TDS Time Machine | The Supreme Court
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Tonight, we saw both candidates speak in reaction to last night's Supreme Court ruling. The ruling was a spectacular thing to behold, actually. The decision was handed down in a manner befitting the stature and reverence that this nation holds for our Supreme Court. The U.S. Supreme Court has reversed the decision of the Florida Supreme Court. I'm going to guess that guy's an intern. Reporters from all the networks struggled to interpret the minutiae.

He says there's no justification for denying the state the opportunity to count all the disputed ballots now, and that's why I dissent. But not everybody was able to keep up. They don't come right out and say anywhere, but listen to Justice Souter. Come on, Dan, pull it together. What are we? Pursuant to? I don't get any of this. I hope Pete keeps talking. I'll just furrow my brow. Come on, brow. Come on.

Our correspondents... Oh, that's awfully kind of you. Our correspondents were among the media throng down in Washington. We're going to go to the Supreme Court and Steve Carell. Steve. Yeah, okay. Steve Carell. Okay, that's interesting. That's good. Yeah, Steve, what can you tell... Okay, just a second, John. What can you tell us about... Wait a sec, John. Thank you. Yeah, I'd like the General Gao's chicken. Not too spicy. Yes, John. Steve. Steve.

Don't you have the brief? The Supreme Court brief? Yeah. No. Well, why don't you go inside and get a copy? Okay. You know, the two candidates were said to have spent the evening pouring over the complex and detailed Supreme Court ruling. But whereas Gore was pouring over it with his eyes and mind, Bush was pouring a glass of juice over it because, quote, I don't want to finish my juice.

This 5-4 Supreme Court decision included a very harshly worded dissent by Justice John Paul Stevens, who wrote, quote,

Let's go out to Vance DeGeneres live at the campaign headquarters for the nation's confidence in the judge as impartial guardian of the rule of law. Vance, Judge Stevens pronounced the nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law. The loser tonight. What's the mood like down there? Well, John, it's pretty quiet, somber, a lot of reflection going on.

The nation's confidence in the judge as an impartial guardian of the rule of law is expected to come out any minute now and make its concession speech. Now, the folks here are disappointed, but say they're prepared to work with their opponents and bring the nation together behind the idea that judges are partisan pawns beholden only to their own prejudices, which, by all accounts, ran a great race and deserves to celebrate tonight. Thank you very much, Matt. We appreciate it. Now...

As we come back, I have word. I'm sorry, I'm getting word now. I'm getting word now we can go back to Steve Carell. He's by now had a chance to digest that ruling. Steve, what can you tell us about this Supreme Court decision? This is a complicated decision, and it reveals a very divided court. Not only was this a 5-4 ruling, it was a very close 5-4 ruling. How so, Steve?

Well, my sources tell me O'Connor sided with the conservatives fairly readily. But the other swing vote, Justice Kennedy, was extremely torn. In fact, a friend of mine who clerks for Kennedy passed along this CAT scan of the justices' brain taken during deliberations. As you can see, Gore locked up the justices' cerebellum and orbital operculum, while the lateral sulcus and cerebral peduncle were bush country.

But if you look at the southeast portion right here, you can see Justice Kennedy's all-important occipital lobe was simply too close to call. Both sides claimed victory in Justice Kennedy's occipital lobe.

Well, now, if both sides claim victory there, what wound up happening? Well, it got very nasty in there. George W. Bush was ultimately awarded Kennedy's occipital lobe and, in turn, the presidency, all because of a tiny cluster of 537 ganglia occupying less than 100,000th of a square inch. Certainly not much of a mandate there, huh, Steve? No, it isn't, John. Not at all.

A few neurons. Horrifying, just horrifying. Okay. Hey, thank you, Steve. You stay warm down there, okay? I can't feel my feet. Okay. Although controlling your political message may soon get even trickier, as on Thursday, this bombshell dropped. The U.S. Supreme Court today overturned laws on the books for nearly a century and ruled that corporations can spend freely now on political campaigns. Yeah, let that sink in.

