enough to do two episodes with Daryl. And he's a scientist when it comes to this. And just a hilarious, really interesting, wonderfully offbeat dude. And it's going to be a good conversation. So here we go.

It's good to talk to you, man. I'm psyched. I have such great memories of I did two SNLs with you. Someone is smoking on the podcast and his name is Gerald Hammond. That's not happening. Your eyes are deceiving you.

It could be worse. You could be jeweling. I haven't done any jeweling, no. What is that? I was going to say, it sounds like you're very unaware of jeweling. Yeah, I am. What is that? Oh, jeweling is what all the kids are doing, man. It's what the kids do. And...

They pull out, it looks like a Star Trek device. It looks like something you stick into the computer. I'm sounding like I'm 100 right now, and I'm leaning into it. I don't care. Get it. And you suck on it, and it's vaping, basically. It's vaping, but it's a specific brand of vaping. It looks like you're smoking on a computer cartridge of some sort. Have you never been into vaping or even nicotine at all?

In this is going to come as a shock, I'm sure in the 80s, when I was a proponent of almost anything I could put in my body, smoking was was the last domino to fall. Like it started it started with like Amstel Light with Lorne under the bleachers. And then it would, you know, I then we'd part our ways and then then it would become, you know,

I'd have to find other substances, and then I would smoke. And then I got sober, and smoking had no appeal to me until I did a play, a filmed play with Dame Maggie Smith and Natasha Richardson.

And Sir Richard Eyre, it was all very fancy, of course. And they're very fancy actors and they smoke like chimneys. And I started doing it during rehearsal and I came back afterwards to the States. We were in London. Everybody smoked in London then. And I have a vivid memory of

of going and buying my first pack of cigarettes. Cause usually it was like bumming from people. Cause I wasn't in quote unquote a smoker. And I had this moment of clarity. It was like, if you smoke this cigarette, you're a smoker. And I put it down and I have never smoked a cigarette since. It's so interesting. You know, you, you've been in the thick of the most stressful business in the whole world and managed, uh,

To avoid a cave-in like a couple of us had. And stayed so friggin' fit. If you don't mind my saying so, you are a fit guy. Thank you. You're welcome. And quite an impressionist. Well, listen, this is the deep dive I've been so excited to get into with you. Because...

All of your impressions are great, obviously. But I had the good fortune of being there at the genesis of one of your greatest moments, which would have to be Al Gore's continual use of the term lockbox. You were there that night? So I was there. And one of the greatest things I've ever been able to experience was watching a presidential debate happen.

with the writing staff of Saturday Night Live. And then go, oh, that's great. That's a great moment. Oh, that's amazing. That's great. And so this debate was the debate where Gore kept making a meal out of the notion that funds would be put in a place where

Where they could only be used for what they were designated for. And he kept calling it a lockbox. Yes. And he kept talking about the lockbox. It would be, it would be put in a lockbox and we're like, we get it. It's going, it's going to lockbox. We established that. Al, thank you. And so in the debate, in the debate sketch, you were very funny with, with lockbox and your gore has always been genius. Trying to remember it. How does it go? Yeah.

How does the gore thing go? In my plan. Is that right? That's it. Yeah. She tells me that. Well, listen. Well, I studied him. I studied all fire. Like he said, the way he yells, the way he might talk when he's talking on the pillow, talk to someone and then.

I tried to encapsulate all the ways that he would sound. But the main thing that happened was Jim Downey wrote this brilliant debate sketch, which had me doing the Huckleberry Hound approach to Al Gore. Wow.

You know? The Huckleberry Hound Al Gore. That's exactly what it is. Yeah, yeah. But that's some of the most brilliant. Those words were insanely fucking funny, man. So funny. I mean, for those of you out there, so Jim Downey is one of the great writers on the original SNL. He was there in year one. And-

is sort of, they sort of, he comes back only for politics now, which is always when SNL's at its best in a political year. And the debate stuff is just, I mean, you can, I can remember them, you know, you know, you know,

I mean, from Dukakis to on, it was just, you know, so good. But the Gore thing is one of my favorite series, again, because it's so, I don't know what it is. You can do it. You can do it exactly. I know you can. Well, I was telling one of my agents about your ability, your transformative abilities, which are considerable. Do you remember doing Storm Phillips? Yeah.

I do. Yeah. You were there for old Storm Phillips. Remember when Storm Phillips was on NBC? You couldn't get him off your television. It was like he was like a Dick Wolf franchise. He just would not go away on NBC. Yeah. And you were doing Storm Phillips, and he was doing a –

A feature on Trump. They were interviewing me about what I thought, quote unquote, Trump brain or Trump vision was.

And then you were there and you like started talking like Storm Phillips and people just fell out. Because who knew that someone could do Storm Phillips? Well, that's what I like. What I like when people do, and I love when people do this sort of, you know, Mount Rushmore of people that you want to do. Presidents and famous people. But when you hear an impersonation of someone you've never heard impersonated before, and you're like, fucking A, that's so right. That makes me laugh and

So, Storm Phillips, how did Storm used to talk? Oh, well, and for me, when I do something, it's predicated on a move they have as opposed to going, I want to imitate them. Precisely. Storm Phillips' incredibly wooden promos were what made me laugh. Yeah. And I remember doing one doing...

