Esther Calling - I Don't Want to Turn Into My Mother
Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
Deep Dive
Why does the caller feel more resentment towards her mother after becoming a parent?
The caller expected to become more empathetic towards her mother after having a child, but instead, she feels more resentment and conflict. This is because she sees her mother's parenting style, which was strict and often harsh, and does not want to replicate it with her own son. The memories and feelings of her own childhood have resurfaced, intensifying her negative emotions.
Why is the caller hesitant to let her mother be close to her son?
The caller is hesitant because she fears her mother will impose the same strict and sometimes harsh discipline that she experienced as a child. She wants to protect her son from this kind of relationship and ensure he has a more nurturing and understanding upbringing.
Why does the caller feel a sense of guilt and fear when it comes to her relationship with her mother?
The caller feels guilt for not wanting her mother to be close to her son and for maintaining distance from her mother. She also feels fear that her mother will deny her feelings and experiences, making her feel inadequate or like she is the one with the problem. This fear is compounded by the caller's desire to break generational cycles and create a better relationship with her own child.
Why is the caller's relationship with her mother described as conflictual?
The relationship is conflictual because the caller's mother is described as authoritative, controlling, and lacking in trust. Despite the caller's achievements, her mother continues to question and criticize her decisions, leading to ongoing tension and emotional distress for the caller.
Why does the caller feel a need to be perfect in her parenting?
The caller feels a need to be perfect in her parenting because she is highly self-critical and fears making the same mistakes her mother made. This pressure to be perfect stems from her own negative experiences and a desire to provide a better life for her son.
Why does Esther suggest the caller acknowledge the positive aspects of her mother's influence?
Esther suggests this to help the caller find a sense of self-acceptance and positive identification. By recognizing the positive traits and strengths she has inherited from her mother, the caller can be kinder to herself and break free from the negative cycle of self-criticism and resentment.
Why is it important for the caller to establish boundaries with her mother?
Establishing boundaries is important because it helps the caller protect her own emotional well-being and the well-being of her son. It allows her to set clear limits on her mother's involvement and reduces the impact of her mother's critical and controlling behavior.
Why does Esther recommend the caller use a different response when her mother criticizes her?
Esther recommends a different response to help the caller establish a boundary without becoming defensive or reactive. By acknowledging her mother's intentions in a positive way, the caller can maintain her own autonomy and reduce the emotional impact of the criticism.
- Resentment towards mother intensified after childbirth.
- Strict upbringing and lack of trust characterized mother-daughter relationship.
- Generational trauma and cultural influences impacting family dynamics.
Shownotes Transcript