Corporations will now be able to spend money to influence politics. The ruling once again highlights the forbidden dance between theory and practice. The theory is, as the court explains, Congress may not prohibit political speech, even if the speaker is a corporation or union. And prohibitions on corporate independent expenditures is a ban on speech. Corporations and unions, they're people, just like you and me, but without mouths. So they can only talk through their mouths.

wallet cords. It's a nice theory. Now, companies are allowed to spend as much money as they want directly producing campaign ads for candidates.

That means our future looks bright. What's up? It's me, the E-Trade baby, here to tell you about the stock market. Because I wasn't aborted. You know, think how much money you would have lost if I'd been aborted and wasn't here to tell you about E-Trade. So don't vote for Dianne Feinstein. You know, she wants me dead. That is a cute baby! For more on this landmark decision, we turn to senior business analyst John Favreau.

John Oliver, are you okay? I'm sorry, have you been crying? Are you alright? What a day, John. What a day. With this historic ruling, the last bastion of discrimination in this country has come toppling down.

For too long, John, corporations have suffered under the yoke of laws, stripped of the basic freedoms and dignity guaranteed by our founders. It's been a long, long time coming. You... Can I tell you something? Wait. Change gonna come. Now go. You really have a terrible voice. Um, you're saying corporations have been denied rights? Yes, brother. But this did not come easy.

Who can forget the Million Logo March when companies from across the country descended on Washington, their brands crying out for equality. And of course, there were the brave leaders of that movement, inspiring their brethren with their actions, such as the Pillsbury Doughboy in his 32-week hunger strike.

Today, that dough boy became a dough man. For the first time in history, corporations can walk with their heads held high, having left their mark on American democracy. This is a huge victory, John, not just for conglomerates, but all of their fellow citizens. You know, I'm sorry, John, I refuse to accept that corporations should have the same protections as people. Uh, John, please.

Open your heart. Corporations are an oppressed minority, forced to move headquarters from state to state in search of friendlier tax codes. Sometimes being forced to live just off our shores in tiny mailboxes. Even having to change their name to escape persecution.

It breaks my heart, but it's happened time and time again. But John, that was Philip Morris. They voluntarily changed their name to Altria because they become synonymous with giving people cancer. The problem with corporations is their sole motivation is profit. They don't have souls. They're not people. Whoa. Well, this just got awkward. John, what if I were to tell you that you were sitting next to a corporation right now?

You're a corporation? Oh, yeah. John Oliver Worldwide Enterprises, a subsidiary of Oliver Corp. But you, John Oliver the person, have rights. Why should your corporate entity have... Oh, John, John, if you prick my corporation, does it not bleed? No, it does not. If you deprive us of water, do we not thirst? Just give your employees water. Oh, please, not bottled. Come on, they can get a cup of water at the commissary. Look, to set up corporate oligarchs... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you just drop the O-bomb? You did not just drop the O-bomb with me. That did not just happen here. We can say that to each other. You can't say that to us. We have rights now, John. You have more rights than people now. Corporations can merge with one another. Gay people can't do that. They can't get married. But corporations can marry. But gay people can't. What's that? Explain that to me.

That is for good reason. It's AT&T, not AT& Steve. This is ridiculous. Let's not even... All I'm saying, John, is thank God, with the Supreme Court's decision, I no longer have to put up with this. What are you doing? Yeah, well, I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago with my unlimited funds. I've purchased part of this show. Roll it, Chuck.

John Stewart says that if you make money in this country, you don't deserve a voice. Probably so you can't cry for help while John Stewart is molesting you. Oliver Corp has a better way. We've been working to harness the world's energy to keep children safe. After all, shouldn't we live in a world where everyone can be heard? And not molested by John Stewart.

We at Oliver Corp certainly think so.

There's something special about folks who come through without being asked. Like your co-worker surprising you with your favorite coffee just because. Or your friend handing you the aux cord the moment you get in the car. No debate, no fight, just positive vibes. That kind of love, it just hits different. And that's exactly the energy AT&T is on with their new guarantee.

If there's ever a network interruption, AT&T will proactively credit you for a full day of service. No calls, no emails, no jumping through hoops. It's just handled. It's like the universe saying, I got you. Except this time, it's not the stars aligning. It's your network.

And let's be real. That connection is everything. Whether you're holding down the group chat, checking in on your parents, scrolling TikTok, your network's got to come through. And if there's a problem, AT&T is on the case. No stress, no drama, just real backup when it counts.

