Shownotes Transcript
- Welcome back to the base- - Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Frank? Why are you cracking your knuckles? - I've learned how to crack my forearm. - Go ahead. - I just did it. - Oh. - Are you, you crack a lot? You crack your body? - I'm a cracky guy. - You cracky? - Yeah. - What do you crack? Okay, well you go, do you do a whole crack in one go? - I don't even know what that means.
You crack your whole body? Like you crack your neck, head, all this shit at the same time? I do, I do, I do. All at the same time where I just go like... Yeah, yeah. It takes time. You start with your fingers. I start with my fingers. Then you go... And I start with these. So I go like this. Ugh. And then I start like... I go my thumbs. Okay. I just did them, so... Please don't. I go my fingers. And then I go my thumbs. And then I...
My wrists. Why are you so creaky cracky like an old haunted house? And then I go my neck. Dude, that sounded like you almost died. And then I go my back. Let's see if I can get my back going. Frank, be careful. I don't need you to fall into a... And then when I'm home, I go my toes. Uh-huh. And then... Does anything else even crack? I don't crack anything. My ankles sometimes. Crack your ankle. Yeah. I can crack my nose.
I know that you just- what do you think you're my uncle or something? And you're gonna trick me like oh look at my nose. Every now and then, this is a serious one, I can crack my sternum.
Like, I go like that, and it pops. And it feels so good. Really? That sounds like it would be painful as all hell. No, it feels really good. Really? Yeah. I might have problems. I would say that if you continue to crack, you are... Well, no, they debunked that. It's been debunked. Has it? Yeah, where they were just like, it's going to give you arthritis. And they're like, no, you're just popping little... They're like little pockets of osteoporosis or something like that. Osteoporosis is your bones whittling away. Yeah, no, no, no. But there's something in... There's a fluid in your things that you're popping. Can you crack anything?
Crack me up. I guess that doesn't line up. Crack yourself up. Anything. Try to crack your neck. Don't be scared. I'm terrified. Why? Because I could die? You physically can't crack your neck to kill yourself. Frank, if I wanted to crack my own neck, I absolutely could. No, I don't think it's like... Bro, I could crap my... You can? You probably have. I could crap my pants after I crack my neck. No, I think I saw something once that was like, you can't in like, to yourself...
exert the amount of force needed to snap your neck to kill you. Not with that attitude. Which, I'll be really honest with you, that's a sick way to go out. Cracking your own neck? If someone were like, that's cool, dude. Whenever I watch movies of someone getting their neck cracked or snapped, it's snapped, right? Yes. I'm like, that can't be real. No, it is. They're like severing something. They're just like turning their head real fast? I think they're like severing something that like,
It's like if you sever that part of the spine or something, you were dead. Like, period. I will tell you this, these people that go to those chiropractors, and they're just like... Inches from death. Dude, I could not. I could not because you're asking, you're putting yourself right there, right there on the cusp of death. You and death could kiss, and you could taste the metal in its mouth.
And you're just not, you're just, you're not dying. I see those videos and it's like sometimes he puts this, he puts like a towel over your neck and head. And it just pulls it. Bro, pulls it. I'm like, you're gonna pop my head off. He like popped me.
Yo, it's a little intense. And I know there are people that are or go to the chiropractor that are going to be like, no, no, no. Listen, this is actually what it is, an adjustment or whatever. Cool, but also no, dude. Yo, I've been to a chiropractor before and he did this thing where he would align my spine every time I went there. I went for like my knee. I had like a torn meniscus. And then he was like, I'd get in there and he put me on my face.
Yeah. Or my stomach. Oh, yeah. Face down. Ass up. My ass was down as well. OK. Down for whatever he was about to do to it. No. But he would do this shit to my neck and then he would like be at the top of my here, my neck where my neck meets my back.
Where's your pussy and your crack in this situation? There was cracking going on, but no pussy. But he would do this thing where he would go like this and he would kind of shake it. And he's like, I'm aligning your spine. And I was like, I've never felt, I feel like an arrow, dude. I feel straight as
as an arrow. Yeah. But I go in there and the first time he did it, I was like, dude, I'm a fucking question mark. Dude, there's that person on the internet. They work a lot with like professional wrestlers, but they have like a hammer and chisel. Yeah. Have you seen? And he like puts the chisel like in the person's asshole. What is that? And then just fucking bang. Yo.
Yo, literally. And just goes to town. Have you seen those videos? Dude, it's like Michelangelo sculpting a statue. Yo, legit. No, but he's swinging hard. Yo, how is that going to help me? I don't know. You're trying to chisel my ass like Marvel. I'm sure. I'm sure that there is a legit reason and why they do it. I refuse to believe that it is...
Real because yeah, bro like it's a big like you'll go look at it. It's like a big chisel dude This ass is getting just fucking hammered and chiseled away. That's what I'm saying and also I'm scared because I don't have a huge Butthole, but if you take a hammer and chisel to it the chisel could go in hold on hold on hold on a lot Just so we're clear. He's not chiseling the asshole itself. It's like the tailbone the coccyx. Oh
It looks like he's close to the hole, though. I mean, I agree. One wrong hit. One wrong slip, you're getting, you know, punctured like a balloon. That's what I mean. Also, bro, you're going to hammer my coccyx? Take it easy. I mean, if anything, like. Your head's going to, like, pop out, you know? Like, you're going to be like a Rock'em Sock'em robot. You're going to send my spine through the back of my neck. We'll walk out like a Rock'em Sock'em robot. Yeah, fuck.
On the top of your spine. You're hammering my coccyx. Listen, I've been to a chiropractor. I've never been hammered. Have you? I've never been hammered. Although they did have this machine. Have you ever been knee hammered? Oh, yeah. My knee's been throttled. I love the knee hammer. Yeah. Bro, they used to, when I got my knee surgery, I had to go to physical therapy. And they had to test my reflexes and shit. I think that's so fucking cool. They would do the stimulation on it, the electro stim. And it would be like a pulse. And it would be like...
That's cool. Bro, it's... I love electricity. I love... I love hammers. You got an electricity shirt. Electricity shirt. Slap me in the face. Okay. The reflex test, though, like, bink, bank. I love that. Yeah, it's cool. I'll tell you this, though. That thing that they use, that little red rubber thing in there, that looks delicious. It looks like a shark tooth. It not only looks like a shark tooth, it looks like it's edible, and I'll...
Chew on it for sure. I don't know about eating it. I mean, I won't eat it. I would. I'd look at it and just go. I'd gnaw on it. Oh, that thing is getting a gnaw. 100%. Like a mouse. 100,000% it's getting a gnaw. Yeah, like a mouse on rope. Well, no. Mice on rope. It's this. I'm gnawing like side of the mouth. Like a dog with a ball. A dog with a rubber ball in the side of his mouth. This is so stupid. Just like this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you need a nod. Like Popeye smoking a cigar. Popeye with his spinach and his cigar. Same side of his mouth, by the way. Bananas. Which was crazy. What a combination. A can of spinach and a cigar? And it was like creamed spinach, right? It wasn't just like legit spinach. I mean, creamed spinach is legit. If it's made it not in a can. I agree, yeah. There are things that I would not eat out of a can. Any meat.
