Appreciation Chronicles: Recognizing Life's Priceless Gifts
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So part of the reason why I wanted to come back is because this is where my family is. And I just assumed that when I would come back, things would be the same. I could sort of just like jump back into life. And so much has changed. And one thing in particular that has changed is, you know, one of my siblings is now living with a pretty serious mental health issue. He has a form of schizophrenia.

And what I realized, and this is the part that I took for granted, is that I spent all this time in China and I was so occupied with living my own life. And I just thought that, okay, I'll come back to the U.S. and I'll be able to hang out with my brother again and things will be like they were before. And what I'm realizing is that that's not the case. Welcome back, listeners, to another episode of Cultural Collision, Beiqiang Nandiao and Victoria. I'm EJ.

Today we'll be talking about gratitude, a powerful emotion that transcends cultures and unites us in surprising ways. Absolutely. Especially with the Thanksgiving holiday this week. In this episode, we're not only exploring the various ways that we express gratitude in our own cultures, but also reflect on how this practice has shaped our lives over time.

Speaking of the gratitude, we want to discuss first is how do different cultures show gratitude? So EJ, do you want to start? Yes. So the three things that I thought of that I feel like were pretty exemplary of how gratitude shows up. Obviously, the first is just saying thank you or saying thanks. I feel like this is pretty standard, although...

I find that sometimes people use this like sarcastically, even when they like don't actually mean thank you, which I feel like can be confusing for people, especially if you aren't, you know, big on sarcasm, something that I sometimes even struggle with.

Acts of service are really big. Sometimes, you know, when you want to thank someone for doing something, instead of just saying something, you do something for them. I think, you know, a lot of people might know acts of service because it's also a love language that people talk about. So when you want to pay things forward or give back to someone or a community, I feel like acts of service are big, something that I rely on. And

I think like gifts are a big way. Um, and they don't always have to be lavish. I think that it's something about spoiling someone with something very like sentimental or something that you think, or, you know, that they will really appreciate. I feel like those are the three big ways that gratitude come up in my life. Um,

How about for you? I think thank you. I totally understand and also agree with like we always say thank you for like if we're in a restaurant, we say thank you to people who serve us. Or like sometimes we go to the shopping mall, someone helping us to hold the door, we say thank you to them. But I also understand you're saying about like sometimes we use thank you as like sarcastically. I can remember like people say,

sometimes it's not really showing they are appreciated right like in a psychotic way yeah i think yeah that's very interesting i don't know like but it's better than like saying something bad to people just like in a way is try to say something funny or like that i think for chinese people there are other ways it's like giving the red envelope so i think

not really is a way if you want to give this from like an older generation to younger generation it's not not like that it's just for like in spring festival but the other way around is for us to giving the red envelope to our parents or grandparents it's a way showing like gratitude for them to raise us or like

We know there are so hard, like hardworking everyday and try to help us. And that's a way for showing like gratitude for Chinese people. I think there's other things we do is we also offer help or do something kind for someone as a way of expressing gratitude indirectly as a Chinese people. That's kind of like those three ways I can think of.

of how like Chinese people say like showing gratitude we never have like someone teach us to like you need to show your gratitude but like saying thank you is always one but that's like across different cultures yeah what do you think it's

It's interesting. I wonder, have you ever, so when I was in college, my Chinese professor would say, he would always comment that the American students would use xie xie too much. We would say thank you too often. And he would say, like, you would say thank you for, like you said, for, like, someone holding the door or anything.

a server at a restaurant bringing your food out to you. And he was like, I always thought that was so interesting because he's like, isn't it a server's job to bring their food out for you? Like, why would you thank a server for doing something that they're supposed to do? Right. Which I always thought was interesting because I was like, oh, like he would also say like, oh, when the taxi driver drops you off at your location, you don't say like, thank you for getting me to your location because

