Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hello my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast I cannot even begin to describe to you the kind of day that i'm having one of those days where It feels impossible to catch your breath Like I knew that coming into this monday I was gonna have a nice big fat long to-do list because this weekend was so much fun and See, I literally can't even breathe right now um
No, but this weekend was so much fun. And I celebrated my Kulani launch. My brother graduated high school. My mom's best friend, also known as my second mother, had her 50th birthday party. And we had too much fun. So I also think I'm having a little bit of that anxiety still lingering around on like the third day after drinking alcohol. That's a whole other discussion that we can get into at a later date because you know how I feel about it. But am I going to stop taking shots? Absolutely not.
Point here, lots going on in my brain, lots to catch up on today. And this morning was really, really frustrating because on the days that I have a lot to do, I really try to get up and go to the sunrise because when I start my day hours earlier, the day feels longer and I feel more productive and I can breathe easier.
But this morning, I tried to wake up, my alarm went off, and what I did was I took my phone off the charger, I turned the alarm off, told myself I was going to go back to sleep, and gave myself grace for it, allowed myself in my mind to catch up on sleep.
But I didn't. I just kept waking up like every 10 minutes with this insane feeling of holy shit. Excuse my language. I can't breathe. I have so much to do. But I physically wouldn't get out of bed because I had so much to do. And I knew that once I got up, I had to start doing the things.
I still got out of bed around 9, 9.30, but I don't know if anyone else has ever experienced that feeling. It's like a really crippling feeling, and I used to experience it a lot when I was living in Hawaii, which I think had a lot to do with why I was going down such a bad path and such a bad spiral because in Hawaii, that sleep-in time was much later. Thankfully now, I'm back on a better wake-up schedule. The point is when you start a day like that, the rest of the day just feels – it's hard to come back from that.
And I've been doing everything in my power to come back from it. By the time I got out of bed, fed Leah, walked Leah, went and worked out. Thought that that would make me feel better. And I just felt angry in my workout. It was the strangest thing. And finally, by right now, I'm starting to feel slightly better mentally. But physically, my body is just not reacting nicely to anything today. I'm super shaky. Can't catch my breath.
Anxieties through the roof. And quick side note, I got my brain scan evaluation. I'm going to do a whole podcast episode telling you everything about that because the results are so cool. It's crazy how much sense it makes. You know, obviously, it is my brain scanned. Of course, everything is going to be relatable to me. But...
Something about the doctor just explaining things to me and like making me feel so normal. And I guess finally being properly diagnosed with the kind of ADHD I have, it was really comforting and really cool. And there's so much I want to share. But one of the things that was honestly the most impactful to understanding myself was that
One of the scans scans the activity in your brain and sees what's the most active in my basal ganglia Which is basically the part of my brain responsible for Sense of calm is super super active and to feel more calm. You want that to be less active? But even at rest because they scan my my brain in two states They scanned it hard at work in concentration And once at rest my basal ganglia was going off like those guys were lit as heck um
And she was just kind of asking, she's like, are you constantly stressed even if you don't have too much to be stressed about or worried about the future? And I was like, girl, you're preaching to the choir. I'm not even the choir. I'm the CEO of just always being overwhelmed. And you guys have listened to this podcast enough to know that. So it's just comforting to see that.
There obviously are going to be things I do in the future to work on fixing that and calming down that section of my brain but knowing that that's why I feel that way makes it a little bit easier to feel that way. So all throughout today, I'm telling you, those guys are on overdrive right now. The basal ganglia is going crazy.
