What To Do When You Set and MISS Your Goals | Ep 232
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How much confidence have you lost due to goals that you have not achieved? I understand how frustrating it is to set a goal and then miss it year after year after year. I get it because I've been there. It took me five years of failing before I actually lost 100 pounds. It took me two and a half years of barely making rent before I actually made it in business. It was not until I realized that I was focusing on the wrong things

and I was getting the wrong outcomes. I want this to be the last video you ever watch on how to reach your goals. So I will teach you my process in only two steps so you can actually achieve anything you want this year. The first step is focus on inputs over outcomes. So let's define terms. Inputs are the

behaviors, and processes within your control that contribute to a greater goal. An example of this is gonna be exercising regularly, eating healthy meals, studying for a number of hours. Those are all inputs. They're all actions that you take that are within your control. Now, what are outputs?

Outputs are the results or outcomes that occur as a consequence of your inputs, but are often influenced by other things outside of your control. How much weight you lose? Did you hit a sales quota? If you pass an exam, those are all outputs. There are things that we might want, but we don't have total control over them happening. There was a point early in my career when I was completely fixated on outputs. I would set these huge goals, whether it was like

hitting a certain sales quota, crushing a fitness milestone. And I thought that if I worked hard enough and I set my goals really high, I would eventually get there because that's what we're told. Dream really big, grind until you make it. You just need a big vision that you stare at on your wall every day and you're going to get there.

It was not working the way that I thought it would. I would get to the end of the month and if I hadn't hit those targets, I felt like I had failed. And the worst part about it was that if I didn't hit my goals, I couldn't pay rent. The stress was literally paralyzing at times. Like it wasn't like I was focused on putting the work in. I was focused on the fact that I had failed. In fact, it didn't matter how much

effort I put in. If the result wasn't there, I just felt like I wasn't good enough because I felt like I was chasing something that I couldn't fully control. It wasn't until I had the realization, the entire reason for this is I was focused on the wrong thing.

I couldn't control the outcomes. What I could control were the actions or the inputs that led to those outcomes. I said, okay, instead of obsessing over whether I hit a sales quota, instead, I started asking myself, what are the specific actions I can do every day to increase the chances that I hit the sales quota?

instead of stressing over how many clients I sign up, I focused on how many phone calls could I make? How many businesses could I go knock on their doors? And how well could I refine my sales process? On the fitness side, instead of worrying about the scale in the gym and how much I weighed every day, I focused on, am I hitting my macros? Am I getting my workouts in? That shift changed everything because suddenly I felt like I was more in control. I wasn't at the mercy of external results.

I was measuring my success by whether I followed through with my commitments. And so success became if I took the actions under my control. Over time, those consistent inputs compounded, and then the results started to show up. If you repeat successful actions, success becomes inevitable. Because it was sustainable, I kept those goals, and eventually I hit them, and then I exceeded them.

And that's when it clicked for me. I was focused on something that was disempowering me when I needed to be focused on something that was empowering me. Focusing on outputs is like standing in a garden, staring at the flowers and willing them to grow. When if you focus on inputs, it's watering the soil, pulling the weeds, making sure they get sunlight. The flowers grow because you did the work, not because you wished for them to be there.

Now, why does this matter? What I hope you got from that story is that focusing on controlling inputs rather than outcomes reduces anxiety about the goal because the goal is to hit the inputs, not to get the outputs. If your goal is to lose weight, focusing on the scale can be discouraging because you can't control if the scale changes, but you can control what you

Another example is if you put a ton of effort into a relationship and you're like, I'm gonna be the best girlfriend that I can be. And then you find out your boyfriend cheated on you. You know, you didn't get the result you wanted. Do you say that you were a bad girlfriend? Or do you say like, that was outside of my control? Most of you watching this, the reason you haven't hit your goals is because you've spent your entire life focused on the goal. And when you focus on the goal, every day you don't hit the goal, you feel worse about yourself.

So, how do we focus on inputs? One, define actionable steps. Okay, here's an example. Instead of saying, "I'm gonna get fit," commit to walking 10,000 steps a day or going to the gym three times a week.

And so we're going to define what are the actionable steps that we can take that are under our control. I cannot control if my body loses a pound today, but I can control if I walk 10,000 steps, if I hit the gym, and if I eat these macros. Now, the next piece of that is that we want to track our inputs. An example of that is like using a habit tracker or a checklist, basically something that can monitor your daily tasks. Something easy that I used when I was losing 100 pounds is I used my fitness pal.

I just tracked in there every day what I ate. Not to mention that, but I also used my phone to track how many steps I took. The third piece is we want to detect

detach from immediate results. An example of this, if you invest a set amount into savings each month, you will grow wealth over the years, even if growth seems slow at first. But here's the thing, if you invest in something and you're like, why am I not getting money tomorrow? If you're too attached to the results, then it's like you feel like you're failing. And so we need to detach from the results. And instead we focus on the inputs and we know the outputs will eventually get there.

