I'm going to stop being a B*tch x
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Bugs has already gone to bed. Hi guys, welcome back to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. Happy New Year. This week I'm joined by Bugs. She's had a traumatic start to the year actually. She... Whoa, chill out. She nearly died about two days ago. And yeah, I know, crazy, okay, bye. She nearly died like two days ago and it was like the most traumatic night I've had in a while. She basically...

ate a candy cane off of the fucking Christmas tree I don't even know how she got it but she got it and I was like oh my god this stupid bitch but then I kind of just like immediately was like oh well like it's just sugar I'm sure she'll be okay and then I was like hold on like that's not how these creatures work so then I did some googling and I was like oh it definitely has xylitol in it which is like poison to dogs so I was like oh that's not good

Anyway, she ate a candy cane off the Christmas tree and subsequently I rushed her to the vet where they discovered she actually consumed it whole, plastic still wrapped around it and it was stuck in her throat. And it was too dangerous to vomit it. So they fed her four courses of charcoal along with some kind of xylitol anti-poison thing and

And she stayed overnight. She stayed two days and they had to contact poison control because even they weren't really sure what to do with her. So they also had to put her under anesthetic to push the candy cane further down her throat into her stomach because they couldn't get it out. So they had to push it in and then hope for the best. So she stressed me out and she cost me rather a lot of money that day. £1,500 for a candy cane, by the way. Do you know how many fucking candy canes I've ever bought with that? Bugs.

Are you going to bring me your toy as an apology? No, fuck you. She's not apologized yet. So it's a bit tense between us. But anyway, now let's talk New Year's resolutions. I am actually morbidly against New Year's resolutions. I didn't believe in them for like the entirety of my life because I was like, it's just to me, it's a toxic mindset, TBH, because why can't you think about that

with every single day of the year. Like, I just feel like if you are such a strong believer in New Year's resolutions, you're kind of putting yourself down every other day of the year. Like you have the opportunity every single day of the year. And also, it just seems dumb to me. The whole thing. I was like, no, it's not real. But I actually made New Year's resolutions last year. And

That was because for the first time in my life, I had like a job that I could like actually do something with. So I was like, I should make like goals and resolutions and whatnot. So I did. And then I saw multiple of them become achieved throughout the past 12 months. So I'm like, oh my god, that was actually kind of fun. Because now I have like a direct line of communication with my past self, do you know what I mean? Slash future self.

So this year I made some New Year's resolutions because last year I made my first set of New Year's resolutions and it was really fun to watch them all come to fruition throughout the year. Yeah, it was really fun. And last year it was just like really, it was fulfilling in a strange way, even though like I feel like with New Year's resolutions, it's like an impulse thing. Like you want to see your New Year's resolutions better.

become fulfilled in January or February. Like you're going to the gym, you want to see a change to your body, you want to see a change to your diet, you want to see like all these little things. It's like, I feel like they're almost impulsive. Otherwise, like why can't you do it any other day of the year? You know what I mean? But you know what? I think I'm using the term New Year's resolutions wrong. I think what I mean is I had a goal and I achieved it over the course of 12 months, but they were part of my New Year's resolutions. No, they weren't. Have I lost the fucking plot? Like what is a New Year's resolution? No, it's something you're going to do

I guess it is more of an impulsive thing. Interesting. Well, okay, I guess last year I only set goals and no resolutions. But this year I have resolutions and I'll tell you one of them. One of them is to be way less of a fucking bitch. So here's what I mean by that, right? I'm, I would say, a pretty nice person. I would say a pretty naive person, actually. A lot of people that I've met have had that comment about me is that I could be taken advantage of because they don't really...

I guess I'm just new here. I don't know. I get taken advantage of. Yes, that's my final statement there.

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So I kind of just was like, oh, like people perceive me as nice. I have nothing to worry about. Like I am nice. I don't know. Like it wasn't one of my concerns in life that I was not nice. Like that's never crossed my mind is that like I'm a bitch. Like I don't think mean thoughts about people. I don't say mean things to people. I don't talk behind people's back. I was like, it's never occurred to me that I could be a bitch and I'm not a bitch. But here's the thing. My friend pointed out to me the other day. They're like, you are really awkward and really shy, both of which are true. But they were like, it comes off rude, just so you know. And I was like, what?

