The 3 Emotional Skills That Make You Successful In Life
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- The quality of me as a human matters to me, not as me as a businessman. I'm aware that I love it. I love being an entrepreneur, but it is not how I can think about myself. - Right. - It's my favorite game. It is my passion. It's not who I am. - Entrepreneur, investor. - A New York Times bestselling author. - Founder of VaynerMedia. - Digital media mogul, Gary Vaynerchuk. - Please welcome Gary Vaynerchuk. - Gary Vaynerchuk.

I remember when I was first popping off in that 2007, 8 Twitter world, a lot of people were like, the wine guy's gonna be around just for a year. This is too much. It's all sizzle, no steak. Money and fame and success doesn't change you, it exposes you. I just have a very simple question for people. Explain to me any justification to sh** on another human being.

If you're not happy, if you're anxious, if you're feeling a lot of pressure, the answer is ironically, you have to start doing the opposite of everything you naturally want to do. That's the other thing that I don't understand what these people are doing. As if anyone on earth is perfect. You want to have a real moment in this podcast? Everybody, I'm looking at all the cameras right now.

I'm sorry about that. - It's all right. - But I was going for a fact. - You said you wanna live to 105. - Yeah. - You get to do one final live stream. - Yeah. - And all you get to leave behind is three truths. - I promise you this is the most truth I've learned in 105 years.

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How those ahead stay ahead. Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Gary Vaynerchuk in the house. My man, so good to see you. It's been 15 years since we met each other. Yes. You have continued to be a leader in the creator economy, entrepreneurship, emotional intelligence, and so many other things. So I want to acknowledge you first, Gary, for your continued evolution, innovation, and leadership as a human being.

And also your friendship. You have thousands of connections that you probably text with on a monthly basis. And you have a lot of people in your inner circle, but then outer circle, right? Yeah. And I would say I'm someone like in the inner outer circle. We don't see each other a lot, but when we connect, we connect and we have a lot of memories together.

And I always appreciate that when something happens in my life, you reach out. So I want to acknowledge you for just being on top of things, reaching out when things really matter. I love for you. Yeah, I appreciate it. And one of the things I want to talk about first in today is you've got a lot that's always happening. But one of the things is this book called Day Trading Attention. Yes.

And we were just talking about this right before we started. You were asking me, you know, what's new for you? And I said, feeling emotionally peaceful and abundant and loved is new for me. Because in a world of online marketing, social media, entrepreneurship, business, competition, I was driven to grow, grow, grow.

And I was always accomplishing and getting results. But in the last year, there's been changes, ups, downs. For the first time, I feel peaceful about me and love myself, even if I'm not growing at the rate that I always have financially. Even if you're ranked 113 instead of seven. Exactly. My question for you to start is, it seems like people are more stressed and overwhelmed and trapped than ever trying to keep up with the algorithms, likes, views. Yeah.

changes in platforms, one platform being hot, then potentially TikTok going away in a few months, who knows? And people are on this hamster wheel of needing to grow and create, create, create in order to be relevant. Is that sustainable? And how can people stay healthy and love themselves when they're hot and when they're not? And how do they not chase the hamster wheel of success with social and stay more sustainable?

Great question. Is it sustainable? Yes, if you're in the place that I think you're emerging into, where you enjoy it and it doesn't define you and you can love yourself and you're good, whether you're making a million dollars a year or 40,000 a year, whether you've got a million followers or 40,000 or the thing that you're going through that I go through and many others, when you have

and you're hot, hot, and then you're not as hot, and you go up and down. So I think it's remarkably sustainable. I also believe that 99%, 97%, 90%, I don't know what the number is, are not in that place yet. They're not in a place where they don't live for outside validation. They're not in a place where they've hit that maximum place of self-love. You know, I talk a lot about my mom. It's very clear to me that

whatever she gave me in DNA and how she parented me and the circumstances of the environment I grew up in, Edison, New Jersey in the 80s, created a perfect storm where my relationship with me was so good. Even in high school. I think about it now a lot. I didn't realize it when I was first coming up and getting notoriety. I didn't realize how insane in hindsight, and Dustin, who's filming me right now, he also grew up in Jersey, and he really understands what I'm about to say, even though I'm older, he really knows what I'm saying. Like,

late 90s, early 2000s, high school in Jersey in 1990 to '94 when I was there, that was real kind of hardcore , meaning it now blows me away in hindsight that I did not, not only did I not succumb to peer pressure,

That it didn't even begin to gain momentum with me really and I had a lot like the only one in high school that this didn't happen to know I think there's others but I this is why I'm trying to tap into it. So for me what you're entering I believe is What I got lucky and I'm using I hate you know I hate luck because people love to weaponize it against people they envy and it's a real lazy trait, but I

There's a million variables that are luck or serendipity or whatever you want to call it. - But your parents instilled that in you and gave you that skill. - My mom. My dad instilled other things in me and honestly I was with my mom predominantly from 14 and then ironically the time I'm talking about now is when I started to really get to know my dad 'cause I had to work in the liquor store a lot of hours. I just liked myself and didn't think, you're a perfect example.

you were like, I was four foot 11 the day I walked into high school. - Yeah, I was six three. Now I'm six four. - Right. So like, I'm using you 'cause you're a perfect comp. Like, even if the most handsome, like big dude who was in my grade made fun of me, and I remember within the first couple weeks, big shout out, if anybody can find Paige Parlow, Paige Parlow is two years older than us, or maybe one.

all my high school friends are about to laugh. She was such a pretty girl. I think she was a junior. We were freshmen, right? And she had like cliche. This is literally September, 1990. Her boyfriend is like a smoker dude. Like literally like a John Travolta type of dude. Literally out of central casting. I somehow get lost. This is literally like week one or two. Get lost of which class I'm going to. So I'm like two, three minutes after the bell rang and I'm like walking the hall trying to figure, like literally like a movie.

And they're outside, I already know who those two people are and we're only a week or two in, right? - They're like the legends of high school, yeah. - Already. And literally they're outside either her or his locker making out as I'm walking by and everything in my life is just walk by and have nothing happen, right?

Sure enough, I get by and it's literally a movie. It's literally a coming of age movie. He goes, hey. I turn back. He goes, the nursery school's right over there. You have to understand why this is extra funny. Our high school was a vocational high school.

and I don't know if you know what this is, but vocational high schools, 'cause we were in rural New Jersey. I moved from Edison to Hunterdon County. We had a auto body shop, we had a salon, and we had a daycare in our high school. And some of the juniors and seniors were taking classes to become teachers. So I was literally, ironically, I didn't know where it was at the time, I'm telling you, it was the first two, three weeks of high school. He goes, "Hey, kid." And they laugh, and I'm like, ugh.

Literally, but here's what's so funny about it. This is the most meta moment. I literally said to myself in that moment, not I'm a piece of or I'll never be cool or I suck or I can't wait to grow or whatever. I said to myself, what's happening right this second? I'm like, huh, that's gonna be a really funny story one day. - Wow. - I literally actually at 14 years old said that and here I am 34 years later delivering on the promise I made to myself about that moment

So the answer is, is it sustainable? Of course it is. But the only thing that is sustainable is when your relationship with yourself is so good, you can deal with the death of a parent, a partner,

even the worst extreme a child you can deal with getting laid off you can get you can deal with breakups uh how about athlete life that you grew up with who are the kids that are bound to be professional athletes jay williams was supposed to be the best basketball player got into a motorcycle accident obviously he has a great career he's a great entrepreneur he's on tv he's a good dude but but

that's maybe not what he thought his whole life was gonna be for the first 20 years of his life. Or the ones that don't make it. Or the ones that come from a wealthy family and then the mother or father die of a heart attack. It spins out the whole family. Or they get raided by the FBI. People have things. My mom lost her mom at five. My dad lost his dad at 15. Those are game-changing moments. How does one deal?

that they were in a good place. Last night I had dinner. One of the people at dinner was talking about their sibling, their younger sister passing away. This woman was in her 60s. She was talking about her 58-year-old sister and she was talking about the children. And she's talking about the children in their 30s just on full tilt entitlement.

Like she literally said, quote unquote, one of them is waiting for the father to pass so they can inherit the money. Oh, man. And, you know, I think about those things and I'm like, what what does that? And that's the extreme in the other direction. So there's the I love myself. Listen, you know this about me. You brought it up in the intro. I love being nice. But I mean, of course, I'm nice because I'm good with me.

Of course, most people that aren't nice aren't nice because they're not good with themselves. So for me, you know, this is why entrepreneurship has been so easy. I'm not scared to lose. And it is the direct correlation. Your capacity with losing has an incredible correlation to what you're going to achieve as an entrepreneur sustainably. Because when you're deeply insecure...

And it's not good. You equally might create massive success because you're using it as the makeup. If I put up the points on the board, everyone will think I'm good, even though I secretly don't think I'm good. And what happens when you succeed, but you're not good with yourself? Exactly what, you know what happens. You better, you and I now have, I have way more than you, but you're starting to get, I saw that the other, saw the last time I saw you in New York for a second. I'm like, uh, it's so fun to see. Yeah, we're maturing and you know this.

Many of our contemporaries or guys and gals we looked up to, we've watched get to high levels and collapse. Yeah, crash. Crash. Some of it the public knows because it's very famous. Others we know where like someone that was in our circle speaking or writing books like made a lot of money but like

gone through really bad stuff and drug problems and worse. And like, like we know, and that's what happens, you know, money and fame and success and followers doesn't change you. It exposes you.