Because if the taxi driver didn't get you to your location, then they wouldn't be a taxi driver. I don't know. I don't know if I like necessarily believed it. I mean, I think about it a lot and I don't know if it has made me say thank you less, but it has definitely made me

think about when I do say thank you, like, do I actually mean it? Or am I just like saying it out of habit? Right. You know, like, I don't know if this ever happens to you, but in English, like when someone says like, I don't know, like have a good day, you just automatically say you too.

without even thinking about it. And so sometimes I wonder, like, is it just a reflex to just say, thank you, and I don't even think about what am I actually thanking? So I think that's my takeaway from my Chinese professor. That's a very interesting opinion from your professor. I understand his point of view, like,

It's their job to serve you. But it's different, right? But I always say, for me, I personally, if I took a taxi and I always say thank you when I arrive at the destination. And I always say thank you to people who help me.

Like you said, maybe it's something that's already become a habit. So we'll say that a lot without really thinking about it. But still, I think for them, it's a way of showing gratitude. And when they hear about it, they don't care about you really meaning it. We're just like, you're saying thank you. It's just a gesture. I think it's a nice way anyway. And it doesn't hurt if you say thank you too much. Yeah, I don't think so either. I find that it's interesting that

just since we're talking about words like English and Chinese, even just the words, I think that like...

in English, you can really only say like, thank you. But I feel like in the similar context in China, you could also say something like, oh, like, ma fan nila, right? Or like, sin ku, which is sort of the same, you're sort of expressing gratitude for the work that you know someone is going to have to do. And I wish that English had other ways of being like, you know, I know this is going to like trouble you. And like,

So me acknowledging that I'm sort of inconveniencing you is a way of showing thanks as well. And I think that's something that English doesn't really have, which I've always appreciated about the Chinese language. So you just mentioned appreciate it.

I always I recognize that word is also showing gratitude I agree with you sometimes I feel like thank you is not enough like I really appreciate these people helping me for like a favor ask like last minute or like a quick thing but I feel it's a lot

And they helped me. Somehow I will say like, I appreciate your help. Right. I like, I mean a lot for Chinese. We have a different ways of saying that. I think for English is like limited to not only maybe thank you. I feel like appreciate is also a way of showing gratitude. I agree. I agree. When you think about gratitude and appreciation and the ways that that has changed,

your life, I like to think about it in terms of not just the way that we do it, but also the literal impact that that has on us psychologically and on our well-being. So maybe we can talk a little bit about the ways that expressing and showing gratitude actually has impacts on our quality of life. So one of those ways is just generally is expressing gratitude has been associated with positive mental health outcomes.

Right. Grateful individuals often experience lower levels of depression, stress and higher levels of life satisfaction, which is funny enough. We were just talking about that before with sunlight and like vitamin D and fall and winter are times where, you know, there's less sunlight. People have seasonal affect disorder. Maybe now is a really good time for people to be maybe saying thank you a little bit more than they would in other parts of the year.

Yeah, definitely. Like, I think if we live in a place often have like cloudy days, raining all the time, we'll feel like depressed. Research shows people are inclined to get depressed in autumn and winter because we have like less time to expose under the sunlight. So that makes sense. So but we'd never really like show appreciation of like, oh, today is shiny day that the lights are so like brightening is so like,

I was like, oh, I cannot deal with this. I need to wear sunglasses. I need to bring umbrella. I need to block this. But sometimes we feel like that also gives us energy to really enjoy the time, enjoy what the nature brings us. Of course, it helps with our mental health. Yeah, I feel very different when I was outdoor or out there and

under like sunny day or like rainy day. It's so different. Like it brings you so different. And that's the time you should like really appreciate. Maybe not only sunny day, maybe when it's a rainy day because the weather is not so hot because we're in Singapore. So like the rainy day also can be like appreciated because of the rain and the weather doesn't feel like so hot. That's also something you can be appreciated for.

