The Ultimate Toolkit for Creating New Habits: The Science Made Easy
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Hey, it's your friend Mel. Welcome to another eye-opening, life-changing episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast. And doggone it, this one has got to be great.

Hey, I'm Mel Robbins, and I am so happy you're here. Whether you've been a fan for a while or you're brand new, I just want to say thank you. We are going to have so much fun today. I'm a New York Times bestselling author and one of the most trusted experts on behavior change and mindset in the world. And I'm especially glad that you're listening today because we're talking about a topic that I am getting a ton of questions about, like this one from Sarah.

Hey Mel, I have a question. Are there actually ways to unlock sudden rapid steps to big change in a short period of time, or is this a dangerous misconception?

Yes, Sarah, there is a way to unlock sudden change and it's called habits. And that's what we're all going to talk about today. You and I are going to talk about the science of habits. I want to repeat Sarah's question because I want to make sure that we unpack a couple elements in it and then we're going to jump into the science of habit. So Sarah's question was this.

Are there ways to unlock sudden, rapid steps to big change in a short period of time? Or is this a dangerous misconception? Now, I said, yes, there is a way for you to experience big change in a short period of time if you change how you view yourself.

I mean, that's the biggest kind of change that you can experience. When you change your identity, when you change what you believe is possible, that's transformational. Now, one of the things that Sarah said, though, is she asked, is it a dangerous misconception to think that big change happens immediately? And that brings me to the topic of habits. See, change doesn't happen overnight.

But when you understand the science of habits, what you realize is that change, little change, it compounds daily. And the massive change that you experience in a short period of time when you focus on habit formation is how you relate to yourself. So I'm going to give you an example. Let's say that you set a goal that this is the year that you are going to run your first marathon. You're going to train for it. You're going to finish the race. It's going to take you time to achieve that goal.

But if you make it a habit to wake up every day and get out the door and go for that training run, within a matter of days, something kind of crazy happens. You experience this massive change because you start to see yourself differently. You start to see yourself as a runner. Now, have you achieved that goal yet? No, that's going to take time.

But the power of habits is that as you practice them, they start to change your identity. They become evidence that you're the kind of person that goes for a run. So in the beginning, habits are just something that you and I do. But over time, habits change who you are. So I'm excited for this because if you're somebody who's struggling to change, like maybe you're trying to become a better student,

Or you want to be better with your money or more organized. Or you'd love a rock solid morning routine. Or how about carving out the time to put yourself first? That'd be a great habit. This is the year that you're going to become better at sleeping. You're going to make it a habit to go to bed earlier. Or I'm seeing a lot of you writing in with questions about launching a new business.

You want to make it a habit to work on it. I see that. That's awesome. You're going to love this episode and everything you're about to learn because habits are the evidence that you see that you're becoming a different person. And that shows up before you achieve the goal that you set. And this is why the science is so powerful. Habits not only help you achieve goals, they change how you see yourself.

One of the other things I want to remind you is that this episode on the science of habits, it's part of a month long series that I'm doing where you and I are covering the foundational topics that you need to understand and apply to your life so that you can create a better life.

And just a few days ago, I released an episode on goal setting. And if you've listened to it, fantastic. If you haven't listened to it, no problem. It's there. You can listen to it at any time. Listen to it right after you finish this one. In fact, there's a big connection between setting goals the right way, according to research, and how habits are an integral part of that because habits are the way you achieve those goals. So what are we going to talk about today?

Well, first of all, you're going to learn what a habit is. And then we're going to dig into the three required elements of a habit. Because in order to make something a habit, and this is based on the research, you have to have a cue, the new behavior pattern, and a reward. That's it.

Now, that might mean nothing to you right now because you're like, well, this is the first time I've ever even thought about habits. What is a cue, Mel? Not quite sure what that means. Or you might be rolling your eyes going, oh, for God's sakes, I know this. I already know. I listen to podcasts, Mel. I've read books on habits, Mel. That's where I'm going to ask you to listen to this episode in a certain way.

Because you can read all the books, you can look at all the research, you can listen to all the podcasts, but knowing this stuff is not enough.

You got to know how to apply it. And that's where we all think we know about habits, but we don't apply the science. And that's what we're going to talk about today. The how. Just this morning in Instagram, in fact, Tanya in Canada, she left a message for me on Instagram. She's 19 years old and she had just listened to the episode that we released just before this one on goal setting. And she wrote because she's so inspired, but she's also frustrated.

She said, Mel, I have the will. I have the desire. I want to change my life. I want to achieve my goals. I just don't know how to do it. How do I do it? How do I make the change stick? That's all of us. We have the will. We have the desire. We want to change, but we don't know how. I can prove it to you because desire alone is just not enough to make it happen. You got to have the science of habits. What if I asked you, would you like to have healthier eating habits? You know, so you felt better. You had more energy.

Yeah, of course. Or what about a healthier lifestyle? You got outside, you exercised all the time, you're out in nature, you're always doing something. Doesn't that sound great? Yeah, I have the desire to do that. Yeah, sign me up, Mel Robbins. Well, I got another one for you. How fabulous would it be to have lots of money in the bank? To know that you have fantastic habits when it comes to your money.

Sign me up, Mel Robbins. I want that. I desire that. Ooh, yes. So you got the desire to change. You would love to have more money in the bank. You would love to have a healthier lifestyle. You would just love that. You may even know why you want to have those changes happen in your life. And you got a lot of emotion around it, right? Just even talking about a lot of money in the bank or vibrant lifestyle, hiking up the mountains, doing those things that healthy people do. That just feels amazing.

Wanting something, not enough. Feeling emotional about it. That desire that ooh, ah, ooh, ah, it's not going to get you there. Not at all. See, that's why willpower doesn't work. Willpower relies on emotion. The breakdown for all of us is that we are leading with desire, that we're letting emotions get in the way. And what you and I are talking about is how. I often think that it's the fact that you want something so much

That kind of gets in the way, doesn't it? You want to write a book so badly, but you can't figure out how. You want to write songs so badly, but you can't figure it out. You want to be an Instagram influencer, but you don't know how to get started. You want to sell your stuff online, but you don't know how. It's that desire, that desire, that yearning, that will. That's what's getting in the way. You're not sticking to the simple science. Habits are not sexy and neither is the work that will change your life.