Yo, did you ever see the TikTok? There's this like food reviewer on TikTok and she reviewed they sell burgers in a can. Here you go. This is for you. That's disgusting. Dude, it's a full like cheeseburger bun and all in a can. It must be the most unhealthy thing ever. And it is. It's that Asian girl. It's that Asian girl. Yeah.
You wanna watch the- Just- just- Oh my god, is it a see-through can? Just pull up? No. Just pull up and see where she pulls it out so you can see what it looks like coming out of this can, dude. It is- Who would elect to do this? Oh, we got noise. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Where does she pull it? Oh my god, this is disgusting. Oh, is that it? Where she opens it and pulls it out. Is it wet? Well, she has to like heat it. That's how you heat it up. So you put it in like boiling water to heat up the contents. That's a giant fucking pan. That's a fat burger. That's a fat burger. Shout out to this girl. What's her name? M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-M-
Brother, there's like time stamps on the side that you can just. Yeah, don't you want this? Oh, yeah, this is fine. Look at this. It comes wrapped. Wrapped? It's got pants on? Pants. Pants on the burger. Dude. I'm disgusted by this. Oh, my God. That is bad. I thought it would look worse. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I thought it would look worse. Bro, in a can, though. I'm not eating it. How much for you to try it? Not too much.
500 bucks. Easily. You'll try it for 500 bucks? Take a bite? Yes. Yes. Well, we have a can! Yeah, I couldn't. I'm sorry. Whatever that mystery is. You're throwing up. I know that. Ant would take a bite of that and he'd be like, oh, man. Oh, man.
I love it. It's so easy. It's so easy. It's so scary. No, but I've never been hammered by a hammer and chisel for my back. Yeah, I've never been either. But like they put this thing on me to like check the density or whatever of something. And it was a little hammering machine. And it hammered your spine? It hammered my shit. Yeah. You got hammered. Right from the back. Right. You know. Wow. That would actually feel like it wouldn't be bad.
I wasn't a big fan of it. You ever take a, what are those called? Like a Theragun? Yeah. And you just like put it on your head? Oh, yeah. My whole head shakes. And then it gets itchy. Yeah, what is that? And then my head gets itchy. I'm like this. I put it against my head and I'm like da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I'm like, this is me in an earthquake. I love doing that, yeah. No. That was a stupid thought. I don't think it's that intense.
No, but it feels weird. Are you worried about earthquakes? No. I mean, yo, I was mad scared with the one we had here. Yeah. I was like in my apartment. And you live a couple floors up. I live a couple floors up. So it would have been, as they say in show business, fucking dead. Like my TV started going and I literally was like, I'm going to fall into the water now.
Like, that's scary, bro. Do you think... But if you fall in the water, you'll swim. Yeah. I won't. Why not? Because I'm falling... I'm inside of a building that's collapsing into the...
East River. Just ride a piece of concrete down. Not everything is a Fast and Furious movie. I know. I can't drive a Corvette through my living room. I'm not a big fan of those movies. Don't say that as if I'm a big defender of Fast and Furious unless Vin Diesel wants to put us in one and pay us a couple dozen million. A couple dozen million? Yeah. I haven't seen one since like number two. I've never watched one. I've never watched one.
You've never seen a Fast and Furious movie? I've never seen one. Is this one of those things you refuse now? No, when I was a kid, I refused because our friend got hit by a drag racer because those movies used to be about drag racing, and now they're just superhero movies. Now they are full-on like...
just going into space with a Honda Accord. Yeah, how is that happening? That's not... It's like, we're going to take this Dodge Ram. It's like clearly sponsored. We're going to take this Dodge Ram, built to last, 0% APR, and we're going to drive it off a cliff and land it in a plane that's going to space. Yeah.
All right, listen up, agents. We need to figure out how this group of bikers got this Dodge Charger with 3,500 down, 0% APR for 36-month lease, you know, through the cities of Brazil. We're going to drive this Dodge Ram through the sewers of the city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, bro, what the fuck is this movie anyway? Come on. All right, everyone.
If anyone else knows how to get America's favorite muscle car, the Mustang, the Ford Mustang, over this broken bridge, which has been JP certified and gotten the, what's that fucking award thing that they do? The JP Power and Associates certified as the best muscle car three years in a row.
Three years in a row. How are we going to land this award-winning car three years in a row and running on a boat? Yeah. Yeah, what did they say? Oh, man, if only we had some Getty premium unleaded gasoline, which is always the cheapest on the market. If only we definitely could get it. For this 1967 Shelby GT.
Alright dude, chill out Vin. We see through it. We're all family. I love when movies do that. When the product placement is so ridiculous. Yeah. Like I think it was like an intense movie and he's like, hold on, let me take a drink of a Pepsi Max. You're like, alright guy. Like what are we doing here? This moment calls for an ice cold drink of the Rocky Mountains. Ha ha!
Coors Light. And they like hold it up like this. Yeah. And they drink it with the logo facing out. How you doing, bartender? Can I have the banquet beer? Coors. No light. Ridiculous. All right, listen up. The only way we can get through this mob of bad guy drivers is if we're fueled by the champagne of beers. Miller High Life.
It's true, bro. I hate when movies do that because it just completely takes me out the movie. You know what I hate when movies say the name of the movie in the movie? I hate when they do that.
If it makes sense, it's different if it's like... I don't even... But it's like, I like when they do it and it's clearly supposed to be funny or something. Like Hot Tub Time Machine. Yes, that's the example. Where it's almost like a Hot Tub Time Machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I hate when it's a serious movie and it's like, oh, you know, they call them...
The Raven. And it's like, that's the name of the movie. Yeah, I know. I hate when it's something like obscure and it's like one of these movies that like you can't, you don't know why it's called that. You know what I mean? Like it'll like the movie will just be called, it'll be like a crime thriller and the movie's called like, you know, a cream cheese sandwich. And then it's just, yeah, like just something like that. Don't fuck with the cats. Well, no, that makes sense. That's a documentary. Yeah. About a guy that fucked with cats.
Did he? I can't remember what happened in that. Oh, yeah, he did. Oh, I thought he just killed. Luca Magnata. No, he killed. He graduated a human at a certain point. Yeah, yeah. But he started with cats. That's right. And it was not sick, dude. Yeah, it's not. That documentary. We're not supportive of him. Fuck you, Luca Magnata. What the hell? What are you, an Italian dessert? Yeah. Get out of here, Luca Magnata.
Too much. Too much plugs. He's getting free plugs on a weekly episode. You said his name. You said the Don't Fuck With Cats. I gave an example of a name. I was just saying like a movie that has like an obscure title. You can't like make the connection. Yeah. You know, TV shows do that a lot. Yeah. Bro, do you remember? You probably don't know. And they'll just be like, it'll be like a mob hit and he's just like, please don't shoot me. Like there's like a gun pointed at his head and he's like.
