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Welcome back, everybody, to episode four of Wholeheartedly with Kendall and Gailey. And Gailey. I literally thought for me to say your name. We can switch names for the day. Are we Freaky Friday? I'm into it. All right, I'm going to say your name. With Kendall and Gailey. We're so confused.

And we are so excited to be back here with you today. And what you guys didn't hear that just happened pre-recording is I've been going through this thing. It started about four months ago where I sneezed and I coughed at the exact same time. And now it's like muscle memory. I can't undo it. Every single time I sneeze, it's like there's a huge cough that happens in the middle of the sneeze.

And so Kendall calls it a... We were talking about this and I was like, girl, you snoffed. It's a snoff. It's a sneeze cough. Snoff. It's a straight snoff. And it is so embarrassing in public. And it's gotten to the point where Dale doesn't know if he should say bless you or sometimes he just says auf Wiedersehen because he doesn't even know how to respond to it. So he just starts saying German words because I'm German. He says goodbye. Yeah.

Yeah, it does. Because he's like, I'm out. But he's also a little bit concerned. Like the first few times that happened, he was like, are you messing with me? And then it became like, hey, babe, are you okay? And now it's just like, it's just how I I snuff. Um, so that just happened. I love that. The thing that I will say to though, like prepare ourselves because or yourself, because one day after kids, apparently when you sneeze, you're

You also pee a little bit. So you're going to snuff and like take a little dribble, you know? You're going to snuff wee. That's a whole verb. Snuff wee. Snuff wee. It's very French. It is, which makes it sound more elevated. I like it. Speaking of Dale, I have it. I've held this off forever.

in our conversation so that I can bring it to your attention in the pod because I just feel like I need a little support here. But we have this debate happening in our household, which is should a man stand or sit to pee? And I say that coming from a household with two brothers and a father, all who sit to pee. Now, I know that like...

Like my dad's from Germany, so that's kind of the European way. And then I think my brothers just took after my dad. But that's what I experienced growing up. And yet every guy I've ever dated has stood in the splashback I have had to clean up over the years is not okay. And so I'm setting a boundary and I have now asked my man to sit when he pees. How...

where are you on this? Because shadow man is very tall, which means the splashback is very high and you might be cleaning walls. You might clean in like the outside of the bowl. Like where are we at?

Okay, so first off, where I'm lucky with Shadow Man is that he's such a clean, maybe light OCD level of cleanliness. To the point, we have in the bathroom upstairs, it's got a black countertop, right? So there is a little dark washcloth that if there are water droplets on the countertop,

countertop after like you wash your hands or like brush your teeth or something that is the rag that we use to wipe off the droplets because I'm a little bit more like free form I'm like whatever it's fine it's a sink he is much more like I want it super clean so I have not had this problem with splashback even given his height and the projecting angle of the

I guess urine. I know. It's impressive. I wonder if he's taking like a little square and then dropping it in there so it has like a platform to absorb.

And then it doesn't splash back because a person that has like a washcloth just sitting on your countertop for potential water droplet stains is the same person that might spare a square before like the dive. Spare a square. I mean, it makes sense. Honestly, it's almost like a trampoline or a little bit like it does. It creates like a little bowl to catch water.

I don't know. To be honest, I think we're early enough in our relationship. We're not the kind of couple that pees with the door open. Oh, no. I don't like that. I think that's weird. I think certain things should be kept in private and bodily functions like that should be. I haven't had an issue. I don't know. Maybe he does. I should ask him. He might say it. I mean, he's very cultured. He's very well-traveled.

He's got family, like, not too far off from living in Europe. So maybe, I don't know. Should I text him right now? I want to text him an after movie since. Full disclosure, this is a request I have received.

Just when you're in my home, right? I'm not expecting you to be in a public bathroom and sitting when you can just stand. No, that's gross. Go in the urinal. I prefer you stand because that's nasty. But in our home, right? If we're taking our shoes off to keep everything clean, then we shouldn't also be okay walking on a bathroom floor that has a little splashback on it, you know? It's just gross. Like I already lived in New York for five years.

I say lived like I'm not still currently there, but I'm not at the current moment. Anyway, the amount of pee and caca and nasty things on the ground, like the way that I learned very quickly to take your shoes off the second you go into somebody's home, it is a cardinal sin. You are deplorable.

You are from the seventh circle of hell. If you take your caca street shoes and you walk into my home, let alone the other thing that's a big one, is if you put your damn street clothes on my clean ass bed, we're going to fight. We're going to fight. We're done fighting.

It's over. Get out, you nasty, nasty vermin. No. So I believe that even if you shower before you go out to dinner or wherever, like Dale, for example, he gets paid to go to these NBA games and like sit and do posts and stuff. And so it's work, right? It's work late at night where he's going to get home at 11 or midnight from Miami being at a game. And he looks nice.

He showered before he left at 5 p.m. It's now midnight and he's about to crawl into bed. Well, actually on the floor next to me in the couch I'm sleeping in. But like, girl, I need to come and help. I'm like, I look at him like, but you smell like outside. You have, your skin has been outside. Your hair has been outside. You've been sitting in seats that thousands of other people have sat in that have not been sanitized.

You can't just change clothes and go to bed. Like I look at him just I don't even have to say anything. I just give him the look and he's like, you want me to shower? And I'm like, I thought I was the only one that was that way. But I could not agree more with you. I don't know if it's like a germaphobe thing. Wait, I don't know if I can say this. I don't know if I can say this.

Oh, wait, Shadow Man, are you back? Do you sit or stand while you pee? I said, hi, random babe. Do you sit or stand while you pee? He goes, LOL. And then he goes, after sex, sometimes it's like a laughing. So I'm like, wait, are you too tired? That is so funny. I've actually heard, Dale has told me that after you have sex, it's very hard for men to pee. Yeah.

Which I get because isn't it, guys, I should know biology, right? I know my, I know my pieces. I know my Legos. I don't know necessarily a man's, but isn't it the same? It's the same pathway. It's the same highway where it all comes out.

Yeah, and I think biologically, right, there's no way that you can do both at the same time because that could be horrible if that happened at the wrong time, if you know what I mean. Mm-hmm. Oh, gosh. So I think the body literally, like, shuts – like, the bridge is closed. Do not pass go. And then once everything calms down, all the cars are gone, then the bridge –

the bridge goes back is that so screwed up that i was thinking about the bridge in florida that we were on going over to my hotel singing florida by taylor swift oh and the bridge went up and i'm like what happens in their bodies it's like oh we're not going to this area of of p land we're going into the other land where there's other things where you should be sitting your ass on that that

plate and making sure Gailey doesn't have to clean up after you. There you go. There was extremely clean and hygienic, but he's also very, very tall and he's got a strong stream. So, you know.

Well, that's great. I'm happy for his prostate. That's great. Oh my gosh. We really try to make these podcasts additive and I'm not sure how we're being additive guys, but thanks for bearing with us and please feel free to respond to our Instagrams and let us know if you're like a

sit please or stand I don't care yeah because if the overwhelming majority is sit please I'm definitely going to be sharing it with Dale I just I just need a little support here I think we just need data points like I would also like to know I know I know we have men that listen and I would love to know your thoughts maybe it is a conditional situation you know like obviously not in public because there's been a lot of people at the public toilet but you know would love feedback

Would love feedback. I cannot believe it. I'm like over, I'm thinking everything we just said. I just had a flashback. Oh God. I cannot believe this happened. So a few years ago, I matched with somebody on Hinge and he lived in Canada and he was a professional lacrosse player. I know, I know, I know. I got a problem.

