EP39: Meditations for Mortals: Embracing Imperfectism
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Welcome to our deep dive into meditations for mortals by Oliver Berkman. Oh, this is going to be good. It seems like a lot of us are ready for a new approach to life. One that helps us navigate the daily chaos without losing our minds. Exactly. So we're going to unpack some of Berkman's insights from this book and see what we can all learn. Sounds good. The core idea is something Berkman calls imperfectionism.

It's about accepting our limits and finding freedom within them. Instead of trying to be perfect all the time. Exactly. I think that's a concept a lot of us could use right now. Totally. How does he lay that all out in the book? Well, he structures the book as like a four-week journey. Okay. And each week focuses on a different aspect. Okay. The first is about facing our limitations. Then there's taking action. Okay. Letting go. Mm-hmm.

And finally, really being present in the moment. So like a mental boot camp. Yes. But for actually laying life. Right. Instead of just try to conquer it. Exactly. Week one is called Being Finite. Okay. It kicks off with a quote from comedian Mitch Hedberg. Oh, nice. That I think really captures the spirit of the book. Okay. What is it? He says, if you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it. Build a house.

I love that. Right. It's like instead of panicking, trying to follow some imaginary perfect plan. Yes. You adapt to the situation. Yeah. You make it your own. Exactly. And day one of the first week, it's all about acknowledging failure.

That feeling of being overwhelmed. Oh, yeah. Which I think we can all relate to. Absolutely. On some level or another. Why are we so overwhelmed? Berkman argues that a lot of our anxiety comes from fighting the impossible. Oh. We have this idea that we should be able to do it all. Yeah. To get it all done. Right. But the truth is our to-do lists. Yeah. They're infinite. They never end. And that's okay. That's a good point.

It's kind of like admitting you'll never actually reach the bottom of the laundry basket. Exactly. You just keep doing your best. Yeah. And that's enough. That's all we can do. So then day two, where does that take us? Berkman challenges us to ditch those elaborate productivity systems. Oh, so no need for the color coded planner. Right. Or app.

No, not really. Just take action. He uses this analogy of a kayak versus a super yacht to illustrate this point. I imagine we're all paddling down the river of time in our little kayaks. I'm with you. But...

We keep getting distracted by this fantasy of being on a super yacht. Like we could be in total control. Exactly. Systems and long-term plans. Yeah. Those can feel like that super yacht. Okay. But they often prevent us from doing the actual paddling. Got it. From making real progress. Right. But- Yeah. Yeah.

Don't you need some kind of plan? Sure. Even a basic one. Yeah. To make sure you're paddling in the right direction. That's a great point. I mean, I get it, but... It's not about ditching planning altogether. Okay. It's about finding the balance between planning and action. Okay.

much planning can be a form of procrastination Oh interesting you know a way of avoiding the real work so just get out there yeah paddle and paddle that makes sense like don't wait for the perfect conditions or the perfect plan just get started yeah and see what happens exactly all right so day three gets into something that can be really tough yeah embracing the consequences of our choices

Oh, that's a good one. It's about owning those decisions. Yeah. Even the messy ones. Even the messy ones. So no more saying I can't.

Right. It's more like I'm choosing not to because. Yeah. And acknowledging the reason. Exactly. Behind that choice. Freedom doesn't come from having unlimited choices. It comes from deciding which consequences we're willing to live with. Berkman reminds us that we can do anything we want. We can. But we have to own the tradeoffs. I like that. Right. Then day four. Yes. Introduces a concept I think we've all experienced. Okay. Lay it on me. What Berkman calls productivity debt. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I know that feeling. That feeling of waking up already behind. Yes. Like you owe the universe some level of output. Just for existing. It's like every morning there's this invisible to-do list. Hanging over your head. You can never catch up.

It's a tough one. So what's the antidote? Well, he starts by challenging the very idea of productivity debt, reminding us that simply by existing, we are already worthy. I love that. Our worth isn't tied to our output.

Okay. He suggests this really powerful exercise. Okay. Instead of focusing on the to-do list, create a done list. That's a good idea. Celebrate what you've already accomplished. Big or small. Exactly. That's a really empowering way. It is. To think about it. It's not about what we haven't done. Yeah. It's about acknowledging. What we have done. Yes. By giving ourselves permission to breathe. Right. Appreciate where we are right now. I like that. Okay. Day five.

This is a big one. Hit me. Information overload. Oh, yeah. How does he tackle that one? He reminds us that the ever-growing pile of books to read, articles to save, podcasts to listen to. A never-ending list. It's a river, not a bucket. So you're saying I don't need to read every book on my shelf. What a relief. Right. I could finally let go of the guilt of that ever-growing to read pile.