I've never been more embarrassed in my life. I didn't realize, but then upon reflection, I was like, oh yeah, you're probably right. Probably does. Because like what I will do is I will walk into a room and acknowledge nobody and people say hi to me and I'll be like, hi. And the normal response to that would be, hi, how are you? What's your name? What did you do today? Like, bitch, I won't. I do care, but like, I can't, I can't fake anything.

My sign of like genuinely caring a little bit about you is I'm gonna stare you the most like gaunt face You've ever seen and not blink. That means I'm listening. That means I care like You when you need to be concerned is when I'm looking at anything other than you, you know I mean when I'm looking at the people in the corner like looking at the fucking bar That's when I don't give a fuck But yeah, I come off rude, but then I find other people rude and that doesn't keep them up at night So why has it been keeping me up at night that my friend was like you come off rude sometimes I'm like

Oh my God. But yeah, you have to adjust your manners based on where you are. I just feel too awkward to say hi if I miss the first, very first second to say it. Like when I run with a lot of people and I need to say hi to them and I don't immediately say hello and I look at them maybe and then I look away and I'm like, fuck, I missed my moment. That's it. I simply can never speak to you or look at you. And that's what I do with most people because...

There is not a bone in my body that encourages me to say hi the second that I see someone. Like, not one bone. You know what I mean? Like, I will fully look at someone five times before I say hi. And then by the time I say hi, they already fucking hate me. Because they're like, is this bitch stuck up? No. I don't know. I'm shy. Like, I got nervous. And then I kind of just always excuse myself with this. You guys know, I used to be so shy. This is actually...

kind of heartbreaking but I used to be so shy at school that someone had to translate for me because I couldn't speak I was like a selective mute as a child and they put me in all like special ed classes because no one knew that I could speak or read and so they just thought like I needed a lot of extra help I didn't I was just really fucking shy and I remember the day that my mom found out that I was in like a special ed reading class and she came into school and she was like this child is like the most advanced reader like she reads like fucking five books a day at home I'm like what

It was just because I was too fucking scared to talk. My teacher used to let me tap her if I needed anything. And I remember one time I tapped her on the back and she didn't see me. Usually I tap her leg. She didn't see me this time. So she yelled, whoever's tapping me better stop it. And that was the last time I tapped her. My second resolution is to start using my fucking gym membership. I've been three times. Do you know how humbling that is? And I can tell you, I promise you,

The only reason I've gone three times is because my shower was broken for a week and I needed to wash my hair. That's it.

I have literally done one workout class and it was spin. And I'm not sure it counts as workout. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like I, spin is great. Actually, no, spin definitely does count. Like I break a sweat, my heart gets racing. But the thing is I have such weak knees that I, my knees crap out before any other part of me does. So like my cardio barely even gets pumping before my knees are genuinely like splitting in half. I don't know what that's about. I think I have bone issues or I'm definitely at the very least on my way to having bone issues because I've heard that from multiple, uh,

osteopaths. So I need to go to the gym and I need to figure out a routine. It's actually really hard being a young mom. And the thing is, I take on so much, like so much of my day just revolves around this creature that I purchased a year ago. Like I need to figure out a way to maintain things that I want to do, like going to the gym and

I don't know. It's like, it's like I have really bad unmedicated ADHD. And the reason it's fucking unmedicated is because I have a really bad potty mouth today. The reason it's unmedicated is because I got a psychiatrist to diagnose me. And then he was like, if you want ADHD medication, you'll just need to fill out these various forms. And then you'll need to go to your GP and then you'll need to tell her this and that. And I was like, okay.

There it is. I'm not going like I can't do that because I'm disorganized. That's why I fucking came here. Like it took me four years to book this psychiatrist appointment. You think I'm going to go to my GP with forms that I filled out? It's not happening. So I haven't been I got diagnosed, I don't know, like four months ago, and I really, really need to be medicated. And I'm just not going.

