Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hello, my beautiful people, and welcome back to the Moments Podcast. I know that there's going to probably be some seriously heavy background noise in this episode. I am currently driving. I'm on a five-hour road trip, four hours right now to go visit Lissette. I have been, I feel like, to the moon and to Saturn and to back, okay, Taylor Swift moment in the past month. Well, really since the beginning of summer, but mostly November, November,
I'm sure I've told you guys, I don't even know where we're at with episodes, that this month was going to be crazy and it absolutely has been. I wasn't planning on even recording this episode in the car right now, but I'm just sitting here and I haven't really had this much time alone in a really long time.
And I'm just thinking about how grateful I am and I'm just thinking a lot of thoughts so I figured it would be a perfect time to record because why the heck not? You know, we're multitasking, I'm talking to my best friends, I'm having a moment.
and I'm driving. So if you can hear this car, which you definitely can, please just pretend you're on a road trip with me. If it's too unbearable to listen to, come back next Monday. But I hope it's not because hopefully if all goes well and my brain stays on the path that it wants to, we're gonna get into some good stuff. I really just want to give you some life updates, let you know what I've been kind of lacking in my life and what I've been gaining, what areas have been so like awesome for me.
I don't know. Let's just, let's take it one step at a time. Let me give you the backstory on where I was. Let's go to the beginning of November. And I'm not just going to spend this whole episode giving you a life update. You know that I'm going to try not to, but obviously all the lessons I learned come from my life experiences. So it's a little bit of a combo action, you know, and I'd like to take you along the journey with me.
As you guys may or may not know, I've been kind of on the move a lot lately. I've been traveling like a crazy person and while I travel, I have really been making it my goal to try to prioritize not only my mental health but also my physical health and I've been using Allo Moves all the time to just get quick little workouts. I don't even want to call them workouts.
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prioritize yourself. It's a great gift to give to if you wanted to give it for the holiday season. I just thought of that right now. But if you guys go to alamoves.com and you use code MOMENTS20 in all caps, you'll get a 30-day free subscription and then you'll get 20% off an annual membership if you love it and you want to try it. So please just give it a go. I know that you're going to love it. And if you hate it, well, at least you could say you tried.
In the beginning of November, first weekend of November, I forget what I had, something. But second weekend of November, I went to EDC. And not sure if I've talked to you since I went to EDC, but EDC is called Electric Daisy Carnival. It's a music festival of EDM music and house music and a whole lot of
Freaking head-banging music a lot of techno stuff that I don't generally listen to I don't really like house music that much occasionally I listen to it, you know if I'm going out or getting pumped up or if I'm on a run But EDM gives me anxiety like I used to not be able to go to workout classes that played EDM because it just feels super repetitive and it gets me in this weird feeling of feeling trapped and
essentially two days of a festival of only that kind of music. I knew probably wouldn't be the greatest for me, especially considering the three weekends after that I was also going to be traveling. Basically the four weekends after that I was going to be traveling and I was only home like two days out of every week, but
Nonetheless, I still went because Gabe's best friends were performing and I went last year for one day because my other best friend was performing. How cool is that to have friends playing at this humongous festival? I'm so proud of them. It just makes me so happy to see anyone, but especially other people in my life, like chasing their dreams and like doing a path less taken. It's beautiful and inspiring and I'm so happy for them. Aside from that,
We went not just for the day that they were performing this year, but the day after too. So we had to get an Airbnb and we brought Leia and like we had our whole little squad and
It was so much fun. Don't get me wrong. I had a blast with everyone and like looking back, it's only good memories. But I want to tell you like some of the darker memories of that because I don't know. I just think maybe some of us can relate to it. Maybe, maybe not. But let's go back to where I said my anxiety gets really bad when I listen to EDM music. My anxiety also gets really bad. And this is kind of a newer thing for me. If I'm in a really big crowd, I'm
I get these... I don't want to call them panic attacks because they're not full-on panic attacks. I still feel like I have control. But I go really, really... I don't even know the word. I don't like being in big groups of people. I get really scared of, one, things that could happen. We live in freaking America where, you know, it's a dark place over here. There are shootings every other day. There's...
scary people out there and I'm around there's 300,000 people at this event. You have to like hold on to your friend's shoulders if you don't want to lose them when you're walking. And you have music playing crazy loud music and lights and smoke in every direction that you could imagine. So by the end of like the first day we were there, we went to this one set and I got this really bad, not even headache, like just like it was more mental.