Exactly. So how do we approach this river? Let things flow by. Don't try to stockpile knowledge. Absorb what resonates with you now. Okay. Let the rest go. Okay. Reading, learning. It's a present moment activity. I can get behind that. Don't burden yourself with the pressure of remembering it all. That makes a lot of sense. Day six brings us to a really powerful idea. Okay. What's that?

We can't care about everything. Ooh, that's tough. It is. Especially today. It is. It's so easy to get overwhelmed by all the issues in the world. Yes. I feel like we should be doing something about all of them. It can feel like every news story, every social media post is asking for a piece of your energy and attention.

That's exactly it. Berkman uses this example of Eric Haberman. Okay. A guy who opted out of the constant news cycle to focus his energy on wetland restoration. So he picked his battle. Exactly. And is making a tangible difference. In his own way.

It's not about being apathetic. No. It's about being strategic. Yes. With your energy. And attention. And your attention, yes. Choosing what matters most to you. Okay. And letting go of the pressure to be everything to everyone. I can get behind that. Right. That leads us to day seven, which I think is something we all struggle with. Okay, tell me. Worrying about the future. Oh, the thing I do every night before I go to bed. I know, right? I know. So what's his take on that?

Berkman argues that worrying about the future is not only unproductive, but it's also impossible. Impossible how so? On two levels. First, we can't actually predict what will happen. And second, even if we could, we wouldn't know how we'd handle it.

until we get there. So we're basically worrying about something that we can't control and might not even happen. Exactly. So what are we supposed to do instead? He suggests a more helpful approach. Okay. Trusting ourselves to handle things. As they come. Exactly. And focusing on the... The next and most necessary thing. Okay. Don't worry about the bridge. Yeah. You might have to cross in a year. Okay. Focus on taking the next step right now.

That's a really powerful shift in perspective. It is. Instead of trying to solve these problems that don't even exist yet. Yeah. Focus on the task at hand. I like that. Wow. So that's the end of week one. Yeah. Just the first week. I know. It's packed. It is. So many good insights. What are your takeaways? What's resonating with you? Honestly?

I'm appreciating the permission to let go of perfectionism. Yeah. That feeling of having to do everything perfectly. Yes, it's so freeing. I'm also intrigued by this idea of the done list. It's a good one, right. It's a much more positive. And empowering. Yes. Way to think about productivity. Absolutely. It's about focusing on what we can control. Accepting our limitations. Yeah. And finding freedom. Within those constraints. Exactly. Which brings us to week two.

Yes. Which focuses on bold action. He reframes action as a part of being alive. Okay. Not a burden. So instead of feeling weighed down by our to-do lists. Yeah. We can see them as opportunities. To engage with life. That's an interesting way to think about it. I'm curious to see where he goes with that. Yeah, me too. Well, on day eight, he dives into this idea that decisions are things we hunt for.

Instead of waiting for the perfect moment. Or the perfect information. Yes. Choose now. Make a decision. Even if you don't know the outcome. Exactly. Taking action breaks that paralysis. Of indecision. Of indecision, yes. What if I make the wrong decision? You know, sometimes our choices will have unintended consequences. For sure. But.

Even those can be valuable learning experiences. It's about trusting ourselves to make the best decision with the information we have. At the time. At the time, yeah. Learning from the outcomes. Good or bad. Good or bad. Exactly. Day nine focuses on something I struggle with personally. What's that? Finishing things. Oh, yeah. I love starting new projects. I get it. But I often get bogged down in the details, have trouble seeing them through.

That's a common struggle. What's the solution? Berkman's advice is to redefine what finished means. Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on small achievable outcomes.

So break it down into smaller steps. Exactly. Break down those big projects into tiny deliverables. Okay. And turn your day into a series of small wins. So celebrating the small victories along the way. Yes. Giving yourself credit for the progress. Even if it doesn't feel like... Like a major accomplishment. Exactly. This ties in with the concept. Okay. He introduces on day 10... What's that? The life task. The life task. It's not about...

Some grand destiny or external expectations. It's about tuning into what your life is demanding of you right now. In this moment. Yes. What needs to be done today? What problem needs solving? It's about being present, responsive to the needs of the moment. Rather than getting lost in some abstract vision. Of the future. Exactly. He uses this really interesting example of Carl Jung. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Who as a child had a debilitating fear of math. Wait, Carl Jung, the famous psychologist, the guy who came up with all those complex theories. He was afraid of math. As a child, yes. Wow, that's fascinating. He would have these panic attacks. Oh, wow. At the thought of going to math class.

Really? But he eventually realized he couldn't avoid it forever. He had to face it. It was his life task. To face this fear. And master the subject. So he had to step up and meet that challenge head on. Exactly. Even the most brilliant minds have their struggles. Absolutely.

It's about recognizing those challenges as opportunities for growth. Right. And facing them head on. Instead of running away. On day 11, Berkman gives us this very visual metaphor. Oh, I like this. For facing our fears. Okay. It's called going to the shed. Going to the shed. The shed represents those tasks or problems. Mm-hmm.