And so that's what we're talking about today.

The unsexy habits and the simple science grounded in decades and decades and decades of research because all you need to have more money in the bank, to have a healthier lifestyle, to have healthier habits around eating, to finish that novel, to run that marathon, to be the kind of person that gets up early, all you need are the three parts present in a habit that

the cue, the behavior pattern, and the reward, and you will encode that new habit into your brain and it will become automatic.

I promise you, this is going to be really eye-opening and it's going to be somewhat of a relief because the science of habits, everyone gets all fancy and researchy and neuroscience and psychology and biology. But the truth is, habits are pretty simple. The research on habits has not changed in years and years and years and years and years, decades really.

And the way that I explain the science of habits is so simple that even your puppy could understand it. I'm not kidding. There are only three steps to making a habit stick. That's it. And so even if you've listened to a bazillion episodes about habits, even if you've read a ton of books out there, I want you to stick around and stay with me on this. Because according to the two women...

that created all the research that absolutely everybody cites. You may have heard that there are three parts to the habit. Well, you can thank Dr. Anne Graviel at MIT and Dr. Wendy Wood at USC for creating the fact that there are three essential parts to every habit. These two researchers, they are the founders, the grandmothers of habit research. Every book that you've read

is working on their research. Every podcast interview, they're talking about their research. Nothing has changed about habit research in decades. But here's the issue. Those two women will tell you, even if you think you know habits, you still struggle with making behavior stick. And so my mission today is to make this so simple that you don't have a problem implementing the research anymore.

Because I think there's a reason why none of us implement these three essential parts of a habit, even if we know about them. Number one, we get all emotional about what we need to do. We know the three things that make up a habit, and yet we have like feelings and opinions and all that stuff about it. That's number one. And number two,

We human beings overcomplicate everything. We talk about habits. We think we're so fancy and educated. We can fly to the moon. We can drive in electric cars. We can do all these amazing things. And I think we forget that when it comes to habits...

It's just these three things. It has nothing to do with your feelings. It has nothing to do with how smart you are. In fact, Dr. Wendy Wood says almost nobody understands what habits are. And so you may know the definition. You may know the three things that you're about to learn. But when you are put to the test, are you actually able to make changes and get them to stick? No, not really. So Dr. Wendy Wood has determined that almost everybody gets this wrong, which is why we're going to simplify this.

So let's just start with the basics. What is a habit? A habit is something that you do so often that it's automatic. That's it. That's all that a habit is. There's no drama. There's no resistance. There's no feelings involved in it. I like to think about it like a habit is something that you do that you don't even think about. And you certainly don't put up a fight about it, right?

Here are some examples of habits in your life. Brushing your teeth, looking over your right shoulder when you're backing up in the car. For our fans of the podcast over in the UK, you're probably looking over the left shoulder. You don't even think about that, do you? You got to back up. You just turn and look. You get something to eat when you're hungry. That's a habit. You check email first thing in the morning. That's a habit. When you hear your name, don't you turn your head and look in the direction of it? That's a habit.

Why are habits awesome? I'll tell you why habits are awesome. Because when a behavior becomes automatic, there's zero drama in your life. It's just so much easier. Like I'll give you my husband. The man is Mr. Habit. He just rolls out of bed like nothing's happened. He gets up. He gets dressed. He meditates. He goes to the gym. He walks the dog. He journals. He does it automatically. No drama. No...

There are certainly areas of my life where I would love to be less dramatic, less emotional, less resistant to the things that I want to do. I'd love to just sort of roll through it like my husband does. If I could take a science-backed magic wand and I could remove all the resistance that you feel in your body, what is one behavior change that you would like to make?

Would you love to be the kind of person where part of your routine is to get outside and exercise every day? Or how about the kind of person who keeps your room or your desk clean or you have a zero inbox? That'd be pretty awesome. Would you like to be the kind of person that gets up 30 minutes earlier than you do right now? Just rolls right out of bed like my husband does? Or how about the kind of person who feels comfortable in social settings? You push yourself out there a little bit more.

You, you know, push through that discomfort. You feel a little bit more outgoing. Maybe you want to make it a habit to meditate and feel like you're the kind of person that's more mindful. That's where the science of habits is so important. And so now that you've kind of stopped to think, hmm, what's a behavior change I want to make, the kind of person I want to become? Let's not just make this like a conversation. Let's move from listening to doing.

I have a free worksheet that's a companion to this episode that you can download. You can go to melrobbins.com slash habits and it will serve as a guide to this episode. It's going to help you apply everything that we talk about in this episode and will keep you from getting too emotional and overcomplicating this. Let me help you make this clear and simple because that will help you make this behavior change stick.

Now, why do habits matter so much? I'll tell you why habits matter. You've learned one reason, and that has to do with identity, right? But the real reason why habits matter is because learning new habits are the only way to go from what your day-to-day life looks like right now to something different. It's the only way. It's the bricks on the pathway to changing your life. That's what habits are.

Every time that you get out that door and you go for the run, it's evidence that you are becoming a particular type of person. The other reason why habits are so important is because they make your life easier. I mean, I want you to just stop and consider something. Think about how hard it is to be the kind of person who has a habit of hitting the snooze button four or five times every morning. And then you drag yourself out of bed, that's a habit, and you start your day chronically late

That's a habit. I used to do this. I used to do this. This was the Mel Robbins that you did not know. I was a chronic snooze button hitter. I would drag myself out of bed. By the time I got out of bed, the kids had missed the bus. I started the day behind. It was a nightmare. It was so hard to have that bad habit. And in order to change, I needed to become a different person.

I needed to become a person that got up when the alarm rang, that had a morning routine, and that organized my morning so that I would begin the day with a sense of accomplishment. That's what I wanted. Instead of beginning the day like I was behind and I was already failing before I got out of bed. And the gateway to making that change is changing your habits in the morning.

When you have habits that support you and your goals and the kind of person you want to become, your life gets easier. And that's why habits truly matter. Sure, you could muscle your way out of bed every morning. You could drag yourself to the gym. You could berate yourself endlessly until you got more motivated and aggressive and vocal at work.

