Chelsea Handler Reveals All! How to Be a Girls’ Girl, Release Negativity, and Experience More Joy!
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Today, in this episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast, if you're ready to feel the freedom of being the real you, finally, if you're ready to build better friendships or strengthen the ones you have and truly learn how to be a girl's girl,

If you'd like to release negativity and experience more joy in your life today, then this episode with the incredible Chelsea Handler, who shares things she's never shared before, is for you. Get ready to laugh,

and raise your vibration in more ways than one. I felt proud, like, that I was able to face that moment. I felt proud that I was able to be an adult. I mean, I'm getting emotional just talking about it because it is so meaningful because all you really want in life is to have an impact on people, you know?

That's what I want. I want people to feel impacted by me. I want people to feel better and to know that, like, I'm your sister, you know? Chelsea, in a lot of the research I've done for today and talking to lots of people, I felt like the through line I heard from people is that you're a kick-ass girlfriend. That's the biggest compliment you could ever give me, is telling me that I'm a great sister and a great friend. That's what I wanted to be, and that's who I want to be.

I want to show up, you know, and I would do it for a stranger. You don't have to know me. Like, you know, if you're in need and I know you and I see you and I come across you, I will help you. You can fucking bet your bottom dollar I will help you, you know, pick you up and patch you back together and do whatever I can because, you know, we have to stick together as women. All of the blockades that I experienced in my beginning of my career were by women, not by men. They were trying to block my success.

and tell me I didn't have the value that I believed I had. Yeah, that's success. One more woman succeeding means more success for all of us. And it's so much more infectious to be optimistic and to be hopeful and to be happy about people rather than talking shit behind people's back and gossiping and all of the, like, small vibrational qualities. I've done that in my life, and it has yielded the results that weren't beneficial to me.

That is so good. That like right there. No, I feel like that is the greatest life advice to get the thing you want. You have to vibrate at the level of the thing to get it. And, and, and what you're just describing is so poignant and so powerful because you're saying like, once you want more things for other people, once you say we all rise higher, all of a sudden you get more of that in your own life and you also feel more joyful and

today with you, Chelsea, because this is our first day meeting in person. And I was like, all right, I know Chelsea said in her book, she's always on time. So I think she's going to for sure show up. Oh, I'm early. I'm early. I love it. I love it.

I'm such a loser. My parents never picked me up from school on time. So I've never been late to anything as an adult because I just hate the idea of being abandoned and anyone waiting for me. I hate that. I find it to be, I'm always early. So yeah, sorry. I was way early. Do you feel like you have abandonment issues? Yes, of course. 10 years old, you saved all your money. You bought yourself a

a first class ticket, and then the rest of your family wasn't coached. So you're 10, you're walking on a plane, and you're like, "Oh no, mom, I'm gonna fly first class." And you figure it out. Where did that knowing come from that seems to be maybe different from some of the people that you were raised around? - I always had this feeling like that I was gonna have a big, loud life. I said, "I'm gonna become famous." And

I said, "I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I have a lot to say, and I'm gonna help a lot of people." And my aunt looked at me and said, "Well, you better lose some weight." You're declaring it out loud. Like, "I'm gonna be famous. I'm gonna impact a lot of people." And then you did something about it. Like, you went for it. It was, like, so meaningful, right? And my cousin had the video

actual video of her telling me that I was gonna be, that if I wanted to make it into Hollywood, I was gonna have to lose weight, which she had been denying. Confidence isn't a gift that everyone receives, right? Everyone doesn't feel confident all the time. So I've realized that my confidence is a power tool. I felt injected.

I felt injected. I felt injected. You can't buy that. You can't fake that. When I was younger, I would make rash decisions and I would be reactive and I would be angry and I no longer operate that way and I'm a happier person because of it. I like to play hard and I like to work hard and I want all of the experiences. I'm going to ask you about your ski instructors in a few minutes. Okay.

Because I also love living vicariously through you. I want to be good. I want to be a good girl. You know what I mean? And not the way that, like, I don't want to be submissive. I want to be a good girl because I want to be a good person and I want to help other people be good women. Being present is the biggest gift you can give yourself. To not be consumed with worry about the past or something that happened.

To kind of look at everything and know it's going to be okay either way. Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life. Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima.

I am so excited for this episode today with the amazing Chelsea Handler. You guys get ready to laugh, cry, and raise your vibration in more ways than one. If you are ready to release and free yourself of negativity, stop taking yourself so seriously and feel more joy. Chelsea

Chelsea is sharing the raw and honest ways she did that she's never shared before and how you can too. If you're ready to live life on your own terms and feel that freedom of finally being who you truly are confidently and unapologetically, then today's episode is truly going to change your life.