See AT&T.com slash guarantee for full details. AT&T, connecting changes everything.

This episode is supported by FX is the Bear. The Emmy award-winning series returns following Carmi, Sydney, and Richie as they push forward, determined not only to survive, but also to take the bear to the next level. This season, the pursuit of excellence isn't just about getting better. It's about deciding what's worth holding on to. FX is the Bear. All episodes now streaming on Hulu.

This July 4th, celebrate freedom from spills, stains, and overpriced furniture with Anabay, the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget-friendly pricing. Sofas start at just $699, making it the perfect time to upgrade your space. Anabay's pet-friendly, stain-resistant, and interchangeable slipcovers are made with high-performance fabric that's built for real life. You'll love the cloud-like comfort of hyper

We'll be right back.

Last week was easy. All right, we all know country's been a bit of a rough patch lately. The, um, I believe it's referred to.

But then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Confederate flags start coming down. Supreme Court decisions supporting health care, fair housing, marriage equality. It was a display stunning. It was a display stunning in its alacrity and its completeness. Traditionally victimized communities granted the legal dignity that had been denied them so many years. Truly a moment of joy. Or, or, or, or.

To put that another way. Today, some of the darkest 24 hours in our nation's history. They're not booing, they're saying Cruz. What? Why? What is wrong? The darkest 24? What is wrong with you?

The insurance exchanges remain open, sir, and committed same-sex couples can form lifelong society-stabilizing, legally recognized bonds. Truly, Voldemort has risen. And the living will envy the dead and say, what? How? What is your worldview? And, of course, we need not take seriously the hyperbolic apocalyptic rantings of a sitting United States senator. Luckily for Senator Cruz, there were other survivors of

Good news, Mageddon. It is a huge loss for a democracy. They essentially turned the U.S. Constitution on its head and I believe put a nail in the democratic process. There will be an effort to force people to conform. This is redefining a fundamental institution. Suppose three people say we want to be a marriage. We're three people and we love each other and we want to be married. What's to prevent that under this?

Because people aren't born polygamists. You know, I knew even when I was five, I was different. While the other boys played with trucks and army men, I was figuring out bed-sharing schedules with my wife. Not that there aren't real victims here.

What happens to a florist who doesn't want to provide flowers to a gay wedding? Are they going to be forced either out of business, like the florist, the caterers? There have been evangelical florists and bakers around the country who are coerced. Where does it stop? I am so tired of this old trope, this old stereotype about anti-gay florists. It's all

ever hear about anti-gay florists. Let me tell you something. Are some florists anti-gay? Of course, there's truth in every stereotype. Just like some Scotsmen are stingy and some Frenchmen wear striped shirts and carry around long breads. But not, not all florists hate gay people. And it's time we accept that.

The really weird part of the conservative reaction is when it stops being about the court making this decision and starts criticizing the idea of the court making any decision. Rick Santorum said, today, five unelected judges redefined the foundational unit of society. I mean, what a crazy system.

to have the most important issues of our day decided by unelected lawyers. Five unelected black robed lawyers rule. That is not the America that our founding fathers created. Then why did they put that article in the Constitution? So that was them. This is the stupidest. So the founding fathers come up with this unbelievable idea for a country, right?

Then some jackass throws in something about co-equal branch of government possesses judicial review over the constitutionality of legislation. And the founding fathers come in the next day and they're like, who the f*** put this in here? What is this? I told you we had Article 1, 2, and 4. I don't know what 3 is. I don't know what that is. I didn't write that. What is wrong? Even some on the Supreme Court seem shocked that there is a Supreme Court.

John Roberts, quote, "The majority's decision is an act of will, not legal judgment. The right it announces has no basis in the Constitution or this court's precedent," adding, "Just who do we think we are?" Perhaps it's time we go back to when a Supreme Court was just a court with extra sour cream. Did you know that that was the original court? The original Supreme Court.

The original Supreme Court was a court with extra shower cream. I'm a good history teacher. And of course, Justice Alito had to get in his arguments against the progress of humankind.

Here is what Justice Alito said in his dissent. I assume that those who cling to old beliefs will be able to whisper their thoughts in the recesses of their homes, but if they repeat those views in public, they will risk being labeled as bigots and treated as such by governments, employers, and schools. Right. Oh, you mean that like it's a bad thing?

