Where Did All My Friends Go? A Simple Guide to Finding Your People (Steal This!)
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Head to your nord stream rack store to score great brands, great Prices, the greatest gifts of all time. Hey, IT smell, and welcome to an impromptu mp on them like people episode of the mell abb's podcast less freak can do this. Oh, my god, you guys, I have something I have to talk about him, making your life as an adult, as fun as summer camp, and how to make adult friends using coffee shops in your neighbor.

D OK. Okay, yes. But first I got, I came from a coffee shop.

Can we talk about this fork and pastry that I brought? I love a pst, everybody. I I exercise simply to eat a ten thousand salary pastry.

Yeah, yeah. Look at IT. Well, it's it's worth IT.

Most of you don't know this, but I have a love affair with paste stories, because my grandparents, Betty in france, neighbor, or they, what are you laughing about?

Laughing at my me. IT is a funny name. And also, you act like you, oh, you know Better in franny. No, but they sound like foxy, and like they are people that we would like to be friends like .

they are salt to the earth. My grandfather immigrated here from australia at the age of fifteen. Wow, he was in the navy. My grandmother grew up in a coal mining town, uh, in ohio, and they met because he was shipped off from the coal mining town to become a made for some rich family based on a newspaper and and they match.

And when he got out of the navy, they started working in a bakker y and chat new jersey and my grandfather was the Baker. And ultimately, over the years, they bought out the owner, and they were the chat and Bakery people. This is, by the way, why I never saw them, because they ran in a Bakery, yeah, by themselves.

And when you run a Bakery, did you run on a Bakery? right. So I always think about my grandparents when I see a great so I love PyTorch.

Yeah, here's the breakthrough that I had when I first moved to this tiny as town couple years ago. Now I guess I haven't live lived to your full time now for a about year. When I first moved here, I hated IT.

I was lonely. I had no friends other than youtube. And you two are amazing.

But i'm sorry, like it's kind of lane with your older friends are from work, right? Yes, I hate IT IT. Here today I realized that I ve had a life changing breakthrough. I woke up today, and I feel like I live in adult summer camp.

That's awesome.

I woke up, I rolled out of bed, I had my glass of water, I made my bed, and then I checked my phone. And amy U N. David garbage were already texting, like school girls, like at five thirty the morning and your test photos of the view this morning.

And you're like, who wants to do some? They me pull in the car, we going for a walk, what's happening and then and then you said, male, get in here. And that was last textile that was like here. What do you mean in here? And then I realized you were talking about, just get in the text chat, then talk.

Well, we were up before the bugle. And yeah, we're like minded in that way. We're all up early in the morning doing our thing, get our day started. I .

was like, I have friends. Yeah, I have friends are having fun that want me to ask my, oh, my god. And then like IT just was this moment.

And so as I was reflecting on this this morning, I thought, how did I get here? How did I get here? How did I get from being new to a tiny community, feeling so depressed and lonely, being worried that I had made a huge mistake by leaving a place that i'd been for a very long time, convincing myself I would never find people, like people have in college, or you have a summer camp and you're just having fun and you're doing life together.

And there's no, there is some drama, but no drama really like, you know, and here I am, and i've created IT. And I realize the point of the episode today is to get you to consider that IT is within your power to create an experiences, an adult where your life feels like summer camp, where your friendships are really fun, where you're having fun, where you wake up to text chains, where friends are already talking. And that's what happened. And oddly enough, IT has to do a lot with coffee shops.

I can't wait to hear this.

Let's do IT OK. Okay, great. And I just need to also say that there are people outside doing all kinds of work around here.

There are tractors. There are stone walls that are getting built. There is pavement going in today. And so you know, you're going to hear some stuff yeah and we're not going to edit IT out because the whole point of the mill Robin's podcast is that we're doing life together and we're put norm around you and taking you on that walk .

with us along with all the bronze men outside.

