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Hello, my beautiful people, and welcome back to the Moments Podcast. I think we're going strong on episode five right now. I want to start this out by saying happy Monday. I hope that your week is off to a really good start, and if it's not, I want you to know that it's still early enough in this week to make it a good one. Everything is in your control. You have to start telling yourself that. You choose what you're going to make of this week, and I know you're going to do great things with it, but I just wanted to say that before I get into this week's episode.
Also, just your little reminder that if you don't follow the podcast Instagram and the podcast TikTok, feel free to go do that. I'm recording this episode on my camera, which means if you guys want to go see some behind the scenes, go check out the TikTok. Ironically...
Recording this episode makes me a little bit anxious and that's ironic because this week's episode is all about anxiety. I was going back and forth between making this week's episode moments in spending time alone and moments in anxiety and I put a poll on Instagram. It was literally a perfect 50-50.
Which really just did not make the decision making easy, but I ended up going with anxiety because I have had like some of the most anxious days I've ever had in my life this past week. And I don't really know why. There's no real reason. I don't exactly choose when these days want to come around, but I figured it would be a good time to do this episode simply because it's very relatable to me right now.
And when I posted about the idea, I got so many DMs saying that people are struggling with the same thing. So I don't know if something's just in the air right now and I don't know if there's something just making us all super anxious, but we're going to talk about it anyways. I want to show you guys some of the things that do help me get past these waves and do get me get through these emotions. And I don't know, really just talk about these feelings so that maybe you feel less alone because I know that it is so comforting when I get those DMs of people telling me that they struggle with the same things.
It just makes us feel, like I said, like we're not alone. And like there's someone out there who's going through the same thing and if they can get through it, then I can get through it. And it just gives me this little bit of belief and this little bit of hope that it's going to get better and it's going to pass. And for starters, simply anxiety sucks. And I was watching a bunch of TED Talks.
before I recorded this episode because I wanted to kind of do some research. I would consider myself pretty educated on anxiety because I've struggled with it since I was 13 years old, but I was watching TED Talks, reading articles just to get some actual facts and like some real information on why we feel these things and ways that are proven to help us get past these feelings. And after doing all that research, I took a bunch of notes. I made a big outline for this
episode that I probably won't even end up using just because I kind of get too sidetracked anyways but I did learn so much and one of the coolest things I learned I wouldn't necessarily say it's a cool thing but one of the things I learned is that 1 in 14 people struggle with anxiety disorder and with that I also learned that there's a difference between normal anxiety and anxiety disorder and
It was interesting to find out that we all struggle with anxiety in moments of extreme stress or if a bear were to come up to you in the woods, you get a little bit anxious or if you have a really big deadline coming up for school or for work, it's normal to get anxious. But what's not normal, and I don't want to say not normal, what some people, what that 1 in 14...
My experience is anxiety in everyday life, in things that aren't supposed to cause anxiety. And that's kind of what I want to talk about because that's what I struggle with. And that's what I've struggled with in the past. I consider myself to have two different kinds of anxiety. I say that I have social anxiety and I have life anxiety. So I'll go deeper into kind of what each of them entails today.
But I will first kind of give you my backstory on how I struggled with anxiety in middle school and how I learned that it was anxiety. Because for a really long time when I was struggling, I did not know what anxiety was. I didn't know how to help it. I simply thought I was dying of an internal illness. And if you guys listened to the first episode, you know all about that.
But if you didn't, I'll give you a quick little rundown. Basically, when I was in middle school, I had a really hard time with bullies and just mean people. And I would get so anxious about going to school that I wouldn't even get on the bus to go to school. And I would call my mom and I would need her to pick me up because I felt so physically sick. Like some of the physical symptoms I felt were just being extremely nauseous, super, super shaky, sweaty, nauseous.
