Comedian Stephen Colbert is serious about food
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If you followed Stephen Colbert's career closely, you might have picked up on something. It's there back in his days on the Colbert Report. As a proud son of South Carolina, folks, I rarely have kind words for those barbarians to the north. I mean, who makes barbecue sauce with vinegar? That's what you use to clean a toilet. Or that time on The Late Show when he took calls on the Butterball Turkey talk line the weekend before Thanksgiving. This is really a question about stuffing. Okay, do you call it stuffing or dressing?

Okay, wrong answer. Bye-bye. This man has opinions about food. Like, strong opinions. Where's my tomato? There isn't any. And a BLT without the T is just a BL. It's bleh. And if that abomination...

And it turns out he has strong opinions about food off-camera, too.

Stephen and his wife, Evie McGee Colbert, say they basically live in the kitchen. And when I talked to them a while back, it did not take long before they were holding forth on the proper way to make Hoppin' John. It's hard to find field peas up here, but you really want to make them with good field peas. Are field peas the same as black-eyed peas? They're a little smaller, tiny, tiny, a little bit smaller. Or they could be exactly the same thing, but Charlestonians will not acknowledge that. You know,

There's also the Gritz-Hominy divide. Yeah, oh, that's important. The Gritz-Hominy divide is very important. Very important. And controversial. Very important and controversial. Okay, let's settle this. Charlestonians say hominy. Consider this. The Colberts have written a cookbook. It's called Does This Taste Funny? It's a delightful window into their marriage and the food of the South Carolina Lowcountry where they both grew up. From NPR, I'm Ari Shapiro.

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It's Consider This from NPR. Stephen Colbert and his wife Evie both grew up in Charleston, South Carolina. But as kids, they never met. Yes, we grew up in the same town together. But one of us is a year older. Yeah, that's the truth, Ari. And I'm not supposed to say which one. He's younger than I am. Just one year. Just one year. But in high school, that's a huge difference.

Huge difference. Because she went to the girls' school and I went to what had been mostly a boys' school, and they mixed on dances, like, you know, 8th grade dance, 9th grade dance. So we weren't in the same dance together, so how would I meet her? As adults, they moved away. And in 1990, they were both visiting Charleston for the annual Spoleto Arts Festival. Each of them went to the opera with their mothers. I remember seeing Stephen walk into the theater with his mother on his arm, and I thought...

That man loves his mother. You could just see. That is a good way to choose a husband. It is actually a really great way. 100%. Well, 30 years after they got married, they've written a cookbook. As we mentioned, it's called Does This Taste Funny? Recipes Our Family Loves.

And many of the recipes come from Evie's late mother, who was renowned for entertaining. First thing I had, the first thing I had at the McGee house was the Pat McGee's cheese biscuits. Which was like a top secret recipe until this cookbook, right? Exactly. So what's the secret?

Mom would say the secret is one stick butter, one stick margarine. Because she felt that sort of balance instead of two of margarine or two of butter. Stephen, you were one of 11 kids. I'm the youngest of 11, which is a key position. Yeah. So efficiency was more important than elegance when it came to food in your childhood home. My mother did not make any recipes that could not be found on the back of a ketchup bottle. But you did. Yeah.

Learn some skills that are relevant to the kitchen. Well, sure, because if you wanted something that wasn't at the proper mealtime, you had to go make it yourself. I was thinking, like, you learned fishing, crabbing, shrimping. Oh, sure. Because I grew up on James Island, South Carolina. See, this is the city girl who lived in downtown Charleston. I lived out in the country on a dirt road on James Island. So I was out there catching my own brim and crab and shrimp and flounder. I did that, too, by the way.

You didn't do it as much as I did because you were off playing with your dolls without faces. Dolls without faces? Well, she grew up like Little House on the Prairie or something. Oh, like made of corn husks, that kind of thing. She doesn't have any early 70s TV references because when I was watching TV, she was like, I was playing with paper dolls.

In my attic. So wholesome. No, she had like, you had a 19th century childhood in downtown Charleston. You did. You had very traditional. Yes. I wanted to know if you've retained these skills. And so we brought a whole salmon that's under the table and a knife, scales, head, tail, everything. No wonder it smelled

is a little odd in here. I will fillet the hell out of that thing. Can you still do that? I can do that on a rocking boat, baby. Really? Oh yeah. We were just out. I fish whenever I can. We were 70 miles offshore. Caught a beautiful wahoo. I filleted just the tail piece. Chopped it up. Threw it in a little container there with some salt and some lime and some cilantro and a little chopped up shallot. Closed that thing up. Put it in the cooler by noon. That's about 8 a.m. when you catch the first fish. You just leveled up. I was going to say, Ari, that was the best

By noon, it's ceviche, baby. Get yourself a Corona. Suddenly, this interview got a very different vibe. No kidding. We started talking about fishing and knives. Okay, you say you want this book to feel like hanging out with you in the kitchen. Paint a picture for us. What does that feel like with the two of you? Maybe a little bit of the animosity we're having right now. Well, who's in control of the pan? That's the issue. Who is in control of the pan at any one time? We have learned...