Yes, jup on the mike. We're just jump in on the mike together. And I want to inspire you today to think about the next twelve months of your life and the breakthrough that is available to you. If you start to show up differently and you get super intentional about creating fun with friends and meeting new people and putting yourself out, oh my god, there, there's a good time oh my god, a friend of mine calling like on q gretchen gretchen, yes, you're on the podcast. We were just talking about friendship and how IT sounds IT feels like summer camp here and then you call so that I called you i'll call you back when you down with your podcast, right? But just tell everybody how miserable I was a year ago.

But you thought you had no friends. You did have friends and you were depressed. And you are sad, sad, but you had friends and your love feel IT.

Oh, drop them up. wow. SHE sounds like the camp council.

Alright, my love. right? I love you. I'll come you later. Oh, okay, maybe we should start there. Yeah, like maybe you do have friends and you're not letting them in. Amy.

i'm looking at you. Yeah, I believe that you are looking me because I just said that. Yes.

yes, just just today amy turned to me, was like, I need to find my friend group. I'm like, bitch. I I what you talked.

I thought about that and I told my husband team about that and he was leg. That is truly the rudest thing you could ever say to somebody. I need friends while looking at a warming people that like your contact.

Not you, not you. I mean, real friend. No, I know it's, it's true, but you know what? You know what that points to the mail is.

I was feeling, you know, a little sad. why? Because I was looking at life through the lens of I don't have any friends. I was literally telling the person you that I am friends with, why I don't have any friends.

How lame is that, you know? And and I was thinking about that moment and how I changed my mindset on that and how, you know, you were kind of like, are I listen this sense here? If you're not going to consider me, you don't like a good friend and I thought about IT and I thought, why do I feel like that? It's just to have IT to feel like that.

yes. And I also think that as an adult, there is a major change in mindset that you need to make. And interestingly, gretchen clearly called at the exact right time to make sure that we talked about this.

I mean, it's kind of uncanny because when you're growing up, so much of your friendships are orchestrated through teams and classes that you're in and through people that live on your hallway or people that you work with. And so they are made for you through proximity, right? But the older that you get, the more intentional you need to be about causing those bumps and causing reasons to get together.

As life gets easier, as you get older, as people move away, as people go through different life experiences, whether it's a change in a job or of a marriage or a break up or whatever didn't start having kids or get out on a dog or whatever ends up happening, your friendships change because you stop seeing people so much. But here's the mistake that I made is I stopped thinking that the people that I didn't see as much were my friends. We associate the amount of times you see somebody with, whether or not they are actually a friend of yours. And I am here to make you think differently on a number of levels, because these are big breakthrough s that I had a year ago when I was a sad sac, lonely, I got no friend's bitch.

I remember that .

I was so sad to all that that your only favorite story about me is like the definition of pathetic.

Yeah, well, you you just moved into this house. IT is a gorgeous home and your surroundings are fantastic and yet you're crying your eyes out and you know, like gretchen said, super sad sack and I trying to cheer you up and I said, male, what do you think you'll do with the landscaping here knowing that you love flowers? So I should do you think you're maybe gonna plant some some hydrating er here or pity that you love and you said.

but I don't know, i'll probably just leave at all. third. And what do we know who's outside were a plant later anding hydra's and times to hostel. This is an important part, because when IT comes to loneliness and friendship, IT doesn't matter how nice your car is, IT doesn't matter how good your job is IT doesn't matter how much money you have or you don't have.

If you tell yourself the story that nobody likes you or that all your friends are gone or that you're the only one that doesn't have a friend group or you can have any fun or you're not having any fun, or you're never have fun again, you will stay stuck there. And the truth is, your friends didn't go anywhere. Your friends, I am convinced, and I need you to hear this loud and clear.

Every single adult right now is having a friendship crisis. You believe that your friends are having this wild party and you're not invited, and it's not true. Every single time I talk about this topic with anybody, they try in and say, I feel the exact same way.

