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cover of episode What to do when they act distant, pull away or breakup with you

What to do when they act distant, pull away or breakup with you

2024/4/22
logo of podcast Date Yourself Instead

Date Yourself Instead

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Liz
联合主持人和内容创作者,专注于娱乐业和个人幸福的播客《Happier in Hollywood》。
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Liz: 本期节目讨论了如何应对伴侣疏远、回避或分手的情况。作者分享了自己的亲身经历,以及如何通过自我疗愈来应对这些挑战。她强调了接地气、自信和自我爱在处理这些关系问题中的重要性。作者建议不要对情况做假设,要相信宇宙的安排,并从爱和原谅出发,而不是愤怒。她还分享了一个练习:设身处地为对方着想,以增进理解和同情心,从而促进疗愈和原谅。此外,作者还强调了内在疗愈的重要性,认为内在的改变会反映在外部现实中,带来更好的关系和机会。最后,作者鼓励听众相信自己的价值,并相信宇宙有美好的安排。 Liz: 作者详细描述了自己在一段关系中被对方突然疏远后的感受和应对方法。她首先强调了不要沉溺于负面情绪,而是要通过写日记等方式来梳理自己的情绪和想法,将焦点放在自身而非对方身上。她分享了自己向对方表达感受的经历,以及对方负面回应后她如何保持平静并最终释怀。作者认为,从爱和原谅出发,而不是愤怒,是处理这类情况的更有效方式。她强调,无论你如何回应,结果都不会改变,重要的是保持内心的平静和自信。 Liz: 作者分享了如何通过改变内在对话和视角来改变现状。她认为,负面想法会阻碍你改变现状,而相信宇宙的安排和自身的价值,则能带来内心的平静和力量。她鼓励听众相信任何事情都有可能发生,并通过改变内在来改变外在现实。作者还分享了如何通过设身处地为对方着想来练习同情心和原谅,从而治愈自己和关系。她强调,疗愈自己会改变你的现实,带来更好的机会和人。最后,作者鼓励听众相信自己的价值,并相信宇宙有美好的安排,即使在面对痛苦和失落时,也要相信自己能够疗愈并吸引更好的事物。

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If you are in a situation right now where you feel like someone's acting distant or avoidant or they're breaking up with you, or maybe they have broken up with you, this episode is for you.

The worst feeling in the world is when you've invested so much emotional energy into a person. You really like them, you really care about them, you've invested all your time into them, you're only texting them, your energy is directed towards them. And you think everything is going really well, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, they might pull back a little bit, and you feel the energy shift. Suddenly they pull away, and you're left feeling ultimately confused or anxious or heartbroken.

Obviously, every situation is different. If you're newly dating this person, it might not affect you as much as if you've been in a relationship with this person and they've pulled away. If you have an anxious attachment style, though, your instant reaction, regardless of the situation, would be to put more energy towards them to try to hold on to the relationship. And you try to fight for the relationship and you're grasping at straws trying to get this person to come back into your life.

And if you're trying to fight for something, especially if it's early on and you don't really know this person that well, this episode is for you because it's a very common thing in this day and age to experience this dynamic of really getting to know someone, opening up to them, and then them ultimately disappearing.

This has happened to me several times recently where I've been a bit vulnerable with someone. I've shared details of my past. I've shared details of my life. And then the dynamic shifts after a week or two and you realize you don't really know someone until you know them, right? You can have amazing, meaningful conversations with a person, but you don't really know them on a deep level enough to understand if they're going to be a big part of your life or not because it's still new.

And then once you open up to them, once you get vulnerable, once you start to feel some sort of spark or connection, suddenly they just disappear off the face of the earth and you're like, what the actual fuck? Why did I even open up to them in the first place?

While I've been in Australia, I experienced this with a person that actually had sat me down and told me that they really don't like it when someone love bombs and then disappears because they think it's extremely fucked up and they think it's extremely disrespectful. And then within a week, that person did that exact thing to me. So I feel like when I was having this conversation with this person, getting vulnerable, and

sharing what we like and what we do like and sharing our past experiences with dating and relationships and all that stuff, it opened up this space of safety. So I felt really safe and secure with this person in that brief moment of time. And then they suddenly disappeared, pulled away, changed the energy, the whole dynamic shifted. And I was left feeling really...

