158: Sir, This Is a Gym & Is This Erin?
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And we are...

back. Oh, Jake. Here we go again. How are you, bud? Been sick.

What do you got? Yeah, it sounds like you got a little something. You don't know. I'm getting stuck all the time these days. That's fun. That's fun. That's life as a dad. I think we've got a couple things to talk about before we get into another fantastic episode. The first is obviously we're flushing out our new world a little bit with some of our producers. We, you know, Natalie, who works on the show, who's on the show a lot. You talking Nat Attack?

we've kind of landed on the name Nat Attack. You'll hear the origins of that at some point, but it's kind of... Kate gave it to us. Kate gave it to us. It's kind of rocked the behind the scenes of the show a little bit. We've got some people on our team who are pro the Nat Attack name. We're not going to say who, but there's some people who love it.

everybody. And then there's some people who seem to be a little hesitant about the name. I don't want to say names. Yeah, but Nat Attack. So I don't know. That's kind of interesting. I don't know, Natalie, if you want to, Nat Attack, if you want to say anything about this while we're just kind of getting in front of it. What are you thinking about the nickname Nat Attack? Can I ask if Jesse, what his opinion is on this terrible nickname? Yeah.

I mean, you're sort of my boss, so I guess you're all my boss, so I don't feel like I'm in an impossible situation, but I know that Natalie really doesn't like it. But Jesse, hold on a second. Jesse, if we can, J-Dog, and by the way, that's pending. If we can real quick, uh,

I can lock in on J-Dog. J-Dog, as you'd agree, since you have your bosses, and again, Jake and I are not comfortable in that position of authority. Jake has a yard full of gorillas. I use curl cream. But if you can't really pick sides, what is your gut? How do you feel about it? I mean, I think it's fun. Great. Thank you, J-Dog. Thanks, J-Dog. Thanks, J-Dog. Thanks, Natatech.

Yeah, there's that Nat Attack side that she's patented. So when you said you had something for an intro, was it to bring up Nat Attack? No, it wasn't. I was going to ask you if you noticed anything different about the old background. I did. I did. I wanted to bring it up. Thank you, Nat Attack. All right, just kidding. I didn't notice. Well, he also... Nat Attack, you're not going to win with this one. I hate to tell you.

J-Dog already put a marble on the scales of it, so here we are. You threw the photo of us behind, and you threw the old, we got a thing of whiskey that somebody made us with a phone on it. Yeah, I'm happy, Gareth. I got the we're here to help whiskey. And if you look up, there is also the we're here to help cutting board. I agree.

So I will say I was feeling a little bit sad when Gareth built his new background, that there wasn't We're Here to Help stuff. He said he would remedy the situation, and Gareth, you did. So I want you to know, and it's not because you said you wanted it. Nope, you said you were going to do it. Because I wanted it. It's because it deserves it. Yes. It's near the bell. We've got the picture of us here, which is...

from the New York Times that was drawn. I think your background's going great. I think we're back. I think we're back. Really fast, and let's not spend a lot of time on this because a lot of people don't care about sports, but for those that do, you're a big Green Bay Packer fan. Yes. You used to love Aaron Rodgers. Yes.

What do you think about him to Pittsburgh? What do you think about him in the Jets? What do you think happened to Aaron? What do you think about Aaron and his documentary? Where are we at in the NFL, Gera? Well, I've gone all over the map with Aaron. He's really taken me on quite an adventure. I mean, you know, the reason why I think it's maybe even outside of sports conversation is because he has become one of those guys who,

who's who is larger than football. And I do think that in a way works against athletes sometimes, and it works for them. Sometimes I, as a, uh, as a Packer fan want nothing but the best for Aaron. He had two tumultuous years with the jets, one of which he missed.

And it's weird. It all flips. I think our business, a lot of times I relate it to sports. And this is one of those ones where it's like, you know, he's just not getting the offers that he used to. The business is kind of changing around him, but there's still opportunities. They're just not the roles he used to go out for. That's true. But I do still think that if you look at his numbers from last year, he's

They're not as bad as people suggest. I think he's got more in the tank. He does. I think he's going to a place where you're going to have a lot of moving pieces. But I think if he goes to Pittsburgh, I think he's probably going to do... Didn't they just get DK Metcalf? Yeah, they just got DK Metcalf. And don't they have that great defense? They have a great defense. They have Mike Tomlin, who's a great coach. Yes. Where are you at now that he's left the Packers? And as I commented this on Twitter to someone the other day,

The Bears don't really, the Chicago team for the NFL is we just want the Packers to lose. That's not true. I think that's just, it isn't. It's true. The Packers are not the threat. I know. That's why it's strange. It's like, get over us. It's just not the case. It's just for social media. Okay. Anyway, where are you at with him? I've always thought he was a little bit goofy.

That's fair. He also won a Super Bowl, but go ahead. It's not my time. And I think his moves post-Green Bay have been a little goofy. Yes. But I think he's a really fun quarterback to watch, and I'd like to see what he does in Pittsburgh, but I think the Chiefs used to... Did you watch any of the Netflix thing, Enigma, that he did? No. I watched it all, yes. And? I liked it. I liked it. I do as much... You liked the guy. Again...

In this day and age, you have to do a lot of kind of separating things you maybe don't agree with. I agree. You know, you can't hate everyone you don't agree with. But we've also all realized now everybody's a full thing and there's going to be areas we're not excited about. Well, we just know too much about everybody now.

Yes. Everybody, it's no longer this idea of like, yeah, you've just got a bunch of opinions and you live with one to two people who get sick of them. Now we just kind of purge ourselves online with every thought that pops into our head. And you're going to be turning people off. I mean, that happens in, doing a podcast is different than what you're used to doing because you really are showing like,

a little bit more of yourself than you normally would. And people do that online for no real reason now. - Or you know what I really think it is? And this is what I think you're showing a side you're choosing to show. So you're showing the podcast side or Aaron's showing this. And I think what people believe is the side they're seeing on someone's social media is the whole picture or one opinion's the whole thing. And what people don't, what they're not seeing is it's all just a variation of the game.

Because if somebody was listening to something, they would go, I don't even recognize that version. And you go, well, that version works for this. That's this tone. But this tone doesn't work over here. And what's hard for an athlete is their main thing is the game. And you judge them as players, but then their tone of different media events, you go like, who he is on the Pat McAvee show is very different than who he is if he's taking ayahuasca.

Well, you're also getting a level of commentary on what people think about you in a way that is also completely distorting. So he hears a lot of that stuff. How does he react to that shit? I mean, everybody kind of goes through it. And unfortunately, he pays attention to it.

