Julia Stiles, "I Wanted to Be a Serious Actress." From Actor to Director: 90's Fame, Hollywood Dreams & Struggles.
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I grew up in New York City. Especially a 17-year-old girl walking down the street is not going to be smiling at people because that's dangerous. The street smarts in me knew not to do that. So you go into commercial auditions and when they're saying, "You need to smile more when you talk about how great Tide is," it was hard for me. I wanted to be a serious actress.

but you're young and everybody wants something else. Ten things I hate about you. That script was revelatory to me. That part spoke to me so much. I wanted it so badly. I loved that Kat was outspoken and feisty and didn't really care what other people thought of her. It was almost aspirational for me to be that kind of independent and confident.

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Hi, I'm Mayim Bialik. I'm Jonathan Cohen. And welcome to our breakdown. This is the place where we break things down so you don't have to. Mayim, you know what I haven't asked you lately? What? How are you? How are you doing? I don't want you to ask me that. That's why you haven't asked it. Why don't you want me to ask you that? It's actually a trick question. Our society has taught us that most people don't want to hear the answer to that, but I truly want to know how are you doing? Before I answer how I am...

I want to say that we're going to be speaking to, quote, one of the most fearless and talented actresses in Hollywood, Julia Stiles. And we're going to get some really interesting perspective on how to approach many aspects of living, being okay, working, incorporating so many parts of you into a life.

But before we get to that, I'm going to answer your question. It's been a very active 2025. I think there's been a lot more things that have happened than I anticipated would happen globally, domestically. It just feels like it's been a lot of people are saying that this has been the longest

January, right? It's been a long... I feel like it's been a whole year and we're barely into 2025. Like enough has happened. It's like, it feels like that's enough. And I think also for so many of us in the industry, it was like, just get through 2024.

Just get through 2024. Like, writers, actors, producers, like, it's been a very hard year, still recovering from the writer's strike, like, all this stuff. Let's just get through 2024. And now we're in 2025, and in terms of the industry, it's a lot like, oh...

Now we're in 2025. Here we are. But yeah, I think it's... I'm really trying to... I really want to stay positive. I want to focus on positivity this year. And it's a real challenge when there's so much negativity, not just in the world, but on Instagram, on social media. Even the concept of social media is in the headlines in terms of what...

What should fact check? What should it like? I'm trying to teach my children about, you know, Thomas Paine and like, I don't agree with everything you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. But then it's like, how far do you take that? What is free speech look like? It doesn't always feel good, you know, to try and, you know, weather through this. And that's, you know, as a parent, also, I've felt an extra pressure.

as this year starts to, especially with my 16-year-old, I don't want him just kind of like singing the party line of whatever kind of gets churned out by social media. I want him to think for himself. And also I want him to be allowed to have his feelings. And a lot of things hurt if you're a human right now who happens to be sensitive. So yeah, I do want to say that

There, there is a lot of beauty and there's a lot of community and camaraderie, especially for us in Southern California. And also it feels kind of sad that we have to be like, but at least people collected socks for people who lost their homes, you know, and, and

I never doubted, you know, that there was humanity. I also don't believe we should need tragedies to be reminded of that capacity. But yeah, it's definitely an aspect of our city and in many ways our country kind of being brought to its kind of proverbial knees. So that's how I'm doing. Like the word sideswiped?

Kind of comes to mind where we have plans. We can't help but anticipate it's a new year. I'm going to get all these things done. And then all of a sudden nature has a totally different plan. And maybe people could have anticipated that there was going to be some kind of trouble given the lack of rain, but no one can predict that.

the level of destruction that has happened and is continuing to unfold? And then how do you stay positive while being nimble and flexible and recognizing, wait a second, is the danger over? And how do we look at even things that are happening in the world or politically and recognize that there may be stuff that we don't agree with, there may be stuff that we're happy about,

And yet we can't be consumed by that all the time. How do we put it down and actually regulate our nervous system and get sleep? Like last night, for example, my mind was just racing and I woke up at 12 a.m. thinking that it was morning.

Guess what? It was not morning. There was a lot more night to have happen. So how do we do that? And, you know, one of the things to do is to find little activities that we can immerse ourselves in. And today we are doing just that. We're having a conversation with someone and we're excited to talk to them. All right. So let's turn to...

our very exciting guest, Julia Stiles. Now, many of you may be very excited about this because of her iconic roles in films such as 10 Things I Hate About You, Save the Last Dance, The Bourne Franchise, Silver Linings Playbook. She's been in so many things.

But she's going to be also talking about Wish You Were Here, which is now in theaters. She adapted, she wrote it, adapted from a book. She directed it. It's her directorial debut. And, um...

She's going to be talking to us about the film. She has three young kids. She's going to be talking about that balance. And we're going to ask her about fame, what got her into the world of acting, what it was like to have such tremendous success at a young age. And then also try and then have a normal life in college, during which time she was called out to do the Bourne film. Like, really, really, really interesting journey. And...

You know, there's not a period in her life when she wasn't working and having tremendous success. And she's a very, very thoughtful person. She's kind of known in Hollywood as someone who kind of tells it like it is. She's very thoughtful, very grounded, and very excited to get to talk to Julia Stiles. So Julia Stiles, welcome to The Breakdown. ♪ Break it down ♪

Thank you so much for having me. I'm a big fan of the podcast. Oh, that's really sweet. Thank you. A lot of times we get to talk to people who, like, I'm kind of amazed. Like, I feel like we may have been in an event together at some point in our lives together, but I've never gotten to formally connect with you. So it's very nice to have you here. Yeah, it's like to be here. Your whole...

Um, no phone experiment fascinated me. And, uh, yeah, that was, that was brilliant. And I always, I always think about it. Well, we, um, we're, we're doing our best. Our phones are, uh, currently buzzing frequently because of the fires here. So forgive us if you hear. How's it going? Oh my goodness. It's going, it's going okay. It's been, you know, it's been a heck of a start to 2025. Just, you know,

It's kind of like planes, trains and automobiles over here. It's a little nuts. Yeah. What a bitch. But I feel like, yeah. And there's another one. There's more coming. Yeah. God, I'm so sorry. I live in New York City, but, you know, we're all part of the same community and I really feel for you. I mean, you're and everyone out there. Yeah. It's like I said, been quite.

quite a start to the year, but we're very excited to talk to you. I wonder if you can kind of start us off with Wish You Were Here, which is now in theaters.

Talk to us a little bit about the directing process for you. Really, I mean, I was saying to Jonathan, like you, you work so consistently and you keep working so consistently, which is so awesome. But directing is a whole other beast. Talk to us a little bit about why you wanted to do this film. Yeah, I actually had been wanting to direct for a long time, but was looking for the right story. I mean, I might have been a little bit shy about it, like kind of half

saying I'd love to direct, but I'm a little bit, I'm not, I was, I was sort of, um, waiting for the, not waiting. Cause I was actively, you know, trying to find the right book or the magazine articles, or even trying to write my own screenplays that I could never finish. Um, until five years ago, one of the actresses who's in the movie who plays the best friend, Helen, um, her name's Gabby Kono Abdi. She, um,

slid into my DMs on Instagram and was like, I read that you are interested in directing. What about this book?

