It’s A Best Of Eps (26 to 30) But We’re Back Next Week!
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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Let's go! Let's go!

Can I say I do hate that I see all the time. Everyone does it now. And I think it started with LeBron. And I think I might have shit on this in the podcast before. But when people go, let's go. It is crazy. It bugs me. It honestly. And I don't get that bugged by a lot of things. But I'm like, you're very unbugged. I'm unbugged. You can't bug this. You can't bug this guy. I'm bugged by that. I am bugged by that.

Let's go! It's the response to everything now. Everything. The intensity of it, I think, would get very annoying. And it is annoying. But I did work on set with some guys who very subtly were like, let's go. And I did dig it. Well, if you're literally going somewhere. Yeah, they were on their way to go somewhere. Yeah, if you're like, hey, guys, let's go. Let's go. We're ready to go. Guys, the van's running. Yeah, let's go. When it's like you sink a cornhole shot. Right. And you go, let's go!

Or the kids opening up their Christmas presents on Instagram. They were like getting a PS5. They're like, got the PS5. Let's go. About a Christmas gift? Let's go. Oh.

My parents are rich. Your poor ass parents can't go anywhere. We get it. So go. This is a thing I've always wanted to kind of like step out, but then I just forget because it's not that important. But this is important. It is important. It is. It is. This is important. I feel like Birdwatcher is also, it's kind of a underground swinger organization. That checks out. Yeah. They're like, what's up with your cockatoo, bro? Oh. Oh.

I guess it's not that easy to decipher. Not that underground. Let me suck your bluebird. I will suck your wife. Hey, can I lick your asshole, Kato? I will fuck your wife while you suck my cockatoos.

It all just ends in katoo. What's up with your cockatoo, bro? Can I lick your dick hole, katoo? Shove your seagull up my ass. Katoo. All right.

So Chloe's been gone for a few days. She's, you know, visiting her family and I'm left to my own devices. Nice. We know what that means. We know what that means. Your iPad and your iPhone, all the devices. Dude, I almost died the other night. What happened? What happened this time? Oh, God. Let's unpack this. I don't know when I turned it on. It must have been like the day that she left.

the stove. Oh boy. And I had it on for like legit almost three days, like two and a half days. Like the burner or like the oven? The gas. Like it was all the way to the simmer. So you couldn't even see the flame. Yep. Oh. So it was just on and I have, it's cold. So I have all the windows shut and my heater's being weird. So I'm just kind of running my fireplace. So I'm running the fireplace, have the gas going. Oh fuck. And then I turned the fireplace off because I'm smelling like

Rotten eggs. Good job. Who farted? Because of diarrhea. It was like several days of me going like, something stinks. I'm like taking showers going like, do I stink like shit? Am I like just putrid smelling? Did I fart? Did I seep? Yeah. Am I seeping? Am I seeping? Old man seep. And I'm like looking through like I check underneath the cushions on the couch and everything thinking like,

Did I? Because also, I've been a kind of a mess this weekend. I also puked this weekend and my eye exploded. Yeah, you look insane. I look insane. This is what happens when the chick leaves. Why did you puke? I drank too much. Did I do that? Solo? No, I had some people over. There's a boat parade down here. I had some people over. We all sat outside. We drank. Everybody left. And then my one buddy, Jeff, was like...

Yeah, I'll sit around and drink with you for, you guys know him as Tater Salad. He's a big fan of the podcast. So he'll hear this. What up, Tater Salad? Shout out. So Tater Salad was kicking it, and he was like, yo, I'll drink with you for a few hours. I'm like, okay. Oh, yeah, you will. And so then I just ended up pounding like eight Ashlands, just like whoosh.

And we know that three gets you drunk. Yeah. Three lights my ass up. Damn. So can you shotgun fucking Ashwin's? You can shotgun anything if you put your mind to it. Fuck yeah, bro. That's true. Yeah. That's the only way Kyle's going to come back to drinking. Fuck yeah, bro. That shit is tight. Anyways, you were saying.

Give me the hell yeah. And I was like, you know, I was too, it wasn't that I puked. It was, I was too full to go to sleep. You know that feeling when you're like, when you're drunk and you're just like, I'm going to explode. I have too much liquid within me. And so I made myself puke. It's the cause of diarrhea. And then the next day I wake up. Oh, for sure.

And my eye is insane looking. Like it popped a blood vessel just because I was yakking so hard. Oh, you think that's what it was? Yeah, I do. Because it was the next day that it was like this. I've been playing that it's my fitness, but I know it's, I just didn't want to tell the internet that it was, you know, just, I'm just puking by myself. Dude, tell the internet. You were gagging so hard that it popped a blood vessel in your eye. I love that shit. The tongue is like all the way out. All the way out.

So then the next day I wake up and my whole house reeks of...

of like rotten eggs in my puke somewhere. And so for like a full day and a half, I'm going like, I must have puked. I'm like some puke got somewhere that I don't know, or it got on my clothes and I brought it somewhere. So I'm checking every inch of my house until I realized like, I go to like microwave something and I'm like, I'm close to the stove and it's like hot to the touch. And I'm like, why is it so hot? And then I realized I've had the gas on for like two and a half days. You should have died. Dude. Just leaking out. And I'm like,

And I'm smoking weed inside the Chloe's gone. Yeah. In the house. My boy. I'm like, I'm having a good time. I'm the light in the fireplace.

I'm lighting the fireplace. I'm still going to send it. I'm like personifying the gas for every time you're like lighting a joint and like it gets near you and then you put it out real quick because you got to go and it's like, oh, we could have just exploded the house. You know what? I think what saves me is I always smoke even when Chloe's gone. What saves you is Chloe. Chloe is your angel, brother.

Remember, I don't know who was there. Two of you guys were there. Maybe Kyle wasn't. But we got pretty drunk one night in Los Feliz. And went to a bar and put on like an hour's worth of Drake? Or was it R. Kelly? No, it was Drake. On like those new school like touchpad... Yeah.

And we got twisted and we invited somebody to the Six Flags. It was the bartender. It was the lady bartender. And then she went and we didn't go, right? What? Wait, I don't remember this part. I think she's like, I'm at the Batman ride. Yes. I was like, uh, I'm still sleeping. We were super hammered telling her like, yo, like she just moved to town.

Oh, God, we're so bad. That's horrible. We were drunk. We were making promises. I don't remember this at all. So this is this is specifically on you guys. I remember the Drake commandeering of the jukebox, but I do not remember the six. Not a bad commandeering. I mean, yeah, this was like Drake's first album.

First or second? You can think which one had... You can think me now. Oh, yeah, it was So Far Gone for sure. Was that the one where they had all the big breasted women that were in the low-cut tops and they were playing basketball? Oh, my God. What track was that? Was that You the Fucking Best? Yes. She's the fucking best. Yeah, she's the fucking best. I remember someone showed me that video and I'm like,

This guy's a star. Yeah. Look at all these big breasts. I was like, look at all these giant breasted women. This guy's a star. He's a star. He's got something about him. He knows what people like.

Honestly, Mexico is kind of my retirement plan. I'm trying to be a Mexican, brother. I told Chloe on more than one occasion how much I think Blake would love Mexico. Oh, yeah. Specifically, Punta Mita. Yeah. Because it felt...

It didn't feel... Cabo just felt like Southern California. Right, right. I was like, oh, this is like Newport Beach South. It's a vibe, which I'm down for. Let's go. Nueve Porto. Sure, which is very nice, but Punta Mita felt like I'm like, oh, this is Mexico. This is cool. I'm

I'm so jealous. Yeah, it's the best. It's not nigh. It's nigh-a-reet is where it is. Sallulita nigh-a-reet. That's where I think it is. All those words that you just said sound real to me, and I 100% believe you, Kyle. It's the best. Oh, and they roll off your tongue, and you are speaking my language, baby. Let's get there. Yeah, get your bum down there, man. It's so sick. As long as they understand margarita. I might not come back, brother. I'm just saying.

So right now it's let's go. Right. Right. True. Before that, it was that's what I'm talking about. And that is what I'm talking about. Was it? Yeah. Before that, at some point, it was like Booyah. Yeah, Booyah-ka-shaw. Sure, yeah. Booyah had a day. What is the history of that exclamation sports thing in chronological order starting today?

It goes, uh... Are you starting newer or older? Are we talking Blake's favorite decade, the 90s? Do you think it started there? Do you think it started... Where are we starting? 80s. I don't know where it started. I'm saying let's start with Let's Go and work our way backwards. Okay. Let's go! Let's go! It starts there. Let's go! Let's go!

Was that what I'm talking about right before that? I think so. I think that's what I'm talking about. Because people used to just say that. They could have not said anything, but they would go, that's what I'm talking about. And that's a long one too. Yeah, that is. And also, they might not have been talking about anything. No, you were just doing it. That person wasn't talking shit. They were silent for 30 minutes.

Then a thing happens. Then that's what they're talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. You're like, hey, Jeff, you didn't say shit, dude. You weren't talking about anything. Literally, you were silent. You're playing chess. You're playing chess and you haven't said a word in minutes. But wait, sorry. I think before Let's Go, it was just, oh, whoa.

Like it was the Ric Flair woo. Like people were doing that instead of speaking for a while. That's true. I mean, does a high five count in this? I feel like maybe the high five was the big bang. No, no, no. It has to be an oral exclamation. Verbal? The high five could be where it started. That was the big bang. Like that could be back in like the 50s. No, it's for sure just like some old timey like a snickerdoodle.

You know, like 20s slang. That's for sure. Yeehaw. Well, hang on. It's yeehaw. Okay. It is yeehaw. Yeehaw. Horse riding. It is yeehaw. But I'm going around like sports. Like popularized sports phrases that are said once by a pro and then 12-year-olds across America go...

I'm going to say that for 18 months. I can only think about Tropic Thunder when he was like, get you some. Oh, get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some? Get some

Nice. Hey, Blake. Hey. Fucking kudos. There you go, buddy. It looks like you didn't fall asleep at the wheel this week. Thank you for that one. No, I love it.

Can you imagine the autopsy? Give it 20 years. If you fell asleep, vomited, choked on your vomit and died, and then your house exploded? Whoa. They'd be like, he obviously died from the explosion. And then somebody's going to be like, actually, he was super drunk off of three ash loaves. So...

Bro, I ate Chipotle two days ago, man, and it was delicious. I love Chipotle, dude. I love Chipotle. Chipotle. You know what I did? I mean, if Chipotle's listening, hook a brother up again. You know what they did a few years ago that I completely... I've lost it. I don't know what happened to it. They gave me a fucking card that said...

