Our Flaws Exchanged w/ Monyetta Shaw-Carter
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Can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare yourself to he can only bless you and the lane that was created for you You don't need no edge entity you need boundaries

We're going to have a little bit of a history lesson. Some of you may be listening to the Woman Evolve podcast and you have no idea how we got our name. On the surface level, it probably sounds pretty straightforward. Woman Evolve. It's a command. A woman. Continue to grow and change. Become the best version of yourself. Well, that is true, but that's not exactly how we got our name. It all started when I was at a women's conference and

And I was at this women's conference and they had on these shirts and the shirts had Ruth, Mary, Esther, Sarah, squad goals, all of these heroic women in the Bible who are applauded because of their virtue and the decisions they made to walk something out with God. I thought to myself in a very petty way.

I know why they don't have Eve on that shirt because Eve was the one who ruined it for us all. If you've read my book, then you already know that God healed my heart as it related to Eve. I started to see her less as the woman who messed it up for us all and

more as the woman who knew better but didn't do better. And for some of you, maybe you're like, yeah, and that's how she messed it up. But if we're honest, that's kind of how we messed it up too. How many moments have you known better but didn't do better? Whether it was a decision in a relationship, a decision about your health, your finances, life offers us

countless opportunities where we know better, but don't always do better. The reason I fell in love with Eve is not just because I related to what took place in the garden, but it's also because I related to what took place afterwards.

She did not let her story in at the place where disappointment met her. Instead, she made her life about what happens after you know better. What happens after you've paid the consequences for whatever mistakes or mess ups that you have made.

What I see when I study her story from Genesis three and then the Genesis four is a woman who is determined to still manifest God's promise for her life. She leans in with vulnerability, with courage and with determination and begins to produce what is required in order for God's promise to become her reality, what you do

after those moments is the most important aspect of recovery. How do you pick up the pieces and say, I will either be defined by this forever or I will do what it takes in order to start a new page. This is exactly what Monietta Shaw Carter did when she saw her life begin to change in a way that maybe she didn't plan. Maybe she didn't want. She began to really question and ask herself,

Okay, this is a flawed situation. Maybe this is not exactly what I planned, but these flaws do not have to be the end. As a matter of fact, I can take what some would call devastation and turn it into true victory. If you follow her on social media, then you know that is already what the girl did. She found a way to find joy, love,

love, kindness and purpose after her experiences. And she is sharing with us today as we talk about what it takes to be open about being flawed, whether it's our body and the way that our lives

have navigated in such a way that we're balancing many hats and wondering whether we're doing them well or comparison as it relates to seeing other people in different spaces. There are so many moments in our lives where we are offered the opportunity to see ourselves as flawed,

human or a woman who is becoming. Monieta is a woman who is becoming and she invites us all along for the journey. I cannot wait for you to see how those things you may be calling flaws are actually what God is going to use to propel you in the purpose to make you more comfortable in your own skin and make you a better friend and sister to those who are around you. Let's evolve together.

Hey. Hey, beautiful. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I am doing great. I know we've connected a little bit, but I'm glad to catch up with you and to hear what you're learning.

Yes, it's been too long. It has been. And a lot of your life has changed since the last time we spoke. Yes, it has. It has. Yes. Life is lifing. Yeah. Per the use. Per the use. So I am wondering, you are in a new marriage and believe.

blending a family. And obviously we don't know the ins and outs of what you're experiencing, but it certainly looks like you have discovered an incredible love. I don't know about you, but I feel like love after you have really learned all of your lessons is so much more rewarding, fulfilling, you're patient, you know what a problem is versus what it isn't. And so I want to know, like, how is this new season of your life?

This new season in my life is like I could not have predicted it to be as good as it is. Honestly, they say, wait up on the Lord, honey. And I'm glad I waited because it's honestly magical, you know, and I yeah, I'm in bliss still. And it's yeah, it's amazing. It really is.

