The very direct advice edition of 'Your questions, my advice'
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Hello, my beautiful people, and welcome back to the Moments Podcast. I'm your host, Lexi, and I'm just going to let you know right now that I'm not supposed to be recording. On my schedule for the week, I was planning on recording tomorrow morning, and then I took a shower. It was still light outside. I put oil on my face. I washed my hair.

And I said, you know what? I want to sit down and I want to chat. And this week's episode is a little advice session. And we're going to be talking about all sorts of things like

I'm just looking through this little list that I wrote out right now. Look at me writing everything down. Are you guys proud? But we're going to be talking about things like our luteal phase, getting emotionally deep and connected with somebody, friendships, finding a purpose, how to be less avoidant, food noise, accepting yourself, all sorts of different things. Okay. And this was just a tiny fraction of the questions that you guys left.

on the little Instagram story box. So if you want me to do a part two of this, I gladly will. I would be happy to do so. These are very fun for me. I really enjoy them. And I also want you guys to know before we get into anything crazy here, um, I am no professional in advice. Okay. My only credentials really are having gone through a lot of these things on my own, but just know that I'm not a professional, never going to claim to be. Um, I also think that

No matter who you're getting advice for, advice from, depending on what it's for, you're going to hear different things and take away different things from every single person that you listen to through every different thing that they hand you. And you guys might hear Leah, my dog, in the background. She's growling at birds outside. We're just going to go ahead and get into it. And the first one that I wrote down is...

How do you start accepting yourself? And this question was kind of referring to body image and how do you deal with food noise and how do you stop letting other people's opinions and ideas weigh so much on the way that you feel about yourself? And I think there was a point in my life where I would avoid giving advice on situations like this and on questions like this because I hadn't figured it out myself and I

there's been many points in my life where i've really struggled with my body image there's no way that i can confidently say that i won't struggle with it again in my life i think we live in a world

of so many different beauty standards where one day the world wants you to be as thin as possible. The next day it wants you to get a boob job and have a massive bud and have, you know, perfect abs and do strength training and then, oh, do Pilates and then eat healthy, but then don't forget to like, let yourself enjoy whatever you want. And it's a really exhausting world. And I think that, you know, each time we scroll, we're fed a different goal, a different ideal, a different thing that we should be chasing.

So it's kind of hard to say that I'll never struggle with it again. But I do think I've gotten to a point where I have some valuable advice and I have some tips that really helped me stop being so obsessed with my body. And I think that that's really the best way for me to put it. I've always had a pretty healthy relationship with food. I've always eaten what I wanted to eat and, you know, had a decent balance and just enjoyed life and also moved my body physically.

But I think that mentally, that relationship with food and with my body wasn't always so good because while I would allow myself to do whatever I wanted to, in my head, I would be tearing myself apart for making that decision. You know, I also was often surrounded by people whose main goal was to be thin, who were openly, proudly avoiding meals, working out excessively, always talking about it. And I think that when you kind of surround yourself with that,

It's really hard for you not to fall into the same trap, whether you actually act on those actions or you just start thinking them. It's really hard to love yourself when you're surrounded by people who don't love themselves, who don't take care of themselves, who then project that onto you. You know, being around people who...

Are the kind of people at the dinner table that are going to say, oh my gosh, you're going to eat all that? Like, oh, I'm not going to have dessert. Or, oh, I just had a coffee for breakfast. Like, that's not really healthy energy to be around. And I think that my first tip...

is to make sure that you don't surround yourself with those kind of people with that kind of energy. It's never going to do you any good. It's going to be really hard to get to a point where you can love your body and accept the beautiful, unique, one of a kind individual that you are. If you're always surrounded by people who don't want you to be happy in the body that you were given.