And then she went through my agent and like the proper channels. Um, but so it felt more real and serious, but I read the book, um, by Renee Carlino and I had a visceral response to it. I thought I was like laughing, crying, laughing through my tears and I could totally visualize it as a movie. And it also felt like the right genre for me to tackle the right and, and, and the scope of it, I felt like I could handle. So it was the, that was really the catalyst for me to go, okay, now's the time. Um,

And I didn't know that it was going to take five years. I mean, really for independent films, that might not be a long time, but it's a testament to the story because it's sustained my interest for that long. You know, the story has actually only gotten deeper and more meaningful to me and feels more necessary now. Like I knew I wanted to put something positive out into the world and something hopeful. And I'm kind of a romantic at heart. But what I love about this

book and movie is that it's, I tried really hard to keep away from anything saccharine. And I felt like the main characters are really young, but the love story is so much deeper and kind of has an old soul and touches on things that are much more profound than just like love at first sight or dating or falling in love for the first time. It really is a reflection on like, we should be so lucky to create a lifetime of memories with somebody.

Their love affair is kind of sped up because of circumstances. So I think that ages it too. I just like the idea that someone can slide into your DMs and be like, hey. I know. I mean, she also went through my agents, really. But like, it was, it was, it was, you know, I don't read every single message, but somehow she got my attention. I wonder if you can tell us a little bit about sort of the

the decision to want to be part of storytelling from that side of the camera in such a specific way? Um, you know, I've been acting for, I'm sure I can only guess that maybe you can relate to this a little bit. Um,

Acting for a really long time, been in all those blocking rehearsals where you hear directors talking about and cinematographers talking about where to point the camera and kind of wanting to be in on those conversations. And while I love acting so much, you know, being a performer is one little piece of the puzzle in terms of filmmaking. And I started to want to be in the driver's seat more. And...

Yeah, I also there's like a logical part of my brain and a kind of a managerial part of my brain that doesn't get used as an actress that I wanted to tap into. And I loved it. I was totally hooked, totally, totally hooked. It's funny because I feel like with all the technical stuff, camera angles and lenses and all that, I was really ready. I was like, I've heard these conversations before. I know how I've got ideas about this.

Um, the design elements too, but with the actors, I feel like I did everything that I swore I would never do as an, as a director. What did you do? Well, like you, you go in with all these lofty ideas thinking I'm going to let them have their space and give them time to feel it out. And let's talk about our inner monologue and our feelings and all that. And then when it comes down to it, you're like, do it faster, just happier, just happier. Yeah.

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My experience, I got to, I wrote a screenplay and I directed it and I got to direct Dustin Hoffman. And I was extremely intimidated because I never thought he would even read this script that I wrote, but he did. And

And I remember, you know, I was so excited because I was like, I'm working with a very, very experienced, like, Oscar award-winning person. I'm not going to have to do anything. Like, he's going to do everything. And I had no idea he wanted a lot of backstory and he wanted direction. And he was like, what do you want? And I was thinking, like, that's the least... Like, that's the thing you don't want to do. You want an actor to just be, like, free to do whatever they want. I wonder, like...

Were there times when you felt, gosh, this is an opportunity for me to try and undo the things that I don't like? Or did it just feel like there was so much momentum that you sort of just at the end of the day have to get the job done? And sometimes it just needs to be faster and funnier.

Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of joking too. I think my actors got it and they were and they and I and I would often tell them like I would I would be straight with them and just be like, listen, you know, this is what I'm dealing with. I tried to really just remain calm. That was the thing that I think is the the the.

common thread of all the good directors that I've ever worked with is that they just didn't carry their stress on the set and they were able to like crack jokes and, you know, and that's the biggest thing, not feeling like you're being manipulated. That's one thing. That's why I was like straight with my actors. I never wanted them to feel like I was, you know, doing something to try and get a performance out of them. I like to just level with everybody. But I also cast, I didn't audition anybody because I don't, I think auditions are entirely awkward for everybody involved.

So the lead in our film is Isabel Fuhrman, who I had worked with on a movie called Orphan First Kill. And she was 23 years old playing an 11-year-old, and she was so convincing. And I would see her every day on set and just be like, wow, she's so talented. And I could see that she had the stamina to be in every single scene every day, and that's what I needed for Wish You Were Here.

But then a lot of the smaller parts, I cast my friends and my sisters in it. And some of the male actors like Mina Masood and Jimmy Fails, I was a fan of their work. But you kind of get a sense, like, I can work with this person or they're, you know, they're super talented. And yeah, I don't know. I just wanted to treat my actors like with respect and kindness. And I...

Yeah, I was sensed. It's like, I mean, it's like...

managing chaos. And I, when I made it clear to them that, you know, I would give them a lot of line readings, which I hate sometimes, but it was because, well, I stopped myself because I remember I had these, I had these lines in my head for like five years. So I had a certain intonation that I could hear and I would be doing take after take trying to get that. And then I was like, Oh, you need to get that out of your head and let them be their own people and have their own interpretation of this script. And, um, that, that took a second.

There's a moment in the movie where two people come together and feel like they have known each other far longer than the moments that they've actually spent together. And what's interesting about that for this podcast is we talk a lot about the sort of science of

perception. And, you know, is time linear or not? So I'm curious if you have had that personal experience, whether it be friendship or elsewhere, where you have either met someone or there's been a situation you're like, this either feels so familiar, or it doesn't feel like the amount of time we've actually been together could calculate the feeling that you felt.

Oh, I can't think of like an example personally off the top of my head, but I know that I have because I responded to this book. And the things that I pulled from the book were the things that really gut punched me. So there are lines like when they first go back to his loft and they're starting to get closer, she says, this feels...

This feels very familiar for two people who don't know each other. That's a line from the book, and that's like, oh, how poetic. That's exactly what you're talking about, the feeling of familiarity, almost like deja vu or something. But because the main character has glioblastoma, we find out later, and he's...

He has, and the first night that they meet, it's before he's had any, an operation on his brain. His memory is really, and his confusion is really what starts to trigger the,

beautiful moments with them where he he says to her tell me how we first met and in the moment we feel like oh he's just playing a game and she starts weaving this story about their relationship that is that this sort of fantasy relationship that they have but and then the next morning after for all intents and purposes they've been having a wonderful time together things go south and he is like you're not really my girlfriend you know that right and it just gets weird well

What we learn later and what he explains is that it was because his brain wasn't working and that he could, he was confused about what was reality. What was a memory? The memory, when she started telling him the story, he started to think that it was real, which is part of the tragedy.