Isn't it beautiful how when you finally find someone who you're ready to spend the rest of your life with at a time that you know who you are and what you want out of life, how much more peace you have. And I think how much more wisdom you have in discerning what's a problem and what's not a problem. Like when I first met my husband, because I'd gone through so much before I met him, there were things that he would do.

and like apologize for that. I was like, it was so easy to forgive him because I think I was grounded in like what some of the alternatives were. And I was like, I forgive you. That's fine. Yeah.

Listen, yes, that's so true. I think I told my husband the other day, we were talking and I think some friends were over and I'm like, listen, we argue about the craziest and silliest thing, right? Like when he drives, you know, I'm like, he jokes, he's like, you're funny. Then you look up like, watch that car. Like really? And like the smallest, smallest things. But I think about it, I'm like, you know what? I love it. These are really our arguments. Right. Yeah.

God, look at God. Seriously. I'm like, yeah, because the alternative is, yeah. Yeah. Right. We talking police. We talking police involvement. We talking about, I'm looking at jail time. Baby, this ain't a problem. This is a sentence. Okay. But God. Okay.

I like that. Yes. How did you know that he was the one for you? How did you know that you were ready to give your heart again after experiencing, you know, I don't know, again, I don't know your story, but it seems like you were really on this journey of like wholeness, taking care of yourself, really evaluating your worth in a way that qualified you to make better decisions. And then this person comes along. How did you know that you were ready to open up in this way?

Oh, wow. Because I took some time, you know, and got to re-know me. It's how I like to put it. And because of what I've been, you know, I went through, I knew what I did not want. You know, I knew the red flags and I didn't even entertain the red flags anymore. So when he came in, he actually knew my cousin or whatever. So with that, it kind of gives me the sense of, you know, like,

Oh, okay. You know, and I met him in passing long, long time ago. And so when he came into my life, it was like, it was honestly a breath of fresh air. I feel like I gave him a chance because of, you know,

I knew of him and, you know, my cousin vouched for him. And so that always helps, you know, because it's really hard getting to know a new person, you know. So, yeah, so that was that. And then when I got to really know him in like his heart was like my heart. He had such a giving heart. I'm like, I do. We were so much alike. His energy just matched my energy, his compassion, like everything, just it all matched.

You know, like being evenly yoked, you know, it was it was all there. And, you know, we could just be ourselves, be goofy, like just honestly. And he the way he showed up for me.

Listen, when I tell you, it was like no other. He runs his own business as well. And he would change meetings to fly here to like come to my kids' soccer games, like stuff he does not have to do, you know? And that, I was like, okay. And then the way he shows up for his daughters, you know, I'm like, oh, wow. Like he makes it work. He's intentional about putting family first. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

That might be my husband right there. It's giving the one tendencies like, like you want to marry me and I need you to chill. Did you ever find yourself like having to coach yourself through receiving that level of love and commitment? That's a good question. I feel like in the beginning, like,

Yes, I did. I feel like I worked through my stuff because, you know, just everything that I went through and I was, you know, I was scarred. What? What?

Because I was actually just being very transparent because it's you, my girlfriend. And it's a safe place. And we have to be honest, you know, I was dating someone else, but they, you know, wasn't showing up like they should be. Like I said, the red flags, it was they were there, you know, and I'm like, OK. And so I found myself dating.

being kind of, you know, not really mean to my now husband, but I'm like, Oh girl, like, okay, you're going to mess up this blessing. Like you better get it together. Like right now. And you know, I, they say hurt people, hurt people. So I felt like I was still holding on to some kind of pain there. And I had to get on my knees, call my dad. He's an amazing man of God. And my mom, she was here, rest in peace. She's gone now. Um,

and just have a heart-to-heart with them, you know? And I always wanted what my parents had. They would have been married for 50 years in February. And, you know, that's all I saw. You know, that's all I know. And then that's why it was more devastating to me when I went through what I went through. And so I'm like, to have this beautiful man come into my life and I'm still playing, I'm like, okay, girl, like, let's get it together. So yes, I had to...

break it down and have those conversations with myself. Like, okay, you're not going to self-sabotage this. Like you deserve this. You're worth this. You know it. Like, this is like, he honestly, my dad was like, you always said you wanted a man like me. He's closest to you going to get right now. Cause how he shows up. I'm like, okay, if daddy's saying that, okay, we're good. Yeah, I really did.

