104: What’s it really feel like growing up?
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Hello my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. We are doing an impromptu impromptu What's the word? Impromptu. An impromptu little podcast episode with someone you guys know and love who just moved really far away from me Unfortunately. Not that far away. She moved really far away from me and we're going through a struggle a struggle bus of separation anxiety

newfound long distance best friends. And don't get me wrong, we've done this before. We did it in college, but it was different. Like I, we were so distracted by our lives that it didn't even faze us that we weren't together. Yeah. But I think this is a really big transition into adulthood. And that's why it's so hard because it's like, oh shit, we're not just not seeing each other because like we're at school. It's like we're not seeing each other and we don't know when we're going to live in the same vicinity again. Whoa.

Yeah, so it's a little deep. It's a little scary. But I wanted to... At first, I posted on my Instagram, like, a little question box. Like, oh, what do you want to ask your long-distance best friends? Like, what would you ask anyways? Or questions about being long-distance, whatever. Point is, I kind of ditched that idea. We'll still talk about some of those things. But I want to...

More so, give Lissette a little interview here. Because she has finally, finally joined the mental illness club. You guys know, I have touched on this so many times that I think Lissette is some perfect robot who has never had a real taste of what it feels like to be going mentally crazy or to feel depression or anxiety or deep, dark places. Yes, she's gotten overwhelmed with her studies and her school, but...

The only way I know how to explain it is she just gets over it like a human. Like a normal person. Like there's no getting stuck in that dark place or that scary feeling. And, you know, when you first move away from home, like on a big girl job, by yourself. I mean, I think it's something everybody goes through, but no one really talks about it that much. I've talked to so many people who are like, yeah, that exact same thing to me. That's the exact same thing that happened to me. I was like, oh, okay, cool.

Cool. Yeah. And you guys know we've touched on this topic many times, but for me to have watched Lissette experience this for the first time was one really hard for me because I freaking have to, unfortunately have to feel everything everyone else that I love in my life feels. So she's sad. I'm like triple sad because I was already sad on top anyways.

Point is, it was hard for me to watch that and I think Felicia's in a better place now, which is why we can do this episode, I think. Yeah, it was short-lived. But it was lived. It was definitely lived. It was definitely lived. Um...

So, yeah, point is we're just going to talk about some, like, big things about moving away from home for the first time on top of leaving your house and your cats that you love and your best friend. I mean, hopefully that was hard for her, but it was hard for me. It was hard for me. Don't worry. So, I guess let's take them from the beginning. When did you first join the club? Like, when... I know the story. They don't know the story. Oh, okay. Like, let's go back to New York. So, okay. So...

What happened was, there was so much going on, I don't even know how to explain. How, like, how do I even... Do you want me to give them the backstory? Yes, please. Because I don't know what to say. There's just so much. I don't want to be overloading with so much information. I see. I see. Um, that's, they know that's what I do best. Oh, okay. You still want me to take it from the top? Yeah, you take it. I'll chime in and I'll pick it up. Alright, alright. Cool, cool, cool. So, we go to New York. Okay.

For Lisette's birthday back in August. And Lisette knew that after New York she was... Okay, I'll take it from here actually. Okay, fantastic.

So what happened was I moved to Jacksonville. I wasn't in my apartment. I was in an Airbnb that I was going to be in for like a month and a half. And because my lease started in October, I moved early August. And I was all over the place before I got there. I never really was there. I had to go to North Carolina. And then I came back. And I was in Jacksonville for like three days. And then I went to New York. And then...

I was coming back from New York on a Sunday, and my first day, like, going into the office, actually working, was Monday. So I was getting home from New York on a plane at 7 p.m. Sunday night for my first day Monday morning. So obviously that's cutting it a little close. Not much time. Yeah, and mind you, this is also her first...

Big girl job. This is like the first day of the 9 to 5 with the ballet flats and the nice casual... Not casual. Businessy outfit. Yeah. Luckily I had done an internship though so I knew what I was walking into. I knew everyone there. Thankfully. But...

We're in New York and we go out for my birthday. Crazy Friday night. Crazy Friday night. End up going home. A lot of fun. It was my birthday. We had a great time. Got home super late and then we wake up the next day and I'm just, you know, typically hangover. It was my birthday. We had a great time. It is what it is. You know. I'm used to this. And then all of a sudden I just start getting like so shaky and anxious and I can't really figure out why. Well, I think deep down I knew why because all I was thinking about the whole time was

I leave tomorrow. I'm flying to Jacksonville. Lexi's flying back to Fort Lauderdale. Like, I'm going to... Like, that's where I'm going. That is my... I'm not going home. That is my... Yeah, I'm not going home. Like...

