90: How taking baby steps will change your mindset
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Hey, hi, hello. Hello, my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. I have been very much re-inspired to pour more of my effort and my energy and my time into this podcast because there's a lot of reasons but one of those is because I've been listening to more podcasts recently and I've seen what they've been able to do for my own mental health and my sanity and I

and just the way that I feel about myself and the world and what I'm doing with my time and what I'm consuming. So it just, it sparks some interest in me to notice that other things can do that for me and I want to be able to do that same thing for other people. I mean that's why I started doing social media in the first place and I have this beautiful opportunity to do so. Obviously I've said this before and I'm working on all my things and honestly that's all going to have a lot to do with what I'm talking about specifically today but

I have been feeling inspired and I love when I get that spark of inspiration and motivation because good things come from that and I just can't wait to share

Everything that I'm about to talk to you with you. I'm still a little bit congested So if I sound a little funky, that's why or maybe I sound normal. I don't know I also want to start opening these podcasts with if you're a new listener If you're someone who has never listened to the podcast before as I started listening to them I realized most people do a little intro and they're like, oh, hey, I'm this welcome to the podcast if you're just finding this episode or this podcast for the first time and

I'm Lexi, I'm 22, I have no idea what I'm really doing with my life, but I'm having fun while I'm doing it and I'm taking everything that I learn along this journey and I want to share it with you. That's why I'm here, that's what we're here to do. I talk a lot about mental health, I talk a lot about what's going on in my life and how it can relate to your life and how really we're all just little people on this crazy big earth trying to figure out how to do it and how it goes, but the number one goal is to have fun while we do it. So let's get into it. Today's episode...

is all about the importance of taking baby steps and knowing, oh, I just realized I have to pause this really quick and go get my journal because I want to read you the journal entry that sparked all of this. All right, I'm back. I know that when I do that and I say I've got to pause, you guys don't hear a pause, but I had to. Anyways, I'm in a ramble mood today and I think it's a good one. So let's just deep dive. I have been having...

quite the funk, like quite the spiral of ups and downs and mostly just feeling really, really anxious and overwhelmed by all the things that were on my plate. And if you've been listening long enough, or if you're human, oftentimes the more overwhelmed we feel and the more things that we have to do, the less things we feel capable of doing, even the small tasks start to feel like a chore. And I let it get to a point where it was feeling pretty bad and

pretty I don't want to say dramatic because it wasn't and everything I was feeling was valid but while I was going through that I wanted to record an episode just in like the depths of my pain but if you've ever been through a funk like that or under the wave or at the bottom of the pole like

It felt impossible for me to sit down and turn the mic on and turn the camera on and start talking. Everything felt difficult. Posting an Instagram story felt difficult. It felt difficult to text people back. And I just don't want to feel like that anymore. And I finally today am at a point where I'm feeling a little bit better. And I'm feeling more hopeful. And I wrote this journal entry last night, two nights ago.

I'm going to read it to you now instead of just talking about it. And I think it might relate to a lot of you, whatever you're going through. I'm feeling a little bit better today. I'm feeling hopeful. I thought I have placed my mind to believe until it becomes true. I'm okay. I'm great. I have a roof over my head, a body that takes care of me and people to love in my life. I went to yoga today. My intention was baby steps.

The intention was created simply because I felt less flexible than I used to. So slowly but surely, starting with baby steps, I'll find my way back to where I once was. And even if I don't, that's okay too. However, throughout my flow, as my mind wandered and new thoughts blossomed, baby steps is something that can align in every aspect of my life right now. For example, I may not know how I used to journal so deeply and so often, but I do know that I'm here now and that's what matters. It may not be perfect, but it's something. And all things have value.

I may own a house right now that needs months of works and thousands of dollars in renovations, but why waste now thinking about what to do rather than noticing that today I painted a wall and I bought a trash can? It's progress. It's baby steps. So much is changing in my life and I've applied so much pressure on myself to add all of these new puzzle pieces to a pre-existing and already completed puzzle instead of simply starting a new puzzle.

When you add more beautiful things to your life, the big picture changes. I've got to stop chasing the idea that I'll be someone I used to be and instead become hopeful for the new me that I am becoming. Doing this isn't easy, in fact it's extremely difficult, but baby steps. Slowly but surely, every step is a part of the journey and that in itself, as we know, is the best part.

There is no destination. There's only evolving. And that's a forever journey. So at 80 years old, we're all still not going to be at the destination. I'm hopeful. Scratch that. I'm 100% sure that each of these changes are taking place in my life for a reason. I'm learning more about me, about love, and about the real world than I ever have before. And I know that the few moments I found myself under the wave recently are all worth it.

