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Hello, my beautiful people. Welcome back to the Moments Podcast. I feel like I've been recording in a different location for the past two months, and that's actually a really cool thing to think about, but honestly, where I'm recording right now is the last place I ever, ever, ever would have expected to. I'm currently...
in Tallahassee because I'm taking my best friend's graduation pictures. You guys know my best friend. I should just say Lissette now. Taking Lissette's graduation pictures and I'm recording a week ahead. So you guys know I won't record when there's people around and obviously Lissette has roommates. So even if she's not home, they're home. So I'm sitting in the car. I mean, where else would I be? But I'm in an FSU parking garage and
And I don't know. It's just really weird for me to think about. It's a very full circle moment because I don't know if you guys have listened to the first episode. If you haven't and you want to know more about my little memories at FSU...
Definitely go listen to that. But when I was at FSU, my freshman year of college, I was like really, really unwell. I was not okay. Super depressed, super anxious. My social anxiety was just through the roof. Everything was a mess. But I am so grateful for that time that I had in my life because I learned so much from it. And honestly...
I don't doubt for a second that if I weren't to have had that downfall in that time period of my life, I wouldn't be where I am today. So I honestly just look back on it with so much gratitude and I'm so grateful and I honestly had so many good memories during that time too. So I'm going to try to focus on those more than I try to focus on how much it sucked because why? Why do we need to focus on what wasn't good? Anyways, I was really stuck between two different things.
topics for this week's episode. I couldn't decide between doing an episode on people pleasing or doing an episode on feeling completely healed from somewhere that hurt you because lately, I think especially being here, I've found a way to really understand what I was missing as far as feeling healed somewhere that hurt me because every time after my
little time period at FSU, I would come back and I'd be like, I hate this place. I'm never coming back here ever again. It's the worst place in the world. And this time when I came back here, I was like, whoa, wait, it's really not so bad. I'm really being a little bit dramatic. Not sure if you could hear the car in the background revving the engine for no reason at all. College, man. College boys. What are you going to do with them? But I
I was going to do the episode on people pleasing also because I've realized lately in my life that it's something I struggle with a lot. And I actually saw a TikTok yesterday about people pleasing and about how it's kind of a form of manipulation and it made me see it so differently. And I just kind of wanted to share not my story with that, but everything I've learned about it and what it's taught me about myself and what I think it's going to continue to teach me and how I want to change it for the better.
And I will say that that's the episode I'm definitely leaning further towards just because it felt very revelant in my life this past week. And there's so much I have to say about it. And I honestly think that people pleasing is something we all struggle with because we're all human and we all want to make everyone happy, especially the people closest to us and the people around us. And basically the way that I view myself is as someone who is
I wouldn't even say I'm someone who puts myself after I put others. Like, I'm not always putting other people before I put myself. But what I'll do is I will morph into a situation, morph into a person just to make someone around me happy instead of just being myself because I don't like to see other people upset. I don't like to make people mad at me. I just like to be liked by everyone. And...
Yeah, that sounds kind of bad when you say it out loud, but we're all like that. We've all been conditioned that we have to be liked by everyone. And one thing I'm learning lately in my life is that you seriously can't please everyone. And I've talked about this on some other episodes, but...
We seriously are always going to be letting someone down. I mean, you can be the perfect person to someone. You can be the best person in every aspect. And then to someone else, you can be the worst person in the world. And vice versa. So the reality is we're not made to be liked by everyone. There's 7 billion people in the world. It's kind of a terrifying thought if all of them liked you. At least to me. Maybe that's just to me. But...
We all need to work on letting go of that need. And I think that that's what this episode is really going to be a huge discussion on, I guess you could say. Before I really, really dive deeper into this episode, I do want to be cheesy for a second and just remind you.