Because I physically it is stopping me from being able to catch my breath but I am human and we all have those days and I wanted to still sit down and record because one I know that you're probably feeling this too or have before and two because talking to you guys really does bring me a Sense of peace that I can't explain it. It just does I think it's it's basically like having a therapy session with all of my best friends in one place and
Also, just sitting down and regrouping my thoughts and recollecting everything. I just blanked. Point is, let's move on. I wanted to do a little advice session. I really like these because they align really nice in my mind because a lot of the advice that I'm going to share with you when I read through these responses on my Instagram story are a lot of the things that I need advice on myself. And
Sometimes the only way I take my own advice or actually process what I'm going through and feeling is by doing this, which is a whole nother reason I recommend we should all talk to someone or you should journal or I don't know, talk to yourself. I talk to my dog about things I'm going through because I have witnessed in my own personal life how beneficial it is to just talk, not even to a therapist. Of course, therapy, a huge advocate for it, but
Just talk and write and feel and process what you're going through and give yourself advice sometimes. You know, other people's advice is very valuable. I'm happy to give you advice, but sometimes you need to sit down and figure out things for yourself because the advice I give you might be different than the advice that you actually need, if that makes any sense. So I'm just going to deep dive into it. I'm also recording a second episode. I'm recording next week's episode after I record this one.
And that one, what I had you guys do, actually, just listen to next week's episode and you'll see. I'm not going to ramble your ear off about it now. But quickly before I get into it, I just want to say thank you guys so much for all of your love and support on the Kulani Collection. It has been a dream come true. I hope that each of you know
This collection wouldn't exist. I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have been able to create any of this if it wasn't for your support through it all. And I don't know if you're sick of hearing me tell you how much I love you, but there's never, there's no words that can put it. What am I saying? There's no amount of words I can say to explain to you how much it means to me.
that we were able to launch this collection and that we can twin all summer. And if you want to go shop, please go shop. I have put a lot of energy and time and work and passion and purpose into this collection with the Kulani team. So please just go check it out. Put it on the wish list. I'm going to be talking about the collection for a while, even if you can't get it this second. Just thank you and I love you.
Let's get into some advice. These are kind of personal attacks. The first four things on here are hitting me right in the heart. So we're going to start with those. The first one I have is how to manage having so many passions and so many dreams. You're preaching to the choir. I don't have too much advice on this because it's one of those that I'm really doing my best to still figure out and work through. But if life has taught me one thing, it is that the things that you are the most...
meant to do the things that God has placed on your path or again whatever higher power it is that you believe in has placed on your path are the things that you are going to end up doing I am someone with a squirrel brain I start 10 million projects that I don't finish and I'm really blessed and I'm really lucky that this job and this career kind of allows for me to do that and
But overall, it can be really, really overwhelming to have all these different ideas and passions of things that you want to do or accomplish or start the journey of. And I think one thing that has helped me get through that and be able to calm down my squirrel brain is just trust and patience and reminding myself that the things that truly mean the most to me and I am the most passionate about will find their way to come to fruition.
And I've just also had to accept that I'm going to start a lot of projects I'm not going to finish. It's in my blood. It's physically in my brain scan. I know that now. But my doctor basically told me, you got to know, you got to just accept that this is who you are and you can't change it. And although it might feel frustrating at times, it's also your superpower. It gives you so much room to try new things and to, and to,
take new ventures and a lot of people aren't blessed to have that in their mind you know they got their heart set on one thing and that also has a lot of pros and cons so I think truly just accepting if you are someone with a lot of goals and passions and dreams accepting that you're not going to be able to do them all not accepting it in a sad way or a
cry for me way, just in a, okay, I'm going to finish what I meant to finish. And the other things will either find their way back into my life at a later date, or it wasn't something I was supposed to do in the first place. And that brings me a lot of peace and a lot of ease. And hopefully it can do the same for you. And that being said, don't ever be afraid to have so many dreams and passions. A
love to shut down the people who have a lot of dreams and passions and one thing I'm constantly telling myself is a lot of times the people who tell you it's impossible to accomplish those things or it's silly or it's stupid or risky or unreliable are often the people who haven't tried the people who don't want to take that leap or who don't want to chase their own passions or
Essentially they're projecting and it can be discouraging when people aren't rooting for you in the beginning of this whole little social media journey. I got so much of that and I still do to this day.
The thing is now it doesn't phase me because I know what I want. I know what I can do. I know what I'm going to do. And I really don't have time for other people's opinions. I barely have time to breathe and sleep at night. I'm not going to waste the time that I do have and I'm not going to waste the energy that I do have on people who barely know me and people who haven't even gone for their own ventures, you know? We're going to move on. But I could talk about that one all day long.
