How to stop letting others’ opinions control you
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Hello, my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. I'm your host Lexi Hidalgo and today we're going to be covering a very fun topic that I have been working really hard at. We're getting into a conversation about how to stop letting others ruin your life.

or run your life or decide what you do with your life or essentially how to stop letting a people's letting people's opinions have so much way on you this is something that i've been struggling with a lot in my life lately i'd say for the past five years i've been doing social media content creation influencing literally whatever you want to call it and when i first started doing it i had a really easy time dealing with haters

It was like the words that they said went in one ear, through my head and right out the other. They had no actual effect on me. And it's kind of strange because you would think that the longer you do social media, the less what people say would have any effect. I would think that in the beginning it would be harder, but I was wrong. Lately, every single negative comment that I get, I just let it completely get in my head and have so much way on me and have so much...

power over the future decisions that I make. And I think it's been really frustrating because

I'm letting people who don't know me or know my life at all, other than what I show them, be the dictators of what I do with my life and be the dictators of what next steps I take. And it's really exhausting to live your life that way. And I think a lot of us live our life that way subconsciously because it's not always something that happens just from a negative comment on social media. Sometimes it's the way people talk to us that we surround ourselves with, whether that's our family, our friends, our classmates, our

And I really want us all to find a way to kind of step back into our power and know our worth and understand who we are so deeply and have such a strong foundation in who we are that nobody's negative opinions and comments can change how we feel about ourselves. And I went through and I wrote down 10 different things that might be able to help you with this. Some of them might work, some of them might not, but either way, take the ones you want and leave the ones that you don't.

And this is a little bonus one. I didn't actually include this in my 10 bullet points, but right before I sat down to start recording, I started thinking about it. And it's a really important one. You have to learn how to recognize that for the most part, 99% of the time, you're getting a lot more positivity than you are getting negativity.

But why is it that one negative comment feels heavier than 4,000 positive comments? Obviously, that's probably not what the ratio looks like, but let's just think about it like that for a second. I don't know why that is. I think maybe it's because we're used to being supportive and supported, and we're used to being around people that support us. And for the most part, people in our lives are going to be supportive of the decisions we make, the things that we do, the outfits we wear, whatever it may be.

But when somebody steps in and says, oh, actually, I hate this or you shouldn't do this or this is bad, stupid, ugly, whatever it may be. We just like let that weigh on us. And I think that a really important step into not allowing people's negative opinions to have so much weigh on us is to really start to pay attention to the positivity that you are surrounded by.

Actually pay attention to people when they have something nice to say about you, when they have something kind to say about you. And I put a really heavy emphasis on this one because it's something that I struggle with very deeply. I can read hundreds of positive comments and I'll see one negative comment and that's the one that I want to respond to and that's the one that I want to reply to. And you have to recognize that a lot of times when people...

do have something negative to say or want to leave a nasty comment, they're looking for that attention from you. You are giving that person exactly what they want, exactly what they're asking for. They want you to actually think about what they're saying and change your decisions based on their comment. And again, this doesn't just go for comments on a TikTok post or on an Instagram post. It goes to comments people make, whether they're passive, whether they're in your face, in your real life. And

That's number one. That's my bonus bullet point. Pay attention to the positives and start to deeply...

Acknowledge and appreciate when people are supportive of you when people are encouraging towards you when people have something Kind to say because the more that you actually acknowledge that kind of positivity and support The less likely you will let that one negative comment have as much way on you Easier said than done, but we're gonna do it and we're gonna make an effort and that's my bonus bullet point getting into the first one and I'm really hitting you with a hard pill to swallow right off the bat and

You have to stop judging others and having an opinion about others if you want to stop worrying about other people's opinions of you. I want you to deeply consider and deeply think about the negative things that you have said about others, whether that be to them, to a friend, in your own mind. Ask yourself if you sit around and subconsciously

Judge other people because I promise you it is so much easier to think about the negative things that people say about you or Think about the way that you're being perceived or think about the negative things that people are thinking about you when you yourself Are spending your time? thinking or pointing out negative things about other people and Obviously, I'm not sitting here saying that if you feel hurt by other people's opinions. It's because you're a hater That's not it at all

But it's something to acknowledge because I noticed that in myself. When I'm not in a good headspace, my first response is to judge others, not ever go leave hate comments or say nasty things about people to anybody. That's not what I mean. But in my own head, I will compare so quickly that my comparison will turn to judgment, which will turn to envy, which will turn to just me being negative about that person, even though they didn't do anything wrong.

