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Hey guys, we here at This Is Important love Philadelphia cream cheese! It is extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal or snack. I love to use cream cheese on my bagels. I even dip pretzels in it. What? I know, I'm crazy. Yeah, dude, it's hella good. You gotta try it. With so many unique recipes...
How could you go wrong? And yes, you can find a ton of recipes on the Philadelphia website. Visit creamcheese.com for recipe inspiration so you can start adding Philadelphia cream cheese to your recipes at home. Welcome to This is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important.
Today on This Is Important. A young child in jail is the best. Long, like Big Dick Daddy Long. I'm a jerky boy. I would jump in, of course, bro. I'm game for just about fucking anything, dog. And here we go. Oh my god. We're bad. We're bad. We're bad.
I feel good. I feel good. Oh, man. I wonder how many new listeners we lose just from the onslaught of the soundboard. Yeah. Because some people either love out the gate. I think people know to start it at a low volume now, and then they're like, okay, is it minute three? Let's turn it up a little bit because these guys come in hot. It's a real love or hate. I love the soundboard. I'm team soundboard all the way. Hey, if you hate it, go.
Go to another pod, all right? Because borders aren't going anywhere. Yeah. I love how you were teeing yourself up for what I thought was going to be a soundbite hit and then nothing. He was like, if that's how you feel, go that way. And then also he got kind of charged there. He was like, get out of my podcast. Well, look what he's wearing. Look at the fit. Let's talk about the fit. And if you're listening, he looks like... He's getting charged. Go off. I think the fit goes off for itself, King. Let's hear it.
What is it? Let's go. Is it a jacket? What are you fishing on a freeway? A jacket. It's a hat. Is that a jacket that you've wrapped over your head or it's an actual hat? It's an actual like. It's a bagel. Like emergency vehicle side of road. Look at me. It's nighttime bucket hat he's got going on. It's a bagel. It is very look at me. And I'm glad you said that. Blake, what rapper did you get that from? What rapper's merch was that?
Schoolboy Q. Okay. Schoolboy Q, yeah. He is king of the buckets. And you got that off like his website or something or? He's selling them at truck stops now, evidently. Really? Yeah. Oh, you got that at a truck stop? Absolutely. That's where I get most of my clothing. Oh, hell yeah, dog. I respect that. Are you doing Yachty voice now?
Can we talk about dope hats? Truck stop clothing? Truck stop hats specifically. Absolutely. They have such good selections at a truck stop in the middle of nowhere. I go hunting once a year with my family and friends and we kill innocent animals. Yes. Can't endorse. And as we're driving up there, we shoot pheasants. And as we're driving up,
We stop at this truck stop. And then last time I was there, I bought a hat that was just like, it said, I'm the bottom bitch or something like that. Oh, shit. And I was like, oh, whoever, we do all the kinds of dumb races and we bet each other on dumb shit. I was like, then I'm going to make them wear this hat. But then everyone wanted to wear the hat.
So then it was like, it became like, hey, whoever wins the races gets to wear the I'm the bottom bitch hat. What is this gas station? Yeah. What were you talking about? Coming? What's that one? Come and go. Come and go. Come and go. It's not come and go. That's all right. That's just a regular gas station. This is like a, I want to call it a truck haven. What are all, let's name all the gas stations. Yeah. What are all the truck stops? There's the Flying J. The Flying J. Flying J is hardcore. You could take a shower there. Yeah. For just like a couple quarters. Yeah.
Why do you guys know about this? I don't know about this. Did you know that? It just costs a little bit to take a shower at a truck stop. He's back! Well, the reason we know about this, I can speak for myself and Kyle, is that...
we drive back and forth from uh southern california to northern california right there's a few uh is one called tna sure tna is ta what's the tsa no no it's just a big t and a big a right it's red and blue ta yeah yeah you're right yeah got it yeah ta was is hard and those are both like true truck stop gas stations so they have showers you could take a shower i
Yeah, and it's only a couple quarters. It's like it's chill with your pocket change. You can take a shower. Okie dokie. Whenever I'm at a truck stop, I just want to see how much trouble I could get in and how quickly it could happen. Oh, what do you mean? How easy it would be to get meth. I've never done meth, but I do want to find out how easy it is to get meth at a truck stop.
It's easy. Is it? Yeah. I think to get meth, you just have to be diagnosed with ADD, right? And then you... All the truckers have it. You want to know where it really goes down? Yeah, Blake. Weighing stations. Oh. Truck weighing stations. Right. If you want the good shit, go to the weighing stations. That's where they're all pulled off. They're all doing their business, zipping up for the drive. And you know that because... Hey, Blake, that's not a real...
It is a real thing. Why do you know this? That's not a real thing. It absolutely is. Truck Wayne stations. I know that. Okay. You want to come at me, bro? I would love to. Let's go. Please come at me. Guys. Wayne stations happen on the side of the road. It's truck by truck. That's not where you buy your meth or get your low end hooker. That's not where you buy your meth.
That's not where that happens. Okay. I bet if you were in the little station that's like weighing the trucks, if you're in the booth, you're the one who can have the meth and you're the one who can be like, hey, here's your meth, playboy. You know what I mean? Well, sure. I'm saying as like a generality, any truck stop in America, I think you can. I think there's a high probability of getting meth. I don't know if it's at the weighing station. Blake, what is your...