My first memory? A cream cheese sandwich for my dad. And it's just like, that's what you based the movie, like, that's what you named the movie off of? Marty Scorsese? I love you. Put me in your movie. That's it. I don't got anything bad to say about Marty. Imagine being in a Scorsese movie. Could you imagine? Yo, do you hear his next movie he's making? Is it about podcasters? No. Because that would be awesome. Criminal podcasters. I know two guys. With Joe Pesci. Fucking Eds!
Not good? Not good. All right, I'm sorry. Yeah, it was good. But no, it's like a mafia movie, but in Hawaii, and The Rock is like a Hawaiian organized crime boss. Leonardo DiCaprio. There's going to be explosions and guns in that one. You can rest assured. I don't know about explosions. Bro, if The Rock is in the movie, things are exploding. That's just a fact. There's no not explosions. I'm just saying this. Listen, Dwayne.
Mr. DJ is what they call him. DJ. Well, I'm not in on it. I'm not like that yet. That's true. I'm not in. You are. You guys are on a first name basis. I think mine expired. I haven't seen it in years. You still got his number? I never had his number. You still got his email? Probably. Let's hit him up. All I'm going to say is we're giving you this first piece for free, Dwayne. Okay? Every movie you're in, you need to rock bottom someone.
It's done. It's like Tarantino would feet. Yeah. It's like. And the N word, apparently. Well, I don't like that. Why would you say that? I don't like that one, though. I'm just saying. I just want to make that very clear. Tarantino would feet. Yep. Fucking, what was the guy's name? What was the guy that directed Psycho? What was his name? The fat dude.
Oh, Hitchcock? Hitchcock with being in little cameos in his movie. You know? Oh, M. Night Shyamalan also. M. Night Shyamalan with he also cameos in his movies. You know, what else? What other director trademarks are there? Sam Raimi, he likes eyes. Just make your own, like, this is my thing. That no matter what movie you're in, someone has to get rock-bottled. It could be like The Fault in Our Stars 3. The stars are also at fault. Yeah. And then you rock-bottom a star. A planet. Yeah.
Fault in Our Stars starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Bottoming. Can't debate. Hilarious. Can you imagine? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? But like, make it your thing. Your trademark. Your actor trademark. What an insane thing, dude. Yeah. So, hey, you know. Have you seen that movie Fault in Our Stars? No, no, no, no. Have you ever seen A Walk to Remember? No, no, no, no, no, no.
That's Mandy Moore and the other guy. Who's walking and remembering with Mandy Moore? They're both walking. One of them is remembering. The only thing I remember is she had a list of things she wanted to do. Cute. And she was like, I want to be in two places at one time. And then he drove her somewhere, and then he brought her here, and he's like, stand here, stand there. It's like...
this is the state lines you're in two places at one time and i was like yo that is so fire oh really yeah i was like that is i mean what else would she have meant i think that she that's the only answer that's see that's the thing i don't like that because there's no other answer i want to be in two places at the same time well you can't mandy more i think there's one very literal thing and you could have done it decades ago if you've wanted to i think that she meant she was like you know like on this list i don't know i don't remember the rest of the movie
I think she goes down. I don't know though. Well, the walk was so memorable that they, you know, like, what makes it more memorable? The only thing that you can do when someone dies is remember, so... I know, I tend to stay away from, like, movies like that where it's just like, you know, like, they fall in love and it's like... Someone's sick. Someone's sick and then it's just like, you know it's gonna happen, you know? Yeah, what's gonna happen is I'm gonna cry on my couch. I don't like, I don't like putting myself in those predicaments. I cried recently. Why was I crying?
I saw something and I was like, ah, damn it. Shit got me so bad. Oh, I was on a plane. Oh, you were watching a movie. You were watching. Yo, I was sitting next to this guy on the plane. Oh, you hide the cry from the guy. Of course I was hiding the cry from the guy. Well, he was also asleep. He was an old fucker.
Yo, and he wouldn't shut the fuck up. We had a flight attendant and she looked like she was like 23, like pretty girl. And he just wouldn't stop leaving her alone. This guy would not leave her alone. Bro, old people, no one wants to talk to you. It's honestly true. And like, I love how they do it because they're just like,
I'm gonna be so nice and like she's gonna show me attention. Dude. And he was like, "How many flights have you been on today?" And she's like, "Oh, this is my fourth." "Four?" He's like, "Oh, you must be real tired." I'm like, "You can't say that!" You- It's just bad! She- Nothing's gonna come of it. Leave these poor fucking women alone. Please, old people, old men, leave us- I'm just saying leave us, I'm not an o- I'm not a woman! Just leave them alone, dude. They don't wanna talk to you. Yeah, dude, and then he was going off and he was like,
He goes, oh, you know, I travel all the time. Like, I travel all the time. Whoa, dude. It gets way worse. So then he says to her, he was like keeping up the conversation. You could tell that she didn't want to be in it. She was like giving short answers and stuff. And she was going, oh, wow. Like stuff like that. Like, oh, wow. That's crazy. So he kept going like, oh, I travel all the time. He goes, sometimes I go to Qatar just on a pin.
That's what he said. Wow. I was like, first of all, that expression is wrong. On a pin. On a pin. I go to Qatar on a pin. Drop of a dime is what I think he meant. He was like, yeah, the drop of a pin or some shit. That also doesn't make sense. Drop of a dime, whatever the fuck. You're dropping something and then you're in Qatar.
So he was like saying that. And he's like, yeah, I'd do that. He's like, they don't even give me a big heads up. I just get on the plane or whatever. And this was a flight from DC to New York. So it was short. It was like 40 minutes. So he was like this. This is nothing. This is like, no, I think she said that she goes, oh, wow. So like this flight is probably nothing. He goes, honestly, going to London is like going to the grocery store. And I was like, how do I kick open the window to get out? Oh, yeah. No, you really want to just be like paying.
See ya. Crawl through the little window and jump into the engine. Gotcha, yeah. That's pretty bad. It's like, how do I get out of this conversation? It was driving me crazy. I love how, now, as teenagers you do that because you have no sense of how to fucking talk to people because life is awkward. As an old dumb idiot, if I'm doing that, if I'm just like, you know how sick I am? I take flights and they don't feel long. You suck the ultimate way. If I was her, I'd have turned around and been like,
Ladies and gentlemen, there is a man on the plane who...
Doesn't care about long flights. It's very easy for him. Let's give him a random applause. Oh, I would have picked up that phone and I would have said, ladies and gentlemen, there's a man in row 28 seat B that has a gun. Go kill him. Get him the fuck off of this plane. Because that is so annoying. It was annoying for me and I wasn't even involved. I really don't. I just don't want to talk to. Sometimes watching people flirt is real tough.
