The Big Suey: A High-Level Hockey Conversation
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This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast. This episode is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours.

Trying to think of a bigger choke job in South Florida sports history than happened last night. We came up with game two of the 2011 NBA Finals. That's definitely the biggest in Heat history. It's not even debatable. Zaz posited the fiesta bowl against Ohio State. I'm like, they didn't really choke that game away. It was a great game. It was stolen. It was stolen. It was that one flag football game that I played that Dan came to. There was a bunch of cameras around and it was a championship and we had the lead and we're just trying to kill the clock and we choked it away and lost. That was huge.

I mean, I understand what you're saying. They were a massive favorite. Played not to lose. They were a favorite over Craig Krenzel's Ohio State Buckeye team. The Miami Hurricanes, remember, Willis McGahee's knee blew up early in that game. They had to come back. Todd Seavers makes a massive field goal. What I'm talking about is we had that game and we let it slip away. There are plenty of examples of teams that have gone in as favorites and have

not lived up to the expectations. But I feel like we had that game in the bag. That's what I'm talking about. In South Florida sports history, not many games will feel like last night's game did. And it's so uncharacteristic, too. If there is one thing, one characteristic that you could assign to the Florida Panthers under Paul Maurice is when this team gets a lead, they choke it away. They don't choke it away.

They don't choke it away. I'm sorry. They're very big in big games. Yeah, they rise to the occasion, and they've let Edmonton do this to them now multiple times in this series. They've actually allowed Edmonton to do that as far as...

coming back, not putting them away two years in a row now. But the thing is, this might be the biggest choke job. It might feel like it. You look at all the stakes, it might absolutely be it. If they go ahead and win the Cup 10 years from now, not going to call it a choke job, not going to really remember it. You're going to be scratching your brain and thinking, which choke job happened that resulted in us losing said championship?

Give it some time. If the news is correct and they're going to win this, you're not going to even... This is why last night I did not think it was that big of a deal. Just like the other ones that you win in overtime, you're like, man, it could have gone either way. That was incredibly tense. Last night felt like we had some wiggle room because we do. I can't believe I just said we. It seems like in this series...

You know how when you're on the road, the second period, like the last shift, like the last change, the advantage in a period, it seems like that plays a big factor in this series because in the games in Edmonton, our best periods were those second periods where we have that advantage. Last night, the road teams have been dominating the second periods of this series. So it's just like an interesting thing of, I don't know how they make an adjustment there. It just seems like that is a big factor in this series. I don't know what to make of that. I don't think that means anything. I mean, it...

I'm not smart enough hockey-wise to see it, but it just seems like the teams that have that advantage in this series, like the Panthers' best series in Edmonton were the second period. Last night, we get demolished in the second period. It could be random. So having to change, though, having to further change your bench being further away from your defensive zone. It just seems like that is... Like that shouldn't be a benefit.

There is an advantage. Like, when you have – I see it like I'm saying this while not really even knowing what the advantage is. But there is advantages. Like, you always hear them talk about after a period, like, oh, we had the last change on that period. Well, no, you have the last change the entire game if you're at home.

No, because you flip sides. No, your bench is further, but you don't get your last change if you're on the road. Oh, see, I misunderstood that. I always thought it was based off of like... That's the advantage of being at home. You always have last change. The only difference between the first and third period and the second period is your bench is further away from your zone. It's a longer change. Right, but that's what I'm talking about. Like, there is, like, that is a factor of like, in the second period, they had the advantage of that. The other team's in the same position, though. Their bench is far, too. I agree with you, Chris. We're Hockey Town USA. You don't have to defend that, Chris. Yeah.

I'm giving you a lifeline here. So in game five, during the second period, if the Panthers are, what, doing better, if they're having more successful changes, what are we looking for here? Just a domination by the road team. I'm just noticing. Chris, I don't understand the line change thing either. I don't either.