Tell us why this is a weigh station over a truck stop. Because truck stops are way brighter. They're way more populated. They have families there getting gas. The truck weigh station is truckers only. No families are pulling over for that. But the truck weigh station, correct me if I'm wrong, the truck weigh station is run by the state?
That's correct. I've never gone in a wave station. As opposed to just like a private business that doesn't give a fuck what's happening there? That is, honors, that is correct. And Kyle, you're saying it's like a service window? Like they pull up and they go if you want to? Yeah, but they're all on camera. I mean, they're all on camera. Okay, I got it. I know something even better. I know where it is. Kyle, where is it? Say it on three. One, two, three. Rest area. Rest area. Break check spots where they're checking their breaks. Oh.
No, you know what it really is? You know those runaway truck ramps? It's a bagel. At the top of that, there's always a leprechaun with hella meth. Yeah, this is where you get your meth. You take a manhole cover off the street. Yes. You climb into the sewer. Yes.
No, Blake, it's a truck stop. It's truck stops. And they sleep in their trucks at night. Sure, you can at a rest area too. That's where people get abducted. Yes, that's a good place to get abducted. Look, I will say this. At a truck stop, you are competing with these hats.
If that makes sense. Absolutely. Thank you. I'm spending my money on those showers, you know, depending on how long they only cost a couple of times. But if you're in there for 40 minutes, it's your pocket, literally your pocket change. You could take a shower and get cleaned up. It's amazing. I think it goes hand in hand with someone that buys hats like that also might be in the market for meth.
Yeah, you might be a meth head. It's the same brain that goes after it, and that's why it's stocked with the coolest hats. Right. Come for the hats, leave with the meth. Leave for the meth. To your point, if you walk into a good truck stop like the Flying J, the first thing they have is that little showcase with all the diamonds, crystals, and daggers and stuff. Oh my God. Yeah, you have to be on meth to buy that stuff.
to buy a... What? The Sky Mall, the middle of the Sky Mall with the curvy blades and shit? Oh, yeah. I mean, I did get a sick-ass sweatshirt from one of these truck stops that said it was like a guy that was getting married and he had a frowny face and it said he was standing next to his girl and it said sentence to wife.
And I wore that forever. I kind of remember. It was white, correct? Yeah, it was white. And they look like bathroom imagery. Yeah, I remember you rocking that. Yeah, yeah. So sick. Goddamn, that was my favorite, bro. My favorite. That was a great one. And I do like when they've got a sick trail mix selection or like local like.
Chocolate-covered nuts or chocolate-covered whatever. Apricots. Right. Beef jerky. And locally grown on a lot of them, too. What I always fuck up is the beef jerky. It's the local beef jerky where you'll get the Jack Links. You'll get the Trader whatever. Yeah, Trader Sam's. Old Trapper. Yeah, Trapper. And then you'll get just like Jeff's home mix that you're like, oh, this might have some math on it. Jeff?
Sprinkle me, man. Sprinkle me, man. My neighborhood liquor store has the alien jerky.
What's this? From On the Way to Vegas, I believe. Yeah. What's alien jerky? Oh, it's a hot stop. On the Way to Vegas, it kind of looks like an Area 51 thing. I think there's like a flying saucer crashed in the side of the building. They got little aliens you could take your picture with. Oh, it's just... And some jerky. And jerky out the freaking butt. So shout out to my liquor store. I love places like that. We really missed the boat by not starting our own...
By employing Blake's stepdad for our company and have the meat jerking beef boys release their own batch. Because his stepdad makes. Blake's stepdad makes the best fucking beef jerky I've ever had. And I am a connoisseur. I eat beef jerky.
Five times a week. I'm always jerking out the gym. Yeah, you're a jerker. I'm a jerky boy. You're a jerk. You eat jerky five times a week? Yeah, dude. That's why I'm so poofy looking. For what? A meal? No, it's a little snack. It's afternoon delight. How much? You eating a bag? Because I can go through a bag. No, not a whole bag. Not a whole bag. Just a few tender strips. Okay, okay. You got it. I've been fucking with old trappers, what I've been fucking with. Hmm.
Let me ask you, do you ever go into the turkey jerky zone or are you purely a beef boy? I do when I'm trying to not have a bloated head. I go, I get the turkey and then I just go Jack Links, you know, because some of the other turkeys you don't, you can't trust it. Right. Now, do you like it moist? Lay off me, I'm starving.
I feel like there's a whole new genre of jerky where it's like actually moist. It's still kind of juicy. I love that. That's the best. Do you like it dry where you got to fucking like tear a couple teeth out to get into it? It's a delicate balance, dude. No moist. I don't like it too wet. Yeah. I don't like when my hands look like I just ate some ribs or something. I'm like, I'm just trying to be a jerky boy.
Usually it's like while I'm driving or something, you know? Put a pin in that. We're going to circle back to jerky boys. What, you put the little pack of jerky between your legs and you kind of just get down in there? Yeah, just some crotch nibbles. My boy. Well, do you guys fuck with the mushroom jerky? Probably not, huh? Y'all don't fuck with that. What the fuck is a mushroom jerky? Oh, wow. Oh, maybe I do. Maybe I do. You don't know? No, I don't. I don't.