Holy crap. And it just hit me. But I didn't vocalize that. No. At the time. It's not something I knew. Because I wasn't even 100% sure that that's what it was. Yeah. I mean, I think Lissette was trying to play it off as, not play it off, but she had never experienced a feeling like this. And you know when you're like subconsciously really anxious about something and you know you are, but you've never felt like this. You don't really want to accept it or you can't really understand it. And on top of that, we were drinking a crap ton the night before. So this is like, imagine drinking.

She would have had this anxiety sober. Yeah. And then you may... You turn that into hangover anxiety. Yeah. And it's like a world you don't even want to experience. Yeah. So...

I was just trying to be like, oh, it's just, it's my hangover. Like, that's what it is. And I think I was just trying to tell myself that too, to believe that. To be like, it's just a bad, bad hangover. Yeah. And mind you, we've all had, me and Lissette have had some crazy hangovers together. But at this point, it's like 1 p.m. This girl has the, I don't even think we knew you had the shakes yet. Like, yeah. No, we didn't have the shakes till, I didn't get the shakes till like 4 p.m. And we

Oh, and we had to go to a concert that night. Yeah, this is why we went to New York to do, this was like our lifelong dream to see, not lifelong, since high school, our dream to see Chance the Rapper, and both of us were just like dead. Yeah. And we're like, what's going on? And I think that, I was also anxious because I'm like, oh my gosh, if I still feel like this, how am I supposed to go to a concert? I was just having, like, I've never had like anxiety, I guess, like that.

I mean, you're thinking about the future and you physically could not just be like, okay, it's going to pass. And I'm thinking about the fact that I have to be on a plane tomorrow. If I feel like this, I can't get on a plane. And then if I can't get on a plane, I can't be in my first day at work. How irresponsible is that? My first day at work, I go to New York. So,

So it was just so much going through. Well, anybody who has like felt that feeling before can understand that it's like you just feel so trapped in that moment. Yes, trapped. That was exactly what it was. And that was exactly what you were struggling with. And that's why I was just pacing around her apartment because I felt trapped. I mean, I'm in this apartment in New York City. I can't just go home. Like, I don't know. And then I wasn't going home. Yeah. I mean, I was going back to this Airbnb, not even a place that was really mine. Wait till we get to that. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, the Airbnb was a

Not good. No. So I wasn't even going back to a place where I felt safe. I mean... Yeah. But that was like the first time you felt something not normal. And I was like, damn, I'm almost... It is a weird thing to say, but I'm like, I'm proud that you've gone through...

I don't know. I really don't know how to explain it. Cause it's not proud. It's just like, wow, welcome to the club. Welcome to the club. We had a whole new thing, level of things to bond over. She's like, she's like, Lexi, if this is how you, cause I have, you guys know how I am with drinking and you know how my anxiety gets to me really, really bad the next days. And she's like, if this is how you feel, I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel like you need. And I was like, I,

I feel so seen and I feel so heard. And it was like the best, but it was obviously doesn't make anything better. Yeah. Like as much as I, you know, I hear about people going through stuff like this and hangover so bad and not even just hangovers, but everything in general. I'm like, damn, this is how it is. Like, wow. I feel for you. I, cause I, you know, you don't fully understand it until you feel it yourself. And it's just like, oh, it's just.

Yeah. So anyways, then we went to the concert. I had a great time. I felt perfect because I was distracted. I wasn't... And that's what made me realize it really wasn't hangover. It was the... Well, that's not even what made me realize it. What made me realize it is I woke up... We didn't drink at the concert because I was terrified of drinking because I was like... I was convinced it was only from my hangover that why I was feeling this way. And...

Then the next day I wake up, it's the day I have my flight, and I still had the shakes and anxiety. I'm like, oh my gosh, it wasn't just staying over. And that was like one of the hardest situations for me because like as I, I've had friends go through things, but I've never, like I've said 10 million times this episode already, Lissette has never, ever, ever.

I've seen struggle in that way. Yeah, no. Like, I haven't. I mean, because I had it. As someone who has struggled with that exact feeling, there is nothing that anybody can say that is going to help you, really. Like, it's just something that has to take time and it has to pass. And I think that being a friend in that situation, if anybody's listening who has a friend who's struggling with something, like, I think the best thing you can do is just be there. Like, just... Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Like, there's nothing you're going to say that's going to fix it. No. And don't feel like you have to fix it because that's a pressure that you don't need to put on yourself. I say that because I've tried to do that before. It's not something that works. But just be there. But anyways, I had to leave early for my flight that day. And she was still with one of our other best friends. So I knew she was fine. But I was just like...