Like free Chipotle for life. As much Chipotle as I can handle. For life or for a year? It's not diarrhea. No, I got one that said that it was forever. Wow. A forever card. And, uh, it's the best. I love Chipotle. Yes. It's not diarrhea. Why do you keep doing that? I could get Chipotle every day. And then once a year I could get a hundred, a party for a hundred people, Chipotle. And I used it all the time. And then now the cause of diarrhea.

It's not diarrhea. It's not tripping. Chipotle fucking rocks. Chipotle just has the button. He has too much control. He's got too much power. He's drunk on his power. But he did it three times, and I love Chipotle. He's drunk on his power. He's drunk on his power. Do you mind if I talk to you about diarrhea? Oh, man. Do you have a whole fucking ten devoted to diarrhea? I lost it. Like, why he quit drinking is because the hangovers were so bad. We wanted to take, like, a...

an ice pick to his skull or whatever he said. Yeah, man. He's the best. I wanted to drill that shit. I've never experienced that. Normally, I can shake off a hangover within a couple hours. Yeah, you're a trooper. It was like a day and a half. Oh, bro's catching up. Yeah. Catching up. That's my guy. Yeah, the age is starting. Give me a hell yeah. Hell yeah. And you're one of my best drinking friends, to be honest. You are great at it. Thank you. Put some back. Thank you. Yeah, I do pride myself on how much I can...

how much alcohol I could throw in my system. So what, what happened on that hangover day? Did you have shit that you had to do or was it just a wash? Uh, no, I went and did all kinds of shit. We went and we looked at, uh, at another property and like toured the thing. And then, and then, you know, I just, uh, regrouped, regathered and hit it again. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, nothing like don't do what we did last night. Wait a second. Yeah.

Well, it was the only, I was like, well, I don't know. I did a workout the next day to try to shake it off. There we go. I puked in a bush. Yes. I did a body weight workout on the beach and was just like, bleh. So sick. Yeah, he is so sick when he pukes. He's very sick. No, that's rad. It's poisoned. Yeah, he's in fact poisoned. And then I was like, you know what? I need to, maybe if I have another drink, it'll make me feel good. Yep. And Chloe's like,

That's an insane thing to say. And then, of course, I had one drink. Felt great. Had three more. Felt really great. Mm-hmm. Yeah. My boy. It works like that. For the youth of America, if you feel bad, just keep drinking. Allegedly. Yay!

If you look it up online, nowhere in the world does it say Sherbert. There is no second R. There's no Bert. So is it like wherever the word is from, is it pronounced like Sher-bay, like sorbet? Like sorbet. Or is it like a mutation of sorbet? Very possible, but why does every single person on earth say Sherbert? Do you think this is like a Mandela effect kind of thing? Ooh. What's that? What is that? We're in an ultimate, ultimate, uh... Ultimate universe. Ultimate universe.

An alternate universe? Oh, dude. An alternate reality? I know what you're talking about. I watched that episode of John Wilson or whatever where people were like, don't you remember it said Stouffer's Stove Top? And it's like, no, you fucking idiot. It never said it.

No, but it's true. There is shit like that. Do you know what the Mandela effect is, Kyle? No, I actually don't. I'm learning. Oh, God. Well, let's teach you something. Let's go! Let's learn! Kyle's going to get into this shit. They believe the Mandela effect, there's like this, I guess it started with a whole bunch of people

thought that Nelson Mandela died, was like killed. All right. In prison, right? And like this whole tons of people said that they remember like the news talking about it and they fully have vivid memories of this happening when he didn't and he went on to be the president of South Africa and

But they believe it – these people believe it a certain way. And they think that like there's a – in the space-time continuum that something split off and the only thing that these people remember about their timeline is this thing happening that didn't happen in the new timeline.

that they're on. It's the dumbest fucking thing in the world because what they're doing is they're going, no, when I was five years old and I had this memory, I had it exactly. No, it's Fruit Loops spelled like fruit. And you're like, no, it's two O's. Alrighty then. And people are like, no, I swear it was Fruit Loop.

We're in a different time. It's so weird. It's just like why people double down because of their pride. It's missed memories that a bunch of people have together. And there are conventions where they go together. They're like,

yeah, the movie quote was this, but all of a sudden I watched the movie and it's different. But we all said, yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. It's like, if you build it, they will come. But it's not necessarily, that's not how it was said in the movie. It's like, if you build it, Ray. It's like, Luke, I am your father. Yeah, he never says that.

Right. He never says that. It's like these things that have been distilled down to a nice line that works out of context. And it's like that's the line because the world says it that way. But when you go back to the movie within context, the line is different. There we go. And you got it. And that's Mandela effect. That's it. And so these people have found each other. They think they're like onto something. Yeah.

And it really is a collection of people with hope. You know, that's the nicest way I can put this. What are they hoping for? Yeah, almost too nice. They're hoping that, like, there's another plane of existence? They're hoping that they're not idiots. They're hoping that they're not wrong because there has to be some bigger explanation other than they're wrong.

Right. Well, it's also I think a lot of people want to believe like when like when Elon Musk started to say like talk about like timelines and talk about how like we're in a simulation and shit. I think people just really want to believe that shit. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Because they can't believe how shitty their lives are. Do you think Neo ever sits down and goes, man, I'm

this has got to be some fucked up reality. This can't be it. No, he's Neo and he's out there like, are you referencing the matrix? Let's go. No, I don't think he's, are you, I'm referencing the R and B singer. Oh yeah. That's who I thought you were. Oh,

And also, has he even sang a song in eight years? Neo? Would you after the Year of the Gentleman? You don't have to do anything. Thank you. Okay. Hey, let's go. He's Mr. Independent now. You're referencing a character from The Matrix. Like, homie, that's weird. That's cross-referencing. I apologize. Yeah, because The Matrix is kind of about it. Right, right. Okay, Tyrese. You're stepping on toes, man. Tyrese is killing a... To be fair...

Isn't Tyrese's nickname Black Matrix? Is it? Is it? No, I made that up. Oh, all right. You could believe that, though. Yeah, we could.

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The car service that took us from the hotel to the resort was like, do you guys want to go to the pharmacy? And I'm not a pill guy, so I don't even know that that's a thing. So I was like, and Chloe needed toothpaste. She forgot toothpaste. So I'm like, I guess, yeah, if it's on the way, we'll stop. And so he's like, I got you. And he took us there. No toothpaste. And it's just like a wall of drugs. And then they hand me a...

And I was like, oh, do I get into drugs on this trip? Hell yeah.

What'd they have to offer you? They had everything, dude. They had Xanax, which I've never really fucked with, but I know people love. They have pain pills that I don't fuck with, but I know people do. And then they had steroids, which I was real close. How do they label them? Are there sections? Yeah, there was painkillers. Like a picture of a buff dude, so you're like, oh, this is the steroids over here? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's not bury the headline. What was up with them dick pills?

Yeah, they had dick pills. They for sure had dick pills. Yeah, they got that. All right. Chloe, go get in the car. Let me get some of those dick pills. Yeah, it's just like, oh, you know what would be hilarious if we got like a thousand dick pills and gave it to people as jokes? That'd be hilarious. Prank wars. And then I give you guys each like two dick pills like as a joke. Hey, what happened to the other 990 dick pills, Adam? I don't know.

please touch it. It's going to explode. That'd be a cool wedding though. Everybody's just got boners all the time. Dude, bone tent. I'd be down for that. You know that the leader of a youth group is for sure screaming let's go when talking about like,

Let's go. You know, about scripture or about climbing a rock wall. All right, everybody. Are y'all ready to recite the Lord's Prayer? Let's go. Let's go. He knows every hair on your head, brother. Let's go. Let's go. Jesus gets my pecker hard. On the third day, he rose again. Much like my pecker. Let's go. Let's go.

Do you guys remember when we were, when Workaholics had just premiered and it wasn't actually out yet. We just premiered it at the Trump roast. Yeah.

No, at the... That was it. That was it. That was the first time on TV. It was before we were in Miami and it was for like the South Beach Comedy Festival. Right. And we showed it to like a room of 400 college kids. And it was awesome. And they loved it. It did well. Yeah, it did really well. And we were like, holy shit, I think people are actually going to like the show. And we partied like we had just won the NBA finals. We like went out that night. We're like, yeah. And it was like,

3 a.m. or 4 a.m. and we're in South Beach somewhere and it's our first time there and we're just like partying our fucking faces up. And I remember we were at some like karaoke place, but in a nice hotel bar. And I can't remember exactly where we were, but some girl comes up to me and she's like a babe, dude. And she's just like chopping me up and I'm like, I must just be throwing out like

mad confident aura because the show just premiered and it did so great. And I'm like, I must be like throwing it out right now. And she's like, do you want to come back to my room? It's a, I have a hotel room right next door. And I'm like, uh, yeah, I do. But then I was thinking, I was like,

oh, I'm so fucked up right now. Like I'm like, I'm like really drunk. Yeah. I'm not going to be able to have sex with this girl. And so I'm like, you know what? I got to go splash some water in my face to gear up for this situation. So I'm like, hang on a second, babe. Actually, I'm sure it's like, but I go into the, uh, the bathroom. I got to go puke all this poison out of myself. Exactly. Kyle. And so I splashed some water in my face. I was like, all right, you can do this.

And I go back out and then I see her chopping up some other just like dumpy dude, just chopping him up and he's like, yeah. And he like touches her lower back and like walks away with her. And then I see she has a scorpion tattoo on her thigh. And I'm like...

Like, oh, I think she was a prostitute. And I just am too drunk and too naive to notice that. Remember the part two of that? What's the part two? Wait a minute. Is that there was this one, just the star of the show that night. That's right. He was probably five foot four, a hundred pounds. And he was probably like 18 in a day or 20. Young dude.

And he was just full on sexuality dancing in the middle of this entire karaoke bar. I remember this. And he was looking everybody directly in the eyes. Miami's different. He also got arrested for being a prostitute. Really?

We're like, who's this guy? He's killing it. Did he really? Yeah, yeah. Cat house. Did we stay on stage and like play fucking bongos and shit that night? Yes. And like hella late? Like we were jammed. I did Tina Turner's We Don't Need Another Hero. I want to say Isaac did like some...

Some 80s punk. Isaac's our manager. Our manager, yeah. I just remember like commandeering the drums. I'm glad that we have Ders here to remember all the details late at night. Oh, for sure. It got fuzzy for me. I can't remember nothing. It gets a little blurry for me. Miami's the best. It's so underrated. Miami's psycho. And then we went back to the hotel and...

And we're like all going in our rooms, but we're like right next to each other. And there's balconies outside and it's overlooking the ocean, but it's like a horseshoe shaped hotel. And we were on the middle part of the horseshoe. And all of a sudden Durst goes, holy shit, dudes.