I got a problem. So we went on a first date to dinner. Everything was good. And then for the second date, we were...

I don't know. He was going to like, he wanted to meet the dogs or something like that. So he stopped by my house and he- Quote unquote, wanted to meet the dogs. Come on. We know that lie. We know how that goes. So he wanted to meet Charlie and Patch and, or I guess I had a hatchery at that time. And he wanted to use the restroom and I was downstairs-

doing something so I guess he just felt more comfortable going upstairs to the second floor and like using the guest bedroom red flag bathroom well I think it was because you know he wasn't going to that one right and he didn't want me to like hear smell anything so like he just went to the other part of the house and I was like whatever he can see himself up there so I'm downstairs and about 32 minutes later

Canadian walks around the corner and he is bright red. And I'm like, what happened? Are you okay? And he's like, so we have a little problem. And he clogged my toilet. And when I say clogged, I mean when I went up there before I even opened the bathroom door, I saw poop water flowing from my tile bathroom floor under the door onto my hardwood floors.

And so I'm just, like, sitting here thinking, like, it's one thing if I know you, but, like, to clean up a complete stranger's caca, but in water, and it's just everywhere. And, like, he didn't know how to shut off the water to stop it from flowing. It just let – I'm just going to say there was not a third date. Haley, I'm –

I'm like gagging I'm not I think I'm not oh my god oh my god oh my god this is so bad it was so and I felt I felt bad for him because can you imagine if that happened but it actually happened and I almost would rather me clog somebody else's toilet than mine get clogged and ruin my house and have to clean it all up and I just it's so gross it's so gross it's so gross

I need to breathe a second. I'm really like I have a really bad gag reflex. Like when I like think of that or like if someone pukes in front of me, I game over even see it on screen. Can't do it. So that alone. Oh, wow.

Oh, my gosh. You don't live there anymore, right? Because I would move immediately. I would absolutely move. Oh, I definitely live here, but I'm renovating the whole house. So there you go. Oh, it was in Florida. It was at the Florida house. Oh, I got this house when I was 24. Wow. God, you badass.

It's such a gorgeous house. It is so beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I've worked really hard on it. I feel like every time I come back, there's a new project. I remember you just the first time I was at your house when you were going to drive me to the airport after we finally like hung out in person when I was staying at the one you were doing the outside. I did the back. Stunning. Yeah. And then I remember touring it and then I saw the kitchen. Well, this last time. Oh, no, I didn't see it in person. And then now we're going to see the whole house when it's done, which is going to be amazing.

Can I come help though? I need you in a bed. Yeah. For the sanctity of your sleep and just for your like relationship, can I please help you build your bedrooms? We are in the 11th hour. I think the house is going to be done soon and then I can focus my attention and energy on the house. Oh, have we told them this yet? Officially? I don't think I've shared it yet. Yeah, I think we said it in episode one, I think. Okay. Yeah. That.

that I'm going to be doing in your house. And you talked about how like you see a different side of me and I get very direct with my decision making. Yeah, it's very impressive. I was also like I had yeeted, my brain had yeeted the conversation like an hour before. I need to send you photos though because now I am officially an owner of two stories of cinder blocks and some two by fours on the inside. But it looks really, I mean, it's the frame of it, right? But it's super exciting that obviously the foundation's down, the plumbing, the raw plumbing's in.

It's weird. It's so weird. The view out of the back is going to be insane though. It's so pretty. I'm really excited for you. Guys, we are obsessing over every detail about this house. I was on probably eight emails yesterday back and forth where I wanted them to send me actual videos with full sound of the different door options they have closing inside the house. I'm talking just your standard like

room bedroom doors because I was trying to determine which ones had the loudest close and and were like the most real way. And these people are probably like Kendall. This girl Gailey is psycho. She's literally making us send her videos of the doors closing so she can differentiate the sound of the clothes. And I'm like details matter guys. They matter. But it's so true though. No actually Melanie who was on that email train was

Chain, train. Why did I say train? There was a lot of cars that got added and I'm the caboose because I only pop in at the bottom. I'm like, cool, cool. Y'all got it. Thank you so much. Okay, great.

I am always the caboose of an email. I'm like, great, great, great, great, great, great, great. Awesome. Cheerleader at the end. But yeah, so Melanie texted and she goes, I love how thorough Gailey is. Oh my gosh. Like I totally agree. It was actually really lovely. Everybody completely supported the process, but I remember going through and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's two different videos of doors closing. And then I listened back to them like eight times. I'm like,

damn, Gailey is totally right. You could hear the thud difference. It was like a deeper, more solid... It was like a gold medal versus a bronze medal. You know what I mean? You could hear the difference in the

in the density of it. It was great. So well done. Well done on your decision making. It's like the difference from like a real brass faucet versus a brass powder coated faucet that's just like stainless steel underneath or something, right? Like you just, you know, when something is real and I care about how it feels. So yeah. Sweat the small stuff. Makes your house beautiful. Yeah. So like the difference between brass and bronze and gold.

Can we please? Can we please talk about the Olympics? Because I have been yelling at the TV, like little tears, and then getting the updates from Olympic Village. Like truly social media has been fantastic simply because I need to see these athletes live their best lives and make these skits. Like there's so many funny things that are happening out of there. It is the content we all have needed. There's a lot of really awful, sad things happening in the world right now. There is a

a very tempestuous political atmosphere that just has kind of people on edge right now. And then to have this globally unifying experience of the Olympics and just watching people who have worked so hard and deserve every ounce of coverage and success and support that they're getting. This is, I don't know, it just makes me believe in humanity again. I don't know how to explain it.

Yeah, I think it's watching, especially too when you get into these packages and you learn about these athletes, right? Like for me, it's the gymnasts predominantly just because I have so much respect for how difficult that sport is, not only physically, but it's the mental game of it that makes it so unbelievably challenging, especially to rise through the ranks, especially with all of the scandal that's happened in USA Gymnastics. Simone Biles is single-handedly

Like my personal superhero. I love that woman. I love that. And I love the way you see them supporting each other, right? I mean, she's obviously the star of the team, but you don't sense an ounce of jealousy or competitiveness with each other. It's literally they see themselves as one team, like a unit. There's something so...

inspiring and comforting about seeing women so excited and cheerful for another woman's success. With gymnastics, and I think maybe you can relate to this too as an athlete and as someone who competed for so much of your life, I grew up in competitive gymnastics. That's where it all kind of started for me. And that's also when my OCD really started to manifest was when I was participating in the sport and was so focused on that perfectionism. And it's

wonderful to watch gymnastics, but it also like it pulls me back to that headspace I was as a little girl and just the intensity of the situation. It's kind of a weird duality. How old were you? Oh, I started when I was five or six, I think. And then I quit right about 11. What happened when you were five in gymnastics that you think surprised

started or triggered the start of your OCD? The sport itself and the way when I was coming up in gymnastics, it was very old school. It was very like Russian ideology, kind of like ballet, where it was hard and it was intense. Sure, when you're five, it's not, you know, you start out in the ball pit and doing little tumbles and somersaults. But then once you kind of start to show some promise and you have some power and you start tumbling and things like that,

The competitive nature gets very real very quickly. You kind of are forced to grow up very fast and there is these really heavy demands on your body. And I think the worst part is that the way that it scored at that time, it was out of 10. It wasn't this new scoring system that they have now. So it was all about

It was all about pointing your toes. It was all about, you know, having the smile before you start your routine and all of these little steps. You were this perfect, flipping, strong, beautiful person.