I'm just saying. But there is it. It's something that they say on Spin Chickalets. I'm like, I guess you're right. I'd prefer. That's why I'm trying to almost, like, I'm almost talking about this, trying to learn more about it because it seems like. You don't need to learn anything. You're from Hockey Town. It seems like the team that is further away is struggling in this series, where that is not always the case. But you obviously can understand they're both further away.

I don't think... You can't both be further away. Don't do that to Chris. I actually think you're off on this. In this first period, you will have an advantage when you're at home. Skating further away. The first and third. You're talking about distance. Yes. You're talking about distance. But they both have the same distance, though. That's not... What are you...

Not in the first and third. They're going one direction. You know what? Stay here. I like your chances. You're digging yourself out of it. Keep going. I mean, I honestly don't. I was hoping somebody here would have been like, oh, I know exact. I mean, Zaz is kind of doing it. It's not fun to be on an island, is it? Your bench is in your defensive zone. So it's a quicker change. In the second period, it's further. But that's both teams. It's both teams, Chris. See?

I feel bad now. I feel bad because I feel like I'm making Chris feel bad. I'm not trying to make Chris feel bad. I still don't think I'm fully wrong about this. I don't think you are either. Say it again. Give us a time. I'm going to get a piece of paper. I'll draw it up. You guys talk about something else. I'm going to draw it up for my man Chris. I'm starting to sweat. I don't want to do this anymore. It's not like only one team has a far change. They both do. But the road team, though. I don't know. Somehow that expands the ice. Chat, help us out. Okay. Okay.

Chris, let's... Oh, is he drawing a diagram? Is Dominic drawing for him? Draw it up. Yeah. That'd be helpful. A graphic. Yeah, that's good. Look at him. He's drawing the... He's got the benches and the goals he's drawing to. Hockey expert. Chris is rattled. He said Ottawa. If you're here... Hey, Charlie. You gotta go this distance. What's up? Good job, Dominic. You flip sides, so then you go here, and you know what's the same amount of distance? The distance that they have to come from.

Just because they're the road team doesn't mean they have to go farther. No, because... No, no. You actually just helped me out. Because, okay, in the first period, let's say this is the away team. Let's say this is the home team. In the first period, they have a short change. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I'm saying they have an advantage in that period. But the other team does too. Listen, listen. Now, how far is their change in that period?

Sound it out. They're scoring this way in that period. Okay, listen. Okay, so their defense gets off and goes here. Where does their defense get off and go? I feel better about this, actually. I can't explain it. No, we're clear on you not being able to explain it. When you're on the road, you have the advantage one period instead of two periods. And that has shown it's in this period. The road teams are dominating the second periods in this series. That's just chance. I disagree. All right.

I think this is a high-level conversation. It's like the first time I watched Interstellar. It's like, I gotta watch that again. I don't think I get it, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. It's literally the same for both teams all game. He's like a dog with a bone with this one. I'm not, I gotta think about this more, but I think I'm right. You ever see the movie Unbreakable, Chris? Yes. All right, with Bruce Willis, the M. Night Shyamalan movie, where it was a great trailer. Everybody was waiting for M. Night Shyamalan's next project after The Sixth Sense.

And what's up, Tony? I've got a quick question. Aren't the benches a little too close together? Yeah, let's say here. Yeah. Can you draw the benches for us, Dominic, just so we can see the distance? It's like the benches are close, and then you've got the penalty box in the middle of the benches. No, no. That's like a little broadcaster spot. Remember, it was highlighted in the series with Brian Boucher getting squirted with water. Right, okay. So they're close enough to squirt water at each other, but then... Penalty boxes are across the way. Gotcha. So we're worried about the line change. Did you take that into account?

I don't think he did in the second period for the road team specifically. They're oddly close though, right?

So Unbreakable was the second project after The Sixth Sense. Everybody was waiting to see what M. Night would do next. And the trailer was great. Big Sixers fan, M. Night. It builds up so much. It starts with Bruce Willis in a hospital, and he's recovering. And you have disembodied voices from news clips saying he's a lone survivor of a horrific tragedy. Yeah, they're asking him about the crash. Yeah, and I've got to see this. And the movie was great.