The first step is self-awareness, and we've talked about that so many different times in these episodes, but acknowledge when you're the one causing harm to yourself by internally being negative towards others. Now, I know there's a lot of layers to that, but it's something to really acknowledge and to really think about because it makes a world of a difference when you lean into other people's lives and other people's content.

And absorb it from this positive outlook and choose to see the good in these people. Choose to point out the incredible things about them instead of just looking for something negative to pinpoint on them to make yourself feel better. Because in the long run, that won't make you feel better. It will simply make you feel worse.

Because when you're thinking positive about others, your first kind of thought process is to think that other people are thinking positive of you. Whether that's true or not is none of your business. But the way that we think about things goes a long way. And when we think that people are thinking kind, positive, inspiring, encouraging things about us, we tend to act on that more. We tend to let our sparkle shine more. We tend to be more creative. We tend to just be ourselves a little bit more confidently.

We're less sheltered and covered up and in a shell and closed off and afraid to do something different. You get what I mean? Bullet point number two, keep your cup full. The busier you stay chasing your dream reality, the less time you'll have for negativity.

And this one is simply that. The more time you spend pouring into things that you love, doing things that make you happy, whether that's spending time outside, chasing a dream, studying something, reading books that you love, getting off the internet, pursuing a career, a business that you want to start, making new friendships, going and spending activities, doing activities with people that you love, creating memories with your significant other.

The more that you spend your time filling your cup, the less that anybody's opinions will weigh on you, no matter what. Simply because you have less time to focus on them. You have less time to sit there and think about them. I notice this in myself. Most of these I notice in myself. Most of these are things that I've really practiced and things that I've really experienced and things that most of us have probably experienced. We just don't really realize it. But think about when you go on vacation.

And you barely have your phone and you are having the time of your life. Okay, maybe on vacation that means it's because you're partying, you're drinking, you're on a boat, you're getting tan, you're with your friends, whatever it may be. Okay, when you're on vacation, the last thing you're thinking about is like, wow, I wonder what Sabrina, that hater from high school, is thinking about me right now.

Correct? I'm not saying make your real life, your everyday life feel like a vacation, but keep it so busy. Keep it so productive. Keep it so pursuing that you don't have room to think about what these random people think of you. The more busy you are,

The less room there is for a negative opinion. You know what I mean? And also spend this time, don't just spend this time doing nothing. Spend this time doing valuable things that are pushing you towards a better version of yourself that are helping you pursue your dreams, your passion, whatever it may be that you want.

If you're continuing to chase that, not only are you going to be too busy for negative people's comments to infiltrate your mind, you're going to be becoming better every single day. And you're going to be building a firm foundation, which we'll get into later, that will make you feel stronger against those comments. That will also help you delete the way that those comments weigh on you and pull you down. Next.

None of it is personal. You're not for everybody and it's quite simple to recognize that. Some people like to snowboard and some people like to ski. That does not make either of them any better or any worse than the other. Okay, you're not gonna be for everybody. It's very, very simple when you look at it just like that and it makes it a lot easier to not take things so personal. You just have to simply recognize there's gonna be people that hate you.

And likely, even if nobody's telling you that they don't like you, I'm sorry but the harsh reality is there's probably somebody that still doesn't like you. I wish I could find a statistic on how many people or how just a statistic that reminds us all that we can't be liked by everybody and that doesn't make me a better person, that doesn't make the other person that doesn't like me a better person or a worse person.

It just makes us different people who like different things, who pursue different careers and different passions and are interested in different things. I don't think that gives anybody the right to be a hater just because you don't vibe with somebody else, but people are going to do that. And I think as an individual, just recognize that. Just recognize that you can't be everybody's cup of tea. And this one, as a people pleaser...

It's really, really hard to actually comprehend and wrap your head around because you just want to constantly try to please people and change for other people. But I think that this in itself is something that's very important to recognize and think about. I don't know if you guys can hear Leia in the background, but hear me out. If you are constantly trying to please others, it is so easy to lose yourself. I face this personally all the time.

