Deep Dive
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- Hey everyone, it's me, Drew Alfuolo, host of the Comment Section Show. Come join me and one of my iconic special guests every week on the show as we dive into the dreaded comment sections of our tagged videos and take down the most terrible men on the internet, period.
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Hello, my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. Good morning. I'm recording this one bright and early and by bright and early I mean it's extremely rainy outside and it's 9 a.m. So some days I consider that early some days I don't consider that early depends if I go to the sunrise or not. Anyways, welcome back to the podcast today's episode is
It's kind of one I've wanted to do for a long time. It's kind of one I've touched on in the past, but I'm hitting these topics in a different light and with a different mindset than I've ever had before. I want to talk about body image and our body transforming and learning to accept our body changing and how to find confidence in it because I just feel in these past years,
Few months, maybe almost a year. No, I'd say the past six months. I've had a completely different relationship with my body and with eating than I've ever had in my whole entire life. And I'm somebody who always considered myself to have a quote unquote healthy relationship with my body and with working out and with eating. So to feel this like complete shift and realization that maybe it wasn't always so healthy is crazy. And I think that it's a very important thing to share because I think a lot of us are in the same boat where we're
in a new stage of life. And by that I mean our bodies are literally becoming ready to bear children and they are changing. And we don't always know what to do with that because it's a lot to take in, it's a lot to consume. And I just thought we would talk about it because I know that you guys are kind of all the same age as me and this is a very pivotal time in our body when things are changing physically, mentally, emotionally, physically.
real world wise, a lot of things change. And sometimes the last thing we want to change is our body. And let me just kind of take you through where this all started for me and why this is such an important topic for me. If you don't know, before I ever had this podcast, before I ever posted on Instagram as like an influencer, whatever it was, I made TikTok videos. And at the time that I started TikTok, there was this trend going around where people were doing what I eat in a daze, but they weren't like
normal food. They weren't enjoying a cookie. They were drinking a green smoothie for breakfast, having an egg white and half a chicken breast for lunch and having like a protein shake for dinner. And I was seeing those all over my For You page and all of the comments were like, how do you do this? Like, I want to be thin like you. And everybody was just striving to
essentially starve themselves and I even at that point already knew that the problem was bigger than just these TikTok videos. The problem is that so, so, so many people have convinced themselves to believe that they don't deserve to eat, they don't deserve to fuel their body, they don't deserve to take care of their body, and they essentially just want to be the thinnest possible version of themselves. Forgetting and not realizing that food is what keeps us alive.
The moment that we stop fueling ourselves properly with food, no matter what that food may look like, because it's different for everybody, is the moment that our body starts giving out on us. And that's the last thing that we should do to the body that gives us so much. You get me? I'm getting ahead of myself. But basically, I started seeing those videos on TikTok and I started seeing all of the comments and people supporting it and people being like, yeah, this is awesome.
And I was like, hold on a second. This is really not okay. So I started posting my what I eat in a day videos. And at that point, when I was first making these videos, I had a beautiful, I loved food and I still do. I'm such a foodie, but like back in that time, my appetite was crazy. I could put it down. So anyways, the moral of the story, I wanted to essentially share the opposite of what
these other people were posting. I wanted to let people know that you deserve to eat, no matter what that looks like. If sometimes it's all junk food, it's not the end of the world. If it's going to make you bloated the next day, it's not the end of the world. You eat bad one day, you don't have to not eat the next day. And that was my goal. And that was something really important for me to share. And at that point, a lot of my TikTok content became surrounded by
self-love and a healthy relationship with food and confidence no matter what stage you're at. And I loved sharing about those things. But the same way that we all need to consume things in moderation, I needed to take a step away from sharing only that content because it made me subconsciously obsessed with how much I was eating. Like, was I eating enough to post this video? Like, are people going to think I'm
not eating enough, whatever it was, it just got to a point where it was taking over my mind and that defeated the whole purpose of what I was sharing. That being said, I've recently been rediscovering these videos on TikTok where people are encouraging other people not to eat. And I've been seeing a lot of these girls post videos saying,
just horrible things about themselves, treating themselves with this negativity and being like, oink, oink, I'm a pig. I'm just going to starve because I don't deserve to eat. Mind you, this girl is a beautiful, healthy, stunning person. And, you know, she has a young audience as well. And it just breaks my heart to see that because we are
Especially as people who post on the internet and share openly about our lives. It's not something that we ask for this responsibility But it is something that we are given and I strongly believe that it is something we should take into account when it comes to sharing Anything but I almost appreciate her posting that video because it made me get to the point where I want to share these things and reminders and pieces of advice and hopefully words of affirmation for you to properly continue fueling yourself and loving yourself, but
If you're seeing videos like that across the internet, please, please, please click not interested. There's no need to consume things like that that make you feel like you need to starve yourself. You need to run a marathon. You need to not eat dessert. Anything that causes those things to happen in your brain, click not interested. There is no need to see it. But anyways, already getting ahead of myself. Let's take you to...