So I think that's kind of what this person meant when they were talking about like other opinions and how do you stop letting them affect you. And I think with this, when it comes to in-person friendships and relationships, I think the way that you stop letting them affect you is you stop participating in them. And sometimes it's hard, you know, sometimes it's the people that you're closest to in your life. And I think that there's different ways that you can go about this. If this is just an acquaintance that you happen to be around that you don't actually have a

any kind of close ties or close real friendship with, I advise you to just walk away from that friendship. There might not be any point in watering it. And I do feel like the advice that I'm giving right now feels a little bit harsh for me. I think that sometimes when I give advice, I give it softly and I give it really gently. But when it comes to getting to a point where you can love yourself and like not constantly be thinking about your body and your food and what you look like

This is essential. This is deeply, deeply, deeply essential. And it's very often brushed over, but we don't really realize the impact that people around us can have on us. So that's my biggest piece of advice. Okay. If it is somebody that you are really deeply close to,

Have a conversation. Don't be afraid to have a conversation. I have had countless friends in my life who I've been able to open up to deeply about how their relationship with food or with their body has affected my relationship with food or with my body. And sometimes it's a growing point for both of us. Sometimes the person that I'm speaking to didn't even realize maybe that they were struggling with something similar as well, or didn't even know that they were having this effect on other people around them. And it's a chance for you both to grow a

a chance for both of you to learn to love your body and to love yourself and to love where you're at. You know, don't be afraid to open your mouth and start a conversation and be confrontational in a gentle and kind way. Okay. The next piece of advice I have for this one, again, I'm going to say it like exactly how it is. You have to find something that becomes more important to you.

I really can confidently say that something that really helped my relationship with my body and with myself and helped me get out of this loop of constantly worrying about what I look like, what I'm eating, what I'm, when I'm working out so-and-so and so-and-so and so was getting into my first real relationship with Gabe. It changed my life. And obviously because he's a great human being who has always loved me fully and truly, but beyond that, like I shifted my focus onto something completely different and I

My whole brain literally altered. I can confidently say that the chemistry in my brain switched and I have not worried about what I've looked like nearly as much since him and I got together because I started prioritizing different things in my life. I started experiencing things that were more important than what I looked like. And I

i'm not saying the key to loving your body is getting a boyfriend or a partner but it's finding something that is more important to you in life okay maybe this looks like pouring into a hobby maybe it looks like starting a new hobby maybe it looks like going and traveling more chasing your dreams picking up a camera if you like photography reading your bible i don't know what it might look like

spending time with your grandparents, spending time with your best friend, just allowing yourself to experience something that is so real in life that it makes you forget, or it makes you realize, I should say, that what you look like literally doesn't matter at all. I don't know if anybody has seen that TikTok trend that's going around right now that is...

like just like wholesome moments in life, spending time with family, friends, I don't know, drinking a martini, whatever it may be. And the caption on the text on the video is always, I almost forgot that this was the whole point. And I think that's just kind of what I'm referring to right now.

Life is not about what you look like. Life is about the memories that you take away from it, the experiences that you have, the connections that you make. The least important thing when you die is going to be what your body looked like the whole time that you were doing it. Nobody's gonna think about it once. Nobody's gonna think about it for even half a millisecond. You're not gonna think about it. You're not gonna be on your deathbed saying like, "Oh my gosh, that one time I was in Greece with my best friend. Remember how I hated how my bikini bottoms looked?" No.

Life is about so much more than what you look like. And the second thing you actually really sit on that, you really soak in it. You really think about it.

you just start to love yourself differently. You really do because you realize how unimportant it is. And when it becomes unimportant to you, you focus on it less. You're less obsessed with it. And the noise, the noise about food, about working out, about looking perfect, about being perfect, about what people are thinking about you when you look at your body, it turns off and it shuts down because you can't be obsessed with something that's not important. So convince yourself that it's not important in whatever way that may look like for you.

And just keep doing your silly little affirmations that might feel really silly. Just remember and recognize that you are made to be exactly the way that you are. There is no denying that you are built to be the way that you are. Okay, God made you this way for a reason. And you're perfect just the way that you are. You got to recognize that everybody's going to look different.

Nobody's gonna look the same and the world will try to convince you that everybody should look the same But that's just not what it is. That's just not what life is I'm moving on to the next one because I didn't mean to be talking about that one for 10 minutes I have an entire page and a half of bullet points that I wanted to go over and I wanted to go through I would be happy to do a full episode on that

It's such a heavy and vast conversation, body image and, you know, health and wellness and having balance and maintaining balance. And just like not being so controlled by what we look like is a, is a huge conversation that we're going to get to another time. We're moving on to the next one. And the next little question box was how to be less avoidant in a healthy relationship.

