EP24:Deep Into - Don't Say Um
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Welcome to another deep dive. Today we're going to be checking out Don't Say. Ooh, good one. It's by Michael Chad Hutner. And I think, you know, we all feel like, especially as adults, that our communication skills could always use some work. For sure, yeah. So, you know, maybe we're not getting our point across as effectively as we'd like, or maybe we're relying on

filler words too much. Right. And so this book is all about, you know, giving us some tools to overcome those hurdles. Yeah, definitely. So the book starts out kind of challenging this notion of like, you know, some people are just naturally good communicators. What do you think about that? Well, you know, it's interesting because what we often think of as natural is often just

you know, ingrained habits. Oh, interesting. And the cool thing is those habits can be changed. Yeah. Yeah. And actually he even shares this anecdote about a CEO who initially felt super awkward trying to improve his posture. But then, you know, he was able to get to this point where good posture felt more natural than slouching.

Wow, that's interesting. Yeah. So it's kind of like riding a bike or something. Like at first it feels really unnatural. Right. Then after you do it enough, it becomes second nature. Exactly. So then, you know, after he sort of sets the stage there, one of the most repeated pieces of advice in the book is pausing. And he talks about replacing those filler words, you know, like unlike. Replacing those with intentional pauses. Right. Why is that so effective?

Well, pausing does a lot. Like, first of all, it lets our brains catch up. You know, it helps us formulate our thoughts more clearly and it creates emphasis. You know, it draws attention to the words we choose to say after that pause. Yeah. And then, you know, believe it or not, it can actually make you sound more confident. Oh, interesting. Yeah. So, you know, instead of rushing to fill that silence.

You're owning it. Exactly. Exactly. And you seem more confident because of that. Yeah. Yeah. It shows that you're in control. You're not afraid of that silence. Interesting. So there's this technique in the book that I found really kind of intriguing. Okay. He calls it block stacking. Uh-huh. And he talks about, you know, having a stack of building blocks or even pieces of paper. Okay. And as you speak, you physically stack a block. Okay.

for each distinct thought or point you make. - Okay. - Have you ever tried this? - You know, I haven't tried it physically. - Okay. - But I mean, I get the concept behind it. - Yeah. - And it's pretty powerful. - So how does that physical action translate to better communication? - Well, I think it forces you to be more concise.

You know, you have to break down your thoughts into these like digestible units. So it helps you, you know, avoid rambling and make sure that each point is, you know, delivered with intention. Yeah. You know, it kind of it can help with your breathing, too. Oh. You know, by providing those natural pauses we were talking about. Right. So like each each block represents a complete thought. Exactly. Exactly. And it's it's almost like giving your speech.

a structure and a rhythm. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. And this actually ties into another important point that he makes, which is, you know, linguistic precision. He kind of makes this argument that, you know, those filler words are often a symptom of, you know, not choosing our words deliberately. Like we're searching for the right word as we speak, you know, rather than taking that moment to think before we open our mouths. Oh, that's so true. Yeah. And he even has some like kind of

fun exercise to help with this, like finger walking and tape walking. Okay. Yeah. I remember reading about those. Um,

Tell me about those. Yeah. So like picture a line of tape on the floor. Okay. Okay. And as you speak, you step along that line. But, you know, you only move forward when you have, you know, a clear thought to express. And if you, you know, stumble or you hesitate, you pause until you find that next word. So if you don't know what to say next, you literally stop. Yeah. In your tracks. Exactly. Exactly. That's really interesting. And finger walking is similar, but, you know.

You just use your fingers to kind of walk along a surface. Got it. So it's like it's like a it's a physical embodiment of that mental pause giving you time to gather your thoughts. Exactly. Yeah. That's a fascinating approach. I love that. It's not just about speaking. It's about like.

training your mind and body to work together. Yeah, for sure. For more effective communication. Yeah. And this leads us to another key aspect, I think, of communication, which is enunciation. So Heppner stresses that, you know, clear enunciation, it's not about sounding fancy or anything. It's about making sure your message is understood. Right. And he recommends that

classic cork exercise, you know, where you hold a cork between your teeth. Right. Or actually there's a, there's a paper substitute mentioned in the book too. Oh, okay. But the, the principle is the same. You know, you're forcing yourself to over enunciate.