But that change is never going to stick. It's never going to become automatic. It's never going to become who you are. Why? Because you're forcing yourself. You're relying on willpower and brute force to push through the bad habits that you have of sleeping in or staying silent or blowing things off or procrastinating. And that's where these three steps come in. What I'm going to teach you today doesn't require willpower.

You're going to learn how to use science to make new behavior a part of your wiring. This resistance thing, it is so important. And I think we underestimate how much bad habits are in our life and running our lives and how it's making your life harder. So I'm going to give you a simple example of a habit that I currently have so that I can really unpack this resistance thing. Okay. So I have a habit of making a cup of coffee every single morning. I love my morning coffee.

I do. And it is so automatic. I don't have to think about it. I know how to work the coffee machine. I know how to work the milk farmer. I know exactly where the coffee pods are. I can literally be doing 15 other things while I make a cup of coffee. That's how automatic of a habit it is. It is easy. I don't even think about it. What if I told you that you could make any change in behavior feel as effortless as making a cup of coffee? Wouldn't that be cool?

I mean, I don't stand in front of the coffee maker and go, oh, it's raining outside. I don't want any coffee. I don't feel like it today. I'm too tired. I don't want to. No, it's a habit. So I just do it. And I'm saying this because this is what the research says. The research says when you apply the three things to every behavior change, whether it's breaking an old habit or learning a new one, you will make your life easier.

Another thing that's important for you to hear is that successful people, based on the research from UPenn, they're not smarter than you. They don't have more willpower than you. You know what they have? They have what Chris has, my husband. They just put in the work to create better habits that make them feel successful and make their life easier. And the more you apply what you're about to learn, the more behavior change you can stack along the way. You can create a chain of behavior change. It's so cool. Just like Chris rolls out of bed

and walks into the bathroom and brushes his teeth and doesn't even think about it, and then gets on his exercise clothes, then goes and meditates. Like that's a chain of behavior. That's a chain of habits. He doesn't even think about it. Because every new habit that you want to create, it's the exact same three-step process. I am telling you, do not overcomplicate this. Do not think you're fancy. Let's not overcomplicate this. And I know what you're thinking, Mel, if this is so simple,

Why is it so hard to get to the gym? Why can I not stop emotional eating? Why am I chewing my nails? Why is it easy to talk about it, but hard to make it stick? Just accept at face value what you're about to learn. You and I learn new behavior the exact same way a new puppy does. And I'm going to prove it to you. But first, let's hear a word from our sponsors. And when we come back, you and I, we're going to obedience school for real.

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Welcome back. We're talking the science of habits and the three required parts that make any new habit stick in your brain, in your body and become automatic. And I'm really excited that you're here because I'm about to take this to a surprising turn.

Because honest to goodness, you know what I was doing right before I came up here and sat down and started talking to you? This morning, I was standing in my kitchen with our family of five, and we were in the middle of a dog training session.

You see, we have a three-year-old Australian Shepherd named Yolo and a five-month-old puppy named Homie. If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably seen them all over the stories. And here's the thing. Homie is a puppy and Homie needs some new habits. And he's not going to go from being a puppy to a beautifully trained and behaved dog without his training him. And guess what? You're the same way as Homie right now.

There are areas in your life where you are just doing whatever the hell you feel like doing, just like my puppy does. If he feels like peeing on the ground, he pees on the ground. If he feels like jumping up on the counter, he jumps up on the counter. If he feels like coming when I call him, he does. If he doesn't, he doesn't. We got to change that. We got to teach him not tricks. We got to train him to learn new habits. Now, how do you train new behaviors in dogs? I'm glad you asked.

Because you do it the exact same way in the same three-step sequence and science that you use to train yourself as a human being.

That's right. It's the same. Cue new behavior reward. If you want a puppy to learn a new trick, you must train them to do that trick. And if you want them to do it automatically without any emotion or resistance, you better reward them with a milk bone a lot. And this is the exact same thing that you need to do if you want to train yourself to do any kind of new trick or lock in any kind of habit.

And I want to stay on this puppy analogy just for a minute, okay, before we jump into the science and how it's related to human beings, because it's fun and because it's so simple, you can't argue with me about it, okay? So how do you make it a habit, for example, for a five-month-old puppy to sit? Well, you have to train the puppy a new pattern. And stop and think about that for just a second. First of all,

You got to identify this pattern of behavior that they want the dog to do. And for me, when I say the word sit, I want him to put his butt on the ground. The second thing that you need is you need a treat. You need a reward. You need some sort of dog biscuit thing that he's going to be excited to do. And you need one too, because just like my puppy is not going to sit on the ground repeatedly unless I reward him for doing that, you will not do the same thing repeatedly unless you get a reward too.

And finally, you have to think about some kind of cue or some physical movement or some trigger that will signal this positive new behavior. That's it. That's how you teach a dog to sit. You come up with the cue, which is basically signaling him it's time to put your butt on the ground.

And then you give them a reward. Here's your milk bone. And the more that you repeat this and the more you reward the dog for doing what you want it to do, guess what? The faster it becomes a habit. I am really serious about this because remember I said there are two things that are getting in the way of you taking this very well-documented research that you need to cue the new behavior, you need to do the new behavior, then you need to reward the new behavior.

And the thing that's getting in your way of just doing this is that you got a lot of emotions and opinions about the things you need to do. And so you think it's complicated to work on your business. And so you don't do it. Or you're like, I don't feel like going to the gym. It's not that complicated. It's actually simple. It's like training a puppy. Thank God our puppy homie can't talk because I'm sure if he could, he'd be like you and I are, but I don't feel like sitting down right now, but I don't want to. No. No.

Let's make this as simple as training a puppy. And I'm doing this not because this is kind of funny, ha ha ha. I'm doing this because this is actually what the research says. The research is as plain as day. You need three things. You need to cue the new behavior, you need the behavior pattern that you want to repeat, and you need to reward the behavior. That's it.

That's what Dr. Wendy Wood says. And this is what every book on the planet is teaching you. And this is what the science says. There is a three-step process and this three-step process is critical. And so we are going to go step by step by step through all three steps until you get this. You get this in your being.