We're dreading the ones we've been avoiding. Things we keep putting off. Exactly. Like cleaning out the actual shed. Uh-huh. So what do we do? Just go peek inside. That's the first step. Even if it's full of spiders. Don't even try to clean it up yet. Okay. Just observe. Make peace with the mess. All right. And ask yourself. Yeah. What am I really willing to do about this? That's a good question. And find that tiny doable step that you're actually willing to take. Today. Today? Yes. It's about making it manageable.

Breaking it down into smaller pieces. I like that. And befriending it. Defriending the fear. Instead of trying to fight it. Okay, I can get behind that. It's a much gentler approach. Speaking of things I struggle with. Yes. Rules and routines. Ah, another common one. What does Berkman have to say about that?

Well, he addresses that on day 12. Okay. He argues that rules should serve us, not the other way around. Okay. And he suggests this approach. Okay. He calls daily. Daily-ish. Finding a balance between consistency. Okay. And flexibility. So instead of sticking to a strict schedule. Yeah. It's more about finding a rhythm. That works for you. For you. Yeah. And for your life.

Life is messy. It is. And unpredictable. It is. There will be days when you can't stick to your routine. For sure. And that's okay. The key is to be kind to yourself. Okay. And pick up where you left off. When you can. Yes. Don't let one missed day

Derail your entire week. Progress, not perfection. Progress, not perfection. Yes. Exactly. Day 13 introduces this concept that I think challenges the idea that we need to be productive every hour of the day. I feel that pressure sometimes. Berkman calls it the three to four hour rule.

Tell me more. The idea is that most of us have a window of a few hours each day where we're truly focused. And we're really productive. Exactly. He suggests we identify those peak hours and dedicate them to your most important work. That makes sense. So instead of trying to grind for 12 hours, focus on those few hours where you're really in the zone. What about the rest of the day? Embrace the chaos. Accept that life is unpredictable.

You don't have to control every minute. Okay. He shares this fascinating story. Oh, I love a good story. About monks in New Mexico. Okay. They stop working at 12.40 each day. Regardless. Regardless of whether the task is done. Wow, that's a really powerful reminder. It is. To know when to stop. Yeah. Even when it feels uncomfortable. It's okay to rest. Accepting our limits. Mm-hmm. Giving ourselves permission to rest and relax.

and recharge. Exactly. So that's week two. A lot of action-oriented advice, but there's this undercurrent

Of letting go. Of letting go, yes. Letting go of perfectionism. Mm-hmm. Unrealistic expectations. Yeah. And the need to control everything. Exactly. So it seems like action, in Berkman's view. Yeah. It's less about striving. And more about surrendering. To what is. Exactly. That leads us to week three. Yes. Which he calls getting out of your own way. Oh, that's a good one. This is where things get interesting. The chapter opens with a quote. Okay. Okay.

from Kushi Uchiyama that I think captures the essence of this week. What does he say? Life completely unhindered by anything manifests as pure activity. Wow.

It's deep, right? So when we stop clinging to our ideas of how things should be, life just flows. This reminds me of the Buddhist concept of impermanence. Oh, yes. The idea that nothing lasts forever. Exactly. Which can be unsettling. Yeah. But it also makes you appreciate the present moment more. Yeah.

It really does. Is that what Berkman is getting at here? Absolutely. He talks about developing a taste for problems on day 14. A taste for problems. That sounds counterintuitive. It does. What does he mean by that? He makes this argument that problems are what make life meaningful. They're the spice of life. Exactly. They're the challenges that make us grow, that force us to adapt. To adapt, to evolve. He uses a Haitian proverb, beyond the mountains, more mountains.

So it's never ending. It's a series of peaks and valleys. Peaks and valleys. That's a good way to put it. And that's okay. So instead of trying to avoid problems, see them as opportunities for growth, for growth.

For learning. He also points out that if everything were easy, we'd be bored out of our minds. We would. Even the things we do for fun often involve problem solving. For sure. It's the struggle that makes it satisfying. That's a really interesting perspective. It is. So problems aren't something to be feared. They're what make life interesting. Yeah. Engaging. I like that. Day 15, he challenges another belief. Which one is that?

That effort equals merit. Oh, yeah. We often think that if something's worth doing, it has to be hard. It's got to be a struggle. But he encourages us to ask ourselves. What if it were easy? Yeah, what if it were easy? What if it were easy? It might be. He shares this anecdote about how he realized he was overcomplicating. Mm-hmm.

His son's fifth birthday party. He was adding all this unnecessary stress. To something that should have been. Simple and joyful. So finding the balance between striving. And acceptance. And sometimes things can be easy. And that's okay. On day 16, he tackles the inner critic.