But I was starting to have really, really bad. And I wasn't drinking. I was sober because I knew that if I mixed alcohol into how I was already feeling,
And with everything I had coming up, I just couldn't. I've been really good at like not letting alcohol win the battle against me. Like a lot of times I love to drink in social events. And we've also talked about this many, many times, especially on TikTok. If you watch my videos, alcohol and I, no. Alcohol makes me depressed. It makes me even more anxious. It's a fucking freaking, sorry, disaster. So I wasn't drinking. I'm sober. And I still had this occurrence, which sucked because I didn't drink to avoid it. But by the time we got to the last set,
I was having like a literal panic attack and everyone was sitting there having a good time and I'm just like standing there and I was fighting for my life and I finally, Gabe wasn't really enjoying it either so we both like left and we went and sat down somewhere and we had to like wait for our friends and then meeting up with them after was so difficult. It was really scary because both of our phones were on like 1% and we didn't know how to find them. It took us like four hours to call an Uber basically. We just sat outside this hotel, all of us. Point is,
That was my first weekend and I'm not sure where I was really going with that. I guess just to give you a little bit of a reminder that those situations aren't for everyone and those types of festivals aren't for everyone. And if you've ever been in a situation like that, one,
it's okay to not feel okay in them and to like some people love a rave I wish more than anything I was someone who loved a rave but it was just kind of hard being around a whole lot of drugs I mean there are people doing drugs in every direction that you could imagine and this is like no judgment against doing drugs I personally don't participate in that activity just because I don't like adjusting my brain setup as is because it's already a little bit imbalanced enough and I think that
Adding anything into that can't be beneficial but to each their own I'm just saying it's hard for me to be around sometimes because I start having this weird like imposter syndrome and I start feeling a little bit weird and it get like uneasy and Yeah
Um, here I go on my little Rambo trail, but that is the whole point of this episode. It's just my thoughts on each thing that I did this month and what I learned from it. And that's what I learned from this one. I have to be careful in those settings. On the second day, I did, I drank a little bit more. I had one drink instead of no drinks and I played a game in my head. And I think that this could help a lot of people. Maybe if you're good at using your imagination, I definitely think it can. Um,
It's funny. It's gonna totally contradict everything that I just previously kind of said but I played a game with just myself and I told myself in my head I'm just gonna pretend that I'm on drugs and that this doesn't phase me and that I have no idea what's going on besides what's going on right here in my circle and It's not an unhealthy way of handling the situation because it's not like I was actually doing drugs I just like changed my mindset to believe that I was and it made the night a
way better like i just was in my own little world and i stopped thinking about
everything that was going on around me and I just had fun and we danced the night away and don't get me wrong walking through the crowds was still hell like it was still really scary and torturous to just be around so many human beings with no also another reason I think I was so scared of how big of a crowd it was is like they don't really check you like you could have anything in your shoe and you're going through like one tiny little metal detector it just it wasn't super comforting
Because also at that rate, with those many people, can I speak? No. With that many people, you never know. Besides the point, I'm okay, I'm alive, and nothing happened, and it was fun looking back on it. Moving on. After that, what did I do? I came home for a couple of days. I tried to reset for a couple of days. Didn't go well. I have also, another thing I've still been struggling with is my skin. We've discussed this many times now, but as someone who never had skin problems before,
to going to someone who has been struggling with my skin for
six months, gosh, six months now, I've been having this problem. I've tried a bunch of different topical treatments from my doctor. I tried an antibiotic from my doctor. And again, the same way I don't mess with drugs, I don't really mess with medicine. I really only take Advil if I have really bad cramps or a hangover or a migraine. That's the only thing I like to get into. I'm prescribed Adderall for my ADHD. I don't take it. I take it like once every couple of weeks to try to get some work done, like when I need to. But again, I don't like to
aggravate anything that's already imbalanced within me and I don't like to put things in my body that are man-made most of the time. That being said, I was also determined to like clear my skin like I just want to know what the problem is and I've been struggling because I've been so on the move to find a way to heal from the inside out like I would love to heal my gut and to start paying attention to the nutrients I'm putting into my body, working with my cycle and
All of that stuff, but those things take a lot of not only mental energy, but like physical time and research that I just don't feel I've had. Therefore, I haven't been able to prioritize any of that. I've just been like, okay, how can I fix my skin? Let me just try these drugs that the doctor's giving me. And that didn't even work. So I...