the epiphany that I had in this past six months. I've gone from a point of kind of hating my body and kind of constantly wanting to change it, even throughout posting all of this food content, I didn't realize that subconsciously I was still wanting to change my body. I was still wanting to be more fit or more thin or more
whatever that trending beauty thing was at the time. Because as we know, our beauty standards in this world change every single day. So when you reach one, you're missing another one. It's impossible to please the world. So we might as well please ourselves and love ourselves. But back in high school, I was very, very, very thin.
I had a naturally fast metabolism. I kid you guys not. I would do the 10,000 calorie challenge every single, not every single day. That's a really a stretch like once a month because it was fun for me. I loved to eat. I was such a big foodie. I was never full. I could essentially eat anything and I stayed as tiny as a pinky. Like I was so, so, so small when I was 16 years old.
And it's crazy because the more I think back to my body now and compare it to my body then, and I wonder why we all struggle so much, I think a huge reason is because we get obsessed with what our body was when we were in middle school, even high school, when we were children, we were little girls. It's no wonder that we were smaller, shorter, more petite, or our arms were thinner because
We were little girls, but we get obsessed as our body starts to change with keeping that version of ourselves or constantly trying to get our new and grown and womanly body back into our high school version.
That's impossible. Even if we wanted that to be attainable, even if that's something we wanted to go back to, we couldn't do it regardless. So why would we waste all of our time consuming our thoughts and our minds and our lives with this idea that we could never even get to if we wanted to? Anyways, after high school, I went to college. You know, typical college freshman 15. I put it on. Most all of us did. And the problem there was one, because I was drinking every single night, but two, because
Had a dose of freedom. I was eating whatever I want I was having like four packs of ramen noodles when I would get home from the night out and I thought my metabolism's quick I got no problems. I could do whatever I want
And the truth is I could do whatever I want. I just wasn't ready to accept that if I did do that, you know, my body's going to change and that's not the end of the world. My body's still equally as beautiful when I was 15 pounds heavier than when I was 15 pounds less. And what's crazy to think now is I'm 15 pounds heavier than when I was 15 pounds heavier in college. Do you get me? And at that time, my mindset towards that body was like, ew, no.
I don't like what I look like. I can't look in the mirror. I need to lose weight. I need to be smaller. And now I'm 30 pounds heavier at minimum than I was in high school. Same height and all. And I'm like, yeah, girl slay. 90% of everything I'm about to remind you of is all mindset. We have the control. We have the power to like look in the mirror and choose what we want to see. It's crazy and it's hard to believe. I know because it's tough and we'll get into it, but it is possible. So post-college, I moved to Hawaii.
Even more freedom, even more growth, even more evolving. My body is now 21 years old when I was in Hawaii. I don't have my 16 year old body anymore. It's gone. It's out the door. I'm starting to get a little bit of boobs. But at the time I was mad I was because I thought it meant it was I was getting too big. Now I say all this because these are all
Thoughts that go through a lot of our heads. Does this make any of these thoughts? Okay? No, I don't believe so I hate that I felt these things about myself, but i'm not gonna lie to you and say i've always had a perfect relationship with my body Nobody has sorry if you hear my dog snoring in the background. She's laying right next to me my little princess But i'm living in hawaii post college. I gained a lot of weight and
I didn't really realize this when I was there because I was just trying to convince myself that I wasn't gaining weight. And it also didn't matter that much to me because, girl, I was living in Hawaii. I was going to the beach every day. The last thing on my mind was what my body looked like. And yeah, it wasn't the last thing on my mind, but it wasn't at the top of my mind, which was healthy. But I started to, you know, continue to post on social media when I was living there.