Also, the other day I was talking to my own TikTok because I'm a little bit obsessed with that girl. She's so funny. And I came across this old video and I was like, why does everyone keep telling me I have an eating disorder? I obviously don't. I've never even said those words on this app. While talking a mile a minute, I'm putting 15 different skincare products on my face. Okay, look in the mirror. But anyway.

uh yeah i would like to be medicated uh because i can only do one task a day that was my point i can only do one thing a day and unfortunately my dog needs to be walked every day so that's all i can do i'm just stuck in this endless loop of dog walks i literally can't do anything else i haven't eaten today because my dog needed walking do you understand my dishwasher is literally full of moldy food because i walked the fucking dog there's nothing else i can do you understand my hands are tied

The tide. I had a good night's sleep last night, though, so I've actually felt quite good today. But then I woke up violently nauseous. So that was no good.

And I've actually spent most of the day nauseous. But, ooh, New Year's resolution. Cook for myself. I've lived in this flat, I'd say, two and a half months now, maybe pushing three. And I've cooked, I could name you the items of food that I've cooked and the amount of times I've cooked them. One time I tried to fry eggs and it just went wrong because I used the wrong kind of frying pan and they were stuck to the bottom and they just looked absolutely disgusting. So I gave them to the dog.

Uh, one time I cooked instant noodles. I've cooked pasta, I'd say twice. And I make a lot of bagels. That's it. That's all I've done. How else have I gotten by? You may ask. What do you live off of? Deliveroo. And I'll tell you why I don't mind doing that, right? No, I do mind. I very, very much mind. But I...

remember back when I had really bad OCD I still have it right but when I was like really bad with my OCD I could not eat food that anybody else prepared in fact I could barely eat food that I had prepared unless I'd scrub my hands 500 times washed each pot 600 times and check the date on the food 700 times and it was like it was a whole ordeal right and I would never consider getting a takeaway like that was just not on the it was not on the fucking cards for me um

So it wasn't on the cards for me to like get takeaways. And then I'd like watch YouTubers and stuff and they'd be like, oh my God, like I've eaten fucking DoorDash every day this month. I'd be like, A, jealous that you can afford it. B, jealous that you can eat that. Like, I wish I could eat that. I miss flavor. I miss food, but I can't.

And then I've kind of just like gotten a lot better lately, I suppose, in a weird way when it comes to like the food that I can eat. It kind of ebbs and flows me like it won't stay good forever, 100%. But it's like recently it's been really easy for me to eat different kinds of foods that I usually wouldn't eat from restaurants that I usually would be way too scared to eat from, which is everywhere.

And so the fact that I can sit here and be like, oh my God, yeah, I get ordered delivery every day for two months is a flex in my books. Like I am proud of myself for that because it means that I'm getting over my fears one by one. So my New Year's resolution is to continue being able to order from delivery without having a fucking panic attack. The reason I like didn't give a fuck about New Year's resolutions before was I just feel like, why limit yourself to being like, no, I can only...

do this for New Year's like to me that's just kind of like a waste of time like you can do it any day but then like say it's like November and you're like oh New Year's resolution I'm gonna do this this this like you could start that exact day but then because you have this site of like New Year's resolution you're just gonna do it then you know what I mean like I don't know it's like a weird thing to me like why is it such a big deal of a New Year's resolution if everyone fully acknowledged that you could do

anything at any point, then New Year's resolutions wouldn't be such a big deal. I'm definitely overthinking it.

I feel like instead of a big New Year's resolution that often once New Year's rolls around, they're actually too daunting and you've set yourself up for failure because you're trying to do too much at one point in time. You can just do like, OK, this week I'm going to start this and I'm going to do it for one week, like fucking spin classes for me. Right. And then I don't even have to carry it on at the end of the week, but I can if I figure out that I like high, if I figure out that I like it.

and then set yourself a new goal for the next week. And then it's just kind of becomes a fun little game of like, I'm gonna try out a new hobby every single week, or I'm gonna try cooking for myself, or I'm gonna try this. And it's like, life becomes a series of little challenges, like a video game, rather than just like stressing yourself out

at one point in the year and inevitably probably failing like don't set yourself these crazy goals I know it's exciting to be honest I like to set myself crazy goals at one point in time when I'm like motivated and give a fuck like new year's resolutions when everyone's on the bandwagon and everyone's talking about how they're gonna be a new person it's new year and you're seeing all this content about new year new me you know what I mean that's good I like it set big goals but then like

Throughout the year, I feel like we can also do like new month resolutions. That should be a thing. I'm coining it. New month resolutions. This episode is brought to you by Mejuri. You know, I had a thought the other day. Since Rwanda jewelry becomes something we only bought on special occasions.

