Ep 231: Big Jay Oakerson
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Hey, we're here. We might be drunk, folks. We're back. We're talking right now. Is the thumbs up in text? Are you talking like when you highlight the text and do the thumbs up? Yes. Or just the big thumbs up? I think the big one works. Big thumbs up. They're both passive aggressive. Yeah, but that, I got a big one from a guy I want to like me, and I was crushed. Was it a comment? Yeah. Was it Jerry? No, he doesn't know how to do that. He's using a fucking landline.

But it was a comic we all love and know, and he's been on the show. But he gave me one of the, I said, like, I loved your show or your special, and he went. Thumbs up. Yeah, but comics can't take a cop money. Ah! I got it. Second guess. Hey, Mark.

Thank you. Thank you. And it was the big yellow one, too. Thumbs up? Yeah. That's kind of mean. Well. To I loved your special? I said something. I said something like. To I loved your. I think you would say thanks. To I loved. Yeah, it might have been something else. Yeah. To I loved your special. That's painful.

painful. Also, we had been chatting a little, and then I think he kind of was like, alright, I'm done here. That is the problem with texting, is knowing when to dip out, because if you have a long one going, and I'm nervous, even if it's like a famous dude, I don't want to overstate it. No. Where I'm like, I don't want you to think I'm trying to get something. Totally. And I think there's an age thing. Over 50, they don't like texting all day. We can go back and forth all night, you know?

But over 50-year-old guy, they're like in and out on text. I saw Paul Rudd at a Knicks game, and he just came up and started chatting me. He's really cool. He's a really nice guy. But I also don't want to be the guy who he's like, all right, well, it's good. Of course. So I'm the one who's like, well, it's great to see you. Let me get out. Yes, yes. Let me hit that eject.

button. Yes. In the words of Costanza, the longer I stay here, the more damage I'll do. I know. So I get in, I get out, I get out on a hike. How sad is that that that's both our confidence level? Totally. We're professional entertainers and I'm like, the more we talk to you, we will ruin it. Well, I will say an abortion joke or... Oh my God. I did it the other night. I was at a bar. I was at a random bar just...

Really nice guy, comping drinks. I'm hammered. I'm hammered after the Knicks loss. And his wife is really nice, but I say retard. And she goes, that's really messed up. I work with special needs kids. And she goes, I work with special ed. And I go, well, I was in special ed. Good save. Yeah. And she goes, well, I also work with kids with a speech disability. I said, I had a speech disability. Whoa.

It's like your N-word. And she just paused and goes, well, I guess you could say it then. All right. You won. I said, you know, I kissed a boy in second grade. Maybe there's another word I could say. That's how we met.

Wow. Good job, because you never win those. Those are unwinnable. And then I just kept throwing them in there excessively, and she started laughing. I broke her down. Now let me throw this at you and see what sticks. I saw a couple of kids at an ice cream parlor or a pizza shop, and they kept throwing the N-word out. These are black kids, but they were young, and they kept throwing the N-word out. And a lady goes, hey, do you mind stop cursing? I'm with my kid. And they were like,

We're saying the N-word. And she's like, that's a curse word. And I was like, that's a good point. I never thought of it that way. She's a white woman, though. She was. With a white kid. That's an interesting... But she's kind of right. But then you got a white lady telling black people to not say the N-word. So there's a lot of layers here. There are layers. That is a very tricky situation. But you don't want your kid picking up that word. You really don't. Wow. Especially if it's a white kid. Yeah. I heard them say it. I don't know. I met Kid Rock's kid. But...

But yeah, no, you're right. But it is a bad word. Yeah. But you can't tell black people not to say the word, even though, hey, we invented it. There's a lot going on here. I think we invented it. Did we? I assume. We must have. We must have. I think it comes from the Latin. I'll look it up. The Latin? Latin for what? A lot of black people. The word black is negro.

That's Spanish, too, though. I meant the Latin language. I thought it was the African country. Niger? Yeah. Let's be careful here, boys. We're in dangerous waters here. Well, maybe our guest can tell us when he comes in. I don't know how to type this in. Origin of? Well, that is a sticky situation. Can you say it? Yeah. How old are the kids? 13, you know, young, 14, 15.

Yeah, so they were a rambunctious bunch. That is a worse word than fuck. Agreed, agreed. All right, there it is. So...

Wait a minute. Origin lies with the Latin adjective niger, meaning black. Okay. Well, that makes sense. Yeah, but it's also bad that you know that. You don't want to be the guy that knows too much about the N-word either, Salacuse. Right. I saw Che years ago at a mic, and he goes, you know why black people get so mad at the N-word? Because we don't even know what it means. And I was like, that's a great point. Because it's just this evil word. And then he went up and used it as the punchline. He did. He did.

That's kind of a callback. No, no. But you know what? They get that, and it's like when a white guy says motherfucker, they get to say the N-word of the punchline, and it hits harder. It hits. It does. And it gets overused a lot, too. There's a lot of black comics who say it for every punchline. You're like, wow, you're talking about milk. Yeah. At some point, you've got to lose it. I go up to them. I say, do you mind not cursing? I'm sorry. Yeah, so it's a tough one.

We got to get Sam J in here and pick her brain. She likes the word. I was at a Knicks game with her once, and she's just like, this is like a year or two ago, and she's like, man, I hate Julius Randle. He fucking sucks. Fuck Julius Randle. And I was like, hey, his kid is two seats down. Oh.

And she was like, shit. In her defense, she felt bad. She was like, ah, god damn it. Damn. But if you're the son of an athlete and you're sitting at the games, you're going to hear it. You're going to hear it about your dad. That's a good point. Those Knicks seats really seem like a scene. Oh, yeah. Always. It's a scene. I mean, you're meeting Paul Rudd and Sam Jay. I will say. Paul Rudd and Sam Jay, the big two. Ha ha ha.

That was a great Between Two Ferns. Paul Rudd was on, and Galifianakis goes, so how's it going, pretending you're not a Jew? Which I loved. And he broke. He broke him. It was great. Damn, that's a great line. Great line, because I didn't know till that moment. Because he's like, you know, fun-loving, handsome. Is Rudd his real last name? I'll look it up. Oh, Ruddstein. Rudzinski. Rudberg. Rudberg. Rudd. Schwitz. Schwitz.

I don't know. Good question. He's from Kansas City. You've been on the road? That's his name. I have, yeah. By the way, I just had Joe's in Kansas City, the barbecue. Best barbecue I've ever had. Oh, there you go. You've been there? The gas station one? I think I have, yes. Holy shit. Was there a line? We got it. They picked it up for us at the venue. Had a runner. Dude, it was phenomenal. Nice. It's pretty great, but you've got to go post-show. You eat that shit before a show, you're like... Post-show, but then the problem is we go on the tour bus...

James, first off, our camera guy, James, there's women waiting outside the show. And I was like, I just want to watch a movie on the bus. I just want to watch a movie with the guys. Let's throw on LA Confidential or something. And James is like, can I fuck one of them? Knock yourself out. He bangs one of them in her car. Get out of here. Wow. Just off your, you got like the runoff? I mean-

She was either waiting for me or she was waiting for someone. Wow. He's a handsome devil. He's ripped. He grunts a lot. Yeah, big grunt. Big grunter. He's like Serena Williams serving. Yeah, oh my God. But yeah, good for J-Mo. Yeah, but then here's the thing.

He had all that barbecue. Oh, he gives sauce. And we wake up, he gets everybody cappuccinos. He's never done anything thoughtful ever. Yeah. I know he hot boxed that bus. I know he shit in a bag and threw it somewhere. Yes. Because he's never done... It sucks when someone does something nice and you're like, what did you do? Good point. Which is probably how women feel all the time. You get some flowers and you're like, what? You're like, just cause. Right, right. Maybe that's why we got the Statue of Liberty. France was like, sorry, we farted on you. Wow.

Wow. Good for him. In the car. Car sex is not easy. Physically and not easy to pull off. It was a big car, and the seats went back. He showed a picture of the car. He took a pic. That's guy shit right there. The first thing you're going to want to know is, how'd you do it? And he goes, actually, I took photos of the car. Yeah, you want to retell this story. We need pics. Yeah, and you're pulling up the logistics of a Honda Civic or an Odyssey.

That's great. Yeah. Wow, good for him. Got the runoff. I think that's why a lot of these guys are in these. The roadies for Led Zeppelin must have gotten so much poon just from being on the bus. Remember Tom McCaffrey's joke about, forgot which behind the music it was, but one of them where they're like,

Like all these roadies are disgusting and they would get blown so the women could go back and blow the rock stars. And he goes, I have a hard enough time getting blown directly. I can't even imagine proposing that. Like if you want to blow me, you got to blow these six ugly guys first.

And she goes, yeah, I wasn't even going to blow you. And he's like, all right. Remember that Eddie Murphy story where he's walking out of the Apollo. It's the height of Eddie Murphy. He's 20 years old. He's wearing a leather suit. He's got eight guys around him. Cameras are going off. This blonde lady runs up. She goes, Eddie, Eddie, I'm so in love with you. Smoking hot. And she goes, I want you to be the first black guy I kiss. And he goes, well, you can't start with me. You got to start with these ugly motherfuckers out here. Pointing at all his goons.