He's like yelling out of the balcony. And he's like, he's like, he's like, I think you guys want to come out here. And we all come out on our individual balconies and look out. And there's just some guy with all the lights on his hotel room, just having a full blown threesome, just, just going for it as the sun was coming up. And it was like, the sun was coming up and we were like, Hey guys, I got,

I guess this is our lives now. Yeah, I guess we've been watching people fuck. We're kind of part of orgies now. Yeah. Watching people fuck from a football field away. Hey, guys. This is our lives now. It was crazy. Yeah, that was like...

It was like 4.30 to 5 in the morning. We watched that happen as the sun went up. Yeah. And just memories. That was cool because that was like the first time we all had our own hotel rooms. Before that, we were like sharing. Yeah, we were like a traveling circus, just jam-packed.

Yeah, I would sleep in the closet. I don't know who got the beds and how. Probably Durs and Adam got the beds. Probably. Oh, well, do we want to tell that story? What's that story? We're telling... It's story time. Story time. Is this like Comic-Con? Story time. No, no, this is before everything when we were doing a National Lampoon... Oh, I know where you're going with this. ...tour, and we were all in a hotel room together and came back from...

the club. Oh, I was not there. I was not there. I have the recording. Kyle has a recording. Just if you're imagining I'm at our house. Yes. Kyle's back in LA drawing on missing us recording albums that you've heard. Yeah. Yeah. He's recording lonely albums about aliens and shit. That's exactly what was going on. Yeah. We're on tour in, is this Chicago?

this happened? Yeah, I think so. Right? And we get some deep dish pizza because I was like, we got to get it. We go out for drinking. Wait, where were we performing though? Waukegan? Where were we? No, that was- No, we were the Zanies. We were performing at the Zanies in Vernon Hills. Vernon Hills. Shout out Vernon Hills. And we swapped out a city name in our sketch for Waukegan and played pretty good if I remember. Got it. Got to laugh every time.

I think I had two 30. Is that right? For a gummy 30? That's big. 30? Or maybe I had two 15ers. Well, I mean, that's a, that's a lot too. Yeah. That's a big dose. I was toast. Yeah. Well, I mean, and that's fun for if you were like, I'm getting fucked up on edibles, which sometimes that's fun to do. But other times you're just like, I

Like I'm at the point that I'm, I like to be high, but I, I want to have the option that in 30 minutes, I don't have, I won't be on the moon. You can go for an all out sprint. I can go out, I can go and smoke a little more, or I can have another little edible and just keep that buzz going instead of just, you know, peeking.

That's why I don't beer bong that often anymore. Yeah, we got to get back into that, by the way. Oh, I did. I beer bonged on my birthday and I shotgunned on my birthday. And I felt like my body was going to explode. I like chugged like nine beers. I'm too old. I'm 37 years old and I'm just like pounding beers. And I felt like my body was going to pop by the end of the night. And I'm like, I understand why I haven't done this in a while. That being said...

Hero shit. That being said, I'm still going to send it. There it is. Thank you. I remember when we went to New Orleans, that was the first time I fucked around with edibles like in a major way because I had just quit drinking. And like, so I needed something to do because I was so fucking fidgety in New Orleans. And I had these 200 milligram bars, like these little tiny dogs. Yeah.

Yeah, they were called like Chiba Chews. I feel like they were early Chiba Chews. And that was still when before micro dosing was the game. It was like, how much can you fit into a small amount? And so they had put like 150 or 200 milligrams into this little tiny Tootsie Roll sized Chiba Chew. And I fucking took the thing to the dome and watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

perfect you're like oh my god his life is secret that fucking movie rocks dude like it was so fucking good ben stiller's high art man it was amazing he's just shredding down uh like on that skateboard i remember like the cool cgi of him just like ripping on the skateboard and the whole time i'm like why couldn't they get adam scott's fucking beard right like every

else is gorgeous but Adam Scott's beard looks like dog shit looks like a groundling that was just his beard dude he demand how about Sean Penn at the end of the movie just like good he was so I'm like this dude is fucking good that's right the whole movie's about finding like a white bobcat or right and he's like you just you don't even take the picture sometimes

I was like, whoa, that's penmanship. Whoa, this got dumb. I was so scared though. So then the movie, then the movie ended and I was like fucking crying. Thought I had to call an ambulance because I was so stoned. I was looking at my fucking eyes. You didn't run it back? Just run it back.

i should have it cost like it was like a 25 hotel movie i wasn't gonna run that back but yeah it was scary 200 that was a lot of mgs

In another life, I feel like I would have been a cokehead. Oh, yeah. Like, I just, you know, I just don't like the feeling. If you were more in your prime in the 80s, you would be coke to the wall. Yeah, I'd be coke to the max for sure. Well, cocaine also fucking rules. It's so dope. Yeah, it's really dope. I don't know. Never done it. Yeah, I love that shit. Yeah. You've never done cocaine? Me?

Yeah. No. Wow. I'm so glad you haven't. Can you imagine? My whole thing is like, I'm just not a hard drug guy, but I'm like, can you imagine me on cocaine? Yes. Have you seen American Psycho? You'd be Patrick Bateman. You would be up for a week straight. You would just see a bag of cocaine and all of a sudden just start sprinting somewhere. Oh, man.

You got to try it, dude. No, I don't think Durst needs to. I'm not really interested in. I wonder what drug I would want to do. I don't know. You should do some microdosing of shrooms. I think that might do you. Yeah, the silly siben, bro. Oh, you've never done mushrooms either, huh, Durst? No, no. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, mushrooms are my favorite drug. I will say I haven't done like all the drugs, but I've done a fair amount of drugs. A handful. And mushrooms are for sure my favorite.

It's awesome. Yeah, they rock. And that's just you just hallucinating and going, wow, look at that possum over there. But really it's like a cuckoo clock. Nah, it's not that psycho. No, it's not. It's very rarely. You're very rarely seeing shit, but you have to take a lot. Yeah. But, I mean, I used to do a lot of mushrooms in high schools. Hey, kids, if you want to get ahead in life.

Allegedly. Yeah. I, yeah, I probably did it like 25 times in high school and 20, but who's counting? Yeah. Like, I mean, dozens, like a couple dozen probably. And, uh, it,

And then less as I've gotten older just because you just kind of do less drugs. You got to be somewhere. Yeah, you have things to do. But it's just the fucking best. You laugh so hard. Colors are more vibrant. Oh, my gosh. And I just started – not just started, but I've –

Like two years ago, I went to a buddy's birthday party and we all micro-dosed out in the desert. And I'm like – well, I was like, I don't know if I really want to be on mushrooms right now. This is more of a party atmosphere. I'm trying to drink. Is that the Friday that you were there and I came on Saturday? Yeah, exactly. You came the next day. And I was like, I don't know if I really want to do this and –

Our buddy, whose birthday it was, he was like, it's microdose. It's not the same. You're not going to trip balls. It's just kind of the fun effects where you're just giggly and everything's like in super focus. Vibrant. Everything's vibrant. The colors are on and popping. And I'm like, all right, I'll give it a go. Vibro. And I was fully vibroed. Fully vibroed. Vibroed. And so then we took it. I was like, oh, why am I not doing this every day right when I wake up in the morning, allegedly? Mm-hmm.

Well, that was the thing. I didn't do shrooms until microdosing became like an idea because before it was like just fucking take the eighth to the dome. And it's like I'm so scared of doing that because I already have a vivid imagination, very nervous as to where I'm going to go. Yeah, you're talking about colors and I'm like,

I feel like colors are, they're doing their thing already for me. Yeah, that's why I stayed away from the hallucinogens and all that because I'm like, dude, I'm already like fucking pretty vibro, like just walking around. Yeah, there's no doubt in my mind about that. Yeah, you are vibro. Yeah, but the micro dosing was something else. Like that's like, it's cool because you can just take a little tiny drop.

and then like you're like oh do you think that dude mike rowe has his own line of micro dose i hope so it's it's a dirty job dirty jobs hey it's me with the hat i got micro doses that'd be fucking sick damn you're on to something i'm on something well i feel every time i've ever done mushrooms uh like a real amount of mushrooms not just like a little micro dose i always think like

that you've... you haven't figured out. Yeah. Like, the universe. Shit becomes clear to you. Right. You're like, yes, you know what? I understand it now. And then as soon as you get sober again, like, six, eight hours later, you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. Son of a bitch! And actually, uh...

Me and my homie Austin, who you guys know, we actually – back in the day when we were like 19 years old, we filmed ourselves tripping so we could look back and be like, well, then we'll look back and kind of know. Hopefully maybe we said something to where we could figure it all out, the universe basically. And then we just went back and looked at – it's like an eight-hour tape of us just like touching the popcorn ceiling on our shitty apartment and being like, whoa, you've got to feel this, dude. Yeah.

It's a state of mind, man. Jesus. Just children poisoned feeling walls. I've got to see those tapes. Dig it. What about LSD? Have you guys ever fucked with LSD? Oh, that I've done a ton of. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's regular, brother. Ders went right to acid. Spinal tap? Well, that's what, I mean, I was tripping. Like, my pops was like, LSD was my favorite drug. And I was like, oh, really? Well, that was more of a 70s drug.

I mean, people obviously still do it, but that was big in the 70s. I've never done it. Again, that feels harder to control than Silly Simon. It just feels like it's not going to be... Well, with mushrooms, you see how much you're ingesting, and it was just grown from the earth. Like with...

acid like when you do it's like they put it on a tab or I've seen people I've never done it myself either but like they put on a gummy you're like you don't know how much they accidentally squirted from their little droplet right it feels much more of like a medication laboratory thing than anything else you know by the way this laboratory you're imagining is like

Some fucking dank, funky-ass kitchen where they're like pulling it all together and you might die, you might not. Yeah, this isn't Cal State Berkeley, brother. Just put some palm olive in there to give it some texture, a little slickness to it. Yeah, put some dye in it. Yeah, my dad said something like he was like when you were born –

I was so worried that I had been doing too much acid and I was going to like, you were going to come out fucked up. And I was like, oh, okay. And you did. I think he's on to something. Burning others feels good.

Ladies and gentlemen, and in between at home, we did not communicate about that. So I'm hard. Rock hard. Peckers are hard. That's amazing. You got a hard pecker now? Peckers are hard. Yeah, as hard as it gets these days. Is that what your dad said, Kyle? You got a hard pecker now? Yeah, he said, that makes my pecker hard. Yeah, didn't your dad ask you if you had a hard pecker? No. What the hell? Wait, no, I distinctly remember it saying, Stouffer's, how hard is your pecker?

