Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
I think it's safe to say that we're living through a pretty rocky present. Maybe the past can help. Check out Radiotopia's This Day, hosted by Jodi Avergan with historians Nicole Himmer and Kelly Carter-Jackson.
Three times a week, they take you into one story from that day in U.S. history. From Eisenhower's weird vendetta against squirrels, to the time we accidentally dropped a nuclear bomb on North Carolina, to the women who fought against the right to vote. It's smart, surprising, and actually fun. This is a big moment for history. Next year is America's 250th birthday, and...
I mean, if you look around, there's definitely lots of history being made. Subscribe to this day for your historical perspective wherever you get your podcasts, as well as YouTube and Instagram. Hello and welcome to Normal Gossip. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and in each episode of this podcast, we're going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. Y'all...
Oh my god, we did it! It is episode 10, the last episode of season 8, the last episode of my first season as captain of this gossip ship. Anyone who knows me will not be surprised that I simply cannot let this moment pass without talking about my feelings. And if there's anything I've learned from watching exactly five episodes of Below Deck Australia, it's that as the captain, I get to do whatever I want.
So I'm going to be so honest right now and say that the past few months have been some of the hardest of my life. I don't really have a hard job. Like, I'm actually really fond of saying that there's no such thing as a podcast emergency. Like, I'm not a nurse or a teacher or a plumber or even a cashier at Trader Joe's. Why don't they let them sit down? Like,
Trader Joe's, let them sit down. Anyway, most of my days are spent sitting behind my desk in the comfort of my home, which means that I'm very aware of the fact that I make my job much harder than it needs to be. A week or so after season eight launched, our business guy, Jasper Wang, told me something that has really stuck with me. He had asked how I felt about the premiere, which had honestly gone better than anyone could have ever really anticipated. Like,
Host transitions in the podcast world tend to be pretty divisive, so we were all kind of just waiting to see what would happen. And what happened was a level of kindness and support and grace from y'all, our audience, our little gossip birds that continues to humble me to this day. But at the time when Jasper asked me how I was going, all I could really think about was how much I wish I could have changed in that first episode.
and with how much I wish I could still change in every episode that has released. And Jasper told me that this show requires the host to be a perfectionist, but the structure of it might actually be kind of perfectly designed to drive perfectionists insane.
Every episode y'all hear has been recorded about four to five weeks in advance. The script has been finished before that. And after the story is recorded, my incredible partner, Sierra Sprague Lyrics, turns what can be two hours of tape into the final episode y'all hear.
And as a writer at heart, I'm used to being able to edit until the very last minute. And to some degree, I still have that ability as a host. Like sometimes we're making little precision cuts the day before the episode launches because there's like a pause that's too long.
But once an episode is recorded, I can't really change anything essential to the story. I can't edit the way I laugh. And I certainly cannot edit my way into being Kelsey. I mean, like, I could try, but I don't think any of us would actually be happy with the outcome.
This is getting really, really long, so I'm going to wrap up this feelings corner with what I actually really want to say, which is that as someone who is almost never satisfied with the quality of their own work, I have been so absolutely blown away by how well this first season has gone. It...
has been so deeply humbling to learn on such a public stage. I think if I didn't have a team behind me and an ad calendar to abide by, I would probably still be tinkering with that first episode. So it really truly means so much to me that from that very first episode, y'all have been so vocal in expressing how much you've been enjoying my time as the captain of this ship, even as I feel like I'm figuring out exactly what direction we're going in.
Y'all are easily the best and easiest part of this job. It is so much fun to be in the middle of writing a script or going through gossip stories or booking guests and thinking, ugh, they're gonna fucking love this one. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for making my job easy.
That is the end of Feelings Corner. I'm so excited to meet some of y'all this September on tour. Tickets for Ciara and I's very first tour went on sale on Friday, May 9th. So that means that if you are listening right now and live in New York, Boston, Seattle, Portland, Oregon, Denver, Dallas, Austin, Chicago, or Minneapolis, then you can go buy a ticket immediately at normalgossiplive.com. We are already dreaming up the live show.
It's going to be so fucking fun. And I guarantee that I will cry out of gratitude at at least one of these shows, probably more than one if I'm being honest. So if you want to place bets on which city it'll be, that could be a fun game. Yeah.
Anyway, that is all the housekeeping for today's show. Now on to the gossip. Today for our season eight season finale, I am so excited to be joined by none other than Shea Coulee. Shea Coulee is an internationally acclaimed non-binary drag artist, actress,
and recording artists from Chicago. You might know them from a little program called RuPaul's Drag Race. Yeah, Shea won season five of Drag Race All Stars, so they're a legend among legends.
Starting June 24th, you can catch Shay as a series regular in Marvel's Ironheart on Disney+. I am well and truly so honored to be joined by Shay. Shay, hello! Thank you so much for joining me. Hey, Rachel. Oh my God, it is so good to finally be here. I know that this has been something that's been in the works for a little minute, and I'm just like, oh my God, today is the day.