Mejuri approaches fine jewelry a little bit differently. Each one of their pieces is handcrafted by jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Created by women for women, Mejuri is breaking down barriers in what has long been an exclusive and occasional category of men buying for women. In 2020, the brand launched the Mejuri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals.

because fine jewelry doesn't have to cost the world feel good about your jewelry in more ways than one start stacking your favorites shop online or visit the website to find a store near you oh my god i got so pissed off actually let me oh my god i got so pissed off i posted a tiktok right and it was something like drinking orange juice in my big girl flat because the world didn't end when i was 14 to a fucking phoebe bridges song then this girl love her posts her own version and she's like

something something something because the world didn't end when i was 17 to the same song right must have seen my video thanks babes love you then everyone starts copying her the world didn't end when i was 17 the world didn't end when i'm 17 i've never started a trend in my life i started a trend and someone else is getting the credit and it's making me sick it's making me i never want to start again this is too stressful i don't even want credit no i do but yeah

New month resolutions. I'm going to start my year by attempting to go to the gym at least once a week for purposes other than a luxurious shower. Do you know what my third resolution is? My third resolution is to stop lying to my fucking therapist. And actually, that was too big of a goal because I've lied. I'm so deep in a web of lies with my therapist. There's no going back. Like he will think I have some kind of psychological problem, which I obviously don't.

have got like you'd think it's worse than it is and you'd think it's a lying issue which it's not but I just couldn't tell him certain truths there was I just couldn't at the time too embarrassing I've been on the phone to my lawyer and my lawyer was like you should go to therapy based off what you're telling me and I was like and then I spoke to my accountant and he was like do you have a therapist now I feel like when those two specific people

ask if you're in therapy, that's a humongous fucking sign that you either need to enter therapy or find a new therapist. And for me, that was I needed to find a new therapist. My therapist is wonderful. I love him. He's been great. But I do feel like there's certain things we can't connect on. Like he's an older guy and I just need a younger gal. You know what I mean? So I went out of my way and I found a new therapist and she is a woman. I don't know how old she is, maybe like late 40s, early 50s. She's very nice and

Actually, I don't know if she's nice because I have my first appointment on Thursday, but I'll let you know. I feel like because I was so deep in my lies, I was so deep in my web of lies with my old therapist, I was like, I can't back out of any of this. Like, I can't sit here and be like, okay, so the actual situation is this. It was just too much. So I was like, I need a new therapist and I also need one with different attributes. So I have sought...

forms of help. And actually when I called her, so I lie to every therapist ever and I don't know why I do it. It's because I'm fucking embarrassed because I make such consistently bad decisions that I'm like, God, they're going to think I'm helpless. And I always go into therapy with the vision of like, I need help with this one thing that happened to me when I was fucking seven years

And I don't want them to focus on the fact that I'm 20 and just like making bad decisions. Like those are just my goofy decisions. I need actual help. Like I need you to tell me why this happened to me and why I feel this way about this event. I don't need you to get distracted by all the, what are they called? Smoke screens, fog screens. Ignore that. Ignore it. It's not important. Like to detract from the lies, I...

Went in with the intention of being brutally honest from the first phone call with this new therapist that I've found myself. And I was actually Christmas tree shopping with my mom and my sister. And I had the consultation call with her. And I was like, oh, fuck, I need to jump in the car.

I need to take this call. So I jump in the car and it's like a 20 minute call. And she's like, OK, so can you give me like a very brief overview of like what you think you need help with? And I think she's expecting me to be like, I don't know. I just feel sad and I feel anxious and like I don't know what's wrong with me. I was like, well, let me give you a concise view of the land. Like I know exactly what the fuck is wrong with me.