Oh, my dad was just talking about tools and said, like, that makes my pecker hard. That was the Mandela effect about Kyle's hard dick. Yeah, right. Didn't your dad ask you, like, he asked to look at your hard pecker? What? No. What the fuck? The Mandela effect is how hard it gets your pecker. Yeah. I'm not the brains behind this operation. I don't. I have no idea. I just like how it tastes and I like weed.

How is it up your butt? Let me ask you this. Have you shotgunned any? Have you gone down that road yet? I haven't shotgunned. But I mean, they're super chuggable. Did you chug it? What I like to do, I like to butt chug it. Personally, personally, I butt chug it. Perfect. You do a handstand against the wall and just one hand to crack it open? Yeah, Chloe, real quick. Can you pour this in my asshole? Shake that up real quick. Again? Okay, you just did. Okay, do you really want to know? Okay.

Hey, babe, you're going to be doing this for the rest of your life. Allegedly. Did you guys ever grow up with puzzles glued together as a piece of art in your house? No, absolutely not. I mean, my mom has like hilariously, you know, not shots fired against her, but like very Midwestern style of art that she thinks is awesome. What does that mean to people? That means she likes like wooden things.

that have words on them that is inspiring. Even from way back? Or like, I know the whole crib is decked out now, but like... Well, now it's like that. It used to be just like kind of watercolors of like a river or something. And it just, it looks, it was like, oh, obviously this was sold at like a TJ Maxx. Right. That she was like, I gotta get that.

that frame. Like, did you have, did you guys ever have, like, did you know what precious moments were? They were like those little, like, dolls with the eyes. Oh, little figurines. Yeah. And they'd be like with their little sister with a teddy bear and stuff. Yeah. Precious moments. My mom had tons of them. I had one of those in my workaholics office that I had, I got from my grandma's, like, garage and put up in the workaholics office. I remember that. I remember that, Durs. Just precious moments for days. We had, like, Viking ships and stuff around the house. Ha ha ha.

I shit you not. It was all just like Norwegian long boats. I love just the Nordic theme. You just had cool death metal shit all over the place? No, just the boats. Just like paintings of boats and ships and Vikings. You know what? It starts with boats. It ends with burning churches.

So we get back to the hotel from the bars, slammered, and there's pizza and Blake and Adam are fighting about like whose arms are bigger or something. Yes, it was. I have the biggest arms and lemmings. It started getting real. And then probably the realest argument we've ever been in. And I'm just like, well, the thing is, is it's not an argument. It's measurable. Yeah.

It's not like... No, but it was about something else. Because you claimed a bed and he was like, that's my bed. And then you threw his stuff onto another bed. He threw pizza in my asshole. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. I thought he puked in the limo and lied about it.

No, I didn't lie about it. Oh, no, you did puke, though. I did puke because you ate hella. There was like Chinese food, continental dinner at the hotel. Let's start at the beginning. There is no beginning. Jillian was there. We got to ask her at some point. That's true. So we went out and this was the night before the show. We got in our director, Jay Leggett.

R.I.P. was the man. He passed away. He got us a limo and he's like, I'm going to take you guys out on the town, show you Chicago. And we're like, oh, hell yeah. So we get in the limo right before the limo. The hotel we were staying at had all you can eat food.

free Bud Light. Yes. All you could drink Bud Light and all you could eat egg rolls. And so I'm like, you know, I'm poor. We were crushing it. I'm like, I was like, we're broke. I was like 20, 21 years old. I didn't go on the trip because they were going to pay me $75 for like six days worth of work. And I'm like,

I'm like, no, dude, it was a whole scam. I don't want to get into that again. Well, it was worth it because it was a great story. Oh, yeah. It's insane. I had no money. And so I was like, you know what? I'm going to eat all the egg rolls I can handle now. We were all crushing them. Yeah, but build a base.

So I don't have to eat dinner later. This is smart. So I don't have to pay for dinner. Right. Yeah. You're saving money. And so I ate like 15 egg rolls or something and was just chugging the Bud Light. And that didn't go well in the guts. We get in the limo. Wait, wait. I want to say that they also like. I'm still going to send it. They're like, okay, hey, it's 6 p.m. The Bud Light and egg rolls are over. And then they just like.

closed doors on like a cabinet to a keg and we were like okay we'll stop and then for another hour we just opened the cabinet and kept drinking and getting hammered and then yes

we were hammered by when we got into that limo going out for the night. So you're in the limo topped out with fucking egg rolls and Bud Light. Tell me all of egg rolls. That's it. How many people in the limo? There's like nine or ten of you, right? Yeah, there's like so many. We're packed in. And I remember I yacked in the limo and, uh,

And like the beginning of the night. And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. And we're like, oh, geez. And the guy's all pissed at me. But we had him for the night. And I'm like, I don't know what to do. And he's like, oh, fuck. And we get to the place and everyone's kind of salty at me that I puked in the limo. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. But then I rallied and we continued and we go out for the full night. This is another one of your lives, by the way.

I vomited from alcohol poisoning, rallied, kept drinking. Isn't that what happened? Yes. That's what I'm saying. Another one of your lives. Not a lie. Lives. I thought you said lies. Another one of your lies, Adam. No, no, no, dude. No, no lies here. This is all true, baby. No, zero lies. Yeah, I'm like, I'm telling it how I remember it. This is honest Abe over here, man. Come on. L-I-V-E. Yes.

And so then we go out and then we had a great night. I remember there's like fun photos of that night and we all look really sloppy. There's really funny photos of Blake looking like just a spicy 55-year-old divorcee. Yeah.

who had one too many margaritas. I definitely had my pants off in the limo on the way home. That's for sure. Yeah, so when did the turmoil begin? So on the way home, you take your pants off? What's up? They're fighting about something that was in the arms, and then it got into who's got the biggest arms. This is what I think it was. I think Adam collapsed onto what was Blake's bed.

And so then he was like, get off. And he goes, here, throw your stuff. And he threw his stuff onto the other bed, which is just not, that's not kosher. You don't do that. But everyone's drunk. And then Blake was just like, no, put it back. And you're like, no, I'm already sleeping here. And then who threw pizza into whose butt? Somebody took a piece of pizza and then just like threw it into somebody's butt. What actually happened was Blake fell onto my bed and Blake moved. I think he moved my bed.

my shit onto the other bed. And he's like, I get this bed. And I'm like, I already called that bed. And then he had his pants...

hanging off. Right. He does. And I go, well, if you're going to, if you're going to lay on what I claimed as my bed, I'm going to throw this leftover deep dish pizza in your asshole. His ass was hanging out. He had his entire ass just up in the, I'm like, come on, man. Why is your whole fucking ass hanging out? You used to get like, pull your pants like dangerously down when you were drunk. You love. They're down right now. I bet. Stand up, stand up.

We're finally going to see the butt. Yeah, wait, don't be pulling it up. You're pulling it up. Nope, see? All the way down. See, yeah. Look at that. His whole asshole is hanging out of his pants right now. I'm from the Bay, dude. We sag, bro. Oh, yeah. No one anywhere else sags. Yeah, I guess that's only a Bay area thing. Get the fuck out of here. Anyway, so I threw deep dish pizza directly into Blake's asshole.

Right.

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The bond of the hangover. It's so much fun. It is. Some of the funniest mornings I've ever had is fighting through a hangover with my buds. I'm saying that's what they're selling it for. I'm saying I also love that next day when like,

you then go out and with your, with your, like the crew that's still there the next day and you go get breakfast or whatever. And you're like, and I can't believe you did that. And then like the one guy who like fell asleep in the neighbor's yard comes, he shows up to the breakfast spot and everybody's like, Oh,

He's not dead. Exactly. And then you're texting your one buddy to show up, and then he doesn't, and then you find out he did die? Okay. He did die. Yeah, he actually did die. He was really drunk, and he walked into the freeway. That's also if you had a sick, epic-ass hangover night, but if it was just like you and your roommate, and you both fucking crushed tall cans, and you both woke up hungover as fuck, and it's like, ugh.

Yeah, that's less fun. Yes. Yeah. Dude. Hey, remember last night when you pissed yourself and it was just me and you? You opened up your dresser drawer and peed in it? Hilarious. Hey, remember when me and you were just watching Shark Tank and you got weirdly way too drunk and started telling me that you love me and that you never loved your mom? Yeah. Yeah.

But isn't that the cool thing about it where it's like, it helps you recognize how shitty the behavior is. You're like, I can't, I can't fucking do this. This is, this was too much. I mean, I know Kyle was talking about how sick of the hangovers he was. Why didn't you cry about it? Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, but,

I don't miss like the feeling or honestly, I don't really miss fighting through the mornings. Through your roommates to the mornings. Yeah. Right. Fighting my roommate. But I know what you're saying because honestly, some of the funniest mornings and some of the like still inside jokes that I have with like my dude Cruz all across America. Multiple Cruz. This guy is multiple Cruz.

He sure does. No, but you know, like after like a drunken Ren Faire. Oh my God, dude. Yes. I love it. The rip it in the tear and the rip it in the tear. And is that a Lance in your pants? I'm thinking about this. Cause we all like camped in our fucking cars. We all like, we stole a hammer tear it.

We like fucking got wasted, found where they had the taps and got smashed. And it's just like, that's the funnest in the morning. The rip and the tear. I don't think I've laughed harder than just like with my eyes closed, still on the couch or like in a hotel room with like seven other dudes.

where like no one can move but people are just like shouting shit from across the room and like recalling stuff last night. These are young hangovers though. Y'all are talking about days of yesteryear. We're talking 22 year old hangovers. Yeah, those are fun as fuck. Those are great. A nice 19 year old hangover. Those are fantastic. Oh, I love those. I would go up to like 26, 27 like Dersh's bachelor party. We were like 26. I remember being like this is so fucking tight.

But also we were a youthful 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32. You know what I mean? Like a lot of people that age, like it took us a while to grow. I'm still pretty youthful. Like I feel like it took us a long time when other friends of ours are like married by 23 and have kids by 25. I got to go back to a reunion and just see some people, size them up.

Yeah, I think we did. We did a good job of hanging on to our youth. I think, hey, for anyone listening that's maybe 21 or two, don't get married until you're in your 30s and keep drinking and partying with your friends. Give me a hell yeah. Okay. Taper it off around 27. You don't have to. I didn't. I'm still not.

If it's a problem, I'm speaking for myself. Yeah, if it's a problem. If it's a problem, don't let it be a problem. Okay, right? Really cool that you can do that. If you see neighborhood cars and you feel the need when you're drunk that you have to fight them. Oh, yeah. You have to punch these cars and come back with glass in your knuckles. Bro, that's what I used to do.