I bought some soy jerky by accident real quick. I was like buying a bunch of different brands and I grabbed like this. It was like a Carolina pulled pork and I was like, that sounds good. And I was crushing it and I was like,
This is a little off. This seems weird, and I looked at the pack. This tastes like feet. Yeah. No, sir, I don't like it. No, it tasted good, but it just felt weird. Yeah. Yeah, the key there was you were crushing it, you know what I mean? So you were doing the damn thing on it. Fucking thing sucks. So that's cool. Yeah, but my body started to betray me, though. Yeah. Betray me. I had a similar thing happen. Whole Foods got me with coconut meat jerky or something. Tasted like fucking butt ass.
Ass. No good. Okay. It's interesting. Fuck it. It tasted like pennies or... Yeah, irony. It was terrible. Like a little... It was terrible. Irish spray? But you never had the mushroom jerky. The mushroom jerky is off the charts. I haven't. I like it. Can I ask you this? Can we get specific about it? What kind of mushrooms are we talking? Portobello? We got a little turkey tail. I don't got a wrapper around here. Thank God. Thank you. But I can...
send a rapper a picture of what it is. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Please send that. I'll send a picture to a rapper. Yeah, I'll do that. Post it on the Pods Insta, please. Yeah, I'll send it. I'll send it on the chat. Should we all go to a gas station and pick out our favorite hats? Shower? Thank you. Honestly, it's a deal. Clean. They're very clean, normally. Uh...
Hear me out. Get a bag of jerky, go in the parking lot, see how quickly we can buy meth. There's got to be a hand gesture or like a nod. You just walk by people's trucks and you just go like... I feel like none of us look like we might do meth.
No, there's no look. There's no look. There's got to be an app. It's science. There's a look at first. There's a look down the road. There's a look down the road. Well, sure. I know. I know. But usually when you're not going to the truck stop on the first time you're buying meth probably, it's probably like a homie that's like, hey, I got some. Yeah, but these truck drivers are doing it. So, you know, we look like. Are they doing meth, guys? Or are they doing speed? Yes. That's how they stay awake. That's essentially the same exact thing. Meth is speed. Is it?
Yeah. Yeah. It's just, yeah, yeah, yeah. Math is the thing where like, it's like new age speed. You fuck like crazy and then clean your house kind of thing.
Oh, sick. That's cool. So it's dope. Or drive a truck. Yeah, helpful. And the truck stops, they sell that shit like No-Dos or whatever. Has anybody ever blasted off on that? I think Adam does that every night. Right, right, right. What do you mean? I'm always fucking up No-Dos. I did for a while. Adam Devines never sleep. In high school, I did No-Dos and then my girlfriend found them and like flushed them down the toilet and was being so dramatic about the No-Dos I was taking. I'm so excited!
That's exactly what it was. She was like, no, not on my watch. You're not dying here. And meanwhile, I had like a no-dose to get me through like finals week. Yeah. And I was like, bitch, don't you do that shit to me. Damn. Yeah, I snatched it.
Yeah.
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See, so there's like, there's Ritalin and then what's the other one? Adderall. Adderall. That's the one. You guys ever fuck with Adderall? Because that is very close. I think it's like one little dot or whatever science has off of meth. I think they're very similar. One little dot. Does science have a dot? Like the chemical compounds. Like, you know, one of the molecules or whatever they are. That's what I mean when I say dot. Molecule. I used to do quite a bit of Adderall.
I wouldn't do a lot of Adderall, but I would do it fairly often when I was doing stand-up on the road. And you just get burnt out. And, like, right before the show would start, about 10 minutes before, I would take, like – I would break it up and do, like, a fourth. Oh.
And then take that. And then that would get things turned in. I haven't done it in years. Poor cocaine. Cocaine was just expensive. It had comedians' backs for years. I know. We betrayed it. Fancy Adderall. I'm still going to send it. It murdered a handful of people. And then we turned our backs on it.
Hey, I'd like to give our flowers to cocaine real quick. Sure, sure. Big shout out to cocaine. Had a hell of a run. Then these newfangled drugs come in and kind of take over. They're so new and so fangled. They're so fangled. They're illegal. Did they prescribe Adderall to kids with ADHD? Yes. It does the opposite for someone with ADHD.
ADD, correct? Go ahead, George. You're a smart guy? Resident smart guy who can't read? Well, no. It's not that I know this from reading about it. It's that they gave me that shit in college. My coach was like, your grades are garbage. Maybe try some Adderall? And I was like, yeah, all right. And I went to the team doctor. That's awesome. You got the plug. I want to go to that team doctor. Licked my ass. And then I... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Licked your ass? Did you say licked your ass? He's just checking it out to make sure it worked. Wait, what? Okay.
Okay, continue. Okay, moving on. Yeah, continue. It was cool. Gave me Adderall. I took some and went to class and sat next to this girl on my swim team. And I was just jumping out the gym. She was like, what is wrong with you? And I go, I don't know. I was like doing drawings. And I'm like, is this funny? And she was like, this is crazy. I imagine you would have turned into that dude from White Lotus, like the guy who's running the hotel who just starts banging all the homies in the hotel. And I killed it, man.
