We're sunsetting PodQuest on 2025-07-28. Thank you for your support!
Export Podcast Subscriptions
cover of episode Dungeons & Dragons LIVE!

Dungeons & Dragons LIVE!

2023/12/29
logo of podcast How Did This Get Made?

How Did This Get Made?

AI Deep Dive AI Chapters Transcript
People
J
Jason Mantzoukas
J
June Diane Raphael
M
Morgan Vierling
P
Paul Scheer
Topics
Paul Scheer:2000年上映的《龙与地下城》电影情节混乱,难以理解,是一部失败之作,只有Jeremy Irons的表演值得称道。他认为电影的剧情可以简单概括为Thora Birch想要人人平等,控制金龙,而Jeremy Irons想要控制金龙和红龙,由此引发混乱。电影中有很多地牢场景,但对地牢的定义感到困惑。他认为电影的前45分钟都是冗长的剧情交代,难以理解,并且电影对龙与地下城的理解不足。他询问两位主持人是否玩过龙与地下城,并讨论了龙与地下城游戏中的角色设定和游戏规则。他还对电影中角色的服装和行为进行了点评,并对电影的整体基调和情节逻辑提出了质疑。他认为电影中很多场景是冗余的,可以快进跳过。他最后总结说,这部电影不值得推荐,但可以观看Jeremy Irons的片段。 June Diane Raphael:她认为电影情节混乱,难以理解,她只记得电影中的蜗牛角色。她认为自己可能经历了某种医疗事件。她认为电影的前45分钟都是冗长的剧情交代,难以理解,并且电影对龙与地下城的理解不足。她认为电影的基调难以把握,既有莎士比亚式的庄重,也有迪士尼频道的轻浮。她认为蜗牛角色的死很荒谬,并且认为2023年的《龙与地下城》电影比这部电影好得多。她对电影中不同地点和维度的设定感到困惑,认为角色没有充分利用自己的技能,并且对电影中不允许矮人进入下水道的情节感到困惑。她认为电影中所有角色的身高都差不多,不是矮人。她认为Marlon Wayans的角色死亡以及之后出现的闪光石与他在拍摄《梦之安魂曲》时的档期冲突有关。她认为电影中缺少一个Ridley和Marina进入卷轴世界的场景。她认为电影中精灵能够治愈Ridley,也应该能够治愈Snails。她认为电影中精灵监视Ridley和Marina接吻的场景很奇怪。她认为电影中胸甲的设计很奇怪,并且对Marina角色在电影中眼镜的消失感到困惑。她认为电影中女性角色戴眼镜和扎头发会影响她们的吸引力。 Jason Mantzoukas:他不理解电影情节,甚至不认识电影中的大部分演员。他认为如果牧师拥有魔法能力,将会非常强大。他从未玩过龙与地下城,可能是因为在教会学校玩这个游戏是违法的。他认为电影中Lipstick角色与他在波士顿观看的另一部电影《Switch》中的角色是同一人。他认为电影中许多生物都不是龙与地下城游戏中的角色,并且认为电影的小说改编也同样难以理解。他认为Marlon Wayans在拍摄《梦之安魂曲》的同时也拍摄了这部电影,并且认为Marlon Wayans的即兴表演被大量使用。 Morgan Vierling:他认为这部电影很糟糕,既没有体现龙与地下城游戏的团队合作精神,也没有成功模仿指环王式的团队合作。他解释了龙与地下城中的龙是什么样的生物,以及在龙与地下城游戏中,学习魔法就像上常青藤大学一样,能获得超能力。他认为电影中精灵王国可能存在于不同的维度。他认为“盗贼间的荣誉”是龙与地下城游戏中的一个常见说法,但现实中并不总是如此。他解释了电影中巨型漂浮眼球怪物的含义:它是龙与地下城游戏中的经典怪物“窥视者”。他解释了CGI翅膀间谍的含义:它是为施法者工作的实习生。他认为电影中权杖的意义:拥有备用权杖可以秘密控制不同的龙群。他认为精灵的魔法能力是电影虚构的。他认为Lipstick角色的表演很认真。

Deep Dive

Chapters
The hosts attempt to decipher the plot of the movie, discussing the roles of Thora Birch and Jeremy Irons and the confusion around the magic system.

Shownotes Transcript

Translations:
中文

How long have these meal kits been in my fridge? One week? Two? How much am I spending on these? Hey, Erica.

Did my subscription go up? When your questions about life turn into questions about money, there's Erica, the virtual financial assistant to help you spend, save, and plan smarter. Only from Bank of America. What would you like the power to do? Erica is only available in the English language. You must download the latest version of the mobile banking app only available on select mobile devices. Your chat may be recorded and monitored for quality assurance. Message and data rates and additional terms may apply. Bank of America and a member FDIC.

Hey, everybody. Just wanted to give you a quick heads up here. There's something we should all be doing. It's going to improve your life, make every day a little bit better, and that is eat more Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Yes, think about it. All the gurus, all the coaches out there, they've never said the words,

eat more Reese's. I mean, that combination of sweet chocolate and salty peanut butter. I mean, this is something that brings other people and ourselves joy. That's why there's two in a pack. Shop Reese's peanut butter cups now at a store near you, found wherever candy is sold and often in my pantry because I love these.

Hey, everybody. Sweater weather is over and sweaty weather has begun. And that's why you need a pair of Bombas socks because they are a premium extra long staple cotton sock that feels light on your feet all summer long. I love my Bombas. Why? Because they support my arch. So get ready to get comfy and give back. Head over to Bombas.com slash bonkers. Use the code bonkers for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-O-N-K-E-R-S.

bas.com slash bonkers and use the code bonkers at checkout a movie that takes the worst parts of the phantom menace and the cgi skills of a youtuber circa 2000 we saw dungeons and dragons so you know what that means is

Philadelphia! We are back in Philadelphia.

with yet another dragon film. This one, Dungeons and Dragons. It has it all. Dungeons, check. Dragons, check. Plot, question mark. It's normally a part of the show where I like to break down what this movie is about. For those who have not seen it, I tried. I wrote a couple things. I rewound the movie. I read a Wikipedia page. And I don't think I got it, but I'll try.

The battle for the soul of Izmir is at stake as Thora Birch wants to let people be equal and control gold dragons. But Jeremy Irons wants to keep the gold dragons and also control red ones. Chaos ensues. That is the plot that I know of this movie. Came out in 2000.

It's an hour and 47 minutes. It took 23 years for someone to try this movie again. This was a colossal flop. It is a rough movie saved by one person, Jeremy fucking Irons. Jeremy Irons who said, "I only took this gig for the money and the amount of time I had to be on set, which was not a lot."

The rest, we will break it down. And I'm going to break it down with my two co-hosts. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jason Manzuka. What's up, jerks? What's up? That's right. I watched it. I don't know what the fuck it was about. Yikes. This was truly one that I could not wrap my head around. I kept rewinding to be like, I must have missed a very important thing here.

And I'm going to be honest, June and I were just speaking backstage. We don't know who most of the people there are. I don't know who most of those people are, including the guy in the blue sweater. I will say that looking at that image, I think two of those people are not in this movie. I googled Dungeons and Dragons without seeing the film. I know they're not from the new one. Honest remembered a guy with a jewel in the middle of his head.

Not in this film, but if you know, we will come to you in a little bit. We got it, we got it, we got it. Because June and I were already so deep into this. Well, don't, no. June Diane Rayfield. Yeah. Welcome, June. And you better believe. Yeah, so Paul, Jason and I were backstage, and I did also just complete this movie. I mean, we're fresh. Fresh. So am I. I was watching it backstage as well. Okay. You're not part of the crew.

