Welcome back to some wild Reddit stories. I'm Shane, and today my guests are Tommy and Noah. Yay! Yay! Cozy Saturday! We have a little bit of a theme today. I would say it's stories that make you do a little double take. Make you go, what? Stories that make you go, uh, excuse me? Double take. Three times. Yeah. One, two.
Yeah, so we have some very silly decisions being made by people. - Love that. I do that every day. - Yeah. Well, let's see if you can relate to these people. Let's just hop right in. - Yeah. - Let's go. Okay, first story. Classic, am I the asshole? - Yes. - Am I the... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Am I the asshole for not participating in my friend's scheme to convince a restaurant to buy his ketchup? All right, I think there's layers here. My friend Zoltar, fake name. - No, okay, okay. That's the fake name they choose? - That's the fake name they went with is Zoltar. My friend Zoltar, he grants wishes.
My friend Zoltar, fake name, has been obsessed with ketchup ever since I met him. He is always trying out different recipes to make his own ketchup and getting me and all our friends to try them. Recently he made his best ketchup yet. I tried it. It wasn't bad. It was ketchup. Now he has decided he is finally going to break into the ketchup game. He's going to take down Heinz. Finally someone's going to do it. Talk about a monopoly. Listen, Hunt's tried, but they couldn't do it.
He is convinced he is going to launch his own ketchup company and grow it to be one of the top providers of ketchup in the US. He literally has a photo of Heinz ketchup on a dartboard. He throws darts at it and mutters things like, "I'm coming for you!"
Anyways, he has a scheme he wants me and others to participate in. Essentially, it involves all of us going to a restaurant, sitting at different tables, and enacting lines from a scene he wrote. It will culminate in all of us trying and loving his ketchup and convincing the manager to buy it. He wants us all to memorize lines.
The gist of it is one guy is supposed to call over a waitress and say he likes the french fries But hates the ketchup. I am supposed to lean over from another table and say sorry to butt in haha But I have to agree. I'm tired of this old-fashioned factory produced ketchup Where's the real tomato flavor? After a few other people do this Zoltar is going to say you guys won't believe this But I'm a ketchup chef and I have a few samples. Would you want to give it a shot?
At this point, everyone is supposed to try the ketchup and act astounded by it, and basically all exclaim it is the best ketchup they ever had. I'm supposed to stand up on my table and make a trumpet sound effect, and then yell to the entire restaurant, "We have the best ketchup ever made over here! "Everyone come on over!" One of the other people is supposed to get the manager of the place over, and we are all supposed to try to convince him or her to buy an order of my friend's ketchup. Zoltar is going to act surprised and embarrassed,
and try to tell us to stop putting this poor guy, the manager, on the spot. He then assumes he will make a huge sale. Then he wants to do this same operation at other places in town. I told him there's no way I am doing this. I hate public speaking/acting and having attention focused on me. Also, the idea is just so fucking dumb and crazy to me. I told him that straight up. He acted offended and said I am ruining his dreams.
I am astounded by this, but some of my friends agree and think he is showing hustle and that we should all help him launch his ketchup business. Aside from his ketchup obsession, Zoltar is one of my best friends, but it seems our friendship is being ruined. A lot of people are telling me I am a jerk for going against his dream and not helping out.
I love this screenplay. Yeah, it's very fun. I love the trumpet sound effect. This can't be real. I mean, it's possible it's not real, but I don't know. Think about the genius here, okay?
When you're starting your first business, what are you told? You're told to make a lemonade stand, right? Yes. Lemons. Lemonade stand. Well, that market's already cornered. How many kids are there, right? How many blocks can you sell lemons? Yeah. Right? At some point, the tomatoes are going to start going bad. No one's buying them. You're going to get them on discount, right? Yeah. And then you make your own ketchup. And then you stand next to the lemonade stand and you sell ketchup.
It's a great idea. You had me for a long time. I'm trying to understand the reasoning here. It's so, that's like someone saying that they're going to take on Smuckers and their plan is to go to the local Kroger, get three people to fake shop and say, man, I hate this factory made strawberry jam. Where's the tomato flavor? It was the stand up on the table and do the...
Guys, we've got good... It's like no one... I'd be like... Yeah, wait. Is that Pulp Fiction? Because maybe someone else in there would enact then the Pulp Fiction scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The manager pulls out a wallet that says bad motherfucker and he's like, I am not buying this ketchup. Do you see this wallet? See...
I don't even know if this is, at no point do I feel like he has described that he is going about the legal way of starting a business. - That's true. - So I'm like, is he just bringing this straight from his kitchen to a restaurant and saying, use this ketchup? I feel like there's a process. If this guy's making organic ketchup, he should try to get on Shark Tank. - You're right. - And be like, sharks.
Don't you hate Heinz? Don't you wish you... Don't you miss that tomato flavor? I've got 57 reasons why my ketchup is better. See, I just don't know if many people are upset with how Heinz ketchup tastes. I think it's pretty good. I think people...
Like ketchup. This feels like a tough battle. And I think he's trying to go after Heinz too quickly. I think he should try to be like, I make organic, natural ketchup and go to the right restaurants with that. Try to sell that. I gotta be honest, if I'm presented with Heinz and then anything else, I hate to be a supporter of a monopoly, but like...
It's just what it is. When it comes to ketchup, I'm head empty. I'm grabbing the heights. I don't care. I straight up do not care. Grabbing that curvy bottle. Yeah. Oh, glass bottle. Glass bottle. Don't know why I did that. That curvy, juicy, sexy bottle. You know the plastic one that's like...
Yeah, and it makes a little fart. All right. I can't move on without saying a hot take I Plastic bottle ketchup, I think tastes like shit. Mm-hmm last bottle the glass bottle and the packets are good Yeah, but the book plastic bottle for some reason I think is garbage. It's definitely worse the verdict not the asshole. Obviously. Yeah, this is insane Right some comments some comment one comment says you're the asshole put me in touch with this man ASAP, please I see promise here
Okay, so that's a kind of light. You're that's a joke. Yeah, it's Heinz with a sniper rifle. Yeah Yeah, where is he? I'd like to see that guy Not the asshole good luck to Zoltar and taking down big ketchup Heinz and hunts you are on notice Can your friend slap organic on it? He can charge $10 a bottle see mm-hmm organic. Mm-hmm. No one's an asshole. Oh
But all he has to do is walk in and show them this ketchup. If they like it, they will buy it. Fucking ketchup chefs, always scheming.
