Hour 1: The Pickle (feat. Pablo Torre)
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This episode is presented by Smirnoff. We do game days. Please drink responsibly. The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York. This is a delayed penalty, but I do believe that Mike Ryan was accurate yesterday when he accused Zaslow of being full of shit, that he would have wanted Kevin Durant if the heat had gotten Kevin Durant. So...

Minor penalty, two minutes. Spreading propaganda. Slight mischaracterization. Okay, you are penalized two days late. It's a really delayed penalty. Go outside in the street and figure out how to open that champagne bottle. Just in the street? Yeah, go do it in the street. Get out of here. We don't want to mess. Don't go to the penalty box. Take the sword with you. Yes, take all your confidence with you. The sword is not going to work. It's not actual metal. What? Okay. Wait, this is it?

Pablo Torre is a legitimate journalist doing legitimate journalism, no matter what it is that Bill Simmons has alleged around Pablo's Peabody nomination appearance. Pablo has another story. He found something else out. And Mike Florio is accusing the league of being in cahoots with its media partners and not getting Pablo's story out there. So, Pablo, explain to me how it is that you broke a story that makes you the sick

headline during a slow time on ESPN.com, such a giant story that it was. What's the origin of Kahoot? Was there ever a singular Kahoot? This guy gets the show. This guy gets it. It's a hoot and another hoot and they get together and are in Kahoot. A couple of owls cutting it up. It's like, is there any goal that's not unmitigated? Oh, no. Right. Absolutely not. Right. These hoots, these hoots will remain unmitigated.

Yeah, unsuppressed. They are of unknown origin, Pablo. Perhaps from the French, Kahoot, meaning cabin or hut. Yeah, I ask because boondocks comes from a Tagalog word called boondock, which means like over there, I am told. So we're also Filipinos responsible for that. Please give me the highfalutin sound immediately. How do you not have it ready already? No, it wasn't the boondock. It was boondock. No, it's everything you just did there that made you sound like Jordan Schlansky. Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did, of all people, did Tony really get on me for trying to pronounce an ethnic word correctly? Tony, Mr. Ethnic Pronunciation Guy, is saying, I can go boondock. No, no, I'm just... May or may not.

I'm just letting you know what Dan felt was a little bit highfalutin was you trying to go ethnic on it. Could also come from cohort. That's fair. What is the story, Pablo? Explain to me how big a story it should be. Explain to me why it's not a bigger story. Yeah, I woke up wondering about this myself. The story is enormous. And I don't say that just because Florio and I agree about that. But it's the document that has been called...

According to several people I talked to who are living in this space, the Holy Grail when it comes to how we think about what NFL owners are actually doing behind the scenes in regards to

collusion in regards to how they think and talk about players when you are not watching. So the document is a 61 page legal filing, the result of an arbitration hearing that and for people who aren't familiar, I'll just name some of the people who had to give witness testimony in this closed door hearing. It is Roger Goodell. It is Lamar Jackson, Kyler Murray, Russell Wilson, eight different NFL owners.

NFLPA leaders, agents, executives, they're all in this document. Discovery, Dan, expedited discovery, the kind of discovery that everybody fears because they say, hey, give us everything you got. We'll sort through it. That happened here.

So we have the emails and texts and testimonies and records and slideshow presentations, all of which indicates that the NFL attempted to collude with owners. We have Roger Goodell having edited in conjunction with Jeff Pasch, a general counsel of his league, having massaged Rodgers.

edited, messaged what they want the NFL Management Council, this shadowy entity that no one talks about, but no one should stop talking about now, to give to the 32 NFL owners at the league annual meetings in 2022 in March, not long after the Deshaun Watson contract. And the very brief thing I need to understand is that Deshaun Watson was, of course,

to us, most known for all of the, you know, sexual misconduct, dozens of lawsuits, all of that stuff that was alleged. For NFL owners, the problem with Deshaun Watson was the fully guaranteed contract he got. And so everything we're uncovering here, what did Goodell want? What did owners want? They wanted to avoid ever needing to give a superstar quarterback, especially guaranteed money. They had never done it before until Watson. They wanted to make sure they didn't do it