I feel like I never see my friends. I feel lonely. I'm not having as much fun as I would like to have, and I got so sick, tired of going to and anything. Then I said, woman, if you want to have more fun, if you want friends, you got ta put your ass out there again.

You do, you have to causes, just like if I want plans to grow, I got to plant the seeds, I got to split the host and I got to stick him in the ground. And i'm telling you, I want to inspire you today to think differently about friendship. okay?

I want today to be the day that you turn the corner and you start to plant those seats because you can wake up a year from now and a hole gumi, my life feels I can't. Yeah, I have a lot of friends. I'm having fun again and .

they're on purpose. Friends, what is an own purpose friend is somebody that you deliberately wanted to be friends with and made that friendship happen. And so uh not on purpose would be work friends or friends that you um I don't know that you maybe do some kind of activity with but like it's not because you're a friend group for .

us the sport yeah there's .

a common bond but that bond comes before the friendships so like the soft softball teams gona always exist whether you're .

hold on a okay, I love this distinction okay the difference between the bond that created versus the friendship that developed. So to use the three of us as an example, we have a bond because we work together every day. But our friendship got created because we took IT way further than just the bond of work.

Yes, yes, yes. There's caring and nurturing.

Poor hours.

three hours. Yeah .

probably H R. Noncompliant conversation .

mazing. And opening up to that too, because you don't feel like there. I think that's part of the reason why I felt like I didn't have any friends, because you feel like they're just friends with me, because I work with them, right? Yeah, they're just friends with me because i'm in school with them, right, right? And that can make you feel like you're not really a good friend, yeah.

But on purpose, friends for me fill your life with such by tali and activity and excitement because they're there for you. Yes, they are. The friend is behind you, not behind the softball team or the organization that you work for or whatever there for you. How great is that to be on purpose with your friendship?

great. So already two massive ve takeaway. Number one, there is a lie you're telling yourself, which is you have no friends.

That's actually not true. Your friends are still there. What's been missing is the fact that you're not being proactive about developing the friendship piece. So let's take amy's little framework there. Every relationship when it's a friendship, has both the bond, which is usually created from some outside force, you're neighbor or you're working together or you go to the same yoga study, your family or your family is a good one or whatever, like you want to college together. When the bond that brings you together all the time disappears, it's on you to keep the caring and the interest and the outreach alive because that's what the friendship actually is.

And so I want you to understand that all those people that you use to hang out with that you used to feel that bond with, they're so there and they're thinking you'd left you and you have an opportunity to flip your thinking and realize it's literally about reaching back out, getting very intentional about the reconnection because the last three years and everything that we've all been through, I think, evaporated the bond that brought most of us together in real life with our friends. And so I let's take away, number one, take a way. Number two is that this is possible in your life.

You can have an experience in your adult life. That your entire adult life, when IT comes to friendship is a camp experience, that you're in IT with other like minded people, that you're having fun, that there are activities. And if you want that, then get the shovel out and start planted some seeds.

And today, i'm so excited to share with you this framework around coffee shops because I think this is a simple way to get your butt out of the house. Yeah, especially for those of you like the three of us who moved to a new area in the last three years and all the bonds disappear because we're a new physical location. And so this could be you, this could be you, that you've got ta divorce.

You've changed. You've moved in the last three years. You've graduated from college, you're in a new city, you broke up with somebody, and now you're single.

All these things that evaporate bonds, your friends are still there. A number one. Number two, you can make new amazing friends to. I've got to take a quick pause and eat this quick and pastry.

When we come back, i'm going to unpack this amazing coffee shop example to how you, yes, you can start to create the best friends you've ever had in your life. Peasant adult will be reback ask them. Oh, i'm so excited to tell you about one of our sponsors or a friends. I love them.

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Welcome back. It's your friend mal. Got my arms around you.

We're on for that walk or haven't pastry this morning. Amy and justice have joined us. This is one of these impromptus pisos. I cannot get the information out of my mouth faster.