Chelsea Handler is a multiple award-winning writer, comedian, producer, TV host, activist, and the author of six consecutive New York Times bestselling books. And her brand new book, I'll Have What She's Having, is going to be her seventh book.

And as you're listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and follow Chelsea's ultra popular podcast too. It's called Dear Chelsea, and it's in its fifth season. She's on tour right now. She has a Las Vegas residency at the Cosmopolitan. You can get tickets right now to see her. And we are so fortunate that she has taken a moment right now.

in the middle of her tour to be here in person in Southern California in the Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast studios to share this powerful conversation together with you and me today. Chelsea Handler, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful to be here. You're just an absolute delight.

Thank you. Have you ever arrived with multiple types of ice? No, but whoever my next lover is needs to pay close attention to this because if they have my diet ginger ale that I love and multiple options for ice, also another love and passion of mine. Yeah, that gets you in. That really hits all the right notes for me. I do my homework. Thank you. I do my homework. Thank you so much. Your book is amazing.

Like your book is amazing. I read it cover to cover and I feel like the sign of a great book, like a real great book, isn't just when it sort of like entertains you or takes you, but also like really shifts you. And I felt like your book, I left reading your book feeling shifted. Oh. Like I felt shifted. I felt more empowered. I almost felt like I was able to borrow your courage to be more bold. Yeah.

is how I felt. And I think that's really powerful. So I just want to say, you know, for every person who wants to learn to use and discover their own voice, or maybe for every person who is on a healing journey, every person who wants, you know, is about to leave a relationship and say, I'm not going to trade myself for being in this relationship. I'm not going to, you

subtle for that or for anyone who really wants to, you know, embrace the power and freedom of like being who they truly are and to kind of stop apologizing for it. I feel like there's so much in this book that

that I took away. So I just want to say congratulations and it's going to, it's going to impact a lot of people. Thank you so much. My hope has been, especially with this book is to inject optimism and female empowerment, any empowerment really to anyone who doesn't, who feels disempowered and to highlight that it is always possible to capture light in, in, in darkness. Mm.

Mm. You dedicated the book to flight attendants and said, you've been on so many flights and if anyone is being an asshole, that they can just tap your shoulder, you're going to step up and have their back. Have you always had the confidence to speak your mind and say how you feel?

Yeah, I mean, misplaced confidence, you know, in the beginning, because I was like, this is a very young girl, which I also talk a lot about in the book. I've always had been a...

I've always been resistant to injustice and authority figures, quite frankly. But injustice very much as I've grown older and realized that confidence isn't a gift that everyone receives, right? Everyone doesn't feel confident all the time.

So I've realized that my confidence is a power tool, you know, like, and I have to use that judiciously. And I feel when people are being treated badly or unfairly, like that is the best use of my voice. And I've never seen anything happen more consistently or more terrible treatment happen consistently than I have on planes. Yeah.

And the way that our flight attendants, who are our sisters in the sky, are treated during COVID, during post-COVID. You know, we haven't really ever recovered from COVID socially and, you know, what people think is appropriate to do on planes or the license they take. And I find that to be completely disrespectful to flight attendants. They are stuck with us in a tube of air.

for however long your flight is and they deserve to be respected. And they deserve to be, it's more than respect. They can really, they're taking care of us and they're like our nannies. So we really need to value them and treat them well. When you look at the studies, it's shocking.

that the majority of women are people pleasers and we're scared to speak our mind or to say the truth or, oh, it might offend somebody. Do you, are you able, and you know, you talk about doing it for injustice, which is such a great, by the way, for anyone listening, this is such a great hack. If you're like, I don't know how to speak my mind, um,

when you make it about someone else, it's almost easier to do it. Like, oh, I'm actually helping this person. Then it's easier to stand up for yourself and say how you feel. Are you able, Chelsea, to do that as fearlessly when it's for yourself?

Uh, that's a great question. No, not always. Sometimes I suck it up because I know I can, like, I can be like, okay, well, that's not about me. That's not going to impact me in a deleterious way that it might impact another person. So I would say I'm, I'm, I'm more protective of others. You know what I mean? Because I want, I want to make sure that

If people don't feel empowered, I've got your back. You know, I have that attitude. Yeah. But, you know, I'm not shy about standing up for myself. Sometimes I just feel like it's not worth it. I don't need that. I don't need to do that. But, you know, very recently I did stand up for myself in a big way and I had to make a move in my life that kind of was a bummer, but also I needed to take care of myself. And, you know, and I was...

I'm proud of the way that I am able to make decisions at this point in my life. I'm proud of the woman that I've become. I'm proud of all the work that I've put in to become this more self-aware, kinder, still bold and still brave person.

But I, and all I want to do is inject that into other people. Like I want everyone to feel this way. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah. When, when you walked in today, that's what I was saying that I was very not, and I never try to have any expectations when I read a book and I just think, oh, this is someone's offering to the world. What a gift it is for me to read it is how I kind of approach it. And I felt injected.