It's a common search bar in my TikToks is like Lexi Hidalgo weight gain. People are calling me chonkers. People were on Reddit talking about how much I weighed and how much weight I had gained. And I was always puffy. And my body was just at a very different stage for a million different reasons. And that's what bodies do. They go through different cycles and they go through different stages. And I look completely different than I did when I was living in Hawaii at that time.
But I say all of this to kind of give you this timeline of what different stages we obsess over our body and why we obsess over our body.
And what that can feel like. So when people were calling me chonkers and people were talking about how much weight I had gained and I didn't want to believe it, I just would go constantly back and forth and question these people like, oh my God, are they right? Meanwhile, I never was a scale girl. I never had a scale. I didn't know actually physically if I gained weight. I just was struggling mentally because...
It sucks when people are telling you these things and making you feel bad about yourself and making you feel like it's not okay to gain weight or to look different than you did when you were 16. That's the problem. Let's fast forward to now. Why I'm even making this episode, why we're talking about this, why we're having this conversation. I have finally gotten to a point where I can confidently say I have a genuinely healthy relationship with my food, with my physical activity,
and with my body. I can look in the mirror even on a day that I'm bloated or I'm feeling eh, and I'm still proud of the body that I'm in. The difference is for so long I was faking those thoughts. I was trying to think that I felt that way but deep down and subconsciously I was still trying to get my childlike body back. And so many of us are still in that cycle. And a lot of the times it's subconscious because we don't even recognize it.
Like I would be 22 years old last year and I would be looking at pictures of myself when I was 16, me and my best friend when we were 16 and we would be both be like, oh my God, we were so skinny. We were so tiny girl. You were a child. Of course you were tiny. Sorry. Heavy emphasis on that. Like I just wish that I could take all of the struggle and all of the thoughts that I've had in the past years of my life and just have switched this mindset so much sooner.
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Let's first talk about the mental battle it is to make this switch and the things that we can do mentally to learn to love and accept our body with exactly where it is and to actually have a genuinely healthy relationship with food, with socializing, with wearing outfits, with all the things that affect us. I know how much not liking your body can take a toll on you.
There's been phases of my life where I haven't wanted to go out because I don't like how anything looked on me or I didn't want to go out because I felt like my face looked too wide or too round. That's not to say I'm at a point now where this never happens. I'm still a girl with hormones that are all over the place, but it happens a whole lot less and it's powerful. It feels very different. I can promise you that. So I want everybody to experience that because I've been mind blown in the past six months and I've been very passionate about this topic.
One, it's a big change. Like mentally, when our body starts to change, we have a lot of mental grasping to do. And by this, I mean our bodies don't want change. Our bodies aren't used to change. Our mindset can't handle change, especially big changes like looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing a completely different person. It's a hard thing to accept. But I can promise you the second that you start accepting it,
the faster you're going to fall in love with it. Don't waste all of this time.
Because you have to recognize that these changes are inevitable. They are going to happen. Your body is going to look a million times different than it did when you were younger. And even if it hasn't changed from when you were younger, like your body is just going to go through phases and it's going to go through changes and you need to accept it in every stage of those. And there's going to probably be ones that you're more confident in, ones that you're less confident in.
but still be proud and happy and content with all of them. You get me? And it's hard to accept these changes, especially when our body looks different because, like I said before, these beauty standards that we have set for us around this world are impossible to catch. You catch one, you lose another.