And so I think for me, it was the serendipity of being in that good place. And it's probably why I, if you look at my journey, it's funny, "Day Trading Attention" is a funny book for me. It's a little bit back to 2009, Gary. It's very tactical. Social's changed a lot. And I just wanted to give people like, here it is. Like go run for the next 24 months. But my last book, "12 and a Half,"

And you know this, again, because we've been together through this journey somewhere along the line, six, seven years into giving tactical black and white marketing and business advice that will work. I got to a place where I'm like, wait a minute. Oh, people are doing this not because they don't know what to do. It's because they're not in a good place from a perspective perspective.

from a mentality, from an internal place. And that's when my content started to evolve into security, kindness. Emotional intelligence, generosity. I mean, I didn't even know what the term emotional intelligence was. Not tactics. Yeah, because I thought when I came out in 2009, 10, 11, 12, that I just built from 96 to 2000. That was the other thing that was a little bit different about me in that era. I was also someone who had already really done a lot. Yes. And so I was talking about what I did, not tactics.

that might happen. - Yes. - And I think that's what made me explode pretty quickly. Besides ability to communicate and that kind of level of communication charisma, there was meat there. I remember, you may remember this, this is actually an interesting question to you. I remember when I was first popping off in that 2007, '08 Twitter world. I'm so animated, I'm so over the top.

what I always used to laugh about, similar to getting made fun of that day in high school was a lot of people were like, oh, this guy's gonna, the wine guy's gonna be around just for a year. This is too much. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's all sizzle, no steak. And I would read those tweets 'cause I'd go and give a talk at the affiliate summit and I would read the comments and someone's like, this guy won't even be around in a year. And it was very similar to getting made fun of in freshman year of high school. I'm like, I can't wait to recall this because I know who I am.

I'm an incredibly patient operator. And I build slow and quietly. VaynerMedia, VaynerX, has 2,000 employees. That's incredible, man. I thought it was only 1,000. It's 2,000 employees. You were there. I was there when we got four. Correct. I remember there with like, you guys were in, I can't remember, Soho or something. Sunshine Suites down on Debrosa Street. I remember. You got a ping pong table and like four people around the table. That's right. Yeah. That's right.

- Like three, four clients trying to figure it out? - That's right. And now that's a $350 million a year business. It's a real business. - Amazing. - And that was built from me and AJ in Mike Lazaro's Buddy Media Conference Center office six months before you saw us down in Debrosis. And that rent for the first year was free

because I traded marketing services for the space. Wow. Because the story that most people don't understand about me, and I know you know this, is I didn't have any money. I built my dad's business. Right. And he didn't pay me much. And I'm not even mad at daddy. Yeah, yeah. But like 60 and 70,000 a year. Yeah.

Not much in New York City. No, I was in Jersey living in a shitty apartment in Springfield, New Jersey, but it didn't matter. And I was able to save money because I worked 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. Monday through Saturday. I didn't even have time to spend money. And the internet didn't work the way it did back then. So it wasn't like I could gamble or buy.

It was just like a very, I'm starting to realize in my late 40s, I'm like, man, my life was weird, weird. Like, it was weird. I was like in a very weird emotional place, which is amazing. Like off the charts lucky, just like being an athlete or any, you know, Beyonce's born with her voice.

She put in the work. She developed it, but she had it. LeBron was born with what he is. Put in the work, and that's how I feel about myself. I was given a lot of talent emotionally and a lot of entrepreneurial talent, and I've put in an obnoxious amount of work, and here comes the outcomes. But also, just like anybody else, I've gone through my journey along the way. My last book, 12 1⁄2, I talk a lot about candor being my weakness. My kryptonite. Candor? What do you mean by that? Well, Gary Vee's candorous. Next hour here, I'll fucking shoot. I'll be like, you...

And I do that well as Gary Vee, but as Gary Vaynerchuk, when I have an employee that stinks,

For my whole career, to this day, it's a problem. To this day, I'm a five out of 10, maybe a 4.7. - At being honest or being-- - At being, see that even like, honestly, that like made me crumble. I hate that candor is-- - Well, I mean-- - No, no, no, no, you're right. No, no, you're right. Candor is a synonym or whatever the it's called of honesty. My ability to be honest with an employee that has been around my company for a period of time and now I like them.

who's underperforming has been the disproportionate kryptonite of my career, which surprises people.

Because Gary Vee on stage or on podcast, that's my strength. But I'm talking to the world. - When it's one on one and you care about someone-- - And I know everything about them. I know that their dad this and their mom this and I know they're having struggles at home or I know they came in and had $50,000 in college debt and I'm like, oh. And so I've realized one of my great weaknesses of my career

is that I bleed too much charity into my work. Oh, man. And one of our biggest connection point in our friendship is, you know, Pencils of Promise, right? And I've done a good job in doing charity work, but I haven't been able to take off, like, I really envy the people who, like,

Don't bleed in charity. Charity has been an element of my investing. I've invested in companies that if my life depended on it, I would never have invested in. I 100% knew it wouldn't work, but I wanted to write a 20 to $50,000 check because I liked the person. I have kept many employees within my companies for a long time. And here's the worst part. I've taken the brunt of that because it's lost profit, right? It's reputational damage. People are like, why is Gary keeping around Sally?

And then what ends up happening is eventually there is a moment where that person goes, but it's always been sloppy because of the lack of... A year or two after they should have. And then I'm the bad guy. And it's all because... And so candor has been something I've developed a lot more. A lot more. It's still... So challenging. Back to we were joking about I just read the audio book. Like there are...

A couple of things on earth that come incredibly hard to me. One is candor to nice people when I have to let them go in a business. And two is reading my audio book. I know, man. Which is a grind. Although you mentioned you're in your late 40s now, is that right? I just turned 41 a couple weeks ago. And I'm 48. 48. If you could go back to 40. Okay. And think about all the things that you struggled with in the last, I guess, eight years. Yeah.

You've had, you know, people see your wins and successes nonstop. Like all the exits and investments and the growth of VaynerMedia and the books and the old time best NFT, all these different things that people see that. But for you, what do you think are the two or three things that have been beyond candor, your biggest struggles or the hardest things you've had to overcome?

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which is I am atrocious at smelling the roses because the whole game for me is smelling the roses. However, I'm sensing like, but would I have enjoyed the memories of the more extreme version of smelling the roses? Let me explain what I mean. So when I have wins,

I don't celebrate them. Like there's no, like in my world, we just landed a $20 million client. It's a lot. It's a big client. And a bunch of the people at Vayner, they've worked at other places. They're like, so when's the, so when are we doing like the celebration? And I'm like, what are you, I don't, like my brain's like, I don't understand what you're saying. Right? And not that like I'm like some tyrant. It's almost like just my energy goes to like problems. I'm a, you know,

As I continue to go through my own journey, it'll be very clear that I was blessed with many things as a child, but I was also burdened with some. Like I was the oldest from the old country. I mean, when I tell you since the time I was five years old, I remember being ingrained

- Like responsibility, responsibility. - Take care of your sister, take care of, like my mom, and I admire that from my mom. Do I also understand like anything, if anything's too extreme one or the other? Between that, and then don't forget, at 14 I come into my dad's business. By the time I'm like 15 and a half, when you still used to even use a half,

It became clear like I was a talent. Back to the great Kobe Bryant that you got to do a podcast with. We're up 20, 30% this year because you're in there freaking razzle dazzle people. So guess what happens? Now I'm 17 and 18 and 19 and I'm feeling the financial burden.

And now that was, I want to be very careful here. It's not like my father came to me and said, "You need to." Absolutely not. I did that to myself, but it was hardwired early. And my environment's like my responsibility. I think a lot of first generation oldest immigrants that were born in the old country and their siblings were born here, actually that's really cool. Anybody who's watching, email me at gary@vaynerx if you're this exact person. You're an immigrant yourself.

You immigrated to America or any first world country, London, anywhere else. And you're the only sibling that was born in the old country, but you have siblings that were born in the new world. I think there's something there. Of course. There's something there. I felt half parent my whole life. Wow. AJ, who you know well,

- Minimally, I feel 50% dad, 50%. - Wow, really? - Of course, he's 11 years younger than me. - That's true. - So you're 18 and he's seven, and forget about the 11 years, like I just told you earlier, I felt that way towards my sister who's only three and a half years younger. There was just something like, you're the, and again, I think back, this is where, I'll say something very important right now, I believe.

I think we judge our parents too much. - Yeah, of course. - Like I don't sit here and say, "Mom." Like, you know, I think people really dwell too much. I understand my mom lost her mom at five and then her dad went to jail for 10 years in the Soviet Union 'cause every entrepreneur did. - But it's hard when you're eight. - And so her and her brother were the world. So she made, I mean, was like propaganda into my head

of like my relationship with my sister. - But it's hard when you're eight to think that way, to not think, your parents should be trying to protect you and educate you and elevate you. - Yeah, but there is no should. - I get it. - You wanna have a real moment in this podcast? Everybody, I'm looking at all the cameras right now, there is no should.