I'm literally so honored that you're here. This is like such an exciting crossover event for me. The story I have for you is one of my favorites. Before we get into it, I did want to ask, what's your relationship with gossip? I don't really spill a lot of tea. My cup is...
runneth over. People love to pour in stories to me because I'm a really good listener. I'm like that person that catches a lot without even trying. And then probably the two or three people in my closest circle, when it's really juicy, I'll spill it because it's always coming. It's
You know what I'm saying? So I'll give it to my partner. I'll give it to like my like two other besties. And like that's normally where it lies. But I catch a lot of tea. Yes, yes, yes. The little birdie told me that you have some gossip for me. Oh, oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. Oh, this one. Oh, baby.
This was like 2010. I'm freshly 21 years old. And at this time, this was like one of the nicest places I've ever lived in. It didn't make sense. But my friend's dad owned this house.
condos, like two floors, right? And there was like three of us that lived there. And we shared this kind of like loft space upstairs and our other roommate, we'll call him Tito. Tito, he
was precious, sweet kid from Wisconsin, but like conservative, kind of like, um, nice. We were opposites, very much so like different human beings. So anyway, you know, he's supposed to be gone for like the weekend going to this game. I'm at a friend's housewarming party and
And meet this couple, them and then this other guy having a good old time, right? So I was just like, oh my God, like, you know, I have this really cute little condo and we can go back there and like keep hanging out. Ooh. And...
We're chilling there. And I remember like when we walked in, you know, like lights are all off, like just how it left the place. But we had this entryway that you would come through and then like the kitchen was to the right. And on top of like the bar, because there was kind of like a countertop eating situation, there was a...
Okay.
But anyway, we're having a good time. There's this, like, L-shaped leather sectional. Next thing I know, all four of us are, like, butt naked, getting it on full on for some early 21, early drinking days messy. Yes. This couple, Tim and Jim, myself and Lorenzo, while Tito was supposed to be out of town. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, no, not sweet, conservative Tito. Had the most fabulous night. And I wake up the next morning and Tito is sitting there like in the kitchen, like eating a bowl of cereal, just so quiet. And I like have this moment where I like look at that beer on the counter and then I look at him over on the table and I was just like, he was in his bedroom. Yeah.
On the first floor, yeah. Because it was, like, past that entryway. Like, his bedroom was, like, the first thing that she walked in. So, you know, whatever. Yeah. Walked right on past it into the living room. Had this crazy foursome. Mm-hmm. And poor little Tito was, like, locked up in his room the entire time and heard everything. Everything. Talk about gossip. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
You heard everything. I was like, hmm. I only acted out in such a crazy way because I was like, I have the place myself. Yes, yes. So of course we're going to get busy. Of course. Take advantage of all that space. So yeah, I made sure I gave that leather couch a good nice wipe down. That's really considerate. Yeah.
I wonder if Tito is also telling this gossip some way, you know? Like, I want to hear Tito's side of this story. Oh my gosh. I'm just thinking of him just like clutching his cover. No, exactly. He would not be telling it with like the joy that you told it. It would be like... A horror story. Like sharp violence. Like she, like, you know. Yes. Wow. Um...
That was incredible gossip. And now I have some for you. Are you ready? Oh, yes, I am so ready. Normal Gossip is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice.
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Today, our friend of a friend is named Lynn, and Lynn is in her mid to late 20s.
And for most of her life, Lynn has lived in one of the square states, like Wyoming, New Mexico. I worked in Wyoming once and it's very square. It's so square. It's so perfectly square. This is where Lynn got her bachelor's degree in philosophy. Yeah.
This is where Lynn met her boyfriend. And this is also where Lynn spent the first year of the pandemic. So our story takes place in 2021. And like a lot of people in 2021, our girl Lynn isn't entirely sure what her life is going to look like over the next few years. Tee.
Not relatable at all. We were all scratching our heads like... Certainly didn't have an existential crisis. Oh my goodness, F.
Every day. Yeah. So, Lynn has spent the last few years working as a technical writer, which she doesn't love doing, but it was a fully remote job during the pandemic, so she's pretty grateful for it. Lynn is at the point where she is seriously considering a PhD in philosophy, which I think we all know is a cry for help. I... Okay. I...
Have a friend who has their minor in philosophy. And I will say they're one of the most charismatic people I've ever met. I mean, a minor, I can see that. You know, you'd be like, okay, I'm getting a PhD in charisma with a minor in uniqueness with a focus on nerve and an emphasis on talent. Definitely uniqueness. I will say it's definitely unique. Yes. Yes.
Have you ever had a moment like this in your life where you're kind of just like grasping at straws and you're like, maybe I will finally move to L.A.? No. No? No. Like, I don't like to think about the apocalypse, but if and when. Yeah. Chicago is a really great place to be.