And he pays attention to it. And if you dip in too much... You get in a lot of trouble. You get in a lot of trouble. And I think that happened. But I do think if you watch Enigma, there are redeeming qualities as well as things that you're probably not going to like. But I still root for the guy. And I wish him the best. That's a nice 360. Yeah. And that leads us perfectly...

Well, we come all the way back to where we started. Oh, yeah. Okay, good. Good. You're right. Because there was times where you were really against him and you weren't all green with my teasing of him. But I'm happy to get back to... I love Darren Rodgers. Yeah, I do love him, but I'm a little careful because it feels like you're doing one of your things.

And I'm picking up on it. And I don't want to push it because I want to get out of the intro. But you are, there is a little, right? We put a little mint on the plate there, did we not? Without further ado.

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Hello. Hello. Hi. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Can we get your name, where you're calling from, your approximate age, and your favorite movie ever? Sure. My name is Maria. I'm 25. I'm in Pennsylvania, and my favorite movie is Monsters, Inc. Wow. Great. Actually, great.

It's a very helpful favorite movie. I appreciate that. I feel the same way. I get a good sense. I got a sense. Yeah, there's a sense. All right, Maria, well, let's not belabor this. What is going on?

Okay. So I recently moved back to my hometown after a breakup and I started going to my hometown gym again. My dad goes to the same gym and we're always there around the same time after work because that's what's convenient. When my dad is between workout sets, he likes to come up to me and like chat with me to kill a few seconds of time. Okay.

And after seeing us interact with you. It's just such dad behavior. And as a child, as like the daughter, you're like, dad, fuck off. Yes. Okay, keep going. So after seeing us interact. That's how we're very different, guys. I was 100% with the dad and I'm like, I'm excited to be with her. I would, I.

Get out of here. Oh, just like stop, dude. Every second I would go. Even gym buddies, like when I would go to like a gym, like the social butterfly was like, dude, fuck off. Like, you know, like you always have to like take the air pod out and be like, huh? And they'd be like, yeah, they got the new weights back there. I like your shoes. And you're just like, stop. It's Bally's. Leave me alone. So Maria, keep going. We're getting a good setup. Yeah.

Okay. So I think that's what it is. He's just excited that I'm there. I'm back home. Now, one of his gym buddies, after seeing my dad and I interact a few times, this gym guy went up to my dad and was like, ooh, who is that you're talking to? And he was insinuating that my dad was flirting with me or that we were at the gym together. Obviously, my dad responded and was like, no, no, no, it's not like that. That's my daughter. Okay.

So the guy totally thought we were dating or my dad and I were flirting, like something completely wrong. And it turned out that this gym guy actually thought I was cute and wanted to talk to me, but was like checking with my dad first who I was to him. Ew. So without getting too gross, your father's cock blocking a little bit.

I mean, I wasn't, I'm not necessarily... I wouldn't go there. Or... I'm going there. How old is the guy who's interested?

I wasn't necessarily interested in this specific guy because he was like a little older for me. But my issue is that I'm single and obviously I don't want any guys at the gym thinking I'm dating my dad. But do you want, are you, you're interested, I mean, you want to have people at the gym know you're available, right?

Right. And if there were to be a guy I was potentially interested in, not this certain guy, but I don't want people to be looking around thinking I'm dating my dad. I never would have guessed this was the end of this setup. Yeah. But see, you're the guy who's going over there for a conversation between sets. You're not seeing it. Yeah. I'm not seeing it as a person who views the gym as a chance to,

Yeah. Unless I'm in my garage with my daughter. I'm already in that relationship. I kiss him. He doesn't have good lips. So this is interesting. The question, Maria, is basically without hurting your dad's feelings, how do we get him to stop coming over to talk to you at the gym?

Right. How do I make sure people at the gym don't think I'm dating my dad? And also, if I am interested in talking to a guy at the gym, how do I do that while my dad is there? That's tough, too. This is a tough one. When you're going to work out, you guys are in the same area. How big is the gym? I thought you were going to say, how big are your calves? I thought we were going to get into weightlifting stuff. Nope, absolutely not. How big are your triceps? We got a picture of the calves, right? Yeah.

How big is the gym? Big gym? Yeah, I mean, the gym's pretty big, but it's like my dad will go to fill his water bottle and just be walking by me and come talk to me. It's not like he's awkwardly speaking me out. It's just when our pads cross. I would do the same thing. Yeah, Jake... If my kid is at a gym and I'm there...

Not only am I saying hi, but I'm probably giving unsolicited advice. Well, that's a nightmare, obviously, but it's actually a good resource for this call. So, Jake, let's say you're in this situation. I'm the dad, you're the kid, Gareth. Yeah.

Let's figure this one out. These are natural rules, babe. Okay, I agree. You're the hot girl at the gym. Buddy, if you're trying to hurt me, it ain't working. I'm not, I'm being honest. Well, if you were approached with the statement of, I don't want to talk at the gym, period, or because...

There are sometimes guys there... I would talk more. Yeah. Would you be hurt? Yes. And that's your fear, Maria, is that your dad is going to get hurt if you kind of tell him this news. Yeah. Because he would. Right. And then what you're hurting with is even more, you're saying...

I don't want to talk to you because I want to talk to other men who I want to replace you with in my life to be the main male in my life because you're an old line and you're dying out and I'm looking to find a stronger year. Yeah, you're turning it into something crazy, obviously, real quick. Is it possible for you to go at another time or the schedule really only permits the immediate after work gym move?

I mean, I could go later. It's just like, it's what's the most convenient. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like switch up my whole routine. So I've got a pitch to start. I would say that maybe tell your dad you're doing a new workout and the workout is about no breaks. Okay.

And so even when you're sitting there in between sets, you're doing a counting exercise so that you can talk to him before or after. But in the gym, you are in this whole workout. And part of the workout, if he sees you, he's thinking she's so focused on this new workout that even though she's sitting there, I don't want to interrupt her thing. Because I'll tell you what dads get really into is when their kids are into a thing.

And so the idea of like, oh, she's just sitting there. But the problem with that is that if some guy starts talking to you, he might say, leave my daughter alone. She's doing a quiet workout in her head. Hey, stop talking to her. Leave her alone, pal. She's doing a quiet workout in her head. I like the zone. I was thinking you could do, like everybody films their workouts at the gym now. You could say you're trying to film stuff and when he comes over, it

It's like affecting some... Don't be the person who films in a gym. No, she's lying. She's lying. This is all lies. All my pictures are going to be lies. Yes. Yeah, but we're lying about something like that. Another option would be bring a friend to the gym with you so that you're kind of distracted a little bit.

by that my other pitch would be you could say you've hired a virtual trainer

and you're going to be talking to the trainer throughout your workout. So you're going to have your AirPods in. Just set your phone up and be like, so I can't, like, this guy is charging me by, like, the half hour, so I can't really take breaks to talk while I'm doing this. This is a nearly perfect pitch, and it's connecting with what I was trying to say before, but I didn't have it, and I think Gareth nailed it.