Coming up next, the trampoline, children's play toy, or backyard death trap. And... Oh, man. That was literally the joke of it. And I remember, I think...

Will Ferrell played the stage managers. Okay, we're going to do this a little bit. We're going to try to get to the promos a little bit faster. And then, of course, the triple E. Sure, it's death toy or blackout playtime. Oh, man, that's good work. It's good stuff.

I was doing this play about my book, you know, this book that I wrote. Yeah, the title's great. Remind me of the title if there's no God. God, if you're not up there, I'm fucked. God, if you're not up there, I'm fucked is the title. I don't know why Siri is trying to interrupt my interview right now. I didn't get that. Hey, Siri, go away. That was amazing.

She literally said, uh-huh, okay, and went away. No. She did. By the way, can I just say something? If there's anybody listening to this podcast who works for whoever makes Siri, I don't appreciate the attitude. It's like, who put it into the algorithm? Like, well, I will, and I don't want to say it right now because it'll come up on my screen somehow. But if you ask for her to appear, she'll literally go, mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm like, what the hell? Like, if you had somebody who worked for you,

and you ask them, hey, could you step into the office, or could we have a meeting, or whatever, it'd be an issue. Don't you think? Yeah, and I mean, really, who on God's green earth would ever think that Siri would have a toad? I don't understand it. Siri's got a toad, man. Maybe. It's like, I don't... I mean, if the whole point is having a robot...

Like, supplicant. Whatever. Wouldn't you really want it to go the whole route? Yes. It should stand deferentially apart at all times. Yes, sir. No, sir. Thank you, sir. Of course, sir. Yeah, ma'am. Any of it. It's not sexist. And by the way, there are...

I'm surprised. Like if I were running it, I would have you do the voice of Siri. I don't know. I can't do it. I don't think I can do women. You can get men. You have men. Siri has a men option too. They have, they have, there's a, you can get like a French guy. I think we, we can imagine what he'd be like. I mean, can you imagine like, just like a totally disinterested, like if a totally disinterested Frenchman as Siri would really, I mean, if you're going to, Oh, she's back.

Hey, Siri. And now she's on my screen taking down what I'm saying. She's transcribing this interview. See, tech is all fucked up. I mean, there's stuff going on now. The robots are going to come get us, Daryl. Yeah, in a French dialect. I mean, that's a comedy bit in the waiting right there. I know. See, I would have loved to have had your job.

I really would have. I would have. I'm not kidding. It's the dream job being at SNL, sitting around pizza at five in the morning going, what if Siri were a French guy with attitude? Yeah. And they pay you. Yeah, there's probably a little bit more to being on SNL than that, but...

It's probably a little bit more that goes into it. Like the 20 years you spent prepping to get there. I ask everybody who I talk to who is on SNL, what was your audition? It took place in Studio 8H. It was me and Lauren and a camera person only in the studio. And I had the distinct impression that...

Maybe he had to be talked into letting me come out there. I'm not sure he was fully sold on the idea of me auditioning or that I had anything for him. But, you know, what gave you that idea? The fact that he was during the audition? Because, you know, the disinterest for the first time.

You know, the sort of brushing off the shoulder. That's not a good move. Not a good sign. The fatal... Oh, no! And you're like...

And I remember saying to myself, OK, so I know I know I'm not going to get the show. So I'm going to just please God, since this is my last time that I'll be in this sphere, in this hemisphere. Let me do a good audition. Let me perform as well as I want to. And I did. I performed as well as I wanted to. But somewhere around minute seven, I checked down to see just how bored he had was, you know, might be now.

And he had that Hawkeye on me. Like he saw something that he knew, that he recognized. You know what I mean? Yeah, the Lorne Hawkeye. Yes. Who doesn't remember that? And I thought, Jesus God, Christ. You know, I don't know what Daryl has is the right thing, but it's our thing. That's very funny. You can do the line. I can't do Lorne, but...

You can't or you won't. Perhaps I won't. Perhaps you won't. Maybe it's because I know on what side my bread is buttered. You know, the thing about Daryl is he doesn't really eat bread, but he knows what side it's buttered. Yes, there you go. So, like, I think it was like two or three years ago, Trump tweeted about something about me. Controversial, you know, complimentary to me, you know, not so complimentary to others and him and

And I was standing in the hall and I remember thinking to myself, you know, that didn't really, it really didn't do me any fucking favors to be tweeted about by the president of the United States. Okay. That should be a good thing. We should live in a world where you're like, Hey, how great is this for me? Yeah. And I was like, man, I don't know if you know this. I don't know if you know this. People in show business love Donald Trump. They love him. Oh my gosh. They just love him.

I was standing in 8H the next day and right before the entrance to the theater and Lorne was about to whisk by with the three or four smart looking, you know, assistants from Harvard and Yale and clipboard in hand. And he walks past me and you can tell me that he says the line, the president of the United States knows your name.

And then he kept going. And I fucking I fell out. I was like, didn't make me too happy to see that up there. But anyway, you know, you're there, Rob. You know what it's like to stand there and a llama walks by and there's Hillary Clinton. And hey, ain't that Cam Newton?