That is so real. That is really real. I've been thinking about this. Fresh water. I can walk to it right over there. Yes. Yes. And there's no like real natural disasters. Like you're not by the coast. No wildfires. No fires. Yes. Correct. Not to be all apocalyptic. But I think about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Lynn also doesn't really have strong feelings about L.A., but she doesn't have strong feelings about anything right now. She's like searching for any kind of motivation. Yeah. So when her boyfriend Cameron develops a new obsession during like the second season of the pandemic, Lynn is like, you know what? Fuck it. A passion is a passion.
And Lynn and Cameron have been dating for almost two years now. It's one of those relationships that probably lasted longer than it should have because they had gone through lockdown together. Got you. People were like, I'm afraid to be alone.
Yes. And Cameron has always been a good boyfriend. He has an incredible memory, so he always remembers the little details about Lynn's life. And he's tall, and he's really good in bed. Okay, come on, Lynn. And Cameron's one true passion in life right now
is bees. How do you feel about bees? I mean, we need bees. We do. We need them. So he's out here trying to save bees. Yeah. That's great.
Yeah, Cameron knows a lot about bees. But Cameron's new obsession has less to do with bees and more to do with a place that we are going to call Honeydew Farms. Honeydew Farms. Honeydew Farms. Okay. Tastes sweet like Honeydew Farms. Okay. I'm sorry. So Honeydew Farms is a worker-owned bee farm in the woods of Northeast America. And it's kind of a big deal in the bee world. Yeah.
They've got like half a million followers on TikTok and Instagram. They do like educational videos detailing how male honeybees are kicked out of the hive during the winter, which I find to be iconic. Bye. Exactly. You're not helping us. You're not helping. Bye. You're not going to eat this. No. Exactly. Queens. Queens.
But if you look at the comments on the Honeydew Farms videos, it is very easy to tell that a decent chunk of the audience is there because a lot of the beekeepers are hot. And because all the hot beekeepers really seem to love each other.
Like, they have incredible on-screen chemistry. It's kind of giving, like, the Bon Appetit test kitchen before it imploded. Okay. Yes. No, I see where we're... Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay. I'm listening. I'm actively listening to what I give you. Well...
Just like the Bon Appetit Test Kitchen circa 2019, Honeydew Farms is doing really well financially. Well enough that like in early 2021, they open up a few six-month-long apprenticeships on the farm. And Cameron obviously applies. He has Lynn help him film his little video to go along with his application. And in May, Cameron finds out he's been accepted.
to Honeydew Farms. So now our girl Lynn has a choice. She can either fill out grad school applications in her square state, or she can go with Cameron to Honeydew Farms for six months. But before Lynn can really make her decision, she has to think about Raven.
Do you have any like D-list celebrity crushes? Like people you could feasibly run into at an event? Oh my God. Oh my God. That is a good one. All the people I'm attracted to are all so A-list. They have such incredible high end taste. I just have such great taste. I don't go for D-list celebrities.
I'm like, oh, I'm like, no, I'm trying to screw up. Yeah, I actually think that is a great way to live your life. So Raven is one of Cameron's D-list celebrity crushes. And Raven just happens to be one of the stars of Honeydew Farms.
Raven's been working at Honeydew for nearly five years now, and Lynn is mature enough to admit that Raven is objectively, like, cool as hell. She has, like, 90s Julia Roberts hair. Batty, we go up for Julia Roberts. Yes. And she looks really cool. She's always wearing these, like, really nice red cowboy boots. Like...
She's a third-generation beekeeper, and she's famous on the Honeydew Farms channel for never, ever getting stung by a bee, even after, like, sticking her hand in the beehive with no gloves. Wow. So, like, before he even applied to the six-month apprenticeship, Cameron couldn't shut up about Raven. Oh, Cameron. Yeah.
Cameron, he's simple. Yeah. I mean, sorry to just jump through a snap judgment conclusion, Cameron. That's the point of this show, is snap judgment conclusions. Yeah.
It's giving a little bit simple. Yeah, a little bit simple. Yeah, yeah. But Lynn is like, you know what? Everyone is allowed their little crushes, including my boyfriend. And Cameron has always been such a good boyfriend to her. And he is so tall. And he's so good in bed. So she's like, a crush is a crush. Yeah. Yeah.
She's like, flirt all you want with little Raven, just as long as you just be coming home, bringing all that back to mama. So do you let your boyfriend go to the sexy beekeeping farm where his crush lives by himself? Or do you go with him? Oh, yeah.
I mean, change the scenery, change the pace. Yeah. It's only six months. Oh, and six months is going to fly by, girl. Yeah. Yeah. We are going to meet this Raven together. The three of us are going to become best friends. Mm-hmm.
So you and Lynn are on the same page. Lynn decides to go with Cameron. She told us, quote, it was pretty exciting to tag along on something like this. Not only was there this weird internet celebrity aspect, but the beekeeping community is kind of romantic and strange. Oh, okay. It's giving wanderlust. Well...
At first, Lynn loves living on honeydew farms. Like up until this point, she pretty much spent her entire life studying or working a desk job. So it's really refreshing to live off the land. She's never had eggs this fresh in her entire life. Everywhere she looks, there are mountains in the distance.