Hey, enough for nothing. I'd still like to be able to call ladies sugar tits without people going, you know, "Hey, slow down there, Uncle Creepy. That's your cardiologist." I mean, you know, why can't we just continue disliking and shunning the people we've always disliked and shunned? Everybody was always okay with it, but them? Look, justices, senators, your problem isn't judicial activism or overreach or politically correct policing. Your problem here is bald-faced, out-in-the-open, common-sense experience

That's why you're not gonna win the marriage equality fight. This. Let's talk about same-sex marriage. I'm traditional marriage. But what do you say to a lesbian who's married or a gay man who's married who says, "Donald Trump, what's traditional about being married three times?" Well, they have a very good point. Yes, they do. That's the point.

You're not gonna win the marriage equality fight because even a man pathologically disposed to not understand other people's points of view, unless it is also labeled Trump, even he gets it. Not that he doesn't try and set aside what went wrong with tradition in his particular case. - But you know, I've been a very hardworking person. My two wives were very good and I don't blame them. I blame myself because my business was so powerful for me.

Here's what I'm telling you. I am for traditional marriage, but to be fair, the Trump business is hotter than any wife could possibly be. Wouldn't you one of my golf courses? I think you would. All 18 holes. We'd come back for more. - Let's talk about the Supreme Court, the only place where wearing a robe makes you more powerful.

The Supreme Court is one of the oldest institutions in American society. And after 230 years, it's finally getting a fresh new face. Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson cementing her place in history, becoming the first Black woman to be confirmed to the Supreme Court. On this vote, the yeas are 53, the nays are 47, and this nomination is confirmed.

Cheers erupting in the chamber. Over at the White House, President Biden watching that final tally come in with the judge by his side. As its nomination is confirmed. All right! Okay. Oh, wow. He didn't know. He's like, "Oh, wow!" This is exciting, people. Finally, a black woman will be on the Supreme Court. Wow. Wow.

And this is happening just in time for the court to eliminate all rights for black people and women. What a moment. No, this is really incredible, man. Think about it. She will now be the most powerful black woman in the country to have her opinions entirely dismissed by two-thirds of her co-workers. Wow! This is huge. And by the way, for anyone who wondered how much of an impact Ketanji Brown Jackson would have, well, she made history from the moment she was confirmed.

As Democrats rose to their feet with applause, Republicans headed for the door. Mitt Romney of Utah, one of three Republicans to vote yes, standing alone, the only GOP senator clapping. - Really? Really? You know what, first of all, kudos to Mitt Romney. Yeah, man. He's like, just decorum, you know? All those other assholes, think about it. The first black woman since this country was founded

gets confirmed to the Supreme Court, and you can't find it in you to stay and clap? Just-just clap. Even like a-like a... Yeah, I'm not saying you got to throw your panties on the stage or anything. Just show some respect. Just-just some respect. Those Republicans ran out of the room like someone was handing out free N-word passes in the lobby. "Oh, boy! Oh, boy! I've always wanted to say that word! Oh, boy!" In public.

Why would you leave? No one ever leaves. Doesn't matter whether they like the person or not, why would you leave? The first black woman and that's when you're gonna leave? I mean, luckily, luckily the Republican hissy fit couldn't spoil this historic moment, you know, because it's not every day that a black person in America gets sent to a court they actually deserve to be in.

And on Friday, KBJ, she took her victory lap at the White House. Tonight, celebrating history on the high court, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson at a moment centuries in the making. It has taken 232 years and 115 prior appointments for a Black woman to be selected to serve on the Supreme Court of the United States.

but we've made it. Jackson, a history maker and a barrier breaker, reciting the poetic words of Maya Angelou. I am the dream and the hope of the slave. And casting this as a moment in which all Americans can take great pride. We have come a long way toward perfecting our union.

In my family, it took just one generation to go from segregation to the Supreme Court of the United States. - From segregation to the Supreme Court. That was a line. I almost feel like if you're a black person who succeeds, you've got double the pressure on you, you know? Yeah, 'cause you don't just have to perform, you've also gotta come up with dope lines when you get the job. From segregation to the Supreme Court, what?