Good stuff. Damn. You know, 48 Hours was on TV the other day. That's just a good movie, dude. Killer movie. It's just like, it's darker. Every time I watch it, it's just darker than I remember. The opening, you're like, holy shit. The jail part? Not just the jail, but like, I mean, just like the two bad guys are fucked. Oh, yeah. Dude, Jonathan Banks, you forgot he was in that? Yes. I forgot he's in Beverly Hills Cop and 40 Hours. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, better call Saul, baby. Amazing. But dude, that fucking...

It's great. It's gritty. It's gritty as fuck. I watched a breakdown of it, and it was really smart, because I was always like, wow, he really treats Eddie Murphy like shit. Yeah. In this fight. Yes. And someone said, oh, he's dropping N-words, calling him watermelon, really awful stuff.

I'm not happy to repeat. But they said this is part of... Where'd that origin come from? So it's part of the plot that he's keeping him down because he's a prisoner. That all changes when he takes the handcuffs off him and is like, let's go get the guy.

get these guys. There's no more N-word. There's no more back and forth. They're working together. Now we're partners. Right. But he was like, as a cop and as a criminal, this is how you have to treat criminals to keep them down. You're legally required to call them names. That's right. It's in the bylaws, yeah. Derek Chauvin's favorite movie, by the way. Dude. The first half. Dude.

Dude, it's a good flick, though. I mean, 80s Eddie Murphy, man. Like, the charisma's off the chart. Oh, yeah. Black a pussy make you brave. So good. That's great. Yeah, that movie's amazing. I think that might have been the buddy cop original. Yeah, it was, like, definitely... I mean, because how many black and white movies were there at the time, right? And then you had Rush Hour, which was black and Asian. That was a fun one. Great movie. A lot of N-word in that, too, by the way. He makes him say it. PG-13. Wow, it was a better time. Ha ha ha ha!

Money Talks is not a good movie, but Chris Tucker is just on point, dude. Yo! We're talking black movies, we like. Yeah, right here, dude. Pull up. What's up, man? Thanks for coming. Big Jay Oakerson, two crowd work specials. They and Them on YouTube now.

- Well, it's on YouTube, doing well, thank God. - Yeah, I know, YouTube is not what it used to be, so good for you. - It's also just the scariest place, 'cause you, one, get to look at all the numbers. - Yes. - Yeah. - The beauty of Netflix, you're like, everyone's seeing it, right? It's right there. There must be millions at this point. - True. And the comments, don't forget the comments, my God. - Oh yeah. - And also just like one misstep with a word and you're like, are they gonna fucking bury this? - Oh yeah. - 'Cause that happened to List, right?

And Joe's pretty clean. Wasn't he in a pretty benign way, too, the way he said it? Yeah. It wasn't like a major, like, I mean, I know there's only so many benign ways to say c**t. Yeah. But contextually, it wasn't a big deal. He called Michelle Obama c**t. I mean, what the, no. But yeah, he said it 40 minutes in, too, and they still kind of flagged him. Jesus. It's brutal. I did the, I don't know if it was a mistake, because the first time, when the first crowd work special came out, somebody on my social team,

was in the live chat as me. Oh. And I watched for a little bit, like the live chat, and I was like, I didn't even know who it was, so I'm like texting my management. I'm like, you know, the answer is, you know, Tranny's or something, whatever. People are quizzing him. Right. And he's not getting it. He's just writing back like fire emoji or something. So I was like, oh, this time I got to do it. And then like people still don't believe it's you.

So they're quizzing me and I'm answering. It's moving so fast. And then you're also like, as you're looking, you are seeing the people being like, why am I boring myself with this? Yeah. God. God, the agents are the worst. I had a thing like on Facebook. I had a guy set up for me. So I have like an auto response to every email or message I get in there. So it's not smart because people will be like, oh, good show tonight. And I'll be like, thank you so much for contacting me. I'll be with you shortly. Every response is like, fuck you, you piece of shit. I don't know how to turn it off, though.

Oh, that's a weird thing. Yeah. It's like very fake. Well, they do that to... What's funny is you see the comedy clubs do that because if I repost like their...

or something about me coming to the club. Yeah. You get an immediate DM that's like, thanks for inquiring about, uh, look forward to our many shows by going to this link. Yeah. Auto response. Well, but back to the age, Ari just had that storytelling show and he allowed no industry. It was amazing. The green was incredible. Everybody got along. Salke's wasn't even allowed in there. It was awesome. He kept everybody out. Yeah. Yeah. What story did you tell? I told the story about my black, uh,

transvestite nanny and a hooker I banged in New Orleans for my virginity and I combined them. How? Did you do it? Yeah, I did it last night. Oh, how was it? It was fun. Those shows are great. Ari always sets me up weird though. He put me last on the first show last minute and it was after our

20 minute powerhouse extravaganza. I remember that bit. That was killer. And so I did this whole thing and I was after telling a first date story that went bad. I was like, sorry. Luckily Ari was dressed like an asshole so you can make fun of him. I don't know if we're supposed to say who's on it.

Yeah, I don't know. Bleep the names. I wanted to do it, but he was like, it has to be something brand new. And I was like, I have one new story. Oh, that's great. Closing on it. Right. And I was like, I can't give it up. I can't. No, don't give it up. Well, that's the thing when everyone's headlining a bunch and then putting out specials and these higher stake shows too. It's a little more coveting of their material. Yeah.

Well, the best part was I'm texting everyone because Ari asked me like three months ago. I'm like, yeah, three months away. Get out of my face. And then he's like, I'll see you tonight. And I was like, oh, shit. So I texted everybody. Not everybody, but I texted a few comics and everyone had not worked on it. So I felt better. No one had even looked at it. You don't have to say names, but did anyone in your show kind of eat it? Ah, the crowd was so good that it went pretty well for everybody. Damn, that's cool. Yeah, I didn't see anyone in the time I was here at Dubey at all. Was that the box? Yeah.

Interesting place. Burlesque Club. Did you ever go there for an actual show? I never did. I went once. A former NFL player took me and Christine. Shea Shea? No. No. Dustin Keller. Oh, hey. Pull him up. He was on the Jets. Didn't he get in shit? No, it was the other guy. Kellen Winslow. I'm thinking of him. I'm like, oh, good. You're not with the Raiders. No, Dustin Keller played on the Jets. It was weird. A couple of guys that liked me a lot who had come. It was so weird. These young Arabic dudes came.

that you know dressed like you know the flipped up they had paisleys underneath the oh yeah sleeves and shit

Good dudes, though, but they were coming to the cellar a lot when I was working there all the time. And they became fans. And then somehow through, I'm sure, nightclub life and dads having money, this guy, Dustin, was a rookie on the Jets. And they started hanging out with him. And they were like, yo, we're going to bring him around. And he started coming around and just became like... I became friendly with him. What was funny about Dustin... And it's so funny. I'm still friends with him. He lives in Austin, Texas now. He's out of the NFL. And he's older and stuff now. This is... He was in his...

Early 20s, and you're seeing the behavior of a brand new millionaire. Oh, boy. And, man, and so I used to think it was so cool that a football player is coming to see me. So I'm like, I'd invite him to anything. Sure. And, man, he got, I mean, he would fuck up so left and right. Just he would get hammered. Yeah. He would get hammered, and then...

$14 million. In the time he was there, I forget who it was, one of the players in the Jets got in trouble for a DUI. So then they started making it easier for him to party by going, they had access to a

like a accessorize party bus right at 24 7 in case they're gonna drink that will wow so it just made him party harder yes but uh dude one time he came to the uh eastville comedy club where eastville was the old one yeah yeah in the east village there was some fun nights of that oh yeah really fun nights and hot crowds on weekends and good lineups it was like ted alexandro you you soda che it was fun it was so funny the guy who ran that club was the

with some clubs. Some clubs are bad at letting in the new talent. He was good on getting a new talent kind of because of who he associated with that club. But then...

as the young talent you'd be in there going like hey you should work like david tell and like kurt metzger and stuff and they'd be like and he goes i don't get him i told him when ari moved across the street when he first moved to new york he moved across the street for me so i go ari shafir i just moved to town like you're across the street dude he's just want to work out like this

You should like befriend that and like be open to that. He's like, yeah, I watched his stuff. It's not my thing. Wow. It's like a dummy. And I was like, yeah, but even it's not your thing. All right. I get it. But a tell. So he just didn't get a tell. Wow. It's so weird to admit you don't get a tell too. Yeah. It's probably just playing devils. Honestly, it's probably just like, yeah, trying to be, say a words when there's nothing to be said. But,

uh dustin keller went there one night you know i got him tickets to the show and i was coming down from another show and you get that phone call from the club you know that's like uh hey man your boy's in here kind of being a problem now keep in mind he's also a monster of a guy right he's young he's hammered his uh what's now his wife but like you know his like hot girlfriend is like there yeah and like she comes from money so she's like you know and what he did was they went into the club

And they just were hammered and saying stuff like, and they're on my name, but not just on my name. They're also throwing like, you know, like Bonnie McFarlane was on stage apparently. And he was like, bring on Jay. Oh, bring on Jay. It's like doing like that shit. And I'm not there for this. Oh, bring on Jay. And when I get there,

I'm staying outside there. And he's in the lobby at this point, arguing people. Him and Lewis almost in a fist fight, which thank God that didn't happen. Oh, my God. This is also a pre-any kind of training, Lewis. And...