You just tell your dad that you are doing, you have a virtual trainer. Here's the problem, Garrett, if he wants to hire the trainer. We can figure that out. If we like the bones. Okay, Murray, what do you think about telling your dad that you're doing a thing where you're using a virtual trainer and

who's just in your ear, you don't need the screen, but just say like, it's just while I'm working out, dad, it's on like a prerecorded thing. I have a whole system. But if you talk to me, I have to pause it, but it's all about like my timing and my heart rate. So if you see me talking to somebody, I have it figured out.

But just let me be in my thing while we're here. Let's hang out after or before, but I'm actually on a system. I also think that's a good point. I would suggest when you bring this up, but after, let's make sure we get a bite to eat or something like that, you know, to make him feel like he still has a gym friend. What do you think about that?

Yes, I like that idea. I think I would lean towards like a pre-recorded thing I'm listening to or I'm like following a YouTube video or something. So I'm not needing to be talking. By the way, here's how you fake that. You just go to some workout person on YouTube. And so when he comes in, you just do the deep sigh and the pause and go like, what? And then go, dad, I'm sorry, I'm in a thing.

I go, let's talk after, but I'm trying to follow this workout and they even have my breaks timed in. Yes. And he'll go like, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's going to sound to him like it's something he just doesn't understand tech wise. I think that's right. I think if you tell him, look, it's basically a program where I have someone instructing me what to do every 30 seconds to every two minutes, whatever.

I can't fuck with the timing with what I'm trying to do heart rate wise. So I can't really engage in conversation. Now, if someone at the gym comes up and talks to you and you want to talk to them, feel free to. And you just tell your dad, well, I don't know that person. So I didn't want to be rude. I'm just telling you. Maria, here's what we're going to do really fast. Gareth, you're Maria. I'm the dad. Okay. Okay.

Let's just see what happens. And then Maria, yeah. Do we want to do this at the gym or before the gym? Beforehand. Okay, I agree. So this is, Maria, you don't travel there with your dad. So when you first see your dad at the gym, is it before, after, how does it go?

I usually like spot him when I first walk into the gym. So I could have a conversation with him as soon as I get there. I think we do that. Okay. So you walk over and then start it off. Okay. So here's how it would go. Hey, what are you, uh, what are you working on? Hey, how are you, honey? I'm good. How are you? How was work? How you doing? I don't even want to worry about my stuff. What are you working on today? Legs? Uh,

Well, I'm actually... You've got huge calves, kiddo. Thanks, Dad. I mean, maybe I don't want to hear that in that way. It's not like we're in the men's locker room together. Okay. This is what I was going to say. What's up, doll face? Okay, so I'm doing a new... Hold on, Dad. I'm doing a new program where basically I have this virtual training program that I'm paying for. Neat.

Yeah. And so basically what he's going to do is like, it's just the voice of this trainer and they're going to walk me through every moment of my workout. So I apologize in advance if like you're trying to talk to me and I ignore you or something like that. Like I just have to kind of lock in and pay attention to everything they're saying for the timing of the workout. How long is the workout?

They range from 30 minutes to like an hour and 10 minutes. So once you start, you're in it. Once I start, I can't stop because the whole thing is they try to do it in real time to make it seem like you have an actual trainer. So I just can't stop and go back. Well, no, no, you shouldn't do it with me. It's, it's different. You're not going to want to go for the same body type and stuff like that. You're right. Hey, how about this? Let's, let's meet up after. Yeah. And that's what I was going to say. Maybe after we get a bite to eat. I love it. All right. Great. Love you, dad.

I love you. You're my whole world. All right. That's kind of a crazy thing to say across the gym. Maria, what did you think of something like that? It was good. I liked it. Now let's try this. I just hope no one else is listening at the gym. Now let's try this, Maria. Demure it. You're you. I'm your dad. Give me quick notes on the dad. How do I make him more real like your dad? Lose a little accent. Fair and no. Thank you.

Big gym guy, very bubbly, social, wants to talk to everybody. Maybe Gareth, I think you just booked it. Well, hello, Maria. Welcome to Daddy's Dojo. All right, here we go. I think I unfortunately just got recast. I had a different read, and they just decided to go with another version. Let's see how it goes. This is way more Robert than Barbara, you're exactly right. Agreed. Okay, Maria, approach me.

Oh, that's good. Oh, good burn. Hey, Dad. How's your day? Good. I'm probably going to need another towel. Look at me. I'm over here. I'm just dripping. How was your day, babe?

Good. Yeah. I just wanted to say hi. I'm going to go run and start my workout. Oh, good. Yeah. Don't forget to stretch. I'll tell you, that's the one thing they don't tell you. When you hit 35, you got to stretch. That's the one thing they don't tell you. Yeah, for sure. Always. So I just wanted to tell you today, I'm starting this new workout program. Oh, great. I'm going to be listening. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm going to be listening to this trainer in my AirPods that kind of

tells me everything I need to be doing. Or is this some kind of AI stuff that I don't know about? No, it's real. It's like pretty recorded, but I can just listen to it while I'm working out. So it can kind of guide me through my workout and, you know, keep me focused and motivated. Okay. So what do you, okay, that's great.

Yeah. So I just wanted to, I just want to stay focused. I think maybe we can just chat after the gym. Are you trying to tell your old man, hold on, babe. Are you trying to tell your old man, don't come over and bust up my workout with your little quips and stories while you get water?

You know, I just really like to stick to this program, see if it works for me. I'm trying to, you know, stay focused. Hey, hey, you're not even going to know I'm here. And I would love to get a bite out of it. All right, baby doll. Let's hang out out there. Here we go. All right, Maria, by the way, that's going to work. Let's do one really fast. I'm going to go back to my original job as dad. Let's see how it plays with a different version of you, dad. Just in case. We do good dad, bad dad. By the way, that version worked great. Let's just see what happens. Okay. Okay.

Hey, Dad. Hey, how you doing? Good. How was your day? You know...

Up and down, up and down, how it goes. Your fucking mother's been driving me up all fucking walls. She's a raccoon. Hey, excuse me, sir. I work at the gym, and there is a language code that we need you to adhere to. Yeah, shove it up your fucking ass. Oh, my God. You bum. What's going on, Dreyfus? All right, well, I'm going to go start my workout, but I just wanted to let you know I'm going to start this new program today that I'm really excited about called

I heard about it online. The trainer is going to be on a pre-recorded video and I'm going to be listening. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got a robot training you? No, no, no. It's a real certified trainer. They've just pre-recorded these workouts that I can listen to so that, you know, I make sure I'm doing all the right things. I don't think so. You're trying to get rid of me.