Kind of like badass ballerina is the best way to put it. And the expectation that you are being judged on how you're perceived. So I think that probably created a self-awareness that I already had as someone who has the brain that I naturally do. And it made me very self-aware of my strengths and my weaknesses and how everybody was looking at me all the time.

And what signs did you see early on that led you to a clinical diagnosis of obsessive compulsive disorder? So what was funny, obviously when you're in the gym, you're barefoot, right? You're barefoot, you're doing floor routines, all that. Your feet get really dusty with chalk.

And you have to have chalk and you know, it's just that the gym, there's always chalk floating around in the air. And I would obsessively where I remember going into the bathroom after like a three or four hour training session because I was like really committed to it. I thought I was going to be an Olympian in my head. I was that little kid that was had the big dreams and like really was high pressure on myself. And I remember I'd go into the bathroom at the gym.

And I'd wash my feet off because I hated when the chalk would be in my slides. Remember like the Adidas slides that had the little. Yes. Yes. The soccer ones. Oh, I would. Yeah. I can hear the Velcro. Just not.

And so those Adidas slides, I already felt sweaty and gross and very chalky after practice. But then I'd go into the bathroom and I would put my feet up into the sink and I'd wash my feet. And what's really interesting, I am not kidding to this day. I am a grown woman who is in her 30s.

If my feet are even slightly sweaty before I go to bed, I have to wash my feet in the sink before I go to bed for me to be able to fall asleep. And it started then because I was getting the chalk off of my feet. And I think the irritation of that and also the irritation is like I was washing off the expectations everybody had on me in that sport. And it really, I think, was one of the first moments where I was trying to self-soothe and take control back.

And then I remember you telling me just previously during one of our talks that something was happening with your feet later on that made it very obvious that you had a compulsive disorder that is what had your parents bring you to see a doctor to get diagnosed, work through it. Yeah. So a big thing for me was I could never be barefoot other than when I was at gymnastics.

gymnastics practice because I knew I had to be barefoot at practice, right? You're not going to do anything with socks on there.

But I could not be barefoot in any other situation. I couldn't be barefoot in the grass, like running down the hill that my family's house was on. Like I could not be barefoot at all. I had to wear socks and I had to have clean socks and they had to be a certain way. And then that led into my nighttime rituals, which my whole bedtime routine, God bless my mom and my dad, more so my mom because my dad was traveling a lot for work. But

I had to go to the bathroom a certain number of times. I had to flip the light switch a certain number of ways. I had to have socks on. And then when I was tucked into bed, my mom would have to quote unquote, this is what we call that she had to mummify me. So she would have to like essentially swaddle me in, in my comforter for me to be able to sleep. And then my mind would just run.

race. Like I remember struggling to sleep even as a little kid and just being so mentally stimulated and then thinking if I didn't follow my routine perfectly, oh gosh, this was terrible. As I'm saying this, I haven't thought about this in a really long time. And it's like making my heart race, which is so interesting where that part of you like always is there. I was convinced if I didn't complete my routine properly, something bad would happen to my parents.

Like I thought I had this otherworldly ability that I would be punished or someone that I love would be taken away if I didn't follow my routine to a T.

And it became so debilitating that I didn't want to go to a therapist, but my mom and my dad were like, you know, we're just going to meet with somebody. You're going to play board games and talk. And that's when the diagnosis came down. I would go like once a week and work on coping strategies. But I think the intensity of gymnastics, I think the intensity of always trying to control and trying to create perfection and trying to master all of these really difficult skills put an expectation in my brain that I have

like had to do everything right and I had to control it. So the things that I couldn't control in, you know, how quickly I could pick up a skill or pick up a new floor pass or beam routine, I would go home and I would be able to control how, you know, how clean my feet were or at least my bedtime routine. So I had it. Do you have anything like that? Because I know you've been- I'm still going through that as an adult. Really? To the extent that I know when I'm not okay because I become-

hyperactive in cleaning to the point that I'll clean the same thing over and over and over just because it makes me feel like I have a sense of control, right? If I'm waiting on a contract to come back and we're negotiating and we're going back and forth and I have no idea if it's gonna go my way or not and if we're gonna come to an agreement or if it's all just gonna be for nothing and it's gonna be lost and I don't really have that much control in that situation,

And so I will clean the kitchen over and over, not to the point that I'm cleaning the same countertop once, but it's still clean because I cleaned it yesterday, but I still need to do one full pass-through.

Because for some reason, it alleviates my anxiety. And I think it does that because it gives me something different to focus on other than the thing that I can't control. And then it gives me this false sense of control. But in reality, this is actually controlling me. And I'm even more out of control because I can't control the fact that I have this crazy proclivity and need to just

keep keep cleaning this place to make it feel better and so when I catch myself in that

situation where logically I know this is clean and I don't need to clean it again but I have this desire to I remind myself that I don't want this to also control me and then I do something physical with my body like I go for a run or I go in the yard and I do yoga on the grass barefoot sorry Kendall proud of you yeah

But I start every day by blowing off the yard and cutting leaves and just making sure everything looks clean out there because it kind of grounds me. And even though it is cleaning in a sense, it allows me to feel grounded and calm. That's interesting because it is like this infinite loop when you're in that OCD cycle where you're following the same patterns that it's controlling you. So you get that

false dopamine hit of like, oh, I have this controlled. I'm the same way. That's why cooking for me has been my escape. Because when I moved to New York, I couldn't be outside. And that's usually what I did when I was in California. I would go in the car from USC if I was being really overwhelmed. And I started to note that I was having trouble being barefoot.

Like that's my alarm bell today. If I am getting really, you know, focused on my feet or I start feeling like creepy crawly, like I feel dirty or I'm focused like, oh, that's when I know. I have to match an unhealthy action with a healthy action to make it null and void to just get back to base.

And it's so funny because hearing you talk about when you were little, there were all of these signs that you knew you had OCD. For me, I remember I was in, I want to say fourth grade, and I had in my bedroom on my shelves, I had encyclopedias, A through Z, like really old school ones on a shelf in the corner of my bedroom.

up high, really old. You never really notice them. My dad was suspecting that I was obsessive about things. And so to test it out, one day when I left for school, he went in and switched the Y and the W.

in the list of A through Z on this top shelf in the corner of my bedroom. And I'm in fourth grade. And he went to the hospital, went to work. And I got home from school that day. And he probably came home around seven, a few hours later. And the first thing he did was walk back into my bedroom and he opened the door. And when he looked in, he saw that I had already caught that the X and the Y were switched and I put them back in place.

which means that in my brain, every single time I was getting home from school, I was going into my bedroom and I was making sure that everything was perfect because it gave me a sense of control as a fourth grader. And so what ended up happening as the years went by is I would go through my mom's kitchen and I felt like the things were talking to me and telling me that they were not in the right place.