Also ketchup chef ketchup chef not a real thing. I feel like anyone who makes ketchup also makes other stuff. Yeah No, I'm sorry. I only know one recipe. It's ketchup. I only know how to mash tomatoes Thank you open a restaurant get a plate and it's just ketchup. Yeah, he's got a red one of those red hats on Welcome to blood puddles. We've got ketchup. Do you guys have mustard? Get out of my house out
Our next story comes from our relationships. - Ooh. - Aw. - I, an 18 year old female, left my laptop open and my sister, who's 15, replaced everything in my hobbies and passions section on my resume with just garlic bread as a joke. I unknowingly sent it out to about 20 to 30 businesses and now I have no idea what to do about it. Well, if one of them's Olive Garden. - No way!
Yes, Reddit, I know how hilarious this sounds, and I promise you this is not a joke, as I am genuinely freaking out right now. I am soon finishing up secondary school, high school, and I'm looking for my very first job for the summer. When I was filling out my resume, I didn't have a lot of experience to mention, so I was advised to do a hobbies and passions section.
I stupidly left my laptop out on the kitchen table today while I went to the shop to get some tea and my gob shite of a sister thought it would be the joke of the century to delete my hobbies and passions section and replace everything with a single bullet point saying garlic bread.
Now, I had saved the Word document and closed it before leaving. She opened it, changed it without telling me, saved it, and closed it before I came back. She knows bloody well that I'm looking for jobs at the moment, and she knew I'd spent the afternoon working on my resume.
Anyway, I came home with the tea and knew I was happy with my resume. I didn't bother to recheck it. I had no idea someone would change it to garlic bread while I was gone. I used it for multiple job applications from an online hiring site, which had places hiring in my town. I'd say I sent this garlic bread resume to about 20 to 30 institutions in total. It was only after I sent them that I decided to recheck my resume when I noticed the horrific alteration. I am absolutely mortified.
I immediately confronted my sister about it, getting a strong sixth sense that she was the most likely culprit, and she thought it was fucking hilarious. She literally laughed until she cried, while I was standing there nearly crying from stress and mortification. My sister has always been a joker, and she always gets away with bloody murder, but this was so serious. I am sick of her pulling off this shite to everyone around her, thinking it's funny or cool or something.
It was only when I explained to her the full seriousness of the situation and that I had sent it to 20 to 30 places that she copped on and apologized."
Not sure if she was being genuine, but the words, I'm sorry, definitely left her mouth. Then she had the audacity to blame me for it, asking me why I hadn't checked it before sending it off. I screamed at her that I had checked it multiple times before leaving to get tea and didn't expect anyone else to change it while I was gone. She then backpedaled and insisted that she meant it as a joke with a just a prank bra mentality, but I'm having none of it. I
She's reasoning!
It is true that garlic bread is a passion of mine simply because it's delicious. But obviously, it is not resume worthy. The businesses probably think I'm taking the piss and being extremely unprofessional. I'm so annoyed that this is my first impression in the working world. I'm not even hired and I've fucked up already.
Should I resend my application with my resume fixed? Should I move on and forget about the places I applied and apply to new businesses with a rectified resume? Should I just fucking move town at this point since I've clearly made a fool of myself already? Also, how do I talk to my parents or sister about her stupid, spoiled, bratty behavior?
That's awesome. That's a pro-level move. That's a way to fuck with your sibling. I respect it. And I also love that in my head I'm picturing this all with an Irish accent. I didn't need to hear them say Irish and I was like, this person. Well, bloody shite. What was the first one? Gob shite? Gob shite. I'm surprised they didn't call it like zingy toast or something. I know.
Instead of garlic bread they call it Zingy Toast? Zingy Toast. I don't know, they got names for stuff. I love Zingy Toast, yeah. I didn't know that they had garlic bread in Ireland. They have that there? I love the like, well okay, it is one of my passions. Yeah. But also, who doesn't have a passion for garlic bread? True. In her head, the idea that she would be confronted
with it and she would have to stand her ground and say, no, I do in fact love garlic bread to the point of passion. And then double taking and saying, is that more reasonable or is me leaving town completely more reasonable? Which one makes more sense? I think when you're 18, that's how you think. You're like, I gotta just get out.
It honestly is one of the best pranks I've heard of. I think if she re-sent the resume, now it's a lot of work, but if she re-sent it and in her email be like, sorry, the last resume I sent was incomplete. I accidentally sent you an earlier draft. Here's the full... Like before they even read the first one. Yeah, try to get ahead of it. I would show up in a garlic bread costume. That's true. You could commit. And that's how you're going to get hired at the A&PM. Exactly.
- The AMPM. - The AMPM in Ireland. - I don't know what she said. - Welcome to AMPIM. - AMPIM? - Welcome to AMPIM. Yeah, I think that's probably the best solution. Just resend it. - Yeah. - Honestly, I don't think anyone cares. - Nobody gives a shit. - Yeah. - Nobody's gonna read that far. - Mm-hmm. - No. - Passionate hobbies? - No. Also, don't put that on your resume. - Passionate hobbies. - Yeah. - No one cares about your passions or hobbies.
So obviously it's really funny. How would you react if this happened to you? Oh the exact same way I think I think gobshite is is what I would yell as well I get a lot of stress over like work-related stuff and especially like I mean the only thing I have a comparison to is like auditions for stuff and dude the stress of that is intense if someone fucked with my resume or anything about how I come across
I'd freak out, 'cause I'm so terrified of coming across the wrong way to people. - Dude, you just freaked me out. Every time you upload a self-tape or anything and you're like, did I do the right take? The idea that you would even put the wrong one, that would kill me. I actually couldn't recover personally for a long time, so while I'm laughing, it would break me for a while. - I'm stuck on why are you applying to 20 places at once? - I don't know what kind of jobs they have in Ireland.
Shut the fuck up. I love just saying bullshit about Ireland. It's funny. No, I want to visit. I hear it's great. I don't know. I'm not allowed there.
My family left in the 1800s and I can't go back. Some comments here. If you have 100 applicants for a job and someone sends you a resume with garlic bread all over it, it would absolutely get tossed. I might be curious, but not enough to waste my time. Oh, he responded. How about if it was mentioned only once and everything else was okay?
Someone else said, "Your sister was seriously a dick for doing that, but she might have done you a favor. I have a couple of things on my resume that have absolutely no bearing on my field, but get me interviews because they make me seem a little more relatable and interesting." I know this because employers have specifically said it's what made them bring me in. Someone else said, "Did you apply to any Italian restaurants?" OP responded, "I did actually."