And every time I do that, every time since I've seen Unbreakable and I board a plane, I kinda, in my mind, figure out how I would survive a plane crash. How I could Bruce Willis my way to a story of survival. - What'd you figure out?

I didn't know where on the plane I should be. Do I, at one point, here's what I thought. - Just gotta go like hard ball, right? - If the plane breaks up in the middle of the air and it breaks in two, am I better off removing my seatbelt, being sucked out of the airplane, and then just doing like a roll,

I've thought this through, but now I actually have a template. There was a tragic airplane crash, horrific, from a plane that was leaving India on the way to the United Kingdom. But miraculously, there was a lone survivor on this plane who got up and walked away from the wreckage. He was sitting in a specific seat. And now this seat is going to be the most requested seat, I think, on all the airplanes. 11A, baby. 11A.

Against a window? I don't like the window scene. This is actually confirmation for my strategy because I'm like, I think the only way for me to survive this is a scenario in which I can be next to this window. I've seen a couple of

pieces of wreckage before and you can make out certain windows i'm like what if i'm right up against that window well i've always read if the the safest spot is in front of the wing but not too far up where you're near like the cockpit or first class or whatever and that's effectively where he was it was the first row behind what you would say is like first class slash whatever so there's a bulkhead yeah so the bulkhead and it's just 11a what is the bulkhead i

Don't worry about it. It's just the one with the wall in front of it where you have to put everything up on top because there's no seat space underneath in front of you. Okay. It's like the ones where you have to put your feet on the wall. That's a bulkhead. Which I think is a little bit much, but yeah, that's a bulkhead seat. Okay. All right. All right.

But the thing about 11A, by the way, speaking of superstition, Friday the 13th, the unbreakable. I'm glad you started that way because there isn't a movie out there now where I think that actually cannot happen. Like I think every movie that's ever been made and in large part because if you could think it, it can happen. Like that's my theory on things. Every movie that's ever been made at some point, there will be a real life example of it. And that's not just movies. I'm talking TV shows like all the zombie shows like The Last of Us.

could actually happen. And so when I saw this, then I'm just like, it's bleeping unbreakable and it just continues to confirm my beliefs. Even the Fast and Furious franchise? Yes. You think that that could happen? They went to space in the car. I don't know what happens in that franchise. They were in space. Ludacrisp was in space in the car. Aren't they government agents too? And so was Katy Perry recently. So check that box. That's already been done. But it wasn't in a car. Okay. Katy Perry can't spit like Luda though.

And also in that franchise, they're on a runway for 14 minutes. There isn't a runway that long on the planet. The longest runway on the planet, I think, is like 1.7 miles. This runway would have to be 27 and a half miles long. Long runway. For that. Okay, so that's the one movie where everything is impossible. It's beyond belief. But everything else...

Reachable. Chris, you know that no matter whether you're home or road, each team has two short changes and one long change. Home or road. Yeah, I need to take the L here. Yeah, this was on me. Put your hand up, buddy. That's right. Sign of maturity. That's leadership right there. That is. I was under the impression that

The long change, like you got two of them at home and one. You know who's not closer to one side or the other? Down the middle, Chris. Thank you. And this is you being accountable. I don't have to feel bad, though, right? Like I felt bad for a moment there because it looked like you felt bad. And that makes me feel bad. You helped him. No, you did. You explained it to me. And while we're at it, thank you, Dominique.

Thank you. For the art that helped him understand. Yes, that was very helpful. That was great. For someone who doesn't know hockey, admittedly, that was a good diagram. I mean, I don't need to know hockey to understand geometry. But also, I got a hot take that I've been wanting to squeeze in all week. And we don't have to talk about it. We can move right along. But the rehearsal sucks. Whoa. I like this take. I like this take. I do, too.

Talk it out with me. Talk it out with me because I'm a big Nathan Fielder guy. Okay, okay, okay. You get a lot of John to come lately. He's like, love the rehearsal. I haven't seen Nathan for you. I'm like, you're missing the better show. I'll talk it out with you. Yeah, I didn't see Nathan for you. Some things are good. Some things suck. Mm-hmm.