Oh, that's a familiar one. That voice that's constantly telling us we're not good enough. Yeah. Not doing enough. Not being enough. That voice is definitely a constant companion for me. He suggests. Yeah. Instead of trying to silence that inner critic. Yeah. We should try to understand it. Understand it. He points out that it's often fueled by fear. Not discipline. Not discipline. Yeah. So it's about self-compassion. Yeah. Treating ourselves with the same kindness. Mm-hmm. And understand that. And that we would offer a friend.

I like that. Right. It's a much gentler approach. Day 17. Okay. He challenges this idea. Of becoming a better person. Oh, interesting. Instead of trying to force a transformation. Yeah. He suggests focusing on what already lights us up. What we're drawn to natural. Exactly. Like that quote from Chugyam Trungpa. Oh, yeah. Everybody loves something. Even if it's just tortillas. Ha. Ha.

I love that quote. So you don't have to love all of humanity. Right. Just start with what already sparks joy. Or warmth. And then act on those impulses immediately. Don't overthink it. Just do it. Just do it. Okay. Day 18, he offers this powerful piece of advice.

Okay, I'm listening. Other people's emotions are their problem. Okay. Not yours. So I shouldn't care about how my actions... No, no, that's not what he's saying. Okay. He's not saying we should be insensitive or disregard other people's feelings, but he's pointing out we can't control how others feel. That's true. Trying to do so. Yeah. It's a recipe for burnout and resentment. That makes sense. He shares this story about a time... He was agonizing over whether to take an assignment. Okay.

Okay. Because he didn't want to disappoint his editor. I feel that I'm a people pleaser. I get it. What happened? His editor's advice was... Okay. If...

You can't do something. Yeah. Saying no right away. Yeah. Usually makes it easier for everyone. That's good advice. It is. It's about respecting other people's ability to handle their own emotions. Trusting that they have the resources to cope. Okay. Even if it doesn't look. The way we expect. Exactly. That's a really helpful way to think about it. Day 19. Okay. Embracing unpredictability. Ooh, that sounds a little scary. It can be. Especially for me.

I like to plan. I know. And control. Uh-huh. I get it. So what's Berkman's angle on that?

He argues that this lack of control that we're all so desperate to avoid. Yeah. It's actually a gift. A gift. The unexpected detours and surprises. Yeah. They often make life interesting. Okay. And memorable. So sometimes the things that feel like setbacks are actually opportunities in disguise. Exactly. He also talks about finding a balance. Yeah. Between control and.

And letting go. It's like a dance. Okay. Where you're leading part of the time. Yeah. But then you step back. Okay. Let your partner take over. So being in the moment, but also being open. To whatever unfolds. The beautiful analogy. He uses this term. Okay. From the German philosopher, Hermit Rosa. Okay. Cuddly. Cuddly. To describe that feeling of being. Okay. Both inhuman.

In control and not in control. At the same time. At the same time. That's a weird word choice. Uh-huh. Maybe. But I get what he's saying. It's about that feeling of being held by life even amidst the uncertainty. Correct. It's about surrendering to the flow of experience. Even when it feels a little scary. Exactly. Yeah. On day 20, Berkman introduces a conversation.

as a concept I think is particularly relevant for anyone who struggles with perfectionism. Oh that's me. It's setting a quantity goal. OK. It's about shifting our focus from obsessing over quality. So not trying to write the perfect article. No. Or paint the perfect picture. Right. Focus.

Focus on? Writing a certain number of words. Painting for a certain amount of time. That makes sense. It's a way to outrun that inner critic. What inner critic? He calls it the inner gatekeeper. Okay. It's that overprotective part of our brain. The one that's terrified of embarrassment and failure. Exactly. Oh, I know that voice. It's the one that tells you to scrap everything. Yeah. Start over. Because it's not good enough. Exactly. So how does focusing on quantity help with that?

By focusing on quantity, we can actually get our work out into the world. Instead of getting stuck in that loop of trying to make it perfect? Exactly. He recommends techniques like? James Altucher's 10 IDs a day. Okay. And free writing. Where you just write...

without stopping or editing. Interesting. It's about giving yourself permission to create imperfectly. Okay, so silencing that inner critic. Yeah. By overwhelming it with output. Exactly. I like it. Sometimes the most brilliant ideas emerge. When we're not overthinking things. When we let go of the need to be perfect. Day 21 is about something I think we all struggle with. Okay. Interruptions. Ugh.

Bergman calls them drop-ins. Drop-ins, okay. I'm constantly feeling interrupted. By emails, messages, phone calls. It's easy to get frustrated. It's like you can never get anything done. Exactly. So how do we reframe that?

Well, he challenges this idea that interruptions are these annoying distractions. That derail our real work. He suggests that interruptions are our real life. They're the moments that are happening right now. Right. So instead of seeing them as obstacles. Yeah. We can see them as opportunities. Opportunities to connect. To be present. To step outside our own little bubble.