I lacked energy, all sorts of things, but that was back in middle school. And instead of realizing that it was something mental, I really thought it was physical. So that's why I thought I was dying of an internal illness. I just couldn't understand why I felt sick every day. And I didn't learn or realize that that was anxiety until honestly a few years ago. I just always wondered why I felt that way. And I was just glad that I didn't feel that way anymore. And
My anxiety kind of went away for a little bit, at least as much as I can remember up until college. And then in college, it got pretty bad again. And I think college is when I really started to struggle with my social anxiety.
was in a new environment and I was not forced to go out with random people but when you go somewhere new like college you're always meeting new people and you're always thrown into these big clubs and these big parties with maybe two people that you know and then hundreds of other people that you've never even seen in your life. So to keep myself from getting anxious and this is a little bit personal but I don't mind sharing it. I know that everything that I have struggled with someone out there
someone else out there has struggled with too. So I feel comfortable enough sharing it. But when I would go to these parties and stuff, I would drink so much to the point where my anxiety would go away. And I relied on drinking to get me by and to make it easier for me to talk to people. And at the time, I didn't realize that that was leading me down a really dark hole and into some really dark mental health spots. But looking back on it, that definitely did.
And that's just another form of anxiety and another time period where it was really, really relevant in my life. And then the next time I really struggled with anxiety was in Hawaii. And this was for a different reason. As I'm telling you guys these things, I'm realizing that each time I've gone down a dark path with anxiety, it's come from kind of
Different areas and it happens for different reasons like for example in hawaii I was struggling with anxiety That I wasn't good enough and I was constantly self-conscious And I was always worried about what people thought of me and what I looked like and that I had to look presentable enough When the reality the reality of it was that no one was paying attention I was just being extremely hard on myself because of how anxious I was
And at that point, I was constantly saying no to things and I wouldn't do things or participate in events because I was anxious. And I've learned a lot from all of those experiences and I've come to terms with them and I've become very grateful for them because of what I've learned. But it wasn't easy. And I know that a lot of us are in that same boat where we're kind of getting past that. We're getting past the happening and trying to find the reason why.
And find the appreciation for why we feel what we feel. But I want you to know that that takes time. And you have to be patient. And you have to trust where you're at. And you have to trust this feeling. And I know it feels impossible sometimes.
to understand why you feel miserable right now but a couple weeks down the road when you're having the best day of your life you'll realize wow if i didn't have that really bad day this really good day would not feel this good does that make any sense it's like the rain before the rainbow it has to happen so just promise me to be patient
That being said, I want to talk to you guys about kind of the different symptoms I have when it comes to the different kinds of anxiety that I feel. For example, when I'm feeling social anxiety versus when I'm feeling life anxiety. By no means am I a professional and I don't know if these are real things, but sometimes it just makes it simple for me to create my own terms and share them that way because I think it makes it a little bit more relatable for all of us.
So some of the things that I experience when it comes to social anxiety is, for example, if I'm going to a party or not even a party, if I'm going out into just a social setting where I'm going to be around a lot of people, I have this fear that I'm not going to know who to talk to or I have a fear that I'll have no one to talk to and there will be no one there that I can even have a conversation with and I'm just going to stand there looking like a loser. Or while I'm there, it's just this constant need of,
wanting to escape the situation or like going to the bathroom or walking outside or running away from it instead of facing it. When I'm super anxious in a social setting, I get super sweaty. I lose my train of thought. I constantly feel like I'm being judged or I feel like no one likes me and I'm always wondering what other people are thinking of me. And social anxiety is one of the things that has gotten easier for me
And I struggle with it less now. And I think that's just with experience and really putting myself out there and forcing myself to step out of the comfort zone. Because for a while, when it was really bad, like I said in Hawaii, I would say no to going to these events because of how anxious it made me.
So I would just avoid the situation instead of forcing myself into it and experiencing it and tackling it head on and realizing that there is no need for me to feel those things and that no one is paying attention to me. And I'm just creating these ideas and these scenarios in my head.
So one tip I have when it comes to that is just getting yourself out there, stepping out of your comfort zone. And I'll talk more about the things that kind of help me get past all these kinds of anxieties in a second, but I do want to talk to you about my life anxiety. That's what I call it because this is what I struggle with day to day. And there's days where it's worse and there's days where it's really not so bad at all. And this is what I've been struggling with the past couple days.
When it comes to this kind of anxiety, I'm still learning how to get rid of it. Not even necessarily get rid of it, but just be able to handle it. But I know that it's a journey and it's going to take time and I'm never going to be perfect. And that's okay. None of us are. But anyways, what life anxiety feels like for me is the constant feeling like I'm a failure. And I know that's deep and I know that I'm not a failure.