It's tragic, but it's also like metaphoric in how people build relationships, right? It's like we're all coming together trying to build a reality and whether your brain is working fully medically or not, we're each interpreting the experience slightly differently and then trying to share some reality. So what struck me about that scene is that

In that moment, it's actually two people trying to construct something and there's fantasy and there's play in any interaction, especially amongst two people who are learning who the other is. So to me, it was quite metaphoric about sort of the dance that many people are in as they get to know each other. Yeah, I thought about that a lot in adapting the screenplay, but also just filming. You know, in the five years that I've been living with this story,

That so much of what the book points out is that when you first start dating somebody, first start falling in love, you're kind of falling in love with the idea of them or you're projecting a lot of stuff onto them that you don't know, thinking about a potential future with them, but you don't really...

it's an idea of them. It's not necessarily who they are or who they're going to be over time. We actually have therapists say that all the time, is that the biggest risk is that people go into relationships having this projection and you're dating the idea and the potential and who you might become with them. And actually, I forget who we were speaking to, but recently we asked for advice and they're like, actually slow down and only be...

in this actual moment because it's so easy to go into story and fantasy. Isn't that the idea of red flags too, that we sometimes ignore red flags because we're thinking we have this creation, this idea of a person or this hope for the relationship. And so we ignore what's right in front of us. It's like, yeah,

I feel like Oprah's quoted this a lot, whether she came up with this idea or she's quoting somebody else. But she said, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them. But in the movie, in the movie, the person that Charlotte falls in love with in the first night versus the person that she's with the next morning is very different. Yeah.

And that's part of the drama. It's a painful story, but also it's very... It's emotionally... It's very captivating. And I think it really... I think that is why it touched us for sure. Is this notion of... Yeah.

Do any of us know what we're getting into, right? When we partake of a relationship, we get to talk a lot about, let's say, people-pleasing here. We talk a lot about mental wellness. We talk about our responsibility to ourselves in all sorts of different relationships. But I wonder if you can talk a little bit about sort of some of the...

some of the pressures that there are when we step into a role that is, you know, in many cases, one of decision-making, one of authority. I recently had a friend mention a work situation and she was, you know, sort of wondering if a man in her position would be called out the same way, for example, always being right and making people feel bad because she was always right. Can you talk a little bit about sort of your...

you know, what it felt like for you to step into this role in that sense. Yeah, there's so much. I mean, on the one hand, I think

I had the total respect of my crew and my actors, whether it's for whatever reason, you know, and that is something that is invaluable. And I was very, I've been on so many sets where I call it the mutiny. There's a thing where that happens where everyone can get really behind the director or there can be a flip and it just takes one person to then already, when you, it's one person and then it spreads forever.

where people just start second-guessing the director and doubting them, and then that's it, you're done. And so I was very conscious of not letting that happen, but I don't know, in terms of being the female part of it, I mean, I think my approach to storytelling might be a little bit different. And also, I'd like to say...

I have three kids and I think that being a mom, uh, was perfect. Train has been perfect training for being a director aside from my time on film sets because the management skills and the management of chaos, um, being a good multitasker, uh, being

Being able to manage a budget and time and think 10 steps ahead, but also be in the present moment, manage people's emotions, guide them, but also, you know, be firm in your purpose. It's all stuff that I have learned from being a parent. And I took that into the set with me. You have to know when people are hangry. 100%. Yeah, your hangry meter has to be up. Yes. Let's have a snack. Everybody, let's have a snack.

So let's go back a little bit to sort of the start of your career. You started in theater. Is that right? I started as a member of a very off-Broadway theater company in New York where I grew up. I was a child. I mean, I was 12 years old when I did my first play. I didn't have any lines. I was asleep on the stage the whole time while they played.

Well, the story went on, but it was friends of my parents and they needed a kid in their show. And I love performing. I mean, in school plays or whatever. And I was in dance classes, but and then I loved it and was a part of the company. So we would do two plays a year and I had some part in it. And then they helped me find an agent and I started auditioning, but didn't really work more regularly until the end of high school.

And when you were 17, that was kind of your first large-scale production, as it were. Is that right? Yeah. That was the first lead role studio movie, and Things I Hate About You. That's a big one for your first. Yeah, yeah. I had been in an independent film. I had been in a couple commercials. But once that kind of came out, that sort of seems like

I mean, I'm literally, I'm looking at your career. You didn't stop working, pretty much. Yeah, yeah, it's true. It's funny, though, not recently, like in my 30s, I feel like I had a lot of people on the street being like, are you still acting? But I kept, I was working. I've been lucky to keep working as an actress. Some movies are hugely successful and some movies nobody sees.

Um, you've, you've been quoted as talking about, you know, some of being too serious, even at, you know, 17 or kind of being perceived as, um, too serious or kind of not what people expected. Um, I like to talk about how people would, would often see me in the street when I was about that age and say, why are you not smiling?

And, you know, obviously from today's lens, like I can be much more outraged than I was then. You know, I felt a certain amount of like shame and confusion, but also, you know, outrage just personally. What were you like as a 17 year old? You know, what did that feel like that maybe felt different from what a lot of people expect of our 17 year old actresses?

Yeah. I mean, I just had a light bulb go off where I'm like, wait a minute. I grew up in New York City where you don't smile at, like, especially a 17 year old girl walking down the street is not going to be smiling at people because that's dangerous. I mean, I just like the street smarts in me knew not to do that. But, uh, I was pretty angsty and not even, I was very thought, I mean, I was very like, I was really into Ani DiFranco. You know, if you think about her lyrics and her, uh,

her perspective on the world. That's kind of where my head was at or like Riot Grrrl bands like the Luna Chicks and everything was like really important. And so you go into like commercial auditions and when they're saying like, you need to smile more when you talk about how great Tide is, it was hard for me. You know, I wanted to be like a serious actress, but you're young and everybody wants something else.

So what was 10 Things I Hate About You like in that sense? What did it feel like to perform? What did it feel like to sort of match the person that you were with this, you know, career that basically took off from, you know, from that moment?

Yeah, that script was revelatory to me. That part spoke to me so much. I wanted it so badly. And it was written by two badass female writers, Karen McCullough-Lutz and Kristen Smith, who went on to write Legally Blonde. What I really love about their writing, too, is that I love when people can take something and write something very authentic that says something but is also entertaining and can become commercially successful and reach a wider audience.

But I love the script so much. And I love that Kat was outspoken and feisty and didn't really care what other people thought of her. It was almost aspirational for me to be that kind of independent and confident person.

And obviously, you know, starring with Heath Ledger, it obviously has lasting interest for a lot of people because of his career and his life. But when you think about that movie, sort of, what are the lasting things that people most talk to you about when they come up to you and want to talk about that movie? I don't know that I get that deeply into it, but I mean, first, I think they're just entertained because there's a lot of humor in the film, obviously. And...