He points out that our minds are naturally wired to be all over the place. Yeah. Open awareness is where creativity thrives. So maybe we shouldn't be trying so hard to shut everything out. He encourages us to give these drop-ins our full attention. To be present.

in those moments. Instead of resisting them. He uses a great example of Robert Kelly. Oh, the BBC interview guy. Yeah. What could have been a disastrous interruption? It actually brought joy to millions. And helped his career. It's a reminder that the world will always catch us.

So we might as well respond. With attention and openness. It's about embracing the messiness of life. Finding the beauty. In those unexpected moments. Exactly. That's the end of week three. Wow. A lot about letting go. Embracing imperfection. Finding freedom within those limitations. Shifting our perspective. From trying to control everything. To accepting that life. Is messy and unpredictable. And that's okay. Which leads us to the final week of the book. Showing up. What is that?

What does that entail? This week is all about being fully present. Not just physically. But mentally. And emotionally. Eric Berkman uses this beautiful analogy of a Chinese painter who disappears into his own painting. So he becomes part of the scene. Yeah. That feeling of being so immersed that the boundaries between you and the experience blur. Losing yourself in the moment. I like that. And that's what this week is all about.

Finding that sense of presence and immersion. In our everyday lives. Okay, let's dive in. Week four kicks off on day 22. Okay. With a reminder that future you is still you. We often make sacrifices in the present. Yeah.

Thinking our future selves will thank us. But we end up putting off actually living. Like our present lives are just a waiting room. For some future point when everything will be perfect. Are we constantly putting off things we enjoy? Telling ourselves we'll do them later. When we have more time or money. He's urging us to live now. Savor the present moment instead of banking on some idealized future. That may never come.

He uses the marshmallow experiment as an example. Remember that. Where kids could either eat one marshmallow now. Or wait and get two later. The classic test of delayed gratification. Exactly. That's Berkman's take on that. He says self-discipline is important.

OK. There's no point in hoarding marshmallows that you never get to eat. You got to enjoy them sometimes. So find that balance between planning for the future. Yes. And actually enjoying the marshmallows you have today. Exactly. I like it. Then day 23 hits us with this idea. Sanity isn't a destination. It's not something we achieve after we get everything in order. It's the starting point. Exactly. So we should be operating from a place of sanity. Yes. Not chasing after it.

He calls it paying yourself first with time. Okay. Spend time on what's important today. Even if it's just 30 minutes. Right. Don't put off self-care. Or the things that bring you joy. Thinking you'll get to them once the real work is done. No more grinding yourself into the ground. Hoping to relax someday.

He offers some practical tips for this. Like what? Isolating the backlog. And the tasks. You feel obligated to do renegotiating commitments. And treating your to-do list like a menu. Okay. You get to choose. What you have an appetite for. Exactly. Day 24 introduces a concept I find really charming. Oh, tell me about it. Scruffy hospitality. Scruffy hospitality. What's that?

It's about embracing imperfection. Okay. Letting people see the real you. Even the messy parts. Even the messy parts, yeah. He tells this story about a couple who decided to stop putting so much effort into it. Making their home perfect. Before having friends over. Yeah. I think a lot of us can relate to that. Putting so much pressure on ourselves to present this perfect image.

Oh, I do. Both in our personal lives. And our professional lives. It's exhausting. It is. So what was their solution? They realized that friendship is about connection.

Not appearance. Not appearances, right. By letting go of the need to be perfect, we create space for genuine connection and authenticity. It's about creating a space where people feel comfortable. And welcome. Regardless of appearances. Exactly. So less about the perfectly curated Instagrammable life. And more about... Genuine human interaction. Right. He also talks about the idea of low anthropology.

What does that mean? I think it means acknowledging our inherent flaws. Okay. Does that make us more forgiving? Of ourselves and others. Exactly. It's this belief that we're all flawed. Yeah. Prone to messing up. It's a very humanizing idea. It is. Because it takes the pressure off. To be perfect.

i like that we can be more compassionate with ourselves and others when we accept this truth about human nature exactly now day 25 what's the focus letting go of the idea that we can hoard life

Moments pass. And that's okay. It's about appreciating the beauty of impermanence. Like in the Japanese tea ceremony. Where the fleeting nature of the... There's part of what makes it so special. Yes. He also talks about the Buddhist concept of clinging. That grasping. And how it creates suffering. Just attack.

Try and make things last. Yeah. But that only leads to disappointment. So we're back to enjoying the marshmallows we have. Instead of hoarding them. For some future moment that may never come. Exactly. It's about appreciating what is. And letting go of the need to control. Day 26 tackles something I think a lot of us struggle with.

What's that? The fear of not having all the answers. Oh, yeah. Berkman uses a Jewish joke about a rabbi on his deathbed. To illustrate this. I'm intrigued. Tell me more. The rabbi's students are gathered around him. Okay. Hoping for some final words of wisdom. Makes sense. He struggles to speak. Oh, no. And finally utters. Yeah. All right. So it's not a river. That's a river.

