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cover of episode Esther Calling - I Can Break up with Him But I'm Still Stuck With Myself

Esther Calling - I Can Break up with Him But I'm Still Stuck With Myself

2025/2/24
logo of podcast Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
AI Deep Dive AI Chapters Transcript
People
专
专家
女
女嘉宾
Topics
女嘉宾：我与伴侣五年异地恋，现已失去信任，他的求婚计划不切实际，我决定结束这段关系。我害怕被真正看见，这种恐惧源于我内心的不安全感，以及原生家庭的影响。我总是选择让我处于优势地位的关系，避免被拒绝和伤害。我过去在关系中设置保护策略，避免被对方过分影响，这源于我内心的恐惧。我害怕被男性掌控，所以选择性格温和、缺乏雄心的伴侣，但这最终导致关系破裂。我既在避免像父亲那样的男性，也在避免像母亲那样被掌控的女性。我害怕表达需求后，会被认为不够好，不被爱。我害怕表达自己的需求，因为它们很特殊，难以被理解，所以我总是忽略自己的需求，专注于满足他人的需求。从小受到严厉的批评，导致我对任何批评都反应过度，难以接受建设性意见。我倾向于放大负面事件，认为一切都是因为我不好。表达需求后，我感到感激和解脱。我害怕被拒绝，这种恐惧存在于所有关系中。在友谊中，我较少面临信任和亲密感的挑战。我与母亲的关系复杂，我既依赖她，又难以与她亲近。十几岁时叛逆，与父母冲突，这导致我和母亲的关系疏远。我要学会将负面情绪与自身分离，从不同的角度看待问题。我要克服恐惧，勇敢地表达自己，不再躲避关注。我意识到自己很重要，但并非所有事情都与我有关。 专家：你可能在避免成为像你母亲那样的人，避免被他人掌控。你更关注男性主导地位，还是母亲的脆弱和依赖？你表达需求后，想象了最坏的结果，而这正是你的恐惧所在。你选择改变伴侣类型，或者改变自己内在，来避免母亲的感受。你需要先接纳自己，才能更好地表达需求。你倾向于将负面事件都归咎于自己，但很多事情与你无关。学会表达需求，即使不被满足，也不一定是你的错。

Deep Dive

Chapters
A 37-year-old woman discusses her five-year long-distance relationship and her desire to end it. She reveals a pattern of choosing relationships that keep her emotionally distant, stemming from a deep-seated fear of intimacy and rejection. This fear is rooted in her family background and experiences.
  • Five-year long-distance relationship
  • Fear of intimacy and rejection
  • Avoidant behavior
  • Family background

Shownotes Transcript

Esther talks with a woman who is contemplating ending her five-year long-distance relationship. She reflects on avoidant behavior, stemming from a fear of intimacy and rejection, and the complex dynamics of her family background. Esther helps her confront these deeply rooted fears, encouraging her to vocalize her needs and to realize that not everything negative is about her. The conversation opens up pathways for the woman to seek closeness and be seen, ultimately aiming to break free from a life defined by fear and distance.

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected].

Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter)

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