Your lips are too big or your face doesn't move enough or your hips aren't curvy enough, but then your waist isn't thin enough. But if your waist is thin, then your butt's not big enough. And if your butt's not big enough, then who knows? And then if there's cellulite on your legs, you're out for the count. And then if they're too big, you're out. And then if your arms don't have definition, you're in trouble. Like every single thing that the media puts out to us is impossible to keep up with.
I used to scroll on TikTok and my For You page would be full of these beautiful, beautiful, thin girls who were likely heavy emphasis on this 16 or 17 or these girls that have had work done or people who just maybe won the beauty standard genetic lottery, whatever it is. Like nobody else's beauty is taking away from my own, but it wasn't always easy for me to see when I was going through these mental battles with myself.
Now, I want you to remember that all of this is fake, okay? Everything that we see on the internet is meant to be perceived. Regardless if they have a filter, regardless if they have work done, people are still posing for the camera. And I think all of us know the difference that posing can make. Think about the last time you took Instagram pictures. The picture right before the one you posted on Instagram, your face is like all over the place, your arms are moving all awkward, your hand's doing something weird, like all
In one second, we can change how we look in a picture, in a video, in a pose. You have a good side. You know, you stand a certain way. When we consume all this media of all of these people, we have to remember that they are also posting their best angles, their best looks. They're posting when they feel the best about themselves. Like, I don't even like saying that everything is fake because it's not always fake. But everything is created to be consumed. So people want to post their best.
quote-unquote best things. And it's also another important thing to remember that a lot of the people that we see who are this, you know, epitome of the beauty standard might also be struggling with the same thoughts, the same struggles in their relationship with food. These might be the people who are posting the TikToks telling you to only eat one egg white a day. Like, just because somebody looks like super fit, thin, and healthy, it doesn't mean that they are. We don't know anything about people's
have mental conversations with themselves over food in their body. So we shouldn't judge others because we don't know what it is that they're going through in their head. And I think that once we do this, and once we recognize that maybe the people that we're so envious of are struggling with something deep down, and they also don't have that love for themselves, it helps you, I don't know, have a little bit more sympathy and a little bit less jealousy, if that makes sense.
Let's mostly recognize that this is a mindset shift. You are more than just a body. The body is not the soul. Okay. The body is not what people are going to remember when you're dead. When you're in the grave, I promise you the people that you love aren't going to walk around and be like, oh my God, she had the best body ever. Like girl, her butt was so big. I promise you nobody's going to do that.
They're going to be talking about the way that you light up a room when you walk into it. They're going to talk about the way that you made people laugh, the way that you made people feel safe and cared for and secure, the way that you were the best friend in the whole wide world, the best girlfriend, the best daughter, the best sibling, the best nephew, niece, aunt, uncle, whatever, whoever you are. You are so much more than what your body looks like. Okay. And that's the most important shift that we need to make.
If nothing changes, nothing's going to change. And by that, I mean, if you listen to this podcast, but you scroll on your, your, your feed and you keep consuming all this content that makes you not love yourself so much, nothing's going to change. If you, if you listen to this podcast and then you go out to the kitchen and you eat a grape instead of a cookie, because you feel like it's going to make you feel better, nothing's going to change.
Okay, physical to do's that make these mindset shifts actually feasible. Start pouring into other aspects of your life. This is what happened to me. This is really the reason that I even feel like I have the ability to share a podcast episode like this because I have never been at a point in my life until right now where I truly genuinely am cool with what I look like. Still insecure at times, but like cool with my body.
And the way that I did this is I poured into my life in other aspects. I poured into being a good friend, being a good daughter. I poured into my hobbies. I poured into, and I'm not talking like if working out is your hobby, not talking about those. I'm talking, I was volunteering at the dog shelter. I poured into being a wonderful girlfriend. I poured into my relationship.
Filled my cup in every aspect other than what my body looked like and what I was eating. And unintentionally, subconsciously, by taking the focus off of it because I was so overwhelmed in every other aspect of my life, I healed myself in ways that I didn't think was possible. I didn't work out.