You came from my balls. Well, you've never been my trainer, Dad. You came from my body, baby. Sir, sir, I work at the gym. You're half of me. You could say the F word, but this is disgusting. I mean, what's going on? People are just trying to work. You listen to me, Rodney. Yeah. We got to get off this call. Yeah, honestly, sir. This is unbelievable. How do you feel about that, Maria, aside from the last part where Jake made Joe Pesci your dad? What do you think? I mean, the...

It came from my balls coming. It was really out of left field. It's actually true. But it's a father and child realization. It is biology. Gary came from his dad's testicles. We want to prepare you for everything. I came from Kako's testicles. Oh, God, I feel sick. We all came from balls. What's happening over there? Is there a beer open? What are you doing? How do you feel about that, Maria? I feel like that's going to work. Nat Attack came from balls. Nat Attack. Nat Attack. The title. The title.

No, I think that's a great idea. The one you do with Gareth Ink will actually really work. Do you agree? Okay. Yes. Are you going to really do it?

I am. I'm going to the gym after work today, so no time to spare. Can you do us a big favor and can you record it on your phone? Because you can just do a voice note. You'll be kind of gesturing to your phone anyway, so you can kind of have it out a little bit. But can we try to get this as a voice note so we hear what you say and we hear what he says? Yeah, we want to hear your dad's heartbreak in real time. Or I actually think it's going to be more like yours.

I don't think he's going to be heartbroken. I really do too. Let's hang out after. I agree. If you could send that voice note, that would be a really nice ending for us. Yeah, for sure. You're the best. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Thanks, guys. Thanks, Maria. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Could we get your name, please? Gareth is 45. Not at all. My name...

is going to be Brittany. Okay, Brittany. Hi, Brittany. And are you older or younger than Gareth? He's 45. No, I'm not. I'm 40. You're 40, so you're way younger than Gareth. Well, you're older than me. All right, so what's going on, Brittany? Where are you calling from? Jake, hold on. Not yet, old man. Jake, he's being crazy. You're being belligerent. I know you're tired and ready for lunch. It's 4 p.m. Hey, I'll get off your lawn. Stop. Hey, Brittany. Brittany, 40, fine age.

I'm calling from Denver. Great city. Denver, a young lady, Degareth and I from Denver. Not to me. The same age, a little younger. Go ahead, Brittany. What is your favorite thing to do in Denver on a Friday night at 8 p.m. if you're going out? And guess what? You have no responsibilities. You're in a fictional world. That means I have to go out? No, whatever you want to do on a Friday night. Great answer. You can do whatever you want, but there's no stakes. It's like the movie Memento in the morning. You forget everything. It all starts over.

Okay. Then I am going dancing. What kind of dancing? What kind of music? I am going to, it's going to be hip hop. Okay, Brett. Interesting.

You going alone? You going with friends? And what are you dressing like? You looking like the Australian breakdancer? Reagan. Oh, my God. That would be amazing. What's your style? You going 90s hip-hop? I'm going with my sister and my cousin. That sounds like a lot of fun. Yeah. And then what are you guys eating that night? Oh, we're going for sushi. Sushi and hip-hop dancing with sister and cousin. Sounds like a pretty great fictional night. Brittany, what do we got?

All right. So my husband, who is in his 40s... Quick pause. Wasn't invited on the fictional night. No, totally not invited. Interesting. Keep going. Interesting. He is in his 40s and has... How old is he in his 40s?

Older or younger than Gareth at 45? Well, I'm a 39. He's 40. He's 40? Oh, so he's five years younger than you. He's a kid. He's a kid. He's a little younger than Jake. He is a kid. Yeah, he is. He's a kid. Go ahead. Jesus Christ, Jake. Stop. Brittany, go ahead. He has...

become obsessed with martial arts. Oh, sad. What a sad old man. I had fucking Garrick on the ropes. Does he have a fake locker room with a bunch of little dummies he kisses? All right, Brittany, go ahead. So he's obsessed with martial arts. This sucks. And I was so mean, too. You were in the driver's seat of this. All right, anyway, so he's delusional. Anyway, what's going on?

He's a big loser. He's a big loser, but he thinks putting on a little outfit helps. If you tell me he's got sculptures in his backyard, I'm hanging up.

I've been set up. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That's what my sister told me to say. He's a big dork. He's into martial arts and he's a terrible addict. Keep going. He hurt his knee watching above the law. He's balding by the second. But he's starting to grow a ponytail. He doesn't get invited to his wife's 50-year-old night. What?

Because guess what? There's no way I'm invited to my wife's fictional Friday night. Because he's going to ruin it by talking about different moves he can't do. Okay, so back to you and this incredible guy. What a winner you got. Sad man. All right, so what's going on? So he's in his 40s. He got into martial art, and I hate to say it like this, but we all know I'm going to. What type of martial art?

So it started off as just a waste of exercise and block. Yeah, of course. Kicking a punch and is he doing karate? Is it karate? Is it kung fu? Is it Jiu-Jitsu? It's Jiu-Jitsu.

Jiu-jitsu, Krav Maga. He's doing Krav Maga. Oh, Christ, Jake, stop. Okay, so he's into martial arts. He's doing jiu-jitsu, Krav Maga. What's the problem? But, you know, if you want to give us a little more lead up, get in there. No, no, no. Like, we know what the problem is. Okay. Okay, so the moment he gets home from class...

He wants to test out his moves on me and like tries to get me in headlocks. And it's become now a daily, a daily thing. And I keep saying no, because I have zero interest. Yeah. Of course. When I refuse, he gets upset. Like how upset is he getting? Annoyed. Like he's,

He's hurt. Like throwing little tantrums. Yeah. See, these guys who get into this stuff so late, they're trying to fill a hole that can't be filled. That's just the elephant in the room. I mean, sorry, that's just the elephant in the yard. Okay, so your question is how do we kind of –

confront this? How do I support his hobby without becoming his sparring partner? This is a really interesting question. This really is. I got a pitch right off the bat. I don't know if you want to get a little more information, Jake. I would like to hear the pitch. My pitch would be

Change your attitude for two or three of these sessions and placate him and let him do it. And then fake get hurt on one of them. And that puts the death nail in the coffin of these. He shows you his move. There's real truth to that. He shows you his move. Your neck gets pulled. You're taking Advil for the next two days and icing it. He's going to leave you the fuck alone. Hey, Brittany. Yeah. Gareth is kind of dead right now.