It's brutal. Because it's like, bro, what are you hoping to get out of this conversation? She's 23. And it was like one thing. If there's old people that are super nice and actually having a conversation and asking questions and blah, blah, blah, you can tell this dude, though, was just giving like...
Bro, if I heard him say going to London is basically like going to the grocery store, I would have cocked back and sent my foot through his chest so goddamn hard. I wanted to cock back and send my head through the window. I really thought about it.
You should have. What I started thinking about actually, because that was an actual thought that popped in my head. I was like, how hard would it be for me to kick this thing out? Honestly, do you think you could break it? Cause there's like a plastic thing. And then the actual thing I'm getting through the plastic. Let's. So if it can withstand the air pressure, you think your fucking chicken legs are going through it, Joey? Yeah.
This thing is made to fly 500 miles per hour at 30,000 feet. You think one guy that lifts one time a week is going to put his foot through it? Frank, we're up to three, four nowadays. Squats one time a week. If that. No. Yeah, I don't. No. I'll tell you this. When I have sat window and I see that little pinhole at the bottom, I freak out because I'm like, I know it's meant to be there, but it doesn't seem like it's supposed to be there.
Do you know it's a myth that if you just like open the exit window, no one's getting sucked out? It's not a thing. Are you sure? Yeah. Why not? Because of the pressure. They adjust the pressure. It's pressurized. No. There was also a video recently where the fucking exit door blew open and people were sitting there in their seats to like fight in the wind. Do me a favor. Yeah. Stop with these scary plane story talks, dude. Please stop. It was a very famous story. I know, I know, I know.
I don't need to be reminded of it. Don't. Don't. Don't. Look up if it's an actual video. No, no, no, no. Please. All right. Go ahead. I'm going to close my eyes and just don't talk. No, not the video. Just give each other like nods. I was going to look up if you get sucked out of a plane window. Yeah, you can't. Bro, think about people who are skydiving. Let me be very honest with you. I think about every possibility. Frank, think about army planes. Yeah, they're at 10,000 feet. No, no, no.
They're at 10,000 feet when they skydive. What's the difference? You're going the same speed! There is a difference at going 35,000 feet up, Joey. It's extremely unlikely and planes are designed to prevent this from happening, though it has happened in rare cases. Rare cases. Joey, there's a difference pressure-wise at 10,000 feet and 30,000 feet, dude. I'm sure there is. But it doesn't happen. Unless in rare cases!
What will actually happen is everyone's going to get really cold because it's cold up there. It's chilly up there. I love when you click the interactive map and it tells you and it's like outside it's negative 54 degrees and I'm just like, ooh, it's chilly. You know, it's such a stupid thing to put on a plane because like I don't care. Like what am I going to do with that? You know? The temperature? Or like the tailwinds. Like, dude, I'm not flying this thing. What do I care about the tailwinds? Well, they like to be as transparent as possible. I appreciate that. Bro, you want to be transparent? Yeah.
Tell us if this is actually chicken that you're serving me. What about? Because I don't feel it. How would you feel if you got on a plane and it was see-through? Like it was like you could see the floor. We do have ads. And I'm going to get to that. I'm going to get to that because I have a strong feeling about that for sure. We're going to start off with Squarespace here. Squarespace is going to help you build your website. If you make content or you've got an e-commerce business, whatever it is, you're selling stuff.
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Would you fly in a plane if it was see-through, whether it be the walls and the floor or just the floor? I would only do that if I was flying to Toronto. Like a short flight? Yeah. Like not a long... I think after a while I'm going to psych myself out and go nuts and be very scared. Bro, I wouldn't be able to walk. I can't even think about walking.
Bro, because you have to like, it's like that thing, you ever been to like a fun house and it's like you go in the tunnel and there's like a light tube that's moving but you're not moving? But like for some reason your brain is convinced that you are so like you feel like you're going like this and you like freak out and drop? That's what I would feel like it is. Yes and no. I think that all planes should have access to like a cockpit area.
Like, I want to see. I don't want to see what's going on in there. What? I like that. I love watching videos of, like, in the cockpit planes landing. That's so cool. What if, and we're giving big plane big ideas right now, so these are all copywritten. And they're watching. And they're watching. Always. Trademark, copyright, that's how it works. What if planes had, like, a special room that, like, you can go sit in for, like, five minutes, and it's like, you know how in, like, Star Wars, the Millennium Falcon has, like, a turret?
Oh, you can get below? And it's like below. Well, you know, you're not shooting anything. I know, I know. But like, it's just like you're sitting on like a swivel chair and it's like a dome bubble and you could just like see. Would you do that? You wouldn't do that. Oh, no, I wouldn't. No. Because I would, while I'm going down there, tighten the nuts and bolts. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to do it. But would you? I think that would be cool for takeoff.
Or what if? I'm just having all these great ideas. Let me ask you a question. Well, let me have my thing first. I think I know the answer anyway. The answer is no. I know that. If you're asking what I'm going to do on a plane, I'm going to sit there and not move. That's not what I was going to ask, but I already know. But what if they had like a little contraption? It's like a slide. And like you can like lay face down on the bottom of the plane. And like there's like eye holes and you can see.
You're getting nuts now. I am. This isn't a playground. What else do you want? A sprinkler? This is ridiculous. A slide. A pool. In a plane. Does that exist? Maybe on Emirates. Yeah, we don't know. I mean, they have showers. Yeah. I was going to say, would you ever, and I know you wouldn't, but what would it take?
For you to... The answer is money. I know that, but I'm saying what would... The answer is money. What would it... But is there a price on... And like a realistic one. Okay. Where you would get in the back of an F-16? Because that's a thing. And like you can go... And they could go Mach speed? Well, no. They probably wouldn't do that. But those go like straight up. I know. I'm going to say this. Yeah. Yeah.
I will do it. I will do it if there is no camera on me. Because have you ever seen people going like, what happens to their face? They're hitting like six Gs and they become like, I don't even know how the face does that. No camera on me. How much would I get paid to do that? Yeah. Let me say a number because you're going to go nuts with it. No, no, no. I'm thinking realistic. Okay. I'm thinking honestly realistic. What if someone was like, how long? How long? How long what? How long am I up there?
Oh, I don't like, uh, just be very clear. 15 minutes or something. That's an eternity. Is it? I don't know how long those are. I'm sure people do them. Bro. 15 minutes. Do me a favor, sit and do nothing for 15 minutes and tell me how long that feels. You're on a plane. It's so the same thing. It's still scary. I know, but you're making it seem like you don't do that. You sit on planes. Give me a realistic price. 60 grand.
Oh yeah, I'll do it for that. I was going way lower, I'll be honest. My realistic price was lower, but yeah, yeah, yeah, 60 grand. I'm cool with that. It's not really a set time. Yeah, well like 45, 30. I would say lowest I would go would be 25. Okay, but you would do it for that. For 25 grand? Yo, that would be so fire and scary. If I flew in an F-16 for 15 minutes?