It's just like investing. When you invest your money into something, you might not get a return for a year or two years. But we know no amount of like wishing it would go faster is going to get it there. You just got to let time do its thing. The same goes for anything that you're setting for yourself as a goal. And then the last step is reflect and adjust. Okay, so for example, if you say my inputs are I study three hours a day.

you're still struggling with the thing that you're studying. Then maybe we want to adjust what our input is. Another example, I'm walking 10,000 steps a day. I'm eating 1500 calories a day and it's been two weeks and I haven't lost weight. Should I swim instead of walk? Should I add some cardio? So basically what I'm doing is I'm reflecting on the results that I've gotten. And then I'm just saying objectively, should I change my inputs to see if this result can be achieved? The main point

of focusing on inputs, not outputs is so that you reduce the anxiety, you detach from the results and you don't get discouraged

and quit. The reason most people don't hit their goals is because they quit, and they quit because they're so attached to the outcome. The reason that focusing on inputs helps is because it allows you to stay in the game, because you're seeing that you're getting these tiny little wins on a daily basis, and that feels good. And so then what happens is you fall in love with the process, and then eventually,

you hit the goal. Now here's some pro tips. One, we want to use leading indicators, not lagging indicators, as inputs. So we want to use actions that predict success rather than measure failure. In business, if your goal is to increase revenue, we want to track how many

qualified prospects we're getting, not how much cash we're collecting. If our goal is to lose weight, we wanna track how many days of the week we stick to our meal plan, not how many days of the week we've lost weight. The second pro tip is that we wanna automate inputs. Like I said, I used my fitness pal and I used my phone to track my steps. I didn't have to think about my phone. As long as I kept it in my pocket, that was gonna track my steps for me.

For my fitness pal, it saved all my most frequently eaten meals so that the moment that I ate something, I could just swipe and it would add it to my diary. And so as much as we can, we want to figure out how can we automate something. Your future self is built by today's actions.

not today's ideas. When you focus on inputs, you get really clear on what it takes. And then that clarity creates confidence and that confidence creates consistency. So now that you have detached success from the outcome, let's focus on the method that actually allows you to achieve your goals. Step two is what I call the A4 method.

This is really a method that brings awareness to what you do. The A4 method integrates four pillars into a cohesive strategy based on self-awareness for achieving goals. I remember there was a night that I was sitting at my desk and I was staring at my Asana dashboard, which is a project management tool that I use to organize all my stuff. And I was so overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks demanding my attention.

It was late, and again, one of my friends had called me and she'd asked me, "Could I go to dinner and meet this person?" And I was like, "I can't because I'm just too fucking busy." And then my phone buzzed, and it was another message. It was a department head asking for approval on something that I thought they'd already handled themselves. And I remember in that moment, I felt so frustrated and it hit me. I was solving everyone else's problems

instead of focusing on the bigger picture. They were afraid to make decisions on their own. They weren't failing, I was. Because I had unknowingly created a culture where my need for control had become a bottleneck for my entire team. And I realized that my team's dependency wasn't their fault, it was mine. So what I did is I decided to track my behaviors for the next two weeks. How often did I step in? How often did I make decisions? How often did I delegate? It was obviously uncomfortable to admit, but becoming aware

that I was the problem and what the problem was, was the first step towards fixing it. Because if I wanted to lead a team of empowered leaders, I had to start with myself first. Which brings me to the first piece of step two, which is awareness. Awareness is about recognizing and understanding your current behaviors, habits, and patterns.

Okay, this is the foundation for change because you cannot fix what you do not notice. How do we figure out how we're getting in our own way? First is we want to track our actions and the results so that we can gather data about ourselves. Basically, we want to identify triggers, identify habits, and identify routines that

that either support us or hinder us from our goals. So for example, if your goal is that you wanna lose weight, we would start by monitoring our food intake, monitoring when we work out, monitoring all these things without judgment. So basically what you do is you wanna become an observer of yourself rather than the one going through the motions. What I had to do to become aware

I'm attached for my own self in the moment to get above myself to say, what am I doing that's preventing me from hitting my goals? What habits, what routines? And then I wrote all those things down. So it's almost like putting together an awareness diary. The thing is, is that most of the time we're so critical of ourselves

painful to observe ourselves in that way. But it can either be painful observing yourself or it can be painful remaining stuck. Only one of them moves you forward. The second piece of the framework is affiliations. This is really your social environment. How do you apply this concept? You want to align yourself with people who are supportive, people who are ambitious, people who share or encourage your goals. And then you want to distance yourself from people who might undermine your efforts.

For example, when I was first losing 100 pounds, I was in a house with five other people who did not support my efforts. They made fun of the fact that I was cooking healthy food. They made fun of the fact that I was trying to lose weight. They tried to diminish my self-esteem, not help me. So what did I do?