So I would go through her silverware drawer and match all of the forks and all of the spoons and get everything to be perfectly aligned and make it make sense. She had this little kind of like bread caddy that was in the corner with a shield that came down. And if that shield was,

was not down, you could see inside the caddy and I didn't think it was pretty. So every time I would walk by, I would pull the shield down. And then if I thought there was too much clutter with all of the grapes and the chips and the things she had sitting out for our family of six to eat as we're walking through, I would put them all back in the cabinets and I would put the grapes on a paper towel. I would put them into a glass bowl to make them pretty. And

She would always say, Gailey, one day when you have your own house, you can move things around. But this is my kitchen. Stop touching things in my kitchen. This is my house. And I was always like, but mom, I can't help it. They're telling me where they need to go. And they're so loud. They are screaming at me. And I just need to quiet.

quiet it. And so today, right, what I do for a living now, which is decorate and design and organize people's homes to make it calm, it's because...

It makes me calm to do that. It's very hard for me to describe my design style because my style is whatever the room is telling me to do. I just listen, right? And I do it until it isn't so loud anymore. And it's so fascinating that these mental health struggles actually become the motor behind who we are today and how you've harnessed it into something different.

That has grown who you are in your business and what you're capable of doing. And same with myself. Like, I don't believe I would be in the place I am in life if I didn't have my anxiety and depression and if I wasn't able to relate to having those control issues.

Everybody is the sum of their experiences, right? That's what makes you you. The level of empathy you have for people is because of something you have probably been through. The level of appreciation for somebody's work ethic is probably because you have or haven't experienced your level of work ethic. So you are the sum of your experiences and the fact that we have experienced things together.

from OCD to depression, in my case, eating disorder, and both of us perfectionism, it leads us to where we are today. And I think that we're both really, really competitive. And I think part of perfectionism is competitiveness, because you are competing

to be perfect with yourself all day, every day. So if you're always used to competing with yourself, you grow up and you become an adult and you get put into the real world, you're going to be a competitive adult most likely because that's just in you. So I think the beauty of this is figuring out how can you harness those tendencies and those experiences that already live inside of you

into something productive and beneficial and helpful as opposed to something that literally can destroy your life because it can just as easily go the other way. Yeah. No, I completely agree. It's a blessing and a curse. It's a tool, right? It can build or it can destroy. Ironically, it was my last name. Ha ha ha ha ha. I know. It's so cheesy. But yeah, I'm with you on that. I think it's fascinating that

It's so the asylum that raised us, which I know we've said before, but it truly is.

And then it's also giving myself grace when I'm noticing that I'm allowing that part of myself to kind of be the captain of the ship and not necessarily the co-pilot and allowing that to take the lead and the competitiveness with myself and the self-critique and the negative thought patterns versus, okay, this is great information. This is a great motivator, but it also isn't completely my truth. It's just something that I can either use or put down when I need it. But yeah, time goes on and you learn that.

For the record, I don't think it's the asylum that raised us in this scenario. I think it's the asylum we raised ourselves in because this is all in our own head. We did this to ourselves and we can take ownership of that. And I think the biggest takeaway here at the end of the day is that if you experience stress

and you know what your telltale signs are that you're experiencing it, right? For Kendall, it's becoming hyper-focused on your feet and cleaning your feet, right? And for me, it's cleaning my kitchen and thinking that it will make me feel better if I just clean it one more time. Once you can identify what that telltale is that means you are anxious or stressed,

You can then step away and say, okay, I know what's happening here and I'm going to take my power back and I'm going to take my control over it and I'm going to do something that relieves anxiety and relieves stress because this ritual doesn't actually do that. This ritual keeps me confined into this horrible cyclical loop of

of being nervous, doing a ritual, feeling better, being nervous, doing a ritual, feeling better. Instead, I'm in that loop. I see that that loop is about to start. And instead, I'm going to do something that I know makes me feel better, but it's not necessarily this ritual. I am going to go for a run. Or in my case, I'm going to go decorate somebody's home and I'm going to create with my hands or I'm going to go lay in the grass or work in the yard. Have you ever like done exposure therapy a little bit and show like –

I don't know, crack some black pepper on your counter and left it there while you're in this moment just to prove that you can overcome it. Like for me, sometimes I'm like, I know my feet are dirty. I'm going to wait like 10 minutes or I'm going to go walk on my balcony outside in

in my bare feet just to kind of like push through the discomfort. Do you ever do that? So the fact that my entire house, except for my kitchen right now, has been under construction since January and it is covered in dust, like compound dust,

There's brown paper on everything. The last eight months has been exposure therapy for me because I can't clean 90% of my house. It's just been a mess for eight months. But that also tells me that I'm healthier because I willingly signed up for that and I'm not freaking out right now even though 90% of my house has been unlivable for almost a year. But I will say if you were to crack pepper on my countertop and call it exposure therapy,

I think I am more competitive than I am OCD. So the competitor in me would be like, okay, I'll prove you wrong. Like I know how to win. I'll win this game. And I would have no problem leaving that cracked pepper there for a year. If it means I will win whatever point you're trying to make. So exposure therapy does that. This does not work for me. Next time I'm at your place, I'm going to crack the one pepper and you'll just see it and laugh. You'll be like this bitch. I cannot.

I'll pour some like powdered sugar on your feet. All right. So I think it's time for us to lead into some of our questions that we had from wholeheartedly pod on our Instagram. We love to ask you guys something that we could help you with during the week. And so this week we asked the question of what is something are you struggling with in the work

place. I know Gailey and I have definitely been there. Some of us more recent than others. We're here to answer your questions, but no, you can always submit your questions to us at wholeheartedlypod on our Instagram. We want to answer, we want to get to know and help you out. We're going to read a couple and kind of how we'd respond to them. So the first one I'll read, somebody wrote, and this one moved me. They wrote, having to get up and go during the low depressed week

I want to hibernate moments. I felt that so deeply because as somebody who is kind of constantly oscillating between feeling really, really high and feeling really, really low, there's definitely, especially when I had a day job and I just had to get up and go and talk with people and sell them things all day, every day. If I was in a low position,

to her point or his point, I really just wanted to hibernate. I wanted to stay in my bed with all the windows closed and just not face the world. But I couldn't do that because I had to go to work because of the benefits that work was giving me. And so what I can say to that is, first off,

What helped me get up and go when I felt that way is I remember that every single time I have ever felt that way before, 100% of the time it eventually goes away. 100% of the time something happened and I would laugh, like genuinely belly laugh or maybe snuff. And I would feel better and there would be a little light back in my day. So the most depressing thing is feeling hopeless.

And if you feel like there's no hope that it's going to get better, then it is going to be really hard to get up and keep going and deal with it. But if you base it on facts, which are 100% of the time it has always gotten better, then you kind of give yourself that right to get up

and go because you trust that it's going to turn around eventually. Maybe later that day, maybe in a couple days, but you just have to get up and keep going. And then the other thing that helps motivate me when I'm feeling really low and I don't want to get up and go to work

is I think, okay, Gaylee, talk to your 50 or your 60 or your 75-year-old self. She is going to wish so badly that she could come back and even if it was just to do today again, just to get to be here today in your body with the mechanics and the way it moves now, with the health that you have now, with the youth and the energy and the excitement and all of the unknown that you still have ahead of you, like,

Your 75-year-old self would give anything to grow back in your body today, even if it's the worst day of your year this year, and just get to be you and live it again. So talk to her, and she's going to make you feel really happy to be where you are right now in the body that you're in, getting to get up and go to work and do what you do, because it's not always going to be like that.