That's my shit. Yeah, then maybe you do have a problem and maybe you should taper off the drinking. Yes, yes. Thank you, Adam. It's a trip. My Nana had fucking spoons on wooden cutout things that were just like spoons were all over the fucking living room. And it's like, why are there spoons everywhere? She was a heroin addict. She's cooking. She's freebasing, dog. My mom had hot knives on the wall, bro.

Hey, can we talk about Taylor Swift wearing the bear jacket? Oh. Oh. And saying 2020 was weird and hopefully 2021 isn't as weird or whatever her comment was. And she's wearing the bear coat that Blake wore in like the third episode of Workaholics. Bitch better have my honey. She's wearing it. She's saying like stuff about weird, which that was our catchphrase. Let's get weird. Yeah. And then no love. No tag. No.

No mention. We mentioned Tay-Tay here on the podcast. Mm-hmm. Said there wasn't a lot of overlap. Evidently, there is. Evidently, Tay-Tay herself listened to it.

to the pod? I'm looking at it two ways. And they're both pretty cool. Okay, let's go. Maybe I'm wrong about both. But my first version is she's seen the show. She's a fan. She's ashamed. Maybe she heard that we talked about her. Maybe she didn't. Either way, she's repping. The other side of this coin is that

Taylor Swift is who we're talking about. I just said Tay-Tay. Yeah, I don't know if I mentioned. The bear coat and saying let's get weird is just now like ubiquitously part of culture. And she didn't even realize she was doing it. It's a Mandela effect.

Yes. And we are Nelson Mandela to her. I do have a piece of intel, though. Well, not really. It's just pizza. Okay, Blake, let's go. Piece of pizza. Pizza, pizza? Pizza intel. Pizza, pizza intel. I like thinking of like a therapist who like was continuing is like, okay, let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. That coat is official Bear Workaholics merchandise. Right. That's the one they released. Yes. That's what I thought, too. It looked like it came from... It says, like, Workaholics in the hood of the... Mm-hmm. Yeah, it says Workaholics on that coat. So she definitely...

watches the show and knows it's from the show or kicks it with somebody who fucking loves the show enough to buy a hundred dollar bear coat from urban outfitters. You know what? You know what this is? I'd like to talk right now to Taylor Swift because she's listening. She's a pain. Everybody else, turn it off. Hey, turn it off. Well, it'll get to her. Just quiet. If you could mute it just for a minute, I'd appreciate it if you're not Taylor Swift because Tay-Tay...

I would just like to say thank you and we appreciate you. And we're all fans. Like, I think we mentioned it on the podcast about how I saw her live in concert and I was like, oh, I get it. You're absolutely stunning. You're wildly talented. You deserve all the success coming your way. Tay-Tay Swift.

And that's to you. Now everybody can turn it back up. Everyone can turn it back up. I'm no longer talking directly to Tay-Tay Swift. Bring it back. We're still talking about it, but yeah. All right. And I feel it's a huge compliment that her most recent album was basically about us. Yeah, it kind of was almost entirely about us. Was it? What? Right? Well, have you listened to it?

No, I need to listen to this. There's like little things you can pick up on. Easter eggs. A lot of innuendo Easter eggs. Thank you. Wow. Yeah. Very cool. Yeah, the first through last tracks, there's little things about us. Yeah, from the very first one to the very last one and also the secret ones is almost entirely about us. I think Adam has the best butt. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, you did hear that track. That's cool. Oh, my God. Yeah, Blake knew that one. Hey.

Everyone else, stop listening for just a moment. Turn it down. Taylor Swift, who's got the best butt? Because, like, honestly, I don't care about any bull that is out there. Whatever Taylor Swift says, that's the one. Keep it real. She's wearing the bear coat, so we know who she picks. Who wore the bear coat? Who's she really shouting out here, huh? Yeah, but the bear coat covers the ass. Maybe she's like, yeah, you got to cover this thing. It's disgusting back there. She's also wearing pants, so...

Oh, come on. Yeah, keep dreaming. Everyone knows I wore pants in most of the episodes. You did wear pants a lot. You did. You wore them well. Taylor, I know you... Taylor, everybody else turn it down. Everybody turn it down. Okay. Turn it down. I'm speaking directly to Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift, hey. We never brought them back. Okay, let's go. Oh, okay. Keep it down. I brought them back. I did. I brought them back. The audience was back and then now they're leaving again because Kyle's about to talk directly to Taylor Swift. Okay.

Dude, he had a fanny pack with a motherfucking Italian sandwich in it. It was half eaten. Yeah, you'd smell him before he shot you. Yeah, he said, if you smell the Italian sandwich, you're already dead. I was eating a Subway spicy Italian, like, because I hadn't eaten all day. And we were, like, getting ready to jam out. And I was like, well, I'm not going to eat a 12-inch sandwich and then run around. So I ate half of it and stuffed the other in my arteric fanny pack. It's also, couldn't you just, like...

put it in your car or something? No, because I was like there. We were like lighting candles and saying happy birthday or some shit. So I stuffed in a fanny pack and he was like, what are you going to carry that? Like you're saying? I go, that's right, bitch. Right before you die, you're going to smell the spicy Italian. If you smell spicy Italian, you're already dead. It was so clean. So good. I'll never forget it, man. That shit was hella fun. Paintball rocks. It hurts so bad.

So that like you are legit running for your life. Yes, man. I had a paintball hit me in the back, knocked the fucking wind out of me. Like I went down. Yeah. Down. We never did it like in high school. We never did it in like proper paintballing places. We would go out to the middle of the country and just target.

And do it like in the cornfields. Right. With like, there was a cornfield that surrounded and abandoned a farmhouse. So then, and then there was like silos and shit. And people would get fucking very hurt. Some kid fell through the barn. Right. Because he's trying to get some pimp ass position up there. Yeah.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,

Were you guys drunk criers? At what age do you hit when you stop crying when you get drunk? That is a real high school thing. What are you talking about? No, that was, I mean, I can speak to that. That's me, dude. That's, I had the nickname of Cry-L when I would get wasted. You should not have told me that. No, it's all good, bro. I'm seven years, I'm seven years out the game. That's a t-shirt.

Now my mom is big into, like, wooden signs that say shit, specifically about, like, the lake. She just moved to a lake a few years ago, and there's so many things that just say, like, lake life. Yeah, she's, like, hobby lobbied out. It's absurd. And I've tried to talk to her, and I'm like, this is a lot. And she's like, well, no, there's hardly any.

pieces. Was she like, it's a bit, you fucking idiot. It's a bit, dude. It's funny, dude. You fucking idiot. I thought you were into comedy. It's hilarious. What is that? Is that like an Amazon addiction that she's just like constantly looking for new fucking accoutrement? No, no, no. She's not buying a lot of this stuff. Where's it coming from? Yeah. I think it's, she like had one or two things and then she tells people like, I like having

wooden signs. And then people are like, Penny likes wooden signs. Penny likes wooden signs. So when they come and stay, they bring one. And then, and then she's just gifted so many signs. And I'm like, you don't need to put all of them up. It's an insane amount. Cause there's, I mean, I, it's in my Instagram story, like a highlight because I went around and I'm like, mom, this is a lot of words all over your house. And she's like, no, there's just a few. And I'm like, I bet there's 60. And she's like, no. And I went around, there's like 50 or 60 things that just say shit. Uh,

all over just keep you entertained as you walk through the crib but i'm like wonder what my shit like our shit is gonna be you know blake is gonna have the wackiest fucking house of all time when he's he already does i don't know why we're saying what it's gonna be like we all have homes that aren't bare walls like exactly kyle has a ton of paintings that his wife did blake has a fucking like peewee's playhouse yeah what is yours didn't like uh your wife go like wild on lizards or some

Wild on. Great show. There was like lizard art all over. Oh, yeah, she did. We had a whole bunch of like a bunch of lizard art. Yeah. And put it in our room that was like the lizard room. And it was insane. It got to the level that we're talking about. And I remember I was like, I didn't really have the heart. I was like, this is your art room. You do whatever you'd like in here. That's fine. And then you guys came over and you guys roasted the room. And then like not...

Yeah, I remember walking in and being like, holy shit, there's a lot of lizards in here. And you were like, I remember you getting self-conscious like, yeah, yeah, there is a lot, a whole lot of lizards. It's cool. Lizards are actually cool.

New year, let's look back. But from now on, let's look forward, guys. And Blake, well said. Hey, will you write that down and put that on a shirt for the show, please? If you could get a piece of wood and paint that, and my mom would like that in her house. If you could paint that in cursive on a piece of wood, my mom would like to put that above her door. Just one more time.

Turn it down. I'm talking directly to Taylor. Taylor, you have impeccable taste. I know that you have chosen Blake as the best hiney. And I knew that we're soulmates. And I do enjoy you and everything about you. Okay, everybody can turn it back up. Hey, Kyle, you're spinning out of control. Hey, everyone, turn it back up. What is happening? Yeah, what the fuck? Turn it back up. Yeah, it's cool. Turn it back up, guys. Welcome back. Hey, this wasn't about hitting on Taylor Swift, Kyle. At all. Yeah, I'm married. I'm not.

I'm not hitting on her. Exactly. So what's happening? What was that? Well, you just said we're soulmates. What happened there? You kind of spun out. What was that? I meant to say, everybody turn it down real quick. I got to correct something that I said to Taylor Swift. No, no, no. Actually, no. I'll do it. Everybody, if you could just turn it down. I have a message for Taylor, and I just want to apologize for Kyle, okay? Don't turn it back up. Let me just say real quick, I'm sorry, Taylor, for saying soulmates. I didn't mean that. I'm married. I'm sorry if I got your hopes up. I meant to say kindred spirits.

Thank you. Everybody can turn it back up. That's even weirder. You thought you got her hopes up? Yeah. Like she's bummed? Turn it back down, everybody. You think you got her pecker hard? I could see Taylor specifically fucking with Carl the drug dealer, though. Thank you. Because you know, like anyone that has such a – she has like a goody, kind of goody two-shoes vibe about her. Skull.

squeaky clean. Like that's her persona at least. Public image. That, you know, they're always just the baddest chicks. You know, they're always just wild bad gals. Yeah, they like the scuzzies. Or boys if that's your thing, you know? Yeah. I mean, Dustin Diamond. Let's take him for example.

Okay. Screech. Screech. Yeah. From Saved by the Bell. You know, you look at him, you're like, he's a, he's a, you know, kind of a sweetheart, kind of a total dork, like lovable guy. Turns out psycho, psychopathic. Psycho nightmare man. Allegedly, um,

There's like rape cases against him, allegedly. I'm not sure. Not willing to look it up, but willing to say here on the podcast. He's a mass murderer. Allegedly. Allegedly? There's like rape cases or something. I don't know. I'm not going to look it up.