That you are unique. You are seriously a living miracle. I was thinking about this this morning. I woke up, I drove Lissette, dropped her off at class and I was sitting and I was journaling and I was writing and I just had this epiphany that the fact that we all exist in the same time in this universe and just get to be here when there is a something something trillion thing
crazy tiny percentage of a chance that we could have even been born and we're all here at the same time and when I think about life like that I find it to be a lot more beautiful and I'm a lot more appreciative appreciate I can't speak English but I'm a lot more appreciative of life itself when I just sit back and I'm like holy crap I'm a miracle obviously I'm here for a reason there's something I have to offer I have a purpose and I'm going to continue to search for it
But that purpose should not be chased just to make other people happy. We get really caught up on the idea that we have to be good enough for other people constantly. And I do think that that's where these deep-rooted people-pleasing problems come from. I mean, ever since I was younger and I was growing through middle school,
I've had these really negative thoughts and I can't pinpoint where exactly they started or where they came from, but constantly all that went through my head was like, I have to get good grades so that my parents are happy with me. I have to be pretty enough so that boys like me. I have to be cool enough so that I can be in the popular group. It was always what I had to be for someone else or for some group.
And I think back to poor little middle school me and I think about everyone who's in middle school now and anyone at any age, that's how we all live. That is seriously how we are all just trained. Do this for this person. And when we do that for long enough, obviously it sticks, it soaks in, and we continue to take that through our entire lives until something changes it, until we switch something.
And since we've been doing that for so long, it turns in, it goes from just, okay, I'm going to do this to make this person happy to I'm going to change who I am just so that this person doesn't get upset with me. And don't get me wrong. I think that it's okay to be a people pleaser to a certain extent. The issue is when it becomes a fault, when it becomes a problem, when you start to lose your own identity.
And I noticed a lot of that over spring break because what I did was, I'm pretty sure I talked about this in the last episode. I recorded it a couple days ago, but I was a little delusional because I hadn't slept in a really long time. But what I did over spring break was bring together seven different friend groups of mine, like seven different separate friendships. And a couple of them knew each other. Like Lisette knows everyone and she was the glue there too. Like she, her and I kept everyone just bonding. Yeah.
But where I'm going with that is you bring together seven different versions of yourself, basically, because you're a different person with each of your friends. You bring them all into one setting and then you have to figure out who you are and you have to figure out who you're supposed to be. And then if you're me, you have this wake up call and you're like, holy crap, who am I? Like, who am I supposed to be right now when all of these people are in the same room?
And you realize that you can morph into so many different personalities depending on the person that you're with. But then you bring together a bunch of people who don't really social chameleon as much. And you're like, okay, now what? And then you sit back and you're like, okay, I need to make sure that everybody has the freaking time of their lives. I don't care if I don't, but everyone is going to have so much fun. And if they're not having fun, that means I'm not going to have fun. And that's where the issue is.
is. That's where I realized maybe my people pleasing is taking over me in a way that it shouldn't be. And I say this in a more dramatic way than it actually happened. We all just had so much fun together, but I know my subconscious mind was going absolutely insane because all I could focus on was making sure everyone was having a good time because I felt so responsible because I was the one who was like, everybody, let's do this. I made the plan. I don't,
Not that I don't usually make the plan because I guess a lot of times I do, but I made the plan so I felt responsible for everyone's happiness. Without realizing and stepping back and being like, hold on, dude, everyone here is an adult. Everyone here is having fun. Everyone here is going to make this fun. It's not on you. And again, I stepped back.
And I kept having all these epiphanies. And in the moment, no, I did not. In the moment, we were all drinking, partying, having the time of our lives. It's more like the reflection of it, like how I'm processing all of it. I also stepped back and I was like, dude, Lexi, you're being so selfish right now. Like,
I don't know how to explain it, but I realize that this whole people pleasing thing is a little bit selfish. And then the TikTok that I watched last night, of course it was on my For You page. I don't know how TikTok does it, and I'm sure that all of you guys can relate. I'll scroll through my For You page and I'm like, how does it know? Like, how does it know I was talking about that boy? How does it know I was talking about this situation? Why is it telling me all these things?