Yeah. It was crazy. She was like, what's wrong with you? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? You could just see Ders turning like super duper gay right away. Turning? No control. On Adderall? It's the Adderall, right? I don't know if it has anything to do with the Adderall. Shut your mouth. I can't stop.
fucking these guys specifically. It must be the Adderall. I can get to the base. That's why you can't do too much of it because it will tweak you out. You have to really start off super duper small. But I did one and Blake is right. The guy, I went to the doctor. I was like,
I went crazy. And he goes, yeah, some people have the adverse effect where you like, it doesn't even you out. Well, if you don't need it, they prescribe that to you and you didn't need it. So if you need it, then it calms you down and helps you focus. But if you don't need it, it goes. I gave it to homies instantly. I was like, this is, I'm going to jump out of a window on this stuff. And they were like, can we have,
I used to take that shit all the time when I was cutting, like cutting sketches and stuff. I would wake up and just take Adderall and then go. You're a cutter? Yeah, cutting, like editing. Oh, shit. It ain't like that. No, no, no, no, no, no. It ain't like that, but when I was editing, I would drop them. Yeah, every morning I'd just fucking cut comedy. I'm very glad that it's not...
that none of us were, are like real drug addicts because like talking just specifically for myself, I'm like, I could have really, if this were the eighties and I've said this before and like cocaine was everywhere in the comedy clubs, I would have been a full blown coke head without a,
out yeah and uh i'm glad that i didn't come up in the in the early mid 80s uh to where people would get paid in cocaine but at the same time way more fun yeah that probably would have been way is that what it was like it was just floating around people actually got paid in coke yeah that's like the stories yeah that was the whole like you go to a party and there'd be like a giant coke tray going around like a butler carrying it and shit can you imagine wow incredible i
Wow. Wow. Wow. You know, earlier we touched on something, and I'm kind of scared to do this because it's a flower situation. Oh, God. And people keep dying that we talk about. Yes. Well, specifically that you talk about. I feel like you are the one that brings it up, and then they die right away. So it might be. Yeah. Do you want me to bring up the jerky boys? Oh, the jerky boys. Okay. All right.
Yeah. How funny were the Jerky Boys tapes? Oh, yeah. They're very good. Do you want to give them their flowers? Are you going to give them a kiss of death or what? I don't know what I'm going to give them. Just don't give them COVID. Holy fucking shit. I think I was at summer camp and somebody had the tape and they played it and we would just be in the bunks like before night or whatever. Oh, dude. Prank calls. And just losing our minds listening to these prank calls.
Oh, yeah. Dude, have you got... Speaking of prank calls, because that is a lost art. Nobody else. Nobody else. No, Jerky Boys rules. No. Super funny. I never really listened to Jerky Boys. Dude, listen to it. It is fucking unbelievable. If you're 11 or 10, it's twice as good. I want to put you on another one. Longmont Potion Castle. Have you ever listened to his prank calls? They are so funny. I'm going to go take a piss.
My boy Skinner put me on him. It's so funny, dude. Just like hilarious. Say those words again. Longmont Potion Castle. It's like kind of an underground. And it rolls off the tongue. Long or long? Long. Like Big Dick Daddy Long. Longmont. Like not short, but long. LA.
O-N-G-M-O-N-T. Potion Castle. Longmont. Like that's probably a street name or a place or something. Potion Castle. The dude's super like mysterious. Nobody knows who he is. He's been doing it forever. It's so funny, dude. And it's prank phone calls. So funny.
Prank phone calls. Hilarious. Well, you're not explaining it that well, just saying it's so funny. You've got to go in with it. Why is it so funny, Blake? He just fucks with people so hard. Oh, dude, I love that. It's a lost art.
It is. Like, prank calling was so fun. Kyle, you were really good at it. Yeah. I mean, I would jump in, of course, bro. I'm game for just about fucking anything, dog. You know what I mean? Well, we're specifically talking about prank phone calling right now. Wait, are we talking math? But I'm trying to remember, like, what were my good ones? I remember calling on the radio, like Oakland A's radio, and I would be like... What about bungee jumping? Yeah.
The best one that Kyle did... There's a hole in my memory. What are you talking about? The best one that Kyle ever did that I remember very well is you called a Chinese food restaurant and you said that... Kyle was Blake's hero. You found a contact in your soup. Or no, you said you found a cunt hair in your soup. And they thought you were saying contact.
And it was just a who's on first of you and this poor person working at the Chinese restaurant going, contact in your soup? And you're like, no, con-tare, con-tare in my soup. And they're like, nobody wears contacts. Nobody wears contacts. And it just really got nowhere. And I think you eventually are like, I got to go, dude.
But I remember we were just young kids at John Paul's house, and I'm just crying laughing because we have him on speakerphone. I'm just crying. I'm like, Kyle's my hero.