The staff at Honeydew Farms lives in crew houses on the property, and the house that Cameron and Lynn are given is honestly nicer than the apartment they had been splitting back home in the square state. Like, there's a skylight in the kitchen and an outdoor shower and floor-to-ceiling windows. Right? Okay, I see you letting Cameron, okay. Good choice, girl. We made the right choice, Lynn. You did.
Well, Lynn finds out a few days after arriving that the renovation was apparently fully paid for by a fan of the Honeydew Farms channel. Like, just a random subscriber donated a shit ton of money. What would you expect everyone's vibe at Honeydew Farms to be like? So, it's giving, um... I feel like they fucking...
I feel like they really are. It's giving... Yeah, no, it's giving... Folks are passing it around. It's not just the joint, but they're passing it around over at Honeydew Farms. It's just like...
Yeah. That is what my gut said. So I said, let me just speak that out. Please. We still have some story to go. We do. But definitely keep that in mind. Keep that suspicion in mind.
So the vibe of everyone is what Lynn was most nervous about. Like, I'm sure we've had the experience of meeting internet famous people in real life and being like, Yeah. Yeah.
But everyone at Honeydew Farms is actually, like, really cool and down to earth. They tell Lynn that the bees keep them humble. Lynn's like, this is working out great. She's still working her technical writer job and saving a bunch of money so she's not paying rent. And Cameron's having a great time. He keeps talking about how Raven is even cooler in person, but Lynn is still like, a crush is a crush, and I have access to all the honey I could ever want. So everything's going great. All right, Mariah Carey. Yeah.
How about all the honey I want? Okay, what you mean by that, Lynn? So the very first time Lynn thinks that she maybe made a mistake is the first time that she sees Cameron and Raven interacting IRL. Like, every other week, all the beekeepers hang out at a bar in town. And as soon as Lynn walks into her very first of these happy hours, she's immediately like, uh-oh.
It is so clear that Raven and Cameron have insane chemistry. Like, Lynn told us they were both two big goofballs, passionate about beekeeping with their little inside jokes and these looks that they give each other. And the inside jokes are the kind that aren't even funny. You know? Like, Cameron is always asking Raven if she has an extra hair tie, but he'll just add the extra hair tie to his man bun, which was already tied down. Yeah.
I would be so turned off. I'd be like, baby, what? Yeah, do you think this is worth having a conversation about? Yeah, I would be like, what was that? Because if you're going to flirt and have little things in front of me, they better be fucking captivating. No, these jokes better be funny. Like, we out here together...
So we are representations of each other. Yes. And corny flirting, putting extra hair ties in your man bun, that is corny loser behavior. It is corny. Don't do that, baby. Don't do me like that. Not out here. Not with all these influencers. Not with all these strangers. Not with the B people. The B people. Everybody will be a buzz. Okay.
Well, Lynn does bring it up with Cameron, but Cameron kind of just makes Lynn feel like it's her problem. He's like, jealousy is a totally normal emotion, but I actually think it's kind of retrograde for you to think that I can't have expansive friendships with women and still be devoted to you. And then he's like, trying to control your partner is actually kind of emotionally immature. Hmm.
Cameron tells Lynn that basically everyone at Honeydew Farms is non-monogamous, which Cameron thinks is so interesting and super evolved. And this isn't the first time Cameron has dropped some not-so-subtle hints, and Lynn has mostly ignored these. Oh.
Until she meets Chase. Chase is one of the hot beekeepers at Honeydew Farms. He's a Marxist, and he's got, like, salt and pepper hair. Oh, ooh. Okay, Jenny. Wait, what is it? Chase? Yes. Chase. Chase has been married to his wife for 10 years, and both of them live on the farm, and their marriage is open. Okay. Okay.
Up until this point, Lynn's always been monogamous, but now she's like, I can't lie, I'm a little intrigued. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Because little Mr. Cameron out here with Raven, I can only imagine her meeting this Chase. Yes. The salt and pepper little...
Seasoned. You know. Seasoned. Out on the farm. Probably wearing a flannel. Oh, I'm imagining like the brawny man, like all grown up. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah. You and Lynn are actually on the exact same page because Lynn is not feeling super attracted to Cameron right now. Yeah, I feel you girl. Between his crush on Raven and the fact that he's been acting a little weird.
since they came to Honeydew Farms. Like the whole reason they had come was because Cameron was obsessed with bees, right? But he doesn't even really seem to care that much about learning the ins and outs of beekeeping. Instead, when Cameron comes home, all he can talk about, besides Raven, is what content is being filmed that day or like what advertisers Honeydew Farms is working with.
Lynn can't help but notice how often Cameron appears shirtless in the back of, like, the Honeydew Farms live streams. And she's like, that doesn't seem wise considering they're working with bees. But what do I know? It is giving her a little bit of the ick. I'm feeling it, too. I'm feeling it, too, girl. Like, my stomach is literally going... Like, it is churning. Like, I'm sitting here listening to this in the way...