took that medicine that's not good for my gut at all. Essentially, it's called doxycycline, and it's supposed to kill any bacteria, good and bad, which is obviously I'm not trying to kill the good bacteria that I've been working to build up within myself. And I did, all for nothing. Sorry, I'm yawning. All for nothing, because it didn't even clear out my freaking skin.
And I also was on clindamycin, which I'm still using on my skin. Nothing is helping. Nothing helping at all. And I tried trentanone for a while. Did not work. And I do understand that with a lot of these... Sorry for getting way into this. If you have beautiful skin, you could skip for probably a couple more minutes. But lucky you. If... Where was I going with that? Oh, then I try. I was prescribed trentanone. What? Sorry, guys. I'm so sorry. Driving and podcasting, I can barely podcast and sit still. So we're doing our best.
Most of these skincare regimens you're supposed to do for a couple months before you're going to see a difference, but I'm not always the most patient person and I've just been really frustrated that nothing's working. And of course, traveling all the time and like probably always being dehydrated and eating a bunch of processed junk food and dairy and gluten and stuff that I know already doesn't respond well with my body isn't helping. So I don't know why I'm so shocked that my skin hasn't cleared. I haven't had a moment to sit still and again, fix it from the inside out. But
I have been, again, tricking my brain. I think a lot of this episode is just about mindset and how powerful it is. I've been really, really faking it till I make it and believing that skin can look like this and I can still be beautiful. And the more that I've tried to drill that into myself, I'm super lucky that my boyfriend is the most angelic soul of all time and he makes me feel beautiful. No matter how unbeautiful I feel, I think that that is just the greatest gift. And if you can find anyone like that in your life...
sorry I'm also sick by the way who can lift you up like that whether it's a friend or a mom or a sibling keep those people around because it's it's a gift but
That being said, with the help of like him and my family and friends and honestly all of you guys making me feel so loved and still beautiful with this little struggle that I'm having has helped me myself believe that I can still be beautiful and that realistically I'm the only one paying attention to the situation.
And I'm fast tracking really quickly to today. Today I hosted an event with Aminoline. We did like a little eight girl, hot girl walk type vibe. And I got to meet so many of you guys. If you were there, I'll get into this again once I get to this point in the month. But thank you all for coming. That was beautiful. I'm so grateful that I get to meet you guys. But I was talking to one girl. I completely forget her name. That is horrible of me. But my brain is fried beans.
Um, she was so sweet and we were talking about her skin and she was telling me like what she's been using on her skin, but I was like looking at her and I'm like, girl, you are beautiful. Like for one second, that is not even a single thing that I would notice is that your skin is flaring up or breaking out or whatever. And I'm just thinking to myself as we're having this conversation, like it really is beautiful.
Not a big deal. Not a big deal at all. Like, you know, I mean, if you're a good person, I think if you're someone who, who like loves people and you're not a nasty human, you're not a bad person.
99% of the time you're not, not 99, 100% of the time you're not paying attention to someone else's flaws. We're really just thinking about our own. And I just wanted to give you that little dose and that little reminder and let you know that I'm still on this skin journey and I'm going to be nothing but real about it. It's not something I've tried to cover at all. I haven't tried to hide it. I just, it
It is what it is. And it's a chapter of my life. And hopefully when I heal from the inside out, she'll be glistening and glowing and super clear. But until then, I am a human. I'm experiencing my life and I could have bigger problems. I really could, which leads me to another mindset shift. I've been really trying to apply to my life. And all of this, of course, is so much easier said than done. I have been really trying to remind myself that
I live the most blessed life. And I, as I get into this, like I want to like disclaimer here, I've always been super grateful of my life. I live a privileged, beautiful life. And it's because of you guys essentially. And it's because of whatever, like, I don't even know, but I am, I'm grateful and I'm lucky. But the point I'm trying to get into here is more on like a mental health scale, not like a physical, everything that I have scale. I,
I've been really just trying to remind myself that even though I've been a little bit exhausted and I feel I haven't really had my sparkle or my motivation or any of my creativity and I feel that all of my ducks are in 10 million different baskets and I have all of these started projects, none of them finished. As someone with this brain chemical imbalance, like my ADHD is crippling most of the time, honestly.