Because the love, hope, and joy I've also felt in this chapter of my life has brought me feelings I could have never explained to you a year ago or even a month ago. And for that I'm grateful. I'll keep taking baby steps, redesigning the puzzle, and I know that just like always, everything's going to be fine. This felt good to write. Baby steps.

So before I had written that journal entry, all of my past journal entries, every time I've tried to open this journal just ends up being like a very surface level. Here's kind of what I did today and here's what I'm feeling on the surface. And I was really frustrated with it. So after I wrote that, I was like, okay, something has clearly clicked and I don't know if it was going to yoga. I don't know if it was just reaching my breaking point and wanting to shift things around. But I finally felt it all come back, like my passion to feel good about myself and my

Something for me that I don't know if everyone can align with, but I know that some of us can, is I'm someone who really has to put the work in to feel okay and to be really happy. And that's not... I haven't always been like that in my life. I mean, since middle school, I've struggled with my mental health, but especially in the past few years, I've kind of noticed that my brain, if I'm not properly taking care of it, will send me down a negative spiral or I will just overlook all of my blessings and I'll forget how to appreciate things because...

I don't know. I just really have to put the work in to take care of my mental health and that's why it's something I'm so passionate about and that's why I'm always talking about mental health and that's why I just want to share with you all that it's okay to struggle because it is not something that comes naturally for me. And after I wrote that journal entry,

I just really did some deep dive thinking on baby steps and why they matter and how they can apply to every single thing in your life. You know, things don't happen overnight. You can't become the CEO of a humongous company overnight. You can't become a marathon runner overnight. You can't go from a depressive episode to the happiest human being in the world overnight. And I've just kind of realized that

That I want to apply this little motto of taking baby steps to every single thing that is going on in my life. And I want to share some of those examples with you because I don't know where you're at in your life. I don't know what it is you're struggling with, but maybe one of these things will resonate with you. And if they don't, maybe they can inspire you. I don't know.

I just want you to know that if you're doing anything, any little thing that is moving you in the right direction, you are doing something bigger than you even realize. And you are making way bigger steps in the long run, even if it feels like a tiny step right now. So one of the things that sparked my recent spiral is, and if you've been here long enough, again, if you've listened to other podcast episodes, I don't have a problem with drinking. I don't believe that I have a problem with drinking. I...

just love to have fun sometimes with my friends and I'm at the age where most of my friends when we do things socially and in a group setting it involves drinking and alcohol doesn't really respond with me well I don't just have your typical hangover I feel my world turn upside down for days and

I drank a couple nights this week just for friends' birthdays, and I wasn't even getting hammered. Like, I used to black out all the time just because, I don't know, I was in college, and I loved to have fun. And for me, that was really fun to not remember the night before. And yeah, I probably should talk about that more, but that's not what I'm talking about right now. I was just casually drinking, moderately drinking, whatever you want to call it. A few drinks, a couple shots. And I know that, I don't know, drinking amounts are different for everyone. I'm really just...

doesn't matter the point is I woke up on Sunday morning and I was really anxious and I wanted to cry and it was really stressed out and usually like when I'm by myself those situations are fine but I was with my boyfriend and that's a that's a whole nother thing I'm gonna get to next but I don't know I was almost forced to feel my feelings and evaluate like how do I move past this and I didn't like the way that it made me feel I don't didn't like what it was doing to my thoughts and I

I've gotten to the point where I don't think it's worth it anymore. I don't think it's worth it. And that being said, I really don't at all believe it's good for me and I don't like the person that it makes me, like, after the fact. But I have a really hard time not drinking in those social settings. And...

All of these moments and realizations in the past week made me want to learn more about what alcohol does to the brain and the body. I know a few things. I've kind of looked it up before and I've studied it before, but I've listened to like three podcasts now. I've read a bunch of articles, read a bunch of studies, skimmed over them at least, and...

next podcast you're going to hear from me is actually going to be what I learned and how I'm applying all of those lessons and facts into my life and what I'm going to change and hopefully how it's going to affect me positively. After doing all of that research, it really stuck with me that alcohol is not worth it. It's a drug and I have no judgment for anyone who drinks. I have said I'm not going to drink so many times before and I

I'm doing it again, but this time with the mindset that I'm going to take baby steps. I'm not going to say, "Okay, I'm never drinking again," because that's what I usually post on my private story on Snapchat the day after I have a night out. I'm saying, "I'm going to this event on Saturday, and I'm not drinking. I'm going to drive. I'm not going to have a beer. I'm not just going to have a sip. I'm quite literally going to throw myself into this social setting, and I'm not going to drink." And it's probably going to be really difficult for me

I know that it... You know, I really hate that I'm always justifying, like, I know this might not apply to everyone. I'm going to work on not doing that so much because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I struggle with it and that's okay and I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed of it either. We all got our things. So...