Man bun shirtless. Yeah. In the background of these live streams. Oh my God. It is corny. That's such a perfect word for it. Like, it's so corny. Like, it's just, oh, the way my coochie was right up. Yeah. So our girl Lynn is in a bit of a conundrum because she's kind of starting to get the ick from Cameron. But she's also like, we can't break up. Where will I live? Right. Yeah.
All of this comes to a head a few weeks after Cameron and Lynn arrive at Honeydew Farms. The staff throws their annual Midsummer's Night party. There is... Oh, my God. Because I was like, this is already giving, like, Midsummer in this way. It's got weed-infused honey. They've got honey wine. They've got shrooms that are probably also somehow infused with honey, I'm sure. Yeah, they're going to go to another plane.
Yeah. So Lynn decides to partake of the shrooms. I'm sure. Yeah, it's a party. Yeah. So Lynn's on her little shroom trip and she's hanging out by the fire when she sees Cameron and Raven like sidle up to each other.
And she's feeling a mix of emotions. And then she sees Chase, our hot Marxist, sitting with his wife. And Chase catches Lynn's eye and winks. And Chase's wife smiles at Lynn. Yes, Lynn. Lynn, you better. Lynn. Lynn is like, maybe it's the shrooms, but I feel like I'm having an epiphany. Go and be.
at the top of that sexy little pyramid. This triangle, girl. - Yes, yes. Lin looks back and forth between Cameron and Raven, and then she looks at Chase and his wife, and Lin's like, "What if my relationship doesn't need to end? What if it needs to grow?"
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So later that night, Lynn tells Cameron that she wants to open their relationship. And Cameron is over the moon. He's like, we should talk to Raven about this. She's been non-monogamous forever. Lynn's like, you know what? Whatever. Knowledge is power. Except when they talk to Raven the next day, Raven is suddenly activated.
acting really fucking weird. Like, Raven is Miss Tough Bitch who doesn't get stung. Except now, Lynn told us, Raven's talking to me in this voice like a wounded little animal. Like, a bit like how Mia Gott speaks. And this is how she will talk to me for the rest of my relationship with Cameron. No, not that. Not Raven Hill. What...
I hope she called her out. I would be like, stop it. Why are you being like this? Well, now that Lynn is no longer high on mushrooms and it's the light of day and she's hearing Raven's weird little wounded animal voice, Lynn's like, what the fuck did I agree to? Oh my God. What's your usual response to stress? I just want to lay in bed and do them scroll. Yeah. Or eat.
Yes. Yes. Those are also some of my stress responses. One of them I have is Googling. Like, I think it's because my mom was a researcher. But if I'm ever feeling anxious about something, I try to find like as much information about it because I'm like, then I can control the outcome. Right. And this has never once backfired for me. I've never had to block my own access to WebMD because I thought I had cancer when I didn't. WebMD will get you. Yeah.
She will get you. She's dangerous. Yeah, Lynn has the same kind of response. Lynn's like, mama, let's research. She basically becomes like a self-taught scholar of non-monogamy. She speed reads Polysecure and The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy.
She learns about the relationship escalator and its alternative, the relationship menu. She learns that being polyamorous doesn't actually mean like a free for all. She still gets to have boundaries, which is why one night while she and Cameron are in bed, Lynn turns to Cameron and she's like, I want to start this new chapter of our relationship out on a strong note. And then she's like, if I'm being so honest, I don't think I would feel secure in this relationship if you were to hook up with Raven.
Do you think this is a fair boundary? Yeah. No, it absolutely is. Boundaries are part of it. It isn't a free-for-all. Yeah. Lynn's honestly like a little worried when she asked him not to hook up with Raven because of all this. But Cameron's like, you know what? I totally get that. I want you to feel secure so I won't hook up with Raven. Do you believe him? No. No. No. No.
No. Never trust somebody with a man bun, sweetie. Yeah. What is he hiding up there? Exactly. What is he hiding up there? His hair's full of secrets. Secrets. Yeah, girl. At first, Cameron is true to his word.
Give him credit. He starts dating another beekeeper at Honeydew Farms named Vanessa, which would be fine, except that Vanessa is Raven's best friend. So Lynn's like, that's a little bit weird. And Raven and her weird little baby animal voice is like, they're so cute. So Lynn's like, I can't pitch a fit if Raven doesn't care. Okay, with the act, Raven. Yeah.
At this point, Lynn and Chase, our hot Marxists, have officially started dating. So Lynn is a little bit like, you do you. I don't actually care. Like, Chase has a motorcycle, so she spends a lot of afternoons on, like, winding mountain roads on the back of his bike. She's like, I don't give a fuck what you're doing back at the farm. I wouldn't give a fuck either, Lynn, if I was riding on the back of that motorcycle in the woods. Yes, yes. Oh, my God. With Mr. Brawny, yes. Yeah, those vibrations. Oh, my God. Exactly. Exactly.