but also anxious because suddenly I realized that I had just opened up to someone that I didn't really know that well. And they had essentially been projecting what they were about to do to me onto me. Anyways, needless to say, I reflected on the situation and I realized that today's episode is perfect for that situation. It's a reminder to myself essentially of how

what I do deserve, how to handle situations like this. And also, I wanted to talk about it because a lot of you have the same question of what do I do when someone pulls away? What do I do when someone ghosts me or disappears or breaks up with me and leaves me feeling abandoned? What are the steps I can take to heal and learn from this experience? Because I'm not doing too well

I am an anxious mess and I feel like I did something wrong. I feel rejected. I feel like I'm not good enough and I want to change that. This episode is going to cover literally everything you need to know about how to handle a situation like this and what to do and the steps you can take. I'm going to start off by saying for me,

My instant reaction a couple of years ago would be to full-blown panic. If someone were to flip a switch and be this sweet, gentle, loving person towards me in the beginning and then pull away and pull the rug, I would go crazy. I would be so emotional. I would be so anxious. And I would have handled it way differently than I would handle it now. And I think the way I handled it now was actually a reminder of how far I've come in my healing journey and how far I've grown as a person.

So, I'm going to share with you what I did in that situation and also what you can do, generally speaking, in any situation similar to this. So...

In that current situation where I felt like this person had essentially switched personalities and the energy completely flipped, I was hurt for a moment in time. I remember I was just like, okay, this sucks because I feel like I could have trusted this person. I feel like I painted them in a really positive light and I thought things were going in a positive direction. And now I see it as the complete opposite. So what do I do?

I took a step back and instead of chasing down that person's energy or asking what happened or asking all of these questions and blowing up their phone, I took a big step back and I started journaling about it. And I started writing down all of my biggest fears and all of the potential outcomes of what could actually happen based on the situation. I questioned why I was so upset. What happened in the situation?

what made me feel like I wasn't good enough. And I actually sat down with my thoughts and unpacked them. Instead of making it all about them, I focused it back inwards onto me and decided I need to go deeper to heal. Because obviously it was triggering something in me that really bothered me for a couple of days. And then once I sat with it and reflected on it,

I ended up sending them a message briefly explaining how I felt in the situation. And I was super calm about it. I came from a place of groundedness. I wasn't coming from a place of fear or panic or anxiety. I wasn't coming from a place of anger. I finally had grounded myself enough to come from a place of peace just to express how I felt. Unfortunately, that person did not take that well and...

ended up responding in anger, which then I knew my answer that the universe was protecting me from this person the entire time, because I don't want someone in my life that can't have mature conversations. And I don't want someone in my life that can't understand that I was trying to be vulnerable. Because if someone doesn't understand you on that level, if someone's not willing to talk things out with you in a mature, calm way, and they lash out in anger, then

It's very telling if that relationship is going to be healthy one or not. And I've dealt with people in my past who had anger issues, who would lash out at me at every opportunity they had. And I know that I don't want that energy being brought into my life ever again. So for me, it gave me closure. It gave me peace. And I sent them love and I wish them well. And I do wish the best for them.

Now, this is going to tie into the main theme of today's episode because my whole approach to situations like this now is operating from a place of love and not fear or anger. Because it's so easy to hate on someone that isn't treating you the way you want to be treated. It's so easy to point fingers and say,

They ghosted me. They abandoned me. They rejected me. They're an asshole. They're a piece of shit. It's so easy to get caught in that narrative in your mind that you deserve to be so angry at them and you hate them and they're a bad person, right? And you could go and talk shit about them to everyone you know. You could go to your friends, say, this guy's an asshole. You could go to your friends, say, this girl doesn't value me and I deserve better, whatever it is. But at the end of the day,

the outcome is still going to be the same, whether you're angry or whether you're operating from a place of love and forgiveness. Because if that person doesn't want to be with you, if that person isn't interested in you, they're not interested in you, regardless of how you're feeling, if you're reacting out of anger or not, the end result is the same. So...

Now, when I approach situations like this, I operate from a place of forgiveness. I take time for myself before I warrant a reaction. I take time for myself before I will reply to a message. If I'm feeling uncomfortable or anxious, I'd rather send that message out of a place of calm than instantly react and respond and have this heated, angry conversation that might end up going in circles. So...

By taking that time from that person who did a 180 on me and flipped energies, essentially, by taking a few days away from the situation and then calmly expressing my truth a few days later, it just gave me so much clarity and I was able to see it more objectively. And by the time I had said that message and he replied something that wasn't very kind or

To say the least, I realized that the universe had been protecting me the entire time. And I was grateful that I had that experience. And I was able to fully let it go and say, you know what? I forgive this. I'm not mad. I'm not angry. You do you. I wish you the best. And that's it.