Again, and so that's why 2022 you will call. It was Kyler Murray, Lamar Jackson, Russell Wilson all up. And so this document is this treasure trove of details that explains the power dynamic, the power imbalance between the players and the league

and the owners and the union and everybody everybody here looks terrible pablo tory finds out is the name of the podcast and he's doing very important journalism at a time that people have fewer and fewer resources to do sports journalism but much of it is boring and i need to dress it up for the tv audience so can we put zaslow in the picture and picture in the street please and have him try to open a champagne bottle there he is ladies and gentlemen from the rock

man poison, Zaslow is on the street and Zaslow, I don't know whether he can hear us or not, but he should start trying to open a bottle of champagne. He's giving a thumbs up. Yeah, he doesn't know how to do it. So just put it picture in picture so we can have some fireworks around the legal garden that Pablo's going to bore us with. Point the cork towards you. Pablo, I was going to ask you...

I was going to ask you, were you more offended that you got a lot more attention for looking for Bill Belichick's girlfriend and all that? But then Dan went up to me and was like, are you more offended that we want to watch Jonathan Zazzle pop bottles than listen to you talk? I mean, I...

I did think that there would be some bottles popped because of this whole like giant scoop that everybody who knew about it was chasing and I got, oh there it is. No, Zazz has done it. - Oh yeah, this is sad. - That's a sad way to shake it. - I am gonna interpret this as a celebration. - Why is he shaking it like that? - Put a thumb in dude. Stick a thumb in there.

All of it was pornographic. That was... I can like it. I don't think there was a core... Is it possible for a champagne bottle to have erectile dysfunction? Pablo, hold on. Hold on, please. Just to retract my previous statement. Zaz got a kick out of that one. Just shut up for a second. Just all of you, shut up for a second. Still leaking. In the middle of what was happening there...

Billy yelled at Zaslow, point the cork toward you. And I heard Chris Cody say, my Uncle Mike lost an eye that way. He did. My Uncle Mike lost his eye opening a cork, opening a champagne bottle. R.I.P. He didn't die from the champagne. He's no longer with us, but he died with one eye.

And it was because of it. That's my whole life. You watch me. When I open a champagne, I can open a champagne bottle well. It's always, I'm like. Wait, do that towards the camera. Somebody else's eye? I just get up in the air, away from, get away from me. We'll get to Pablo's important story in a second. R.I.P. Uncle Mike. Why have I never heard of this Uncle Mike? Belly doogie wild Bill. He's not a Cody. He's not a Cody. It's my mom's side. I have heard about so many uninteresting members of the Cody family. And why?

Over on the other side, I got one eye. Party so much. He had a glass eye. He did? It was weird. It didn't look at you. It kind of looked off to the side. What color was it? Did it match? No. It didn't match the color of his eyes? He had blue eyes, and the glass eye tried to be blue, but it was just a different shade of blue. Whoa.

He couldn't get the colors right? Can I ask one question that might be rude, but I journalistically feel obligated. Go for it. Did Uncle Mike die in a way that was particularly cartoonish? Good old-fashioned heart attack, I believe. Good old-fashioned heart attack. Got it. Classic H.A. My bad. That was a key check. That was a journalist's key check. I was like, you know, feels like the guy with the glass eye. Minor penalty, two minutes for a terrible question.

Go away for two minutes. Pablo, we're just going to put him to the side for a second. It is a very important story. We're going to talk about Uncle Mike because you guys were so busy trying to get your jokes off that nobody seized on Chris Cody saying, to all of us, there's an Uncle Mike who I've never heard of. I've known the Codys all my life. And Uncle Mike lost an eye. And he died with one eye. And he had an eye before that that was fake and wasn't the color of the other eye. And Uncle Mike lost an eye.

Uncle Mike lost his eye because he didn't know how to open a bottle of champagne much like the Oklahoma City Thunder. Ay, ay, ay. Zagaki. And it's, you know...