And here is everything I'm doing wrong. And I need your help. And I need you to interfere. Like I need an intervention because my friends have tried and it's not enough. I need you to help. And she was like, I told my new therapist everything there was to tell her on the first phone call so that I would never be able to lie to her face because she already knows the worst of it. And she's a current events therapist. That's what I'm calling her because I've spent all my life trying to figure out

What the fuck happened in my childhood to make me have a panic attack every single day of my adulthood? And it's got me nowhere. I still just have panic attacks every single day. So I'm like, fuck, fine. I might as well deal with the current events because I keep making bad decisions. And just generally, I don't function very well. That's my third New Year's resolution. Stop lying to my therapist. I don't think I have any other New Year's resolutions. Probably stop wearing...

clothes with shit stains on them that would be nice i think it's just like my dog slobber gets on everything and well i don't have a working washing machine oh my god do you guys oh my god do you guys remember i said that my landlord was being a bitch and he wasn't replacing any of my broken appliances and that i was trying to stand up for myself and that i was learning all these lessons about standing up for myself okay well give me a fucking clap wait give me a round of applause that sounds a little bit nicer give me a round of applause because he's replacing my french

I know, not bad. I basically, I don't even know if this was an issue the last time we spoke, but I have, like I said, I have an issue with food hygiene. So I want my fridge to be cold. I feel like that's not a crazy thing to ask. Actually, no, I think I did tell you guys about this. My fridge does not get cold enough or it freezes. And I sent, I beefed him over over text and then he was like,

I think at first he denied it and he sent this guy around. Oh my God, he sent a guy around on a fucking bicycle. This pissed me off. He sent a guy to look at the fucking fridge, not fix it, just look and confirm my allegations because this man came, first of all, 30 minutes late, turned up to my flat 30 minutes late. So he was on a bike, so he didn't have tools. He had nothing on him.

He opened up my fridge and saw that the temperature was way too cold. It was like on minus one degrees. It had frozen over because it just does that sporadically. I was like, yeah, that's the problem. So he looks at my temperature dial and he's like, have you tried changing the temperature dial? Yes. It's actually the first thing I tried. And I can't, I think, is it, is the word?

female rage. It ignited it in me because what the fuck do you mean? Did you try turning the temperature dial? Yes, I did. And then I called a repairman, but they sent you, you fucking idiot. And then he looked at my washing machine. He did nothing. By the way, my washing machine is broken. He looked at the fault, right? Didn't know what it meant. So he tried to drain some kind of piping. I don't know. No, he tried to empty out the filter.

which by the way I've done because I'm not disgusting I empty is a washer dryer so you have to empty out the filter or it's going to explode so he did that and then he was like uh yeah I don't know what's going on with this um I'm gonna put it on and then I'm gonna leave and I was like you're gonna put my washing machine on then leave it's like yeah just see if it works and then let me know if it doesn't I was like but it's not gonna work I was like I don't know just let me know I was like okay cool

So he leaves and within five minutes, it does what it always does, which is display an error message. The same one it's always been displaying. So there's been no resolution. That was a week and a half ago. But my landlord did say that he would repair my fridge. No, replace my fridge. Oh my God, I have another news resolution. I need to write in my fucking diary again because I did not write. I think I wrote once in 2023 and 2023 has been the most interesting year of my life.

I risk saying the only interesting year of my life. You know what I mean? Like, but somehow I made like year 11 sound like the most interesting experience ever in my fucking time. My diary is fucking insane. Like I read it and my jaw drops. I'm like, I don't know who this girl was, but like, I see why me and my mom butted heads now. Cause I was a fucking asshole and I was insane. And I,

I, if I could make year 11 sound that interesting when I had nothing going on, like the stories I could have given that diary about 2023, publishable in a museum, I'm sure. Like it would have been insane. And now I just look back on empty pages and I'm like, fuck, like I could have written, I could have so many good memories written in this diary. I don't know, just little things like,