Hopefully I'll hear from them. I can speak a little bit of Italian too. I'm winning here. Garlic bread. Wait, is she like really about garlic bread? I guess she, maybe the sibling was doing her a favor. Maybe it was like her passion's garlic bread, but she doesn't realize. She never says it, but she makes the bread by hand. Rebecca, your life passion is garlic bread, but you aren't owning it. She's like, no, I can't.
I mean, garlic bread is great. Personally, if I had to choose garlic bread, Texas toast. I'm a Texas toast guy. What's that? It's the same thing in a different shape. No, it's not. That's not the same at all. Yeah, it's like the same thing. Texas toast is more like a type of bread. Yeah, it's like a country-style white bread. Garlic bread is how the bread is seasoned, I feel like. It's just garlic butter, right? Texas toast is what you get in like...
Raising Cane's has Texas toast. - A barbecue restaurant? - Yeah, it's that big fat. - Fat. - I've had garlic Texas toast. - When you make French toast with Texas toast, it's-- - Wait, how? - No, no, no. - Okay, okay, hold on. - No, no. - We have someone from Texas. - We have a Texan. - What is the difference between Texas toast and garlic bread?
- Garlic bread is usually a baguette that's been cut in half and sliced. - Olive oil, garlic, yeah. - Texas toast is just a thick slice of white bread. - Yeah. - And it's sometimes garlic and it's sometimes just like butter and parsley. - Thank you. - Glad I could help. - Yeah. - Thank you. - That's good, we had a resident Texan. - Mm.
But they're both great. No, I love them both. They're great. Whatever. Look, when it comes to bread, I'll eat anything. I'll eat, yeah. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Kimmy just said, you think pizza's overrated? This is like part of my lore. It's like the third thing on my description on...
I only know two. Thanks. Sorry. No, yeah. I don't think I've ever heard this, man. Why don't you-- how do you think it's overrated? OK, don't freak out. It's overrated. It's not bad. If I'm at a party, I'm a little junky, I need some food in my body, they get some pizza, I'll eat a pizza. Sure. I'm not someone who's like, hmm, what do I want to eat? I want to get some pizza. I don't have that. I don't care about pizza. But everyone's like, I have pizza! And I'm like, all right, child.
That's it. Okay, moving on. Am I the asshole for letting my child ride her pony to school? Huh. Whoa. I really need to hear more because right now I'm thinking that that sounds like the dream. Yeah. My take is it depends on where you live. If you're in the middle of New York City, that's bad. How big's the pony? Yeah. Here we go. It's a 36-year-old woman.
My child, who's seven, asked if she could ride her pony to school last week. For context, we have a small paddock attached to our home where we keep two horses, one for me and one for my child. Every morning before school, my child gets all of her pony chores done before we leave, and we normally walk to school, which takes around 20 minutes.
We live on the outskirts of a fairly populated city where it's not uncommon to see horses occasionally, but we are by no means in a rural village. I agreed to let my daughter ride her pony to school because I thought it was a harmless, fun thing to do. And also, it gives the pony some exercise as we had evening plans and wouldn't be riding that evening. We arrived at the school gates and of course gathered a little bit of a crowd, which wasn't a problem. The pony is very good and lapped up all the pats and strokes from the kids.
One girl came bounding over from the year above my daughter and started shouting at me saying she wanted to ride. I politely told her that she couldn't because she doesn't have a riding hat and she would have to learn on a safer horse. She immediately started hysterically crying and pleading with her mom saying he wanted to ride. Her mom looked at me with disgust and said, see, this is what happens when you have no self-awareness and bring a fucking horse to a school and stormed off dragging her kid with
her. I was a bit taken aback but ignored her. Sent my child into school and walked the pony home. I was talking to my friend this weekend and she said I was in fact the problem and I was blatantly showing off that I should have known that this would cause upsetting problems. My response is I turn up to the school gates in jodhpurs and boots regularly so everyone probably knows I have horses and
Is that showing off too? All I wanted to do is let my daughter do something a bit silly and fun. Now I am really overthinking it though and almost feel nervous to do school drop-off tomorrow. So am I the asshole for letting my daughter ride her horse to school? Edit.
I want to clear some things up. Firstly, I'm based in England. Secondly, the pony never went into school grounds. There is a small patch of grass about 30 meters from the main school gate, and we stood there so no child with allergies would have to be subject to horse germs if they didn't deliberately come over to us. This also means that I don't feel like I should have run it by the school. And lastly, the pony is an ex-riding school pony. It has been surrounded by kids its whole life and used to do kids' birthday parties and everything.
Yeah!
Okay. By the way, the Jodhpurs was mentioned. Jodhpurs in their modern form are tight-fitting trousers to the ankle where they end in a snug cuff and are worn primarily for horse riding. Okay, so I pictured them in some Downton Abbey-esque look. Yeah, they're doing dressage. That's cool. It's fun to think about an English Karen. Yeah. What would you call English Karen? I'm not familiar with British names. Kareem?
Elizabeth. Elizabeth? Elizabeth. Elizy. Elizy. Elizy. Okay. Here's my take. Kind of the asshole, but not for the reason that the other person called them an asshole. And not really an asshole, actually. Kind of just like, what a weird flex.
You know? I mean, I come from a not-very-wealthy family. So, like, if someone, like, I'm trying to, like, parallel. Like, I don't care about horses. But if, like, someone, that's my new hot take, is that I don't care about horses. Fuck horses. Horses are overrated. Yeah. If someone, I don't know, like, it's the vibe of, like, I don't know, someone showing up in, like, a fancy-ass car and being like,
wearing a fucking ball gown or some shit, I'd be like, okay, why'd you do all that? We got math class in an hour. I don't know. I can see a little bit of that, but I really don't think that they're truly an asshole because it's really the intention and then other people...
Interpret like if you brought the horse to the front of the school I'd be like you're an asshole that horse is gonna kick a bunch of kids But she was like across the street 30 like good horse, you know, like yeah, she just rode the horse like yeah Then the kid wanted to ride the the horse to school. So she let her right do it. Yeah, I I don't see a problem with it I definitely see a problem with like another kid wanting to
Handles what what doesn't belong to them is not like that kid and then and then the mom being like well Should say what you did ride your fucking horse. Yeah, she did say why don't you have any self-awareness? You shouldn't have brought a fucking horse here or something like that, but right after that's the right of children Yeah, the horse someone and then she said that sure yeah, that's right But she was mad because her kid couldn't ride the horse and that's oh
No, it's the perfect lesson to be like, yeah, kid, because it's not your horse. Exactly. You fucking idiot. Exactly. Or they would say it in a British way. Yeah. You know, I can definitely see where you're coming from. It's just kind of like, why'd you do that? It's my birthday. I'm going to show up in a limousine or something. Or like, you know, let's order pizzas to school because I get allowance and no one else does. I can like see that. It's not being like, this is not a problem. I'm just saying there is something about riding a pony to school that is like, hey.