But the TikTok that I watched went extremely into detail. It was one of those three minute videos about how people pleasing is a form of manipulation. And that's how it started. And I was like, oh boy, I should sit back. Let me watch this one. Let me take some notes because I felt bad all of a sudden. I was like, oh no, oh no, I don't want to be manipulating anyone. And I guess it was a good thing to teach me because now I think I'll take my people pleasing down a notch.
Because in my head, when I people please, I'm not people pleasing to manipulate people. I'm people pleasing to make sure that everyone has a good time. But what I'm doing in reality is I'm manipulating myself and I'm manipulating the way that I feel. And in certain occasions, I'm forcing myself to be happy in a situation that doesn't make me happy just because it's making the other person happy, which then will make me happy.
At no point ever should there be that many steps. Ever. It should just be, okay, I'm going to be myself and I'm going to be happy and you're going to be yourself and you're going to be happy and then we're both going to be happy and it's that simple. But not only, when you do that, not only are you manipulating yourself, you're also manipulating the way that the other person feels because you're adapting to them, making them feel like you can do
Not like you can. Like they can trust you and they can open up to you. And it's not that they can't, but it's not natural. But since we've all been people pleasing for so long, since we basically came out of the womb, we do think it's natural. We do think it's natural to just conform to this reflecting of people's personalities. But we are made to do that. We are not made to do that. Being a people pleaser is just a very strange concept because...
It's brought me a lot of happiness in my life, but also brought me to some really, really strange mental states because it's not like it makes me sad. It's not like it brings me into a depressive episode ever. But what my people-pleasing issues will do to me is make me question... I talked about this literally five minutes ago, but it makes me question who I am as a person. And I often notice...
I hope this isn't just me. I hope this isn't some, something I need to worry about, but I am a different person around different people. Like you put me with, I'll give you examples here.
You guys know Hannah Gerach. I went to Kauai with her. She's like an angel of a human being. When I'm with her, we have these really deep conversations. We just chill. We hang out in nature. We cook food. Like everything is very high vibrational. We dance to good music, but like reggae music and stuff like that and literally just have so much fun.
But then you take me with Lissette, my best friend in the whole wide world. We literally grew up together. Her and I tend to be jamming to some rap music. Like we got Kendrick Lamar. We're literally head bopping a Kodak. We're going out. We're drinking. We're having a good time. We're playing pickleball. Like we're just doing different things. But I'm just as happy with both of them. And I don't feel like I'm hiding myself or hiding a part of myself when I'm hanging out with either of them.
Now, does that make any sense to anyone else or am I crazy? And then there's other friends that I do other things with and I think that that's normal. But then now this TikTok has me questioning everything. Am I just reflecting someone else's personality? Like, is it a bad thing that I do that or a good thing? In my eyes, it's a good thing because I strongly believe that I'm someone you could just throw in any element of
And I'll make it a good time. Like, life is literally what you make it. If you put me somewhere that I hate, I'm going to try to make it fun. I went snowboarding the other week. You guys know how bad I am at snowboarding? A few years ago, in, like, 2017, when I went snowboarding, I cried the whole time and walked down the mountain because I was bad at it. This time around, I went snowboarding. Obviously, was not having the time of my life, but, like, made it so much fun. Just made everything a joke. Just made everything funny. And...
I don't know. You just adapt. And I'm realizing now that this podcast episode was supposed to be me giving you words of wisdom. And now I think I'm confusing everyone. Is anyone else confused? Let's really sit back and evaluate all of the things I just said. And then let's call it a day. We're going to keep this one kind of short because I think that I could go on for hours and hours trying to figure out why we do the things we do as humans.
We've already covered how we become people pleasers since from such a young age. We're fed, you have to do this for this person. And we're never really told, do whatever makes your heart happy. I remember growing up, I always talked about how I wanted to be an artist or a teacher or do social work. And I was always either told, oh, you're never going to make enough money or it's going to be too emotional or you're not going to be able to handle it. I was never told, okay, you can do it.