Like, okay, I went to Glastonbury. That was fucking cool. I've never been to a festival before. That was my first festival. Do you guys know that? And what's crazy is like, I didn't go to festivals when I was like younger, like the age most people go to festivals, like 16, 17, 18, because I didn't really have a big group of friends. Like my friends weren't festival goers. And I remember one year I was meant to go to a festival with my friend group. And

I was like, I was actually in the wrong because I was like, well, it's a mixture. But like, I was really sensitive at the time about relationships because I had not been in one for a very long time or maybe ever, or maybe I was going through a breakup. Fuck knows. Anyway, I was sensitive for some reason. And I was also a teenager and all my friends were in these relationships, but they were like fucking annoying relationships. And I remember saying like, we all booked our tickets, like the girls booked our tickets. And I was like, guys,

The boys aren't coming, right? It's like, it's a girls, girls fucking festival. And they were like, yeah, 100%, 100%. And then both their boyfriends booked tickets.

And I know that's like a weird thing to be bitter about. But I was like, I don't want to fucking go. Like, I don't want to sleep in a tent where you guys are gonna basically like fuck each other in front of me. Literally fuck each other in front, like actually fuck each other. Like festivals are disgusting. I know what you're going to do. Also, your boyfriends stink. Like I hate to tell you this, but they don't know how to wash. I don't want to stink. Like I don't want to sleep in a hot tent with your boyfriend that has yet to discover deodorant. You know what I mean? And

So I told my friends, I was like, okay, I don't want to go. And no one even put up a fight. They were like, okay, well, we can like pass your ticket onto one of the guy's friends. If you don't want to come. I was like, fine. I'm still friends with those girls, by the way. But that was just like one of our lesser mature moments in our teenage years. That was the only time I was ever going to go to a festival. And then after that, I just didn't have any interest in going. I always spent my summers not to like, I'm such a good person.

I spent my summers volunteering or working jobs. Like I was kind of always busy during the summer and that would always be during festival season. So I've just never gone. And then for a long time, I felt like I wasn't cool enough. Like I didn't get invited after, after sixth form. Like I didn't really have those kinds of friends at uni. I very much was by myself. I did not thrive at uni to say the very least. And yeah,

I don't know. Like, I was just always like, I had friends that would go to festivals, but like, they weren't, we weren't close enough that I would like go with them. So it would always be like, not left out, but like privately sour about it. You know what I mean? Like at Glastonbury, I was like, oh my God, this is so cool. Like,

I guess it worked out and actually ironically I went with the friend that invited her fucking stinky boyfriend when we were 16 to the festival and thus I did not go and we went to Glastonbury together and that was really fun it was like a full circle moment that we got to go and stank it did stink like stank like fucking hot shit I don't know how people enjoy festivals like it's so so far away from being up my street but then anything that involves like

going out is. I guess there are things I wish I'd written in my diary just to remember. I don't know. It's just, I guess it's interesting. Like I started off this year in such a different place than I've ended it. And I would have liked to have documented that journey. So that's something I'm going to make sure that I do in 2024.

And the weird thing is, I knew I was going to have a crazy year because that was my New Year's resolution. Like I stayed in and I had a glass of red wine with one of my best friends and my mom and my dog. And when it hit New Year's, I cheers myself on the forehead with my glass of red wine and promised myself a really good year. And a really good year ensued. And I've had a great time, but I didn't fucking document any of it. Like, what is my problem?

So I'm fully planning on doing the same thing again this year. And I'm going to promise myself the same thing. And I would like if some of it was put in writing because I know I'm only going to be in my early 20s for a few years. So I should probably document it because it's so interesting. And like when I was 13 and scribbling down like what happened at school that day in my diary, I probably didn't think it would be that interesting. I definitely didn't think I'd be like reading it.

in my 20s, like, oh, my God, I was such an idiot. But like, you just don't know what version of yourself in the future is going to read it, which I always think is cool. And it makes me feel connected to myself to like, not to be cringe. But when I'm like, reading the same piece of paper that like, I wrote on when I was like, 15 and like dying. It's like kind of sweet. And then when I write now, and I'm like, in my 20s, I'm like, Oh, hell, like, I'm having the worst time ever. And I'm I keep making bad decisions. I'm like, Oh, well, you know what, like,

30 year old me will hold the same piece of paper and she'll probably be fine. So it's like comforting. You know what I mean? I would sum up 2023. I would say 2023 was a big year for me. I started it very differently than I ended it. And that is how I intend for my 2024 to go as well. Because I don't like staying in the same place for too long. This was the year that I moved to London. I moved out of my mom's house. I got my degree. No, I didn't. No, I got my degree last year. No, I got my degree in 2022. What?