If you pretend he's a lethal weapon and he has to be careful with his body because he is now, he's danger. Jake, Jake, Jake. He doesn't understand his own strength, but Krav Maga, jiu-jitsu, and I believe you said karate? Jake Johnson. Jake, careful with how you say it. It's bad. When you say it, it's bad. Okay.

My pitch is not that we inflate. Just to be clear, I think you're on the husband's side in some weird contorted way. I'm talking about... I knew he would be. Of course, it's sad, it's crazy, but we're going to work with it.

What I'm saying is not let's make him feel so good that he leaves her alone. I'm saying this sad guy has come home and he's hurt his poor wife with his little fantasy camp that he's going to two or three times a week. Jake, I'm talking. So just listen because it's really hard right now, and I need to kind of machete through the jungle of delusion. Let me cook, little boy. First of all, title, and second of all, do not talk to me like that.

zip it little boy B let me cook god Brittany if you need to get a bucket to be sick and I'll try to do the same I'll put a bucket over your head when I do my karate chunk here's what I really think I think you're I get it he's working on new stuff he's excited can we ask one question what is his name what are we calling him

We're calling him Jay. Jay? Too close to mine. That was me. Are you making... Is this Aaron? Hey, Aaron. Aaron. I've asked you a million times, don't call into the podcast. Come on now. Aaron, come on now. I've got another call. How do I get my husband to stop doing weird stuff and he's ruining the vibe? Aaron, get out of here. Where can I hide all the snacks that are for my kids so my husband doesn't start eating 10-calorie snack packs? So...

Jay's thing is he's getting into martial arts, and what got him into it? It was really just to take his aggression out on something. Interesting. So he just started, and what is he doing? Because look, I got to tell you, as a man who did martial arts for a little bit until my knee got hurt, there's a big difference between Krav Maga, Israeli street fighting, and jiu-jitsu, a Brazilian art form that is way more about...

I'm speaking in language. Gareth is so confused right now. It's hilarious. If you saw his face, you'd be dying laughing. No, no. If you saw Jake right now, you'd just give him $10. I mean, I feel bad for him. I just gave him $10. Because he sees me as a lethal weapon. He's afraid. He thinks I'm robbing him, but really I'm here to save him. It's sad. You have fake gorillas in your yard. You're not okay. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I have a real question for you. You are done with jujitsu? You're off now because of your knee? Yeah. So what happened to your little garage friend who you were rolling around with? You remember the OnlyFans call that the woman did where she used to dress it up? Yeah. I got an OnlyFans. Jake. Back to you, Brittany. So we've gotten off track here, and it's not your fault. This is a good call.

It's just I was getting too mean to Gareth about age, and then he just got a real wheelhouse. I put you in a headlock. I had to take my beatings. Jay tapped. I'm tapping out. So now back to you. Your husband is doing too much martial arts, and he wants to do it on you, and you've got to figure out how to get him to stop. I think the fake hurt is a very good pitch.

Okay. Because what you don't want to do is make it more serious than it's not. So have like a, I don't want to do this hobby where he's like, just chill out. And when you say like a demo, what kind of stuff is he demoing? I mean, like he tries to come at me from behind. Like he's, he's,

I don't know because I don't understand it. Walk us through what happened. Will you just paint the picture of the one time when he's come at you from behind and walk us through the situation?

I will be in my bathroom and he'll come up from behind and he's just like, let me practice, let me practice. Oh, God. And I just am like, no, I don't want to do this. And then he'll come up from behind and I just like whack him with my arm. And then what happens? Oh, God.

He quits because his knee hurts. His knee blows out. And then I walk away. No, he doesn't really cry, does he? No. Okay, but you'll give him a whack and he'll get his feelings hurt and then it'll end.

And then he, about an hour later, he'll try again. Okay, so Brittany, I think Gareth is dead right. I think what you have to do is let him do it. And then you need to act your ass off and be like, ow, what the, ow! And he goes, wait, you go like, my fucking neck, you tweaked something in my neck, man. And he'll go like, what?

And go like, that genuinely hurts. And then you're laying down with an ice pack and you go like, hey, I'm not the one to practice on. You don't know what you're doing, but these are real moves. Like, this isn't a game. If you're talking about real martial arts you're learning, you're learning how to kill people. I don't want you practicing on me. And I think there's a part of him that might even be like...

Wow. Yeah, I want him at that later tonight to look at his hands and go like, these hands! These are lethal weapons. I have to learn restraint or I can kill the woman! Yes, yes, yes. That's where I think we're getting to, that he has to see you and go, I would love to put her in a full Nelson and practice this move, but I love the woman. I couldn't imagine hurting the woman. Jake, there is a world...

where we do this and Brittany is prepped with maybe not your 150 pound weird thing that looks like leather face that you keep in your fake locker room. How much do you weigh again, Gareth? Is it around 150? So Brittany, we get you like a little like fake dummy or something like that that he can kind of demonstrate on when he comes back. Could the fake dummy have a perm?

Jake, are we attacking each other or are we moving to Brady? Because again, we're talking about a guy who was playing around with a doll in his yard. A guy playing with a doll in his little fake locker room set where it looks like they shoot porn. And he blows his knee out so bad that he can't go to class anymore. This is two weeks after he locked his keys in his car and had to walk home with a shirt on his head and drink from a hose. How's the ayahuasca?

Unbelievable. Did you dump in your pants? No. Right after is horrible. Back to you, Brittany. Yeah. So, but I think there's a world where if she gets a little thing to demonstrate on, maybe that's a nice follow-up. Yes, I think that's a sweet ending to give him something that is a gift. But I really think, Brittany, you win here if the next time he does it, like, can we do something for a second, Brittany?

Mm-hmm. Pretend I'm Jay. I'm going to put you in a move, and then I want you to act as if it's really hurt, but don't do it comedically. See if you can make me believe. Okay. Okay? So you're in the bathroom. I sneak up behind you.

Hey, can I try this on you? My hand is where I'm doing a rear naked choke. So just tap my arm when you're ready to tap out, okay? Just tap my arm if it's hurting too much. I'm going to apply a little pressure, okay, Brittany? Tap out if you need to. Ow. You tapping? Ow. This is... Ow. Wait, wait, wait. What's going on? Stop. What happened? What happened? What happened? You really hurt my neck. I did? Oh, my God. I think I need to go to the urgent care.

Let me tell you real quick. Brittany, I'm going to be you and we'll keep Jake as Jay.

I think I love that you're committing. Very real. I'm going to give you another direction so it doesn't. And here's what I'd say, too. Let's do one where you allow him to do it and it's fine. Okay. And then this is the second one after that. Okay, so the first one is you allow me to do it, it's fine. Yes. This is a week later. You've come back from your sad class and you want to do it again. Okay. Okay. Brittany, you got so much older.