And like, honestly, for a while, things actually go well in this newly open relationship. In addition to Lynn's request that Cameron hold off on dating Raven, they set down some ground rules. So rule number one is if they like someone, they have to talk about it first and tread lightly since they're living in like a really tight knit community. So word gets around very easily. Rule number two, no.
No dates in the house. And then rule number three, for sexual health reasons, they have to check in with each other before getting physical. Yeah. Lynn told us at the end of the day, we were going to do what we wanted to do, but the point was to show care and consideration, to not blindside anyone.
So at this point in our story, Lynn is elated. She's like, we're being so mature. Everyone should be Polly. Chase has been non-monogamous for so long that by being in a relationship with him, Lynn is like, I'm learning so much about myself and my own boundaries and like what I want in a relationship. She even started volunteering at Honeydew Farms on the weekend so she can spend more time with Chase.
She checks in with Cameron first to see if that would be too much. She's like, I can totally pump the brakes. Chase and I are just having fun. And Cameron's like, it's a little weird, but I'm willing to work through the discomfort. Do you have any experience with non-monogamy? I feel like straight people have only recently discovered it like in the past 10 years.
Yes. And it's really about what she said, setting boundaries so that everybody feels comfortable and safe and taken care of and being able to have conversations. I'm actually really shocked that Cameron, Mr. Shirtless Man Bun...
is able to navigate these complex conversations. Like it actually, I'm sitting over here. I'm going to give him the credit that I feel like I can so far. So far. See? See? Knew it. So far. But you're right. Up until this point, he's doing pretty well. So one night in mid-July,
Lynn and Cameron both have dates with Chase and Vanessa, which isn't uncommon. What is uncommon is how squirrely Cameron is being when he gets back from his date with Vanessa. Lynn's like, how was your date? Like checking in. And Cameron's like, it was good. And then he's like, we were actually supposed to hang out with Raven, but then Vanessa didn't feel great. So Vanessa went to bed early. And Lynn's like, how early? And Cameron's like, I guess a few hours ago. So Lynn's like, what have you been doing since then?
And Cameron's like, just hanging out with Raven. But he's like, refusing to meet Lynn's eyes. And Lynn's like, y'all were just hanging out. And that's when Cameron's finally like, I'm sorry. He's like, we were at the bar and one thing led to another. And yeah, I'm really sorry. Raven and I hooked up. Boo. Boo.
See, that's what I was saying so far. Knew it. Yeah, he lasted like two weeks. He did well for two weeks.
Lynn, like, feels her heart drop. She's not, like, jealous necessarily. Like, she's a little jealous. Like, her and Cameron have been together for two years at this point. But mostly Lynn is like, I just feel really betrayed. Like, this was my one big clear boundary that I gave you. So your partner's just broken the clearest boundary you set down. What do you do? All right. You know, it's just like, we'll have to have, like, a conversation. And, like, we're all human. Yeah. We're all adults here. We don't make mistakes. I don't feel like...
Man, Bun is going to prove to be worthy, but I'm sure there's more. I'm sure there's more we'll get from Cameron. And you're right, there is more. Oh my God. I was just like, dude. After this, Lynn's like, I need some space. And Cameron's like, yeah, of course.
The next morning, Lynn has a hike planned with Chase. She texts him like, I'm probably not going to be in a fun, flirty mood. Like, I had an argument with Cameron last night. And Chase is like, that is totally fine. So they go on their hike as planned. And Lynn just kind of like unloads everything on Chase. She's like, is it even OK that I'm mad? Like, I don't want to be controlling. And Chase is like, yeah, of course you're allowed to be mad. He crossed like a major boundary. Wow.
And she's like, how do I handle this? I don't know if I want to break up. We still live together, you know? And Chase is like, yeah, that's really, really tough. And he doesn't really have any answers, but it feels good to just talk it through together. And Lynn is feeling a little bit better by the time they start heading back to Honeydew Farms. So, of course, that is when Cameron texts her. Of course. And he's like, Vanessa's coming over for a date tonight. Oh, all of a sudden she's feeling so much better, huh? Huh? Yeah.
Is Raven going to come with Vanessa? No, Raven does not come. But it's like one of their only rules is no dates in the house. Oh my God. Okay. Damn it. Yeah. Every single ounce of emotional maturity leaves Lynn's body. Would have left mine too. She walks into the house.
She sees Vanessa on the couch with Cameron. And without a second thought, Lynn is like, hey, Vanessa. And then she's like, you might want to look out for this guy. He's not very considerate or communicative.
Did he tell you that he hooked up with your best friend last night and that our one hard boundary is that he can't date Raven? And then Lynn goes upstairs, locks the bedroom door, washes her face, does a honey mask, and goes to bed. That's so funny because it said every ounce of emotional maturity left her body. To me, that was a bucket full of emotional maturity. That's real, yeah. I would have snatched him. So yeah, stand 10 toes down, Lynn.
and tell Vanessa what was up. By the time Lynn wakes up the next morning, Cameron is already gone. And Lynn suspects that he's at Raven's, but she doesn't have the time or energy to figure it out because she has got a volunteer shift at Honeydew Farms that morning. Could you give me like three tasks that you think a volunteer might have to do at a honey farm that mostly seems to employ influencers?