Yeah, you ve got a lot to say. I have a lot to say. Have a lot to say. I can't wait to hear we have to say about friendship and coffee houses IT seems like a low lift, right? Seems like you know something achieve vall.

So okay, tell us what you get me. I'm so excited about this because I do think it's possible for the next year for you to take on a project around friendship and for you to create the best friendships of your entire life doing this. And i'm so excited because I realize looking backwards that that's what i've been doing for you.

I've been putting myself out there and putting myself out there and putting myself out there. So here's the, here's the Bakery friendship. What what should I call this framework? The three part, I don't even know what they held to call this.

Here's how you use a bakker y to get friends in adult. So I think one of the hard things about being adult, particularly in this world of remote work, is that you don't have as many chances to bump into people. And so that bond of a soft t ball team or work, or your kids soccer games or going to yoga studio, one major thing that is impacted adult friendship is that people are way more secluded in their homes.

And so it's reduced exponentially the opportunity for the first part of friendship, which is that external bond that brings you together, so you have to create the bond. And what I realized in moving to a new town, it's hard to find people like, where am I find of my people? And and I don't want to seem like a desperate stocker.

So, you know, how do I find my people and when i'm out in public trying to create this bond, um how do I approach without seeing creepy? How do you do that if you're introverted? Like this is weird.

Yeah, it's not like we're all freshman in college again, because people that are out in public, you don't know if they're knew to the area, you don't know if they're been here. River is ah yes, you don't know yes. And so we sort of out of these opportunities and that's where the coffee shop comes in.

So first I want you to think about your town, and i'm going to tell you something that's true that you've probably never thought about. There are four types of coffee shops in your town. OK.

There is the chain. So junk and dona honey due starbucks, insert your favorite chain. Okay, yes. And that's one type. There is the first responder coffee shop where the emt, the volunteer fire folks that the police officers, they're all gathered there every morning.

There is the neighborhood local coffee shop, which is the place that a lot of mom stopped by quickly on their way to school. Or maybe they meet their mom friends after school. And then there's the fourth type of coffee shop in your neighed od, which is that high end one.

You know, the kind of place where people wear in April with leather straps and th Epace t rees l ook l ike y ou w ould p ay s eventy f ive d ollars f or t hem. okay. And yes, and you have to think about IT and identify those four types of coffee shops, because the coffee shops themselves create an opportunity to create that external bond that is needed in order to form a friendship.

Hear me out. Yeah, because all four of those types of coffee shops automatically, like the sorting hat and Harry potter, sort out the kind of people that walk through the front door. Yeah, I could see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you think about the first type of coffee shop, the chain, yes, that is not a great place for you to create bond with anybody that you want to become friend's worth. Yeah, a lot of them have mobile order, a lot of them have drive through.

And so the entire psychology and energy of anybody going to that coffee shop is get in and get out, get in, get in and get out. Don't want to be seen the right? And if there is somebody sitting in there with a laptop, they're likely going to have headphones on, right? Because we're trying to get something done.

And because that kind of coffee shop experience is so transactional that people are in and out and in and out and in and out, it's a very distracting place to work. And so it's not a great place to create abon. Yeah, so we're gonna move that off the table. okay?

Yeah, make sense.

Second type of coffee shop in every community is what I call the first responders salt to the earth coffee shop. This is where the people that grew up in the town, the old timers, the are volunteers that keep our town running the best damn, donate the little cups of coffee, and the little is like used to be the dinner. And when you're knew IT is intimidating is hell, you walk in to IT, even though it's all of the most best.

amazing people. Yes.

like an insider.

yeah yes. IT feels like hard casing on top of .

that that you have to do. Do you have to there? Yeah and you know when there is relaxed and sitting and going to be there for a while?

Yeah now that kind of first response. T to the earth. Thank you for your service, everybody. We love you.

The the backbone of our town that kind of coffee shop proves my point because that coffee shop experience where everybody gathers, they're always there having their cup of coffee before work or they're always there after allowing all the driveways this so storm that coffee shop is created their brand. Yes, they prove that it's possible. Yes.

never thought about that, right?