I'm with you. This is where the good stuff is. You with me, Chris? This is where the suck stuff is. So when I come from my bench, which is over here, my bench is close to the good stuff. Second period? Second period, I'm at the good stuff, baby. Why the hell would I want to go over here to the suck stuff?

I respect that it maybe just ain't for me. And maybe people smarter than me appreciate the tomfoolery that's going on. But I look up and I say, he tricking us? What are you doing? Tell a joke. What are we doing? Tell a joke or shut up. Couldn't agree with you more. I watched the first episode ever, right? First episode of The Hustle. I was in it. Oh, the season one? Yeah. I thought season one was way worse than season two. Like you were in the show? Yeah, you remember the bar scene? Yeah. Where they fake the bar? There's this one scene where they're showing a highlight.

Were you in it? I'm explaining it, Zaslow. I mean, in Zaslow's defense, Nathan Fielder's show, like you might, we might be on it right now. Hey, stop interrupting Izzy. He's trying to tell us how he was in this show.

During the bar scene, as they're walking through, there's one time where on the screen is an episode of Highly Questionable. And it's me, Dan, and I believe Bomani, I want to say. So I don't know why Poppy wasn't on the episode. Dan was also on the rehearsal? Was Dan playing Poppy that episode? Well, yeah, it happened. I don't know. Look, maybe I was... It was late.

Maybe I saw that wrong. Everybody rewatch episode one of the rehearsal and report back to me. But I'm pretty sure I'm like 99%. So you have bona fides. Yeah. All right. But wait, it feels like you were just mentioning that you were getting to a great point. I was saying that it's so bad.

That I was in an episode. What do you mean you were in an episode? And I have no interest in it. He was. He was in an episode. Same way you're a journalist. I was in an episode of the rehearsal. See, look, respect. Same way that Roy is a writer. No, that's different. How is it? Izzy, I miss you yesterday. I miss you yesterday. I feel like there's a little bit more meat on the bone now. If you only watch the first half of the show, you might think me a racist. Not me.

I'm not. In fact, I'm the only non-racist one on the show because it did feel a little racist. Way to bring it back, Mike. It did feel a little racist. I believe you. All of you guys were patronizing Roy. Hold on, Mike. You yelled, show me your papers for the whole show. That wasn't at Roy directly. Contextually, I was covered. That was a punchline that we were building up. Don't do that. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. And don't do what you did to Roy yesterday.

Don't do what you did to Roy yesterday, which is apply a different set of standards for the man. We can just change it to the Hockey Voters Association and nobody would have an issue with Roy being a part of it. But as a former member of the Baseball Writers Association, not only did I write, but I wrote about baseball. Roy's one op-ed, which came after he was granted writer status, was not even about hockey.

So how in the world is he granted a hockey writer? It was about hockey. It was a framework of what's happening at the Four Nations, the intersection of politics and sports. But it wasn't mainly about hockey. But the important thing is he wrote it after he was granted access into a writers' association. He did not write prior to. As did I. So like Screen Actors Guild? I mean, the Screen Writers Guild? I got granted access after or before I actually wrote on. Were you hired? Yeah, I was in both.

- Were you hired to write this and then you joined because I'm like, I need to be part of a union as someone with union stuff in my past. - I was hired and then I joined. - So it's not the same. So it's not the same. So it's not the same. - It's a little different. - Shame on all of you that made me feel that way yesterday. And I was so happy that we had two guests on yesterday, one,

actual writer, a member of the Boxing Writers Association of America, and L. Duncan, and when you just explain it to them, in black and white, and not that type of black and white,

When you explain it to them, don't you find it odd that someone is a member of a writer's association having not yet written something? It is the most obvious thing in the world. Okay, one more thing. It's like arguing that you can't be a part of the breathers association. Everyone writes. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Name somebody who ain't never written before. Publish? It's a different thing. Everybody writes. I wrote this morning. Bunch of notes written. I'm a writer.