It wasn't until I got older and started to recognize for myself that I could do it if I wanted to, that I actually started taking these big leaps of faith. Like I had to get old enough. Sorry guys, just had to pause for a second because some car was flying down the parking garage, blasting music with a loud engine. College again!
But anyways, it wasn't until I was old enough to really see things with my own eyes, to really follow people on Instagram who are chasing their dreams or meet people in public who did stuff that I never would have thought was okay and then be successful at it. That's when I realized, okay, you can chase your dreams and you can do whatever you want. And I'm getting myself off topic here, but I'm having another little realization. I always, not I, we always talk about how
The media can put us down a really bad path, a really negative path, and it can make us conform to like social beauty standards and it can make our mental health all really messed up. But at the same time, it can do the opposite. And I think that by me just saying that I noticed people were chasing their dreams on Instagram is what's making me realize that if we're consuming good content, we're consuming empowering content, inspiring content, then that's good. Then social that that
Again, forget how to speak English. I'm glitching today. That is what we need to be consuming because it does have so much power and it is a beautiful thing. And if we choose to just stop consuming what we don't need, like use the not interested feature on TikTok, use the hide post feature on Instagram and only take in what's helping us grow, then we're going to begin to grow and our mindsets are going to shift and we're
I've also been getting a lot of questions lately about all the mindset stuff because you guys know I talk about it all the time. And I don't know if the people commenting on TikTok listen to this podcast, but everyone's like, how do you change your mindset? I'm like, guys, guys, I'll explain it in the podcast. But that's one step. If you're one of those people that comments didn't want to know, the first step is to make sure you're consuming what's healthy, not what's unhealthy. It's very simple. I promise.
And the coolest part about that is you don't even realize you're doing it. Like my TikTok, putting that on my For You page, I didn't really like think I took any steps to find that or do that, but I learned something, didn't I? And now I'm sharing it and it's just, it's a really good full circle all around.
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Quick little intermission, you guys. We all know how important it is to prioritize the right things in our life. And maybe for you, that's prioritizing doing leg day at the gym or making sure you go for your hot girl walk. But how often are you prioritizing your mental health and making sure that therapy is a part of your weekly routine? If it's something that you've been open to, if it's something that you've been considering, I highly recommend BetterHelp. And thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode.
I absolutely love BetterHelp. I love therapy. I have talked about it over and over and over again. And that is for a reason. It is the greatest thing ever. Having an outlet and a person to talk to about what you're going through and getting unbiased opinions and advice is so, so beneficial.
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We believe that we don't deserve to be happy unless everyone around us is happy. And let me tell you one thing. There's no possible way for everyone around you to be happy at all times. It's a sad thing to say, but it's true. We're literally all on different healing schedules and growing schedules, and we all have to go through hurt. We all have to go through highs and lows to really just feel content. And since we're all on a different schedule, you can't expect everyone around you to feel perfect.
And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just one of the things that you have to accept. And that's the thing that I think is going to help us all with this people pleasing situation. We have to accept that we can't just make everyone happy all the time. We can't control the way that they feel or the way that they react to things or the way that they process things.
Think about yourself, for example. I notice this one all the time. A lot of times when I'm driving in the car, I am just on cloud nine. I'm jamming out to my favorite song. I got the windows down. Nothing could ruin my day. Other days, I'm driving in my car. It could be just as beautiful of a day. I could have my favorite song on, but I'd still just be sitting there, irritated at every person who cut me off or everyone who was driving slow. Everything would irritate me. And the outside environment could be exactly the same.