Now, my old advice on the podcast is still very applicable, but I think I was a little more harsh a year ago because I was still going through a lot of shit and still learning about myself. And I think I've grown so much in the last year. I was more harsh in terms of how to approach situations like this when someone is not reciprocating their energy back, when they're pulling away and when they're feeling like they're going to leave you.

The last year version of me would say, you deserve better. You deserve someone who shows up for you. You deserve someone who meets you on your level. And...

Although all of those things are still true, I want to take this opportunity to talk about the approach that's been helping me so much get through situations like this now. And it's just such a different type of approach where you're coming from a place of groundedness because you're so confident in who you are. And you know that you're such a good person with a good heart that the universe is always going to either be protecting you.

and guiding you towards the right people, that's basically it. I guess there's no other option because if you're so grounded and you're coming from a place of confidence in who you are, you're just trusting in a higher power that everything is working for you and not against you. And

I think it's so easy to get defensive and upset in situations like this. But when you come from a place of groundedness and you trust that what's happening to you is for you and it's not a bad thing and it's actually divinely protecting you in some way, that's when life starts to get so much more peaceful because you understand that nothing is personal and everything is actually divine protection. It can be so easy to freak out and assume the worst in someone. But what I want you to do in a situation, if you're currently going through a

a situation or relationship right now where you feel like this person has pulled back a lot, where you feel like they're acting distant, is not to assume the worst. Because when we create assumptions in our head, it can cause us to spiral and it could lead us down a really negative, dark path and cycle. It could cause us to feel like this person doesn't like us, doesn't care about us, and they don't want to be with us anymore. So I always tell people that

Until you know all the facts and information, until you've collected all the data around the situation and this person, first of all, do not make any assumptions. Just because someone pulls away doesn't necessarily determine their feelings for you. It doesn't determine what's happening. Everyone has their own shit going on. There have been moments where I've had to pull back from people, whether it's friends, romantic partners, because there was a week period where I felt depressed, where I felt like overly stressed. I was overwhelmed with a lot of emotions.

Certain things happen in people's lives that cause them to pull back. So one of the biggest pieces of advice and first steps I would say is to not make assumptions and do not go down a negative spiral in your head.

And knowing what I know now, this concept of faith and trust is also understanding that energy is constantly shifting and changing and nothing is permanent. The same way this feels like a really hard week for you because this person hasn't replied to your messages or this person is telling you they want to end things with you.

The same way this is a bad period of time because you feel neglected and you feel unworthy, anything can change and the energy can switch again and become an amazing moment in time because energy is always constantly shifting and changing and nothing is permanent. And when you realize that nothing is actually permanent because everything is energy and energy is constantly changing,

It can put your mind at ease because you can change the circumstances of your life at any given point if you allow yourself to, because your thoughts control your reality. And I've made many episodes on this. My whole course, Dare to Detach, is around this. And if we get caught in a negative spiral, thinking the worst, oh, this person doesn't like me, this person lost interest in me, this person hates me, this person is cheating on me, whatever it is,

It will cause you to go down an even further spiral in your mind that can prevent you from changing your current circumstances. So I always say, take a step back for a moment, don't assume the worst, and try to shift your mindset as much as you can to trust that everything is happening for a divine reason.

If this person really liked you once, they can like you again. If they really loved you once, they can love you again. It doesn't mean it's the right relationship and I'm not encouraging you to hold out if a relationship is super toxic. But my point is anything is possible energetically in this physical world. And if we step outside of the physical world and we realize that there's a plane above us that we can control through the power of our thoughts, then

everything starts to open up for us as a new possibility. And nothing is actually bad or good because anything can shift and change at any time. So even if you're going through a period of time where someone is ghosting you or someone is distant, you have the power to actually change that. And by changing your internal dialogue and how you perceive the situation, you're either going to heal that relationship with that person or you're going to evolve and change and up-level and attract even better into your life.

What you're seeing in the three dimension and what you're seeing in this physical reality can easily be changed based on the rewiring of your subconscious mind. And that's what my masterclass Dare to Detach is centered around. It's reprogramming your subconscious thought patterns in order to shift your reality and create a brand new timeline for yourself so you can uplevel and change your current circumstances. So if you're not happy in a relationship, people come to me and they're like, I'm married and...