I don't know, maybe it's like a time capsule, a special moment in time. Because I know that I and the other actors were having the time of our lives and also...

just very open hearted and not like, uh, cynical in any way yet or jaded in any way yet. And, uh, so it just captured a moment. Um, but when people, I don't know, I don't usually get that far into the conversation. It's like, it's the people, I thank you so much. I'm so glad that you liked the movie and, and I can kind of guess based on their age or, or whatever that, or gender, why they, what they responded to. Yeah.

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I want to ask about Save the Last Dance because I'd love to hear more about your dance life, meaning were your early aspirations to be a dancer? Was it just something that a lot of kids take dance classes? And what was that like doing that film? Sort of what are the lasting impressions that you feel people have from it?

I mean, I did take dance classes, modern dance mostly. I took ballet, but then by the time you are supposed to go on point, I couldn't really do that. And so modern dance, but like strict modern dance was my thing. Tap and jazz and all that. So but I also I ended up going to a performing arts school.

once I started working more at like towards the end of high school and there were, it was, everyone was divided into their own majors. So I was an actress, but there were all these ballerinas from school of American ballet and I wanted to be one of the ballerinas so badly. Um, so getting to do save the last dance was like a wonderful opportunity to kind of do more strict dance training. Um, and yeah, it was tough. I mean, because I was my own worst critic and,

You know, I was never going to be able to go on point. So that was doubled. But the rest of it was me. And I think I was hired because they really wanted to find somebody who could do more of the contemporary stuff too. And I guess the director told me that he, you know, the dance scene or whatever in 10 Things I Hate About You was great.

Um, one of the reasons that I got hired, but, um, I have not been to a single dance class since that movie. I love dance and movement. Um, I watched dancing with the stars religiously. It's my Monday night football. Uh, I dance a lot in my living room. Um, during the pandemic, I would do home dance aerobics classes on these zoom or YouTube or whatever. Um, but I have not been to an actual class because I, um,

Zumba I might dabble in, but I just would feel self-conscious. I don't know. I have to get over that. I don't want to out you, Mayim, but you were just at a dance class the other day for the first time in quite a while. I put on ballet shoes for the first time in 37 years, Julia. Wow. Wow. We see. Oh, wow. That's so inspirational. It was very, very... How did it feel? So, funny you should ask. So the last time that I...

was in a ballet class, I had not yet hit puberty. Meaning like I had a completely different body. Like I was a different, I looked more like my 19 year old does now than my 19 year old son than I do now. It was very challenging. You know, you have in your mind, and I don't know, maybe you can relate. You have in your mind what you'd like to dance like when you're a grown up who's had children. Right.

I remember one of the most interesting things after I had kids was the first time I went to any workout class. It didn't feel like my body could leave the ground the way I envisioned. And, you know, it wasn't because I was a certain, you know, poundage. It was like whatever juice was required to crank out two humans and keep them alive. It's like it took my jumping force from me. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It grounded you. Totally. But let's not forget you cranked out humans. I mean, like, I feel like my body is stronger than ever, even though I probably... I would be horrific in a dance class. I don't know. But it's a different kind of strength, you know? Let's not forget that. That's true. I mean, it's true. They wouldn't be alive if not for me. So that is definitely a source of strength. But yeah, being a grown-up, like I...

I was picturing my body doing things that it should do if I didn't have hips or breasts.

Right, right, right. You know, like when the arm comes over, like, oh, it's not used to the inside of my arm hitting a breast. There weren't breasts there 37 years ago. Like, that's not the way that the developpe is going to work. I know. Well, that's kind of the tragedy of ballet, too, is that the bodies have to be prepubescent. Correct. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly what you mean. But I was the youngest by about 30 years in my class, and that felt good. Okay, awesome.

All the young ladies in, I think, Los Angeles and New York are at like some fancy gym, like getting their workout. Yeah, the dance aerobics, cardio is a big thing now. But I'll tell you what I love. If you're into dancing, I mean, if you're into dancing or kind of similar idea and being 30 years younger than everybody else.

I love Aqua Zumba. I don't know if they offer it at your local YMCA or near you, but it's like water aerobics. And I go and I just like, nobody can see your body because you're underwater. You don't have to see what you look like or what the dance looks like, but it feels good. And anyway, I love it. You should try it. And then you get to hear the ladies in the locker room afterward gabbing about whatever. Is this something you can do relatively anonymously?

I'd like to think so with my swim cap on and swim cap goggles. Well, not after talking about it on the podcast. That's true. But all the ladies may know now. No. I mean, I think so. Yeah, I feel pretty comfortable. You could just be floating. You jump. You just fly forever. So I've done I have done an aerobics class at like in Mexico at a resort. And it was like the thing that they offered at 4 p.m., you know, with your

of daiquiri poolside, I did enjoy it. And it feels good to feel, you know, weightless. That's the other thing. Like if you are a grown up, right. Like if you're a grown up person trying to propel your body off the ground. Yeah, it's very different. Things don't spring the way they used to. Speaking of anonymity, can you talk a bit about about fame? What did it feel like to get famous when you were a teenager?

I think I put blinders on or something. It was really exciting. And I knew, you know, it was something, I guess, it afforded me more work. And it was the thing that, you know, theoretically, as an actor, you're working towards. And so it was really, really exciting. And

I got to travel the world and I got to go to all these fun events and I was invited to stuff. You know, I was offered more work, but I think there was a part of me that was a little scared of it. And so I enrolled in college and I think I kind of tried to treat that as like, okay, I can't control this external thing, but I can control reality.

you know, my studies. And, uh, that's what I focused on. But looking back on it, I'm like, well, and even friends that I still have from college, when we reminisce, I'm like, that was a weird time because, you know, it was a bit in a fishbowl at school as well, or it felt that way. I don't know. But I was, um, at the time I had, I had blinders on it and I was like, I'm just going to live my normal life and that'll be fine.

Fame was different then. Yes. Can you talk a little bit, you know, I like to remind people that

But when there is no kind of PR machine operating for teenage girls, you get to have a different kind of life. Meaning, you know, when I would go to red carpets, it wasn't like designer clothes and manicures and fillers and all these things that a lot of, you know, girls even in their teens and 20s obviously are doing. Can you talk a little bit about what fame was like then versus what you see it being like now for, let's say, a 17-year-old who, you know, gets a big break?