You know? That's right. I mean, I found myself doing a sketch with Ralph Nader. I mean, you just don't know what's going on. Yeah. I mean, it is one of the great places in the world where it's like, kind of like Noah's Ark. There's two of everything. It's like, you never know what animal is going to be

you know studio ah is the is is the arc did you ever have gore well you i'm sure you had the people that you've you've done the impersonations with the actual people which is now it's become sort of a thing on us and now it's like i kind of am over it it's like i get it there's this somebody doing kamala harris with kamala harris i get it it feels like it's overworked to me but when you you were there in an era where that was fresh and interesting who who was the first person you did

You did that. You had to face down. You did. I mean, it seems to me one of the first people that I had to face down was Phil Donahue, like doing Phil Donahue for Phil Donahue. There was Clinton. You know, I did a couple of banquets with him. I did a thing with Cheney in which at Cheney's request, he had me dress up like Clinton and come in and literally I,

Break balls of his Republican counterparts because Cheney was a really good, really good laugher. He loved to laugh. And he could take. Yeah. And that's the stuff that people just don't ever you would never think, you know, is a great laugher. Just a great guy who gets it in this hilarious, loves a good joke. Dick Cheney. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't you wouldn't think that. But he he I distinctly remember there was one joke.

One joke I told about Gore at the White House Correspondents Dinner, and I heard Cheney's hand laughing. It's a pretty great moment. White House Correspondents Dinners, do you think they'll come back? I don't know what in the world is going to come back. I mean, it's the White House Correspondents Dinner. We're always such a weird thing because show business people think bad.

Powerful politicians are stars and powerful politicians think show business people are stars. And it's this weird mutual admiration society. And again, you get the weirdest groups of people together at that. I want to – I think I've been to two of them, but –

And then the president speaks, and it's always usually until Trump stopped doing it, it was always such a great time to see a president be legitimately funny and show that they got the joke, which I loved. I loved seeing that, regardless of how you felt about them. You're like, oh, they get it. They're funny. Yeah, we were all very pleased by what went on during the night. No one could really say that this benefited our country, actually, in any way.

But it was a damn good time. And you crushed. And because some people, I mean, some people recently have bombed horrendously. Yeah. And the reason they bomb is because they have a partisan agenda one way or the other. And one of the great things about the night, that's what it is. 100% this was, by the way, you can be as mean as you want. I've seen people be so mean to the president. He's right there.

Just so mean. And the president loving it. But that's when it's clearly a joke. It's kind of like being roasted when I did the comedy, when a Comedy Central roast, when you know at the end of the day that the people there love you, you then the meaner they are, the better it is. But if you also know they're being mean because they fucking hate you, that's a whole different vibe.

Yeah, but that's a, you know, you make a really good point. That's the last room in the world where you want to walk out there and not include half the political world. Right. Like, I got some jokes that are going to make Cheney laugh, but they're probably not going to make, you know, the Clintons laugh. But I always tried to do it that I would find something funny and

Ish that they did, i.e. with Bob Hope, it was Ike's golf swing, you know, you know, with Chaney, I made him into sort of this wise, cracking, tough guy. There was a little maybe, you know, a little over the top when it came to manners, you know, what what's your process when you.

They're like, you're like, oh, I think maybe they're like, hey, Daryl, you've seen in the headlines. So-and-so was in a did a such and such. And we want to do something about them in the show. Yeah. And you got to go or anytime. What's your process for figuring out how to do somebody? Or now are there people that you were like, I just can't crack this code? That's happened a number of times, but I never told that to Lauren that I until the last minute when I would say I just can't get this. I mean.

The thing about trying to learn a character over there is you're on the clock. You know this. You know what it's like. You've been there. You're on the clock. You've got to get this in said number of hours. Or let's say it's Thursday, so you need this by Saturday. But that's not all you're going to be doing Thursday and Friday. You're going to do about six other things each day. So really, you're going to get three or four hours to bring something out there on stage.

It's not always enough time. And it wasn't for me. I had to do, um, they wanted me to do Al Michaels. Um, we did in the sketch ended up being on and, and, um, I think they wisely gave Al Michaels to somebody else. Um, but I remember just, you know, looking at video and video and video and listening to video and trying to come up with something and, and, uh,

Same with the cult leader, Marshall Applewhite, who had all of his followers kill each other in San Diego. And then they all wore Nikes. Do you remember this? Yeah. And I had to play Marshall Applewhite. By the way, that's when you know you made it in show business. You're like, you're playing the dead cult leader murderer, Marshall Applewhite, on the cold open of Saturday Night Live. You're like, yes, this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Do you remember who you couldn't do? Yeah. I mean, I...

I couldn't do Newt Gingrich. I couldn't do Danny Aiello. I couldn't do Nick Nolte. I couldn't do Nick Nolte. I'm sorry. Wait a minute. I do a fucking Nick Nolte. You couldn't do a Nick Nolte? No, I couldn't do it. Couldn't do Jackie. Oh, come on. No. Come on. Let's go. Let me see. Dude. First of all, so I grew up in Pointe du Monde and Nick was always, well, I'm going to say it, staggering around...

Malibu. What age was he at that time? This was, I would say it was post-Cannery Row. So we're going to say mid-80s, pre-Romantic Leading Man Resurgence, Prince of Tides. Oh, okay. I Love Trouble, pre-that moment. And I remember walking into the, probably to get some beer with one of the Sheens.