And for a second, I thought the guy with the jeweled head was Dumbledore? Dumbledore? Dazzledore? Wait. Dunkirk? Yes. Dunselman? You thought that that guy might have been... I thought that that was one of our main back... Dumbledore? Dumbledore? If you quizzed me on every character's name... These names... I know snails and no one else. Justice for snails! Let him win!

Let him get the girl. Let him get the treasure. Justice for Snails. Justice for Snails. I will say this. Is that what your sign says? R.I.P. Snails. R.I.P. We stand a legend. So, Paul, when you make these slides, when you make these images, you're really just

You're just Google image searching and hoping for the best? Well, most of the time I'm aware, and I had the guy with the purple lips, but it was a low-res shot. Can I ask you a quick question about lipstick? Yeah. Is that the guy from The Mummy? No, it is not. His name is Arnold... It's close though, right? Very similar look, except with lipstick. Yes. So I kept writing in my notes, The Mummy. Yes.

So if I say that again, that's the only reason. So, Paul, you would prefer a high res image of people who aren't in the movie to a low res image of the actual characters. You better believe I would know what this fucking movie was about if there was someone in a tube top in the movie. OK, so I'd be all about tube tops.

I googled Dungeons and Dragons, and this is a tricky one because there is another movie called Dungeons and Dragons. It looks better. If it has these two.

Well, so I pulled up Dungeons and Dragons. And look, I'm watching these movies with you all. So I pulled it up and I was like, okay, well, this is Jeremy Irons. He's in it. I know that. And this picture is of this couple here. And I was like, well, they're clearly in it. And now I'm looking. Wait, I'm curious. Before you do, can anybody name what movie these two characters are from? They look familiar, I will say. Okay, so that's a no. It is from...

the Rotten Tomatoes page for Dungeons & Dragons 2000. So I was correct in that. Maybe they were in a deleted scene. Wow. You really elevated them. Those two people are somewhere cashing checks because of this. I mean... Because Jason and I were just in the wings and I was really like, am I having some sort of a medical event? Yeah.

So yes, I picked the wrong images, but that's just because I don't want to wreck the movie. I'm building assets for this movie months ahead of time, making sure that we bring the best of the best to Philly, and sometimes I make a mistake. Listen, you are standing in feedback so courageously and vulnerably, and I appreciate it. I do think, and I don't want to whip this out at the top of the show, this might be from the made-for-TV sequel.

Okay. That's my thought. I am more interested in. I'll be honest. There's a sequel. There is a made-for-TV sequel. A series or a movie? A movie sequel with none of the characters returning, which is a tough way. I'm okay with that. Yes. Hard to call it a sequel when you don't bring anyone back.

No, I'm just wondering, just so I know where to steer the conversation and just so we can have a little context, have either of you played Dungeons & Dragons? That was something that really was not offered to me as a child. I understand Dungeons & Dragons. I can speak to it now, but I never played it. I don't think I ever have even as an adult played it, but I understand it.

How do you understand it? June, I feel like you don't believe him. I guess I just like, you were waiting for it to be offered to you. Well, yeah, because a lot of people say like, oh, yeah, there was a club that played Dungeons. No one played Dungeons and Dragons. I did go to Catholic school, so it might have been illegal. Yeah, it might have been like the occult.

You know what I mean, Jason? I never played Dungeons & Dragons either. The closest I came was the non-Dungeons & Dragons game that they play on HarmonQuest.

Okay, yes, I did that. Which is a similar type thing, but obviously very different. It's for a TV show, blah, blah, blah. So my real only experience is in that, but I too have now, as people who've been improvising for 25 years, how many times have you been in a Dungeons & Dragons scene? It's my greatest fear. So just through context clues, I've picked up a bunch of specifics from Dungeons & Dragons scenes.

Well, I would say, Gene, we could cut this out if you want, but you would say that your greatest fear improvising was that people would hit you with a Star Wars or Dungeons and Dragons reference right out of the gate. Yes, and I'd be forced into those scenes. It's kind of why I stopped doing it. I think you'd make a great Padawan. Here's the thing. I don't know whether to be hurt or happy.

This movie opens up with, and I did watch it twice, 45 seconds of exposition over steamy food.

murky gray. I would even say the first 45 minutes are exposition. Like, people are in scenes giving full lore dumps and specific dumps that are just like, I felt like this movie was dumping on me the whole time. It really was, and it was so hard to understand. Like, I went back and watched a few of those dumps, and I was like, what am I missing here? Because...

Okay, so I know nothing about Dungeons & Dragons. But now... I don't think the movie does either. To be... I mean, even what limited knowledge I have of Dungeons & Dragons and having seen what I believe to be a very successful version of it, which is this last year's version of Dungeons & Dragons. I'd love to see that. This is not... This doesn't seem to be Dungeons & Dragons. But when you're...

playing audience Dungeons and Dragons. Oh, should we elect an expert from the audience? I would really love to know. Is there an expert? Is there a D&D expert who if we need help, we can go to you for just unadulterated facts. Center, you got it. Alright, can you make your way down here just in case because we want to make sure. Yeah, just get, we need you closer. Sir, what's your name? Morgan. Morgan. Morgan. Give it up for Morgan! Thank you, Morgan.

Thank you for identifying yourself. Morgan! Morgan! Morgan! Morgan! Morgan! Wait a minute. Wasn't the Jonathan Livingston Seagull expert also named Morgan? You know that? People were at Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Okay. I'm letting Morgan hold the mic because...

I trust a DM. I trust a Dungeons and Dragons person with the mic. They understand their role. This is respect. Okay. So Morgan, can I ask a question? Please. So when you're playing, you just said, I trust a DM. Is that a dungeon master? Yes. Okay. Wow. Okay. Nerd. Okay. All right.

So Morgan, when most people start playing Dungeons and Dragons, are they commoners without magical powers? No, because that's not very fun to play and we play for escapism. Morgan, so everybody has like an archetype, right? Like an elf or a dwarf or a, I don't know, a mage? Mage, yeah.

Yeah, so depending on like which year you're talking about for this game, you're like an elf or a dwarf or a human, but you're also like a fighting guy or a magic guy or a priest who's also magic and stuff like that. Well, now, Morgan, I want to ask you a question about this because... Man, priests would really be out of control if they could do magic. These motherfuckers, goddamn. Can you imagine if they could do magic?

The magic that they do do is getting away with it. I know I've talked about it a handful of times, but I went to a school with Franciscan brothers and they would make candy come out from behind our ears and then make us reach inside other pockets to get more candy. Nope. What? No! Lock them up! What are you talking about? At the time, a Jolly Rancher was worth it. Ugh.

I don't... Here's the deal. I don't think priests should be allowed to buy candy. If they are allowed, they have to eat it in front of the person they bought it from. Now, Morgan, I will ask this because this is a thought I had and this is more of a macro thought about the movie, which is...

D&D, a campaign, is an ensemble effort. And this movie is really about one person, right? Like the idea being like everybody adds to the adventure. Everyone has something to do. In this movie, many people have nothing to do.

Yeah, you're absolutely right. Like even the people who are in the party are just kind of randomly picked up along the way, whereas it's supposed to be more of a collaborative thing where there's no real star of the show. Yeah. And also like this fails on both like I feel like a D&D, like everybody's in a group trying to do the thing together. It also fails. It keeps trying to make itself seem as though it's Lord of the Rings and it fails as a fellowship as well.