Somebody will leave a nasty hate comment that's so out of pocket that makes no sense, that doesn't even have anything to do with me, isn't personal whatsoever. Say the comment has a decent amount of likes, which means other people agree with this negative hate comment. And I go out of my way to try to... Maybe it's something about my style, right? So I try to change and morph my style to please that one person. And then the next day, the people that loved my style in the first place...

are disappointed that I changed my style. Right? So if you constantly, even if it's little tiny things, try to change who you are to please somebody else, you are simply going to lose yourself.

You're not going to have any sense of individuality. And once that goes away, it's so much easier to let all of these comments, and again, not just physical comments on a post, in-person comments, in-person conversations, just morph who you are until you don't really know who you are anymore either. And then it's just a constantly confusing little loop to be in. So just stop being a people pleaser. That's a big one.

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The next one.

Recognize who the opinions are coming from. Okay, a lot of times they're coming from somebody you don't want to be anything like or they're coming from somebody who wants to be just like you. Both of these kind of comments are things to literally brush off your shoulder and move on because a lot of times, and I noticed this in myself, some of my biggest haters have been the people who have been underlyingly trying to become or do exactly what it is that I do.

And I don't know why as humans we do this and sometimes we feel the need to, like I was saying before, when I'm not in a good headspace, my first response to people that I actually find cool and inspiring when I'm not in a good headspace are the people that I find something negative to think about because that's how jealousy works. That's how human nature is until you stop it and you clock it and you become self-aware of it. We don't even recognize that this is something that we do.

Notice that you're going to have people who leave comments like that because they're actually inspired by you. They are actually jealous of you. That's not always the case. But it's also important to recognize that sometimes the people who have something negative to say or an opinion to give you or a comment to make about you are the people...

you don't really want to be anything like. Whether that means they're an unkind person or they have a career path completely different than yours or what they want out of their future is the opposite of what you want out of your future. When you recognize that, it's really easy to brush those kinds of comments off because you have to just recognize that you have different lives, you're on different paths, you're in different areas of who you want to be and what you want to do. So just let those kind of comments go from those kind of people

Also notice and pay attention to the fact that a lot of times the people who have something negative to say are people who are maybe disappointed in themselves that they didn't take the leap that you're taking. They didn't do the thing that you're doing. They take you doing something that they wish that they did at some point in their life and they take it personal. So it's their issue and it's not your issue and they're just trying to make it your issue. Do you get what I'm saying?

So, recognize who the opinions are coming from. Which leads me into the next one that I actually didn't write next. I want you to recognize that sometimes comments or negative opinions or something that somebody says isn't always meant to be a stab in your back. I think it's important for us all to recognize the difference between a hater and somebody

who wants to actually build you up. Somebody who's giving you constructive criticism. I think for a while, being in the social media world, I'm so used to dealing with people who are just negative for no reason because there are so many of them and I can confidently tell you that. That even when somebody's trying to say something that's kind and just try to like actually give me a piece of feedback or advice or something that I could benefit from, my first response is to be defensive.

And I think that a lot of us do that in our own lives and we don't necessarily notice it when we do it or we don't see it when we do it. But I think it is very important to sometimes give people's opinions a second thought, okay? And recognize that sometimes people do have something to say that might be a hard pill to swallow but might also be something that you need to hear. And when I reference to this, I often mean to say

When my parents used to say things to me, try to explain things to me, I literally would get so mad at them. I would feel like they had no idea what they were talking about. And listen, sometimes they didn't. But other times, my parents were right. They lived a lot more life than me. They experienced a lot more life than me. They sometimes have valuable information to share with me. So...

Be open-minded. Be willing to learn. Be willing to adjust and grow and evolve as a person because there will be moments in our life where we have to face feedback and the first thing that we want to do is put our guard up, defend ourselves, run the other way, and kick that person in their face. But sometimes the right thing to do is to just maybe still run the other direction. Don't kick the person in the face, but...

Listen to what they say and take it and apply what you can and let go of what isn't valuable to you Not every bit of a hate comment is gonna be Valuable to you is gonna add anything to your life, but maybe a part of it will moving on I lost my train of thought on where I was going with that So I'm gonna move into the next one which is to limit your exposure to negative opinions now on the

On a social media level, this could look like filtering out comments that say there was a point in my life, and this is going to be vulnerable for a second, where I put on a lot of weight. And I think that gaining weight, losing weight is a very normal experience in life as we go throughout our teens and our early 20s and even after that into motherhood and adult life. Our bodies are constantly fluctuating, constantly changing. But I gained about...