Because these three steps are how you go from a life of hitting the snooze alarm four times to a life where you have a rock solid morning routine. You have to think about the new behavior, how you're going to trigger that and what the reward is going to be. That's it.

That's it. So let's start with part one. That is the cue. You'll also hear this called the trigger. You'll hear this called the signal, the command, whatever you want to call it is fine with me. This is just the thing that is signaling that it is time to do the new behavior. And I'm going to stick with the example of the puppy because I really want you to get

that this is all there is to habits. So part one, if I want to teach the puppy this new behavior of learning how to sit, the cue is very simple. You say the word sit. Another thing that I could do is I could raise my hand in the air silently. Simple, right? That's how you teach a dog to sit. You've got to cue the behavior. Otherwise, it doesn't know that it wants me to do it.

Simple. Same with you. You have to trigger the new habit. I'll give you a really simple example of how you can use a cue to train yourself to learn a new habit. And this is something that my husband Chris and I use in our lives. So let's say you want to make it a habit to drink more water every day. One way that you can cue the new behavior of drinking water is fill up a water bottle.

and put it next to the coffee maker every single night before you go to bed. That way, when you wake up in the morning and you go to make your coffee, you don't even have to think about it. Boom. There is the water bottle waiting for you. That water bottle filled up. It is a visual cue. It's just like me saying to my dog, sit. It triggers you to remember that you're supposed to drink your water today.

And so when homie hears me say sit or he sees me raising my hand up in the air with a treat, what does that do? It reminds him that it's time to sit. Now, you could also use an alarm on your phone. Just set an alarm, label it, drink your water. And when you hear the alarm going off, that's another cue to remind you it's time to repeat this new behavior. The second thing you need is the new behavior.

The new behavior is literally, I want our dog to make it a habit to put his rear end on the floor when I either raise my fist or I say sit. That's it. And so I can do that one of two ways. I can either take a treat and lift it up towards its nose in the sky. And then as he lifts his nose up, his rear end will naturally sit down. Or as I say the word sit, I can gently help him put his rear end on the floor. There's part two, the behavior pattern. Part three,

And this is essential because this is what makes the behavior automatic. This is the part that locks it into your brain and encodes it. You have to treat the behavior immediately. Immediately. Now, for a dog, what I learned downstairs in the kitchen this morning is that you have to do it within seconds. Literally within seconds.

With you and me, you and I, based on the research, we have to reward ourselves within two minutes of finishing the new behavior. The treat really matters because what's happening when you do this is you're associating in the brain the cue or the word sit with a milk bone. That's what's happening. This is going to become a habit in my dog to sit when he hears the word sit.

Not because he hears the word sit, but because the second he hears it, he starts thinking about the reward. That's why this works. That's how this encodes in the brain.

The reward is critical. And here's what we do as human beings. We get so emotional about this stuff that we focus on the thing we're supposed to do. Why can't I just journal? Why can't I stop eating bread? Why is it that I always put myself last? Why can't I just be consistent with this thing? And you're missing the two most important parts. It's not about the journaling, everybody. It's about getting smart about this three-part system.

how you're going to trigger the positive behavior of journaling every single morning, and what reward are you going to give yourself within two minutes of finishing it? What's your milk bone?

This is why habits matter, because you and I are busy setting goals and wanting to change behavior, but we're only focusing on behavior and we're not thinking about the science. See, you're not dumb. You're not stupid. You're not any less capable. You just need to simplify this and really focus on how you cue new behavior in yourself. And more importantly, how are you going to reward this?

I promised you that I'm going to make this habit research as simple and as effortless as a cup of coffee so that you don't think about it, so that you just sit down and you journal. Because guess what? You're the kind of person that does that because it's a habit.

Now what I want to do is drill down even more on the cue, how you're going to trigger behavior and the reward. And let's focus on what this means for human beings. Okay. And so let's start with the cue or what a lot of researchers call the trigger for new behavior. Anytime you hear somebody talk about a trigger,

whether it's habit research or trauma or whatever, a trigger is something that signals to your brain that it's time for you to engage in this pattern of behavior. And honestly, there's already a lot of behavior in your life that is being triggered and you don't even realize it. When you think about your own behavior change,

There are six types of triggers that are right now triggering behavior in you and that you can think about using proactively when you identify the new habits that you want to create. So the first trigger is sound. Now, obviously, I just talked about this with YOLO and HOMEe, but the word sit.

Boom. That can trigger the action of sitting on the ground. A whistle can trigger the action of a dog coming to you. But it's also true for you. You know that sound that you hear when you turn on Netflix, right? And it makes you go like, ooh, okay. And you settle in. That's a sound trigger. They're literally creating association with that sound with a positive feeling of sitting on that couch for a couple hours and zoning out. You're ready for TV.

Time of day, I've already talked about this. Time of day is a humongous trigger. So the morning triggers you to do a certain number of things. The evening triggers you to do things like have a glass of wine or start making dinner. A third trigger for behavior is location. Location, location, location. You know, it's very easy to stick to your habits when you're in your own home because your home is

Where you live, it triggers a certain routine. When you go visit somebody, when you go to your parents' house, when you're off on vacation, isn't it interesting that within three or four days, you just feel off? Your routine is off. You're itching to get back home. Well, the reason why is because that location that you're now in is different than the location that triggers your old routine. You don't feel like exercising because you're at your mother's house.

And another thing is, is like, you know, sometimes you can be at your house and it's almost like it's, it's like sucks you in and you don't feel motivated to work on your book or to do whatever, to jump on an online class. But boy, you feel different when you walk into a different location, don't you? Like a gym.

Another trigger is an emotional state. A lot of you are writing to me about how you have goals of becoming a healthier eater this year. And you're probably aware that your emotions of sadness or boredom or feeling tired, that that emotion is triggering you to make you reach for something. You know, when I'm frustrated, for example, that emotion, it triggers a habit I don't like, which is snapping at my kids. And I also learned today in the dog training class, check this out. This is true for dogs too.

There's a difference between the skills you're learning and the emotional state you're trying to master. And believe it or not, your pets have emotional states that interfere with their ability to access the skills that they're learning.