But there's something about it. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. But that is kind of the thing. I will say like when people are assholes as their persona, for the most part, they're pretty nice guys. Yeah. Like they put that asshole on as like part of their persona, but then they're really nice people. Right. Right. For the most part. Like Jesselnik, like Anthony Jesselnik is like a really nice guy.

you know what i mean but his whole stick is that he's like the meanest most cutting comedian that you can you can be he's fun right i mean look at ders everybody thinks he's an asshole he's a goddamn teddy bear yeah it's true you break it down he is he's a thanks you're that's what you're welcome welcome thanks for that hey let's go and you're welcome let's go guys let's go are

Are you calling it? Let's go. Let's call it. Let's go. Okay. Hey, guys, let's go. Yeah. I mean, I did do that one time when we me and you got in a fistfight over Thanksgiving and it was just like it was the worst. We both just like beat the shit out of each other. Mostly you beat my ass, I believe. I don't know. And I remember being like,

uh, why is he, why is he like that? Don't we're friends. So there was that one time, but I mean, that wasn't like a, and also I was 22 years old when that happened. Like I was, you know, 21 or two. I think that's peak cry when you're drunk age, right? No, no,

No. Well, who else? I mean, yeah. Is this a universal thing? I don't think it's that universal. I would love to throw this to the fans. Ders, what's up? Ders has never cried ever. I just don't know what, like, is this just like you're so drunk that you can finally, like,

Have an emotion? Let loose? Like shed it? Yeah. Dude, yeah. No, it's the demons. It's the demons bubbling. I guess my demons were just different. You have different demons. Yes. Well, did you have any friends that did this at all? Like the emotional drunks? You didn't have a crying friend? No. I mean, I also didn't have, I mean, I guess it would be Kyle. I don't remember him crying a whole lot. I remember him like getting like boiling mad and not being able to explain why he's so mad. And he's just like, you get it!

And we're like, all right, I don't, I don't like, what is the thing? I guess I'm trying to like recall an episode. Like, I think I've seen homies crying drunk, but it was probably because like, they just got beat up by some strangers or something. Or just like, for me, it was like, uh, I remember I cried once in high school and people did not let me live it down for quite a while. And it was because they called me, cried. Um, uh,

Saddam cry vine. Come on. Saddam cry vine. We got the label. No, they, because it was just because of like a girl, you know, and. Like you saw one and started crying. Yeah, I saw one. I'm like, oh my God, they're so pretty. They're glorious. They're so pretty. I want one.

Her hair smells like pantene protein. How come they won't like me? I want one. Get over here. I'm going to make seven doors in my basement. Oh, boy. No, we've established that under five. Under five. Okay. Not a creep. Okay. Under five doors.

Five so you cried because you broke up the girl or whatever. Yeah, I can't remember the exact scenario. Yeah discs publicly. That's valid Yeah, there was and that was one experience and that's the only time I remember like crying drunk at a young age So I don't think it's a universal thing like I mean for sure

At some point in your youth, if you drink alcohol, you're going to have some kind of emotional outburst, whether that's crying or you're just like, fuck you, Eric. And you're like, why? Why are they having beef? And then two guys who don't aren't really enemies, you know, don't actually hate each other. You start swinging on each other and you're like, I don't know. Too much. Boone's hard. Boone's Boone's Farm.

Or fucking, yeah, what were the little Jack Daniels? Well, I was thinking of Mike's Hard Lemonade. Lynchburg Lemonade. My God. Lynchburg. Or Two Dogs. Do you guys remember Two Dogs? I think that might have been a specific Midwestern thing. I remember Mad Dog 2020. Was it sweet? Two Dogs was like a Mike's Hard Lemonade before Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Do you remember Aftershock? It was like cinnamon liquor with rock candy at the bottom. And then you would save the rock candy because it was like pure liquor. And then like you'd... Dude, totally. It's pure liquor. I call it. Yeah, it's like the worm. And you'd finish the bottle and be like,

okay well we can't get liquor this weekend so um we're gonna melt this uh i was gonna say is it a situation where like in case of an emergency break glass but then it probably looks just like the rock no for sure you don't don't you uh we like melted it we like melted it eating the bottle and we uh

And then we poured it out in little mini shots. So you were freebasing Aftershock? Yeah. We would inhale the fumes and then cry. Yeah, that's like resin hits.

First of all, all birds kind of suck. Whoa, chill, bro. Yeah, calm down. American eagles are so tight. The crane. Nah. Dude, owls fucking rock, bro. No, dude. American eagles are not tight. Flamingos are super dope. Owls are so sick. Owls are so not sick at all. First of all. Fuck you. Hey, fuck you. You are rock.

Yo, you're about to get owled. You better chill. They can hear you. No, fuck you, dude. Hey, Adam, fuck you. I beat you to it. I just beat you to it, though. Fuck you, asshole. No, I already said it. Fuck you. Owls rock. When's the last time you saw a fucking owl, you prick? A few years ago when I moved into my...

A few years ago. You're such a fucking dumbass. There was a owl that lived in the tree that refused to let me move in. He was like a total fucking dick. He'd swoop down. Yeah, that's right. They're super territorial. You'd come out on the balcony. He'd hood the shit out of me, scared me to death. Fucking terrifying. Oh, well, you're a weakling. Yeah. They're scary, fucking terrifying. They are predators. You're a weakass. No, I'm not, dude. I'm strong as hell. No. You're a fucking weakass.

Hey, no. And I think you know that that is not true. I'm not a weak ass. I just can't believe this. He's scared of birds. I'm not scared. I just don't like them. Oh. You just said it scared the shit out of you and that's why you didn't like it, bro. Well, if you're standing on a balcony and all of a sudden something's like, like, who?

That will scare the shit out of you, dude. Okay, so you're a weak ass and that's why you don't like owls. I wouldn't stop my stride. I'd go owl and I would keep walking. I just think you're dismissing the wisdom of one of the most majestic birds on planet Earth. What other birds are amazing, right? What other birds are amazing? Other birds? A hawk. A red-tailed hawk is fucking cool. A peacock? A hummingbird?

birds hummingbirds i mean they're cool when they're flying but but i'm saying woodpeckers they make that noise woodpeckers they have a cartoon woodpeckers are the worst like my parents house uh there's a woodpecker right outside it was the absolute worst thing because they start at like 4 30 in the morning just pecking the fucking wood dude i'm pissed now you should be up making breakfast with somebody i'm and i'm just saying i'm pissed now fuck birds

And that's a t-shirt. Print it. Fuck birds. Oh, dude. Fuck birds. Wow. I'm pissed now. Fuck you. You don't fight with your friends in the same way that you used to in your 20s when you guys were just roommates and you're with each other all the time. I try. You're done fighting with your friends. Yeah, we don't spend enough time. In that same capacity. Yeah, we're not together enough.

to where you don't fight like fucking brothers, like children anymore. And I miss that. I'm supposed to be somewhere I gotta go. You feel the tension bubbling and you go, I got a thing. Actually, I do have somewhere to be. And you believe that other person because they might. And you want them to leave. Back in the day, you're like, I know you don't. I know you don't have anything to do.

No, you don't, bitch. Where? Oh, you're going to go to the Coinstar? You went to the Coinstar two days ago, motherfucker. You do not have that change. I can count that shit for you, dude. How much you pay me and I'll fucking...

I'll count that change, Mitch. Sit your ass down. I'd like to compliment Blake and his use of Coinstar back in the day. He used to always sit there, assholes directly into the sky, counting his change on the floor, waiting for a deep dish pizza right up the bum hole. Well, you know what? I'm going to,

My compliment goes to all of us. Our friendship is battle-tested. Still love you, bros. I love you. I love you guys. It's nice to be here. I love you guys. Blake, I love you. Kyle, I love you. Ders, also love you. What do you have to say, Ders? Hey, things could be worse.

Know what I mean? So is that what I love you, Ders? I'd love to hear from you. I heard it from Blake. I heard it from Kyle. I just said it. Ders, hit us with it. His internet's chunking, brother. Hit us with it, dog. You are breaking up. And hey, love is in the air. The clearest I've ever heard you. What's up? Yeah, coming through crystal clear. Just hit us with it, dog. I love you, man. Let me give you a compliment on how sweet you're being right now.

It's been a tough year, been a real rough year. You know, maybe it's time to just come out with it. You know, you're just started brother. Happy new year. Oh yeah. We're in 2021. Olive juice. Hey, you guys know it. Olive juice.

That's cool. You know what would be really important? If you just said that you loved your buddies just one time. I feel like that would be important. Hey, I love my buddies, guys. This is great. Hey, everybody quit looking back. Just start looking forward. Put it on a sign. Also, it's good to look back and walk down memory lane, but also let's look forward. Let's also look forward. Oh, wow.

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Turn it down real quick. I want to talk to Adam personally. Okay. So I can't listen? No, you guys take your headphones off. Yeah, if you guys. Yeah. Bro, come on. Come take them off. Come take them off me. I'm talking to Adam. Come take them off. All right. Let's go. Adam. Yeah, come on. I'm listening. I'm right here, man. What's up?

There's a certain level of awareness that we have on this podcast, but sometimes when you shit on us, like it makes us look bad in front of everybody. And I don't know that we should do that. We should just kind of like, you know, keep going and move on. So what are you saying that I shit on you? Yeah. Yeah, you did. You shit on me. What?

What did I shit on? Oh, I don't have to cry about it. You shit on all of us, man. You shit on all of us. When you shit on one of us, you shit on all of us. Okay. I need you to remember that. Okay. Everybody turn. Yeah. Turn it up. Turn it up. Hey, Kyle, I'm, I was here the whole time. I hate to break it to you, but guess what, buddy? You heard that? Listen to me. If someone shits on you, you let it roll off your back like a duck. Yeah. Copy that. No, I hear that. Okay. Kyle. And I stand in solidarity with theirs. Uh,

I think you're being a little too sensitive. Copy that. In all fairness, I had no idea he could hear me. Oh, do you need fairness? I just had no idea. I thought I was speaking to Adam alone. I didn't know that you could hear me when I was talking to Adam. I thought we were having a personal conversation. My bad. I thought you would do what you said. That is your bad. I thought you would respect Kyle's wishes and take the...

headphones off but but you didn't you left them on you heard it and you heard it i left them on but i completely tuned out i'm not gonna let this bit i'm not gonna let this bit live you're killing a bit you guys are looking at me i never took them off and you're pretending like you can't see me i'm not i'm not letting this bit fly wow who are you why did you get this and i'm like uh fuck i'm

I'm on workaholics. It's a show. Do you have your phone? IMDB. I'm on workaholics. Right. You're bringing up your own. Have you ever had to do that? I have in order to get into my hotel room. Like I lost my key. I like lost my wallet one night and I'm back coming back to the hotel. We are shooting house party season two and in New Orleans. And I'm like drunkenly back at my hotel and I'm like, look, I did my Madame Divine. I

And I'm in the room of – I got a room and it's upstairs. And they're like, okay, you have any ID? I don't. And I'm like, look, just here. Just look me up. And they're like, what? And I'm like, look, look. I'll prove that I'm who I say I am. And I had them look me up. And then they still wouldn't give me a key. I think it was because I was so fucking drunk. And they were just kind of like –

lording my drunkenness over me. And you probably didn't look like yourself. I was probably all fat-headed and bloated. Yeah, your face was probably falling off. They're like, uh, okay, this guy's handsome. You look like a deformed troll. Your eyes are melting at me. Yeah, New Orleans was another level. That was like... That was the best. Well, the funny thing about shooting that show is we only shot for two weeks. We shot ten episodes in two weeks, two episodes a day. Right.