20 pounds a couple of years ago and the internet was really quick to catch on to it and they made a little nickname for me called Chunkers and would constantly point out how

fat I was getting or how puffy I looked and That's really exhausting for somebody to have to hear who's just trying to live and experience life and enjoy it and you know build a healthy relationship with food and my body and Whatever and working out. So what I did was filter out those comments. I filtered out the word fat I filtered out the word puffy I filtered out the word chunkers would a lot of negative comments still swoop in yes, but

For the most part, it helped me. It helped me recognize that I don't have to see those things. I don't have to consume them. And in an outside of social media way, we don't sometimes realize that the people who are making us feel the worst about ourselves are the people sitting right in front of us. And

This is a hard thing for a lot of people to grasp. I think a lot of people recognize that they're surrounding themselves with people who don't encourage them or support them or want the best for them, but have been in those friendships or relationships for so long that they're afraid to distance themselves. But I think it's very important because if you constantly keep your circle, a circle of people who want nothing but the worst for you,

you will lead yourself to believe that you want the worst for yourself too. And we don't realize how deeply and negatively the people around us can affect us if they aren't encouraging, positive, and supportive people. They will tear us down bit by bit, piece by piece, day by day, so slowly that you won't even recognize that you're losing yourself or losing your sparkle or realizing that you don't even want the dreams that you used to want anymore.

evaluate what kind of opinions of people around you are adding to your life. Granted, a lot of times people experience these kind of spirit killers, I guess I could say, by parents or bosses or people, siblings, people they can't really escape. I'm not asking anybody to cut off their parents, cut off their siblings, cut off these relationships that have to stick, but just

Maybe add new ones that do feel supportive and encouraging and know that there are people out there. There is a circle out there for you that will encourage you and support you and want all of your dreams to come true. And sometimes it takes a while to find that. Some people almost never find it or some people are constantly looking for it, but do that. Okay. Don't settle for people who don't want to see you win in life.

So that's what I mean by limit exposure to opinions. If you have a lot of people, a lot of friends who talk crap about what you want to do and the dreams that you want to chase and the videos you want to post, run from them. Run from them. Or walk away from them. You don't have to run, but allow for distance, okay? Set boundaries. It's a healthy thing to do.

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is it's really important to recognize that the way that people perceive you has everything to do with their childhood, their life, who raised them, who they were surrounded by, what was told to them from a young age. You can't even grasp how somebody perceives you because the way that every single individual perceives you is going to be different. And I think that this is a very important reminder for anybody who is a people pleaser, for anybody who

not shares their life on the internet, but allows themselves to be viewed and seen and perceived by a large group of people, which is essentially all of us, you know, in our workplace, in our classroom, in our friend groups. Recognize that every single person will see you different. And it eases a lot of the pain because it just makes it easier for you to be yourself. It just makes it a lot easier

less necessary for you to take into account how every single person might see you and feel about you because when you when you recognize that every single individual sees you differently has a different thought process a different thought pattern a different idea of you you you really quickly grasp that there's no way to make all of those good and perfect and

and to make all of those the same. So it lifts a lot of the pressure off of you to be that same person for everybody. And it's a lot easier to just acknowledge that, you know what? I am me and everybody's gonna see me differently. But as long as I can perceive myself in a positive light and I be myself and live a life with good intentions and try to be the best person that I can be, that's all you can do. That's all we can do. Okay, next.

This one we talked about a little bit earlier. We're down to the last three. Build a firm foundation to stand on. Do the inner work and become somebody that you're proud of. The stronger that your foundation is of yourself, the harder it is to make it budge. And this goes back to what I was saying earlier where I was saying pour into yourself, pour into your dreams, make your life so busy that you don't even have time to read the negative things that somebody has to say about you.

Say your affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of the person that you are. If you're not proud of the person that you are right now, put in the work to become proud of her. Okay? And wherever you are at in your life, you deserve to be proud of yourself.