As I was scrolling through the little things I wanted to talk about, the little advice things I wanted to speak deeper about, this one really stuck out to me because even like two and a half years into a relationship, I still have a problem with being avoidant sometimes. Like, no lie, today I got upset with Gabe about something that was so, so, so silly and so minuscule.

And for like an hour and a half, instead of just bringing up the conversation, I just like let it worsen. I let myself continue to get upset and take something so tiny that could have been so easily solved with just one conversation. And I let it build up into so much more in my mind. And I think that that's,

The most unhealthy thing about being an avoidant person is that when you avoid a conflict or a conversation for so long, you emphasize and you grow the conflict and the conversation in your mind. It gives you so much room to like fill in the blanks for the other person. Instead of allowing the other person

to talk about their side, to tell you why maybe they said what they said or they did what they did, you start being the one to fill in those pieces. You are creating something that this person did without even knowing what they did or why they did it. Now, I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but that's what happens for me. The longer I avoid

a conversation, the worse that the conversation is going to be by the time that you do have it. And I've gotten much better at this. I used to do it a lot worse, but now I've gone to a point where I've realized how much more peaceful it is to not be avoidant, to just allow myself to be confrontational, to just speak on things when they happen, as they happen. It really is key.

And, you know, I think that there's a difference between being avoidant and just needing space to think about something and reflect on it. And I think that those people who are avoidant will kind of know the difference. Sometimes you do just need to cool off. You just need to breathe. You just need to like let things go for a minute or two.

and then just shake it off before you can collect yourself and figure out your thoughts and figure out what you're actually thinking and how you want to have a conversation versus being avoidant is knowing exactly what you want to say, but just like not doing it for whatever reason that may be. You know what I mean? And I don't think I really answered the question. I just kind of told you why you shouldn't be avoidant. And I think I didn't really answer it because I'm still figuring out that answer myself.

well, but I think the first step is just opening your heart to your partner and Doing a good job at reminding yourself that you and your partner are on the same team if you're with the right person No conversation is gonna be too big too hard too deep too intense it's not gonna make or break your relationship and

So there is no point to avoid it. It's only going to hurt you and potentially your partner more. One thing that really helped me be less avoidant was starting with the small things. Even if something really, really minuscule upsets you, just say it. Say it how it is. Say it when it is. Obviously, you know, say it with kindness and gentleness. You're not starting like a humongous argument here. But when you start becoming...

capable and confident about talking about the little things that you're struggling with or that you're feeling or that you want to communicate about, the easier it will be to have the bigger discussions about the bigger things, the things that you want to avoid more. You know, it's like taking little baby steps. It's how you build a relationship with somebody. I also think that the longer you're in a relationship, the

the easier it gets to not be avoidant. You know, the goal is that when you're in a relationship, the longer you're together, the more you can talk to each other about anything, anything at all. And I think that when you're with the right person, that kind of happens on its own. It happens on its own, but you also have to work towards it. You know, you have to be willing to open your heart, open yourself fully up to somebody.

And if you're not willing to open yourself up fully to somebody, I don't think that you're ever going to feel completely stable and confident in your relationship. And I know that I just kind of like took that and turned it into something completely new. But like I said, I just want to chat tonight. I'm here to talk my butt off. Clearly, I'm on the second little advice piece. But seriously, just something to think about. I used to have a really hard time believing that I could ever open up to somebody. And now...

Gabe has seen every side of me. Like, he's seen sides of me that I, like, didn't even ever want to show myself because...

there's so many parts of us that we we hide from even within ourself and it was really hard for me to imagine letting somebody in because i think i just had this fear that once somebody saw every side of me they would want to leave me because there were parts of myself that again i didn't even want to be around so i avoided them but when you're in an intimate relationship with somebody and you spend every waking moment together they're going to see every side of you i don't

I don't know. Just let this be a reminder that if you've ever struggled with something like that, because I know that I'm not the only one, the right person is out there. The right person will love you through every single one of your worst moments and your worst traits and your worst flaws. And you won't worry every day. Is this person going to leave me when they see that this happens or this happens or this happens? The right one is out there. And sorry for getting so beyond distracted.