But when it comes to convincing my brain that I'm not, it's very difficult. I also struggle with going to bed at night. I find myself staying up until 3 a.m. just because I don't get tired. And then it's the morning and I don't want to get up. It's like really confusing. I wish it was just simple enough for me to go to bed early and then wake up early. But my body says, no, no, you are going to go to bed at 3 a.m. and you are going to sleep in until the latest possible time you can. And I think I do that because...
I get anxious about how much I'm supposed to be completing in the day and then I'm unmotivated to do it. So I'm like, oh, if I'm just in bed, it doesn't matter. But it does and it only makes me more anxious. So those are things I'm working on. And my life anxiety makes my small tasks feel impossible. I find myself avoiding talking to people. I cut people out and I just end up resorting to scrolling on social media even though it makes me more anxious.
And these are things that I don't want to admit. I don't want to say these things. I want to be, you know, Little Miss Perfect, put together, wake up at 7 a.m., go work out, drink coffee, make a to-do list. And some days I am that girl. But I've learned that it's okay to admit when I'm struggling. It's okay for all of us to admit that we're struggling because that's the first step. In battling things like this, that is the first step.
The TED Talk that I was watching talked about this a lot. It really kind of, you know, I think the word is confirmed. All of my thoughts, validated all of my thoughts, verified. You guys know what I'm saying. It made me feel normal. And that's something I've learned. And like I said in the beginning, when we hear other people say,
have kind of the same struggles as us. It makes us feel less alone and that's exactly what this TED Talk did for me and that's exactly what I want to do through this is just to let you guys know that what you're feeling is okay and that you can get past it and that I can get past it and that we're in this together and we're all so young and we all have so much life ahead of us and we have to realize that this is going to pass.
And that the next chapter of our life is going to be so beautiful. And that we're going to learn from all of these moments. But this TED Talk, it also stated that you have to admit when it's an issue. If you keep sweeping it under the rug and just being like, oh, no, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. It's only going to get worse. And it leads a lot of people into a depression. And that is the last thing that I want for any of us.
So I'm sharing the facts with you. It was actually really cool to do all the research kind of before I did this talk because it just kind of made me feel like I know a little bit more about what I'm talking about. And I also want you guys to know that the symptoms of anxiety are different for everyone.
I watched another YouTube video just talking about 50 different symptoms that can be caused from anxiety, and it was really interesting for me to watch because I've only struggled with 10 of those things, but I've talked to friends who struggle with a different 10 of those things. So just be aware that if you're feeling something and it feels super unexplainable, it could be anxiety, it could be a lot of other things, but if you do struggle with anxiety, just know that the symptoms are broad.
Now that we've talked for like 15 minutes about what anxiety can feel like and how much it sucks, instead of doing that for the next 15 minutes, I want to talk about what can help us. What is genuinely going to get us past this? I find it important not to dwell on the negative for too long. I think, yes, okay, admit how I'm feeling. Admit what we're struggling with.
And then solve it. Don't allow it to be a problem for too long. Don't sulk in it because that won't make it go away. But what I want you to do before that is if you have a journal or if you want to open the notes of your phone, total side note, we're getting distracted for a second, but I had a really cool idea today that we're going to
release a journal and call it the moment journal where you guys can kind of like follow along with what I'm talking about. It's kind of going to be a self-guided journal and I think it's going to be amazing. I'll give you more info on that soon, but I just wanted you guys to be as excited as I am. Until then though, stick with the notes of your phone or a piece of paper, wherever it is that you want to write this down. And I want you to really sit and really think, you can pause this if you want, about what it is that makes you anxious. What little things are
are causing your mind to go crazy. Because sometimes the things that are driving us crazy are so simple to fix. I'm anxious because I have too much jewelry on. I'm anxious because I hate my outfit. I'm anxious because I don't like the way my makeup looks. So those are all things we can handle within a few minutes. And it's nice to discover those because when we think about them, the list kind of just adds up and it builds up. But when you write things down,
You realize how much control you have to situate some of these things. And as you're writing down what makes you anxious, you're also going to come across much deeper, much realer, much bigger issues that you might not have realized were causing your anxiety. But when it came and you started writing, it just started flowing and you were like, oh, wow, that's kind of deep. I know that one from personal experience because that's what happened when I made this little list. But that's a good thing.