Do you guys like hear me not breathing? I'm going to yawn real quick. I'm pausing. All right, I'm back. Took a few deep breaths. Hopefully that helps me for the rest of this episode. The next one I have is how to be consistent at something like a routine or the gym without getting bored. Again, like I said, another personal attack. I struggle with this one.
But I also, in this past year, just 2023 alone, have found a lot of ways to make it more doable. So I'm going to share those with you. And I think I've also done full podcast episodes on this. So somewhere in them, you'll find it. Just if you scroll through. Anyways.
I made it a goal of mine to be more physically active, to wake up earlier, and to go to sunrise. And once I got into those habits, I realized why people make them habits. I was always one to say, well, you know, morning routine doesn't work for everyone. That may be true for some people, but for me, it proved to work. It proved to make me feel better throughout the day, give me more energy, more time. I felt better about myself mentally and physically. I...
Just felt more in control of my own life. I felt like I was driving the car instead of sitting in the backseat or in the trunk. There's been points in my life where I just think that life has been throwing me around, not even buckled up. I'm in the trunk going back and forth and side to side. Whoever was driving was slamming on the brakes, slamming on the gas. Point is...
The only way to realize that you like to be consistent with something is to start doing it. And it's such a hard pill to swallow because it's such a hard thing to do. And it is so aggravating when people tell me, just do it. The only way you're going to know is if you just do it. But it's so real and it's so true. And I really had to sit down with myself at the beginning of this year, whip out a journal.
And write a letter motivating myself because there are so many people in the world who can tell you to get up and to do these things. But if you don't believe that you need to do it and if you don't believe that you need to make a change in your life, you're never going to do it. You have to be the one to make the decision. You have to be the one who's ready. But the point really here is just how to stay consistent, not how to start. I just wanted to throw in those starting pieces too.
Staying consistent can be difficult. For me, I'm someone who I'll be really good for a while and then I'll lose it and I'll never go back to it. And this year I've been working on reminding myself that just because I take a day off or if I take some time off or if I get bored of it, I can take breaks and it's still going to be there. I can go back. Take sunrise, for example. In January, I'm going to be able to go back to it.
I think I was in the ocean more days of the month than there were days. Like, I was in the ocean 50 times even if there were 30 days in the month. I was going multiple times a day because at the time, that's what was really healing for me. And it got... I don't want to say it got old, but it got a little bit harder for me to keep up with that. So...
In these past few weeks, I've been giving myself a lot of grace, trusting that I will go back to going to Sunrise every day as soon as I'm ready to do so. And I really do think giving yourself grace and compassion is something that will help you stay consistent in the long run. Obviously, if we're talking short term here, yeah, be hard on yourself, be determined, bully yourself into doing things that are good for you.
But if you want to see a real lifestyle change and you want to see long-term goals come into fruition and long-term routines get set into place, you have to accept that you're going to have days where you're going to need breaks. And whether it's for your own mental health or your physical health, whatever it is, there's going to be days off. And that's okay. When you patient with yourself and you give yourself that time, it gets easier to carry on the trait for a longer period of time.
I really hope you guys are picking up what I'm putting down because when I'm thinking about what I'm saying, it makes sense. But I don't know if it makes any sense when it comes out in words. Classic. Classic me. Anyways, we're moving on to the next one. I believe in you. Just trust that you want it to be a lifestyle change, not a short-term change because when we change things short-term, we don't see any long-term differences. And the whole point of setting these routines and goals and things for ourself is to see long-term change, not short-term.
Next up, I have how to find yourself again. One of my most listened to podcast episodes, if not the most listened to podcast episode, is the second one I ever recorded. And I think it's called Rediscovering Yourself or How to Get Your Sparkle Back or I'm not sure the exact title, but it's the second episode I ever uploaded. If you want to listen to that, I recommend it. I think that there was some good stuff in there. And I don't have all that information.