for and also feels good. I think it definitely helped a lot with like our psychology like level. Absolutely, absolutely. Another impact that expressing gratitude has on our lives is that generally speaking, it can overall improve our relationships. So gratitude is linked to the development and maintenance of positive relationships,

people who express gratitude may experience improved social connections, greater empathy, and stronger interpersonal bonds. Is that something that you have experienced in your own personal relationships? I do. I really like, there's something I like to do is an

frequently not frequently like but like I try to express my gratitude to my friends once in a while because I think a lot of friends been with me for a long time and it's hard to keep relationship in a long distance and often talk to them I also like I want to show them like I appreciate you being there when I need you and also like I want to be there with you when you need me I think that's very important for like showing our gratitude even to like our close friends

And they will feel like very good. Sometimes I will watch a video and the video tell me like, if you watch this video and makes me think of anyone, just forward the video to them. And so listen to the podcast, like they will tell. We also want to encourage our listeners right now. If you can think of anyone you want to show gratitude, I want you to express your appreciation to them. Just do it now. And they will feel good. And also at the meantime, they will make you feel good.

Do you think so? Absolutely. Yes. I love doing that. I will always send messages to people. Not always, but I try when I'm thinking of them, I'll just say like, Hey, I'm thinking of you or to your point, uh,

of appreciating something that a friend does. I try to be specific. I'll say like, wow, I am really thankful that, you know, you texted me when I was going through that time. Like, I really appreciated that. I really needed that. Or, wow, thank you for saying that, like complimenting my outfit. That is a small thing. But, you know, I try to be specific when I can, when I give those thanks, because I think that that

encourages that positive behavior in other people and your friends so that if they know that you appreciate it and you're thankful for it, then they'll hopefully continue to repeat that behavior or action in the future. Yeah, totally. I highly recommend our listeners do it now. Just show your appreciation to your grandparents, to your parents, to your classmates,

loved ones to your close friends. Another positive impact that expressing gratitude has in our lives is it helps us deal with stress better. Gratitude practices have been found to help people cope with stress. By focusing on positive aspects of life, individuals may develop resilience and adaptive coping strategies. Hmm. Do

Do you feel like saying thanks and appreciation has helped you with stress? I think definitely. I can think of one thing is like we all have a lot of stress coming from work, right? And we feel like very stressed and feel like our body shuts down sometimes, like because we're too stressful and like overwhelming with all different tasks we need to do. And

But think in other way. Don't think like I have a lot of work I need to finish. Think other ways is I have a stable job for now and have a stable salary, which helps me to live a life I want. In order to do that, I think in a positive way, it definitely helps with coping the stress. Because if we think negatively, it doesn't help at all. We still have the jobs, we still have the tasks we need to finish.

But like, if you're thinking negatively way and you're doing it with like resentful, doesn't help with, doesn't help at all. So I'm not saying like we should brainwash ourselves or just like, we cannot change the situation. Then we need to think like in a bright way and show gratitude to ourselves.

the things we still like having right now and helps a lot. Yeah, I definitely agree. I think sometimes when you overdo it, you get into a place where you can like gaslight yourself, maybe into thinking things are better than they are. But I definitely sometimes like before bed, especially if I've had a pretty stressful day, I will like,

force myself to list three to five things I'm grateful for before I go to sleep. And then I do it in the morning as well. And it has to be different things. I can't repeat anything because yeah, I've, I've found that like in, yeah, when days where I'm like really stressed or I'm really anxious about something, if I practice gratitude, it like helps me ease. I'm like, ah, like, even though I'm stressed, I have all these things to be, to still be grateful for.

Yeah, that's a good meditation. Yeah, that's a very good one. Do you know gratitude also can increase our pro-social behavior, such as helping others and contributing to the community? People who feel grateful may be more inclined to engage in acts of kindness and social responsibilities. Couldn't agree more. I am someone who definitely tries

tries to get involved in community things as much as possible. I think it allows me to, as it said, have this sense of social responsibility for my community and to be thankful for my ability to contribute to the community and help make it better. But

On the receiving end of it, I'm also grateful because other people in my community also feel that sense as well. Actually, speaking of acts of kindness, when I was in college, there was a club called Random Acts of Kindness.