That's great. So even at the end of his life. Yeah. He's still questioning. Still open to new possibilities. Exactly. So wisdom isn't about having all the answers. It's about accepting that life is a mystery. And being open to the unknown. I like that. He suggests that joy isn't something we find after we've figured it all out. Mm-hmm.

It's something we find. In the midst of the mess. Exactly. Okay, so day 27. Yes. What's that about? Accepting our limitations. Okay. He distinguishes between fundamental limits of being human. Okay. And achievements that seem impossible. Until someone does them. Exactly. He uses the phrase. Yeah. Okay. Meaning? People did that. So everything around us. Mm-hmm.

Even the things that seem extraordinary were created by flawed, finite people. Just like us. Wow, I like that. He uses the example of L. Ron Hubbard. The Scientology guy. Yeah, it's okay. Who started a religion despite having no real idea what he was doing at first. So we don't have to be perfect or have all the answers. To make a difference. That's a good point. And finally, day 28. Okay, the last day.

He leaves us with this beautiful reflection on what matters on finding your way. Okay. He starts with a story about Rabbi Simcha Bunim, who carried two slips of paper in his pockets. Oh, I've heard this one. One slip said, for my sake the world was created, and the other said, I am but dust and ashes. It's a reminder.

our significance and our humility. That's a powerful image. Bergman reminds us the world doesn't revolve around us. But that doesn't mean our lives don't matter. It's about finding what feels meaningful to us. You, you. Even if it doesn't fit into some grand theory of meaning. So it's less about finding one big answer and more about following our own internal compass. Even if it leads us off the beaten path. I like that. He shares this story about an act

Okay. Who left his public work. To care for his elderly mother-in-law. It's a reminder. That sometimes the most important things. Are the ones closest to home.

That's a good point. The things that may not seem grand or impressive. To the outside world. But that are deeply meaningful to us personally. That's such a powerful reminder. It is. And he ends with this reminder. About what? That we're not isolated individuals. We're part of a larger whole. We're all connected. Kayaking down this river of time together. It's beautiful. It is. It really is. That brings us to the end of the book. Wow.

Quite a journey, right? It really has been. So much to unpack and absorb. What are your biggest takeaways? What really hit home for you? For me, the most powerful message is about embracing imperfection. Yeah. Letting go of the need to control every aspect of my life. And finding freedom. Within those limitations. Showing up.

Being present. Trusting the process. It's about the journey. And the reminder. Yeah. That our life task isn't about some grand destiny. It's about what needs to be done. Today. Right now. What about you? What resonated with you? I think the idea of scruffy hospitality.

Yeah. Letting go of the facade. Allowing yourself to be seen. Flaws and all. It's about creating a space. For genuine connection. Both with ourselves. And with others. And of course. Ditching the super yacht fantasy. Right. Focusing on the paddling. Just get out there. Get on with it. Embrace the mess. I think we have some questions. From our listeners. Yes. Let's dive in. All right. First up, we have a question from Sarah. Okay. She asks,

I love the idea of daily-ish. Yeah. But I'm struggling to find that balance. Consistency and flexibility. Any tips? That's a great question, Sarah. It is. It's something we all grapple with. Remember that daily-ish isn't about achieving success.

Perfect adherence. To a rigid schedule. It's about finding a rhythm. That works for you. And your life. Life is unpredictable. It is. There will be days. When you can't stick to your routine. And that's okay. The key is to be kind to yourself. And pick up where you left off. When you can. Don't let one missed day turn into a week of inaction. Even small bursts of effort. Can add up over time. Exactly. Focused on progress, not perfection. I like that.

We also have a comment from Michael. Okay. He says, the chapter on embracing consequences really hit home for me. I'm realizing I've been avoiding making some tough decisions because he's afraid of the fallout. But he's starting to see that those decisions are actually within his control. It's empowering, right? That's fantastic, Michael. It is. It's so true. We often have more control than we realize. But fear can be paralyzing.

It can. But by acknowledging those consequences. And choosing which ones. We're willing to live with. Yeah. We take back our power. Sometimes the hardest choices. Yeah. Lead to the most fulfilling outcomes. Next, we have a question from Emily. Okay. She asks, how do I identify my life task? Yeah. When everything feels important and urgent.

That's a great question, Emily. It can be tough. To sift through all the noise. And figure out what truly matters. Berkman suggests asking yourself. What is life demanding of me? Right now. It's not necessarily about what you want to do. But what needs to be done. He also suggests stepping back. And looking at your life from a broader perspective.

What are the recurring themes? What are the challenges that keep coming up? What are the things you're avoiding? Those can be clues. To what your life task might be. We also have a comment from David who says, I'm a recovering perfectionist. Good for you, David. And he's struggling with this idea of setting quantity goals.