It was after that that I said, I will follow this man anywhere. Oh, bro. I love a good prank call, though. They're very good. Well, is it now they're not as popular because there's no phone book? You can't just call. Everybody has caller ID. What do you mean there's no phone book for calling? But you can call establishments. You can get on Yelp and be like, I'm going to call that donut place. Sure, but also it's kind of hard to get a hold of people. I tried to call...
my car dealership because I accidentally scraped the side of my car on my garage door. And so I'm like, I need to get this buffed out, you know? And I called, I couldn't get ahold of anyone. They, they, it said to go online and text someone via the website. I'm like, well,
Well, then you should prank text to these people. We're in the middle of a pandemic. I mean, I'm sure people aren't at work, so the thing is different right now. I do remember, Blake, a little bit like when we would go down the phone line or the phone book and call actual people. That was not as satisfying as calling establishments. I got in a lot of trouble from that.
do you remember no what happened we were like hammered bare bottoms i should have got one we were like hammered in like the driveway just drinking little coronitas or whatever those little coronas are or the michael grenades or whatever yeah we were mickey grenades and we were like just doing random ass phone numbers and i got this lady to pick up and it was late it was like one o'clock or whatever and she picks up and i was just kind of like
in jail the worst thing you can do I'm like mom I'm in jail I'm in jail and then like she's just kind of like what a young child in jail is the best yeah she's just like Jason Jason is that you and I'm like I have to go and then I hung up and of course she calls I like that you do a little girl's voice yeah
And then the mom is like, Jason, is that you? It was young. He was young. Blake was late to puberty. Whatever it was, I must have nailed it because she kept calling waiting for it. I must have nailed it because she kept calling back, back, back, back. I feel so bad until the next morning. I kind of had forgotten about it. And I was like, just about to get in the shower and the phone rings and I pick it up and it's her. And she's like, who is this? And I'm like, okay.
I'm like, oh shit, oh shit. I couldn't think fast enough. And I was like, I was like, Blaine? And she's like, Blaine what? And I'm like, Andy so? Yeah.
This is where Blaine Andyso comes from? Yeah. So she said, Blaine Andyso, I want you to know that I've alerted the authorities. They have your phone number. And I was like, oh, God, I can't believe the fucking name I came up with was Blaine Andyso. But I was so scared. And then they go, well, a Blake Anderson lives there. Do we think that has any correlation? Mm.
But somebody at the precinct had just watched Hackers. They're like, they can change these things now. They could be calling from anywhere. And then the cops are like, nah, let's go get some snacks. Dude, I was so terrified. I felt so bad. Looking back, that was really a mean thing to do. Because the son must not have been home. Right. Maybe he was in jail. You might have hit it right on the head, bro. Yeah, she's like...
You're on meth, aren't you? Her runaway. I wasn't like a huge prank caller, but I remember one time... That surprises me, if I may. Yeah, I know. Yeah, a little troublemaker. I don't know what it was. I would do voices and call on the radio and stuff like that, but it wasn't like prank calls. It was like a performance or whatever. But I remember specifically...
One time, me and my buddy Zach, we were in high school, and my sister was in middle school. And our middle school, you guys have been in my house, it's like right in my backyard. The middle school's right there. Like, you could throw a snowball and hit it. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yep, yep. And so we had some, like, rockets, and we, like, shot them off. And they're, like, at recess, and we shot them off, and they exploded over the kid's head. And we thought it was hilarious. We were stoned. And then we bailed and went back to school. And...
My sister calls me. We go back in the house and I just hear the phones ringing and ringing and ringing. And she's leaving a message on the voice recorder. And she goes, Adam, oh, my God. Oh, my God, Adam, I can't believe that was you, right? You got to get out of there. The police are going to come and hit some kid in the chest, in the face. And their face and their chest is all burnt.
Oh my God. Why are you admitting this? And I'm like, Oh shit. I'm like, Oh Zach, I think we mutilated a child. And then we bail. And, uh, I spend the rest of the day at school thinking that I mutilated a child. And then I come home and my dad was like, Adam, can I talk to you? And I'm like, what's that? And then he's like, uh,
I was handcuffed in our backyard this afternoon. And I go, wait, what? He came home and then like went to go pick up dog shit in the backyard. And two cops like flopped out of a bush and handcuffed him. Wait, this wasn't a Brittany and Dennis prank phone call to you? No, no, no. Oh, that's what I thought. I thought this was a fucking twist. And he goes, I was handcuffed. And I'm like,
Shit, I'm so sorry. I can't believe it happened. We didn't think anyone was going to get hit. And then Brittany and dad go, we got you, motherfucker. Okay. Well, they got the cops in on it, too? Pulled the rug out. Or no, he just made it up. There are no cops in there. No, there was cops. Wait, what? Cops came. They didn't handcuff them and arrest them. But cops came because we did shoot rockets off at their... So they called the police and were like...
Some kids are shooting rockets at these children, which in hindsight, you know, bad call. Bad, bad call. Not a good look. That's a good take back for later. Anyway, go ahead. True. I'm sorry, mama. There was a time that I called myself like... Rocket man? No jokes. I called myself the Rocket Man.
man and hundreds of dollars of rockets in my truck and a trunk of my car. And then, you know, behind the subwoofers, no big deal. And that's so country. I love when you talk about the Omaha on this.