I felt injected. I felt injected from your book. And so it does that. And that's why I think I'm so passionate about it right now and fired up about it. Because that is, you can't buy that. You can't fake that. I really felt that. When you say you did that recently in your life, are you referring to ending a relationship?

and choosing yourself over your relationship or something? It was a professional relationship. So it wasn't a personal relationship, but yeah, it was a professional relationship. You know, I left my agency recently and I had been there for a really long time. And that was a difficult decision to make. One that I thought about long and hard because there were a few people at that agency who, you know, really were working so hard for me. But at the end of the day, I have, I had to step up and decide what I want my future to look like. And,

And I know I made the right decision. So...

It was, yeah, it was difficult, but I faced it. You know what I mean? I didn't cower away from an uncomfortable conversation. I didn't do anything. I'm never craven. You know what? I never like take the easy way out or let someone else make the call. Like I'm very intentional about, I'm gonna tell you that our relationship's over. I'm not gonna have someone else do it. I'm not going to take the easy road out because I'm a conflict avoidant or any of that. I'm not any of those things.

And while many conversations are uncomfortable, there's a lot to be said about being face-to-face with someone and giving them that kind of news in a careful, delicate way and an honest way. And so I'm proud of that also. How did your agency, your old agency handle it? They were so gracious. They were so gracious to me because...

We've been in a relationship for many years and they know me well and they know the type of person that I am and how hard I work. And, you know, some other parts of the agency weren't really working in concert. So they understood. And that was another example of the...

the way that my relationships have been built, you know, like the fact that there wasn't anger or resentment and there's, you know, you're always welcome here. If you ever want to come back, please come back. And like, that's exactly how I want things to end. You know, when I was younger, I would make rash decisions and I would be reactive and I would be angry and I no longer operate that way. And I'm a happier person because of it.

Well, they should say you're always welcome back because before today, I always knew you as somebody blessed by your talent. But as someone that watched it, right, watched you on television, like was blessed by your talent, doing the research for the past few weeks for today. And tell me if this is right. You have to be blessed.

crazy hard worker because the number of shows you have produced, executive produced, launched out into the world that are in partnership with other people, ones that you've done. I mean, I'm talking about the things that you have done in your career so far.

I mean, and you're on tour right now. You have a residency. You're about to film another Netflix special. And in the middle of it, you're driving up here to see me in Montecito to do this show. And I'm looking at all that. Are you, have you always been, and are you now just a really, really, really hard worker? Yeah. Yeah. I want to be a hard worker. You know, I'm a hustler. Yeah. That's what this business is, hustling. I'm, I've been doing this

Since I was, I mean, when I became very successful, probably 30, 32 was when Chelsea Lately began. But I had, you know, I had a lot of success before that that wasn't as big, right? So my career started kind of taking off. I published my first book when I was 27. I was on a show called Girls Behaving Badly. I had a few development deals. So I had little pockets of success and I was kind of, the drumbeat was going in the right direction. Yeah.

But since I can remember, like even when I was on Chelsea Lately for seven years, I did that show five days a week or four days a week.

And then I would be on a book tour every single weekend. I would fly to three different cities or two different cities and do anywhere from three to six shows a weekend, fly back on a Monday morning, do all of that again. And I've always been able to really hit it hard. You know, I take long breaks when I have time. I'll take a month off and go to my house in Spain. I'm about to leave for Whistler for a month.

because I like to play hard and I like to work hard and I want all of the experiences. - Yeah, I'm gonna ask you about your ski instructors in a few minutes.

because I also love living vicariously through you as well, as everyone who reads this book is going to. It's going to be quite an adventure. With you, I want to just hit on something you just said, because it's really powerful. You said when you left your agency, because here's the thing, I think about everyone listening and watching us right now who's in a friendship that they know is like,

not serving them, but they don't want to hurt that person. And so they don't tell the truth or they're in a relationship or they're, you know, whatever it might be. And, and, you know, you being in an agency for a long time, probably working a partnership with a lot of people there, you're saying, no, I'm actually going to do the best thing for me, even if it maybe lets other people down. What's your advice for doing that for someone listening? Who's like, I don't want to

disappoint everyone else or I don't want to, or they've been there for me in the past and they're okay now, but I know that I deserve so much better. I think that in life, like it is a measure of your character to be able to meet the moments that you are in and especially difficult conversations and handling difficult emotions is character growth. And we are tested so many times throughout our life

to be that, to step up to the plate, to be an honorable person. I wanna be moral, I wanna be ethical, I don't wanna lie. You know, sometimes we have to lie, but you know, or it's the best thing to do too. But when you are coming from a place of integrity,

Yeah.