And by sitting there over a cup of coffee and having IT be a ritual to start their day together most mornings, their friendship is deepening. A couple things about this kind of coffee shop best on its in town. They probably have a caller know that big, you know kind of do that thing, you're going to dip in.

I'll tell you what, they don't have those kinds of coffee shops, never have a machine that makes capitols and latest. You're right, right? No, no.

And so here's the thing I want to tell you if those are the kind of folks that you really connect with. And this is my entire extended family. I come from a line of farmers and machinists and ceos and sherifs and nail technicians and school administrators and people that own Bakeries.

These are my people. Yeah, yeah. But he is so intimidating. When you're in a new town, IT is to penetrate that establish shed crowd. Yeah, it's like being a kid and .

sneaking into the teachers. You, Lucy, how to do?

Or yes, good hands. If you just show up every week and you sit down, they will put their own around you and you just got a start showing up. And so that's coffee shop number two. We're going to take another quick break because I want more of this .

pretty string get in there now.

And when we return, i'm going to explain coffee shop number three and coffee shop number four, and then we're going to get into some really great techniques that you can use. Once you pick which coffee shop, you're going to try to establish your bond to make the approach stay with us awesome. Have you noticed the experts on this podcast keep telling you and me over and over, if you want a Better life, you need Better sleep.

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Welcome back at your friend mal. This pastry is so i'm talking about adult friendship and how i'm on a mission to inspire you to create the best friendships of your entire life. Coffee shop number three, in your time, the local coffee shop is where all the moms go on the way to work or on the way to dropping off kids at school.

It's the place where it's boston. In the morning, you got people with laptops out every other customer, they're like, i'll have the regular and people work in behind the counter like they know oh, that means you want A A A lote with three sugars and you want to care of often to go. They're usually busy to like eleven because a lot of people meet there after drop in off their kids like .

is that kind of place? Yeah very different from number one because IT maybe not a franchise and it's just more local yes, the local fee, yes.

OK. And different for number two because it's not really the place where you see the established group. Yeah.

almost every morning. Yeah, okay.

this is the place that if I had met .

you at ten o'clock to catch up, we'd meet there.

Yeah, no. I mean, sod pod, they might even have the alphabet zed index on the desk, you know, for your cards. You can leave that there, right? They might convert to sandwich es, you know, at at noon .

time in all the matters in town work there yeah in the summer time.

Exactly, exactly, exactly. And you know one of the other things i'm a layer into this is that sorting hat reference, certain types of people go to certain types of coffee shops on a regular basis. I'm not saying that we don't frequent all for because I do you all for this.

There is my go to that. If you could only pick one of the four, there is one that you would pick yeah and that's how you know the kind of person that you are and the kind of sorting hard thing that's gonna happen for you. And and this gets deeper and deeper.

But let me tell you number four next. So number four is that coffee shop that is always written up in the travel guy about your town. IT is the one that is with barn win.

And the people that work there are very like, kind of cool. Yeah, maybe a bi, i've got apron with a leather strap. Ah the pastry ries look like a million dollars.

The uh the coffee is strong. The the latter machine is like the size of a new york city bus. IT looks orge right, right. And and that is a whole different crowd. Yeah, a whole different crowd. And one of the things that I love about this distinction is that when you decide one, two, three or four, you got two hours to kill.

Yeah, where are you going to go sit with your book? And the reason why this is important is because you know, instinctively your heart, they're going to be certain kinds of people with certain kinds of interest coming in and out because none of these are Better than the other. They just attract a person who's interested in certain things.

And look, they're amazing people that go to offer and there are complete assets that go to offer. Its not about that, it's about what people like, right? So that's why the sorting had is important. If you wanted start to make adult friends, park yourself at one of those coffee shops several mornings a week and on one day on the weekend .

for an hour. How is that gonna? Now you're going .

to start seeing people coming in and out and they're going to be the same people and you're going to start saying hello. And like i've seen Jessie at coffee shop number four, beauty and IT. Was Jessie that told me about IT I had been in an entire year.