Like our brains are not going to process things the same all the time. Now, think about that analogy in a social setting. Sometimes people just aren't in the mood. They don't have the energy and that's okay. And it's not your responsibility to fix that. And trust me, I get it. We want to be liked. We want to be loved. We want to be someone who cares for other people. But there's a way to do that where you don't destroy yourself. And that is to just
authentically, genuinely be the version of yourself that makes you the happiest. And I'm thinking what's going through my head right now is that it's okay if you're different versions of yourself with different friends, but when you have them all together, you have to be the one that feels the most natural. The one that comes naturally is who you really are. And that's the one that you should focus on being more of.
Because what you'll notice and what I did this week is that once I started doing that, once I started just being the version of me that made me the happiest, I had the time of my life. And I kind of stopped caring so much about how everyone else felt. And then after the break, everyone talked about how much fun they had. And I was like, see, there was no need for all that pressure. There was no need to be so mean to yourself about making sure everyone was having a good time or that you were letting anyone down because you weren't.
And I was just like, okay, yeah. You know what? We're going to let go of this people-pleasing thing. I have to come to the understanding that we will not make everyone happy.
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This episode feels super repetitive, but I mean, it is really straightforward and really simple. And I don't know how I've been talking about people pleasing for 21 minutes, but it is simple. Be you. And if you're struggling to figure out who you are, think back to your happiest moment that you've ever been. Actually, if you have a journal, I want you to do a little journal entry for me. Think back to the happiest you've ever been.
And write about it in your journal. And write about who you were in those moments. How did you act? How did you talk to yourself? How did you interact with your friends? And that's the version of you that you truly are. Because that's not the version of you that was changing things for other people. And that's not to say start being, excuse my language, but that doesn't mean start being a bitch to people that you don't want to be close with. That's not what I'm saying. You can still be a good person. But I'm saying you don't need to morph.
to please someone else if someone else truly doesn't respect and love you for who you are and who makes you happy then maybe you guys just aren't compatible and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that you don't have to be compatible with everyone and I don't know why it's turned into this whole thing where if someone doesn't like you and you don't like them it's just like you guys have beef like no you don't have beef you just don't have to be together all the time there's so many people in the world there's so many fish in the sea as some would say and there's so many people to meet
You should never have to change who you are long-term to please a short-term group of people. You will continue to blossom, and you will continue to find your people. I don't doubt it for a second. I've learned lately, you know, I really feel like I'm 16 years old, but I do realize that I'm 21 now. I've lived quite a few years of my teenage years, and...
A lot of the people I was friends with at 13 that I thought were going to be my best friends forever, I don't talk to them anymore. And there's no hard feelings. There's no beef. We're just not close like we used to be. And there's so many people I've met in this past year that I right now love with my whole entire heart. And who knows what's going to happen with those friendships and all these past friendships.
It's not something for me to worry about because the future is not in my hands. Yes, I have a little bit of control, but for the most part, it's in God's hands. It's in the universe hands to everyone to believe in his hands and you get to be here and you get to be now. So you get to focus on the friendships that you love now. But really the reminder with that that I'm trying to share with you is that you have so many more people that you are going to meet in this lifetime that you are going to get to love and that are going to love you and where you are right now and who you have right now isn't it? I promise.
You're going to meet a lot of incredible people. And I am too. We have so much life ahead of us, guys. Seriously. But I guess that's all I really have to say about people pleasing. I should have made an outline for this one because there's definitely more facts I wanted to throw in here.
But you'll get them in another episode. I don't doubt that. And for next week's episode, not sure exactly what we're going to record. I kind of want to record an episode with Miss Anna Stoll because she's my favorite person ever. And she's about to hit a million followers on TikTok. Actually, by the time this is out, she definitely already did it. She is freaking awesome. You guys need to go follow her if you don't. But I want to record with her. And then there's a bunch of other topics I want to chat about.
But I love you guys. And I'm so grateful. You're the best. Now I'm going to go take my best friend's graduation pictures and we're going to have a very good day. Okay. I love you. Goodbye. Don't forget to follow the podcast, rate the podcast, do all that good stuff and follow the podcast on Instagram. It's my happy place. Okay. Love you. Bye.