Fuck. I don't like saying now that's two years ago. Well, it wasn't because it was the end of 2022, midway through 2022 that I got my degree. I went away. Why does this feel like fucking Spotify rap for my life? I went away so many times. I laughed 537 times, cried 5,000 times. I listened to Ed Sheeran less this year than last year. Gracie Abrams was my number one, as she should be. And I posted TikTok being like, oh my God, LOL, I listened to 1,000 minutes of Gracie Abrams. And she commented, oh, exclamation point.

Okay. Fine. Fine. I'll stop listening to you. I don't know. I don't know what you want me to do with that. Oh, it's fine. Ed Sheeran never did me like that ever. Not once. And he was my number one for seven years. So just saying. I got a dog. Oh, no, I had you last year. Yes, I did. Barely, though. This time last year, you weren't in my life. This time in 2022, you weren't in my life.

And then you spent New Year's crying, screaming, sobbing in your crate because I left you upstairs for five minutes to go and celebrate like an adult. And the baby cried. And then I went and rescued her and she came down to celebrate with us because I felt bad. What I did on New Year's to celebrate was nothing as per all the rest of my years. I've never gone out on New Year's Eve. I think I maybe am lying. I maybe went out once when I was like 15 and I actually know for a fact that I did because I have.

some scars from that night because I got hit by a car but we'll talk about that another time um I have almost never gone out for new years reason being I just really like to be with my mum because it's me my mum and my sister my sister lives on the other side of the world so it's me and my mum and I don't want her to be by herself on new years additionally I

I always like to start my New Year's stood next to the person that I want to keep for the entire year, no questions asked, which is always just my mum and my sister if she would ever fucking come home, but she doesn't. So I try and stay with my mum on New Year's. I feel like having a single parent

impedes on plans like New Year's and Christmas and whatnot, because they are someone that you have to consider. Like all my friends that like actually, actually, I actually got annoyed. My friends were going out on New Year's and they all invited me out. And I got like sensitive over the subject because I was like, guys, like, what is it like to have a fucking nuclear family? Get the fuck out my face. It pissed me off for some reason. I was like, no, no.

So anyway, I go home for New Year's and I spend it with my family and I spend it on my sofa and then I fucking go to bed at a reasonable time. I don't think it's important to spend New Year's with the person that you want to end your year with. Like, I don't think it will have an effect on your relationship for the remainder of the year. I just like to do it. I just like to do it. I like to set my intentions on the new year. I'm very much an intention girl. Less of an action girl, unfortunately, to my detriment. But I'm very much an intention girl. And that carries me...

a shockingly large amount of the way, like more probably than it should. But I like to set my intentions at the start of the year and then I have my plan for the year. And then blessings can roll off of those intentions that I've set and of those moves that I will subsequently make. And that's great. And then the year will unfold in ways that I didn't understand at the start of the year and couldn't

Bet on or hope for because I just didn't know you know even against my wildest dreams But I do like to set intention to at least give me some direction for the new year Why can't I do this every day of my life? I don't know it's just not the vibe But it is gonna be the vibe because we're gonna do our weekly resolutions our monthly resolutions What's my first monthly resolution go to the gym twice a week? And I don't like working out because I don't know how but I do like doing gym classes So I'm gonna do one spin class a week

What's my other gonna be? I'm gonna go to my first lesson of Pilates because I've been meaning to do Pilates because every single time I get a massage or I go to the chiropractor, they tell me that I have so little muscle surrounding my like glutes or like my hip bones in general that it's

I can't remember what words they use, but essentially it's causing me issues and I have chronic sciatica and chronic hip pain. And he was like, yeah, like, because I don't know, you're bearing all your weight on your bones or something. I don't know what he said, but it didn't sound good and it didn't sound positive. And he said that I'm going to encounter serious issues in my, before it's my time to encounter serious issues, basically, because I have no muscle buildup anywhere where I need it.