Not necessarily in shape. You know I mean against a guy who's like a top physical form sure athlete, but Lewis was like writing his shit because uh He was just being and I'm outside and like you know you're watching like four walls falling Yeah, I'm like I don't want to go in there because I want to be friends with him still Like I wasn't ready to walk away from that But I'm like and I'm just bad at going in there and being like hey, man. You're fucking up right and

Like, you're fucking up. I mean, but we've all been there. Like, you bring the people who are ruining the show for everybody. I remember I brought, and he's a great guy, but I brought the UFC fighter Kelvin Gastelum to the show one night. Oh, he's cool. He's awesome. I love him. But he's...

Had a few drinks with me. He's talking a little loud. And Will Silvins turns to me and goes, shut up. And Calvin goes, I'm going to fuck this guy up. I was like, no, no, no. He's cool. You don't want to hear a UFC fighter say, I'm going to fuck up your friend. It's also funny because you're going, he's cool. But it's funny because you're going, he's cool. But really the thing is going, you're not being cool. Yes, yes. But we don't have like, not we, I shouldn't include you, but I just don't have like that immediate. I have to get to like 10 before I like. Yeah.

unloads i'm like how many times because i feel like i'm getting kicked and you're like hey man are you not seeing you're fucking my shit up yeah like i have to get there though i'm still trying to salvage everything at first which is uh which i've fucked up i said my my worst one ever was uh like bringing the wrong people this wasn't celebrities when i first used to do uh carolines and i first got to the city i was looking for uh

some kind of work and I'd already done the job like driving strippers and shit to bachelor parties so I was like oh maybe I'll be like a door guy like a shit strip club yeah in like the city and there was a place called Bear Elegance or something it was like right across the street on the other side of Broadway from Caroline's

And I went in there and I was talking and I just think they just go up there bullshitting. It's essentially a whorehouse. Yeah. It's like they barely stand there waiting for guys to take them in the back and fuck really. How'd they look? Um, somewhere. All right. All right. But they, uh, it's in Manhattan. I, yeah, I think it's done now. It might be closed, but the sign's still up for it. But it was, um, a shithole upstairs, uh,

and uh but i just bullshitted with the you know when you're young comic especially you can't wait to walk in and be like i'm a comic right here i work caroline's over here a lot and you know so i'm becoming friendly with this guy and like oh we'd love to come see shows and the owner sort of i'm friendlier with the bartender but the owner would also be like yeah and then he brought the owner a couple times to some showcases and shows i did at caroline's and we're friendly and then one time i uh

The guy goes, hey, I was opening for Brian Regan. Ooh. And he goes, Duke, can you get me four tickets, which was not easy to do. Sure. And I was like, yeah, sure.

and let me see what i can do and i got them four tickets and it was the owner the bartender and they brought two of their prostitutes oh boy which they brought to showcases before sometimes the girls it was kind of neat because you were like oh now these girls are seeing me do my that's true am i gonna free lay when i pop in for like a drink you know uh at the place across the street yeah those girls would be like you were so funny and yes free hooker sure exactly and then um

So I get them four tickets. I didn't know they put them right in the front. Oh, boy. Like dead center. Were they hookery? Were they all whored up? Yeah. They definitely did not blend into the Brian Regan crowd. But while I'm... The clean comedians crowd. And of course, you know, and Caroline's used to do a thing. They'd give you a ticket. You take it to your town. I don't know what they did at the end. But like, and they'd write like, guest of Big J, you know, and have it on the board. He never saw that, thank God. But...

In the middle of Brian Regan's set, I'm drawn out to the showroom because I hear him like, hey, I've never seen Brian Regan break...

Like his energy on stage at all to a different thing. I'm sure it's happened, but like, he was like, hey, you're like ruining the show for everybody. You're constantly talking. And it's such an earnest, like, it's like, if you don't want to watch the show, it's fine, but you need to stop talking or you got to go. Like, it's really, and I'm like, holy shit. This is Regan, the nicest guy. The nicest guy. Sweetest, cleanest comic. And a legend. And he's killing, this is his last run before, like, you know, theaters. This is why his hair turned white. Yeah.

The air was not white at this point. So then I go back in the green room and I'm just kind of stewing, waiting for this show to be over so I can go out there. And now I am. I'm like, yo, you guys fucked up. Yeah. What are you doing? And I was going to go give him shit. And when I hear the show ends, I go out to the front bar of Caroline's and I'm waiting. It seems like forever for these guys to come out. And then the two guys come out.

without the girls weirdly but I'm not even paying attention to that I just start right away I'm like yo guys I fucking work here like you guys come here I get you free tickets you guys like you know I'm starting ripping them yeah and I would go and I go and you're gonna bring these girls and everyone's gonna talk during the show and they're already apologetic as I'm oh that's good they're throwing a lot of apologies but when I go uh and they're just gonna talk during the show and they were like surprised that that's what I was coming at them about they go they go talk during the show and I go

Yeah. Oh, you don't know what happened? Apparently, when the show was over, I didn't know because I ran out to the lobby and why it took so long for them to come out. When the show was over, when everyone's getting up, some older lady next to them went, thanks for ruining the show for me and the hooker just punched her in the face. Oh.

Oh, boy. And I was like, when he tells me, he goes, oh, yeah, no, one of the girls punched a lady in the face. Like, oh! Oh, God. Wait, what? Holy shit. And thank God, the manager at the time. How old? Huh? How old? I don't know. I never even saw the girls again or... Wow. All I know is... You go to Brian Regan and you get punched by a hooker. That is not on your bingo card. No, not at all. Only in New York. Holy shit. Yeah. And then...

It was the wild... And I say, I'll always give him credit, man. The manager that I think ended up getting fired from there for embezzling or something. Yeah. But I always really liked him, actually. Great guy. Great guy. And I think it was the guy that said to me, he goes, I'll make sure that doesn't get back to Brian and that was your guest. And he goes, let's not have that happen again. I was like, dude, that's one of those... And you're so young and calm. Yeah. That means everything. I'm like, I fucking thought I ruined it with the club, Brian Regan. They already made a thing really pushing to me because I was...

young enough in comedy that i was like oh i'll do it no matter i was like i want to open for reagan there you got to be squeaky clean and i'm like i'll sort it out wow so then i'm up there handcuffed on stage already what was funny was that guy goes when i was young enough this was a enough of a makeup he goes swing by the club at one point man we'll take care of you one day essentially saying free hooker yes i learned such a funny thing i went there one day

I was in a commercial audition or something, and I was like, oh, I'll swing by. The guy said he owes me one. How do you cash that in? Well, I went in, and I was like, hey, he told me to swing by. He said, you ought to take care of me one day. And he was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, there wasn't a bunch of girls available. He goes, someone's a pretty girl. And he goes. Precious is available. Yeah, yeah. He's going to give you the B squad. He tells her, he goes, hey, go take care of my boy here. He goes, I'll make sure I'll square up with you later.

And she goes, oh, okay. And she goes in the back. And we go in the back and she's so awkward. Yeah, of course. It's like midday. Everything's weird about it. But she was hot and I was a young, fat, horny guy. Sure. And I was like, and she blew me. And I'm broke. And so when she was done blowing me, you know, you know what to do? So like I pulled out, I had like 30 bucks maybe. Yeah. And I go, and I gave her the 30 bucks. And she was like, what's this? And I was like, oh, it's just...

And she goes, "30 bucks?" I don't suck dick for 30 bucks. You think I'm gonna come back here and get on my knees and suck dick for 30 bucks? And I was like, "No, I thought John said it was taking," and she goes,

Oh, right, right. She goes, so did you enjoy that, baby? Like the immediate turn, I was like, ew. You can't do that now. Holy moly. What do you think I am, some kind of prostitute motherfucker? Sorry. I got ahead of myself there. Interesting. I meant, did you enjoy that blowjob? Damn, we got to get her on the show. I wonder who she blew. Caroline said we had some nights there. It's just RIP. I think about the nights there. First club I got into it.

I think me too. Because I came up a lot. I mean, you remember the comic strip days, and they kind of didn't show me or Mackie love until I went to other places. Right. And the strip was cool, but Caroline was really good to us when we were young. Oh, we got to open for all the... I opened for J.B. Smoove once. It was right when he got on Curb.

The whole crowd was just yarmulkes. It was all young Jewish people. And J.B. Smoove is the filthiest comic on the planet. It also comes from his delivery and everything comes from... When I started comedy, J.B. Smoove was...

The guy that everyone talks about. Oh, really? In the black circuit, he was a murderer. He's hilarious. A lot of the things you see that are hack in the black circuit now are just doing J.B. Smith. DJ put it on again. Really? DJ hit that. You could do anything to this song over and over. Right, right. Well, he would murder, but you would just see people get up and leave because it was like families of Jewish people, and they were like, we love Curb, and he even came out to Bob.

So they were like, here we go. We're going to see Leon. And he's like, this is how I suck pussy. You know, and all that. And they just walk away by the end of the show. By the way, it's kind of his character on Curb Your Enthusiasm. I know. No, it is. It's filthy. I think he found a way over the years. I think his audience became so Curb Your Enthusiasm audience that he's learned how to do his thing

Oh, good. In the parameters. Dude, I saw the Larry David shows in Austin. I just went to the Larry David show, and they do Q&A at the end. And, like, dude, JB fucking murders. Oh, he was there? Yeah, JB and Susie were there. And they just, they're comics, you know, so they just know how to snipe and know how to, like, when someone says something stupid, just slam them. I mean, yeah, they crush. That's great. Yeah, he was a, JB Smoot was a monster. I saw it with Garland. Yeah.

Caroline's was big. I got into Caroline's by winning a contest sponsored by Salem cigarettes. Wow. That was like all arts. It was music, fashion, actual art, and comedy. And I competed in the New York. And then they had the big finals thing. And Caroline Hirsch was the judge.

And I won the comedy part. And so the thing was to open for one night for Kim Cole's. Whoa, living single. And I was also attached enough still to the black circuit that if it was a black crowd, I was like, all right, I could do well here. Yeah. Like probably pandering a bit, but like I knew how to do it. Well, you started in the black room. Sure. Yeah. But it was definitely, it was like I was unwittingly pandering. Right. It makes sense. Like I grew up in a pretty black, like heavy culture environment.

Anyway, so... And I never did the thing... I never, like... One thing I never did was talk the talk. Sure. I was never saying things on stage like how I didn't talk at all. I didn't put an affect on my voice or anything. But, I mean, I definitely... My material was like...

you know, you can't have no superheroes in the hood. Like, I definitely know all that shit. You're going to a black high school. But I remember seeing you, like, you walked the line. I remember seeing you when I was in high school open for a tell at Carolina. This is fucking cool because you had great shit then even. But then I saw you on fucking Diddy's Bad Boys. Oh, that's right. And you walked the line with me.

You were being you, but I still remember the West Side Story joke because you were like... What I loved about it was you kind of were like, this is who I am. I'm not fucking lying. My parents and I watched musicals together. That was a fun thing to get through in the black circuit was to kind of learn. It's so like...

It sounds so shitty to say, but it's like snake rules. If you go up there confident, it means you're already 50% of the way there. Right. They want to feel like... And black comics will tell you this. They paid their money and they want to be entertained. And if you go up there feeling... If they see on you that you're like, boy, I sure hope you guys like this. They're like, nah, fuck that. I got to wake up for work tomorrow and this was a $70 ticket for after party and whatever. Yeah.

It's like be funny. If you go up there and you can weather the initial shit. Sure. If you be yourself, you can be yourself. You know what I mean? It doesn't really matter. It's Coliseum. It's like a killer. The thumbs up, thumbs down. Yeah, the way it looks too, I know. Who's it?

Dougie Fresh just sitting up on the throne. Yes, yes, Xyz Gladiator. They love you, they hate you. The beard is way better now. Oh, thank you. So is the fucking neck and face. What year do you think? My daughter was a baby 22 years ago. Oh, wow. You threw the Sean John on. That was fun. Oh, that's smart. They made me. Oh, really? Oh, for Diddy. Damn, I forgot that's him. The whole thing was a marketing for his clothes. Oh, wow.

I wish they kept the footage. There was footage of him rubbing my shoulders in the back. What? And then I grabbed his hand and said, I want to share everything with you. Wow. And then he got weird, and then they announced my name. Whoa. I love that he can, like, rape people, but the second you make a gay joke, he's like, that's not good. Yeah, he goes, whoa, man, a little public for that. A little public. You guys heard the new Kanye gave my cousin headshot, right? Yes, yes. I haven't. 15-year-old cousin, right? Oh, I did hear this. I know there's a song. There's a song where he describes it all.

He's gone. I feel like he's appropriating white culture because he did a Klan hood swastika and now incest. That's our shit. This guy's taking all our shit. Yeah. What else? Did he nice to you? That was the only interaction I had with him at all. He wasn't involved much at all. When I did Showtime's White Boys in the Hood. Pull it up. That was the funniest thing because that was run by. See, this was done. This was HBO.

It was Pete Diddy. So it was pretty professional, except the fact that he tricked everyone into signing contracts that made him a manager of yours for three years. What? Diddy was your manager? Well, it's more complicated than that. That would be great if Diddy was my manager. Sure. He's got pull. What it is is for the next three years after you did the show in your contract is if anything popped for you at all.

If the sitcom you wrote got picked up or whatever thing happened, they will attribute that as probably because of P. Diddy's Bad Boys of Comedy and he will get a 10% cut. Of course. The next three years of anything significant you do. Right. That's what it was. So yeah, it'd be great if he gave it to you. White Boys in the Hood was funny because...

They did All Black Audience. No, this was like a John Jay. Wasn't Mark DiStefano on that too? Yeah, absolutely. And Joey Gay. Yep, Joey Gay for sure. Voss, I'm sure, did it. And I think Metzger. And then the other people you know, Jason Andors, Ray LaPouse. Remember Jason Andors? Yeah, yeah. You know what he's doing now? What? Heroin? Full Spanish comedy.

in puerto rico he moved to puerto rico like you know his name's like you know blanco and fuego something it's ridiculous good for him and that's him right there he did the intro for the show wow i mean this was a big show i remember this show well what was really uh funny about it was talent was the host remember talent sure talent harris hosted and treated it he didn't understand that like television is contractual and legalities involved so i think it was mike vecchione

I don't know if you guys remember Rocco at all. Rocco Stowe. And two other poor, sad, white, can work a black crowd comedians. Oh, Mark DiMaio. Showed up.

because Talent was telling people when he would get drunk during the week, he's like, yo, come through, I'll get you on. And it's like, it's television. And you see the producers over there while he's just drinking Heineken's, he'd be like, you can't, he's like, come on, we can get my man on. He's like, there's a whole process of the audience screening the set. I'll throw you out. Yeah.

He's not throwing you up, but they kept telling him, just all the names of the black clubs. Like, this isn't Nagasaki, fucking Freeport, Long Island, dude. Hey, folks, we might be drunk. It's brought to you by Shopify. Anytime you're starting something new, it can feel overwhelming. Finding the right tool to help you out can be such a game changer. For millions of businesses, that tool is Shopify. With hundreds of ready-to-use templates,

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He invited me and Christine to come over to their place. And we went there. And me and Christine felt so out of whack, like old people, old,

walking around these like young kids and then you went in the and then he goes oh come in the bedroom he's hanging out in the bedroom and there was a guy tattooing a bunch of their like 23 year old friends or whatever 22 year old friends and ariana grande is there and i'm you know starstruck enough you know i mean this is fucking wacky she's huge i mean even pete at this point is starting to have that fear where you're just kind of like shit yeah he would probably be done calling me at this point right and uh

And then just look, you know, looking around that room and you just see in a corner is like 50 year old something. Joey Gay is like, hey. Well, the guy kills, but he got white boys in the hood and he was like, oh, my God, he got it off some show he killed. So some guy comes up to him and he goes, you're on, baby. Two months, this date, come to this theater at this time. And he was like, I'm in. Calls everybody, knows his mom, his friends, everything.

He shows up that day to do makeup and hair, and they're like, oh, you're not on the list. And he's like, I'm on the show. And they're like, you're not going on. We've never heard of you. No one mentioned you. Check under Joey.

That was his theater name. But yeah, so he was like, I'm on the show. The guy booked me, Greg or whatever. And they're like, oh, we talked to Greg on the headset. He doesn't know who you are. He's like, he fucking booked me. What the hell? So Joey's like, fuck this. I'm doing the show. And they're like, you're not doing the show. So they kind of like get security to push him out of there. He sneaks to the back of the theater, pretends he's like a janitor, gets in the door, and he just goes into hair and makeup.

and just sits there like, "Oh, I'm third on the show." He kind of like avoids everybody, hides in a broom closet, and then he goes up to the host while some other comic's on. He's like, "I'm next, I'm Joey Gay," and the guy goes, "Oh, okay," and they bring him out and he does it and he kills. - Jesus. - Luckily it was Talon who would throw anyone out. - Yeah, exactly. - The first Gathering of the Juggalos I ever did before the, there was crossover audience, so it's a little nice. I've done it, I did it last year and it was great because the crossover audience.

But no one knew who we were at first. And it was a year that, I mean, that's the same year DeRosa told the story on his half-hour special about getting booed by them. The night I did it, they hated Lewis right into hating Vecchione right into hating me. Damn. How do you get booked on this type of gig? Back then? I forget who it was. It's just like when they get involved, they go, we want comedy. They go to Booker. Right. So whoever that book, I forget. It was like a comic. But DeRosa had already bombed this.

He may have done it the next night. It was like a few nights in a row. It was the first Gathering of the Jungle that had comedy, I think. But at least the first one I did. That's a scary gig. And it was a scary... Now it's like...

So pleasant. Really? They're older. They're older one for sure. But they're also like, we just have a crazy crossover audience. When we were walking around that felt like we have to like have a cart to go around or else you'll be like mobbed. Like that's, which is great. That's cool. Great for the comedy show. They come in like they're quiet and they listen to the show midnight after they just watched, they're all covered in soda and shit, but they're right.

They come and enjoy it, but that first time they hated us, and notoriously that weekend, Joey Gay fucking murdered. He plowed through it, man. So it's like one of those, you know, he started off in Staten Island shit rooms. Exactly. And he never really graduated to like,

headlining clubs on the road. So it's like he's... Those guys sometimes become scrappy and his situation's better because you're like, how many times on the road? If I went now, if you were like, you have to do an hour to an audience that's against you, I'd be like, you could do it. Of course, of course. You could do the time, but you're like, I don't know if I'll turn them around. Yeah. You know what I mean? If they're just coming in, they're going to hate me. Sure. A very...

I remember feeling that feeling at the time where I was kind of like, any show I do, I can do fine at that point. And then I went to with Adrian Appaloochee. We co-headlined a woman's college or something. And I was just like, from the first sentence, you're like...

And I'm fucked. You can't even rope them back in. No. They don't want Adrian either. They did not. No, they did not like Adrian. But I think she was a pleasant, like, they were like, oh, thank God. Right, right. One of them is finally going to talk to her. And then, yeah, I don't think they liked her stuff either. Well, same body. Too dark. But Joey Gay used to walk out. This is how good Joey Gay was. I opened for him in Looney Bin in Staten Island. Remember that room? Yeah, of course. Took the ferry out there. I met Pete Davidson. He was 14. It was crazy. But it was all mob run. So I went up and I ate shit. And then Joey Gay is like...

don't worry i'll get him and he walked on stage and he goes sweet caroline and the whole crowd went and he goes and that's how you find white people in the woods and that murdered and then he was set for an hour that's a great opener dude i remember watching him at cbs i mean yes think about the bombs we took at cbs i mean i great nights there too sure but uh i still remember wayne raider's abuse of us like oh yeah mark and i in the back of the room just like whispering and he'd be like shut the

fuck up and we'd be like ah by the way that was louder than the whisper right but we're like ah and then he'd be like i'm so sorry guys i got my temper shots shots and we just started drinking we're like this is such a toxic environment but we got the free meal too and that meal was amazing for a poor chicken milanese oh lovely yeah oh the whole thing yeah their tuna tartare was fantastic dude i got throat sorry so no i got thrown out of there now tell me what you think about this you get a free meal every show so i did a show but i had already eaten

So I was like, I'm going to save my free meal. I went back the next night when I wasn't on the show and I was like, hey, I want to get my meal. And the guy was like, you're not on tonight. And I was like, yeah, but I did a show last night and I didn't eat. And he's like, well, you can't do that. I'm like, well, it's I get a meal. What's the difference? What's the difference between a meal tonight and a meal tomorrow?

So he wouldn't let me eat there. Technically above board. Yeah. Your argument is sound. Thank you. Without a doubt. But it's more like they should have just given you the meal and been like this, like, okay. Yes. Big L, big L.

I wouldn't have a problem if you just said they gave you the meal and they were like, I guess. If you do the gig, you're down a meal. I did the gig. I never got the meal. The next night, you're still down one meal. I feel like it's all cut and dry. Logically, it is sad. Okay, thank you. Never work there again. Wayne was great at buttering up the comics in the good times with stuff. And then if you come to expect it,

Yes. It was kind of like that was whipped back at you pretty hard. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, well, you come here and you eat a meal every time. You're like, I thought that was the deal. Yeah, exactly. Why are you yelling at me for the deal? That's when you knew he was gay. You got like catty and weird. You're like, oh, I forgot you're gay. Oh.

He would be at your cookout. We'd go to your barbecue and I'd see Wayne Rader. That was the first time I saw him. No, no, no. The barbecue was at his... That was always his place. I thought that was your place. No, no, no. I was like, you're doing pretty good. No, no, no. That was Wayne's apartment building. In the village. East Village. In the courtyard. Yeah, I lived a few blocks away. But he had that courtyard and then we can go on the roof and do the fireworks. So it was a great place. Yes.

It was, yeah, we always have a time. It's always funny. It ends up stoking up like his anger in some way because he listens to all of this. Oh, we love you, Wayne. Wayne. Wayne, thanks for the $10 spot pay. I appreciate it. Every minute of all of it. But that's. He was entertaining. I didn't know. Listen, we. But it was funny. Like a year or two back, me, Dave and Lewis did an episode of Legion of Skanks called a

a walk down memory Wayne because we ended up I think we were talking about something ridiculous he did but then it was like we did have a genuine like our conversation about like because there is like for all the ridiculous Wayne's being Wayne stories there is I mean he was managing me which even it's ridiculous in its own right at the time I got uh

nasty show in Montreal, which was a big deal in the gala. Yep. Maybe my half hour. Wow. He was around for a couple of the big things. We went to Montreal.

together and stuff and like great stories and stuff but i can't do a ten dollar bill for your half hour special yeah great job kiddo and i mean like great hangs his shit talk was top notch like i was i was i was very inner circle he was fun he was but he wasn't abusive he was funny as hell no absolutely very very funny if it wasn't happening to you but i mean like you know i'm right there watching i remember having to rosa one time

I was like, he likes to build, he likes to break down. He's a Marines dude. He breaks you down and build you up. Yes. But he wants to kind of control that narrative. Right. And I remember DeRose was my roommate, still pretty new in New York. And Wayne was running the Boston comedy club and it was like a new year's Eve. And it was like, but Joey, you know, for whatever, give him a couple bucks and just give him a spot. You know, he's like, you know, and then he's like, yeah, for sure. And then, I mean, morning of, it was like, I can't do it, pal. I'm too slammed with Bob. Yeah. But he calls it. It's like a really like harsh,

Because he'll give you like the, like, listen, I got to cut somebody and it's going to be you. Ah. You know, to make you feel shitty about it. Yeah, yeah. And then Joe went into his room and he was just like, and he came out at one point, he goes, I'm going to take the bus down to Philly or Pennsylvania. He's like, go hang out with my friends for New Year's Eve. I'm not doing the show. And I was just like, I knew Wayne at this point. I'm like, Joe, what?

If you want to go party, like go party. If you do want to do spots tonight, I'm telling you, he's going to call back because now he wants to be the hero. Yeah, yeah. He wants to break you down so hard. You said he's abusive in that way. Yeah, manipulative. He wants to break you down.

And be like, you know, and then you go, when we pitched a show one time, the way you would call back and be like, Comedy Central hated it. They said it's just like this. And they, whatever. You know, it's all just negatives. And I was so emotional at the time that I'm like texting or, you know, messaging, emailing the Comedy Central people. I'm like, you know, whatever.

sorry you didn't like it and the guy's writing back he's like no I said that I thought it was very very funny he's like I just said that we have like we said it's like we have workaholics which is a three buddy comedy thing you kind of wrote here so it's like but you should keep pitching it it's very funny and I was like

That's not the way it was conveyed. By the way, maybe that way that maybe it's not the way it was conveyed to. Sure. Who knows the reality of the situation, but it's just like, uh, it was a great character though. Yes. He was a great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great,

Do you remember? That was Kansas City's Stanford. I never worked there. I heard. I heard the stories. But these characters like this. Vinnie Brand. I never got... One time I saw the old Sidesplitters guy, Bobby Jewell. Oh, yeah.

Bobby, I still get voicemails from Bobby. You fucking... You Jew liberal queer. Playfully? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I thought he was just going angry. No, a little bit of both. Pinky ring, toupee. I mean, he liked me. He was like... I remember I had Dina and Dina Hashim open it for me. And he was like, let me...

Let me cook you guys both dinner. And I was like, oh, thanks. Yeah, that's great. So before the show, it's like nice big steak dinner. He's pouring us wine, all these nice sides. He's being charming. He's showing all this baseball memorabilia. And I was like, wow. And Dina's like, wow, he's so nice. And then, of course, he shows up piss drunk to the club at like 10 p.m. And he's like, you fucking piece of shit. I cooked dinner for you. You offered. You invited us over. Wow.

- Wow, yeah. - Piece of shit. - He was so funny though. - He was hilarious. - I don't wanna say the club, but there's a guy, when people get like, they try to be too comfortable with you, almost based on what they think your personality is, your comedy or whatever. But there was one club, I remember the guy kept telling me, we have food at the club, but in between we could order you some of the food in this town.

It's like, you're doing that for me somehow, but it's also like, all it's really doing is making me on, I'm like, we don't know each other. Stop talking like Pacino and Glengarry. Never offended by like, the words don't give a fuck about, say whatever you want, but it's like, when you don't know me at all and you're just like, okay. Yeah. It's like, don't put on a show for me, that's a great thing. Like, you're not even making a joke, really. It's like you're trying to...

you're putting it out there's like this is just how I talk dude I don't give a shit it's like it's not no you're playing some character up sort of and then you think Bobby did talk like that I probably I've told this before but my favorite one was he was there's this comic role of Sanchez who's so funny and he was a murderer and he was opening the shows and he was like oh he is good really funny super things in Santoni right now but he's like ex fucking you

you know, um, military served in Iraq, fought, saw people die. And, uh,

Bobby just talking shit to him at the bar and Raul was drinking with me. And he's like, you fucking, you Indian. You fucking. And he's like, I'm like, Bobby, he's Mexican. He goes, what fucking tribe are you from, Raul? Raul goes, airborne infantry. What tribe are you in? And Bobby just goes, well played. Takes a sip of his drink. All right, he's taking it occasionally. Well played is funny. Bobby was funny as hell. He's funny. We were, the Craig Glazer guy.

I had so many dealings with him because he would pick you up in a Lotus, a fucking two-seater, tiny little car like you're a slut, and then drive you to morning radio and then do all the morning radio with you. Oh, jeez. And everybody hated him.

And every woman in every building he would harass and make uncomfortable. What club was he running? Stanford. Oh, right, right. Kansas City. And he goes, and one time I brought Christine with me. By the time this club had moved two times now and it was in Overland Park, Kansas now. I go, I don't know how much longer this guy's like, you know, I hear he's stiffing people on money. And so I go, I don't know how much longer this guy's going to be in the biz. I go, you should come with me to this one. And just for no other reason.

Come do the morning radio run. I don't know if he's going to hang out at the shows, but he always does anyway. Goes on stage every show. Oh, no. Not even for comedy necessarily. He doesn't even pretend he's doing stand-up comedy. He just goes up there and personalities them for a while, giving them, you know, hitting on chicks. Sure. Whatever. He's such an awkward dude. And I heard about the ton of blow at that club, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard to get paid, I heard. He made his staff...

He made a staff sign NDAs that they wouldn't complain about sexual harassment because comics tend to be a little like this with the ladies. It was fully... The staff was great there. They were one of those staffs at one point that were there for a while. So you'd go every year and be the same people there. And they were like, yeah, no, he makes that for himself. The most grabbiest, weirdest, creepiest guy in the world. But I brought Christine...

I told him, I go, hey, I'm bringing my girlfriend tomorrow. You still have the Lotus? And he was like, I'll bring the Benz. So we get in this Benz and we're driving. And where you go to do the radio, it's in Westport, which was...

uh bad part of town it's where the first stanford used to be and it's like a bad part of town and he's telling us he goes yeah he's he's being like this is his he's had known christine for 10 minutes drive oh god always known her i'm nervous and he goes uh

He goes, yeah. He goes, the old club used to be right over here. And he goes, and then, you know, before you know it, he goes, the neighborhood just started changing. He goes, and there was a club over here. And then we'd have our little club. And then there'd be a line of N-words. And, you know, he says it. Yeah. Wrapped around the corner. And he's just like, oh. You know, you're like, well, anyway, her name's Christine. She's originally from California. Been in New York for a couple years now. Yeah, it's like that blind, just like,

And I said, you know they're picking their marks. Yes. And I just get a weird thing with me. I'm like, why do you think I'm the mark? Exactly. And again, unoffended by it, I'm more offended by like,

You don't feel like you have to feel me out a little bit more. Right, right. Mark used to have this great bit about when someone's racist to you, there's that weird combination of you're like, oh, you piece of shit, but also, I didn't know we were so close. Yeah, you trust me. Yeah, but you're cut from a different cloth than most comics. Most comics are nervous, nebbishy. Remember that guy who walked on stage at the strip?

With William Stevenson? Yeah. And he was going to beat the fuck out of William Stevenson, RIP? I think you can find this clip on YouTube, but you stepped up to the guy and pushed him off. Maybe it's on YouTube. I don't know. Yeah, I got the guy off stage. Was it at the strip? At the strip. This is my last time. That was my last night ever going into the comic strip. Wow. Because of that? Or just... Yeah. Well, no, it wasn't...

Based off of that, yeah, I don't think there was any cameras on that. But your bouncer kicked in. Well, it was more just like, listen, when the thing was going haywire, because what happened was I did the first show there that night. Maybe it's not. Where I was doing the last two shows. There's definitely no video of it. There was the second two shows of the night I was doing there.

closing them and when I closed the middle show that place is that degenerated at that point I don't know what it's like now but it was it was all street team at that point marking people and it wasn't what I worked there and like not the golden era but like a good time yeah the weekends were like Patrice and and all these names of guys who were like killing it in the city and the room is awesome great room great fucking room yeah and I love doing it and watching it kind of just like eat shit and become like

you know group of like 15 Puerto Ricans who think that it's their show and they're pissed because they were lied to about - and you know and it was always just like I used to go up there my fun thing I did by the end there was going up there and just Finding out who's beefing in the audience because they were somebody doesn't like somebody at this table And they wish that bitch would shut up and just like peacemaking. Yeah, you know I mean that's funny Everyone's just trying to get laid tonight like don't ever the guys are pissed because they see their girls are getting out of the mood You know right?

And just try to fuck with him like that. But it was out of control. And William Stevenson didn't give a fuck. Like he was just collecting a check, you know, collecting his cash. So he would go up there and he's like, you know, you just let him talk all through it and whatever. And he had no control over the room on that second show. And I went up there and like even when I was trying to like work the crowd a little bit, they were just shitty. And I got off stage and I said to Christine in the cab, I was like, I think you just saw my second to last spot for a long time. Wow. At the comic strip. I go, I'm not going to put it there anymore. That's a bummer.

i guess this is a classic that's where i met you yeah i mean it's like bomber what it was i used to do late night there every night man come on like i loved i loved it so great and even at the end of that two hour whatever two and a half hours they'd still be hot sometimes you know yeah because people keep coming in too it's like that kind of like rotating thing that the seller used to be like that oh yeah it's kind of fun you know i mean there was i said i worked at the cellar at a time where like

When I went on stage, sometimes there was 20 people only in the audience. Yeah. That changed. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy to think about. Now they have four rooms and they're making another one. The biggest. Yeah, right. The biggest of them. But where was I at? Oh. William Stevenson. Oh, so William. I'm never working there again. Yeah, so when I go back for that last set.

It's funny. I was going back. I just started talking about the comic strip to Christine, and I was like, ah, maybe I'm being crazy. Literally, comic strip is where I met my ex-wife. My daughter wouldn't be alive, wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the comic strip. Damn. It's the second club I ever got into in New York. Mm-hmm. So I was like, ah, maybe I'm being hard on myself. And then as I'm watching the next one, William has no control over the thing he's doing.

Some girl had her feet on the stage, and he did like I mean even like the hackneyed like you in show business right then get your feet off the stage and

Like he throws a right away. And you're like, which is funny. And then the boyfriend's talking shit back and he's just, Steven's like, man, shut up. That guy was huge. There must be video of it because I saw the guy was giant. It was like a big blonde guy. That's tough though out of the gate when the host calls your girlfriend a bitch. You might be confusing it with the one there is a video of. It was a Kill Tony video.

Where the guy goes at Jeremiah Watkins and I get him off. I push him off stage. Oh, I don't know. Which there is a video of that. I swear it was at the strip. I remember something. Someone. It must have been a pick or something. Must have been a pick. Because I saw you like get in between them. But there was a. I remember this a little. So the guy jumps up. This is Jeremiah Watkins.

That's a different story, Matt. Oh, yeah. This is definitely not. This guy's on mushrooms and out of his tree and he tries to go with Jeremiah. Wow. The nicest guy in comedy. But I want to know what happens on this late show. So when I... So William's telling the guy and the guy starts jawing at William's whatever and then the guy gets on stage and I'm like, nice because...

The heyday of the strip, like my mind was like, I mean, I'm still friends with Gills, one of my close friends who was a bouncer there forever. Omar now went on to become a Long Island police officer. But these guys were like good bouncers and good in the sense like it wasn't, they weren't like a talk shit and rough you up. They were get you outside guys. Yeah. They were like, let's just get you outside and then, all right, bye. Right. Sure, I'll fight. We'll fight you. Let's go, tough guy. We'll get outside. And they got outside and closed the door and like, you know, we'll see you later. Yeah.

There was no bouncers. When I came in that night, actually, they were laughing. They said they were going to kick somebody out, but they decided not to, which I hate this. We figured we'll let you handle them. Yes, of course. Because you talk to the crowd and stuff. But they took the manager, Dan's hat off.

his fedora hat and started doing like keep away from him. Oh my God. As soon as they walked in and they said they didn't kick them out for that. Jesus. By the way, I'm a, yeah, I, I do crowd work sometimes. I'm not a black belt in a jujitsu. Yeah. Come on, man. Right. So I mean, I realized when I, the guy gets up there, I'm like, Oh, this guy's about to get fucking removed, you know, violently off stage. And then I'm like, Oh shit, there's no bouncers here anymore.

So I was like... And this guy was in William's face. I don't think William saw that this guy was like... He was going to hit him. He was going to do something. Young guy, too. Much younger than William, for sure. So I got up and I just got him, pushed him off stage. And he was doing like, you know, see you outside. And I was like, yeah, I'll be out in a second. I was like, let's go. Get out of here. And then I get off stage and William gets back on the microphone. And I'm like...

Looking away from the back of the stage going like shows over though, dude like that's yeah, come on That's right. That's right, and he goes well you just saw him everybody so how about one more time big? Like five minutes, I was like William dude this energy is fucking wacky yeah Melee in here and we got out of there and what happened was I posted uh I posted on or William posted a thing the next day on Facebook I think it was and he goes uh

He's like, well, he goes, the comic strip. He goes, I'm not telling other comics what to do. I'm just letting you guys know that the comic strip removed me from their schedule for the rest of my book shows because of something last night, whatever. And I wrote back. I'm like, dude, that fucking sucks. They go, well, it's not fully in solidarity to you necessarily. I respond with this. It's not fully in solidarity, but I go, I said yesterday when I was there, I go, I think I'm laying off that place. I think I'm done at that place. Well, that's out of control. Yeah. Just wrote that on Facebook.

And then Richie Tinkin, or a lot of people thought it was his wife, his weird wife, Jeannie. But somebody was coming on social media. It was Twitter, I think, at the time. And they're just going, and it's like, we don't want you to work there anymore anyway. And they're just coming at me, and it was like, their argument was that I defended a guy calling a woman a

And they're going back and forth with that. They go, either way, it's not that. They wrote the dumbest things. Defended. They wrote the dumbest things, yeah, that I didn't let William Stevenson. I'm like, I think I wrote back. I'm like, I think I saved you from a lawsuit. Yeah, right. I was like, that guy was going on stage to hurt William. And wear the bouncers. I was like, you should be thanking me. This is fucking crazy. Wow. And they're like, you shouldn't defend somebody who calls a woman a

And then he said the most ridiculous claim I've ever heard and I remember some of the names is Seinfeld Ray Romano Chris Rock and I don't remember the one or two more examples He goes those guys never have had to use the word on or off stage And I was like that's a ridiculous claim to make even for Jerry Seinfeld. I bet it's come out of his mouth I'm like, but this is a moot point and then I

on and on they're shitting on me and this is back and forth that I was almost having fun with at a point because I'm like I guess fuck this place yeah

And then I just thought about the thing that I used to talk about all the time before podcasts were everywhere. Uh-oh. But I used to always think it was so funny that well before it was an issue that they have Richie Tinkin, the owner, was Eddie Murphy's manager forever. Yeah. And they'll tell you about it too. Yeah. In his golden years. And photos and gold albums. Yeah. And they have two Eddie Murphy albums up.

And I'm typing this, and the thing, I go, you have two Eddie Murphy hours up, one with a track that says, and the second one says, revisited. And I go, now, are we worried about pissing off gay people or only? Oh. And then you'd see it, like, systematically, their tweets just, they took down the entire. No. Wow. You won. And then Richie died. Yeah.

But that was a bummer. That's a bummer, that place. And that place would kind of like have shitty stuff happen because that's like an emotional one for me in the sense that I said my daughter was like, you know, my daughter's baby shower was there because all my ex-wife's friends were the staff there that worked there forever. Wow. I had great nights there too. I mean, I had a similar, not to your level, but I remember no security. Yeah. I'm on late at night. There's seven dudes who were just heckling me nonstop and they're big dudes and they're like, we're going to fuck you up after the show. And I was like,

You very well may. There's seven of you and it's just me. And no one's watching my back. No one's watching my back. And then I somehow got away from them, but I complained to one of the bartenders and he was like, it's not my job to be in there. I'm like, yeah, but someone should be here. Somebody should be there, yeah. Steve Byrne got the... I had to jump on stage for that one too and the guy... Damn. Steve Byrne, it was funny. It was just like...

too inflammatory and young steve byrne was a hothead oh really yeah yeah yeah and you know i just grew up playing hockey not afraid to throw down he would jump into it for sure interesting which uh was impressive to a degree but like how fast he would get there is also like right right stage temperament man you gotta like yeah which this is not like him at all now i mean he's like a father and whatever but we were like in our 20s still here yeah and he was uh a real hot head and the comic strip

I was next also. I'm watching this happen. In front of me, there's a table of Puerto Rican dudes and girls who are not enjoying it maybe. I don't even know if they... He was doing well in the room, I think. They were just being heckled or something like that. And he started talking to them like, hey guys, shut the fuck up. It was not so much funny, but like, hey, it's enough. And he was like, why don't you leave? Why don't you fucking leave? And he kept calling them O-Town. And then...

And the girls were like, fuck you, you blah, blah, blah. And the girls were doing most of the jawing, quite honestly. And then one of the guys, when he said something to the girl, the girl threw one of the table menus, you know, little stand things, like just at the stage. It didn't hit him or hurt him or anything, but it just like, still the action though when it happens to you, you're like, yo, dude, you're very vulnerable on stage. That'll get you irate that you're like, hey, I know you just lobbed something, but like you're letting me know that you're willing to throw something at the stage. Like what's the next thing? And so...

you know he's like get the out and they're kicking them out and and they're leaving they're walking out and some girl goes you're just mad because you couldn't take you know you can give it but you can't take it or something steve just goes shut the up and you see this girl look at her guy with like uh what are you gonna do you better do something yeah it's like you're gonna answer to me like all night and the guy just without even words almost reluctantly just

I mean, in one motion, running to the stage, scoops up a chair, and I mean, swings it over his head, and I go, I'm only able to go up behind Steve, the bouncer. There was a bouncer this time. Greg, who really wasn't, he was more of a bartender. No, no. That's not a bouncer. No, not Greg, not Greg the manager. Oh, okay. Greg the bartender guy. Okay.

He was fine. But he wasn't really a bouncer. But he goes up and gets the other guy, but it's too late. The chair had come over and split Steve's leg. And I grabbed Steve, which by the way, a lesson learned that I'll never do again. It was inconsequential at this point, but I did the wrong move in a fight. If you're stopping a fight and one person's only your friend, you don't grab their...

Oh, no. But the other guy was grabbed already, but I was also stopping Steve. Yeah. And then realizing he's pouring fucking blood. You watched too many NBA fights. Yeah. He was bleeding so bad. And then he had to go to the hospital, and the thing was he got staples in his head. Oh, my God. I don't know who it was, but Steve used to get mad. It was pretty funny. That explains his memes now. It's so funny how mad he would get because someone would just take like a...

Yeah. Like a rack of staples, you know, out of the stapler and like tape it to his headshot all the time. And I never, I never did it. No one ever knows who did it, but it would just, he would come in angrily, take it down, and then somebody else would just like put it back up the next day. I can't believe William Stephenson stole his joke. Like, look at that cunt. Stephenson's like, oh, that's pretty good. That club, I guess it was run way back in the day by the Westies or something like that. Oh, geez. Or one of the owners was involved with that. But it's such a,

I had such a history of the weird things. They used to have a porter, the overnight Asian guy named Tin. I was just so into that place. And he was the sweetest guy. You know him for years. And you're like, Tin! He knew us. He was friendly always. And then you find out one day, it's like, where's Tin? For the last 15 years, he's been siphoning booze out of the booze. That's why he was so friendly. Do you know how they found out? It's such a great...

Their clientele started turning far more ethnic than it was in my younger years. And a guy ordered a Hennessy on the rocks. And they came out and they gave him a Hennessy. He gave it back and they go, he said this isn't Hennessy. So they pour him another one. And then he walks out and he goes... And she was like, I saw him pour it from the bottle. He goes...

It's great. It's not Hennessy, though. And he comes out and he puts it down. He goes, I drink it. I'm telling you, that's not Hennessy. And then he goes, so we'll pour you another one out of the bottle. And they did. And then he went across the street to the liquor store and came back, bought a fifth or whatever. Yeah. And he poured it in a glass next to it. And they found out that that guy was going and taking little bits to give to his family's restaurant. Oh, my God. And he would fill everything with just rum.

and just put it back and then we'll really check. Wow. Years. I guess if you're already drunk at a comedy club, you're not expecting like a state-of-the-art cocktail to begin with, you know? Right. But if you're doing like, if you're going straight up. Like a sipping kind of thing. Yeah, a little liqueur. You assume no one's going to care because you're like rum and coke anyway, you know, or Jack and Coke and like, as long as there's booze in it, who gives a shit really? Jeez. Tin and tonic. That's crazy. But,

Oh, I forgot what I was going to say. You threw me off with tin. Sorry, tin. Tin. Oh, Steve Byrne. Oh, sorry. Now I can't stop thinking about Seinfeld saying, what's the deal with women?

It's a body part and a bitch. All right. That's crazy. Boy, comedy feels like it was way more lawless, you know, 15 years ago. It was like fighty and, you know, people stealing. I think camera phones are a big part of that. Yeah, sorry, Kramer. I think being able to document shit

changed a lot of shady business. I think so too. It also seems to encourage people though with the filming to like, let's make a moment. Of course. It's definitely that. No one's afraid of being the asshole in a video. No. As long as it's out there. I know. It might even like sell tickets to be the asshole. Yeah. It's like the Hawk 2, which obviously, you know, whatever. Came and went. But it's not even the...

that she's famous for this dumb thing for a minute, it's the acceptance of the fame. I know. Like when you go, it's like, well, clearly I got something that people want to see, so let me, and it's just like, no, it just made people laugh for a day. Right. Yeah, she literally was like, and then a second later, like, is she going to be the new Ellen? Yeah, right? Right, but she almost believes like, I think as soon as the Hawke 2 thing goes, a few days into it, she's like,

I think there's a path to me becoming the next Ellen. Yeah. She does The Coin, and then she has her own podcast. Totally. And did The Coin? Is that what did her in? The Coin, yeah, it was fraud or something. She got in trouble. Bullshit, yeah. And the Adam 22 guy got in trouble for that, too. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Damn. You guys ever have him on? No. No, I've seen the video of his wife getting plowed. Several now. Oh, jeez. Yeah. Yeah.

She likes him big and she likes him black. And you know what? I have no problem with that. In my pornography, I'm okay with that. Especially when it's another man's wife. That seems great. Yeah, it's true. It does add some evil to it. Also because he's in such a world, Adam 22, of like...

like, Uyghur and black culture. Right. That, like, nobody in his world supported this at all. What is he known for? Big Dong. He's definitely got a piece. Adam 22 was, like, a BMX guy or a dirt bike guy. He was an extreme sports guy. And then he started a podcast called...

bringing out new, young, underground hip-hop stuff. So he got all these people, the XXX did, and all these people when they were young, and then people, he was just breaking people. And it just got huge and huge. And then his wife just went under the plug, and she started doing porn. Oh, well, does he like guys plowing his wife? Well, that's a newer thing. They did porn. The guy was brilliant. I mean, his sales pitch must be fantastic. He goes, hey...

I want to be with you and only you emotionally, but I want to fuck a lot of other girls. I don't want you to fuck other guys, but how about if we do it together and we'll make money off it on camera? So their podcast that I lost .0 podcast of the year to at the AVN Awards, Plug Talk is him and his chick sit like this and talk to a porn star.

mindlessly for 30 grueling minutes, I assume. And then he fucks his wife and the girl. Oh. But they called lately for her to fuck somebody else and then she fucked that huge cocked black guy and now she's done a few more. Yikes. She goes by Lena the plug. Lena. Oh, Lana? Lena. Isn't that weirder? Yeah. But she, he gets to bang other porn stars too.

That's the deal. Okay, got it. But he must have had a good lawyer for this write-up right here. But his whole thing fell apart. It's falling apart, I guess. The whole network's going to pieces. You don't say. I don't know how to describe it. Well, Matt, you're so concerned. I didn't realize you had such a conversation. I'm not concerned about the wife at all, but the podcast falling apart. Why? The network's falling apart. He has a video. It's like...

it's why it's going broke. I think it was just they hired a bunch of people. They were trying to keep it going for probably too long. He probably doesn't care anymore. He's making a ton of money, I'm sure, off her porn. You don't picture that type of concept having like a season five. Well, no, not that. That podcast is going strong. The one he does where he breaks the people and everyone fights. But I mean, it's good clip watching.

Yeah. I find all these things because I watch all of the podcast breakdown ones. I said this is my first time being here, but I know the set so well because you guys have a great podcast for the podcast cringe and comedy. Oh, they love that shit. Well, not even attacking you guys at all. It's a good show for them to go at whoever the guest is because they'll go,

You can see Sam right here loses complete interest. Really? Sam was trying to wrap the show up right there, and you can see he just got drug into it some more. They always love going at Bert. They love Bert. So Bert's like, if you have Bert in your podcast, they're always going to be like, oh. Oh, we did recently. No, no, no. And it was great. You guys had a good time. It's a thing where it's like, but you can see it's like, Mark's over it. Sam doesn't want to talk about this conversation. They also have no idea what people's like.

Genuine relationships are and shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, he goes, Burt embarrassed himself. That came out like an hour after the episode came out. These guys are fucking on it. Embarrasses himself. Embarrassing. Yeah, rock bottom. Right there. Don't give him attention. Yeah, you're right. I already watched it. Because I don't want them to shit on our guests. I'm 18 minutes into it. Oh, but I said this to... They get crazy. I did this when I was on Burt's show too, though. I'm like, these people are fans. Of course. It's SportsCenter.

Right, right. You never felt bad when you'd watch SportsCenter all morning and they were going like, how is this guy getting a max contract with that sloppy, gross play? And you were like, I know, you're right. I paid. Right, right. So that's what they are to us. And no one else. We're still consuming all of our shit. Well, we don't have a TMZ or anything. So this is where people get their drama, their comedy drama. Some people go, like, listen, like anything, people go too far and there's people who are assholes about it. But I mean...

Most of them are like a fan breaking down. Because even the ones that go at Burt, like one of the guys who goes at Burt a lot, is pretty like even keeled in the whole thing. And he'll be like, I've been starting to like Burt's things a little more lately. He's like, he's getting into the... You know, it's like they just...

They don't mean anything, but they're just making content. Yeah, I mean, I have shit on my money. I think most of them don't mean harm. Yeah, I guess. I think most. But we're so sensitive. I think they forget that, that we watch everything and no one talks about us. We have to get better at that. Right. We have to not...

dish it and take it. I guess so. There comes a point where you start moving up and like, first of all, internally, you stop taking it because you're moving up the ranks so you're the disher only. Do you know what I mean? And the hope is that you get busy enough to not look. You don't have a person higher up than you kind of, you know, being like, shut up with your shirt and your Mac and didn't work.

You know what I mean? True. That's a good point. It's a good point. But it's better when it comes from a friend than it comes from a place of love than just a stranger who's like, fuck you. Yeah. And they put editing time and they put clips together. It's so funny. It must have taken 10 days. But you see comics who didn't come up with a comedian friend group and they do shit sometimes where I'm like, oh, you need a friend to tell you not to do that shit. Oh, yeah.

Totally. So you need your comedy friends to keep it real with you. Have you ever seen Soder do Elvis as Chappelle? No.

No. Oh, my God. It's like fucking trannies. Thank you. I can't recreate it. You do the voices. Get him to do that if you ever get along with him in a green room. It's pretty great. When I just said the rape thing, I saw Sam look over the thing, and all I'm thinking about is the podcast. He's going to go, Sam did not.

It's coming. It's coming. No, we should wrap this because we have another guest coming. You got to... Oh, plug. Hey, them on YouTube. Second part, they is that right now? There's a lot of crowd work out there. Jay is great at it. Oh, thank you. One of the OGs. Thank you, guys. You guys are two of the best, so I appreciate you saying that, man. Thanks for having me. I'd love to come do it again sometime. Yeah, for sure. Sorry I was late.

Listen to Legion of Skanks. Listen to the new- Bonfire. Story Wars. Story Wars. Jeez, you got a lot of stuff on the fires. It never ends. It really never ends. Can I ask you guys your opinion on something real quick? Please. I just got my first, as long as I've been doing stuff, my first 100,000 subscribers thing. Mm-hmm.

Didn't you think it was going to be bigger and heavier? The box that came in, I was like, isn't this thing like a gold record? I've never touched it. I don't know. It's flimsy. Oh, yeah. I've never touched it either. It's flimsy. It's plastic. It's plastic. Ah. It used to be, I think, also like a bubble that came out. Oh, yeah. Like it was like tactile. Well, this used to be a big deal, but now like my grandma has one. They're giving them out now. Just her unboxing present.

She died. But yeah, it's a different box now. But yeah. Jay's all over. Thank you guys. It's June 6th at Levittown. Yes, indeed. Governor's baby. Governor's American Comedy Company. Oh, I love it. San Diego's the best. It's a great club, man. Comedy Zone Charlotte. It's probably going to need a little love. Let's get out there.

Liberty Funny Bone. Yeah, I'm not sure if I'm putting you all the way to the back there. Let's build that up. Tacoma's fun. That's a great club. Great town. And the Stress Factory. Hell yeah. Always an excuse to kick it with old Vinnie Brand. Yeah. Phone on stage. The Craig Glazer of the East Coast. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

The Bobby Jules of Jersey. They always have their name on the club sign. Always. I said Vinnie Brand. If you told me that was a stage name, I'd believe you because that guy is big into brand. Stress Factory on Vinnie Brand cul-de-sac right outside of Vinnie Brand Boulevard. I love that room though, man. It's one of my favorites. When that room is pumping, it's nothing better. Open mics there.

Oh, I'm going to the UK and Reykjavik. I'm in London, Cardiff, Bristol, Birmingham, Glasgow, Belfast. Then back to upstate New York just to get humbled again. Rochester, Albany, Portchester, Burlington, Wisconsin, Eugene, San Jose, Hyannis, Mass, and the Melody Tent. And, you know, it keeps going. Then I'm in Australia. So tell your friends, fuck your wife, and take.

Take a hit. And we have Sam's Days here. May 4th in San Francisco. May 5th in Portland. That's going to be sick. Yeah, Portland, I had a late show on a Monday, so please don't fucking make me regret it. That's going to be tough. Seattle, Vancouver, Boise, Idaho, Denver. And then we just added Red Bank, New Jersey, Boston, the Wilbur in August. And we just added Irvine. Keep going. Oklahoma City, Vancouver.

Vegas, September 19th. Yeehaw. And then Rochester, New York. I love that club. And then go to the bottom. The big ones are, yeah, another... October 4th, Chicago Theater. Please come out. And then Salt Lake. I'm coming back to Salt Lake. And then...

in November and then the big one December 4th Carnegie Hall please come out I'm a city kid it means a lot to me you got some time but that's exciting yeah it'll be fun it's a milestone get some Bodega Cat folks and yeah praise Allah Legion of Skanks they them bonfire story wars we'll see you all in hell Sunday next Fender juice close and Norman's talking shit up in post in the same way up on the roof like feeling dangerous

♪ I'm out to lunch here in New ♪ ♪ This woman doesn't remember ♪ ♪ Be true ♪