This is, like, crazy. Yeah. And I just felt bad she had to get on this flight and she had to go. Yeah. Oh, on top of everything, this plane was a tiny plane. Like, when I was on my way to New York, I already was like, geez. And that was before I had felt any form... Like, before any of this came on, I was still, you know, happy dandy, no worries. And already, I was like, oh, geez, this plane is... So, then I'm also thinking, wow, I have to go on this tiny plane again. Like... It was a whole lot of things. Yeah. But...

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And now you've been a lot more adjusted, but like think back to how you felt the first week. Like what, what was the hardest part? Cause Lissette joined the crying club. I FaceTimed her one day and she was crying and I was like, what the, what's going on in the world? Meanwhile, I'm, you guys know, I've been having these like hormonal whatever problems and I cry every day now too. So this is a new, a new thing. And we've, we've just debunked it that it's just social, social.

anxiety separation anxiety and we just can't be apart from each other anyways I face him her and she's crying so you've been crying and

Why? Well, like, obviously I know, but like explain to them what it feels like. Cause a lot of, I think also, um, a lot of people listening are eventually going to have to move away from home or maybe are at that stage where you're moving away from home. And like, not that this is going to cure all your problems, but maybe just feel, make you feel a little bit more comforted. Yeah. I mean, what you're feeling or whatever. There's also, there are so many other external factors that were also affecting, um,

You know, the way I felt. I mean, at the end of the day, it was the same deep-rooted issue. But I ended up leaving that Airbnb the night that I got back from New York. Well, because it started raining from the ceiling and the windows were cracked open and the door didn't lock in a really unsafe neighborhood. Yeah, so...

So, yeah, that's also part of the reason I was feeling anxious in New York because that's what I had to go back to. And then I get back. I shower. I'm like, all right, we're going to go to bed, get up, go to work. First day tomorrow. I get out of the shower and it's literally another shower. Just it's like downpouring. I wish you guys in the shower. I know. I wish I wish I could literally from the ceiling from the ceiling because it was two stories.

And this place is old. It was built in like 1927. The floors are sideways. When you first walk in there, you're like walking. Like if you put a ball on the floor, it would be rolling. So I'm there and I'm like, this place is going to crash on me. Like it's going to crash on me in my sleep. I can't. So I am so thankful and so blessed that

I actually have family that lives in Jacksonville. A little farther away. Jacksonville's freaking gigantic is what I've learned. I wouldn't know. Yeah, so they live like 30 minutes away from where I was at. But I packed my... I've never packed stuff up so fast. I was just throwing stuff in garbage bags. And I was fully unpacked for a month and a half. And then...

So I go to their house and I end up staying there for a couple days until my new Airbnb was ready. She was just hopping around like a crazy person. Yeah, so I was hopping around. So I think that also... My biggest feeling that I felt was just I felt trapped. That's what it kind of came down to. I didn't feel like I was at home. I was like, I'm in this new place...

And, you know, I don't know when, like, then, you know, you just start spiraling into the thoughts of, well, home, my home isn't even my home anymore. I'm never going to be just living there full time anymore. Yeah, I'll go home for a couple weekends for the holidays, for Thanksgiving. Like, I'll be home for a week, two, three weeks at a time. But...

That's, what, once a year? Yeah. It's not... Realistically... And even if I do ever move back down here, I'm probably not... I'm not going to be moving back into that house. So it was also just the fact of growing up and moving out of your parents' house. I think that's the scariest transition. Yeah. And that's why I've talked to so many people...

about it and everyone says the same thing like it's it's just really hard and it takes time to adjust to and it's nothing you can mentally prepare for like yeah no we spend so much of our lives like I remember being in high school being like I'm sorry to move out like I can't wait to live my life be independent yeah nothing compares to when you actually do it and you're like okay wait

You know, maybe your mom doesn't do your laundry, but your mom and your parents in most cases still make dinner sometimes or still like do things around the house or put a dish in the dishwasher or like maybe fold a piece of laundry. Everyone's situation is different, but like you go from having the comfort of knowing that your parents are still under the same roof as you to like, oh shit, okay, whatever.

I'm on my own. And it's different, I think, than when you go to college because that, it's a completely different feeling. No, college is so different because you know you're coming home at the end of it. I mean, potentially. Like, not coming home, like, it's like you're there temporarily. Like, you're coming home for breaks. You're coming home for, like, that, it's not that you're there. That's not here forever. Yeah. There's an end date. Right now, it's like, okay, everything's just indefinite. Everything, like. It still hurts to think about. Yeah, I know. I know. I know.

