How to handle rejection & move on
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My friend is updating me on some guy stuff and I'm trying to focus here. Okay, so today's episode is going to be about how to deal with rejection.

And my experience with rejection and how being rejected is actually a really common thing that everyone goes through. But a lot of people don't want to post about the times they got rejected. They want to post about their success and accomplishments. So then we don't really see people getting rejected. And then we feel like shit when we get rejected. And then we see someone else thriving. And we're like, what the fuck? What?

do I get the shit end of the stick? But in reality, that person probably got rejected many times before they got successful. And it's easy to get caught up in this idea that you're the only person who's experienced this and your life sucks and you're never going to be successful. But really, you're just seeing everyone's highlight reel. And it's important to acknowledge that because I've been rejected in so many different circumstances in my life. And in so many situations, I've just felt like,

I wasn't good enough and it happens to everyone. Now there's been so many amazing things that have also happened in my life and in my career where I felt really accomplished, but it comes with a lot of setbacks and failures too. And if you are planning on being successful,

at the top of your game, at the top of your career, if you plan on being a super successful person, you're going to have to know how to deal with rejection in various forms. And if you want to meet the love of your life, you're going to have to deal with rejection from other people who don't see your value because everything is part of the learning process and the journey in life. And

Yes, do some people have it easier than others, of course, but being rejected is common. And in today's episode, I wanted to go over this and talk about it. So here we go. I was dating a guy that I didn't even like, okay? I didn't even think he was hot at all. I had no desire to talk to this man for more than a few minutes, but he somehow...

kept the conversation going and I went along with it and I don't know how one thing led to another. It was one of those situations where I was like, I am so not interested and then he somehow got me interested by the power of his manipulations. So I didn't think anything of this situation. It wasn't something where I was like, this guy's going to be my boyfriend. But I

I met up with him on a date, very last minute, very poorly planned. It was the day before Thanksgiving and the city was completely empty. So there was no one around. I had no plans and I wasn't going home that year for Thanksgiving for some reason.

And I was lonely. I was a little bit vulnerable. And we make a last minute plan to go to a bar. So I go with this guy to the bar and he calls me an Uber to the bar. So red flag number one, by the way, before I get into this whole rejection story, red flag number one, if a guy is calling you an Uber,

Don't take the Uber. Get your own fucking Uber because it puts him in more control. It puts him in this position of power where he's like, okay, I'm going to get her the Uber and it's probably going to be close to my apartment so I could try and sleep with her. If he's calling you an Uber on the first date, he most likely is trying to get you there to...

have sex with you. And at the same time, he'll call it where it's convenient for him. So you get to the restaurant. It's probably two blocks from his apartment. This has happened to me three different times with three different people. And now I understand the game. I think a lot of guys do this for those reasons. However, of course, there are always exceptions. And if you're listening to the podcast and you're like, oh, not all guys are like that. You know, my boyfriend of 10 years called me an Uber the first time we hung out.

I don't even know if Uber's been around that long, but just take this with a grain of salt. Okay, this is my dating experience. This is my story. This is what I've realized from a lot of different things that I've been through and from what my friends have been through. And I just take...

their experiences and my experiences and the knowledge I've acquired and I throw it into the podcast. So if you don't agree with something, that's totally okay too because I know there's always going to be exceptions to certain things. But this is what I've experienced, okay? So do

Do what you will with my information, but I really do believe that if a guy is calling you an uber on the first date It's out of convenience for him. It'll feel like it's a convenience for you, but it's really out of convenience for him. So anyways, um

I walked into the bar when I got there and I was like, I don't give a fuck about this guy right now. So I'm just going to be a savage. I'm just going to go into savage mode and tell it how it is and just be my authentic true self right off the bat. I have no time for games. I have no time to fuck around. I'm just going to, you know.

be myself the way I would talk to my best friend I'm not going to play this oh like cool simple nice girl that sometimes I would put an act on for certain people I don't know why but I decided that in this particular situation I was just gonna go full savage mode and be crazy and be my truest rawest self and if he didn't like it then it would just be a funny story to tell so

We get into a conversation and I realize that he's like eating this up. He actually really likes the fact that I am, you know, talking back to him and just telling him like, you know, I didn't even really want to come on this date. I just said it how it was. I was like, I don't even, you know, I don't really like dating apps. I don't really like meeting up with random guys. And I just didn't want to do this tonight. Honestly, I'm just really tired. I was just saying like all this random shit that I thought would make him feel bad. But for some reason he was getting turned on. It's very fucking weird.

