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Hello, my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast.
I'm going to get straight to the point here. I have been the happiest that I've been in a really long time. And I was trying to figure out why. I was trying to figure out what I changed. Like, what difference did I make in my lifestyle that has made me so happy lately? And I finally connected the dots and I figured it out. And the simple way to put it is that I started being selfish. And not in a bad way. Like, selfish in a good way. Like, selfish...
in a way of taking care of myself and putting myself first and just being there for me when I needed myself to be there for me. And if you're watching this on YouTube right now, you can see that my wall is now striped pink and white. This little podcast room is a work in progress, so just be patient. It's going to come together eventually. But if you're not watching and you're just listening, yeah, I painted pink stripes on my wall because I don't want anything to match. I just want everything to be mismatched.
And I love it. It's part of the whole, you know, being selfish in my 20s thing. And that's why this episode is actually titled Moments of Being Selfish in Your 20s. I have had such a good day today. I literally...
woke up this morning I was gonna go to Sunrise my friends slept over last night we had a little girls night and we didn't end up going to Sunrise it was super ugly outside but I woke up at like 6 and I was like you know what I could go back to sleep and then I'll probably sleep in and I'll probably be a little bit upset with myself so why don't I just get up now so I did and I journaled and I took all my vitamins and I drank my coffee and then we all went and got breakfast together and then I actually went to the gym with Lissette I'm not usually a gym girl but
I like to work out at like hot yoga or the little workout class that I do in my yoga studio or go have playtime. I've talked about playtime with you guys before, but it is literally the best thing in the world. You just get a football, buy a football or a soccer ball, go find a friend and literally just kick it around like you know what you're doing. And I also got rollerblades, roller skates. I'm just doing all sorts of new things. And I think that all is a huge factor of why I've been so happy lately. I've just been trying new things and I'll dive into that more later.
As I keep talking, this probably won't be the longest episode ever just because I feel like I can get my point across. Maybe not. I was going to say, I feel like I can get my point across pretty quickly. And I was writing the outline and I just have all these thoughts and I don't think that enough of us are putting ourselves first. And trust me, like I have been there and I have been the one to give all of my energy to other people. And while that might make other people around you really happy, I
Number one, you're still not going to please everyone. And number two, you're definitely not going to be pleasing yourself. And if you're not happy with who you are and what you're doing with your time and with your energy, you're just not, it's, you're never really going to feel fulfilled. You're never really going to feel fully happy. So let's just get into this. Let's just, let's just start.
Before I do that, I kind of want to give you some examples, I guess you could say, of ways that I've been being selfish in my 20s. And the first one, actually, I'm just going to go through them. We're going to dive deeper into each of them and take it from there because we literally all deserve to feel happiness and joy and fulfillment, especially even if you're not
20 or in your 20s and you're listening to this which I think a decent amount of the demographic that listens to this isn't It's still okay for you to be selfish Whether you're 16 or 18 or even 14 like you still deserve to put yourself first I just I think I'm titling it this because I am in my 20s So it just feels fitting but one thing that I've been doing that I think has made a very very very huge difference in the way that I feel is
Giving myself credit for the little things that I do in my life because I spent a really long time and I know that I've talked about this before where I don't give myself any credit. I'm never proud of myself. I never feel like I'm accomplishing enough and something that has been able to help my little gratitude journey and just being more proud of like who I am and who I'm becoming is giving myself credit for the little tiny things that I do in my life and I
Of course the big things too, but those are easier to be proud of myself for. But by little things, I mean making a protein shake right when I get back from the gym, using my gua sha in the shower, or eating vegetables every day. Like little tiny things that no one else will notice, that won't seem like a big deal to anyone else.
