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cover of episode “You’re Not Obsessed With Your Ex, Patsy; You’re an Addict.” Mel’s Advice, Listener Questions, and More!

“You’re Not Obsessed With Your Ex, Patsy; You’re an Addict.” Mel’s Advice, Listener Questions, and More!

2023/10/23
logo of podcast The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Mel Robbins Podcast

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Mel Robbins
一位专注于领导力和个人成长的著名_motivational speaker_和播客主持人。
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Mel Robbins: 我从播客嘉宾中学到了很多,例如如何看待焦虑、如何通过改变身体习惯来改善心理健康、间歇性禁食的好处以及KonMari整理方法的实用性。这些经验都改变了我的生活方式。 长期关注前任的社交媒体是一种成瘾行为,需要像戒除毒瘾一样去解决,彻底屏蔽前任的所有联系方式才能摆脱这种有害的循环。健康的争吵是维系关系的关键,建议采用“红灯绿灯”法来管理情绪,并始终假设对方怀有善意,在争吵中保持倾听,并且不要逃避冲突。 我相信更高的力量存在,并通过生活中的巧合和迹象来感受这种力量,我鼓励人们相信自己的潜能,并勇敢地追求梦想。我对死亡的看法:死亡如同出生一样,是一个进入未知世界的过程。 处理孩子朋友家长之间关系的建议:取决于孩子的年龄,如果孩子还小,家长过度干涉孩子的社交,建议直接沟通,明确表示不会干预孩子的交友选择,并帮助孩子寻找更合适的伙伴。 产后夫妻性生活建议:关注情感连接而非性行为本身,给予妻子足够的时间和空间恢复,并通过其他方式表达爱意和亲密。 推广业务的建议:不要害怕自我推销,将推广视为一种服务,帮助真正需要你产品或服务的人找到你。 持续进行自我提升却仍然感到不够好的原因:可能只是停留在学习和思考的阶段,缺乏实际行动。建议列出理想状态下的生活清单,并付诸实践,从行动中获得价值感。 Amy: 在访谈中,Amy主要负责提出听众问题,并对Mel的回答进行补充和引导,例如提供关于屏蔽前任社交媒体账号的额外信息,以及对健康争吵技巧的补充说明。

Deep Dive

Chapters
Mel shares the top lessons she's learned from her podcast guests, including managing anxiety, prioritizing physical habits for mental health, intermittent fasting, and the KonMari method.
  • Anxiety is the body's alarm signaling separation from others or power.
  • Effective mental health solutions often start with physical habits.
  • Intermittent fasting can significantly impact health and well-being.
  • The KonMari method helps declutter and organize living spaces.

Shownotes Transcript

Translations:
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So a couple weeks ago, I for the first time took a bunch of your questions. Rapid fire IT was such a fricking homework on that. You nearly crashed our website at ml Robin's dot com with more questions.

And so we're gona do IT again today. And if you guys continue to crash our website, just going to mom slash podcast and you could submit a topic, we're not keep on doing this. So without further a do you ask? I answer and my friend and colleague, amy a glen, who you've heard on this podcast, is going to be reading your questions. Rapid fire. Let's fuck and go. okay.

Lee asks you, well, what are the top things you've learned from these guest speakers you had on the podcast that you've implemented yourself?

Ahh, I love this great question.

right?

It's a really great question, I got to think because there are so many. But i'd say, I guess, some of the top things that i've learned in the first one hundred episodes of the male Robin's podcast and all these amazing guests that we've had HMM. okay. So number one is we did an episode on anxiety, and that was with doctor Russell Kennedy.

He started talking about the alarm in your body, and, you know, calling anxiety the alarm, and that the anxiety alarm is always the little you feeling separate that IT rings in moments where you feel separate from other people, separate from your power, that you feel long in something, and suing that part of yourself and telling yourself it's going to be OK. That has been a huge thing for me. Also, a thing that i've learned from multiple experts is that all mental health issues, we tend to immediately think it's about your mind and thoughts.

And the truth is the most effective solutions. And this has been true in my life. But I keep hearing our experts say this are from the next down.