You might want to get my mom on for this one because that's her brother. We could talk about Uncle Mike. I have more questions. Does your father have any answers here? I can't believe Uncle Mike. Look, the Greg Cody Show featuring Greg Cody is wonderful. It really is on YouTube and elsewhere because the family dynamic between Chris and Greg, curated so nicely by Yeti, so carefully by Yeti, is legitimately funny. And you're introduced to this weird family led by this patriarch who is the weirdest of them all.

But now there's a one-eyed uncle in the play. But there was. There was. Excuse me. One I've never heard of. How old was Uncle Mike when this happened, and how old was Uncle Mike when he passed? I would have to ask my mom how old he was when he lost. He had a glass eye as long as I knew him. It happened young in his life. And then when I was probably 10 or 12, he died. So he was probably in his early 50s. But yeah, one-eyed Mike.

He was a great uncle. Hairy back, he'd always be shirtless. He lived in Delaware. He had a pontoon boat. And we'd go out with Uncle Mike. You've described a monster. He had a white hairy back. He had hair all over. I've got one eye, I've got a hairy back, I've got a pontoon, I'm dangerous. I'm giant. And I live in Delaware. That's a killer. And its name is Boondock. That person...

That person is scared. Uncle Richard was honestly crazier than Uncle Mike. Wait, you have two Uncle Dicks? That's Ambani's late husband. Zaslo looks like Ambani. He did earlier this week. Wait, what happened with Uncle Richard, you were going to tell us? He died in a car accident, actually. Two Uncle Dicks? That is true, but we called him Uncle Richard. Probably for clarification purposes. But he kind of was a dick. It's funny.

Pablo Torre resumes with us now. Pablo Torre finds out is the name of the podcast. I urge you to listen to it or watch it because it is one of the last things out there and one of the few in this sports space actually digging up stories and doing the work. So what's the backstory here with you and Florio? And if we were trying, Pablo, as a company, we were trying to create a cloud of a big brand

of celebration. Pablo did a big thing. Everyone pay attention. How do I get people to pay attention to this story as they're all wandering away to talk about whether SGA was stoned on Good Morning America? Yeah. First off, uh,

condolences to Chris on all of his dead uncles. That sucks. I would say that as the NFL is monitoring my media appearances, which they are, I just like that they had to listen to that as well. Which they are. Look, Dan, I just need to stress...

that this is a document that neither the league nor the owners nor the union wanted out. Like they fought extremely hard. Florio, the sell on this is that Mike Florio is as plugged into this as anybody. He's as fluent and obsessive about this stuff as anybody. NFL palace intrigue and the law. And he couldn't get it. And so when I brought it to him, it was like to quote Chris's living dad, a dog with a bone. Like,

The texts in here, right? The way that these guys talk, you have Lamar Jackson in this document talking about how he couldn't hear from the Ravens because, you know, his phone was busted. The microphone on his phone didn't work, which you could take at face value or not.

You could get to Kyler Murray, whose contract became the subject of a text message exchange between the owner of the Cardinals who signed him to it and the owner of the Chargers. And in which, by the way, sounding again, kind of like Greg Cody, the Cardinals owner says, hey, Dino.

And Dean Spanos, the owner of the Chargers, proceeds to celebrate how Kyler Murray's contract is going to set him up to pay Justin Herbert fewer guarantees. You have John Mara, the owner of the Giants, talking about what would happen if he went and talked to Jerry Jones. You have, again, Goodell on this testimony, dead to rights in terms of what he did. You have all of these ways of getting into the room where they don't want you to see. And the key part about the union here is

is that the NFL Players Association, which is the force that should be the force to counterbalance these billionaires, got so caught up in their own internal politics that they never wanted anybody to know about this stuff.

which materially if it had been proven in this hearing and it was not for reasons we can separately debate would have been billions of dollars on the line but the arbitrator found that it was merely the nfl's attempt to collude and he could not prove that the owners listened to the league although you could reasonably differ on whether that standard was met or not so i don't

know man secret texts from famous people and billionaires that are very important that materially affect how you should see how the sausage gets made when it comes to every nfl story that gets reported in terms of contract value and in terms of why it was that way it's kind of all in here um so i would appreciate some champagne being popped less limply actually let me ask you a question i i'm no legal expert but if i attempt to murder someone that's