And hold on. I made notes about this because I don't want to mess up the story and I go off tangents all the time. So I threw the expectation of meeting my soulmate or my husband on dates out the window. In this moment, I was like,

I'm just going to be my truest self and I'm going to throw the expectation of this going anywhere out the window. Like I'm not going to give a fuck about what he has to say. I'm not going to give a fuck about his perception of me. I'm just going to go into this date like full force, just being the way that I would be with anyone that I really just don't care about in the sense of like,

How you are with your best friends where you just talk shit and you talk to them like you've known them for 10 years. I just went in with that mentality of not caring. And if I left the date and he thought I was crazy, I wouldn't have given a shit. But that actually worked in my benefit because he went from not being interested in dating.

me as a person to being super invested and it was because I didn't care and I think when you just really detach yourself from everything and you don't care and you kind of just like go crazy in a way people eat that up men eat that up and people want to be around you for some reason because they could tell that your energy is detached and you're just living your best life and

When you go into a date having all these crazy expectations, oh, is he going to be the one? Is he going to be the guy I end up with? It kind of puts this unspoken and energetic pressure onto the date even before you get there. And it puts this unspoken pressure on the two of you in general when you're interacting. So I think my best piece of advice, sorry, I'm talking

talking about a million things at once but my best piece of advice if you're going on a first date just throw all expectations out the window just be yourself be who you truly are and just have fun and if it doesn't work out and they don't like you it's not the right person anyways so i'm talking to this guy not really thinking too much into anything we're just laughing about shit we're making fun of each other and we had some decent chemistry and

But then the psychological fuckery came into play where he somehow got me. And I don't know how he got me. But after a few times of hanging out...

He offers to help me hang my TV in my new apartment. And I was moving stuff into my new place and I couldn't do it myself. Yes, could I have hired someone off of, you know, an app to help me move shit? Yes, but I was being stubborn. I didn't want to pay for something. I don't know. So he's offering to now...

Hang my TV in my apartment. And that'll win a woman over. When a man starts doing shit for you around the house, that makes you feel like he cares about you. And it doesn't mean he cares about you, but it can make you feel that way because you're like, why would you spend your time helping me hang a TV? That's awfully nice of you. And you must be a good person because what bad person would, you know,

offer to hang a TV in a woman's house. I don't know, whatever. So he's telling me all this stuff about his family and opening up to me about his mom and how she passed away. And he's offering to hang this TV in my apartment now. So now I'm thinking in my head, does this man like me and care about me?

does this man actually value my attention and my time it was suddenly mind-fucking me because he he originally gave me the impression that he just wanted to have sex with me um he gave me the impression that he did not give two shits about me the way he just planned everything and i don't know the way he texted me he just seemed super uninterested and i was under the impression that

He didn't care. So I didn't care. And that was kind of the game we were playing. But then he started asking me emotional questions. He started opening up to me. He started, you know, hanging the TV in my apartment and helping me around my... I don't know. He was just being so nice that I suddenly warmed up a little bit. Okay, I'm a Capricorn. We have really big hearts and we love really deeply, but it takes a while to crack me in. So when he...

started being nice and doing all these nice gestures started to warm me up. Then he proceeds to ask me, are you seeing anyone else? And in a woman's head, if you're asking her if you're seeing anyone else, I mean, the first thing in my mind is he's asking because he cares. He doesn't want me to see anyone else. And

He kept asking me that question. He asked me a bunch of times on various occasions if I was dating anyone else, if I was having sex with anyone else. And I said, no, I'm not. I'm not sleeping with anyone else. I'm not talking to anyone else. And...