It's a good thing to be aware and it's a good thing to know where to start when it comes to handling all of this and moving forward. I also learned from the TikTok that a lot of us, not the TikTok, wow, I meant the TED Talk. I also learned from the TED Talk that a lot of people don't have any coping resources when it comes to anxiety. They just kind of let it happen and they're stuck sitting with it and 80% more people fall down a path
Hold on, let me say that fact again. Actually, just scratch the whole fact thing. A lot of people don't have any coping resources. And if you're one of those people that don't have them or only have a few, I want to share with you guys everything that I have learned that has helped me.
Because I know that it can help you too. Also, the bullet point list of everything that's making you anxious, leave room for more. I'm sure that as time goes on, you're going to discover more things that make you anxious. And as you write them down, I want you to envision yourself pulling it out of you. It sounds cheesy, I know. But sometimes when we do exercises like that, they actually have a lot more power than we realize. You're pulling the anxiety out of you as you write it onto this paper.
And if it benefits you, I want you to rip up the piece of paper, burn the piece of paper. But if it benefits you more to keep them in front of you and keep it written, do that. We're all different. We're all going to experience things differently and we're all going to heal in different ways.
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Quick little intermission, you guys. We all know how important it is to prioritize the right things in our life. And maybe for you, that's prioritizing doing leg day at the gym or making sure you go for your hot girl walk. But how often are you prioritizing your mental health and making sure that therapy is a part of your weekly routine? If it's something that you've been open to, if it's something that you've been considering, I highly recommend BetterHelp. And thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. And I'll see you in the next one.
I absolutely love BetterHelp. I love therapy. I have talked about it over and over and over again. And that is for a reason. It is the greatest thing ever. Having an outlet and a person to talk to about what you're going through and getting unbiased opinions and advice is so, so beneficial.
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Okay, into how we're going to handle this and how we're going to get past these really, really tough moments. Coping resource number one is simply take control of your life. Yes, it's easier said than done. I know that, but I also learned a fact. People who have control of their life are 80% less likely to struggle with their mental health. I want to be in that 80% less likely, so I want to take control of my life.
It's important to become the driver of your life instead of running around as a passenger. You choose what life does for you. Don't just sit back and watch what life does to you. And one of the ways that Olivia, the girl who led this TED Talk, advised for us to take control of our lives, she said, do things badly. And at first, I was like, what? No, I'm way too much of a perfectionist. I don't want to do things badly. I want things to be perfect all the time.
Do you know what she said right after I was thinking that to myself? She goes, you're probably thinking no. You're probably waiting until everything's perfect and that's when you're going to start it. I went into a literal shock. I was like, why is this girl in my mind? Why does she know exactly what I'm thinking? And I realized, oh, she's probably struggled with the same thing. And that's why we're here. We're learning from each other.
And you're probably thinking the same thing too. Let me explain what she meant by this. As someone who has anxiety, a lot of us struggle with indecisiveness, perfectionism, the constant need to do things the right way and when they're ready to be done. And then she shared this quote. I don't remember who the quote was by, but the quote was, anything worth doing is worth doing badly the first time. And she explained how this is a practice that works because...
it speeds up our decision-making and it catapults us straight into action. Therefore, instead of overthinking, instead of overanalyzing, instead of everything having to be perfect, we just do it and we improve as we go. And about five minutes after watching the TED Talk, I was sitting down making the outline for what I wanted to talk about in this podcast. I had such an oh-my-gosh moment.
Because I realized that I've used this before. I've done this practice literally so many times in my life. And I'm so grateful for it. And I'll explain kind of how I've done it because I'm sure maybe you don't realize that you've even done this too. But just taking action and making leaps really does work. I mean, my friend texted me and asked me if I wanted to move to Hawaii. And without overthinking it, without overanalyzing it, without making it perfect, I said yes.
and I moved to Hawaii and learned some of the most important life lessons that I think I'm ever going to learn in my life. I also haven't told you too much on this situation, but I bought a van from someone knowing really nothing about it, and I took the leap. And you know, the first time it went badly. The whole van thing blew up. It's a hot mess.
But I learned from it. I learned a lesson, and now I'm not so anxious to make a big decision like this in the future because the first time, I just sent it. I did it badly, and I didn't give myself time to say no to be indecisive to overthink. I just did. And, you know, the same thing goes for this podcast. I didn't do it badly the first time, but I went into it without knowing how to do anything or where to start.