And the other person can receive that in a way when you are mindful and intentional about how you are relaying that information. It's not really your problem how the other person receives that. All you have to do is honor both of you in that conversation. You can't take care of someone else's emotional reaction to what you've said when you're coming from a place of self-doubt.

Not preservation even, but like integrity. Like this no longer works for me. I'm so sorry. Right.

but I respect you and I appreciate everything we've been through together thus far. You have been a huge addition to my life. And right now, this doesn't make any sense for me. It doesn't make sense for me to move forward. And I really have to think about myself because who else is going to think about me if I don't think about myself? So while the nuances may differ depending on what relationship you're ending,

I think there's always a loving, gentle way to let someone know that this is we're going to put this on pause. You know, nothing is final. I don't think that is good language to use. Slamming doors and keeping them closed forever is isn't loving. You know, there's always possibility that we could circle back around, right?

And I think that's also a nice kind of way to let people, you know, know, like maybe we will come back together at some point, but this isn't the right time right now for me. And I need you to respect that. And while people's reactions may vary and, you know, some people be angry or hurt or feel rejected, there's nothing bad that can come from acting with integrity. That is so good. There's nothing bad that can come from

from acting with integrity. I think just a quick call out also, what you just said in the past 90 seconds is going to be so good for so many people to just rewind and listen to over and over, because whether they're looking to like borrow your courage or borrow your wisdom on how to, you know, put their foot down in something, a lot of people are. I mean,

you know, you've, you've been in Hollywood for a long time too. It's amazing how many people I meet that on the outside are very, very accomplished, but on the inside cannot do what you just did with your agency. Like they're too scared to stand up for themselves or to put their foot down or they're too insecure when you did it. Cause a lot of people fear, Oh,

oh, well, what if my other, like in this example, what if my next agency is not as good? Or what if I'm giving up on something where they really know me or like any of the other things? How did it feel that right after you gave them that news, how did that feel?

Well, I mean, one of my conversations with one of my agents was quite emotional, actually, because she and I had had a personal experience a few years back, you know, that was very meaningful and a difficult time in her life. And and so we were you know, it became emotional. And but again, I got off the phone and I spoke to my other agent who I had for many years and.

And I, I felt proud, like that I was able to face that moment. I felt proud that I was able to be an adult. I felt proud that she that we got emotional, like that connection, you know what I mean? I'm getting emotional just talking about it. Because it is so meaningful, because all you really want in life is to have an impact on people, you know?

That's what I want. I want people to feel impacted by me. I want people to feel better and to know that like, I'm your sister, you know? And in that conversation with her, that was really, she reminded me that I, that I was a good sister to her and I had forgotten that, you know? So I think with all of this, like, you know, it's hard. Conflict is hard for so many people, right?

But it doesn't have to be conflict. You saying your piece or standing up for yourself doesn't have to be conflict. It can be easy, you know? - Yeah. What I love so much that also happens when we do it is we're sort of like showing another woman how to do it. - Yes. - You know, which is also beautiful, even though I'm sure they don't want to hear it at the time, but it's like they're seeing an example of how to do it. And you taking us through right now

is also, and talking about how you felt proud that you were able to do it. And then you're reminded of your connection with that person. I want to say, Chelsea, in a lot of the research I've done for today and talking to lots of people, I felt like the through line I heard from people is that you're a kick-ass girlfriend. Like you're an amazing girlfriend to people. Like you're an amazing family member, but also friend.

And so, and I know that, you know, you're doing that now for, there'll be so many people that maybe you'll never meet in person, but through your book and through the things you're sharing, you're going to impact them. Yeah. I hope so. I hope so. Because listen, that's the biggest compliment you could ever give me is telling me that I'm a great sister and a great friend. That's what I wanted to be. And that's who I want to be. I

I want to show up, you know, and I would do it for a stranger. You don't have to know me. Like, you know, if you're in need and I know you and I see you and I come across you, I will help you. You can fucking bet your bottom dollar I will help you, you know, pick you up and patch you back together and do whatever I can because, you know, we have to stick together as women. There's just, I remember coming up in this industry and it being,

It was just like we've been ingrained in women that we have to compete with each other. And all of the blockades that I experienced in my beginning of my career were by women, not by men. And I was like, what's going on? Like I was threatening to them. And in turn, they were trying to block my success.

and tell me I didn't have the value that I believed I had. And I found that so confounding. And so when I started doing my show on Chelsea Lately, you know, I had my own, you know, issues with people I've worked with before, you know, where I wasn't gracious, you know, maybe, or we had friction between us or we were competitive. But once I felt that,

directed at me, I made sure that I was never going to move forward professionally in that way. Like once I felt it, I