And it would just be people on campus and like they would give out free hugs, not that you would pay for a hug, but they would just stand with their arms open like, do you need a hug? And it was like the nicest thing ever. They would write thank you notes for people. They would give out compliments if you felt like you needed a compliment.

And like little things like that, even though it does seem really silly, right? Like if you went into the mall and someone was just standing there saying, do you want a hug? I think a lot of people would think that would be weird. But if you needed a hug, a hug from a stranger can honestly feel weird.

incredible and amazing and make all the world of a difference if you are having a bad day so I'm definitely a big fan of this I recently read this is they say you know like when you feel happiness it's not really like a big thing happens but sometimes as you get a hello or like a thank you from

a security guard or from like a cleaner in your neighborhood. I remember this. Sometimes I go to work and I walk past by a cleaner in my, in my condo. And sometimes they say good morning to me. It feels so good in the morning. I say, I say good morning back. And yeah, it does feel like really,

is unexpected happiness and but it's very small things so like you don't have to be like doing great things or like good things for your community you can just do small and from the people around you saying something like really small to people around you do it like a little fever to people and that like really helps a lot like with like this

pro-social behavior. Yeah. And community is so important and feeling integrated into your community because that helps us have a sense of belonging. And gratitude plays a huge role in our sense of belonging because it can foster this sense of feeling appreciated and valued because you have a positive social identity and you have a sense of being a part of a supportive community. So

Whether it's sense of belonging, pro-social behavior, coping with stress, improved relationships, or just overall positive mental health or well-being, I can't really think of a reason not to give thanks or to be grateful. So hopefully some of this resonates with you. And as you all go out and say thanks and give thanks, hopefully you can feel some of these positive impacts in your own life. Yeah. And speaking of that, we

Often we think about like a lot of things we take for granted. People were like things we take for granted in our life. Let's discuss strategies to avoid taking things for granted and fostering a mindset of appreciation. So what's your strategy? So I think I want to start this with maybe an example of something that I had taken for granted recently that I've recently learned.

like started to process and come to realize. One of the things that I wanted to do coming back to the US was to be able to spend more time with family. A lot of people ask me, like, out of all the places in the world, out of all the states in the US that I could have moved to, why would I pick Ohio? Even though I'm from Ohio, you know, a lot of people who are from Ohio who have left don't necessarily think super highly of the place.

So part of the reason why I wanted to come back is because this is where my family is. And I just assumed that when I would come back, things would be the same. I could sort of just like jump back into life. And so much has changed. And one thing in particular that has changed is, you know, one of my siblings is now living with a pretty serious mental health issue. He has a form of schizophrenia.

And what I realized, and this is the part that I took for granted, is that, you know, I spent all this time in China and I was like so occupied with like living my own life. And I just thought that, okay, I'll come back to the U.S. and I'll be able to like, you know, hang out with my brother again and things will be like they were before. And what I'm realizing is that like, that's not the case, right? Like he is not in a position to be the person who he was before I left the U.S.,

and I don't know if he will ever get to be sort of fully healthy and recovered again and so it's sad for me it's very tragic and I think like the easy thing for me to do would be to say like ah give up like I can't do anything about it like

you know, like, how do I treat this? But I think that gratitude probably has been the biggest thing that has kept me from like giving up, right? Because I can be thankful that he is still alive and he's healthy in other ways. And there are other things that we can do to support him. So I haven't given up my faith and my hope that even though things are different, right? That doesn't mean that

I can't still be grateful for the relationship that I currently have with him, even if it's highly impacted by his mental health. So I think a strategy that I would want to take moving forward is, like you said, sending a little text here and there, letting him know that I'm thinking of him, you know, reminding him of good times that we used to have, which is something that