It's not the ADHD that kind of like, oh, I can't sit still and I can't really study. It's the kind of ADHD that leads me to a really dark place in my brain, no matter how beautiful things are on the surface. And I think that that's something that's really hard for people who don't struggle with it to understand. And just a lot of people in general, people are always like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I'm like, dude, I'm doing my best. I am trying every single day to understand
just appreciate and be grateful and take it one step at a time. Point here is I've been feeling all of these things. I've been feeling absolutely all over the place and I've been working really, really hard to just, sorry, my phone just gave me a speed check. I'm like, girl, I'm going the speed limit, but I have been doing my best to just really come back to setting intentions and being mindful and not just letting my thoughts consume me and rather like
being the one to consume my thoughts. Now, I don't know how to make that make sense, but instead of just getting eaten alive by the things my brain is saying to me, I am taking control of the thoughts and I am choosing what I want to think. And I think that when we do this, when we regain control of what goes through our head, we can begin to understand our thoughts because, sorry, the brain is working slow, but I promise it's working up there.
When we're mindlessly thinking, we're on autopilot. And because of the world we live in, the society and the way that it is today in social media and this just terrible day and age, most of our thoughts in most people are naturally, like organically, they're just going to be negative. It's how we've been conditioned for the past who knows how many years. And until you put yourself in the driver's seat, my therapist always said, be in the driver's seat of your life, not the passenger seat of your life. It's another thing I need to do is go back to freaking therapy. I haven't been able to.
Probably why I'm all over. But when you put yourself back in the driver's seat and you regain control and you start paying attention to what you're thinking, it gives you access to change your negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones once again.
and it's crazy how much of a difference it makes. The little intermission, I've talked about this one before with great reason too. I have been struggling with my skin. You guys know that proud and true. If you've been following my TikTok or Instagram, it's been a mission and I've been loving apostrophe. I think apostrophe is super accessible and affordable for anybody who needs help with their skin and doesn't want to take the normal route of going to a dermatology office because I did that and I regretted it and this is freaking amazing. You simply go online and you're
provided access to a professional dermatology team who can give you access to oral or topical medications for your skin and whatever your needs are. And it's cool because it's not just acne on your face, acne all over your body, wherever you're struggling with it, you just send a few photos and they help you feel better, look better, and just
feel more confident in yourself. It's such a cool concept and I want to share with you guys my code to get you $5 for your first visit. Well, no, let me rephrase that. Your first visit is only $5 if you use code moments. Just go to apostrophe.com slash moments and you're going to love it. Just give it a try. Check it out. It's a great way to start prioritizing your skin and your
well-being there's nothing worse than feeling unconfident in your skin and also note that it is just skin and it doesn't matter and i know that nobody else is noticing it except you but that being said i also know how it feels to want to feel beautiful and have clear skin because i'm right there with you all right love ya another thing back to gabe being the best boyfriend ever again this is i feel like all i've done in the past couple months on almost across all platforms is talk about my relationship and i kind of hate it
but it's kind of hard not to because of how many ways it's impacted my life lately and just everything about me. It will die down, I'm sure, but it's something I'm so grateful for and
I think the only reason I'm second guessing talking about it is because I get a comment once in a while that's like, this is never a couples page. And of course he's in all my day in the life and everything, but it's because we live together, we spend time together. My content has always been my life and me sharing it. So if someone is now a part of my life, my everyday life, they're going to naturally be in more of my content. Besides the point, where was I? Just give me one second, please.