So all of the changes that you can make to your physical habits, to taking care of your nervous system, the things that I do, I don't lay in bed in the morning. I get right out of bed. I make my bed. I get outside and see bright light right away to reset the circadian rythm.

I take a walk outside and I don't listen to anything um that something I learned on this podcast is a way to boost my mood first thing in the morning and to just feel Better but let's see a third thing oh, international sting. I learned so much from doctor mini pelts so much and the international fasting of, uh, going for a twelve to sixteen hour window of not eating every day for twenty one days and then taking seven days off because i'm a woman that i've implemented IT is change the game. And let me think of a final thing.

Da k. White changed my god dam life. Yes, he did.

And hours two in the podcast studio, oh my god, cleaned up. I no longer organize. I use her tiding method. And I am forever walking around the house with something in my hand because of this trick that he taught us.

Instead of making piles of things that you then didn't and take other places, the second you see something in a room that you're standing and that doesn't belong there, you grab IT and you walk IT to our belongs. It's changed everything. I used to be the pile, put things in basket, buy a container and sheet made me realize I have too many things in my life, which is why things are never organized. And so getting rid of things and tighten up as a lifestyle has just .

been a game changer. awesome. And piles are an A D, D thing if you have a lot of piles.

So okay, great. Next question is from pati. SHE needs some relief here. He says, mell, how do I stop looking at my exes social media to catch a glimpse of their new life? But listen to this, i'm seven .

years split SHE says.

oh god, tell pati what does he need to do?

You need to block them, delete their contact information because patchy, your fucking, you know, IT. You are addicted to IT. You are addicted to the negative sensation.

You are intentionally getting a rush of doping by being curious and then stocking and then feeling bad about IT. And IT is a very damaging and toxic cycle. And there is no way that you will move on in your life and have a healthy relationship until you end this relationship with the past.

It's almost like somebody that's addicted to watching horror movies. And a lot of the research shows that people who love horror movies have drama because you there's something familiar about feeling that intensity. And I don't know if you if you block somebody, can you look at them? Can somebody rearch this and come back to IT? Because I want to give a specific example of how you do this, because you need to not have access to them on social media.

I think this is absolutely devastating behavior. And the fact that you're confessing IT to me, you know what is, and you can help yourself, and you can blame your brain. And the way that we get addicted to the kind of crash of emotions and the build up of looking and then feeling conflicted about this is the exact same cycle that somebody that drinks too much feels, somebody that gambles too much feels.

You need to treat this like an addiction. Which means, however, IT is that you can remove access to their accounts. You have to do IT.

You have to do IT. But you can't trust yourself. You can't trust yourself.

yeah. He says here from a to quick google search. No, you can't. Once you block someone, you cannot see their profile and they can view yours.

great. So there is the answer. You have to block them. Block them on every single platform because you cannot trust yourself.

You are an added to this because of the emotional and chemical, and, you know, all the fancy ship, your brain, the neurotransmitters, this, the receptors that that are firing. And so there is your answer, block them, block them, block them. And you Better start telling people, tell your friends, do not.

Let me look at this. I've been doing this thing. I've blocked them. I am, do not bring this person up in conversation like this is serious shit because when your past is in your present, you can create a different future.

And by looking at your x all the time for seven fucking years, you've been doing this. I'm hated about this, not to make you wrong, but to make you wake the fuck up and realize how your past is in your data day life in the present. This is why you do not have the future that you want. Get this fucking past at your present. Block shit and move on.

right? blankets. Stop IT kick IT to the curb. Next question, nicky asks, how do you argue with your partner? But in a very healthy way, he says, how do you argue with your partner, but healthy?

Oh, there's a good recent search on this that I should pull before you answer yes. yes. Let's get the right answer for her.

Let's get the right answer for her and and let go pull IT up because really good ways to fight. yeah. And by the way, something is really important about this question is that couples that fight stay together.

So your ability to resolve conflict is what determines whether or not you can go the distance with somebody like most people make the mistake of thinking, oh, the couple that never fights were perfect. No, you actually build up resentment. You're not erring anything.

So your ability to fight in a way that is productive is really important in your relationship. And so here's a couple of rules. Number one, always assume good intent.