I like you. I mean, I'm not actively pursuing a bunch of people. And he's like, it's okay if you are, but I just need to know. And I'm like, are you? And he's like, no, no, no, I'm not. I'm like, okay, then are you asking if you want to be exclusive? Like, I didn't really understand. All I felt from him was that he cared if I was with other people. So in my head, I'm like, he must really like me. Like, he must actually...

really care to an extent because why is he so invested in if I'm talking to anyone else if I'm with anyone else why are you helping me with things around my apartment why are you telling me your life story and your family about your family and all this stuff all I could think about in my head was he must really like me I don't really like him that much but maybe I'll I'll open my mind up to the idea and give it a shot because I

If he really cares, maybe I should start caring. But what I didn't realize was that he was a master at fucking with people's heads. He was a psychological master at manipulation. And it was unknown to me that people could be like that. But not to say he's a horrible human being, but just to say that, like, good for you for being a professional at what you do, because...

He was projecting. First of all, he was seeing a ton of other women. And also, he didn't give two shits about me. It was not emotional. It was super detached. But he made me feel like he did. And gaslit me to believe that I was the crazy one and I was wrong for not caring about him. It was the most bizarre, weird thing ever. Now, tying this into rejection and how this plays into the whole concept of rejection.

Long story short, he stood me up for something that I invited him to after he asked me why I never invited him for plans and never initiated plans. I was like, you know what? I'll finally initiate.

And so I initiated, invited him to something that was really important to me. And he bailed and he ghosted me and he disappeared off the map and wasn't coming clearly to the event that I invited him to. And he full out stopped answering my texts, my calls, made me feel crazy, drove me insane, fucked with my head. And also I found out that he was seeing someone else the entire time. And I felt like,

level of rejection that I never felt before. I felt embarrassed and I felt super fucking rejected because not only did he manipulate me and lie to me and make me feel like I was important and that I wasn't making him feel important, but he didn't mean anything that he said and he just disappeared. Like he said his goodbyes. He said, yeah, I'm not coming to the event, whatever. I finally got in touch with him and it

It was done. I could tell he just from that point forward, I was like, oh, wait, he doesn't care about me at all. But I fell for this whole trap of really getting attached to him for a second. And then he just got what he wanted, pulled away. He's with someone else now. From all this information, can you guess what zodiac sign he is? I'm not going to say it because I like to keep everything super brief.

anonymous on the podcast out of respect for everyone, regardless if they've wronged me or not. But if you can guess what sign this man was, feel free to DM me at Date Yourself Instead on Instagram. Just drop the sign in the DMs. So anyways, he full out rejected me. He moved on to someone else very quickly. And I felt so rejected and so stupid. And I felt like

embarrassed, rejected, stupid, manipulated, you name it, I felt like an idiot. And for a little more context, we were hooking up, I guess you could call it, for four months. So this wasn't like a two-week situationship. It was four months. And then after the four-month mark, I realized that I had been completely played and just so naive. And

And I felt super rejected because I started to like him because he was acting as if he liked me and was in love with me, basically just wanting to hang out with me and blaming me for not making plans. I don't know. The whole thing was just so it was such a mindfuck. It was it was a professional way to play a woman. And, you know, that's OK. I at the end of the day,

Did it ruin my life? No, I'm fine. I really learned a lot in a way from the game to never fall for things like that again, to not go over to a guy's apartment late at night and to not make that, you know, I learned a lot of things from the game. Long story short, I did. And I value the lessons that I took out of that experience. But the point being is

Was that I was so fucking rejected. The feeling of rejection that I had was big with this situation because I felt so accepted in a way like he really liked me and I was the one that wasn't giving. And then I found out later that it was all just some sort of act to make me feel like crazy. And I felt super rejected and stupid.