Because he is, again, such a light, he is a boy with great mental health. Like, he has his things. We talk about them all the time. His problem tends to be overthinking and not, you know, what mine is. Being, like, super stressed and overwhelmed about every detail of my life and feeling like the world is falling apart. He is very helpful in reminding me that, like, I have...
ground to walk on. I have a roof over my head. And this is something we do obviously for each other, but he'll always just be like, it's going to be okay. And when he says that, I'm like, you know what? You're right. I'm in a loving relationship. I am succeeding in my career. Of course, in my head, I'm not. I'm failing miserably. But on paper, I'm doing well for myself. I have a loving family. I have
I have school that I could go to if I wanted to. It's just an example because I'm just thinking about how like that's something we always took for granted, but like an education is very valuable and just coming to our senses and realizing that like we have it okay. If you have a phone to listen to this podcast on and I have a phone to record this podcast on, we are more blessed than a lot of people in this world and simply recognizing that and switching your thoughts to that when they start to get to be a little bit excessive and negative and like
worrisome, it makes a big difference. And not necessarily is it going to just fix you and make everything okay and everything better, not at all, but it just kind of humbles you in the sense of like, what am I complaining about? That being said, this isn't just me devaluing all of our struggles. That's not the word I was looking for. Like, D, you get the point.
It's not me saying that you can't struggle because trust me, you can, and I can, and we all are going to, but it's just something to pay attention to. And with that being said, and it being more mindful of our thoughts, something that's been a really big thing for me lately. And I was really proud when I went to yoga for the first time in like a while, one of the days that I was home in November. And obviously in the beginning of class, I guess it's not obvious in the beginning of a yoga class, your teacher will tell you to set an intention. So
I set my intention and for some reason, like what came over me, and this hasn't happened in so long where I just felt something or someone from above. For me, it's God. For you, it's whoever it is, whatever higher power you believe in. God came to me and was like, you need to open your heart. And I
I'm speechless just even trying to explain it because it was so crazy because I've been struggling a lot with essentially just that, like opening my heart to one, allowing myself to be loved when I'm at these lower points in my life. Like I have just felt so, I keep saying beautiful, but I don't mean physically. Like I mean internally too. Like I've just felt so meh about who I am and also physically, like I just haven't felt like myself. And when I don't feel like myself, I feel like I don't deserve love. And I,
I'm working on opening my heart to recognizing that I do deserve love and that everybody in this world deserves love. I mean, even broken people and mean people and like haggard old people who are just nothing but negative and family members who have hurt me or who have hurt other family members, like everyone deserves love. And I think that even with everything that's going on in the world too, this is especially important. We all deserve love no matter what.
And a lot of the times the reason that people are so bad in a lot of cases is because they haven't ever felt love. They haven't ever been given love. They haven't ever been heard or seen or given a hug.
I've also been struggling a lot with jealousy and I need to like open my heart and recognize that there is enough love to go around. There is no reason to be jealous of some of the things that I get jealous of, you know? It's a weird relationship thing I think I'm struggling with. Like I just don't like to share Gabe's love and that might sound really negative, which is essentially why I'm working on opening my heart. But it's a real thing. I think it's human. I think that we're so selfish, all of us, that we think we...
I don't know. You get the point. I hope you get the point. I hope I don't sound like a freaking crazy person, but I don't think I do because Gabe gets the same way and I think it's normal. Let me know if it's not or if it is in my DMs, please and thank you. Sorry, I'm yawning again, but...
Where was I continuing to go with this? Okay, so my intention in that yoga class was to open my heart and as I was doing it We're doing heart openers. There's certain yoga poses that physically open your heart like with your shoulders back and as I'm doing them I'm noticing like such a tightness in my upper back from punching my shoulders too much and When I hunch my shoulders and when I look down at my phone and when I'm closed off like physically envisioned, you know your slunch your slouch over and
your heart is closed. Your heart is absolutely not open. So I've been making it a goal of mine, not only because I need to fix my posture, but more so because when we sit back and we put our shoulders back and we look up, we make ourselves more approachable, more confident, more radiant, and we...
We do all those things physically, but we also emotionally are opening our heart to the world and to other people. And I think that the world is just lacking a lot of love. And that's just what I've been feeling heavy lately. And that's probably part of the reason I've been feeling heavy lately. So...