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Child, tell a friend to tell a friend that we be clubbing. Sign up at womanevolvedbookclub.com by June 10th to receive July's book and save $5 off your first monthly subscription by using promo code READ. That's R-E-A-D, READ. I'm excited to have you join us on this journey and we'll be looking for you in our Facebook community.

I wrote once that it is easier to be in a relationship with a fraud than it is to be with a real one because... Because...

I think as long as you're with someone who is still working through their own trauma and as a result of them working through their own trauma, they inflict a lot of pain on you and they are toxic in the way that they show up for you. They are also a pleasant distraction from your own trauma and your own pain and your own.

your own unresolved issues. And so it is easier to be with them because you don't have to deal with you. But when you really get someone who is striving to be a better person, who is hoping to be accountable and wants to hold you accountable to who you say you are, then it becomes a little bit tense in here because now you're like, not just seeing my flaws and exploiting them or taking advantage of them,

But you want to sit in these flaws with me and you want to help me heal them and nurture them. And now I'm uncomfortable because like, I don't want to need you. I don't want to show you these things. I don't want to risk you changing the way you see me. And it's like, how do I learn to love myself?

myself in a way that allows me to be seen with my flaws and with my beauty and trust that neither one of them completely define who I am, but rather than mixing them coming together, that is hard to do in a relationship. Listen, you just said a mouth collection plate.

Girl, what? That was right on the, like, literally, you are so right. It's like my husband is a mirror. It's like, like, you know, want to sit in it with you and figure it out. We're both that to each other. And it's such a beautiful thing. It's such a grown up thing. You know, it's like, okay, playtime is over. This is, this is the real, you know? Yeah.

And it's, yeah, I wouldn't change it for anything, honestly. I'm just so blessed to be in this space.

Right now. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for it. I totally agree because that, I mean, we start off with the butterflies and the feel good. And then when you realize that you can make these flawed exchanges where I can tell you my flaw, you can tell me yours and I will hold yours and my safe and you hold mine and your safe. Then what we have is not something that you just get butterflies over. It's something that is anchoring. It's what you build a life on. Yeah.

And I used to tell people all the time, you want to talk about toxic. Like I used to hear that people would be married 60 years. And I'm like, why would you do that? You can have three successful marriages in 60 years. Like, why are you staying with one person for that long? But you know what? I get it now because I understand like when you build a life with someone like that's all you want to do is experience every day with them. Absolutely. I'm like, girl, bye with that.

Now you are like housewives adjacent. Like, I don't know. Are you fully a housewife? Are you what's happening here?

Like the way you put that adjacent. Yes. So not only I am definitely entwined, I'm a friend of for the second season and with the possibility of next season, you know, so. Yeah. What has that been like, like living out your life in this stage of your life with so much exposure and scrutiny? And how are you holding on to yourself while other people are?

project their assumptions and opinions about who you are? Well, I've been around the reality world before and in the public eye, obviously. So I'm kind of, you know, well-versed on that. But The Real Housewives is a different world, honey. A different world, for sure. So the first season, I

honestly, the thing is it was a bit intimidating. I've been friends with most of the ladies for a long time. And so it was, you know, natural to just fit in with them. But of course, you know, some shows skewer more to the drama and me and my life in real life, you know, I'm not about the drama, everything, but you know, like peace, honey, peace, like before all things, you know? And so,

like, I don't know. But basically I was making sure that I was my authentic self, which came across that season. But of course, you know, I'm human and you, you seem to be put in places and situations that, you know, you have to react to. But I'm honestly, I think that it's a place for, um,

for everyone to show the difference of African American women. And it's important to see a woman like me, see a woman with some substance, some class. I'm not saying they don't have any, but they all do. But just show the difference of women. And it's super important. So I feel like it's a good blend. And I'm glad...

that I'm on as a friend because they don't dive too much yet, you know, into, you know, my story. And maybe I can get used to this particular show before that happens, if it's in God's plan, for sure. But I definitely, the way we live our life, just blending our families still, you know, with my children's father, just having that positive example, I think it would be amazing, amazing for the world to see. Because normally in the celebrity lifestyle,

And it's when you're dealing with an ex, all you see is drama and people going crazy, you know? So it would be so refreshing, you know, to show the other side to it. So hopefully, you know. So I was actually...