So I remember my ego was just so hurt because I caved into the narrative that he actually really liked me and that he actually really cared about me and wanted to spend time with me and to cave into that narrative and think it was true and then find out that it wasn't true at all. And it was just a way to kind of keep control over me and keep tabs on me and to make sure that I wasn't hooking up with anyone else, but he was.

It felt like a very, very severe rejection. And it also felt like I wasn't good enough. And it also felt like I was betrayed and lied to and vulnerable. And I could have let that really upset me and affect me. But I'll tell you what I did next, which really helped me handle the concept of being rejected and feeling like my ego was hurt. The way I got over it was fascinating to me because it took me...

maybe a week or two to really just forget about it. And I thought it was going to be way longer. But how I forgot about it was simple. I thought about the fact of someone being able and capable of doing something like that to someone as the biggest ick. I was so turned off by his inability to be a man to even imagine.

call me and say, listen, I'm seeing other people. I just don't want to do this anymore. There was no decency. There was no

emotion involved there was no realness involved there was no authenticity involved and i think when you get older and you mature and you understand that you are valuable if someone treats you like you're not it's a big ick to you it's not you know i'm gonna go cry about this for the next year because i don't see my worth and i don't see how they reject i don't see how they could reject me no i

If you really value yourself and who you are as a person and you're really secure with who you are, you're not going to let someone like that break your ego and break who you are. And luckily, I was at a place in my life where I knew my worth to an extent. I mean, I'm very different now, but back then I was still learning. I was still growing. I was still learning about self-love and how to love myself and value myself more.

And luckily, I was at a point where I was starting to really understand my value and understand how important I should be to myself. And suddenly, I was like so disgusted and turned off. And it's better to be disgusted and turned off than to be upset over rejection. I was more just...

baffled by how someone could do something like this to someone. I don't know. It was just fascinating. And also, the art of detachment gets easier once you practice it too.

I think when you've had multiple shitty things happen to you, you get better at learning how to detach because you don't have a tolerance for bullshit anymore. So if something happens to you once, it can be really hard to detach because you're like experiencing it for the first time and you're experiencing the pain and the heartbreak for the first time. But if you've gone through a few different types of heartbreak in different versions and different fonts and, you know, you've been down this road before type of thing, you're

It does get easier. I think the art of detachment comes with experience. And for me to have already gone through boyfriends, I've already been through relationships, to have this man just kind of psychologically fuck with my head for a few months, by the end of it, I was like, okay, you do you. I don't give a fuck. Like, you...

Are an asshole and that's it and i'm gonna move on i'm gonna carry on with my life and let it be that And you're never gonna hear from me again. And that's the end of whatever this was And did it sting did it bruise my ego a little bit? Yes. Was I upset for a few days? Yes, but at the same time I didn't have time for the bullshit anymore And when you know your worth you're not going to let something like that really ultimately Ruin your life or ruin your day or make you miserable and

I don't know. I just... I just quickly picked myself up and realized that the right person, one, would never treat me like that. Two, it was weird that he was so comfortable with psychologically fucking with me. And three...

He was seeing other people the whole time. So I didn't owe him anything. He didn't see my value clearly. And I don't need people like that in my life. And when you're older and you're more mature, well, this could be at any age. But really, I think it comes with for me, it came with a lot of experience in dating.

When someone doesn't see your value, it's an ick. It's like gross. It's just weird. It's like, why am I going to allow you into my space? I value who I am. I know I'm special. I know I'm different. I know I'm important. And if you don't see that, you don't deserve to be a part of my life. You don't deserve to be in my bubble with me because honestly, it's just draining. It's a

waste of time and it's exhausting I don't need to prove myself to you I don't need to feel shitty about myself and if you're making me feel bad about myself then you're out you're done and I don't I just don't have time for this so that was kind of my mentality around it and I did detach and move on pretty quickly and recover from the rejection pretty quickly because it just it