No, that's so true. And what's interesting is how you framed that, right? You framed talking to your older self and them coming back and understanding the things that you're grateful for inherently is what you were talking about, right? The fact that you have the energy, the fact that you have the bodily mobility to be able to literally spring out of your couch. I love you, but get off your couch and go do the thing. You know what I mean? And that it truly is. I say this all the time and I've said it in classes and I've said it, I say it on my Instagram.

It's been one of the biggest things that's helped me in these hibernate moments is taking the action to reframe, which can feel really daunting, but it goes to little stuff. Gratitude is single-handedly, it is magic. It is absolutely magic. It takes a second because the judgmental voice pops in your head because your body wants to stay in the state that it's in because there's a level of comfort when you go into this hibernation state where you know what you're going to get.

Like we'd much rather sit in a familial hell than in a possibility of a better unknown because it's what we know. It's the devil that we know and we like to sit in it, right? Rather though, when you start this gratitude journey and you just start little things like

oh my gosh, I love how cozy my bed is. Or I love how, okay, the pillow, I'm just so sleepy, I'm in and out of sleep. Or I love how the light's coming in through the window. What it does is it starts, it's no different than exercise, right? You're training your brain like you're training your muscles to see opportunity, to see positivity, to see what exists around you. Because the way that our brain works too, which is what's so fascinating,

everything is ultimately a choice and either you're choosing to believe it or not. So you can believe in a hopeful future and that is because you're standing in a place of hope. You're choosing positivity or you can believe it's never going to get better than this and this is what it is. Ultimately, that's also a choice, right? Which is what's so amazing. And there's this book, The Happiness Hypothesis that I think everybody should read. I reread it like once every year when I go through, I've been rereading it through this like transition for me with work.

And I read it in college because signs I was depressed and didn't realize it. There was a class at USC called the science of happiness. And it's what started my like interest in neurology and just the brain and how it all works and trying to figure out, I think what in the hell was going on in mine and why it was such a rough place to live in. And it was really cool. He talks about the book opens with this narrative about how our brains are like an elephant with a rider.

And so we, the conscious self, is the rider on the back of the elephant. The elephant, as we know, it can storm. It can completely take down a forest. It could stampede. It could do all these things to destroy. But when the rider is in a kind of succinct relationship with the elephant, it's

It acts as a guide. The elephant can provide protection, support, all these other things, but they have to be in relation and congruence with each other. They have to respect each other. And so it was really fascinating to realize, okay, my brain is going to brain. My brain is going to think. That's what its job is. Its job is to think and to protect me from saber-toothed tigers that no longer exist because we've evolved since then.

But I can now start to train my brain or work with my brain to understand, okay, my brain's having a tough day. The elephant is irritated by something. What can I do as the writer? I have the conscious mind so I can say, oh, that's not a good idea.

The elephant doesn't like being by, you know, this watering hole. So it's my job as the writer who's guiding it to guide ourselves away from that. It's the same thing with a negative thought pattern. If I know my brain wants to go down that pathway, I have to start learning the skills to be able to guide my brain in a different direction.

So I think that's what's fascinating about all of it is that ultimately it is a choice, but I love that you went back to that gratitude. And I love what you just did there. This is just so much love in this podcast. No, but I love what you just did there because what you did is you made it easier for people to feel like they have control over

over the direction and the energy that they put into their thoughts and their day, because it's a lot easier to imagine sitting on an elephant, steering it, right? Using your legs to like almost like a horse where you like giddy up, let's go. Hey, slow down, pull on the reins a little bit. It's actually really helpful to visualize

You sitting on there because you feel like you are in control. Whereas if you picture yourself just standing and you're in your brain, it almost feels like impossible to control because your thoughts are just there and they run wild. But you can control like that elephant. So I love that. OK, you've got the next one. Somebody asked being kind. How do I be kind and show up as myself around a few people who I know don't like me at work?

Well, I've been through that quite a few times in my career. And I'll say this. Number one, it is anyone's opinion of you. And it's much easier said than done. But that's their opinion. It's not anything you need to consider. I would say this is where building your own self-confidence is so important. Building your like of yourself is so important.

We said it in the last podcast. You know your heart. You know how you walk through the world. You know what you're working on where you're not, you know, where you're growing, where you're not maybe as fulfilled or as grown in a certain space. But you know yourself. And if your light happens to, I guess, threaten because that would be the response from somebody else or make someone else feel a certain way, you're not responsible for

for their reaction. You are responsible for staying true to yourself, which means having that kindness, having that empathy for somebody who might not have the same ability to be as kind as you are. But you also don't have to spend a stitch of time with them if you don't have to. So Kendall, does that mean you think it's more important for people to respect you than to like you? You can't control people's perception of you, but...

I have personally played the wanting to be liked game. I've played the people pleasing game I did for a very long time in my life when my mental health was really poor. I would put on the mask of what I thought people wanted me to be and it drained me. It took away my light because I was constantly shape shifting for other people's perceptions rather than honoring others.

who I was. And respect means that you hold boundaries for yourself. Respect means that you're able to say no to things and to people because it doesn't sit right with you. And it's scary. I mean, it takes some serious ovaries to sit in a room and say, hey, this isn't working for me or I feel uncomfortable by this. Respectfully, no.

And you're going to be met with people who push back. You know, I've had quite a few of those experiences recently where I set boundaries and, you know, you can't decide if someone's going to respect them or not. I can't control them, but I can control how firmly I hold that boundary. And that is in congruence with my own beliefs and values and who I am as a person. And I will tell you, you will never regret holding a boundary that you know is true to yourself. So, yes, I would much rather be respected than be liked.

Because if I'm respected, it means people understand that she's self-possessed in her own way. And damn, that's pretty cool. I might not agree with everything, but that's cool that she can walk her walk. I've struggled with wanting people to like me my entire life. I think part of it was I could only see myself through how somebody else interpreted me. I couldn't look in the mirror and know who I was or how I felt about myself, which meant that all of the weight...

On how I determined my worth, my value, if I was a good person, if I was a bad person, right? So black and white thinking was all entirely dependent on how people reacted to me. Because if they liked me, then that meant I was worthy of something and I was good. And if they didn't like me, man, it was my mission to figure out how to get them to like me.

Because I almost needed to prove to myself that I was worth liking. And I've gotten older and I've realized like how boring would it be if every restaurant you went to, everybody sitting at your table ordered the exact same thing because we all like the same thing. I think it's great that people have different tastes.

Right. You might be one person's taste and not somebody else's. And that's OK, because this would be a really boring world if we all just liked the same things, because we would all become the exact same person if it was that easy. Right. And maybe there'd be a few villains here and there. But at the end of the day, like everybody would just be good or bad.