Yeah, I guess you think that like with family and siblings, they'll always be there. And like, you don't have to try that hard. But I think I've learned that like, no, like, especially as an adult, you do have to try even with your own family and siblings. I totally agree. Yeah, that's always like we always think the things don't change. And we expect

things don't change and we take it for granted. And then we realize, of course, the only thing cannot change is changing itself, right? Like there's nothing can be there and wait for us for the whole time. Like not even families, not even friends. I can't say like things, they don't change, but like we sometimes forget that. And just like you said,

the strategy to deal with this is really to showing your gratitude, showing appreciation, like this person, like these things, this relationship is still around and we still need to cherish this and we need to show our appreciation to that. Make sure the person or the thing know we are really like thankful for that. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

And also, like, I think it's often said the most beautiful things in life are free. And it holds true. You mentioned earlier, the sun, the clear blue sky, the trees and grass, the rivers and the sea. The most important thing is just out there and realizing all the things around us. Sometimes we feel like we have a lot, we want a lot of things in our life.

We want money. We want like famous. We want to be respected by people. And those are the things like we are trying hard

and not necessarily to gain, but we forget the most things, like most easy things in our life. We are easily to, we easily can reach out to. So I think the strategy is like, appreciate. I really like what you mentioned earlier is like you write down five things. What do you appreciate this day today, every day before you go to sleep. And that's a strategy we should carry on. And to make sure you still feel like you're still alive. And there's a lot of,

positive things happen around your life instead of focusing on the negative ones. Absolutely. Question for you. If you were to think back on your life and, you know, things that you maybe have taken for granted or, you

an opportunity that you wish you should have or could have or would have said or expressed gratitude or appreciation to someone? Is there a time where you wish you would have said thank you or expressed gratitude and you didn't? I'm not really thinking of like someone or something, but I can think of or like an attitude.

so you know I moved to Singapore early this year and then I realized life here is boring and there's a lot of things I can't feel like the community I can't make like close friends in Singapore and there's a lot to explore I often feel like negative feelings of moving to here but I don't feel like

But I think that's like, how, how should I, how should I think about this is I, I need to change my thinking because I always think like, this is a,

opportunity. And this is a good opportunity for me to come to work in Singapore. I do show gratitude to my boss because they trust me and they want me to fly me from China to Singapore. But for me, I need to believe this. I need to really take this opportunity to explore and to talk to different people and really to know the culture. This is something that should change my mentality and how I think about this whole thing. Yeah, I also think because there are

Could be a lot of people in China. They want to work overseas. They want this opportunity, but which they cannot, like they don't have. And I have this opportunity. I should really make it work. Yeah. And I try my best maybe to bring this experience to people who are curious about like working in Singapore or working like out of the country, what that looks like.

Yeah, I think that's something like I should change my mentality and how I should change. How about you? Yeah, I would say for me, something that I have been trying to do more of, and this is more personal as opposed to professional, is...

In relationships with people, I've been doing a lot more dating recently, and that can be a tricky territory to navigate. And I'm trying to find ways to, I don't know, I think in different ways express gratitude and appreciation for people in a romantic context. I don't know what it is about romance and about that type of relationship and intimacy,

where like all the rules of relationships change right like obviously I know how to do with my friends and with family I can do it at work but for whatever reason when it comes to dating it's like

Everything I've learned goes out the window. So I'm trying to not forget that just because it's a dating or it's a potential partner, that doesn't mean that there's an entirely new set of rules that apply here, even though it always feels that way. So yeah, I'm trying to figure that out. How do you tell someone you like, thank you, or show appreciation for them? I don't know, without it feeling like...

the stakes are so high. Yeah, definitely something I'm working on. Yeah, I totally understand. I also have like the same feeling with you. It's not like, it's not a gratitude perspective. I think take it easy for gratitude, showing gratitude to your loved ones in a relationship. It's just you expressing how you are. You want to say thank you to them and how they want, how they take it. Sometimes we take it too seriously and we are afraid if they take it too seriously or they take it like,

you're a weird person because of saying this but we are just trying to be nice i also feel like the communication i can communicate well with my friends but sometimes cannot like re in a relationship that's like

