102: Relationship advice by the girl who thought she’d be single forever
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Hello my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. I am very excited to talk about what we're talking about today And i'm also very excited to record just because i've been feeling like me again Like I genuinely feel My sparkle coming back and obviously that's not something that happens overnight So to be able to really feel it and see it happening and the effects all coming together

It's really cool. You know, like, every time I get out of the dark place, I look back and I'm like, okay, that's why it happened. That's what I was going through. Like, it really helps me process everything that I was feeling. And I just wish I could remember that the light is at the end of the tunnel even when I'm in those moments. But please, if you're taking any advice from me, just know, as someone who was just in that darker place where I'm, like, willing to admit that I was in that darker place, I have...

Come out on the other side. And I feel good. And I feel happy. And am I still going to have my waves? Yes, of course. But for the most part, I am doing much better. And I'm excited to say that. And I'm excited to do this podcast because it's one...

that I've wanted to record for quite some time. I just like didn't really feel it was something I could speak on yet because I want to answer all your questions about boys and situationships, relationships, love, letting someone in. I was really scared to do an episode on it because one, for the longest time in my life, I had never been in what I considered to be a real relationship. I was in one other relationship and it was real for what I knew real to be but

The older I get, the more I realize that was never serious. Point is, I didn't think I could speak on relationships or love when I hadn't truly felt it. And now that I have, I completely respect my decision that I didn't talk about it because it is, it has a crazy, powerful emotion that...

I didn't know felt like this. I had no experience of this when I thought I felt loved before. Wrong. Like romantic love is completely different than the love that I have for my family or my friends. Like, yes, they overlap, but romantic love is really special and really powerful. And I genuinely believe it has altered my brain chemistry, but

So yeah, I just I think that I'm at a point now where I can talk about some of these things and I also want you to know that this advice is all coming from someone who is now in a I know seven months doesn't sound like that long but like that's a long time for me. Our relationship is very pure and real and genuine and like very very open and healthy and point is

I've now been in a relationship. I've experienced love. I have gone from someone who is so anti-relationship, anti-boys, anti-intimacy, anti-vulnerable, like I can do everything on my own kind of mindset to someone who has now really let someone in, which is just such a weird pill for me of all people to swallow. Like when I tell you guys the thought of letting someone even buy me a dinner,

or drive my car was mind-blowing to me and now it's like those are the things that I really do appreciate and I look forward to in my relationship it's it's so strange like I just I have to also say it was a huge adjustment like don't get me wrong this didn't happen overnight we'll get into it as I answer a lot of these questions but it took me months to allow someone in completely and it's it's something that I'm still doing like I'm just finally getting to the point where I'm

Think my heart is completely open and I have given this person like all of me and I have shown all parts of myself and I have Let go of so much of the need for control. Um

And it's actually perfect because I asked on my Instagram story, of course, for you guys to ask questions. And the first one that was at the top was, how do you go from being someone so independent to letting someone in? My real advice for this is simply time. Like I can confidently tell you that the first few months of my relationship, and I've touched on this before, but if you're not an avid, consistent listener in moments and you just pick like certain episodes to listen to, let me briefly fill you in.

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Slash 50 moments and use code 50 moments for 50% off plus free shipping Super amazing deal literally 50% off and free shipping save your money learn to cook be a chef eat what you want eat Good, I think you're gonna love it. Just check it out. Okay. I I have like a really hard time deciding whether or not it was worth it like in the first couple months just because I was giving up so much of my time and my energy and I have always been

Very very I see time to be very valuable I am very focused on doing the right things using my time wisely and when I'm not I get really frustrated with myself so in the beginning of a relationship you're spending a lot of time with a new person and at this point especially in the beginning you're not confident that this person is going to be someone who's going to be in your life forever so as I dealt with like that the back of my mind my subconscious is always saying like well what if this doesn't work out and you're wasting your time and

All I could think about is how much I would regret wasting my time and spending my time on someone who wasn't going to be forever. But as the time went on, I fell deeper in love and I started to actually feel what real love feels like, like what it feels to love.