And seeing Nick, and Nick was like, how's your dad? And they were like, oh, he's actually down in Nicaragua. And I remember Nick Nolte going, Nicaragua! Nicaragua! Nicaragua! And backing up and falling over into a can of beans and everything falling all over the floor, a display. So whenever anybody says, Nick Nolte, I go, Nicaragua! Nicaragua!

Hold that thought. We'll be right back. All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel. ♪

Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. So I have developed a Bill Clinton over the years, and I actually was invited to –

uh, the Clinton, um, uh, offices up in Harlem, right when they first opened them. And I was like, it's sort of like, I used to do this in Lauren's office. He never knew this. Like I would, when the staff was there, I would, um, I would go into the area where they put the cards up for the show and, and go, um, Anna Gastauer's a little light. Can we do maybe move her into something, maybe post update and eat the popcorn while I did it.

And the staff would fucking lose it. And then Lorne would come in and just sit there. So I did the same thing at the Clinton Library. I was going, I have to say these hallways are not quite as heated as I would have thought. And everybody...

And then the big fellow starts walking down the hallway and then I shut the fuck up and get scared that maybe he heard it. So I was going to tell you, I did a play at La Jolla Playhouse called The Daryl Hammond Project, right? Directed by Chris Ashley, the Tony Award winning director. And I played a lot of parts in there and I told them Rob Lowe can do this. He could do this one man show because I can't do it. It's too it's just too funky for me.

But there's 63 parts, and I know you could do it. This sounds great. I want to read this. Send this to me. Seriously? Okay. Yeah, and if I were to do it, I would not change it to the Rob Lowe project either. It would be the Daryl Hammond project. The problem... Well, thank you. I mean, listen, you're playing a cutter at SNL. I mean, how bad can it be? It's got a couple of good moments, right? Right, yeah. But it's really hard...

Because you've got to be able to transform. You've got to play three or four doctors. You've got to do Clinton as the main one. You've got to do Sean Connery, which I know you can do. Yeah, we can figure out Sean Connery. Oh, fuck yeah. You really got that in your wheelhouse. But I will have someone send it to you. Are you kidding me? I want Al Gore in there. That's my favorite. Well, there's a scene in the middle of the play where there's a master class where you do your audition for Lorne.

So you get to peel off whatever your 20 favorite ones are, you know, in the middle of the show. I did. I did Eric Roberts on. And that's another one. It's like that's the more obscure, the more I like them. I like people doing really obscure. Yeah, but gourmet people know Eric Roberts is nice. And Walken, Chris Walken's another one. But everybody does Chris Walken. That's okay. But it's...

It doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Obviously, now Alec is doing Trump, obviously. How do we feel about this? Oh, we're just elated. That's how we feel. We're elated. Yeah. Well, listen, can't win them all. Right, brother? You can't win them all. And here's the thing. Can I just say this? And I love Alec. I've had him on the podcast. I've known him forever. I think his Trump is fucking unbelievable. It's like Tina's.

Sarah Palin for me in that, like when I look at them, I actually think I might be looking at them. There's something about it's all morphed, but I don't love the new thing of bringing in top hitting celebrities to do what the cast should be doing. I don't love it. Don't love it. What do you suppose that's about? I wonder, let me think for a minute. Ratings. Oh, that came up. I got it. That's what it was. It took me a minute. Think of it.

You know, it's like, I don't know why. I mean, if it were a one-off, I would get it. But I mean, the cast are so great. I want to see them do it. I mean, it was explained to me they were sort of moving in that direction. Yeah.

We're it's a weird time to be alive. We're time to be in show business. Yeah. But look, look at it this way. It's the other thing is, is that, you know, Lauren's genius. Nobody else could have kept that show going as long as he have. And this might be the iteration that has it go for another 20 years to that. You know, yeah. What is your Trump predicated on? What's the basis of it?

I don't know. I haven't done it in so long. Oh, you're on strike. No, I don't have anywhere to do it. Where would I do it? Right here. It's been a while. But I know that it's based on Trump's brain doesn't allow... Much. Certain negativities to seep in. It's almost like solipsism, you know, where...

He's the only thing that's real to him ends up being his own appetites, his own desires, his own vision. So that when he comes out there and says something that the Washington Post tells you the next day is untrue, he believes it. Of course, he believes it. So he's not just a con man that's up there making shit up to try to fake you out.

At the time, he believes it because, I mean, I don't, I've said this to a lot of people and it's kind of a cop-out, but it's not. It's the truth. I never really, of all the people I've studied, I never studied anyone like him. Yeah, it's kind of like when they used to have ads for movies and papers and they would take reviews and they would take three lines of the review, but not the other three lines. And then, so I think that's sort of what he does. It's not, I think he just sort of cherry-picks

Everything is a review. By the way, that is true. Everything is a review to him. Everything. Well, so far as I can tell, his main thing each time he speaks is to engage his base and throw them a little red meat. And the red meat is sort of like, look, you were fucked. I know you were fucked. OK, we all know you were fucked. And I and I was fucked, too. And we were all fucked.

And then they can start screaming. And then after that, he just goes into word salads and distortion fields, you know, but I, like I've studied him a fair amount. I think, I think word salads and distortion fields might be the title of this particular podcast episode. I think so. Um, I was watching all the Kings men, a movie from the forties starring Broderick Crawford. There was a line in the movie, um,

in which the Willie Stark character played by Broderick Hofford says, it's not me they're after. It's you. I'm just in their way. And it blew my mind because Trump says that. Trump actually has a meme online that is pure because Willie Stark in real life was Huey Long. Huey Long was the guy back in those days that no one could figure out if he was from heaven or from hell.