Like when you're fighting with your spouse, you're arguing about something. Don't never forget that the person that you married, that the court is a good person, you're both just frustrated and you're entitled to be frustrated about something. second.

When you're fighting, it's really hard to do your boat just trying to be heard. So you got ta teach yourself how to do just as much listening as you do, screaming and talking at each other. Another rule here is do not ever walk away from a fight because you have to quote, get yourself together. So one of the things that creates a lot of instability in a relationship is when you fight and one partner shuts down the conversation, which a lot of people do, because they get very overwhelmed emotionally. And so they're like, I can't talk about this anymore.

Do not do that where you just say I can't talk about this anymore and you drop the guilty if you get overwhelmed emotionally, IT is okay to say I can't talk about this anymore, but you have to say, but we will pick this up in the morning, or I will come back in an hour, or I need thirty minutes to step outside and my head, and I promise I will come back and we will finish this always, always, always create a bridge to when you're going to talk about IT. And I was recently talking with friends of hours, and we're going to steal this from their couples therapist, which is used red light, Green light. And this is a concept that Chris and I ve just started with, which is this, I tend to be the kind of person that a expells, my emotional, distressed of people.

So Chris will be minding his own business, sitting in his office quietly, I don't know, working on his men's retreat, meditating. He maybe have just hung up with a coaching client, or maybe is writing a paper for his masters. You can tell by my tone, voice, if there's a real energy level that's being maintained, and I will comparing into that.

And pork is for decades, has absorbed that emotional eruption. And it's not fair to him that I do that. And so we've started trying this thing that we just learned about two nights ago from friends of hours, red like in light which is, hey um it's kind of a red light right now for me to be able to talk to you.

Can we pick this up after dinner and i'm starting to train myself. Hey, I got a lot I want to talk you about with this, be a Green light moment for you so that i'm killing myself, that not everybody in my life is capable of absorbing the ship i'm throwing at them. And I noticing my daughter does this with me all the time.

SHE just, i'm like her, her emotional safety blanket, where SHE will text me. Mom, I need to talk you right away. I think I have covered.

Does he have covered in? No, mom, I gotto talk right now. I think of sick. Is he sick? No, she's feeling something and now she's going to excel at me, and I do IT to Chris. And so this red light, Green light is a way to signal to somebody in an unemotional way whether or not you have the capacity to hear something. And I think it's a really important tool for all of us to try to use both is a red light moment for me so that you can tell somebody responsibly that you don't have the capacity to talk about something or asking, is that Green light to be able to talk about this? And then you can say yes now or later and those your answers.

I love that. I love that too. yeah. So red light, Green light. yep. And that's a lot of self awareness there. I love that IT makes you more self aware that you're common in hot and they might not be and that brings a lot to the relationship and then you've got your bridge. Can talk about this now, but let's pick IT up at another time.

I'm going to be available in an hour or like maybe you or tomorrow i'm going to be able to pick this back up. And then you talked about like listening more than talking. What would your general advice be like fifty fifty start out with? Or I .

don't know. Like I think part of the issue with arguing is that you can just get into the habit of bickering about .

things becoming .

the bigger sense yeah and not getting to the deeper issue. Like what are you actually upset about? What are you actually arguing about?

Like a lot of times, you know, when Chris and I get into stupid arguments typically about who's fed the dogs, we then start defending how busy we are. When what crisis really frustrated about is that he, for a long time said, I didn't want two dogs. IT always falls on me.

And guess what, it's always falling on him. And so it's never an argument about feeding the dogs. It's always about Chris fighting for the support that he needs and deserves and feeling really not seen and not supported.

That's what that fight is about. And so I guess the other thing as as if you're in this trap of constantly bickering about the same stuff, go a level deeper because it's usually about not feeling, seen or supported in your relationship. Wow, that's great advice. All right, there you have IT IT.

All right, it's next. What's next? The ruby says, well, what's your star sign?

What is a star .

sign like your astrological sign? Oh, what it's call I mean.

does we're going all i'm a libra.

You're in libra is libra I mean, anything to you?