Right. Which, you know, helps strengthen those muscles that you use for clear speech. Gotcha. Yeah. So it's like giving your tongue a workout. Yeah. He uses this analogy, you know, like imagine trying to, you know, draw dots on a page. OK. They're really close together. It's really hard to be precise. Right. Right. Right. So the same applies to your tongue. Got it. You know, you create more space in your mouth.

And that allows your tongue to move more freely, which results in that, you know, crisper articulation. So we've covered pausing, block stacking, linguistic precision, and enunciation. Right. It's kind of amazing how, you know, these seemingly simple techniques can have such a profound impact on our communication. Mm-hmm. But...

Yeah. What about the sound of our voice? Yeah. Like how do we make our delivery more engaging or more dynamic? Well, that's where his five P's come in. Okay. He breaks down vocal variety into these five key elements. Oh, okay. Pace, pitch, pause, power, and

And placement. Okay. Yeah. So tell me, how can we use those to our advantage? Well, think about how naturally you vary your voice when you're, you know, talking to a child, right? Like you instinctively adjust your

your, you know, pace, pitch, volume to keep them engaged. Yeah, yeah. So the five-piece framework kind of helps us bring that same level of, you know, expressiveness to all of our communication. Right. Yeah. So it's like tapping into that innate ability that we already have. Exactly. But we forget to use. Yeah.

Can you give me an example? Like how would pitch change the impact of a message? Sure. Imagine you're like delivering a presentation. If you just maintain a monotone voice, people are going to tune out, right? But if you vary your pitch, emphasizing key points with a higher pitch, conveying emotion through subtle shifts,

That's how you keep them hooked. Right. Yeah. It's like adding punctuation to your spoken word. Yeah. That's a great example. Yeah. It's amazing, you know, how much difference a little vocal variety can make. Yeah, for sure. But what about those times when, you know, nerves get the better of us? Uh-huh. How do we manage that? You know...

That's a really common one. He challenges the conventional advice of trying to calm down. Okay. Because, you know, a lot of times when you tell yourself to calm down, it backfires. Right. So he suggests instead, you know, shifting your focus to something physical, you know, something that you can control. Okay.

So instead of trying to control your emotions directly, you're redirecting your attention. Right. Can you give me an example of that? Yeah. So let's say...

You know, you're about to give a presentation and your heart is racing, right? Instead of trying to, you know, will yourself to be calm, just focus on, you know, grounding your feet firmly on the floor. Okay. You know, feel that connection to the ground and, you know, imagine your breath flowing deeply. Yeah. So it's like you're shifting your energy from those anxious thoughts. Right. To something you can actually control. Exactly. Yeah.

does he give any other like physical actions yeah so um he suggests focusing on you know clear enunciation okay you know by consciously articulating each word it kind of shifts your attention to the mechanics of speech right you know and that lets those nerves kind of fade into the background so you're tricking your brain into you know exactly yeah not being nervous it's a subtle shift

But it can be really powerful. That's fascinating how these physical techniques can have such a profound impact on our mental state. Yeah, it's all connected. Right. Yeah. And speaking of feeling, you know, nervous or self-conscious. Yeah. One of the most liberating things I think in this book is that transparency trumps perfection.

That's such a good point. Yeah. It takes the pressure off, doesn't it? It really does, yeah. He encourages this transparent approach to mistakes. He even highlights a time when a

senior executive you know experienced emotional release through this exercise oh yeah you know because it reminds us that we don't have to be perfect to be effective communicators right in fact our imperfections can actually make us you know more relatable more engaging absolutely yeah it's it's such a powerful reminder of

that instead of hiding our mistakes, we can embrace them as learning opportunities. Exactly. Yeah. And he provides a really simple framework, you know, for navigating those inevitable slip ups. He calls them the three F's of transparency.

Fake it, fix it, and feature it. Okay. I like that. Break those down for me. Okay. So for minor inconsequential errors, you can just fake it and move on. The audience probably won't even notice. For more noticeable mistakes, you can either fix it directly, acknowledge the error and correct it, or you can feature it. You can actually turn the mistake into a learning opportunity. So instead of pretending that we're perfect,

We're actually being authentic and vulnerable, which strengthens our connection. Exactly. Yeah. It creates a space where it's okay to be human. Yeah. You know, where mistakes are seen not as failures, but as opportunities for, you know, growth and connection. So we've covered...