Oh, Roy, you're a writer now. Aww. I never did that to Roy. Never did that to Roy. You guys did that to Roy. Oh, Roy, you're a writer now. Aww. Never sounds so patient. That aww is so condescending. It is awful what you did to Roy. She didn't even play it off. Later in the interview, she's like, yeah, I was condescending you, Roy. Aww. Here's another thing. If anybody else in the history of our show tried to pull that,

We'd be on their ass. All over them. We'd be jocular. We'd be making fun of them. We'd be having a go. Audience would pile on. It'd be a thing.

Not yesterday for some reason. Now I know that this is the intersection of Mike being an asshole and Roy being super likable. I get it. There are different factors at play here. But also, when I mentioned it the first time on the show earlier, what a keen observation, Mike! We should have all mentioned this. You're right! It's ridiculous that he's a member of a writer's association having not yet written anything that we know of. I don't like that he's not here to defend himself, though. Oh, he tried to defend himself yesterday and I pulled out that dub. Aw.

- Aww. - I was like the Edmonton Oilers. I was down 3-0 and I pulled out a dub and I shouldn't have been made to feel like I pulled out a dub because it's only the most obvious thing in the world to question this. - I feel like you made yourself feel like no one is, who's shaming you? - Oh, oh. - The fact that, so. - You shut up. - You're looking in the mirror right now. - You know exactly what happened and it was bull.

Three days now, you're talking about it. Everyone needs to look at themselves in the mirror. You're infuriated. Look at yourself in the mirror and really analyze what happened yesterday. You're not going to like it. You're not going to like what happened yesterday. I'm telling you right now.

You had me on your side, and now you look more racist. I tend to do that. Well, now I look more racist. You're asking for people to soothe you for being accused of being racist. You were on my side, and I pushed you away. Yeah, you yell too much. I think the wild part is that you care so much about something that is so irrelevant to all of us, but obviously feels relevant to Roy. So I think that's why people are... Mike's right, though. This is something we would make fun of.

We made fun of it. We made fun of it a lot the other day. Especially when we found out what award is the one that he gets dedication to hockey. Yeah, that's a big one. Right, but it should be like open. We should be making fun of this. We should. But we can't. We can't. We can't make fun of it because Mike took all the

fun out of it by yelling and acting ridiculous. - Oh, you guys had plenty of fun. There was plenty of fun to be had at my expense for, we workshopped this before the show and everyone's like, yeah, yeah, no, you're right. What does he write? And then he was like, oh, I wrote something. And we're like, okay, we weren't aware of that. This is new data. And then again, Mike, the only person with the bravery, the cajonies,

to ask a follow-up. Oh, I wasn't aware of that. What did you write? It was something during the Four Nations. Oh, cool. Did you write this before you got access to this Writers Association? No, it came afterwards. So more questions. That's a natural thing. He did have that one thing that he wrote that was printed on a bunch of t-shirts, right? Sam Reinhardt 2. I mean, none of my writing has been printed on t-shirts. I feel like I'm sort of starting to lean toward Roy now. Aww.

Sorry, Mike. How do I do this? Mike, I don't understand how you don't understand what happened to this. When you were workshopping it before the show, you were not yelling and infuriated. Then you came in here and we were like, yeah, cool. That'll be fun. Let's pick at Roy. Then it felt serious. We were like, hey, it's the Hockey Writers Association. None of us give a damn. Roy's our man. We got your back, Roy. Write all you want. Join whatever association you want to. Mike's a showman. He's going to turn it up on air. You got me coming out of the gates yelling. No.

Daddy started yelling when you backed Daddy into a corner. Right. No, no, when he was alone, because everyone... The claws came out. You will chew your way out that corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like a rat. I believe I said, I think Roy deserves it. You ever put one of those pots on his stomach and a rat inside? You put it on his belly? It was a torture device. Fast and Furious. Yes. Two, right? It's something that can happen. It's rooted in reality. There you go. Bringing everything together. Uniquely Miami. What do we think about guys calling themselves Daddy?