No. We have people that like us this month and maybe are a little annoyed with us next month. We have people that are really jealous and hate us this month. And then the next month realize that we're on the same team and we can actually be stronger and better by going together and working towards it, supporting each other. And the

There's always room for that change. But what you have to leave room for is being okay with other people not loving you and adoring you as long as you feel that way about yourself. 100%. And I have two things to say on that. Number one, and no shade because Lord knows I love a Cheesecake Factory cheesecake.

But there's a reason the Cheesecake Factory does not have a Michelin star or a James Beard award. And it is because it's got the longest menu in the book and you can go there and everybody can find something that they like.

The best restaurants in the world, the best chefs in the world, the best artists in the world, the best directors and writers and all of that, they create an emotional response in the world. It is your job to show up so much as yourself that people aren't sure what they think about you at first, or maybe they hate you, or maybe they love you, but they have a strong reaction. And that's the beauty of living in a world with

with 7 billion people with so many different cultures and perspectives and belief systems is that we get to be confronted every single day. And I will say we get to be because something that frustrates me with the world right now is everybody's so focused on this divisiveness and you have to think the way that I think or you're a bad person or it's in a binary.

I think that's so counter human. That's actually not what we're here to do. We're here to be confronted every day. We're here to be exposed every day to more and more things so that we can determine where do we fall on this? What am I contributing to this? And how do we walk through this world automatically?

altogether. And art is supposed to make you feel strong emotions. I would rather walk through the world and have a ton of people hate me and a ton of people love me than everybody be absolutely ambivalent towards me. Because if I'm so neutral, if I'm everyone's favorite flavor, I am not contributing anything to the world that is going to progress it forward.

So I will gladly be the villain. I will gladly be the superhero, but I will gladly know that I am neither. I am simply trying to be my damn self. That's a great takeaway, guys, which is that if somebody has strong feelings for you, you're doing something. You're not doing nothing, right? For somebody to have a really strong feeling towards you, hate or love, there's something there worth putting energy into, which is you.

And so try to remember that if you feel like you're doing your best and somebody still hates you, it's better than them not even caring to know your name, right? All I can say is the person who wrote the Cheesecake Factory menu was definitely a people pleaser.

and trying to make everybody happy. And the person, you know, the chef who writes the menu of the three Michelin star restaurant, and there's like literally four options and no substitutions, no changes allowed. And they spell that out very clearly in three languages on the one page menu with four options. That person has set boundaries and they know they are good at what they do and boundaries have been set. Yeah.

Yes. And isn't that interesting? The line goes around the block, like trying to get a reservation at like way back in the 90s, like at French Laundry or at like one Madison Park in New York or some of these incredible restaurants. It can take a year. Why? Because people are going to try their food.

I prefer to either cook at home or go to a really cool restaurant where I'm going to be confronted with things that I haven't experienced before. It just, I think it's a fuller way to live life. Living life, pleasing other people might seem like the path of least resistance, but the opportunity cost is way too high. So own who you are and set your boundaries. And if people don't like that,

at least they have a feeling towards you. Yeah, exactly. At least you're striking up an opinion, baby, because in today's world, you're going to hear it from everybody anyway, whether it's an Instagram bot or a person hidden in someone's basement like me right now. That's why there's TV shows around like villains, like just villainous characters from other shows now are all together in their own show because people have a strong connection

feeling towards them, you know? I have an idea. I have an idea for the episode name. Oh, what is it? Okay, when you were saying that about villains and all that, I think we should name the episode Antihero...

Taylor Swift. Uh-huh. Because I really do believe we're at such power in being the antihero. She was, Simone Biles was for a long time and watching their redemption coming out of a darker chapter, having so many people say so many negative things about them and look at what they're done. Case in point also, Lana Marr, who's the rugby player who's had so many people comment on her body. And she's like, no, I'm beautiful. I wear lipstick. I'm a badass. She's a great TikToker.

She's fantastic. And I think that's it. It's like I'd rather be the anti-hero than the palatable little princess in everyone else's narrative. And also, I think we're a little bit of the anti-hero to ourselves when we talk negatively to ourselves, right? So you can still be the hero. You can turn it around because you're the one riding that elephant. Okay. Next one. This one moved me because this was me to a T.

Taking care of myself while at work. Examples, eating, drinking fluids, using the washroom. So basically what she's saying is that her biggest challenge at work is literally taking care of her physical bodily needs. And I love

How do I say this? My girl math is trying to figure out how little water I can drink in a day so that I never have to go pee, but I don't die. I mean, it's awful. I work on these installs. We will go 24 hours without stopping and go right into the next day.

and i will a day will go by and i'll realize i never went to the bathroom it's because i was so myopic on creating and i almost go manic in these homes and everybody's coming up and asking me what should i do next can you check this room how does that paint look who needs to run a home depot and we're going back and forth all day i don't really i don't really allow my body to function the way it should because i kind of put it on hold and i make the project and my team my priority

And so reading this, I realized that this is something that I really, really am working on getting better at because it's true. When you're at work, sometimes you just get in work mode and you don't take care of yourself and your needs the way you would if you're at home or relaxed on a Sunday. And I think it's just as important to remember that. Would you connect, and this is my question, would you connect that tendency to want to perform for everybody else and put your needs at like second nature kind of in the

that people pleasing tendency that it's like in the work mode. Cause I've definitely done this too, where it's like, no, I have to be on or like when I was at Peloton, I'd teach class and then we'd have a meet and greet line. And I'm very proud of that. And I love spending time with people, but sometimes it would take an hour, hour, 20 minutes. And I could feel my battery just as, as a person just draining. And then I'd go home and I'd sleep for three hours. Cause it was just so much expenditure. Um,

And I wonder if that comes back to that, like performance connected, people pleasing energy, but it is from the right place, but then the boundaries are really important. I wish I could say it was because I'm trying to please my team and please the client because I underlying absolutely I am, but I think the driver here is my competitiveness because I set a stop clock, right? This is kind of the,

I've always been really competitive to an unhealthy extent my whole life. And I think what happens is I set these really aggressive time limits, right? Like 72 hours for us to renovate a whole home. And part of it is I like you, Kendall. I like the chaos and the adrenaline and the thrill. But it also puts my body into fight or flight mode because...

Because I am running on extreme levels of cortisol and adrenaline. I'm pulling all-nighters. I'm on my feet. I'm on ladders. I'm painting over my head for hours or hours.

nailing wood or whatever. And my whole team is like, we're all exhausted, but we're all competitive and we're all working towards this goal. And there's something really unifying about that communal energy of like all trying to accomplish something together. And everyone's got their autonomous roles that they're doing and they're very proud of it and meticulous, but it takes extreme focus

and that's hard to do when you're tired. And so it's almost like your body kind of shuts down on the other things it needs. Like I actually don't get tired because I'm not allowing myself to feel the need for sleep. I don't need to go to the bathroom because my body's kind of shut down the sensation of needing to go to the bathroom. Like

Yeah.

as far as just like going from an extreme high to an extreme low once the season was done. It's hard to get your sleep pattern back after install. Your body is aching and hurting. You can't really work out for a week because you're just in recovery mode. I would get plantar fasciitis on the bottom of my feet in four places after every install and I could barely walk for a week. I mean, it was awful. And so when I read this comment,

that somebody put in our Instagram, I was like, oh, that is so me. And it's something that I'm proud to say. We're really working hard to change and bringing healthy snacks to installs. This last one, I said I was going to shut it down at 9 p.m. every night. And guess what? I'm so proud of you. It's huge. I know. There's something...