But to you, they mean something. And that, for you, could be different than eating vegetables every day. Maybe that's something that's easy for you. But for me, not a big vegetable girl. I eat a lot of junk food. And, of course, there's nothing wrong with that. But I want to include some more whole foods into my diet. So I get proud of myself when I do that. Or when I wash the dishes right after dinner instead of letting them sit there. Or when I wake up and I clean my house. Or when I wake up and I remember to take my vitamins right away. And I just do...
the little things that are making me smile and I actually give myself credit for them because one thing that I notice when I do that is that I'm more motivated
And for a long time, I'd just be like, oh, well, you shouldn't be proud of that. You were supposed to do that. Literally anyone else can do that in two seconds. Like, why are you proud of it? And I noticed that when I actually started being proud of myself for those little things, I had a lot more motivation to do the bigger things in my life because I was being kind to my mind. And I think about this in a way of think of a friendship, okay? You have a friend, and if you are constantly ripping her apart for not doing something right,
you're probably not going to have a very good friendship or a very good relationship. And chances are she's going to stop telling you things that she did because she's just worried that you're going to be mad at her or that you did something wrong. And now imagine yourself being your best friend. If you're constantly telling yourself what you're doing wrong or what you're not doing good enough, you're never going to be proud of anything that you accomplish. So
Yeah, that's being selfish in your 20s. And that's what it means to put yourself first. I have talked about this countless times before, but you are the only person who is going to be in your life for literally ever. Yes, relationships are going to come, friendships are going to come, but all of those things have the potential of going away. But one thing that never goes away is you. And if you can't be kind to yourself, you are never going to love yourself and you're never going to be able to feel loved.
complete fulfillment or complete joy and I mean that so strongly and passionately because I've struggled with it. I still struggle with it. I am still such an asshole to myself sometimes but we're learning. We're all figuring it out and we're all taking it one step at a time.
And I need you to do that with me. I need you to start treating yourself with compassion because we are taking care of ourselves this summer and not even just this summer. We're going to start taking care of ourselves forever. We get so hyper fixated on what other people think of us and like what other people want us to do and we are never going to please them. So we're going to be selfish and I'm probably going to say the word selfish in this episode so many times because
My brain is kind of all over the place, but when is it not? You guys know me. But I'm going to move on to the next one that I have been trying to apply to my own life. And this is just letting myself have fun without any form of punishment. Mental punishment, physical punishment. Like I...
I have talked about this on this podcast before, probably a few months ago, about how I really don't like going out and it's not necessarily my favorite thing. And I always like wake up with super bad anxiety and like regret. And just even if I don't even do anything stupid, I'm usually not doing anything stupid. I just get super anxious after I go out.
Well, that has kind of simmered down a little bit. Like I think my anxiety has just come under control a little bit more lately and that's why I don't get such bad like hangover anxiety. And I think that my anxiety has just gone down a little bit because of all of these factors. Like I've just been kind of allowing life to just be life. What life is going to hand me is what I'm going to take and I'm going to roll with it and I'm going to work with it and it's all going to make sense eventually.
And when you think with that mindset, when you allow that to be the way that you think, you're like, oh, oh crap. Okay. Like it's not a big deal. So what if I stole a traffic cone last night? Literally doesn't matter. No one's paying attention. No one remembers it. So why are you going to think about it for an entire week? I haven't done that since college, but still, it's the first thing that came to my mind. Going out. Lisette's been home from college. She loves to go out. It's her thing. My thing, not as much, but I actually think I literally talked about this on last week's episode.
It's about compromise. And I have actually been having so much fun every time I go out with her. And when I wake up with a hangover on Saturday morning or Sunday morning, or I'm even still feeling it on Monday, I'm like, you know what? I made memories. I have film pictures. I feel successful. Like, it's the little things like that. And again, it goes back to being proud of the stupid little things that I do. If I'm proud of myself for taking film pictures, you know what? I'm going to be proud of myself for taking film pictures. And it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of that.
And obviously it's different things for different people. But for me, that's just an example. I am allowing myself to go be 21 and to have fun and to create memories without beating myself up about how I shouldn't have been doing that or I could have been doing something else because you know what? I wasn't. So why am I going to sit here and dwell on something that I can't change instead of just making the best of it?