I was actually going to commend you on that because so much of what I have experienced of you has really been centered around being positive after difficult situations or showing up, not just positive, because it's one thing to be like confident and I'm going to be okay. It's another thing to say, I'm going to go the extra mile.

I'm going to do what may be considered taboo. I'm going to insist that there be peace. I'm going to insist that we co-parent together in a way that honors the roles of everyone involved. Is this something like how did you come to this place? Because there are some people who may have experienced what you experienced and been like, I will never forgive. I will never get over it. I'm sure you get people like I don't.

I don't know how you do it, but you do do it. Yeah, I could never. How do you do that? Honestly, I just, you know, after my talk with God, with my parents, and I just really made a decision. I was intentional about making it work, you know, in the beginning, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

Our kids did not choose to be in a situation, so they should not hurt for it because all the back and forth is just going to affect the trajectory of their lives. You know how we react in the moments, you know, when it's not so good at times, you know, and it's OK to behave like that. And they're going to turn into adults that behave like that. So I just had to swallow my pride and just react.

Go deep, deep in and honestly make the intentional decision to do what's best for them. And in the end, it brought everyone together. It brought so much peace, so much joy in our heart, not just the kids. You know, once you choose to forgive them, forgive yourself.

and just center everything with love, like lead from a place of love, then it gets that much easier, honestly. So I just made that decision. When you said swallow your pride, I just can't help but hear that

What's best for you may not always... Well, what's best for the kids may not always be what feels good for you. And if you need to feel good and do what's best for the children, you could find yourself stuck when it comes to co-parenting and making things work. But you found a way to show up for them even at the expense of maybe being even justified in how you felt.

rising above what bitterness told you to do. How do you show up and do what's best for them while also like clearing your heart of that bitterness? Do you think that one neutralizes the other? Like the more I did what was best for them, the less bitter I became? Or did you have to do the work on the bitterness while showing up and doing the best thing for them?

Honestly, if you're really in it, I think, in my opinion, it neutralizes it. Like it becomes, you know, the more you do it, the more, you know, then it gets easier and easier. Like you could see him now and not be affected, you know, like, but that's nobody but God, honestly. Yeah.

Because there's no way I couldn't have done it if my faith wasn't what it is. If my foundation that my parents, my family created and instilled in me was there, honey, I would have lost my mind. Like, literally, you know? And, you know, having to go through that in front of the entire world, you know, I didn't have the liberty of, you know, just some neighborhood people knowing. Girl, everybody. So it's just like, you know, and they're watching. And honestly, the biggest part that I've heard

Heard so many stories, got so many emails of lives that I've changed, like so many families that brought together just by me deciding to, you know, do what's right for my family, my children. And just like that brought so much joy to my heart and let me know that what I was going through was not in vain. And it was part of the story, part of my story. It was part of God's plan, even though I have

hurtful it was in the beginning, you know, like they say, rejection is God's protection. You know, like I really wholeheartedly believe in that. And, you know, what God has for me is for me. And I didn't want to hear it back then, but I hear it and I receive it. And I know that it's so true.

I want to be delicate in how I access, but I want to ask it and maybe I'm being petty. Maybe it's the even me rising up. So like we may, this may not even, no one may even hear this, but you and I, but like as life unfolds and you begin to see how God's rejection was protection and how different, how different your life could have been, had things turned out the way that you anticipated and

How do you rejoice in the fact that that is not your plight without rejoicing in the fact that that ain't your plight? You know? That is so funny. Great question. Honestly, I just, oof.