It's not like, well, he was unsuccessful. He can go. If I attempt to rob a bank, it's not like, oh, he's unsuccessful. He can go. Attempting to commit a crime is still a crime. Horseshoes and hand grenades. Well, the arbiter, they're saying, though, like what semantics here and what's not, Pablo, because this would be a bigger story if the arbiter had ruled differently.

well so what he found clearly and i'll quote i'll quote the thing just to give you a sense of how this is not my spin quote this is the arbitrator there is little question that the nfl management council with the blessing of the commissioner encouraged the 32 nfl clubs to reduce guarantees and veterans contracts at the march 2022 annual owners meeting end quote right that alone that alone

i mean and there's more it's they tried to do it but there is this standard of a clear preponderance of evidence which is vague enough given the context of arbitration in which by the way the arbitrator needs to satisfy both parties to be cynical about it because that's a job that needs to be called back to so he wants to do more of this the point being look at the texts look at how the owners talked in every time so what's so interesting about this is that mike florio uh many people that are on

generally the player side of this, right? You included. There are all these understandings and these inferences about this is what they're doing and they don't want you to know about it.

Here is the proof that they are talking about this in writing in ways that make it very clear that what the owners have is what the union only dreams of, which is solidarity. The owners collectively preserve themselves by celebrating each other's contracts in a way that allows them to pay the players less. This is documented over and over again. What the arbitrator felt uncomfortable doing was...

In the absence of an owner admitting to it, he said he could not prove that the owners were doing this because of what the league had also undeniably advocated them to do. And so it is enormous. It's just caught in some legalese that allows them to spin it away.

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Don Levitard. We didn't get to your guys' against the spread. You're right, you're right, you're right. I don't have an against the spread because I wasn't prepared for this segment. You need an Ian in your life. You have actively played defense against me today in a way that has rarely been this undercutting. Stugatz. Defense wins championships, baby. That's show business. This is the Don Levitard Show with the Stugatz.

Your saying it's enormous doesn't make it enormous. And I need to speed this up a little bit with a little cotton candy for the people because I've lost the back row. They've stopped listening. So let's speed this up with some NBA talk with Amin here real quick. Get as much information on the NBA as we can just to put some sorbet on this between the journalism and the serious stuff and, you know, the things that people in our audience actually care about. Giannis, should the Bucs keep him? Yes. You think he's going to stay there? Yes. Yes.

That makes the Miami Heat do what? Call back about Kevin Durant? Like, hey, is it too late? Run it back. Call Houston. Hey, you want to go there? If they miss on Giannis, then what's the Miami Heat's move? Just wait for the next whale. Maybe it's Jalen Brown. Who knows? Just wait? Well, that's what they've been doing. That's what... This is not a quick... If you want rapid fire, we need to keep moving. If you want to have a discussion, we can have a discussion. He doesn't like your answers. Go ahead. Take your time. Okay, so...

I heard you guys talk about this the other day. I'm like, yeah, it's a no-brainer because A, the East is open, but B, what else are you going to do? You can't say I'm going to wait for Giannis. That day may never come. That's the most ridiculous thing. You can't wait for the one superstar that you want. You got to go get a superstar, and then you got to make moves after that. Kendrick Perkins says that Cooper Flagg is LeBron James mixed with Kevin Garnett.

The former NBA player I would listen to the most about Cooper Flagg is Brian Scalabrini. He's super high on him. Cooper Flagg, Adam Schefter reported an NBA executive saying that Dallas winning the lottery was worth between $500 million and $1 billion to Dallas. I would question why that executive told Adam Schefter, no other NBA media person.