And now let me ask you one more question. This is probably the nerdiest question I'll have. Talk to me about dragons in Dungeons & Dragons. Like, what are dragons? I understand dragons. What are dragons? But I'm asking this because I think Morgan knows what I'm going for. Like, dragons in this movie seem to be the equivalent of, like, a Mack truck. It's like we can drive them into things. But in Dungeons & Dragons, dragons are different, right?

Yeah, so this movie definitely went for more of, like, a Game of Thrones feel to their dragons, but, like, in Dungeons & Dragons, their dragons are, like, intelligent creatures. They're very, like, proud and vain, and they have, like...

treasure hordes and some of them are evil and some of them are good and for some reason the good ones are named after crayons in the box and the sorry the bad ones are crayons in the box and the good ones are metallic yeah and gold okay so so okay this is so helpful this is so helpful now can I ask I'm just gonna be yeah it's just like weed is chant organic chant

You know what? You can take out your phones and take a picture of Morgan. Yeah. Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. I love Squarespace. I'm in the middle of trying to balance my business life and my real life. This work-life balance, it's tough. But Squarespace has been helping me by giving me the tools to reach my goals and have time to celebrate. That's right. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform.

website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. With the guided design system of Squarespace Blueprint, you can select from curated layouts to styling options optimized for every device. Get your website discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools. Plus, make checkout easy for customers with easy-to-use payment tools. You can accept credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay. Plus, with Squarespace AI, you can explain what your site is about. You choose your tone and enter what you need to get auto-generated results.

Perfect text. Anyway, I love Squarespace. I've been building sites with them from the beginning. And when I launched my book, I said I'm doing it all myself on Squarespace. And I'm very pleased with it. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bonkers to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

When you're hiring for your small business, you want to find quality professionals that are right for the role. That's why you have to check out LinkedIn Jobs. LinkedIn Jobs has the tools to help you find the right professionals for your team faster and for free. LinkedIn isn't just a job board. LinkedIn helps you hire professionals you can't find anywhere else, even those who aren't actively searching. 70% of users don't visit other leading job sites. If you're not looking on LinkedIn...

You're looking in the wrong place. LinkedIn knows that small businesses might not have the time or resources, so they're constantly finding ways to make the process easier. 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. They even just launched a feature that helps you write job descriptions, making the process even easier and quicker. Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash valuable. That's linkedin.com slash valuable to post your job

for free. Terms and conditions apply. Have you ever browsed an incognito mode? You probably think, oh, wow, that's safe. It's not. Not as safe as you think. In fact, all of your online activity is still 100% visible to a ton of third parties unless you use ExpressVPN. ExpressVPN reroutes 100% of your traffic through secure encrypted servers so third parties can

can't see your browsing history. And it is so easy to use. Fire up the app and click one button to get protected. It works on all devices, phones, laptops, tablets, and more. ExpressVPN is rated number one by top tech reviewers like CNET and The Verge.

And I got to tell you, whenever I connect to public Wi-Fi at a coffee shop or at the airport, I always use ExpressVPN because you never know how secure a public network is. And I feel so much more at ease knowing that I'm not being tracked. So protect your online privacy today by visiting ExpressVPN.com slash HDTGM. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com slash HDTGM. And you can get an extra three months free. ExpressVPN.com slash HDTGM.

I'm going to just be brave, Paul, and I'm going to ask a question I have. Feel that there were many dungeons in this movie.

There were a couple, actually. Even the first scene, once they get past the swirling mist where they have the weird laboratory, that was essentially a dungeon insofar as... Dungeons go. I literally wrote down... Maybe I don't really know what a dungeon is. It's below the castle. It's like a basement, a castle basement. It's like the prison, where they get tossed in prison a couple times. I suspected that we would be in the moor. I felt we were outside a lot. I felt like the movie literally was like,

In the first scene, we will show you dungeon and dragon. And we were like, and now we can move forward until the end where there's more dragons. Out of curiosity, Morgan.

As a D&D, I'm assuming fan since childhood, question mark? Pretty much. Did you have feelings on this specific movie when it came out? Great question, Jason. Thank you, June! Yeah, were you excited about it? I pride myself in my questions. Yeah, that was a great question. I'm vain like a dragon. Oh, Magenta Manzoukas. Ooh, with my hoard of treasure and gold like Smaug.

Smaug is actually a great example of like Go to hell Morgan! Was just gonna say Smaug is a great example of like what D&D dragons are actually like. I did not see this movie as a child actually probably because my parents shielded me from it. Um

I wasn't even aware until it was announced for this that this was a movie. Oh, wow. Okay, there we go. And how did you feel about it just in general? Do you have thoughts? It was so bad. Yeah. Morgan gets it. The rest of you fucking idiots don't. Yeah, so... Okay, and then we'll let you go, I think. Or maybe you have to pull up another chair. Do we have a fourth chair? But, um...

When you're a player in the game, can, like, could I sign, like, could I join as a dragon or I'd be a thief or I'd be an elf? You could join as a dragon at certain tables. Got it. You've said enough. I'm not welcome everywhere. It's...

It's not a default assumption that you can do that. Let me say this. If you're inviting me to play your D&D game, I better be able to be a goddamn dragon. If you want to play my D&D game, you can be a goddamn dragon. I'm in. Wow. Wow. I don't think I can, though. Here's what I'm going to say. I want to let Morgan get back to his seat. Where is your seat, Morgan? Are you far away? Middleware. Okay, can we let Morgan take the mic with him but kill the sound? In case we need him to pipe up, he can stay at his chair.

Yeah, all right. Take the mic. You can do it. Wow, okay. Thank you, Morgan. Morgan, be a hero. Good, Morgan. Fuck the ego of Morgan. All right, so Morgan has set us straight that we don't need to really know Dungeons & Dragons. This movie makes no sense on its own. So what I will say is this. Amazing. Because the movie opens with Jeremy Irons

shot out of a cannon. I want to just go to clip two. This is right when it starts. He's giving a 10 plus. Oh, he hasn't even said a word. He doesn't know another way. He's doing it with his eyes. Jeremy Irons is unhinged in this movie. And I was here for every second of it. Check out clip two. Just a little clip of how we introduce Jeremy. Yes, I told you it could be

Wow. And just so you know, he's not acting against a real dragon. That's all CGI. What?

This movie did, other than Jeremy Irons, the aforementioned Jeremy Irons, did nobody any favors. Even the leader of the Crimson Guard? I can't remember what they're called. Lipstick. You've got this big imposing guy and they're giving him metallic lipstick that just radiates. I couldn't

I was like, you're really hurting his performance right now. I did. I thought he was amazing, actually. Oh, yes? I did. I thought that his portrayal of the parasite entering his body and then leaving it was... The earworm. Which, by the way, why did they even need an earworm for him? Because he was already doing the work.

It didn't seem like he was doing anything not, like, he was on target. You're right. I thought, I thought, because he says a few times during the movie that he actually doesn't want Thora Birch to, like, he doesn't disagree with her thesis that everybody's equal. And I was like, oh, this is going to be a great turn for Blue Lipstick where he's going, we're going to see that he sides with her at one point.

But he never does. He never does. He gets the parasite out and then just continues to want to kill her. There is something interesting about Thora Birch, which I don't know. I believe that The Phantom Menace came out in 1999. And this movie does feel like she is doing an impression of Princess Amidala from that movie. Like, she's always in front of a Senate. Like, that's the most fun of...