That's the biggest thing, right? Because then we could say your parents should do this. And then I'll tell you the biggest pandemic in the world right now, which is 22 to 30 year olds who are really struggling with standing on their own two feet because their parents went too far to what you just said. They took care of them too much. Too much. So this purple, by the way, look at these two books. Yes. This is purple for a specific reason. I'm not a Lakers fan. Yeah, yeah. And meet me in the middle. What I can tell you has become very clear to me is that

I believe that the world desperately needs to figure out how to fall in love with purple, not red or blue, because they both have major valid points and they both have major flaws. And the middle, especially parenting. One of the reasons I started BeFriends is

I knew what was happening with Gary Vee. You know this, we run in enough similar circles. I've been very blessed that because of where I was, I was then able to be what my mom and my circumstance in a lot of ways did for me, I've been able to do for a lot of people. Right? It feels nice. You get it too. It feels nice for people to say, hey, you've really helped me. For me, children,

You get in that early. It's one thing if I meet you in 2009 in St. Louis and could be a positive deposit. You've been built though. There's a lot of shit there. You had to do a lot of your work. I can't do that as an outside motivation or inspiration or perspective. But when you get in early, so for example, in V Friends, there's a character called Accountable Ant. I'm obsessed with this character.

I believe that if I can make that character cool, like Pikachu or Spider-Man, right? That if you're a kid that falls in love with the cartoons I'm gonna put out or the kids' books or the video games, and you're like, I...

with accountable ant, that's my guy, right? I am accountable for everything in my life. Think about what happens if you love Spider-Man or you love Wolverine or you love Pikachu, like you're subconsciously getting in virtues of that. Like, or you envy it because you don't have it. If all of a sudden accountable ant is your guy and you're wearing hoodies with it,

It kind of gets hard if you're like, I fuck with accountable land to not be accountable or at least strive to it or at least even know the existence. There's many people watching, listening that don't even realize that they live in a full dwelling, complaining, blaming framework. I've had many friends, relatives, and relationships, acquaintances, and business partners because my parents too far

went with no complaining, which meant keep things in, right? But as you can imagine, if you're visceral to complaining, you smell it from a mile away. And then if you're really visceral to it and you smell it from a mile away, well, you're aware that someone's constantly dwelling and blaming, right?

And so to me, like what was most fascinating in my 30s and 40s as I've gone through this journey is they don't see it, which led me to the great breakthrough of candor. Lewis, I didn't know when we met that that was my kryptonite. I thought it was my strength. How about that? Because you're being honest online and you're being honest on stage, you mean? Nope. Because I didn't even realize the dichotomy of that.

I just thought I was being nice. I was like, look what I'm doing for Sally. Two more years of payroll when she sucks. Look what I'm doing for Ricky. This guy blows. He'll never be okay out there. There was probably a mix of little ego, like jump on my shoulders, I'll be Superman, which is why I'm using the kryptonite example. But there was also, I thought it was being good. Life's hard lessons. I had to wake up in my mid forties and go, why is anyone that's ever worked for me not like me?

Because you know you'd read a tweet and be like, fuck, how's that possible? It was so nice to Johnny. I had to really do that work. Why do you think that people maybe don't like you? Well, people in the outside world who don't know me don't like me. The reason they wouldn't like it is because either my communication style isn't their jam, which I understand. Like when you're aggressive and confident and competitive and Jersey and like my schtick.

in their mind. Like, it doesn't work for them. I understand that. Some people are more chill. Like, you know, the reason people don't like, I love to live in New York City, some people come and are like, get me the fuck out of here on that, right? It's too much. That I respect. Number two. The people that know you or work for you or... Yeah, let me finish this. I think because I think this will help people because what I'm really trying to do in this is not say it about me. I'm hoping that people can start having a better relationship with people not liking them that don't know them. That's good. So number two, it's their own shit.

They want to be a successful entrepreneur and I'm triggering affirmation of like they're not there yet. And they're like, you'll this guy, right? Three, they've overly put me on a pedestal and then I do something that they don't agree with and it picks them up, which is very flattering but very understanding. But it's all wrapped up in who they are with themselves. On the version of people that do know me,

The only thing, the black and white thing, was the inability. It's only the people closest that didn't get the candor that I actually ironically liked the most. Now what's been nice, you know what got me away with it for a long time? Was people's own accountability.

Why I was getting away with it in my own mind to my own self was people would hit me up three, four years later with emails like, I'm sorry. Because they had gone through, look, if you're a C player, you're good with me. Because I think you need all kinds. It was D and F. And that was a subjective opinion, whether I'm right or wrong. But as you can imagine, it's not like I'm bad at it. I've been doing it my whole life. So a lot of those people really were D and Fing it.

and they through their own work on themselves, actually were able to go back and actually see a lot of the, they were able to see so many of the nice things I was doing,

even though I was sloppy on the candor and on the firing. It's kind of like when you get older and you look back at your parents. You blame your parents as a kid. Oh, they didn't give me this. They didn't do this. But then you understand. I know they were just doing the best they could or they really tried hard here and they were giving you so much here. They sacrificed you. Especially if you become a parent yourself. Of course. Then you're like, oh. I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. It's almost like the way I think about athletes. Like, boo, you suck. I'm like, you go out there. You go try that. Yeah, yeah. Jack in the box.

I mean, speaking about this topic, I mean, just start with, you know, still kind of with this first question, is this sustainable? What you just said right here, I think is one of the biggest things that holds people back, whether that's creating content online, starting a business or putting themselves out there in any endeavor is people care so much what other people think about the end. How do people overcome the opinions and judgments of others with their craft business or art? Yeah.

therapy, positive consumption, new friends, exercise, psychedelics, true work that is starting with, do you understand that that's

what is actually happening. I believe that that is a blind spot to everyone. They don't realize why they wear designer clothes. For so many people, it's attracting the opposite sex because they're looking for that closing of the gap of love.

Right? So of course, alpha guys, like I got to get up, you know, think about all the trends we see, right? Like, these girls won't like me if I'm not rich, right? Like, but it's all like deeper than that. That's the surface level, like pizzazz. It's like, they're looking for love.

And love is important as . And so because they're looking for that, they believe they need the proxies to get it without realizing that's often gonna attract not the clean version of love you're actually looking for. It's a whole up. You know, it's funny, I said something to Nick, one of my key executives at VaynerMedia. He came from Saatchi and Saatchi, a very classic, you know, Mad Men era, right?

And about six months in, I could see he had it and all this. And then he was like doing a bunch of stuff. And I kind of recognized what was happening. And I sat him down and I said, Nick, I want you for the next year in this company, if you want to grow, do the opposite of everything you intuitively think you want to do. What was he doing? He went to like, for example, at Vayner, what I try to teach people, I talk about

the irony about what I'm saying. - Be candid, be candid. - Give me your hand, this is so crazy. I launched, you know Dustin, we just launched something called Elephant Meetings. Let's get the elephant out of the room. - Oh, that's good. - It's saving our company, bro. And when I say saving, our retention is gonna explode 'cause of this. - Wow. - So what he and every advertising person, I'm laughing right now 'cause I know every single ad agency, marketing agency, social media agency person's about to smile.

whether they consciously or subconsciously do it, everything is based on save the customer, which means you're just eating, like you're just yesing them to death, even though they're wrong. Like I'll give you an example of social media.

"Lewis, I want you to post on in MySpace. "That's where we need to be." And you're like, "Yes, sir, Gary, we will." And you know that's not what you should do today. And so just like classic stuff or like putting a television commercial on a pedestal versus a social media post, which is my whole thesis. So there was just a lot of stuff. He was coming with a lot of baggage. Anyway, I know he's gonna smile right now because I know it's been a big factor in his life. And it's kind of what I wanna say to everyone right now.

It's almost like if you're not happy as you're listening right now, if you're anxious, if you feel a lot of pressure, the answer is ironically, you have to start doing the opposite of everything you naturally want to do. So, right? So you naturally want to be at night dealing with this.

and you're all stressed, so what you wanna naturally do is go grab another bottle of vodka. What you're supposed to do is not do that and wake up tomorrow morning and go to the gym. - Yeah, exactly. - I do think the other thing is, let's talk about, people like to say the toxic people around you. I'm gonna give you a different one. What about the enablers?

What about the people like your mom or dad or brother and sister or best friends who are letting you get away with your bad behavior because they have my flaw. They don't have candor. So what people understand is like. They're not going to give you tough love or tough communication or just challenging communication. It's really crazy, right? Like it's like in my real life, in the Gary V part of it, all the admiration comes from like you're the one that told me like shut up.

- To the public, right? - Right, but in real life, I'm very fortunate. I'm a pretty stable, epic family situation where there's like, we don't have any off the reservation family members, but like friends and stuff like that. I was taught and it's ingrained in me to be the superhero I wanna fix. But that's what gets parents in a bad place of paying for their kids and all that. So these are complicated things, but I would say to people,

Pay attention to your circle because it's everything. You know, it's a cliche. It's not like I'm inventing a saying. The five people you're around, you know, all that. It's real. It's real. I really watched that and I'm like, that's real life stuff. How worried are you for Gen Z? Not at all. You're not worried? No. I'll explain why. Because there's unlimited entitled lazy boomers. Mm-hmm.

Now, do I think that stereotypes have merit in them? Of course, that's how they happen. So like, do I think that the circumstances of parents over coddling as a generational truth, eighth place trophies as a generational truth,

And then COVID, where the government paid you more money to stay home. Do I think it's created entitlement and some vulnerabilities? I do. And I get it. Like, if you've been over coddled, you're scared to lose. We were laughing a little bit before about our famous dumb wrestling match where you destroyed me on Summit at Sea. I viewed that as, like, fun. Like, literally every time I see you, my chemicals go in a good way of, like...