I just take a deep breath, honestly. And just like, Oh, say, Oh, okay. Like, yeah, I didn't quite see the whole picture in not that anybody's a bad person, but it's just like, you know, happen. And it's, it's funny because I have a, we, my husband and I have a great relationship with, you know, him. And I'm just like, we're so there for him. And it's just, you know, it's just, it's,

know. It's just like really one big family. And even though I'm seeing this unfold and my, it's funny because my husband reached out to him first and just, you

was like just honestly being just the nice compassionate person that he is and I was talking to the other party at the time and you know just because it's unfortunate honestly and it's unfortunate for everybody so we're just trying to be there as we can and in a sincere way you know because it's really the people that we are we're not going to boast and like man you know hey you know just be there and

try to help in any way that we can. And honestly, since girl is, yeah, it's a lot, but, um, yeah, just seeing everything. And I'm just, honestly, I'm grateful, but, um, his spirit seems to feel lighter. If that makes sense, you know, honestly, and honestly, I just want everybody to be in a space where they can, um,

be themselves, be them true selves and be happy and do what's best for them and do what's best for their kids and their family. You know, that's all we hope for. So what I heard from what you said is that like you...

still don't choose sides because the side is like the only side you're on is wholeness. And so whatever it takes for everyone to be whole, that's the side that I'm on. And I'm going to help anyone and everyone get to that place of wholeness, not just within the family that you are blending and navigating as co-parents, but you've literally made this a

part of your life's work to help people blend families and to overcome some of the complications that come when two, three, four, five adults are coming together, trying to create a village for children. Can you tell me what are some of the major consistent fractures that exist when people are trying to blend a family and how do they overcome them?

Oh, wow. I would say number one would be communication. It can be from the smallest thing about, is this your weekend? Is this your week? Sorry, I can't make it. Something came up at work. Like, just communicate, like, honestly, because people, you know, you can get so frustrated and...

when you, when you feel like that other party isn't holding up to their parenting plan or their time with the kids or, you know, it might seem, seem as if it's not important to them and then you get in your feelings, but you have to realize that you can only control this household. And, you know, and that's another one. I would say that, please let go. I know in the beginning it was so hard. Like I said, I was in, in,

I'm like just a territory that I wasn't used to. And so it was very, very difficult for me, even though I made it look good. It was I was dealing, you know, and I was trying to, OK, well, y'all made it. What's going on? Can you do this? Did you do this with the kid? Like he got it. You know, they'll figure it out. The sooner you let go, realize you cannot control everything like you would honestly have so much peace.

You know, just pray because, of course, you want there will be and to be there. Just leave it to God. Let go and trust, like trust that this human being that you decided to, you know, have a relationship with. It didn't work, but just trust it. They're ultimately a good person, good enough to take care of the children, you know, and leave it there. And a big one is trust.

Getting over your ego, you know, you hurt me. I'm going to get you back. And it's just like unnecessary pain and just pain.

that you're going to bring into the village. You're going to bring into the family. You're going to bring unto your children. And that's not what you want. It shouldn't be what you want. But if you're not thinking about the kids and you're thinking about yourself in that three letter word that you can make so powerful if you get into it,

It could destroy everything, honestly. Like, yes, she may have hurt you. Yes, he may have hurt you. But OK, this is the situation you're in now. And you have to move forward and work on yourself, work to get past that. And yeah, try to try to just blend it together and figure out a way to co-parent positively and do what's best for your children.

Can I ask how old are your children?

Yes. Mason is 11. Madeline is 12. And I also have two bonus babies. Gianna's 10 and Brianna is actually she just turned 21. So, yeah. Beautiful. That preteen stage. Like, so my daughter is well, we've got six together. We're a blended family like you. And they range from 26 to seven.