Dungeons and Dragons, like, an appeal to all the governors of this area? And I swear to God, one of those guys had a Philly accent. One guy was like, you got the consequences of your actions there. And I was like, I can't do a great Philly accent, but there was something about it. I was like, I don't know what era anyone is in, because clearly... I did hear that one of the council members say Warder.

You could give everybody water. Can I just for a brief moment sidetrack us for a second? Please. Do I suspect blow your mind? Okay. Lipstick. Yes. The man in this movie that we just watched all of. I thought he was wonderful. Fantastic. Played the devil switch on this show in Boston. What? He's the devil.

We saw him three nights ago. I just looked it up. I just looked it up. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's got long hair. He had an accent in the other movie. Who knows?

I was really bugging me how familiar he was. I swore it was the guy from The Mummy. I felt he was familiar too. And then I was like, no, no, no. And then I just looked it up and I was like, there was a picture of him in something else with hair. And I was like, wait a minute. And it was Switch from Boston mere nights ago. Our lives are imploding. There he is. Wow. Oh my God. That is him. And that's a scene that's not even in Switch. But that deleted scene from Switch.

Wow. You couldn't even be bothered, Paul, to get his photo up on there. Bruce Payne. Bruce Payne. And how did this get made 2023 tour-specific all-star? This is the Easter eggs that Averill creates for us. I'm stunned right now. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I mean, this is a wow. I think that's the end of the show. I don't know that I can go on. It's time for me to do my cartwheels. Wow, wow, wow. Wow. Sorry to digress, but that really was shocking. Well, this is what I was thinking, though. This movie is really tonally hard to watch because it's part, and I'll put this loosely, right?

Shakespearean, it's very actor-y and big and grand and then the other side is like Disney Channel. Like to a point where I'm like this character, the main character, the one that we're following, Ridley, looks like he got his clothes, and I wrote it down, as from Abercrombie and Witch.

He's wearing a straight up... He's wearing a straight up Henley. Him and Marlon Wayans, they literally say at one point, we're the cleaning crew. The cleaning crew? Is that even a thing in... Is that even a good excuse? They seem like they might just not be... They're from 2000. Clearly, yeah. And...

It's so hard because I kept on trying to like ground myself in the plot.

And that was a fool's errand. I was just going to say. It was really... It's quicksand, just like snails happen. Just like that quicksand carpet. I felt like snails goes into a pizza. I was like, is it oatmeal? Is it pizza? He just... I would love it if snails opened a pizza place and the box cover was him getting sucked into a pizza. I also think that Dungeons & Dragons Honor Among Thieves, which I love...

fun at this movie by doing a lot of the things that this movie does way better. Like someone falls into the floor. They say honor among thieves. There are a handful of big similarities between these two movies and it's almost like we got this. We'll show you how to make someone fall into a floor. Morgan is falling into a floor a big Dungeons and Dragons trope.

Yeah, it is. Usually it's like a pit trap of some kind. I think they were going for a mimic there. The carpet was actually a monster pretending to be a carpet, which they usually pretend to be treasure chests. It's a whole thing. That would be cool. I like that. Thank you, Morgan. Can I have a follow-up with Morgan? Is Honor Among Thieves a D&D thing? Not really. Thank you, Morgan. And I would argue...

That honor among thieves is something that is said, but no one respects. So it does feel like the one true thing is that there is no honor among anyone. I mean, and what is the plot of this movie? Well, so I've got, I struggled and I did, I did watch the scene where there was some sort of an explanation. I watched it two times because I was like, June, you gotta, you gotta listen to this as hard as it is.

And it seemed like... So Jeremy Irons wants to dethrone the Empress because she wants... Use their names, June. I can't. Yes. Jeremy Irons is trying to January 6th with the council...

And get rid of the Empress, Thora Birch. Yes, because she believes that magicians and common people are the same. Right. Okay. As, spoiler alert, at the end, the most, like, the basest writing of all time, all people are equal. Right.

What I couldn't quite get clear on, like Marina, the character Marina does say at one point that she's an aristocrat. So I'm like, oh, mages are aristocrats. I couldn't quite get clear on what they had that the others didn't have. And also, I couldn't understand, similarly, it seemed as though Izmir, where Thora Birch is the empress and Jeremy Irons is, I don't know what his position is. He's a mage. I know he's a mage, but I don't know if he's like,

He seems like big mage, like big mage energy over there. Yeah. Like he's... But I mean, like, he's also seems... He seems to have some sort of role in the council. He gets to speak to the council. I think he's Dumbledore. I think he runs the magic school. Oh. Because I think that in the beginning... Jeremy Ired? No. Morgan? Morgan? So what sets the aristocrats apart...

In D&D, you go to school to learn magic. So it's essentially like the equivalent of going to an Ivy League school. Instead of giving you massive economic advantages, it gave you fireball powers. Got it.

So is he, is Jeremy Irons, in your eye, like the kingdom's main magician? Because now we are asking Morgan to be an expert on the movie, which we all saw. Morgan, why? What happened to snails? I'm just kidding. But what I was confused, I was genuinely confused by...

Thoroughbirch seems to be the Empress of Izmir, and they live in the city, or the capital city, or whatever. There's a magic school, and that's where Jeremy Irons and Lipstick are, and that's where Snails and Ridley break in, and Marina is in there with the guy, and she gets the map, and blah, blah, blah. But then they go to all these other places. They go to, like, the Elven world. They go to all these other worlds. Is that still Izmir? Is that still the... Or are these other kingdoms? Morgan...

Morgan is going to be easily 80% of this show. Once we cut everything else out. Morgan, what's your sense of

What's your sense of that? My take is that the, like, elven kingdoms are, like, in Ismir, but not necessarily in the same physical space. There's a lot of stuff with, like, alternate dimensions in D&D, and I think they were kind of trying to do that, but badly. Right, because they're time-hopping, they're going through different things. There's portals, there's portals. Boy, did I want Marina. Nobody seemed to use any of their special skills at all. No. Right? Marina, Marina,

Has the ability. She has a pouch with stuff in it, it seems like. But she uses it twice. Like, use your magic. She's a freshman. And then I was like, if you're going to open up a portal, like, close it. Close it before the rest of them get in. Yeah, you can't keep a portal open. And if I'm that dwarf, the dwarf joins for, like, only because they wake him up.

And he's like, I guess I'll roll with you guys. First of all, that scene is so crazy. It seems like there is a sign on a sewer grate that says no dwarfs allowed in

So he jumps, like, I guess it's a non-dwarf sewer. So they go into a sewer. Which, wait, just to back up a brief moment, that means everybody else is allowed into the sewer? Like, what is that? Like, what, I don't even understand on a level of, like, who wants to, everybody wants to go in the sewer, but they're like, we gotta keep the dwarves out. Well, by the way, not to, I don't, I'm... Yeah, be careful, Paul, be careful. Yes.

I'm careful to not say the wrong thing, but I will say this. The dwarf seemed of equal height to the rest of the characters. Okay, so I thought this, and I actually, I will say this. Before the dwarf, quote unquote, the alleged dwarf, arrived on screen, I had already had the thought, these actors are very small. And once I saw that dwarf, I thought, no, no, no. Either they're all dwarves,

Do you think the scene where they're walking through the marketplace and Marlon Wayne's snails is stealing stuff from the stalls was improvised? Yes. That he was just grabbing stuff and putting boots on his head and all the rest. The director was so frustrated with Marlon Wayne's in this movie. What? Was it because of all his screaming? Well. There was a lot of high pitched screaming he was doing. So Marlon Wayne's fun fact was shooting Requiem for a Dream at the same time.