I mean, literally, like, our marriage is hanging on by a thread, and you're going to pull this shit right now? I'm behind you. I'm behind you. Hey, Brittany, Brittany, tap out if you need to. Tap if you need to. I really don't like when you do this. Okay, then just tap. Like, I just want to practice this. Ow! Ow! Oh, God! Jesus! What? Stop! Stop! Jay! Really? Oh, something happened. Fuck. Right in my neck. I just, like, shot down to my shoulder. Hold on. Give me a minute.

Oh, God. Are you okay? I'm... I don't know. Just give me a minute. I'm so sorry. It's okay, but that's why I said to you, I don't want to do this shit. All right. I'm never... Lay down. Let me get you a hand pad. Yeah, yeah. I'll never do that again. Get some ice or something. Are you sure you're okay? Get a couple Advil, too. I'm okay. I just like... Okay. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. My shoulder just feels bad. It's okay. It's okay. These arms! No, no, no. Jay. Jay, no. Brittany. Brittany.

I got to say, I think that was right. I don't want urgent care. I really liked how Gareth just did. It was like, let's try again. I'm behind you. Okay. Hey, honey, I just worked on this new move at Jiu-Jitsu. It's a rear naked check. Can I just try this? Just tap my arm if you want to go. I'm going to apply very light pressure. Okay, just tap if you need to go. I really don't want to do this. Just let me do it for a second. I just got to make sure this works. But this could literally take your oxygen away. So let me just put it. So the pressure goes right on the side of the neck, just like that. Okay. I'm applying pressure right now.

Something's not feeling right. Okay, then just tap. Stop, stop, stop. Okay, stop, stop, stop. Something doesn't feel right in my neck. What do you mean? I think something is creaking in my neck. Are you serious? Yeah. Fuck. What does it feel like? I think you hit a nerve.

Fuck. Okay. Do you need any? Fuck. Okay, what can I get? Do you need a heating pad or something? Yeah, that or an ice pack, something, please. Okay, why don't you go lay down? I'll go take it. I'm really sorry. Okay, so can you lay down? Do you want me to walk you to the bed? Are you okay? Okay.

Yeah, I'll go lay down. Just please get me an ice pack. Okay, I'm now walking to the kitchen by myself. These arms! By the way, Brittany, that's great. I think it's pretty good. It's pretty good. I think it's pretty good. And I think just play it up for another day or two where you can't put your one arm above your head yet and then it starts to come back to you and you are fucking... There's no way he's going to do it again. So one more, Gareth, will you be Jay...

Brittany, will you be Brittany and be a little bit more sharp when the pain happens? It's not a slow thing. It's a shooting pain. Okay. And that shooting pain doesn't go away until he leaves the room. Okay. Hey, babe. Just got back from the class with the other guys who were having midlife crises, and we hung out. A lot of them are like 10 years younger than me, but they placate me, so they let me get into my little wardrobe and

I go out there and I play around with them. I'm about two weeks away from having to retire because of what it does to my body. I'm not physically there anymore. I'm so deteriorated at this point. And action. Sorry. Hey, babe. All right. So let me show you what I learned in there today. I don't have any friends who do this with me, so I'm going to try it on my wife.

Pathetic? Maybe to some, but not to me. All right, so I'm gonna put my arm behind you here, and then give me your forearm, and I'm gonna kinda arm bar you and hold you back here, and then you sorta twist it like this, right? And that's-- - Ow. - What? - Ow. - Ow, are you faking? What? - Ow, fuck. - What? Sorry. Are you really hurt? - Yeah, ow. - Seriously? - My neck, ow. - Oh shit.

Here, go lay down. I'm sorry. I just, I wasn't even doing it that hard. Oh, fuck. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. All right, sorry. Let me get you, I'll get you something to massage it out. I'm going to go to the kitchen. All right, I'm on my way to the kitchen. What am I trying to fill inside of myself that I'll never be able to? So, Brittany, I think we've got a winner here. I do too. That was much better. That was great. And the thing that I'm trying to fill is Pam. Hold on, I'm just reading my notes. That doesn't say that. It says fake hurt.

I'm sorry. I read that wrong. I saw fake hurt. I thought it said Phil Pam. No, that's fake hurt. My bad. So Brittany, are you going to try this? That's the worst thing to say. That's the worst thing you've said on this show. Will you please follow up? And Brittany, if you can get a voice note of this,

Like if he goes, here's how you could possibly do it. If he goes, hey, can I try something? Pretend you're texting, go give me a second. I just need to finish this text. And then hit voice note recording, go like, all right, just do it, I guess. Okay. You can be holding your phone in his hand while he's doing it. But if we could hear the back and forth,

Just put it on the counter even. It'll pick it up. It would be spectacular. I agree. To have documentation at this moment. And he doesn't listen to the show or anything, right? We'll be fine. No, he doesn't. Okay, good. We'll be fine. He's a cool guy. He doesn't listen to this dork stuff. Listen to what you just said. See you later, Brittany. Appreciate you. Who are you? The Gareth Reynolds Podcast. Nerdfest. Thank you, Brittany. Keep us posted. I will. All right. Thank you. Bye.

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This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Whenever I'm looking to travel, I do use Booking.com to find my hotel. I find it to be very easy and very helpful. I went to New York. I went to San Francisco. Most recently, I went to Portland, and I used Booking.com to make that trip easy. Or I should say to make those trips...

I go to booking.com. I go through the search engine. I find exactly what I want. I'm using the booking.com app. I'm all over the place, baby. I don't know why I said baby. There are many search engines, ways to figure out if you're looking for a hotel or a vacation rental. They're throwing options your way. That's why we say booking. Yeah, with such vigor, because we believe in it.

I right now am in a van in Oklahoma City. And I'm not kidding. And you're like, Garrett, that sounds pathetic. Well, it does because I went out of my way to use Booking.com and I'm so excited at the place I'm going to after the show because it's got a kitchen. It's got two bedrooms for me and the people that I'm traveling with.

It truly just makes it easy. You know what you're getting. I can't tell you how many times if a club books my place, I'm like, what is happening here? What year is this hotel from? There's one elevator that's out of order. One's not, you know what I mean? It's just, it's tough, but that's not going to happen when you use booking.com. So I'm telling you, you can find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com, booking. Yeah. Hello. Hi there. How are you?

I'm good, thank you. I recognize this voice. Yeah. Okay. Should I say who I am? Well, from my childhood, international school. No, wrong. Yeah, you're a follow-up. Did you go to McKenzie? Stop. Jake, where's McKenzie located? South London. Like what area? Fourth and Cathedral. Fourth and Cathedral. What's your name and can you tell us your first call, please?