It didn't make sense to cling on to something like that. It didn't make sense to hang on and beat myself up over something, one, I couldn't control, and two, why would I ever want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that? I wouldn't, and I didn't see it going in that direction regardless. It wasn't like I was madly in love with him. But it was the point of just feeling so low for a hot second by someone that didn't even...

deserve my presence in the first place. It was kind of a frustrating experience. Looking back, I'm like, I didn't even like him. I wasn't even going to go on that date. I was never going to sleep with him. You kind of get the point. So to really dive further into this topic of today's episode about rejection,

It can apply to dating, of course, but it can also apply to everything in your life. When you feel like you deserve something or someone and you just didn't expect not to get it or not to receive it and it kind of comes as a shock to your system and all of a sudden your ego is bruised because you thought you deserve something and you didn't get it or you just got rejected from your dream college or your dream job and you just feel bad about yourself because you thought you could, you know,

really handle it you thought this was the next chapter of your life you thought this was what was meant for you and then it falls through you could potentially be dating someone great you thought you were gonna get you thought you were gonna get into a relationship with them and then it turns out they started dating someone else and everything fell to shit or you know it could apply it could just apply to literally anything rejection can happen in so many different forms and ways and

I think this episode is really just a reminder that it does happen to everyone at different points in their life. And there's not one person that I know that hasn't been rejected in some way, shape, or form in their life. It's just a part of growing. And it comes with growing pains. And it comes with, you know, sometimes we just need rejections in order to be redirected into better circumstances in life. And I wrote this in my notes because I didn't want to forget it.

This is a reminder that rejection happens all the time. No matter what it is, it happens to everyone. It doesn't matter how successful a person is already. However you like to define success, everyone has been rejected at some point in their lives. Not everyone is willing to embrace it or admit it, but it's so true. Everyone has experienced not being wanted or accepted in one way or another.

But the difference is how people are able to overcome it and how people allow it to affect them. Throughout being rejected many times in my life, I've learned the power of knowing how to detach and let go because now I know that rejection truly is redirection into something so much better. It might not seem like it in the current moment, but rejection really is redirecting you into a new option you may have not even imagined or thought of that could be good for you or better for you.

It usually ends up being the best thing for you when you do get rejected, because in the moment you could think that that was the one option that's going to make or break your life. But usually the universe is going to give you something equal to it or better in the near future. It just it really all comes down to how you handle the process of being rejected. And I feel like when you get really down about it and you let it debilitate you, it can prevent even better options coming into your life.

There is another thing that I wanted to talk about. OK, one thing is that I always love looking up celebrity rejection stories because we see them as these people that have a ton of money and they're living in Hollywood and they're living their best lives. But there's one that always stuck out to me in particular with Lizzo. I think it took her 10 years to.

to break into the music industry for real where people started to notice her. 10 years is a long period of time. She was working probably her whole life towards music and different things. And I know she has a long career history, but I remember there was an article I read about her song, Truth Hurts. And

It didn't peak and it wasn't on the charts for a very long time. Like she released the song and then it didn't do well and she almost quit music and it took a long time for her career to really pick up. And now look at her. She's thriving. But behind the scenes, she was struggling and living out of her car for years and she

Stories like that, if you Google celebrity rejection stories or celebrity success stories and how they overcome crazy shit, being broke and homeless on the street. I think Ed Sheeran was living in people's apartments and sleeping on people's couches before he broke into the music industry.

And J.K. Rowling was broke and writing Harry Potter on napkins before her book took off and she got a deal. There's so many different variations of how people were rejected so many different times before they broke into their career or before they made it big. And just reading those type of stories actually really helps me mentally and inspires me because I

You don't see often all the failures and all the heavy shit that comes with success. You don't see the years and years and years of work that people have in order to get to the top of their career. And I used to Google things like this to motivate me because sometimes when I would be working on something for six months or a year, I'd be like, why isn't anything happening? I feel so stuck. People would tell me,

what you're doing is stupid. And that feeling to your ego, that feeling of being rejected by people who are higher up and have positions of power and telling you that your work is garbage can be really hard to deal with. And if you're not good at dealing with things like that, it can be really hard to progress in your career. But if you use it as motivation and you use it as fuel, it can really make you even stronger and more powerful.