This all goes back to mindset, mindfulness. I hadn't been mindful about an intention or about a goal like that for a really long time. And once I got connected with that, I do think I've noticed a difference in my mental health. Sorry, I went on a bridge and it got really loud in the car, so I lost my train of thought. I don't know what's wrong with me. I really hope that you guys are able to hear this episode because I don't know. Okay, so
What the heck was I talking about? We're going to move on. Just set an intention with your life, okay? And be mindful. Oh, I've noticed such a difference in my mental health because I've been more aware. And being aware changes everything. It doesn't fix everything. Notice what I'm saying here.
Being mindful doesn't fix everything, but it does help you change how you're reacting to things. It just puts you in control of your life instead of just riding your life in autopilot. And autopilot doesn't necessarily mean, okay, I wake up, I go to work, I go to school, I come home, I do this, I do that. It means your thoughts are in autopilot. And when, like I said before, when we let our thoughts run on autopilot, it's not going to be positive and it's not going to be happy. Okay? Okay?
Quick little intermission and thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this podcast episode and so many others on this show. I am so grateful that I get to work with them and I seriously mean it. You guys know I talk about BetterHelp all the time and I think therapy is the greatest thing in the world, especially going around holiday time, having someone to talk to about whether it's family members or body image or...
mental stresses that we all feel at this time of year now's the time to do it to get a therapist to just talk your mind speak your mind be guided in the right direction and just have someone to help you navigate life it's a scary world out here and trust me i know that and i feel that and i want you to talk to someone so if you've been thinking about it give better help a try
BetterHelp is online therapy. It is way more affordable and practical for people all around the country to get therapy. You're matched with a therapist that works for you. There's no cost to change it. It is genuinely the best thing ever. So just check it out. And I have a discount code for you guys, of course. You can get 10% off your first visit.
if you go to betterhelp.com slash moments and use code moments and you'll get 10% off your first month. Please, there's a reason I tell you about it every single week basically because I love it and appreciate it and therapy is the best thing ever. Moving on to the next topic of conversation. What else did I do this month? I spent a lot of time with my family. I'm not going to get super deep into this one, but
You guys know that family is super important to me and I've touched on it many million thousands of times on this podcast, on my TikTok. Family is something that we are so lucky to have. And if you are someone
who has a family at your reach that you can hug and you can love on and you can care for, even if they drive you insane. Don't take that for granted and don't lose sight of that at all. I know it's easy to. I spent all of my time in high school, like dreading being around my parents and having to spend time with them. And it wasn't until I got a little bit older that I realized they're actually awesome. Like being around my family is a beautiful thing. That is a blessing in itself. And I
I guess I'm just feeling grateful lately, okay? Let's just let it be and let's all hopefully share this energy because it's not that I haven't been grateful, but I've been feeling extra grateful. So where was I going with this? Next, let's talk about... Anyways, I want to give you a quick little update. I was in Ibiza.
For actually 48 hours. I got an opportunity, a work offer, a business opportunity, some could say, the other month? No, not the other month. The other freaking week. Like this all happened in November. I got this deal. And not a deal. I'll explain.
I can't exactly tell you what we were doing, but Gabe and I got an offer to fly to Ibiza for 48 hours to model for something for a company that has been a part of my life since as long as I could remember. And it was just the most
awesome full circle and I'll never forget I got a DM one time of this girl and she was like you I say everything is full circle I'm like you know what because that's how I choose to view life and to me it is I think the more full circles you experience in your life the more beautiful your life is to you and that's what matters so it was a really full circle I just feel a need to justify that every time I say full circle now damn so annoying hate when people like affect my life that way
But it was so cool. And to be able to do that with the love of my life, who has never modeled, neither have I. The only time I've ever modeled on a set like that is when I did Kulani. And even Kulani was no scale compared to what we just did. It was crazy. We were both getting our makeup done. We were getting freaking coffees delivered to us. I felt like a princess. And
I'm just so grateful that I got to do that. And I'm really excited that you guys are going to get to see like what it was about, because I do think you'll understand the excitement around it as soon as I can share it. And you'll know in January, February. So really, it's just around the corner. But yeah.