be loved at all stages like what it was like to have someone want to hug me when I was having a breakdown over nothing or wanting to give that same love to someone else like once you get to that point in a relationship I think that it becomes a lot easier to give up all of that independence it just it comes to a point where you can soften into one another and you can just

let go of the things that you used to have so much control over. And I do also believe that that only comes when you're in a healthy relationship. I think that if Gabe and I weren't so good at communicating and understanding one another, then the transition from being my independent self to letting someone in would have been a lot harder. Like I really do believe that

communicating how you've been in the past and the things that are important to you and your priorities. Sorry, I'm talking so fast. I think that making sure you communicate what you want someone to understand about you is one of the most important things in a relationship, whether it's new or old.

it has proven to be extremely healthy for both Gabe and me. And later in the question, someone asks like, how do you even start those conversations? We'll get to it. But one of my favorite quotes ever is you can't expect what you don't clearly communicate. And for me, that's just always a hard pill to swallow because I like to believe that people can read my mind. I'm not sure why I am like this, but...

I like to believe that people can read my passive aggressiveness or my certain comments and of course my best friend can, my mom can, they've known me my whole life. But when you're newly starting friendships, relationships with anyone, you have to explain to them who you are. Like I had to genuinely have a sit down conversation with Gabe many times and explain to him

Listen, it's not that I don't want to spend every second that I can with you because I do. It's that I can't work properly if I'm not alone. And I can't feel good mentally if I don't have my alone time. And I believe that if you're with the right person, that person is going to understand that. And you guys are going to be able to work on a schedule and create something that works well for both of you. And...

Really, the long story short of what I'm trying to say is that it's going to take time and communication. And I believe that that is how you go from being your own independent self to properly, comfortably, and happily letting someone into your life. And also being aware that it is going to be a huge adjustment. It is not going to be seamless. You are going to feel like you're losing your mind at times. And I am, of course, just saying all of this from personal experience.

There are people who are less independent than I am. There are people who are more codependent. Everybody is going to have a different experience getting into a relationship. It also depends on who you're getting into the relationship with. Is it someone brand new? Someone who knows you? Someone who's been around your friends or your family? Just know that it is not one size fits all and the advice that I'm giving you, I'm trying to make as generalized as possible but you're not going to know until you experience it and

I think that's all I got to say for that question. I could probably talk about it the whole episode, but somehow I've spent about eight minutes talking about it. The next thing I have written down is how to know you're ready. I don't think you know. I really don't. I think that God or whatever higher power it is that you believe in has some mysterious way of just making you ready. And...

I want to tell the story of how Gabe and I started dating, but I kind of want to do that when him and I sit down and record a podcast episode together, which I don't know when that will be. That's a very scary thought for me. You guys know how I am with having new people on, especially my boyfriend. I don't know. It's weird for me. I'm going to save that story for another time. I just am going to explain to you that I didn't see it coming whatsoever. I had actually just ended things a long time ago.

even want to call it a situation shit because I was just the one unwilling to commit. I said no and I was like I can't date anyone right now and I ended honestly what was a beautiful friendship because I wasn't ready to commit to a relationship just a couple months before Gabe and I started dating and I know that that sounds like so horrible and you're like Lexi well what you that's the worst thing you could possibly do. I know I hurt someone's heart and I still think about it and I I love I

I don't know. I just, I still think about it, okay? Point here is, I was not ready for a relationship. I did not see myself ready for a relationship, which is why I ended a previous situation-ship, because I just knew that I needed to work on myself and focus on myself and prioritize myself, but somehow, someway, God just popped in. He rekindled a friendship that I had with Gabe, and eventually Gabe asked me to go on a date, and...

Somehow, someway, he asked me at the most perfect time where I was in a really good mood and I actually said yes. And for me to say yes to something like that is a huge deal. I have just always been... And this is like vulnerable for me. I always feel so stupid when I sit down and I'm like, no, I'm so scared of first dates. Like it's not... It's not cutesy like that. Like I genuinely...

get sick to my stomach at the thought of spending alone time with someone that I don't know. And this goes even deeper than romantic relationships. This is also new friendships. Like I, I think it's a side part of my social anxiety and just anxiety in general. Point is, it was really hard for me to say yes to this date. And I got caught at the right time in the right place. And I