But I still gained enough weight throughout that production as you saw my body morph even

even on the last few episodes of every season you're like oh jesus well yeah i mean dude your your intake was at all time i mean i don't know but it was very high i'm still gonna send it yeah i don't know if that was all time but it's that's why i kind of took it back but yeah it was i was you know i i go big and with with most endeavors literally you got to do one of those things where you take the picture every day so we can just watch you just watch my face go do

That would be fun. Like when they show buildings getting built, we just see your face exploding. That would be cool. You should definitely commit to a year of that. My neck just start to droop and then get sucked back up. Yeah, that'd be dope. Like the fox getting eaten by the maggots, but it's you. What's up? That classic time lapse of the maggots eating the fox. Oh, yeah, I remember. Time lapse is pretty underrated. You guys don't see that when you close your eyes? Whatever. Whatever.

Time lapses are very, very cool. Yes, they are. Thank you, Blake. Yeah. Thank you. Anything that plays with time filming, to me, is still just un-fucking-believable. Like, slow motion. The fact that we can see slow motion. Like, you're talking time travel movies? Yeah, fuck.

with them. It's kind of time travel because it's capturing moments and slowing them down in ways that you're like, oh, the naked eye doesn't see that. Dude, it is so bizarre that no matter how many times I shoot something in slow-mo, it's always like when you play it back, you're like, what the fuck? Like when they pop a water balloon and it like

is still there for a moment. I love that shit. Oh, yeah. Or like, if you just light like a Bic lighter and it looks like a nuclear blast, it's still like the exact same formation as if it was a bomb going off, but it's just the lighter. We're so stupid. That's the universe, man. That's the universe, dude. That'd be so fucking cool. Everyone out there's like, yes, it's slow-mo. And we're just like, no, like, when a breeze blows on a puppy's hair. It's like weed every day.

It looks like a field of wheat. Dude, it's gorgeous. The main headline is it made you feel vibro. Yeah. It made me feel vibro. Like, I really dug it. Yeah, yeah. And we are quoting you as saying it makes pain pills make me feel vibro. Yeah, dude. We got to get some merch, some, like, wraps, some, like, ace bandages that just say vibro. Yeah.

Kyle, you can't understand the Kiwis you work with? I have trouble sometimes. Because it's like they speak sometimes. I find it hard when anybody speaks like this, but I find mostly Australians and Kiwis are like... Mumble. They mumble? Yeah, across the board, that never works for me. And it's just like, what the fuck is going on? But it feels like... I don't feel like I meet a lot of English-speaking Kiwis.

people that mumble that bad. But I could also be doing that. Like when I'm just speaking like tired, I might be equally as frustrating to anybody else on planet earth. You know what I mean? And when they're talking to you like that going wrong, are they speaking to you? Are you listening to like a conversation that they're having? Yeah. Are you spying on people? Yeah. No, I feel like you can like when someone from a foreign English speaking country, cause that's what we're talking about here. Right. Foreign to us, foreign to us.

Yes. Thank you. But an English-speaking country, and they're speaking in their English version of English to someone from their same country. I feel like I always have a hard time understanding fucking anyone that isn't from America. And even sometimes if you talk to people from Philly, it's also confusing sometimes over there too. Yeah.

Yeah. I never – the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song, I'm like, what is he saying? Yo, Holmes, smell you later? Smell what later? Makes no sense.

Like, tell me you got that one. There it is. There it is. We've had that. Well, don't be afraid to bust it out, man. Oh, man. That truly strikes a chord in my sense memories. It's perfect.

Did you guys ever rob anybody blind for alcohol? Rob anybody for alcohol? Yeah, like people's houses? Sure. You'd go to a house party. Rob a liquor store or rob a convenience store or rob a Rite Aid on Harbor.

Oh, well, I actually remember that shit from when I first met you, Adam. Like, you had a whole, like, you were, like, fucking flagrant and didn't give a fuck. Dude, I was ready to go to jail for a 30 rack of Keystone Light. That was true flagrant. What were you doing? You would just grab it and walk out? I would just grab it and walk the fuck out with two 30-packs. And that's why you're my fucking best friend. And then just walk out. And they had a security guard, and he'd just be like, uh...

Or I would walk into the freezer section, grab two cases, and then just exit out the emergency exit. The alarm would go off, and I just had a car there waiting for me, and we would take off. That is fucking cool. It would explode in the background as you walk away. I know. Absolutely. In hindsight, I'm like, that was the most insane thing I've ever done. I would have bought it if I could have bought it.

Uh, but I couldn't, I couldn't buy it. So I had to rob it. I went on a fucking family cruise to Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta and, um, and Cabo and I bought fucking pain pills there too. And I put them in my jacket. I got a big old bag. I got them for nothing, put them in my jacket pocket. And as I was walking back onto the boat, uh,

with my family, they were like, they patted down my pocket and I was like, oh fuck. Your family did? No, the fucking, the guys that were like making sure you didn't bring anything in. Oh, cruise control? Uh-huh. And they found this bag of pain pills. So what did they do? And they took it. They just took it? They took it from me and they took my name and I did that shit on the sly. Like nobody in my family saw this happen and so I'm like, okay. Shameful. Kyle, that episode did not get my pecker hard. I knew you were too vibro. Uh,

on that trip. Dude. Son, I need to talk to you. I was bummed because I was like, I couldn't get Vibro. And then I like, at the end of the trip, we were all waiting to de-board the ship or whatever it is. And they call my name over the intercom. They're like, Kyle Niewicek, come to customs. Oh, did you win something? Oh my God.

And I was like, and my whole family, my grandpa, my fucking, they're like, what's going on? I'm like, mom, come with me. Because I needed, I knew I was about to get fucked. And so I like, on the way over there, I talked to my mom. I was like, look, I smuggled some pain pills back in. I have some pills that I thought was going to get my pecker hard. Yeah, she say, sweetheart, I know at dinner last night you were way too vibro. Right? Yeah.

No, she was cool, man. She honestly like vouched for me and got me off the hook. And I just wasn't. What did she vouch for you? Meaning like, oh, he needs pain kills. This guy's. No, I, we came up cause I was dating a girl that needed pain pills at the time. And so we came up with a plan that was like, look, uh, I'm going to say that I got this from my girlfriend and.

And my mom actually might have not even known that I might have been lying to her and saying, like, I got this from my girlfriend. Can you please help me? I didn't know it was illegal. Kyle, I didn't like the podcast. Is it illegal? I think statute of limitations, player. It's all good. Oh, gee.

What was the show where, like, oh, it was the Brady Bunch, right? Where, like, the oldest son, like, actually, like, got it together with the mom, right? Had sex with the mom? Allegedly. Or, like, they had, like, a thing, right? Wasn't that a thing? I wonder if that's ever happened. Wait, is this Brady Bunch, is this an episode or is this off-

No, this is like behind the scenes, like Greg Brady was like macking... The late seasons of Brady Bunch got weird as fuck, bro. Yeah, they jumped the shark and all of a sudden the oldest son started like necking with his mom. Greg is making... Lifting up that little duck tail she has. So you're saying that the oldest son in the Brady Bunch actually... The actor. The actor. Greg. Actually fucked the mom...

Allegedly. Allegedly. I think that that's the whole, I think they like, they always wink winked about it to like interviews because they're like, the rumor is, and they're like, I don't know, did we? What? By the way, even if they're winking about it, it's so tight. Yeah. No, no, no, it's awesome. I mean, sure. Because they're the Brady Bunch.

Also, I kept it in the plastic. Now I feel like 100% of the time they're like, take it out of the plastic and hand it to me. You would hand them the whole wallet? I remember people told me to do that and I was like... I wouldn't give them the whole wallet. I would just hold up in the plastic and hold it up to them and they'd look. And if they asked to take it out, I would just leave. I'd go. His wallet had the little window in it. Yeah, it had the window. Also, there was Velcro on the wallet, so I'm a...

I'm a true teenager that has to be like a cool Hot Topic wallet. And Pokemon. Like, hey, man. How about them Huskers? I do this ironically anyway. I'm reading this list.

I was like, you can get true steroids. I was thinking maybe we all – I bring them back and as like a kind of a fun thing that we do on the podcast, we all take steroids for a month and see –

Who has the biggest arms and lemmings? Friendship. No, we see who's got the smallest nuts. Yeah, whose nuts shrink the most? We'll all measure our nuts and then at the end of one month of taking steroids, we measure our nuts and see who shrunk the most. We'll post and we'll have people vote on who has the smallest nuts. What do you mean? You measure them. That's not like a vote. No, no, no, no. I do vote.

No, no, we measure and then we have people vote on like cuteness or like... Oh, cuteness of the nuts? Right, there you go. Or we have people guesstimate how many wrinkles we have combined in our scrote. Is that a real thing? Steroids shrink your balls? Is that real? Like a real thing? Well, that's... Is that real, babe? Is it real? I don't know. I don't know.

So what are we going to do? We can't do that because our show wasn't. We go clean. Yeah, we got to go so squeaky clean that people are like. Church guitar style, Kirk Cameron style? Yeah, we got to go Kirk Cameron style. Dude, yeah, start making some Christian movies. I would love to pivot to be very Christian. I would love that.

I can see that for you. There's always like a super Christian guy that kind of looks like you, that's wearing like a scarf, that you're kind of rocking, a bandana around the neck. This is for COVID purposes. Yeah, for COVID, for COVID. Even though everybody just has proper masks now and it's proven that the...

bandanas don't work that well. Okay, wow. What news are you watching? It's a COVID look, and I feel like there's Christian guys that look kind of like you with an acoustic guitar in every church in America. So I see that's an easy pivot for you. Right, thank you. Thank you.