I don't have all that content cooked up in my brain right now to share with you, but I will tell you the few things I do have. One is, and I've heard it, I've said it many times before, take that alone time and embrace it and take it in. If you want to find yourself, you have to be okay with being with yourself and you have to love being with yourself. And this is a huge one where I say, pull out the journal, look in the mirror, say your affirmations.
Spend time with yourself take yourself on dates do activities where you don't need other people to be around and I'm not saying isolate yourself for the next three months of your life But make sure that the people in your life are aware that you need your alone time Tell your parents your boyfriend your partner your best friend. I'm doing this for me. I'm totally fine I'm just trying to get in touch with myself and learn more about myself because I
You're going to learn, whether you like it or not, the most about yourself when you're by yourself. And I think that that is the first step in finding yourself again. And I would also say I find myself a lot when I do things for my inner child, when I let myself laugh really hard, when I go outside and dance in the sprinklers or I play in the rain or I swim in the pool like I'm a mermaid and I do flips and dives and all that stuff. Healing your inner child first.
is going to help you find who you want to be in the future. 110%. And I don't have any science behind that. I don't have a deeper explanation for that. It's just something I know because I've watched it happen in my own life time and time again. When I'm acting like a little child, I feel the best. And I feel the most confident in my own skin. And I honestly think...
Part of the reason that is is because when we're young we don't really care what other people think you know We're naive and no one has told us what's acceptable and what's unacceptable. We haven't scrolled on tik-tok yet and I think that's something we all need to be more in touch with so when I like to heal my inner child I just go play outside and I also like to volunteer with little kids because There is nothing that makes you feel young again like hanging out with little kids and
And I mean that. So yeah, those would be my two tips for this is spend time with yourself and heal your inner child and journal. Journal constantly about all of the states that you're in and all of the different mental spirals you go down because you'll learn a lot about yourself. I did an episode on that too somewhere recently about self-reflection. Okay.
Next one I have is boys, guys. I usually don't feel like I can speak on this one, but I kind of think that I can now. And I've talked about it in other advice sessions. But as a relationship girlie, I've been in a relationship for two months now, which I know doesn't sound that long. But for me, it's a very, very, very long time. And it's been a huge adjustment. But I will say when it comes to advice on boys and guys, the number one thing you got to know is your worth.
I know that so many of us have put the bar on the floor and we've set the bar so low for what we think is a good guy and we got to check ourselves. Okay. We deserve an old love, a true love, a love like the notebook. I love where you get flowers when you don't really expect them and good morning texts and someone who makes you feel loved and seen and heard and cared for. And like you're the only person in their life or the only love in their life. Um,
And it's crazy to say, but that still exists. You know, gentlemen are still out there and there is real love. And the thing is, though, you're only going to find that if you're treating yourself with the love that you deserve. Because here's one of my favorite quotes. You only accept the love you think you deserve. So if you're not loving yourself and you're not taking care of yourself and you're not treating your own self well,
With the care and the self-respect. And if you're not listening to yourself and talking to yourself kindly, the people who come into your life in the future are going to see that and they're going to take advantage of that. And they are going to also treat you poorly. And they are not going to love you right and not take care of you. But if you...
Set yourself to a certain standard and you give yourself proper love the people that you attract are going to do the same and Say you attract some people who don't treat you with that love that you deserve You'll be aware you will know immediately that that is someone you don't want in your life that that is someone to drop to get rid of and you will and
Because you will have enough self-respect for yourself to know your worth, enough to let go of someone who's not going to see it and not going to love you and add to your life and enhance your sparkle. Another way I think you should know if someone is the right, and honestly, I know I'm giving guy advice here, but I think this is just relationship advice in general for whoever you love, whatever kind of people you love, you know, and anyone you bring into your life for that matter. Where was I going with that? Where was I going with that?
I'm not totally sure. But really, just know your worth and don't stand for people who don't treat you with the respect that you deserve. And I'm going to just leave it at that because there are still people out there. And also when it comes to guys, they have a brain that develops a lot slower than a female's. It's always going to be that way. No matter how old of a guy you're dating, I talked to some guy who was 27, and I'm pretty sure he was still more immature than me. I'm 22.