I'll give you a real life example with my podcast. Now, I don't know if I should say this out loud, but whatever. I'm sure by the time this episode is published, um,

I won't even care. So whatever. I haven't monetized the podcast yet. I haven't made a dollar off of this podcast. I'm doing everything for free. I'm giving all this information for free with love in my heart because I love doing it. I am so passionate about it. I love talking to a microphone and sharing my thoughts and speaking with you guys and connecting with people from all over the world. I thrive off of it. Like it's something that I feel like I was...

born to do in a way. And I know that sounds super cheesy and stupid, but really, I just, ever since I started it last September, I've just had a passion for going to the studio, recording episodes, and talking. And listen, everyone has their own passions in life. But for me, this is something that I discovered, which made me happy. I almost stopped a few different times because I had people around me that were so mean about

my podcast, like telling me that it was really bad and telling me that essentially telling me that I wasn't worthy of receiving any type of deal for it or money, monetary compensation for it. And I had a few people kind of telling me that

Podcasting is a really difficult business and it's really hard to make a career out of it and it would be unrealistic for me to set the expectations that I have for it because I have really high expectations for it because I love it and I love what I do and I believe in myself and when you believe in yourself, that's when all the people, the creeps come out of the woodworks and they're like trying to shit on you and trying to shit on your belief systems and

It's when you have that confidence in yourself when people really start to speak negatively to you and tell you that what you're doing is stupid and garbage and trash. And I've had a few people in this space kind of talk down about my career and my podcast and the goals I have and basically telling me that my expectations are way too high.

And it could be super discouraging because it feels like rejection. And when you talk to people who are quote unquote higher up than you in an industry and telling you that you're crazy or that you're wrong or that you're not going to be successful, it could feel like a rejection. It could feel like you're doing the wrong things. But

The key is how you handle all this information. You need to block out the noise. You need to tune out everyone who's telling you that you're going to fail because they're just not happy with where they're at in their lives. Frankly, anyone who has the audacity to tell you that you're not good enough, if you're

feels that way about themselves. I don't know in what world I could feel comfortable telling someone that they're not good enough. It's just the weirdest concept to wrap my head around, someone actually having the audacity to say that to someone's face. And what I've learned is that the people who are rejecting you

aren't going to be relevant to you in the future. They're just not the right people and you're not surrounded by the right people and when you believe that when you believe so much in yourself you'll eventually meet the right people who will support you who believe in you who want to see you successful and want to see you thrive. And I always think of that quote Kris Jenner said I think it's I think she said it I think she coined this quote where if someone says no to you you're just talking to the wrong person.

And I think that's such a positive quote and an empowering quote. And it's something that I've carried with me while I'm navigating the podcast space because there's a lot of crazy people in this industry that don't want to see you thrive. And I've learned to just keep my mouth shut, keep my goals to myself and focus and take every rejection as a redirection.

And you got to stay strong. You have to stay mentally strong. You have to keep telling yourself that you're going to get to the top. You're going to be successful and nothing is going to fucking stop you. And you just got to block out the noise. At the end of the day, that's what it comes down to. Sometimes you just have to give yourself daily pep talks. If no one is currently around you supporting you and your goals, just give yourself the pep talk. Pretend you're your own best friend giving yourself the fucking pep talk and say, I

I've got this, no one else believes in you, but I believe in myself and that's all that fucking matters.

And with that being said, I think that concludes today's episode. This is the second episode I recorded today and I'm about to faint. All right. Well, thanks again for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, feel free to DM me at list or at date yourself instead. And if you haven't, be sure to rate the podcast on Spotify and Apple as always. It's so appreciated. I love you guys. Thanks so much and stay tuned for next Monday.