Sure, my name's Roly, I'm in London. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the woman on the corner who... Filthy woman. Yeah. Dirty looks. Yes. Yep, that's the one. Okay, Roly, walk us through, obviously anybody, they'll be the thing you could listen to the original episode, but walk us through what happened, Roly, and what we pitched and what you did.

Sure. So I, yeah, in the morning I go for a walk and this lady, she finds me and she says some really disturbingly gross things to me. So you guys suggested lots of great suggestions. The two ones we went with were firstly to film her to see if it made herself conscious.

And if that didn't work, to put a flyer together to see if there are any more victims of these crimes. I'm going to say, in listening, I hope the first one worked. So do I. I'm very excited for the results. I really hope we're not world-building and creating a community on this one. I am very excited. Oh, gosh. Gareth, what's your guess? Hold on. Before you get into it, Gareth, what's your guess? You know, my heart wants to say that the filming stopped it. Yeah.

But my gut makes me feel like she finds a way around that. And maybe we go with the flyers. Really? What happened?

Um, so it, the filming was brilliant. It, it works so well. I was surprised at how well it worked. I didn't even really have to film. Um, I just got my phone out and like aimed in her direction with the camera on and she was just very confused by it. And instead of saying all her usual stuff, she was just like, she pretty much just got befuddled by it and was just sort of waffling about why I'd be filming. And it, it was working like an absolute dream. Like,

Like, honestly, like, so much better than I thought. But unfortunately, just a few days ago, like the beginning of this week, I saw her coming. And so I...

This is an unexpected turn.

Yeah, it really... I don't know how it happened to me, but it wasn't a great thing to do. They were super nice about it, and I didn't want to subject them to what I've told you guys. Well, that would sound like the pedophile's excuse. Of course. Like a maniac's excuse. This is the beginning of a romantic comedy. Yeah.

Well, I did have a judgment, but I got very lucky that at the moment, basically, there's a big national campaign to take pictures and film all the birds around where you live so they can count what lived where. Amazing. And so I totally lied and said I was doing that. And it worked like a dream. So, Roli, walk us through what happened. Will you be the ladies and will you be you so we can get a sense of that interaction? Yeah.

Yeah, sure. So I was just walking alongside the park, not in it, but playgrounds all over it. And so I saw the lady sort of not too far away, but coming down the path. So I got my phone out and just put the camera on. So it's clear that you can see that my phone's like... It looks like it's recording, but I just have the camera on. And then these two ladies sort of came beside me and said, excuse me, um...

and they really were polite they were like oh we don't need to be accusatory I think they said something like that but we were wondering why you always seem to be filming in the park and like yeah I was like instantly started sweating and felt awful like some sort of

creepy guy. But luckily they were like, oh, we've been meaning to take pictures of the birds around where we live too. And they were super chill about it. But it does mean that now I'm not taking my phone like out of my pocket when I'm in the park. Or you can and just point it at the birds. Go birds, birds, birds, vulgar old lady, birds, birds, birds. Yeah. I mean, to be honest, it's just pigeons in there. So I think we've counted those guys. Yeah. Yeah.

And do you... Does she even approach you? Is there any look like she's looking at you? Or have you kind of set the precedent where she's not even bothering to go in your direction now? So she was still coming over regularly, but, like, she sort of got... It was, like, really dulled down a lot. It was like she'd pretty much just mumble something or, like, get up semi-close to me. But now that my phone's gone, she's, like, really come back with both barrels. Like, it's, like...

I don't know, make the hard group wonder or something. She's been saying some really crazy stuff recently. Wait, is this, again, I got to ask, because we're starting to enter a world where it's almost feeling too heightened. Is this right? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Along the same lines of the stuff that I said she was saying last time. Well, first she said, oh, you put your phone away or something like that. And then, yeah. Yeah.

It's been a few days. It's only been a few days, but it's been, she's really been making up for lost time. What do you think? Okay. I got two. Okay. This is what I would do. One of two things. Okay, go ahead. I was just going to ask if you wanted to, because you guys suggested the flyer. Yeah. And I said at the end of the call, would you guys like help me write it? Was really what I was wondering.

Well, I still like the Flyer. The Flyer still plays, I think. But the only worry is now that you've sort of said to these other people what you're doing, it kind of murkies what you're doing a little bit. You're becoming the weird guy, man. You're playing a few plot lines, which maybe isn't great for a guy who said he was just filming birds. Here's what I would do.

You can buy a tiny little, like, you could buy for 50 bucks. You could buy a pair of glasses that will film. Don't be that guy near a park when you lie and say you film birds. No. Yeah, I already feel really bad about the birds. You could very easily. If they know that those are spy glasses. Let me just throw a little pepper in the stew. Okay.

You wear these glasses or whatever. You get a little camera that isn't your phone camera is basically what I'm suggesting. The woman will approach you. She'll say something filthy. Then you have footage of it. I would put that on your phone and have that as a video on your phone. The next time you walk and the woman starts to approach you, even if she says something or not, take out your phone, show her the footage of her saying something filthy, and say, I have evidence of you being vulgar to me in this park. Don't do it again.

I like it. Yeah, I think that's, I like it except for the glasses probably. That feels a bit, I don't know. Did you ever film her before? Did you ever catch her? No, I felt quite bad about that. Like, so I just, I honestly, I just had my phone, my camera on. You were using it as a prop. Yeah. So here's what we need to do. Here's what we need to do. And you're on very thin ice, young man.

I know. I'm like almost feeling like I want to just not go on walks anymore. I mean, God damn it. Don't. You're staying in that park. My first pitch would be it's time to stop these walks because I'll tell you why. Yeah, or maybe just move on from the park. But I'll tell you why.

If I'm at that park and I'm seeing a weird guy filming the kids and then I'm like, I don't know about this guy. And then one of the moms goes, we asked him, he said he's filming birds. And I go, well, there's only pigeons here. I'm getting really close to a weird confrontation.

Where I'm like, this guy's coming back. Now he's wearing RoboCop glasses. So there's a pitch now to have the video of her as evidence. Hey, my man, what fucking pigeon you filming now? All I see is a bunch of kids. You creep. And then you're in a world of trouble going, no, there's an older lady who says disgusting things to me. And I go, you're the older lady, man.

You don't want to be the vulgar older lady to this park as she is to you. You know, at the end of our show, when we say we're not legally responsible, it's for this call, Gareth. I think it feels like a bit of a slippery slope. We're playing with real life here. What's your self-pitch, Rolly? Yes. This one's dangerous, my man. What do you think you should do?