So you're questioning Adam Schefter there? I'm not questioning Adam Schefter. I'm sure he got an answer. I'm just questioning why that guy decided to give that answer to Adam Schefter. How much better is Houston? A lot. Do you expect OKC to repeat? No. What is Boston next year? A good team, middle of the road team in the East. Middle of the road? Yeah. Who is coming after OKC that they're not repeating?

Like you said no. You said no. And you're just taking the field because you think the field. Yes. LeBron's future. Steph Curry's future. Golden State. Zaz, you want to get in here? You look like you're just dancing and you look like you're ready. I'm enjoying the pace here. That's all. It has sped up because should I go back to journalism and Pablos or should we play another round of this? I like this. Luka cannot die. I mean, come on. He could go after Luka. What are we doing? Guys, what are we doing?

What are we doing? I have texts in here in which J.C. Tretter, the head of the NFLPA, is calling Russell Wilson a wuss. He is blaming him for the lack of guarantees in the NFL, which is to say we have a scandal in the union that explains why maybe the billionaire owners won this case. All of that's in here, the roadmap for every scandal you want.

15 different stories are in this and we're getting a setup. What where'd you get that wig? Hold on a second. Oh, it's only five minutes. I mean, it's hold on. Why can't I just be confident? Oh, God, what is that? That's young. So that's what was that? Whistle Wilson. Major penalty. Five minutes. Screaming comedy.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's a 10-minute penalty. So if you've got any last words on the way out, just tell us what we need to know about this Pablo Torre finds out story. But otherwise, you're gone. You're dismissed. I have another question for you. No, no more questions for him. And the NFL is monitoring your appearances. What is that? Everybody is trying to figure out how I got this document because that's how much it means to them.

I am not exaggerating. This is a thing that the richest, most powerful people in sports did not want you to know. That's the pitch. Do you want to know it or do you not? Do you want to find out or do you not? Do you want to know what's hiding under the wig or do you want to just look at the wig? I'm a guy who wants to see under that thing. I want to look underneath. How'd you get it? Let me do the Andrew McCutcheon. So how'd you get the document? I think he can't reveal that. Well, Andrew McCutcheon did. I mean, guys...

I'm not going to tell you. Okay. Unless you pop an even larger bottle of champagne. All right. In which case, I might consider it. Pablo Torre finds out all the dirty details of power that these guys aren't interested in because they just want, what are the transactions? What's the NBA draft going to be like? What's Ace Bailey doing? Yes. What is he doing? That's the biggest question of the night. I kind of feel like he's got a secret plan. Yeah. I heard Ace Bailey changed agents, by the way.

I already changed agents recently. Why are you still here? Overblown story. I was here. You didn't want more reporting. Sorry. Let me go back to the boondock. Pablo Torre finds out is the name of the podcast. It is doing award winning journalism. Uh,

and getting Peabody nominations and Edward R. Murrow awards. Tony, meanwhile, is having fun going to Vegas this weekend. Atta boy. MMA hangout. Two parties. Live at the Circa Hotel. A top stadium swim, by the way. Go check it out. Presented by Boost Mobile.

I, by the way, as the NHL closes down its season and the NBA closes down its season, I am going to do a baseball show. Woo! Yes. Jacob Lopez versus Jack Flaherty. With Tim Kirkson. Billy, I would love if you would like to participate. We would love that. Yeah, Billy, come to us. Right now.

I mean, come hang out with us. It'll be really fun. I'm just saying, we haven't talked Marlins baseball at all this year. I did delight in seeing the other day that they have an actual pitcher whose last name is Junk, which was... I was thinking about picking him up in fantasy, to be honest. It's been really good. Did I love picking up Junk? I shouldn't have told people. I tip my hand now. Fantasy deadline's right around the corner. It's...

Desperation. Jansen Junk. It's a good pitcher name. It's not a good name. He throws six different pitches. Put it on perfect. A guy named Simpson pitched the other day. He made his MLB debut. He was like the 619th pick in the year that he was there. I mean, baseball's good about having these people get drafted –

1,297 go make their debut. And his story is crazy too because he was added to the roster at the end of 2023, didn't make it into a game, got hurt going into spring training of 24, so he accrued an entire year of MLB service time without ever having played

then started the year at AAA and now made his major league debut. Oh, yeah, Marlins. Minor penalty, two minutes. Rambling. Having enthusiasm about sports. His name is Junk. That's all we needed. No, that was Simpson. That was another guy. Save that for tonight. Whatever you guys are doing over there. Like chalk nails.