So what I had to do to, I guess, talk myself out of that. Well, cause also those shakes and stuff, those lasted like five days. Like they just didn't stop. No, she was getting like the physical, physical stuff from the mental illnesses club. The first night I couldn't sleep. I was like tossing and turning all night. It was awful. Finally, I, I've been able to sleep after that, but it's just,

It was just like... I'm like, what am I supposed to do? Why... Oh, my gosh. And then I'm thinking... You just start smiling and thinking so many things. But... Well, that's the worst part about it. When you are in a bad place mentally, like...

There can be so many great things, but you're so consumed by everything that could go wrong, is going wrong, that you don't have. Yeah. And you feel so out of control of it. Yeah. And everybody has a different way of pulling themselves out of it. For example, my way is a lot different than Lisette's way. So you tell them what you do to stop your thoughts. Yeah. Well, this is also... It's different for every person. Like, my methods wouldn't work for you because you're not in the same situation as me. But...

the end of the day, the general idea of it is just like, you have to like count your blessings, see what you have. Like, luckily I only live a four hour drive from home. So in my head, I was like, if I truly wanted to, I could drive home every weekend if I really wanted to. So that was a way of me being like, okay, I'm not that trapped. I could literally drive home. I can just, and I could work from home Mondays and Fridays and whatever, only be here Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, even though that's not,

I'm not going to do that. But it was a way that just kind of settled my brain. And I was like, okay. Okay, you're not trapped. And then also, I have a roof over my head. I have food. I have people who support me, who love me. I have people who I can talk to every day. I have... Like, just thinking about all that, it's just, I'm not alone. I'm fine. I'm safe. I'm, like, loved, cared for. I'm fine. So then when you think about that, and then you just... I mean, you really kind of have to put into perspective...

other people's situations and...

I mean, there's people who move across the country. Yeah. And I think that, like, that's... I can only imagine how hard that is. No, I thought about... Yeah, my brother moved to California. I was like, I could not have done that. And I think that either, like, no matter how big or how small, like, a lot of the feelings are the same. Like... Yeah. The ones that you don't have control over. Like, oh, my God, I'm never going to live home again. Oh, my God, I'm so far from my parents. Whether you're three hours from them or you're six hours from them on a flight. Yeah.

It's still just as hard mentally. But, yeah, talking yourself out of it. I thought you were going to go the route of, like, you had to tell yourself to toughen up. That way I also used to count your blessings. Well, that to me, by saying, I say toughen up by, um, when I say, like, comparing myself to other people. That's my thing of being, like, really frank. Yeah, that was a big thing I could say to myself. Like, are you kidding me? Stop being so dramatic. Like, and then I called Lexi. She's like, it's okay.

I'm like, I know it is, but just tell me. Like, Lisette, shut up. You're fine. Just relax. Yeah. I feel like sometimes in the mental illness club, sometimes that's the way to pull someone out of it is to like...

It depends if they want... I was thinking about this the other day. Like, when I talk, or whenever I'm going through something, I want whoever I'm talking to to be like, do you want advice? Or do you want to be listened to? Because there's times I'll talk to Lissette about what's going on in my brain, and lately it's been a lot. And she'll be like, okay, well, maybe it's da-da-da-da-da. I'm like, shut up. Yeah, these are gay. I'm like...

when you called me. You were like, and then she, I don't even know what you said. You were like, you said, you don't think I tried to do that, whatever. And then like a minute ago, we start talking about something else. She goes, you know, I'm actually sorry for snap. You didn't snap on me. I didn't care. Like I, that I wasn't upset. No, this is like, sometimes like, it's just,

I personally with what I have going on right now that I can't seem to figure out like I've I've thought through so many things and I think a lot of the times when I try to talk to someone about it and they try to give me advice that I've already thought about I take it as like this criticism or like this I can't help myself kind of feeling yeah and I'm like I I I'm not stupid I thought about that I don't know how to explain like it's just this weird thing and I take advice as criticism which I'm very much working on um

But like sometimes people just want someone to listen where they can just rant and there's no suggestions. There's no advice. There's just like, I feel you. I hear you. Like I get you. Like that's,

That makes sense. And then there's other times where it's like, no, talk me out of this shit. Tell me I'm crazy. Like I want to feel normal. I need you to tell me whatever. So just that's something to pay attention to too. Yeah. Yeah. Because like there are times if you are in the deep, the depths of the bad feeling, sometimes you want to just feel it for a little longer. Like I don't know how to not you want to feel it, but you need to feel a little bit longer. Like, I don't know.