Hated it when he said it actually. Yeah, it didn't come out right. And then the second time he said it again, I was like, ooh. I do it a lot. No, it was perfect. I liked it. I'm a fan. I like him. I like him. Thank you. You call yourself daddy? I just, third person.

Daddy needs a drink. Something like that. I do that one a lot, too. You know what? Sounds okay with you. Thank you. Wow. Not so good with you. Yeah, it felt forced coming out. I don't know why. This feels racist. Oddly racist. It feels racist. Sicilian? Don Libetard. I went in the margins. I'm like, I'm like. You're money ball of sex? I'm basically Scott Hattaberg. A lot of walks. Stugatz. A lot of walks, but I'm on base. When it comes to sex, I'm Scott Hattaberg. Other dudes, they can be Giambi.

You know your role you play well? I know my role. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugats.

There is more information on the boat raid from the Coast Guard yesterday. I did find more details. The Coast Guard had people, had border enforcement agents on it. I'm not sure how commonplace that is on the Coast Guard boats. And someone in the comments section was like, how much research, Mike, have you done on this topic? How do you know that this isn't an uncommon thing?

I'm from Miami. We have events on barges all the time and boats all the time. Weddings and parties. I've never once heard of the Coast Guard boarding any of these things, especially with border enforcement agents on it, specifically targeting staff that was on this boat to do so. Now,

I'm not using my own words here. ICE and Homeland Security have put out the language that says if you're not an American, you have to present documentation. And much like the Roy Hockey Writers Association, I'm just asking a plausible question, which is I'm taking you at your word. I'm an American. I can just stroll into this stadium and like I always do and not have to worry about this inconvenience or feel like I'm being profiled. Right. How do you distinguish whether or not I'm an American?

You guys were talking about this the other day, and I thought you and Jeremy spoke very well on the subject.

The only thing that I sort of felt like was short-changed was people saying, or Jeremy saying, "We are headed in a certain..." We're already there, man. We're there, dude. We're already there. I don't know what people think it looked like in the '30s in Germany, but before there was a war, like, this is what the things that were happening. And they're just going to try to level up every single time. And so it's deathly frightening. It feels like a lot of people are just biding their time and hoping this is going to end sometime soon.

No, this is the scariest part and this is the time where people have to step up more than ever and speak up more than ever and do more than ever and yeah, it's scary as hell. So what are those games going to look like? Well, I don't know what they're going to look like from a crowd perspective. I mean, I wouldn't go. I would not go. Now, I'm not going to get profiled if I were going, but if I looked like someone who was going to get profiled, I wouldn't go. And I'm from Miami. I'm tan. I'm...

Half Cuban. I live next to, this is a look at me Louis situation, but I live near Leo Messi. And every time I see these situations that are going on, I immediately think of him. And I think of his family. And I'm thinking of they're ashamed to be here if they're happy to be here, if they just won't want any part of this. And it's just, it makes me. Being here meaning this country. This country. Yeah. It makes me ashamed. Like, and it's embarrassing. And

The avoiding of the doom scrolling is just like, you know, you have to avoid it sometimes because otherwise you're just going to drive yourself crazy. But this is an actual reality we're living in. I'm glad one of us is worried about the downtrodden and underprivileged. That's great. I appreciate it. Thank you so much about Messi.

It's a service that we provide. We're always thinking about the little guy. Check his net worth and see what it is. We're here for you, Messi. There's obviously a brawl going on in the comments section in the video that we clicked out about this. Well, that's another thing. 600 million.

I've never gone to a sporting event in my life where I've been worried, if I leave my wallet at home, can I gain access? Yeah, that's wild. That is an American privilege that we have. I mean, I guarantee you Roy's never left his house without his driver's license. Or his Hockey Writers Association card. You know what I mean? The wedding ring? I understand. We have our wallets on with us at all times. What's the big deal? But also, everyone that's saying this...