That was powerful. And that quote from Maya Angelou? All of it was fire. I mean, especially when you consider Brett Kavanaugh's celebration, where he just quoted the words of Captain Morgan. And by the way, by the way, props to President Biden for rocking those aviators during that speech. Yeah, way to make a historic moment look like a deleted scene from Top Gun, Mr. President. You know Biden only breaks those out when he's feeling his swagger. He's just like, "Oh, yeah."

Or when his eyes are bleeding again. You never know which one it is. You never know. There's something special about folks who come through without being asked. Like your co-worker surprising you with your favorite coffee. Just because. Or your friend handing you the aux cord the moment you get in the car. No debate. No fight. Just positive vibes. That kind of love, it just hits different. And

And that's exactly the energy AT&T is on with their new guarantee. If there's a network interruption, AT&T will proactively credit you for a full day of service. No calls, no emails, no jumping through hoops. It's just handled.

It's like the universe saying, I got you. Except this time, it's not the stars aligning, it's your network. And let's be real, that connection is everything. Whether you're holding down the group chat, checking in with your parents, scrolling TikTok, your network's got to come through. And if there's a problem, AT&T is on the case. No stress, no drama, just real backup when it counts. Credit for fiber downtime lasting 20 minutes or more or wireless downtime lasting 60 minutes or more caused by a single incident impacting 10 or more towers.

Restrictions and exclusions apply. Learn more at att.com slash guarantee. For full details, AT&T. Connecting changes everything. This episode is supported by FX's The Bear. The Emmy award-winning series returns, following Carmi, Sidney, and Richie as they push forward, determined not only to survive, but also to take The Bear to the next level. This season, the pursuit of excellence isn't just about getting better. It's about deciding what's worth holding on to.

FX is the bear. All episodes now streaming on Hulu.

This July 4th, celebrate freedom from spills, stains, and overpriced furniture with Anabay, the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget-friendly pricing. Sofas start at just $699, making it the perfect time to upgrade your space. Anabay's pet-friendly, stain-resistant, and interchangeable slipcovers are made with high-performance fabric that's built for real life. You'll love the cloud-like comfort of Hypo

We'll be right back.

Let's get right into it. For the past few decades, conservatives in America have been chipping away at women's reproductive rights. And a few days ago, they put the final nail in the coffin.

Tonight, the landmark ruling, the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, taking away the constitutional right to abortion. The historic 5-4 decision overturning nearly 50 years of abortion rights, leaving the matter up to states now to decide. The ruling does not make abortion illegal, but it's no longer a constitutional right, so that leaves the issue up to each state.

It's likely to become illegal soon in about half the nation. Some states have already banned it as of tonight. The rest of the banned states are likely to follow in the coming weeks. That's right. The Supreme Court has officially overturned Roe v. Wade.

And look, I know we expected it because the decision was leaked back in May, but that doesn't make it any better. You know? It's kind of like when, as a kid, you were acting up in the grocery store and your mom would tell you, "Oh, I'm gonna whip your ass when we get home." Yeah, you weren't like, "Oh, sweet, I'm glad she told me first. That'll soften the blow." Because in some ways, it almost made it worse, right? We got to dread the day, and now that day is here.

And honestly, it's kind of surreal. For 50 years, 50 years, women in America have had a constitutional right to an abortion. And now, just like that, the Supreme Court has decided that it's finished. And by the way, the Constitution didn't change, all right? Nicolas Cage didn't find a lost passage inside of a pyramid somewhere.

The only thing that changed is that Donald Trump, of all people, managed to appoint three pro-life justices to the Supreme Court. Judges who, by the way, went on and on in their confirmation hearings about how much they respect the important precedent of Roe versus Wade. And we all knew they were full of shit, too, huh?

'Cause I mean, that's the same line you use whenever you book an Airbnb. "I would never throw a party. "Pa-party, party. "Am I even saying that right, party? "By the way, there's a hot tub in this house, yeah?"

It seems like the only people on the planet who didn't realize what was happening were Joe Manchin and Susan Collins, who now say that they were tricked. Tricked, I tell you, by these judges. And by the way, why does Susan Collins never get tricked into improving health care or solving climate change, huh? Yeah? She's never like, "Oh, damn it, I accidentally canceled student loan debt. Get it together, Susan!"