Once I went on the first date, a lot of the fear went away and I just felt this odd comfortability. And that's not to say I wasn't nervous. Guys, I was shitting myself. I was freaking out. I was so scared that my brain would turn off. I wouldn't know what we were going to talk about. I didn't know if we were going to kiss. All of those things, like the butterflies, they were absurd. But I just felt this weird comfort, which I can't explain it and I don't think it's something that

I can explain it's something that you have to feel and something that I think you'll experience when the right person comes into your life. And I think that you're not going to know you're ready. I believe that as long as you have gotten to a point where you know yourself, you know what your interests are, your passions are, you know the people you like to have around, the things you like to do, your morals, your values, as long as you have those things locked in without anyone else's opinion, perspective,

you've created them for yourself, then I think that on the surface, you're ready. And I think that you're not going to know you're ready. God is just going to bring someone into your life and it's going to happen. And then before you know it, in the blink of an eye, it's been seven months. And again, personal experience, you guys, I did not see this coming. Those of you who have followed me on TikTok for the

even have listened to this podcast for the past two years. You know me, you know the way that my brain works, you know that I don't like help from anyone and having to teach myself lately that it's okay to like need help and let go and cry in someone's arms has not been easy, but it's been crazy and cool and I didn't know it was coming. It just was unexpected and I think that the best things come to us unexpectedly. The next thing I have.

Breaks are they healthy or no? See this is where I feel a little bit uncomfortable to speak again because I've never been on a break I've never had to do that whole conversation but if I were to give you the outsider's opinion as someone who just feels pretty confident in my morals values in the way that I view things before they've actually happened to me I'll explain to you how I see a break. I think that a break is

cannot do good. I think that space is different than a break, okay? If you are physically breaking up knowing with the intention of getting back together, I don't think that that's a good idea because I think that if you need to take time away from each other to feel good about the relationship, it's probably not ideal. Like I think that those are the times you need to work through things together

And to me, that's what a break is. But space, the way I see it, is no, you're still in a relationship. It's not like you're ending things to talk to other people or to be with other people or to like...

it's quote unquote explore what's out there to know if it's what you want to be in or not like no love is a choice and it takes hard work and yes sometimes space is going to be needed on a not so serious scale Gabe and I know like I'm like listen we just went on trip together first vacation together different country I'm like listen I need 20 minutes you're just gonna go surf and I'm just gonna like

sit with my thoughts and feel my feels and then we're going to come back together and things are going to be great. That's because I need space. That's because I still need to be an individual on my own. But we're still together. We're still communicating through things together. I hope that what I'm saying is making a little bit of sense. But a break, a break is different. I think that if you're both very mature and it's a very healthy break, it could be good and it's not like...

absolutely a terrible idea, but that depends on the maturity of both of you. Like, do you know that the person you are going on a break with is, is not doing bad things? You know, like it's just, I think that that's up to your own judgment and you just really need to evaluate, is this break happening for healthy reasons or unhealthy reasons? And I think that most of us are pretty in tune with our intention or intuition and our gut feelings that we're

Is it a right? Is it, is it real? You know, can I speak? No. Why does this happen at least once every podcast? My brain just turns off. Um, no, but you get the point. I hope, I hope that I was able to give you something in that one. It's just, it's a harder one for me to speak on because I haven't experienced it.

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How to tell someone you're a virgin before doing the deed. This for me is very personal and I'm about to get very real and very vulnerable with me and I think that we've brushed over this topic but don't think I've ever really gotten into it and these are the moments when I'm recording the podcast where I just have to remember or at least tell myself that I'm the only one in the room and no one's listening because these are things that I've really only talked about with

My best friend and my mom not even my mom very few people I lost my virginity when I was 19 to my boyfriend at the time and I don't regret it whatsoever but I have only Until I was with this boyfriend I had only been intimate with someone five times always the same person and every single time that I had sex I was drunk and

I don't regret it because the person that I lost it to was a great person, was a part of my life for many years. I can confidently say though that I only did it because all of my friends had.

Obviously, everybody grows up in different friend groups. There's certain friend groups where people... It's not normal to lose your virginity at 15 years old. But, like, where I grew up and where I went to high school, that was normal. Most of my friends lost it by the time they were 16. And I felt like this late bloomer, which I wasn't. I think that even if you don't have sex ever or you wait till marriage, like...