And then just had so many rockets. And whenever I was at a party or gas station or parking lot or anywhere, I would just throw a rocket. Yo, Rocket Man. This is the way. Rocket Man, you got a rocket? Yeah, let me get into my trunk. Of course I got a rocket. Behind the subs. Yeah, meanwhile, no one called me Rocket Man. It was a thing that I definitely was trying to get going for myself. ♪
Yeah.
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Yeah. I liked that. That was cool. But they were harder to get. But you could buy, legally, giant rockets. So the best was you time them up. You wait for them to start to take off. And then you flick it up. And they go, fuck.
and then they'd take off. - Yeah, that's the best. Until they explode in your hand. - So fireworks are legal? They're legal in Nebraska? - They're legal in Missouri, and we would drive down. - Just drive over, yeah. - That's so cool. - Yeah, it's like a couple hours. We would smoke a joint and go down there and then buy a ton of fireworks.
And they didn't even know, your person didn't even know you were gone, man. I'm still going to send it. You remember when like fucking Jackass and CKY was super prevalent and like making its way around? I remember like my brother got a hold of a couple quarter sticks of dynamite and had like a fucking M80. And he was all about explosives and we were making little movies. So we were doing like squibs and shit. That's right.
accidentally lighting each other on fire like for the just to get the shot or whatever right and I remember like anything for the shot one one thing that he shot that scared the fucking shit out of me is he put a catcher's pad on his chest and then made a fucking steel like L shaped bracket thing right here strapped a M80 or M100 to his chest and lit that shit on fire right there on his chest and it went off
And the footage is somewhere and it's like absolutely gnarly. Bell bracket? And his heart stopped for like three minutes. It was crazy. Like this. I don't know. Like it went up the chest and then it went to protect his face. It went like this, you know? So he bent a piece of metal.
Oh, yeah. And then strapped the M80 right here and then lit it. So he was, I mean, you know, we're filmmakers. Really a big sheet of metal. We've always been relatively safe about this stuff, but it was still very freaky. I feel like when you start adding those precautions, then they start to become the thing that's going to kill you. Like, what? He had a bent piece of metal in front of his throat? Yes, exactly. And also, an M80 like that close to your chest could just, like, stop your heart. You know what I mean? There's always that story, like...
For sure. We played baseball. Kyle and I played baseball growing up. Get him. And there was always that story of like a kid takes a line drive to the chest and it stops his heart. Like every year there was like – I don't even know if it was real. It was just like a –
an urban legend almost that moms would tell you to like be careful when you're playing baseball but they're like be careful out there you know i heard and you're like that's the same story i heard last year but it happened a week ago sure mom i'm not buying your shit i'm surprised that how few times like baseball players get like line drives off their face well one happened last year to a dude on the a's and it was fucking brutal but at some point they're gonna add a net well i think
professional athletes, their reaction time is great. I mean, they're pros. It's when you're like in little league... Those pitchers who fucking drop the glove behind them and catch it is crazy. So sick. It's when you're in little league that it's...
that kids are just taking balls to the chest and face because they don't... I'm listening. They're not quick enough. What? Yo, I say! And if they're into it, they grow up and they take it to the balls and face off the diamond. Okay. Well, that was like...
Yes, points! Freaking easy. That was like our boy Teddy, friend of the show. We've mentioned him on the pod a few times. Speaking of balls to the chest. He said that there was a time when he was playing Little League and...
and he was up to bat, and he swung the bat, and he let it go a little too much. It came back around, and he ended up just clocking the catcher right in the dome and knocking the kid out. I think that was a pretty brutal... I think that ended very brutal. It knocked him out, and I think there was even...
Wasn't there like they were pissed at him? Allegedly. Yeah, I think he got busted. Because he was swinging the bat like a crazy person. Well, that happened to me at a family reunion. And it was my uncle did it. To you. That's why. To me. I wasn't the catcher.
I was standing in the batter's box. I was eating cake and he just came up. Hits the ball and then throws the bat behind him and it clocked me right in the face.
And it knocked out my two front teeth. Luckily, they were baby teeth. So I was like, you know, I guess I don't need these teeth anymore. How long were you without your teeth? A while. Damn. A long while. My son busted his shit out recently. They're not coming back until he's like seven. He's three years old. He's going to have no teeth. I think I was like seven or eight. So they were already on the way in. We had a young tooth knockout here, too. It took like two weeks.
Two and a half years to come for the big dog to drop. Yeah. Also, kids are way doper than adults. They're always doing crazy shit to knock teeth out of their face. Also, why don't we lose teeth one more time in our life?
We should lose them around age 30. That would be nice if we had our grandpa teeth coming in. I'd love another set. A new pair? Admittedly. I feel like humans should lose their teeth one more time. Who has the best teeth out of the four of us? Well, mine are fake, so. We all have flaws. Oh, Ders has some fakies. I have a terrible underbite.
You did great with your fake teeth, though. He had a pretty mangled mouth when he was a kid, but then he has veneers, but they don't look fake. They're not like Joe Biden or the politician face. What do you got? I got the before and after. You do? With the chiclets. Oh, here we go. He's got the sculptures.