Pausing, block stacking, linguistic precision, enunciation, the five Ps, managing nerves, and embracing transparency. Wow. We covered a lot. We did. And we're just getting started. And we're just getting started. He also dives into breathing, eye contact, breathing.

you know, physical presence and then even, you know, the potential impact of AI on communication. I can't wait to dove into those topics. It's fascinating how much emphasis he puts on breathing. Yeah. It seems so basic, but like I think a lot of us aren't breathing as efficiently as we could be. Right. Yeah. We just kind of take it for granted. Yeah. But it's so important, especially for speaking. Absolutely. And he really, really emphasizes this idea of diaphragmatic breathing. So breathing from the belly, not the chest.

You know, it's how babies naturally breathe. It's amazing how we develop these like bad habits as we get older. Right. And they have a real impact on our voices. Oh, huge. Yeah. Shallow breathing can lead to, you know, weaker, less resonant voice. And he uses this phrase, put air into action. Okay. To highlight that, you know, breath is the fuel. Mm-hmm.

For our voices. It's the engine behind our work. It's like we're trying to, you know, run a marathon on an empty stomach. Exactly. So how do we how do we reconnect with our breath and harness that power? Well, he offers some great exercises to help us, you know, tap into our diaphragmatic breathing. You know, one simple technique is to like imagine you're blowing up a balloon. Right. Right.

Yeah. And as you inhale, feel your belly expand. And then as you exhale, visualize that balloon slowly inflating. Yeah. I love that imagery. Yeah. It makes it much easier to feel that. And once you start breathing correctly, I mean, you'll be amazed at how much more, you know,

powerful and resonant your voice can sound. Yeah, it's like you've you've unlocked a hidden reserve. Right. Vocal energy. Exactly. It's like, you know, upgrading from, you know, a sputtering engine to a high performance machine. Right.

So speaking of projecting power and confidence, let's talk about eye contact. Ooh, yeah. This is one that, you know, can feel a little intimidating for some people. But Hoopner offers a really refreshing perspective. Yeah. What's his take on eye contact? Well, he's a very good eye contact specialist.

Well, he kind of reframes it as a way of connecting with your audience rather than something to be feared. Okay. Right? You know, it's about making sure they feel seen and heard, you know, creating that sense of genuine engagement. I like that shift in focus. Yeah. Instead of worrying about, you know, being judged or whatever. Yeah. It's about them. You're focused on connecting. Exactly. And he actually provides like a simple visual. Yeah. In the book, it's just a smiley face.

But it reminds us that eye contact is about them. It's not about us.

So when we shift our attention to the other person, we naturally make more eye contact. Exactly. Yeah. Interesting. So what about when you're speaking to a large group? Yeah. Do you have to make eye contact with every single person? It's not about, you know, staring down each individual. Right. It's more about creating a sense of connection with the entire group. Okay. You know, and one way to do this is by, you know, kind of

Focusing on individuals for a few seconds each. Got it. You know, making eye contact with one person, then moving to the next. It's like having a series of mini conversations throughout your presentation. Right. It creates that sense of inclusivity. But what about when you need a moment to gather your thoughts?

Is it okay to look away while you're searching for the right words? This is where he offers a surprising insight. He actually encourages people to maintain eye contact while they're searching for the right words. Oh, interesting. Because he argues that looking away can actually disrupt our thought process.

leading to more filler words and less clarity. So by staying focused on the other person's eyes, you're actually helping your brain. Exactly. Yeah. It's like eye contact creates this feedback loop, you know, that keeps the communication flowing smoothly. Interesting. Let's talk about physical presence. Okay. So that's like posture, stance, all that. Right. Yeah. And this is something that, you know,

We often overlook. Yeah. But our bodies play a huge role in how our message is perceived. Right. Absolutely. And he, you know, challenges those conventional ideas about posture. OK. You know, he says it's not about, you know, rigidly straightening your spine. Right. It's more about finding this, you know, natural alignment. OK. That feels both strong and relaxed. He uses the analogy of a tree. Right.

