TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 3
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Hey, it's me, Michael Kosta. The Daily Show is on break for the holidays, but in the meantime, we put together some special highlights just for you. We'll be back in the new year on January 7th with all new episodes.

Eagle Pass, Texas, has become the epicenter of the national immigration debate as over the last year an unprecedented number of migrants crossed here to apply for asylum. And for many observers, this complex issue can only be summed up in one word. Invasion. We are being...

We are being invaded. We're being invaded. We're being invaded just like it's a military invasion. But how are the locals coping with this relentless onslaught? They've come and taken over the town. It's our land and there's just people coming in. They're causing, you know, havoc and

Oh, yeah.

What you need to be afraid of is some of these convoys of people. You're talking about Central American caravans. Oh, no. We're talking about the people that are invading the country here, not the Mexicans. The invasion here is from Governor Abbott.

and the Trumpers and the MAGA people. Yes, Eagle Pass has been overrun since Governor Greg Abbott declared a crisis at the border and sent in the Texas National Guard, attracting a flood of Republican governors, congressional delegations, and even billionaire weirdos.

This is our taxpayer dollars being put to use by coming out to Eagle Pass and what's happened is it's jacked up the hotel prices. Our room is $370 and they don't even have any hand lotion, Judy. Understood, understood. What is your message to the people that want to come down here? Don't come.

Okay, but be more clear. Please don't come. It's not just cool guys in scarves that are being victimized in this conflict, but also local small business owners who resemble Sam Elliott.

Right now, the only people that are going into the water are individuals from the press that want to see how ugly it is out there. The governor of Texas is here disrupting your job and you want to deport him. Get him out because, I mean, I'm expected to follow federal law, local law, state law. I would expect the same thing from our leader of our state.

Sam Elliott and his mustache's concerns were justified because when America sends its people to Eagle Pass, they're not always sending their best. Some, I assume, drove countless hours to sit outside a fence. But why? This is my land. I'm from Texas. I'm here to support those people who are fighting for me, my life.

My land. Do we have guts enough to defend ourselves? Do we? Now you're shaking your head and you don't really think it's tactical. You're wearing a suit and you've been successful in the New York media. You know what? You sold your soul to the devil. If I sold my soul to the devil to be successful in news media, I would be more successful. I wouldn't be sitting here at an Eagle Pass, Texas. You think I want to stay at a Marriott Town Plaza with no body lotion?

That sounds like something the devil would say. Yes, Dan's fashion critique hurt, and his outlook was very confrontational. So I decided to talk to the chairwoman of the county Republican Party for a more measured view. So we've had this invasion, and it's really turned this town upside down. You mean from Governor Abbott, from the 13 out-of-state Republican governors, news media such as myself?

No, I'm talking about the illegal. Illegal. The wetbacks. And, I'm sorry, what did you call them? Wetbacks. Wetbacks. Man, I haven't heard that word in a long time. Okay, now that she's gotten that out of her system, I was ready for a more nuanced conversation. We just want them to come legally through the front door. Calling them wetbacks to me is not a we welcome you here. I want them to come legally. That's what I want.

So they aren't wetbacks. So they don't have to swim the river. They wouldn't be wetbacks if they didn't. Obviously, there's some disagreement about whether we should let people from other countries seek refuge here and whether we should refer to them with vintage racist slurs. But as militarizing the border actually worked to keep anyone out, I asked Magali Urbina, whose pecan farm borders the Rio Grande.

I asked them to several times, please don't put the wire up. We don't want it. It's a liability. And they just came in and they put it up. Anyhow. Do you think the fencing and the buoys and the razor wire, do you think that's working? No. No, not at all. The governor's just pushing them out to New Mexico, Arizona, to California. But guess what?

They're still coming in. So if they haven't solved the migrant crisis, could there be another purpose for the thousands of state guards, miles of barbed wire, and throngs of sunburned politicians in Eagle Pass? I would have to say it has to do with the fact that it's an election year. A narrative is being told that creates chaos, scares people. It's what's going to win them the election. Do you think this issue at the border has a lot to do with Donald Trump's re-election? Yeah.

You do. Trump is concerned about the welfare of the people, me, this country. He's not worried about trying to look good so that he can get elected. A guy with a golden toilet and a spray tan isn't worried about looking good?

It's a political stunt. The Republican pendejos who don't give a damn. I might have in Spanish, but I forgot pendejos. You mean politicians? Well, it's kind of a heavier word than idiots. Motherfucker? Not as heavy. Not as heavy as motherfuckers, but heavier than idiots, stupid. Somewhere between motherfucker and idiot. I would say so.

As I'd come to understand, the border is a complex issue that affects people's real lives. It's so much more than a photo op. But before I left town, there was one more thing for me to do.

Every election leaves a third of the country feeling like complete shit. But there's a large group of people who have immunized themselves against political disappointment. Their strategy is surprisingly effective. I am choosing not to vote during this election. Oh, I'm not voting for anyone. I just don't want to play the politic game. I literally took the word political and I blocked it on all social media. So I don't have. Did you for real? Yes. I don't have no clue. Like on your apps. Yes. You blocked the word political. Yes. And these people are not going to vote.