I moved out of the house. I didn't try to change them. I didn't try to have conversations with them. I didn't try to get them to see it my way. They don't have the same values as me. And so the question you have to ask yourself is, do you have people or do you have environments that make it harder to hit your goals, not easier? The third A is aptitude.

This is about acquiring the skills, knowledge, and abilities necessary to overcome challenges and solve problems effectively. We wanna invest time in learning and developing tools that we need to succeed, and then practicing new skills consistently to increase our competence. For example, if you're working on public speaking and your goal is that you wanna be a public speaker,

You're gonna take a class, you're gonna practice regularly, and then you're gonna seek feedback to improve your technique. Most people really want to hit their goals, but really wanting to hit your goals doesn't equate to hitting your goals. You have to have aptitude, aka skills. And so what we're identifying here is what skills do we need to accomplish our goals? If I'm trying to lose weight, but I notice that I'm constantly overeating, I lack the skill of discipline.

I lack the skill of being able to control myself from overeating in certain situations. And so the skill deficit is that I have to learn how to have self-discipline in those situations. This can apply to any goal that you're trying to hit. And I want you to think about it like this. It's not that you need to want it more. It's that you need more skills. And now the fourth A in the framework is autonomy. It means that you take ownership of your choices and actions.

It's about cultivating self-reliance and a sense of accountability with yourself. So how do we apply this? We're gonna make decisions based on our values and goals, rather than relying on external validation and direction. Understand that while others can guide or support you, only you can take the necessary actions. Only you are responsible for your inputs. And only you are with yourself at the end of the day every day.

And so make sure that you're the one picking your goals. If you spend all this effort and you apply this framework to achieve goals that are not your own, you will feel just as bad as you do now. When we switch from output focused goals to input focused goals, we take ownership over the input goals. And so when I talk about autonomy, it means that you are in control of these things. And if you're not able to accomplish those inputs,

It's because either you have unrealistic expectations or you don't have a skill. If you're like, you know what? My inputs are that I'm gonna work out every day for two hours. Well, two hours is a long time. Plus you gotta drive to the gym, you gotta have an outfit for the gym, you're gonna be at the gym. Is that realistic? On the other side, you set an input goal and you're like, I'm gonna get to the gym every day at 6:00 a.m. no matter what.

But then you realize that on the days you're tired, you keep hitting snooze. That is on you and nobody else. And there's also nothing wrong with it. It just means you have a skill deficit, which means you go back to aptitude. Now we've gotta go ahead and change it. We don't need to blame anybody. We don't need to say it's too hard. We don't need to make excuses that our life is different, special. But here's the thing, we're not. And so that's why autonomy is so important paired with aptitude.

So here's some pro tips. First off, we want to start with facts, not feelings. What and when you do things that interfere with your goals is more important than why. The fact that people made fun of you when you were a kid for being chubby. It's not that it doesn't matter. It's that you don't need to figure out why to change what. For example, when I was trying to lose weight, my entire childhood people told me I was fat and that they would make fun of me. Oh, you're going to break that if you sit on it. But

that me when I was 19 seeking to lose 100 pounds, who had capability, who had the ability to acquire skills, and who was able to make their own decisions as a functioning adult in society. And so I said, it doesn't matter why I became overweight or what people said to me in the past. All that matters is that I start with the facts, which is I'm overweight, I'm eating too much, I'm not exercising enough. No matter what happened to me in the past that made me the way I am, me exercising more and eating less

would result in what I wanted. It doesn't matter how I got there, all that matters is what I do today. I love focusing on inputs because we're focusing on things that we can control and that happen in the present and the future. We're not thinking about the past and things that we can't control. I can't control the fact that somebody made fun of me when I was a kid. I can change what I do today to then make a better future. The second pro tip is that we wanna make

Tiny tweaks. Okay, rather than trying to become a competitive athlete tomorrow, focus on making tiny changes that over one to three years will build you into the person you wish to be. When I first set off to lose 100 pounds, I did not say I wanted to lose 100 pounds. I said I would like to lose 30 pounds.

And then when I lost 30, I said, "What about another 30?" And then I lost that 30, I said, "What about another 25?" And then when I lost 25, I said, "You know what would be coolest? To compete in a bikini competition." I just made tiny tweaks over time. And those tiny tweaks add up. You have to be able to delay the reward long enough to see them through. If I could sum up this entire method of setting goals and achieving your goals in one single sentence,

it would be this, success is not a singular act, but a process. It is not one thing you do, it is a thousand little things you do that add up. So here's what I would ask you to reflect on. What is it that you've been trying to achieve? And if a goal comes to mind, then I want you to apply this framework, and I want you to go from focusing on the goal

to focusing on the inputs. I promise you, if you focus on that for the new year, you will have a 10 times more likely chance of hitting your goals than if you focus on the goal itself.