I totally agree, just from different perspectives. Yeah, yeah. It's interesting what you said. Yeah, we do overthink it. And sometimes it's just the thought that counts, right? Which is such a cliche thing to say. But it really is, right? Like an expression or thought of gratitude sometimes is perhaps more important than the way that you say it or the way that you go about expressing it. Just do it. Yeah. We also feel like

the thing we often take it for granted is one part is education i don't know if you feel the same way because we all been to like the higher education we all went to the college and sometimes we feel like take it granted because like we feel like it's something we're supposed to do we should do but in the reality is they're more than 80 percent of like the people they don't have the

opportunity to go into college but we have this privilege to go to the college and to study yeah I think that's something like we often forget about it like just don't mention about it yeah it's super true I feel like especially from the background that I was in like not in my family so like my parents didn't go to college so they

That wasn't an expectation necessarily in my family that everyone would go to college. Now, the school that I went to,

Of course, like everyone went to college. Like there was no question about that. My school prided, my high school prided itself on having an 100% admin rate to college. Like every student got into college and was going somewhere. But it's interesting. I do think that there's so much of that experience because in certain contexts, it is so expected that you go to college.

And that you graduate, like not even everyone graduates from college. And so I think that because of that, there are so many aspects of my college experience that in hindsight, when I reflect on it, I'm like, wow, like,

I did take a lot of what it meant to go to a college, like the one that I did, you know, like a lot of that was lost on me. And so sometimes I think like, wow, if I were to do college over again, how differently would it be, you know, knowing what I know now, but yeah, you're totally right. Education, even outside of school, right. You can receive education in so many different ways. I think that I have definitely taken many parts of my education for

for granted. Unintentionally. Definitely. I remember there's like really good habit we used to find like really awkward. Remember we used to have like Thanksgiving dinner and our boss trying to ask us to say something we appreciate today. It doesn't have to be like you appreciate your co-worker, you appreciate your boss, you appreciate like the job you have. It's just something like you appreciate today. I

I feel now, like, even though by then, like, there is an awkward moment, but like, after we're saying it, you feel good, right? I don't know if you'll feel the same, but like, I want to say something like,

me and you so we also reflect on what we are most thankful for now and also for our listeners you can also think about what you are most thankful for now if i had to say something right now i would say i am so i in my neighborhood um it's like very community based like there's a lot of uh

activities and things like that that go along. And there's a group of my neighbors who have been extremely, extremely supportive of me, even when I was in China.

Because I got my house when I was in China. I bought it when I was in China. So they, like, looked after my house. They, like, cut my grass for me. They planted flowers for me when I was gone. And even now, they, like, organize events for a small group of us. We're doing Secret Santa together and all of these other fun things. So I really want to give a shout out to the Neighborhoes. They have been an essential, an essential part to, like, my happiness here. So, yeah.

Thank you to all of you. You should send this podcast into your community. I will. I'll send it to my text group. What about you? For me, it's really just very small things because I got hit by my ribs. So I cannot do any weightlifting. I cannot exercise. I cannot run. And I didn't realize. So before, I can go to the gym every day. I can run every day.

around the rise of war is such a blessed thing. So, yeah, I hope...

So I just took an x-ray yesterday morning. I hope it's nothing serious. I can be back on my daily routine. But I want all of us to appreciate when we have a healthy body, can work, can function every single day. And that's something we always take for granted. 100%. 100% there with you. Definitely appreciate your body. You only get one. We only get one. Yeah, and they only get one life. So...

properly use your body and your mind to enjoy your life yeah we hope this episode has shed light on the universal nature of gratitude while acknowledging the nuance it carries within different cultural contexts and a stage of our lives remember gratitude knows no boundaries let's strive to embrace gratitude in our lives and continue to foster connections through thankful hearts

Thank you for joining us today. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends and community. Your support keeps our podcast going and we look forward to bringing you more inspiring stories in the future. Until next time, keep dreaming, learning, and embracing the journey of life. Be thankful. Bye. Bye.