But that's just how the male species works. And you kind of have to train them. You kind of have to talk to them. And when I say talk to them, you have to work on your own communication skills. You can't expect people...
to understand if you're not clearly communicating. That's another quote that has stuck with me for a very long time because I have a very hard time being confrontational, talking about my feelings, which is odd because on a podcast and on the internet, I can overshare every detail of my life. But when it comes to my closer relationships, I have a very hard time opening up about my emotions, my feelings, what I need more from people. And I've gotten a lot better at it. Like with my best friend, for example, when something's really on my mind, I'm like,
I'm very good at communicating with her and same thing goes with my mom and now I'm just carrying it into every relationship in my life but you got to learn how to communicate what you're going through and I think the first step and here I go I'm circling back to it because it's one of the most important things we can do in this life you first have to understand what it is you're feeling and and what you need to communicate so whip out the journal figure out what you want to tell someone because if you don't even know what you need how are you going to communicate it properly
You know what I'm saying? That's that on that. We're going to move on to the next one. I'm scrolling. I'm scrolling. Believing in the process all by yourself without the need of reassurance from other people. Damn, I want to do a whole podcast episode on this one because it hits so hard. I want to do an episode talking about the difference between wanting validation and needing validation.
I think that validation can be a good thing. I'm a words of affirmation. That's my love language. Top tier, always will be, especially in my friendships and my relationships with people that I look up to. Let's say, for example, older people, my mom, my manager.
work friends like I love words of Affirmation, I really appreciate when people tell me that they're proud of me that I'm doing just fine that I'm making it happen that Yada yada yada you get the point. I think that's different than needing validation Needing validation is something where you cannot accomplish anything without other people telling you that you're doing good enough and I
That all comes back to being able to trust in yourself, just like this advice little box said. How do you trust yourself though? Well, first of all, I want you to think about how far you've made it already. You have gone through so much. You have proved yourself, not to others, but to yourself time and time again. You have already been through struggles. Life has handed you a lot of crap and you have proven that you can handle it.
There is no need to doubt yourself moving forward. Most of you listening to this, I'm sure, are at least above 10 years old, which means for the past 10 years, you've been doing it. And you deserve to trust yourself. And if you're not someone who has an easy time trusting yourself, because when I've learned about all this brain scans, we all have different wired brains. There's people who trust themselves like no other, and there's people who can't do it for the life of them just because of having a different brain.
Which makes a lot of sense. But if you have a hard time trusting yourself, I really want you to work on trusting a higher power. I'm not going to sit here and force Christianity upon you because it's just not something I believe in. I believe in sharing a religion just by living like a good person, yada, yada, yada.
But whatever religion you feel the most drawn to, the most connected to, have faith in a higher power. Or even if it's the universe, if you want to trust the universe and see angel numbers and take them as signs, that is what I recommend you do because that is something that has helped me so much. There truly are signs everywhere when you're looking for them. And
That gives me enough peace of mind and enough confidence that I'm going to get through all of the things. And I've gotten a lot closer with Jesus in the past year or so. I've been going to church every Sunday. I finally found a church that actually feels like they love everyone and want everyone to be included. A lot of Christian churches I didn't get that from. It's a discussion for another day. But...
I finally found somewhere where I feel everyone is loved and everyone is welcome. And that sense of community has helped me a lot too. And I just, I think that if you're having a hard time trusting yourself, first work on having faith in whatever it is. And eventually that trust for yourself starts to show itself a little bit more. And I can only say that so confidently because I've watched it happen in my own life where
All of the advice I give you is things that I've personally experienced, I've personally learned, or things I'm working on in my own life. I'm not just like whipping things off the internet that don't relate to me at all. That's why this podcast is so special to me. It's just me and you and everything I'm learning. And yeah, I'm going to stop rambling about it. We're going to move on to the next one. But the moral of the story on that one is to just...