Once I got Chelsea Lately, I was like, I'm going to share this spotlight with as many women, gay men, you know, marginalized communities. Like, I want people of color. Everyone was going to be a part of my playground because I didn't want anyone to ever experience what I experienced. Like, I'm going to come welcome you here on this show and share this, you know, with everyone. And, you know,

And that became that show. And that's why that show was successful because it was inclusive, not exclusive. It is, it's shocking when you're a woman and you, and there's enough things to worry about, but then, then we see that happening. And like, I'm 47. I have done plenty of things in my career. And I just had that happen to me recently. And I was like,

I was shocked with something I did in Hollywood. I'll tell you off camera. I'll tell you another time. But I just, I couldn't even believe it by another woman who had so much success. Like, and I like, you know, I've come to believe in my life that our own...

you know, whether someone believes in God, the universe, I believe our path is divinely orchestrated. I don't think anyone else's success has anything to do with ours or can take ours down or impact ours. Like, I really think we're on our own. I think we're the only ones that can lower our vibration. I think we're not worthy of something and mess it up, you know? So I feel like

When people are that way, it's such a bummer, but especially women. And so have you had that happen since? Sure I have. But like, I mean, I love what you just said. There's so much more coming up in this episode. You are not going to want to miss it. But first I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When

When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you.

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Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy.

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And now more of this incredible conversation together. When people are that way, it's such a bummer, but especially women. And so have you had that happen since? Sure, I have. But like, I mean, I love what you just said. You know, blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours brighter. Mm-hmm.

That's not a real thing. And it's hard in the world we live in. I am a victim of this too, where I look at someone else's success who's succeeded beyond mine and been like, oh, I wish I had done that or, oh...

And it's a constant reminder to be, to remember what you just said. That is not your path. You're on your path. Yeah. Like if anything, use that as a motivator. Be, change that like drumbeat in your head that, ooh, I don't like that. They got that. Or they got that. Change that drumbeat. Like, yeah, that's success. One more woman succeeding means more success for all of us. Yeah.

You know, you have to always change those kind of negative thought patterns around to be optimistic and to be hopeful. And it's so much more infectious to be optimistic and to be hopeful and to be happy about people rather than talking shit behind people's back and gossiping and all of the like small vibrational qualities. I've done that in my life and it has yielded the results that...

that weren't beneficial to me. You know, when you change your attitude and you change the way you look at things and that you want success for everyone. I want success for women and for people who are not, don't feel seen. I want everyone to feel successful in life. And when you spread that around, first of all, you see more of it. And you realize that it starts to infuse you with joy and happiness for others in a way

Which you were maybe unfamiliar with feeling in the past. That is so good. That like right there. No, I feel like that is the greatest life advice. That is the, that is people spend so much time trying to figure out how to get what they want. Oh yeah. You sit however you want. People try to like figure out how to get what they want and then this and then that. And they think, oh, if I tear someone else down or, oh, if I this, that, the other thing, I'll never forget Chelsea. Oprah once saying that to

to get the thing you want. You have to vibrate at the level of the thing to get it. And what you're just describing is so poignant and so powerful because you're saying like, once you want more things for other people, once you say we all rise higher, all of a sudden you get more of that in your own life and you also feel more joyful.

And, you know, when I launched this podcast and every second I was doubting, is Oprah going to show up? I was like, I have to vibrate at the level of truly today with you, Chelsea, because this is our first day meeting in person. And I was like, all right, I know Chelsea said in her book, she's always on time. So I think she's going to for sure show up. Oh, I'm early. I'm early. I love it. I love it.

I'm such a loser. My parents never picked me up from school on time. So I've never been late to anything as an adult because I just hate the idea of being abandoned and anyone waiting for me. I hate that. I find it to be, I'm always early. So yeah, sorry. I was way early. Do you feel like you have abandonment issues? Yes, of course. I mean, I've worked through a lot of them and I don't have, I mean, I've had them.

I would say now, no, I don't feel, I don't have a fear of abandonment. I don't have the same needs that I used to as a younger, like say in a relationship, a romantic relationship,

I don't have the constant need for reinforcement or revalidation or reassuring. Are they coming? Are they coming? Are they going to call when they say they're going to call? Are they going to da-da-da? I don't longer attract people like that in my life, so it's not an issue. Yeah. And I don't feel...

worried about whether or not someone is going to follow through with something with me because I don't have people like that in my life anymore. Yeah. Yeah. And like, and it just like, if I say I'm going to do something, I will do it. Yeah. Yeah. So I want to ask you about this. This is, um, you know, I love that, that quote, success leaves clues. And when I, uh,

learned, and you guys will all learn about this when you get Chelsea's book, I'll have what she's having. I'm always fascinated by these things that you can like tap into and be like, huh, and think back to your own childhood. But when you were a kid, I want to ask you about the first time you were on a flight with your family, the first time you were on a flight.