You know, a tree's strength comes from its roots, you know, and its flexible branches, not from being perfectly straight. Yeah, and he introduces this concept of use, which is basically this idea that, like, our bodies are designed to, you know, move and function in specific ways. So how do we find that natural alignment? Well, he suggests exercises like squatting and visualizing your head as, like,

helium balloon. Okay. And your feet as roots. Got it. You know, to help you kind of find that balanced posture. Okay. He also provides like some practical tips. Okay. You know, for those of us who, you know, spend hours sitting like

Using sticky notes as reminders to adjust our posture, you know, holding our phones up to our face instead of craning our necks down. You know, it's all about making these small conscious choices throughout the day. Yeah. He even suggests swapping your chair for a yoga ball.

Oh, wow. Now, that's a bold move. Yeah. But it makes sense because sitting on a yoga ball engages your core. Right. Right. And encourages active sitting. Okay. You know, it prevents slouching. It promotes good posture. So posture's covered. What about stance? Okay. So stance, he has an interesting observation about this. Okay. You know, he noticed that like when people try to be natural, you know, by like moving

moving around while they're speaking, they actually end up looking more awkward and unsure of themselves. Oh, that's interesting. So he actually advocates for standing still. Okay. You know, with your feet grounded. Right. You know, weight evenly distributed. Got it. It sounds counterintuitive. Yeah.

But it creates this like sense of stability and presence. He even suggests practicing standing on a book. Really? To develop that like grounded feeling. So it's like a football player stance. Yeah. You know, ready to move in any direction, but like firmly planted in the moment. Exactly. Okay.

So we talked about posture, stance. Now, hand gestures. Ooh, yeah. You know, this is one of those things that, you know, people get really self-conscious about. Yeah. Are there right and wrong ways to use our hands? You know, he kind of challenges, you know, the traditional advice about hand gestures, which is often focused on what not to do. Okay. Right? Yeah. He calls it, like, the tyranny of dunce. I like that. And he argues that it can actually make people...

you know, more self-conscious and less expressive. So instead of focusing on what we shouldn't do, what should we do? He advocates for an approach of, like, freedom

freedom and ease. Okay. You know, encouraging people to, you know, use their hands naturally to emphasize their words, to convey emotion. Okay. And he has some great exercises, you know, to help people, you know, kind of unlock their natural gestures like, you know, silent storytelling. Oh, I love that. What's that? Yeah. So imagine you're, you know, telling a story, but you can only use your hands and body language to convey the narrative.

Oh, interesting. Right. It forces you to like think about how your movements can enhance your message. Right. Connect with your audience on deeper level. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. And it's amazing, you know, how much more expressive our gestures can be when we're not overthinking them. Right. So it's like it's like we're unlocking a hidden language of our bodies. Exactly. Exactly.

Now, what about hand gestures, but in like virtual communication? Yeah. That's an important consideration these days. Yeah. Right. Right. Because, you know, we're on camera. We need to be mindful of like how our gestures translate. Right. You know, he emphasizes that like our hands should be visible, but not distracting. Right. So it might take some some experimentation to find a setup and a style that, you know, feels natural and effective. Right.

So we've covered breath, eye contact, posture, stance.

Hand gestures. It's amazing how all these elements work together. Right. It's a nonverbal symphony. Yeah. Right. But, you know, remember, it's not about striving for perfection. Right. It's about, you know, developing a deeper awareness of our bodies and how we can use them. Yeah. You know, to communicate more effectively. So this brings us to the final section of the book. Okay. Where he really delves into, you know, warming up, managing nerves, embracing transparency. Right. And then even creating a daily communication regimen. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. And this is where we really, you know, learn how to make these techniques stick. Yeah, make them a part of your everyday life. That's the key. Can't wait to hear about it. It's really interesting, you know, this whole concept of a communication warm-up. Yeah, I've never really thought about that. Like, do we really need to warm up? Well, he dedicates, like, a whole chapter to it. Okay. You know, he compares it to athletes warming up before a game. Right. You know, just like athletes need to, like...

you know, prepare their bodies for peak performance. We need to warm up our communication muscles. OK, so what what does that actually look like? Like, what does that involve? So he suggests, you know, a combination of things like simple stretches to loosen up the body. OK. You know, facial exercises to activate the muscles that we use for speaking. Right. And then vocal warm ups like humming and tongue twisters.