We're going through a lot of problems. Is your course designed for people who are in relationships and we want to heal them? And I'm like, yes, 100% because everything is internal. And once you do the inner work to heal, every relationship around you will shift. So it doesn't matter if you're currently committed. It doesn't matter if you're going through a breakup or significant loss or whatever it is.

No matter the circumstance, just by doing the inner work and healing, it will shift your reality around you and it can only be positive if you're actually doing the work to heal, right? Doesn't necessarily mean you're going to end up with that specific person, but it's

It's not going to harm you by doing the inner work and healing. There's always going to be a benefit and a beneficial side to doing that. So regardless of the outcome, you will be healing in a way that's going to either propel you forward and have you meet someone that's really right for you or you're going to heal the relationship you're currently in.

So if someone's pulling away and acting distant towards you, it is easy to think of the worst case scenario and get caught up in this idea that you're going to be alone and they don't care and you're neglected. But instead of doing that and taking that approach, I want you to tell yourself that I trust what's happening right now. I fully trust that what's meant to be will be and I will send this person love even though I'm hurt right now, even though I'm scared and I'm anxious. Because

The dynamic seems to have switched. Their feelings seem to have changed. I'm worried. I'm anxious. But you have to understand that that's just the temporary current situation. And there is another reality out there where you can be happy with this person or you can be happy with someone else and everything will magically shift and change and your life isn't over.

It's so easy to think of the worst case thought. It's so easy to allow your brain to go there. And the whole point of this episode is to encourage you, if you observe that thought and it's not benefiting you and it's making you feel really, really sad, just observe that thought objectively and say, okay, this is what I'm thinking right now. But if I allow myself to change this into something more positive, into something more hopeful, then

That is only going to benefit me. And that is only going to create better circumstances in my reality and how people show up for me. You can see two beautiful options ahead of you.

There's one door that says this relationship will evolve and shift if I do the inner work to heal and ground myself and understand that everything's happening for a reason. And there's another door, which is another option that says there is a better person out there for me that is going to show up for me exactly the way I need them to. And this is a blessing in disguise that this person is ghosting me or distancing themselves or leaving.

because there is a better person out there for me. So you have two beautiful options ahead of you that you can consider instead of this third door that's dark and there's a dark cloud over it where it's like, I'm going to die alone, right? And a lot of people go there. And when I did this survey on my Instagram once of like people's biggest fears, everyone on the podcast Instagram was writing about the fear of being alone forever.

And it is a common fear. So that's okay, right? Because we're human and there's going to be fears and anxieties and worries that come up in life. But the whole point is to try to redirect that and change that. So instead of constantly harping on this idea that you're never going to be happy with anyone or you're going to be abandoned, you could say, you know what, everything is happening for me. And if this person is not the right person for me, there's going to be a better option.

I want you to take a minute and close your eyes and visualize you stepping into that person's body for a second. So let's just say someone's distancing themselves from you. They're, you know, acting weird, cold, not responsive, and you're currently freaking out. Okay. I want you to take a few deep breaths and close your eyes.

and visualize you stepping into that person's body for a second, okay? Now, I know this sounds a little bit witchy and crazy. You might be like, what the hell is this girl saying? But I promise you,

This is a powerful exercise that I like to do when I'm feeling really frustrated with a specific person and a relationship dynamic. When I'm having trouble seeing the other person's point of view and I start victimizing myself and being like, wow, they did this to me. They did that to me. They're not a good person to me. Essentially, it's so easy to go there, right? But what I want you to do for a second is actually envision yourself as that person.

So this is an exercise where you're stepping into the person's body and looking at you as them. Okay? So you're coming from their perspective right now. Suddenly you are this person for a second and you're operating as them on this physical plane. And what I want you to do

is talk as this person to yourself. So you're having a conversation as this person with yourself. And you're envisioning what that person would say to you if they were having a really open, emotional, vulnerable conversation.

What would that person say to you if they were allowed to be vulnerable with you? What would that person say to you in this situation if they've pulled back? Why did they pull back? What's going through their mind? Are they operating from a place of fear because there's a lot going on in their lives and there's shit happening for them? What would they say to you as the reasoning behind why they're pulling away?