I did not know that coffee shop number four existed. Wow, because your eyes were closed. yes.

To the friendship? yes. I was still thinking, I was just .

going to have dirt .

around my house. Yes, not like goe. E, I don't need stocker showing up there. Yeah, I love to promote all the coffee shops in our town. Yeah, yes, but I was like, no kick now I walked into that place.

I was like my in new york, a person, a shine there's A A pace story that i'd pay seventy five dollars for, largely because IT tastes like seventy five dollars. Yeah, i'm willing to pay six, five dollars for the thing. I think I was what I was.

That's a bargain barin. That's a frequent bargain. yeah.

And when I walked into this place, I was like, 哦， my god, yeah. Oh my god, yeah. And so here's how this works.

This becomes your go to place so any time you meet somebody, you know, or somebody introduced you to somebody in the town, you say, how about we go get coffee on saturday morning at nine o'clock at the such and such? Yeah, now here's where this plus to build. As you meet new people, here's what you say because I always meet .

my friends there .

met nine o'clock .

on saturday morning. Now friendship .

is a verb oh.

like when you're saying, oh, let's meet up for coffee or park you up of the coffee shop and then you actually have to talk to people yes, friendship verb like you got to be doing things. It's an action word like you have to make that happen.

That's me. yes. yeah. And the more you go there, the more you start to know the staff and the owners, and then you'll see who else knows the staff and owners.

And then that gives you an in, don't you just love this place? How long, if you know, and so and so and so and so. And here's another way that you can, like, strike up a conversation if you're standing in line, turn to the person next year and ask them what's the best donor?

What's the us smugly in? What's the best pastry here? What do you recommend that are in yeah that you're in. And here's the other reason why I don't like category number one for this kind of friendship building.

Who in their right mind turns to anybody at a starbuck who are knocking donat is like, what don't do you recommend? Yeah like, don't like you're like, idiot. The'd had the same ones for a decade.

What you mean? What do if you never bend your ban has not yes. And and you don't know if they're just drive through. Yeah and so this allows you to start to create that bond IT. Is you a place where you're always going to say you meet people on saturday morning there at nine nine o'clock in the morning and that's your parking spot that you're bond and then you tell people that every time you meet them there and then people start to bring their friends ah and that's how IT starts to grow.

I love that man. That's such a great strategy. If you're outgoing and you have to be one of the top motivational speakers in the world, mail.

But for the rest of us and for many people in the inbox, we write in and struggle and say they're introverted and they are shy. And you know, it's really hard for them to put themselves out there. You got any specific tips for anyone who's introverted?

Here's another tip. If you're shy and if you have trouble approaching people, here's the best way to approach for anybody. Look at something the person is wearing or look at um some feature like glasses or nail more a hair style or a here or color grades or whatever IT may be very story complimented.

Compliment them yeah. When you compliment, oh my god, your nails are so great. Wow, people literally light up like a light place.

They do, they do. I know I do right? Like, yeah.

So everybody else must do. Yes, yeah, yes. That's a good one. I got another good one. Goa, goa. I'm telling you, my therapies told me this when I was in high school, I was an extravert, a person.

But I became really, really shy when there was a class of, like a hundred girls I went to in a augurs school, and I didn't know how to talk to any of them. So my therapy said, you know what? Always Carry gum with you.

And when you mean another person, say, would you like a stick of gum? And that's how friendship starts because you're share in the gum the next thing you know, you're talking the next thing you know, you have lunch with the person. So have you compliment their earrings? Take a look at their nails down that they are beautiful. Given a piece of gum, you got any other lines, any good openers as you're talking to strangers in a coffee shop?