And I have noticed the, and so like we start, when we first got married, our sons were 11 and now they are 20, about to be 21. And-

Yeah, it's been incredible to see them like go through these different stages. But like one thing I learned about like the preteen stage is that like, I feel like everything up until the preteen stage is you just like pouring wisdom, pouring discipline, pouring boundaries, pouring morals and ethics into them. And then the preteen to teenage years feels like that's when life starts to squeeze what you poured out of them into their social circles, into the way that they

process what's happening in their world. And so I am wondering, you've laid such a strong foundation for family and for, I think, righteousness ultimately for your little people. Have you noticed how what you've poured in them is now like showing up in their lives with their friends and their social worlds as they're continuing to grow? And like, what are you seeing that they picked up on?

Oh my gosh. Great question. Yes. I absolutely see it. And I'm so proud, like honestly. My son, and he was a little bit younger, but he still does it to this day. He, anyone that he sees, he literally like gives a compliment. Like, I don't know if he senses their spirit or energy or whatever it is. I know he did that with me a lot, especially a lot in the beginning, which is,

It just says a lot. You know, I will be down and he'll just come give me the biggest hug. Like, you know, something. And I'm just like, OK, I got this. Like, I can move forward. So we were in the elevator one day and it was this lady and she looked like something was wrong. He just looked at her. He's like, you know.

I love that shirt or I love your smile. Something. It was just so innocent and just so pure. And he, that's still him. Even with his friends, he's always the one that gets it right together. Oh, you shouldn't fight. That actually inspired me to, I have two children's books and activity books to write the Chronicles of Nice Guy Maceo. His name is Maceo. He's so kind and just so nice and it's genuinely who he is. And I know he gets

that for me you know because like always trying to spread love and of course there are times when you know you get upset and I just try to think I'm like okay well let's you know because they're watching you even when you know they're not and you can tell them anything but they're watching your reaction how you react to to the the pitfalls and hardships in life and

That's the part that they're watching and that's ultimately going to be them. They're going to do as you do, not necessarily what you say. My daughter, her friends, I feel like it was a situation that happened at school recently. One of the girls was being mean and Maddie went over and was like, I don't think that's nice. You shouldn't do that. You don't know what she's going through. I literally...

that girl growing up. I remember in high school, the principal called me to the office to stop a race riot because I was friends with everybody. And I stopped it. It's just like to see my children possess these same qualities and have

so much love in their heart. It's just like, wow, you know? Yeah. It's like, I just smile from ear to ear. Like I have so much joy for that. And I just, I can't see, can't wait to see what God has in store for them in their lives. It's, it's, yeah, it's going to be amazing.

For sure. You know, dynamic women, in my opinion, are women who navigate different spheres of influence, different spaces, and they find a way to do it with joy, with class, and just with a level of slayage that cannot be denied. And that is definitely what we experience on your page. You give us a little bit of everything. It's nothing for you to be out with the kids, co-parenting, married, married.

hanging out with your girlfriends, taking care of your health and wellness, letting us know that mama is still out here and mama got it. Like, what do you think is the most amazing thing about being a woman? Oh, wow. Honestly, I feel like to be multifaceted, you know, to, to be able to take care of the home, you know, um, take care of the kids, um,

hold your husband down and get to work, be the CEO if you choose to or go to your job that you love and then come back and get like just, oh,

It's just so many beautiful things and just our softness, you know, our our just finesse, like to just just the softness of a woman. And I mean, softness from the inside out. Like it's it's such a beautiful attribute, you know, and to be able to do it all. We're not super women. You know, we have to take care of ourselves, you know, put our oxygen mask on first so we can take care of everybody else.

But like, it's just a beautiful thing. Like we got it. We got it going on, right? You know? We do. Yes, we do. And I just love that. Do you ever find yourself caught in the trap of like comparing yourself to other women or like looking at what she has that you don't have? And how do you snap yourself out of the comparison game? Oh, wow. It's kind of not really hard, but I've never really been that. Like I've always...