Yeah. But like, okay. It is also funny that like, because we all grew up in, you know, cities, not like rural towns. So like seeing a horse is like, oh, you're usually wealthy. When like, if you told me that you had to get to school via horse legitimately, I wouldn't, you know, like I know that as people like, oh, you're rich because you can own a barn and other horses. Like they might not necessarily be
Like in a position where... Because everybody's got a horse. Yeah, or it's just like they're... That's how they get there. I don't know if that makes sense. Like they might not be... No, no, no, no. It definitely makes sense. How I interpret it.
Right, because I'm seeing it from... I'm picturing a Florida school, which there are horses, people have horses in Florida, but I'm picturing a regular-ass school with someone walking by and I'd be like, who are you? I feel like definitely in America, and I would assume England too, but if you have horses, you have to be... It's hard to have horses and not be wealthy. Yeah. I feel like. It might be your business too. Based on my experiences, at least I guess where I've lived, so that's fair. I'm sure there's places, but...
Still. Just interesting. I see as a kid if someone rode their horse to school, I would think it's cool. Do you have to have like a poo bag? You know like when you walk your dog, you're supposed to have it on a leash and with a poo bag. Like a horse diaper. Yeah, but a horse is like, it's a big-- Dude. Yeah. They drop deuces, dude. Like what do you do? Don't they, aren't there like things that can like catch it? Like isn't there like a little basket? Like it swings?
Little horse basket. That's nice. I don't know. Once again, once again, our resident Texas toast and horse expert. Tell us about the poo bucket. Usually, you only have a poo, I don't want to call it a poo bag, but what you're calling a poo bag behind your horse is if you're riding in the street, like in a parade or something, or with a carriage, like some places where there's a lot of foot traffic. Yeah. But if it's like a...
green area, not in a city, you don't usually have one. Do they make them for ponies? Yeah, they're just smaller. Aww. Even cops in LA that ride horses don't have no horses. And let's talk about that. Why are there police on horses in LA? That's a good point. Whenever I see police on horses, I'm just like,
Really? I haven't seen a criminal on a horse. I think it's intimidating. Exactly. There's no old school bank robbers. Yeah, it's like there's no train heists happening. Can you imagine someone grabs an old lady's purse, is running through the crowd at the parade, and the police officer's like, don't worry, I'll catch him, gallops the horse through 2,000 people. Just knocking.
- Yeah, dude, that's medieval warfare. Get off the horse and you're still gonna have to run after him. - Yeah, poop falling in the street, people stepping on it, aw. - Yeah. - Yeah. The verdict was not the asshole.
Me and who? Sorry.
Who's going to stroke me and give me a fuss? That's all I was trying to say. I know it's different wording because it's in England, but hearing like...
It's hard for me to, it's just weird. - I think I honestly, I don't think it's fair for me to comment on this story 'cause I want to be that little child who every Friday gets to ride their pony to school. Like that is so wonderful. - Oh yeah, I'm jealous. - I mean imagine the smell of the fresh air. I mean it's everything that I want in my life. - My earlier statement is from jealousy for sure. - Yeah, yeah. - It sounds like a fairy tale. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - I'm like okay. - Oh it's brave. - They're having a fantastic life. - Yeah.
And I'm grateful for my life, but I walked to school carrying my fucking saxophone. You play saxophone? I did. You did. I had an alto saxophone. Which one was taller, you or the alto? Hey! Oh! Sorry, I'm sorry. The alto is one of the smaller saxophones. I'll have you know. It was still a piece of shit to carry all the time.
Everyone sucks here because it's a kid drop-off and you brought a fecking horse. Fecking. Fecking with an E for your little girl to ride in on. Parents wrangling little kids, teachers helping while trying to get started. You bring a distracting horse kids would love to pet and maybe wish to ride. Your horse, your prerogative, but read the room a bit. I think it's a little harsh, but I also see what they're saying. Right, that's in the same thing. That it's like, you're going to make...
the school a little chaotic. I see it more for where I think this fits more is at the end of the day when you're getting picked up, if you brought the horse to school for her to ride on and be like, let's get out of here. That's fun. Ride off into the sunset. Yeah, like, all right, go! And the horse just rides off with the kids. Bunch of cans on strings going, yeah, yeah. Just horsed. It makes me think of
It brings back a core memory of mine where my mom sometimes would come to school to pick me up and she would bring one of our dogs. Oh, that, yeah. And it was so sweet. She brought one of our dogs to school.
Uh, so I, when I walked out, she was there with our dog, Jack. And then, uh, but our other dog, she, she only brought one of the dogs. This would be too much to take both. Our other dog was so fucking pissed. And he took a, one of our TV remotes and just ripped it to shreds. You're like, he was pissed.
He was like, how dare you? Yeah. Took him over me. Someone else said, not the asshole. If you shut up in a really cool car or truck to pick up the kids, does everyone get a ride? You also sound appropriately safety focused, making sure the pony is good around people, for example. It's a nice treat if handled well. That mom did not handle it well. But what do I know? If I had a pony, I'd ride him on my boat.
That'd be dope. Is that, wait, is that Jeff Bezos? Can you check the... Yeah, yeah, he has the room. That was him. And then the last thing is, this is the whitest thing I've ever read. Yeah. Yeah? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. No, that's, like I said, that's some Downton Abbey shit. Yeah. I feel like in England, do people, there's a lot of horses around. I don't know. I don't know either. I just remember... I don't fucking know. Right? I don't know. There's a lot of horses. Everyone has a horse. I don't know.
Everyone has a horse there. Everyone's a knight. There's castles. They all have flags and one's got a dragon. I don't fucking know about that.
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Visit betterhelp.com/pitreddit today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, .com/pitreddit. All right, back to the show. Here's our next story. Am I the asshole for jumping out the train window? - How, I can't interpret that.
You can open up windows on trains to jump out? Maybe there was a police officer on a horse. That would, yeah. Right, it's the Lone Ranger. I study in a big city and my hometown is far away from any major train station. The closest one is 45 kilometers away. I like how all of these have been in the UK. Except for Ketchup Guy.