Take it one step at a time. Look at what you've already made it through. Know that you are only going to continue to make it through things and work on finding faith in something. Next up I have, I'm scrolling, I'm scrolling, I'm scrolling. Hold on. Just give me one second. Down a slippery slope of negative body image. I'm going to make this the last one because this is one that we all have a hard time with. I think everyone listening to this podcast knows.
has dealt with this before. And I did a whole podcast episode with my therapist on body image. We just kind of talked about why we struggle with it and how it has an effect on us and comparison and judgment and, and how it works in the mind and the body. So you can find that episode if you want to, but my advice for you right now on that one is, is simply to just know that you are so much more than a body.
And I really like to look at myself in the mirror when I talk about these things because they're so much easier said than done. But you are more than a body. You are a soul. You are a mind that is so bright and so vibrant and is going to do so many beautiful things. And the way that you look is the least interesting thing about you. And you also...
look beautiful just as you are. And now I can totally understand there's times where I struggle with my body image because I'm actually not taking care of myself and I don't feel my best. Therefore, of course, I don't look my best and I know that I can do more things to take care of myself. But there are other times where I am putting in the work. You know, I'm staying active. I'm eating foods that are good for me and that are fueling and I still kind of struggle with the way that I naturally look. And
That's where you really got to sit down and just come to terms with who you are and what you look like. And not, again, like not in this bad way, in a beautiful way. You are a unique, one-of-a-kind human being that comes from ancestors and ancestors and ancestors from all the way down the line. And you deserve to feel beautiful because you are beautiful just the way that you are. You don't have to change anything. And you should never...
Take anything away from yourself.
You deserve to fuel yourself and to move your body and to love your body. And when it comes to body image, I think that that's just the number one tip is looking in the mirror and faking it until you make it. Because eventually we get to a point where we can love ourselves just as we are. And we can stop pouring energy into what we look like physically and start pouring energy into the things that actually matter and the things that we actually care about, whether it's our passions or our dreams or our
whatever ventures we want to chase. When I'm struggling the most with my body image, I feel the least capable of accomplishing things. And that sounds so silly because why would my physical body have anything to do with what I'm going to do with my future? Who knows? It's just like the tricks that our mind plays on us. And obviously social media and comparison and judgment, none of that helps in this situation. But I think my other tip is just to scroll past what hurts you and
And it's no offense to whoever it is video that you're like just scrolling past because you don't want to see it. Like it's just as simple as I can't handle that right now. I want to love me and seeing other people look different than me isn't really working for me. I can scroll past it and it's no harm done. And you just got to know that you do have control of that.
And you've got to remind yourself, again, you are the driver in your own life. Don't sit in the back seat. Don't sit in the trunk. Don't even be the passenger. I want your foot on the gas and on the brake, and I want both hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel. You control your life, right? So that's the moral of the story on this whole podcast episode. Be in control and take it easy and be kind to yourself and know your worth and love yourself. And I really think that this was a lot of an episode of just –
you know, prioritizing you and you can prioritize you without taking away from anything else that you have going on or anyone else in your life that you love or you make time for. You can still prioritize yourself because like I always say, you're the only one who got forever and that's always going to prove to be true. No matter which way you flip it, twist it or turn it, you're the only one who's sticking around until the day you die, you know? And that's all I got. I'm going to leave it at that.
But I love you guys. You have already made it so much easier for me to breathe today. You have no idea. I am so grateful for everything that you do in my life. And I can't wait to see where the future takes us. And I'm not going to put pressure on it. I'm just going to see what happens. I'm going to see where we go. And we're going to take it one day at a time. And we're going to go with the freaking flow.
And I want you to do the same because it's all going to work out. I pinky promise you. And if you listen to this episode and you like advice sessions, I never know how people feel about them. So just DM me and be like, hey, I really like when you do advice sessions. You should do them more often. I'm happy to do so. But I love you. And I'll talk to you next Monday. And next Monday we're going to be simply appreciating the beauty of life because we don't do it enough. And that's all I got. I'll talk to you soon.