No one likes lines. No one likes being inconvenienced. We don't know what this is going to look like. They say if you're an American, you don't have to do this. How do they know? Do I sign up online in advance? No, I don't. They have not put that information out there. As far as I know, we all show up at the same time and ICE decides who looks American in South Florida in a game featuring Inter-Miami and Al-Ali.

Good luck with that. And you want to know something else? Tom Garfinkel and Steven Ross should put out a statement on this. This is happening in their building. It's very convenient for you to say this is a FIFA operation. Because you think not everybody knows that they literally have no control. Come out against it. Say something. Give me some more clarity as to how can I sign up for this American Express lane? How can I sign up?

How can I go to this sporting event as a legal U.S. citizen and not feel like I'm being profiled? Can you guarantee me that? Because ICE and Homeland Security say, I don't have anything to worry about if I'm an American. Guarantee me that. So if I were just listening to the volume and watching your gestures, I would assume that the offense that you have to Roy is on par with protecting the Republic. I do. I'm fired up about both those things. Yeah.

So wait a second. More so Roy even. Where are we ranking it? The ice situation, Roy Hockey Writers Association. Last night's blown win. Panthers lost last night. The Roy Hockey, I was attacked. I was straight up attacked. Straight up. More personal for you. Yeah, it was way more personal because not everyone knows all the details of how much buy-in I had on this. And they all went scurrying like roaches when the light turns on. And they all turned against me.

And they made the claws come out. And I didn't like how it was made to feel. Because it's only the most obvious question in the world. I'm glad you learned from that experience and then came back today and handled it differently. Well, I'm still like, shame on you. I don't feel like you guys have suffered enough for what you did to me. No, this is my fault. And moreover, what you did to Roy, which is way more messed up than anything that I did. Poor Mike. Take a deep, hard look at yourselves for what you guys did yesterday. Poor Messi.

Do it. Do it. Someone explain to me what happened yesterday. Aww. So wait a second. That's what happened yesterday. If you are an illegal, Mike, but you have an American Express Platinum card, you can go through that. I don't understand how... I don't understand. That's what he wants to know. That's what I want to know. That's the way it works. This feels messy. No pun intended. And I know the last time that they had a soccer event there, that's...

And it should not go out of control. It does not go without saying, like, you need to mention what happened with Copa America last last year and how people I felt unsafe. I was there. You want to talk about being inconvenienced trying to enter a stadium? You know what I say? Let it happen. Let it be absolute chaos. Let the actual.

hit the sports fan and let everybody see what's happening. Everybody. Thank you for mentioning my tone. I'm going to do this as calmly as I possibly can, because I've seen the goalposts move on this. Let me just come out and say, consensus, no matter where you are on the political spectrum, I know it's gotten muddied lately because siding with

where the Republicans are right now, where MAGA conservatives are on illegal immigration. It's not even so much in a vacuum. Most people don't want illegal immigrants here. They certainly don't want criminals here, violent criminals as it's been posited by the President of the United States. There's consensus on this.

What was told to us during the campaign was we were going to get the violent criminals, the gang members out of this country. And that was a hugely popular political opinion that Donald Trump effectively won an election on. All right. That is no longer happening. Now it's just financial. Now we're just putting people in prison that makes him money. Now we're just meeting quotas. And if you want to tell me that the goalposts aren't moving, if you want to tell me, well,

They're breaking the law because they're here illegally. Look at what happened last night. No, people are having legal status revoked. Fox News may be telling you they're illegal and you're feeling better about yourself and you're sleeping at night. These are people that went through a legal process to get into this country

and with the stroke of a pen were deemed illegal. The rules of the game changed on them overnight. And you think they're rioters, you think that they're violent criminals. That is not what's happening. Mike, we see it all the time. We see the people who are saying, "Oh, you know, my friend, somebody who works for me isn't illegal, the best person in the world. Don't go after these folks," whatever. You see that everywhere.