Does that make any sense? No, I never wanted that to go away really fast. That's not what I mean. That's not what I mean. But like, if you were in that feeling and someone was trying to give you, tell you positive thoughts. Oh, just like, just tell me, like, just, yeah. Like, it's not like you want to feel like that, but it's like you're not mentally at the point where you can pull yourself out of it. Because when it really comes down to it,

Ultimately, you are the only one who can pull yourself out of that place and you have to want to pull yourself out of that place to get out of it. Which is like a hard pill to swallow because a lot of times we blame like so much on what's going on externally on why we feel the way that we do internally. But like even if everything externally changes and you're still feeling that way on the inside, like you got it. You got to want to fix it. Yeah. And that's that's the hard part. That's the hard part. I think.

And that's how I think some people get stuck for so long. Like, you just got to start slowly talking yourself out of it. Yeah. Yeah. And just find, you have to find things that work. And I think you also, when it comes down to this, like, if it's your first time experiencing moving away or going far away, it's kind of comforting to know that everybody has the same feeling. Like, that's what I think has helped you so much. Like, you've met friends and everyone you've talked to there has been, like,

I'm in the same boat. Yeah. So tell them what you've done now that you've been in Jacksonville. You've met a few people. You've done some things. Like, how did you do it? Well, once again...

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My situation's different because I have ties to people in Jacksonville. Yes, but a lot of people... In a lot of cases where people do move, you gotta go through friends of friends. Yeah, friends of friends. So I didn't have any of my, like, you know, close friends there. If I did, I mean, that would have been awesome. But I have friends that are close friends of my close friends. So I knew I had them, but...

I have never been the type of person to reach... I'm not the outgoing friend. I'm the one... Lexi's the outgoing friend. She's the one who makes the friends. Which is crazy. Which is actually crazy because... Because no. No, but like in high school, she's always the one who like made the friends. And then I like...

I would Which blows my mind Because now Like one time A while ago This is still one of my favorite stories What? Just for no reason at all Okay Lissette and I When we go out We go out with our friends Because we're not like At the bar Meeting people Chatting with people Yeah So one You know Lissette likes to go out A little more than I do So I agree that like Just us would go out And I'm like This is I knew in my head This is gonna be Freaking horrible Because if I'm not hammered I'm not socializing With a single soul Yeah Oh Except Lissette

So we go out, we're at the club, the bar, and we like go get a shot or something. And these guys try to talk to us. We immediately shut them down. Immediately turn around. This is like pre-boyfriend. Like we wanted to talk to boys at the time. Yeah.

But we can't, we couldn't even look at them. Like I couldn't even have a single conversation and we just stood there until our other friends got there. And it just, it wasn't embarrassing if anyone was looking at us, but like we just felt so uncomfortable because it's a crowded place and we're just standing in the middle like, hey. And like we go, the goal is to, you know, make friends when you go out most of the time and we just couldn't do it. So I guess in high school, maybe I was a little bit better at that.

at that because I was always hammered at high school parties. But it wasn't just parties though because in high school you have classes with people. You're talking to people in classes. Yeah. So it's not just always, and then you go to the parties. That's so true. That's not where you're making the friends. That's where you're maybe getting closer to certain people, but that's not really where like you're making your connections. That is so true. That is so true. Yeah. Love that observation. Don't know how I never thought of that because I haven't

Because I have always wondered. I'm like, why was I so much more social in high school? Yeah. It's because I was, like, forced to be in groups of people. And you were in leadership, too. Leadership is just... Everyone there is kind of... You're all doing... You're not just sitting learning all day. Like, you're doing interactive stuff. You're talking to people. You're in groups. You're doing this and that. So... And then, you know, you just all hang out. Yeah. And go to parties. And that's that. But, yeah. So...

I have just had to go out of my comfort zone and reach out to people. And see, Alyssa, this is exactly why I learned that I have ADHD. I have no idea how we were talking on that topic, and you just brought us right back to where it started. Well, that's what I'm here for. Thank you for that. That just made me realize how many times I've probably started a train of thought on the podcast, and it's just been... And never got back to it. Wow. I mean, I did have to think for a second, but... Yeah, so I've had to reach out to people and, you know...

I like going out when I have at least one, like, solid person. But I've had to learn to go out and not have that person. But it's been great. Everyone I've met and gone out with, I, like...

have so much fun. I'm meeting people, becoming friends with people. And I think like the biggest tip to do that is just, it's going to be scary. Like before Lisette went out with, I forget who it was, a couple of people that she met there, she kind of was friends with one of them in college, but like she was going out for like a game day with them or something.

And she was so nervous. And I'm like, no, you're going to do fine. You're going to do great. But I know those nerves. Like, I think that it's the same nerves as, like, going on a first date or, like, making new friends. It's a hard thing to do. And I honestly don't think that that's something that a lot of people talk about because not everybody has the struggle. Like, there are people who are just super outgoing. But, like, I think it was last week's episode I kind of touched on this. I get so nervous to even just...