I mean, I don't think I'm, you know, like I know I my father and my mother like possessed in me like you're beautiful. You look great. Like you're good enough. So I always knew that I was good enough growing up, which is amazing. And I was the one that kind of like spoke life into my girlfriends who didn't and thought that they had to compare. But of course, living in this world.

entertainment industry, honey. Some days I want to go looking like this and I'm like, okay, girl, you might want to put on a little beat, you know, do a little something today when you really don't feel like it. So in those times, I would definitely be like, okay, let me do... Because I dressed how I feel. I don't know if you're like that, but honey, first of all, let's talk about your slay all day. You give the word and a good beat. When the time calls. I'm just kidding.

When the moment calls for it, we do like to show up. But for the most part, she is definitely with somebody's leggings and an oversized t-shirt on. But we know how to switch it up is the point. Yes, we do, honey. You got my good little carpool, little real natural today. It's giving. You know what?

Thank you. But yes. So in those times, I definitely have to take a step back because because, of course, looking at Instagram, you see the highlight reel is what I like to call it. And I don't know if you notice what I like to post sometimes, you know, and you do it, too. Like, you know, makeup on, you know, because sometimes you got to give the real like, girl, we don't look like this all the time. Right. Right.

not attainable. If some young drivers are crazy. So I want to show that to the world, just a realistic point of view. And yeah, sometimes I'm like, "Okay, girl, calm down. You don't have to compete with them. Get back. You know who you are." All that. You could have labels all day, but no, I like some Tarjay to mix with my food on Chi. Let's be clear.

So I like to keep it grounded. But yeah, at times, you know, you have to sit back and be like, girl, yeah, that looks good. But that's exhausting. And you don't have to keep up with anybody. Just be you. You are the light. Yeah. You define who you are and just let that shine through and you'll be OK. So, yeah, you said exhausting. And I said, amen, because honey, trying to keep up.

I'll be seeing people with their abs and I'm like, man, I'm so jealous. And then I'm like, but you don't want to do what it takes to have that. Like, you got to be honest. Like, you don't want to do what it takes to have abs. You want a flat tummy ministry, but you do not want a ripple stomach. And you know you don't. So you might as well let her enjoy her abs while you enjoy your Chick-fil-A so that we can all be happy. How about we do that?

Because you don't want it. And sometimes it just takes that reality check. It does, girl. Yes. I'm like, you know, the older you get, it takes, okay, a little bit more work to get those pounds up. I'm like, actually, I'm not mad at these five sides. They can stay here.

They can stay here. Ain't nothing wrong with that. You know what I think, though? I think like if we are not careful, we will allow social media, the media, television, magazines, whatever, to make us call something a flaw that is actually just human. It's actually just normal because things have been so.

edited, so glamorized, so made to be unrealistic or so surgically enhanced that we will be jealous of something that's not even real. And we'll be calling our real bodies flawed when in actuality, they're just normal bodies. They just jiggle and they have stretch marks and things fall down, but they get back up. We

we fall down but we get a push up and they do what needs to be done laughing

And we have to come to a place where we're like, maybe I'm not flawed. Maybe I'm just normal. Maybe I'm just a person on a journey who's been through some things and I'm learning to navigate them the best that I can. But I think this over obsession with our flaws can make us more insecure than we need to be. For sure. For sure. You are absolutely right. My puppy just got home. Sorry. Say hi, Remy. Hi. All right. Okay. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to daddy.

All right. Love you. Yes, that is so very true. And it's important for me, for us to instill that in our kids because they're growing up in a totally different world now. Like with the street talk, with all of social media, at least we had like our childhood to not have

and have that addiction that we're all kind of addicted to, you know, but it's so very dangerous and so...

it's a lot for them. So it's very important to instill in them like you are enough. You are enough. You're beautiful. You know, not try to like, you know, like you just said, like obtain that unrealistic goal of perfection, you know? For sure. Yes. Okay, Monia, I have to ask you, who is the woman in your life who has most inspired you to embrace who you are without anything

fear of rejection, like her confidence just inspires you to be all of who you can be. Wow. That's a great question.