Right. Doing goods for lots of people. But oh, my God, what a bad guy. But isn't it interesting that he's doing a line from Huey Long? Well, that's his era, the 40s, which makes sense. We're all all of us are stuck in what was cool when we were kids.

Right. I mean, you think about it. It really is true. It's like, that's the thing I'm most scared about, about getting older, is that my references when I speak are so dated that they seem so gross. Because we all know that. We all know people are like, ah, that's just like something Benny Goodman would have played or whatever. You're like, what the fuck? And I just don't, I don't want to be that guy, but I already find myself being that guy because...

If you, like, reference the Rolling Stones, it's like people look at you like, the fucking, the Rolling Stones. Let's talk about, you know, The Weeknd or whatever. You know what I mean? It's like, fuck, you're just fucked. Richard Lewis used to have a joke similar to that. He'd be like, back in the 50s, Adelaide Stevenson up. I met Madonna. You know? That's...

He's a funny fuck. God, I got to get him on the show. That's a great... Make a note of that. Richard Lewis is a funny, funny man. Oh, shit. He's funny. Adelaide Stevens. I meant Madonna. Sorry. I meant Madonna. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's so... Got a belly laugh out of you.

It did. Funny dude. Oh, you replaced Don Pardo. Yeah. So Don Pardo was the great announcer of live from New York. And he had that great. Did you do Don or did you do yourself? Well, I did Don a few times while he was still alive when he had laryngitis. So when he did pass and Don and I were I think I was sort of a favorite of his. He was he was a favorite of mine.

So I get this call that I'm living in New Orleans at the time. I get this call from Lauren's office and Higgins is involved. And it probably was Higgins that called me and said, we want you to do Don Pardo, but not Don Pardo. We want it to somehow be an homage to him. We don't want to hire an announcer to replace him. So what we want is to figure out a way that he's still slightly, you know, he's still in it. So we just what we decided to do was we're

color certain vowels. You know, um...

People's sound, we don't hear it in their consonants. All our consonants sound the same, male or female. They all sound the same. But in the E's and the I's and the U's. So each time that we announced a broadcast, we would pick, like, featuring. You know, the rest of the time I'm doing, like, this standard announcer voice, right? But then we would get to featuring. Featuring.

Musical guest. Yes. Randy Newman. So Don is still there in the vowels. See, I love hearing the how you make it happen stuff. It was all in the vowels. And here's what I learned today, that men and women's consonants all sound the same. Yeah. And the other thing I like is when you put something in an impersonation that the person actually doesn't do.

But you feel like they should do it? Well, with Clinton, he never went. I never saw him do that. Thumb and the thumb. But then we bites the biting the lip and then the thing where you. I did it once at the cellar. It exploded the room. I've seen him bite his lip. Yes. And I've seen him give a thumbs up, but never at the same time, you know.

But I'm not sure that's what you mean. No, it is what it is. Exactly what I mean. It's like when I did young Robert Wagner and the Austin Powers movies. You suck. You're great. Young Robert Wagner. Who the hell? Well, and it was and it was based on that.

Him knowing the names of all the maitre d's in Los Angeles at all the restaurants. And that was the key for me. That's how I found it. It was like, do you know Gigi at the Palm? And then it was him putting the wrong emphasis on syllables, which he doesn't do. But I do when I play him in Austin Powers. So if he was talking about the island of Fiji, he goes, I'm going to the island of Fiji.

But why does that work so well? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I don't know. Wow. Do you know? My hand got bitten by that mini me. Yeah. As opposed to mini me. So it's just like putting the wrong emphasis on shit. But you put that in there. It reminds me of something I read by Uta Hagen when she's coaching and she talked about it's not the character, it's you as that character. So that's what you just did. You put in...

You put it in. It's not him, but it's him. It just kind of works. It's kind of what you want him to be. I don't know. You want it. It's like a fantasy of somebody. I don't know. Yeah. It's like you're using your body to depict something that's unseen about the guy. There's a great debate thing. Maybe you did it. Remember the debate? They used to have the format where you could wander around the stage. What do they call it? It's not a town hall. Maybe it is a town hall.

But there was basically no podium and they could wander. Yeah, it was town hall because they could wander up to the audience and take questions. Yeah, right? Yeah. And so there's that great moment where Bush is talking.

And all of a sudden, Gore is just looming right over him. Do you remember that moment? Yeah. And Bush turns around and looks at him and goes like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then goes right back to the answer. And again, Gore kind of just like shrinks. And what was that? I tell you exactly what it was. Here's what I heard. I heard that Rob Reiner, you know, who's a big Democratic activist and director, was like, get in his face. Get in his space. Yeah.

Make him uncomfortable. You know, get right up in there. And Gore was like an actor who doesn't really understand direction. You know, like we've all worked with people like that who just – he literally took him literally. So he like ran across the stage and stood right next to him. And that was the – what I heard was the impetus of that great classic debate moment.

But it was almost like playground violence where you walk up behind a kid for no fucking reason. The kid's like, what? That's what it was. That's exactly what it was. And you walk over and go, I'm stronger than you and I can take your shit. Have you ever heard this, that the person who wins an election is the person you can picture outside?