And you guys walked past the first class, went into coach and you asked your mom, like, why aren't we sitting there? And she kind of explained like, oh, we have a family. We couldn't ever sit there. And I want to read something. Well, first of all, you said you thought to yourself, speak for yourself, right? Like speak for yourself.

And you had this kind of knowing. You said, in my family, or if my family were content flying coach the rest of their lives, we weren't on the same page. And at some point, I'd have to split ties with them. And

And at 10 years old, sold lemonade and sold spiked lemonade. And then you called all the hotels, I think, one summer and said you were 15, not 10, so you could babysit for anyone who needed it. You saved all your money. And then I think it was on the trip to your grandpa's funeral, you bought yourself a first class ticket. And then the rest of your family was in coach. Yes.

Okay, this is what I want to understand because I find this fascinating. Because you look at how successful you are in your life right now. You look at all the things that you've done, all the things you continue to do, everything happening this coming year, right?

At that age, at 10 years old, because Oprah has this in common where she was a little girl and her grandma was like, you know, you're going to have to learn how to hang clothes and the clothes pins, you know, work for a nice white family. And she says at this little young age, she had that knowing like, no, grandma, I'm not. So you're 10, you're walking on a plane and you're like, oh no, mom, I'm going to fly first class. And you figure it out. But I want to ask you, like, where did that knowing come from?

that seems to be maybe different from so many of the people that you were raised around? I always had this feeling like that I was going to have a big, loud life. And I just felt like, you know, the instinct and the knowing are two different things. Like you have a feeling, but you don't really know what it's going, how it's going to materialize. Right. Like, but I had never heard that about Oprah, which I love.

And which makes total sense because I feel like she's our mother, you know, in this earth, on this earth. She's someone I, you know, obviously look up to immensely. And I've always, I mean, almost every book, you know, I owe to her, like, because of all of her inspiration. So I love that you're talking about her right now. She's such a force of nature. And when I was little, I just thought,

this isn't going to do it. Like I looked around at my family and our house and I'm just like, this isn't enough for me. Like I'm going to need some, like a more consistent, a housekeeper. We're going to need, I'm going to need a housekeeper. I don't know what my parents were thinking. They had six children. I was watching the Brady bunch, you know, with the six kids and the mother and the father and they had Alice. I was like, where's our fucking Alice? Yeah.

And I just, you know, there was a materialistic sense when I was young because my parents, we lived in this kind of middle class, upper middle class neighborhood. And we were not on the same level as our neighbors financially. And that stuck out. So there was a materialistic aspect, which is, you know, not the only driving force, nor should it ever be. And then there was a feeling of.

I have so much to say and it was filled. I had so much angst as a child, especially after my brother died. I was so angry and no mechanism to understand how to digest that anger until much later in life. So it was a lot of delayed grief. But in that, in those moments, I was, I was motivated by, by my anger.

discontent. You know what I mean? I was like, this is, I am going, like my childhood was a placeholder. And even though it was filled with all these vivid, beautiful memories and my family, I have this big, huge family that we're all so close and we have these great relationships, except for a couple right now because of the election. But you know, most of them,

I, um, I just had a motivating like anger. You know, there's this book that I love called Letting Go by David Hawkins. Have you read that? Okay. It's very powerful and it's metaphysical and it's really about your energy, but he talks about the levels of like kinesiology when you're in your most, you had your highest vibration, you know, and this is measurable scientific stuff, but obviously it's not as talked about all the time as other things are.

So when you're in anger, you are actually accomplishing a lot because you're motivated by your anger. It's not the highest vibration to be in, but the vibration right above anger is courage. So once you can get rid of your anger and turn your anger into action, it becomes courage. And I think that was very true for most of my adolescence. I was so torn. I was emotionally stuck at that nine-year-old little girl level because I didn't really...

compute my brother's death in a real way. I didn't have therapy. I didn't talk to anyone. And that drove me, that combined with my family life. And I just thought, I'm going to be a woman who stands out and stands up, and I'm going to figure out how I'm going to do it

And when I moved to LA when I was 19 years old, I didn't, my aunt and uncle lived there. They had nine children and they lived on Beverly Glen Boulevard. And I moved in with them. I had no money. I drove across country by myself and I hustled. I didn't have any connections in this industry. I didn't know anyone except for my aunt and uncle and they were not in this business. And I remember my aunt sitting down at the kitchen table and I said, I'm going to become famous.

And I said, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I have a lot to say and I'm going to help a lot of people. And my aunt looked at me and said, well, you better lose some weight. And I looked at her and I said, okay.