"That dude, I gotta get him." That's a good thing, not like, "I'm a loser, he's better than me." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know? - Yeah. - And I just, I think, I'm not worried about it because I know too many, I think about my company, we have a lot, right? We have both full extremes. There are people walking around currently in my company who are out of their mind

expectation-wise, like literally like if they could say it, they want me to like come to their house, pick them up, walk them to like, you know what I mean? - Wow, once they want. - Yeah, there's just like a lot of expectations. We've demonized companies. You know, the problem for companies is they're not governments or schools or your parents. Governments, schools, or your parents don't have merit with you. Meaning a company, if it runs out of money, it closes. - It can't pay you. - It's over.

And, you know, your parents, like, they'll constantly run up their own credit card for you if they're those kind of parents. The government is full of shit. They can print money in perpetuity. Just print more money. And by the way, if I could print money, I'd get in trouble.

And schools, that's fake-o land. - Right, right. - You're talking to somebody who, this is real now, in that famous four years of high school, never opened a book once, never did one piece of homework, never, never spent one minute studying for a test. - How'd you pass? - I figured out somewhere around freshman year that school was going for blue ribbon status and they needed everyone to pass. - Wow, they were just enabling people to get through.

- Wow. - I was like, good, this works for me and I'm an entrepreneur. - Yeah, you go hustle on the weekends. - I also knew that I was gonna be like such a workaholic that I was like, let me take these last couple years of enjoyment and get some, bank up some rest, you know? And so this goes back to being weird. Like I have a lot of weird dynamics now that I realize like the world. 'Cause before it, I lived in my own life, in my own family, in my own neighborhood with no internet. I didn't know that my life was weird. - Right, right. - You know, and so anyway, and then I've got Gen Zers who are,

20-year-olds, you and me. Fire coming out of their... Yeah. Not because they eat spicy food, because they're just like, look me dead in the face and saying, I'm going to run this whole company one day. And I'm like, let's go, Sally. Let's go. So what would you say to someone in their 20s who maybe wants to accomplish a lot and maybe...

didn't have it that hard growing up and they feel like it's gonna come easily to them? - Force the hard. Create the struggle. - Why is that necessary? - I said it to a friend, you know, it's crazy. My friends I grew up with, like in our era, their kids now are 18. Like, right, if you had a kid, it's crazy. So I'm now having the craziest talks

Like ever. I'm like, I knew this kid when he was two. And I'm talking to him now like my audience. And I tell a lot of these kids, and a lot of them, especially the ones I was close with and we did a lot of business, some of these parents really made money. You know, like those early Facebook and Twitter. You know, like, so these kids are bougie. Right. They're wearing bad clothes than you. I told, hell yes. Yeah. Though this gap would be fresh. That's pretty money. Richard, good. Um.

I tell them like, yo, bro, I had a very, very real conversation two weeks ago. I said, bro, I said, you got two choices here. You take mommy and daddy's money and create some sort of fake picture and all the real ones know. So you're not tricking winners and you're tricking 98% of the losing players and you can live that life. And many do. That's the easy way. Or if you're telling me, cause the kid had good words coming out of his mouth. I'm like, if you mean it,

Well then you need to go work at a company and work your ass off. - And learn, yeah. - And you need to eat and you need to get three roommates instead of your own place and you need to, if you do not take their money, then you can do it. So if you were fully taken care of your whole life, you are allowed to say mom, dad, no. You're allowed.

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how are you teaching your kids about life? And I'm doing it right now. My kids can watch this. They're going to watch it. Right. Think about this. No kid listens to their parents. So like me and my friends who like think about thoughtful, we all laugh. They're like, can you talk to my kids? I'm like, yeah, but can you talk to them? My kids are like, you Gary Vee.

They really don't. I'm very fortunate, but no, no, in the way that I'm saying it, they're fully saying it. They're like, dad, it's dad. Yeah, of course. They're not about, they didn't find me on the For You page and be like, who's this cool guy? They're like, no way, bro. I'm not listening to you. And I'm smart enough. I don't know if smart's the right word. I'm aware enough to know like, I'm not gonna be, listen, I'm dad. And every dad and mom have obnoxious impact on their kid.

but I'm gonna be dad to them, which means an outside voice, like I'm able to be a contributor to so many, I can't be that for my kids, 'cause I'm the main thing. - That's interesting. - So other people have to be contributors. - Right. - But it's cool because I understand it, I'm pretty fortunate, I know a lot of people that I think are really positive contributors to the conversation, and I can't wait, just like my friends now are like, like the last four years have been phenomenal, especially five years because of TikTok, 'cause it even started a little bit earlier,

There isn't a week that doesn't go by that a business acquaintance all the way, you know, that's over here to you, to the inner circle, right? That my social graph, that I won't get a text and be like, and like, it's so funny because it's happening so common. It always the same thing. You'll never believe this. And at first I didn't know what it was. And then, and then a couple,

years in I was like, what? But I knew and I would smile. But now I reply immediately. I'm like, your kids follow me on TikTok and they think I'm cool. They're like, how'd you know? I'm like, that's how day training attention works. But it's really, really cool. I can't wait for my son, who's 11, in like four years, six years, text me like, dad, do you know who Lewis Howes is?

Or dad, how do you know Lewis Howes? Or dad, you've known him since, take a picture of us at World Cost Plus Market or wherever we've been, right? That's gonna be interesting, but I'm aware that I'm dad, so I'm trying to give them all the shit I believe in. But I know it's a different version than what Gary Vee is because they're gonna have supplement, compliment voices to their world. And it'll be interesting to see what they gravitate towards. They may be like many kids, they may gravitate away from my message.

- They may reject it for a while. - They'd be like, purple, I wanna be extreme blue or extreme red. They may. And I think, notice how I'm saying that. I'm not scared of that. When you love, when you try, when you have intent, when you're ready for it,

It's like a game. It's like business. I'm ready for the trials and tribulation of fatherhood. I'm ready for the trials and tribulation of a human being. I anticipate heartbreak. I anticipate my parents passing away because it will happen. It would be very good for my parents to pass away before I pass away, mainly because I wouldn't want that for them. Right? So like, I mean, like, you know, but those things don't cripple me.

Those things, I actually, are the enhancer of me enjoying a day like this. Today's a good day. Everybody I love is good. You know what I mean? What does cripple you? Not much, brother. I think the thing that cripples me is I haven't had the extreme heartbreak of losing a family member that's within my inner six or seven. You know? That scares the shit out of me. Yeah, it's tough. I couldn't comprehend losing...

a sibling, a parent, a niece, a nephew, a child. I'm not ready for that game. My heart cries deeply for every human that has ever had to taste the sorrow of losing a child. And then for the people that are lucky, like me, who are deeply grateful and in love with their parents, that's also a crusher. Again, now I'm 48, I have so many 60, 70 year old friends.

It's really fascinating, you can see it. I mean, I have friends who I can see it on their face. They genuinely, not that they want their mom or dad to die, but that relationship is so not good that there's a part of them that's a cleansing. And like they kind of-- - Like a freeing of, yeah. - They kind of like, you know?

They definitely don't think about it the way I do, which is like, please, God, don't let it happen for another 40 years. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. So, you know, that's important to me. But I keep life very basic. I keep it very binary. I mean, you say that, but from the outside, people see that you have, you know, 2,000 employees. You've got, I don't know, 100 bazillion social media followers. You've got 1,000 pieces of content going on every day. And VaynerSports and VFriends and the Pickleball team. All these things. Speaker community, all this stuff. You've got all these different...

You invest in, I don't know, a million different companies. You've got thousands of relationships that are constantly texting you. That's because people don't understand the root cause of why that's happening. The root cause is because it's simple. Really? Sure. I'll explain. How do you navigate all of these businesses, relationships, content, health, relationships? How much do you bench?

- I mean, I can, well, I recently did 225 11 times. - Okay, I cannot do that. - Yeah. - How did you do that? Two things, you were physically gifted in your birth and then you put in work. - I trained. - And I have a funny feeling, am I wrong? You've benched more at certain parts in your life, right? - Yeah, yeah. - How much did you do it the most? - 15 times maybe 225. - Great. - Yeah, yeah. - So why 15 that time and 11 this time? - I'm building it back up now. - Right, exactly. This is where I'm going. - Training. - You would put in more work.

How am I able to do this? I was gifted in being a purebred entrepreneur, which means I want to do a lot of different things. Purebred. There are not a lot of people who never opened up a book, even the worst of the worst. I'm telling you. Because I was selling baseball. Come home, put the book down, start pricing my baseball cards for the card show.

And then the next year, it was my dad's world. Come home and read the wine. It wasn't that I wasn't working. What did I do on Wednesday, October 9th, 1991 when I got home? I went into my room, put on SportsCenter, and got the latest issue of the Wine Spectator and read it. Or Beckett or whatever it was back then. Beckett was 90 and then it started being, and 91, and then it started being Wine Spectator. It wasn't complicated. I was going deep. And so, you know, how do I do it?

- How do you navigate and manage all of it? - By not being scared to drop it. That's the key, 'cause I have 43 balls up, I'm gonna have 17 fall. I think we live in a world back to insecurity and confidence where people have one ball and they're petrified for it to fall.

I have 43 and 17 fall. And I don't care if somebody, let's pick a business. VaynerSpeakers, our speaking bureau. If there's a press release that says VaynerX is shutting down VaynerSpeakers, I, like a logical human like anybody else, would be like, oh, they couldn't pull it off. It didn't work. Gary couldn't do it. It didn't go good. That's a loss. That's right.