And he was like, you need to basically stretch and you need to build muscle. And he just basically was like, Pilates is your gal. But I've been too scared to go to Pilates because I'm self-conscious and I've never been. And I'm so not flexible and I'm actually really unfit. Like I'm really unfit, but I'm not flexible. And my hip pain and my back pain makes that worse, like a hundred times worse.

And like, I just feel like I look so silly doing stuff like that. So I'm like, I don't want to go to Pilates and like look like a fucking idiot all by myself. Now, ask me who cares? No one. No one in that fucking room cares. Everyone is stretching. Everyone is doing things that they might find embarrassing. And it's all just going to be women. And no, it's not going to be women. That's sexist. But low key it is. But like,

It's all just people doing a fucking workout class like no one cares. No one cares. Like I don't feel self-conscious in my spin class because my first few times going to spin, I went with a friend. So it felt fine. But I feel like I need someone to help introduce me to Pilates so that I'll be brave enough to go by myself afterwards. Here's to 2024, I guess. I'm going to stop lying to my therapist.

I'm gonna start going to the gym. I'm gonna start cooking, but also maintain the ability to order delivery. What was my other thing? So like I said, one of my New Year's resolutions is to work on my shyness because I'm worried that people are perceiving me as rude, which is a nightmare.

So if you guys have any tips and tricks on how to do that or how to behave, because it's not that I'm scared that I don't know social norms because I do, but I think I just like miss the mark sometimes. You know what I mean? Like I won't ask someone, they'll be like, how are you? I'll be like, oh, I'm good. And I won't ask it back because I'm like panicking so much about the interaction. And then, or it just doesn't occur to me in the moment. And then like afterwards, I'm like, did I really seriously not fucking ask how they are? Like what's wrong with me? So what are some tips and tricks to like

like do I need like a checklist in my head almost I walk into a room okay first of all you give people eye contact then then you say hello then you smile like I need to know all these things and I think more times than not I actually do get it right I think that is it from me and bugs as you can tell she's pooped she's not dead she's just tired and I think she is hinting to me that she would like to go to bed so I'm gonna have to put her to bed um let me know your resolutions too actually because I feel like mine aren't

I'm not inspired by them. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's more like fix your fucking problems kind of vibes more than like do something fun and like acquire a new hobby. Like they're all like problem oriented, like solve your life rather than like enjoy your life. So let me know if you guys have any fun ones, because I would like to have maybe two or three fun ones that actually make me look forward to the forthcoming year. I am looking forward to the year, by the way. I am so excited for everything that I'm going to get to do this year.

And you know what I'm actually really excited for? Guys, so in like two weeks, yeah, two weeks from when you'll see this podcast, I'm going to go to LA. I am going to rent a car when I go to LA. I've already pre-planned it because sitting in LA in traffic is my dream. I want to go on that one highway and I want to go to that beach that everyone talks about. And the last time I was in LA, I rode your guys' equivalent of fucking line bikes. I don't know what you call them. The electric scooters that you pay for.

And I would like to do that again. That was really fun. Very scary. But I really like LA. What's the word you use? Suburbia. So I want to go on a tour de suburbia. I also want to go through the hills because the last time I was there, my friend had a car and I got in it and they took me on a tour of the hills and that was really fun. Excuse you. Okay. Bugs has clocked out and I think her neck is about to snap in too. Babe, come on. Rest nicely. Here we go. It's your podcast now.

She's still recovering from her near-death experience. Bugs has already gone to bed. Oh, we're not laughing at you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, I have to go. I have to go do my mothering. I will see you guys next week on Pretty Lonesome. I missed you over the holidays, and I hope you had a nice time. I hope you had a nice Christmas. I hope you had a nice New Year's. And I hope that the rest of your 2024 is very, very good and very, very positive. And I hope that we can talk every Monday of this entire year.

Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome. I will see you next Monday, same time, same place. Love you. Bye.