Free Girl Fall, F*ck Boy Fall (And A Dating Story Time)
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Welcome to Date Yourself Instead. Date Yourself Instead? What does it mean to date yourself instead? I'm just gonna learn how to love myself and that's it. Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. It's funny, as I was recording this episode yesterday in the studio, my ex-boyfriend literally walked past the studio. The studio is like a glass box so you could literally see everything outside of the studio and what's going on on the street and

And as I was recording this episode, Free Girl Fall, I was talking about freedom and what it means to me. And out of nowhere, like I looked to my left and I just see this like tall guy walking by and I realized it was my ex-boyfriend. There was literally no one else on the street. It was just him like walking with his headphones.

So naturally I had to pause the episode and go say hi to him. Like I got completely interrupted and sidetracked and I ended up saying hi to him really quickly because it just felt like, what are the chances of that? There's like a 0.01% chance of that happening. My studio is on a really quiet block of New York city and literally no one knows about this place.

It's very low key. It's not in the middle of anywhere hectic or crazy. It's in a very low key part of the city. So when that happened, I literally almost shit my pants. I was quite shook, to say the least. So I really can't make this shit up. It was insane. And I'm going to get into that in another episode. I don't want to get too sidetracked. But today's episode is going to be about freedom and what freedom means to me and how

How I'm really deciding to kick off my fall in a really positive and inspirational way. And I'm looking at myself this month as my own inspiration. I'm not looking at anyone else. I'm going to really look within and look at myself for motivation and inspiration. And I just want to share some of the things I'm doing to really get motivation from within. And

And I want to make this year really special and really exciting because it's almost 2023, but there's still a few months left and I really want to make the most of this year. So to kick off the end of 2022 and the fall season on a really positive note,

Let's get into this episode. Okay, so what is free girl fall? I know that's a bit cringy. I'm like literally cringing at myself as I say that out loud. I also saw this girl on TikTok talk about feral girl fall and I was like, okay, that's a little bit too much for my taste.

I think that's a little bit ridiculous. I don't think we're actually feral. I think we're just free and we want to be free and free from constructs of like society and what they tell us to do and like the beauty standards. And we're just like releasing inhibitions and we're drinking our pumpkin spice lattes and we're walking around the city feeling free and happy and not giving a fuck and not caring what people say or think about us. And we're just living our best lives.

I think that's the best way to put it. And free girl fall to me has so much significance because first of all, I have the word freedom tattooed on my wrist. It is such a powerful word and it means so much to me because I pride myself on having mental freedom at all times. Sometimes we get stuck in this rut of like caring so much

about what people think or what external things are telling us to do or say or how to act or how to be. And I pride myself on trying to steer away from that all the time and do my own thing and just be free mentally. Like life is so fucking short. We have, you know, not a lot of time on this planet and I just want to be free and always feel amazing and feel like myself and feel like I'm really stepping into my own identity at all times and not living for anyone else's.

So that's really what the free girl fall mentality is to me. I hope you guys would love to get on board and join me in just being more mentally free this season and just really not giving a fuck. Like I just want to be myself and I wrote down a list of things that I'm going to do to really work on myself this season and I'm going to get right into it.

So what am I going to do to work on myself this fall? I'm going to go to the gym at least four to five times a week and set an actual routine with a time. Usually I just wake up and I kind of decide then and there if I want to work out or not. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to having a set schedule in the gym. Honestly, though, this isn't about looking a certain way or, you know, having like cut abs or looking ripped or whatever.

doing anything for anyone else. And I used to go to the gym for that reason. I honestly used to go to the gym to look a certain way because I wanted to feel fit. I wanted to look good. I wanted to look good for pictures and videos and events. And I was so caught up in this idea of always looking a certain way when in reality that never motivated me enough. That never gave me that actual push to actually be consistent and go to the gym for an extended period of time.

But I realized when I actually focused on the mental health aspects of going to the gym, it completely changed everything for me. Mental health is so important to me, especially over the last two years. I went through a really significant transformation and a mental health transformation. I went through a really long period of depression, to be completely transparent, and I'm

This was right before I had decided to start the podcast, where I really kind of lost my direction in life. I wasn't really sure what my purpose was anymore. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I thought to myself, there has to be some meaning behind why I'm going through this journey. And it really did take a toll on my mental health. But when I started getting back into the gym and having a really good routine for myself and making sure I went every single day, it definitely improved my mental health and made me feel really confident. And it built up that...

security again from within. And it wasn't about my looks. It wasn't about what I looked like or how much weight I was losing. It was literally about my mental health. And that set the tone for me wanting to be more consistent and wanting to go to the gym every day because it made me feel good. Like you get a rush of endorphins and it boosts your mood and it boosts your energy and it just makes you feel more confident from within. So that's what I'm going to be focusing on a lot this autumn.