Yes, 100% there wasn't styling. So, you know, for better or worse, I think there also wasn't the proliferation of social media. So I wasn't documenting everything with my phone, but I also didn't have my own sort of outlet through social media, which I guess is kind of a positive side of it. But there also wasn't, you know, if I...

did something stupid. It wasn't immediately recorded. Um, so that's nice. Yeah. And, and it was a big, the industry was very different too. I mean, studios, I feel like, um, yeah, I feel like the industry was very different. The size of movies was very different. The, I don't know,

That's the biggest thing. I think that social media has changed. I see, you know, the actors in my movie are very young and they're very active on social media as are...

their peers and it's, it's a tool that they use. And I, and so on some level, I think it gives them a lot more control, but it also means that they're, you know, actively on their phones a lot more. Well, it's both this like outlet and you have a channel to express yourself, but it's also an endless hole of consuming time and energy and you never know how it's going to pay off. Like,

Even for us who were doing this podcast, we want people to know about it. There's a balance between what feels like creative expression and we want to share and we want people to be aware and what feels like you could create endless amounts of content and where does it go? Right, right, right. No, I think also it's... The difference is that when I... Yeah, it's endless and you constantly have to be...

recording something or sharing something. And whereas when I was in my 20s, there was a specific time for promotion. You go and you have the movie coming out and you do the screening and you do the press day and then you're off duty and your life can be, you know, your own. I think that's very valuable time. Well, I wonder about that trade-off that we have now because when you're off, you get inspired.

You go and have experiences and you're not necessarily thinking about how to capture them. And then you can translate that into some form of art. But as the distance between experience and producing that experience to display it has truncated, now it feels like there's almost no time to get inspired before our thoughts kick in.

or some of our thoughts kick into, well, how is that going to be packaged and shared? And is the experience worth anything if I don't immediately think about how to turn it into something? It may not be Instagram posts, but maybe it's a screenplay. And I think artists as a whole, while we have more opportunity to express ourselves than ever before, we're actually being robbed of the time

that we used to marinate in ideas and develop sort of a well of creativity to then think about how to package or how to translate. Yeah, and also friendships become more broad. I don't know. I want to say like I have so many friends who are not in entertainment and it's because of that time. And from college or my early 20s where like that time –

off-duty was part of that. Yeah, you're like, let's put our phones down. Let's not think about capturing this and tagging the other person. Exactly. And tagging and liking things and friendships can become maybe more opportunistic if I'm going to be cynical, but I hate being cynical. I don't think it's cynical as much as an observation. Mayim gets on me a little bit about this. She's like,

I can have a cynical lens, but my goal is not to necessarily be all doom and gloom versus like, if we are aware of the thing, then we can make a conscious effort on how to address it or relate to it. Versus if we don't think about it or articulate it, we end up being in this, we still relate to it, but like on a non-conscious level. So we're either in the cycle of it or, you know, we're

pushed in the opposite direction, if that makes sense. I would love to talk about sort of one of these, like when you went to college was one of these times that you were, I don't wanna say retreating because that's not really the word, but you were taking time to be out of the industry. And is that, am I correct with this timing that that's when you first got the script for the first Bourne film? Yeah.

Yes. Yes. I didn't get the whole script. I got the sides, which is just the, you know, it's just the pages for the scenes that you're in because it was very secretive. And I was in my freshman dorm and I remember this is how...

Weird my head was at the time, I was like, oh, but I can't go and do this movie because I have my final exams coming up and I'll lose all my credits. And luckily somebody was like, are you crazy? And talked me out of it. And it was like, you need to do this movie because I was actually only supposed to be in the first one.

um, my character died in an early cut and then they recut it so that she survived. And I went on to make three more movies after that. And it was like a wonderful, amazing franchise to be a part of and worked with some amazing people, Matt Damon, Paul Greengrass, you know, uh,

and traveled the world, went to some amazing places. So I did lose my credits for that semester, but I was able to, you know, I was able, it took me a little bit longer to graduate, but that's fine. Was your time in college otherwise uninterrupted then? I would defer, it took me five years to,

to graduate once I started. But I also took a year off after high school to work. So, but yeah, pretty much uninterrupted after that because five years, I would have made up a semester. Your plan was never to not return to acting though, correct? You wanted to have this experience

tell us about sort of what that decision was like and then, you know, what you chose to study and why. And if it ever occurred to you that you could have a whole other life outside of the industry. I mean, I think for a second, I was like looking at my peers going, oh, and also that imposter syndrome that we all have where you're like, what's my backup plan? Because I may never work again. I'm thinking about

what I was interested in and would there, maybe there would be another career that I'd want and very quickly realized that there was nothing that I was capable of, but also that I, you know, that gave me as much satisfaction as working in film and on stage. And, and so I majored in English, which, you know, it didn't, it was because I loved reading and words and

But I think I realize that more now in retrospect, particularly with Wish You Were Here, I feel like when I finished adapting the screenplay and then also editing the film, I was like, oh, that's where my English degree started.

It was for something because I learned a lot about storytelling and the classic structures of storytelling or the different structures of storytelling. I remember thinking consciously when I read the book for the first time, I was like, oh, here, this has...

the rom-com elements that can pull the audience's attention in, but it has the elements of a classic tragic love story because there's an obstacle that will keep them apart. You know, I was, um, anyway, the nerdy English major in me was like, Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That all makes sense now. Um, how old are your kids?

Seven, three, and one. Wow. Okay, so... I'm in it. You are right in it. I mean, you were in it with the first, and then you went for a second, and then a third. I give you a lot of credit. What...

What would it be like? I mean, I'm kind of curious if you thought about, you know, I think about sort of how you describe it. It seems like there was always part of you that knew you loved performing and that was, you know, you were able to make a life and, you know, an entire career out of it. When you think about your kids,

What do you imagine if their passion were to point them in that direction? I mean, you know, oh my God, there's so much in the movie, I will just say, that is inspired by my kids in terms of that pretend, playful, childlike...

uh, joy that I think I put, I put between the two main characters and why I seized on the storytelling aspect of it, because, um, there's a, there's, there's moments when they're under a blanket together and, uh, and it's just the two of them in this, you know, little magical tent and they play a game called the copycat game where they, they speak at the same, you know, there's,

one person is speaking and the other one's trying to speak the exact same words at the same time. And even the weaving a story, you know, making up a story that all is so childlike, which is a different kind of love. And anyway, but I, you know, so I would support, I would support any drive that they have towards whatever it is that they want to be. I think that they're obviously very young. We'll see where it goes. I do believe though that

children, like my, my kids should be allowed to be kids until they're grownups. They don't need to work before they're, um, grownups. Uh, so I'll have to figure out how to navigate that if it ever comes up. Um, I mean, you know, I have no, I have no regrets and I, and I certainly am grateful for all of my experience, even as a kid, uh, on film sets or teenager on film sets and a kid on stage. Um, it was all really wonderful, but I think, uh, you know, being a child is a time for,

I get uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable for making mistakes too, you know, not having, we get so much discipline from the world and from school that we don't really need that in the workplace. I get uncomfortable with,

working with young kids on set because as much as their parents can be wonderful and I always hate it when on sets when they demonize the parents and call them stage parents because I think they're just trying to do their best most of the time um I understand when I was a kid I really really really wanted to do this and my parents bent over backwards to allow that to happen and it afforded me so many wonderful things and a career um but and they protected me in a lot of ways but I uh

I just feel now as an adult looking at kids on a film set, it's so artificial and it just, it makes me uncomfortable. We recently spoke to Drake Bell and talked a lot about the Quiet on Set documentary with him. And we were very grateful that he wanted to talk to us about it. But one of the things that he mentioned was he was one of those kids who people referred to as an old soul.