There couldn't be a more disparate ends of the spectrum than Requiem for a Dream and this movie. So... This one did have ass to ass in it too, though. What happened in this movie was the director was a producer who couldn't find a director. So he's like, I'll direct it. And I think it's his first and only film. And...

He got so frustrated with Marlon Wayans, they said, look, I'll give you three ad libs if you just do the line right one time.

And that was their agreement. That's a great deal. And it felt like they used a lot of the ad libs. I think they did. Felt like it, absolutely. Yeah. So I think it worked out. I've had that deal. Yeah. But that scene, there's a scene actually at the end, too, where Ridley says, hey, pick on someone your own size. And that's when I really noticed it. I was like, they're all the same size. They're all the same size. He's picking on Ridley.

He's average height too. They're all average height. That's what I'm saying. They're either all dwarves or none of them are dwarves. Well, this is the problem with the new woke Snow White. Get re... I'm just kidding. Do you think that the shooting schedule for Marlon Wayans on Requiem for a Dream is why he was killed and is then not in the rest of the movie?

And the only way they can insinuate that he is still alive is a glowing stone at the end. Like, that's gotta be because he had a conflict. He's the only character who dies. And it makes no sense. It's like, you kill the main character midway through the film. Yeah, it was early. In a way that was not to save everybody, not worth it at all. Nope.

Well, he did throw the scroll. He threw it. He threw the scroll not even to them, like two feet in front of him. Arguably, lipstick is closer to the scroll than anybody else's. Everybody, if you get a magic scroll, immediately get a bunch of fakes. This movie needed fake scrolls more than anything else. Here's your scroll.

I will say this, though, too. That we... So, Marlon Wayans watches his two friends get sucked into a map. Then he's like, well, let me go flirt with this girl for a bit. Like, there is no...

Oh, fuck. I got friends trapped in a map. Lipstick and the Crimson Guard show up, and the dwarf is like, come on, you don't have time for flirting or whatever he says. And Marlon Wayans looks annoyed. But meanwhile, the big bad is right there. Also, they have escaped down a sewer, and they basically go to...

Like a TGI Fridays of medieval times. I will say the food looked good.

And that might have been because I was very hungry. I do not want to see anyone eat a turkey or chicken like that. It's disgusting. And the way that he ate it, like, oh, the skin. I have to say, food in beards is to me the most. I'm sorry, Jason. Careful. And I will say about Jason, I've never seen a piece of food in your beard. And I don't think I ever will. Never. Never. Never.

Sometimes it'll happen like popcorn in a movie theater. I won't know it's a little piece has gotten in there. That's okay. But you also eat popcorn like this. Yes. Or like this. There is nothing more upsetting than chicken and a beard. There was just so much of it. It was tough. It also just felt like he was...

Not even trying to hit his mouth. It was like his energy was like, I'm going to eat this in the most disgusting way possible. I felt like he was using that beard like it was a plate. Like, I'll just leave it here and then I'll come back for seconds on my beard.

Oh.

The sizzle of McDonald's sausage. It's enough to make you crave your favorite breakfast. Enough to head over to McDonald's. Enough to make you really wish this commercial were scratch and sniff. And if you're a sausage person, now get two satisfyingly savory sausage McGriddles, sausage biscuits, or sausage burritos for just $3.33. Or mix and match. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer or combo meal. Single item at regular price. Ba-da-ba-ba.

I felt like when Marina and Ridley went into the scroll, they came out with knowledge that we hadn't been privy to. It's crazy to not see that scene. Why would we have seen that scene? There must have been a scroll world scene that was not in the movie. Because they came out with more exposition. It was another dump.

It's always exposition with someone not even on camera. It's like, they're far in the distance. And that's why you went over here. The emperor said that. That's why we all believe this. It's like they never get to the face. I will say,

I will say, though, the best thing, I just checked on it, we got to see a little bit of movie magic. Obviously, we know that Marlon Wayans shooting Requiem for a Dream, but we also see the birth of one of his later films, the 2006 film Little Man, because as he's walking to the girl, he picks up a little man. He goes, out of my way, little man. And I bet you in that moment, he's like, what if I was a little man? Box office gold.

That's Marlon Wayans. And the cover for Little Man is very disturbing. Marlon Wayans plays a baby that is a jewel thief. He's a little man who's pretending to be a baby. All right, so that was just, you know, again... But Paul, just to go back to the plot for a second, so...

So, okay. So Jeremy Irons doesn't want the Empress to give everyone equal power.

Well, yeah, but I think more than that, he doesn't want her to sort of bring equity to this community. I think he wants the aristocracy, i.e. the mages, to continue to rule above all. Right, because they believe that anarchy will happen if everyone is equal. But now at the end of the movie, when all the dragons are attacking, I was like, well, it seems like Jeremy Irons is against those dragons. And then Thor Birch released those dragons. Where are those dragons from?

I don't know. Where were those dragons the whole movie? Thor Birch has a first class seat on Dragon Air. But those aren't the red dragons. No, the red dragons are part of the scepter that Ridley gets when he gets into the dragon room of treasure. Which again, I just want to say, the cheapest looking scepter I've ever seen. I couldn't believe it. My kids have higher quality Halloween costumes than those scepters. So...

Okay, but there's a big plot point in the beginning of the movie that they want to get rid of her scepter, the present scepter she has. They want her to surrender it because we see him, he has a scepter at the beginning and he's trying to control that dragon and it fails. Right? Yes, so everyone I think, so in this world, dragons are

things to be controlled, and everyone has a scepter, and that's how power is kept. It's like, we can keep this. I think... But, Paul, but, Paul. Okay, yes, to all of that, but here's where I, like, fell apart. So...

They want her to, of her own volition, surrender her own scepter. And it seems she says no. Yes, at the council meeting, yeah. At the council meeting. And so then some other person, one of her mentors, tells her to get another scepter.

That's the one that he gets. But that's where I got really confused. Yeah. Why does she need that other scepter? Well, I think that the other... Okay, the other scepter seems to control... And I'm sorry about all of this. Control only... I hate every second of this conversation. So the scepter that controls the red dragons, right? The old man who is Marina, who is the magic school's librarian, I think...

I thought he ran the magic school. She is like a freshman in magic school. Okay, okay, great. So she is in magic school. I thought she was like a work study. Yes. I thought she was the librarian. I thought she was like in there. No, no, the librarian is the old guy because she only has two tricks. I guess you're right. Yeah.

Okay, so... A couple more years, she's going to have like 460. So he's like, there is a scroll that speaks of a scepter that controls all the red dragons, but beware because it will bring about war. Right? Yes, but this is what I don't understand because he's...

What he keeps on saying to her, and Morgan, chime in whenever you want, but what he keeps on saying to her is that when she gets the red scepter, it's going to somehow reveal Jeremy Irons and what his true intentions are. Morgan, can you help us with any of this? I can, yes. Thank God. Put an end to it, Morgan. I'm just going to say right now, the t-shirt should be, Thank God for Morgan. Thank God.

I'll buy it. Dungeons, Dragons, and Morgan. Go ahead, Morgan. So the librarian's idea was that if you have this backup scepter, you can give away your other scepter, but still secretly have the power to control a different group of dragons, which is like...