I would also love to start incorporating more meditations into my daily routine. I was reading this book that Joe Dispenza wrote about meditation and how it's super effective to actually meditate first thing when you wake up in the morning and you're still basically in bed and half asleep. And just to walk into your day meditating, I think that's really important to touch on because meditation

When we start our day picking up our phone instantly and scrolling and we start to absorb other people's content and what they're up to and maybe some news that we see that might be a little bit negative, it really does program our brain to set the tone for the rest of the day. And if you're consuming content that might not be necessarily the most amazing for your mental health, it can really set the tone negatively for the rest of the day. So what I'm going to try to do every single morning up until the end of the year, but also just

for the rest of my life, hopefully, is to set a routine where I wake up and I actually meditate for 15 minutes as I'm waking up and really just focus on my breathing and doing some breath work and incorporating new forms of meditation into my daily routine. I noticed when I do meditate, it actually really does set the tone for the rest of the day. I'm more calm, I'm more centered, I'm more at peace. So I really think doing this is going to highly benefit me and I hope you guys will join me.

The third thing I'm going to focus on this fall season is to be cleaner. I am so fucking messy. I literally need to devote an hour a day to just picking up my shit that I leave all over the place.

I don't know if it's an astrology thing because I have a friend who also has their moon in Sagittarius. Okay, this is so, it sounds so silly. Like, oh yeah, it's an astrology thing, but I can't put any other explanation on it because my mom is super clean and organized. My dad is super clean and organized. My brothers are super clean and organized. And I am literally the messiest slob on the face of the planet. So I don't know where I get this messy gene from, but I was like, maybe it's an astrology thing because my,

One of my best friends has some of her placements in Sagittarius, like in the same placements that I do. And Sagittarius is kind of like a free bird all over the place and doesn't have too much structure. And both of our moons are in Sagittarius. And she's also like equally as messy as me. So I'm like, maybe that's why.

I really don't know the reasoning behind why I'm so unorganized, but I'm really going to try to be more organized this season. I feel like it really does help me. Also, like I just talked about mental health. I really feel like it does help my mental health when I start to focus on being more organized, being more clean and having more structure in my apartment.

Like where you live and where you thrive and where you sleep at night really does have an effect on your mental health. So I'm going to try to be more clean. We'll see how it goes. If anyone has any tips for me on being more organized and more clean, let me know.

Another thing that I really want to focus more on this fall is reading more instead of scrolling. I feel like when I read, I just always learn something new and I'm always picking up something new from anything like educational that I'm reading. I just want to focus more on reading self-help books and more positive things that I can maybe bring to the podcast and also just...

help my friends, help my family, help other people while I'm reading and learning for myself and educating myself and making myself a little more wise instead of just endlessly scrolling and aimlessly scrolling on social media. I feel like sometimes I get in these rabbit holes where I'll just lay in bed for like three hours and scroll on TikTok instead of actually like educating myself on something or working on myself to learn a new skill or improve myself or record an even better episode or whatever.

just doing things that might benefit me a little bit more than scrolling. So I'm going to try to make a habit of just giving myself more of a routine to read at night or like just read something online, whether it's on my phone or not. It doesn't have to be like a physical book, even though I love reading.

I actually love physical books. I love just being able to hold a book and read it and like be in a coffee shop in New York and like sit in the corner with my headphones on and read a physical copy of a book versus scrolling on my phone. Because what ends up happening is like, I'll go on like a Kindle or something and I'll download a book and I'll read it. But then like,

right after I'm done with a page or two, if someone texts me, I get distracted on my phone. Or if I get an email, I get distracted and I'll like swipe off of Kindle and I'll start doing other things. And I won't be able to fully be present with the book and absorb what I'm reading and like enjoy it. So that's why I really prefer the physical copies. So I'm just going to try to read more. And I think it'll really help me in the long run just with like

learning some new things. I'm, you know, I'm 30 years old, so I want to start picking up new activities, new hobbies, just trying new things to make myself a little better every single day. Okay. The next thing I'm really going to do that I really want to focus more on, this is so important, is to stop complaining and talk nicer to myself.