Um well, I was born on october six and what I ve learned is that apparently the most common birthdays on the planet are october first through like the seven. Why new year's baby and is that too much information? Everybody who's got nature birthday is talking about their parents having sex on new years. Um I like to think like the labor sign am a very baLanced person um and when I get out of baLance like I erupt, I apologize and come back in IT doesn't mean i'm always perfect and imbaLance, but I feel .

best in alignment love IT all right. Here's a good one I can .

see from amy face. He's got a dozy coming up next so let's take a quick break and we will be right back with more of your questions. Rapid fire, when will you return? Oh, i'm so excited to tell you about one of our sponsors or a friends. I love them.

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Go to linton dog. Consider mail to claim your credit that's linked in the com flash ml terms and conditions apply linked in the place to be to be. Hey, i'm ml and we're taking your questions. Amy, what he got next .

are right from miche. SHE says, melt, do you have faith in a higher power?

Do you believe in god? I believe in a higher power, and I don't know what that is. I believe that we are all connected. I believe that there is some greater force that is good. I believe in faith. I believe that there are signs from the universe that are trying to get your attention and Better there to remind you that you're heading in the right direction.

I believe that you are meant for something extraordinary and that when you allow yourself to believe that deep in your heart and if you have the courage to wake up every day and look for signs that you're headed on the right direction, that you know, people are crossing your path, that all of a sudden, you know, oh, you have the same interest, all the, isn't that interesting? Oh, you come for all that interesting, these synchronous, to me, that happened every day in my life, the connections that you can explain, the squirl that runs across the road that reminds you of something, the song that comes on. These are anchor points that come from some greater force and energy that connects as all.

And we have the saying around here, the portal is open. What that means is, if you open yourself up to the possibility that there is something greater in store for you, and what's required of you is the courage to believe that. And what's required of you is the clarity every day to be open to signs that are consistent with something greater.

And it's everywhere you i'm going to tell you a quick story. So you've heard a lot about our daughter kendall, and we did an episode on impostor and and where SHE shared very, very openly about being at her first music festival and her career goal is to be a touring singer song rider, right? Their own music, go on global tours, inspire and empower people with her music.

That is what he studied in college. That is her goal, that is her dream, and that is what he is now out in los Angeles trying to do. And so he goes to this music festival and feels like a complete poster, because there he is backstage and seeing all these famous musicians that have inspired her at the new port folk festival.

And for the first six hour, SHE was paralyzed, and then he was like, fucked. Like, I can either stand here with the White clown my hand and feel like a stupid dss, or I can just start using something that I have, which is my sense of humor. I don't have any music on spotify.

Nobody knows who the fuck I am. I'm nobody in a business that I want to be a somebody in, but I can at least make people laugh. And so SHE started talking to people and shands up, meet this guy. I fail. How are you fail? Thanks to be a nice to call fill.

And so they start laughing up a storm, right? And all the sun fills to can ran question, but if you could have anything to eat right now, what would have be in? She's like, honestly, kind of a sloppy tuna salad sandwich, not on the toast, but on the whipped.

And they are laugh, and then they go get a tuna sandwich, and then they're talking and they become friends. Little does he know that this guy is like a keyboard dest, a producer, a song writer. He is a major deal.

He has no idea. So that night he is at a set and he's warming up and she's sitting in the audience and SHE is sitting there thinking, as she's watching this very, very accomplished reg. O G.

Add in the piano, I like me, I ve never been. Comes the piano, incredible. And she's sitting there thinking to herself. And this is what I mean by being clear and having the past open.

If they were to ask me to warm up my story now, what song would I say? And he thinks to herself. Bonny read, I can make you love me, and all the sudden he goes from the song he's playing into that fucking song.

The hair and arms go up, the rehearsal keeps going. SHE walks back stage afterwards and was like, fl, do you? You won't believe this and SHE tells him, and he says, well, you want to believe this.

I've vente played that during a warm up on a stage in a decade, but there is some moment where I just felt like I should play that. And he looked like he had dude that. And then he said, why don't we perform tomorrow night? And they did at the fucking new poor folk festival.

And then all these people came up to her from all these crazy bands, which I won't name, like we had to do sessions. How did you get stage with fill? He's like the gold man that was like to play with.