about speaking this into a microphone and to you and to our listeners that gives me a sense of accountability where I feel like when I say what I'm working on all week long, I'm thinking I said it, I put it into the universe, so I need to do it. So that's a nice takeaway, right? Is that if you feel like you want to change something specifically,

speak it out loud, say it into the universe, write it into your journal in the morning when you wake up or put it in your notes app on your phone, but put it out there and bring it into existence and breathe life into it because it helps hold you more accountable. A hundred percent. And I think that's what's funny when you say that. One, I'm so proud of you because we'd have that conversation. You're like, nope, it's going to change. We're going to do the 930 close. I was like, great. The sleep is going to be awesome. Knowing that you did it, but also like

What did you do? You set a boundary for not only yourself, but also for the sanctity of your team and for what's going to benefit everybody. So it was a great decision on that front. You took on more help. I know you had more interns, more support to be able to do this, which is epic. I can't wait to see everything they've done. But also by doing that, it is, it's that level of accountability. And because now your team, you set the standard, you held the accountability as the boss of your team saying we're done at 930.

you know, it'd be very easy. I'm sure at 920, you're like, oh, but this one thing, but no cutting it off and holding that line. You also have people that are holding you accountable so that they can have that moment of relief too. And it's true. Speaking it into existence is

Being able to share what you're going through publicly and say, this is actually what I'm striving for is so important. I know it's helped my mental health a lot, particularly when I was like going through everything when I was working at Peloton and I was talking about my mental health. It made it so much easier for me to continue to focus on myself because people knew I was working on things. People knew like even in, you know, the when I did that sober, curious segment from November of last year up until like,

springtime of this year. It was incredible to have that many people asking, what are you doing? How's it going? So when I would go to a restaurant and I'd look at the menu and I really wanted to have a glass of wine, I was just like, wait, do I really need this glass of wine right now? I have thousands of people who know that I'm trying to do this and I don't want to let them down. And it is a great hack being able to have those accountability partners and, you know, be bold about it, be public about it, give yourself grace if it's, you know, if you can't always hold that standard, but it does help

Help you make change into existence. All right. You've got the last one. Let's see. We have, oh gosh, this one. This one hit. Somebody put in the question box they were needing support and accepting that they can't do everything themselves. And one of my greatest life challenges is admitting that I need help.

and asking for help. And I think the biggest thing I've learned, and I'm still learning to be honest, because I struggle with this too, is being able to say,

I'm not good here, or I don't know what to do here, or can you please pop into this meeting and help, or I don't know heads or tails of this. I had gotten into past business relationships with people who I guess I thought they were more trustworthy than what they were because I felt like I was kind of controlling what that relationship was, and I didn't do my due diligence. And I've had to learn from those past relationships that it was

my not asking for help from somebody who was more experienced that would have prevented me from being in a not so great business situation. One of my favorite things I'm learning how to do in meetings is say, I don't know what I'm doing here. This is what I know I want to create. This is what I know how to do. This is what I can bring to the table. Who else do we need to fill in the blanks? And I think having a great team of people around you, but also like having a great family, having great friends that you can admit

that you can't do it all is so important. And being able to own that is key. I like the phrase, if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Bringing in people to support you and help you is a blessing because it means you have resources around you that

Either you can pay and hire to help or who are your friends and like you and just want to help. But the people who are successful are the people who have successfully figured out where to bring in different resources and how to utilize them. At the end of the day, it's really, really, really important to remember this. Every time somebody has asked you for help with something that they can't do,

Have you not felt good about yourself? Like you have. When somebody asks for your help with something, there's a sense of, oh, I'm needed. Oh, I have a purpose. Oh, there's something I can bring to the table that's additive. So on the flip side, that means every time you ask somebody else for help, you're not just asking them for help, but you're also making them feel valued. You're making them feel good, like they can be additive to you.

you're not making them feel like you are incapable because they're more focused on the fact that it makes them feel good.

Right? So if you're insecure or worried about asking people for help, just remember how great it feels when somebody asks you for something that you're the best at. That perspective shift is key because I think what prevented me from doing that for a long time was that I was so focused on not wanting to be a burden to somebody else by asking for help. I didn't want to be difficult. I didn't want to be too much.

because I'd heard some of that negative feedback from some not so great people in my life when I was very young, because I had a lot of energy and a lot of passion and I still do. And I think that kind of quieted and contained my voice and my presence a bit because I was like, oh, I don't want to be, I don't want to come off this way. I don't want to be too much. I've heard too much all the time. But it's so true when someone asks for help and you're on the receiving end of that. Someone asked me for help.

I will drop, I'll be like, what? Yeah. Okay. Let me get this. I got this. What do you need? Oh, I know this person. Who can I connect you with? Like I am the queen of, oh, I know five people go. And I think that's what makes me so excited because I,

I love to help and I love to support and I love to be like cheerleader mama bear in those situations. I think so many of us do, especially when we've worked so hard and had people help us out to get us to where we are today. And it's such a beautiful, it's not even transactional in that way when you're coming from a positive place. If you really want to, you're so right. If you really want to go far in your career, find really smart people, people you look up to.

Ask them for their opinions. Ask them for their insight. Ask them for help. It is amazing how much you'll learn, but also how much you realize, oh, that mogul that you saw that's built seven companies and sold three of them and is this incredible person, their journey is filled with these magical miracle people who offered to help them at their lowest. And then they go back and pay it forward. There's this really cool story of a friend of mine. His name is Jesse Eifler.

serial entrepreneur. His wife is also super badass. She founded Spanx. They're the coolest couple because they're both so self-possessed in their careers. They met later in life. They have awesome kids. They're just lovely people. So one of this kid that works for him, quote unquote kid, was boxing like a young boxer, but his dream was to be a rapper. And he was like, look, Jesse, can I intern for you? I want to learn something from you, whatnot. So he's like, yeah, sure. Not a problem.

Fast forward, this kid who interned for Jesse, lo and behold, it turns out was 50 Cent. 50 Cent becomes this mega rapper. Obviously, we know we love him. We can all sing all the songs.

He was on a private jet. So one of Jesse's companies that he had was Marquis Jet. And I guess 50 Cent was on the plane, was taking one of the jets from this. I guess it was like kind of like a fractional or a private aviation company that Jesse owned. And so Jesse found out from the pilot that

And he wrote to, he had the pilot pass 50 a note and says, hey, remember, this is Jesse, da-da-da-da, you interned for me. So great to have you on here or something like that. How cool is this? 50 Cent then wrote into every single contract he had that he would only fly Marquis Jets, Jesse's company, from there on out.