I know it's going to be hard to be in a social setting around a bunch of people that I'm usually drinking with. I'm a lot of fun when I drink. People love to have me around when I drink. I'm the life of the party. I make people take shots and I make all the drinking games happen and I will say it because I know it. And I love to be that person. So navigating how to not be that person yet still feel good about myself is going to be tough. And obviously I'm sure next podcast I do, I'll talk about that. But...

I just, I'm starting with one event and I'm taking that baby step. And when I get through it, because I know I'm going to get through it, I'm going to do it for another event. And then I'm going to say, okay, now I'm going to do two weeks. Now I'm going to do one month. And I'm pretty confident that once I can get past the social nerves and the social anxiety aspect of things, I'm really going to enjoy the way that I feel when I don't drink.

So I know that I'll want to keep doing it. It's going to keep inspiring me. It's going to keep making me want to do good for myself. It's baby steps, stepping stones towards a brighter future and towards building a better version of myself, right? So that's that. The next thing I'm applying my little baby steps motto to is having a boyfriend and being in a relationship. You know, the first few months were really easy for me because everything was so new and funky and fresh that like I wasn't really aware of

How my time was shifting. And how I was doing different things at different times. And I was prioritizing different things. And now that we've been together for almost exactly four months officially. I'm getting to a point where I can't really hide the weaker parts of myself. Or the parts of myself that I don't love as much from him. Because he is someone that I want to be with for a really long time. And I really love him. And I've always been so used to just hiding my weakness from people.

people that I'm interested in or people that I want to like me because I don't love it about myself and Just going through the spiral this week. I've had to realize I'm gonna have to share that with him at some point he's going to have to see me at my worst points and He's still going to love me and still going to appreciate me and he's going to be there for me And he wants to be there for me. I just like to handle everything on my own so

And I get really defensive too. When I'm going through a lot of things, if someone tries to help me, I get defensive. I'm like, no, just leave me alone. I'll get through it. I always do. I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't want to do anything. And I don't want to put my boyfriend through that. Like, I don't want to put anyone through that, but especially someone like this in my life, you know? And it's just a really big thing that I'm working on figuring out and I'm working on navigating. And my baby step for this is just that

I have to be okay with him seeing me weak and I have to be okay with him seeing me at my lowest points. Like a lot of times when my mental health is not at its peak, I don't really feel good about my physical health either. Like I just feel really, and I don't want appearance to matter to me, but for some reason it still does. Like

I feel gross. I break out. I don't take care of myself. I eat a bunch of processed junk and I don't work out because my energy is low. And I just, I'm like, I don't want him to see me like this. Like, I don't want to be intimate with someone when I feel disgusting about myself. But like, the thing is, this person loves me. And I know that they're still going to love me at my worst, but I just put this blockage up that...

I need to be alone until I'm back in my prime and I'm thriving again. And the thing is, I'm not always going to be like that. I'm not always going to be super tan and tip-top shape like the most confident, joyful little sunshine ball all the time. As much as I want to be, I'm a human. I'm going to have my downfalls and I'm going to have bad days and bad weeks. And he wants to be there for me. So my baby step is just slowly...

Letting him see the sides of me that I barely even let myself see. And I think that's a big one that applies in a lot of our lives. We just really do hide ourselves or hide the quote-unquote worst parts of ourselves from certain people because we don't even love that part of ourselves. And I'm the biggest advocate for you can't properly receive love until you've given it to yourself. And I need to give myself the love that

And then eventually, I'll be open to letting more people give me that love, if that makes any sense. Okay. The next one, kind of backpacking off of what I just said, is my physical health. Let's talk baby steps on physical health. Coming out of this spiral, and I don't even want to say coming out of it. I mean, I do because I'm hopeful and I'm already feeling so much better. But just...

Yeah, actually coming out of it because we all get to a point where the spiral lasts long enough and we're ready to pull ourselves back together. I do think it's valuable though to spend the time resting and to let yourself have the funk because usually that's God's way or the universe's way of telling you.

you need a break. You definitely have been doing too much and you've burnt yourself out. And since you didn't want to give yourself the time on your own, you didn't want to let yourself rest. I'm going to force you to do it. And you're going to feel like shit when you do it too. It's like a punishment to me anyways, but your body needs it. It's not a punishment in the longterm, just in the short term. So all that being said in this past week of my funk with the drinking and the

I don't know, mental crisis and the burnout. I haven't been moving. I haven't been taking my outside time. I haven't been playing. I haven't been prioritizing fun. I have been eating like crap. And it really is crazy how, you know, movement and exercise and nutrition all really, really do play a role in the way that you feel mentally.

