Vicky：我这辈子可能没法学会爱自己，但是我不会放弃
邱后算账Hindsights
Deep Dive
What were the key challenges Vicky faced in her childhood due to her family dynamics?
Vicky grew up with a volatile father who was prone to verbal abuse and a submissive mother who never stood up for her. Her father often criticized her and never expressed love, while her mother would punish her to appease her father. This environment left Vicky feeling unloved and constantly on edge, leading to a distorted sense of self-worth and difficulty in forming healthy relationships later in life.
How did becoming a mother change Vicky's perspective on her own upbringing?
Becoming a mother made Vicky realize the extent of her parents' shortcomings. She recognized that she was repeating some of their behaviors, such as using harsh words or controlling actions with her daughter. This realization was painful, but it also motivated her to break the cycle of generational trauma by choosing to parent with love and respect, rather than fear and control.
What steps did Vicky take to overcome her struggles with self-worth and parenting?
Vicky began by reading books and seeking knowledge to understand her own pain and how to heal. She shifted her focus from blaming her parents to learning from her experiences, which helped her avoid repeating the same mistakes with her daughter. She also embraced the idea of self-reparenting, allowing herself to grow alongside her child and gradually build confidence in her ability to be a good mother.
How does Vicky approach her daughter's education and extracurricular activities?
Vicky prioritizes her daughter's happiness and mental health over academic pressure. She only enrolls her daughter in one interest-based class, avoiding additional tutoring or cram schools. She encourages her daughter to explore her passions and make her own decisions, fostering a sense of autonomy and self-confidence.
How does Vicky handle her daughter's relationship with authority figures like teachers?
Vicky teaches her daughter to think critically and not blindly follow authority. She encourages her to express her own opinions and stand up for herself if she feels uncomfortable. Vicky also explains the pressures teachers face, helping her daughter understand that their actions are often influenced by systemic issues rather than personal malice.
What was the turning point in Vicky's relationship with her parents?
The turning point came when Vicky refused to financially support her parents' desire to buy a seaside property. This decision, which she made after consulting with her husband, led to her parents cutting off contact with her. This event made Vicky realize that her parents' love was conditional and that she needed to prioritize her own well-being and that of her daughter over their approval.
How does Vicky describe her ongoing struggle with self-love and confidence?
Vicky acknowledges that she still struggles with deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and a need for external validation. She describes this as a 'black hole' that she can't fully fill. However, she has learned to recognize when these feelings arise and to manage them by reflecting on their origins and practicing self-compassion, even if she can't always control her reactions.
What is Vicky's ultimate hope for her daughter's future?
Vicky hopes her daughter will grow up to be a happy, healthy, and self-assured individual. She wants her to pursue whatever path brings her joy, whether that's a conventional career or something less traditional. Vicky emphasizes that her primary role is to provide love and respect, allowing her daughter to develop her own identity and make her own choices.
- 暴躁的父亲和软弱的母亲
- 家庭暴力和语言暴力
- 童年创伤导致成年后的人际关系问题和价值观扭曲
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