To get our voices, you know, ready to project clearly and effectively. Okay. And we should be doing this regularly, not just like before a big presentation. Right. Exactly. Yeah. It's about like incorporating these practices into our daily routines. Okay. You know, just like brushing our teeth or going for a walk. You know, the more we practice, the more...

natural and effortless our communication becomes. Yeah, it's like building those communication muscles so that they're ready to go when we need them.

So, you know, we've talked a little bit about nerves, but does he have any additional advice on like how to manage those those butterflies? Oh, yeah, for sure. And he emphasizes, you know, that managing nerves is an ongoing process. Right. You know, it's not something we conquer overnight. Right. And one thing he suggests is creating a pre-performance routine.

You know, like a series of steps that we can take to calm our nerves and boost our confidence before a big speaking engagement. So it's like it's like a ritual that helps you get into the right mindset. Right. OK, so what what kind of things could be included in that? Well, it can be personalized, but.

You know, some things he suggests are, you know, listening to upbeat music. Okay. You know, reviewing your notes, doing some light stretches, you know, and even visualizing yourself, you know, delivering a successful presentation. Right. You know, it's about taking control of those pre-presentation jitters. Yeah. And channeling that nervous energy into something positive. Yeah.

And, you know, go back to that idea of transparency over perfection. Yes. That can really help manage nerves too. Huge. Yeah. When we accept that it's okay to make mistakes, it takes a lot of the pressure off. Absolutely. Yeah. So powerful. So, so liberating. Right. So, you know, one of the last things that he talks about is creating a daily communication regimen. Yes. Love that. So it's like building communication fitness into our routines. Right. What does that look like?

So he suggests, you know, starting small, you know, maybe choosing one or two skills to focus on each week. And then, you know, gradually incorporating more techniques as you become more comfortable. Okay. And you can practice these skills in, you know, various settings. Right. From casual conversations to, you know, more formal meetings. So it's like finding those opportunities to practice throughout the day. Right. And he has some...

some strategies for making it a consistent habit. Oh, okay. Like what? You know, like setting reminders, whether it's a sticky note or an alarm on your phone. Okay. And also like finding an accountability partner. Oh, interesting. You know, someone who can support you on your communication journey. Yeah. Like a communication workout buddy. Exactly. So we've explored all these techniques for, you know, improving our communication.

But then he takes a step back. Right. He does. And looks at the bigger picture. Yeah. He talks about how, you know, in this age of AI and information overload. Yeah. The role of the communicator is even more important. More than ever. Why is that? Well, he argues that, you know.

While AI might be really good at generating content, it lacks the human touch. Okay. Right? It can't connect with audiences on an emotional level. Right. And inspire them to take action. Right. We can have the best ideas in the world. Yeah. But if we can't communicate them, it doesn't matter. Exactly. Yeah. And he leaves us with this like thought-provoking question. Okay. You know, he asks...

If AI starts handling content generation, what does that mean for the future of delivery skills? Oh, wow. So it's almost like human delivery will become even more important in a world where, you know, content is readily available, but connection is rare. Exactly. I think that's such a powerful point. Yeah.

You know, it really underscores the value of honing these skills. Yeah. We might not all be professional speakers. Right. But we all communicate. Every day. Every single day. And those everyday interactions, whether it's with our loved ones at work, you know, they can be so much more enriching, so much more meaningful when we do it with clarity and confidence and authenticity. Absolutely. And it's about recognizing, you know, that communication isn't just about conveying information. Mm-hmm.

It's about building relationships, you know, fostering understanding and creating a more connected world. So there you have it. A deep dive into Michael Chad Hipner's Don't Say Um. We covered a lot of ground today. From the power of pausing to the importance of linguistic precision to the subtleties of eye contact.

the art of managing those nerves. And all those practical techniques for strengthening our voices, mastering our body language, creating that daily communication regimen. And we even looked at the future of communication. In the age of AI. In the age of AI. Hopefully you walk away from this feeling inspired to level up your own communication game. Yeah, remember, it's not about perfection. Right. It's about progress. So choose one or two techniques, start practicing, and watch those communication skills transform.

Thanks for joining us.