It's it's a big deal and it's up to your own judgment when you want to let someone in so personally like that So don't take anything that i'm saying as like any form of judgment or i'm just telling you my story um So yeah, that was when I was 19 I only ever did it under the influence and very heavily under the influence at that like I just I could not bring myself to be intimate with him unless I was hammered and I don't

I'm a little bit embarrassed to say that, but it is exactly what happened. And I just want to inform anyone who is at that age or going through these things. Like these are very tough conversations that not a lot of people talk about, I think. So yeah, I don't regret it, but that's how it happened. And after that, that relationship ended in 2020.

And I was not intimate again with somebody until I was with Gabe. And don't get me wrong, I had talked to my fair share of guys. I just take intimacy very seriously. And I'm very, very... I have a lot of walls up and it was something that I feared deeply. Like talked to my therapist about deeply. It was just something that...

I didn't think I was going to be capable of ever being intimate with someone again. I don't know why I must have felt like some kind of trauma, some kind of scar, some kind of like just fear of rejection. So that's why this question hits so hard for me and that's why I'm talking about it so much. Gabe and I have known each other for many years. He had a phase in college where he was just like a college dude and that's totally normal, totally cool.

But I was afraid that he would want to do things sooner than I would or that I would feel pressure. And I am so grateful and thankful and appreciative that Gabe was never ever like that and has been absolutely nothing but respectful to know that I need my time. I need to get comfortable here, which I still am doing. Guys, it's been seven months and I'm still adjusting to being...

intimate physically with someone just because it was such a mental setback for me and we can go deeper into this if you want a whole podcast on it I could talk about it for probably 17 hours let me know but I had to kind of talk to him about this and like I go back to saying before you can't expect what you don't clearly communicate

One of the first times Gabe had a sleepover here, like not that he tried anything, but obviously, you know, most people now our age are used to being in your early 20s are used to just, and this is common hookup culture, like sleeping with someone in the first couple nights that you sleep together or first dates even. It's different for everyone, but I've never been like that. So when Gabe and I had to have that conversation, I really just had to sit down and

Swallow my pride open my heart and be like listen. I really like you I am not not willing to do these things. I just need time because I'm struggling with my own forms of like insecurity and just opening myself up to something like this and just explain that it's a big deal to you and it's meaningful to you and it's not like a casual everyday thing for you and

I think that if you're with a good guy or a good person, whatever gender it may be, they're going to be understanding. And if they're not, I think that that's a very clear sign that this isn't someone you're going to be with forever. Therefore, I don't think you should give them that part of yourself if you don't want to. You know? Like, I just... Sex is something so real for me and I feel...

so many heavy emotions about it and like strong opinions about it. So again, if you want me to deep dive into that, I can. I just wanted to explain to you a little bit about how you got to just communicate and you got to just talk through it. And yes, let's save this for another podcast episode because I'm really losing my cycle here. Next one, getting back with an ex.

Um, again, kind of like break or no break. I don't have much room to speak here. I never would have gotten back with the, my first boyfriend. I did think about it. There were times like he would have been willing to get back with me. I just wasn't, I just wasn't in it. I think that if someone, it depends on why you broke up, you know, like, did you break up because you were young? Um, and you refound each other when you were older and more mature. Did you break up because someone hurt someone? Um,

Again, this is very different situation to situation. But I think that there can be times where it's healthy. But I think, again, use your gut feeling. Did you break up for reasons that aren't fixable? Like, did this person show you their truest of colors? Because if they did and they were dark...

People can change, but I don't think that much. And I strongly, strongly feel that once a cheater, always a cheater. I will take that to the grave. I don't think that you should get back together, honestly, if that's the case.

but I know that love is powerful and I can confidently say that now. And as much as you want to stay strong, it doesn't feel easy to do at times when you've given so much of your heart to someone and you've seen so much of their heart and you want to give them the benefit of the doubt and you want to believe that things were mistakes. I'm sure that they were, but they still happened. And you also have to know your worth enough to not go back to someone who doesn't deserve you.

And I want you to use your judgment on that, okay? Have some confidence, know your worth, and don't go back to what's already shown you it's going to hurt you, right? Next.