Um, I would say move the honey, scrape the honey. Yeah. Harvest the honey. Yeah. Girl, take pictures of people working with the honey. Set up the ring light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those are great choices. Yeah.
So Lynn arrives at Honeydew Farms ready to just like spend some time in her body and not in her mind. She's like, let me do some physical tasks. Except who else is on duty with her that day but Raven and Vanessa? Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Y'all think that you're going to show up with your little best friends and try and jump me on my shift. Oh, no.
No, it's okay. You got this, Lynn. You got this, Lynn. Don't think just because she got her little friend with her that you're outnumbered, Lynn, that you can't take these house, okay? Yeah. Lynn's like, I can't fucking deal with this shit. And you know what? You are well within your right to feel that way, too. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, and the thing is, at first, the vibes are actually horrendous. Like, it's early in the morning, so everyone's barely awake. One of the beehives had swarmed the day before, which is, like, when an old queen leaves with, like, two-thirds of the bee colony to find a new location. So everyone's working really quickly to get the new colony set up. Uh-huh.
So everyone's like sweaty and stressed out and Lynn is doing her best to avoid being left alone with Raven and Vanessa, which she manages to do until lunch when Raven and Vanessa corner her. Okay, so what the fuck is y'all gonna say? You're about to be trapped in a conversation with your boyfriend's other two girlfriends. What do you do? I'm his main bitch, so what the fuck are y'all gonna do? Yeah. Yeah, I knew him when he was in a square state, bitch. What the fuck? What the fuck?
I knew him before he got into Beans. Right. I knew him before he had hair long enough to snatch up into a bun. I watched him grow that man bun. I watched it when it was a boy bun. Okay. The fuck? So what the two of you gonna do?
Lynn doesn't even really have a chance to do anything because Raven immediately apologizes. And she even does it in like a normal grown-up voice. She's like, Vanessa called me last night after she left your place. And then she's like, I had no idea that you asked Cameron not to hook up with me. I like would not have made a move if I wasn't under the impression that it was okay. Do you believe her? Okay, you're giving me your real voice. You ain't giving me this little baby voice.
Telling me that you didn't know and that you made the move, Raven. I'm going to take you at your word. I'm going to take you at your word. But don't let me find out. You were lying. Yeah. And these honeycomb streets that you were lying in.
Well, Raven seems to be, like, legitimately upset. And Lynn kind of feels like the wind of righteous anger get taken out of her sails because Vanessa is also corroborating everything Raven is saying. Lynn has also long suspected that Cameron probably didn't tell Raven or Vanessa that he had agreed not to hook up with Raven. So Lynn is like, I'm going to be honest, I had a feeling Cameron didn't tell you. And then she's like, this is...
mostly Cameron's fault if we're being honest here. And from here, the floodgates just open. Like, shit starts spilling out. Lynn and Raven finally confess, like, how jealous they've been of each other and how they both tried to deal with it the best they could.
Raven's like, yeah, I had a really big crush and I was trying to be diplomatic, but I think I just made it awkward. And Lynn's like, yeah, you fucking did. You talked to me like a wounded baby animal.
Yes, thank you for finally calling her out on it. Oh, period. I was hoping you would. Yeah, but it's nice that you guys can do this in this moment where you're coming together to really realize how corny Cameron is. Yeah, and Raven's like, I'm so sorry. That's a stress response I have. I didn't mean to talk like that. Lynn is like, this is maybe one of the realest conversations I've ever had with someone. Yeah. Like, I could picture us being friends after this. Aww.
And at this point, Lynn and Raven and Vanessa just start trauma bonding over how dumb Cameron is. I love it. Yes. How dumb. How dumb is he? They're like, God, he's so good in bed, right? But he always poops with the door open. And he clips his nails in bed. Oh my. No. Oh, so he does that in multiple beds. Yes. Yes.
Raven and Vanessa are like, Cameron is always trying to get on camera and he won't shut up about growing our platform. He even suggested that we make inroads with the raw milk community and we hate those guys. Oh my God.
Lynn's like, okay, well, since we're doing truth and reconciliation, I've been dying to know. Is Cameron actually any good at beekeeping? Like, I could never ask him, obviously. And Raven and Vanessa both sort of giggle, and then they're like, yeah, not really. They're like, honestly, we've both low-key been covering for him. And at this point, Lynn is feeling a bit chaotic. So she's like, what if you just stop covering for him? Oh, okay.
All three of them agree to take some time away from Cameron. Lynn just tells him she needs space to process her emotions and she's going to stay with Chase and his wife for a few days. Is Raven redeemed in your mind at this point? I love it when bad bitches link up to maximize their joint slay. Yes! Because I feel like that's what's on the horizon. No, I love this little triad. Yeah. Oh my God.