And we all know that. And I know you're like, Lexi, okay, well, the problem is when I feel like shit mentally, I don't have the energy or the motivation to do any of those things. I don't even want to step outside. And I know that. And that's like why I'm coming to you with this advice because I know exactly what that feels like so strongly right now because I just went through it for the past five days. I honestly more than that the past couple months when it comes to the physical health thing.

Think back to January when I was and I talked about this in the journal entry I was working out like marathon training half marathon training. I should say Volunteering at the shelter running around with the dogs. I was working out on top of that. I was going to the sauna I was really prioritizing my mental health or my physical health which helps me with my mental health But now with more things going on in my life. I haven't done that as much and I

I'm not trying to get back to that version of me, but it was really hard reflecting on that version of me when I was still in such a... when I was just now in this place of hurt and pain and baby steps. Once again, give yourself like a reason to be proud. When I've found this funk before and I've used this intention before in a bunch of different workout classes where I was super drained or tired and I...

felt like I wasn't doing anything for myself or the world, I would say in class, make yourself proud. And every extra squat that I did when my body was ready to give up, I looked at it as something to be proud of. And when you start treating yourself with that kind of kindness, you'll keep wanting to make yourself proud. So walk around the block. Meal prep, just a jar or a container of rice.

Cut up one piece of fruit. Eat one apple. All of these things are baby steps towards bigger changes. Drink one glass of water. Sit outside for five minutes. Stop scrolling five minutes before you usually would have. Read one page of a book.

And I know we're all kind of sick and tired of hearing these things and wanting to make these changes or hearing people tell us to make these changes because it's going to make us feel better. Because I know that when I hear these things, when I am in a shithole in my brain, I just get angry. So that's another baby step. Let go of the anger, okay? This is just such a big one for me. I don't know why I struggle with it so badly, but when I'm in a bad place...

I'm extra irritable. Everything just kind of makes me mad. Like when people try to give me advice on ways to feel better, I just want to tell them to shut up. Like I know I'm trying, I'm doing it. And I want to redirect that anger somehow shifted into kindness of some sort and like understand that. And I just, I just touched on this. Like I want to appreciate people's words of wisdom and their help and know that, um,

They're just looking out for me and I'm just looking out for myself and there's no need to be mad at the world and I don't know why my built up anger and things come up and like my defensiveness, my irritability all comes up when I'm in a bad place. But I don't know if anyone I love is listening to this, I want them to know that that's never, it's just coming from a place of projection. I don't know what it is. Anyways.

working on being kinder and to myself to the people in my life and I think that we should all do the same because I know that anger builds up and I know that sometimes it breaks and we just want to scream but redirect that into something else into a journal entry into a passion project into a sport or an exercise or whatever it may be okay so

Physical health, baby steps, mental health, baby steps, everything baby steps. Let's talk about goals. I used to be a very goal-driven person and since I was younger, I've always felt the pressure to succeed and to do a lot of things and to be someone really extraordinary and

I think that in my own way I am, but with that, like with a childhood stressor of like always feeling like you have to do the most, especially becoming a certified yoga teacher at 13, I, since I was 13, was told that, oh, you could be doing this, you could be doing this. Like when I was 13 and I was teaching yoga, people were telling me I should be leading like these massive classes across the world and leading these instructional things and

It was really a lot of pressure on me as a 13 year old. And as much as I think that that pressure has gone away, it hasn't at all. Like I still drill into my own brain every single day that I have this endless potential to be extraordinary and to lead these things all over the world and to teach yoga around the world and to take the podcast to the next biggest level possible and to be someone without realizing that I already am someone.

And without realizing that I'm already making the youngest version of myself so proud. So proud. All she ever wanted to do was help people. And I don't know why this evil version of myself is just telling me that it's never going to be enough. Because it is. And it's plenty. And I didn't mean to like so deeply spiral into that, but wow, you know? Sometimes talking really does pull things out of you.