I understand. It can feel like you're sacrificing quality. For the sake of just getting things done. Remember that the inner gatekeeper can be paralyzing. By focusing on quantity, we can actually produce more work.

Which in turn gives us more opportunities. To create something great. Exactly. It's about shifting your mindset. From perfecting every single thing. Getting it out there. Seeing what happens. And you might be surprised. At how much better your work becomes. When you're not constantly second guessing yourself. Next we have a question from Jessica. Okay. She's trying to embrace this idea. Scruffy hospitality. Yeah. But she's worried about coming across...

As lazy or disorganized? That's a valid concern, Jessica. It is. Remember, scruffy hospitality isn't about being messy. For the sake of being messy. It's about letting go. Of the need to present. A perfect facade.

It's about being authentic. And genuine. Your house isn't spotless. Or your dinner. Isn't gourmet. It's about creating a space. Where people feel comfortable and welcome. Regardless of appearances. I like that. And it's about extending that same kindness and acceptance. To yourself. To yourself, yeah. Rachel writes in to say, I'm really resonating with the idea of embracing interruptions. Good. I'm starting to see them as opportunities. For connection and presence. Instead of annoyances.

That's wonderful, Rachel. It is. It's a powerful shift in perspective. And a reminder that life is happening right now. In these messy, unpredictable moments. Not in some imaginary future. Where everything is perfect. And controlled. Chris asks, how do I deal with the fear of not having all the answers?

That's a great question, Chris. It is. Something we all face. At different points in our lives. Remember that uncertainty. Yeah. Is part of the human experience. It's okay not to know everything. It's impossible. To know everything. Right. Instead of trying to control every outcome. Yeah. Focus on taking small, meaningful steps. Even if you don't feel certain. You'll figure it out as you go. Trust the process. It might also be helpful to find comfort in the vastness of the universe. Okay.

When we zoom out and see ourselves as part of something much larger. Our problems start to feel less daunting. Lisa says...

I'm really trying to embrace the idea of daily-ish. But I'm struggling to stay motivated when I don't see immediate results. It's a common challenge, Lisa. It is. It's important to remember. What? That progress isn't always linear. Sometimes it feels like. We're taking two steps forward. And one step back. But the key is to keep moving.

Even when it's slow. Or messy. Celebrate those small wins. Along the way. Adjust your expectations. Not everything has to be... A grand achievement. Sometimes the most meaningful changes happen gradually over time. Mark asks... Okay. How do I deal with the guilt of not being able to care about everything? That's a valid concern, Mark. It is. It's easy to feel overwhelmed... By the sheer amount... Of suffering and injustice... In the world...

But remember, you can't save everyone. And trying to do so will only lead to burnout. Focus on the issues. That resonate most deeply. With you. It's about finding your unique contribution. Not trying to do it all. Karen writes, Okay.

But it's so hard. I hear you, Karen. Letting go can be a challenge. Especially. For those of us who like to feel in control. But as Berkman points out, control is often an illusion.

Life is unpredictable. And things rarely go exactly according to plan. Instead of trying to force things to go your way for whatever unfolds. It's about finding that balanced planning, sometimes the most magical moments when we let go of our expectations. And just see where life takes us.

Steve asks, how do I know if I'm making the right decisions? Oh, the million dollar question. Unfortunately, there's no easy answer. There isn't. There's no such thing as a perfect decision. Every choice comes with trade-offs. And we can never know for sure. What would have happened? If we had chosen differently.

So what do we do? Instead of agonizing over... Whether you're making the right choice... Focus on making the best choice. With the information you have at the time. Trust that even if things don't go exactly as planned... You'll learn and grow. From the experience. Michelle writes... Okay. I'm really resonating with this idea of being okay with not having it all figured out. Good. I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself... To have all the answers. But that's just not...

- Realistic. - It's so true, Michelle. - Life is a mystery. - We're all just figuring it out as we go. - It's okay to embrace that uncertainty. - Yeah. - Be open to learning. - And growing along the way. - Sometimes the most beautiful moments when we let go of our need to control everything. - And just surrender to the flow of life. - John asks, - Okay. - "How do I find the courage to go to the shed?" - Yeah. - "And face the things he's been avoiding?"

That's a great question, John. It's understandable to feel apprehensive about confronting those fears and challenges, Berkman suggests, starting by simply acknowledging the fear. Don't push it away. Don't pretend it's not there. Just sit with it for a moment. And then ask yourself, what's the smallest, most doable step I can take today? It doesn't have to be a huge leap. Right, just a tiny action. That moves you in the right direction. And remember, you don't have to do it alone.