Can I do two people? Sure. First, I'm going to go with my dear mother and love her. Rest in peace, Linda B. She was total opposite for me. She's country girl, grew up in Belcher, Louisiana. When she moved to Shreveport, when she met my father, she was good, you know, and she just gave so much to her family, to us in Shreveport.

she lived vicariously through me and I was the one I grew up in Shreveport I'm like okay I know there's a big world out there and I'm gonna go see it and go follow my dreams and she pushed me you know she pushed me I was in like pageants and um

over the dance line and everything. And she was right there at every pageant, everything, making sure I had my gown perfect, like supported me to the T. And that, you know, this part of what made me into the woman that I am today and gave me the confidence to go and try and be in every time, everything that I would do, she would just be there supporting. And honestly, like her grace, her, her, just her class,

I am because of her, you know, even though she didn't have the dream of just the, you know, to be out in the world. We're saying like social. She had her her little crew, as I like to call the church crew, honey. I love my girls. Hey, y'all. And, you know, and just support it supported me. And honestly, that I.

I'm so blessed to have had that. And like I said, I am who I am because of that. And the other would definitely have to be my girl, Michelle Obama. Like she's, she's honestly everything and her, her books and stuff and just how she tells her story and becoming how she got there and just, it's okay to be who you are. It's okay to do this and that. Like, like it's, it's super inspiring, super inspiring for me.

Okay. So one thing that we've been asking everyone this season is what do you hope that she knows these women in your life? What do you hope that your mom knew before she left this earth? What do you hope that Michelle Obama knows as she continues to navigate this earth about the impact that they've had on your life? Oh, I hope that they know she knew that

She was enough. They're enough, honestly. And it was so much enough changed me, changed women, because I know things got thrown at them. And it makes you question, you know, question if you did everything right or doing everything right. And just you're enough. And because they're enough, it helped me know that I am enough. And that's huge.

- Wow. Well, I want you to know that because of what you've done,

with your life, with your story, with the many things that have been thrown your way, that there are so many women who believe that they are enough and that they can stand up to heartbreak and love again and laugh again and have joy and clash through it all. I am so proud to be woman because you are. And I'm just grateful that we had this opportunity to connect and catch up

I will continue to stalk you on the Instagram, but just know that when I'm stalking, I'm also praying and cheering and just believing in all of the things that you put your hands towards. Oh, thank you so much. Thanks for having me. And you are an inspiration. I know it's been a while, but honey, your glow up, your shine, your woman of godliness, honey. Like it's on fire. And just know that you are

Honestly, make so many of us so proud and you let us know that we can continue on. Keep letting God guide you, sister. You are amazing and I appreciate you. Thank you for having me. Thank you. I appreciate you too. Okay, love on your babies. Have a great evening. We'll get together soon. Bye. Please. Yes, we have to. Okay, bye. Thank you.

Monietta, how cool was that? Thank you so much for doing this with me. We had us a little he he and I enjoy a he he that also has a lot of aha girl, you definitely spread that wisdom in a way that we needed.

I believe that listeners will find peace in owning and forgiving themselves for past mistakes. And we love to see that. Most importantly, what I believe they're going to experience is what it's like when life takes a new, exciting, fresh turn. It is so beautiful to see you walking out restoration with such confidence, resiliency and joy along the way.

If you enjoyed this week's episode, then I want to invite you to chat with us and let us know some of your key takeaways. Hit us on social media, slide into my DMs, better yet, send me an email, [email protected]. I want to know how this story helped you, but most importantly, I want to mind your business.

Send me your advice question or let me know if you want to get in on the podcast fun. Join me in conversation with some of my friends as we continue to grow and evolve together. Have an incredible week with your normal, beautiful, amazing, not flawed, just figuring it out self. I'll see you next week.

I'm not going to stop.

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Hello. From Wonder Media Network, I'm Jenny Kaplan, host of Womanica, a daily podcast that introduces you to the fascinating lives of women history has forgotten. Who

Who doesn't love a sports story? The rivalries, the feats of strength and stamina. But these tales go beyond the podium. There's the team table tennis champ, the ice skater who earned a medal and a medical degree, and the sprinter fighting for Aboriginal rights. Listen to Womanica on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.