While the train tracks are very close to my town, the train doesn't stop near it. What I do is I book a ticket to the nearest station, then I jump out the window. The train varies in speed, but it's very slow when it's in that area, so it's never really dangerous jumping out. Never once gotten hurt, I don't like doing this, and I try to arrange for someone to pick me up, as there are literally no buses or anything there. One day, we had a family emergency, and they needed me ASAP. I took the only train that day and did it.
Looks like one of the train workers saw it last time and recognized me when I came on the train. She asked me for my ID and I said no. She kept telling me to give it to her and I refused. I know this is a common tactic ticket collectors use. You show them your ID and they keep it until you do what they want.
She got upset, walked away, then came back with another worker who explained to me that they're upset and I can't do this. I explained I have a family emergency and I understand their concern, but nobody can pick me up and they need me. They told me they don't care.
Okay.
Wow They went to the bathroom and shit. No, they went to the bathroom and shit. There was no window there They should have used a different word. Yeah. Yeah, um, like I gotta get out of here. I mean, yeah. Oh, no, there's no window. It's no This is one of those where I'm just like it doesn't matter if you're an asshole or not. You're breaking the law like Yeah You are endangering yourself
probably just mainly endangering yourself, but you could end up super inconveniencing everyone else on that train if they have to halt the train for whatever reason. I mean, God forbid you, like, jump out and you do it wrong and then you end up under the tracks. Like, that's the reality of it. Like, that's just why you...
Or like you jump out and there's a rock in the field you didn't see and you hit your head on it good night and no one knows that you're in the field and now your family is wondering where you are and they have an emergency. It's like that's why you don't. I've never dealt much with trains in my personal life but it's one of the weird things I've learned from the internet over the years is like don't fuck with trains. Do not underestimate trains. Yeah. Because they are so much more powerful than you realize. So it seems like oh it's going slow just jump out of the train. It's like dude
Dude, if any part of that train gets you, that part of the body's gone. Verdict for this guy was asshole. Right. In like a societal way.
Yeah, just kind of like the law. I think it's just kind of there's not much nuance to this It's like yeah, don't jump out of train windows. In fact, someone said you're the asshole. Don't don't jump out of train windows asshole There you go Someone else said you're the asshole Nobody should have to tell you that jumping out of a large vehicle while it's moving is a bad idea See, I think that's where I stand a little bit more is like it's less than I'm like you're an asshole It's more that like I'm like you're dumb. Yeah, you're gonna die. I
Yeah, the risk to reward is just not there. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Someone said, this is very funny, so I hate to say it, you're the asshole. You're a little rascal, I respect that, but you have to understand that if you get injured, those train workers will likely face consequences, so maybe take your mischief somewhere else. That's true. Yep. My brain is still breaking on the train windows opening. I've never in my life been on a bus that the window opened enough to get out of. I think, yeah, maybe wherever they are,
They're just not expecting, like, people aren't expecting people to jump out of the train. - I do like though that once they got in trouble, they just pretended to be American and that seemed to work. - Yeah. - They were like, "I'm sorry, I'm stupid." - "I only speak English." - "I'm obviously here and I'm dumb." - Yeah, so I have no idea where this takes place, but yeah.
"That's what I do whenever I'm in trouble. "Sorry, I only speak English." And they're like, "You're under arrest." - Yeah. - I don't understand. - You're funny. - "Sorry, I'm American." They're like, "Yes." - Get in the car. - "We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico, "and you're going to jail." Okay, here's our next story. "Am I the asshole for forcing my brother "to buy me a new engagement ring?" Okay. - Uh-oh. - Don't look that up.
I'm a 26 year old man proposing to my girlfriend who's 24 on our fourth anniversary September 30th I've been planning this for about a month and I picked the ring a couple weeks ago The one I got was on sale so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price last weekend I told my brother who's 33 about my plans and showed him the ring he informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend who's 29 as well
The next day, my brother came to my apartment while my girlfriend was out. He asked me if he could borrow my ring to propose to his girlfriend. I thought he was joking at first, but no. His plan was to propose to his girlfriend, explain he was using my ring as a placeholder, and then take her to pick her own ring later. His reasoning was that he didn't want to spend too much money right away in case she didn't say yes.
I'd never heard of placeholder rings, so I said no and the conversation moved on. On Tuesday, he proposed to his girlfriend with my ring. He'd taken it before leaving my apartment. I got distracted at work and didn't notice it was gone until his fiance sent a picture of herself wearing the ring to our family group chat.
I called him to ask about the ring, and he immediately apologized and said he'd keep his promise and give it back to me. But at this point, my girlfriend had seen it and his fiancé had posted about it on social media, so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring. We fought about it, and he confessed that while he'd told his fiancé the ring was a placeholder, he didn't tell her where he'd gotten it from.
I felt more angry and betrayed about him going behind my back and taking the ring after I said no than the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiancee enough to know she wouldn't like to learn her engagement ring had been stolen from me. So I told my brother I'd tell her the truth if he didn't buy me a new engagement ring. He fought against it for a few hours, but finally gave up and agreed. We went to a different jewelry store yesterday, and I picked out a new ring. I managed to stay in the price range, but the new one was still $100 more expensive."
Yeah.
The only other person who knows about this is our mom, who's divided. She thinks that what my brother did was wrong, and I'm right to be pissed at him, but I didn't have to stoop as low as I did by threatening his relationship. Am I the asshole? If you're threatening someone's relationship with the truth, you're not threatening their relationship. They threatened their own relationship. Yeah. The older brother...
Is the younger brother in this scenario? It's so sad. It should never be like that, unfortunately. That's crazy. That's wild. Why is the mom divided? Yeah. Like, is it genetic? What's going on here? I gotta be honest. She's currently dividing. Right. I gotta be honest. Specifically with Reddit stories that we read on this show, I am consistently shocked at, like, family members'
takes on stuff that takes place within the family and I realize like a lot of moms grandmas aunts uncles when it comes to like their Like children or nieces and nephews. I wonder if it's that they're just so afraid of taking a side that they just kind of like
do weird shit, but a lot of times they really blame the wrong person, it seems like. I don't know. I just, I'm also like, as the older brother, I'm like, that would just feel so weird.
Even if the little brother was like, oh yeah, please. I would still never want to do that. Why would I take your ring that you're going to propose? If it's a placeholder, don't get an actual engagement ring. Do something that maybe has some sort of personal significance. Or honestly, I think then in that case, something small or whatever. You can just wait.