You ever heard that one? The person who wins the election is the person you can picture outside. Most picture outside. Yeah. Why? I don't know. But if you think about it, it's true. Think about it. Like, think about everybody who's won and lost an election. And there's always one of them that you can more picture outside.

Right. Tossing a Frisbee, maybe. Yeah, I think it goes back to Kennedy. It's like one of them seems like they're stuck behind a desk and the other one is like out in the sun and vital and, you know.

Reagan on the horse, the cowboy hat or whatever. When you really think about it... Reagan chopping wood? Yep. Mike Dukakis goes outside, gets in the tank, and that's the end of that. John Kerry goes outside and windsurfs the wrong way, and that's the end of that. I mean, when you really think about it...

There might be something to it. And then, by the way, there may be nothing to it. And that's why I'm not a political strategist. Well, I think we see Obama shooting baskets. Oh, yeah. Golfing, body surfing. Yeah. I love that. That's my favorite Obama picture ever is him body surfing. Yeah. Clinton, lots of jogging. And Bush was a great runner, too, I believe. Yeah. Bush Jr. By the way, the great irony is there's no bigger outdoorsman than Bush Sr.,

But... Right. Skydiver. He doesn't... But he doesn't look like it. Doesn't look like it. No. No. He doesn't look like a guy who jumped out of a flaming airplane onto the wing, parachuted into the Pacific Ocean on a life raft and survived. He did it. That's Bush Sr. Yeah. And yet... And yet when you look at him, you think, dweeb. Right. Right.

Remember when Dana was doing it and he would be going, here's something I'd love to hear your thoughts on. Because I did this with Gore a couple of times, too. And you did it with Robert Wagner. But when Dana's going, not going to do it. Not going to. Not going to. That's so good. Come on.

Dana's thing is he just reduced it to the most ridiculous essence. Like, it's like you distill it and you distill it and you distill it and you distill it until it's like a bullion cube.

of ridiculousness. Yes. And anyone that saw that would know that was Bush senior. Also knowing in their mind that Bush senior doesn't sound like that. He's never said, nah, God, I don't think he ever said it. Did he ever say, nah, God, and yet, and yet everybody in the world goes, oh, that's president Bush. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh my God. He really has that guy down pat. And we'll be right back after this.

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Qualifying plan required. Wi-Fi were available on select U.S. airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount terms and conditions apply. Look at your cup holder. It's empty and you're feeling thirsty. Head to a nearby convenience store and fill it with a Pepsi Zero Sugar Mountain Dew or Starry. Grab a delicious, refreshing Pepsi for the road. Who was your favorite impressionist when you were coming up? Were you a rich little guy?

Yeah, I mean, I liked all of those guys and I still really greatly, you know, like admire their work. But, you know, Eddie Murphy was the guy that gave me the idea like, hey, do the impression and to be funny, be funny. Most first and foremost, be funny. That inspired me to change everything that I did.

And do a lot of what Dana was so great at was just slightly, slightly exaggerating, slightly like I have pictures of these paintings of people. I'll show you a couple of them right now. I used to keep these in my office at work. These this this picture. Can you see this?

Yes, Why a Duck. It's the Marx Brothers. It's the Marx Brothers, but who's the artist? Oh, it's Hirschfeld. Hirschfeld. Yeah, Hirschfeld. I would keep these in there to remind me of what I'm really trying to do at Saturday Night Live. I'm trying to do the person. A caricature. Because you know how it is, Rob. When you get a script that you haven't seen before, and there's 30 seconds of material that's going to go out in front of the audience in just a couple of minutes...

You need to be able to jump on that bitch and not get too fucking particular about it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you got to go out there and fucking be loaded for bear and take your chances with it. Did you like the Hirschfeld analogy? I love the Hirschfeld analogy. I'm actually looking at a Hirschfeld of the West Wing cast. Yeah. And believe me, I do not like the caricature of myself. Don't like it. Really? Yeah.

Why not? It's nothing but jawline. Worst things could happen, Rob. I've been reduced to a human delivery system for a jaw.

I need to see that. And you know the thing that he always hid his daughter's name in his paintings? Nina, was it? Yeah, you'd find the Ninas and try to... Yeah, I mean, you asked me something earlier, like, where do I start? The first thing that I start with is, because we're on the clock, have I done someone like this before? Have I tonally, for instance...

Robert Wagner and Stone Phillips are about one one thousandth of an inch away from each other on the vocal. Very true. If you were playing them on a violin. Yeah. You're about one thousandth of an inch. The notes are. I had that with Koppel and Donahue, but that's where I start. Where do you start? I that's.

I, you know, I, I'm not as good as it in anywhere near, and it's just an instinctual thing. And what I learned from Dana and when I asked him about this is, is like, you're saying is more of the technical, like where in the throat is it, you know, is it, is it more nasal? Like, like, like the notes, the actual physical, where is it on the, where on the fretboard of, of the, the guitar? Um,

When I was doing Behind the Candelabra, I had this character that was really – looked very like pulled and almost feminine character.

but a lot of people were playing very fey in the movie and I didn't want to be the same. So I gave him like a voice of like, it was the guy from the men's warehouse commercials. I don't know if you remember that guy. I don't know if they had them in the East coast. You're going to like the way you look. It was that. We guarantee it. I guarantee it. I guarantee it. So I figured like what, I figured I wanted a voice that was, it was literally the men's. I just fucking did that voice. I didn't even, it was like, well, I'm just going to do that voice. And,

You know, so sometimes you just pick something that you hear, I guess. Well, of course. You've got an ear, kid. I literally only have one. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I'm deaf in one ear. I've always been deaf in one ear. And people say you have – when they say you have an ear, I go, literally. Literally.