And if the overturning wasn't bad enough, Justice QAnon himself, Clarence Thomas, wrote that he wants the court to reconsider the rights to gay marriage, gay sex, and contraception. Yeah, imagine that. This dude is so extreme, he's talking about banning rights I didn't even realize could be banned. He's gonna be reading the newspaper like, Justice Thomas wants to ban the right to engage in nipple play? What? Like, at some point, you're not even a judge anymore. You're just a cock block in a fancy robe. That's all you are.

Hitting on everybody else. And by the way, by the way, the one ruling Clarence Thomas doesn't want to overturn and all the others that he mentioned is the right to interracial marriage. Yeah. Which is a coincidence because he happens to be in an interracial marriage. Yeah, I guess apparently if something affects Clarence Thomas personally, he's okay with it. Makes me think if we could just somehow get him impregnated by like a gay man, all of our problems would be solved.

And by the way, that's just a joke. I know there's some right-wing pundits who's gonna be like, "Is Trevor Noah threatening to sodomize and impregnate a Supreme Court justice? Is that what he's doing? There are people standing outside his house right now with a penis. Is that what he's doing? No, it's a joke. Calm down." Now, despite the Supreme Court ruling to overturn Roe v. Wade, that doesn't mean people in America want abortion outlawed. And the reaction-- the reaction to Friday's ruling showed just how out of step the Supreme Court actually is. From Los Angeles to Cleveland.

And Huntsville, Alabama. Americans took to the streets nationwide over the weekend. The protests largely peaceful. Gatherings once again outside the justices' D.C. area homes Friday and stretching from coast to coast today. Thousands of pro-abortion rights activists jammed New York City traffic for hours. Others blocking a Los Angeles freeway. This decision...

- He's in outrage. - This decision is absolutely terrifying, but more than anything, it just makes me angry. - Yeah, that's right. From New York to New Mexico, millions around the country are furious, and rightfully so. Because women in America just lost control over their own bodies. Which, I don't care who you are, is a horrifying thing to be faced with. I mean, Rudy Giuliani called the cops because someone touched his back without permission. Imagine if someone forced him to give birth, huh?

I mean, someone would have to have sex with him first, but you get the point. You understand what I'm saying? And after half a century of having that right, it's now being taken away, which is especially crazy when you consider that countries like Mexico and Ireland are moving forward in the opposite direction. You realize how weird that is, right? Ireland has had violent conflicts between Christians and other Christians, and even they are looking at America like, "Don't you think you're taking it a wee bit too far with the Jesus stuff?"

It's a little bit too crazy, don't you think? So the Supreme Court is shutting everything down. People are rising up in the streets, and the Democrats, well, they responded in a way that only the Democrats can. Democrats are already looking to November. They have fundraising emails going out in response to this decision. They have a new website up. Speaker Nancy Pelosi looked downcast when she began her press conference. I am personally overwhelmed by this decision. From time to time, I quote...

this poem. I have no other country even though my land is burning. Michigan Congressman Andy Levin tweeted a photo of himself in a yoga pose saying, quote, "In a moment of intense anger, I turn inward. Let us release toxicity." I feel like that's the perfect yoga pose for Democratic leadership. Very little action and your head is basically up your own ass. Because I don't know if anybody voted for the performative aspect.

People just want things done, right? No one cares about kente cloths or singing on the Capitol steps, and especially not poetry, right? I feel like any moment now, Chuck Schumer's gonna throw in a fake pregnant belly and just take a knee in the Capitol, be like, "We are all pregnant now, and we're standing together." Why do Democrats do this?

Why do they do this? Not once have I seen Mitch McConnell come out and sing a song about how overwhelmed he is. He just gets things done. He never comes out like, "Oh, nobody knows the trouble I've seen." No.

Every time he used his power to make a new rule, in fact, that presidents can't appoint judges if it's an election year and they're black. Well, I didn't make him black. That was his dad. In fact, watching the Democrats' response and knowing, knowing that they had multiple opportunities to get ahead of this, it

Maybe voters should change things up. Maybe you should do a new thing in America. Instead of fundraising emails, maybe you should do fund-rewarding emails, right? Yeah, make the Democrats show you what they've done and then you donate to their cause. Instead of them being like, "Donate, we'll do something," and then they don't. What are they doing? It's the same reason I don't pay my barber before he does the job. Yeah, he'll get his money after I see what he does with my hairline. I'm not making that mistake again.