And I know you've talked a little bit about this. That's something people always said about me. Like, it's just something I always heard. I wonder if you can sort of...

maybe, you know, give a little bit of context to what kind of personality, you know, you recall having as a teenager and sort of the ways that maybe you feel that did kind of protect you and give you, you know, give you some autonomy that maybe other kids didn't have. I mean, I was very precocious. Maybe it was partially growing up in New York City, but... And...

Yeah, I don't know. I, but I, but you know, I did have, my mom was always, uh, very encouraging of any sort of artistic endeavor, but she also encouraged me to really believe, like, how do I say this without sounding like a cliche? She was never really focused on physical beauty, which is interesting and a really wonderful thing to have in my back pocket as a young actress. Um,

She always emphasized your ideas and what you contribute to the world. So I think that really equipped me really well in terms of going into this industry. But you can say old, I don't know, old soul. Like, I don't know. I don't know if I probably projected that, but still had all the youth and vulnerability issues.

That was normal for that age. Parents with kids your age have no free time, but if you had free time and you had a day to yourself and you weren't working, what would you do? This is the funny thing. When I do have any bit of free time, I don't know what to do with myself. I've forgotten what... No. I would either... It depends on the weather. I would go out for a really long walk and listen to my headphones, listen to music, and...

Get some exercise. I love swimming. Read a book uninterrupted. Take a really... Like a bath for an entire day. Watch... Catch up on TV shows that are not bluey. You can't skip your bluey. Gotta make sure you have enough of that. I love bluey so much, but I'm behind on the Oscar nominees. You know what I'm saying? I'm curious. Do you have...

Do you have a religious faith? Do you have a meditation practice? Like, what is your connection with something greater than yourself? You seem to have, I don't know, you seem like a very centered, grounded, reasonable person. I'm curious, what does it look like for you to sort of maintain your emotional sanity? I do not follow a specific religion. I am spiritual in that without getting too personal, like,

have a sort of prayer that I say frequently. It's just kind of gratitude, um, for, and I like visualize colors, um, that go with it, but it's like gratitude for all the things that I'm grateful for. Um, hang on one second. I'm not going to try and poke into your personal life, but can you explain what the colors, what do you mean there's colors? Uh,

As I say the thing that I'm grateful for, there's usually... So the simplest thing, again, without getting too personal, because there are more specific things that are personal...

Um, I'll say like, thank you for love. And there's a color for love is usually like, I imagine like beams of light of this color surrounding me and surrounding around me. So red and, or, uh, or lighter shades of red are usually, uh, you know, you can't control your brain as much as you would like to think. So I'll imagine the color and it's sometimes the color shifts, but, um, um,

For love and then for life, life is usually blue, which sometimes turns into purple. And health. And health has been, this started, I think, when I was pregnant. Health is usually green or yellow.

But then I go on to think about, meditate on other things. So it's kind of meditation, but... Do you have a meditation practice, yoga? Like these are some of the things that sometimes people do. I used to do a lot of yoga and I did it regularly. And that's where the meditation of gratitude and the colors that I imagined, that sort of prayer was always at the end of the yoga class or yoga practice. Um...

It's kind of with kids and stuff, it's kind of morphed into, but yeah, it's yoga was always had a spiritual element to the exercise part of it for me. So now they've kind of separated and I do like exercise and then the meditation is just on its own.

It's not very long, guys. It's like two seconds. Whenever I hear people talk about like transcendental meditation or they do 20 minutes in the morning, an hour in the morning and 20 minutes at night, I'm like, who are you? Someone without children who are seven, three and one.

Speaking of which, I'm curious. I know it's obnoxious, like you have this awesome movie that just came out, and I know you don't want to be asked what you're doing next, but I am curious, especially with your parenting schedule and with this movie coming out, what do you want to do next? I would love to direct another movie. I don't know exactly what that will be. I'm just kind of creatively coming out of The Wish You Were Here movie

cycle and have some like kernels of ideas of what I'd be interested in doing. Um, but I don't know exactly what that is. Um, I'm probably going to work on a movie as an actress in the spring. Um, yeah, I don't know. Honestly, wish you were here has been all consuming, you know, in terms of creativity and work. Um,

And so I'm just coming out of it. But I would love to direct another movie. I actually honestly would love to direct music videos, but I don't think people really do that much anymore because I love putting music to this movie. It was really... Yeah, that was so special. I really enjoyed it. I'm not a musician, but I love music. Can we do a rapid fire with you? Sure. Okay. This is rapid fire. Breakdown style with Julia Stiles. What was your mother write about? Be...

financially independent. What was your father right about? How to drive. Location that promotes your best mental health? The beach. So I would, the beach or Europe. How about beaches in Europe? I spent a long time working on a TV show called Riviera and we got to film in the South of France and I lived in Nice, which is such an amazing city and it's on the French Riviera. And so yeah, the European...

way of life where they live, they work to live. No, they work to live. They don't live to work. Right. And there's so much about it. That's great. But then also just the water there is really soothing. Sometimes people take their tops off at the beaches there. And there's a lot of topless people for better or worse. You know, I don't know that these Tatas are going to see any sunshine because three kids later, you know what I'm saying? I actually had a dream last night about one of my kids being breastfeeding age again.

And it was very interesting. As a baby or as a full grown? No, as a baby. Sorry. As a baby. But in the dream, I was aware of how different my body looked

breastfeeding because it was like my body now as opposed to what my body looked like when I was 30 and breastfeeding. Anyway, it was very interesting and I'm sure my therapist will have a lot to say about it. Okay, next question. Do you have a mantra or a saying that you like? A couple. Actually, this too shall pass. Something that my grandmother always said and seek happiness is something that my mother says a lot. Who's been your best spiritual teacher? My children. Hmm.

Say more. You know, the thing, I mean, I'd also say my mom because she's so wise and has a good heart. But my kids, because, you know, kids just keep you going. Like you can have whatever you're dealing with and the kids are like,

got to get up in the morning and need to have breakfast and one foot in front of the other. And they also just say the funniest things. And I think there was some moment that I was stressed out. I wrote it down and I actually put it in a note to myself in our Christmas ornaments to open then the next year when I get the box of Christmas ornaments out. But it was to remind me of this.