31 years into our marriage, we are now finally willing to sous chef for the other one. Well, because one of you is a chaos Muppet and one of you is an order Muppet, right? I'm the order Muppet. Shocking. Shocking. I know. I know. Very surprising. And I'm going to figure it out as we go, man. That's why I don't bake. Because you have to be a rule follower. You can't improvise a cake. Right. Yes. Evie was the salutatorian of her time.

class. I don't know that word. It's not the valedictorian. It's number two. Oh, it's like the runner-up. It's number two. Yes, exactly. So she follows rules. She does the homework assignments. I do the homework assignment 100%. And I improvise. For people who are not familiar with the Lowcountry, with South Carolina, with Charleston, how would you describe what the food of that community, of that place is? Seafood is the number one thing because Charleston is so low-lying that it's not like on the sea. It's frequently in the sea. It's...

Not particularly complicated, but it's really fresh seafood ingredients with a heavy West African influence. Because of the West African slave trade, we have okra, we have red rife, which is very much like jollof or yoloff rice from West Africa, peanuts, sesame. All of that is still in all the cuisine of South Carolina and the Lowcountry.

Evie, you're more vegan than not. So what is your favorite? We're so selectively vegan. I'm a pescatarian now. Sure. Cheese and I are good friends again. I absolutely understand. This book has got a lot of meat recipes. Right. What's your favorite little trick?

To make something meatless. Well, so Stephen did a great thing with this red rice he was talking about. Usually it's made with bacon and bacon fat. And he said, let's try it with smoked salt and a little anchovy. It's so good. Oh, that sounds great. It's actually better. I would challenge anyone to try the original with what's in our cookbook. It's so much better. Now, shots fired. I realize that. Okay.

There's room for a lot of variations. That's right. Purity is not the goal. That's true. Steven, you've written a lot of books, but none quite like this one. None as good as this one. None as good as this one. Well, because with this one, you had a collaborator who you've been married to for many years. I know. I was nervous about that. Really? What were you nervous about? Well, we were nervous about just working together at all, but COVID threw us together because Evie was my crew and my audience and my only guest. And I was super nervous when we started that. I was like, well, what if she doesn't like this? What if I'm...

a horrible boss. Or what if I'm a boss at all? Because that's not our relationship at all. But we had such a good time that we had been, I had been offered the opportunity to do a cookbook before, but it wasn't until we worked together and had a good time, I went, oh no, this would be fun to actually just sort of extend this relationship we've already started during the COVID shows into

and to do a project together. And it was nerve wracking at first, but it turned out to be a complete joy. Can we conclude with a lightning round? Oh, sure. Best way to eat a potato? A scalloped. French fry. Okay. Okay. Dish your most famous four.

Red rice. Lentil soup. Red rice, lentil soup. Most useful kitchen skill? Spatula. You have to be able to flip something really quickly. Your personal most useful kitchen skill. That's all I can do. You can flip a thing with a spatula. Steven? Dicing. Dicing. Okay. Most obscure kitchen skill? I pick up hot things. You've got asbestos fingers. I've got a better one. I've got a better one. Deveining a shrimp. Very good. Thank you. Very low country. Yeah. Biggest kitchen disagreement? Well. Do you have to peel tomatoes? Yes. No. No.

Your spouse's most annoying kitchen habit. Oh, boy. Well, one of... Well, sometimes. Sometimes. And it's been almost 31 years. But sometimes, Evy likes to stir the bottom of a nonstick pot with a metal spoon. And sometimes, Stephen can be very bossy and critical. Okay. What you cook to tell your spouse, I love you. What?

Stephen used to make me scones every Mother's Day. Yeah. I loved those. Lentil soup, banana bread for you. Banana bread. I make a lot of banana bread. I did try. I think I talked about it in the cookbook. I tried when we first got married to make chicken l'orange because he said he loved it. I never made it right. I gave up. You still have not made it right. You tried. I tried. It's what my mom would make for my friend's birthday every year. Last question of the lightning round. Best drink to unwind with after a grueling NPR interview? I'm a simple man.

I like an old-fashioned. I mean, I guess in the winter, maybe like I like Chardonnay. A couple of glasses of that. A couple, two, three glasses of Chardonnay. This one loosens up. You know that I cannot find? Yep. Stephen Colbert and Evie McGee Colbert, thank you so much for the conversation. Thank you, Ari. It was great. Their new cookbook is Does This Taste Funny? Recipes Our Family Loves.

This episode was produced by Noah Caldwell and Connor Donovan with audio engineering by Tiffany Vera Castro. It was edited by Courtney Dorning. Our executive producer is Sammy Yannigan. It's Consider This from NPR. I'm Ari Shapiro.

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