I don't see a whole lot of posts saying this MF or let's come get him. He's been terrorizing my community. You don't see that anywhere. And so the people who are saying, oh, just don't go after my illegals. We really like them. That's most of them. That's almost all of them. And who are they going after? Your very liked people. This is not about politics. It's not about Republicans. Republicans

Republicans and MAGA are two different things. They're not the same. We snuck in a third party in there. And yeah, it's embarrassing. It's anti-human. And the rest of the world is looking at us and saying, oh, like now you are in this position, this greatest country in the world, and you are showing your ass. It's embarrassing and it's scary as hell. How strong is your will to refuse to admit that you're wrong? Because if I voted to get violent criminals out of this country, if it were important to me, if it were one of the deciding factors in my vote,

I'd feel a little duped because, okay, maybe you're doing some of that, but I showing up to children's graduations is not that.

It isn't. So what are we doing here? That's not that's not you fulfilling. That's not promises made, promises kept. And also, I'd be really confused at how the goalposts move in both directions. Yesterday, the president of the United States put out a truth social post saying we are farmers are being hurt by this. So we're not going to get rid of the people working on on farms anymore.

But everybody else that's here illegally, because I made an executive order turning several hundreds of thousands of people who are here legally into illegals, we're going to parse who's working on a farm or not? This is all super messy and it's people's lives and we need a little bit more clarity, which is why I'm not going to take Homeland Security and ice at their word when they say, if I'm an American, I got nothing to worry about. I think I deserve some details here.

Absolutely. And on top of everything else, like if you're if this was a movie, right, everybody would be on our side, right? Be on the side of the revolution, right? Not of the evil leader. And so the more you play this out, the more he and that administration just sort of

So I was thinking...

In football games, the ball is in a different spot at the end of each quarter. I don't like this. So the distance that you have to travel does actually change for substitutions. So we don't got anybody out here calculating the substitution distance in a football game and figuring out. All right, time for Tony's segment. It's time for a new game. Don't look now.

Don't look now. Brought to you by Smirnoff. The world's number one vodka. Please drink responsibly. All right. Izzy, why are you looking? Sorry. Who's looking? Dominique's looking. No, he's not looking. I know him. I mean, I don't know if you can feel him. I can feel him. Doesn't mean he's looking, though. Okay. All right. Something weird happening in Cincinnati. Shamar Stewart leaving rookie camp amid contract dispute. Dominique, what do you think about that?

rare that a contract dispute is absolutely in the... Appreciate it, Chris. Without looking... Can't blame him. He wasn't looking. He doesn't know if his mic was on. I mean, his eyes are open. He's playing the game. My eyes are closed.

It's so rare that a rookie in a contract dispute is so clearly in the right. But it feels that all the fans, all the players recognize that the Browns are always doing, or not the Browns, the Bengals are always doing weird stuff. That's not good political. They're trying to squeeze in new contract language. And it's also contract language that will never be exercised. It feels as though they're trying to sabotage their own team, which doesn't make sense. All the while, Trey Hendrickson not getting paid.

Jet Sauce Gardner is bought in, quote-unquote, and he's hopeful about a new deal. He's been not good, Dominique. I want to say that nicely. He's been bad. I mean, I think he's had a rough season or two, but still incredibly talented and very important to the new system that's coming in. Defensive-wise, there's going to be a lot of pressure on the cornerbacks. They play a lot of man coverage in that system. So Sauce Gardner probably has more leverage now than you would think. What's the difference between a sauce and a soup, if we're honest?

What? Yeah, you don't take a spoon to... Sauce is not a meal. Have you ever had a really good sauce and be like, I could drink that? Do you have a bowl of, like, Polynesian sauce from Chick-fil-A? Don't tell me. All right. Last one here. They have the chance to make all things right. The New England Patriots set to unveil the Tom Brady statue on August 8th. Will it be terrible or will it be all right? Don't look.

Don't look. But on August 8th, you can look. Unless we play Don't Look Now, then don't look. It's going to be awesome. 8-8. I mean, I feel like most statues. You can look now. Show's over. Show's over? Not the whole show. Really?