But I just tackled the fear. And instead of waiting for the perfect moment, I did it. I just went for it. And I think that it is so important for us all to do that. It's important for us all to find ways to shift our anxiety into excitement. And it's easier said than done, yes, but it all starts with our thoughts. It starts with shifting the way that we're thinking. And I know, at this point, you guys are probably like, Lexi, how many times are you going to tell us it all starts with our mindset?
over and over and over again. I'm never going to stop because it is the one thing that will change your life. I want you to remember the word shift. My therapist taught me this and it's been a game changer. She always says when you're feeling negative thoughts, when you're feeling super anxious or you're feeling super overwhelmed to just shift that thought process and change it into happy thoughts, good thoughts instead of
What if this goes wrong? We say, what if this goes right? What if everything works out in my favor? And boom, a lot of other things will change in your life too. So if you're journaling and if you're writing things down or you're typing in your notes, I also want you to write shifting statements. So think about some of the negative thoughts that go through your mind. The ones that you feel are just on repeat in your mind. And write them down and then write underneath them
Write a shift statement, something to say to yourself instead. For example, instead of saying, oh, I should have worked out today, I'll say, I'm so glad I gave my body time to rest today. Start with little things like that and apply them every single day. And eventually it becomes a habit.
And we learn to forgive ourselves and to be graceful with ourselves, which leads me into the next coping resource that Olivia talked about in this TED Talk, which is simply forgiving yourself. When we're super anxious, we are so evil to ourselves. We constantly talk down about ourselves. We talk about why we're insecure and everything we hate about ourselves. Why do we do that? I don't know.
But imagine you had a friend who constantly told you what they didn't like about you. What we would do almost immediately is eliminate that friend from our life. Whether we realize it or not, you are your friend. The voice in your mind, your subconscious, is your friend. And we don't want to be talking to ourselves like that. It's not going to help us get anywhere. It's simply going to cause us more pain and more struggle.
So you have to be kind to yourself. You have to be supportive of yourself. And you have to forgive yourself. You got to treat yourself with compassion. We can't heal without this step.
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So I have another little journal exercise for you. I want you to write down everything that you forgive yourself for. And I mean all the little things. For example, some of the things I'm going to write down are I forgive myself for being so irresponsible because I beat myself up about it constantly. But honestly, I'm not going to change that irresponsibleness by beating myself up about it.
I think the way I'm going to move forward from it is forgiving myself for it. Because in a way, for me, I see it as closing the chapter and starting a new one. And I'm no longer irresponsible. In a whole different TED Talk I watched last night, it talked about how warning labels and threatening people doesn't actually help them change their behavior. But what does is signs of progress.
So to me, writing down that I forgive myself for it is progress. Does that make any sense? I don't know if you guys are like getting how I'm connecting the dots here. I don't really get it, but in my brain it does make sense. So let me know if I'm crazy. But I'm also going to forgive myself for sleeping in because, you know, I can't change that. I can't change the fact that I couldn't get out of bed until 11 the other day. But I can move forward and start waking up earlier and
I'm going to forgive myself for sometimes my lack of responding to messages or to emails because I just get so overwhelmed and too anxious to even look at my phone or look at my messages. And I'm going to forgive myself for that. And I've found it to be a super helpful exercise. It's never something I really thought to journal, but as I was writing this kind of outline for this episode...
It came to me and I did it and wow. You feel a lot different when you're kind to yourself and when you treat yourself like you're your best friend. You would never, ever say the things to your best friend that you sometimes say to yourself. So don't say them to yourself anymore. And if you catch yourself doing it, shift the phrase, shift the statement. These things are going to take time, but these exercises are going to make all the difference.
The last one that I want to share with you guys, not the last one, the last one that I just learned about that I want to share with you guys is finding your purpose. And I talked a lot about this in episode two, rediscovering yourself, but we have to find what we're passionate about and we have to find our purpose. And the TED Talk that I was listening to said something really deep and powerful. It's kind of a lot, but it was a quote from...
Someone, I'm not sure who, and I'm totally going to butcher the quote, but I'm still going to do my best to get the point across. But the quote was something like, when people say there's nothing to live for, the key is getting them to realize that life is still expecting something from them.