That was an exhausting trip. It was longer time to travel there than we actually spent there, which is freaking wild. But we're back now. And this morning I hosted, oh, also before the date, oh my gosh, I totally even forgot this happened. And it was less than two weeks ago. Right before we flew to Ibiza, I went on a cruise for Gabe's family's family vacation. It was his mom's 50th birthday. And
Gabe and I spend a lot more time with my parents just because we're closer to them and we live at like my house so I live closer to my parents than we do to Gabe's parents. We're not that far but it just happens to be that we're with my parents more because we're always working on Mango or whatever it is but I love his family like his family and I are still super close and we still spend pretty solid amount of time with them but this was my first time going on their family vacation and
And it was so cool. I went on a cruise. I was terrified of this cruise. And oh, I was going to mention this before when I was mentioning that I get anxiety in big groups of people. The cruise definitely triggered my anxiety quite a bit, but I pushed through it. I powered through it and it wasn't that bad. So if you've been afraid of going on a cruise like me, just don't understand how the boat floats.
Don't be. It was a good time. It was a lot of people. But what I wanted to talk about here, I can tell that my brain is getting fried from speaking my thoughts because they're losing all of their purpose and meaning and they're just nothing sentences. I love when I can tell that that's happening. But I'm glad we were able to make it this far. But it was so beautiful to spend time with his family and to see how other families vacation and just, again, I was in my mindful era, just like step back and view things from like,
a drone that's kind of how I see it a bird's eye perspective of how my life is going like watching my own life and just taking it in and being like wow I'm really lucky now where I was going with this no idea of course shocker let's move on and the day that I got back from that trip the next morning is when we flew to Ibiza and the day before we flew to Ibiza so the day we got back I got a terrible cold uh don't worry wasn't COVID wasn't traveling with COVID just a little cold
hand sanitizer on me at all times. Don't worry, I wasn't getting anyone sick. Also, Ibiza was not a choice. I had signed a full contract. I had to go. And I'm so glad that I did because I'm feeling much better now. Still have a terrible little cough, but we're hanging in there. And...
Back to the event that I had this morning. It was so special. It was with Aminoline. We just did a little walk and we met up in the morning and it was super rainy in the morning and I was super stressed out because I hadn't really posted about the event or talked. I just am passing a truck and it says like it's super dirty on the back. So somebody wrote with their finger in the dirt, Jesus loves you. And that was beautiful. And I just want to remind you that
um if you relate to that sentence at all jesus does love you and he's got a plan for all of us and he's looking after all of us it's beautiful i've been trying to get back into my faith a little bit lately just mentally working on my personal relationship with god we'll do a whole another episode on this another time because i think we should but thinking thinking thinking
Where? So we all met up this morning, bad weather, hadn't posted. I was really nervous no one was going to show up and it was a beautiful turnout and it was so cool to meet everyone. And I remember every single time I do an event, why I love to do events, because I think it is so special to connect with each and every one of you and just bond over our life. And it is so reassuring. A bunch of people that I met today were like, I love your podcast because it makes me feel sane. And I'm like, wow.
Hearing you say that makes me feel sane because a lot of times when I upload an episode, I get super in my head that like nobody's going to want to listen to this. And oh, this goes into a whole nother thing.
I've touched on this before that I get really anxious about recording episodes and I get really anxious about how sometimes my brain doesn't work properly and I can't like share advice the way that I want to and I can't articulate my thoughts properly or I get super repetitive with the things in the lessons that I say. I saw like four TikToks on my For You page of like different girls making fun of me.
Emma Chamberlain's podcast to be exact, which I haven't listened to in a very long time, but I've always loved listening to her. I love her voice. I love the way she shares in her storytelling, but saying that like,
she, it was terrible. Like saying she has the like thought capacity and shares like advice, like a, basically an elementary school or a middle school or a high schooler. And it just like basically making fun of her for not being educated enough. And it made me so sick to my stomach and so sad because like, that's the exact worry that I have. And like the fear that I have, um, that people listen to me and think those things. And one, it shouldn't matter what anybody has to say about me. And just like,
all that matters to me is making an impact on one person and if that's only through one sentence that i say so be it that's an impact and that makes me proud but easier said than done i'm also a human who gets really insecure about a lot of things especially that and it made me really sad and it made me really hesitant to even record because it just be getting in my head that nobody even wants to listen or people are only listening to make fun of me
And I'm sure that does exist out there. And I've, again, mindset, just been trying to remind myself that it doesn't matter. It's okay. And also, like, if you're someone who does think that, like, don't listen to these people. And definitely don't take the time out of your day to hate on someone who is just trying to share, like, and just trying to do good, you know? But it is what it is. People are always going to be mean in no matter what profession you do, no matter how successful you are.