Here we go. You have everything at your disposal right there. Oh, look at those chompers, dude. Oh my gosh, this is scary. Yeah, your shit was wrecked. No! He dropped them. I'm pissed now. No, sir, I don't like it. Look at
that. Dude, your shit was jacked. No, I mean, it's normal, normal, normal, not so normal here. I just had like a gap there, gap there. I got a little squirrely key over here. Yeah, you do. You got a gap. Do you shoot water out of the side of your mouth? That was always my move. I'd be like in swim practice, I'd be facing one way and shoot the water the other and just pretend like I didn't do anything. Oh, yeah. I love doing that. It's changed over the last 10 years because I, you know, as an actor, you just...
You see your face more often than I think I would if I wasn't an actor, right? Like you see an old project you've done. And there's pictures of – there's a lot of photos of you over the last decade. Adam is just Sunset Boulevarding it at night. I don't even know that reference. What does that mean?
No, you're just watching your own movies. Oh, sure. But I used to have a bigger gap in between my main two front teeth. And then this over here was smaller. My teeth are morphing. So it's shifting. Yeah, they're shifting right now. Yeah, you might need to get adult, not braces, but like Invisalign kind of thing. I'd get Invisalign with you guys. Did we all have braces? All of us? I did. I had braces. I wish. Yeah. I wore rubber bands, bro.
Oh, I had it all. I had the bridge. Yeah. My parents also were just like, nah, you're good. You don't need the braces. It's hella expensive. Yeah. Yeah. They were like, they're fine. And my brothers have like perfect teeth and so do my parents. And they just were like, we're not doing it. And I...
I was like, all right, thanks. Perfect. Yeah, yeah, because they're all good. I remember after I got my braces off, the fucking orthodontist is like, dude, you got to wear a retainer now. I'm like, what the fuck? I didn't wear that shit at all. And then everything kind of was like, it was like,
My mom was so pissed. That's what happened to my bottom. My bottom. I got the Will Ferrell bottom grill right now. Right. Because it's like I didn't throw the retainer on and they all just fucking collapsed. And now I get tartar buildup in between. Your gums are dying. And my gums. I've had to get reconstructive surgery on my gums, boys. Oh, yeah. I had gum grafting all over my fucking mouth.
When did you get this? What's that process? When? Yeah. Yeah, when? That process, they take, they scoop. Okay, I mean, they cut a sample. Why didn't you call us? Yeah. Why didn't you tell us all about this, dude? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Well, it's a little like- Well, if you go under the knife, I would like to know, Kyle. I'm worried about you. I love you. Don't worry. I was awake. I was there. It was just a local anesthetic. You said under the knife. Well, all I'm saying is when you cut your nut sack open- Yeah, I was there. Yeah.
You FaceTimed us and you were sending videos and text messages. And it was like we were along for the ride. So this was pre that. So apologies. But that's all right. Can we see your gum? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're all there. They're gorgeous. Thank you. They're good. They're nice. A nice pink, healthy color now. But before they were having some trouble. So what they do is they take off the roof of your mouth. They cut pieces of gum. Oh, my God. Yummy.
Because that grows back hella quick right there. Yay! Right? And then they fucking, he fucking stitches it on right in here and then it grows together. Right.
And so that's what it is. Holy shit. That's what happened to me. Science rules, dude. Yeah, I had to do it like fucking five or six times, bro. Really? It keeps getting bad? No, it was just all over the mouth. Huh. Oh my God. Yeah, fucked up. And is that because you don't brush your teeth or something? Or it's just like degenerative? Smoke.
You only have to brush them in the morning. Durs, you're absolutely out of control. No, it's because I really am susceptible to plaque buildup because of all the pockets from my crooked teeth because I didn't wear my retainer. It really does come back to that. And it's like I got deep pockets up in the corners of my teeth, you know? And they say, that's why I got to floss. Is this a take back? Do you want to take it back? I'll take back all the nights I didn't floss. I remember thinking, like, I wanted braces so badly. I wanted...
Fuck yeah. I wanted braces so badly as a kid. And I remember thinking like specifically girls with braces, like if they were rocking like a blue and a white and it just sort of popped, I was like, damn. Right. Was that your school colors kind of thing? Ooh.
No, it's just like two of my favorite colors. I'm like, I think they look good together. Do I make you horny? I remember kids would do school colors or like the, they would do like the bowls, like black, black and red. Oh yeah. Yeah. That was so dope. I did yellow and it just didn't work out. Yeah. Everybody thought I had hell of popcorn in my teeth. You got a hell of corn in your mouth. I remember that though.
Blake with his little... Did they call you fetus in Afrofetus? I was very underdeveloped. When I got the veneers, the guy goes, all right, so here's the deal. I can give you veneers and you'll have new teeth in two weeks or you can do braces and you'll be set in like 18 months. And I just moved to LA and was like,
young man and I was like do I want to be meeting the people I meet for the rest of my life with just like fucking a metal mouth just a set of braces and looking back now I should have had it because then I would have been like booking high school like shows and stuff like this dude's got braces he looks insane
But now, like, braces are totally different from when we were in high school. Now, like, Lil Uzi Vert will just get them just to, like, have braces. That's what I was just thinking about with the addition and the memory. Why does that make it different from high school? I think he's just a rich person. No, like, they get braces to have braces. Yeah. Not as, like, an oral to fix your teeth. Right. He's a...