For like three months, I want to say I didn't go to the gym. I didn't do an activity from January until maybe March. I don't know if this is exactly all accurate, but like the last thing that I was focused on was working out. And usually I'm somebody who for the past year,
23 years entire life basically I grew up a competitive cheerleader part of the reason I was so tiny when I was younger is because I was throwing myself around I was doing conditioning every single day I was constantly doing physical activity and then in high school I was working out every day at this new gym that I was going to I was still cheerleading like I was constantly active when I was living in Hawaii and in college I was much less active but aside from the point even in the past two years of my life after Hawaii I
It's crazy that that much time has passed. Wow, it really does fly. But I was always like, oh, I'm going to work out today. Or every single day I was thinking about if I was going to work out or not. And when you're constantly thinking about if you're going to work out or not, you're constantly wondering like, oh, did I have enough protein? Did I eat enough? Did I eat too much because I didn't work out? Without even realizing it, my body was on, my mind was on this loop, only paying attention to what I was doing physically, you know? So...
Once I took that out of the picture, I stopped. And when you're not working out constantly, you're not looking at your body constantly because you're not looking in the mirror all the time. I mean, you are when you, you know, get dressed and stuff. But through these three months of not working out, I finally got to a point and I woke up one day and I was like, I genuinely have not thought or questioned or cared about
about my body in weeks, in months, and it was the most shocking feeling. And then I was almost nervous to start working out again because I didn't want any of these thoughts to come back. My next point is that we should always work on adding health into our body, not switching out all of our snacks and our junk food for cucumbers. Heck no. But I'm saying,
It never hurts to add more protein into our life, to add more greens into our life. I always say focus on adding things into your life, not subtracting them. Don't restrict yourself. Just add in more good things, more seeds, more nuts, more chicken, more salmon, more fish oil, more avocado, more things that are good for you, grains, vegetables.
When we're constantly subtracting, we're constantly restricting. We say, no, I'm not going to eat sugar because I want to feel thin tomorrow. This is a cycle that is never going to end. I mean, you guys have all heard the term almond bomb. Maybe your parents still struggle with this. There are so many people I know in my life that are at the ripe age of 45, 40, and 50, however old they are, who are still so constantly obsessed with what their body looks like because they don't want to accept it changing.
and they don't feel beautiful or worthy when it does change. And that's a horrible mindset to have because every single body is beautiful and worthy no matter what stage it is at. That is not something that many people believe and it's unfortunate. But the more of us who start to take the steps to recognizing that our bodies are wonderfully and uniquely and made to be one of a kind,
The moment that we stop obsessing over every single tiny detail of it is the moment that you will begin to love it from the inside out more than the outside in. Anyways, what I was saying is that cycle never breaks. If we keep doing the restrict, take away, wait, give it back, take it away, give it back, wait, work out, wake up, wait, no dessert. If we keep doing that, gosh, life is going to be miserable. Life is going to be miserable forever.
You deserve it all. You deserve a big fat cheeseburger and fries. And some days when you're in the mood for it, you can get a grilled chicken salad. Balance. Everything is in balance. And I promise you that this balance comes easier the second that you pour into other things in your life. So what I'm telling you to do right now is to maybe work out a little bit less. Maybe find something else to pour your thoughts and your consumption and your mind into.
And the world will become different. Your mind will become different. Okay? I also encourage you to wear things that scare you. Put on outfits that you never felt so comfortable in. And a lot of the times we don't feel comfortable in certain outfits because, or in bikinis, because we're exposed to our body. We have to see our body. Our changed womanly body, maybe with bigger hips, maybe with bigger boobs, maybe with a little bit bigger arms and legs. And who cares? Right?
Once you put on those things that scare you, you're forced to get comfortable with yourself. Okay, don't hide from yourself. Another toxic cycle is constantly wanting to avoid looking at yourself because you're unhappy with her. You need to get comfortable in your skin. You need to look in the mirror naked before you take a shower and just shake it. You know, just like look at yourself and be like, you know what?
This body is me, it is mine, and it's powerful, and it's a powerhouse. And I don't really give a shit if people don't really like it. Because I do. I'm comfortable in my skin. I'm comfortable in this body. I know what it has been through. I know that it is fueled, and it is happy, and I get to enjoy the things I love, and my life does not revolve around what it looks like today. That's powerful feeling. And I think that you deserve to feel it, okay? So don't hide from yourself.