Little intermission, therapy, therapy, therapy. I love it. And thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. I am forever grateful to work with a company like BetterHelp, which is online therapy, personalized therapy, where you are matched with a therapist that works for you. There is no charge to change the therapist. You can communicate freely.

On chat, on video, on phone call, whatever makes you the most comfortable. I have always believed that you deserve to have a clear mind and to feel a little bit better about everything that you have going on in your life. The decisions you're making, the things you're doing. Our brains can get so consumed and so overwhelmed and they just...

Think too much about too many things and sometimes it feels really good to just dump all of those thoughts to someone who has no bias on your life and can just give you their genuine professional advice and opinion. I am therapy's number one fan. End of story. I love going to therapy and I am proud to say it. I want the stigma of it to all be over and I really think that you should give better help just to try. If you hate it, you hate it, but how can you know until you try? So

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Why am I so scared to ask for clarity or explanation? Well, that's because we live in a society where it's very hard and scary to ask for clarity or an explanation. I think that part of the reason it's gotten so easy for me to do so with Gabe is because of how real I've gotten with hundreds of thousands of people on the internet.

It definitely takes a little bit of that pressure off because I'm like, "Well, I've dealt with the opinions of all these people. I can handle his opinion." That being said, a lot of conversations are still difficult and not because I'm worried about how Gabe is going to react or respond, but because I have a hard time putting my feelings into words. You guys who listen to this probably know that and understand that about me. Like, I get emotional. I cry when I want to talk about something serious.

But this answer is also just give it time. And I think that the fear goes away a little bit. You just have to really bite the bullet and speak up and use your voice. And this is something I've been working really heavily on. And it's proven to be very positive in our relationship to not be afraid to just ask for clarity, ask for an explanation, ask for reassurance. Like we're all humans. We're all going to overthink. And being with Gabe, I have learned so much that

Boys are a lot. They're simple, but they also are complex in the sense that they feel things too. They just, you know, they're boys. They talk about them less. But as Gabe and I have gotten closer, like he's opened up to me a lot more. And one of his biggest struggles is just he overthinks. Like he has this fear that I'm just going to give up on him or he's going to not be good enough. And I'm like, no, never. Like, I don't want you to feel that way. And he just, he needs reassurance and I need reassurance on other things. And, um,

You just have to break that barrier. And I think that once you do for the first time, conversations like that are a lot more natural and they're a lot easier and they just become more common. You know, like Gabe and I have conversations about what we're going through mentally, what we're feeling all the time. Like I will just have these random breakdowns. And at first it'll be really hard for me to explain to him what I'm feeling and what I need him to explain to me or give me clarity, reassurance on.

And then like a few minutes later, I'll take a few deep breaths and I'll be able to speak it. And then we talk about it like, like humans, like grownups, like mature people. And I think that that's very much one of my favorite things about our relationship. And I think that that's,

why it's so strong is like we're not afraid to talk to each other about most things that go on in our brain. And I think that that's something missing in a lot of relationships, especially younger ones, because I can pinky promise you in my first relationship, I never would have had some of the conversations that I have now. And all of these things just come with time and learning and experience and

chasing your fear like just going right at it head-on and then it eventually becomes less of a fear like everything else does in life next I'm really having fun talking about these and I want to I want to just I could keep going for years How do you trust? I don't know. I think I've learned for me Let me give you two things here one. I've always trusted really easily I mean somebody could come up to me in the street and

Trying to rob me and be like oh my god My dogs on the loose go get my dog and I would go chase the non-existent dog and someone would steal my car like I'm I'm street smart But I trust easy because I do believe that I have a big heart and I just I want to believe people I want to give people the benefit of the doubt so trust in that sense has always come pretty easy to me but trust in a relationship is

I honestly can also say has come pretty easily to me. And I think I owe all of that to the way that Gabe comforts me. And I think that I have like an advantage here because Gabe is such a good guy who has always made me feel appreciated, loved and entrusted. And like, just, he's always been so open, you know, I've never felt like,

Like he has ever once tried to hide something from me tried to tiptoe around a conversation about someone when I ask about his past we can openly talk about it and Obviously sometimes I don't want to ask the questions But they just come out of me and I really do appreciate that he's willing to answer them for the most part or not for the most part for all the parts he is and it's it's great so I find it easy to trust him and