Especially when I had fun. I think there's nothing that makes me more irritated than like when I go do something and I actually have a blast like going out and then like all day Monday, I'm like, why did I do that? I could have been doing it. I'm like, dude, you literally had fun. Why are you being so hard on yourself? Like it is important for you to have fun. And that's why being selfish in our 20s is going to include just having fun, doing whatever fun looks like for you, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.
And the next one that I've really been trying to focus on and that we all need to focus on is just allowing happiness into your heart. I think that something, not I think, I know.
As humans, we're conditioned to stick with what hurts us because we actually find a lot of comfort in that. And the majority of people in this world are simply scared to be happy. And they'll do it all subconsciously. Like we don't, a lot of our fears are subconscious and we won't realize that we're afraid to be happy until we find ourselves so deep, dark in a mental place of just low. And then you have a wake up call.
and you realize that you are in control of a lot more things that you realize. And you can bring happiness into your life. And obviously life is going to happen and there's going to be a lot of things that we can't control in our life, but
There's also a lot of things that we can. And you can also control your reaction to things. You can choose to just let things happen. Just like I said a couple minutes ago. If something goes wrong, let it happen. Find something positive about it. Like I had someone comment the other day. I posted a TikTok. And it was about how I broke my favorite glass cup in my sink. And someone commented and was like, okay.
take this as an opportunity to go buy a new favorite glass cup and I was like you know what you're right why am I going to be so upset about something like if it it doesn't have to bother me if I don't let it bother me this episode of the moments podcast is sponsored by better help quick
Quick little intermission, you guys. We all know how important it is to prioritize the right things in our life. And maybe for you, that's prioritizing doing leg day at the gym or making sure you go for your hot girl walk. But how often are you prioritizing your mental health and making sure that therapy is a part of your weekly routine? If it's something that you've been open to, if it's something that you've been considering, I highly recommend BetterHelp. And thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. And I'll see you in the next one.
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In so many aspects of your life. If it's a broken cup, it's a broken cup. It doesn't exist anymore. Just get a new one. If it's a friendship that's not working out, okay, move on. There's a reason that God is taking that out of your life. And a lot of these things, I feel like are kind of repetitive to last week, but in a different way. And sometimes we just need to hear things in a different way to actually let them soak in. So I guess that's what we're doing.
And the most important one out of all of the things that I've learned recently about being selfish in my 20s is that your energy belongs to you. You get to decide exactly what you do with your energy and who you give your energy to. Now, one thing that we're going to stop doing, I wrote this one down, is that we're not wasting time giving our energy to those who don't appreciate it when we've worked so hard to get it ourselves.
Energy is probably the most real thing and the most powerful thing that I think about when it comes to taking care of myself because I am such an energy-feeling person and I don't know if this is everyone but I know that a lot of people relate to it because whenever I post a TikTok about like being able to feel energy and read energy, everyone's like, oh my god, me too, like I didn't know this was normal, blah, blah, blah. There are certain people who can feel energy and I'm the kind of person where I'm
I will walk into a room and I will immediately know if it's somewhere that I should be or if it's somewhere that I shouldn't be. I can feel my energy shift in a matter of seconds. And a lot of times I won't listen to this energy. I won't listen to my heart or my mind when it tells me this isn't where I'm supposed to be right now. And I'll just keep giving away that energy to other people. And what I've noticed is that when I walk into somewhere and my energy feels off,
What's happening is that whoever I'm with or whatever's going on, sometimes it's not even the people, it's just the environment. Something is taking the energy out of me. And I've also noticed there's other places I go where my energy feels good, everything feels good, and I notice it being built up. I notice myself having more joy and more happiness to share and just more energy in general. I've also had people comment before, like, how do I know how to read energy? For me...
It's literally the way that I feel physically. If I feel like I am hiding myself or I can't really be myself, that means I'm in an energy draining environment. And if I feel like I can confidently be annoying or weird or loud or just like cringy, I hate the word cringy, but like if I feel comfortable doing that, that's how I know I'm in a place where my energy is being appreciated and loved and built up, I guess. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.