Yes, if you're new, I would say this all the time to i'm new here. What do people do here yeah or even if you're not knew somewhere, you can say to somebody I fall on a loop, but what's going what's going on this weekend around here? Yeah, yeah and here's what's super cool about that.

Let's go back to the way that coffee shops work is sorting heads. Coffee shop number two, those folks are going to tell you something super fund like all there's a tracor pull over its action such such for fire department. If you go to coffee shop number three, it'll be like, oh, well, there's a art fare at the school, something going on at the library.

You got a number four, it's like, oh, well, there's a mushroom for g section yeah happening or there's a author coming to the bookstore. And so again, you're pulling for the aesthetic. You're pulin for the type of food you're pulled in for the vibe. Those kind of folks tend to have certain kind of events yeah yeah they go to. And so you're also then going to get recommendations that also feel like it's something actually might want to do.

Well, what i'm also getting from this is that you it's a Better spot to make conversation at .

number course because .

it's not it's not transient where people go in. And now it's not institutionalize ed. It's not focused around maybe kids or worker. Something like that is a great place to strike up a conversation.

So go where is a little bit easier. yes. And here's one more recommendation that is really helped me. And again, I think i've demonstrated over and over that I can put myself out there. I don't give me hit like it's an emergency to solve the loneliness ss problem yeah and so i've no problem going up to people and saying i'm new to the area and I just really need friends like, if you guys to be friends, let me know that I did.

How do you people meet people here and most people laugh and say, I feel the same way yeah and even if you have been in an area for a long time, there are two things I want you to do. IT is OK to live in an area for twenty thirty years and feel Elleney. And it's Normal.

And I think most of us do because of the last three years in quarantine and remote work. It's OK to do all of this in your own town we've always lived and to say to people, i've become a hit. I'm trying to like make some new friends.

Like if if you feel that we guys want to start a walking group or something, you wanted just media on saturdays, we have a touch point. And if people say, yes, I get their cell phone right then I text them right then and here is a power move. You say, the second I walk out here, i'm going to forget what you look like.

So do we take healthy? So we remember this moment yeah and so that when I text you, you're not like, who is this freak from the coffee shop? What are you talking about here? And so that is a major thing. And I say that because for the first six months, I started using this coffee shop strategy. I didn't do that.

This self? anything? yes.

And then weeks would go by and somebody would text to be like, hey, you want to meet the Baker? And am thinking, who the focus is? I give my name too.

I don't like and then i've got A D, H, D, so I would have deleted the text. Shame and like the place and now you're mirs because you're like this, sorry, what's your name? Yeah, yeah and then you walk in and you're thinking.

okay, what's who? What person a good start to the friendship did a little bit with, I think that that really is a power move. Yes, yes. And and that also shows your super determined. We're going together .

and we're going to see you and again.

yeah like, yes.

yeah and I have one .

final tip. I can we dear IT.

my desires that your life as an adult feels like summer camp or college is that you're constantly rolling in out of bed and it's like, hey, let's go to kind of just bumping in the people and energy around IT and fun, spontaneous fun.

So one thing that i've started taking on more and more, and I stole this from friends of mine, that I think are hilarious, is that I try to lighter every single group chat that i'm in with memes when funny, as photos and IT works wonders. Yeah no, like when somebody text you, like, you want to get together. I will literally take the ugly as cellphone and be like, absolutely, but not right now because I haven't even gotten dress dressed for the morning.

Yeah, I like that kind of thing. Yeah, or you want to meet for coffee. Yeah, i'm so excited to see you.

I'm coming in a prejan and I you and take a photo that sort of i'm in camp again. I haven't fun again. You are and it's working. Yeah, it's working. I've gone from wanting to just have dirt around my house to putting plants in the ground.

I've gone from feeling like my only friends or people I work with to feeling like like, well, actually, I feel like I it's not even that my work friends have become my friends. It's that I just get to hang out with my friends all day long, and we call part of that time work. Oh my god, this morning was what happened.