When you do this exercise, what it does is it teaches you more compassion, even if you hate someone, like even if you feel like this person has bad intentions, even if you feel like this person has neglected you. It teaches you more compassion and understanding that it has nothing to do with you. What they're doing is

Has nothing to do with you and it's whatever's going on with them internally, okay? Because everyone's reality is so different and when you're stepping into their shoes for a second, you're realizing that they're coming from a totally different angle and seeing things from a totally different angle than you are. What this does is...

also just allows you to forgive them more because you're operating as them for a second. It sounds really trippy and I know like some people might be uncomfortable with this exercise, but for me, this has been so helpful in forgiveness and just understanding that nothing is fucking personal. What they're doing to you is not a reflection of your worth. What they're doing to you is not a reflection of like how amazing you are and what you deserve. It's just how they're operating. And that's it. So,

practice this exercise and see what magic happens and see if anything shifts and see how you feel after. Because for me, when I've done this with people who have really wronged me, who have really hurt me, it's made me see things from such a different angle and has allowed me to practice more forgiveness, which in turn has healed so many relationships in my life. What it does is it helps you heal more than anyone else.

It helps you heal when you learn how to accept and forgive the other person. So if right now that person is pulling back or if they've ended things with you and you're like, really, really, really hurt, every time I've envisioned having a conversation from their angle, it's made me realize that I didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing wrong. And...

whatever's going on for them is their own perception of this reality and whatever decision they choose to make is out of my control and all I can do is control how I feel about it and that's it. Everyone has their own unique world perspective based on their past. Everyone operates differently based on their past memories, experiences, the environment they grew up in and sometimes avoidant people in particular

They're operating out of a place of fear and panic and they'll just detach quicker from situations because that's how they were taught to deal with their emotions and that's how their brain is programmed. So when you have compassion for that instead of getting angry and resentful, it not only heals that relationship, but it also heals parts of you that you didn't know needed healing. And I'm going to dive into a really good example of this that happened to me because it'll make a lot more sense.

Also, if you've listened to the Send Them Love Anyways episode, that's a really good episode that ties into this episode because it's all about sending people love, even if you feel like you've been completely wronged.

I've built up so much resentment towards a situation where someone had treated me really unfairly. I felt like they rejected me, but they also didn't really care about hurting me. And when you feel like someone doesn't care that they're hurting you, that's a whole nother level of hurt because you're like, how do you not care that you're like destroying my heart? Like, how do you not care? So it seems, right? You just feel like that person is like...

doing their own thing, living their best life, and you're sitting there crying, being like, how did you abandon me? And you're going out with your friends as if it's another random Tuesday while I'm sitting home depressed because I loved you, right? When I learned about the power of forgiveness, and not only forgiving that person, but forgiving myself and forgiving all the past mistakes I've made, forgiving myself for putting up with certain things, forgiving myself for my past relationships, whatever it is,

I realized that the only person I was doing a disservice to was myself, but by not coming from a place of forgiveness. By holding on to anger towards that person, it was doing myself the disservice because I was walking around with a tight chest, anxiety, stress, talking shit, telling my friends this person sucks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You can go down that rabbit hole forever, right? You can live your life holding in anger forever. But...

I promise you, once you start incorporating forgiveness instead of anger and love and forgiveness and acceptance instead of anger and frustration and hurt and pain, everything in your reality will shift. And if you know when you operate from a place of love that your reality is going to shift and give you more abundance and peace and better people,

it becomes motivation for you to change quicker, right? So for me, when I was going through my healing process and I started slowly healing and understanding the power of forgiveness, and then I started seeing like magical things start to happen, like things started manifesting in my life, career opportunities started to open up.

I just felt so different and I started seeing it in my reality. And I was like, wait a second. I've been wallowing in pain for the last few months. I've been beating myself up for the last few months. Meanwhile, there's a whole other reality out there. If I just do the work and I heal and I come from a place of love, the universe will reflect that back to me and my world will get so much better and I'll end up meeting better people and having a better life. So why am I holding myself back? Like, why am I holding on to all this pain if it's just

It's preventing me from living my best life. And I want you to really test this out because if you're currently going through a situation where you're in a lot of pain...

and you're not really doing anything about it, and you're just harping on the past memories, and you're digging into the past, and you're replaying the past, you're only going to get more of that. So what I want you to do is the exercise I just mentioned, and also just reflect and try to see things from an angle of love and forgiveness and acceptance, and understand that if it's not that person, if that person's abandoning you or leaving you, whatever it is, it will be someone better.