And if you start to become aware of it, I promise you'll start to feel it and you'll start to notice it and you will eventually be able to read energy. And that makes it sound like I'm like this professional at reading energy. I'm literally not at all. I'm just sharing with you what I know. The next reason that I think we need to be more selfish in our 20s is simply because our whole life is about defining ourselves. It's about figuring out what our passions are, what our purpose is, and what we're meant to do with this one life that we have. And
Obviously, this is an ever-changing, not ever-changing, this is an ever-evolving thing. We're constantly going to be discovering things about ourselves, but I think it's especially important to define yourself and figure out who you are in your early 20s because by the time I'm 30, I want to be a little bit more settled down, a little bit more in one place. And I think that that's why I'm allowing myself to take my 20s as an opportunity to
go different places to meet different people to keep my options open to simply figure out who I am and on my own terms and I was watching a tick talk about being single in your 20s and They all kind all these things kind of correlate. Of course, if you're in a happy loving relationship, please stay in that happy loving relationship That's amazing for you. But if you're not don't chase things that you don't deserve like you deserve a lot and
And you deserve the right person who's going to treat you right and who's going to be there for you when you need them to be there for you and who's going to love you at your worst and love you at your best and love all versions of you and all parts of you. And if you're chasing something that doesn't do that, if it almost feels like you're forcing someone to like you or you're changing things about you for someone to like you, then that's not you being selfish in your 20s. That's you being
I don't know what that is, but we're not gonna do that, okay? We need to focus on our self-worth and just be aware that we deserve the best. Each and every one of us have someone out there that's made for us, and that person is gonna come into our lives when they come into our lives. And I'm gonna go into that a little bit more in just a few minutes because I've been thinking about it a lot lately. But I'm gonna move on to the next thing that I wrote down for now. For a really long time, I kind of deemed self-care as like a waste of time.
I thought to myself that it's not productive. I'm not getting anything done. I'm not accomplishing myself. It's just being selfish. And I guess now I've learned to take selfish as a good thing. And I have began to understand that self-care is probably the opposite of a waste of time. Because when you're working on yourself and you're working on creating the happiest version of yourself, doing what you love and enjoying what you love yourself,
you ultimately become a happier person. And what I've learned, not even just through myself, I've noticed this in other people too, the happier you are as a human being, the better of a person you're going to be overall. Think about it this way. If you're happy, go out and you smile at people on the road, you're having dance parties in your car, you're maybe even tipping better at like restaurants and stuff. Like, I don't know. You're just, you're complimenting strangers. And you're
What we often don't realize is that when we do the little things like that, we are making someone else's day better. And when we make someone else's day better, the chances are they're going to spread that love and they're going to share that with someone else. And then they're going to make someone else's day better. And the cycle goes on and on and on. And I guess this is kind of the opposite of selfish, but it's important for us to all want to be good people.
It's important. Was that a sentence? I don't really know what just happened. I don't really know what I just said. Maybe it was. But when we all focus on being good people, we all become better people. And then boom, the world's a little bit of a better place. And of course, it's a small step. Of course, there is a lot more work that needs to be done than just that. But it doesn't hurt. It never hurts to be a good person in a dark world. Speaking of dark world, my heart is
is seriously so, so, so heavy over this shooting. And I don't really want to get too into it, but I don't know if anyone listening has any family or anyone that they know who lost someone in this recent event. But my heart goes out to you and my prayers go out to you. And of course, as a whole, there's a lot more we could be doing than just sending hopes and prayers. So for now, it's what I have.
But eventually, we're all going to make a change and we need to figure out how to do it. And if we all put our minds to it, I know that we can. This constant cycle is just, it's so saddening. And I can't even process it. It's like one thing will happen and then everyone will talk about it. There'll be hopes and prayers. Social media will go crazy over battling gun laws and gun reformation and all of this. And then nothing happens and it just happens all over again. So...