someone's gonna be mad about it and you just gotta keep doing your best and we all just gotta keep doing our best and that is what the heck matters in this world and I think I'm gonna leave it at that. I'm kind of ready to listen to some Taylor Swift but I'm so happy that you and I did this and we chatted and we caught up and
I can't wait for the new year. Like this holiday season, I'm so excited. Last year didn't feel like Christmas for me and this year I already feel so much more in the Christmas spirit than I did last year, which is so exciting and I'm home. Like after, oh, I'm on my way to Jacksonville right now. I'm not quite done with my festivities, but this is the last event of this month from crazy town.
I'm going to Lisette's work event, her like holiday party. And we got in a big fight because I almost wasn't going to be able to go because we didn't know the dates for Ibiza. But I said, listen, no matter what happens, I will be there because I need to come see you and your apartment and this chapter of your life and meet your friends and your coworkers because I'm your best friend and I'm going to show up for you.
But I'm on my way right now. And then once I get home, I start my moving process. I am moving into a different location. I'm not moving into Mango. Guys, again, this all basically happened in October, November, October, basically a couple weeks ago. But new chapter. Guys, my grandma told me yesterday. Sorry, motorcycle.
My grandma told me yesterday, she's like, Lexi, you need to be careful. You need to sit down. I can't mimic her. She's so cute. My little Hispanic queen. I just can't do impressions. It's like, you need to sit down and you need to relax. It's so much better in her beautiful, cute, adorable little voice. I need to relax and I need to just like take a chill pill. And I'm like, girl, you right. But YOLO life is short. I got to get these things and we're going to, what am I saying? This is when I know I need to end the episode. Shut the heck up.
But I start the moving process and I'm going to be moving for like two months. So I'm excited to do that slowly and to bring you guys along with me and to just take it one day at a time and like get a routine for myself. And I'm going to do a whole episode on my, I've convinced myself that I'm starting my New Year's resolutions early, not like an immediate, I'm doing like some kind of 75 hard, but more like a slow process.
Rehabilitation of being myself and by that I mean slowly going back to volunteering at the animal shelter slowly reincorporating good foods into my body and eating less processed stuff and just trying to be
aware of what I'm putting into me and like fixing my gut and fixing my skin and fixing everything because I feel like a fucking train wreck. And I'm not even going to apologize for my mouth right there. Like it's true. It's how I feel, but I'm still happy, lucky, blessed and grateful. And this is the life I dreamed of and I couldn't be more excited, but
New Year's resolutions are starting early this year and I'm taking you along and we will do a podcast episode on everything I'm reapplying into my life and hopefully you and I are both gonna watch me just like come out from the freaking underground and we're going to the top. We're starting from the bottom and then we're gonna get there, you know?
So I love you guys so much. And thank you for tuning in and thank you for listening and thank you for being a part of my life. I can't imagine it without you. You are the greatest souls to ever walk the earth. I love you. I love you. And I love you so, so, so, so much. Please remember that you are...
valuable and beautiful and whatever chapter you're at in your life is exactly where you're supposed to be and God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. I saw a meme the other day. It was like, God, why do you give your toughest battles to your strongest soldiers? And like the thing is, it's like God and he's like, you went to a concert and had to go to work the next day. And I'm like, oh shit. Anyways, you get the point. It was supposed to be motivational. Okay, you're doing your best and that's what matters. And
There's going to be people around you doing better and doing worse, and that's none of your business. Just focus on yourself. Love yourself. Take it one day at a time, and just give yourself grace in whatever chapter you're in. But don't give up on yourself. Push yourself a little bit, but push yourself with love, okay? Tough love. All right. I love you guys, and I'll talk to you next Monday. Bye.
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