- You could also just wait. - Just wait? - My friends propose, literally, like with string. My friends propose, they didn't have a ring yet, and he proposed to her with like a string and she was like, "Oh, yes!" - Let's go pick out your ring together so that it looks perfect with all your outfits. - Exactly, yeah! - Like what? - Did the brother not think about proposing until he found out like his little brother was gonna propose? And he was like, "I need to propose first." But then like really quickly rushed and did this. 'Cause they were able to go and he was able to buy him
ring which means the older brother could afford a ring so I don't understand this they put it all over social media - it wasn't the brother didn't post but the girlfriend or the fiancee posted all this stuff with her with the ring which is also weird if it's a well she has she didn't doesn't know it's a placeholder doesn't yeah no he told her it's a placeholder he just didn't tell her where the ring was from
But that's weird to give you an actual engagement ring and say it's a placeholder. Yeah. That's weird. You'd be like, so wait, what's the deal with this ring? This guy and this gal, the older, the fiance's fucking weirdos. This is just some weird shit. The verdict...
Not the asshole. Right. Not the asshole. When you borrow something after you've been expressly told you can't, it's called theft. That's right. Placeholder rings are a thing, but they're not actually proper engagement rings. They're usually something like a little plastic ring you'd get out of a vending machine. Not the asshole. He should have had to fork over a lot extra after how he screwed you over with this.
Someone else said, "This sounds like he feels that as he is older, he should be doing things like that before you. I would take a step back and reevaluate your milestones and if he had to beat you there. Is he normally competitive? Because this is not normal behavior at all." OP responded, "No, he's not usually competitive. He's been very supportive of me throughout my whole life. I'm not trying to defend him and I'm still pissed, but this behavior is surprising coming from him." Interesting.
Weird weird so weird. Yeah, we'll never know actually we will because there's an update. Oh, I love this show First the good news my girlfriend and I are engaged Hey, yeah, there we go. I proposed to her on our anniversary just as I'd planned She said yes, and we both cried. I love this woman. I can't wait to marry her also my brother's single and
- Woo hoo! Wow, it was a placeholder ring 'cause it wasn't for her hand. - Oh. A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself. She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was. Wait, what? - Yeah, the theory that he was like, oh, you're proposing that I'm gonna propose. - Okay, so yeah, all right.
My brother is older, but I've hit many milestones earlier than him. He never seemed bitter about it. We've always been close and supported each other, which is why I was completely blindsided by what he did. Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time. Use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later.
- Come. - Just imagine a photo, no hands and picture just like, I'm engaged. - I'm engaged. - Yeah, yeah.
Engage. - Guys, just bought a new car. Why are you at Magic Mountain? - Just got a new car, me on a sidewalk. - Yeah, like there's nothing there. - Okay, then he got mad that I made him get me a new ring because he told his girlfriend he'd get her one too. So his plan to spare himself the effort of choosing an engagement ring would end up making him buy two. Basically, my mom got him to admit his whole engagement was a panic move.
She said he already seemed embarrassed when they started talking, but was a wreck by the time they were done. She told him to apologize to me, and he called me an hour later to do so. He seemed sincere. Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. Then the reason I hadn't done so is because I thought that should come from my brother. So I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her, he'd tell her the truth.
He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back for what he'd spent on the new one. As some of you recommended, I waited two days after proposing to tell my fiance what happened. She was furious, but reassured me that she loved her ring more than any other. Since the first one was on sale, I can't return it to the store, so we're thinking of selling it.
I haven't forgiven my brother, but because he's never done anything like this before, I'm willing to give him another chance. I'm going low contact for now. He'll have to earn my trust back. I really hope he does. I love him, and I don't want our relationship to end over what he did. Both my fiancé and my mom agree with me on this." Yeah, I think this guy's handling it really well. This guy's awesome. And hopefully this whole situation will make the brother reevaluate.
his view on his brother. - How many times in their life as the younger brother did he have to like deal with the fact that his older brother is unfortunately just dumber than him?
- Right, he's just like, oh. - It's a panic move, but it's also one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my life. - Yeah, it's so stupid. - Yeah. - It's so stupid. - So I can't relate to this because both my brothers are a lot older than me, so they did hit every milestone, but it was a decade in front of me, so I kind of was just like, yeah, like-- - Of course. - I will be doing that in 10 years.
And so I can't imagine having a brother closer in age where those types of things might happen. I just simply can't relate. But I imagine it's gotta be hard. That's gotta be hard if you have a sibling who consistently is doing stuff. But I think none of us here are older siblings.
siblings. Thank God. Yeah, so we don't know what the fuck to say to this. If I had a sibling, they'd be hitting every milestone before me. Regardless of their age. There's going to be a six-year-old proposing soon. It's like, I'm glad I'm alone. Um...
Yeah, I it's it would be tough. I truly I truly feel for for people like I Because I can't relate I do feel for the older brother Oh, I have so much because I have no because I have no Personal like I I feel empathy just of like that's gotta suck. Yeah, I don't have sympathy I have empathy the sympathy is gone because you did it to yourself and it was really really stupid and you should have seen what happened I have so much empathy for feeling like you're behind and that you don't have a win anywhere and you're really searching for it
Yeah, I have empathy for the feeling, but the decisions are dumb. And you're probably bringing this upon yourself. And the girlfriend, like how much time did you waste of hers that she has to now be like, oh, you've, oh. What's so sad is she clearly was really excited to get married to this guy. Yeah.
But good thing it happened because obviously this was some huge red flag that she'd, yeah. I hope this is his awakening. I hope he's like, I need to fucking get my shit together. We have a couple comments. Congrats on your engagement. Well, it's safe to say your brother won't be the ring bearer, but hopefully he'll enjoy the wedding all the same. Oh, he responded, haha, yeah. We'll save that role for someone else. I really hope we've worked things out by the time my wedding comes along.
Someone else said, damn, your brother went full on Smeagol and still lost the precious. OP responded, I kid you not, my fiance has called him Gollum more than once this week. Someone said, marry this woman. And OP said, gladly. Very cute. He's like, that was the story. I did marry her. Did you read it? Yeah, I'm gonna. Yeah, dude. I fucking did that.
Very sweet. Very, very, it's sweet. - I love hearing someone with a good head on their shoulders in these Reddit stories. - I know. - It's a nice little, like, humanity's gonna be okay thing. - It's really awesome. There's different kinds. Some of the worst is when someone, you're like, they're not the asshole, but they don't realize it. And they refuse to acknowledge of like, oh shit, this person sucks. And it's just like, ugh, fucking, ugh, oh my god. No, this person's great.