Yeah. Actually, no. I would say $30,000 is the lowest. I'd do $2,000 a minute. We're talking – Honestly, this is not outside the realm of possibility. Are you going to pay me to do this? Because then I'm going to increase my price. No, no, no. It's not me. I'm not paying you. I know. But who could pay us to do that? This sounds like something like Red Bull would do.
Bro, if Red Bull paid me 60 grand to go in an F-16, I would do it. I'd be so scared. I would be very scared. I would be like, it would be. Because that bitch is going straight up and I'd be like, oh my God. And then they do that thing where they like. I will say this. As scary as it is, they got eject buttons.
Brother, it's still scary. That's even scarier? That's even scarier! What do you mean? They have eject buttons if that's supposed to calm me down? At least if it's like, yo, the thing is spinning, it's like, bro, just eject. Yeah, but brother, just because it's spinning this way, if you eject, it could still get ya. What's getting me? Something. Bro, if it's spinning like this, and you eject this way, by the time, you might not, you might get hit by something.
Whatever. They're designed to fall like a feather. Yeah. Are they? Yeah. Bro, then why do they always go down like this in the movies? Huh. Bro, movies, they're fake. People are getting sucked out of planes, for God's sakes.
Why did we pick this episode to talk about this? I don't want this to happen, but I feel like I would be obligated to do it because I think that like... I saw a video of someone doing that and I'm like, yo, that's insane. I'd be so scared. You have a Red Bull connection. Yeah, don't remind me. Why don't you hit... Because I hope they're not launching. Why don't you hit them up and say, yo, we'll pay you guys 50k each if you go in this F-16.
That would be so wild. I mean, yeah, you're doing it. You would do it? 50K, yeah, I want to be included on that. Okay, so we all get in there. We hold hands. You can only fit one in one. All right, sorry, Ant. Sorry, Joe. I'm getting it. Right. I don't know, dude. We would take turns. But also, here's my serious question. Where's this thing taken off from?
If it's taken off from like a carrier in the middle of the ocean, my price has tripled. Quadrupled even. If you're going to put me in the middle of the ocean on a boat with a flat top like a pancake? Is that pancocan? No, I'm not doing that either. Too short of a... I'm not landing on there. That's for certain. I'm barely, barely able to function with the thought of it.
Yo, you know what else too? This is something you got to think about also. If you do something like this, they're going upside down. They go upside down. Here's my thing. They barrel roll and they do backflips. Do a barrel roll. Bro. Where's that from? Where's that from? I don't know if I can do it now that I'm talking about it. Do a barrel roll. Fox? Reno? No. Star Fox? There it is. Star Fox. Which one?
Yeah, okay. 64, brother. Were you having a video game conversation? You don't remember that? Peppy. You're like, no barrel roll. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you would have to know. I will tell you this. I will do that way sooner than I get in a submarine. Way. Way, dude. Really? Yeah. I hate both. Oh, God. I'm very cool. Yeah, I would get in a plane first. Right where I am standing on the ground. Yeah.
But I'd much quicker get in a plane than go in a submarine. Can you imagine being in a fucking F-16? That bitch goes upside down. Nah. Bro, my head is like... I mean, I've been on roller coasters. I've been upside down. You're in a rocket ship. It's different.
Top speed, 1,500 miles per hour. Excuse me? Bro, you could get... But that's the thing. You can't do that to me, bro. I'm going to pass out. I don't think they can go top speed for very long. No, I don't think so. I think it's just like a big boom, and then they're done. They go up very high. Yo, what? 55,000 feet? First of all, that can't be true. No, double nah, brother. Yeah, you eject at 55,000 feet, you're not making it to the ground. You'll be ice. You wait, you wait, you wait.
You'll be ice. You will be ice, brother. No, no. Cruising speed is the same as a plane, so that makes sense. Bro, going 1,500 miles an hour, how do you train for that? I don't know. This is so crazy. Here's what I would do. If we had the opportunity to go to like— What a crazy job. And I wouldn't travel for this because it sounds miserable, but those things where they're like—
Space or like fighter jet training simulators. Oh, they put you in a thing and you're just They do the g-force on you. I just don't want a camera on me. I don't need to see what my face Fucked up, dude. They'd be like, all right 1g 2g Yeah, I wouldn't cuz you have to work on your breathing whenever you watch music they're like well Yeah, cuz you can't catch your breath, dude I've been on roller coasters that are going so fast that it's hard to breathe. I
I've put my head out of the window of a car when it's going very fast and it's hard to breathe. I have. Like a dog? Yes, I have. Yeah. I've done it too. I mean, yeah, that's scary. I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I don't want that to happen. Anyone want- I don't want it to happen. Stop this! What? Get the shit off of our fucking computer, bro. I don't know why. I don't know why. Get the shit off of our fucking computer. It's the article of the fucking Toronto- Alright, Frank, let me ask you this question. Please, just X out, brother. Wait, and-
And was asking this question beforehand. And it was, if you could curse someone you don't like with a minor inconvenience for the rest of your life, what would it be? Like a minor inconvenience. I wrote some answers here. Oh, you have, you have, how many did you write? I wrote four. What the hell? These are just four things that would drive me fucking nuts. I mean, immediately the first thing I'm thinking of is wet socks. Like every day they have wet socks for three hours of the day.
You can't give time. That's... Well, it's minor. If I do all day, then it's... You can't do all day. Three hours? Yeah, I guess so. I guess that's minor. That's minor. That's minor? I put lose your wallet once a day. I would lose my mind. Yeah, but you're guaranteed to find it. If the curse is that you lose it every day, that means that you end up finding it and then get it back for the next day to lose it. It's not about finding it. It's just about, like...
I'm about to leave and that's when I noticed that I don't have my wallet and now I'm like... Oh, it's like at an inconvenient time? Yeah, who's looking for the wallet when they don't need it? I mean, I always like to know where my wallet is.
You're in your house and you just randomly get up and look for your wallet? No, I just make sure I put it where it's supposed to go. That's weird. Why? I always have the same spot for my wallet. And I just every now and then glance over and just make sure it's still there. Because I got kids and they got sticky fingers. Oh, that makes sense. They got sticky fingers. That makes sense. And I have... I once... This is like recently. I was like hanging out. We were at the house like doing something. I think I was like just like...
And I hear Ruby running around and Maeve is like chasing her. And I hear Becca or someone say like, give her the keys. And I'm like,
If those are my car keys, like, fuck. You know what I mean? Because that would have been a problem. And it was. And thank God I fucking... Why would there be such a huge problem? Bro, to find... Car keys today are this big. Oh, wow. They're not like back in the day where you had like 30 keys on a key ring. They would have hit them in like a... Bro, if those kids hide that car key, I'm never finding it. I'm never, ever finding it ever again. Yeah. I also have... So this is like a pretty niche one.