I just don't know how to be concerned with Lewis and Dustin and everybody right now reading that and saying, "Gary's not," what are you gonna say? "Gary's not as good as he thinks?" I don't think. - Have you never been concerned about what people think about you with a loss or a challenging time? - Not a loss or a challenging time. - Really? - The reason I've spent so much time trying to figure out candor is I really care. Let's use Max Bass.

Great former employee, I love him. We just want to give him a shout out. Plus, I'm looking at this purple and yellow. He's a big Lakers fan, and he's an ally. So that's probably the way it came to mind. I care if Max Bass thinks I'm a good dude. Spent too much time with him. The quality of me as a human matters to me, not as me as a businessman. I'm aware that I love it. I love being an entrepreneur. I'm famously an entrepreneur. I was one of the entrepreneurs that happened to be in place when it became the thing. Mm-hmm.

But it is not how I fucking think about myself. It's what I do. It's my favorite game. It is my passion. It's not who I am. So it's made it very easy. Plus, I'm very fucking, you know, I'm very like happy-go-lucky, but I'm competitive. Meaning like,

let's say a coconut hit your head and you became a totally different kind of guy. And that, let's keep playing that scenario. Vayner speaker shuts down and you text me, ha ha ha bro, you thought you could do everything? I'd be like, bro, you've lost too. Like that's the other gear I have. First, I'm empathetic, which is like, oh, you must not be in a good place if you want to kick me when I'm down. And then second, I'm like, you. That's the other thing that I don't understand what these people are doing. As if any human on earth today hasn't

up multiple parts of their life. Maybe they're not a good dad. Maybe they're not a good mom. Maybe they're not a good employee. Maybe they're a bad sister. Maybe they're not good to their mother. Maybe they're bad at driving. Maybe they don't know how to cook. Maybe they're 400 pounds overweight because they don't have a good relationship with like, as if anyone on earth is perfect. Yeah.

I mean, this is insane to me. When you see people getting attacked. Do you know how many things Michael Jordan is not good at? Do you know how many things Tom Brady is not good at? You can be the greatest at something and suck at something else. I can write six New York Times bestselling books, but I'm aware based on the last three days that I'm not in the top four million people that should be reading an audio book. Now, everybody will love it,

And this is why I do it because I get the feedback because they want it to be me. And I go off script and I add stuff. But the skill of reading, I blow. That's why I was a bad student in hindsight. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I was like, yes. And that's why I was good at history. The only reason the only class I did well at was history is because I listened during class. My audio was tough.

Oh, Shanghai shack? Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, that's what Germany did? Oh, that's who the president was? Oh, Walter Mondale lost every state but one to Reagan? Like, that's why I know that, because I listened. Wow. When people criticize you for being too busy or doing too many entrepreneurial things...

And they have no clue about your personal life, but they'll criticize you. Oh, he's probably not showing up for his kids or he's not there for his relationships or whatever it might be.

How do you navigate that conversation when people say, oh, he's just a business guy, but he's really not good at family, intimate relationships, personal life? I mean, if my mom said that, then I'd be like, let's have this conversation. If Johnny Pants 49 in the comments section says it, I'm like, Johnny Pants, I don't know you. Usually it's a direct reflection of their own anxiety.

Lewis, think about this. Could you imagine taking time to going to somebody else's account? Criticizing them. To try to make them feel bad? No, no. I don't like, you know, I'm trying to change some words in society. Let's take criticizing out. It sounds like classic. No, no, no. You are going to, I want to go back to first grade talk. To try to pull them down. You're trying to make someone feel bad. Yeah, shame them. You're trying to make someone feel bad. Mm-hmm.

I don't know, man, like I just don't have that gear. And I don't judge those people either. My lack of judgment against haters, trolls, negative people is a very big power. - How do you not take that personally when so many people do? - They don't know me. Honestly, brother, it's logical. It's actually very logical.

I would have to think you care more about what I think about you than someone you've never met because we've interacted 31 times. It would just be logical. Yeah. I had to learn this probably the hard way for many years, really until the last five years when it started to be like, okay, when people are saying nasty things about me online or leaving a nasty comment or whatever it is,

I could literally take it as a neutral information and not take it personally anymore. But it took me a decade of being in this world. Look, brother, I'm not a robot. Right, right. It's not like, you know, especially like, I'll give you a big one. The proudest thing I have in my life professionally is that I sacrificed the first 12 full years of my career to build a business for my mom and dad. Right, right. It is the single thing I'm proudest of.

It has also been the thing historically that people weaponize against me. Don't listen to him because they don't know my story. You know, on a TikTok, he inherited a winery. Okay, first of all, it was a liquor store in New Jersey. I didn't inherit. I'm one of the few people on earth that was the direct correlation for massive growth for their family and extracted no financial value.

I'm the opposite of what you think you're weaponizing against me. But you're weaponizing that against me. It's all just logic. You're saying that because what I'm saying in this video is hard. I'm saying, you stop blaming the government, the school system, your parents. And what about you? You're a grown ass kid now. You're 26. What are you crying about? You don't like it? Put in the work.

You've got unlimited people look up to. You're talking about over five years putting in the work. I'm sitting here saying, man, I'm still working on, I'm not even, I'm not even like, 4.7 is what I scored me. And think about it, I'm creating my own homework, which means it's really a 3.2. Wow.

Like, why are you not capable of being accountable? Or like, we all, like, you eventually have to man and woman up, no matter how toxic. Like, there are, when people say to me, well, but my dad, I'm like, bro, there are people who had their uncles abduct them. There are people who watched their parents drive out of the driveway and get hit by a truck and get killed. There are so much extreme...

Like as if your circumstance is the single worst one, we both are very active in a charity that is trying to help 800 million people

I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry. I was going for a fact. Brother, 800 million people on earth did not have access to what I just dumped. Water. You and I spend real time on that. 800 million people can't get clean water within a day right now on earth. Yeah. And you're telling me your mom hurt your feelings. I get it. That's real. But you're not capable of being accountable and saying, you know what?

I'm gonna be the one that fixes it. I met a man, I'm recalling now, had drinks the other day, gentleman who said I was the one that broke the pattern of alcoholism in my family. My great grandfather, my grandfather, my father, and I said no. And everything was there for me to do it. I was on the streets at 13, I started to go down it, and I was like no. So why him? He's not special, I'm not special, you're not special. We have talents.

The thing I love about what you're doing with Meet Me in the Middle is you're teaching, I mean, adults, anyone, kids, but adults as well, emotional accountability. You're teaching emotional intelligence. You're teaching skills, right?

that can be applied towards day trading and content and business and just navigating the business world. High, low, right? Exactly. If I can get you right here, like if you read this as a kid, then like the amount of people that are gonna- This is easy then. Bro, the amount of, when I tell, you know me pretty well. Yes. I know that this book is gonna slay because I'm straight up feeding you like here's the medicine. Like I was bored reading my book

Right, Dustin? Like, my first half? Yeah. Because it's so in detail. It's like... Step by step. Do this, and then add this, and then do this. And Jab, Jab, Jab, right, hooked it really well. And I was like, okay, because they get so much top-level for me every day on social, let me in book form give them something that they can... Like, right? Yep. I know this will crush. Here's the problem, too, where you're about to go. If they don't have their together, they're going to start... It's screwed. It's double-screwed. It's going to start working a little bit, and then they're going to get Johnny Pants saying, fuck you, and they're going to be like...

So it doesn't even matter. Exactly. That's why I need yin and yang. Yeah, that's why I had all the drive for most of my life. I was like, I need to be successful. I'm going to get better in sports. I was willing to put in the work and do whatever it took to win, right? And that helped me become accomplished, but it left me feeling insecure, alone, and still not enough inside, no matter how much I had.

How many accomplishments or success or accolades or whatever it might be are people telling me, followers, it didn't make me feel loved. It didn't bring me peace. That's what I was telling you before. You were like, what's different in your life right now? And I said, I feel peace. I feel abundant. I feel grateful. I feel blessed. And I feel loved.

And it wasn't because I've accomplished more. It's because I went inside and I started really connecting with my heart, my emotions, childhood stuff, and just allowing myself the time and space to heal. And that's been the hardest work. That has been harder than building business and doing the podcast for 11 years every week and all these different things. But actually looking at the insecurities in front of me,

from as far back as I could go looking at my younger self in front of me and Developing a new relationship with self brothers everything and it's given me peace with the ups and downs You know, it's just giving me a different perspective of gratitude. I've always been grateful, but this has given me more gratitude towards everything and

I want to share the skill that I think has really helped me, the thing that I've had to learn that I didn't have for most of my life that has really given me this perspective in a moment. But I want to ask you with Meet Me in the Middle, if you could only give people three talents that they should work on, focus on, develop, that is going to help them in this, is going to help them with relationships, health, everything.

You've got a lot of different things with Meet Me in the Middle and a lot of different characters and archetypes and identities that people can build into. Three emotional skills that people can master in their 20s, 30s and beyond. What would those three things be?

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I'll tell them in V friends form. So people that don't know there's 250 plus, I think it's 283 V friends and they're named as alliterations of things I believe in. So this book is patient pig and eager Eagle. So you can imagine how they can meet in the middle, right? To answer your question directly, I will start first with self-aware hair, self-awareness.