And these non-voters practice political abstinence for a range of reasons. Is there a reason you're not voting? Not really. And some politicians like that. Gotcha, gotcha. I just became really disgusted with the whole political process. Yeah. We waste way too much time and money and energy trying to get somebody in the White House when what we should be doing is focusing on our community. Did you think about voting for your local election?

I don't think either of them are good leaders in my opinion. One of them is definitely going to bring about more violence. So one candidate leading to more violence didn't get you to vote? Yeah, no, I don't know why. I just don't. No, it didn't.

Most people resented choosing between two candidates they didn't like, but this non-voter had the opposite problem. I think either way, we have two great candidates. It's like one is an accomplished attorney and then one is an accomplished business person, but I feel like we need both skills. So if we had an attorney business person, then you would maybe vote for them? Yes. That makes sense. Yeah.

Have you voted in past elections? - I have voted in past elections. - Okay, gotcha. And you're choosing not to vote in this election just because why? - I have literally detoxed myself from a lot of toxicity, which includes live television news and that kind of thing recently. When you think about the word toxicity, it's about digestion. And digestion comes from what we eat and consume, which also is what we see, what we hear. - So I'm honestly genuinely inspired and I too want to learn how to get toxicity out. I mean, don't get this on camera. I've been having diarrhea for like

So not voting could actually cure my diarrhea? People have a lot of names for J.D. Vance. Weirdo. Oddball. Certified freak seven days a week. But does he deserve this reputation? Whatever makes sense? Nothing about the way he did that makes any f***.

And recently, Vance's wife outed him on national TV for something even weirder. He has all sorts of dorky interests. I want him to explain what the dorky habits he had. She said he's going to kill me for saying this, but it's Magic the Gathering, which was a card game. It's similar to, like, Pokemon. That's right. Before J.D. Vance was a powerful political shapeshifter, he played Magic the Gathering, a collectible card game that's been around since the 90s.

So we magically gathered a bunch of card-carrying dorks to see how they thought Vance's allegiance would affect their community. So what is Magic: The Gathering? And how would you explain it to someone who doesn't give a about any of this shit? It's a turn-based card game. You get

get resources called mana, you get those by playing lands or other sources, and then you generally, like, will play creatures, and then that's what you use to attack your opponent, and you try to accumulate advantage over time. Right, and at what point do you grow up and start playing this shit? But how do these super nerds feel about one of their own trying to move out of his mom's basement and into the White House? Are you worried that JD Vance playing magic will make you guys seem weird?

- No. - No. - He's a magic player, so he's a step up in my book. You need a certain level of intelligence to play magic. - Yeah, because you're making a whole bunch of tactical decisions based on what's going on. - Why, like being able to decide like, I don't ever wanna have a woman touch me. I would rather play with some dudes in a smelly room. - It doesn't always smell the best in here.

Vance also admitted his favorite strategy was something sinister. I think, I still don't understand this game. - JD Vance said that when he played Magic: The Gathering, his favorite deck was Yawgmoth's Bargain. What the does this mean?

It's a combo deck where you get to trade your life away for power. He's doing what he needs to win, even if he's being a dirty Yawgmoth player. So is Yawgmoth's bargain disqualifying the way, like, a felon shouldn't be president? I probably wouldn't trust someone if they're willing to sacrifice

so much just to get ahead. Like how JD Vance spent years talking shit about Trump and then totally flipped and is now running with it. Yeah. People who played it won pretty much too much for it to be fun anymore. You could draw 20 cards if you want, which gives you a ton of advantage. You can't be touched for a whole turn. I wouldn't worry about that. Pretty sure that effect is in play, independent of cards. But was Vance's nerd cred enough to work a little magic in the voting booth? Who here is voting for Trump Vance?

Who here is voting for Harris, Waltz? And undecided voters? What are you gonna do? Get in a voting booth and roll a 20-sided die? Oh, thanks, man. What's harder to explain to your family? Being an undecided voter or being an adult man who plays magic together?

- Big undecided voter, actually. My parents are Haitian, like born and raised. So they're like, "What do you mean? We don't eat cats." - But like, did you tell your parents that JD Vance also played Magic: The Gathering? - No. But I don't think that's gonna sway them.

Well, have these wizards and warlocks really undecided? I needed to explain politics in a way they could understand. Using a custom election 2024 magic deck, I gave these Dorito munchers some truth to snack on. I summon JD Vance.

The Boy Wonder. When JD Vance' Boy Wonder enters the battlefield, all Haitian creatures are returned to their owners' lands. That's pretty strong. So do I have to lose? Yeah, you feel a little more decided now? I think so. One down, three to go. However, these players were teaching me a valuable lesson. That we're all losers.

but especially them. - When a creature like that gets exiled, you can choose if it's your commander to put it back in the command zone or leave it there. - How do I lose quickly? - Choose wrong. You gotta choose wrong. Pick a number, one, two, three, or four. - Okay. - All right, ready? - One, two, three. - I pick three. - I pick two. - All right, so RFK Jr. and Elon Musk die. - Great. - I will pass the turn. - Swamp. I'll go find an island. You can go.

You're not even having a little bit of fun? I am having absolutely no fun. Time to do us all a favor and January 6th is shit. Game over, nerds.