Extravagant? What's the word I'm looking for? It's a fashion. That's a fashion choice, right? At that point. And I was like, oh, yeah. But why does it make braces different? One guy wears braces as like a thing. Yeah. So why are braces different? I'm with you, Ders. Are braces different? I mean, they had to have like calm. Invisalign is the new school.
and I remember them behind the teeth for a little bit but I haven't seen that for a while I think they're much more comfortable like I don't know I remember like I'm not in I don't think we had a kid in class that had like headgear remember fucking like seeing like movies with like headgear oh yeah yeah but you sleep in that people would wear some headgear to school every once in a while take that hat off really yeah people would rock some headgear you take that hat off right now
Yeah, Blake doesn't remember. We've already established that he has no recollection of middle school. I knew the roller bag kid and you guys fucking tried to out me and that dude was real. Roller bag Robbie is real, bitch. It's true. It's true. He's right. Dude, first of all, they didn't even come out when we were in middle school. That's not even the roller bags weren't a thing. I want found footage. Don't stop.
Oh, we're not on the roller bags again. I'm interested. I'm more interested in this fashion choice of putting braces on your teeth. Like I'm actually very, well, I hear me out. If there's a line or a brace or real brace company, uh,
wants to hook us up wants to hook us up can we all get braces for the podcast that would be cool dude i would i would get braces again yeah i'd fix my bottom girl here's what i do know they're doing braces twice now what does that mean they're doing them hella young where like to like set your teeth straight and then they'll do them like in elementary school and then they'll do it again later in high school for like a little bit that's what i've heard weird wild stuff well
Hey, man, these dentists know what they're doing, baby. They know what they're doing. They're actually orthodontists, Blake. They're orthodontists. Oh, sorry. You doofus. Early take back from me. Yeah. I feel like every time I have a, I go to a dentist in Burbank and I like the guy. He's great. But every time I go in, he never does everything I want him to do. He's always like, you have to come back again in three days. And then I come back in three days and he's like, you actually have to come back again in a week.
For what? What's crazy is it takes you six months to get that one appointment. Whenever you book an appointment, they're like, we can see you in three months. And then they're like, hey, can you come back in two days? What are they doing? Are they giving you a crown? No, no, no. It's just like a teeth cleaning. And then I wear a night guard at night because I'm a grinder. And so they got to fit you for the thing. And they could never do it in one time. They have to spread it out over three times. And I think it's just a...
I think it's just him trying to get that cash. Or your teeth are fucking decaying. I did a night guard for a while and I just took it off. I stopped. I was like, I'm done putting this thing in my mouth. It's gross. Because you're a grinder. Grinding. I was. Yeah.
Yeah, if I don't wear mine, my mouth the next day is like, it hurts. You can like taste little pieces of your tooth? Yeah. Yes, sir. Yeah, I think like in the middle of the night, I'm like. I think you grind hard. Your body's fighting the fucking sleep doze you're on? Probably. Exactly. Like your body's still ready to go and wired the fuck up. It's like, well, you just took a pre-workout at 9.30 p.m. It's the pre-workout in Adderall I take before.
bed. Okay, you guys have any apologies, take backs, or giveaways? I'm sorry I judged you about your sleeping thing. I'm just trying to save your life. It's okay. I appreciate it. I guess I'll start off. I'll take, I mean, I don't want to take it back fully, but I do feel kind of bad for saying cunt hair over and over and over again. No.
That's okay. Here on this podcast? No, no. Just to that poor, like the person trying to run the business. It just was. Oh, sure. Prank calls are rough. Like they're funny as fuck, but they also, there is a distinct butt of the joke. There's some, yes. There is a victim. The dirty secret is they can hang up at any moment and they never do.
That's true. Well, because you know what? It brings like some joy to their lives as well. Yeah, sure. Because these people are sad and bored. Yeah. Well, they're just like working at this store. They're, you know, they're probably pretty fucking bored. You're like, yeah, sure. I'm going to pretend...
He isn't saying cunt hair right now. I'm going to pretend like he's saying something else. Do you guys ever see that video where I guess some dude broke up with a woman and he put up a post around town where it was like, I just dumped this liquor or she dumped me or something. Call her number and do your best Wookiee impression. And it was on the news and she was like, so it's been nonstop for two weeks and she's playing voicemails and it's just guys calling going...
That's a nice little ribbing. That's a nice. That's a nice. Don't be that guy.
I can't take it back, but I wish I could take back that prank call I did to that nice lady. I'm sorry I worried you. This is an official apology from Blaine Andy. So please, I hope you didn't lose too much sleep over that. But also, I'd like to give flowers to Brittany and Dennis Devine, who really got me good with a... Don't give flowers. With an actual call and then a real...
real life prank when they did it around the dinner table because I thought I mutilated a poor middle school kid. I was handcuffed in the backyard. That is a teachable moment. Well done. Did she lord that over you for a little while? I hope she did. Younger sister pulling one over on older brother prankster. Yeah, she still will bring that one up. She loves that one. She's just like...
Super mad at a party. That shit's important. Whatever, fuck you. I pulled one over on you. I got you, bitch. I got you, pussy. All right, Brit. Oh, man. All right, guys. That's another episode of... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is... This is...
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