And self-awareness becomes the gateway drug to self-love. Once you can see it in yourself, like I didn't see the lack of candor. And my superpower is self-awareness. This is why I was so good. I was like, I'm this, but I'm not this. And I'm this, and I'm not this. And I didn't envy anybody.

or have jealousy towards that I wasn't 6'3". I wish I was. - Right, right. - I wanted to play for the Jets instead of own them one day, right? - Right. - But it didn't happen. - Yes. - And I wish I was like, could sing, 'cause I wanna be a Backstreet Boy. - Play music, yeah, yeah. - But that seemed fun. But I didn't have that. And there was never like, I got really, so self-awareness was really, really strong and I think it would help a lot of people. - Yes. - It's okay.

to be what you are, but do you even know what you are? - How do you know what you are in development? - Do you know that you're tenacious? Do you know that you're competitive? And I think you need to double down on those things, not smooth them out, or what a lot of people do, over obsess of what you're not.

You need to tweak things. - Yes. - Anyway, so self-awareness. - Yes. How do you develop more self-awareness? - I'll go into that in a minute, 'cause I've thought about that a lot. I actually think it's about communication around your inner circle to let them feel safe to tell you the truth. - Wow. - It's a wild one. - Like tell me what? Tell me like-- - If you're listening right now, 'cause-- - What my strengths are, what my weaknesses are. - I'm gonna give it to you right now, 'cause I just can feel the listener on the other side. Hey, everyone.

Real talk, if you're like, ooh, this is hitting me, I've got a big one for you because I said this in my last book and I've got a lot of reach out on this. Just pick the two or three people, probably your sister, your brother, probably your mom or dad, definitely your best friend, definitely your best friend, and maybe like an epic person you work with, like your favorite boss ever or current boss.

and literally invite them to a dinner, literally, I'm not joking, and say, "This is gonna be a weird, fun dinner. "I'll surprise you when we get there." Because you don't want them to overthink. When you get there, you're gonna say, "You'll never believe this. "I was listening to Lewis's podcast, Gary V was on." I'm really not joking.

I don't, this is a very important part of this little narrative thing that I'm telling you. You're gonna say to them, it's unlikely you'll be able to deliver on what I'm about to ask right this second. But if you're wondering why my best friends here and my boss that none of you have ever met and my sister and my aunt are here, let me tell you why. I'll bring them all together in one. Yes. Wow. Because what you want to do is suffocate.

It's kind of like posting your weight on the internet and like you want to suffocate yourself. You're saying, I want to be more self-aware. I need all of you to tell me the full truth. All of you are the people I deem that I think love me the most, which means it's going to be hard for you to say, but I'm bringing you all together to say what I need is this. And you don't have to do it now because boss, you might feel weird saying it in front of my mom the first time you've ever met her.

But I need it ASAP. Tomorrow's fine one-on-one. And every family. Things will open up. Every circle's going to be different. Every circle's going to be different. This is like almost creating a self-intervention. Correct. Most people aren't willing to do that. Correct. Again, I think three to 11 people listening right now. And I know a lot of people are going to listen between both of our platforms. I think only three to 11 people are going to do this. And they should send us a message out

after they do. - It's gonna be amazing. And so that would be how you find self-awareness because someone's gonna, like if I had done that, either my mom who struggles with it as well, my dad who recognizes it, Brandon Warnicky, my best friend who runs Wine Library and Wine Text also struggles with it. So he might've not even been able to say it. My brother might've been able to come through. My sister now would have been able to see it more than 10 years. But if I had done it, somebody in that circle might've been like,

You're too full of shit. You're too nice. Wow. Somebody might have. If I did what I'm saying here, which is like, say it. It's okay. I know you don't believe me. And I was a challenge for people always because I was always providing so much emotional and financial value. Of course, yeah. I'm a real...

piece of work for most people because it is very common for me to be either and often both the emotional and the financial value in the relationship. They don't want to, they don't want to ruin the relationship. Yeah. Like it's, you know, it's a vulnerability for me. I it's, it's my, it's my coping mechanism. I always have the leverage to take care of people. Yeah. I just always have the leverage. I mean, there's, those are the two things on earth.

emotional and finding that's the game. And I'm good at both and generous with both. - Wow, okay, so that's number one, self-awareness. - Number two, gratitude gorilla. I think if you can learn, and this is just killing people on earth, you would be flabbergasted what would happen. And I've seen it with people around me recently, where you just decide right now on this podcast,

that instead of waking up in the morning, which so many people do, being all upset and having all of their perspective and energy towards what's not good, I should be making more money, I don't like my job, this person I just woke up next to, I don't like him anymore. Like all the tough stuff, instead deciding to be like, I'm glad I woke up and didn't die last night. Simplicity. - Yeah.

Gratitude comes from simplicity. Like it's like, you know, back to your point, like everyone's like, Gary, social media is up everybody. They think they need this stuff. I'm like, do you understand that I grew up watching Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous? Right. Like, have you heard of MTV Cribs? Everybody saw that. Everyone's showing the over the top. Pimp My Ride. Like if you went out.

$400 used car, that felt . - Yes. - This is not a new phenomenon. As if, what, you didn't go to school and one of the kids was the richest kid in school? - Yeah, yeah. - You didn't have envy that they had a brand new BMW and you had to walk to school? Get the out of here with envy and jealousy. It's as old as time. So gratitude, what do you have? Again, I said something to somebody who was complaining in my inner circle about three, four years ago,

And they were just like, but you to me and then to other stuff, right? And I finally said, I said, X person, let's bump this dinner. Cause this is not like fun. Instead of telling me like why I have it better,

Why? And this is somebody I really know. Why this person has it better. Why your older brother has it better. This is the real example. I'm like, for the next 20 minutes while we eat this chicken, can you please tell me? Hand it to us perfectly. You're going to like this. I said, can you tell me who you have it better than? And it was a really interesting moment. And I know that person's smiling right now and I'll probably get a text. I think it really had an impact on them because I suffocated it.

They're like, oh, I was like, no, no, just appease me. We're like, we're here. Who do you have a better than? And then he went into like all our common people, which he definitely had a better than. And then I went into my, and I'm like, okay. And what about everybody who is in Africa right now in concentration and the people in China, like, like, like people, like what about real? What about somebody who during this dinner, uh,

got diagnosed with terminal cancer. And during this dinner, looked down at their phone real quick and got into a car accident that took their life. And what about the two 14-year-old twin daughters that lost their mom in that picture I just painted? Since we've been sitting here, I just don't understand how people don't understand what the going on. Since you and I have been sitting, recording this podcast, of the eight billion people on earth, thousands-- - Have died. - Have not only died, correct,

but have gotten devastating news. I saw this stat maybe five years ago that has given me a completely different perspective on gratitude, that roughly 150,000 people a day die.

We woke up today. We're not one of them. And if we can just have that one perspective, 150,000 people a day die. Bro, I live on that, Lewis. And honestly, death is less scary than something, notice where I went with it. Sickness. You said die, and I jumped in with devastating news. Yes. Right?

I asked this to myself and I asked it to everyone. Is it better for you to die? Or is it better for the person you love the most on earth and can't live without dying? I think most people are gonna choose themselves in that scenario. - Wow. - So there's just a lot going on. So I just think gratitude, number three, and we already talked about it, but I can't get away from it. If you can learn that pointing a thumb

will lead to ultimate happiness, and pointing a finger will compound your unhappiness, you will realize that accountability is the, I almost have delusional, not even healthy accountability. That's how much I like it.

Like, I really do believe what I'm about to say. Every single thing at VaynerX and VFriends and VaynerSports and every one of my companies that is a problem is 100% my fault. I'm at the top. So if Sally screwed up, well, I hired the person that hired the person that hired the person that hired Sally. I did. So, you know, I think that accountability is the anecdote.

It's the formula. It's the solution. It's the medicine. And I believe the reason everyone's talking about a lot of rough stuff right now is we are in the greatest era of blame in a very long time. Wow. It is everyone's fault but yourself. Right.

And that's because politicians are up everything. So it's very easy to be like this, either this side. Parenting has definitely gone awry where it goes too far one or another. In general, there's tons of great parents. I just think, you know, we're in a little bit of a pickle. People lack civility. We're just not nice to each other. People are just talking so negative. People being excited about people's downfalls.

I mean, I had a real moment on all this stuff very recently with what happened with Kate Middleton, right? - What happened? - I hate talking about things I don't know, so I'm gonna go very headline reading. I guess, recently, there was a photo-- - She was missing or something. - She was missing and it was like a cropped photo and everyone had jokes and everyone had jokes. And she made a video and said, "I have cancer." And everyone's like, "I'm sorry." What do you mean, "I'm sorry"?

or I'm embarrassed. What about not doing it in the first place? The are you on people for? I just have a very simple question for people. Explain to me any justification to on another human being. - Yeah, I guess the only thing I could think they might be thinking is we'll have to hold people accountable if they're doing harm to others. - Who the fuck are you?

I love when people are like, "I have humility," would have been the next, as if I'm supposed to, who the are you that you're supposed to hold Kate Middleton accountable? Who the fuck do you think you are? I don't think I'm supposed to hold anybody accountable at some level, including employees, children, you're part of it. That's ego, that's delusion.