So just like you get emotional and the wheels go off, the same thing happens with your pets. That's why even though I'm trying to train my dog Yolo to be quiet when people arrive, that's a new habit we're working on. When he gets like really overwhelmed, he just starts barking.

And so your emotions are huge triggers. Right now, they're huge triggers probably for bad habits, but we can start to use that trigger of emotion to develop new habits. The fifth one is other people that you're around. I know that you know that your circle matters, but I want you to just think about how much this matters. Let's say that you're somebody who really wants to make it a habit to be more organized this year. Tell me, does a person who is living with roommates

who are complete and utter slobs. We're talking days of dishes in the sink. Their stuff is everywhere. The bathroom's disgusting. Now think about a person that lives with roommates who are OCD clean. Who do you think is going to have an easier time making a habit of staying organized? That's right. The person that's surrounded by people who support that change. And the final trigger are things in your environment.

So for example, I love post-it notes because post-it notes can be a trigger for a positive habit. And I can give you an example. Mr. Noodle, our cat, when he gets upset or angry or gets locked out of his room, he likes to go into this bathroom upstairs and pee in the corner. It's disgusting, I know. But he's mad at me. So he has this bad habit of doing this and acting out. When the door is closed, he can't do it. Nobody's going to remember to close the door. So I put a little

Trigger in the environment, a post-it note that says, keep the door closed because I'm trying to signal a new habit in everybody around here in closing the door.

Now, I love triggers and I love focusing on triggers because triggers and thinking about how do I cue this behavior? How do I make it easier for myself? How do I make the thing that I'm supposed to do obvious, like that post-it note that says close the door? When you focus on triggers, you can now hack triggers.

And this is such an enormous topic with so many tools and takeaways that we're going to dedicate the next episode in this series to the science of hacking habits and using triggers.

to make habits easier and obvious, okay? And there's a lot of this in your free worksheet, melrobbins.com slash habits, that will help you figure out triggers, both positive and negative. But the bottom line is, no trigger, no habit. No cue, no habit. And by the way, triggers are why bad habits are so hard to break. And here's why.

Let's say that like me, maybe you're participating in a month of not drinking, okay? If you have a habit of pouring a glass of wine every night at 6 p.m., 6 p.m. ain't going away. And so you need to know that when 6 p.m. rolls around, when that sun goes down, when that clock strikes six, guess what's gonna happen? You are going to be triggered to repeat your old habit.

Because what does a habit have? It has a trigger. It has a behavior. Drink that glass of wine and then it has a reward. Ah, that feels good. You can't get rid of 6 p.m., which is why when it comes to replacing behavior, you have to anticipate the trigger and replace the behavior. Here's another one. When somebody starts cooking dinner, don't you feel hungry? Or when somebody starts making a snack in the kitchen,

Don't you feel like you want a snack? Me too. We cannot take away the things that trigger our current habits. You're never going to get over the fact that an alarm's going to go off in the morning. New habits allow you to change your response to existing triggers.

That's where this gets exciting. And the other thing that's exciting about triggers and why we're going to dedicate the entire next episode around it is because when you get proactive about creating triggers, post-it notes, visual cues, surrounding yourself with the right people, now you're using triggers to your advantage.

I got a trigger. I'm about to tell you, we're going to take a quick break for our sponsors. Don't skip the ads. Let's have a new behavior. They're supporting the show because we're going to be right back. And when we return, I got a great reward for you. We're going to jump deep into that third part of all behavior change. And that is the reward and how you use it and what researchers say about it so that you lock in these new habits.

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I love this time of year because we're all thinking about goals and priorities and what we want. But have you had to take a vacation to the list? Because you should. And right now is the perfect time to plan your trip. And all you need is one website. Say hello to Expedia, one-stop shop for killer vacation planning.

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I want to give you a tip for how you can stay locked into your healthy habits, even when you're on the go. So my family, probably like your family, has been traveling over the holidays. And when you're on the go, the routines fly right out the window, especially when it comes to healthy eating and snacking. That's why I love Thrive Market. We're at the airport. We're heading home after the holidays. What did I do? I hop online to Thrive Market. I pick out a bunch of healthy, delicious snacks like grain-free puffs, organic popcorn, my absolute favorite chips. Oh my gosh.

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Welcome back. I'm so glad you're here with me. We just talked about the three parts of a habit, which are the cue or trigger, the behavior you need to repeat, and the reward. And as promised, now we're going to go deep into this third essential part, and that is the reward. You have to have a reward. The research is so clear on this, and this goes not only for human beings, but also for puppies.

So I asked our amazing dog trainer, Carolyn Edgar, the founder of Grateful Dogs here in Southern Vermont, about the importance of rewarding good behavior.

So, Caroline, is it possible to teach a dog a new behavior without a reward? No, no. There's got to be a reward of some kind. So it doesn't need to be food. It could be personal play. It could even be something as much as if they check in with me, you can say, free, you're off leash, run through the field, have fun. I often have people say, can I train my husband this way? And I'm like, yeah, you actually can. Positive reinforcement. Just reinforce what you like. Yeah.

You heard it here. You know, maybe this is one of the episodes of the Mel Robbins podcast that you don't want to share with your spouse or your kids because you don't want them to realize that you're being so nice to them because you're trying to train an old dog new tricks, if you know what I mean. The bottom line is treats work. You have to have a reward if you want someone else or yourself to change for real. This is essential.

Let's just take the puppy. When you repeat the command, right? So you've got this trigger down, which means lie down and your dog does it. And then you hand them a milk bone. You are fusing the command, the trigger down with the reward. And that's how the behavior becomes automatic. That's it. Now look for you, I don't want you eating a milk bone. That's not the reward. And for some habits, it's easier to lock them in place because there's an innate reward. So for example,

Brushing your teeth. That's a very easy habit to get into. Why? Because the reward is that your mouth doesn't feel like it's got shag carpeting on it anymore. Or using dryer sheets. Why is that easy to kind of remember to do? Well, because it's a really nice reward when you pull things out of the dryer and you don't get an electric shock. Or when you buy things. This is why some bad habits are very easy to learn. When you buy something, the reward is both the thrill of the purchase

And if you bought it online, you get a second reward because the new thing arrives at your door. This also explains why coffee, alcohol, things that we kind of get addicted to, they're pretty potent habits, aren't they? Because the reward is the second that you sip it, you feel good.