Go have a conversation with someone new. Or like make a new friend. Because I just fear like. What are we going to talk about? How are we going to become friends? And it's scary. But eventually it just kind of happens. And you just got to do it. And you just got to know yourself. And you're going to meet the right people. And yeah. I think that.

It's hard to do. Like I really think that's just what I'm trying to say. Don't feel that. And don't feel also like it's like if you want to reach out to them and do something, reach out to them. You can't overthink it. You can't. You just can't. The worst thing that happens is they're busy or they have plans or they can't hang out. Or you go and you hang out and you don't click. And that's okay. Like then you know...

I don't know. It's okay if you don't click with someone. You'll find someone better. Someone who aligns more with you. It's all part of it. And I think that... Yeah. I've been pretty blessed. Like, I haven't been thrown into a situation where I've had to do that too much. Like, I guess when I moved to Hawaii... But, thankfully, like, I moved with two of my friends. I...

It was easier for us to make friends when you're a group of three than it is just, like, on your own. Yeah. And I was... I also was so young, and that felt like college, that it was a completely different experience. But, like, I'm saying now, if I was thrown into that situation, I think it would be...

so hard for me. So I applaud you because my circle here is what my circle has always been. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. Like if you're someone who keeps the same friends from your childhood, I think that's awesome. Um, I mean, take me and Lisette, for example, we've been best friends for how many years? So many years, like 17. Do you know how old that makes? That makes us so old. Yeah. Me and Lisette were at my brother's football game last night.

And realize like that was six years ago for us. That we were seniors. That's like actually awful. It's crazy. If you are listening and you're at that age where you're still in high school or like a freshman in college, please soak it in. Please, please, please don't take it for granted. No, because I'm a freshman in college. And I'm a senior in high school. Like that... Not to say that I peaked in high school, but like...

That's where I still am in my brain. No, that's where I am too. And then when I see pictures of... My brother. Yeah, I don't know why they look so young because that's my age. Yeah, like what? It's crazy. Just don't take it for granted. And take that from two people who didn't even take it for granted. But somehow it's over and it went by really fast. And then you have to grow up and you have to be an adult. And you have to pay your own bills. And Lissette just had to buy a mattress. No, I didn't have to just buy a mattress. I had to furnish a whole...

everything I'd buy everything now she was so excited for her big girl paycheck and then that's what I had to go towards it's it's tough out here but that's also not to discourage you growing up is also really fun and it's also really cool when you do make like your own yeah you might have bills but at least you have you're also making yeah like you're making your own money um and it's just it's it's awesome and there's a lot of cool freedoms that come with growing up and a lot of like

I don't know. Lately, I've been in the stage of growing up where I'm not appreciating it too much. I'm more just like, I wish I was still young, but I think it's just a chapter that's going to pass. Because I guess it is cool. Like, living on my own, I have my own space. I don't think I could handle living with my parents anymore. Yeah. When I really do think about it. But I've also... I've been out of their house for like a year now, and I'm so blessed that I still see them every day. And I still go there for dinner a lot. So I kind of have the best of both worlds. But...

Like, it's just weird. It's just weird that we're old. Yeah. We've really hit that 20-somethings, which is scary. Yeah, but it's also exciting, I guess.

I guess. Quick intermission. You have definitely heard me touch on this one before and there's a reason I do it so often. I am once again reminding you about BetterHelp and thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. I am the world's number one fan of therapy. I love it with my whole heart. It has changed my life and I will continue to drill that into your mind as well.

A lot of times our brain gets in our own way and it stops us from doing some of the things we love or chasing our dreams or becoming the best version of ourself. It stops us and it gets in the way of a lot of different things. And I know that almost all of us, if not all of us, have experienced something like that.

And BetterHelp is a form of online therapy that is super affordable. You go online, you fill out a form, and you're matched with a therapist that works for you. And if you don't like that therapist, there's no cost to change it. A lot of people, I think, stray away from therapy because it's in-person and it's scary sometimes. But BetterHelp has options where you can do over the phone, you can do video call, you can do chat, I'm pretty sure. The options are endless. And for someone who's really just wanting to start something out and start somewhere when it comes to therapy...

I truly, truly, truly believe that BetterHelp is a great place to do so and it is a perfect starting point. So just give it a shot. If you've ever thought about it, BetterHelp is where I want you to go. And you don't have to tell anyone you're doing it. Just do it for you and do it by yourself and save some money. So here's my little code for you. Make your brain your friend, okay? Go to betterhelp.com slash moments and you'll get 10% off your first month.