There was like one of those moments where you're trying to get out the door and nobody's listening or whatever. We're running late and I'm starting to get stressed out. And my son just broke the circuit and was like, Mommy, do you know that unicorns poop rainbows? It's like, you know, that changes it. What was your answer to that? I did not know that. That's adorable. I did not know that. Now you can pass that information along.

But it's like, he was like, no sweat. It's okay. Have you had a moment of best intuition? Well, it was intuition, but then it became a conscious thing. The act, you know, when you're directing a movie, a lot of times you kind of have to go with your gut, but then you're asked to justify your opinions, you know, to a lot of people. There's a sequence in the movie where they go on a sailboat and he's

In the book, it's because he says in the hospital, I can't just sit here and wait to die. I have to go out into the world and do something. And that was a very important moment to me that I highlighted in the film. But it launches their trip together. And in the book, they go all over the world.

But I thought, I have to distill this for a movie. It's too frenetic. They can't go to all these different places. I just want to land with these characters and be with them in a very special place, one special place. And for four years, everybody, good producers doing their job, tried to talk me out of the sailboat because it's expensive and because it's too complicated to film on safety-wise and all that.

Um, cause it's like filming on satellites and you're contending with weather and all that. And, and I just for initially was like, Nope, it has to be sailboat. And then because I had to keep defending that for years, I had to come up with rational reasons why, why it's this and explain why a sailboat cinematic and, uh, uh,

you know, symbolizes freedom and it feels like they're traveling and moving. And, um, but I wasn't, initially I couldn't articulate exactly why I was just like, no, this is the one thing I'm not going to pivot on. I love that. And I'm assuming it was worth it for you.

Totally. Totally. Yeah. It's the opening image of the movie. How did you justify it to people? At a certain point, was it just like, I know this needs to happen and back off? Or did you try to really rationalize it and have to use logic to convince? I'm sure that I... Yes. I mean, because there were lots of other ideas thrown at me and I was like, no, it's not as satisfying. And...

It's not even even actually when we finally were able to fill, it was accepted. OK, we're going to spring for a boat and we're going to try and make get marine safety coordinators involved and we're going to go out on the water. It's still then it was then it was pitched to me to be a motor yacht. And I was like, no, a motor yacht looks different and different.

signifies different. It just feels different. It, it, it's a symbol more of wealth and it's automatic and I just need the old school sailboat. Um, so yeah, I had to articulate very specifically why. Um, yeah, I think it was about, uh, what I explained was that like I needed them to be isolated and alone. I needed them to be, have this feeling of movement and freedom. Um, it's pretty, you know, that sort of thing. Who are you most competitive with?

I'm the only person who, when asked who I'm most competitive with, I say Jonathan. And everyone else we ask is like myself. So I may have to eliminate that from our rapid fire. Everybody gives the same answer except me. I'm sorry. It's true. I don't think, yeah. I have a good quote, though. Comparison is the thief of joy. That's the thing that stops me from being super competitive with other people. Well, I am not joyful, so that would explain it. Yeah.

All right. Last question. What do you know to be true? God, I'm going to say it and you're going to think that I'm corny. Oh, I know that I know nothing at all. Bam. That's not an original idea. I want the corny one. The corny one. Oh, I just feel it goes back to why I wanted to make this movie. And I'm not just shamelessly self-promoting. I know that we need more love and hope in this world. And that's what I wanted to put out in the world.

Um, I went on The View today and they were talking about politics as they do. And it put me into a total depression and I have to keep going back to, I want to, I put something out into the world. I want people to turn the little cynical part of their brains off and just open their hearts and, you know, escape for a second, but for 90 minutes. Um,

Yeah, we need it. We need to stop treating each other like trash. I support that. Julia, it's really such a pleasure to get to talk to you. Wish You Were Here is now in theaters, and it's just been really wonderful to get to pick your brain about all sorts of things. So thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. I appreciate that she kept certain aspects of that meditation private, but I thought that was really interesting that she mentioned the colors.

I didn't want to be critical because you can't be critical of someone's meditation. But I thought it was interesting that the colors she chose did not correspond to the chakras that usually we think about. Meaning like when she said love, I was like, she's going to say jade green. She's going to say jade green because like that chakra is green. But again, I'm not criticizing. I just thought it was kind of funny that I was like waiting for the colors that I thought her meditation practice should evoke.

This is the challenge of knowing too much information. It kind of thwarts the creative process. Can you imagine if I would have said to her, well, Julia, if you're trying to manifest love, I suggest you think about jade green instead of the colors that you want to think about. This book from ancient India clearly depicts that the color for the appropriate chakra...

She would have been like that. She just would have walked away. She would have been like, I shared about my meditation with you and now you don't like the colors I chose. Well, I wondered if she was taught this meditation or she developed it, but it sounds like it came out of a yoga practice. Yep. So we deciphered that. That was good sleuthing on our part. My yoga teacher, Heather, who talks about that beautiful jade green pool, just the jade green pool. Just envision love.

bathed in the jade green pool, you can become love. If you were in New York City and you did not have children or Bluey to attend to,

and you had the whole day to yourself. No one else is with you. I know sometimes you like to see friends. You like to see family. You're in New York. You have a whole day to yourself. What do you do? I've had days to myself in New York. Not past days. Now, we drop you in New York next week. It's winter. I love winter in New York. Oh, I got to be bundled up. You have a scarf. You have your mittens. Okay, so it's never too cold for a bagel.

Okay. Where are you getting your bagel? Well, okay. So I get my bagel anywhere that I can get tofu scallion cream cheese. But if they don't have tofu scallion cream cheese, I will go for...

the regular. Now, it's not tofu. I know people are like, that sounds disgusting. It's a soy-based... It's a soy-based... It's a fake cream cheese. It's a trashy, fake cream cheese and it's delicious. And I do it very rarely. But for whatever reason, in all the bagel shops, that's how you say it. Like, tofu scallion. I want... Well, I get onion toasted, tofu scallion. And it's these mounds of cream cheese. Like, if you've been to a proper New York bagel place, it's like...

Like picture, it's like a comically large ice cream scoop of cream cheese and they have all the different flavors. And what I really appreciate is the art of the bagel store. They scoop it from the back so that it always stays perfectly formed in the front. It's always perfect. They just carve it out in the back. So I go to a place where they have that and I usually like it with a little orange juice. I like a lot of pulp. Now these are things that my gut...

not supposed to eat. We are not supposed to have gluten. We are not supposed to have acid, which is really what orange juice is. It's like battery acid that you pour down your gullet. But there's something about that combination of flavors. And I like the bag. I don't want a bag. Don't give me a bag. I want it in the tinfoil, which is also carcinogenic. And I want to hold it in my hand and

And usually you got to wear gloves because it's so cold. And then I have the juice. I have my favorite coat that I wear to New York. It's probably why I take this coat.

you can stand a juice up in the pocket because the fabric... It's your juice coat. It's a James Perriss coat that I've had for a very long time. And it's very cozy. And it's big so I can layer under it because I don't love... I got a whole thing. I don't love a bulky coat. But I like to be cozy underneath. And then this coat insulates. But the pockets, you can stand the juice up. So I got the bagel in this hand with the...

with the mitten and then the juice in this hand with the other mitten because you can't be having to take off the mittens to maneuver and think so. I'm all tied up, ready to go. Got the juice, got the bagel. That's how the day starts. I love that we asked, what are you going to do for the day? And you spent about half an hour...