I have an ear. Yeah, my mother swore that I was hard of hearing in one ear in this ear. Yeah. That every time I'm listening to something undercomprehended, I come out of this ear. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Same. I get the head tilt thing going. Yeah. Oh, you got to tell me this story about when you worked in Hell's Kitchen. And as I understand it,

It was a hotel full of really gnarly, fucking badass dudes. Yeah. And you used to regale them with, was it Porky Pig having sex with Elmer Fudd? No. It was Popeye having sex with olive oil.

And they were called the Westies. They were said to be the most violent gang in the history of New York. Yeah. Wait, the Westies were the guys you were entertaining? Yeah. The most violent gang ever. Yeah. And you were entertaining them. Yeah. I mean, the two main guys were not where I think in jail during my two and two year sentence. So.

But I understood everyone there, and I recognized some of the names. They were the Westies. And I would do Rodney Dangerfield for them. Wait, this is at a hotel? Skyline Motor Inn on 10th Avenue and 47th. 47th, 48th. Yeah. And I would do Rodney Dangerfield in Spanish for them. Well, I got to hear that. First of all.

If I don't ask you to do Popeye having sex with olive oil on this podcast, I've failed my fiduciary. The advertisers should fire him. Everybody should fire me. Everybody. Listen, if I do Popeye having sex with olive oil, will you do my podcast, Rob? Of course. I'm in. Come on. Because I want to talk to you some more about what you're talking about, Trump. Yeah. All right. Here we go. I'm hiking up my skirt.

Show me some legs. This is really awful. Please forgive me, God. Okay. All right. It's like, oh, look at the little baby there. It's horrible. Don't tell anyone. You say a word to anybody. Okay.

Come on, Olivia. It's horrible. And the Westies loved it. Yeah, they laughed. They liked it. Rodney. Do you think they ever killed somebody and then looked over at each other? I did Catch a Rising Star. And there were some people from the bar that came. I don't know that they were either. Any of them were Westies that night, but there were.

Just some people from the bar that came and I did the olive oil and the catch rising star. And it was just horrible, horrible, horrible thing to happen to me. Do you, do you remember your, your biggest bomb moment?

Because I do. No, I'm just kidding. I don't know. But I know that anybody who's successful, anybody has had a moment where they flamed out beyond belief. Yeah. If you haven't done that, then you're not in the game. Yeah. It's like if you haven't been blindsided, then you're not playing in the NFL. Yeah. If you haven't gone concussive, then you haven't been in the league for very long. If they haven't taken you into the concussion tent, you're not in show business. That's right. Yeah.

I mean, I bombed. I got booed offstage a few times. Booed offstage. That's a real thing. Well... It sounds unimaginable. Okay, well, listen...

Booker's book, that guy's pretty funny. Here's another show I need a comic for. Just put those two together. The first time this happened was like Boy Scouts of America and of Daytona. They paid me $5,000. The average age was 10 to 11, 12 years old, and their parents. And we were warned, do not curse, okay? Okay.

parents and their children and i said god damn pretty early in my set they started to boo and they wouldn't stop booing and i had to leave the stage of course the mother kind of insists on it now flash forward to three years ago i'm doing a show at one of the big hotels here in new york

And by now I played the White House and a couple of other swanky joints, all right? Yeah, exactly. Some good fucking gigs. So I'm getting ready to go back out on stage, and I'm going to do 50 minutes. And before I go out there, I say, hey, listen, when am I going on? I thought it was 10 minutes ago. She said, well, they haven't finished praying yet. I was like, excuse me? They're praying. And I said, um...

They're a prayer group. Is this a religious organization? And in fact, there's a chain of restaurants in the South that is a religious organization. And I said, do you know I'm from Saturday Night Live? Do you know what I talk about? What I talk about? My Sean Connery, my Clinton stuff, right? And I said, oh, and by the way, I do a show for adults, right?

Right. And she goes, well, there aren't that many children out there. I said, wait a second. You say they are children with their religious parents. I come out the Bill Clinton guy and the booze started almost immediately. Like it was just a bad booking. It's just a bad booking. But I suffered the horror of it and I had to give them their money back.

What? Oh, yeah. Rob, you're 40 minutes into your set, man. You haven't heard no laughs, no sounds, no nothing. But you've got to pretend like you've just got to keep performing the thing. And then at the end of it, they maybe give the money back. The ultimate indignity. That's a pretty bad one. That's a bad one.

I just love hearing those stories. I love it. I did a job conversely in the Bronx. Everyone said everyone there was mobbed up and they had a buffet line after and the guy comes up with a folded up 20 and he hands this to me and he goes, this is for the one about the Ayatollah. He paid per joke. Yeah, he's like, the one about the Ayatollah. Here you go.