I have can't turn off the slow, close captioning on the TV. So, like, you know when you're, like, in, like, a barbershop or something, and they have the ones that kind of, like, type out? Yeah. But they're always mad behind? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I... That drives me so insane. Bro, I'd rather... I would give up TV for the rest of my life. I'd rather... First of all, I hate subtitles. I don't. I like them. I do not like them. Because my eye just... Like, it just goes for that. And now...
it's been like people have been making fun of it on TikTok, but like it will fucking prematurely spoil whatever you're watching sometimes. Like that's happened. Legit has happened to me where it'll be like, so-and-so is going to reveal that they're the murderer or whatever. And they'll just be like, well, I have something to tell you. And then at the bottom it'll say, it's me. I did it. And I'm like, well, fucking there it goes. Yeah. I won't use clothes. I won't use captions or subtitles. I should say, um,
If it's like something with comedy. Because I'm like, this will kill the punchline if I read it. So I don't watch it for that. But I just rewatch Game of Thrones. I don't know what the fuck's going on most of the time. I gotta read this. Yeah, that's why I can't watch that show anymore. I watch it once, I'm good forever. But I feel like that's a good one. If that's always on the TV, I would go nuts, bro. Especially when there's sports on. There's no way they can catch up. The captions are 10 minutes ago. It's bananas. And sometimes the caption blocks the score.
that too yeah yeah yeah i agree the captions are going over the basket i'm like there was one i was watching something recently and the subtitles were on and it was like the subtitles were over like what the character was looking at like it was like a reveal they were like but you couldn't see it because it just said like so and so stares aggressively and i was just like what the fuck i don't like them all right how about how about if i could curse someone um
Anytime they drink something, it gets that like wrong pipe and it like tastes like that in their mouth forever. Oh, like a... Not forever, but like for a couple minutes. So like you aspirate or whatever you're like. Yeah, and then it just tastes like orange juice for the next hour. I just thought of a great one. Wow, wow, wow.
Whenever you eat rice, you get one of those kernels stuck in your nasal cavity. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You've never gotten that? I hate that. In your sinus. In your sinus is what you're referencing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've never had that? No, dude, it's bad. If you talk while you're eating rice or a carrot for some reason, it'll go up into your sinus, and then you have to like... Yeah, you have to try and really get it out. It's so annoying. Another one I have is motion-activated things don't work on the first 10 tries. So if you're trying to flush a toilet, you're just...
I don't wave in a toilet usually, but I hear what you're saying. I put my hand, I'm playing hide and seek with the thing. I put my hand over it, then I go like this. The worst one is the, like the sinks are bad. The soap dispensers are way, way worse. I think sinks are worse than soap. I think I don't, that's not even my least favorite type of sink.
My least favorite is the buttons that you have to hit and then like it's not like the timing of the water dispersion is not quick. Like it's too quick actually. So you have to like, you know, like you're fucking, you know, doing surgery. Motion activated shit not working on the first time. What do you got? What are you thinking? What about every time you finally sit down or lay down and get comfortable, you have to pee?
Yeah, that sucks too. Like the initial within the first minute of getting comfortable. Yeah. But then it'll never stop. You'll pee always because then you get up and then you go to get comfortable again and it happens again. So you'll always have to pee. Gotcha. What about your farts are always loud?
Okay. Every single one. There are people that will be pumped by that. I would, that would be a major inconvenience for me. Who's going to be pumped by like every time you actually fart, like a fart is leaving your butt. People can hear it. That is embarrassing. People love that. People love that. People love that. There are farters out there, dude. Yeah. I'm one of them, but not like in pub. I mean, that would be a major inconvenience for me. It wouldn't be an inconvenience for anybody to be like, you're in like a meeting. You got to pass the gas.
You know, that would be tough to deal with. I would hate that. I also have your phone battery doesn't stay alive for more than two hours. That's a major. Yeah, that's major. All right. What about four hours? Major. I think that's too big. Anything less than 10 hours. Major. What about this? Every time you plug in your phone to charge it and you come back, you accidentally didn't plug it in.
You know how that happens? Yeah, but then you'll never plug it in. I got one. I got one that's a minor inconvenience. You're going too crazy, I think. No, I'm not. I'm using your logic. It's just like every time you do this, then any time you try to plug it in, it gets unplugged. That's true. That seems major. I have a good one.
Every single phone charger that you have is that fucked up one that has to be in a perfect way. Oh, that's a good one. So that you can like, you got to like fold it and put your phone on it. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, that would be horrible. That would really suck. Or every pair of earbuds that you have fall out of your ears. Oh,
Oh my God. Yeah. Like you can't ever, like they always, there's always one that falls out for no reason. You can switch the size of the silicone. It doesn't matter. Dude. Do you know that I had a pair? I forgot what it was, but I went on a run one day.
And it popped out of my ear because it was really windy. And like there, it was small. It was like this. It wasn't like a Apple one or whatever. And it hit the floor and started rolling in the street. And I took one step towards it and a car drove over it. I can't wear. Are you fucking kidding? It's like a movie. I can't wear. The only headphones I could wear are the muffs.
Or the ones that go like in and around your ears. The Apple ones don't fit for you? No. Literally, I've never wore a pair of earbuds. The ones with the stick are good. They'll fit. They'll fit. And then, I don't know if it's just because my ears are so oily. Like my ears are so oily, but one always pops out. Always. Always, always, always. Yeah. The ones that, like the only, the Apple ones that are like, they have like the stick thing.
You know? Yeah. But other ones that are just like, they just go in your ear and the whole thing is in your ear. None of those ever fit me. Oh, I just got a really good one. What? Every food, no matter what it is, whether it be drink, food, anything comes at room temperature. It's never cold. It's never hot. That feels mage. Why is that mage? You're saying they can never enjoy a meal again? No, they can heat it up, but anytime they get it, it's immediate. It's, it's room temperature.
Whether it be ice cream, whether it be steak, whether it be coffee, whether it be a cold beer. So like they can still chill it themselves or heat it up. But no matter what, anytime they go to consume it, whether it be the whole plate or drink or cup or whatever, is room temperature. What about every time you want to order a drink, your first initial drink that you want, they never have? Oof.
That's a good one. I hate that. But then I would just be like, I don't really want this drink, and that's why I would order it. You know what I mean? Do you see what you're doing there? What are you talking about? You don't know this curse exists. I don't. Yeah. You're like, you're under the impression that you don't know. Oh, I've been cursed. Yes. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. That's where it started. Okay. All right. Hmm. Every restaurant you go to, they have QR code menus.
I don't mind that. Actually, no, that's annoying. That is the worst in the world. QR code menus? Oh my god, I hate it. I don't dislike it. Bro, I'm here. Wine me, dine me. Don't make me do work. Don't make me scan and sit there and go like this. Give me a menu. I don't know. Make it look appealing. I like that because as soon as I sit down, I can get a menu.
Well, you're also... But the answer shouldn't be that it's now a QR code. They should just, when they sit you down, have the menus in their hand and give it to you immediately. Usually they do that, but there are some restaurants that they'll seat you and then someone will come over. And I understand airports where you scan and it's your seat and whatever, but if I go to a restaurant... I enjoy that a lot. I don't mind it. I like that I order and someone comes right to my fucking... But if I go to...