When I was with my first boyfriend and we were going through a rough patch, he started going really, really cold on me. And he was acting so out of character. He ended up just completely pulling away and we ended up breaking up.

He seemed as if he wanted nothing to do with me, didn't care about me anymore. And that was it. And I was devastated. I was absolutely crushed. This was my first love, first experience of a breakup. I remember I was bedridden. I could not get myself out of bed for days. My best friend had to come over and sleep with me in my bed just to make sure that I was like still breathing because I literally would not get up. And...

The first love heartbreak is always the worst because you've never experienced anything like it before. Like you've never had that type of feeling before prior. And it's like this crushing, suffocating, I want to die feeling, not even being dramatic. And those of you who've experienced your first real heartbreak, that feeling, you don't wish it upon your worst enemy. So for the first few weeks, I was deeply grieving and...

I didn't know anything about the power of my thoughts. I didn't know that this concept of your thoughts control your reality. I knew nothing. I was very young. But what I did know is that I had an inner voice calling to me and that inner voice was saying, love yourself enough to let him go and love yourself enough to send him love and treat this as a divine blessing. Like treat this as a blessing because obviously something wasn't right. Obviously,

It's either he doesn't feel the way that you feel and you deserve more, or it's just a period of time where you need to grow and learn and evolve and understand that this is what heartbreak is. You're going to grow from it. You're going to evolve from it. And it's just a chapter. It's just a temporary phase. So once I had picked up the pieces after a few weeks and I started to focus on myself again, I started to get my spark back.

I started feeling really, really good. And I started feeling empowered again. And I started reminding myself of who I was before I met him. And I was like, I lost that confidence. I lost that spark in me. And now that it's back and I'm feeling good, like I know that I deserve more, right? And then what happened? Of course, because when you start to heal and you start to feel amazing again, of course, they're going to feel it. And he did feel it. And he reached out to me and

Suddenly, the energy had completely shifted. You always hear about these stories. Oh, I moved on and then my ex came crawling back and was begging and crying for me back. That's exactly what happened because...

I had healed and done what I could to feel amazing again. And everything is energy. And as I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, energy is constantly shifting and changing, right? So once I stopped grieving and I actually picked myself up off the floor and I was like, listen, I deserve more. I deserve to be happy. I know my worth. I know my value and I love myself.

that's when he came crawling back and that's when he begged for me back. And I was in a place of groundedness and peace where I was like, I don't know. I have to think about it. And then we did end up getting back together. But needless to say, that relationship, that relationship did not work out. However, it showed me for the first time, the power of energy shifting and the power of how we can transform internally. And that will be reflected in

in our external reality. So when you actually feel good, you're going to heal all the relationships in your life, heal the situations, anything you're going through in your life, and you're going to access new opportunities and better things for you the more you heal and the more you love yourself.

And it happens every fucking time. Anytime I've ever gone through something really painful and I was feeling like at a really low point in my life, anytime I've bounced back and started to feel good, my whole reality did like a 180 and all these blessings and miracles started showing up. After months of grieving and like seeing the world as gray, it feels like the world goes back to color once you actually heal and you feel good again.

And that's what always happens. No matter what it is, I know when I start feeling good and I start thinking better thoughts, I start getting myself in this really positive mindset. I start doing my affirmations. I start doing more healing work. I start taking care of my body. Anything I can do to heal, my reality always, always, always changes for the better. Always.

Now, if I had spent the next year crying my eyes out over him, begging him, chasing him down, trying to make shit work and thinking the worst case scenarios, we never would have reunited and gotten back together because I would have been communicating to him and also to the energetic fields in the universe at play that I wasn't worthy. And when you believe internally that you're not worthy, people feel that, right? And that will be reflected back to you. So

It took me having to truly believe I'm worthy again for us to get back together. And this isn't to instill this like delusional hope in you that you should go run back to your ex. Like that's not the point that I want to make here because some relationships just aren't meant to work if they're super toxic. And I don't want to encourage you to start fixating on this toxic person if they were like abusive or they treated you really horribly. But my point is that anything can shift and change at any time. And once you are aware of that,

and you feel like you have more control over your life, things really start to improve and get better. Always. Instead of panicking if someone's acting distant or cold, or not wanting to be with you anymore, instead of letting that debilitate you, I want it to fuel you. I want it to fuel you to be better and heal and do more work to stand in your power and be that confident, shining, amazing, glowing person that you are meant to be.