Pretty silly in the context of, you know, weapons of mass destruction and sort of a global stalemate of political power. Now, did she give up her back? Did she give up her scepter? She did not, maybe because she didn't get the backup scepter? Okay, so what you're saying is, it's like in The Godfather, where they hide a gun in the toilet, right? So he goes, I don't have a gun.

Oh, we can trust this guy. Hold on, I gotta go to the bathroom. Gets a gun, a.k.a. scepter. It's exactly like that. Okay, great. How come, Morgan, is Jeremy Irons' little CGI winged spy, which is the second spy because there's another one in that man's head? Oh, there's a lot of ear stuff going on in this movie. But that little thing, what's that? It's either an imp or a closet. It's...

Either a demon or a devil. It was a little unclear to me. And it works for Jeremy Irons as a spy or something. Yeah, they tend to like, essentially, they're like interns for spellcasters that hope that instead of getting degrees... Paid or unpaid? They work for experience. He's got an answer! Always does. Amazing. Wow. All right.

I guess my final question is, Jeremy Irons seems to have eyes on the people he wants at all times. From the imp to lipstick, but they are always eluding capture in every way. Nor do they ever seem to really figure out they're being spied on. They're like, how did you know that?

They just seem to let them do the job and take their stuff. Everybody's bad at every job they're supposed to be doing. Everybody sucks in this movie. Man, oh man, you know what? I think now it must be time for me to go in the audience and see if anyone else besides Morgan can help clarify some things out there. Oh, you're in a costume. Tell me what this costume, Dutch boy. Oh, from Geostorm. Oh my gosh. Geostorm! A beautiful Geostorm costume.

Alright, a great costume. Both of them. Alright, your name and your question. My name is Ashley and what was the giant floating eyeball monster? Yeah, it's a big giant blob. Morgan? It's called a Beholder. It's like a classic D&D monster. It shoots like... Boy, we really nailed it with you, Morgan. Holy shit, this show would be an unmitigated disaster.

Without Morgan, and that is real. All right, I have a gentleman in a Dungeons & Dragons, or at least a dragon shirt. And he's got Dungeons & Dragons Crocs. Oh, boy. Your name, you said you had an observation, or you could do whatever you'd like. Hey, everybody, I'm terrified. I'm Ed. I've... Oh, I was going to say my job would probably be eating horse shit. I... Morgan, is that a profession you can have?

Ed, if you get paid to do what you love, then it's not a job. Sorry, Morgan. So I did, I tried to do a deep dive because all these weird creatures, none of those were actually people or characters in D&D in second edition. Well, except for the one that Morgan said was a... Well, yeah, no, I mean all these background Star Wars-y kind of weird people in face paint. The purple guy with the...

Third Eye. I was hoping to try to get an idea that the novelization of the movie, though, is just as opaque. And I just want everybody to know that, like, don't try to dig into that. It's not worth it. Wait, I love that. How many people here read the novelization of this movie? Holy shit, Ed.

Impressive stuff for a shit eater. Do not worry. I will not be looking into this any further. Paul, be careful. Okay, I'm going to go over here for a second. Oh my gosh, a baby. What? What do you mean? There's a baby. Oh, I see it. There's a baby right at the back. The baby didn't have a question. I'll come back over there. You are... I need to explain this properly. He is...

Can we get more? Is there more lights? Is there more? I need to... Oh, boy. Wow. He is Snail's... The Rocks? The Rocks. He's the grave... He's Snail's grave. The grave of snails. Holy shit. This is amazing. This is iconic. Get a flash on, for God's sake. All right, so...

You're in a Snails costume. This is awesome. I love it. What's your name? My name is Adam. And what's your question? My question would be, I don't know if you're going to get to it. This is it. Yeah, we're here. We are getting to it. It's happening now, Adam. I'm a rock. Are they dead at the end? Did he just say, I'm a rock? This is a great question. He did say, I'm a rock.

He asked, are they dead at the end? Which was a question that I thought too because Snails is dead.

But then he's like, I'm going to take you to where I am, which seems to be death. Well, I feel like there seems to be some sort of like his name goes off of the rock. So and the dragon eye starts to glow. And just when Ridley's about to say, like, can I have an exposition dump for what's going on? The elf is like, no.

Shh, shh, shh. No. It's almost over. Get out. You'll ruin it. So don't. We're all just going to disappear. The movie's done. Okay. You came over. I feel the energy that you have a good question. I have been only thinking about this for the last two days. My name is August. I'm so sorry.

I work here, so I would be a commoner. Okay. And my question is, when Lipstick is, right before he's about to mind meld with Marina, do you think he was actually going to have a redemption arc, or do you think he was trying to manipulate her into giving him the answers, and she either failed or won in terms of interpretation? I don't know. You know what I mean? Lipstick remains. It might have significance. This film might have a little bit of depth. I love it. Attack it. It doesn't.

It's so hard now looking back at Lipstick because I really believed that his character, we spent so much time with him on the screen that I thought for sure there's going to be some moment where we get that turn and we're going to really land the plane with Lipstick. Yeah. And...

And I felt connected to him, but I think maybe that's because we had just seen him in another movie, Jason. Yeah, I also was like, oh, I really wanted Lipstick to have a moment where he turned on Jeremy Irons. Me too. And he was like, no, I won't be manipulated. I won't have your ear-based parasite living inside of my head. Yep. How's the baby doing? Honest to God, Morgan, I would kill you for that baby. Understood.

I would kill everybody in this room for the baby. And then I would raise the baby as my own. This theater is so complicated to get around. Please be careful up there, Paul. Be careful. The true balcony now. It really is. What's up? I'm in the back row of the top balcony. I only ask this every now and then when I use... I hope you don't get insulted by this. How old are you?

14 years young. Yeah! Great. You are two years older than the show. Or maybe one year. I don't know. One year older than the show. Okay. What is your name and your question? My name is Finn. I'm usually the dungeon master. But... All right. So, Finn, first question. How's Morgan doing? I don't know what that means, but I'm so happy. Okay.

How is Morgan doing as another person who knows Dungeons & Dragons? We love Morgan. He's doing fantastic. Wow! He is great. Fin, fin, fin, fin, fin, fin. Okay, so yeah. During the scene where, you know, Ripley or whatever his name is, he like comes out of the dungeon. How much better would this movie be if Sigourney Weaver as Ripley...

What's instead in the lead role? Sorry, go ahead. When he comes out of, like, the cave with the Party City staff, Lipstick Guy's like, I'll let her go if you give me the staff. And he's like, fine. And then Lipstick Guy lets her go for a second and he's like, you promised. And he's like, I lied. It was, like, the weirdest thing. It feels like, I don't know. It sounds like you're saying this movie doesn't make much sense.

Thank you, I am. But I don't know if Lipstick Guy has any moral compass or whatever, but that was the most eight-year-old way of putting it. Where it's like, actually, I didn't... And that's coming from a 14-year-old. That's true. All right, how do I get... This kid gets it. How do I get over there? You're in a costume. But I would still kill him for that. I don't know how I'm going to get over to you. It seems deadly.

Let me try if I can. Don't be careful. Thank you, everybody. Careful near the edge. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Thank you. So sorry. The balcony is very high up, I will say. All right. Welcome. It scares me from where we are. By the way, now that full house lights are up, gorgeous theater, Philly. Gorgeous theater. Love this theater. Okay. Okay.