And so the point of the story that there is help all around you that the world is a line to help you when you become a line with what is true for you, when you get over your own bulls shit and you allow yourself to believe in what you want, and then you have the courage to just push through the fear and start connecting with people. And when you are open to the possibility of even just sitting there, he could have just set there in the auditorium and watched them. Instead, SHE allowed herself to step into the dream and say, what if and when you do that, you create these energetic ripples that impact other people feels right? You did that candle because you believe.

And to me, that is the higher power that we're talking about. A lot of people also asked me, what do you think happens when we are? I think about IT this way because I don't fucking now here's what I believe.

I think we're born into another world that we don't know exists. So if you think about you when you were in your mother's stomach and there you are, you're happy as a claim you're about to be born. Your only reality is that world inside of her IT is warm.

IT is safe. You have food on tap. You are in, uh, sink with somebody else's heart' beat. You are about to be born into another world of which you have no understanding of consciousness. And I believe that when you die, the same thing happens and you are born into a whole different world that we have no consciousness of.

That's what I believe i'd never heard to put that way. Now, how did you come up with that idea?

I have no fucking idea. Incredible yeah IT was not what they they taught method is church right which is what I biotic I don't know. I just think about IT on a spiritual plane. I really do and you I I grew up going to church and um I am one of those people that believes in the um what do they called the works like I think I think of jesus crisis a historical figure but that you know that's a person that is no more representation of god or the universe than your me that you know it's really inside of you this ability to connect to something deeper and to act in the outside world as if you give a shit about .

people gorgeous. Well, well, i'm glad mr. Asked that question.

Me too. Great question. Okay, here's the next one.

How do you deal mail with difficult parents of your kids? friends? So this persons in a friend group with her kid's friends and these other parents .

are being pains in the asses. IT depends on the ages of your kids. Okay, i'm essays again.

That depends on the ages of your kids because when your kids are little and they run in packs and you've got a parents of one of your kid's friends micro o managing. So i'll just give you a very common scenario. You have a group of friends.

And what always happens with groups of friends in elementary and middle school is that they travel in packs, and then all is said, they start to blender off. And there's always one parent who tries desperately to keep the larger pack together. And when their kids stops getting invited to, certain things are, let's say, there's like six boys or six girls that hang out.

And then all the three of them were having a sleep over the pain in the ass. Parent will make IT their number one goal to figure out how to get their kid invited and how do they do that by contacting other. But you're leaving.

And there comes a time where kids need to be able to have their own fucking in relationships, and your kids does not and should not be included. Maybe your kid is annoying. Maybe these are bad kids.

And your kid is the good kid. And the bad kids doesn't want the good kids. So you actually know what your kid with those bad kids, but you don't know because you're insecure.

You think that the fact that your kid not getting included means something bad about you. Now, what doesn't IT means these fucking kids don't want to hang out your kid anymore. And why would you want your kid to be hanging out with kids who don't want to hang out with them?

Like, so you getting involved means you're pushing your kid into a situation whether y're not wanted. How fucked up is that? And so IT depends on the age of the parent, because parents manage everything until a certain age.

And then the kids start to manage things and the breakdown start to begin when kids get cellphones and they start making their own arrangements for sleepovers and people get left off of tax chains. And you, as a parent, have to understand you're not gonna invited everything. Your kid is not going to get invited everything.

And the more of a fucking big deal you make IT, the worse your kid is gonna. And the more your kid is not invited, the more it's on you to start facilitating ways for them to meet people that will be Better friends for them, instead of chasing the people who are not. And I also feel like parents become pains in the asses because of their own security.

And then they thrust IT into a kid's social dynamic. And you see IT all the time with that sort of fit six seventh eighth grade lane. And so how you deal with that depends on the age of their kids.

And I also find that just having a direct conversation is the best way to deal with IT. The parent yeah like the parent is kind of trying to pull the we didn't get to mind his being left out. Just feel like, look, i'm not gona facilitate my kids friendships.

They're at an age where they can be friends with, who they want to be friends with. And it's not about leaving people out because you're not obligated to invite anybody but your cousins. And even then you get to an age where you don't invite your cousins.