The reward is innate, but for other habits, you have to add an external reward, okay? Because the reward is what gives you a bit of dopamine. When my puppy gets the milk bone or it gets a pat on the head or it gets a little tug of war play, it gets a reward of dopamine. That motivation and drive chemical is what locks in the behavior is automatic. It creates what researchers call a habit loop.

So when you text a friend a photo after you finish something and they text you back, boom, dopamine.

That's why you make it a habit to text your friends because it feels good when they text back. When you have a little piece of chocolate, I have one every day right around two o'clock. It's a little bit of a habit. I feel the two o'clock strike. Boom. Where's my chocolate? Boom. The dopamine hits. That's my reward. It's a habit. When you watch a funny video, why do we waste so much time watching funny memes and TikToks? Because every time that you laugh, dopamine.

you get a reward. That's why you keep strolling, by the way, because you might just get another reward. You keep seeking out the behavior. You need to hack behavior change by thinking about what is your milk bone gonna be? And let me use a very common habit that people want to lock into place to explain this, exercising more. So for some of you, maybe this is you, simply the thrill of the post-workout endorphin

It's enough of a reward. Not for me. I'm going to tell you a story about me trying to create a habit of exercising five days a week and why the reward is

was the only reason why it happened. Okay? So this was in 2019. I was a brand new TV talk show host, and I was living during the week in a hotel in New York City as we were taping this show. And it was really important to me because this job was super stressful that I figured out how to get exercise in every single day. Now, here's the rub.

The job of being a TV host required me to be at the CBS broadcast center by seven o'clock in the morning. And most nights I worked until at least seven o'clock at night. So I knew that I was not going to have the energy to exercise at night. And I also knew that if I was going to actually make it to that studio by seven o'clock every morning, ready to go, ready to work, ready to tape a TV show, I had to be exercising by five 30 in the morning.

I don't know about you, but I am not the kind of person that loves to just spring right out of bed. I am not like my husband. I do not roll right out of bed. And so the thought of getting out of bed and being in my exercise tights and standing in an exercise class at 5.30 in the morning,

This is a whole new Mel Robbins. And I also know myself well enough to know that there was no way in hell I was going to get myself down to a gym in the hotel and motivate myself at that hour, that I actually needed a class where somebody was going to be yelling at me if I planned on moving and exercising. And so that means that I not only needed to be up

At 5.30 in that class, I had to be up at like 5 o'clock in the morning in order to get dressed, leave the hotel, get to a class that was actually happening somewhere in New York City at 5.30 in the morning. Okay. So I have a problem. I want to be the kind of person that exercises every single day.

So how do I make it a habit to do this when I am not that person? I am not the person that wants to get out of bed. My habits say I sleep in. My habits say I'm too tired. My habits say that's way too early. How do I become that person? Well, how you become that person is you use the three steps we've been talking about. You need a trigger and you need the reward. The behavior part, that's easy to identify. Get your ass to the gym.

What is the trigger? Well, I came up with two. Trigger number one was I would sign up for a class the night before. I would sign up because I was committed to doing this for my mental health and so that I would perform at the highest level in this new job. So that's number one. I'd sign up ahead of time because then I'd felt a sense of obligation.

The second thing that I would do is I would lay out my clothes on the floor, just like, you know, your mom might have done when you were a little kid. I would lay out the clothes the night before so that the second I woke up and I thought, I would see those clothes and those clothes were a trigger to get out of bed.

Because for me, when that alarm goes off at five o'clock in the morning, I'm not rolling out of bed and going, I know when I'm done with this, I'm going to feel better. So I'm going to go. No, I complicate things. I'm overwhelmed. I'm dramatic. I don't feel like it. But as I lean over to turn off the alarm alone in my hotel room at five o'clock in the morning, and I don't feel like exercising and it's pitch black, there like a giant middle finger on the floor from the future Mel Robbins are my exercise clothes laying on the floor.

That, my friend, is a trigger. Another cue is that since I have registered for the class, there is a text that

In my phone from the class, reminding me that I registered another giant middle finger from the future Mel Robbins. That's the trigger. That's cuing the behavior. Get your ass out of bed, pull those tights on, get your coat on, get your sneakers on, and walk those 10 blocks to that exercise class, woman, because you are the kind of person that exercises in the morning, even though you don't feel like it.

This is where things get really interesting, and this is where the neuroscience kicks in. So I've explained a quick trigger, the clothes on the floor and registering the night before. The reward is essential. So the very first morning that I went to this exercise class, I got there very proud of myself, but knowing I'd be proud of myself, not enough of an award for Mel Robbins, okay?

After the exercise class, so now it's 6.30 in the morning, I am walking back to the hotel and there is a coffee shop and I walk in.

And it's not just any coffee shop. It's one of those like New York City coffee shops. You know, it looks like an Ikea store. It's very sterile and it's got basically all white walls and a giant espresso machine that looks like an aircraft carrier. And the person that's making the coffee clearly from Brooklyn because he has a beard and he's got one of those aprons on that have the leather straps to it. And you just know this is going to be the best damn cup of coffee you've ever had. And then right next to it. Oh, my God.

there was a pile of breakfast burritos. They were about the size of, I'm trying to think about what size this would be, a little bit bigger than a man's wallet. And they were wrapped in foil

And they had been made by somebody who probably doesn't even have a commercial kitchen license because they were made by a woman that drops them off and they just look like homemade amazingness, you know, the kind of thing that comes from somebody that they make them with love. They're not making 50,000 burritos, they're making 50 and they're dropping them off right there. So I bought this burrito and I leave this coffee shop and I unfold the burrito and it's dripping down my hand and I take a bite and it is one of those burritos that

that is like that moist gummy feeling on the flour tortilla because it's been steamed and it just, the cheese is melted with the chorizo. I can't even say the sausage and the cheese. It was magic in my mouth. Just absolutely fantastic. Okay, that was my reward. I got a cup of coffee and a burrito. Enough with the burrito, Mel. No, actually the burrito matters. The burrito matters more than anything because let me tell you what happened the very next morning. The very next morning,

The alarm rings. There are my tights on the floor like a middle finger. And there is the text. Triggers, get out of bed. But you know what my mind immediately thought of? The burrito. The burrito was my milk bone. The burrito fused this new habit in my brain. The reward is everything. I'm telling you, the reward is everything. It's the milk bone of habits.