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Or I end up like scrolling the internet trying to figure out what's wrong with me. And you know, the internet can tell you that a stubbed toe means...

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what do you do when you're feeling behind in your love life but you don't want to lower your standards well the first thing i have to say is don't lower your standards do not lower your standards i honestly think we we live in a world where there's a lot of really

crappy guys. We also live in a world where there's a lot of good guys who don't know how to be good guys because most of the influences out there are unfortunately bad guys. Most of the guys that young people look up to are not good role models. I'm sure there are some good ones, but if we think of the most popular men, men who have podcasts, social media presence,

so-and-so and so-and-so. I'm not going to give examples because I don't need to ruffle any feathers. I'm just being honest here. A lot of guys that have a large following don't lead by the best example. You know, there's also a lot of guys who haven't grown up in a family where they've witnessed love, you know, between their parents, or they haven't ever had a real relationship. And I think that you don't ever have to lower your standards, but you have to give

people a fair chance. Now this feels very almost anti-girl power of me. I don't know how to explain it because sometimes I feel like when I say this, it's crazy take because a lot of times I'm the kind of person that says at any single thing that you feel off about run. And I still feel that way about certain things. Okay. If you feel disrespected, if you feel taken advantage of, if you feel

Like, you know, this guy's like not only having eyes for you. I think that those are a lot of very large red flags. I want to do a whole deep dive episode on a topic like this, but...

There's also things that are going to happen and experiences that you're going to have on a second date, third date, fourth date, fifth date, where you might see almost like a beige flag. You're like, I don't know if there's a good thing or a bad thing. I don't think it's a red flag, but it's definitely not a green flag. And I think that those are the kind of moments where we're taught to just run in the opposite direction because we've grown up around really shitty men. Some men...

Need to be taught how to love a female the right way. That's not to say be with somebody who's like incompetent on on anything who like will never ever buy you flowers or or nothing like that like some guys just suck and that's okay other guys You'll know the difference there's there's guys who want to try who are constantly making an effort to be a good guy a good boyfriend a good partner and I always like to think back to my the beginning of my relationship with Gabe and

He has been literally an angel from the start. And I can say that confidently, but the way that that man loves me now and the partner that he is to me now is 10 million times better than the partner that he was to me in the beginning of our relationship. And the reason that that is, is because, and vice versa as well, this always goes both ways.

I have communicated the way that I want to be loved. He has communicated the way that he wants to be loved. We all give and receive love differently. And sometimes conversations need, not sometimes, conversations need to be had throughout your relationship to figure out how to love each other right. It doesn't come naturally all the time. It takes work and it takes effort and it takes sometimes hard conversations and just don't knock something right away because...

There's one little miscommunication or one mishap. I think it's really easy to brush over the conversation that relationships aren't Relationships are easy when you're with the right person. It is easy. You know, there's no there's never any doubt There's never any we should take a break. I think we should break up if those conversations are happening That's not a relationship you should be in but

There will be conversations and situations that are going to be the reason that your relationship grows and your relationship gets stronger. Do you know what I mean? I hope I'm making sense. And I don't know if this is kind of any sort of the advice that this person was looking for. So I'm going to kind of switch it into a little something else. It's God's plan when you are going to find your partner. And I always feel so cliche when I say this one, it's painful, but it's

It really does come when you least expect it. I think a huge key in finding the right partner is first finding yourself, knowing who you are is going to help you find a partner that you actually click with, you know, energetically, magnetically in what you do and in who you are. When you yourself are lost and you start dating or getting into relationships or just

being around people, you'll find yourself continuing to feel lost. And the reason that you'll be feeling this way is because you'll be morphing into these people that you're dating and it's never really going to feel right. So I think a really big key in like finding the right person is first finding yourself and just focusing on that. Okay. Because the more that you find yourself, the more that you'll be environments that actually align to you, who you are, what you want for your future, right?