Betterhealth.com slash moments and you'll get 10% off your first month. You are going to love it. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. It's really good to talk to someone. So I guess what? I want to ask you more things about moving away. What has been the best thing about being away? If you had to like think of something. Okay. Like let's, we've made people I think really unhopeful to move away.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Don't be unhopeful. She's like, I don't know how to be hopeful yet, but don't worry. Don't worry. No, I'm excited. Like, I'm excited to meet new people. I'm excited to check out the... Oh, also, if you move to a new place, what I did, I found just, like, these Instagram accounts that tell you things to do, places to go, stuff like that. And... You went to a coffee shop?

Oh yeah, I went to a coffee shop. It was nice. But there's so many events and just looking at that, you can find things to go to, places to go, places to eat, places to... So anything like that and that's exciting because now I see those and I'm like, oh my gosh, I want to...

want to do that let's do that so that can give you stuff to do I mean it's cool the social media world is really cool now because I think that you can find out things a lot quicker than you could have ever before yeah and all the events that go on like Jacksonville actually has a lot of they do a lot of concerts and events and they have a run club they have a run club that I haven't gone to but maybe she will one day maybe um

But yeah, now that I'm finally settled in my actual apartment, by the way, no longer in an Airbnb, it just feels a lot more stable, I guess. And I think it's key to make...

Wherever you're moving, make your space that you're staying, make it a home. Like that's always been, every time I've moved, like when I lived in Hawaii, every time I was there, I never, I was always in Airbnbs. Nothing ever felt permanent besides like my first stretch there. And even then, it was still an Airbnb. I was, I had a lease for a year, but it never felt like my own home. And I never did anything to make it feel like that. Like I never brought pieces. Yeah.

into it because I just knew I would have to move them eventually. And I think that that's part of the reason it was so hard being far away because I wasn't creating like my own little safe space. I was just living in someone else's space, which is never comforting at all. So make your space, your space. Yeah. That's a key. And don't be afraid of meeting new people and don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone. See a great thing also is,

It forces you. It forces me to go out of my comfort zone. So I feel more independent, more like powerful, you know? I feel like I can do anything except drive over the bridge. Yeah, that's still her biggest fear. She still can't go over bridges, but we're making progress. Yeah, I can go over some. She can do everything else. She can. She's superhuman. What was I just about to say? Something. Something, something, something. Oh, um...

So I guess the real main message from this episode, what I want you to take away and then I'm going to have Lissette do what she wants you to take away. Mine is just, you're going to feel the feels.

You have to feel them. You can't ignore them. You can't escape them. Take it from Lisette, someone who never felt them. You have to feel them. That's the only way to get through them is you're not going to be able to turn them off overnight or in an hour. Let it happen, but don't lose the hopefulness and don't lose the faith and don't give up on something. Like if you are in a situation where you can give up and go home or go back or turn around, don't do that. Push through the speed bump, the hard part, whatever you want to call it.

And then you'll see that the road is really smooth after that. It just, it's going to take time. All the good things in life take time and just know it'll be worth it. What you got? I say just don't, don't be scared. Look at all the bright sides of everything. And at the end of the day, you have no idea what's going to happen in five years. Like five years ago, if you would have told me I'd be living in Jacksonville, I'd

I would just be like, what? Yeah. What? Like, not that I would, not that I had any idea of where I would be or anything, but you just, you never, you never know what's going to happen. So just enjoy your moment every day. Yeah. Take it one at a time. And at the end of the day, if you are going through a hard time or something at the end of the day, you're only going to come out of it stronger and it's only better. And, and then once you get through it, you're like, all right, wow, I can do anything. And now,

Now that won't happen again or if it does happen again, I know exactly how to navigate through it. So it's there's no there's really no. Well, I was gonna say there's no downfall to it, but there is a downfall if you're feeling that way. But there's light at the end of the tunnel and it's almost always worth it. I think everyone who has been through something and come out on the other side as much as it was a shithole when you were in it. Like I've been there. I've done that.

You get to the other side and you're like, damn, look what I learned. Look what I got through. Look what I did. And even if those things like seem small to other people, you know, in your heart, what you pushed yourself through and what you've made it through. And you're only going to keep being able to do it. You're just going to get stronger and stronger and like, just be proud of yourself. If you are making big moves, if you're moving away from people you love, speaking of, we didn't even cross over like what it's been like being apart from each other. Um,

Thankfully, Lisette and I have been able to see each other every once in a while. But it's still weird. We went from seeing each other literally every single day. So when I come home, I've only so far been home for two days at a time.