Yeah, yeah, I get that. I don't know. It's just parents acting like shit is about parents insecurity.

And that means the parents of my opinion, who are acting like shit are extremely insecure people. The people that need their kid to be on the starting lineup of everything. So they're up the coaches, as we all hate you, we do all hate you.

I and the parents who need their kids invited everything that you're insecurity because you're not invited to everything. And so you're trying to get a social life and you're trying to solve the insecurity and wounds that you have by trying to jamb your kid into everything. IT doesn't work that way and makes your kid miserable.

IT flares up your insecurity. Just fucking stop. IT.

We're here in your mail. I totally get that.

I forget love this, but we got to take a quick break. Let me catch my breath and water up my throat. So let them at some rasp and we'll be right back with more of your questions.

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Hey, ma, and we're taking your questions as they come one by one. And amy, we got next. All right, phil says.

and this is kind of a deep question. Phil says, my wife is pregnant and i'm struggling. Feel is struggling because he's feeling neglected from the lack of intimacy. He says, am I crazy? How do I show my wife love and bring back intimacy after having a new baby?

Okay, I love the tenderness of the question. And let's start by saying that what feels actually asking is when can we have such?

Thanks.

everyone, because intimacy is something that is cultivated and that you can experience without putting a peace inside of agra. It's true. I IT is true.

I'm laughing at the truth. Yes.

it's the truth. You know, you could, uh, as as as long as her stitches are healed, you could draw bath and the two of you could sit in the bath together and you could massage each each other's feet and have a glass wine.

You got a pump and dump the milk but you seriously, and if what you're talking about is, you know, when is you going to give me a blow job? When am I going to have an organ? When are we going to have sex? You gotten realize he has grown a can and ball and launched IT through her vegin al canal, which is basically a major renovation to your downstairs.

And they hand you for that body demolition, that is a birth maxi pads with ice pack in him. And so if you put yourself in your wife shoes, I don't have ever the exact first time, but I remember being terrified of having sex after having a kid is gonna hurt, is going to pull the stitches like, oh my god, I don't want to get pregnant to get like, just and so. I love that you so I love that you miss the affection.

And what I would focus on is the affection and the connection over penetration. And I think maybe consider that given that she's just had this major thing happened and then your hormones go crazy and you might be dealing with a little bit of the baby blues. And we also feel disgusting, at least I did.

Like, you feel sexy is shit when you're pregnant so like, i'm I got a baby. Look at this big omc cool bobs I V. But the second baby comes out and it's all hanging there.

And now you wanna sex? Give me a fucking break. And it's real what feels talking about because you can feel rejected. But I would really employ you to please and think about IT this way.

I don't want to make the analogy because people scream at me if he had had major surgery, right? Let's say that he had have a hiper placed. Would you be like, okay, when the gas coming off, let's go.

Let's try out that titanium here and see the rotation on IT. No, it's an opportunity to actually have intimates or conversation. I miss you. I don't wanna rush things, but I was feeling your body.

You know what would feel good right now? You would you are you comfortable being intimate um how can we be intimate right now without doing something that that makes you feel pain or that you're worried about? And this is a real issue for guys because I am making fun filled, but I don't know you're talking about the fact that the babies in the bed and she's breast feeding all the time and SHE doesn't feel sexy.

And now it's spent six months or if you're talking about six weeks after surgery, like let's get going. And so take what i'm saying with a grain assault. But what the real take away here is. Really cultivate intimacy with a conversation first and talk to her about IT and make her feel like anything that works for her is OK that will make her horny as fuck. I love and congratulations on the .

new baby. Yeah, awesome. OK. Mt, I don't know if you can answer this question, but we're going to give me to you from bet.

SHE says, can you talk about life insurance and tell me how that works? Not really okay. Nay says, well, how did you know you?

We're desplein. Ic, I found out I was displeased the way that most adults find out that they were dissected. Ic, by having a child diagnosed with this sexy and then um thinking to myself, this looks really familiar and then going and getting one of the neuropsychology .

uia and finding out nice yes, usually how I was .

all make sense in the review.