Hi, how are you? Your name and your question. My name is Adelaide and my friends and I watched it earlier and we gave an ungodly amount of time to the consideration of the breastplate. And like, did it look like aroused breasts with no nipples going on? Like the kind of situation, right? And then like, also how much better would the movie have been if the two lead characters had come from the year 2000? Yeah.

That would be amazing, right? There would be like a Connecticut yanking King Arthur's court, like that kind of a vibe? Exactly. You get me. Yeah. I mean, look, they definitely acted like that. Just to address the breastplate for a second. It was strange because I thought about it a lot, too. Oh, I haven't stopped thinking about it, and I'm going to think about it a lot in the hotel later. So I was like, I was like, the...

I had the same questions, which were, is the breastplate preparing for boobs that are always erect? Or are those just where the... And are they customized per person? Or is that just like your standard breastplate? Yes, that's what I was going to say. I wonder if the armor is bespoke for each warrior. And in which case, how do I become the person that makes that armor? Or...

Does the measurements. All right, I have a question here. Another back row question. Standing room question. All right, you're ready. All right, your name, your question. What do you got? I'm Rachel. I'd hope to be an elf. Marina very clearly has glasses on in the library scene. And then Lucifer...

loses them in the kerfuffle of like exiting that space and then seemingly just doesn't need glasses for the rest of the film and i was really like confused about this so much so that her wanted poster doesn't even have the glasses on it and most people would recognize her as someone who would have glasses on like if you were to draw also terrible drawing

of somebody. I think that once in the first scene, she's a nerdy, she's in the library, and then she takes her glasses off, lets her hair down, and is beautiful and gorgeous for the rest of the movie, a la She's All That. And that hair comes down so quickly. Oh, yeah. And it stays down. Oh, yeah. It's like va-va-va-voom. Okay. Get her a breastplate.

Everybody gets a breastplate. It is one of my favorite tropes in movies in general that we cannot find women attractive if their hair are up. Yes, and they're wearing glasses. It's too much to imagine. If they're wearing glasses, they're fucking gross.

Now, June, I will say to you, I love you with your hair up and I love you with glasses on. I know you do. He does. I do. All right. I hope this question can conservatively take a 10-minute long answer because that's what was just presented to me as far as how to get

back down. So when I just asked for directions, it was like, okay, go down the brown stairs, make a left, but don't make a right because then you'll go over here. The brown stairs. I don't think we'll see you again, Paul. Like maybe you say goodnight. I feel like the brown stairs definitely go to the bathroom. Your name? My name is Mark and I would be a trap rug weaver. Ooh, a trap rug weaver. Okay, and your question? I have a question for Morgan, unfortunately. Wow. Okay.

Fortunately. So when the party goes to heal Ridley with elf Doctor Who, he explains that dragons are related to magic in some incredibly convoluted way. Dragons are magic. Morgan, are dragons a natural resource? Great question from Morgan. I'm gone. Whoa, slow down, Paul.

No. Sorry. Okay. It's that simple. Morgan, no longer. That answer was not long enough to cover Paul's dissent. I do have a question, actually. Oh, Morgan has a question. Yeah. Okay. No. Morgan knows his place. I know my place. And it's amongst you. Yes. The baby, though. Ooh, I want the baby on stage so bad.

Okay, go ahead, Morgan. What's your question? Why did Lipstick think he was acting in a credible movie? Because he had a lot of, like, gravitas and pregnant pauses in his delivery, and it was blowing my mind a little bit. I think that he and Jeremy Irons, especially because they shared so many scenes together, they were going for it. Yeah, and tonally they were matching each other. Yes. It was like a Meisner exercise. Yeah, it was a mirror exercise, but...

Yeah, you know, I don't know what to say. Here's what I'll say. I think the only person who can answer that question is you, Morgan. I know. Turn it back to you. I'm so scared when Morgan's asking us questions. Oh, I feel really on the spot. Thank you.

It was just what was in my head while I'm watching every scene with this guy. I know, I know. Just to go back to that gentleman's question before, Morgan, because you gave such a brief answer. Pause back. And by the way, as you ask this, can we get the people to come on down? And Morgan, we'll have to take your mic in a second. Sorry. Sorry, Morgan. But just before you take his mic away, I want to ask him one other question. Actually, Paul, we can pull one of these, I bet. Because I know you said that elves aren't a natural resource, but...

that moment when they said we are magic you use the mages use magic and the commoners i guess or the thieves don't even think they can have anything to do with it but the elves actually are magic does that does that resonate with your understanding of this world no there it is again okay made up whole cloth for the movie thank god for morgan's brevity

Because sometimes people are like, I've got power now. I'm holding the mic. All right. Well, here it is, people. Obviously, we have opinions. We have thoughts about this movie. There are people out there with different opinions, different thoughts. It is now time for second opinions. I do need a little help. I need a little beat. Not too fast, but can I get a stomp, clap, stomp, clap?

In West Philadelphia, bored and crazed. On Amazon is where I spent most of my days. Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool. Watching some movies and then leaving reviews when a couple of users who were frankly wrong tried to say my favorite movie was a bomb. I read one bad review that said they weren't entertained and thought, you're not giving enough credit to Marlon Wayans. I logged in, cracked my knuckles and started to type, made a case for why D&D is more than alright.

Publish my thoughts and admire my bars. And that's my second opinion as the Prince of Five Stars. Yes! What's your name? My name is Abby. Thank you, Abby! All right, these are five-star reviews pulled from Amazon. There are 2,590 reviews. 2,590 reviews. 59% are five-star reviews.

59% are five stars. Holy shit. Did we blow it? David writes, title, it's a good movie. Then he writes, I like spending time watching movies with my loved ones and definitely this is a cool one. Five stars. Is there any way people were reviewing the 2023 movie? As a matter of fact, as I'm looking at the dates here, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Holy shit, that's amazing. Are any of those reviews, Paul, from 2000? I have some that were before the movie came out, but this one I'll read regardless of what it was from because it seems to not even make a difference. Michael Emrick writes, I have what I wanted. Five stars. Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.

This one, written back in 2022 by Rick McLargan, says this. Not a real name. The title is... McLargan? McLargan? Of the Philadelphia McLargans?

You know, Ricky McClurgs. I do feel like if you become an adult with that name, you change it. Or it's the bar everyone goes to. I'll meet you at McClurgans. So hard to say. Where everyone forgets your name. McClurgans. McClurgans. McClurgans titles his review, Good Movie If You Like This Stuff Like I Do. The review reads, I'm very into dragon. Magic,

fiction, or fantasy, so I liked it. Five stars. Fair enough. Why not? By the way, why not? You nailed it, McLargan. This one by Dan Krieg, written in 2013. The title is I've Seen This Movie Before, and the review goes like this. I like this kind of movie. I don't know what else to say. I don't know what else to say. Oh!

Five stars. Wow. Wow. To sign on to your Amazon account...

To log in. Like, wow. Do you think that if they had brought Snails' body to the elves, they could have healed him the same way they seemed to be able to heal Ridley? I was thinking that. Why wouldn't they do that? Why not just heal everybody if you can? They take them all to the tree city on Kashyyyk and are like, here's the deal. That's a Star Wars reference. I didn't get it. And seem to be able to heal Ridley from death. Ridley's like...

And they're like, we're bringing him back with just hands on a hard body.

Well, here's what I'll say. I also was confused at the end because... Can I just... One more thing in that Elvin City when they're in the thing and Ridley comes back to life. He and Marina have a makeout? Yes. And the little imp is watching like a fucking creep. I wrote that. He's creeping on them like... I get to watch the... He's like a little perv. Morgan, are there pervs in D&D? No.