that's when you're going to meet somebody who aligns with you you know if you're just going out to the club to meet somebody but you yourself don't enjoy the club you're probably not going to find the love of your life there and that's fine you know if you are somebody who does love to go to the club maybe you are going to find the love of your life at a club you could also find the love of your life at a red light right parked right next to you or stopped right next to you

It's going to happen when it's going to happen. I think just pouring into you and knowing that your timeline is not meant to be the same as anybody else's. It is exactly set up the way that it is for a reason is, is just an important reminder. You're never behind in love. What God has in store for you, you will find next. How do you have more confidence in yourself and in your story? To be honest, I,

This is something I'm working through right now as well. I'm trying to figure out how to have confidence in who I am and what my story is and what I've built and whatever it may be and what I want for my future and just having a hard time being proud of myself. And I don't know, I think I'm going to give you guys a little homework. If you're watching this on YouTube, comment below what your advice would be for this one. And if you're listening on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever, I think you can also comment now on podcasts.

If not, sorry. But if you can, come at your piece of advice. How do you have more confidence in yourself and in your story? I think the one thing I can tell you right now is that I have never heard somebody who's confident in themselves and in their story and had any kind of negative opinions toward them. So I think that a lot of times the reason that we aren't confident in ourselves and in our story is because we're worried about what opinions people might have of us. But when I really think about

The opinions I have of people who are confident, they're always positive opinions. So I don't know why that just kind of helps me sometimes. It kind of just helps me remember that like having confidence in who you are is a really positive, beautiful thing. And most people who are happy people who are kind people are going to see that as well. And they're just going to be proud of you for being proud of yourself. I recently watched this TikTok. I reposted it and it was just talking about how much easier life is when you just learn how to be genuinely happy for people.

like on the inside and out, not just like a fake happiness for other people's success. And, you know, obviously this is something I know is something I think about. I'm constantly making an effort to be happy for other people, but the way that this girl explained it, like she was just so positive. She was like, why would I deny more happiness for myself that I didn't even have to work for? And it kind of just shifted everything for me. And I think that the more that we can be happy for other people, um,

the more it can help us be confident in ourself. The more that we are jealous of other people or we are sad when other people succeed, the more we're going to feel those same kind of emotions towards ourself, whether it's consciously or subconsciously. We need to start being happy for every single person around us, whether this is like an influencer, this is a friend, this is a sibling, it's a family member, whatever it may be, be genuinely happy for people.

And I think that it's going to help you be more happy and you be more confident. And I think that's just how things work. Quick little intermission, you guys. I'm honored to say that the show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys know I am therapy's number one biggest fan, number one biggest advocate. I think that it is so beneficial no matter how happy, how sad, how put together, how all over the place you feel.

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I'm gonna move on to the next one. My boyfriend has been on Tinder and he says he hasn't been. Okay, see, you know how I was saying before, like sometimes you have to communicate things, learn how to love each other, learn how to get through tough things together. This isn't one of those things. This is blatant disrespect. This is a kind of man that you're gonna run away from. And I know, I know that love is hard to leave. You love somebody. You love this person.

You, in the bottom of your heart, you want to forgive this person. You really do. But I can promise you that even if you forgive this person, you will never forget what this person did to you. Cheating is a huge no.

I think especially when you're boyfriend and girlfriend. When you're married, that's not my diagnosis right now, but I think that when you haven't even made that commitment to each other yet and you're already having problems as such, run while you can, okay? You deserve better. I promise you that there's somebody out there who would never do or think or whose mind works in this direction

horrible way. And I know that there's probably a part of you that wants to forgive and move on and stay together, but you have to know your worth more than that. You have to know that what is waiting for you on the other side is so much more worth it. It is so much better. I promise, promise, promise, promise you. And that is the advice that I have for that. I think that we've seen this happen countless times.

with countless women, you know, people in the public eye and probably also people in our real life. Anybody, you know, that has stayed in a relationship that caused them a pain at this capacity have probably had to go through that pain more than once. And when they finally leave, it's like you watch the sparkle come back in somebody. And it's not going to be easy. It's never easy to leave something that you love, but it's going to be worth it. And I promise you that. And I'm going to move on to the next one.