And a lot of what I do now to heal, let's just say I'm going through a situation where someone's pulling their energy back. I meditate more. I journal more. I do EFT tapping. You can listen to my episode with my friend Haley, Stop Attracting the Wrong People Into Your Life. We talk a lot about EFT tapping on there and it's a really great episode. So if you haven't listened, I highly recommend it.

I also like to envision my higher self giving me guidance and talking to me about the situation from a neutral, more objective perspective, knowing that my higher self doesn't have that ego where you're like scared of being alone and scared of you're never going to find anyone else.

So what I'll do is ask myself questions like, why is this affecting you this much? Is it your fear of abandonment? Or is it because you really believe you're going to marry this person? It could be both. There's no right or wrong answer. But just having conversations with yourself is so important. And taking a step back versus instantly reacting is so important. You begging someone for their love is actually a cry from your inner child saying you need to love yourself more.

And that's something I realized through a lot of these types of experiences. If you are begging someone to love you, it's really you begging to love yourself more. And that's it. That's really it. It's that's the key to actually accessing self-love is when you're in a situation like this and you feel so unloved.

It's the perfect window of opportunity to really go within and say, how can I actually show up for myself more? Because all the love you're seeking outside of yourself is within you. You have that energy within you because love is energy and you are energy. So you have that within you, whether you realize it now or not.

And you don't need it from this person that ghosted you. You don't need it from this person that disappeared. You don't need it from them because you have it within you. It's just harder to access right now because you're feeling sad. But I promise you, you do not need to seek externally for it. I also love quantum jump meditations and you can find them in my masterclass, Stare to Detach.

You guys have heard about it on the podcast and you've also heard about it from my Instagram, but my masterclass helps you trust that the universe and higher powers have a divine plan for you. And it is there to help you get on track with your healing journey. The class is centered around forgiveness, acceptance, and learning how to detach healthily and move on from things and people that are not aligned with

with the best version of you. We have an incredible, incredible community of over 3,000 members now. We have an amazing group chat. You could sign up. The link is in the show notes of the podcast, or you could go to my Instagram, Dare to Detach, and find the link there. You could always use the podcast code SELFLOVE for a discount. Would love to see you there. And I would love to have you. Our community, honestly, I'm not just saying this, like the people...

who have joined the masterclass are all some of the most genuine, amazing, selfless, inspiring people that I've ever interacted with. Everyone is supporting each other, helping each other in the group chat. And if you're especially going through a really rough period of time in your life, I highly recommend it solely just to connect with other people. And then you have this course that you have access to forever. It never expires. And it's a great way to start your healing process.

The other thing I love is this idea of calm confidence. And it's something that I've been repeating to myself lately. I actually want to tattoo this on my arm because I have all these little mantra tattoos. One of them is trust the process. The other is manifest your reality. And then I have a little airplane. I have one that says freedom that I got after a breakup. And the next one I want, I think I want it to say calm confidence.

It's such a simple message, but it's just this concept of trusting so deeply that what's meant for you is always going to show up for you and having that sense of groundedness and confidence knowing that everything is working out for you and remaining calm in any situation regardless of how shitty it might feel.

That is the key to being so fucking magnetic and attractive. I feel so attractive when I'm able to control my emotions and stand in my power and know that I deserve the world. Like when I know I deserve amazing things and I'm confident in that and calm in that, I feel like my most attractive. And I think it's such an attractive quality too. And you could tell when someone is really grounded in their energy and in their power. So yeah,

That was just another thing that I was thinking about recently, because when you see someone that's all over the place and acting out of anger and like this guy that I mentioned in the beginning of the episode, just essentially yelling at me, like yelling at me because I was vulnerable and open and shared how I felt about something.

It's the most unattractive quality in the world when someone's just yelling at you and not hearing you or speaking from a place of love. And I think when you learn how to operate from a place of love and you're calm and you're confident in what you're saying, it not only translates better and you can have real conversations with people, but also it's just, it's so attractive when someone does that. And I want to work on myself to be more like that. And I might get this tattoo before I leave Australia. We'll see.

But just knowing that there is a divine plan for you and trusting and genuinely understanding your power, it's just such a beautiful thing. And with that being said...

That concludes today's episode. Thank you so much as always for listening to Date Yourself Instead. If you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify and share it with a friend. It really helps the show grow. And also feel free to send me a DM on Instagram at Date Yourself Instead or on my personal account at Liz. I love you. Thank you as always again for listening and stay tuned for next Monday.