Whether that means you're at your worst right now or you're in the best position that you've ever been in. You're making money, you're pouring into your family, into your friends, you're feeling confident, you're taking care of yourself. Whatever success your success may look like, whether you're there or in your lowest of low points, you deserve to be proud of yourself. You deserve to have a strong enough foundation that nobody can budge. And in order to get to this point, we have to really do the inner work.

We have to stop comparing ourselves to others. We have to stop being obsessed with trying to be perfect. We have to get in our journal, evaluate our emotions, and just continuously make an effort to tell yourself that you are proud of where you're at. Because once you accept that as full truth in your mind, nothing can shake you. Like you will not be breakable.

And this is something that I'm constantly working on every single day. But for me, my firm foundation, I learned that the affirmations don't really work for me. And being at my lowest, it's really hard for me to feel confident. A lot of people can do it. I have a hard time with it. So my firm foundation is, is Jesus. It's knowing that God made me, Hey, God made me this way. God's putting me through this. And that is what it is. That is my foundation. But I think that

Those two things can go hand in hand. Saying your affirmations, building up confidence in yourself, building up a positive mindset about yourself along with having that faith in a higher power, whatever that higher power may look like for you, whatever it may look like for you. That's how you build a firm foundation that can't be broken. That's not to say that certain things won't get to your head, that won't upset you, that won't bother you, that won't make you feel like you need to change something. It's going to happen. You're also a human, but it's going to make it a lot harder. Next.

Remember that your individuality is a strength, that you are made to be different, and sometimes that scares people who are still afraid to be different. I think society does a really unfortunately good job at making us feel like we should all fit into one box, that we should all essentially be the same person with the same goals, with the same priorities, with the same vision of a future. And I think that once you've gotten sucked into that trap, it's really hard to get out.

But I think it's really important for each and every one of us to remember that being different kind of is a superpower. Being an individual with whatever quirks that you may have, whatever passions that you might have, whatever future you might want to create, just because it doesn't look like the person next to you, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. And I think that remembering that is so important because it helps us deal with hate a lot differently.

Because a lot of times the things that people will hate on are things that are simply different decisions than they would make. And then we're like, oh, but okay, but they don't like it. So that means nobody likes it. So that means I should just do what everybody else is doing because clearly everybody likes that. What an exhausting way to live. What a boring way to live. On a very simple scale, I pay attention and I put this one into effect when it comes to my outfits and when it comes to my style, because I think that this is a very...

physical surface level thing that we can apply this example to. If everybody wore the same exact thing, how exhausting would that be? How boring would that be if everybody walked around in a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt and black sneakers? That would be no fun. Our outfits are meant to be individual. Our style is meant to be different. It is meant to be whatever you want it to be. So if somebody hates your purple purse,

Who cares? They don't have to wear a purple purse. Your purple purse is your strength. Moving on. I got a little carried away with that one. Focus on what you can control, which isn't what people say about you, but rather how you respond. This one is key. No matter what you do,

Someone's still gonna have something negative to say you have no control over what post you post that are gonna be sent in group chats What outfits you wear that people are gonna make fun of what career you do that? Somebody's not gonna have something to say about whatever person you date that somebody's not gonna have something to talk about sometimes and all the time somebody's gonna have something to say whether you see it or not, it's gonna happen and

That is not something you have control over. That is not something that has anything to do with you. What you do have control over is exactly how you respond and you react to each and every one of those things. Take it, read it, delete it, brush it off, be you. Unapologetically, but also be open-minded, willing to learn, willing to grow. Be pushing yourself every day to be a better kinder human being, whatever that may look like.

being self-aware, making an effort, and being an individual and knowing that the haters are always going to hate and it's going to be what it's going to be. But like Taylor Swift says herself, sometimes you just have to shake it off because the hater is going to hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. But I hope that each of those tips were a little bit valuable to you. I hope there was something that each and every one of you were able to take away. I hope that you all remember that you are made the way that you are for a reason.

Don't let people change you. I'm proud of you. I love you. Keep shining. Keep being wonderful. I will talk to you guys next week. But in the meantime, find me on Instagram. Find me on TikTok. Don't forget to buy the Moments Journal if you guys want a guided journal to get to know yourself better. I will link it all in the description. And I love you guys so deeply. Hope this helped. Bye.

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