And it really just made me realize how much of a miracle each of us are. I mean, there's basically a 0% chance that we were born, yet we're here, and we have this opportunity to create change in the world, to help one another, to be good people, to do what we love, yet we're still looking for reasons not to do that. But life needs us. And I want you to start doing things with other people in mind. I think it's something that's helped a lot with my journey is...
When I kind of share the things I've struggled with and I share the things I've learned, it helps me with my own mental health. And I've been super blessed to have a platform like this where I can share these things. But share everything you learn with someone. And it's a very rewarding feeling. And I've never really thought too much about how this is something that's actually affected my mental health. But when I heard about it in the TED Talk, I was like, wow, that actually does make me feel really good.
When I do things to help other people. And I'm sure that it can help a lot of us. If you see your best friend struggling with something, your sibling struggling with something, teach them what you know. Help them tackle what they're struggling with. And I think it's going to make you feel a lot better than you realize. Now, those are the three things that I learned when I was doing all this research about anxiety that I think are really going to help me moving forward.
But I do want to share a couple things with you that I do and that I already have done that help with my anxiety. And I would consider these to be more like physical and they help me a lot with my physical anxiety. But there are little things that I always talk about. And you hear people all over social media telling you to do them more all the time. Drinking more water, going for walks, taking time for self-care, staying active, working out.
And we hear it so many times, but in so many cases, we just don't do it. And I think that's because we don't realize how much it can actually help us and how much of a difference it actually does make. So I encourage you to actually, I'm going to give you a list of things and I want you to write them all down or write down your favorites or the ones that resonate with you the most or the things that you think you'll actually do.
And I want you to make it a goal for the next week, this whole entire week, today, tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to do one of these things and to see if it helps you with where you're at mentally. And even if you're in a good place mentally, I want you to do these things anyways because you deserve to and you deserve to be happy and you deserve to feel good and you deserve to move your body and take care of yourself because you
It does so much for us. The least we can do is give it some time in our day. All right, starting with going for a walk, reading a book, taking a bath, baking cookies, going for a bike ride, watching the sunrise or watching the sunset, journaling, drinking a gallon of water, eating your favorite dessert, doing some kind of physical activity with your body, calling your best friend, calling your parents, calling your grandparents,
going to the movies, putting money in your piggy bank, getting your nails done. I'm trying to think of more things, but that's all I got right now. And I'm sure you guys can come up with other things that help you and your mental health. But my challenge for you this week, it's like a homework assignment, but it's literally not a homework assignment at all. And if you can't do it, that's okay. Do something for yourself every single day.
Do something that's going to make you feel good and it's going to light you up inside. That's your mission. Because we can hear so much advice and we can listen to it over and over and over again, but we're not going to experience a change until we actually do it. So take the first step, get the momentum, and just go for it. Even if it's out of your comfort zone, that's exactly what's going to help you get past this, is stepping out of your comfort zone. I believe in you. Make sure you're breathing.
You're inhaling everything that makes you feel good and everything that feels like good energy and you're exhaling what you don't need. What's making you anxious, what's stressing you out, what is causing you pain. Release it with each breath. That's another exercise that I actually love to do when I'm super, super anxious. So try it. Let me know how it goes. But I want you guys to know that you're going to get through this. You're going to get past it. It's just a wave. Life is a wave.
We're going to be on top of the world and we're going to get pushed underwater sometimes. And that's okay. We're learning. We're growing. It's part of the journey. It's part of the process. Be grateful for it. I want to share one more thing that helps me kind of get past a lot of my anxiety. And that's simply yoga. Try yoga. I want to post a video on YouTube kind of teaching a flow. So if you guys want me to do that, let me know because I would be happy to do it. But if it's something you're open to trying, there's a bunch of really good videos on YouTube already.
And it doesn't hurt to try new things. And that's one thing that really, really helped me. But I love you guys. And I am grateful for you guys. And I am so happy this podcast is still going. It's still rolling. You're all amazing. And I wouldn't be here without you. And I'm really excited because in the next few weeks, I think we're going to have some more guests on the podcast. You guys can guess who if you want. But it's going to be awesome.
just like you guys okay I'll see you next Monday I hope you guys are smiling I love you goodbye