And I'm working. Part of them. Yeah, so really one day. And so I'm like, how am I supposed to navigate my time between everyone? It's so hard. Because also when I'm home, usually we're just always together and whatever. So it's weird coming home and being like, okay. I need to see my family. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just a big difference. But so far, I think it's been good. We still try to FaceTime as much as we can. Thankfully, I've been a little distracted because I got a boyfriend now. Yeah, lucky you. Oh, which also someone asked, as far as our friendship goes, this girl was saying, oh, her friend got a boyfriend and totally ditched her. So one, I don't believe that I do that. But has it felt different for you? No. No?

No? That's good then. I guess then we're doing a good job. Yeah. It also helps that me, Gabe, and Lissette are essentially all best friends. I think the hardest part for me, this has nothing to do with the fact that you have a boyfriend. It has everything to do with the fact that I moved away. Because now it's like he's going everywhere I'd be going with my family. I'm like, damn, I'm replaced. But I'm not replaced. I'm not here. You're gone. I left. I would be there. If I was here, I'd still be there. Well, yeah. So that's just me being like...

I know. I get that. It's just FOMO. It's FOMO. It's not, oh, she has a boyfriend. It's FOMO. And when he does come to things, I'm the same way. I'm like, um, I love you, but like...

supposed to be Lisette or like you're both supposed to be here like this is crazy yeah it's just it's a very strange adjustment and I never would have seen us here but thankfully that we all do get along so great yeah and like oh yeah it's not like a situation where my boyfriend hates my best friend or vice versa that wouldn't work because my friendship is so important to me and I think anybody who does have that struggle like if your friendship is important enough and it's real enough and it's strong enough yeah

No one is going to get in the way of that. And if there's room for someone to get in the way of it, don't be afraid to take a step back and like know that you deserve better as a friend or as you deserve a better boy. And you should be able to like respect the friendship too. Like Gabe, we've just known him long enough. He's known us as friends for what? Seven, eight years. Yeah. He, I feel like he respects our like. He's just also such a great guy. Like we just got lucky. But like our, on my first date with Gabe, I literally said, well, I was,

I wasn't expecting things to get so serious with him. I said, I feel bad for whoever I marry because I'm always just going to love Lisette more. Swear. Like, swear I said that. And he laughed. And now he probably thinks about that. He probably has nightmares about that. He's like, I'm never going to be good enough. But now I'm like, no, it's a different kind of love. That's what I'm learning too. Like, I was, I always had a fear of,

It's just such a, it's just like a strange fear. But I always worry that like when Lasek gets a boyfriend, she's going to ditch me. She's not going to love me anymore. Oh my God. I also get really sensitive. Like even when, I'm a jealous friend too. Like less so now. But when she first went to college and she was making all these new friends, as her best friend of so long, I think it's only human to like sit down and be like, oh my God, what if, what if someone, what if she likes someone better than me? What if she replaces me? Obviously we've made it through.

all of these years, I've never felt that feeling again, but it's in the beginning, like you're going to feel that. So I have the same feeling when it comes to you getting like a boyfriend. Yeah. But now that I've, the tables have turned, it's such a different love. It's so like romantic love is so much different than a best friend love and they don't get in the way of each other like at all, which is the coolest feeling because I think even I had that fear. I'm like,

I'm spending all this time with Gabe. I'm doing all these things with him. Like, what if that changes the way things are wired in my brain? No, I'm not... Obviously, I knew it was about that. Everything goes through my head because I'm a train wreck on the inside. But, like, that doesn't happen. And I just... I want to, I don't know, send that to anyone who needs to hear it. Like, anybody who is, like...

Struggling with their best friend. Getting a boyfriend. Or whatever your situation is. They don't overlap. You can have both. Like they can coexist. Yeah. A true love. And a true love. Can coexist. But differently. Yeah. And. There's always time for both of them. It's just. You gotta make it. You definitely have to create it. Yeah. But.

Yeah, I think that covers everything I wanted to chat about. I think so too. I feel like we crossed some solid bridges there. We did. You went over the bridge. I went over the bridge. Okay, you can go over some bridges. Yeah, like this one. Most bridges. Just not the really, really tall overpasses. Yeah. Anyways, my last piece of advice, check in on your friends who are moving away. Talk to your friends if you're the one moving away. Chances are you're all in the same boat, and I think that...

That's a discussion you kind of avoid in the beginning of new friendships. But I think once you get down to it, that's where you're going to build the real friendships. And you're going to get through things together without even realizing it. Just don't be afraid to talk about what you're feeling. And just, you got it. Proud of you. You're awesome and amazing. And that's all I got. Thanks for tuning in. And yeah, thanks for listening to me and Lissa Ramble for...

40 minutes. Whoa. Good stuff. Okay. We love you guys. Love you. Peace out. Let us know what you want us to talk about next time.

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