And now, please, don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying the Democrats are doing nothing in response to this ruling. The Biden administration has said that it would fight any attempt to restrict access to abortion pills, regardless of state laws, and they'll protect people who travel out of state to get a legal abortion.

the Senate Judiciary Committee says that they're gonna hold a hearing next month to explore its options. Yeah. Yeah, so they're coming through with both too little and too late. Very nice. Very nice. The full range. And-and in case... and in case you're wondering what Republican lawmakers think of telling women what they should do with their own bodies, well, they're celebrating the win of small government over the people.

Cheers from anti-abortion rights advocates, some celebrating the decision they've been working toward for decades. We are the post-war generation! Over the weekend, President Trump took a victory lap on his conservative court appointments at a rally with Republican House member Mary Miller, who made these controversial comments. I want to thank you for the historic victory for white life in the Supreme Court yesterday.

A Utah state legislator is under fire for her remarks defending Utah's new abortion ban. And my response is, I do trust women enough to control when they allow a man to ejaculate. So, inside of them, and to control that intake of semen. I'm sorry, did she say women should control their intake of semen? How? By turning the little tap that's on the top of the penis? Is that turning that?

"Ah, that's enough, I don't wanna get too pregnant. "Ah, ah." That other woman with Trump, that was even worse. She literally thanked Trump for saving white life. To be fair, to be fair, she later said that she misspoke and meant to say right to life. But okay, here's the thing. Even if she misspoke, she still just kept on talking without fixing it. It's like she heard herself call it a victory for white life and thought, "Yeah, that sounds like something I would say. "Yeah, let's stick with that."

What's even worse is that the Trump supporters applauded her. Even if we give her the benefit of the doubt, the reaction from the crowd is pretty telling, right? I mean, it's one thing for a person to accidentally rip a fart in an elevator, but it's way worse if everyone else in the elevator goes, "Oh, yeah, yeah, that's the good stuff. Yeah, we like that. We like that a lot." Pro-lifers are feeling pretty good right now. But if you think that Roe being dead is the end of the story,

and you think the right-wingers are just gonna take their Bibles and go home, think again. Because they're saying that this is just the beginning.

Some emboldened House Republicans want to take this one step further by pushing legislation to ban abortion at 15 weeks nationwide. We know that former Vice President Mike Pence, who wants to run for president, supports a nationwide ban on abortion. Another big question is over the abortion pill, as it's called. Some states may want to target that medication. In the states that ban abortion, it is illegal to get those pills from a doctor.

And some states are trying to go further and also ban receiving the pills by mail from a state where they're legal. - Yeah, you see, conservative extremists aren't going to stop fighting just because they got Roe overturned. They just won a huge victory. Why would they quit now? When a team scores a touchdown, they don't just walk off the field congratulating each other, you know? I mean, the New York Jets do, but the rest of the teams, they keep trying to run up the score. And that's what these people have their sights set on.

Because first it was no late-term abortions. Oh, okay, fine, seems reasonable. Then it was no abortion after 23 weeks. Then 15 weeks, then six, now zero. What's next? Oh, they're just gonna make tiny little handcuffs to arrest every sperm that didn't fertilize an egg? Is that what it'll be? Maybe next time you'll think twice before ending up in a sock instead of a vagina, huh?

And I know, I know many people around the country feel infuriated, depressed, and like there's no hope. But there is. There really is. First of all, there are many organizations, grassroots organizations on the ground who have already been helping women who couldn't get an abortion because they lived in some of these most extreme states. So you can donate to them or you can volunteer. And as for the Democrats in power, there is something you can actually do. Yeah. Here, I actually wrote you a poem.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. The people voted, so how about doing your f***ing job and passing laws to codify contraception, marriage equality, and all the other rights the Supreme Court has basically threatened to take away? And so are you. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

This episode is supported by FX is the Bear. The Emmy award-winning series returns following Carmi, Sydney, and Richie as they push forward, determined not only to survive, but also to take the bear to the next level. This season, the pursuit of excellence isn't just about getting better. It's about deciding what's worth holding on to. FX is the Bear. All episodes now streaming on Hulu.

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