Reach out to a friend. A therapist. A support group. Sometimes just talking about your fears can make them feel less daunting. Amy writes, I'm really trying to embrace this idea of letting go of the need to be perfect, but it's so ingrained in me. Any tips? That's a common struggle, Amy. It is? Perfectionism can be a tough habit to break. One thing that might help is to start noticing the ways in which

Perfectionism is holding you back. Is it preventing you from starting new projects? Finishing old ones. Taking risks. Once you're aware of the negative impacts. It can be easier to start letting go. You can also try. Reframing your mistakes. As learning opportunities. Instead of seeing them as failures. Yeah. See them as valuable feedback. That can help you grow. And remember, nobody's perfect.

We all make mistakes. It's part of being human. Peter asks, how do I find joy in the present moment when I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed?

That's a great question, Peter. It's understandable. To feel like joy is elusive. When you're going through a difficult time. But remember, joy isn't something. It just happens to us. It was something we cultivate. How do we do that? It often starts with small intentional acts. Like taking a few minutes. To appreciate the beauty of nature. Yeah. Listening to your favorite music. Spending time with loved ones. It's about finding those moments. Of peace and gratitude. Amidst the chaos. Yes.

And remember, even when things are tough, there's always something to be grateful for. Mary writes, I'm trying to be more present in my interactions with others, but I keep getting distracted by her own thoughts and worries. That's a common experience, Mary. It is. Our minds are naturally wired to wander. It takes practice. To stay focused on the present moment. One thing that might help is to practice mindfulness.

Pay attention to your breath. Your body. Your senses. Notice when your mind starts to wander. Gently bring it back to the present moment. You can also try practicing active listening. Okay.

Really focus on what the other person is saying. Okay. Both verbally. And non-verbally. Ask clarifying questions. Reflect back what you're hearing. To make sure you understand. Be fully engaged in the conversation. It's about giving the other person your undivided attention. Sarah asks. Okay. How do I deal with the fear of missing out? Oh.

That's a tough one, Sarah. It is. Expert speaker. In today's world, we're constantly bombarded with messages. That tell us we need to be doing more, experiencing more, achieving more. It's easy to get caught up in that. But you can't do it all. And trying to do so will only lead to burnout. And dissatisfaction. Instead, focus on what truly matters to you.

What are your values? What are your passions? What makes you feel alive? Once you've identified those things. You can start making choices. That align with them. You get to define what a meaningful life looks like. For you. Michael writes in. Okay. I'm trying to be more open to unpredictability. Yeah. But it's scary to let go of control. It's natural to want to feel in control. But as Berkman points out, control is often an illusion. Right. Life is full of surprises. And sometimes the most magical moments when we least expect them.

So how do we embrace that? Instead of trying to micromanage every aspect of your life, try to be more open to whatever unfolds. So it's about embracing the unknown. Trusting that you can handle whatever comes your way. And sometimes the most rewarding experiences. Are the ones that take us completely by surprise. Emily asks. Okay. How do I deal with the feeling that I'm not good enough?

That's a question so many of us struggle with, Emily. We've all been there. It's important to remember that you are enough. Just as you are. We all have strengths and weaknesses. And that's okay. Instead of comparing yourself to others. Focus on your own unique talents and gifts. And celebrate your accomplishments. No matter how small they may seem. It's about cultivating self-compassion. Accepting yourself. Warts and all.

David writes, "I'm trying to be more present in my everyday life, but it's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle." Any tips? That's a great point, David. It can be tough to stay present when we're constantly bombarded with distractions and demands. But there are things you can do to cultivate mindfulness in your daily life, like taking a few minutes each day to meditate or practice deep breathing or even just paying attention to your senses as you go about your day. Notice the sights, sounds,

smells, tastes, texture. It's about bringing your attention to the present moment, appreciating the beauty of the ordinary. Jessica asks, how do I deal with the fear of failure? That's a common fear, Jessica. It can be paralyzing. But failure is a part of life. It's how we learn and grow. So how do we deal with it? Instead of avoiding failure, try to embrace it as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself,

What can I learn from this experience? And then use that knowledge to move forward. Shifting your mindset from failure is the end. To failure is a stepping stone. Rachel writes in. Okay. I'm trying to be more intentional with my time. Yeah. But I keep getting sucked into social media. And other distractions. Any tips for staying focused? That's a common challenge, Rachel. It is, isn't it? It's easy to get lost in the digital world. It is.

But there are things you can do, like setting limits on your social media, using a timer to help you stay on track. It's about being mindful of how you're spending your time making choices that align with your values. Chris asks, how do I deal with the feeling that I'm not living up to my potential? That's a question many of us struggle with, Chris. It's easy to feel like we're not doing enough.

Or being enough. But remember, you are exactly where you need to be right now. And your journey is unique to you. Instead of focusing on where you should be. Focus on where you are right now. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this experience? It's about trusting the process. And believing in yourself. That was an amazing deep dive.

Why? So many great insights from Berkman. And from our listeners. If you want to continue this conversation, head over to our online community. We'd love to hear your thoughts. And until next time, keep exploring, keep questioning. And keep embracing the beautiful messiness of life.