I just like, you know, okay, not okay, I have to lose some weight. Just like, okay, that's how you're reacting to my desire to say something that's kind of embarrassing to say I want to be famous. You know, what does that mean? You're just an idiot. I mean, that doesn't mean anything. But I didn't understand then what my purpose was. Something was driving me towards the public eye that could

could have been thought of as shallow. And sometimes when I think back, I go, God, all you want to do is be now I know why I wanted to do that. You know what I mean? Now I know why. Now I know why when I go on stage and I get to perform in front of three to 5000 people, and people have

paid their money to see me and I get to watch strangers sit next to each other in an audience and laugh together next to a stranger, that I get to provide that, that I get to go out on that stage and provide joy and sunshine and healing and let people forget about this craziness, you know, that we live in every day.

Like that is a gift. That is my purpose. Being able to write my stories and share my, like my love and my success with all of these people, people I've never met get to share in my success. You know, that is really what it was about, but I was too young to understand that. Now I understand that that was the purpose all along. That was what that like drive and that motivation was. I was going towards something, but I just, I, I had kind of, you know,

I didn't really understand the magnitude of why I wanted it to be successful and why I wanted to be in the public. What I love too that I just want to call out, especially for everyone listening is like, so you had this knowing, I guess, that this isn't going to cut it for my life. I want to have a big life. I wanted this, that. You are now at your aunt's.

your aunt and uncles, and you're telling your aunt, you're declaring it out loud. Like, I'm going to be famous. I'm going to impact a lot of people. And then you did something about it. Like you went for it. And I think that's so important. Even back to when you were 10, you didn't just think, oh,

one day I'm going to have a first class ticket. You, you, you declared it. Like you said to your mom, you know, you, and then you did something about it. Like you took action and through a lemonade stand that was, you know, lemonade and hard lemonade. I think your sister, right? Your sister had like 50%. It was like a 50, 50 split. And you thought that was too much. You fired her, you hired Nelson. He got 10%, right? So then you got 90%. You, all the

things you hustled from that age and you made it happen. And I want to call that out because I think like part of your impact, I think part of what's so beautiful is that, is that, you know, sometimes we can go through experiences and, and people can take shortcuts in their own life because of them. And I'll never forget Chelsea, you just reminded me of something.

I was like eight years old sitting in my living room watching this interview where Barbara Walters interviewed Oprah. And Oprah said on this program, and she was early in her career, but she said, I always knew I was destined for greatness. And I remember sitting in my living room as a little kid feeling like me too, like I have this feeling. And then she got so much, oh my gosh, she got just horrified.

I'm horribly attacked in the press for saying that. I think people weren't used to a woman speaking so confidently at the time. But I remember having that whisper. And I remember when I launched Beauty Company in my living room, same thing. I didn't know anyone in the industry. I didn't know how I was going to do it. But I just kind of was like, you know what? I feel like I'm supposed to do it. And then it was like taking action. And so I just want to call that out because if you think about

the circumstances you were in at 10 that you describe, and then you're with your aunt and uncle and all their kids and all the things that you're doing, your circumstances don't have to define whether or not you can go for the thing. And I think a lot of people right now have a whisper like, oh, maybe I'm supposed to impact people too, or maybe I'm supposed to, you know, but they're not declaring it. They're not saying, you know, and then they're not doing anything about it. And so I just want to call that out that I think that that's like a

a recipe you just shared that's really powerful because it happened when you were younger. It happened before you were famous. Look at you now, look at all the things that you're doing. And a great... Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you. I mean, I guess I do because I just... But anyway, I wanted to cap off the story before I forget with regard to my aunt. So my aunt, for many years after that, when I started to become successful...

And we would always tell that story, like all of the kids. My cousins are very close to me. My cousin is on the road with me every weekend.

I grew up with those kids, right? And they're still my, obviously they're very close to me today. So whenever we would tell that story, I remember my aunt's name is Gabby. We'd be like, remember Gabby, when you told Chelsea she was fat and she couldn't, she wasn't going to be successful. And she would be like, I never said that. I never said that. I never said that. So about 10 years ago, she was in a tough spot.

And I was able to buy her a house. And we surprised her. I went with my two cousins and she had just come out of a divorce and we bought a house for her in the Valley. We brought her to the house to look at it. And as we were looking through, you know, at it, we were like, this is your house, you know, and had a pool and she loves her grandchildren. So it was like so meaningful, right? And my cousin had the video shot.

actual video of her telling me that I was going to be, that if I wanted to make it into Hollywood, I was going to have to lose weight, which she had been denying. And this is so our family, we're, we're rough on each other. You know what I mean? We really give it to each other hard. And so we go back into the house and my cousin puts the tape in the VCR at the time when they still had VCRs and said, by the way, mom, this is what you said never happened. Yeah.