Open your heart, open your mind to recognizing that every single body is beautiful. I know that you don't walk into a crowded room and pinpoint who looks the worst and who looks the best. And if you do, you might need to go to therapy because that's not nice. But I know that you don't do that. And I know that most people out there in the world aren't doing that. So just be you. Nobody's thinking about the things that you're insecure about except you.
And you should not spend the rest of your life trying to change them when nobody else is even paying attention to them. Let yourself live in the moment. Let yourself enjoy every chapter of your life without thinking about how it would be better if something was different in this chapter. Do you get me? So, my few reminders. You're always going to be a female if you're listening to this and you're a female. This is also...
Moments is very targeted towards the female demographic because I'm a girly. You guys are girlies. But all this applies for men too. Like men struggle with a lot of the same things. They struggle with this body dysmorphia. Their bodies change. They evolve. They want to be the most fit in the room. They want to be the whatever it is. I'm not a man. I don't live in a man's mind. But I know that they struggle with the same things. And it would honestly be cool to maybe do a podcast episode with Gabe about that one day. But my point there is that we still all have female hormones.
You can be the most confident version of yourself and still have days where you don't feel your best. But the problem is now when you have those moments in those days, you're not going to let them stop you from enjoying your life. You know, you're also probably always going to envy people. There's going to be people you see on the internet who have that body that you always wished you had. I think that that's human. And I think that
The more you can be happy for people, the more you can love people instead of taking that envy and making it anger and jealousy and hatred towards yourself, the healthier it can all be. You know, like everybody deserves to feel beautiful and loved just the way that they are. So if you love other people that way and you respect other people that way, it's likely that you'll receive the same energy from yourself towards yourself.
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Be kind to yourself. It's another big one. You have to start talking. And I say this in every single episode of this podcast because it is the most important. If you don't start talking to yourself with grace and kindness and looking at your body and speaking to yourself with love, you are constantly going to be running and chasing something that you're not. Love yourself and talk to yourself as a friend, kindly, gently, patiently,
You would never look at your best friend in the mirror and say, girl, you look so bad. You've gained weight. You look ugly. So why in the world are we doing that to ourselves? Cut it out. Fake it so you make it. Say the affirmations, okay? It all makes a difference. And also, last thing I'm going to say is that 90% of this is mindset. 90% of it is mindset. Yes, there's those few things that I told you you can do physically that might help you.
But all of this is just training your brain to recognize that these beauty standards that we've created in the world are fake and reminding yourself that you are not going to be your 16-year-old body again. It's quite honestly impossible. Like, look at yourself with this power. I could bear a child right now. I could have a baby. That's how cool my body is. What about you? You could do the same thing? No way. That's amazing. And just...
Pour your focus into other things for a little while in your life. And I don't want to say like don't do physical activity because it's equally as important to move your body. You know deep down if you are subconsciously revolving your life around your body, you know that deep down. If you are, I really do encourage you to take a couple months away from the gym, away from the workouts, away from the workout sets, away from the Pilates, away from whatever it is.
I truly encourage you to take a step away from it. I think that two months of not working out isn't going to hurt you in the long run. I think that eventually it's something you can introduce into your life again, but I promise you it's something that works. You know, you really start to realize like, oh, maybe I do love myself and I don't need to focus on changing this so much.
Anyways, I love you guys so very much. I will talk to you next Monday and I hope that you have a beautiful, beautiful day and I hope that you go look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are worthy, lovely, and one of a kind and you are made exactly the way that you are supposed to be and you are made to enjoy life and enjoy things and be proud of who you are, simply put. Anyways, if you're new here, go follow along on Instagram and TikTok and Instagram
wherever else you may find me. Check the description and I'll put all the links there. And then also, if you want a journal, I have a journal. It's called The Moments Journal. And I launched a swim collection with Kulani Keeney. It's called Electric Sunshine. So go take that all in and enjoy your day. I love you so much. Goodbye.