I think though it's a feeling. I think that when you're willing to feel the energy from people, the universe, like this all sounds so dramatic, but I do mean it real. Like when you're willing to feel energy, like I literally just said, don't know why I had to say it twice. I think that you feel this hug, like in this comfort from someone who is trustworthy and

Again, it all comes down to like your gut feelings and your intuition. They're always real and they're always right. And I have never felt anything but that comforting hug from the energy that Gabe has always given me. And I think that when it comes to learning to trust someone, just genuinely be aware of how has this person always acted around you? Like how do they talk about things that could potentially make you uncomfortable? Like how,

How do they seem? Their body language. Like, just do your best to read this person deeply and pay attention to the little things and just notice how they make you feel and know that even though we live in this really scary, really terrifying world, not everyone is out to get you. Like, not everybody wants to break your heart and rip it into pieces. Like, there are good people out there, and I think that I...

I've had my fair share of like bad guys who wanted the wrong things for the wrong reasons. I've also had my fair share of great guys who really just loved me for me. And you know, when I think back to all of those, I always knew who was a good one and who was a bad one. I was just choosing when to listen to my gut and when to ignore it. Like we can be so blinded

Not by love, blinded by attraction. Like I think this happens mostly in the beginning stages of a relationship. When you're first talking to someone, you're going to see their true colors before you know it. Like right at the start, people are going to give you their red flags and it's up to you whether you want to be blind to them or whether you want to see through them.

I've done this many times before. I talked to a TikTok boy who fully was freshly out of a relationship. Honestly, looking back, I don't even know if he was out of it, but from what my understanding was, he was, um,

He was like always super, he would always hide his phone. He was very, very love bombing, like right from the start, you know, meet the family, plan the wedding. And I was eating it up because I was just excited and it was fun. And I was blinded by my potential attraction to him that I was ignoring all of these signs. Turned out he was garbage. He was trash. He was talking to like four different people at once. He completely like

Just a bad dude. Another one. Again, this is my number one dating relationship tip. Avoid people fresh out of a relationship. They need time to heal. And I mean that genuinely. Don't be a rebound. Don't be someone like filling the void for someone else. Because I've been that person. Not even physically. Like the person that I was talking to not even that long ago.

Great, great guy. But he was like freshly out of this relationship that already had its ups and downs and we were really just friends. But you know, the friends that you talk to like a lot and there's definitely something more there. I talked to him and I saw the red flags from the start, but since it was so new and entertaining, I chose to be blind to the flags. But like I knew deep down in my heart that one, he was either going to get back with his ex-girlfriend and two, I was just filling the void of his ex-girlfriend not being there. And like,

As someone who has now felt love, the thought of, like, losing Gabe, I would probably, like, go search for someone to fill that void, too. Like, I think that's human nature. And I don't think it's anything – I don't think I have anything against him for doing that. He really didn't know better. It was nothing personal.

But the point is, trust your gut to know whether you should trust someone or not and don't be blindsided by something new and fun and fresh. Really evaluate things, okay? Pay attention to your future and think about your future while also being in the moment, you know? And by that I just mean, don't waste your time on someone who doesn't deserve you. Which moves me into the next one.

How do I feel about young relationships? If you listen to the podcast episode with my mom, I feel pretty strongly about spending high school on your own. Like, those are very impressionable years for you to discover yourself, your interests, your hobbies, who you want to be, what you want to do. And I think that...

Obviously some cases are different. I'm not here to speak on everyone's situation. There's people I know that are married to their high school. My best friend's parents started dating in high school and they're so happily in love and married. But...

Point here. I will always say it's very important to find yourself before letting someone come into your life. And I think that when you're in high school, that's a very, very important time for you to figure out yourself. And you don't want to waste that time letting someone control you or, you know, put their bias on you. It's the same way that when your parents raise you, you, in often cases...

take on a lot of their morals, a lot of their values because of how you were raised. And that's the same way when you're at these impressionable ages in high school that a boyfriend could do the same. And if it doesn't work out, you get to college and you're like, oh shit, who am I? Who do I want to have around? Like, I don't know.