I don't need to be extraordinary. Like I already am in my own way and I'm already doing all the things that make me happy. So I don't know why I'm constantly pressuring myself to be even more. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I can afford to take care of myself and do the extracurricular things that I want and donate to the charities that I love. I don't need to be chasing more money. I don't need to be chasing more money.

like accomplishments, goals, I need to do it at my own pace. And that being said, I can still have goals with less pressure and more baby steps. Like I've been taking the baby steps towards doing the things that I actually am passionate about. For example,

I want to have more guests on the podcast. That's not a goal that I have because I feel this pressure to do so. That's a goal that I have because I find people fascinating and I think that people have so much to teach one another and I want to be someone who helps spread those lessons. So the way I've been working on that since my biggest fear is speaking to people for whatever freaking reason, I've been listening to more podcasts with people who have guests. I have been...

doing that to get over my fear of hosting and I have made some dates and set some dates to record podcast episodes with my mom with my friends with people I know I can talk to and I think that those steps are going to lead me in the right direction to getting more people on and all of this kind of

I realized those were bigger steps than smaller steps when I listened to this TED talk that I think all of us should listen to. It's called "How to Achieve Your Most Ambitious Goals" and it's by Steven Dunier. I have no idea how to say it, but I'm sure if you just type in the title and then TED talk, it'll pop up. It was really good. I listened to it the other night while I was eating my Chipotle and just kind of broke down how we can have big goals. They might sound really unattainable and really overwhelming,

But you don't have to change the goal. Just change the steps that you take and the approaches that you take to get there. Like this guy ended up... He didn't even... What was a good example? He liked walking. So he would walk every day until he hiked like 33 hikes on this one mountain. I don't remember the specifics, but I totally encourage you to watch it because it opened my eyes a lot. And...

I kind of just want you to know that wherever you're at, whatever steps you're taking in your life are exactly the ones that you should be taking and I want you to take some of the pressure off yourself and I want you to realize that every little thing you do, if you're doing it with good intentions and you're doing it because you love it or because it fills a need that's in your life, you're moving in the right direction and

Everything is going to be just fine and you're going to get exactly where you want to be and I don't know just take some of the pressure off. Okay, we don't need to take these giant leaps. We can just take these baby steps and I want you to apply every or I want you to apply to everything in your life the little mantra baby steps and the next time that you're overwhelmed or the next time that you're in a rut or you're in a dark place or

You're so close to reaching your goals and you just can't do it. And honestly, even when you're really happy, like we can apply this to every single thing all the time. Baby steps. Okay, you're right on the verge of getting to the point where you've run a full marathon. This is just an example. And you're really struggling with mile 22. Okay, just get to 22.1. Just get to 22.2.

Keep going. Just keep taking these little steps. And honestly, scientifically too, when you give yourself credit and you take pride in the baby steps, you're releasing little dopamine hits in your head. And you're going to want to keep getting more of those. So you're going to keep going. And that's a fact. It's scientifically proven. I don't make the rules, okay? I just read things and I listen to them and I watch them. Certain facts stick with me and that is one of them, okay? Everything you do starts somewhere.

And there's going to be times when you're going to fail and you're going to fail a lot of times, but you just have to keep taking the baby steps and you'll get there. You'll get to exactly where you're supposed to be. And I know that I just keep reiterating that, but I really want you to get this through your head. All you have to do is take baby steps. Okay. You don't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be perfect. I don't care how perfectionist you are. I don't care how ADHD you are because I am a lot of those things. And I'm

Me and you together are just going to keep taking small steps. And eventually in the long run, we're going to realize how big of an impact those small steps made on our lives and on our mental health. Okay? I love you. And I just wanted to deep dive into that. And hopefully in the next few weeks, we'll have some more guests on the podcast. We'll talk a little bit deeper about all sorts of things. And...

Whatever you want to know, drop it in my DMs. What do you want to do a podcast on? I'm back in my research era, so if it's anything scientifically you want to know more about, like how certain things affect the body or the mind, happy to do the research because I love to do it because I'm passionate about it. And that's why I do it. Not to, like, prove anything to myself. I don't know why I've always done that. Anyways.

I love you. I'm so grateful that you're here. I'm so grateful that you are a listener of this podcast. And if you don't know where else to find me, for whatever reason, you only listen to the podcast. You can find me on TikTok, on Instagram, on YouTube. Who knows? I'm all over the freaking map. I just do lots of sorts of random things. But I love you. And we're working on Moments Collection 4, which is going to be very exciting. The theme is going to be peace because...

I don't know why I just totally blinked. There's a lot of reasons. I'll tell you them as we go, but mostly because it's something I've been working to find in my life and it was my biggest mantra for the beginning of 2023 and I don't want to let it slip away. We're going to bring it to life. Share some reminders with the world and I can't wait to see you guys repping it. And also, if you've shopped Kulani Kini's Wildflower Wanderer, we just restocked a few prints, so go shop while you want to or if you want to.

I'm going to shut up. Okay. I love you guys all with my whole heart. I'll talk to you next Monday and we'll get deep again. Thanks for listening to the moments podcast.