In my personal opinion, it's time to make a serious change. Like a serious change on all these gun laws. And I'm not getting into politics, but this is so much, so much deeper than politics. 19 elementary school kids who have their whole life ahead of them. It just breaks my heart. And I think one thing we can all do is live for them and give them a great show to watch and make a change for them.
And I don't even know how I got onto that topic, but just know I'm thinking of you guys if you know anyone or whatever the case may be. I do want to do some more research on things that we can do to make a change and make a real impact instead of just talking about one. So I'm going to work on that this week and I'll share it all on my Instagram. So if you're not following that, go ahead and do that and let's make a difference.
But I do want to continue on this episode. I don't really know where I left off last. My mind just kind of totally changed topics. But being selfish in your 20s also means you're doing it for growth. You're doing it for passion. You're doing it for evolving. And I need you all to understand something. And that is that you owe no one an explanation. Okay? I want you to think about yourself for one second. When you're going on about your day and you're living your life...
I promise that you're not thinking constantly about other people. Like, you're not constantly thinking about what that one girl from high school chose to do with her life as her career path. Are you? No. I mean, I hope not. If you are, I mean, then maybe that's an obsession thing and maybe you should work on some more self-love and self-care and focusing on yourself.
Moral of the story, 99, 98, maybe 98% of people aren't thinking about what you're doing. They're not sitting here nitpicking at every detail of what you chose to do with your life or what career path you're taking or who you decided to date or who you decided to hang around. People aren't thinking about that. They're simply thinking about themselves and what
That's a good thing. We should all be thinking about ourselves. We should all be focusing on what we actually want to do, not what is going to make that one girl from high school think you're cool. Like seriously, when you think about it in that way...
Especially when, or at least when I do, I'm like, damn, that is just so unnecessary. Like no one's thinking about her. She's not thinking about you. Just focus on yourself and do what you love. And I wonder how many times I've said that, but it's been really heavy on my heart just doing what you love lately. And kind of going back to defining yourself in your 20s.
This is something that is such a strong, not a strong. This is something that I recently thought about and I was like, holy crap, I want to share this. And I don't know if this is like common sense or what, but to me, I was like mind blown. What it is, is that if you create a version of yourself on your own terms, like the version of yourself that truly makes you happy, you are eventually going to attract the person that is meant for you to you.
Because again, it's how energy works. When you are the ultimate version of yourself, you are going to attract good things to you and they're going to keep coming in your direction. And when you become the person that you've always wanted to be, you will attract the right person. The right person will come into your life at the right time and the rest will be history. It'll be easy. It'll be seamless. There won't be so much like there won't be games. There won't be drama like it will just work.
Because you are being true to you and that person is being true to that. Where it gets messy and where it gets sticky is when two people are trying to like force something that's not really there and...
Yeah, I just, when I think about that, it helps a lot with not necessarily jealousy of relationships because I would never say I'm jealous of people's relationships, but I can sometimes be envious. I'm like, wow, it must be nice to be like in love or something. But love for me is coming when love is meant to come for me and it's going to come when it's ready and it will for all of us. So just while you're waiting for it, well, one, stop waiting. Don't think about that. But two, just work on being you.
Figure out who you really are your 20s are for you your 20s are for Spending money on things that you love and this for me is one that obviously there's a line There's a fine line here between spending money on things you love and then just spending unnecessary money So I'm working on spending money on what I love but not in an unnecessary manner and for me This means spending my money on traveling spending my money on experiences. I work very hard for the money that I make and I
I have never once regretted a trip that I've gone on or if I bought a flight that was a little bit more expensive than I would have liked because I'm being selfish with my money. And of course I'm working on saving money, but do what you freaking love. Here I go again with the do what you love. But live experiences. Go new places. And again, I literally talked about this last week, so I'm not going to dive into it. If you want to hear more about it, it's on last week's episode. But
Going to places doesn't have to mean running to a different country or running to a different state. It can simply mean going to a new park in your neighborhood, going to a new coffee shop, little things like that. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.
My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com slash results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. I recently, I don't know if it was a TikTok or an article or what it was where I read this, but...