I want to dress more me, but I don't know how to block out haters. Period. I'm working on that one too. No. Truthfully, when it comes to style, like who gives a crap? I like to sometimes think of myself as a doll and you can play dress up. Okay. And you can put different outfits on it. And if you don't like it, you can just change them. But when it comes to style, when it comes to anything, okay. But style, especially,

What is someone's trash is somebody else's treasure. Okay. What someone loves, somebody else hates. What you love, somebody else hates. What you hate, somebody else loves. Fashion is so fun. One thing that I do when it comes to fashion is I am also somebody who's very sensitive to haters. I don't have very good hater blockers. Depends on the day, but start small, you know, start just adding in little accessories that you like, start adding in

little pops of color that you like, start wearing a funky shoe with a, you know, quote unquote, whatever feels like a more basic outfit to you that feels easier for you to wear, more comfortable for you to wear.

Start wearing those kind of things and beyond that start following people with style that inspires you There are some people on Instagram that I follow that wear the most Unique outfits and I dig them so much I'm so obsessed with these outfits and every time I see them post in an even more different a more unique outfit the more I feel confident to kind of try something like that myself Okay, fill your feed fill what you consume. This is harder to do in your real life But that too if possible

Fill what you consume with people who are doing what you want to do. Okay. You know, like it just makes it easier when you surround yourself with a community who also is into the same things that you are into. This goes with anything in life, but style, especially I suggest starting small.

and consuming what you want to see. Okay? If you feel nervous to branch out of wearing a t-shirt and jeans, don't only follow people who wear a t-shirt and jeans, if that makes sense. Next, I'm going to do two more and then I'm going to save the rest for next week's episode. How do you balance movement and happiness? And I want to bring us all the way back to that first one right now because my answer is very similar. Recognize

That this body that you have is the one and only body that you have, the one and only body that you will get. It was given to you by God for a reason. That should be enough reason for you to start loving it, but also enough reason for you to start taking care of it.

focus on that little bit right there and it's going to help you a lot with finding the balance okay this body wants to go experience things it wants to try new food it wants to go new places it wants to have a drink with your friends somewhere it wants to eat a new dessert when you're on and visiting a new country it wants to go get a sweet treat every freaking couple weeks or week or whatever it may be but that body also wants to be fueled it wants to be given protein it wants to be strong it wants to be

taken care of like it's the one and only body that you have and I think that just remembering that alone helps me so much with balance in my life I think that also allowing yourself to not have an obsession over it to not view your body as the most important thing that you have going on or what it looks like the most important thing to think about tell yourself and remind yourself that it is the least important and

It's really interesting to me how the moment that I stopped being obsessed mentally with like everything about my body image and what I looked like, that's what has led me to feeling the best I've ever felt in my own skin. Just think about that. Okay. And I'm going to cut it there. We've been going for quite some time, but I really love you guys. And sorry if my advice isn't perfect and it's sometimes probably all over the place.

It is just what I'm thinking. It's what I'm feeling. It's what I want to share with you. I really appreciate you guys being here and I really appreciate you guys listening and tuning in and valuing what I say for whatever reason. I'm endlessly grateful. If you guys want more of me for whatever reason, you can find me on TikTok, Instagram. Well, you might be watching me on YouTube right now, so maybe I'm on YouTube. But...

Yeah, wherever you want. You can also listen to this podcast every other Wednesday and I'll be here. We can talk about all the different things that you want. Drop in the comments what else you want to hear, any guests you want to have, any deep, dark thoughts that you want to share with me. My DMs are always open. I love you guys so much. I'm so grateful that you're listening. And remember that you're beautiful and you are loved and all of these things don't matter. They don't matter.

Life is supposed to be enjoyed. Okay. Bye, guys. Love you. Ram trucks have always powered American freedom. Now with our Freedom of Choice pricing program, you can choose your offer, cash incentives, or employee pricing for all. Hurry into your local dealer today for details because nothing stops America and nothing stops Ram.

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