That would be an interesting thing to put into the – like, once we can actually get together and have audiences again, maybe you pay per – like, there should be a thing where, like, you pay per joke. Like, if the joke really kills – You contribute. People have to pay a little bit more. They just do. And if it's not good on the plus side for the audiences, they don't have to pay shit. But, like –

Oh, you and I might have just come up with a new reality like game show together. I'm just telling you pay per joke. And like you wear a heart monitor and like that's how you know, like there's no it's like if your heart goes, you're laughing. It is what it is. There's no lying. And then you got to pay. That's amazing. You know, when Sarah Palin was hosting or co-hosting, the FBI, I was told, had this imaging equipment where you can see the brain clearly.

Laughing, you can see the brain, the thermal imaging of the brain enjoying itself and also maybe preparing to kill.

You know, you can see agitation. So in Rob Lowe's club, we put thermal imaging up on the screen. Hang on. And you're like, hey, listen, you only gave me $5. I need $20 because I saw how fucking funny you thought this was. Wait, wait, wait. Look, I love developing new shit for myself as much as you can possibly imagine. But I'm more interested in the F... You're just telling me the FBI has...

the technology to look at your brain at Saturday Night Live to see if you're going to murder someone or laugh at a joke. I was told that the FBI and I did not speak directly. It's the greatest thing I've ever heard. Where do you think they put the machine?

Could you make room for the FBI's machine here under the bleachers? It's some sort of machine. I don't really understand. Please let me be clear. No, no, no. Don't misunderstand. It's for the FBI. No, no, no, no, no. Don't misunderstand. We all, I mean, a few of us thought...

That they had that, and that's what we were talking about that night. And that it was in a briefcase or a violin case. See, to me, this sounds like someone who's been up for too many days. Like, that's the hit I'm getting off this. It's like, the FBI's here. They've got a machine. It can tell if it's funny or not.

I'll bet you we can find out online. Get some NyQuil. Get some NyQuil in you. I bet you we can find out online if they have that ability. Thermal imaging. It's thermal imaging. It's not... Isn't that a real thing? Yes. It just tells you there's a human being behind that wall. Oh.

It's like nights. You're in the woods at night. You put it out there. Oh, there they are. They're behind that pine tree. That's what it does. Yeah. It's not telling you if it likes the monologue. You fucking idiot. Stop doing blow and get some sleep. We reveal the FBI's new technology. I

I love it. Well, I bet you there's a way to find out if they have that, because that's what I heard. I believe it. Because could it also detect sexual arousal? I'm saying. I think the next thing you need to do is Popeye being thermal image. It's hot. Yeah.

That might be the worst Popeye anybody's ever done. I don't think so. I'm talking about. Just take the kick, kick, kick and put it in the back of your throat. So you. I can tell you what my Popeye is better than Robin Williams was. I can tell you that. Well, I can tell you what. I think you just nailed the laugh. Okay.

I always think of it as a musical note. Come on, man. You're ready to go on the road.

This is why I'll never be Joe Rogan, because I do this kind of shit on my show. All right, this is terrible. We've done all we can do. You're like a movie star, and you're doing Popeye with me. It's good. This is what I was born to do. I'm a character actor in a leading man's body. I believe that. I am. 100% I am. Yeah.

It sounds right. Daryl Hammond, this is so fun. This is great. And to be continued. And you have said you will do my podcast, correct? Yes, I'm in. It's on the public record right now. Fantastic. There's nothing that can be done. I'm backed in. Awesome. Thank you for a killer afternoon. That's so fun. Thank you. All righty. I think Daryl's off the line now, so I can...

I can work on my Popeye without his hectoring. It means the back of your throat. Whatever, Daryl. I don't know. Have you had enough yet? I think you have. That was really fun, though. And thanks for listening, as always. It is time for the Lowdown Line. Hello. You've reached literally in our Lowdown Line, where you can get the lowdown on all things about me, Rob Lowe. 323-570-

So have at it. Here's the beep. Hey, Rob, how you doing? Brian from Moorhead, Minnesota. Actually a fellow podcaster. So I'm loving your show. My question for you is who would be a dream guest? Someone who's no longer with us that you would have loved to have had the chance to interview on your show. Hey, Brian. Really good question. And I'm going to just go with the first name that popped into my head without editing myself. JFK.

First of all, as a podcaster, you understand the voice is everything. And I'll spare you my bad JFK. No, I won't. I am actually going to try to do it. Well, Rob, I know this is really bad. He sounds like Bugs Bunny. I bailed on that. I bailed so fast on that JFK not doing it. I think he'd be great. I think JFK, he was look, he was the very first telegenetic president ever.

I think he would be the very first podcast, Connecticut president. Although, you know, Obama's on a podcast. So there's that. But yeah, I would like JFK. He's charismatic. He's one of my favorite presidents, lived an amazing life. People loved him. You know, you could you could ask him. You could ask him who he thinks killed him. How about that?

Now that would be a podcast. Thanks for the question. And I'll see you next week on Literally. You have been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe. Produced and engineered by me, Devin Tory Bryant.

Executive produced by Rob Lowe for Lowe Profile. Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. And Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Stitcher. The supervising producer is Aaron Blairt. Talent producer, Jennifer Sampas. Please rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts. And remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.

All set for your flight? Yep. I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T-Mobile, headphones. Wait, T-Mobile? You bet. Free in-flight Wi-Fi. 15% off all Hilton brands. I'll never go anywhere without T-Mobile. Same goes for my water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers. Okay, I'm going to leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better at T-Mobile.com slash travel.

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