It was something about how if you get yourself in a constant cycle that is too structured and too like the same every single day, life is going to fly by like in the blink of an eye. And one way that we can slow down life and that we can feel like our days are longer and that our life is longer in general is to constantly be trying new things and to never stick to something if it's not genuinely making your soul feel full.
Because when you do that, you're just going to constantly feel drained. You're going to be constantly going in a circle and you have the power to change that. Doesn't have to be crazy things. Go for a walk instead of going to the gym or I don't know, just try new things. It'll make your life slow down a little bit. And I think we've all been feeling like life is flying by. I mean, we're literally almost halfway through 2022. That makes me want to throw up because I feel like New Year's was yesterday. Wow, that is absurd. That's actually crazy.
But the moral of the story, the moral of this episode is to be there for you. Be your best friend. Do whatever you want to do. Don't take crap from other people. Like people are going to suck sometimes. And I have learned that firsthand, unfortunately. We all have. We've all dealt with crappy people in our lives. But stop focusing on them. If they don't want to give you the time of day – I'm glitching again. If they don't want to give you the time of day –
then you don't need that. Like, you don't. You have other things to focus on. You can prioritize a lot of other things than what someone thinks of you. Because we're being selfish. We're prioritizing us. And I'm just getting repetitive. I'm honestly kind of hungry. And I think I'm going to go get sushi tonight. So instead of just continuing to ramble, take what you want from this episode and...
Write it down apply to your life make the changes because I have learned that you can create a lot of happiness for yourself And it doesn't always come from outside factors in your life most of it like I would say 90% of it comes from inside of you and That's not really something that we realize until we've hit rock bottom so if you are at a point where you're at a low or where you don't really know what's next and
Start to tell yourself that you are in control and when I was at a low and people told me to do that I would just get mad I would be like, can you please shut up? Like I'm going through it. Just let me go through it. Of course, you're allowed to go through it I've been there but just be aware start to notice like maybe if I did this I would feel a little bit happier today and then the cycle can continue and eventually you'll be feeling happy all day every day and I can promise you that you have to put yourself first and
But not in a bad way. We're still going to be good people. We're still going to be kind-hearted. We're just not going to give all of our energy to the things that are hurting us. Because when we do that, we're going to burn out. We're going to drain a lot quicker. When you focus on what's making you smile, you have a lot more energy to share. You notice that your cup is so full that you're overpowering. Not overpowering. You're overflowing with energy to share with other people. And at that point, maybe we can be a little bit less selfish. But for now...
We're filling our own cup. Also, I am so excited for what is literally... I've been working on this non-stop in the past couple weeks. I'm working on some merch, and I can't give you dates yet because I don't know them. It's still a work in progress. I don't even have all the designs yet, but...
I have all these really, really, really cool ideas for moments. And now that I've been home and consistent with like a kind of a work schedule lately, I actually see them coming to fruition instead of just been thinking. Like I've literally been thinking about these things since probably June of last year. But since I was all over the place, I didn't really have time to focus on them. But now I'm prioritizing things that are important to me in life. And this podcast is absolutely one of them. So get excited, get hyped.
We're doing this thing. We are going to have, oh my gosh, you guys have no idea how excited I am to share this with you and to make this all happen. But I love you. And I appreciate you guys every single day for supporting me and supporting this dream and listening to this podcast. And all I hope and all I pray is that it makes your day a little bit better, makes you love yourself a little bit more, or just makes you freaking smile a tiny bit. That's the only goal.
So I love you. Please don't forget to take care of yourself and to be there for yourself and to be selfish because you deserve it. But selfish in a good way. I'm going to keep saying that because I do think that part's important. Selfish can go very badly. So be a good person, but keep yourself as your number one priority. And don't forget to, you know, like the podcast, share the podcast, do all the things that you got to do.
If you want to. But I love you. And I seriously appreciate you more than you'll ever know. So thank you for listening. You're the best. Okay, bye. See you next Monday.