Because what happens in the science with a habit loop is that when you can find a reward that really makes you feel good, that you feel a sense of accomplishment, the way your brain works is that the habit loop forms by associating the trigger, which is the tights on the floor, with the reward. You don't even think about the exercise.

Just like my dog doesn't even think about sitting, doesn't even think about running to me when I yell his name and I say, come. He's thinking about the milk bone. And so this is the science that makes it easy. I told you I was going to make this so simple that a dog would understand. And I also told you that I was going to make this so easy.

that you can apply it immediately, that you would be able to figure out how to create behavior change in your life that is as effortless as making a cup of coffee every single morning. And I'm going to tell you something.

It took me about four to five mornings before that alarm went off. And I didn't look at those tights like it was a middle finger saying, you're going to have to exercise, Mel. It took me four or five mornings before I looked at those tights and I was like, oh yeah, it's burrito time, bitches. Let's go. Oh, I got to stop by this stupid exercise class first. But this is such powerful science.

And what's also interesting about the neuroscience here is that you know what I was thinking about as I was exercising? I wasn't thinking about the fact that my butt cheeks were shaking or that I hated being there or that I was sweating in inappropriate places and my tights were too light of a color. No, I was thinking about that coffee shop that looked like a Kia.

that espresso machine that was the size of a New York City bus, and the gooey, chewy, amazing burrito that I was gonna have when I was done exercising. That's what I was thinking about. So whatever new habit you have, whether you just wanna drink more water with your meals,

or you want to spend more time working on your goals, or you want to feel more organized, you have to take time to think about not only the trigger, but what is a reward that really matters to you?

And if you can't think of one, I just want to remind you that the free download at melrobbins.com slash habits, it is seven pages long and it's going to help you walk through this and identify what that reward could be. And this is important because positive reinforcement, that's what we're talking about. And I'm willing to bet any area of your life where you're trying to make a behavior change stick, you have no reward. Or worse, you're punishing yourself.

You're saying, I'm not doing enough. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just sit down and write? Why can't I get my bills paid? Why can't I do this? That's negative reinforcement. And just like with a puppy, this is going to backfire on you. So I want to bring Caroline from Grateful Dogs back to the conversation because I asked her about this. Like, what happens if you don't give a puppy a milk bone?

What happens if you do what I often see people doing, whereas they like call a dog to them and then, you know, beat it or yell at it or, you know, scream at it? What happens when you don't do positive reinforcement? Check this out. Can you describe what happens to a dog if they're getting negative reinforcement from

You know, they're getting hit, they're getting yelled at, they're getting put in a cage, they're getting just a yank on the leash. So they're getting, yeah, they're getting suppressed. So I always think of it as, you know, the kids in school where they're like, oh, oh, I know, I know, I know. And then they are either made fun of or they get the wrong answer. They're made to feel badly. Right.

They're no longer offering that, right? You get what's called learned helplessness. So they stop doing everything altogether. I don't know what to do, so I won't do anything. You and I are the exact same way. I know I've been hammering this point ever since we met about the fact that you need to be kinder to yourself. But now there's science involved because being kinder to yourself, rewarding yourself, encouraging yourself, it's an essential part of habit formation.

You're never going to make it a habit to exercise if you're constantly trashing yourself for not doing it or for not doing it enough. That's not a positive reward. Why would you want to journal if at the end of it, you're like, well, that was hard? You wouldn't. That's not how your brain works. That's not how training an animal works. That's not how human psychology or neuroscience works. You have to have a positive reward.

And so this brings me back to you and what you're thinking about changing and how you're going to apply this simple research to making this new behavior pattern a habit.

To have it go from something you're practicing and doing to evidence that you're becoming a person who runs. You're becoming a person who's organized. You're becoming a person who is a writer. You're not just journaling every day. You're a person that's very mindful and that has discipline. And I know you're now thinking, okay, Mel, I think I got it.

I got the trigger and the cue. I can't wait for the next episode to go deeper in that. I got the behavior pattern and I got the fact that I got to focus on a reward. How long is this going to take before it's as easy as making a cup of coffee? So we have all been told that it takes 21 days to form a new habit and it is complete horseshit. Okay. It's not true. And there's an important reason why you have to understand that

Habit formation is deeply personal and has way more to do with the context and surroundings and the resistance that you have to the behavior that you're trying to implement. You and I are not robots. We are human beings. And so number one, when you miss a day, if you beat yourself up or you get impatient and you start to bail and you feel this resistance, it's going to take a lot longer.

If you've been exercising and schlepping to the gym for 21 days and you're going, why do I still hate this? Why have I been drinking the water for 34 days and I still hate this? This isn't working, Mel. This is... I want to tell you something. It might take you another 200 days for this new behavior to lock into your neuropathways before it becomes automatic.

There was a study done in the European Journal of Social Psychology, and the study is entitled, How Are Habits Formed? The lead researcher is a professor by the name of Philippa Lally from the University College of London, and her research shows that it takes between 18 and 254 days to form a habit. And when I say form a habit, that means you do it without resistance. You do it without bitching. You do it without really thinking about it.

That's how long it took people in this study to form a habit, which means they removed the resistance to it and now it just became part of who they are. They take a walk every night after dinner. They always have tea in the morning. They get out of bed when the alarm rings. They take their inbox to zero every day. That's how long it took. And I want to just give you one other example because context matters. Context matters.

If you wanted to get your finances in order, who is going to have an easier time making it a habit to get their finances in order? Someone that is surrounded by people that spend everything that they earn and live beyond their means and go out every night, or someone who has friends that are putting money away and

that cook in, that pay their bills, that are interested in the stock market and are learning about it. When you are in an environment that is supporting the change, there's less resistance. When you have a great reward for why you're doing something, there's less resistance. When you are highly motivated to make this change and you're surrounded by supportive people, there's less resistance.