Have fun tonight. Billy, you are welcome to be there tonight. Everyone is invited. Amin is threatening for an NBA draft party to break out. The Pablo Torre story. I really do want to ask you guys. I want to ask you guys this question.

These stories are very difficult to get made, to vet, to get past lawyers. They're usually not worth the time. You don't want to fight the NFL. You certainly don't want to welcome what the NFL will bring if it is furious about something. And so they're hard to do and nobody wants to do them.

And if you do them and the league has so many league partners that the story doesn't get out there, I don't know. That feels kind of shitty. Just feels kind of shitty to to have someone do the work that is the hardest work to do that everyone would prefer you just not do.

Even though it's like, oh, look, the owners are doing the shitty things to the court. Even the quarterbacks are just employees. They're just they're just people you could joke about by text. Hey, I got a little less on Kyler Murray over here. You're going to be able to get Justin Herbert cheap. And it's just I don't know. That seems like a story that should catch fire. It feels like I don't know how you do it.

because I've got to get people interested in the minutiae. But what I was asking at the beginning of the show, I thought you guys liked the dirt. Like, I thought you liked the dirty things that the rich people don't want you to see. The most interesting thing I learned is that Michael Bidwell calls Dean Spano, Dino! Hey, Dino, how about that? Exactly what you imagined, right? Hey, Dino, I got Gallimari cheap, baby! Discount bid! Plays video games a lot.

Houston against them. I mean, the story led us to learn that Uncle Mike had a glass eye. Chris had an uncle, whatever his name is, with a riverboat up in Delaware. Biggest revelation. Sui, right? Sui nominee. Uncle Mike. Thank you, Pablo, for all of the stuff that we found out about Chris's family. You're welcome. I feel better getting it all out, honestly. Chris asked a good question off air, which I feel like is important. He didn't want to ask, but I'll ask on his behalf because it's, you know, well, Wednesday.

So I'll ask the question. Once you've established enough credibility, can't you just make stuff up? Yeah. And people just believe whatever you're saying. Chris asked that question? Yeah. Once you went kind of dumpster diving with the whole Belichick situation and then went, oh, look, we got the ring and this and that and whatever. And now it's like, no, just say whatever about the NFL. People are going to be locked in. Right? NFL definitely hates Pablo.

For sure. Like so much. I mean, we wonder if we hate Pablo, and he's our co-worker here. We're with you, NFL. Ooh, Greg Cody, co-worker or friend, Pablo Torre. Wait a minute. Did a game of Fock just blow over here? Like we've got friend or co-worker with Pablo Torre? Hold on. Let's go around the room. What is the music for a game, a quick game of Fock over here? Friend or co-worker? I'm going to go to all of you, and then on a Wild Willie Wednesday—

That show has a host, sir. You're not the host of Fock. Yeah, I know, but he's superseding me? What are you, Tony Reale? Well, what I was trying to do, actually, is set up that what would you do? The Pickle is a new game that also has a new game show host on a Wild Willy Wednesday, and so that's what I was attempting to do, but let's play the first game, shall we? I want to play Fock.

I wanna play the pickle. Okay, it sounds like we only have the pickle music ready. They sell whole pickles in my movie theater, I noticed the other day. What?! $2.99! That's outrageous. Zazz just won the pickle. Did you buy one? I offered my son, like, you know, they have pizza, they got chicken tenders, they got pretzel bites, or a pickle. Dill?

It's a great sentence you just uttered. $2.99 is a good deal. I think one of the greatest things about Adam Sandler is that he will walk around New York just eating straight from a jar of pickles. How do we play this game? It's kind of gross. Yeah, it is gross. So you didn't buy one? No, my son didn't want it. Oh. Okay. Okay.