Okay, emery says, I desperately need to learn how to promote my business, of which i'm very passionate without feeling egotistic. Co.

can you help her now? Yes, you ready enmity. And for all you people that love what you do and believe in, your are products and services, but you're embarrassed or worried about what people are gonna think if you promote them, how dare you deny people your products and services because you're too fucking in security market them.

You're so worried about what your friends are going to think about your marketing, that you are going to not talk about IT. And if you don't talk about the people that need, you can't fucking fight. How selfish of you. How selfish of you. And so I want you to think about marketing.

What you do not is bragging, but it's actually an active service because people are looking for you and how the fucker they gonna find you if you're not marketing and if you're that good, so good that the way that you would market your business would sound bragging, that's how good you are. How dare you deny the rest of us the opportunity to work with you? How's that .

my drop next question, caf says, what are you most looking forward to in the next year now?

Going to Taylor swift with my two daughters mother's day weekend in paris. IT is my fifty fifth birthday present to myself.

Beat, that .

sounds .

awesome. Okay this person who shove remain nameless says, hey, now what happens when you are doing all the work, all caps, all the work and you still don't feel like .

you're enough oh, meaning I thought they meant all the work at home. You you're doing all the personal development work yeah .

I think they mean all the personal development work. They're just in IT to win IT and then they just still don't feel like they're enough.

Take great question because I think what was what I see happening in the kind of interest in personal development is that IT IT can become a form entertainment that listening to inspiring content or listening to, uh advice or to motivational videos that IT just is IT becomes like anything else like you like romantic comedy, or you like a horror movies, or you like script in series where you just love personal development. And that was me for a long time, and I just really enjoyed learning and listening and feeling upbeat, but I didn't really translate to action.

And so if you are, quote, doing the work, i'm gonna a push back at you and say, are you doing the work or you consuming a lot of content and thinking about IT? Because that's two different things to do the work versus to just kind of learn what that means is, are you changing your habits? Are you chAllenging yourself? Are you doing the deeper, really confronting stuff of looking at patterns of behavior from your childhood and where this pattern and this belief of fun worthiness comes from? Are you healing your nervous system?

You know, trying these things like cold exposure and um vegas nerve toning, all which we talk about here IT wasn't until I started getting very focused on what's called behavioral activation therapy, which is acting like the person you want to be. And so for you somebody who still feels unworthy, despite how much you know despite how much you listen to, I wanted to take out a blank piece of paper, and I want you to write down, what does the day in the life look like? If you did feel worthy, what time would you get up? What's the first thing you would do when you get up? Would you exercise? Would you journal, would you go on to run? Would you look at your phone? Do you have a project you're working on? Do you a journal? Do you have spiritual practice? What are the friends you hang out with if you feel worthy? What are the hobby that you have if you feel worthy, like write down?

What does a day in the life or a weaken in the life, what the habits of that person, that version of view that feels worthy? And then the assignment, the works, so to speak, is do that should do that shed, even though you feel unworthy, do that even when you don't feel like IT because it's through the actions that you will prove to yourself that, holy cow, you are in fact, worthy because you're taking the actions that somebody who feels worthy takes. And that in and of itself becomes a positive feedback loop.

And you know, the other mistake you're probably making, because we all make IT, is you're looking for worth to be proved by a job or another human being. And that's not our rules. Worth is created internally, just like love is created internally, and you do that through the actions that you take and the way that you treat yourself.

And on that note, amy and I got to blaze and you got work to do, but i'm not let you out of here without telling you in case nobody else tells you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a Better life. And that's why i'm here written for you, bitching at you, kicking you in the eyes, saying the stuff you don't want to hear and making you laugh every step of the way. And i'll be back in a few days to do IT again.

Role rolen, all right. Okay.

or you .

are h my god.

Okay, I can do at all and filling you. Do you like sprinkle .

smell sprinkles? Yeah.

starting. Oh, is that .

an actual question?

No.

it's kind. I do .

think of a new open then.

kay, hold out IT. Can you hear that? Can you here that anything, boys, you are in my treat and tell to stay. It's right in that little wood ball. O.

K, O 概括。

Oh, and one more thing I know, this is not a blue per. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers right? And what I need to read you.

This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licence therapies, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Got IT good. I'll see in the next episode stitcher.

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