Because they had the loyalty and Jesse helped him and now he pay it forward later on in his career is like, nope, I'm going to support Jesse and his business venture. And I think that's it's so beautiful. That's what asking for help. That's what happens. You build relationships, you build true human compassion because you're willing to put your ego aside.

which is the most important part to say, I can't do it all, but you're so right. If you do it with other people, you'll go so much further and you have no idea what that's going to turn into in the future. I love a full circle moment. And earlier when you said that they said you were too much, I say, then go find less. When somebody tells you you are too much, just be like, oh,

go find less then because I am enough. And if it's too much for you, you need less. That's it. Yeah. It's like everybody has a different flavor profile. If I got too much spice, that's fine. Go for mild. Like,

I'm sitting over here like with all the jalapenos. And you say go to Cheesecake Factory because they got hella options for you if I'm not your flavor. But let me clarify. I feel bad throwing them under the bus. No, no. Like whoever wrote it wants to please everybody. So everybody will be happy at Cheesecake Factory. True, true. But how weird is this? Cheesecake Factory follows me on Instagram and I would do these lives after I would teach class. I forgot to mention this part.

Wait, no, we don't. No, we don't. No, we don't. Because I'm going to say that I look, don't get me wrong. I love a cheesecake factory. The banana cream cheesecake is my ish. I will order it. I will suffer the lactose consequences of it because I will enjoy it. It's like a once a once a quarter type of an experience, right? But they would always pop into my Instagram lives and were like commenting back. They were a riot. Really fun. I don't know who runs their social, but clearly, I don't know. I guess maybe they would take my classes or whatever. Go figure.

But the one thing that I was so saddened by was like, they sent me like a gift box once, which was very nice. But it was like a coupon for iced tea because they know how much I love my iced tea, all that stuff.

All I really wanted, I was just like, please just send me a cheesecake. Please just send me a cheesecake. And I just, it was never a cheesecake. And I think maybe I'm a little bitter. But there are too many options. They couldn't have gotten it right. There were too many options. See? Yeah, because it's a paradox of choice. You try to please everybody, you're going to please nobody. Because there's just too much. There's too much. Yeah.

Too much. Okay, so we are wrapping this up now. What are you working on this week? I will start and say that I'm pulling a Robert Frost, meaning I am trying really hard to take the road less traveled. What I mean by that is I keep being taught the same lesson and it's time that I learned it, which is that if you do the same thing over and over, you have to expect the same results.

And what I have started to do, this is going to sound wild, is as of two days ago, I just try to do things that I habitually do a little differently. I think part of it is trying to break some of my OCD tendencies because when I get really stressed out and my anxiety is high and my cortisol is flying, I –

I obsessively clean and I do the same things over and over and over because it kind of makes me feel better, but it's not really healthy and it's certainly not productive. And so what I'm trying to do is retrain my brain to just do the things that I do every single day differently. For example, this morning I brushed my teeth with my left hand.

I'm a very coordinated person, but there was no coordination there. And I realized my entire life, I have never brushed my teeth with my left hand. Yeah. Right. And, and then, and then on my running route this morning, right, I ran eight miles and I have different distances that I do. And I know when I'm doing my eight mile day, I run this exact route because I know how long it is. And

And I always run it in the same loop. And I thought, you know what? I brushed my teeth with my left hand. I'm going to run this loop in reverse. And I ran the opposite direction to start the run when I always go the same route. And I just – now, I'm not doing anything crazy. Like I'm not doing conditioner before shampoo. But I'm trying to do things –

with my left hand and use a different side of my brain and a different experience on my run. It's not crazy, but just small things to challenge myself. And what's crazy is it gets me a little bit out of my head because now I'm –

more present and conscious that I'm brushing my teeth because I'm genuinely trying to figure out how to get my back molar at this angle with my left hand because I have never done this move before. And like, how do you do a circle rotation with your left hand? Is it forward or is it backwards? Like, I don't know. But it forces me to be present in what I'm doing. And it really makes me almost experience life just a little bit different. And I think that that will result

in a different result than if I do the exact same thing every day. So I'm challenging myself to do things just a little differently and see if I feel any different. You're going to love what mine is because ironically, the outcome will be similar to yours, but it's the complete opposite. So I was up in New York at my place getting it fixed up. Then I'm back down at Shadow Man's house

I have to fly. I've been all over the country. I don't have a routine, particularly since leaving my job at Peloton. I had a set routine where I would know when I was going and to work and then when I was coming home and when I would go to the grocery. My entire world is just...

It's like someone threw, it's like a Jackson Pollock painting. Someone just threw a bunch of paint on a wall and said, go, which I do love that. And Jackson Pollock is one of my favorite artists, but I actually think I need ironically structure. So my goal of the week is,

is to find consistent ways just to have a set morning routine, to have a set time of day where I'm focused on fitness and content creation and body movement without having to take a bunch of calls or shift and jive into something else. There's so many things I'm building and working on that can result in literally like 12 meetings a day that I really need to set a routine and set some boundaries.

So I can have that peace of mind. My sleep has been really all over the place the last two weeks because I think different bed, different places, my mind going a million miles a minute with all these ideas and whatnot. So getting on to a set routine is going to be important for me. So what's ironic is I actually need to take a note from the Gailey book.

And I feel like you're taking a note from my crazy spastic all over the place book and finding that difference because I could definitely use more structure in my life. So I think my goal is to have I time blocked my days. So I'm really excited about that. I'm really going to commit to the time blocking because I have the planner. I picked it up in New York. I finally have it with me. Guys have the planner.

I have a planner. So we're going to start time walking. I'm getting cute little highlighters for it today because I'm a very visual color-coded person, and that helps my brain a lot. And I'm going to have that morning routine, that mid-afternoon focused movement, relaxation, meditation, and then my nighttime routine. And my goal is to have a set routine.

nighttime, bedtime moment so I can get consistent sleep and get my circadian rhythm back. So you're trying to structure your day and I'm trying to unstructure my hyper-structured day. We're both, thank you, no. This is why we're yin and yang. This is why we work. Did you notice every single one of our episodes so far, we have matched? So we're both wearing white tops today and a light hat. The last one, we were both wearing camo. And

And then when Shadow Man walks you through, he also was wearing camo. And then the time before that, I think we both had brown. And it's just very weird how different our paths are, right? Like I'm hyper organized, you're hyper chaotic. But we're at the same end goal. And we have the same colors that we keep wearing at the same time without talking about it. So we're in sync. It's just wild to me. I think that's what's beautiful too. And that's why it's so great.

like real friendships like that because you don't want to be surrounded by people that are just like you you want people that pull out that those other experiences you want to be exposed to different things different energies but what I love is our journey from when we met years ago in the rumble class to where we are now it has had this strange invisible string of parallel at similar times similar situations

different cast of characters, different cast of different plot lines, but the same big arc and structure. So it just, it's beautiful. It's pretty wild. I feel like if, you know, if there's multiple layers to the universe, we're definitely like in parallel ones. It's great. We are. Now we just need to get our men to parallel, sit down and pee and we're golden. Yeah.

Golden's quite the choice of word. You know, I just thought it was after all this Olympic talk and, you know, Simone and Anthony Quiro, all that. Yeah. But guys, we appreciate you so much joining us again. We went a little off the beaten path here today. So thanks for hanging with us till the end. And as we are starting this out, we are...

catching our stride as we're going but every single comment if you can put a comment on apple if you can hit that like on spotify or wherever you're getting your podcast that helps us so so much and allows us to keep doing this so i implore you to do that and uh thank you so much with our whole hearts thank you guys so much for joining we will see you on social media and then of course every wednesday you have your new episode of wholeheartedly we love you

Good luck getting all the men to pee sitting down. And here we are off into the week. Bye. Bye. Bye.