All right, it's time for the pickle. And here's how this is going to work. I'm going to give you a scenario, and then you tell me how you would handle it, and then I may tell you how I handled it. Is this a Tim Burton movie? The Haunted House? It's good music. This seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen. I don't know what to do right now. I'm in a pickle. No, it's good. I'm in trouble. I'm anxious. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. More than for a Linnabon. It's commercial free, baby. Why would you choose that as a lawsuit that's waiting to happen? Because it's Wild Willy Wednesday. I didn't choose this. Anyhoo.

All right, so I was recently in a pickle and I'm wondering what you guys would do and then I'll tell you how I handle it. I sell pickles in my movie theater. Yeah? Did you get one? How much it cost? $2.99. What a deal. So I've been walking around and... Adam Sandler walks around New York sometimes with a jar of pickles. That's gross. What kind of music is this? Sounds like Tim Burton. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen. So I was walking around and a friend of the show...

And I wasn't going to do this on this show because I thought I could get away with doing this on Mystery Crate, but I'll do it here now that we're in the pickle. Because I figured on Mystery Crate, this person wouldn't hear it. So, I'm walking around in front of the show. Big Mac, you know, gives us his hot takes, usually about how Chris Greer should be fired, NBA drafts today. But for some time now, Big Mac has been saying, hey, Mike. And then we have our conversation.

You got pickles on that, big man? What do you do if someone that you talk to regularly calls you the wrong name? This actually happened to my brother. So at the local sub shop Hungry Bear by our house, my brother's name is Chris, and the guy who owns it or who runs it calls him Adam. But the problem is he gives them, like, special privileges. Like, if there's a line, he goes, Adam, come on over here. And then my brother's done it for so long that my brother at Hungry Bear is Adam. How about that?

I have gotten used to now. I just react every time someone asks me if I'm Jay Mariotti or Mike Golick. Yes, is what I say, and I keep it moving. Jay Mariotti's got the eyebrows. It is the eyebrows. Oliver Platt. Billy, what did you do? Something tells me Billy would never correct him. Well. It's the pickle. That's the pickle. They sell individual pickles, my movie theater. Yeah? How much did it cost? It's $2.99. What a deal.

So uh... So I never corrected him. His music's pretty spooky. And then a couple days ago, Big Mac comes up and said, "Hey! Your name's not Mike!" Oh, wow. You're Billy!

I saw a lower third. You're Billy. Why didn't you correct me? You should have corrected me. That is great. Tell me you pivoted. My middle name's Mike. There you go. That's the pivot. Well, no. No. What I said was, which wasn't good, I was like, ah. And I just kind of kept walking. That is one of your moves. I was like, ah.

- That is what-- - I just kept laughing. - Also a good thing. - Billy, in the rare instances when you concede that you've been checkmated, there is no move for that when you do it. It's your signature move when checkmated. Just make a sound.

But here was my thinking, right? And this is going to sound like weird thinking. If I go and I make the correction, then we're both uncomfortable, right? So I don't need to make the correction. It wasn't like a harmful thing. We were having pleasant conversations. So I also, there's times that I'm in physical therapy and the people in physical therapy don't know my name. And they don't want to say Guillermo. So I'll just be like, hey, Gil.

And I'll be like, hey. And at no point have I been like, call me Billy or whatever because I'm like, do we need to do this whole thing? So when I was being called Mike, I was like, I don't need to ruin this conversation or moment or slow it down by making anyone feel bad and saying that's not my name. And also, and this is where I was trying to work on some heaven points, some bonus points. I was like, you know,

I'm doing Mike a service here by having this person think, wow, I really like Mike. This is what a pleasant interaction with Mike that I don't know. I don't know which Mike it could be. It could be any Mike. But I was like, I'm just this person is enjoying this moment. I'm enjoying this moment. If they think that they're having this moment with the mic, then they go tell someone, oh, look, I had this. Mike is such a nice guy. I don't need I don't need to be known as a nice guy. I'll have them think Mike is a nice guy, you know?