Describing what is actually going to be maybe a 20 minute experience. But you know, it's the people you see at the bagel store. And like, you'll see the same people-ish if you go at the same time. But like at like Pick a Bagel or like Essa Bagel, like there's always tourists.

And you know that they're so excited that they woke up in Manhattan, the greatest city in the world, and they're just ready for their morning bagel experience. Like everybody's yelling and there's like, you know, things are burning and spilling and dogs barking. And there's like a cop harassing a homeless person outside. And it's just like the perkiest Swedish people you can imagine, like fresh out the salon shit. Like, yeah.

They look perfect. James Purse representative, if you're listening, we have a campaign. The juice jacket. The juice jacket. The juice coat. Oh, and you got to stoop some napkins underneath the juice so that it sits at the right level in your pocket. Okay. We went to Toronto once. It was the middle of winter.

You brought a paper-thin coat. You're like, this will work, right? You had no winter attire whatsoever. I think you were slowly freezing to death. You weren't able to go outside. You had no boots. You know what?

You're not always the best preparer of information. There's a lot I didn't know about what I was walking into when we went on that trip. So, yeah, you could have maybe been a little bit more explicit about a lot of things about what was going to happen. We're going to Canada in the winter. I hid that from you. That's my fault. No, I'm not laughing. You're laughing. I'm not laughing. Okay.

Let's get back to your day though. Oh yeah. So we got our bagel. You have a stomach ache. You've managed not to spill juice on your coat. What do you do next? Okay. So, um, I, it depends which bagel place I go to. If I go to one midtown, then I can go to central park. There's, there's not a time of the year you don't go to central park. So, um, if it's cold, I walk.

I keep walking. And, you know, my goal with Central Park is to keep taking paths that don't lead me to a major, you know, like thoroughfare through the park. So I know most areas of the park and I know where to go and where not to go. But sometimes like I'll surprise myself and I'll be like, oh, my gosh, I'm at the boat lake. It didn't realize it. Or I'll find like a nook or a cranny where like just like a part of the park that I didn't remember or didn't realize.

Then there's like that part near Wolman Rink with these like bridges that were in some Nicole Kidman movie. I remember some scary movie and it always makes me feel like I'm in that movie because there are these like low bridges that you go under. But that's just like a magical place

park for me. Um, I, I like the upper West side of it. I like the Midtown part. That's three and a half hours, four hours. No, not even, no, I, sorry. I didn't mean to keep waxing poetic about central park. Uh, no, that's like, that's like an hour. It's like an hour experience in central park, but sometimes, yeah, you'll see like, um, dancing performers or like sometimes there's a magician. So like, I want to watch that. Um,

I mean, really, I'm thinking about where I'm going to have lunch. It's kind of how I plan my days in Manhattan. I do like museums. There used to be a fantastic Gulliver's Gate museum

miniature museum that unfortunately closed. It was in the theater district. So I really like that museum. I do often like to go to the Jewish Museum, which is in the hundreds. 103? I can't remember. So yeah, I like a museum. I do like to see, you know, usually family. And there's just like food places that I like to go. Like I like to get a vegan donut. There's a place in Brooklyn that has really good vegan donuts. Also things I shouldn't eat.

usually I'll go to Chinatown. You're going to Brooklyn from Manhattan? Yeah, I go all the way to Brooklyn from Manhattan. Just for the donut. Just for the donut. Oh, I've done that. It's just a couple stops into Brooklyn. So you do the donut. But I love being on the subway. I love being on the subway. I like people watching. I like all the things. Do you get recognized when you're on the subway in New York? No, people don't give a shit. It's the best thing. No, people don't care. They're busy with their lives and doing their things and, you know, trying to defend themselves from the elements. Um...

of a vast variety. Um, what's another thing I like to do? Um, yeah, mostly about the food that I'd like to eat there. Um,

I'm trying to think. Yeah. I mean, if it's spring, I'll spend more time in Central Park. But yeah, those are kind of those are a little bit the highlights. Like I do like Chinatown. I really like walking around Chinatown. I like to just walk around and see all the you know, like there's all sorts of like fish that I don't eat, but there's all sorts of like vegetables and spices and fruits and things that I don't normally see. And I really like that there's parts

of New York and other cities as well, where you really feel like you're in a different...

entire culture. And I like that. I like seeing people, you know, speaking to each other in a language I don't understand and just getting to see a whole world that's operating. So I really like Chinatown and like, I like Soho, but I like looking around shops. Like there's really good stretches of areas to walk around, but yeah, those are kind of the highlights. Last time I was in Manhattan for a couple of days, which was

i don't know like 2016 or so uh i did the museums it was also a little cold did central park

I don't remember where I ate, which is, you know, clearly a big red flag for you. Yeah, well, there is a bakery that's all gluten-free, which is Dynamite. I believe, I want to say West End, something like that, meaning it's on the West End. And that's a very exciting place. And they get a huge line of people because everyone in Manhattan is gluten-free.

In 2000, I had a day to myself. I was 19 years old. I flew into New York and the place I was staying was staying with family and they were not around until this evening, in the evening. So I had the whole day to kill and I ended up in some underground ping pong club playing ping pong with a bunch of old men who were fantastic ping pong players and it was a lot of fun. Let's touch on one other thing that came up in this episode.

which is maybe we change your answer for who are you most competitive with? I think we just eliminate the question from the rapid fire. From our lives. We don't have to be competitive. I don't even know what that word means. It's like I'm hearing wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Everyone has their own destiny. Everyone has their own path. We're all doing the best we can. You know who I'm competitive with? I'm competitive with the 80-year-old lady in my ballet class last night.

super competitive with her. Like, why is her turnout so good? I feel like that's a good focus for you. There's not someone that I'm not competitive with. The less we are competitive, the more joy we will have in our own experience. Julia Stiles wants you to be joyful. You can be joyful too. From our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. See you next time. It's my and Bialik's breakdown. She's gonna break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two.

And now she's gonna break down, it's a breakdown, she's gonna break it down. At Amica Insurance, we know it's more than just a car. It's the two-door coupe that was there for your first drive, the hatchback that took you cross-country and back, and the minivan that tackles the weekly carpool. For the cars you couldn't live without, trust Amica Auto Insurance. Amica. Empathy is our best policy.