When you are having a fun time doing this change, like a great reward, by the way, for exercising is do it with a friend. Because when you wake up in the morning, you won't think about the walk you're taking. You're going to think about the moment you see your friend. When you make it easier, when you make it more fun, when you think about the rewards, when it has deep meaning for you, when you surround yourself or put yourself in an environment where it's supporting the change.

You'll be on the 18-day end instead of the 254-day end. That's why there's such a huge variation in how long it might take you to learn a habit. Like, for example, you might lock in a habit of getting up when the alarm rings in 18 days flat. Boom. Easy. No resistance. But when it comes to making it a habit to finish your homework before you start playing video games, that one takes about 211 days.

See, this is all about context and environment. And it's also about you and your resistance to the new behavior. I mean, heck, I'm still working on rolling out of bed without resistance. And I invented the five second rule, which is basically a cue that triggers you to move. So the bottom line is there's a big range. Give yourself a break.

Just keep plugging away at it, okay? And just manage the three required steps, the cue, the behavior, and the reward, and eventually you'll get there. And that's really good news because it means that you have the ability to use everything that you just learned

To make this easier, more fun, and to have habit formation take less time, regardless of what environment you're in, you can train yourself and you can see yourself becoming a totally different type of person because of new habits. So I want you to ask yourself, when you think about the next leg of the journey called life, what kind of person do you want to be?

Maybe you're saying, I want to be a runner. I want to be an organized person. I want to be a happier person. Boy, I'd like more money in the bank. I'd like to be really good with money. I want to be a musician. I want to be an entrepreneur. All of these things that you want to change, you have the ability to do it. But the behavior change, the new habits, it's going to be dependent on you.

It's dependent upon why you want to do it, how you're going to trigger yourself, what environment you're going to put yourself in, and how you're going to reward yourself every single time that you engage in the behavior. The second I stop treating my dog for sitting, you know what's going to happen? He's going to stop listening. That's what's going to happen. And I don't think that makes him a bad dog.

You can pick up behavior fast. You absolutely can. Like if we go back to Sarah's question, behavior change and drastic change can happen very quickly because the change in how you see yourself can happen quickly. The resistance to doing it, to achieving the goal, that's going to take some time. And here's one other thing that Dr. Lally discovered that I think is really good news. This is amazing. Missing a day

based on the research, does not materially affect the habit formation process, period. Missing a day does not materially affect the habit formation process. So let's just say that you are trying to make it a habit to get outside and to look at bright light first thing in the morning for 10 minutes, okay? Let's say you miss three days and you're like, ah, that's it. I can't do anything. I always bail on everything I try. I'm a failure, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Guess what? Get that stupid notion in your head that you got to do it for 21 days straight. You got to be an Ironman. You got to be a robot. You got to be a Navy SEAL. It's complete bullshit. The 15 days that you've already put in, guess what? It's already started plowing new neural pathways in your mind. You're already 15 days on the path to behavior change. You didn't lose progress. You're not back at zero.

You have not impacted the habit formation process. So if you're somebody who has spent a lifetime beating yourself up, starting to change, ending the change, starting the change, ending the change, starting the change, beating yourself up, you're like that kid who doesn't want to raise their hand in class anymore. Or you're like that dog that constantly got screamed at when it did something wrong. You've made it a habit

of giving up. Now I want to talk to you directly if this is resonating. You stop, you start, you give up, you're now starting to feel bad about it. Don't. Because recognizing that you need to start rewarding yourself, and I'm talking every effort, every small win. You got out of bed, that's a win. You walked the dog today, that's a win.

You answered three emails and you have 11,000 to go. Those three emails, that's still a win. Every step forward toward a new you, toward locking in this new habit, that's a big deal. And if you have trouble with this idea that you've got to be kinder to yourself, you got to celebrate the wins, you got to reward yourself with some celebration and some encouragement from yourself, you got to figure this out.

Because you need to learn how to do this to lock in new habits. It's part of the science. And if you don't know how to do that, don't worry about it. The first episode I did in January of this year, it's the episode about making it a habit to encourage yourself. The one habit you need in 2023. I'm going to link to that podcast episode in the show notes. And after you're done listening to this, I want you to go straight to that episode because

The science says that you have to learn how to give yourself positive reinforcement. And I'll tell you, I'd be happy to hold your hand and teach you how. And also don't forget about the companion worksheet. This sucker is seven pages long. It's free and it's going to help you apply everything you just learned step by step to the habits that you want to break or the new habits you want to learn. At the very beginning of our conversation today, I promised I would make this simple

And I want you to know that taking the time to not only listen, but to go from listening to doing and writing it down and thinking through this, it's going to make it even easier for you to master the science of habits. And speaking of the science of habits, in the very next episode,

You and I are going to get even more creative and tactical about habits by focusing on surprising ways that you can cue or trigger the positive behavior change that you want to make in your life. So you better make sure to bring your notebook and a fun attitude because we are going to walk through simple science supported hacks and tools and strategies that will help you make your new habits stick.

If you can't stop thinking about that burrito I was describing, or you laughed out loud when I talked about how I trained my family using a Post-it note to make it a habit to shut the bathroom door so Mr. Noodle wouldn't pee in there, just you wait.

Because the very next episode of the Mel Robbins podcast, we're jumping in deep into cues and triggers and how you can use creative and tactical strategies to trigger positive behavior change. So bring your notebook, a fun attitude. I cannot wait to share all of these hacks and tools that you can use that are going to help make new habits stick.

And I'm also in that episode going to be taking your questions about habits. You and I are going to walk step by step, question by question and apply the research so that you really get this. And I'm also excited to share the creative ways that I'm training myself to complete a 75 day physical challenge called 75 Art. Trust me, you don't want to miss this.

And of course, in case no one else tells you, I just want to tell you that I love you. I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to not only apply all this research, but to see yourself change and to see yourself becoming the person that you really want to become. All right. I'll see you in a few days. Anyone else craving a burrito? Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language.

This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Stitcher.

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I have a podcast that's called Literally with Rob Lowe. And basically, it's conversations I've had that really make you feel like you're pulling up a chair at an intimate dinner between myself and people that I admire, like Aaron Sorkin or Tiffany Haddish, Demi Moore, Chris Pratt, Michael J. Fox. There are new episodes out every Thursday. So, I'm going to be talking about

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