I'm gonna hold you accountable for what? That you married into the royal family? What the doesn't matter with you? And sometimes when people play this chess game with me, they go, but what if somebody came up on you and punched you in the face? My brain goes into, that person's in a really up place. Before I, you know, like, I just, I don't think people have a good relationship with understanding where anger, negativity, and darkness comes from. It always comes from a place of weakness. Yeah.

I struggle to be mad at someone when my first default thought is to have compassion for them. - Yeah, that's a superpower. - It's a blessing. I see it in my mom. I know she gave me that DNA and then she obviously fostered it. But it is how I see the world and I really wish the rest of the world saw it that way too. - Wow. - Because I will tell you what happens with that. You don't have the capacity to hate someone

for being different than you when that happens. It doesn't mean you have to allow it to continue to happen. Create boundaries, you know what I mean? Yeah, I love you for that.

I just feel super in charge. Well, Gary, what if, I'm like, well, then I can stop talking to them. Well, what if it's your mom? You can stop talking to your mom. I don't recommend it. I'd rather you go through therapy, push, like, I'd rather something, they're being, but you are fully in charge. Gary, everything's, man, I had this dinner the other night. God, a lot of dinners, as you can hear. I want to be respectful of your time. No worries, but I'm getting hyped right now. This guy's like, everything's up in America. I finally looked at him, I said, move.

Mm-hmm. Quit blaming. Move! Yeah. You like Canada? Right. Mexico? I don't know. Sweden sounds nice. Like, Spain's lovely this time of year. I don't... Shut the... And I'm not saying that negatively. I'm saying that

Dwelling and complaining and envy and jealousy are massive weaknesses. I go on Twitter and I look at all of this and I'm like, insecure, insecure, insecure, insecure, insecure, insecure, and left, right, left, right. Insecure, insecure, insecure, insecure, insecure. Bad place, bad place, bad place, bad. And I'm not with judgment. With deep hope that I and many others that are in a good place can figure out the single word to say

that do the single podcast, write the single book, post the single quote that might help one of those people say, "Fuck it." Because for me, what has definitely made me successful and was a kissing cousin to my inability to be candorous is I care about positivity. I don't do well in negativity. And so I have this yearning to do it for the world 'cause I'm already full. It's like back to the cup. Okay, my cup is full.

Well, when you're lucky, and I think you're going through this journey right now, so this is going to be really understandable to you. I'm good. So what do you do next? Help others. You don't know what to do. It's the only thing that makes you feel good because you don't need any more water. Your water's full. You don't have room. I'm good. Now, I'm going to end with this. Multiple times a day, I have micro moments of like, okay.

but they don't have sustainability. - Yeah, yeah. - Got it? - You catch it and you move on. - We lost two big clients yesterday. One in Asia, one in Europe. There's a lot of work to be done. But I'm not like, I'm dead. Or like, there's always something.

Two books you got going on. Meet Me in the Middle. I think everyone should be getting this, especially parents get this so you can have this for your kids. Well, the cool thing with Meet Me in the Middle and the cartoons I'm doing this summer that are going to be launching on YouTube Kids is I'm making them both for the parents and the kids. Hmm.

So what I'm most excited about is when the parents read this, I'm poking at them too. Of course. And that is going to be, if I pull anything off, if I pull off the dream I have over the next 40 years, 50 years of BeFriends, hopefully one of my 48, 98, I want 105, so over the next 57 years, is that I got to own both. Like I dream so hard right now that a parent is laying in bed with their five-year-old reading it

And they're like, yeah. And they're like, oh, I'm so excited about that. So you guys can get up a copy, go on Amazon or anywhere. Books are sold. Meet me in the middle. Make sure you get this. Again, I don't think day trading attention is as valuable unless you get meet me in the middle first, because then you can appreciate what you're creating in your freelance business, solo entrepreneur, you know, if your career, whatever it might be.

- That said though, I think about you a lot 'cause I met you when you were the LinkedIn guy in 2009, right? And then you were a pioneer in podcasting. What is exciting about, what tricked me for so long was the advice that's tactical of the moment like this, it works for everyone, it's not sustainable work if you don't do the thing you're talking about. - Absolutely. - Right? So 2011 you would have read this and tripled.

Oh, yeah. And you would have texted me and be like, bro, I love you. To your point, you would have still had this day. I still have a problem with me. You still had to get to that place. Exactly. And then that place becomes where you become the ultimate version. Exactly. So get both, obviously. But day trading attention is about how to actually build brand and sales in the new social media world. Again, this is required reading from anyone in online marketing, social media, content creation, business. Make sure you get a copy of this. It's step by step. It's

20 years of experience with Gary on social media and obsessive with data and results and putting it into one book. So this is required reading. Of the moment, right? Of the moment, yeah, of course. So this book was called Jab, Jab, Jab, Left Hook until the last moment. Interesting. It's like, I need to write this book every, I should be writing it every year, like the dummies. Yes. But right now I'm every 10 years and hopefully I'll close the gap. But what I'm excited about is it is pattern recognition expertise, but it is of this book.

and sack it. Yes, absolutely. So get that book. Two final questions before I ask them. I want to acknowledge you again, Gary, for just being a real human being, for being a real friend, for showing up consistently for so many people, again, personally in your life, but for the world that follows your content. I just appreciate how you continue to evolve, show up. And the thing that I think I love the most about you is how you took your health to a whole nother level. Seven, eight years ago, I think you went all in. Ten. Ten years ago. And I think that is...

For me, the most inspiring thing, because people can see the business success and be like, I want that, and then miss out on the health. Yeah. So the fact that you keep going all in on that and you look better now than you did 10 years ago is something I really appreciate and respect because I think that's what the world's going to need more of is focusing on their own health. I asked you about your three truths before. I'm going to skip this question. I'm going to go to the final question, which is, what is your definition of greatness? Mm-hmm.

that you gave more than you took. I really love this talk. I'm excited about this podcast. I think the extra time, usually I do 45 or, you know, I think the extra time slowed me down. I think one of the reasons I'm not good at being a podcast host is that they're very, no really, they're very tight times. I always have a meeting after and people get frustrated with me because I talk over my guests.

because I'm not relaxed because I know I don't have a lot of time and I want to get to a bunch of punchlines for them but then it becomes awkward and I'm talking over them and I'm interrupting like, Gary, he just wants to talk and the audience is not wrong that gets frustrated by that version. Some people love it because they have brains like mine but nonetheless, I really do think we touched on the thing that is greatness which is like, look,

One of the things I've done well in my life is I was attracted to older people my whole life. When I was seven, 10, 13, I'd always go and talk to 80, 90 year olds at the bench, at the park. It was big. And I used to think it was because I didn't have grandparents. Because I lost three of my four grandparents. I had my grandma, Esther, thank God. And I was like, oh, especially grandfathers I would go to a lot. So more specifically, I didn't have grandfathers.

I've come to realize that's not true. It's that I'm addicted to wisdom and the actual game. And I think greatness comes in like, I think about, there's been a lot of great athletes. And again, I'm bringing up Kobe again because I'm so glad you got to do that podcast. It's so devastating that he's not on this earth. But Kobe was different because he was more like us in the way that like, it wasn't that he was just a great athlete. He gave a shit about like,

higher thinking and like competition as a healthy, like it was just more thoughtful. - Yes. - And you know, I think that, I think the reason he's revered is he gave to us. - Yes. - Right? And I think greatness comes in like what, like I think my mom is the greatest parent of all time. And when I think about why I believe that is she can only, the reason I believe that is there's others that tie her, but they could only tie her because my definition of a parent is

There's many things to it, but my personal subjective definition is how much did you give to those kids? And I just think my mom gave it all, like all of it. And I just know that that means for every other mom and dad that has done that, they can only tie my mom for the greatest. But it is a giving game. And so I do a lot of things of gaining, building my companies and dollars and followers and attention. I understand that.

But I'm outpacing it with my giving. And I think I will continue to do that. And that is where the VFriend strategy came from. I was like, oh, I can take this

This is what Disney, and actually now I realize this is why Sesame Street and Jim Henson is a legend. And I'm going to do that too. I'm going to create characters that people are going to fall in love with. But I'm going to do it around collectability, like Pokemon. Because what I know about Pokemon and Marvel is that OGs still like it. Whereas Big Bird and Cookie Monster, we're done with. But if I take what's epic about, Pokemon doesn't bring the

that Sesame Street does. But if I take the best of Sesame Street and the best of Pokemon and I smash that together and I put my marketing capabilities and my collectible and business strategies and I build something, man, I can really leave a positive impact.

The one question I wanted to ask you is, oh, so many of them, but one that's on my mind right now is you've always told me and a lot of your followers ahead of time, this is what's coming. Yes. You know, you are early Twitter, be on Twitter. This is what's happening. This is what's happening now.

early Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, you were like always pushing TikTok. You were like the first one on TikTok, Snapchat. I remember you looking me in the eye saying, be on Snapchat. That was the only thing that like didn't work for me, but everything else has worked for me. Who knows what's going to happen with TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, all of these different platforms.

when we're thinking of attention and the future, AI and the frickin' mobile devices and all these things. Here are the things that have a chance. As you know, what I'm great at is not predicting, but moving so goddamn fast when it happens. And then going all in. Yeah, that I have that advantage. What is coming? Here's things that are coming. One, for people like you and I,

all of our content in every language at scale. We've got a million subscribers on Spanish on YouTube. In our voice. Oh yeah, that's the key. That's what we're working on now. So I, and you've seen it already, Dustin, like we're pretty close. We're almost done. Mommy's speaking every language in my voice, in my little high pitches, in me. That's going to be huge for every- Through AI, right? That's right.