I am so hard on myself. I have this habit of always just being super critical of myself internally. I won't really say things out loud to people, but I definitely have this internal battle with myself where I will...

say things about myself that aren't really nice. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I don't think I'm attractive. And I'll start talking to myself internally like, wow, you need to get more fillers. Or wow, you need to get more Botox. Or you just don't look so great today. I'll say things like that internally. And it'll just make me feel even worse, honestly. And I feel like the best approach to that is to just learn how to be a

doing it step by step and taking it step by step and day by day. And just programming your brain is so important. And I think you could do that, but it does take time and you have to have patience with yourself. So if you are hard on yourself like me and you criticize your looks and

and you feel like shit and you're not having the best day and you really just feel like you're not confident and you're not your best self, just go easy on yourself and start talking to yourself and reframing how you feel about yourself by you kind of have to condition and coach yourself out of it. So when I say things now where I'm like, I don't really like the way I look today, I

I will like kind of reverse it after I think those things. And I'm like, okay, wait, hold on a second. Like, you know, you're talking badly about yourself and think of your younger self, think of your inner child. And like, think of a small little girl that basically is you just in a younger form. And you're telling her all these things. Would you actually say these things to yourself?

Absolutely not. Like if you're babysitting your younger self, are you going to tell her that she's not attractive? Clearly you're not going to do that because that's so heartbreaking. And I just, when I think of things in that perspective, it really does help and it shines a light on how negative I talk to myself sometimes. So I'm just going to try to really focus on that and work on becoming nicer to myself.

The last thing that I'm really excited about, and it's really supposed to be a surprise, but I think I'm going to share it anyway. For those of you listening, I don't know if you know this about me. I don't really share it often on social media, but I love music. I love singing. I love songwriting. And I...

I've been songwriting actually since I'm 10 years old. And I used to sing opera. I used to take voice lessons. I used to be in musical theater. I did all that fun stuff as a kid. And I still have such a deep passion for singing and songwriting. So this fall season, I'm going to be recording my first song for the holidays that I wrote literally over two years ago. And I actually wrote this song when my grandpa passed away. And it was a song that was inspired by his relationship with my grandma.

And that's all the details I'm going to give right now, but it's a really meaningful song to me and I think it's super cute and it really does apply to the Date Yourself Instead brand. So I think it'll be really fun and new and exciting to release that song hopefully by the end of the year. So I'm going to be just working on my music a little bit more and singing and songwriting more because it's a passion of mine. It's something I love and

And I'm just going to engage in doing more things that I love. Like I feel like sometimes I neglect my passions and singing and songwriting has always been such a big thing for me. And I always just put it off, but this is your sign to stop putting off your passions this fall season. If you really love something and you're super busy and you don't prioritize it, that's totally understandable. And like, that's literally why I haven't really been songwriting and singing because I'm doing a million other things, but

But life is short. As I said, like I always really think about this. Life is so short. And as I get older, I really realize this more and more and how true it really is. And I just want to capitalize on all of the amazing things that life has to offer and what I'm truly passionate about.

Okay, so let's talk about fuckboy fall. What is fuckboy fall? I saw this on TikTok as well, and it was kind of cringy and weird. And I was like, that's kind of harsh. It's essentially a joke, I know. I feel like the term is just a little too vulgar. I don't hate men at all. I do not hate the male species. I actually love men. I love being in a relationship. I've had really positive experiences

experiences coming out of dating. And I don't take those for granted because that's what has brought me to this podcast and to create this podcast in the first place. And I think having a quality man in your life is such a positive thing or a quality partner in general. It doesn't have to be a man, but it's just like having a romantic partner in general is an amazing thing. And it's such a blessing when you get to learn and grow from someone in a really positive way. But

But I wanted to touch on this fuckboy fall thing because I think it's kind of funny and also interesting.