I think that really all I can say is if it's avoidable, just avoid it. If you fall deeply in love with someone, go for it. But I've watched my brother be in high school relationships and I think that it's made it really hard for him to know himself. And I don't know. I just, I really do think that staying single in high school is important. And if you can do it, do it. Tips on vulnerability. I think that we kind of touched on this one and we kind of talked about it a little bit. But

Lost my train of thought. I'm sorry. I like looked around and got confused on where I was at. But being vulnerable is a superpower. And I've brought up this TED Talk 10 million times on this podcast. And if you haven't watched it yet, I'm mad at you. I'm disappointed. I feel like I've failed. I failed you as a mother, sister, whatever you consider me to be, friend, best friend. Please go watch Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown.

It goes to show that being vulnerable with someone is a superpower. It brings comfort to both parties, both people. It brings comfort to everyone, like just helping people feel less alone. And obviously, if you're listening to this podcast and you've continued to listen to this podcast, you can see how that is true. You may listen to me because I talk about things that are scary to talk about or weird to talk about or scary.

hard to talk about or just like make you feel normal for what you go through because it is normal. Whatever the reason is that you listen to me, that like applies to our personal relationships too. Being able and think about your best friends, okay? The friend that you're the closest with is probably the friend that you've gotten the most real with. You've had the hardest conversations with. You've maybe even fought the most with. Depending, you know, some fight. It depends. Moving on. Sometimes I just like...

As I'm saying something, I think about how I could explain something even deeper but has nothing to do with what I'm trying to originally explain. And then the train is lost, gone, ship has sailed. It's like I want to get all of the pieces of advice that I have to you in one singular sentence. That's not going to work. Point here, your strongest and healthiest relationships are the ones where you are the most vulnerable. And I think that when I remember that... Oh, I just cracked my back and my voice cracked.

When I remember that, it helps me be more vulnerable in my relationship. Me and Lisette, my best friend since 2005, have talked about a lot of things and it's why she's my best friend. And I think that Gabe and I have such a healthy relationship because I can get vulnerable.

That being said, there are still topics and conversations and things and insecurities that I can't just like sit down and be like, "Hey Gabe, I really hate this about myself. Can you like comfort me and tell me that you love it about me?" I'm not on that level of being vulnerable, but I am on the level of being vulnerable where if I'm emotional about something or I'm crying about something, I can kind of talk about why.

No. Let me backtrack there. I am at the vulnerability level where I can cry in front of someone. I can cry in someone's arms and feel like it's not... Hold on. I'm working on my words here. I'm trying my best. I...

have the hardest time like letting people know that I need help even when I talk to you guys about me being in a dark place I'm always super hopeful and I'm always like no but I know it's gonna pass and it sucks right now but it's gonna pass and it does don't get me wrong but like I don't sit here and beg and ask for sympathy or help because I don't know I just don't think that that does good for me like I yes I go to therapy and I quote unquote ask for help

But the point is, I still have never, until now, let myself just cry in someone's arms. I have never admitted that I am not okay and I need someone to help me delegate all the things I have going on in my life and in my mind. Like, on a real and extreme level. And...

I've let myself do that, which is disgusting. And it makes me want to throw up because it is so like anti Lexi, but it has taught me so much. And it really has like opened this whole new, I was writing about this in my journal today.

I just, I feel like I've learned a whole new layer of myself. I've unlocked a whole new layer. Like I can be vulnerable and I can be helped. And it's not the end of the world to ask for help, to need help, to just feel comforted by someone. And this all sounds crazy to someone who has never had a problem with being vulnerable. I guess for me.

It's a big deal, and I lost my train of thought there. I guess the tips I'm giving you is just let it happen. It's going to happen over time. A lot of the answers to these questions are just give it time. Anyways, I also have realized that most of these questions, I guess, are applied if you're in a relationship or have been in one. I'm sure towards the end. I think I'm going to break this podcast up into two episodes. Hi, guys. I decided I'm going to cut this episode here and turn this into a part two just because...

the audio ended up being like an hour long. And I just, I thought it would be cool to separate it, you know?

separate it a little bit give y'all a week to think about it and then come back and finish out part two um but yeah i will talk to you guys next monday we will continue this and take it from there but i love you i hope you know that you deserve the world and you are worthy and beautiful and you should never let someone walk all over you because i know that exists a lot out there okay i love you we'll deep dive more into what i just said on next week's podcast love you bye

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