Is there a tool specifically you're looking at that you're... We're using Respeecher. There's a... I mean, it's moving so fast. Notice how I hesitated. I'm a big fan of Respeecher. Yeah, it may be gone in... That game is... AI eating itself up is just like crazy. So AI. Virtual influencers. Oh, yeah, that's coming. I've seen the... People are blowing up already with... You mean just like made-up influencers? That's right. Yeah. AKA very attractive people on Instagram that you're like...

And that will go not just, right now the early movers like always are like models and like all that, but it will be full pledge. Ricky Thompson, 47 year old marketing expert who's gonna have 14 million followers and it's Joanna Thompson in Australia that actually owns him. - Isn't that crazy? - Oh, it's gonna be huge. So virtual influencers. - Are you getting into some of that too? - Yeah, I'm really starting to go deep on that. Live streaming as,

As a more scaled everyday thing, let me explain what I mean by that. Me saying live streaming is important. It's not Kysonette and Aiden Ross and Ninja and Clix. Plenty of people are crushing on Twitch and other things. No, I mean what I'm up to now, which is I have a camera in my office on mute.

for 13 hours a day and I'm just sitting there and it's entrepreneurial ASMR. - It's mute. - Mute, 'cause I'm having real meetings. - So people are watching you? - Watching me, I was like-- - But not hearing you out there? - That's right, and I try to unmute and Dustin did a good thing for me, he created an unmute counter and I'm like looking at him like, oh I haven't unmuted yet. Hey everyone, like literally. - Wow, 13 hours a day? - That's right, people making pizza. People, I predict in five years someone who loves to mow their lawn

mow their lawn, dyslexia, mow their lawn, will go from like, that's that classic dad who does it, to the modern dad, the 28-year-old who's destined to be a 48-year-old dad who loves to mow their lawn, like loves it.

is destined right now as we're speaking to one time in seven years as he's on that journey, streaming it for some weird reason. Today, every 42-year-old, 61-year-old man or woman that loves to mow their lawn for an hour and a half, a big lawn,

does not think, let me set up a laptop and stream live on Twitter. That doesn't cross their mind. I believe it will become known. I believe one of them will do it. I believe for whatever reason, it will crush. And I believe that person will, a year later, retire from being a principal in a high school to making a million dollars a year. Mowing lawns. Mowing their lawn. Live streaming it. Live streaming it. So think about how different that is than what I predicted would crush it. Remember what I predicted would crush it, which was insane, which is,

influencers are gonna make money. I didn't call it influencers, we didn't have the term yet. People will make money on the internet being themselves. That was like, right now, somebody's like, wait a minute, I will literally make a full-time living by streaming, making breakfast for my family every morning? Let me just say that, you know how insane that is? Like literally a mom or dad, let's say a stay-at-home dad or mom,

is literally gonna start streaming her 6 a.m. to 7.30 of prepping breakfast for everybody. And it's gonna capture a fever. And they're gonna get millions of viewers every morning. And they're gonna get subscribers for two bucks a month. And they're gonna get merch deals. And cookbook deals. Yeah.

I'm seeing there's a guy on TikTok who goes live. It must be all day he's live. He owns a little fruit stand. He's just cutting up fruit. That's right. And he's got a massive line every day that just wants to like be in the stream for a second. That's right. Live streaming, cutting fruit. It's crazy. The extreme version of what I saw happening with Crush It is about to happen with live streaming because it takes it to passive instead of progressive. I had to sit down and do the line show.

Now it becomes passive. I will stream while I'm running my wine store. But will people watch hours of content when you need to be five seconds of videos that people are like losing attention?

No, because people are watching long form content at scale right now. You know this. You just don't want to be in the middle. You want to either be great at short form or you want to be great at long form. You just don't want to be the middle or you don't want to be bad at long form or bad at short form. You could make people binge watch an entire season of something on Netflix or sit. I have people that sit with me. You know this. Sit with me the whole night. That's crazy. They sit there.

and talk to each other. That's crazy. Well, that's community. I mean, it's amazing. It's crazy. It's cool. It's funny. It reminded me. You might remember this. When I was coming up the game on Twitter...

and Vidler and YouTube. - What was it, Periscope? - Well, that was later. And Meerkat. - Meerkat. - But what about before that? - David Booth. - Ustream. - Ustream, man. - Ustream. - Yeah, that was big. - And that was big for me. - Wow, I remember that. - I would have been a huge streamer, but now I'm too busy. So my, by the way, couple hundred people, I have nothing.

Because I'm not, there's nothing. Now, to Dustin and the team's credit, now they're playing my recent videos in the top right corner. - During the live stream. - So right, so I'm on mute, but on the top right corner in a smaller box is gonna be this, literally this.

And like, so like, you know, like we're figuring it out. And like, and again, I think there's gonna be way more compelling ASMR. I can tell you right now, it would have been much more compelling to follow me tasting wine all day. What I'm doing right now is really boring. I'm sitting in an office for like 12 hours a day just doing meetings. I'm not even in the old DRock Daily V world where I was moving around a lot. You're just sitting there. Because I'm in...

full operations mode on VaynerX and Deep Reds right now. I'm in one of those modes. I'm not in Gary V land as much. Yeah. One final question then, be respectful of your time. Three truths. I think you answered this probably five years ago, last time you were on. You said you want to live to 105. Yeah. Imagine you get to create everything from this moment until then. Okay. Your vision, your relationships, all of it happens, but you have to take everything with you.

So once you leave, no one has access to Vee Friends, VaynerMedia. It's all gone. All the content you've created, gone. Erased from time. Okay. Hypothetical scenario. No, I like, you got me intrigued. Go ahead. Yes. So I die at 105 and everything disappears. All the content you've made, gone. Okay. Everyone lives. What about the relationships I've made? Those are there. Okay, got it. So content, got it. Content is gone. Got it. Business content. Yeah, everything's gone.

But on your final day, you get to do one final live stream. Yeah. And all you get to leave behind is three truths. Yeah. Three things you know to be true. If you could go 60 years in the future. I could do it right now. Three things and that's all they can have to remind you of. I would say, first of all, thank you for this journey. I'm going to miss every one of you deeply. This sucks. I really wish I could go to 110. I don't know why I said 105. Right. But three things you can leave behind. I would say to them that like you're in life. I

I would say to everybody, I would hope that I would have the entire 8 billion people on earth watching me on this last day if we all knew it was going down. The first thing I would say to them is, I promise you this is the most truth I've learned in 105 years. In life, you find what you're looking for. If you are looking for negativity and pain, you will find it. And if you are looking for joy and happiness, you will find it. And I would expand on that in my three truths because that's the game.

You find what you're looking for. If you're in a good place, you're gonna find good. You can't imagine, I'm just breaking out of this question for a second. Bro, I consume positive content all day while everyone's telling me the world's never been worse. The world's never been better. Like, I read some the other day of like pig liver or whatever, something's about to go in our body now, like we're gonna cure that one too. Like we're fixing, like the world was worse.

Like, they're like, it's never been worse. I'm like, have you heard about the Holocaust? Yeah. The Black Plague? Yeah. Like, COVID was fucked up. The Black Plague wiped out, like, the majority of us. Like, World War I was nasty. Yeah. Like, I just don't understand people's lack of perspective. So I really am hot on that. Okay, number one. Number two? That love is worth fighting for. Ooh. That you must destroy yourself.

Meaning not destroy yourself, meaning like, what you think you value if you don't have it. A current relationship that might be comfortable, which is very hard. I appreciate your reaction to that. That's probably the hardest advice I just gave, which is you know that you're in a relationship, but it is not the right one, but if you have children, it's comfortable. Real stuff, you know? You like them. Like, you like them.

that love is worth fighting for. - Wow, okay. - You know? - And the third one? - It's so funny how simple my brain goes. Those two really, really, like choosing happiness and love are so obvious to me. You know what, I'm gonna go with the funny one 'cause I have a funny feeling that I would go out funny. I would go out with a good curse, I think. I would say this 'cause I feel it very heavily right now.

until you realize that competition is one of the great traits in life, that it is good. That like anything, out of balance, it's bad. But the elimination of merit, the demonization of alpha skills has really it up. Telling a six-year-old that it's just a game, who was born with the gift of being an alpha and on fire and competitive, is the worst thing you could do as a parent.

I despise it and I don't like that word despise. Watching parents that are wildly well-intended systematically suck out the magic of a kid who was born a magician is devastating and one of the real issues that I hope in the next 50 years it gets figured out, but right now, so I'll use it as an opportunity to make this point, competition is one of the best things on earth.

And we have gotten really bad on the left side of things in understanding it. And it's people up because if you're successful in sucking out competition of an alpha six-year-old, if you're successful in those 12 years that you have them in your roof, you've put indifference on a pedestal. And so what you've done is you've taken someone who was destined to do some really good-

And you've actually put a kid into a place of thinking things don't matter. And when you don't think anything matters and you don't think anything's worth anything, you go down a very dangerous road. And I'm going to go very, very cautious here because what I'm alluding to is almost inappropriate, which is,

I worry that a lot of the things that we most worried about, I'll say it, suicide and other things are not a product of social media. They're a product of us not recognizing things out of whack. Competition is one of the great traits in society and we must at all costs stop demonizing it. Gary Vee, love you, brother. Thanks for being here, man. Love you, bro. Amazing. Wow.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel

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