So on the day that I was able to gift her this house, we were able, we had that footage and they played it for my aunt. And it was just so funny, you know, because it was such an emotional day. And we obviously, our family's not, not that great at emotion. You know, we try to make each other laugh more than we try to make each other cry. So it was a really funny, full circle, gorgeous, gorgeous moment in my life.

That must have felt incredible, gifting her a house. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I think is so beautiful in your book is so many people know your humor and your power and your advocacy and how tough you are. And you also have so much empathy.

Yeah, well, I had to pick that up in therapy. Apparently, I didn't have empathy for a long time. I've heard you say that before. Yeah. Watching you cry about gifting your aunt a house, which is such a generous, empathetic thing to do. Like, it's just...

Yeah. Yeah. So can you learn empathy? Yes, you can. You can totally learn empathy. That's the greatest update ever. Yeah. The two things I was so scared about when I went into therapy was, A, first of all, I didn't know I had empathy. I lacked empathy. I did not have it. I just lacked it. I had sympathy and I had generosity, but they're not the same thing. I wasn't thinking about what it would be like to be a different person. I would only go, oh, that person's in trouble. Let me help them. I never thought, what is it like to be them?

what is it like to be that person? So the good news is you can gain empathy because it's just like turning a light on that's not on. Thinking about walking in another person's shoes is now something that happens to me daily, you know, regularly, all day long. I think, oh, that person, what they must be going through, or is that person okay? And don't take this personally. That person could be going through something like, and thinking about what they might be going through. And the biggest fear I had about entering into therapy when I did, and

was that I was a narcissist, you know? And so I asked my therapist, this guy, Dan Siegel, who's incredible and just changed my life forever. I said, am I a narcissist? Like, I need you to really be honest with me. Yeah. And he was like, typically narcissists aren't looking for feedback. And I was like, oh, look,

Hallelujah, you know? Like, I was so paranoid that I was this bad person. And I was never a bad person. I have been angry and I've been confused and I've been hurt, but I've not ever been a bad person. And I think so many people can get confused easily

In thinking that we're bad because we have negative thoughts or we have human thoughts, like your humanity is going to create dark thoughts. We all have a shadow self. We all have a self that's not our best self that is like kind of always like trying to get us to lower our vibe. But we're innately good, you know? And so that was a relief to find out all of that information. Yeah.

Because I want to be good. I want to be a good girl. You know what I mean? And not the way that like, I don't want to be submissive. I want to be a good girl because I want to be a good person and I want to help other people be good women. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I think? One of the things too that people get confused about is most people aren't honest about who they are. They hide, you know, their shadow self or they hide, frankly, parts of them that are perfectly great, but like,

other people might judge them or they hide all these things. And then they show up on social media with their highlight reel, with a thing that as their representative, the person that they think, and a lot of people get this so wrong. I feel Chelsea, I think that people feel all this pressure, like, Oh, I need to show up as my representative to, to, for other people to like me when it is like, you look at all the data, it's impossible to have a real human connection. Uh,

Unless you're fully who you are. If you're presenting. Yeah, if you're presenting. If you're presentational and you're coming, like if I were coming here and thinking, how am I going to impress you? I hope you like me. Yeah.

That's much different than me coming in and being completely present with you so that there's not even any of that. Of course, we're going to like each other. You know, like be real. Yeah. Whoever you are is fine. You don't have to impress people with your humor or your personality. That all comes naturally as long as you are.

are present, you know? And that's something Oprah talks about all the time. You know, I remember listening to like 10 episodes between her and Eckhart Tolle about presence, about presence. And I was like, what the...

what the fuck are they talking about? Like, it took me so long to click in and they had this series and people would call in and ask the questions that I was wondering, like, okay, how does this apply to eating? How does this apply to friendship? How does it? And it's like presence. How can you do that? How can you achieve that in the society that we're living in?

Very easily. It's a minute by minute thing. Like being present is the biggest gift you can give yourself to not be consumed with worry about the past or something that happened to kind of look at everything and know it's going to be okay either way. I,

Either way, it's going to be okay. Whatever the outcome is, whether it works in my favor or doesn't, I will survive. Coming up, this conversation is so incredible, so transformative, and also so inspiring that we made it into three parts. And if you're ready to learn how to be an incredible girl's girl, choose yourself over a relationship that's asking you to abandon yourself.

build the courage to be more bold, confident, and free. Get what you want in life and step into your purpose. You are not gonna wanna miss part two with Chelsea Handler coming up in the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

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You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Here, I hope you'll come as you are, heal where you need.

Blossom what you choose. Journey toward your calling and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy. You are loved. You are love. And I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Do you struggle with negative self-talk?

Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life.

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And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me.

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If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. I am so excited for this book. You know why? Because it's going to save so many people. It's going to save people.

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kick in the rear end that you deserve. Jamie's Bookworthy is incredible. The gifts are going away, but they're all free right now on worthybook.com. It's such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.