Restaurant and they're just like here's our scan this QR code for our menu. I'm I'm immediately upset Immediately because I then I have to zoom in and I miss out what's over there and I have to zoom out and everything is too small I don't like it. I'm furious by it. This may be a major one You guys can be the judge of that but like anytime you open something that's like a soda or a beer that thing breaks Oh
Oh, the top? So you have to like push it down or something? I don't think that's major. I think that's a good one. Yeah? That is a good one. Yeah, I agree. That feels... Sucks. Every time you try to open up a wine bottle, the cork breaks. That would be bad. Look who you're talking to. That would be bad. You're talking to Vino Volo over here. What was that?
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Boom. I'm trying to think of more. I think one that I thought of is that anytime the person has a popsicle, it melts like very quickly. Gets all over your hands. It gets everywhere. I was going to say anything that you have that's like crunchy explodes. Oh, I was going to say the opposite. Like you're expecting it to be crunchy, but it's just like stale and soft.
You know what I'm talking about? Like a chip, like a stale chip. Ooh, ooh, I got a good one. Every time you go to a bar and you try to order a drink from a bartender, it takes like 12 minutes. Oh, that's so bad. That sucks. That is fucking... Oh! Oh my God! Yeah, it's so bad. I got a... Every time you wipe after taking a poop, your finger slips through the paper. Disgusting. Yeah, it's gross as hell. Every time you piss, you splash on your pants. Oh, man.
I feel like that happens to you a lot. Or every time you wash your hands, there's no paper towels. Yeah, that's annoying. You got to do the pant wipe thing. Or every time you go to dry your hands, it's a really weak powered air blower. You know what I mean? Like one that's just like... That shit is so annoying. Realistically, what I would give someone I hate probably is they never catch a green light.
Always red lights. You know what it is? That's so major, though. That's a big one. That's too big? That's every block. I was just going to say that anytime you're in the car, you hit at least one pothole that makes you go like, oh, fuck. You know that pothole? It doesn't mean it's going to fuck up your car, but you know when you hit that pothole and you're just like, when I stop driving, I'm going to check on that, and then you never do? That. Have you ever hit a pothole and your car just went, not today?
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I've hit a pothole and immediately my tire was like, I'm done. I hit a pothole and my car started smoking. I had that happened to me. I hit a pothole and I popped my tire on the 4th of July. So getting someone to come and like help tow my car and everything took forever. Oh, that's a good one. What if it's like on every major holiday, there's wherever you have to get, there's major traffic.
Yo, traffic, it would be enough for me to end it. Really? Yeah, I despise traffic. Yeah, I know you do. Because I hate being late to stuff. Oh my God, that's probably a great answer too. Like if I'm like always like a little late. Oh, I have a good one. I have a good one because this is kind of minor. But every time you're in line to do something...
It's always cut off right before. You're the last one. Like, you'll get in, but, like, they'll let in, like, 20 people, and then it's cut off at you, and you have to wait again. That, bro, I hate that. When I'm in a red light, and I'm like, all right, this is perfect. I'll make it through on the next green, and then my car is the first one stopped. Bro, that drives me bananas. I can't tell you the last time
That I actually stopped at a red light when that's the case. Oh, I'm through that bitch. Unless the person in front of me runs the red, then I'm like, all right, I'm going to get hit. There are times where I, I'm going, I'll tell you this, a really like a good thing about Jersey that people like you never would have imagined was those are long yellow lights, brother. Those are long yellow lights. So, you know, cause like here it's like green,
You get two blinks of a yellow and then it's red. Yeah. Not in Jersey. You get like a solid like 12 seconds. 12? Maybe not that long. It feels that long. I feel like the whole light is that long. It feels that long. Wow. Yeah. What about every time you want to watch a show or a streaming service, you have to re-sign in?
Oh my god, that's a great one! That's brutal. Dude, that's... I'll be honest, I'll just not watch. Like, I've done that before. You said a good one before, the buffering. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. Like, when you're trying to watch a show, it just always buffering. Oh my god. Maybe you get a couple spurts, like every two minutes it starts buffering. That would... I mean, I guess we could go... If we're gonna do media and stuff like that, it's just like, anytime you play a video game, like...
A certain amount of time in, it freezes and you have to reboot it up again. Oh, that's pretty bad. Like you don't lose your save progress. It just freezes and you need to redo it again. What about... Or anytime you play a video game, there's always an update. That's a good one. People that don't play video games might not understand that one. That one is fucking miserable. Every other time that you have to go to an event, you get stuck behind a garbage truck.
That's every other time? All right, I guess you could. Or every sporting event you go to, the team you want loses. Actually, I could use that. Gambling? No, but you don't know. After like 20 times, I can't keep going. I mean, but if you're a Yankee fan, you're never going to bet the Yankees are going to lose. You're a Giant fan. Well, right now it might be. I am hammering them losing. I know.
But you know what I'm saying? Or for the rest of your life, you'll never see one of your favorite teams win a championship. Because that's not major. I mean, I guess for certain people it could be. It could be a reality. But like, yeah, I don't think I'll ever see a Jet championship. I don't think I'll ever see that. Ooh, all your socks have a hole in them. Every day is a bad hair day.
That feels major. That's pretty major. Really? Yeah, a little bit. Just like a hole in a sock is like... It's like you could deal with that. Every time you put on an item of clothing, you find a stain. Like a little stain. Like a little stain, not a crazy one. Yeah. Every time you try to throw something in the garbage, you miss. I mean, I can see why that sucks. Yeah.
I feel like I don't do that often enough that that would really bother me. I feel like after the 40th miss, I'd be like, there's something. I'm bad at this. It's gotten to the point when I do stuff like that, I throw it and it'll, it'll like, whatever happens, it'll be so unbelievable. It's like, I couldn't recreate that if I tried. Yeah. You know? And most of the time it doesn't go in. You always miss phone calls on the first ring.
Oh, I don't care. Like your mom has to call you twice for you to be able to pick it up. It's kind of a reality. I don't, yeah, I really don't care about that for my mom. I'll pick that up. But, um, I got just a constant little pebble in your shoe.
Yeah, that's annoying. That one's tough. Yeah, that one's tough. Every time you, like, you or someone cuts your nails on one of your fingers, they get a little too close to the skin, and they do that thing, like, where they cut the skin under your nail. Why are you saying, wait, what are you saying? Someone's cutting your nails? Well, if you go to get, like, a manicure or a pedicure. You can give these to women, too, or people that do that, Joey. No, but you made it seem like someone's cutting your own nails.