You guys have never chosen better music for a segment that we've done. Thank you. Sounds like a Tim Burton movie. This is hugely anxiety riddled. And what Billy just said there was logically sound. You're putting Big Mac in the position of, well, you have to confront me about this or we can just go never speaking of this again. And at least it'll only be me with the awkwardness. Maybe you'll never know. You guys know what they call Big Mac in France?

Le Bigamec. Bunduk. It's not Royale with cheese. That's Quarter Pounder. Metric System. They don't know what the Metric System is. Exactly.

Billy, do we want to play friend or co-worker? Or is that the... It's a good debut. Who was it? Oh, I remember who it was. It was Pablo Torre. But is that... Do you have other pickles? No, that was just the pickle for today. That's the debut. It's a successful appearance. It's not the pickles. Come on, that's crazy. Okay, okay. Big Mac, you guys mentioned this. He has not yet become a character on our show, but he's from another time. He wears a bit of a top

You know what I found out? Someone told me yesterday. Fedora. You know what someone told me yesterday? And this is like, we're going way deep in this. They told me that he has an identical twin brother. What? Who was here the other day who also wears the same hat. But doesn't work here. So they were just interacting with each other and then one of them left. And then I was like, is that? No. I don't. That can't be. No. He introduced me and said, this is my twin brother. Uh.

What a fascinating man. He is a wonderfully affable man, but I saw his dark side the other day because he's the gatekeeper here for the Elser Hotel. And when I say, like, from another time, and it might not be a top hat. I think someone said it was a fedora, but it's not a top hat, but I don't think it's a fedora either. The top hat is Mr. Monopoly. I know. It's not an able- Is it called a bowler? Is that what they're called? Maybe it's a bowler.

I think it might be a bowler. He's the man, so I don't know if you're going to disparage him here, but I would speak out against that. Is that a Bear Bryant hat? No. Just not houndstooth, but you've never seen him? Is it a Breaking Bad hat? What do they call that, a meat something? Like Roy, it's like Roy's hat. Pork pie, that's what it is. I think I'm going to say it's a bowler is what I'm going to say, but it's a squarer hat than I'm used to seeing. It's a little bit taller, but it doesn't rise to the level of top hat.

And so I don't know exactly, but you guys are really grilling me and I'm beginning to feel interrogated. Yeah. The thing that I wanted to say about Big Mac when I say I saw his dark side, because he is a wonderfully affable man. He just gives us sunshine every day when we come here as the gatekeeper. But somebody tried to get into that garage the other day who wasn't supposed to. And he was in their window. I saw you looking in here.

And that person sped out backwards, scared, because they were planning to try and get in our garage. I have Big Mac talking about the Panthers that we haven't aired yet. Please. I would love to hear that. Please. Big Mac's take of the day. We look real good. Back to back to back. Three in a row, and then they've won the last two. Hockey town? That man come on. And the Tampa, what's your name? Lightning. Lightning. Florida. Hockey state. Leave us alone now. Ha ha.

Big Mac's take of the day. All right, this segment's not getting off the ground. He's right. Leave us alone now. Everyone knows when you win back-to-back cups, you gotta leave us alone. The audio's not any good on that. You can hear Chris walking away in the audio. He's like, oh, you still got more? I'm telling you, Big Mac is better when he doesn't know you're recording. Chris, you've been working on this for months. The few times I walk up to him and put the phone down,

Just ask for full-time consent. We have a picture of Big Mac's twin right here. We have a picture of Big Mac's twin. Chris, the segment's not going anywhere. The segment is dying. I think it's crushing. What have you just put on the air? What is this? What is this? Big Mac is black?

That is Big Mac's twin, apparently. He sent us this text. That's both of them at a heat game, apparently. Oh, my God. That was sent to us from Big Mac. His twin looks just like UD. Is that Drew Brees? That does look like Drew Brees there. Drew Brees. What does Zinn give you? Not just smoke-free nicotine satisfaction, but real freedom. Freedom to do what you love and choose your rewards.

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