Cameron very quickly finds out about this John Tucker must die situation. He doesn't know what they said. He just knows that it happened. He's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Something's up. He's like, they all switched it up on me all at once. He's like, I feel like the village idiot. Can you guys just give me some grace? And Lynn's like, you are the village idiot. And right now is not the time to be asking for grace. Tell him, Lynn. Let him know. Let him know.
Lynn also can't help noticing that over the next few days, Cameron stops talking about Raven and sponsorships, and he starts complaining about the bees and how much work they are.
And at one point he's like, I don't even know if I want to be on this stupid farm anymore. I keep getting stung by bees. Lynn at this point is like, I could not possibly care less than I do because she's still living with our hot Marxist and his wife. And she and Vanessa and Raven have a group chat now where they just bitch about Cameron. So everything's low-key coming up, Lynn. Yes. Yes. I love it. Good for you, Lynn. What do you even need him for anymore now? No.
No, exactly. You're good. You're free. Free yourself. Yeah. You're living over here with hot Marxist and his wife. Sure they make some, like, pretty okay food. I'm sure their pancakes are good. I'm sure they make a mean pancake. Right? On a fierce griddle at a farmhouse with a double-wide outdoor shower. Yeah.
So the next time Lynn sees Vanessa and Raven is at the monthly Honeydew Farms staff meeting. And usually this meeting is just like, should we plant lavender instead of clover so that our honey tastes different? But this meeting is different because at the beginning of this meeting, Raven stands up and she's like, I've been talking with some of the senior beekeepers. We've noticed that the people who do the most work are too busy to film content.
And then Raven's like, in the interest of fairness, we think time on camera should be directly proportional to time spent doing actual manual labor. That way no one's doing too much of any one thing. And she is very poignantly not looking at Cameron when she says this. And Lynn's like,
Wait, do I have a crush on Raven now? I do. Yes, Julia Roberts. Exactly. She redeemed herself. Yes. Early 20s Julia Roberts. Like, yeah. Mm-hmm.
How do you think Cameron will react to this? He is sweating out the edges on that man bun. I know that shit is lifted. Frizzy. Lifted. Sweating. He's like, oh my God, not on camera anymore. Yeah.
Oh, gotta work with the bees. Yeah. Yeah. He throws a bitch fit, not at the meeting because he's a bitch, but over text later with Lynn. He's like, Raven did that because she's jealous of how much the subscribers like me. And then he's like, I do carry my weight. I do so many things. He's like, I made us a media press kit on Canva. Yeah.
Crazy flex, bro, but go off. He's like, what about that PowerPoint I made on a potential partnership with the raw meat diet subscription box? Oh my God. He's like, I bought our new ring light. I contributed so much to the branding. Oh, baby. And you're saying this after being told that you were the village idiot, that you didn't think this would sound very village idiot-esque?
right now my sweet baby yeah at this point Lynn is like you know what maybe it is actually time for me to go to grad school just to get away from Cameron do you think Lynn should start studying for the GRE at this point at this point okay it's like we're still pandemic still
Still feeling a little aimless. Like, do you feel passionate about being a part of this beekeeping community? Or have you had your little moment where you're like, okay, it was fun. I did it for like a little month. It kind of felt like a little sexy summer camp. Yeah. And now I'm ready to like move on with my life. I would say if you don't see like a future here at Honeydew Farms, then maybe, yeah, girl, start looking into grad school. Just to have it as a safety net. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, luckily, Lynn never has to pick up a practice test for the GRE because without Raven and Vanessa covering for him, everyone on the farm starts slowly figuring out that Cameron is useless. Mm-hmm.
His six-month-long apprenticeship isn't extended when his contract runs out. And it's at this point that Lynn decides to officially break up with him. So Cameron leaves town with no job and no bitches. None. None, man, one. After a while, they're like, oh, mom, yeah, it's gotta go. Yeah. You actually have to do work here. That's the point. Mm-hmm. It's a worker's co-op. Yeah. You gotta work, bitch. Yeah.
Just like Britney Spears said. Yes. Yes. Lynn does know how to work. So she gets accepted for her own six-month-long apprenticeship at Honeydew Farms because turns out she's a natural at beekeeping. See? See? Look at you learning this new skill. Yes. Raven even teaches her how to stick her hand in a hive without getting stung.
While she continues to date our hot Marxist Chase, who is a model of being Polly. A few weeks into her apprenticeship, Lynn and Raven are like scrolling on TikTok together. And you know when you get a video on your FYP from someone in your contacts? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. So on Lynn's FYP is a video from a phone contact.
And it's none other than Cameron. And he's like, hey guys, it's me, Cam. And here's how I eliminated seed oils from my diet. And that's the end of our story. Oh my God. That was some good, good, good, good gossip. Good for you, Lynn. That's a great one. That one was so good.
So juicy. I mean, did you and Raven ever hook up? Because that's where it was doing it for me. That's where in the romance novel it was going off for me. I was like, oh, I know where it goes after that. No, exactly. You're holding hands with piles of bees. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
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