Well, if I were to go get a manicure or a pedicure... Why wouldn't you just say when you cut your nails? Because then I'll just... If I'll figure it out every time I do it, I'll just be like, all right, I'm never going to do it again. You can never keep your plants alive. That is the world I live in. I know. That was just... That was just that. That is the world that I'm currently living in. I've actually kept this one plant alive and...
there's a plant that my mom gave me in this pot and in like script it just says I love you right and I have killed every plant that I've had and I've kept this alive because I put it in my head that when the plant dies your mom does yeah yeah yeah yeah so I'm like I gotta keep this fucker alive dude bro Becca Becca was like a super like plant I don't want to say plant mom because but like
Took care of plants. We had a ton of plants. And then one day she was just like over it and put like 90% of them outside to die. She like walked them to the cliff and then shot them in the back of the head. She made them walk the plank? She made them walk the plank. These poor succulents. I think she was just, it was just too much to keep up with on top of all the other things to do. And she was just like, all right, it's time to go. That's funny. What about every time you try to have something with milk, the milk is just a little spoiled?
Not fully spoiled where it's like clumpy dumpy pumpies, but like just enough where you smell and you're like, it ain't right. Oh my God, I got a great one. I got a great one. Every day, at some point during the day, hair in your mouth that you can't get, that you can't get. You know what I mean? It could be your hair, but it's like that feeling of like, I can't get this thing. Or that thing, you know how anytime there's something in your teeth and you try to get it, it's like your brain knows where it is, but you can't ever find it with your finger.
Never had that? Ant, you ever had that? I know when things get caught in my mouth. Like, you know, like when you guide your tongue there, you know exactly where it is. But when you have to like get it with a toothpick or something, you can't ever find it. You feel it with your tongue, you try to pick it with your finger, like, is this the right tooth? Is this the right tooth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That. Every day. There's something in your teeth every day.
I just want to give this person just a leak somewhere. Just a tiny little leak. Oh, like from, like they piss their pants? No, not an internal leak. No, like the faucet. It's just always dripping. Like no matter what they do, it's always dripping. Yeah, I guess. I also have one. I have an ant problem right now. Jesus. Yeah, that's, I mean, just a couple traps. So do we. Ba-ding, boom, pow.
Crazy. You're our ant problem. All right. I'm kidding. I was talking about my aunt, Maurice. I tried to make up a name. Maurice. I don't know why that was the name that I landed on. Yeah. Insects could be a big problem. Like, don't carpenter. Every day at some point you walk into a spider web. Yeah.
I mean, I get why you hate that one. I understand that. You'd be cool with walking into a spider web every day? Kind of. I'd be like, yo, what the fuck? You know what I'd do? If it was Joe, I would just say, every day you just see a cockroach in your apartment. That would be so major. I mean, yeah, that's major, dude. How about this? Once a week, your car gets destroyed with bird shit. Oh, I thought you were about to say that. Oh, I don't really care about that much. It's just bird shit. I'll wait until it rains. Huh. What an insane response. Why?
If your car gets destroyed with bird shit, you're not going to go get it cleaned? You're going to wait until it rains? What if it doesn't rain for two weeks? You have a bird shit car? Yeah. What about every time you have to drive somewhere, you have to stop for gas? I mean, that's inconvenient, but it also could be major. Well, never mind. What? I was going to say, like...
This is stupid because it's not every time. It's not every bridge. But I was going to say, every time there's one of those bridges that open, every time they go up. You're approaching it and they go up. Oh, well, that would only if you live where one of those are. Or just pair it with even train tracks. Every inconvenience on transport happens. I got one. Every time you go to a restaurant and your server forgets one of the items you've ordered.
Oh, that's good. I like that. They always forget one of the items. So if you get a starter, a main, a dessert, and a drink or whatever, they always forget one of those. How about this? Every first date, card declines. Oh!
You can pay for it with your other card, but your card declines. Yeah, but then you have to imagine the person's going on several first dates, you know? No, I would— Yeah. I'd double—I don't think that's enough. Yeah, I agree. That's not enough. Because what if the person goes on one first date, and that's it? They meet their— I would say the person who I hate, I would give them every first date, at least, if we're keeping first date. They just forget their wallet. Oh, my—dude, that's major. I would say that's major, yeah. Is it? Yeah, I would agree. You can pass it.
No way! You can try. If I forget my wallet on a first date and the woman has to pay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm her, I'd be like, bro, you didn't forget your wallet. Like, this is a game. You don't understand. My coworker I hated cursed me. I forget it every time. I forget it every time. I'm trying to think of some that are just so minor, but like they would just make, they would like fucking add up. Every time you pick up a cardboard box, you get a little paper cup. That would bother me. That's a lot. Yeah.
I mean, I think an easy one is like every day you stub your toe. Yeah. I would want to think the person I hate is getting it harder than that. A little worse than that. Yeah, you want to give it to them hard, huh? You want to give it to them nice and raw and hard. Hmm. I don't think he said raw. I don't think I said that either.
We've spent 30 minutes on this. It's fun. I agree. I'm interested in seeing, because I'm assuming people will just be in the comments with really good ones now that they have time to think about it. We're just trying to come up with them right now. What about? Got a good one. Go. I don't want to say every time you say hi to somebody, but it's like half of the time that you go to say hi to someone, static shock. Annoying. What if every person that you meet, you forget their name?
That's also a reality I'm kind of living. That's pretty major, no? Yeah. Yeah. I just had something. Oh, oh. Every time you set an alarm clock, it doesn't go off. That could be major. Every time you order an Uber, the first one always cancels on you. That's been happening. Or even, I mean, I don't know if this is worse, but like every Uber you order, never mind.
It's only cool if you're like, well, if the curse is that you don't know what's going to happen every single time, I was going to say every order that you order is like 10 minutes at least. Yeah, I mean, that's not too bad. Canceling when they're close? Oh, my God. I could fucking lose it. Yeah, I've had that happen where they'd like take 20 minutes and then they cancel. Oh, no. Can't do it. Yeah. Every time you take a mode of transportation, you have an overly chatty person next to you.
Wouldn't make it out. Would not make it out, dude. You think he's going on the bus and the train? No, I'm saying planes, you know, all of them. An Uber. That would suck. Chatty Ubers. Just very niche ones. Every time you go to Jersey Mike's, they're out of ham. Every single time you try to get a penny out of vodka, they use a little too much cream. Every time you get home, your wife wants you to shut the hell up about this sink trip, man.
Every beer you got is accompanied by your fucking kids that won't shut the fuck up. Every time you try to drive your 2002 Dodge Charger. You're back baby. We're back. And you know carrying the safe through the city of Brazil and Sao Paulo. Beautiful Sao Paulo visit today. The jewel of South America. The federales bust you.
Love that. Oh, man. All right. I mean, I have none left. I think that we've beaten this up. I'm excited to see what the people come up with. Yeah, I'm excited too. But, Frank, where can they find you? FAlvarez8085 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvarez on all other forms of social media. Go check out the Basement Yard Patreon. Patreon.com slash the Basement Yard. The Basement Yard. What? Basement Yard. The Basement Yard on all forms of social media. Yeah. Yeah. And you guys go follow me at JoeSanagato. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye.