They were experiencing burnout due to the high frequency of episodes (twice a week) and their demanding schedules, including Jake's movie production and Gareth's touring.
They planned to produce about 150 episodes before taking a break.
Sari was concerned about revealing her deformed toes to her new boyfriend and wanted advice on how to handle the situation.
They advised her to stop making her toes a big deal and to just let her boyfriend see them naturally, suggesting that he likely wouldn't care as much as she thought.
Sari's boyfriend never mentioned her toes, and she felt more confident, realizing that her concern was unfounded.
Selena was concerned about using a dirty sponge at her workplace and wanted advice on how to handle it without seeming weird.
They suggested using a decoy sponge left in the communal area while keeping her own clean sponge hidden at her desk, or simply rinsing her dishes with hot water and soap until she could wash them fully at home.
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And we are...
Back. Oh, Jake, Gary, Shark, the boys. So the feud is over. Well, explain what the feud. A lot of people have been writing in, why aren't Gareth and Jake together? And the truth is we've been in a nasty, nasty fight. Well, who do the helpers call when they require help? Who do the helpers call? We've had no one to call. Gareth, you want to explain what the fight was about?
Listen, it's obvious for a while the perm has divided the show. That's why Kevin cut his hair so short. I asked for the Gareth. And then cut it and then went to Supercut. Yeah, yeah. Once again, not a perm. Once again, a perm. Yeah.
No, again, a perm, a perm is a perm. Yeah. There's a, there's an actual, there's something is done to your hair to permit. All right. Get Steve Berg here. I'm out of here. Um,
Well, a few things have been going on. You are shooting a movie. I'm deep in production on a movie that has been way more time consuming, even though I knew it would be. But then I even thought we did a lot of prep on it. The three of us knew it was going to happen. We tried to plan ahead for it. But also the Garf Man is always on tour. Well, I think we also and we just started missing each other.
How much do we want to get... And I missed the hell out of you, buddy. How much do we want to get into what... I don't know if you want to keep this or not, Kevin, but as the future of where we're going, like how... Maybe we'll just plant the seed now. Okay. Be honest. Well, so essentially what was going on was we...
You know, when we started this, we started two a week. Yes. And we thought. During the strike. Yeah. And we were, I mean, we were cranking. Yeah. Well, originally Garth, when you brought it up to me, the idea at first was once a week, all zoom, pretty casual. Yeah. Then we started, we got an audience right away. The New York Times came in and we were having so much goddamn fun.
So we leaned in and so we started really trying to bank them. I mean, we were doing probably two to three sessions a week. Four to five hours. Yeah, which is insane to even think of now. And then we started going like, we're really not that far ahead. I think in our heads we were like, we got a year of the show. Yeah.
and then and then as we were looking at it we were like oh shit so but you know we also did garf and shark is we kept growing and changing then we got really into the video component of it then we started going in studio then we started having fun with patreon and each section was really fun guests then we started interviewing guests and so many eras so in about in a year
Yeah, we really had more looks than a calendar in this year. And so we really did. But I will say every stage of it was, at least from my end, very enjoyable. Yeah, and I think when we started to see things work, we were very like, oh, okay, great. But I think the main thing was that we were like...
Twice a week is too much. Yes. You know, with our schedules, also with the fact that Kevin has to pull calls that feel unique to some extent. Content-wise, I never wanted to repeat stuff over and over. Yeah. So it's something that I'm hard on, but I like the newness of it. Hard on.
It's funny. You did say hard on. Thanks. And that's funny. Um, but so we, but so there's been a lot of pushing and pushing and then movie came. My schedule got complicated from the first time since the strike happened. The Garf's man schedule is always complicated, but we'd always make it work. Kevin is in demand. Uh,
And so all of a sudden our schedules got tricky and we tried to fill the hole with guests. Well, we started thinking like we could, we talked about that for a while, like maybe, you know, a couple of years in or something, we could start tinkering with guest hosts and one of us coming in. So I think we just kind of leaned into that to just kind of get ahead of it a little bit in a way where we could do sessions. So we've been doing that. So then we were talking about in the new year, what did we want to do? We were talking about going to once a week.
And then we kind of just truly in a healthy way kind of got to the decision that, you know, we should probably take a beat and let –
You know, we've I mean, we really have put out a shitload of episodes, amount of time that we're going to have about 150 episodes, about 150 episodes, which is a lot. So I think where we're at now is that come probably right around. I think it's December 19th. Yeah, is probably going to be the last one.
For a while, to say the least. We don't know. And we're going to see what happens. We're going to see if somebody comes to us and wants to bring it back. We're going to see what that would look like. But we're going to halt everything December 19th for a little bit. But there's not any other reason besides I think we burnt out a little bit.
I think we were very focused, all of us, on the quality of the show. And I think we have definitely found that callers, we've always felt like we're so important to the... I am going to have to yell at my cat right now. Jose! Hey! Put it on video. Steve Bergen. Steve Bergen. You're Steven right now. I'm burning my chicken. Dude. Hey! God damn it. Sorry. Turn the... What the fuck? Get down? Is that any way to talk to your kitten?
That's a real dark, sad insight into me. What just happened? The real Gareth just came out for a sec. Whoa, Jack Daniels Reynolds. We're not counter boys in this house. We don't get up on the counters. What the fuck gets down? Now he's apologizing. Yeah, because you've abused him. Save the cat. 227 cats. It's a hotline.
Get Captain away from... Look at his face. He's trying to get away from you. That's so funny with the picture behind you. I know. It's very... It's like... Have you ever heard that story? My buddy has that story about going to see Schwarzenegger, and Schwarzenegger was sitting there with the pony that he has a picture of behind his desk. And the guy was like, uh, okay. By the way, he is a pony. Yeah, he's a miniature pony named Whiskey. Incredible.
But so I think also to let like the quality of the problems and that stuff really sort of build up so that we feel like, yeah, everything. And just make sure that like, you know,
I would say we want to do more of them. We just want to like have maybe a reason why we will do more. I also think the other thing, at least from my end, is what I really love about this is that it's an independent thing that we have created. Our partner, HeadGum, which has been great. We've really enjoyed being at and it was really fun recording at their studio. But
You know, we can do whatever. We could do 10 new ones if we wanted. We can release a random one if the three of us all decide, hey, on a Saturday, do you want to just release some, even if we don't have ads in it?
It's like, this is just for fun. It's ours. And the audience's. I think so. And I think we really, like, within that, appreciate so much the... Totally. The amount of people who listen to the show, love the show. I mean, I know that I probably get a different version of it than you do, but when I go on the road, the amount of people who come up and are like...
Have all the inside jokes, talk about how much the show helps them and tattoos, tattoos. Yeah. The people crazy. Killeen tattoos. What I really feel about our show is this was the first big chapter. Yeah. And I'm I loved it. And I'm excited to see if there's another chapter. And at this point, we're kind of have to wait and see what happens and what that means.
And I think that's okay. I think it could be really exciting. And I think the thing that if you love the show and you listen to the show, all that stuff, you know...
just tell people about the show because I think that we have that great return rate where once people start listening to the show, they consume pretty much the whole show. So that does us a huge favor. And then for the YouTubers are all got really mad that we stopped doing Thursdays for the people who have been mad that we're having guests on rather than each other all the time. This is the reason why we were trying to figure it out as we were going. Um,
But it's just been tricky. It's been, you know, this is a Sunday we're trying to record as much as we can together, but it's been the strike helped.
Yeah, there was, I think, yeah, I mean, without question. We have, you know, we, but that being said, I mean, we still have a lot that we're going to do together. And so, so yeah, so that is basically the update. You know, all the same ways to reach out to the show, all that stuff remains. So keep doing it. You
you know, Kevin will monitor those emails and we will hopefully at some point come back with some great problems to make worse. And so even though this isn't official, we truly thank you guys for being with us. It's been a lot of fun. And then today you're going to get two calls and a follow up. God damn it. Rock and roll. And after December 19th, we will say with further ado, because there will be a bit of a do. But for right now, without further ado.
Hi, hello. Hi, welcome to the show. You have Jake, you have me, Gareth, and you have guest helper, the great Kat Reitman. You're joking. Oh my gosh. Hi. No. I like the, you're joking. What if you were? You're like, I am.
Or if, Kat, you just hit stop video and you were out. Kat just left. I don't like it. I'm out. What is your name? Where are you calling from? And what's going on?
So my name is Sari, like a fairy or Mary or Carrie or whatever works. I'm from Boise, Idaho. Oh, you're out? Sorry. You're in Boise? That's all we have time for. So Sari from Boise. And I'm 27 years old. Okay, what's going on, Sari? So I think this is going to be a pretty straightforward one for you guys. You've heard of the phrase butterface. You're familiar, I'm assuming.
No, I just like a chubby face is a butter face. No, no. You've never heard butter face. Jake, you are just too pure for words. What's butter? Gareth, take it away. Well, I've never said it myself, but I've heard some of these misogynists use it. Right. She's she's really hot.
But her face. Oh, but her face. But they call it butterface. Oh, my God. So it's like... But she's got a great body. Neck down. Yeah, I got you. But her face is shocking. Butterface. Okay. All right. So now...
Okay. So now it's all the way. Terry, who's the butter face? Well, that's not the problem. My face is fine. My toes, on the other hand, are as buttery as they come. You got butter toes. I got butter toes. My nails were really bad when I was younger, so I had to have a toenail removal procedure. And now it looks like my two big toenails are coccyxed.
cocktail weenies that have been like mangled by a chihuahua like they're pretty bad i'm listening jake where's the problem here okay uh sari sari i'm back we're gonna need to see pictures do we have pictures oh i got photos send one would you send an email with sari offline all right jake do not send it do not send it to jake
I'll send you $500 for the bitch. I don't think there's a market for them, but you can tell me what you think. As a joke, I'll send you $1,000. $2,500 as a joke. Jake accidentally gets arrested. Now, hold on. I can boldly send one if you want. Send one. Sari, I'd like for you not to do that.
Tell me what the problem is with these feet of yours. So you got gross feet, so what? I do. I got gross feet. Here's the problem. So as a kid, I was made fun of them.
like a lot. How old were you when this went down? Sorry to interrupt you, Sarah. They've been ugly my whole life. Before I had them removed, they looked akin to the barnacle toenails that are referred to a lot on New Girl in that Pogo episode. So they were so bad by themselves, we just decided to remove them altogether. They were causing pain, not
not ideal. Um, but I was made fun of for both. So, um, I entered an era. This has been a bit of a trauma with these toes. Yes. Yes. And as an adult, I'm, I'm mostly fine with it, but we're, we're getting into it. So I entered an era of wearing socks full time. I wear them to bed. I wear them with sandals. I just, I wear socks. I'm a sock girl. And as an adult, I am a firm believer that socks stay on during sex. That's my opinion. Uh,
However, after a season of singleness, I just started dating this really hot guy down in LA and I'm moving down there in two weeks to be closer to him.
Let's go. It's pretty exciting. We've had sex a handful of times, and I'm not trying to brag, but it's like the best sex I've ever had, and I would like that to keep going. The problem is he always wants to shower together after, which I respect. He's never seen your feet. No, not yet. I've avoided it altogether so far. And you're moving in with him? He's going to have to. No, not in with him, but I'll be...
close by. Okay, hold on. Hold on. I got to jump in from the beginning. Okay. She's not going to send you the pic, Jake. We're getting pics. We're getting photos. Kat, Kat, drop this whole we're not seeing the toes thing. By the way, also, Gareth, drop this whole we haven't already seen them thing that while you and I got quiet. Jake, drop this whole fake Venmo thing. So, Sarah, hold on.
I think, and I could be wrong here, but this is the dog talking. You got some stuff from getting teased by asshole kids. Fuck that. Don't make these feet a big thing. I'll tell you what's not going to be a big deal from him.
You're fucking toes. Yeah. I sure hope not. If he was a weird, weird foot guy already by the third date, he would have gone. And this is a direct quote. Can I see them toes? I'm going down a path. That's not real, but here's what is real. You guys are already serious. If you make it a big thing and then you do this big dramatic reveal, then he's going to have to form an opinion on your toes.
Right. Just fucking take the socks off in the shower. I'll tell you what he's going to be. I'll tell you what he's going to be looking at in the shower. A lot of things. I'll tell you what he's not going to be looking at. Your fucking toes. Especially if you just banged him. If you guys. He's not going to be. Let me ask you this, just because I think Jake is totally right. I don't think there are. I really don't think.
It's just not a big deal. He's going to see them for sure. Sure, but whatever. But don't make a deal of it. Don't make a presentation. This is the only thing I would say. How are his feet? I have no idea because I have no interest in looking. This is what I would do. Interesting. I would get in the shower. And if you've got a foot thing and you're not concerned about it. I would get in the shower and I would be like,
I would maybe try to just get ahead of it and just say that his feet are weird. No, Gareth. You can't be serious there. You're doing that as a Gareth. I'm not. I offer things up as it's a toehold. Hey, don't you toehold. Meow, meow. May I? Yes, Kat. Have you two, have Gareth and Jake, have you two ever seen a pair of feet that you
That you didn't like in a either newer or older relationship and like said something to your friends about it, like her feet are kind of gross ever. No, I have said to the person you have weird toes. By the way, I'm the same. I've had people with weird feet, but it's never traveled outside of us just goofing around talking about because it's so it's just so not a fucking problem. But I'll tell you, I'll tell you another thing on every human body. There's a few big flaws.
You bet. And once you get into that, you can go like, she'll go like, I'm really insecure about the way my thighs look in shorts. And you're like, I hear you. Everyone has it. Oh, well. Everyone's got it. My fucking knees are old lady knees. They sure are, Jake. But toes as far as like, you really, it's so small that I'm sure it feels enormous to you. I just guarantee, like, I'm not even trying to be rude. If I dated a woman who didn't have toes, it would not bother me.
By the way, same. That doesn't surprise me at all, Gareth. It's actually something I'm... I think Gareth and Jake are giving you fantastic advice for once. And they're saying that it's not an issue, which it's not. But just for your own trauma personal psyche, I'm just going to say the obvious, which is
Throw a couple of pedicures in there and feel your best, right? Can you add some self-care? I don't think there's much improvement. I so wish I could. There's no thing to put it on. I used to wear it when I did have...
Yeah, I put the old nails. They truly look like cocktail weenies. Well, still, you can get the callus removal. You can get a nice, soft, lovely butterfoot. You can. Sarah, let me give you hard, real advice on this. Classic dog. You could put earrings on these toes and make them. Who gives a shit? We're talking about toes. If you're doing that for your own confidence, do it. Here is the thing I promise you don't do.
Don't let your anxiety get into his head and don't turn this into like this show, the voice where you turn around and he has to form an opinion because his opinion is going to be, you're right. Those are funky ass toes. So if you go like, I'm really anxious about this. I really like you. I'm afraid you're not like me. What do you think of my toes? He's going to go like, they're weird looking. But if you don't do that moment, then one day when you're walking around the house,
He'll go like, oh, Sarah's got some funky feet and that'll be it. Yeah, it'll go like it. Yeah, we all have funky shit. You just go like, yeah, she'll see. He'll see it. He'll think it. He'll move on unless you're turning it into this big thing and then he'll turn it into a big thing. Nobody really has that. So few people have like attractive feet. It really does not matter. I very true.
you know, that's my stance. Um, I do, I will say like as an adult, I'm a lot, I'm a lot less self-conscious about them now. And I, I make fun of them all the time with my friends in a very lighthearted way just because they're, they're just off, off putting. So I'm not so much worried about, he's going to see them and I'm not worried about me being like, Oh, my poor toes. Like that's not really who I am. The, the,
Fun that I like to have with my friends is we like to make up reasons as to why they look that way. We like to create lives. How funky are these feet? Oh, I sent a pic. I did. I'm sorry. I did. Let's have a look. Cocktail weenies.
No, I mean, you're overreacting. I'm telling you, you're overreacting. Here's what you got. I am. Your big toes. You got to fucking cool it. Your big toes are the most noticeable. The rest you can't tell. I am the rest have nails. Yes. Yeah. Go get yourself a pedicure. Yeah. By the way, I'm with Kat. Get some color on the other ones. And also the other thing. Neutral. Neutral tone. Neutral. Great. Jake. Jake. Bright red. Bright red.
Oh, get a little sexy. Why not? Here's the other thing. Stop making jokes with your friends and pretending they're these toes. It makes me feel better about it in a way because you're talking about exciting. If, if kids weren't assholes when you were young, true.
You would never even think about these fucking toes. And it's just the big toe. Everything else looks normal. Your big toes are a little off. That's it. They're pretty off, but I like your guys' opinion. You know what I wish I could do right now? I wish I could hypnotize you.
and go stop thinking about the toes right now and never thinking about it again because if you don't it'll be a non-issue you don't have to make jokes of them you don't have to wear socks the only thing about your toes is your big toes don't have a nail but they got the spot where the nail is yeah there's a door I thought it was going to be like really mangled crazy Sarah you could wear flip flops I'm a little disappointed me too I'll be honest I really want to go to a show I'll be honest this is a non-issue you're fine if
If this fucking dude has an issue with your toes, I promise you he's the wrong guy. He's not going to. He's not going to. I agree. He's looking for a problem. He's looking for a problem if he's talking about it. Then he's a weirdo.
Go get a pedicure. Go take care of those toes. Take your shoes off. Get in the shower. And if he gets distracted, give him the head or something. Truly? Truly. Let him notice. I like that. You've got good energy, Kat. By the third call, you got it. You got it. I turn everyone into me by the third call.
You twist us all. The gara thing. I really think if you hopped in the shower, I don't think he's going to notice. I think if he does, you just go, oh, yeah, like I had this fuck. It's easy. That's it. If he goes, what happened to your toes?
Try not to get emotional. Don't get into your childhood trauma. Don't make that bigger thing. Certainly not. Because then he'll go like, shit, never mention the toes. Then he'll go like, ooh, never look at the toes, the toes, the toes. No, and I want to avoid that. I would like for us to move into a space in our relationship where it's not a big deal. It's going to happen. Because it's not a big deal. It's going to happen. Certainly. But since it's going to happen regardless, it's more just like foreshadowing.
for the fun of it because I do actually get a kick out of it. Like my... Well, get there. Kick. Oh my gosh. Like, oh...
you know, what's wrong with my toes? Dude, that helicopter accident I told you about, it was really bad. Or like, oh, you know, you know, the COVID vaccine. I can't even go down the road of pitching how fucked up your toes are because they're not, they're not fucked up enough to warrant three or four joke pitches of what happened to your toe. I would be like, yeah, that's funny, but you're, you have like,
They're not that funny. They're just not that silly. If I went like, oh, you don't have a toenail on your big toe. And you went like, I fell out of a helicopter in the Panama Canal. That's the weirdest part. That would be the weirdest part. Why are you being so weird about your toe? That's exactly. That's because part of me was like, why don't you build it up in a way? So like you did for us. But it's like they're just it's just not that bad.
And it's certainly, it's not going to warrant someone being like, and it's not going to warrant a big story. What happened? Because also part of, part of falling in love, right? I don't know where you are with this guy. My whole life, my mouth has been something I've been teased about. And when I fell in love with my husband, we've been married a billion years now, but I've
When we first fell in love, I did that same thing where I would make, I would be the first. My instinct was always be the first one to make fun of my mouth because then I was ahead of him and then he couldn't hurt me. And it's a shitty defense mechanism that we do to protect ourselves. But in fact, when you're with someone you're really safe with and you love and loves you back, they don't even allow you to go there, right? Because they're like, you got the sexiest fucking feet on the planet. Well, I had the same thing. I used to always get teased with because of my really big dick and my strong arms. All right. All right, Terry.
Thanks so much for the call. But I was so embarrassed by it. Yeah, all right. Thank you so much. It's so big. My arms are so strong. Imagine building that up like after sex, just being like, get the jokes out now. And she's like, it wasn't that big. And I'm like, thank you for saying that. Wow, you're really good at this. She's like, no, honestly, it wasn't that big. And I go, that means a lot to me. It's actually small. Thank you for saying that. Yeah. No, no, no. She's like, it's big. Sari, did we help you?
You did. You know, I will say, like, I've been met with a lot of people, even in adulthood, who are a little weird about it. So hearing it from you guys does make me feel better. Like, you've got to own it at this point. It's a nothing. 100%. It's going to be fine. This is going to be easy. Let us know, but there's no way. I deal with it with a huge hog in between my legs. All right, Terry. Thanks so much. We've got to go. We've got to go. Bye. Thanks so much. Take care. We'll talk to you later. Sorry about the end.
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Hi, can we get your name and age roughly and where you're calling from, please? Yeah, my name is Selena. I am 29 and I'm calling from the Tulare County area here in California.
I was going to say none of us know where that is. Well, you hear the voice of a woman and you're probably like, that's not Jake ish. We Jake not here, but we have in Jake's stead a guest helper. Now, Arden, I will say I have PTSD to when I tried to say your name once on another podcast and I realized you have a why. There's a why. Why? But it's marine.
That's right. You got it right. So Arden Marine is our guest. That's me. You do a lot of great stuff. And she's our guest helper. All right. So how did you say you pronounce your name? Selena? Selena. Selena. Yes. Everyone usually says Selena because of how it's spelled, but I pronounce it Selena. All right, Selena. So here we go. Why don't you tell us what the hell is going on?
Yeah, no problem. And great to have you on, Arden. Thank you so much for being the guest here. I'm hoping you can help me. My honor. Thank you, Selena. Okay, let's, okay. Guys, we've done a lot of the complimenting. Let's, come on now. Okay, okay. And by the way, not a lot thrown my way. So that's kind of why I'm a little uncomfortable, to be quite frank. I'm also a fellow cat person, so don't you worry. That's not a credit. All right, Selena, get into it. What's going on?
So quick rundown. The office I work at provides dish soap and a sponge in our break room. You know, clean your dishes if you want. So Arden, right now you're probably picking up on the energy of the problems of this year. Wow. This is incredible. This is real life problems. This is our wheelhouse. This is fun for me. I already think passive aggressive things are happening in this kitchen. I know it. This is perfect. Oh, for sure. Okay, so I'm going to keep going. So they provide a sponge and soap.
Okay. Yes. And the sponge is gross. Okay. I cannot bring myself to use this on my dishes, let alone even touch it. It has that nasty, dirty sponge smell. I don't know if you guys know. Oh, I know. I, I really, a pet peeve of mine is when people are using one of like, you need to stay on top of your sponge. You know,
You know, I learned, I realized that this year that I didn't know that. And I had a friend look at my sponge and she was like, what the fuck is that? And I was like, oh, there's probably a lot of bacteria. And now I have a, I got shamed, but it was a gift. I have a really quick sponge rotation. Yeah. You just, once it's, listen, once it stinks, get it away from sinks. Yeah. I love that. Perfect.
That's your campaign model. That's the bumper sticker. By the way, that might be the sign you're putting up there passive aggressively, but we'll get into that, Selena. I love a passive aggressive solution. So typically with that, I just rinse my dishes real quick with hot water soap, call it good until I get home, wash them fully. Not a big deal, I know. But here's where the real dilemma comes into play for me.
Me, being a germaphobe I am, really want to bring my own sponge and or like a scrubber, but I don't want to keep it out for everyone to use. So how do I do that without being weird? Or do I just need to embrace the weirdness at that point?
Busting out my own scrubber for my purse. Oh, my Lord. I mean, Arden, do you have a hot take? Because I know exactly where I live. My gut feeling was fucking be weird. And I would be like, this woman knows how to be an adult. I might think of like a college shower caddy, like soap holder that you could put the sponge in. But...
Or like, yeah, you can get a fun little container store thing and maybe have it as art. Like if you have the tall one, you put it on your desk. Like that to me, it could be artwork and clean. Oh my God. You know, and I've even considered because I have like a whole camping kit for washing dishes. And I was like, is that too much to take the whole like pop up sink thing and everything? I'm like, okay, that might be too much. People will talk shit about you, but I think there will also be people that admire you.
I think, first of all, let me just give you some personal context. I travel with a portable kitchen on the road in my van. I have a I just cleaned it out today. I have a big thing of Tupperware, like a big Tupperware thing has a hot plate, has a pan, has a spatula, has spices, has avocado oil, has soap.
has all these things as steamer, like a little steamer. So I'm psychotic, and I get judged a lot. I go into hotels, and I look like a real poor man diva. I roll in, and people are like, that's a lot of stuff. And then they see a hot plate, and they're like, what's going on up there?
It's like I breaking bad every room. But so so first of all, part of me is just like to what you are both saying, like shirk the judgment who gives a shit. But you also could maybe find a middle ground where I would I would I would bring in your own scrubber thing. But I would maybe also throw in a decoy scrubber thing. So bring in two scrubber things.
One is communal and you leave it out there and then you have your own one that you have in like a plastic bag that you're keeping at your desk and you're bringing in there. It, it makes it so that if someone sees you using it in there, they're not going to think you're bringing your own one, but also that's smart. You know, I,
I think that's really smart because you can blend in in plain sight. You know what I mean? Yes. You're hiding in plain sight because nobody wants to hear, you know, there was a period of time that I didn't eat sugar. And then if you're people be like, well, you know, like if you're at a group dinner, they're like, you're not going to have it. It's like it was mostly because it made me physically feel bad. Like but like the amount of like question you don't want to deal with the questions all the time. I like the D.K. I also travel to hotels often.
with bowls, a cutting board. I break a cutting board.
I have a cutting board, bowls. I bring spoons and knives. I have spoons and knives. I bring measuring spoons. I bring oatmeal. I have a food scale. I have a food scale. I bring travel, peanut butter. I bring like the apocalypse. Like, okay, we're in the apocalypse. How can I survive in this days in for seven days? Are you packing that in your luggage? Carry-on. Carry-on. Crazy. You're bringing a knife in your carry-on? What kind of knife is this? So the knife is problematic.
Yeah, it sure is. If I'm there for longer, I'll check it back and I'll bring a knife. If not, I'll go to the Whole Foods.
I'll get a whole food. And you'll buy a knife there. You get a road knife. I get a road knife. Yeah. Nothing wrong with a road knife. Or I'll intentionally be like, okay, I'm not going to get an apple. I'm going to get like cut up pineapple, banana berries, and I'll steal one of the plastic knives from the like salad bar. And that's my travel knife. I'll be honest. I'm taking a lot of silverware on the road as well. Anyway, Selena, this isn't about how Arden and I are deeply, deeply troubled. Um,
This is about your potential decoy sponge. So that is what I would do. The other option you have, and I do think this is a very viable option, is to just stick with the rinse and bring a good bag for you to put the stuff in and wash it at home. I like decoy. I like decoy. Decoy scrubber. Decoy scrubber.
And then you need to have a purse. You need to go to HomeGoods and get your office purse. Act like you always have your period and you need to just bring shit into the bathroom. You know what I mean? That you're just stopping by. You've got your tote.
that might or may or may not be waterproof that you're bringing around the office. I think travel decoy scrubber. I think decoy scrubber. I'm not sure if I fully co-sign, but I'm open to a waterproof purse. It just feels like then people might start going, what the hell's going on over here? Well, how's she going to travel with the scrubber from the desk to the kitchen? You want to know what I... All right, you ready for this? Yeah. I think you could stash...
the bag with the decoy scrubber in the kitchen somewhere where no one goes. Oh, interesting. But either way, look, Selena, we've given you some options. You, you, again, I think, I think we're basically all signing off on the idea of the decoy scrubber, how you carry it. How also, again, I would say this. I do not think we live in a time anymore where if someone tries to shame you for not using a sick bag,
sock sponge that that is effective. And I feel like we have moved past that. Like Arden just said, she just came into the 21st century about a year ago. I think it's now okay to say that you are washing your dishes with something that makes them grosser.
And that's where you're at. But yeah, decoy. I think the decoy. You look like you've written a manifesto, Gareth, right now. Like you're a guy like a cat daddy who has some weird cat manifesto like the cats are going to take over. And I can't afford postage.
I'm like, I will send it into the government once I can afford a first class stamp. Yes. Yeah, you look like a manifesto writer. I like it. Arden, I was going to call it the fact that you put your vest on and then you have it now at your shoulders and you don't know what to do with it. Listen, we're not going to over visualize the podcast. I started to be camouflaged into my background and I wanted to look cute for your YouTube. And then what if they can't see me? They can't see
They will figure it out. My skin, my background, my vest and my hair. You are just like cap sleeves. You're not. You're you're you're you're you're very visible still. You are coordinated. I'm back. OK, I'm I'm I'm monochrome. Wow. All right. So, Lena, what do you think you're going to do? You know, I am really liking the decoy scrubber sponge. I never even thought of that.
And even what you were saying, Art, about like an extra bag, I don't think that would be hard because I'm already kind of known as the person who brings like their whole home with them. I don't know if you guys have seen those funny memes where it's like women leaving the house to work and there's like three bags. My work bag, my purse, my lunch bag. So that's me. So that might not be too hard to do. A fun waterproof tote. You've set yourself up for being able to be a little Thomas Crowny in the event of this.
So is that what you're going to do, Selena? You're going to go with a decoy sponge, potentially waterproof bag, and let the haters hate but hope they don't notice? Yes. And if it doesn't work, I mean, if something happens, I can always go with the sign, like you said. Yep. I forgot what you said, actually. If this...
If the sponge stinks, it's not ready for sinks? Something like that. Yeah. Get it out of the sinks. Yeah, I like that. There you go. Yeah. I'll make a little time like that. Yeah. But let's start with that decoy sponge. I think that's going to be good for you. Selena, keep us posted. Let us know. And by the way, I think there's a chance you're going to find out that there's a little more mutiny when it comes to the communal sink than you think. I bet some people are going to have your back.
I bet some other people don't want to stink in the sink. You know what I mean? They don't. We know it's the times I've had to explain to people, bring that sponge out. You let a sponge just sit. It's just crazy. Now I know. I know now. You're traveling with a cutting board and you don't know about the sponge. It's just what a dichotomy. I always raise my wolves, but I'm figuring it out. Like I'm becoming
an adult. You are. And by the way, we're happy for you. I'm not going to make fun of you. Selena, thank you for the call. Good luck out there. Good luck. Thanks, guys. Have a great day. You too, Selena. Bye-bye. Bye.
Hello, how we doing? How we doing? We're doing good. How are we doing over there? We're doing great over here. Damn right we are. Listen, we over here know that you're a follow-up, but we don't know to what, and we don't know how much we solved it. I will say you just have Gareth on the shark on this one. So if you notice that Jake's quiet, it's because he's not here. Hi! What is your name, please?
My name is Sari, like a fairy, a.k.a. Buttertoes. I had called because I was nervous to show my new boyfriend my weird toe. Oh, yeah, your feet. And we just basically, I mean, remind me, but I'm pretty sure we just told you to let it go. Yeah. Yeah, so it turned, my original pitch was something along the lines of like asking for help, fabricating a story,
as to why my toes are so weird and I kind of wanted to hide behind We saw your toes You saw them for free mind you too Excuse me?
But you guys turned it. You took the whole tone and you shifted it into like, hey, instead of hiding behind humor to hide your insecurities, what if we turn this into a self-love story? And you guys basically just told me like, hey, your toes are fine. You should accept them. If your boyfriend doesn't accept your toes, what a weirdo. Dump him. And also, I mean, I think...
the male perspective on this is there's no, I mean, unless you're talking about like a fetish community, there's no guy who's just going to go like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, no. Um, okay. So, well, how did it play out and what happened?
So I've been in LA for a week now and finally here. Oh, right. Cause you're like moving in with this dude, basically. Well, moving nearby. Right. Right. Um, and we've obviously spent a lot of time together and, um, we had, ironically, it
It was just all the pieces kind of fell together because we were having a conversation, you know, like, what do we like? What do we not like? You know, that type of thing. And he casually dropped in there like, you know, like, I'm not really into feet. Like, I always thought that was kind of weird. Like, so that just happened to fall in my lap, which made me think of the word.
of the kindness that you guys shared with me. And I do recall Jake, in fact, saying I have perfectly good toes and I'm going to take that and live with that for the rest of my life and let that guide me in the world. Because we had awesome sex and I didn't wear socks the whole time. So I'm pretty proud of myself. And what happened? Did anything get said ever? Nothing, of course.
Exactly, which is, you guys predicted, you said, you were like, he's not going to say anything, and I just had to take a leap of faith and trust you guys, because you were right. Well, it's a good lesson for really anybody who has a hang-up about a physical thing, for the most part, which is that nobody notices this thing more than you. That's not to say it's not noticeable or whatever, but there is, you really should not feel...
It just no people when they look at your face or your body, they're looking at it in a way that you just don't. We all have a physical hang up or we go. This is what my problem is or whatever. And nobody gives a shit. So I'm very glad to hear that. It sounds like our solve was really just believe in yourself and don't give a shit. But I will say it sounds like we should take credit for this one. I think I would ask you, are we ringing the bell on this one?
Let me say, I feel like I called for help hiding my dogs, and you guys helped me let my dogs out. So I would ring the bell. Let them run in the yard. Kara's ringing the bell right now. You can't hear it because, you know, Zoom has a noise cancellation. Yeah, we're trying to figure out how we can bust a bell through Zoom, but unfortunately we haven't gotten that yet. I can teach you if you want.
We don't have time for that right now, but we appreciate the hell out of it. Um, good for you. Enjoy your time and enjoy no longer having a toe hang up. Um,
I really appreciate it. This is life-changing stuff here. You know what? I would maybe go one harder and tell him you don't like his feet. Just to feel his feet confident. Why not? Let's just start throwing darts in someone else's direction. Take it over the edge a little. Yeah, push it. Deflection is always good. It's never a problem. Shark, you got something. For the video of this episode, is it okay that we show the picture, or do you want us to, like, are you not going to?
Comfortable with it? I didn't even contemplate. That's a good question. I just wanted to ask you before we post it. I think maybe if I really believe what you guys have taught me, which is to love myself, I should probably say you can show, right? Like that's where we're going with this. This is what I would say. I would say one of two things. Either if you're going to say yes, understand that the internet, internets, and like,
the same way that I got called fat Aaron Paul or all these other things. There's just good. If you're going to go dip in the comments, which I would recommend you don't, you'll probably see some people who probably would maybe make you feel like shitty. But I also would say again, I mean, that's just there. You're probably going to see support and stuff like that. But I would say if you do it, just fully ignore it and never dip in and read anything about it because you now have confidence, which is most important.
But also feel free to say no. My whole thing is like, I'm not having sex with anybody in those comments, so I don't give a fuck. But that's fine. That's a great MO. So there you go. It's a great MTO. All right. So we are going to show it if that's cool with you. That's fine. That works for me. You rule, Sari. Thank you. Thank you, Sari. Appreciate it. Have a good one. You too. Bye.
We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com.
The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.
All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.