All right. Am I the asshole for doing weird slash awkward poses whenever my mother-in-law accidentally walks in on me in the bathroom? That's awesome. What a, yeah. Whoa! Both legs overhead. Oh!
He seriously said that.
Ha ha!
Oh my god. Um...
We've had multiple stories of people barging in on people, and I don't get it, man. If I see a closed door, I am like, I almost, I feel nervous knocking.
- Yeah. - 'Cause I'm like, I will say, can I vent about something here? - Yeah, yeah, get it done. - Absolutely. - I think we at Smosh have a pretty good general rule of like, hey, once you're done using the bathroom, keep the door open so that it's clear that it's available. When people shut a bathroom door that is unoccupied, I'm mad. I'm like, fuck, dude, it makes it look occupied and I have to assume, and now I'm sitting there like, ah, shit.
Especially when 10:30 hits and all of us are like, "You gonna shit? You gotta shit? You gotta shit over there? Yeah, we all gotta shit. We're all just like waiting." It's like, yeah. You guys should get a little number tab, you know? Aw! Yeah. Oh, like the DMV. Like a deli. Yeah, just like that, yeah. You know what they do? They do that at hospitals now. You like that. There's a shit number thing at the hospital? You pull a number at the hospital. Isn't that great? Oh my god. Yeah, there's different windows for different needs. Yeah, and if you pull the wrong one, you gotta get another one and then go on the other line. Yeah.
There's a piss-only bathroom? No, that's to get medical care. Oh, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. Um, but yeah, I don't, I do not comprehend just barging in on an open, on a closed door. I do not understand it. It's crazy. At all. Um, I think anyone who does that multiple times, especially after walking in on someone, they're an asshole. Yeah. But I, I'm also terrified of accidentally walking in on people, um,
and being walked in on. I one time used a Starbucks bathroom and accidentally forgot to lock the door. So someone came in and they were like, oh, you're doing that. I was luckily turned away. So they didn't see anything. But I was there and I remember, I remember, so I shut the door because I think I had to pee really bad. I shut the door and I kind of just stumbled immediately there. And then I'm there and as I'm peeing, it's like this thing where I'm just like, I'm like,
I forgot to lock the door. - Oh no. - And then I'm like, and then I hear someone walking up and I start yelling before that, like as the door's open, I'm like, "Occupy, it's Occupy!" And they still opened it and I just hear, "Oh, I'm sorry!" And then twice in like the past couple years I have accidentally opened a door.
One time I was at a restaurant and luckily the way that it was set up, I wasn't gonna see anything 'cause there was like a wall and the toilet's behind this small wall. So I entered this way and turned to the left to see the toilet and just peeking out from this wall is just this woman and she's like this, she just goes like this, she just goes like.
Sorry. And I was just like, oh! I love that. And then I remember I felt bad about my reaction. That, like, my reaction, I just went, oh, God! Oh, God! Ew! Ew! Ew! Fuck! Ah!
And then one time, the funniest one, I was in an airplane. It's like the middle of the night. It was an overnight flight. I stumble. I wake up, and I'm like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. That's a tiny toilet. And it's one of those that kind of folds like an accordion. And so I fold.
unfolding it and this old woman's in there and she just, as I unfold it, it's, you know, it kind of like folds forward. I just, I just see her for a second. She's just like, ha! Slams it back. And I was like, whoa! Damn. I've had an opposite where I was on a plane and I,
I don't know, it was stuck. I got stuck inside the toilet. And there's an emergency way that they can open it, but like, I don't know if it says anywhere, but a flight attendant had to come get me because they heard like an issue inside. Awesome. Like they heard me. I was like, I need help. I was there for like four or five minutes. Wow. Yeah, whenever I'm using a public bathroom, I like have to check. I'm like, I'm making sure this is locked.
And I'd like to call out the nightlife scene here in Los Angeles. Why do you have stalls that don't have a lock on them? Whoa. It's the worst. Why are you doing that? I think that one is like, unfortunately, security based probably. I was one time in Australia. Honestly, that actually makes sense. I think I've told this story before. I was in Australia once at a bar, and the stalls just didn't have doors. And I walked past, and the guy was just full on shitting. That's called? It was crazy.
Verdict not the asshole not the asshole comments This is hysterically funny And I'm so annoyed at your husband for one not telling his mom to do things that literally eight-year-olds are capable of doing a knock and two For not having a sense of humor and mad respect for your creative way of handling this someone else said not the asshole you came up with a hilarious solution You do have a husband problem though lastly tell them your ritual is to summon mother-in-law to the bathroom And it's working every time not the asshole. We have a small little update here. Hmm. I
LOL.
My little hot take on this one is just that I'm like, this is a fun little silly story that I do think could end up being like, you know that meme of the tiny domino and then the big domino? I'm like, this is going to get worse. This sounds like their communication and stance on things is very different. I mean...
Again, not to judge people, but usually if you believe other people are doing rituals in their own home, you're capable of believing other ridiculous things about them. And that would, I agree, lead to a lot of problems if every time your husband's talking to his mother, which maybe is often, she's like, so how's that witch wife doing? You know, more rituals in the corner. I hear she drinks frog blood. It's like, this is always going to be very weird. Yeah.
Show up to Thanksgiving with a, what is it called? A tubble, toil and trouble? The fucking cauldron. Oh, a cauldron. Yeah. Oh, instead of the... Show up with a cauldron. What's the other one called? That sounds great. The horn? Oh, the... Kappa, kappa... I know what you... Oh, dude, you and me. We got smooth brains today. Cornucopia! That's incredible. 2024... 2024, I'm trying to go to a witch Thanksgiving. Yeah! Damn, that sounds awesome. Okay. Our last story.
- Aw. - This one sounds great. This one sounds so sick, dude. - Those other ones? - That's nothing compared to this. - This one's for the don't see. - Yo, this one's for the ponies. - Today I fucked up by masturbating too long in the shower. - That's right.
So this is a 19-year-old dude. So I live in an apartment off college campus with three other guys. Everyone else was at class, and I decided to pop in a microwave lunch before hopping in the shower. Now, living with three other guys and sharing a room with one, there's not a lot of privacy. I was planning on anything but got in the shower, morning Adderall kicked in for my ADHD, I swear, realized I was naked and it had been a bit, and went, eh, might as well. Yeah.