We rolled the window down. No joke. Even fucking immediately. Someone's just like, fake ID, fake ID. And I'm like, yeah, yes, yes, fake ID. And we went into the back of this dollar store and they made the fake ID right there. I took a photo. They fully made a fake ID. Wow. Did you get headshots too? I quickly got my first headshot. I got a headshot. It was pretty, it was twofer. It was an Argentum package.

And the dick pills you have to buy for your entire wedding party? All the dick pills you have to buy for the entire... I mean, it will be fun when I buy us all dick pills and make us take them one hour before the ceremony. That'll be a ceremony.

Beer all week. Dude, I'm dead. That will be tight just to fucking... And we're all wearing like kilts, like those super white... Those white dude weddings are like, we're wearing kilts. Steve doesn't have anything on underneath. Fucking Steve. That would be so funny if you like orchestrated the outfits that we had to wear so we couldn't protect our boners and then spiked our fucking...

Spiked us with boner pills. See, now this is a wedding. And we're all standing up there like fucking, uh, uh. Protect your boners. 20 margaritas. Make sure you lick the salt. Okay. You need us to lick the salt. And he made us wear these linen white pants. He made us wear these me undies. Yeah, it's a beach wedding. It makes sense. He really wanted us in all linen, everything. Bro, are you hard right now?

I've been hard all weekend. Something has made my pecker hard. It's hurting. It won't go down. It hurts. It hurts. I just want to be flaccid. The shrimp tacos must be an aphrodisiac because I want to fuck everything. Don't get it twisted. Also, every you go into a church, into a mega church.

There's a thousand little fucking beady-eyed me's running around, you know, praising Jesus. Hey, I'm sorry we have it so twisted about that very specific... Don't get it twisted. Well, it wasn't just shitting on Kyle saying he... Or on Blake saying he looks more Christian. I don't find that to be shitting. I didn't realize that was an insult. Yeah, come on. Oh, it is. Praise Jesus. Okay, then I did have it twisted. I guess shit. Yeah, it is. It's a little bit of an insult. Last time I checked, reading scripture is pretty darn cool. Okay.

Jesus is my rock. Thank you. Jesus is my rock. Jesus is my rock. See, Blake is ready for this. Oh, my God. I know it. Hey, the Lord has a plan for me, dog. Okay? Let's go. Let's go. Who's ready to praise Jesus on high? Let's go. Yep.

Owls versus rats. You're so dumb. Hey, I've had a pet rat before. I've had a pet rat. I would never allow an owl into my house. It wouldn't want to be in your house. You are so dumb. Thank you, Blake. Really? Even when they pull up the feathers, you can see how jacked they are? Dude, you can't trust an owl. You cannot trust an owl. Absolutely not. That's what makes them savage. You're going to stand by that? An owl will fuck your girl. An owl will fuck your girl.

Rats? Nah, man. They'll scamper off. What the fuck? The owl said, owl, fuck your girl. Owl? Owl, fuck your girl.

That's tight. You're going opposite. Like a fucking rat is somebody who is something that would fuck your girl, dude. The owl will give you wisdom. There's a joke there. A rat will tell on you. A rat will be a bitch and tell on you. An owl will fuck your girl. No, an owl, dude, no. An owl doesn't trick because if you go up to an owl and you're like, hey, man, was there somebody here? He's just like, who? And you're like...

Okay, I see what you're doing here. Oh, yeah, he pleads the fifth. Was my girl with somebody or not? Who? I will fuck your girl. I will fuck your girl. Hashtag. Don't leave me alone with her because I will fuck your girl. Hey, did you fuck my girl? Who? Who? Did you fuck my girl? Who? I will. Who? Did you? I will. Who? Knock, knock. Who's there? I will. I will fuck your girl. I will fuck your girl. Who? Who?

And also, I'll say, like, I know, like, eagles are beautiful, majestic creatures. And I also enjoy when I see an American bald eagle in a tree. I'm like, whoa, that's pretty legit. But those guys are...

Fucking egomaniacs. Well... Like, those guys are obvious... Egomaniacs. Egomaniacs. You've got it a little twisted because you're... I think you're thinking of, like, the majestic ones in the mountaintops, but there's bald eagles that kick it in the swamps of Florida that are hella down to earth. Right. They're, like, the people for sure. They're, like, just grimy dudes. They...

They just eat pythons. There's nothing majestic. Okay. Do you like snakes more than birds? No, I don't like snakes either. Do you like snakes more than rats? Or rats more than snakes? What's cool is they all eat each other, all three of these things. Yeah, exactly. We got a cool cycle happening here.

Dude, I used to go to church so much. My grandpa built a church out here. Like, that was his thing. He built a... You went so much that he built it? You know what? I'm going to build you a church, kid. You know what? You like it so much. Merry Christmas. He built it. That's the last time I was in a church was for his funeral. Like, I was in the sanctuary that he built. And it was like, whoa. Like, this is two generations removed. And it's just like, he put the stained glass up.

He built a sanctuary for people to worship in, and I'm telling dick jokes. Oh, come on, man. You're staining glass? Yeah. It's just so weird. It sounded like his life was pretty boring, honestly. Not to shit on your grandpa, but your life is fucking way better. Too late. Oh!

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's just two different ways of thinking about what your goals are in life. I don't know. I like your life better. I vote for Kyle's life. He was a hella funny dude, though. Allegedly. Allegedly. I've never heard it. He just did his act hella clean, you know? Can he text Adam Sandler right now? Exactly. He said the funniest thing to me. He also had a great dick joke that was just hilarious. When we went to Mexico—

And we were Porto Vallarta and we went in and we were all swimming and then we were wearing swim shorts and you know how swim shorts have the net in it and stuff. Sure. We went into the bathroom and I was standing in one urinal and he came in and stood in the next urinal and he was just like, he's just mumbling to himself and he's like, where did I put the net? Okay. That's pretty good. Grandpa bid for the win. And I was like, oh man. And that's funny because like small cocks right in your family? Yeah.

It was great. Let me know what path I should be running on for the next 10 years. Embrace the small dinks. If you got it, make fun of it. Embrace the mold. It's all good. That's a good one.

Yeah, it was hilarious because, I mean, nobody made small cock jokes at that point. Everybody was like, oh, my dick's so big. My dick's so big. Everybody, yeah, it was all Big Johnson jokes. Everybody was wearing the t-shirts of the dork with the huge dick, Big Johnson. Yeah, and I was like, Grandpa, that's it. And that's when you decided to get into comedy. You were like, wait a minute. Small cock comedy.

Small cock comedy, grandpa. I could make a career out of this, grandpa. And he goes, I bless you, my son. And then father, son, Holy spirited you. And then screamed, let's go. Let's go. I don't like caged birds. I don't think that feels right. Yeah. I mean, I have one. I have one.

This is why it's hitting you a little hard. What if it's a chicken? If it's a chicken in the coop, we can roll with that. Well, chicken, at least you're like, they cock-a-doodle-doo you in the morning. No, that's a rooster. Oh, okay. Well, then, yeah, fuck chickens. I like roosters. But chickens are delicious. They make eggs. Yeah, well, they're spitting out some eggs, so you at least get to use something. Eggs don't come out of their mouths.

I know. They're spitting them out of their butts, right? You think it's like a Yoshi situation? Wait, that is a good question. Do eggs come out of chickens' ass or is there like another butthole? Now...

An egg is a period, just so you know. Okay, but girls don't have periods out of their butthole. Wait, do they? How often do eggs, do they, is it only once a month or how often do? They give an egg every day. Oh. So they have a period every day. Yeah. Well, it's like a non-

active period. It's in an egg. Hey, and feel free to text us the truth about this shit that we don't know about. No, no, I'm pretty positive that an egg is a period that is not being fertilized.

That's tight. You sound like one of those astronauts that gave the female astronauts 50,000 tampons. Who's like, is this enough? Are we good? This might be enough. But Kyle, you didn't answer my question. Do they have two buttholes? Do they have an egg butthole and a

I don't know how many holes they have. Sorry, I don't know that. Vagina. It's a vagina. Oh, the egg is coming out of their vagina? Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's the period. They're not shitting out eggs. Where is a vagina located on a chicken? Bend over, I'll show you.

Did I do that? What do you mean, where is it located? It's basically in the same spot as you probably think it is. Yeah, kind of the same spot that you would think. Yeah, if you maybe drop some acid to get in there, it would be super vibrant buttholes looking at you, and then something. I don't know. There has to be animals that have dicks and vaginas in really weird spots, right? Oh, for sure. You mean like Star Trek where he kicks the dude in the knee and it turned out to be his nuts? That's like when you kick Adam with his lap hog.

I don't remember that, but I like that. That was a classic. What was that? That was the famous Star Trek movie. What's it called? Rathacon, where he's fighting this giant dude, and he kicks him in the knee, and he goes down hard, and he's like, what the fuck? He's like...

that's where his testicles are. I love that. It's off the chain. Did we write Star Trek? What happened with it? I think we should. Yeah. I want to go check out some Star Trek now. That just got me in. Heroes and icons. That was one of my favorite bits on set when we would like, hey, have a good scene. And then we'd tap each other on the knee. And then that person would go, ah, the middle of my dick. Ah.

You just hit the middle of my dick. You just got the middle of my dick. Ow. Because the end of it's way down there. Bully. I had fun on that show too. Yeah, that show was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed that show, guys. That was a long time ago. You know we're done shooting the show? I don't know. I was talking about something with Khloe.

And I was like, yeah, like two years ago when we started. And she was like, it's more than two years ago. And I'm like, yeah, how long has it been? It's been four years now. Four years since we've been done with the show. What was it, like August of 2016 or something? I think. Something like that or October, November, at the end of. Yeah, it was like October or November. Yeah, maybe the beginning of November. It was harvest season because y'all were smoking my weed on the roof, real weed. It was harvest, baby. I don't want to talk about it. That shit was so sick.

you guys fucking smoked my first crop of weed on the roof in the last shot. I was mad high for that last scene of Workaholics. Oh, yeah. That was hilarious. No, I was higher. I was higher. Isn't that... And I cried. Yeah. Did you say that? Is that in the show where like, this is real weed? No, this is real weed.

Something like that. The credits. That was Blake saying that. Blake was going, and this is real weed. And I'm like, I know. We're in character. Yeah, we're acting. And he's like, it's real weed. I'm like, I know. Obviously, it's real weed. We're the characters. Rolling. Shit.

Huge crane shots. So good. So good. Perfect ending, dude. Yeah, for sure it's real, like how it always has been for every scene of the show. Oh, man, this is real. I'm glad we did that. Hear that? Pumpkin. Pumpkin.

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