My god. Well.

first already told you I woke up. I did my like, you know, my. And there is this literally long text change of amy and David going freaking off yeah like with each other at five thirty O.

Five, six A M, with a video from David valley and I home, sweet home. Amy says, I just can't. I was just thinking about you.

It's like, i'm good. I'm ready aim's. Like, super, what are the weekend plans, David, like, get my health and wellness underway.

Start figuring my business out. relax. Bloody blobby. blow.

What time is the car pull? Yeah, amy pulls card. As you know, amy is jumping right in. Super pulled in the car at six forty five. Guys, i'm sleeping as all of this is going on. Six, when I wake up and I see the last thing, which is melt, get in here if you're up. I like, I love these people so we text back in the morning and then all the sudden you and .

and David did. He came over to my house and did .

in the morning. I just fucking and love you guys yeah. And the David like melt, this is this is way Better than camp. It's fucking amazing because we can have wine here and then. What time now?

I seven, seven.

And then when I walked into my coffee shop and guess who's there, David? And then guess who pulls in you, Jesse? And then guess who pulls in vaccine? Are other friend away? He was having a meeting there, of course.

Of course. Where do you go to have a meeting? Just don't go. A number one, yes, because you're not gonna establish the bond there, right? How freking cool l is, is so cool.

And this is available to what did you to get out of this version IT. It's so I wanted say easy. It's easier than we think. Let me give IT created for, yeah, I never did this even in the city when I had access to ten coffee shops. No, I never never tried because you just stay in your bubble. It's just so cool to go to a place pick o yeah, there's my friend and then i'm going to bring another friend here and i'm trying to meet some this weekend and done nice kay.

I will i'll do that before I go to James game game OK.

And so you know to those of you that live in a bigger city, here's a thing that your neighborhood has all these places and your favorite place to go exercise has all these places around IT. Yeah and your kids school or your office has these four places around IT. And so get intentional because getting serious about adult friendship, stop lying to yourself.

You do have friends. Your friendships are still there. It's on you to reach out number to use the coffee shop model, use the coffee shop model and get intentional about this. And you be the first, and you be the one pushing IT, and you bring the front.

What I love about this is it's something you do anyway. Yep, you're having your cup of coffee anyway. Are you going to do IT alone? Or you, you, you going to do with other people like you said, melt, you're going to exercise anyway.

What are you going to do with alone? Or are you going to do with other people? You're cooking dinner anyway? Why not invite a friend, have both your families come on over you, enjoy the time together and make IT a friendship moment.

And I loved what you said, that friendship is a verb.

You know, that was a really.

really good point as well. IT takes a lot, not a lot, but IT takes effort and action. And yeah.

we're not in first great anymore. Yeah, I was a show and class. No.

the best years of your life and the best friendships are had to use to get your ask. Number one, number two, number three, number four. Yeah, already.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I want you to have this watch fun in your life. You deserve to have this watch fun. And you could create IT, give a year, keep chipping away at IT, and you will find your people, because I just did. And wow, god is an amazing right of talking a few days.

Oh god, we ve got to get knife only cow, I have a pace story. I A P, do you? A C cut through that? You Carry a fork, okay.

like a metal fork. Oh, now you're stealing .

ship from my house. Wow, I feel like my dog must feel when he's staring at the dog food that I mixing up. I literally feel my mouth celebrating as you're doing that I really is.

I haven't blinked, just staring at IT exes me. I'm so excited that i'm like choking myself here with my own air and that's probably a vacuum that somebody can hear. That's what's hit me. I don't know if you can hear the vacuum in the background, but lam, here and up, good job. Should I wait for the construction vehicle to go by hearing the beaming he actually, maybe the beaming everybody is trying to get you to go deep, deep, deep.

This is really important attention. tention.

Oh, and one more thing I know, this is not a blue per. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers right? And what I need to read to you, this podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

I'm just your friend. I am not a license therapies, and this pocket is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Got IT good. I'll see in the next episode stitcher.

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