I popped in my water resistant earphones for a more immersive experience and in case the roomies came back unexpectedly. I may have gotten a bit too into it. It was an intense video. So what was supposed to be a quick shower turned into a 40 minute aggressive, ham-fisted session of earth shattering self-pleasuring.
I walked out a bit woozy. You can imagine my surprise to get out of the shower to find it surprisingly steamy with an awful smoky smell I hadn't noticed before. I walked out of the bathroom to the kitchen to find my kitchen literally engulfed in these giant ass fucking flames and the smoke alarm going nuts.
It turned out instead of hitting the microwave for four minutes, I added a zero and set it for 40 and set my entire apartment on fire. Immediately, I ran out and called 911, but they were already on their way. A neighbor had called after smelling smoke. The firemen came down. My whole apartment complex had to be evacuated. Lost most of our kitchen and our living room and everything indoors with severe smoke damage. I wound up in the hospital for a few days due to smoke.
Inhalation. Yeah, it's just I'm like, holy shit. My roommates are pissed. Could have died, but not gonna lie. I get now why people like being oxygen deprived during sex. Okay. Okay. Can I say the obvious thing? Yeah. Should have came on the flames. Put him out. Put him out that way. Would have worked. Holy shit. Yeah, you know, if he suffocated the flames like he was choking the chicken. Hey, old ways.
The boys for the boys. This guy has the same energy as that one dude in Pompeii who was jacking it. Oh, when he died? When he died. They're like, yeah, this guy fucking nothing was going to stop him. Bastille wrote a song about it. I don't know. I don't know about that one. He took an Adderall and it kicked in, and then he had a 40-minute Adderall-driven song
world's most intense masturbation session where he also burned down his house. I mean, that is just... Pretty epic. Here's the thing, with Adderall, you can't pick what you end up focusing on. Yeah. That's my... Yeah. That's... You get locked in. He was probably watching it, jacking it, also switching over to notes and marking things that he's noticing in it. He's giving a full detailed essay on it, going back.
That's just like, I'm just trying to understand the-- - What I think is crazy, 'cause I've had this thought before of like putting something in the microwave before going into the shower. I'm like, no, don't do that. - Don't do that. - Yeah, that's crazy. You have the expectation that I'm taking a two minute shower. Like, don't. - I get scared leaving my portable AC on when I go to sleep in my bedroom. I'm like, I'm gonna burn alive. - I say that, but when I was 19,
I could see, like, just, you're like, I'll throw that in the microwave. And then you get in the shower and you're just like, ah, what am I doing now? Oh, I forgot. Everything I, dude, all of this, like, popping in headphones in the shower is also insane. Everything about this, I'm like, this guy commits.
You know, but like, bravo. A little bit, I do have respect for this guy. If I was one of his roommates, I would kill him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is unforgettable. I would actually kill him. This is amazing. I'd be like, oh, you didn't die in the fire? Well, I'm going to kill you now. He did almost kill himself while, like, in the shower. He had to go to the hospital for a couple days. We found him. He died. It's like, oh, from the fire? No, he jacked off too hard. Too hard. Yeah.
We think that's what started the fire. You see, he took 40 grams, 40 milligrams of Adderall and then- He smoked it like weed. It was the friction. The friction caused the fire.
Oh man. Comments here, oh my gosh, I thought this was going to be a passed out in the shower and almost died story. And then someone else said, isn't that what this was? Someone said, OP, username I hate microwaves. Has this experience changed your opinion on microwaves at all, and if so,
OP responded, "Hate them. Motherfuckers should turn off when they're literally on fire. Dumbass machine." Someone said, "Yes, it's definitely the machine that was a dumbass." Someone said, "My mother used to tell me about the time she accidentally started a grease fire by overheating french fry oil because she got distracted by a movie she was watching. She waited until I was an adult to tell me that the movie was porn. She set the house on fire watching VHS porn in the 80s."
Someone else said, then what? OP responded, what else did you want to know, LOL? Eviction, house fire, neighbors, friendship damage. What do you mean? You started a fire in a house. OP responded, I got evicted. Wasn't invited to my roomie's new place. My lungs hurt. Currently living in a motel my parents are helping me with while looking for a new place. Lost about everything I had, but renter's insurance, so I'll get some of it back. Okay. And I don't think...
Best case scenario of you burning your house down. No one died. Everything's okay, you know, but also that really sucks I hated that update. That's a sad update. No, I think that's exactly what was good. It is arguably maybe As soon as that fire started this is best case scenario. Absolutely like You know, do you think do you think he gave up masturbation? I
Oh, do you think he's on the NoFap subreddit now? Like, what if he has... He became the Chosen. Yeah, what if... I know what I must do now. I think after something like that, I might have PPTSD. Wow. That's insane. You got Brennan. Brennan's so mad about that. Yeah, holy shit. That's a fucking nuts story. That's a nuts story. Now...
-
Oh my god, this guy, is this guy stupider than the train window jumper? - Yeah. - I think he's stupider 'cause he admitted it. I don't know if he's stupider 'cause the window train jumper is deliberately choosing to do something that I think is really stupid. This guy accidentally put the thing in the microwave for too long. He didn't mean to put it in for 40 minutes. He thought he was putting it in for four minutes. - But there's something about
I'm making this decision and I'm jumping out of this window versus like,
Hell, hell. Where I'm like, I don't, I don't, there's apples and oranges. Yeah, one guy's stupid. The other guy is the most intricate clownery I've ever heard of. I mean, the setup for that bit is, it's a long one. Somehow the headphones in the shower is still what I think is crazy. He said they were waterproof, though. He said headphones in the shower in case my roommates got home. I'm like, so. Wouldn't you want to hear? So they can fucking hear you and like. Whoa, whoa. What?
You know what the dude was oh, it's the headphones for the video. Yeah, right. I know but like he's not his sounds. Yeah Look, it would they're very specific pointed choices made because he's on a stimulant It's not gonna make sense. He's now in a motel by himself so he can do his thing Wow Wow, I did do some double takes to that some of them I didn't have to do a double take I was just like yep
They're doing this. But, yeah. Thank you both for joining me on this journey. Yeah. If I can end this with one thing, I wish my life was that of the little Irish girls.
Yeah, I know. Seems so nice. A little pony coming up. Write a pony to school every day. Writing a pony to school. That'd be so nice. That'd be incredible. Eating some Texas toast, garlic bread. We learned a lot. Yeah, we did. Thank you, Amanda, for teaching us so much. And thank you all for watching. Let us know what other themes, subreddits you want us to cover on this show.
And we will see you next Saturday. Hey, goodbye. Love you. Be careful with your microwave.