Oh yeah, absolutely. I will say it not to be too gross about it, but I felt like the angle, the angle that they shot that little imp, like you saw his little, like it looked like you saw his dick. Like you saw something. You thought it was little. You're saying you thought it was little. I actually thought it was large. It seemed like a perfectly normal giant adult dick. Right? So that's what happens there. Um,

What do we think, people? What do we think here? I will say this. So I haven't seen the new Dungeons & Dragons movie. And I am excited. This is my overall review. I'm excited to see another Dungeons & Dragons movie, which is the 2023 one. Yeah. Oh, it's fantastic. Genuinely. I love it. Morgan, how did you feel about the recent Dungeons & Dragons movie?

I thought it was a lot of fun. I thought that it mirrored the structure of a D&D campaign a hell of a lot better than this one did. It's a great movie. Yeah. It's a great movie. It's a blast. I thought it was a fun ride. This movie, to me, feels like it's not even getting to willow levels of interest for me. All right, so would you recommend this movie?

I'm going to go first and say no. I didn't find it to be enjoyable enough. You can definitely watch all the Jeremy Irons scenes on YouTube, and I think that would be fine. I do, yeah. I mean, it was so, I had a crazy experience watching this because we've, again, we've been watching these movies during this tour for how many days now? Five? A thousand? So we are deranged. We are a deranged people. And so I didn't mind watching this.

in comparison to some of the other films we've seen this week. To be a how did this get made completist? Sure, why not? But I will say as I have said for many other movies in the past, it is perfectly okay to fast forward through you know like I scrubbed a lot of 30 seconds forward, 30 seconds forward when they were just walking between places. There's a lot of stuff in there. There's a lot of filler. I will say this and this really was hard for me

I didn't know how else to do it, but my audio was not synced with my video. Neither was mine. Neither was mine. I complained today about it. To Apple, because I think it's an internal issue. Did you write a review? And it was so weird. It made the movie ten times more frustrating.

Because you're like, ouch! And then all of a sudden you'd see the thing that happened. I hope that someone at Apple is like, hey, you know the comedian Paul Scheer? Yeah. So he's like emailing me about the sync on the Dungeons and Dragons movie. Oh, that's a great movie. No, no, no, not the recent one.

But I'm also like, with our children here and all that was going on today, getting here from New York, when did you have time to write that email? I'm busy. I got a lot of stuff. I do it. We also have received like 300 boxes of horse shit from Philly. Again, I have to get stuff done. I'll tell you one thing. Just a couple of fun facts about it. Like I mentioned, the guy who directed it was supposed to just produce it and whenever people say, hey, this movie sucked, he's like, hey,

I was just trying to produce it, but you did direct it. The main actor never played Dungeons & Dragons. He goes, I tried to watch some games, but it just felt like people were arguing, so I trusted the script. I trusted the script. First mistake. Now, Morgan, you may or may not agree with this or not, but it seems like the director decided to focus... He created a generic setting loosely based on a lesser-known game setting called Mystara.

And he felt like if he used anything from the game, it would confuse viewers. He decided to confuse viewers on his own without having anything to relate to. And that's really all. I will say this. The other thing that is interesting about this movie is the budget was $45 million. $45 million. That can't be true.

If it is, somebody needs to do forensic accounting to find out where that money went. I think it went to all the CGI dragon's blood. You're right, there is CGI nonsense, so maybe that. Opening weekend, $7 million. Domestic gross, $15 million. The tagline, it's no game. That's it? Jesus Christ.

It's no game. Wow. Yeah, it's like it's not just a game. It's no game. It's no game. Now, I feel like we normally go and debate what the shirt should be, but really the shirt to me feels like it's just Morgan. Yeah. And is it? I'm the Morgan of my group? I'm the Morgan of my group or Philly's own Morgan? Morgans and Dragons. Morgans and Dragons in the font of Dungeons and Dragons.

Morgan, are you happy with that? Can I be riding a dragon in it? What's that? Can I be riding a dragon in it? Oh, Morgan. Morgan, come close to me first thing. Can we get house lights? I got a picture. Morgan! Thank you, Morgan!

Keep it up with Jason and June. Thank you, Philly. Thank you, Tom Falcone. Thank you, Middleman. Thank you, orchestra. Thank you for coming out. Good night, everybody. That's right. Eat shit, Philly.

What a show. Wow. That was a fun episode. Thank you so much to the staff at the Miller Theater, our amazing tour manager, Beth Thomas, and all of you in Philadelphia who made it such a great time. And I have to give a special thank you to the one and only Morgan, who is the subject of our Morgan and Dragons shirt.

which is finally back up for sale on tpublic.com slash stores slash HDTGM. I love this shirt. Get that shirt. We've had two banger shirts between that and Ben Cannon. You can't go wrong with the merch that we're making. Anyway, if you've been wanting to attend one of our live shows and you maybe have...

been like, well, I can't travel to the States. Don't worry. We're coming to Europe. Well, that's really only good if you live in Europe. That's right. We are going to be in Europe for the first time ever. How did this get made? It's going on a European tour to the UK and Ireland from March 28th to April 3rd, 2024. We'll be traveling across the pond to London, Glasgow, Belfast, and Dublin. Tickets are

are on sale now at hgtgm.com. And once we select the movies for each show, you will find those listed there as well. People, now that we can talk about all the things that we're doing and all the things that we are supporting, I want to just give a huge shout out to the great Lower Decks on Paramount+. I love doing that show, and I wasn't able to talk about it throughout the entire season because we were on strike. If you haven't watched it, just jump in. You don't have to know anything about Star Trek. It's just a

funny fucking comedy show that happens to take place in the Star Trek universe. Again, Family Switches on Netflix was the number one movie in the world. Wow, how about that? And Disturbance in the Force, I think, has a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, or at least the last time I checked, and that is a documentary about the making of the Star Wars holiday special. It's a lot of plugs for sheer, but you know what?

I got things to plug. Anyway, heads up, next week I will be taking Last Looks off for New Year's. That's right, I take a break. And don't worry though, because in its place we will be re-releasing a How Did This Get Made classic episode on the movie Anaconda with guest Michael Ian Black. If you want to find out what our next movie is going to be, make sure to tune into the Anaconda re-release because I will announce our next movie at the top of that episode. So don't worry, we'll still be covering Dungeons & Dragons on a future supersized Last Looks, but...

That doesn't mean that just because we're not doing it next week, you don't have to send us corrections and omissions. Please do that still. Give us a call at 619-Paul-Ask. Write a comment on our Discord at discord.gg slash hdtgm. And remember, you can find us everywhere online at hdtgm and make sure to follow us on threads. And lastly, I got to say thank you to our entire behind-the-scenes team who keeps this show running. I'm talking about our producers, Scott Sonney, Molly Reynolds, and our movie pickers,

Thank you.

years. That's right, 13 years, and we couldn't continue doing this show without such a loving, dedicated fan base and team behind the scenes. Thank you, Earwolf. Thank you, Sirius. Thank you, listeners. We love you all. We appreciate you all. We are so thrilled when you buy a ticket or a t-shirt. Truly, I go into this new year just happy that we've had you for 13 years. Can't wait to continue in year 14. See you in 2024. ...

Every sandwich has bread, every burger has a bun, but these warm, golden, smooth steamed buns? These are special. Reserved for the very best. The Filet-O-Fish. And you. You can have them too.

Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.