I really, I'm not sure. So, Rolly, when you think of the flyer idea, what are your thoughts of it? I wasn't, again, I wasn't sure. Jesus. You guys mentioned it last time. But it would be a photo of her?

Saying if this woman harasses you, email me here. No, just have you, has there been an older, older bird in the park who's been sort of coming up and saying vulgar things to you? Stay away from birds in parks. Yeah. Because we want to disc it out close. A bit of crumpet. Yeah. How bit is the kids park to this woman? How big is it? How close is it?

Oh, she lived right on the edge of it. Oh, my God. So always filming her, you're going in the direction of the park no matter what. But we can't let the predator run the park. I mean, what Loli would be doing... Here's the problem with this premise.

we might have two potential predators. At the park, they think our hero is the predator. Which is why he's getting the spy glasses. How many times do we have to circle a perfect solution like spy glasses? Spy glasses, all of a sudden, a guy who gets confronted about being a predator with weird new glasses with like a tiny light on the left ankle.

Take the lights on the inside. You can't see it from the outside. Yeah, but then he's going to have a technical problem with it. When they talk to him, all of a sudden it's going to go like beep, beep. Recording, recording, recording, recording, recording. And he's going to not know the technology and go like, oh, my God. And then they're going to go, why are you filming this? And he's going to go, the birds, the birds. Recording, recording. And then the old lady is going to go like, put your stick in my filthy hole. And they're going to be like, both of you guys go to jail.

This is an, Roy, you're in a possible nightmare. I don't think we create, I just don't think we do flyers.

no you go rowley i was just going to say one of my friends had those ray-bans with the camera in and you could you could see that with the camera we're not doing that we're not going to get the yeah we're not doing a hidden camera near a kids park ever well we'll not put it like that that's what it is don't put it like that

I'll never approve of that. We're not filming that for the last goddamn time. So now you're back to walking in. This woman is back to harassing you. And what do we do now? And I hate when the victim has to make an adjustment because it isn't fair. You should be able to walk down this street, but I am at the point where I kind of feel like, and I know I remember from the first call, this is the only path you like.

You know what I might do? I might have a sign. What's the sign say, sir? Stop harassing me. Buddy, let me be Jake to Jake for a second. Go ahead.

So you're just going to walk around this park with a weird sign that says stop harassing me after two days ago you said you were just there to film birds? You're going to look like a crazy deranged, you're going to look like an old-timey hobo on drugs. Yeah, it's no good. My last pitch would be wear some AirPods and when you just have to walk by the flames, go through it. You like the walk.

blast some music, blare her out. Do you feel physically afraid of her? No, not really, no. It's more of an annoyance. Okay, so she is assaulting your ears, but you do not feel in danger. Because that's a big distinction. If you felt in danger, we're in a different world, but you don't. The people confronting you really took a lot of our power away. All of it. Our pitch is always to be the people confronting.

So that's why I would go AirPods, ignore. One last pitch.

Record audio only and have an audio file. Okay. Well, I just think any technology, Gareth, after being that guy at the park. Well, they're not going to be like you're going to your apartment and making a file a kid laughs. Who knows what these creeps do? Okay. All right. Hold on. So you're saying basically put your phone in your pocket with a voice note recording. Yes. Then walk by the park. If she says it, then you've got it? Or you're just getting it to get it?

And then the next time she does it, you say, I've got evidence of you harassing me. Stop it. Honestly, don't hate it. Yeah, I don't mind it. Do you think you'd pick it up from the pocket? Yes. Well, you could actually put it... If you were holding the phone in your hand, yes. By the way, that's the move.

Yeah, I don't mind it. I don't mind it either. I would say she seems to lack logic a little bit, but I definitely think it's probably worth a go. It might be, otherwise I think I'd just give up on the park. Yeah, then we go to our last ditch. So let's do this. I think let's go with Gareth's idea, really. Let's have it in your phone, have it on your phone. Your phone is in your hand closer to her house, but you are clearly not filming. If she starts harassing, just put your hand out a little bit.

It'll pick it up, and then I would say, the next day, play it for her and just go, look, I have a few of these built up. Stop. I don't want to go to the police, but I will. Right, and hopefully that'll confuse her like the filming did. I think so too. It'll be just enough. And also, then obviously by the time you get to even near the park,

Put that phone in your pocket, big guy. Try the audio. Save the audio. Yeah. And call us back with another update because we need to close the book on this. And by the way, you know what you could also do? Punch her. No. If she's harassing you while you have the phone in your hand, tell her, I'm recording the audio.

I don't hate it either. I'm recording it. Don't hate it either. Yeah, I like that. I'm recording it. You can see it too. Like if you go to your home screen, it will show that it's like a running audience. And then go, I'm recording it. By the way, hold on. You know what you actually do? Huh? If the ladies confront you again, tell them about the podcast, tell them the episode number and go, there's an easier way to explain this

I need you to listen to this podcast. I feel very uncomfortable. And then go like this, but I promise you it's fun. It's lighter than you expect. It's sillier. And, but that's what I would do. I would tell them to listen to the podcast so that they can be part of the fun. I would not try to explain it in the moment around their kids. And then I would say like, but don't listen around the kids because it is vulgar so that they know like, Oh, he's being ultra sensitive. Then they hear the problem. They get the camera.

I think that is actually a big solve. I think this works. Right? And then so you're doing it. So you're doing that. And then if you see them, you tell them that to go like, just to be clear what happened.

And then maybe we have the ladies on as a follow-up. Yeah, sure. Let's get crazy. Maybe we have the lady from the park. If those women, if the moms ever hear this podcast, email the show. We'll get the point of view of what you thought when you saw her. We're sorry about the impressions of you. I'm not sorry about Maya. Where are you from again?

South London, Fourth Cathedral, went to international school, spent a little time in South Africa. The South Africa part. And the Netherlands. The South Africa part. Literally, Rolly just got added because one of our callers was from South Africa. Thank you for the call. Please follow up with us. Okay, thanks so much, guys. I really appreciate it. This is going to work. This is going to be fun. This is going to be fun.

Cheers. Thank you. Thanks, buddy. Thank you. Bye. South Africa. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod to see our entire catalog.

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The cover artwork is by James Fostyke. Animations by Andrew Strzelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

All video episodes of Season 1 are available now on Patreon, and Season 2 video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway or Let's Make a Deal.

And we're now hosting a new improvised show called What If on the HeadGum Podcast Network. And on What If, we believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of TV, film, tech, and literature. Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, LeVar Burton, and Adam Conover. We ask them the big, ridiculous questions like, what if you heard a monkey's feelings? What if your grandma was a secret agent? What if Jonathan was invited to the cookout?

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