There's this certain type of guy during the fall that wears these like fashionable sweaters and has like the fluffy hair and he's tall and super attractive. And they just have no intentions of actually dating you, but they just want someone to cuddle with during the chillier months of the year. And I've been there. I've definitely been on dates with these type of guys where you know that they're not looking for anything super serious, but they're just looking for someone to chill with and hang out with and grab a coffee with and have a good time with and cuddle with at night after work hours. So

I'm going to tell you guys a really funny story. It's a really quick one, but I met this guy in November a couple of years ago and we met on a dating app and

And he always had this habit of texting me W-Y-D. I'm sure you guys have heard of this before, the W-Y-D text, where they can't even spell out, what are you doing tonight? It's literally just a W-Y-D at 11 p.m. on a Thursday or Friday night when they probably have no other booty calls available. So I was dating this guy. I don't want to say I was actually dating him, but I was seeing someone that would always text me W-Y-D,

It was the night before Thanksgiving. I remember the first time we met up, I was really not interested in meeting up with him because he kept sending me these WID texts. And I actually called him out on it. I remember him just saying like WID and nothing else. Like he didn't say, Hey, like hope all is well, what are you doing tonight? It was literally just like, not a high. How are you? What's going on? It was just a WID.

So I think I responded back like, is it really hard to type out like, what are you doing tonight? I don't know. Maybe I was being a little too uptight and I should have just ignored him and never spoke to him again. Looking back, that's the action I probably should have took. But instead...

I still ended up meeting up with him. He called me an Uber to this bar, another huge red flag. He didn't even know me. We were not on that first name basis. I mean, we both knew each other's first name from the dating app, but first name basis as in we barely knew each other. And

He ends up calling me to this bar and I end up going and I just got really sketchy vibes from him. It was really weird. It was really late at night. There was no one in the bar. It was the night before Thanksgiving, as I mentioned. So there was really not that many people in the city. It was literally just me, him and the bartender. Okay. So it was really awkward just like walking in there and like the bar was dead silent and

And there was like no way out. I was like, shit, like this is going to be a little weird if we don't get along. We ended up having a fine night. Like he was okay. Like it wasn't anything terrible, but we were bantering off each other. He did not look like his photos. Let's just be honest. Maybe he didn't think I looked like my photos either, but I didn't get the same energy from him in person that I did from his photos, if that makes sense.

And yeah, we ended up having a very interesting conversation. He told me he used to be a drug dealer. That was cool. And then I just kind of got uncomfortable and I decided to excuse myself to the bathroom.

And when I got up to go to the bathroom, I was feeling a little weird. I had had a drink on an empty stomach, which is not smart. And I highly do not recommend this, but I just felt a little weird. And then I ended up coming back from the bathroom and I just felt off. Like something was off with my drink. I don't know what it was. I had taken another sip when I sat back down and I started feeling really dizzy and I ended up

telling him that I just didn't feel well. And he was pushing me and pressuring me to go to his apartment. And I didn't realize at the time, but his apartment was right next door to the bar. So he had strategically planned all of this out, expecting me to come back to his place with him. And he was treating me like a booty call. And the whole thing was super sketchy,

I really didn't like his energy and I'm really big on energy. I absorb people's energy the second I walk in the room and I meet them. I know if they're like, if we're going to vibe or we're not. And by the end of the night, I was like, this is not the right person for me. Like he's

He's not making me feel very comfortable. So I end up getting up and excusing myself. I was like, listen, I'm not feeling well. I've got to go. And he was pretty rude and upset. Like he really was pressuring me hard to go back to his place. And he was not happy that I did not want to go back with him, but it was just the whole vibe was totally off. And yeah,

To coin a fuck boy in the fall, he would be the definition of a fuck boy in the fall. Like the fuck boy fall, I think of him when I think of this moment when I went to this bar and met up with him. So yeah, that was just a really interesting experience. There was actually a little bit more to the story.

I actually gave him a second chance a few weeks later, which was a huge mistake. But I will talk about this on another episode because I could go on and on forever. It was just a mess, a total mess. But to clarify the whole fuck boy fall thing, I think that story pretty much sums it up. Just someone who isn't looking for anything serious and there's nothing you could do to change their mind.

And they're just going to sit there in their cozy sweater and act really innocent for a minute and then completely blindside you and gaslight you into sleeping with them. Anyways, I think that wraps up today's episode. I really like how I started this episode with a inspirational moment and then I concluded it with a crazy fall dating story time. I gave you a little bit of sweet and a little bit of spice, if that makes sense.

I hope you guys liked the episode. I hope you guys have an amazing day. Happy fall and stay tuned for the next one.